


The Last One He'd Fall For

by LostForeverInHisEyes



Category: NCIS: Los Angeles
Genre: Developing Friendships, F/M, Other, Romance, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Trust, so close yet not quite moments
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-07
Updated: 2019-09-11
Packaged: 2019-09-13 11:41:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 147
Words: 477,834
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16891938
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LostForeverInHisEyes/pseuds/LostForeverInHisEyes
Summary: Callen's in hospital, fighting for his life yet again. The question isn't will he make it. It's how the woman by his side, begging him to fight, to come back to her won him over. Him with a psychiatrist? Really? She'd be the last one he'd fall for. He's right, just not quite the way he thought. From their Hetty orchestrated first meeting, through Karaoke, Christmas, Tequila shots and much more, how did she become 'The One'? Trust. Friendship. Romance of the slow burn variety. And a whole lot of close but not quite moments.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> I'm back with another Callen/OC story. And I'm heading back to my roots. It's romance, pure and simple. Though it does include the whole building of trust and friendship that leads them there.
> 
> This was my NaNoWrimo project this year and it got me 111,118 words written during November. So now it's time to polish up that crazy first draft and share.
> 
> I had a lot of fun in November getting to know Jessie, my new OC, better and giving her and Callen so many close but not quite moments in this slow burn romance of theirs. So be warned. This is going to take a while!
> 
> I'm hoping I've kept Callen in character, but there is a possibility that he might not be in some ways. As always I walk a fine line when I explore this side of Callen that we don't really see but I hope that the side I show is an extension of the Callen we know and love; a side that would come out in him - with the right girl.
> 
> This is AU, but has a lot of chapters that have been inspired by some event in the show but I've not necessarily kept them in chronological order.
> 
> So, welcome to the ride (currently sitting at 57 chapters of varying lengths!) I hope to hear from you in the reviews. Let me know what you think, even what you'd like to see between them. You never know what the bunnies might do with some fresh ideas.
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own these characters - unless they are the OC's. I thank the creators that allow us to play in their world and with their characters and, even though I really wish for Callen to have his happily ever after, I thank the writers for not making that happen in the show, otherwise I'd have had no reason to make sure that Jessie met Callen and that would be such a shame.
> 
> We start in the present and then hop back to the beginning next chapter.
> 
> I hope you enjoy.

* * *

**PROLOGUE**

Sam pushed the button that opened the sliding glass door to Callen's cubicle in ICU. Trepidation settled over him as it had every other time he'd crossed the threshold since Callen had been admitted. He saw the deep auburn haired woman who sat beside Callen, her face streaked with tears and shadows under her eyes. She held the limp hand of his partner in hers tenderly against her cheek.

"Dammit G," she whispered, "don't you dare die on me now. I promise, any bet you want, just come back."

Sam's gaze shifted from the woman to his partner. Broken. Battered. Bruised. Pale. Not a good look for Callen at all. Even when he'd had five bullets buried in him Sam wasn't sure he looked this bad. And it wasn't just the look. No one would say whether they felt Callen would pull through or not. Just that it was one step at a time. One moment. One breath. And a whole lot of hope.

Sam moved further into the room, put his hand on the woman's shoulder and squeezed it in what he hoped was reassurance, even if he didn't feel it himself.

"Jessie," Sam said quietly. "You should eat something. Take a break. Five minutes. I'll be right here with him." Sam was pretty sure she hadn't left Callen's side for more than visiting the bathroom since she'd been allowed in ICU after Callen's lengthy surgery. He'd brought her more than one meal, though at the most she only seemed to eat half of it, but at least that was something.

"I don't know how you keep doing this Sam," Jessie whispered ignoring his comment. "You've been his partner so much longer than I've been around. How? There's been so many times I've been by his bedside these last few years not to mention all the times I've worried you two weren't coming home. So help me when he wakes up -" The sob stole her words and shook her body.

"You'll what Jessie?" Sam rubbed her back gently with the faintest of hope that it would comfort her. "Ask him to retire?"

Jessie didn't have a chance to respond before multiple machines that were attached to Callen started screeching. The automatic door slid open at the first sound and within moments the room was flooded with staff. Sam pulled Jessie back from the bed quickly. He kicked the seat she had been sitting on to the wall as well, to make room for the doctors and nurses.

"G! Don't! Please," Jessie begged from where Sam held her tight to keep her out of the way. He knew how much she would want to be there working alongside the other doctors, fighting for the man she loved. But that wasn't her place, not this time.

"Jessie," Sam urged, his mouth close to her ear so she could hear him over the noises of the machines and the staff. "Let them do their thing. You know them. Trust them."

Within moments the team of doctors and nurses had Callen's bed moving and were racing it, and him, out the door. Sam had caught brief words that he understood among the rest of the medical jargon. Internal bleeding, hemorrhaging, pulse thready, heart weak. Words that ripped his heart apart as he held a shaking Jessie tight in his arms. Whether the shaking was from her trying to break free from his hold or to keep herself from falling apart, Sam couldn't be sure. He suspected a mix of both especially since she would've understood so much more than he had of the words that had been shouted.

As the door slid closed behind Callen, a cry ripped through Jessie and Sam felt her body start to collapse. Sam kept his hold firm and slid them both to the floor. Jessie's body shook with the force of her crying and she buried her head against Sam's chest. Tears came to Sam's eyes. He didn't bother to fight them. His friend, his brother, was most likely dying and there wasn't a thing he could do to stop it. Nothing but hope. Something Sam was struggling to find a shred of. And from Jessie's reactions, she felt the same.

"Jessie," Sam said, his usual gruff voice soft and filled with pain even his own ears could hear.

"How Sam?" Jessie cried.

"He's my partner. What else am I supposed to do?" There was nothing Sam wouldn't do for Callen. No limit to how many times he'd fight for him, be by his side willing him to get better. No matter how much it ripped Sam apart and it had, more than once.

"It hurts," Jessie whispered. The pain so clear and strong in her voice that Sam had no doubt this was tearing her apart way more than it was him.

"I know," Sam whispered back, his thumb stroking her back in a similar way he did for Kamran when she was distressed or upset, hoping it would have a similar effect. "Don't give up on him please Jessie."

Jessie shook her head against his chest. "I won't. He's a part of me. I can't. I just don't know what else I can do."

"Stick by him through everything," Sam said, though he knew the words weren't advice. He was simply reminding her what she did. She'd stood by Callen and fought for him since she'd arrived at the office; essentially thrown into the lion's den as a replacement for Nate with a team of the most closed off people who didn't like to talk, especially to a psychiatrist, that Sam had ever worked with. "That's all we can do," he added.

Sam wished with everything in him that there was more they could do. But there wasn't. Nothing other than to hope and pray. Everything now was up to Callen and the team of doctors.

"I know," Jessie said quietly, "but I wish it was a bullet."

Sam's hand stilled on Jessie's back at her words. "What?"

Jessie lifted her head and looked at Sam. Tears still filled her eyes even though the sobs had eased, the pain still clear in them behind the shine. "He knows what he's doing with those," Jessie said to him. "And he has a damn good track record for beating them and you know it Sam. But a car accident?" She shook her head. "Like this? How does he fight that?"

Sam sighed. He knew where Jessie was coming from. Callen did have a lot of luck surviving bullets.

"With everything he's got," Sam said. "And you know as well as I do that that's a lot. He'll be fighting. Fighting to win and to come back to you." And with those words of reassurance for her, a glimmer of hope grew in Sam because he knew how important Jessie was to Callen.

"I hope so. I can't lose him too. I'm not sure I could survive it."

Jessie's head dropped down to Sam's shoulder and he tightened his arms around her. Callen and Jessie had been through a lot over the last few years. It had taken his stubborn partner a while to stop fighting and actually let Jessie in, let her love him. At one point Janvier had almost destroyed that but they'd fought through and came out stronger though Sam still remembered the weeks of wondering if Callen and Jessie would survive it. In the end she'd been strong and brave enough to accept the, now very personal, reality of the danger that came with being involved with Callen. But their last heartache was still new and raw. Sam worried that her comment wasn't just words. An unexpected, though welcomed, pregnancy had ended in a miscarriage at four and a half months, barely a couple of months ago. The bond between Callen and Jessie was obvious to Sam. He'd watched over the years their relationship blossom and shift deeper, watched them fight together, side by side through everything, even when it hurt, and not give up on one another. It was something Sam had almost resigned himself to never seeing with his partner until Jessie had shown up and he'd witnessed the way she'd won Callen's trust and friendship and then more.

Sam dropped his head back against the wall and sent up a prayer to whoever might be watching over Callen. His partner finally had a life that didn't revolve around the next mission, had a woman who loved him with everything that she had. Someone he loved in return the same way, letting her all the way in beyond the fortified walls Callen kept around his heart. Sam prayed with everything he had that Callen would make it and have a chance to enjoy this life that he loved, with the woman he loved.

* * *

"Grisha."

The voice beside him was unexpected, unknown, yet there was a touch of familiarity to it. Callen opened his eyes and turned his head to see who it was. He frowned. "Mom?" She smiled, though there was more than a hint of sadness to it.

Callen glanced around, confused, and took in his surroundings. He was looking down into a hospital room. His focus settled on the body on the bed surrounded by doctors and nurses frantically working.

On him.

It was his body lying there.

Suddenly the bed shifted, orders were shouted and Callen watched as his body was wheeled out the door.

"What's going on?" he asked. The door slid closed, almost silently between him and his body, and he turned to face his mother again. Her face familiar even though it had been so long since he'd seen more than a photograph of her.

"You have to fight," she told him.

"I am." At least Callen thought he was but then he wasn't quite sure what was happening right now.

"Then fight harder," his mother demanded of him, "or you'll leave her alone."

"Her?"

Callen turned in the direction his mother pointed. His gaze landed on the only two people left in the room.

His partner Sam.

And Jessie.

His Jessie.

The woman who had found her way into his heart with a hell of a lot of patience, love and gentleness. The one who had made his life so much more fulfilling than he'd thought he would ever have, or that he felt he deserved.

Sam's arms were around Jessie where they sat of the floor, Sam's back against the wall. Jessie was crying into Sam's chest, her hair covered her face. It was the one sound that always ripped Callen apart and made his heart hurt. He'd never liked it when she cried. When Jessie cried it meant her heart was hurting - badly. And he hated that more than anything else because it was the one thing he couldn't fix for her. Injuries, cuts, illness. Those he could work with. He simply did what she told him she needed because being a doctor she knew what had to be done. Hell, he'd even stitch her up if he needed to and given how much he disliked needles that was saying something. Thankfully he hadn't had to do that yet.

Callen lifted his gaze from Jessie to Sam's face and a sliver of fear ran up his spine. So was Sam. At least there were tears falling down Sam's cheeks. Sam crying made it even more clear to Callen that things were very bad indeed.

"Don't leave her alone," his mother said. Callen could tell she was closer but couldn't pull his eyes from where Sam and Jessie were.

"She won't be alone." Callen's heart ached at the thought of leaving her but he knew she'd be taken care of. "Sam'll make sure she's not." So would the rest of the team.

Because that's what family did.

Callen felt a familiar hand on his arm and looked down. He was amazed that he recognised his mother touch after so long.

"She'll be missing half her heart and soul Grisha." There was a sadness to his mother's voice, one that hinted she'd experienced that kind of heart ache. "That's not something I would wish on anyone. That is something very hard to recover from." Callen wondered how long his mother and father had been apart before she died. Perhaps one day he would find answers, that is if this wasn't the end.

"You have to fight harder," his mother implored him.

"How?" Callen turned back to Jessie, her body still shaking as it was held safely in his partner's arms. He wanted to reach out, tell her everything would be okay, be the one holding her but he wasn't sure that was the case. He was having an out of body experience and that in itself told him things weren't okay.

"Fight," his mother demanded. "With everything you have. Your life and your future, and hers, depend on it."

Callen tried to remember what happened. Why was he here in the hospital yet again? A trickle of memory started and more followed. There had been screams then a crash that had pulled his attention to the side of his car. Bright lights and then the pain.

A truck.

Instinctively he'd floored the accelerator the moment he'd seen the truck but there hadn't been enough time. It was already out of control and so close to him. Everything had then happened in slow motion The truck had slammed into his side of the car and sent it tumbling through the air. He didn't remember it coming to a stop. In fact he didn't remember anything in between then and now.

A truck.

A stupid accident.

Callen shook his head and determination flared in him.

No. No if something was going to take him from Jessie it had to be a hell of a lot bigger than a truck. He wasn't giving up. He wouldn't give her up. Not now. Not ever, at least not while there was breath in his body and a heart to beat in his chest.

"Hold on Jessie," Callen whispered. He didn't know if she would hear but he hoped somehow she would, even if it was only in her heart. "Hold on."

The room, Jessie, Sam and his mother suddenly disappeared and then he felt. Like he never had before.

The pain took his breath away briefly before he dragged in another one. Parts of him felt like they were on fire and he heard so many voices and noises. Yet, even though every damn part of his body hurt, he was happy.

Feeling meant he was still alive and fighting.

Feeling meant there was still hope.

_Hold on._

The message repeated in his head, not just for Jessie but for himself too. All he had to do was hold on for just a little bit longer, then a bit longer still and he'd make it through. He would see her smile again, watch her eyes sparkle in amusement, darken with passion. Hold her in his arms and be able to tell her that everything would be okay. Finish her Christmas list and do so many more things that they'd yet to do together along with the many things he loved to do with her.

They just had to keep holding on and not let go.

And that was something they were very good at doing with each other.


	2. The First Meeting

* * *

Callen stood by Sam’s desk discussing their current case with him when Callen glanced across the office and his words halted in his throat. He stared at their boss as Hetty walked through the office …. Totally drenched. 

“Sam. Tell me it’s not just me.”

“Not you what?” Sam asked. Callen glanced back at his partner and tilted his head toward Hetty, who had her back to them as she headed toward her desk, leaving a shimmering trail in her wake.

Callen lowered his voice. “She looks like the proverbial drowned rat.” Callen saw Hetty pause but when she pulled out her phone he breathed an almost silent sigh of relief. Surely with the sound of the rain hammering on the roof, something that might explain Hetty’s current predicament, she couldn’t possibly have heard him. He hoped.

Sam pushed his chair back from his desk, the sound of the wheels on the hard floor pulled Callen’s attention from Hetty. Sam held up his hands and shook his head. “Not touching that and as far as she’s concerned, right now you’re not my partner.”

“Come on Sam. She didn’t hear.” Callen glanced back to check on Hetty but she was still on her phone, the puddle under her feet slowly expanding. He turned back. “And even if she did, what’s she going to do?”

Sam shook his head again, a look in Sam’s eye had Callen’s stomach start to sink. 

“Mr Callen.” 

Callen turned. Hetty was now at the entrance to the bullpen. So much closer than when he last checked on her. He didn’t know how she’d moved so fast.

“I have a job for you.” Hetty crooked her finger at him. “Come with me please.” She started to walk toward the entrance to the building. “Now,” Hetty added without even looking back at him.

Callen turned to Sam. “If I’m not back in five, check the Jag for my body.”

Sam shook his head, a grin on his face. “Oh no. She wouldn’t put you in the Jag…. Too messy.”

Callen glared at Sam before he, rather reluctantly, followed. By the time he caught up with Hetty she was already at the entrance and holding the door open. Callen saw that the sound on the roof was deceptive; as heavy as it sounded the reality was much more.  The water was cascading down off the roof in sheets and landing on the ground just a few steps from the door. The rain beyond was heavy enough that it clearly bounced off the concrete. The sound of an engine drew his attention and Callen watched an unknown small blue car come closer and parked near the door. Not close enough though.  Whoever the occupant was would be as drenched as Hetty before they got inside. He noted Hetty’s car was parked outside too, which added further explanation for Hetty’s state.

“Mr Callen.” Hetty’s tone was one that didn’t bode well for him. “Please escort our guest inside. Keep her dry.”

Callen stared at Hetty and raised an eyebrow. “You want me,” he said slowly, “to go out there?” He pointed outside. “In this?”

“Why of course,” Hetty replied as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. “We can’t have our new doctor looking like a…” There was a very definite pause and the twinkle in Hetty’s eye was one Callen didn’t trust at all. “Drowned rat now can we?”

She had heard.

“Hetty -” 

Hetty cut off his explanation, not that he had any idea what he was planning on saying, with a firm shake of her head.

“Please.” Hetty lifted her hand and pointed to the car. “Don’t keep her waiting.”

Callen glanced to the side of the door. There was a container for wet umbrellas and, thankfully, it held two. He had no idea whose they were but figured they wouldn’t mind him using them. As he reached out Hetty’s voice stopped him. 

“No.”

Callen turned his head, his hand still held out toward the umbrellas and stared at her. “Hetty it’s pouring.”

Hetty smiled. That definitely wasn’t a good thing. It was one of those smiles that you really didn’t want to be on the receiving end of and Callen usually wasn’t.

“Indeed it is,” Hetty confirmed. “However, your jacket will be just fine to hold overhead. Think chivalrous thoughts, Mr Callen.”

His jacket? She couldn’t possibly be serious. He’d be lucky if it kept his head dry let alone anything, or anyone, else. 

“There are perfectly good -” His plea was cut off with just the one word.

“Jacket.”

The look on Hetty’s face told him she was absolutely serious about this. He wouldn’t win the argument and Callen also knew that it wouldn’t be worth attempting to grab the umbrellas and making a run for it. Hetty would either stop him or come up with something even worse. He slowly dropped his hand and slipped his leather jacket off. With another glance out the door he knew he had to try at least one more time. If not for him then for the occupant of the car.

“Hetty -”

“Go. She’s waiting.”

Callen sighed and stepped out into the rain. The force of it landing on his jacket from the roof was stronger than he expected and the cold water fell straight off it down his back soaking his shirt. His legs didn’t fare any better and before he’d even reached the car he could feel the water seeping right through his jeans to his skin. As predicted, the only thing dry was his head.

When Callen arrived at the car the door opened and out stepped a woman with deep auburn hair, just a fraction shorter than he was. He shifted the jacket to ensure her head, at least was protected - the unfortunate drawback for him being the back of his neck was well and truly unprotected. She closed the door quickly and looked at him with brown eyes that held the same amusement he heard in her voice as she said, “Should I ask?”

“Apparently chivalry isn’t dead,” Callen replied. “Shall we?” 

She was wearing an overcoat that fell below her knees, obviously prepared for the weather to some degree.

“Probably a good idea,” she said. The laughter in her eyes brought an unexpected smile to his lips. Together they moved inside, though Callen wasn’t particularly fussed when another stream of cold rain ended up down his neck as he tried to keep the woman’s head dry, because he certainly didn’t want to risk Hetty’s wrath anymore today by not doing what she asked. Once inside, he brought the jacket down and gave it a small flick to shake the water off. Unfortunately he didn’t think too much about the direction and it went straight at Hetty.

“Mr Callen!”

“Sorry Hetty.” Though to be be perfectly honest Callen wasn’t sure he was. He was soaked to the skin, his jeans sticking most uncomfortably to his legs and his shirt plastered to his back and most of his front. He could feel the water seeping down into his socks. Plus it wasn’t like it was going to make her any wetter.

“Is anyone going to explain?” 

The woman looked between the two of them. Callen noted that the look in her eyes, and the twitch to the muscles in her cheeks, told him she was finding this whole thing amusing. He probably would too if he wasn’t quite so wet. He glanced at Hetty, who was looking at him, with an expectant look on her face. She was obviously waiting for him to respond first.

Callen turned his attention back at the woman. “Your new boss has unusual forms of punishment,” he told her.

“For?” The innocent tone did not fit with the twinkle in her eye and Callen found himself smiling again.

He shook his head. ”Not game to say it again.”

“Mr Callen does  _ usually _ ,” Hetty emphasised the word, “learn from his mistakes.”

“Good to know,” the woman answered. 

Callen watched as she took off her own coat and hung it on the hooks on the other side of the doorway from the umbrellas. It was still dripping but she was definitely dry. Almost knee high brown boots, a deep green skirt that just brushed the top of her knees and a long sleeve white blouse with her hair pulled back into a bun at the base of her neck. Professional yet, relaxed. Just as Hetty liked.

“Mr Callen,” Hetty’s voice pulled him from his study of the new arrival. “You are dripping all over my floor.”

Callen looked down and saw the puddle forming under his feet. He then glanced at Hetty’s feet where a much larger puddle had already formed.

“Not as much as you.” Callen knew the moment the words were out of his mouth they were the wrong ones to say. So much for learning from his mistakes.

Hetty’s eyebrows rose and she looked up at him over the frame of her glasses as she spoke.

“Well, Doctor Blake,” Hetty said, finally giving Callen a name to attach to the woman. “It appears that you arrived just in time. Agent Callen here seems to have a serious case of Foot-In-Mouth today that you may, with some luck, be able to help him with.”

Doctor Blake looked between the two of them. “Right now,” the doctor said. “You two need to get out of those wet clothes before I have to take care of the body instead of the mind.” She put a hand on each of their shoulders, turned them around and gave them a gentle push down the corridor to get them started.  Callen turned his head to look at her as he walked.

“After my body already Doc? Why we’ve only just met.” What was putting his foot in it again given he was already in trouble. He watched a blush rise to her cheeks quickly.

“Oh Hetty.” Callen glanced at his boss. “She blushes.” His eyes flicked back to the doctor, the blush still there and he caught the smile she tried to hide, before he looked back to Hetty. “Interesting choice you’ve made.”

“Yes Mr Callen.” Hetty nodded, a satisfied expression on her face. “She’s perfect.”

Callen felt Doctor Blake’s hand on his shoulder once again as she gave both him and Hetty another gentle nudge along.

“Go. Changed. Now.” Her voice may have been soft but the tone was firm and demanding, not one that encouraged argument.

“But you need to be introduced,” Hetty protested. Callen narrowly held back a comment about whether she still felt Doctor Blake was perfect considering she was already ordering Hetty around.

“Hetty,” Doctor Blake said firmly, “I know where your desk is. I’ll wait there.”

“Very well,” Hetty replied after a brief pause, surprising Callen when she gave in so easily. Though perhaps she was feeling the chill of being soaked just as much as he was. 

Callen watched Doctor Blake head towards Hetty’s desk as he walked with his still dripping boss toward the corridor. “A new psychologist?” he asked.

“Psychiatrist actually,” Hetty answered.

“Why?”

“Because the mental health of my team is important and Nate has found an aptitude and appreciation for more field orientated work. His occasional visits, while enlightening, are not conducive to keeping you all in tip top shape.”

“We’re doing fine Hetty,” Callen protested. He had to admit that a part of him liked not having Nate around so much. He missed the man himself and the feedback he would give on missions but it was a relief from the point of view of having Nate want to talk things through. They stopped at the bathroom doors and Hetty looked up at him. 

“Fine is not good enough,” she said in that tone of hers that you weren’t supposed to argue with. “Not for my elite team or any of my teams for that matter.” Hetty turned and went into the ladies bathroom.  

Callen looked down at the small puddle forming at his feet. His shoes were also soaked and, not being a duck, he wasn’t particularly fussed on wet feet outside of the usual showers, swimming or beach. His gaze followed the two slight trails of water back up the corridor. No doubt they would be cleaned up by the time he was finished. He pulled out his phone from one of the pockets in his jeans, with difficulty, mentally thanking Eric for making sure it was waterproofed to some degree, and called Sam to bring him his change of clothes from his locker. After all, he was already pushing his luck with Hetty and probably shouldn’t get into any more trouble with her today. 

* * *

Callen was back at his desk, clean and dry though still a touch cool, within five minutes yet Hetty had already returned to her desk and was talking with Doctor Blake. He sat in his chair, turned and watched the two of them through the wrought iron partition. 

Nate had been out of the office for awhile and as much as Callen didn’t like talking, there had been times where he felt someone on his team could’ve done with Nate’s words of wisdom a little sooner than they’d been able to get in contact with him.  Lately there had been times where Nate hadn’t been contactable for a week or more. He could see Hetty’s point but bringing someone in to replace Nate was not going to be easy. As much as the team had talked to Nate, none of them were particularly good at sharing their secrets, personal struggles or the emotional side of their jobs. Nate had been with them a while and had gotten quite good at figuring them out, to a degree. At least enough to help them even when they didn’t talk, especially about more than just the mission facts. Mostly they had their own way of dealing with things, even if it wasn’t necessarily the best. Nate had been their back up plan more than their first port of call when they had issues.

Hetty and Doctor Blake rose from their seats and headed toward the bullpen. Callen quickly spun his chair around and opened his computer. Callen heard Sam chuckle quietly and looked up. Before he could say anything to respond to the look on Sam’s face, the one that suggested Sam was finding Hetty’s form of punishment still as amusing as he had when he’d delivered the change of clothes, the two women were already there.

“Gentlemen and Lady,” Hetty said, gathering the team’s attention. “I would like to introduce you to Doctor Jesinta Blake. She will be taking over from Nate.”

Out of the corner of his eye Callen saw Kensi straighten in her chair and turned enough so he could see her reaction but also keep Hetty and Jesinta in his sights. 

“Nate’s leaving?” Kensi asked.

Hetty shook her head. “No Miss Blye. Nate is, and always will be, a part of us. His availability is an issue now he is in the field and we felt that it was necessary for you all to have access to someone on a permanent basis.”

Callen saw the tension in Kensi increase, and the wariness in her eyes, as she studied Jesinta. He could almost see the walls going up. This wasn’t going to be an easy sell. Kensi had a bond with Nate that had taken a long time to build.

Hetty continued with the introductions. “You’ve already met the team leader, Special Agent G Callen.”

Jesinta nodded. “Yes we have.” 

Callen could see the lingering amusement in her eyes and in the hint of a smile from their meeting. 

“Special Agents Sam Hanna and Kensi Blye.” Hetty indicated both of them. “And our LAPD Liaison Detective Marty Deeks.” Deeks was the most welcoming of the three of them.

“Nice to meet you all,” Jesinta said with smile though Callen detected it wasn’t quite as open as the ones he’d shared with her during their unconventional meeting. There was a touch of hesitancy to it.

“The other two,” Hetty continued, “connected with this motley crew are upstairs and I will introduce you later. Now,” Hetty’s look turned serious, “while Doctor Blake is primarily here as a psychiatrist for your mental health, she is also a qualified and practising ER doctor.”

Callen noted that information brought a slight rise of the eyebrows all around, including himself. 

“And,” Hetty continued, “she will be handling the less serious injuries that you encounter in the new medical room that has been set up for that purpose. Please,” Hetty implored, her gaze settling on all of them in turn, “even though it means you will not need to go to the hospital quite so much,” Hetty’s gaze lingered on Callen more than the rest, “do not take this to mean you can be even more reckless.”

“We’re never reckless, Hetty,” Deeks piped up with. Callen bit back a smile when Hetty turned her gaze to Deeks and he stepped back quickly behind Kensi even though she was still seated at her desk before Deeks added meekly. “Maybe a little.”

“Now that introductions have been made,” Hetty said, “Upstairs please. You have a case. I will join you shortly after I have ensured Doctor Blake is settled.”

Jesinta stepped back out of the way as the team filed past her. Callen was the last. He saw the nervousness in her eyes and the telltale sign that she was biting her lip on the inside. She was obviously perceptive enough to see this wasn’t going to be easy. He’d be worried if she hadn’t sensed that considering her role here.

“Welcome aboard,” he said quietly as he walked slowly by.

“Thank you.” Her reply was quiet yet had an appreciative tone to it.

At the top of the stairs Callen glanced back down. He saw Hetty and Jesinta heading toward the corridor to Nate’s, now Jesinta’s, office. Hetty looked up at him and gave him a small nod with a very particular look. Oh Callen knew exactly what Hetty was saying with that look. Hetty expected him to lead the way and help ease the new doctor into the team. He wasn’t quite sure how to do that since he was probably the most reluctant talker of them all, though that wasn’t really saying much considering who else was in his team. He hoped the doctor was up for the challenge she had in front of her. 

“G, you coming?” Sam’s voice pulled his attention from the retreating back of one Doctor Jesinta Blake to what he was supposed to be doing. They had a case.

* * *

The sound of quietly tapping boots had Callen lifting his head from his paperwork later that day. He looked down the corridor and saw Jesinta. He rose from his chair and waited for her near the start of the corridor that lead from the building.

“Good first day” he asked casually when she reached him. 

Jesinta smiled. “Definitely an interesting start,” she said.

Callen had to agree it was one of the more interesting, though much less dangerous, meetings he’d had with a new team member.

“All settled?” 

Jesinta shrugged. “It’s a little dark for my liking but Hetty’s given me permission to change a few things around.”

“Dark?”

Jesinta nodded. “Nate had a preference for dark browns. Not my kind of thing. Hetty has some furniture in storage she said I can look at and see if I find something that works better.” She smiled. “See you tomorrow Agent Callen.”

Jesinta started to walk down the corridor. Callen could still hear the rain on the roof. His jacket was finally dry but he figured the least he could do was make sure she got to her car without getting drenched and he wasn’t quite sure if there were still umbrellas at the door. No doubt if Hetty heard he’d still been in the office and let her get wet, there would be another punishment on its way. 

“Wait,” Callen called out as he started to follow her. Jesinta stopped and turned to him. Callen saw her pull a small umbrella from her handbag. He raised an eyebrow as he got closer and saw the flicker of confusion on her face.

“Yes?”

“You have an umbrella,” Callen stated.   
Jesinta glanced down at the object in her hand, almost like she hadn’t realised it as there, and then back to him. She nodded. “I spent a year in the UK. It’s habit that I always carry one.”

Callen stopped a few steps from her. “Always?”

“Always,” she confirmed.

“Like this morning?” 

Callen saw the flash of understanding and the flush that rose to her cheeks. Jesinta took a small step backwards. 

“Um … Yes. I had it this morning,” she admitted with more than a touch of reluctance.

“And yet you didn’t use it.” Callen took a step closer. Jesinta started to walk backwards away from him as she spoke. 

“What can I say.” She shrugged and there was not only a touch of guilt to the look on her face but also in her voice. “Hetty’s reputation precedes her and I wasn’t about to disobey the first direct order she gave me on my first day.”

Callen kept following and closed the distance easily. Jesinta stopped and her eyes went wide when Callen stopped only slightly more than a step away. Her head tilted back slightly to look up at him.

“And when exactly,” Callen asked, “did she tell you not to use it?”

“She sent me a text just before I arrived,” Jesinta admitted.

“A text?” Callen thought back and remembered when Hetty had stopped and pulled out her phone. At the time he’d thought she was answering someone. Jesinta reached into her handbag and pulled out hers. After a few quick flicks with her finger she held it out to him.

“See.”

Callen took the phone from her hands.

_ Stay in the car. DO NOT use your umbrella. I’ll send someone to get you. _

“What’s a girl supposed to do?” Jesinta asked him tentatively.

Callen handed back her phone and his fingers briefly brushed against hers. Soft and warm. Not something he’d ever noticed about Nate. He shook off the thought.

“What other reputations have preceded us?” he asked her curiously.

Jesinta smiled. “I prefer to get to know someone without letting their reputations influence things.”

“Yet Hetty?”

“Hetty is an exception to just about every rule that is out there.”

Callen chuckled at the rather interesting, yet accurate, description of Hetty.

“We all are,” he added.

Jesinta smiled again.  “And I look forward to getting to know you … all.” Jesinta started walking backwards again. “Good night Agent Callen.”

“Good night Doctor Blake.”

Callen watched as she turned, walked to the front door and slipped on her coat. She glanced back at him briefly with another smile, before she opened up her umbrella and stepped out the door.

She was not what he would’ve expected. He wasn’t sure if that was going to be a good thing or a bad thing.  Whichever way it went though, change was definitely in the air. Whether they liked it or not.


	3. Hetty, Callen & Jessie

* * *

 

A few days later Callen made his way to Hetty’s desk; a nice freshly brewed cup of tea for her in his hands. He put it down, sat and waited patiently for her to look at him.

“What should I know?” he asked.

Hetty looked at him over her glasses. “Many things I would hope. What in particular does your question refer to?” She picked up the tea and sniffed in appreciation.

“Doctor Blake.”

Hetty studied him for a moment over the still slightly steaming cup. Callen held her gaze even if the intensity of hers made him feel a tad uncomfortable. This was one of those times when you felt Hetty could see right into your thoughts - thoughts that perhaps you hadn’t even known you’d been thinking. Given that there were places in Callen’s head where even he didn’t want to know what was going on, the thought of having Hetty seeing into his head wasn’t particularly appealing.

“She’s here to help you handle your jobs,” Hetty finally said. “What else is there to know?”

“Why her?” Callen did wonder why Hetty had chosen someone who was to become an important part of his team without any input from him. Admittedly he didn’t really have a say in who she hired, as demonstrated with Deeks though that had turned out well. However, since his team were reluctant talkers at best, it would’ve been nice to have some kind of say, or at least be consulted.

Hetty sat back in her chair, the tea cup now out of her hands back on the desk. “She comes highly recommended.”

Callen leaned forward. “Hetty, your answers tell me there’s something you’re hiding.”

“Actually Mr Callen, I would rather you learn about her for yourself than think you know her by what someone tells you.”

It was a very similar answer to what a certain new team member had given him recently. Hetty was definitely hiding something, or protecting someone. It was a fine line with Hetty between those two. Obviously coming at her with the direct approach wasn’t going to work.

Callen sat back in his chair. “Why a psychiatrist not a psychologist?” he asked.

“You are aware of the difference?”  A question to answer a question.

“Yes.” He was to some degree. He knew the training was different and what they were qualified to do varied but he didn’t know the full extent of how they differed … yet. He suspected Jesinta was here for slightly different reasons than Nate had been since Nate was a trained operational psychologist. Just one more thing on his list to learn about to help him understand a certain someone.

“Doctor Blake is not your average psychiatrist,” Hetty added still not answering his questions.

“She wouldn’t be here if she was average Hetty. That much I know about your choice.” Callen already knew that Jesinta still worked as an ER doctor at least twenty hours a week in addition to what she did here. Hetty had informed him that Jesinta’s hours were a touch flexible because of that. He was definitely curious about why she split her time between two medical fields. “How did you find her?”

“Nate recommended her and after some investigation I felt she would be an asset to the team, in more ways than one.” It was the most informative answer Hetty had given him yet.

“Nate knows her?” That gave Callen some degree of confidence. Nate knew what they were all about and he doubted Nate would recommend someone who wouldn't be able to do the job, or at least the job Hetty had created for her.

“They are acquainted,” Hetty told him. “Nate told me she has a definite passion for helping those in this kind of field which showed in my investigation.”

“Why? Why this field? Why two?” That was something Callen was definitely struggling trying to comprehend.

“You would be best to ask Doctor Blake that herself.”

“I’m sure you already have so why should I waste her time?” Callen countered.

The soft voice was unexpected and came from just behind him. “It wouldn’t be a waste of time Agent Callen.” She certainly had the voice for a therapist. It was gentle, welcoming and easy to listen to which probably meant that her patients found her questions easy to answer. He’d certainly need to be alert to that when he was around her. Callen turned and studied her as she continued. “I’m more than happy to answer your questions.”

“Please Doctor Blake,” Hetty said. “Have a seat. Join us.”

Jesinta turned her gaze from him to Hetty. “Thank you Hetty however I have a phone call I need to make. Perhaps if Agent Callen,” she looked back to him, “has questions he would like answers to he is more than welcome to come and find me anytime.” With that Jesinta turned and walked away.

“There you go.” Hetty’s words pulled his attention back to her. “An invitation to ask all you want.”

It was one thing to ask questions. It was another to be able to get decent answers. His current conversation with Hetty was proof of that point.

“But will she answer them honestly?”

“If you don’t trust her to tell you the truth,” Hetty replied, “then you are going to have a difficult time working with her.”

“Trust is earned Hetty.” Strangers and new people were ones to be wary of until they had proven themselves in his line of work. Even those who were supposed to be the good guys.

“And for you trust is hard to give.” Hetty nodded. “However I’m sure you will find she is up to the challenge, _if_ you give her a chance.”

And with that oh so subtle instruction disguised as an opinion, Hetty turned her attention back to her computer which Callen took as a dismissal.

* * *

 

Callen stood at Jesinta’s door. A glance around the room showed him that the few changes she’d made in the week she’d been here her office seeming brighter, and perhaps even more welcoming, than Nate’s had been. After checking out the decor he turned his attention to her.

“I don’t bite Agent Callen.” Jesinta didn’t look up from her computer as she spoke. “You can come in you know.”

Callen stayed put and waited until she focused on him.

“I can’t figure you out,” he said. He was usually pretty good at sizing up someone's motives but she left him stumped. Two high stress jobs that required a lot of study. He’d worked out she’d done approximately sixteen years of study to get where she was and she was no doubt continuing in some way.

Jesinta sat back in her chair. “What’s to figure out. I’m here to help.”

Callen stepped into the room and moved to the chair that was in front of her desk after he briefly contemplated the couch - one that looked decidedly more comfortable than Nate’s leather one had been. However he wasn’t ready to hint that he was there for a long chat. He was here for answers not an extended chat.

“Why?”

“Why what?”

“Why do you want to help us?” Callen asked. “Why do you do both ER and Psychiatry?”

“I enjoy both.”

About as much information as his answers with Hetty had given him this morning; which meant not much. He should probably stick to one question at a time to improve his chances of getting a straight answer.

“Being a doctor is hard work. Being two … Seems a lot to take on.”

Jesinta stared at him for a moment and Callen almost felt like she was debating how to answer him. He very much hoped she would give him one he could believe.

“I graduated medical school and did my residency specialising in emergency and trauma medicine with some additional psychology subjects as well.” She must’ve seen the curiousness on his face as she then added. “Figured it couldn’t hurt to have some extra knowledge when dealing with patients in potentially traumatic situations. Three months after I was fully qualified I had an encounter with a patient that made me rethink what I was doing and why. That lead me down the path of psychiatry as well. Unfortunately USU didn’t have the PsyD course I wanted. I wasn’t interested in research but in helping patients.”

If USU was were she’d aimed then military had definitely been on her radar for a reason. He also had a little piece of information about her choice of degree.

“With some negotiation,” Jesinta continued, “we made a deal and I ended up in San Diego and worked at a hospital there a few shifts per week in the ER while I worked through my degree. My focus was on frontline law enforcement and military patients which was easy with the multitude of military bases in and around San Diego I had plenty of options to gain experience. I’ve since spent over five years working within military branches, including a year in the UK on an American base. At one point the FBI made me an offer I couldn’t refuse but after a year with them it wasn’t what they promised.”

“Is it ever?” There had at least been plenty of information in her answer, though it still wasn’t quite what he was looking for. More CV orientated than anything personal.

“Been there?” Jesinta asked him

“Among other places,” Callen answered noncommittally.

“I met Nate at a conference just over twelve months ago,” Jesinta told him. “He talked about what he did, rather vaguely, but it intrigued me. When we meet again six months later at another one I spent some more time with him, asked him for some more details. By then I was ready to leave the FBI I just wasn’t quite sure where I wanted to head to. Three months later I received a call from NCIS asking if I was interested in this job.”

“And Hetty made you an offer the FBI couldn’t match.”

“I didn’t give them the opportunity to do so.”

That comment told Callen she very definitely wanted out of the FBI. He was curious about that but given he’d left feeling much the same way, just wanting an out, he didn’t push for more on that topic. She’d covered the how she got here, but still not the why of why she did what she did.

“Why this job? This field?” Callen probed. “Why not just be a standard psychiatrist? Open up a practice in a nice safe office somewhere and enjoy the money rolling in?” Private practice would definitely bring in more than government work. Not to mention a lot safer in general along with being able to pick and choose her patients. “Why didn’t you just remain an ER doctor?” So much for one question at a time. “I’m sure,” he continued, “there are plenty of places that need ER doctors, or even psychiatrists, and I’m sure you’re quite a competent one.” Hetty wouldn’t have hired her if she wasn’t. He still wanted a better answer to why both.

Jesinta rose from her seat and moved around to the front of the desk. She rested against it and looked down at him. He smiled slightly, well aware that they both knew the slight power play that was happening here but he wasn’t intimidated. After all she wasn’t Hetty, so he remained in his seat, allowed her the position of looking down at him. He did note the crossed arms and, to be honest, couldn’t blame her for the defensive position. He had essentially just attacked her and questioned whether she should be here.

“I don’t know,” Jesinta said slowly, “if I should take that as a compliment or as an attempt to try and get me to leave.”

Callen felt a little nudge of guilt that some part of him may very well have been after that. He wasn’t particularly one to like changes to his inner world. Outer he was fine with going with the flow, adapting quickly to any scenario - he was good at it which was why he did what he did.

“Would it work if it was?” Unfortunately Callen wasn’t exactly sure which option his question related to.

“A compliment,” Jesinta shrugged. “Maybe. Getting me to leave. Not going to happen. This is where I want to be.”

Callen was surprised at how positive she sounded given she’d only been here a week and had barely had the chance to get into the swing of the job.

“You can’t possibly know that yet,” he said.

Her arms uncrossed, her fingers gripped the desk on either side of her and she leaned toward him just a touch. “I do know that.” The words were firm and the commitment strong, the stance open and honest. “Those who work like you and your team do,” Jesinta continued. “Front line military and law enforcement. Those kind of people are some of the strongest out there, both physically and mentally. But when the mind breaks, it doesn’t matter how strong the body is, it’s over.”

“So you want to stop our minds from breaking?”

“Agent Callen stopping just one person from breaking completely makes all those years of study worth it.”

He believed her. There was an honesty and passion in her words and in her eyes. He just wasn’t sure why she felt that way.

“Have you stopped many?” Callen asked.

“I would like to think so though it’s not exactly an easy thing to count.”

Even with all she had told him she still hadn’t answered the first question.

“You still haven’t told me why,” Callen reminded her.

“I want to understand, listen, help and be there to make sure those who are keeping everyone else safe have someone to come to. Someone to lean on when they need it, when they need someone to be strong for them.”

There was more. Callen could feel it. While her answer was good, and a very nice one, there was more to her reasons that she wasn’t telling him. He rose from his chair and pushed into her personal space slightly in a very deliberate attempt to put her off and get a more real answer. This time he was looking down at her. “And how exactly could you understand,” his voice was quiet but there was a harshness to his words that reflected the reality of their jobs here, “what we go through out there? Have you ever been in the line of fire? Seen first hand what we have to deal with every day?”

Callen watched Jesinta’s face carefully for her reaction as he spoke, knowing that if his tactic succeeded he could learn quite a bit. It surprised him to see something akin to fear or pain, he wasn’t quite sure which, in her eyes and also noticed the slight loss of colour to her cheeks.

“Hey Jessie.” Deeks’ voice interrupted them from the doorway. Callen stepped back at the same time Jesinta shifted away from him, not missing the fact that Deeks was already on a casual first name basis with her. Or the fact that Jessie seemed to fit her more than Jesinta did.

“I’m sorry Agent Callen,” her tone now very professional and distant. One certainly more suited to Jesinta than Jessie, along with being one he hadn’t heard from her until now. “I have an appointment and we’ll have to call an end to this discussion.”

Callen stepped closer and kept his back to Deeks. “Oh no Doc,” he said soft enough for only her. Her gaze lifted to his.  Her brown eyes didn’t hold the chill or the distance her tone did. They held a hint of pain, yes it was definitely pain, in them. “This isn’t over yet,” he added. There was also vulnerability in her eyes that she couldn’t hide even when she quickly glanced away. There was definitely more to the mystery of Doctor Jesinta Blake and he intended on finding out just what that was.


	4. Callen, Jessie & Ops

* * *

 

Eric’s whistle came from the top of the stairs just as Callen spotted Jessie at Hetty’s desk. The rest of the team rose and headed up. Callen waited a few moments before he made his way to Hetty’s desk, giving the two women some time to, hopefully, finish their discussion before he interrupted.

“New case Mr Callen?” Hetty asked.

“Appears that way,” Callen said. His gaze shifted to Jessie. “I thought it was time Doctor Blake joined a briefing.” Callen didn’t miss the flicker of apprehension in Jessie’s eyes. Nor did he miss the look that went between the two women. He filed it away for later, along with the rest of the mysteries that he was still working on finding out about his newest team member.

“I have -”

Callen raised his eyebrows and held Jessie’s gaze. She stopped the protest that he had heard come from her more than once since she had started with them. Callen hadn’t failed to notice that she was never there for the initial briefing. She also rarely appeared in Ops though she would discuss cases with them downstairs. He did know she was working through some initial reviews with staff, starting with the support workers. She did spend a reasonable amount of time with the team when they sought her opinion on cases, however she’d yet to push for individual sessions with them. She’d made sure they knew if they wanted to talk she’d be there. Callen felt that she was giving them more time to settle with her being around before she pushed forward with that. However there was definitely something else going on here.

“Shall we?” Callen stepped back to allow Jessie room to go first. He wasn’t really asking and she seemed to understand that. He followed and it wasn’t hard to notice the stiffness to her movements as they headed up the stairs. At the top he slipped into place beside her as they walked.

“Not scared are you?” Callen asked.

“Scared?” Jessie repeated. 

Stalling tactic noted. Callen’s lips twitched but he didn't smile. He stopped her with a hand on her arm before the sensors for the door would pick them up. She turned, her gaze flicked between his hand and his face, a questioning look in her eyes. He dropped his hand.

“You’ve never been in Ops for an initial briefing.”

“I don’t need to be.” Callen could hear the hint of nervousness in her tone.

“Nate used to be,” he said.

“I’m not Nate.”

The tone of her voice was passionate and held a hint of hurt, if he wasn’t mistaken. Callen raised an eyebrow and waited. He watched Jessie close her eyes, take a breath and let it out slowly before she opened them again.

“I’m sorry,” she apologised. Her voice was quiet and lacked the intensity of her previous comment.

“About?”

“I have an issue with people expecting others to be someone they’re not.”

Something else to add to his growing list of things to find out about her.

“Yet that’s exactly what we do here everyday,” Callen said.

“No.” Jessie shook her head. “You play the character you need to be to get your job done and keep others safe. You will always be you.”

“Not with everyone,” Callen replied.

Jessie studied him for a moment. “Then I hope,” she finally said, “that at least you can be with me someday.” With that she moved and the doors swished open, effectively putting an end to their conversation. 

Callen made sure he took a spot where he could observe Jessie. He was experienced enough to be able to take in the information Eric and Nell were firing at them as well as her reactions. Callen didn’t miss the subtle flinches during the video footage at the sound of gunfire. He also didn’t miss the fact that she barely looked at the screens. Even taking into account that the light wasn't particularly flattering in Ops, she was paler than she should be. He was highly suspicious when Jessie answered her phone and fled, there was no other word for it, with the excuse that she had to take the call. Even more so after he heard the telltale sound of her phone ringing just before the doors closed behind her.  A look at Sam told Callen that Sam hadn’t missed that last one at least. Callen shrugged and turned his focus fully back to the briefing

* * *

“You left the briefing early.”

Callen saw Jessie’s startled reaction to his words. She was back at her desk and had seemed absorbed in whatever was on her computer. Callen hadn’t seen her touch a key or a mouse in the minute or so he’d been standing in her doorway and he suspected she was lost in thought. He’d come here straight after the briefing leaving Sam to start working on a plan, hoping to catch her before she could build any defences back up.

“I had a phone call to take.”

While technically not a lie, it wasn’t the complete truth. Callen didn’t particularly like that, even if it was a tactic he used himself frequently. He wasn’t so much worried about the lie itself but the reason behind it. He leaned against the door frame.

“Your phone rang just after you walked out of Ops.”

Callen saw the flicker of guilt on Jessie’s face. She rose and walked to the window. There wasn’t much of a view but Hetty had at least made the garden outside into something nice to look at or spend a quiet moment in when they needed a small measure of peace. He’d found his way out there more than once. 

“Doc?” Callen crossed the room toward her. “Something I should know?” He knew the answer was yes, he just wasn’t sure if she would give him the details. It actually surprised him when she gave him an answer after just a brief moment of silence.

“It’s one thing to treat the effects of something,” Jessie said quietly. “Another to see it happen.”

Callen joined her at the window. “Is that why you’re never in the briefings?” 

“I’m not here to solve cases Agent Callen. I’m here to support those who do. There is no real requirement for me to be there for that part.” 

Even with their interesting meeting, the formality between the two of them had remained. She was Jessie to everyone else, aside from Hetty, and she also addressed the others by their first names, including Kensi. He wasn’t sure why he was still keeping that formality between them, especially since she had become Jessie in his mind of late. Perhaps he was just following her lead since she hadn’t dropped it either. In theory there wasn’t anything particularly personal about calling her Doc, though it didn’t feel quite the same as when he’d called Nate that. Or maybe he was just using it as a way to keep some distance between them. Callen studied Jessie for a moment as she continued to stare out the window. There was something sad about the expression on her face and he wasn’t quite sure where it came from. It didn’t fit. It seemed more personal than seeing strangers being shot would cause. He didn’t miss the fact that she hadn’t answered his question again but he’d let it go for now.

“Being a part of the whole process would help you be more a part of the team.” 

Jessie finally looked at him. The look in her eyes reminded him of when he’d asked how she could understand what they went through. Though it was only there for a moment.

“You do want to be a part of the team don’t you?” Callen asked her.

“I want your team to trust me. That’s the most important thing.”

There was something she would need to work out. His team was hers and the sooner she figured that out the sooner things would settle.

“And they trusted Nate because Nate was a part of the team. And no,” Callen cut in before Jessie could say anything. “I’m not saying you need to be Nate.”

Jessie moved away from the window and headed to her desk without any more comment. Deciding this was a moment that needed to happen and not be rushed, Callen settled himself on the couch. He saw a look of understanding cross Jessie’s face. She knew he wasn’t just going to go away.

“Your team isn’t the easiest to get to know,” she admitted. She joined him on the other end of the couch, which gave Callen a small hint of satisfaction that she was open to the discussion they were about to have. She was right. His team weren’t that easy to get to know but she was making good inroads and had gained a degree of acceptance from them.

“Didn’t Nate give you a heads up about them?” Surely she had access to Nate’s files and she could’ve gotten to know them that way.

Jessie shook her head. “Not a lot. I only asked for a few pointers he felt I needed to know. Wanted to figure out the rest myself.”

Callen nodded. “Not letting their reputation influence you.” She’d mentioned something along those lines that first day in reference to Hetty.

“Exactly.” There was a hint of a smile on her fact that Callen read as her being a touch pleased that he had remembered their earlier conversation.

“So,” Callen asked, “What did Nate tell you about them?”

The pause and the way Jessie studied him suggested she was contemplating how to answer him. Callen was hopeful it would be the truth.

“He said that Sam was loyal,” Jessie started, “military born and bred, rules were made to be followed kind of guy, though he’s willing to bend them if necessary for the right reasons. Someone who will have your back without a doubt.”

“Deeks?”

“He didn’t have much on Deeks or Nell except to say not to underestimate either of them.”

“Eric?”

Jessie smiled. “Don’t let his clothes fool you.”

“Kensi?”

The smile dropped and a concerned look replaced it on her face. “Avoid talking about her father unless she brings it up first.”

“Hetty?”

“Hetty’s notes were exceptionally small.”

“Like the woman herself,” Callen added.

Jessie smiled. “It was a simple question mark.”

“So he didn’t give you any advice on handling her?”

“I would never dream of trying to handle Hetty,” Jessie said with a slight shake to her head.

“Aside from that first day?” Callen remembered her forcefully shifting both him and Hetty along when they had been wet.

“That was different.”

They stared at each other; a silent battle over who would speak first. He was the last team member and Callen waited to see if she would volunteer the information. In the end, eyes still locked, Callen asked the question that was hanging heavy between them.

“And what did Nate say about me?”

“Complicated childhood.”

“And?” Callen highly doubted Nate would leave it like that.

“The best he’s seen in the job,” Jessie added.

“Nice to know Nate appreciates my skills.”

There was more though. Callen could see it in her eyes. When exactly did he get to know her well enough that he could read her there?

“Earn his trust,” Jessie continued softly. “It will be worth it no matter how long it takes.”

Callen raised his eyebrows. “Not sure I believe that.”

“I can show you the paper if you want,” Jessie told him. “Those were his words. He even highlighted them.”

Callen mentally filed away the fact that she had automatically thought he was referring to what Nate had written, which he also noted she apparently knew word for word, not that his trust wouldn’t be worth it. He wasn’t quite sure what it meant but he figured the pieces would fall into place at some point as long as he had them all in the first place. 

“And how are you going to do that?” Callen asked.

“Patience for a start,” Jessie replied. Her phone rang on her desk and she rose from the couch to answer it.

“Hey Eric … He’s here. I’ll send him up.” Jessie returned the phone to its cradle and turned to him. “You’re need in Ops,” she told him.

“You coming?” Callen asked as he rose from the couch.

Jessie shook her head. “I’m not needed.”

“You wouldn’t be here if you weren’t,” Callen corrected and saw the hint of surprise in her eyes at his admission. 

Jessie looked at him for a long moment before she replied. “I’m not needed in Ops,” she refined.

Callen headed to the door but looked back at Jessie once he reached it. “You’ll need a lot of patience Doc.”

Jessie’s lips twitched and Callen had no doubt that she was trying not to smile. 

“Aren’t you lucky,” she said. “It’s one of my strengths.”


	5. The First Patch Up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you are enjoying. Love to know what you think.

* * *

 

The aches had started when he'd been in Sam's car on their way back to the office after apprehending the bad guys. Sam had ordered Kensi and Deeks to make sure everything was taken care of and bundled Callen into the Challenger. Sam didn't even comment when Callen didn't put his seatbelt on, just driven them back to the office carefully. Callen's whole back ached, his arm was throbbing yet somehow he stopped the groan that wanted to come when he'd pushed open the car door and hauled himself out. He wasn't even through the doors when he saw Jessie waiting for them. She took one look at him, shook her head and pointed down the corridor to the medical room. Not a word passed her lips and Callen followed dutifully in a similar fashion, leaving Sam to talk to Hetty. He'd managed to avoid needing to see Jessie for injuries in the weeks since she'd started.

"What exactly happened?" Jessie asked him once they were in the room. She closed the door and pointed toward the bed.

Callen sat carefully as he tried not to pull on his injuries or put pressure on his arm. It was his first time in the room. A glance around showed it was more than he expected. The bed, of the hospital variety, was accessible from both sides. The rest of the room was a cross between a doctor's office and a hospital room; sink, shower, cupboards (lockable and otherwise), combined fridge and freezer. A small desk and chair were there as well, holding a computer with a small filing cabinet underneath. The main difference was the lack of white walls and floors. Hetty had certainly gone all out equipping it. He still felt a similar anxiety to being in a hospital room but it wasn't as strong.

"You don't want to know." Callen let out a slow breath, not quite managing to hold back the groan when he twisted the wrong way.

Jessie turned from the sink where she was washing her hands and raised an eyebrow. "Isn't that kind of necessary if I'm going to fix it?" She dried her hands on the paper towel and tossed it in the bin.

Callen didn't answer. Instead he reached for the bottom of his shirt, knowing it was going to have to come off and wanting it over with. It was going to hurt like hell after what had happened. He took a steadying breath and started to lift it.

"Wait." The urgency in Jessie's tone and the gentle but firm hand on his uninjured arm stopped him.

Callen looked at her, a smile twitching at his lips even though the pain was still strong enough to be obvious. "Oh Doc," he said, the smile breaking through. "You disappoint me. I thought you'd be eager to get my shirt off." He blamed it on the pain making him not think too much about what he was saying.

Jessie glared at him though Callen saw the spark of amusement in her eyes and just the hint of pink coming to her cheeks, reminiscent of their first meeting.

"I don't want you ripping anything," Jessie told him firmly. "Some of the blood has already dried on the back. The shirt may be stuck. Give me a minute so you don't do any more damage." She put a container of water beside him on the bed along with some cloths.

"So she does want my shirt off."

Jessie's lips twitched and the pink on her cheeks intensified. She moved behind him. Callen felt a tad more satisfaction from her reaction than he probably should've but, considering his day so far, he wasn't going to complain about a little fun in the face of having to have his injuries poked at. He felt the cool water on the back of the shirt slowly seep through and the gentle movements as Jessie tried to loosen things. She shifted back in front of him and gave him a resigned look.

"What's the chance this is your shirt?" she asked him.

"Hetty's." He and Sam had been undercover on an op that had gone just a little south.

"Is she going to be upset that you've ruined it?"

Callen shrugged, followed quickly with a grimace when it tugged on his injuries that were obviously still stuck. "I'm sure I'll survive her wrath."

After all it wasn't like he'd ruined a suit this time. Sure it was a three hundred dollar plain black designer long sleeve t-shirt because that's what the alias he was this morning needed to where to project the right image. There was no way he would spend that kind of money on a plain t-shirt, or any t-shirt for that matter. He wasn't entirely sure Hetty had liked the cost either, for once. However, he was alive and Hetty seemed to appreciate that he was more valuable than the clothing, even though it had been touch and go with the suit.

Jessie reached for a pair of scissors that she had on the small trolley next to her which held a multitude of supplies. "In for a penny," she said. "It's ruined anyway. If we try and take it off normally you might hurt yourself even more."

"So you could say," Callen's tone was serious; kind of. "It's doctors orders."

"You could put it like that." Her reply just as serious as his.

"You're saving me from Hetty." Callen smiled. "That's very sweet of you Doc." Jessie's lips twitched in an attempt to stop the smile but it didn't work. She shook her head and rolled her eyes at him before she reached for the bottom of his shirt. She pulled it away from his stomach and made a cut that went an inch or two up into the shirt. Then, after she put down the scissors, she grabbed both sides and tore it straight up to the neck, somehow not managing to pull anything that hurt.

Callen raised an eyebrow. "Not quite what I had in mind for you ripping off my clothes." He saw Jessie catch her bottom lip with her teeth, the twitch in her cheek muscles as she picked up the scissors again. He stayed perfectly still as she snipped the neckline, not entirely wanting to test whether or not she was mad at him for his teasing by adding anything more. When she looked at him with a stern expression - aside from her eyes - he knew he was safe and gave a quick little lift of his eyebrows and smiled.

"Nothing to do with you," Jessie said, a small smile of her own on her lips. "It's simpler and quicker, once you know how. Usually my patients don't complain."

"Not complaining," Callen said. "Anytime you want -"

Jessie put her hand up and he stopped mid-sentence. "Just stop," she said. "This is serious."

Jessie turned her attention to removing his shirt carefully, snipping when necessary and easing it off his good arm and moving around to the back of him. She hissed after she'd peeled it off. "What happened?" she asked, concern clear in her voice. "You look like you've been dragged behind the back of a truck."

"Hetty didn't tell you?"

"No. Just that you needed me."

"Gravel rash," Callen admitted. "Jumped out of the way of a speeding vehicle, hit by a bullet." Which was why he'd twisted mid-air so he didn't land on that arm and had landed on his back instead. "Then slid along the road." Not exactly his finest hour but he'd take the win of not being slammed to the the ground by a truck any day.

"Try not to do that again." Jessie moved in front of him. With gentle fingers on Callen's chin Jessie tilted his head around and studied the side of it. She was obviously happy with what she saw, or didn't see, because she stepped back and reached for clean gloves.

"All right," she said. "I'll start with the arm. Back of you is going to take some time to get cleaned up properly and it's not going to be fun for either of us."

Callen watched Jessie peel back the quick bandage he'd allowed the paramedics to put on his arm before they'd rushed off to help Kensi and Deeks corner the bad guys. Jessie let out a breath, shook her head before she carefully started to clean the wound. It stung and still throbbed but Callen kept control of his breathing and watched her. He watched the focus in her gaze and saw the occasional bite of her bottom lip when she seemed to be concentrating the most. He didn't say anything, just made the most of this first opportunity to watch her work in this environment. However when she pulled out a needle and vial, Callen shifted uncomfortably.

"Do we have to?" he asked her.

Jessie looked at him and narrowed her gaze. "Agent Callen, you need stitches."

Callen glanced down at his arm. It hadn't seemed that bad at first but now it was properly cleaned, he could see it was a bigger wound than he had first thought. But still? Needle? Stitches? He could put up with a lot to avoid that.

"It'll be fine," he said.

"Trust me." Jessie's voice brought his focus from his arm to her. "I know what I'm doing," she assured him.

"I'm sure you do." However Callen couldn't help but stare at the needle as she filled it and brought it close to his arm.

"Turn away," Jessie ordered. She didn't make any further movement. Just stood there perfectly still and waited, giving him another taste of her patience in a different form. Callen finally gave in and followed her instruction when it become completely obvious that she had no intention of doing anything until he did. Callen felt her fingers on his arm; gentle and with a hint of warmth making it through the latex of the glove. Then there was the small prick from the needle, that surprisingly didn't hurt like he had been expecting. Usually he felt the needle going in and hated the feeling of the anesthetic being pushed into him. He felt another one, just as gentle on the other side of the wound before she moved away and disposed of the needle. Perhaps it was just that the needle hurt way less in comparison to the wound.

"There," Jessie said when she stood in front of him again. "Wasn't so bad was it?"

"No." Needles had always hurt. He'd always felt them, hated them and preferred the pain of the injury more often than not. He couldn't help but wonder why this time was different. Callen watched her line up the rest of what she needed on the trolley, giving the anesthetic time to kick in.

"Are you okay?" There was a definite hint of concern in Jessie's eyes.

"I'm fine. Had worse." Callen saw her glance at his chest and the scars there. A flicker of worry crossed Jessie's face before she turned away and double checked what she had already laid out. With a gentle touch, that already seemed familiar, she felt the area around the wound. Callen assured her he didn't feel anything. The look on her face suggested she didn't believe him, rightly so, but it wasn't like what he felt was bad. It was just a little something still. Jessie picked up the threaded needle and moved in close. Callen turned away. He really didn't want to watch.

"It's not too bad." Jessie's voice was quiet, almost like she was talking to herself. "Just a little big to heal well on its own. The scar won't be too noticeable."

All Callen felt was the slight tug on his arm where it wasn't numb. No pain.

"I thought girls liked scars on guys." Conversation was a good way to distract him from the reality of what was happening though not too many doctors appreciated when he tried it.

"Not always," Jessie replied.

Callen turned his head and let his focus settle on her face. He refused to give in and let it drop to see what she was doing. "So she does," he said.

Jessie snipped the stitch and started on the next one before she replied though she didn't look at him.

"I didn't say that."

Callen saw the slight shift of her bottom lip where no doubt her teeth had caught it inside. Whether it was to stop her smiling or simply what she did when she concentrated, he wasn't sure yet.

"Scars or tattoos. Which one?" Callen asked. She snipped the thread on the fourth stitch before she answered.

"Does it matter?"

"Curious."

Jessie glanced up at him. "Why?"

"I've got scars covered." Jessie rolled her eyes at him, and again Callen spotted the withheld smile.

"Please," Jessie said, "don't go and get a tattoo to try and impress me." She snipped another stitch.

"There we go." Callen smirked in satisfaction. "Scars it is."

Jessie shook her head with an exasperated sigh, fake Callen was sure. He winked at her and she laughed. Just like other things he'd discovered about her, Jessie's laugh was warm, gentle and easy to listen to. Easy to react to and want to hear more of as well. Jessie placed a bandage securely over the stitches, pushing down gently to seal the sides of it.

"Okay," Jessie said. "Lie down. Let's get that back sorted."

Callen carefully shifted onto his stomach. He'd been dreading this part almost more than the stitches. Jessie went to work easing off the remaining parts of the shirt she'd had to leave on to soak so they would loosen.

"Maybe you should consider wearing a jacket next time."

"Then I wouldn't be here."

"As much as it is my job to fix you up," Jessie said quietly, "I'd prefer not to be needed."

Callen couldn't see her face but he could sense the concentration and patience as she cleaned it all with a gentle touch. Though he had to admit he really wasn't fussed during the times Jessie had to probe a little to get the gravel out in places. Her whispered sorry in those moments told Callen she had tuned into him quite well and detected what he'd thought were well covered reactions. He'd managed not to flinch but obviously the tension in him had filtered through to her. When Jessie placed the protective patches over his back Callen let out the breath he'd unintentionally been holding. When he felt her fingers graze his back in some other places he turned and looked at her curiously. He almost said something teasing but her look was serious.

"Bruising," Jessie said, answering his unspoken question. "Just making sure it wasn't more." It made sense considering how much his back ached. Jessie stepped back and smiled. "All done."

Callen shifted carefully to a seated position, the patches felt a little uncomfortable but it was nice to know it was done. Now he just had to figure out how to ease the aches without a nice hot bath. Since he wasn't fussed on pain relief and sleep only lasted so long, he might be in for a few rough days.

"Did I pass?" Jessie asked him. The more than slight twinkle in her eyes belied the serious tone of her question as she disposed of the gloves and washed her hands.

"Pass what?"

Jessie stepped back toward him. "First time fixing you."

Callen shook his head back and forth slightly "Not bad."

Jessie raised an eyebrow. "Really?" She shook her head. "I think that's the worst review I've had in a long time."

Callen slid off the bed carefully and held up his now ripped, shot, cut and partially shredded shirt. "Well Doc," he said with mock sadness, "You didn't do so good with the shirt here. There's no way to bring this back."

"The shirt wasn't my patient and I don't particularly care about it," she replied.

"I thought it looked good on me."

Jessie shrugged noncommittally. "Might've before you destroyed it."

Callen smiled. "I knew you thought I looked good."

Jessie rolled her eyes. "I was talking about the shirt not you."

"Doc." Callen brought his hand up to his chest. He didn't miss the brief action of her eyes dropping briefly to it, his bare chest and the slight movement that told him she'd taken in his previous scars once again, especially since that hint of worried flickered there again. "You're breakin' my poor little heart."

"I'm sure you'll recover just fine." Jessie looked at the shirt in his other hand. "Want me to take it to Hetty for you?"

Callen shook his head. "I can deal with Hetty. I'll just tell her it was your fault."

"If you must," Jessie replied with dramatic exaggeration.

Callen had to admit it was a hell of lot nicer having her take care of his injuries, and a lot more fun, than getting it done at the hospital. He walked to the door but turned back to look at her before he opened it. "You did good," he said. "Best I've had yet."

"Yet? Hmm." Jessie's lips twitched. "So you think there's someone better?" The look in her eye was definitely teasing.

"Unlikely," Callen replied, seriously even though he smiled. "Hetty only chooses the best."


	6. Post Crimeleon Chat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is inspired by the Crimeleon episode - hence the chapter title, not exactly creative but informative.
> 
> Hope you enjoy. Praise and constructive advice always welcomed. Promise I don't bite.

* * *

"You're back." Callen leaned against the door frame. He watched Jessie turn from the window.

"I am." She headed to her chair at her desk and sat down. "Want to bring me up to speed on what I missed?"

Callen left his spot and made his way to the chair opposite her. "Missed?"

He pushed back hard on the thoughts that word brought up. Thoughts connected with her that he really didn't want to admit to any more than he already had, and only to himself.

Jessie's eyes were fixed on him as she spoke. "I go away for a few days and come back to find the tension between the team and Assistant Director Granger is in need of a chainsaw to cut through it. I know it wasn't great when I left but…." She trailed off and a frown settled on her face. "What happened?"

How she'd picked that up so quickly he wasn't sure. As far as he knew she'd only seen a brief exchange near the bullpen just after she'd arrived and right before Callen and Sam had left the building to chase a lead.

"Old foe," Callen said. "He blamed us for messing things up and then he messed up himself."

Her frown deepened, concern clouding those damn expressive brown eyes that had become familiar and a part of his life already.

"That's it?"

Callen shrugged. "Not much else to say. I'm sure you can read the report if you want."

Even he knew he could tell her more but he was feeling a touch unsettled. He hadn't expected to get used to Jessie's presence in the office and his life, their work lives he mentally corrected swiftly, as quickly as he had. It had hit Callen unexpectedly when Jessie had arrived back in the office this morning and he had realised that the something that had been bothering him the last couple of days had been her absence. She'd snuck into their lives, under all their radars he was sure. Not taking Nate's place so much but creating one of her own. Jessie's patience was obvious. She wasn't forcing or asking any of them to talk to her. She was just there and ready to listen when they needed her, gave her thoughts on missions but never in a way that told them she was right; just gentle and as if she was adding more information to the pot to be taken if they so desired. Sure he talked to her, but only about the missions or the others. It was partly his way of following Hetty's orders but also he enjoyed talking to her, knowing it would help his team. At least usually he did.

"I don't need to read the report Agent Callen. I want to know how the team is and what they are going through."

"The team is fine," Callen assured her. "As long as Granger isn't around."

"This chameleon seems pretty good at what he does." Hetty had been talking or she really had read the reports.

"He does." That was another topic that had Callen rattled. He'd had threats before from enemies who wanted him dead. Very few had him feeling like it was a definite possibility.

"Does that worry you?"

Callen could see Jessie was worried but he wasn't there with talking to her about himself. As tempting as she was to talk to he'd kept himself to himself; kept his guard up around that dangerously gentle voice of hers that was way too welcoming to be safe for someone like him. Someone who had too many dark secrets that couldn't be shared. Plus, Callen didn't want to see the worry increase if she knew he was worried.

"We're good at what we do too."

Jessie closed her eyes briefly but not before Callen saw the frustration flicker in them at his answer.

"What's up with Kensi?"

A change of subject that wasn't really going to help him answer her any better. "There's something going on that's got Granger's interest."

"Why?" The concern in Jessie's expression intensified. "Is she okay?"

"Don't know." The answer was to both questions. Callen didn't know why and he didn't know if Kensi was okay. The frequent trips to Hawaii and the lack of information she was willing to give to any of them had them all concerned. "We'll figure it out soon enough." And they would because Kensi was theirs and Granger wasn't, even if he did work for the same agency. He was an outsider and they felt under attack at present from him. They'd have Kensi's back, however and whenever she needed it.

"Has Kensi talked to you about it?"

"Nope."

Callen really shouldn't have come to her yet. Half a day should've been enough to push aside that revelation but right now it was like they were complete strangers. He needed a little more time to figure out how she'd slipped in so far without him knowing and how to keep her from going further.

"Hetty's not happy with Granger being here," Jessie continued.

Callen raised his eyebrows and a half smirk settled on his face. "You think we're taking our cues from Hetty." If she did, to be perfectly honest, he'd have to say she was close to right. Callen trusted Hetty's opinion and she was definitely unhappy with Granger being around. Hetty also didn't seem to trust Granger these days and until he proved otherwise, Callen was willing to place his trust in Hetty's opinion.

Jessie leaned forward onto her arms on the desk. "I know you would all do anything, and have done anything, to protect her. As you would each other."

And there was why he did talk to her about his team, because he could see it in those eyes of hers that she cared about them and wanted to help.

"What's wrong with that?"

"Nothing at all. I just can't help if you all shut me out."

"You've been away."

Jessie shook her head and sat back in her seat, frustration evident in the breath she let out. "It was four days. Two of those were the weekend. It's not like I was on holidays. I was in Washington for my review."

Callen shrugged casually. "I take it it went well."

Jessie kept her focus on his face. "I'm off probation." Her eyebrows raised just a touch. "At least with them."

Callen didn't say anything. He wasn't quite sure how to answer the unspoken question in the tone of her voice and the look in her eyes. Obviously she didn't feel like they had accepted her completely. She was doing surprisingly well with his team. It was only eight weeks ago that Jessie had joined them and trust took time, even when you liked someone. That Jessie had covered. The whole team, even Kensi, had warmed up to her. Her gentleness, lack of pushing, patience and something Callen couldn't quite define, had been very effective at getting the team comfortable with her. Sure they were still holding back but he could see the standard walls around his team crumbling and letting her in. Close enough that he knew soon they would be trusting her with more than just work. Maybe not their deepest secrets yet but, given the determination Callen had recognised in Jessie to be there for them, she'd get closer to being trusted with those secrets more than most given enough time. Callen was the one holding back the most even though he'd probably spent more time with her than the rest. But then maybe that was why he needed to hold back and reinforce his defences. Spending that extra time around her gave her more of a chance to knock them down. Maybe he should -

"Eric and Nell doing okay?" Jessie's question brought him out of his thoughts.

"They're safe."

Jessie's eyebrows went up. "Safe?"

He hadn't meant to say that. It had slipped out before he'd thought.

"Chameleon's a threat," Callen admitted. "They weren't out in the field so it's unlikely he'll know them."

"He's threatened you hasn't he?"

Callen was surprised at Jessie's insight and what she'd picked up from their rather stilted conversation so far. Sam was the only one who knew of the actual threat.

"He knows who we are."

"You didn't answer my question Agent Callen."

No he hadn't. Because a part of Callen wanted her kept away from this whole thing. He would've preferred to have the entire team kept away from him but it was well and truly too late for that.

"Doc," Callen said. "In this line of work there's always a threat. Get used to it." He rose from his chair. "Be grateful he doesn't know about you yet."

At least Callen didn't think he did. Jessie was such new addition to the team and hadn't been around this time. Callen still felt the guilt for bringing the team out into view at the nightclub. They hadn't realised at the time just how dangerous their enemy had been, or that the chameleon had been playing them to find out just how to get to Callen. He had more on his mind than just an enemy wanting to kill him; like how many would he take down first because that _I know who you care about_ comment played in his mind the most.

At the door Callen turned to Jessie. "But Doc, if he does come after you know we'll be coming. And we won't stop until we find you, whatever it takes."

Callen walked out the door before Jessie could respond. He'd wanted to reassure her after he'd seen the flicker of fear in her eyes when he'd warned her to get used to it. She was a part of their team even if she didn't necessarily feel it yet. He just hoped they'd never have to prove it to her.


	7. Sam's Punches

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AU tag to Season 3 Episode 14 'Partners'.  
> Thanks for reading.

* * *

Callen glanced across at Sam as they walked through the door and headed down the corridor. He rubbed his jaw gently. He could feel the swelling already, though it wasn’t the worst he’d ever had.

“Learn to pull a little more okay?” Callen told his partner.

“I did,” Sam replied with a slightly raised eyebrow. “Learn to take a punch better.”

Before Callen could make the appropriate comeback a soft voice surprised him.

“Agent Callen.”

He turned toward the voice. Jessie waited for them near the bullpen. 

Callen frowned “What are you doing here?” he asked when they got closer. She wasn’t supposed to be here; at least not according to Hetty.

“My job,” Jessie replied. “Come on.” Her tone was that same one she’d used that first day, the one that wouldn’t take any argument. She moved toward the medical room and Callen followed. He was curious why she was here but he also knew he needed some degree of fixing. Sam had had to make it seem real and there was no getting away without injury when you ended up in a situation like that. Jessie headed straight for the freezer in the room and Callen eased himself up on the bed.

“Shirt off,” Jessie ordered. “And no, it’s got nothing to do with wanting to get my hands on your body.”

“Pity.” Callen could feel a tension and seriousness coming off her in waves and his curiosity jumped. It wasn’t normal. He’d been in here a few times since that very first patch up. They had a rapport going. It was slightly teasing, slightly flirty and it seemed to work. It got Callen through the issues with anything remotely resembling medical attention which was a definite plus. And Jessie was fun to tease especially when she played back, which she was usually inclined to do. There was a trust thing happening between the two of them and it meant that he didn’t have the same level of anxiety being in here as he did that first time.

Callen started to pull his shirt over his head. A hiss of pain escaped and very quickly a pair of soft hands were on his arms lowering them. 

“Sorry,” Jessie said softly. “I’ll help.”

Callen looked at her face, which was now level with his. He saw the concern and worry in her eyes as they quickly glanced over his face. But there was something else too in them. Something he couldn’t quite place yet.

“Thought you weren’t coming in today,” Callen said. “Hetty told us you called in after a big night at the hospital to ask for the day off.”

A cloud of some emotion shifted in her eyes and Jessie transferred her gaze to his shirt which made it hard for Callen to tell what was going on. He’d be ready to call it pain or fear if he’d had a bit longer chance to see. He was grateful Jessie had a preference for her hair being pulled back because at least it meant she didn’t have that added shield and, if he was lucky, he’d get enough time to figure it out with another look.

“I did.” Jessie carefully worked his shirt off Callen’s arm on the side Sam hadn’t punched before shifting it over his head and down the other one. “Ouch.” Her words quiet, her tone worried. She reached for one of the ice packs she’d placed on the trolley beside her.

“Doc?”

Jessie still refused to look him in the eye. She took Callen’s right hand and got him to hold the ice pack against his ribs under his armpit where Sam had focused his punches.

“You’re lucky Sam knows what he’s doing. If he hadn’t held back…” Jessie trailed off.

“Doesn’t feel like he held back,” Callen muttered. That being said, he certainly didn’t want Sam to show him what not holding back would actually feel like.

Jessie’s fingers were gentle when she lifted his chin and started to clean up his eye and lip. Callen was sure her concentration was way more than necessary for such a simple task. And still she wouldn’t let him catch her eyes.

“What’s going on with you?” he asked gently. “Why’d you need the day off?” 

Jessie usually came in even when she had a late night at the hospital. She’d sleep on her couch in her office for a part of the day unless they needed her. It was one of the reasons Hetty had Jessie replace Nate’s brown leather couch with a much more comfortable one. It did double duty reasonably often.

Jessie eyes finally shifted to his; brown eyes that were unfortunately swirling with too much emotion for Callen to pin down exactly what was going on.

“I…” Jessie closed those eyes briefly. “Wasn’t up to it,” she admitted. “Long night and when Hetty told me about the case I didn’t think I was needed.”

“What happened?”

“Lost a few people.” Jessie didn’t expand and Callen didn’t ask for more details. He knew it wasn’t easy losing people you were trying to save, even if the way he tried to save them was different to the way she did.

Callen hissed when Jessie started on his lip. 

“Sorry,” Jessie murmured. Her touch eased even more.

“Nothing to be sorry about,” Callen assured her. 

Jessie held a small ice pack to his lip. “You should probably lie down and then you’ll have a free hand to hold this one on your eye for a few minutes.” She had a third ice pack in her hand.

“Not going to stay there and do it for me?” Jessie’s eyes flicked down at his comment and then went wide when she realised just where she was. Callen had been too focused on figuring out what was going on with her to even realise until this moment himself. Jessie had stood between his legs cleaning up his eye and lip. She stepped back, a blush already on her cheeks. She obviously hadn’t thought about the possibilities of their position. Not that there was anything going to happen but… Callen slammed the door shut before any more thoughts could form.

“Just lie down okay.” Jessie turned away and Callen did what he was told.

“Guess you were needed after all.” He hoped it would pull the conversation and thoughts from the previous comment.

“Guess so.” 

Callen watched Jessie rub the back of her neck and down her shoulder before she stretched it a little; the movements showed him there was more than her just being tired. He seen ‘just tired’ before. Jessie picked up a butterfly strip from the trolley. Her focus settled just above his eye as she placed the strip there.

“One of these should be enough,” she said. “It’s not too bad and I don’t think it will scar.”

“What’s one more?” Callen watched her carefully as he spoke. “No one will notice anyway.”

“I will.” 

Her response was so soft Callen only just heard it. He only did because of how focused on her he was. It was like the comment had slipped out, soft reactive words rather than deliberate. Jessie removed the small ice pack from his lip and handed him a larger one for his eye. She touched his lip carefully, her finger tentative as she pressed on it, avoiding the cut.

“Hurt much?”

“Not when you touch it.”

“Agent Callen please.” There was frustration in her tone. Obviously today wasn’t a great day for teasing or flirting, which reinforced what he already believed. It was more than a bad night at the hospital behind her mood.

“A little,” Callen admitted. “I’ve had worse.”

Jessie stepped away, binned the gloves and washed her hands.

“Doc.” Callen started to sit up.

“No.”

He stopped. 

“Stay down please.” She almost sounded like she was begging rather than telling him what to do. “Just a few minutes then you can go. I know you have things to wrap up.” 

Callen laid back down. He saw the relief in Jessie’s eyes that he’d followed her instructions this time. A knock on the door took Jessie’s attention from Callen, but he stayed put.

“Sam.” Callen heard Jessie’s voice and looked toward the door to see his partner standing there. 

“Brought G a change of shirt.” Sam handed the shirt to Jessie. “Figured a button up would be easier.”

“Thanks,” Jessie said. “He’ll be ready soon.”

“G?” 

Callen heard the concern in his partner’s voice. “I’m fine Sam.” He didn’t miss the look from Sam to Jessie, searching for confirmation. Callen smiled to himself at the trust Sam was showing in Jessie and wondered if she’d even see it. Given the distracted mood she was in Callen doubted it, which was a shame because it was something Jessie should see and know. 

“He’s fine,” Jessie assured Sam. “You did good, though it sounds very wrong to say.”

Sam nodded and, after a short but very thorough glance at Callen, walked away. Jessie closed the door and put the shirt on the end of the bed. She sat down at the computer.

“Doc,” Callen tried again. Jessie looked up and he continued. “Thank you. Definitely prefer this to the hospital.” 

She nodded but didn’t smile. Callen had had enough. This mood of hers was not right and he wanted her out of it, or at the very least he wanted to know what he was fighting.

“Come on,” Callen said. “Something’s up. I can tell, you know. Surely this isn’t that bad, especially considering last night.”

“It’s not that.” Jessie sighed, rose from the seat and walked toward him. “Not all that anyway. It just taking a little getting used to.”

“What is?”

Jessie shifted her gaze from him to a picture on the wall. Nice picture but nothing that required that intensive study.  Callen waited patiently for her to continue. He had learned that rushing Jessie usually had her backing off. More often than not when she paused before saying something it was mainly to get things straight in her head before she spoke; probably a very good trait for both doctor and psychiatrist. At least that was the majority of his experiences with her so far, aside from the few flat out not answering moments.

“I didn’t really think through this side of the job much,” Jessie told him. “Medical side is usually pretty impersonal in the ER.”

“You don’t want to do this anymore?” Callen fought against the disappointment that tried to settle with the idea of her not being here for them like this, and to talk to.

Jessie shook her head quickly. “No. It’s not that. Just…” She sighed again. “I’m used to my medical and psychiatry roles being very separate. Not used to treating both body and mind of my patients.”

Callen sat up carefully. Jessie’s hands were there quickly to help him though no protest was forthcoming about him moving. He put the ice packs down and managed not to wince when he shifted.

“Doc, we’re not your patients.”

“Yes you are.”

“No.” Callen sat a little straighter and caught her gaze. “We’re your co-workers. Your  _ team _ .”

Jessie stared at him and Callen could almost see the shift in her thoughts reflected in her eyes. “I …” She caught her bottom lip with her teeth briefly and then smiled. “I guess you are.” 

Now that she finally seemed to understand that, Callen was curious to see how things changed with her acceptance of the intricate relationships in this job and being a part of a team rather than someone helping from outside. It would certainly make some impact, though how he wasn’t sure.

Callen slid off the bed and reached for the shirt Sam had left for him. Jessie helped him get it on his arms and then her hands reached for the buttons. He caught them with his and her gaze lifted to his. 

“I’m good.”

Jessie stepped back quickly, a blush rising to her cheeks. “I was just…”

“I know.” She was just helping. There wasn’t anything to it but her standing so close with her fingers on the bottom button of his shirt didn’t quite seem ...right?

“Go home,” Callen told her. “Get some sleep.” Callen could see the protest in her eyes. “I promise,” he added before she could say anything. “I won’t get into any more fights … today.”

“Are you going to take it easy tonight?” Jessie asked. “Rest?”

“I’ll try, though,” Callen grinned. “You could always come over and tuck me in if you don’t trust me.”

That finally got the smile Callen was looking for and even another hint of colour to her cheeks. “Better,” he said. “Promise I’ll rest.” He headed to the door. He and Sam really needed to wrap things up if he was going to keep that promise.

“I hope so,” Callen heard Jessie murmur. He stopped and turned back to her.

“You too,” he said.

Callen waited. After a moment Jessie nodded and replied. “Promise.”


	8. Why don't you ask to talk about me?

* * *

Callen walked Nate out of the office to his car. It had been nice to have him back; a shame that it hadn’t been for Christmas. It felt like the team was whole again though Nate’s role was definitely different these days.

“So,” Nate said, “How’s Jessie working out for you?” The question was asked in an exceptionally casual tone; one Callen saw straight through. He knew Nate well.

“She’s fine,” Callen answered just as casually, his senses focused on Nate’s reaction.

“You talking to her?” Callen was impressed that Nate stayed relaxed after his brief answer.

“Of course.”

“Callen.” And there it was; the change of tone from relaxed to imploring. The old, non-agent, Nate coming through. “She’s here to help.” Nate knew him pretty well too.

“I know,” Callen replied. “And she is.” She was helping. Her insights into the minds of those they dealt with were helpful. She didn’t have the Operational Psychologist skills that Nate had but hers were useful in their own way and growing with the job. Medical wise, he was right up there, trusted her completely to fix him when he needed it. Preferred her to anyone else. No doubts. But as for letting Jessie anywhere into his head. He just wasn’t ready for that. There were still mysteries to solve, questions to be answered. He was taking his time with her, just like she was with them. She wasn’t the only one who had patience. 

“Let me guess,” Nate added, a hint of frustration in his tone, “You’re not talking to her.”

“Nate, I am.” Maybe not the way Nate would like but Callen wasn’t shutting her out completely. They stopped at the car and turned to face each other. Callen saw the earnestness in Nate’s expression. “It took me a long time to get you trained.” Callen smiled. “Give me a chance.” 

“Don’t take too long Callen. This job’s important to her.”

“Why?” How much did Nate know about Jessie?  Hetty had said they were acquainted and from Callen’s conversation with Jessie, she’d suggested they’d only meet a few times. Obviously though, those few times had left an impression on both of them.

“Why?” Nate repeated with a frown.

“She hasn’t really answered that question.”

Nate’s confusion cleared. “Meaning she has but you want more.”

“She’s holding back.” Callen was sure of that. One day he’d push for more but given that they all had their secrets as long as he felt confident that it wasn’t going to be detrimental to anyone in the team he’d let her keep them … for now. He’d get his answers one day, preferably sooner rather than later.

“Aren’t you?” Nate retorted. 

Callen almost smiled at Nate’s comment. It seemed Nate was definitely getting braver.

“She’s good,” Nate continued. “She’s got military experience with front line personnel. She cares.”

It felt like Nate was trying to sell him on her. Nate didn’t need to.

“I know that,” Callen replied.  He could see it in the little things Jessie did. The concern in her voice or the look in her eyes when she was worried about them in some way even if she wouldn’t push for them to talk. She always seemed to be around when a mission was done, just in case. If for some reason she wasn’t, and barring a shift at the hospital, Hetty would have her in the office within twenty minutes if any of them needed medical attention. Then there was the inspection look she had perfected; one she ran over all of them if she happened to be in the office when they returned after any outing. It was brief and thorough and one that wasn’t exactly 100% doctor of late. Her attitude had definitely shifted from outside to team orientated. Adding to all that there was the relief Callen had started to notice in Jessie’s eyes when that inspection showed no signs of injury. She definitely cared.

“What I don’t know is why?” Callen continued. “She said she had an encounter that made her change her mind from being an Emergency doctor yet she continues to do the ER work as well. How does she manage?”

“Because she needs to.”

It was that  _ need  _ word that caused Callen so much of an issue.

“That’s what worries me Nate,” Callen said. “Why does she  _ need  _ to do both? You didn’t.”

“Psychology vs psychiatry Callen. She put a lot of years into becoming a medical doctor. It’s what she wanted to be for a long time.”

“Yet one encounter was all it took to change her mind.”

“No,” Nate admitted and Callen’s curiosity jumped. The conviction in that one word from Nate told him Nate knew a lot more than a simple acquaintance would. “But it’s all it took to realise she had more to give.”

“What if she gives too much? What happens when the doctor breaks?” Callen had seen how tired she was after long nights in the ER already.  There had already been a couple of times that she’d slept most of the day away, and deeply enough that she hadn’t woken when he’d sat on the coffee table in front of her couch for a few minutes. Times when he’d sit and watch her sleep, free of her study of him, as he tried to figure out more of the puzzle that she was. To figure out just what it was about her that was drawing him in no matter how hard he fought it.

“She’ll have plans in place to prevent that,” Nate assured him confidently. “If she breaks though, and you can’t be there for her, give me a call.”

With that, Nate got into his car and left. Callen walked back to his desk wondering more about Jessie than ever before. Nate definitely knew more about her and Callen wished he’d had a chance to talk to Nate for longer, but Hetty had plans and Nate was already moving on. Callen sat down, flipped open his computer and before he knew it he’d typed in Jessie’s name and his finger hovered over the enter key. He’d avoided doing it so far, knowing that answers that you found on the internet weren’t always the truth but there was so much he didn’t know. 

_ I prefer to get to know someone without letting their reputations influence things. _

Her words played in Callen’s mind and his finger hit a key, but not enter. Delete.  Perhaps he should follow her advice and get to know his newest team member himself.

* * *

Callen watched her from the doorway of her office.

“Are you trying to claim that spot as your own?” The question took Callen by surprise. 

Jessie looked up and smiled. “You stand there a lot,” she added.

“Perhaps I like what I see.”

There was a slight raise of her eyebrow. “Perhaps you are afraid to come in,” she countered. There was a challenge in her tone. Callen pushed off the doorframe and walked into the room. He stopped near her desk but stayed standing.

“Not afraid, Doc. Still trying to figure you out.”

“I’ve told you before you’re welcome to ask questions.”

“Why did you become a doctor?” It was a start. Nothing too big and a question that just about anyone would ask. One Callen probably should’ve asked a long time ago. He decided he’d sit after all. Jessie’s gaze followed him until he was settled and then she answered.

“I wanted to make people better,” Jessie told him. “When I was young it seemed the logical choice. By the time I was old enough to understand the complications of becoming a doctor I was already passionate about it so the study and commitment involved didn’t put me off like others I knew. I thought I’d end up doing general practice but,” she shrugged,a smile on her lips as she did. “The ER had other plans for me.”

Callen suspected there was more of a story to it but for now he’d take what he could from her answer. Accept that it was something she really wanted to do; not expected, forced or for the money. Now came one of the questions that had been burning to be asked for a while.   
“When are you going to ask to talk about me?”

“I’m not,” Jessie said surprising him. “At least not until your psych evaluation.”

“Why not?” Callen wasn’t even sure when that would be. Jessie’s way of dealing with them was very different to Nate’s, at least at this point. “Isn’t that your job?”

“It is,” Jessie confirmed. She stood up and walked around the desk. She leaned her hip against it, her body relaxed. It wasn’t the same as the last time she’d been standing over him. There wasn’t a power play happening this time. If anything it was the opposite. Instead of keeping a desk between them she’d removed that barrier.

“But,” she continued, “I’m not about to beat my head against a brick wall.”

Callen’s eyebrows raised and Jessie smiled. “I’m under the impression you don’t like to talk, or share, particularly about yourself, especially with those in my field.”

“Not particularly,” Callen confirmed, though he was pretty sure he didn’t need to confirm anything. 

“I’m here Agent Callen, if you want to talk. But I’m not going to force you.”

“Yet you’ll talk to me about everyone else and leave the elephant in the room alone.”

Jessie laughed softly and the sound tugged on Callen’s smile.

“I wouldn’t describe you as an elephant,” she said, a definite twinkle of amusement in her eyes. “I can’t help you personally if you don’t talk to me about you.” Her tone turned serious. “However I can still help your team if you talk to me about them, which you do. That in turn does help you. So yes, I can do my job without talking to you about you, though not quite as effectively as I would like. But I’m not about to screw that up by pushing you.”

Callen rose from the seat, the motion putting him close to her, looking down slightly. “If I want to talk to you?” 

Jessie looked up into his eyes and said softly, “I’ll be here.”

Callen didn’t doubt that. The look in her eyes confirmed the words. He nodded, stepped back and walked to the door. He turned around when he reached it. 

“What if I don’t want it on the record?” Callen wasn’t quite sure why he asked it but the question was out of his mouth before he could stop it.

Jessie studied him for a moment before she answered.

“You know where I live.”


	9. San Voir/Endgame

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AU tag to episodes San Voir & Endgame.  
> Enjoy.  
> Let me know what you think.  
> Happy New Year.

* * *

 

Callen clamped his teeth together to stop him from losing it with Granger for the second time today. He clenched and released his fists a few times; hoped it would channel some of the anger and grief that he felt out of his body to allow him to focus. This whole Janvier thing was a disaster from the get go, even if they didn’t know it at the time. And now Renko and Hunter had paid the price. The sound of the door opening and closing had Callen turning toward the entrance to the boat shed. He frowned when Jessie walked in.

“Doctor Blake.” Granger said. “Good, you’re here.”

Callen rounded on Granger. “What’s she doing here?” he demanded. No. Granger couldn’t possibly be doing what Callen was thinking. Not after everything.

“I asked her to come. Her input will be invaluable.” Granger’s calmness and seeming inability to even register Callen’s issues with what he had done grated on every one of Callen’s nerves.

“No.” Callen shook his head, rage bubbled up inside him. His heart pounded in his chest, a tightness spread across his shoulders that when this was over would no doubt leave him with him with a pounding headache, that was if he survived. This was not happening; not on his watch. She was staying out of this. He’d make damn sure of it. “No, we don’t. She’s not getting involved.” Callen turned to Jessie. “Go. Now. Go and stay away until this is done.”

Callen saw the frown on her face, the concern strengthen in her eyes and the flicker of confusion.

“Agent Callen.” Granger’s voice was firm and authoritative but Callen didn’t care. “She’s stays,” Granger ordered.

Callen spun back to Granger. He saw the slight shift backwards on his feet that Granger made and Callen had no doubt the fury was clear on his face. “No.” Callen clenched his fists tight and held them at his side, afraid if he didn’t he’d end up punching his superior. A knocked out Granger wouldn’t be a good thing, unless you counted making it easy for Callen to keep Jessie out of this. “She goes,” Callen said. “She does not need to be here.”

“Any input on Janvier and his mental state will be beneficial.” Granger turned his attention from Callen and stepped closer to Jessie. “We’ll go in now.”

“No.” Callen stepped in front of Granger and blocked his path. “We know what kind of person he is. He’s a psychotic maniac intent on killing me and has no problem taking out anyone connected to me as well. Hunter and Renko are already gone. No more.”

Callen turned his back on Granger and focused on Jessie; the concern and worry now stronger in her eyes, perhaps even a touch of fear. He hated he’d put it there, hated that this had touched her. 

“Go. Stay away.” Callen didn’t want to say please. He wanted her to follow the order, not hear him begging because he knew that he was just a hair's breadth from doing just that. He hadn’t been able to keep Renko or Hunter safe. They’d paid the ultimate price. The rest of his team were already in danger. If he could just keep her safe, maybe he could redeem himself a little.

“She stays Agent Callen,” Granger ordered again.

Callen went toe to toe with Granger. “She’s the only one,” Callen said, his jaw tight, “I’m sure he doesn’t know about.” He was only sure about that because if Janvier knew about Jessie, she would’ve been one of the first targets.  Hunter and Renko were the ones who were the least close to him which meant Janvier had to be working his way in, rather than starting close; making him suffer and worry about those he cared about the most. A brief moment of doubt flicked through his mind because Jessie was closer than Hunter or Renko, but there was no way Janvier could know that. “She’s the only one,” Callen continued, “I don’t have to worry about. He’s taken. -” The touch on his arm stopped him; the warm seeping through his sleeve. His gaze flicked from her hand to her face.

“It’s okay Agent Callen,” Jessie said in that soft easy to listen to, comforting voice. There was concern and worry in it but something about her right now reassured him. Callen wasn’t quite sure why, or how, considering he was feeling anything but reassured regarding this whole situation but somehow she made him feel just a little bit of it. Callen opened his mouth to continue his protest but the shake of her head stopped him. Jessie smiled. “I’ll go,” she said.

Callen frowned. “You will?” His confusion was swift. He couldn’t understand why. He was glad she would, definitely, but Granger had given her an order. Admittedly so had he but Granger ranked higher. In theory Jessie didn’t even come under him.

Jessie nodded, her gaze still locked on his. “I will.” The look, her eyes holding his gaze and the positive tone to her voice sparked just a touch of hope in him.

“Doctor Blake, you will stay. That’s an order. This is your job.”

Though Jessie’s hand stayed on Callen’s arm, tightened just a touch, she turned her attention to Granger. Callen saw her body straightening which gave her just that little bit more height, saw the touch of hardness to her features when she looked at Granger. “Actually it is not,” Jessie’s voice was a firmer than Callen had ever heard it, even when she’d been ordering him and Hetty around that first day. “My job,” she continued, “is to take care of the mental and physical aspects of the team’s health.  _ That  _ is it. Consulting on cases is at my sole discretion.”

“You stay,” Granger repeated with more force than Callen felt appropriate. Callen shifted and put himself between them, a barrier protecting Jessie, though it was instinctive and he’d just done it without thought. By doing so her hand dropped from his arm, and with it that reassurance that he’d felt. He missed it immediately but it was back with her next words, and without her touch to reinforce it.

“No,” Jessie said. Callen shifted so he was side on to both Granger and Jessie; watched her as she continued. “I go. It’s in the best interests of,” her gaze landed on Callen for a lingering moment before it returned to Granger. “The team that I am not here. That  _ is  _ my job and you can check my employment contract with Hetty. I made it very clear in the conditions before signing.”

Jessie turned her focus back to Callen. “I’ll stay away.” 

Callen stared at her, not quite sure what to make of what happened. He knew it was big, important, but just how big he wasn’t able to comprehend with everything else in his head. He knew though that when this mess cleared up he would be work it out, assuming he made it out. 

Jessie smiled. “I promise,” she added before she turned and walked away. His eyes didn’t leave her until the door closed behind her.

* * *

 

Callen’s gaze fell on Jessie almost instantly when he walked into the office with the team. It was almost like he could sense her gaze on him and it had pulled his to her.  She was leaning against the wall and when she saw him straightened, took a few steps toward them before she stopped. Callen saw the way her eyes narrowed and flicked over him; that inspection look she had perfected taking in the visible injuries and more than likely trying to figure out what was hiding beneath.

“What are you doing here?” Callen asked when he was close enough.

“Where else would I be?” The worry in her voice, the slight hint of shadows under her eyes, had Callen wondering just how long she’d been waiting. She’d at least gone home once as she was wearing different clothes to when he’d seen her last at the boat shed.

“Home,” Callen said. “Anywhere. It’s Sunday.”

“Anywhere but the boatshed?”

“It’s safe.” She really had stayed away. Callen had heard Granger on the phone with Hetty demanding her return but it hadn’t happened. “Why are you here?” he asked again.

“In case you need - the team needed me.” 

That slip up told Callen who had been on her mind the most. He wasn’t entirely sure if she knew the full extent of what had happened. But given she was here and didn’t look upset with him, at least no more than normal when he got injured, he figured she knew something of what had gone down.

“Not ready to talk,” he said.

“Probably not,” Jessie replied, her tone accepting. “However it does appear that I have another one of you to patch up.” Callen saw the glance, and the narrowed gaze, that landed on Deeks bandaged arm.

Deeks lifted it and smiled. “All good. Don’t feel a thing.”

That brought a brief smile and a roll of eyes to Jessie’s face. “Liar,” she said good naturedly. “I’m good but I’m not that good.”

Jessie then turned her attention back to him. “Come on. Your turn.”

Callen followed. Considering the beating he’d taken he wasn’t going to argue. There was no talk between them as they walked, nor was there any as Callen shifted onto the bed and waited while Jessie gathered supplies. But there was a lot of thoughts running through Callen’s head. Thoughts about the mission mingled with thoughts about what she had done. 

Jessie started with cleaning the blood off his face, studiously avoiding looking him in the eyes. It didn’t stop Callen clearly seeing the worry in hers. There was no hiding it and he knew her looks well.

“Why?” Callen asked.

“Why what?” Even with the vague question her eyes didn’t flick to his.

“Why did you defy Granger the other day?” Callen wanted to know the answer; needed to know. Why had she taken his side over essentially her boss? Why had she felt it best not to be there? Why had she not wavered from her decision when Granger had gone to Hetty? Unless Hetty hadn’t told her about that. Except that somewhere deep inside Callen knew that even if Hetty had told her to go back, she wouldn’t. Because somehow, even with the little he knew about her, he knew well enough to know that when Jessie promised something, she meant it. 

Jessie paused in her actions of cleaning him up and looked him right in the eyes; held his gaze. “It was in the best interests of the team I wasn’t there.”

Callen saw that she believed that. But her idea of best interests had obviously differed from Granger’s.

Callen shook his head. “There’s more to it.”

Jessie went back to cleaning, her touch more gentle than before. She picked up the antiseptic and a cotton pad. “Trying to play psychologist?” she asked. Callen winced when she touched the antiseptic to his cheek.

“Sorry,” Jessie whispered. 

That whispered sorry, something she did every time he’d flinch or react to the pain of whatever she was doing to fix him, told Callen a lot about how much this part of the job was still hard for her. 

“Just trying to understand my newest team member better,” Callen replied after a slow breath and the sting had left. It didn’t matter she’d been with them a while, she was still a puzzle he was trying to figure out. He definitely had more of the pieces. He just hadn’t expected to need so many of them. Jessie moved onto his lip but there was no sting this time, not being as bad as the cheek.

“My job,” Jessie said, “is to look after the team’s mental health. The only way to do that is for all of you to trust me.”

“We do,” Callen admitted. And they did. Perhaps not with their deepest darkest secrets but they certainly trusted her and that she was there for them.

“Mostly,” Jessie said, confirming she knew there was still some degree of hold back. “The rest are closer than you, but none of you are fully there, or at least as fully as you can be.” She put down the antiseptic and took off the gloves she was wearing.

Callen wasn’t entirely sure any of them would ever be fully there with trusting someone else. He knew there were things Sam hadn’t told him and definitely things he hadn’t told Sam. The same went for the rest of them. Though as for Hetty, Hetty was on an entirely different scale of secret keeping to them all.

“I talk to you.”

Jessie smiled. “You do.” She nodded. “About them, missions, but not about you yet.”

Callen opened his mouth to speak but her finger was there; warm, soft and gentle as it rested there stopping his words.

“One day Agent Callen,” Jessie said, a soft smile hinted at on her lips as she spoke. “One day you will talk to me about you. But that won’t happen until you truly trust me. Between now and then I will do everything I can to earn it.” Her finger dropped from his lips and she stepped back. “One day you will feel safe enough to tell me about you.” Callen raised an eyebrow at her choice of the word safe. Jessie’s smile grew. “And it will come,” she added confidently. “And when it does, everything I’ve done to get to that point will be worth it. This was just one of those things.”

Jessie pushed the trolley away from the bed and turned back to him. “Shirt off.”

“Excuse me?” 

Jessie rolled her eyes. “Agent Callen.” 

Callen was really starting to hate that she called him that. It was definitely something he needed to fix. He was the only one Jessie wasn’t on a first name basis with and it had gone on too long. He was pretty sure that now it was more habit than trying to keep a certain amount of distance between them but how to change it, Callen wasn’t quite sure.

“You took a beating,” Jessie said. “The likelihood is it wasn’t just to your head. I need to check you over.”

Callen’s lips twitched as he tried to hide the smile. He peeled the shirt off, without help this time, even though everything protested. He heard Jessie’s swift intake of breath and, given that wasn’t her usual reactions to his injuries, figured it must’ve been more than she was expecting. Callen dropped the shirt to the side and glanced down. Multiple bruises all over his body, especially around the ribs. They must’ve given him more of a beating than he remembered. Callen glanced back to Jessie’s face. The worry was steadily rising in her eyes. She stepped closer.

“You just want to get your hands on my body,” Callen teased, hoping for an easing of it. There wasn’t a flicker of response to his comment.

“Damn,” he added. “She’s not blushing. Must be losing my touch.” Still nothing.

“Ouch,” Jessie said softly, the furrows in her brow deepening the more she looked. 

Her fingers ran gently over the bruises. One of them made him hiss and flinch, more from the shock of how much it hurt even though she wasn’t touching hard. Jessie’s hand jerked back back from his skin.

“Sorry,” she whispered. She moved to the freezer and returned with more than one ice pack. Callen was sure there was a touch of fear in her expression not just worry. “It’s not going to be easy to lie down, but it will be easier to get the ice packs in place if you can,” Jessie said. She put her hand on his back and helped ease him down onto the bed. 

Once there Callen took a shallow breath before he spoke.  “Is this so you can have your way with me?” This time the pink he’d been aiming for on her cheeks showed up. Callen smiled. “There it is.”

“Agent Callen please.” The worry was strong in her voice. “I’m not sure I shouldn’t be sending you to hospital. I’m yet to convince Hetty to put an x-ray machine in the budget.”

“Doc,” Callen said. “I’m good. I’ve had far worse.” He hoped the reassurance would ease her mind. Because he had had worse; many times.

“Not with me you haven’t,” Jessie murmured. 

Callen reached out his free hand that wasn’t holding the ice pack she’d placed on his side, the other one simply rested of its own accord on his ribs, and caught her arm gently. Jessie stilled at his touch and she looked at him.

“Doc, I trust you.” Callen held her gaze as he spoke, hoped she would believe him. “Don’t need a hospital. Just you.”

Jessie’s lips lifted a little but Callen wouldn’t call it a smile. She didn’t say anything as she moved the next ice pack to his cheek. Callen leaned into it, the coolness a relief against the pain that had to some degree been hidden by his concern for her and the rest of the pain from his body crowding his mind for recognition. Jessie placed a small rolled up towel behind it to keep it in place.

“I just hope nothing’s broken,” she said quietly, almost to herself. 

Callen watched her eyes flick over his chest and upper body again. He saw the brief pauses when she was obviously studying some injury on him.

“Just my heart if I can’t get you to smile again.” Callen saw the lips twitch along with the muscle in her cheek. He was close to getting it.

Jessie shifted the ice packs and placed her hands on his chest covering his ribs, one on either side. Her hands were gentle, soft and so much warmer than his skin after the ice. They felt really good and he almost sighed at the effect the warmth had.

“Breathe in slowly and as deeply as you can. Carefully,” Jessie instructed. She was avoiding his eyes again.

Callen did. He knew the drill and only winced a little which was a good sign, especially since he felt it had more to do with the bruise on the ribs that he’d flinched at before rather than anything from the inside.

Jessie frowned. “Any sharp pain?”

“No. Just dull and stronger the deeper I breathe,” Callen admitted honestly. As would be expected with bruised ribs. How one wasn’t broken he wasn’t sure. Lucky he guessed. 

“Good.” Jessie lifted her hands from him. He missed the warmth and comfort her hands had given him, the coolness of the ice packs she replaced them with gave pain relief but not comfort. “I don’t think there are any breaks,” she continued, “but if it gets worse you’ll be off to the hospital for a CT scan to make sure. Now.” Jessie looked at him sternly. “Stay put for a bit.” She stepped away and Callen shifted his head just a little so he could see her.

“Leaving me alone already?”

“No.” Jessie sat down at her desk and flicked on the computer. “Writing up your medical file.”

Callen saw her frown deepen and her expression grow more serious as she typed. He wanted that smile of hers back. “Going to put anything in about my chiselled features?”

Jessie ignored him, or tried. Callen didn’t miss the twitch of her lips.

“What about my six pack?” he tried again. Still nothing unless you counted her biting her bottom lip. Callen couldn’t see her eyes to be sure but he was pretty confident the smile was already in them.

“Come on Doc. Surely there’s something about me you like.”

“Yes.” Jessie finally lifted her head and looked at him. As he thought the smile was in her eyes though still a hint of worry but it was better than before. “I like it when you follow my instructions.”

“I am,” Callen said. “I’m lying here at your mercy but you’re not taking advantage.”

Jessie chuckled and Callen took it as a win because a smile always followed that sound.

“I highly doubt,” Jessie said, that smile Callen knew was coming on her face already, “You will ever be at my mercy Agent Callen.”

“Will you be at mine?” The question slipped out without thought, surprising him, especially with a tone much more serious than their conversation had been before. Perhaps it had been instinct rather than thought but whatever it was, it worked. Jessie blushed, smiled and the worry slipped from her eyes. Something else appeared but it disappeared before Callen could identify it and was replaced with amusement.

Jessie shook her head and rose from the chair. She took the ice packs from his body. She returned the ice packs to the freezer. “You can get up now, carefully,” she told him as she moved back to him. Callen eased his body upright carefully with her help, holding back any sound because he’d worked hard to ease that worry from her. “Don’t want one last look?” 

Jessie turned and raised an eyebrow, but he didn’t miss the gaze that dropped to his chest and the worry returned. He pulled his shirt on quickly, at least as quick as he was able to, hoping that his comment didn’t completely undo all of his hard work.

“Thanks Doc.” Callen slipped off the bed and held on for just a brief moment to make sure he was stable. Thankfully he was.

“It’s what I’m here for,” Jessie replied.

“Not just for patching me up,” Callen added. What she’d done for him at the boat shed. The concern. Everything. It was way more than just fixing a few injuries.

Jessie nodded and Callen saw in her eyes she understood what he was meaning.

“Now,” Jessie said, “you can go home and so can I. I’m assuming Sam is taking you home?”

“Reasonable assumption.” Why Callen felt a pang of regret that that was the case he wasn’t sure. Perhaps it had something to do with liking how she took care of him, which would take a hell of a lot for him to admit out loud to anyone. He knew with what he’d been put through being alone tonight wouldn’t be a good thing. That was probably why Sam wouldn’t simply drop him at his house. Sam would find some excuse to stay the night. That was if Sam didn’t just take him home to Michelle in the first instance. It would be something along the lines of making sure Callen ate and then there was probably some football match Sam was already tracking down to watch. Of course after that it would be too late for Sam to go home. A smile came to Callen’s lips. His partner might be tough and rough, but Sam definitely had the mothering thing going when needed.

Jessie reached for her bag that was hanging on the hook beside the door. “Keep up the ice packs,” she told him. “Breathing, pain relief. You know the drill.” She opened the door for them both. “Call me if it gets worse. I’m sure you’ll recognise the symptoms.” 

“I will,” Callen assured her.

They walked together toward the bullpen and stopped where the corridor to the exit started.

“Good night Agent Callen.” Jessie turned to walk toward the exit.

She was a few steps away when Callen called out to her.

“Doc.” 

Jessie turned around. 

“It’s G,” Callen said. Time to drop the formality. She’d more than earned it.

Jessie smiled. “Good night G.” She turned away and Callen shook his head. Oh no Doc. Not so fast. They weren’t done yet.

“Doc,” he called out again.

Jessie turned back. The slight raise of her eyebrow and an expression one might expect to see on the face of a parent whose child kept asking the same question over and over again, made him smile.

“What about you?” Callen wanted to know what she wanted to be called, from her, not just pick something. She frowned, a slightly confused look on her face. “What can I call you?” he added.

Understanding dawned on her face.  “Jessie, Jesinta.” Jessie smiled. “Apparently Doc works too.”

“Jess?” The smile left her face.

“No,” Jessie replied and Callen raised an eyebrow at the emotion conveyed in her eyes and with that one word. “Never Jess,” she added.

“Is there a story behind that?” Callen watched the emotion slip from her eyes. Pain, hurt, disappointment. It had been there for him to see easily for just a few moments.

“Yes.” Jessie started to move backwards down the hall. Callen tried not to smile. She looked like she was trying to escape.

“Will I ever hear it?”

After a moment she replied. “It’s possible. Good night … G.”

“Night Jessie.” Definitely felt right. Callen watched her walk down the hallway and out the door. There had been some major progress between them because of this case. A big step forward, one that had needed to happen but obviously needed something to prompt it. If there was one good thing to be had from this mission, then this was it.

“G?”

Callen turned and saw Sam was standing right next to him.

“You good?” Sam asked.

“Yeah Sam. I’m good.” At least as good as he could be considering what they’d put him through. Callen saw Sam glance down the corridor toward then exit and then back to him.

“You got a thing for Jessie?”

Callen straightened and winced at the tug on the bruises of his ribs.

“Thing?” He wasn’t quite sure what Sam was asking. Deeks and Kensi had a thing, at least as far as Deeks was concerned anyway. The jury was still out on what Kensi felt.

Sam didn’t say anything, just studied him the way Sam did occasionally that had Callen wondering if the big guy was taking lessons from Hetty on the side.

“No Sam,” Callen said. “I don’t have a thing for Jessie.”

“You sure about that?”

Callen shoved away the little thoughts and the memories of those teasing moments with her. No, there was not going to be a thing with her. He doubted there would be a thing with anyone, even if he had moments where he thought it would be nice to share his life with someone. This life he led, the uncertainty, danger, lack of his own history. It wasn’t the kind of life you wanted to put someone through who you cared about, not if you could help it. Love protected. It didn’t throw you into the path of dangerous enemies.

“Yes Sam,” Callen assured his friend. Sam wouldn’t like the truth, even if he could understand it. And since Sam would start on how he and Michelle had made things work if Callen went down that route, he gave his partner a diversionary answer. “You know me. I need the strong silent type. Not someone who wants to talk.” 

Not someone whose gentle voice could get him to talk if he wasn’t always on his guard when around her. He had secrets. Dark places he didn’t want to share with himself let alone someone like Jessie. Someone caring and sweet. Someone who, hopefully, hadn’t experienced anything resembling darkness. It was unfortunate that he suspected his hope wasn’t going to come true in that respect.

“Funny.” Sam’s voice pulled Callen from his thoughts. “I’d say she is the strong silent type. She spends more time listening than talking.”

Callen shook his head. “Sam. Not a thing. She’s a psychiatrist. She’d be the last person I’d fall for. She’s just…” Callen trailed off and looked back down the hallway to where he had last seen her.

“Winning your trust?” Sam filled in.

“Something like that.” Only it was more than trust. She had that. More than she thought she did he was sure. He wasn’t ready to let her in closer than she was; to get to know the Callen he kept tucked away from almost everyone else.

Sam chuckled. “Come on G. Let’s get you home.”


	10. Waiting for Them

* * *

 

It was just after ten pm when Callen walked through the doors and down the corridor with Sam. The last few days on this mission with Sam had been hellish, but they’d made it out. He was achy and tired but being back in Los Angeles, breathing that fresh California air, had taken the tiredness right out from him. They were home. They were safe and the mission had been a success. Though it had been close more than once. They’d come straight to the office on Hetty’s request for a quick debrief before she was giving them a couple of days off to recover from the mission. They detoured to the bullpen to drop their bags before heading to Hetty’s desk.

“G.” 

At Sam’s quiet call Callen turned. Sam tilted his head to the couch and Callen shifted his gaze. Jessie was asleep there, a blanket pulled up halfway, one hand tucked under her cheek.

Callen frowned and turned back Sam giving his partner a questioning look. Sam shrugged and Callen followed him, with a brief look back at Jessie first, to see Hetty.

“Why’s Jessie here?” Callen asked Hetty as he sat down in one of the most comfortable places he’d sat in days.

“She wanted to be here when you returned.”

“Why?”

Hetty looked at Callen over her glasses. “I suspect you will get a more accurate answer if you ask her yourself. Firstly, tell me what I need to know.”

Callen and Sam took turns in filling Hetty in on the pertinent details, the rest would come in the mission report, though Callen’s mind still lingered on the woman sleeping on his couch. Technically it wasn’t his but he’d always thought of it that way considering the number of times, especially in the past, that he’d slept on it. Seeing her lying there, where he’d slept more than times than he could count, sent a strange something through him. He pushed the feeling, and thoughts connected with it, aside and focused on what Hetty needed to know.

When they were done Callen rose and headed to the bullpen. Sam grabbed his bag, nodded at Callen and headed off, no doubt eager  to get home to his family. 

Callen leaned against one of the pillars and watched Jessie sleep. She was definitely getting to him. He trusted her more than he thought he would, not just medically. She’d defied Granger, shown him he and the team were who she was there for, that their best interests came first. Not upper management.

Callen moved closer and crouched down beside her. He studied her face. Eyelashes that rested on her cheeks that were just a shade darker than her hair. Cheeks just slightly pink, ones he knew could deepen in a moment with  the right words or even a look from him. He’d missed that these last few days, that little touch of fun she brought out in days that were usually so intense with life and death moments. The features of her face were peaceful and soft in sleep, yet Callen still couldn’t shake the feeling that all was not peaceful and easy about her life. The little flickers of emotion in her eyes in various conversations still bothered him. He just wasn’t sure how much he wanted to push to find out what that was. He’d tried to block it from his mind, to let himself believe, at least until he knew for sure, that her life had been happy and good, but he couldn’t.

A strand of hair had come loose and drifted across her cheek. Callen reached out and carefully lifted it off her face. The softness of it surprised him, possibly because she always had it pulled back and softness wasn’t exactly what came to mind when he thought about her hair. His fingers lingered on it for a moment, rubbed it slightly between them before he set it back off her face.

Jessie’s breathing shifted. Callen pulled his hand back quickly and watched her blink a few times before her eyes opened and she looked up at him.

“G.” Her voice was warm and welcoming as was the small smile that lifted at the corner of her mouth. “You’re back.”

“Safe and sound.”

Jessie yawned and her eyes drifted close a little before she blinked again.

“What are you doing here Doc?” Callen kept his voice low, knowing how loud things could seem in the quiet of the office this late at night.

“Wanted to make sure you were both okay.” Jessie pushed herself up into a seated position. 

Callen rose to his feet. “Hetty could’ve told you that.” 

“Needed to see for myself.” 

Callen wanted to ask why but didn’t. He just enjoyed the warmth that her answer had spreading through him and, for once, didn’t try to figure it out. There’d be plenty of time for that later if he really had to, or perhaps more to the point allowed himself to. Instead Callen held out his hand. Without any reluctance Jessie put her hand in his and he pulled her to her feet.

“Right here,” Callen told her. “Can look all you want.”

Jessie laughed softly, that familiar twinkle in her eye appearing at the flirting. A yawn interrupted it, disappointing him. After the few days he and Sam had had, it was nice hearing something so … Callen couldn’t think of a word to describe it. Pleasant seemed boring. Safe not quite right. Happy perhaps was the closest but even then it wasn’t the word he was really looking for.

Jessie tilted her head to look up at him, more than she normally had to given she didn’t have her shoes on.

“Seriously, are you and Sam okay?” Jessie glanced around him, a frown appeared.

“Sam’s gone home but we’re both fine.” Callen assured her. “No injuries for you to take care of this time.”

The frown disappeared. “Good.” Jessie reached for the blanket, folded it and put it back on the couch. Her shoes were back on her feet when she turned back to face him, almost his height again. She smiled. “Welcome home. Good night.”

Jessie started to move around him but Callen reached out and put his hand on her arm. She stopped.

“Wait. I’ll drive you home,” Callen said.

“I’m fine.” Jessie yawned again.

“Mmm hmm.”

The look Jessie gave him made him smile. Another thing he’d been lacking these last few days.

“I’ve just woken up G,” Jessie told him firmly, or as least as firmly as the still slightly sleepy note in her eyes and voice allowed her to. “Give me a few minutes and I’ll be fine. It’s not like I haven’t slept.” Her eyebrows rose. “Or just spent the last twenty odd hours in transit and most likely didn’t sleep.”

“I slept.” Or at least he’d drifted. They hadn’t been the most comfortable flights but they’d got them out of where they shouldn’t be and home quicker, with much less notice than regular flights.

“Yeah right.” Jessie’s eyes rolled and there was definite disbelief in her tone. “I’m the one who should be taking you home.”

Callen grinned, the opening so wide he just couldn’t resist. “You can take me home anytime you want Doc. Just ask.”

Callen saw the flicker of amusement in her eyes, pleased she still enjoyed the flirty banter between them. He did occasionally wonder if he might be pushing the boundaries a little. Given how she’d stood up to Granger  though, standing up to him and telling him to stop should be easy, so he took that as another sign she was okay with what was between them.

Jessie stepped a little closer and studied him. “G I’m being serious.” The amusement gone, the tone of her voice reinforcing her words. “Are you okay to drive?”

“I’m fine Jessie. Not tired.” Callen didn’t need a lot of sleep to function though he wasn’t sure Jessie knew that about him yet. He shifted and slid an arm around her shoulder and guided her out the bullpen toward the exit.

“G.” 

Callen could hear the protest in just that one little word. He pushed open the door and moved toward them his car. “Let me,” he said. He felt the rise and fall of her shoulders with the deep breath she took before she stopped them.

“Thank you,” Jessie said, her face tilted up to his, the moonlight reflected in her eyes. “But I have my car G. You should be getting home, not driving in the opposite direction.”

Callen didn’t understand this need he felt to take her home, make sure she was safe. He had no doubts she could drive but he just didn’t want her to, not tonight, not this late. It made no real sense to him and he wasn’t ready to delve into the why so he nodded and walked her to her car instead. He watched her drive away, narrowly holding himself back from getting in his car and following, just to be sure.


	11. First time in the Hospital

* * *

 

Callen drifted awake, the steady beep that reached his ears jogged his memory and reminded him where he was. He blinked to clear his vision and the first thing, after the stock standard white hospital room, he was able to focus on was the deep auburn hair pulled back at the base of her neck in the bun she favoured. Jessie stood by the window, her arms wrapped around her waist as she stared outside.

“Doc?”

Jessie spun around. “Hi.” 

Callen’s gaze followed her as she moved quickly to his side. Jessie’s eyes flicked between the machines and him. It was like she couldn’t decide which one she wanted to look at most. Even in his groggy state Callen could see her concern.

“Not worried about me are you Doc?” he asked in what he hoped was a casual tone, though his scratchy voice wasn’t likely to help. “Take more than a little bullet to rid of me.”

“Stop talking like that.” 

Callen gave his head a little shake, hoped it would clear because there was a hell of a lot more worry in Jessie’s tone than there should be. And a touch of fear if he wasn’t mistaken, which admittedly was entirely possible since he’d just come to after surgery. His injury though wasn’t bad enough to warrant that kind of reaction. 

The door opened before Callen had a chance to respond and Jessie glanced toward it quickly. Sam was already through the door by the time Callen had pulled his gaze from Jessie to see who was coming in. Callen saw Sam frown when he looked at Jessie.

“Jessie?” Sam’s gaze flicked to Callen briefly though long enough for Callen to see the relief come to Sam’s eyes. “Thought you were going home.” 

Jessie didn’t answer. 

“You didn’t go home did you?” Sam added.

Callen watched Jessie carefully. She shrugged and kept her gaze averted from both of them. She moved to the bottom of the bed and picked up Callen’s chart, something he was sure she probably knew word for word and number for number by now. She was hiding from them; in plain sight perhaps, but she was definitely hiding something.

“I told you he’d be fine,” Sam said.

“He got shot Sam.” The concern and the worry was still too strong. That touch of fear was there too; he’d hadn’t been mistaken after all. There was something more going on with her, more than just him getting hurt.

“Been shot before,” Callen told Jessie.

Jessie turned on him and the emotion Callen saw in her eyes was nothing short of fierce. “Can you please try not to do it again?” Her words tumbled out; a firmness to the request, a desperation to it, that Callen had no idea where it had come from. It wasn’t his first bullet wound with her. Wouldn’t be his last.

“You know,” Callen said, “I would’ve come to you if I’d been give a choice. Hate hospitals.”

Jessie’s arms crossed in front of her chest and she averted her eyes. “Even if you had,” she said, “you’d still be in here. You needed surgery.”

“Jessie,” Callen kept his voice gentle. What he wouldn’t give to be able to stand up, go to her and put his hand on her chin. Lift it to make her look at him, not let her turn away so he had more of a chance to see what was in her eyes; to figure out what was going on. “It’s not much more than a flesh wound.” 

Okay so it was a small damn bullet that didn’t have the decency to go all the way through and had lodged in his arm. Nothing major damaged and he’d be fine but it still had to come out. Thankfully it wasn’t his dominant arm.

“How come they didn’t kick you out during the night?” Sam asked Jessie. That piece of information told Callen Jessie had most likely arrived not long after they had; and that it was now morning. It would explain why Jessie looked tired and her hair was a little less than perfectly pulled back in that bun of hers. The soft wispy bits that had escaped, he guessed, were from where she had slept. A glance around the room made him wonder just where that had been.

“There are benefits to being a doctor Sam,” Jessie said. “Sometimes the rules can be bent.” Before Sam could respond his phone rang and he left the room to answer it.

“Go home and get some sleep Jessie,” Callen told her. “I’ll be outta here by the end of the day.

Jessie turned to him after his comment from her resumed study of his monitoring machines. Her eyes were wide and Callen could already see the protest forming on her lips, for what he wasn’t sure but he cut it off quickly before she could voice it. 

“You know,” he said, “I could be out of here by lunch with just a little help from you.”

Jessie raised her eyebrows. “How exactly do you think that would happen?”

Callen gave her a lopsided smile, the kind that usually had suspicion, and a spark of amusement, forming in her eyes, but not today. “If I had my own personal doctor vouching that she’d watch over me constantly I’m sure they’d let me go.”

Jessie didn’t smile at all. Her voice was soft, barely audible except that the room was so very quiet, just the beeps from the machines. “Why would I do that when I’d rather you stay in for a couple more days?” 

Jessie turned and left the room before Callen could figure out a response. The door had barely closed before it opened again and Sam walked in. 

“G, what’d you do to Jessie?”

“Nothing. But there’s something going on.” If Sam was asking him that question then he’d noticed something too when she’d walked out of the room just now. “I know when someone’s holding back.”

“You should,” Sam said. “You’re an expert.” The frown on Sam’s face deepened. “What happened?”

“You and I both know this,” Callen tilted his head toward his arm, “isn’t worth staying in for more than a night at the most. Why would Jessie want me to stay for a couple of days?”

“A couple of days?” 

Sure it was going to hurt for a while, take some time to heal but certainly not a couple of days in hospital kind of healing. It wouldn’t keep him off the job for more than a week. A few days if he could convince whichever doctor was supposed to sign off on him going back to work at his desk early. He mentally noted that he probably shouldn’t ask Jessie.

“Yeah.”

“You really think she’s hiding something?” Sam asked.

“She is.” That much Callen was confident about.

“Let me guess,” Sam said with a knowing twinkle in his eye. “You’re gonna find out what.”

“Oh yeah.” This time Callen wasn’t going to let it go. This time he intended to find out what was going on in his Doc’s head and get to the bottom of one of the mysteries she’d left him with.

* * *

Later that day, in the early evening, Callen knocked on Jessie’s apartment door. He was feeling a little wonky but, in general, he was pretty okay considering everything. He’d promised Sam he’d be fine with Jessie. After all, who better to watch over him tonight than a doctor. Even with that Sam hadn’t wanted to leave Callen until he was settled in Jessie’s apartment but Callen knew her well enough that if Sam stayed there was no way he’d find out what was bothering her. She’d have his partner on her side so quickly that Callen would be back in the Challenger beside Sam with even more orders than the hospital had sent him home with. After Sam made a quick call to Eric, with an added plea from Callen, Eric had checked where Jessie’s phone was. She was home, at least her phone was and Callen suspected she was the kind of person who wouldn’t leave home without it. Between her two jobs it would be essential to be accessible in case she was needed. So Sam had reluctantly agreed to leave but Callen had waited until he was sure Sam was out of building before he’d knocked.

Jessie opened the door. Her eyes went wide and she stared at him. “What are you doing out of hospital?” she demanded.

“Prefer you,” Callen responded and took a step toward her and the open door. Jessie stepped back quickly and he walked through relieved that she hadn’t closed the door in his face.

“G, what are you doing here? Where’s Sam?” 

Just as Callen had known she would, Jessie slipped into that caring mode of hers and was beside him, her arm on his as she guided him to the side of couch that would give him something to rest his injured arm on. She’d more than likely already run that inspection look over him and if he hadn’t been so focused on getting through the door he probably would’ve seen her do it.

“I’m fine,” Callen assured her once he was seated. “Sam’s on his way home.”

“Sam dropped you here?”

Callen nodded and the world shifted just a tad. He settled back into the couch and hoped the movement would cover anything that he’d done with that nod that would give away what he was feeling. The hospital had told him he’d need to eat, sooner rather than later but he’d refused the options there. He’d never liked hospital food. He’d had too much of it and if there was a chance to avoid it, he’d take it. He just hadn’t thought the sooner would be quite this soon. Callen heard Jessie sigh, one that could only be interpreted as exasperated. He opened his eyes, wondered briefly when exactly he had closed them, to see her disappearing into what was the kitchen just off the living area. As much as Callen wanted to take a look around her apartment, it was the first time he’d actually been inside, his eyelids were a touch heavy and he let them close while he listened to the sounds of her moving about. He knew he’d made the right call not being alone, not that Sam would’ve let him anyway, no matter how much Callen hated being in need of help. The first twenty four hours after he’d been under were usually a bit hit and miss as his body recovered. He just wasn’t sure if he was pushing his luck having come to her. Except Callen wanted answers and if he waited, he wasn’t sure Jessie would give them to him. Callen suspected playing the injured party would get him answers easier and, if he had to do that, now was definitely the best time.

The sound of a plate being placed on the table in front of her couch had his eyes popping open. Jessie looked down at him for a moment before she sat as well. 

“Sit up,” she told him firmly, “and eat and so help me if you faint I’ll take you back to the hospital and make sure they don’t let you out for a week.”

“I don’t faint.” Even if he felt like it was a possibility right now. Callen shifted carefully and focused on keeping control of his movements as he reached for the plate. Thankfully the world stayed still.

“Yeah,” Jessie said, her tone disbelieving. “Tell that to the pale reflection you’ll see if you can make it to a mirror.”

He had to smile, not just at her sarcasm but at what she had brought him to eat. She hadn’t just thrown together a sandwich for him. She’d pretty much covered all the food groups, the caring doctor in her shining through in the simple little things. There was a sandwich, just ham and cheese, cut into two. Obviously done keeping in mind he only had one hand to eat with. Grapes, carrot sticks and a boiled egg on the side. Sitting right on the edge, a small slice of chocolate brownie. Out of curiosity Callen reached for the brownie first to test her reaction.

“No.” Jessie’s response was quick, or Callen’s movements were slower than he thought. “Don’t make me eat it. The rest first.”

Callen didn’t want to push his luck. He could smell the chocolate and it was already making his mouth water so, being good, he picked up the sandwich instead. Before he took a bite he turned his head to her. “What about you? Have you eaten?”

“I’m fine. You eat then we talk.”

“About what?” Callen kept his tone innocent.

Jessie rolled her eyes and he couldn’t help the smile that formed at the exasperated look on her face, mostly likely one that reflected her earlier sigh.

“Whatever it is,” Jessie said, “that has you here instead of at the hospital or with Sam.”

Jessie’s look shifted to one that dared him to contradict her. Callen couldn’t without lying, and that was something he found he didn’t want to do with her. Deflect yes. Flat out lie? That was where he hit a bump in the road, odd considering it was essentially part of his job description. He turned his attention back to his food.

* * *

“So?” Jessie prompted just as soon as Callen had put the last bite of brownie in his mouth. She reached for the plate that was still on his lap and put it on the table.

Callen settled back against the couch. His arm was more than throbbing but he wasn’t about to admit it.

“Where are they?” Jessie asked.

“Where are what?” Callen turned his head to look at her. There was a knowing look on her face.

“The painkillers the hospital sent you home with.” The sternness in her look increased. “The ones you don’t want to take but need to.”

“I …” There wasn’t much point in denying it. Jessie obviously saw something in his face and she’d know exactly what the hospital would’ve sent him home with. “Pants pocket.”

“Then I suggest you get them out.” Jessie rose from the couch. “I’ll get you a glass of water.”

“What if I need your help?” 

Jessie turned and looked at him. A slight raise to her eyebrows. Hell, he really should take something because the pain was affecting his ability to filter his words and since he wanted her to talk he really shouldn’t be messing around, even if she was fun.

“Neither they,” Jessie said firmly, though he was sure there was a twinkle of amusement in her eyes, “or you will have put them in a pocket you can’t reach with your good arm so don’t even try.”

Callen instinctively responded to the amusement in her eyes. “Worth a shot.”

Her lips twitched in a half smile. “What would you have done if I’d actually helped?”

“Told you the wrong pocket.” It was out of his mouth before his brain had a chance to apply any kind of filter.

Jessie shook her head and moved toward the kitchen. Her soft laugh reached his ears and sighed quietly in relief. She was laughing; that had to be a good sign.

“You are trouble Agent Callen,” she called out before he heard the sound of a glass gently clinking with another.

“G,” he called back loud enough for her to hear. 

“Behave and I’ll go back to it.” 

Callen heard the tap start to run. She walked back in a few moments later with the glass. He had his pills ready by then.

“See,” Jessie said. “You didn’t need my help.”

“Don’t you know Doc, need and want are too very different things.”

“Take the pills G,” Jessie ordered.

Callen swallowed the whole glass of water to get the pills down and keep his mouth occupied before he said anything else that would get him into trouble.

“Why are you here?” Jessie asked when Callen had put the glass on the table.

He turned slightly so he was facing her better, careful where he rested his arm. 

“Why would you want me to spend a couple of days in hospital for this?” 

Callen figured, given the way he wasn’t sure what would come out of his mouth right now from his pain addled brain, he’d better stick with concentrating and asking her straight out otherwise the conversation could end up who knew where. Answers tonight were too important.

Jessie turned her head from his direction to face straight ahead.

“Don’t do that Doc. Don’t turn away.” Callen said it softly, more as a request than a demand. “Can’t see your eyes.”

“Why do you need to see my eyes?” 

“That’s where I can tell if you are telling me the truth.”

Jessie turned back to him, a frown creasing her brow. “You don’t trust me?” 

Callen saw the flicker of uncertainty in her eyes. “I trust you,” he assured her. “I also trust that you will likely try and avoid answering.”

Jessie settled back into the couch, her head tilted toward him, her eyes closed as she took a breath.

Callen chuckled. “Not that way either.”

Jessie opened them and Callen saw what he wanted to see. An openness and honesty in them. She would tell him the truth. Maybe not all of it but the words that were about to come out would be truthful.

“There was a patient.”

“ER or head?” he asked.

“Head. He came to see me the day after he’d been shot. Exactly what the FBI would want to make sure his head was in the right place so he could get back out there quicker.” There was hint of something in her voice and her eyes and it made Callen wonder if this was part of her reason for leaving the FBI. Some of those in management had their eyes on the prize more than on their agents and pushed to have them back in the field as soon as they could rather than as soon as they should be.

“So I did good coming to you?” Callen asked, just to distract her a little from the worry that had formed in her eyes.

“You didn’t come for the right reason,” she told him.

“Yeah I did. Just not the one you’re thinking.” Callen came to find out more about her. To make sure she was okay and to slot a piece of the puzzle in place rather than leaving it on the board waiting among all the others. Yes, technically he had also come to have her watch out for him, but that wasn’t the main reason. Sam was more than capable of filling that role, had done it many times before.

“I told him he needed to go back to the hospital,” Jessie continued. “He shouldn’t have been let out. He told me he was fine, that the hospital had released him. He got angry, stood up and then collapsed.”

“The hospital hadn’t told him he could leave had they?”

Jessie shook her head. “No. He’d signed himself out, without the proper meds to take.”

“Was he okay?”

“Eventually. It took a while to fight the infection and then he had to learn to shoot with the other hand. His arm was never the same.”

“I have antibiotics,” Callen assured her. He reached into his pocket and pulled them out. “I just don’t need to take them until later tonight. I promise they said I could leave.”

“You know I can check right?” Jessie reached for the pills and gave a quick glance at the instructions before she set them on the table.

“Go for it,” Callen told her.

Jessie stared at him for a moment before she smiled. “I believe you.”

“Why did you want me to stay in longer?” Callen asked. She’d told him plenty but the actual details of why she wanted that hadn’t quite made it.

“His wound wasn’t a big deal,” Jessie told him, “yours is worse, but something had gotten into it. The infection set in quick and it was a bad one. He hadn’t been in long enough to get more than the first dose of antibiotics. Since he hadn’t taken any medication with him…” She trailed off but Callen understood. A bad infection could take hold very quickly if left untreated.

“It’s not gonna happen. I’m fine, Doc.”

Jessie smiled but there was a hint of sadness to it. “That’s what he said too.”

“He called you Doc? Thought that was all mine.” Callen saw the catch of her lip by her teeth; definitely her trying to stop a smile. He lifted his gaze from her mouth to her eyes and smiled. Much less worry in them and the sadness was gone.

“Much more formal version than you,” she told him.

“Are you going to send me back?” Callen asked, seriously because given what she’d just said, added to what he knew about her, he could understand why she would want to. Her worry of history repeating itself, his reputation for not following doctor’s orders and the care she showed them as a co-worker could account for most of her reaction. But there was still more she hadn’t told him; because while the worry and concern had been explained, the fear and desperation that he’d seen and heard was still a mystery. That had been entirely too personal a reaction. When something was personal, Callen knew it could be hard for the logical side to be in control. He wasn’t sure though if tonight was a good time to push to find out more. She’d given a lot with what she had said so far.

Jessie shook her head. “No. I overreacted. I’m sorry.”

“You care about,” there was the slightest pause as Callen thought which word to use. “Us?” Their eyes locked and a seriousness hung between them. 

“I do,” Jessie agreed. “Don’t want anything to happen ... to any of you.”

Callen blinked and shifted to break the look between them. Too serious. He wasn’t pushing any further tonight. One step at a time.

“Then I guess you’d better watch over me tonight.” Callen made sure there was a hint of teasing in it to push that serious vibe right out the window. 

“Mmm hmm.” Jessie smiled. “You get what you were aiming for all along.”

“Nah,” Callen shook his head, and yes thank you, the world didn’t shift in any way other than it was supposed to this time. “I was aiming for an early release. Had to do all my time because someone,” he gave Jessie a stern look, “wouldn’t help.”

“Yet I still end up with a patient on my couch,” Jessie replied, the spark of amusement back in her eyes.

“Not your patient. Team member,” Callen reminded her before a yawn took him by surprise. His arm wasn’t feeling so bad anymore but his head was feeling very heavy.

Jessie rose from her spot on the couch and moved to the end where she lifted a blanket and pillow from the basket there. “Here,” she said softly. “Get some sleep. I’ll wake you for the antibiotics later.” 

Callen shifted carefully as she put the pillow under his head and draped the blanket over him. “You seem prepared for visitors,” he murmured.

“Not visitors. Nights when I’m too tired to get off the couch.” Jessie smiled down at him. “Sleep well, G.”

Callen’s eyes were too heavy to keep open and her smile was the last thing he saw before they closed. He heard her move to the kitchen then the sound of soft footsteps down the hall to where he assumed her bedroom was. He felt guilty that he’d banished her from her own lounge room but it didn’t last long as the slight smell of something familiar made its way into his senses from the pillow and the blanket. He just couldn’t place it and was too tired to do anything more than to wonder why it made him feel comforted before sleep claimed him.


	12. Panic in the armoury

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not exactly a fluffy flirty chapter, but an important one in their relationship regarding trust and Callen learning more about Jessie. A bit longer between updates than I'd hoped but I really needed to find the quiet time to make sure the little things in this chapter were there.
> 
> Hope you enjoy and love to know what you think.

* * *

 

Callen heard Jessie's laugh even before he saw her. He turned his head toward the entrance to the armoury as the sound of it, and footsteps, got closer. Jessie was still laughing softly when she walked in with Deeks and, as always, that laugh of hers pulled at his smile. Callen saw Jessie's focus shift to the room.

And suddenly everything changed.

Gone was the laughter and smile in an instant. Callen swore it looked like Jessie had run into a brick wall. Her footsteps stopped and then she almost stumbled backwards a couple of steps. The whole room heard her gasp.

"Jessie?" The concern in Deeks' voice was at odds with the cheerfulness of just moments before. Callen's eyes locked on Jessie but he still saw Deeks shift closer to her. Jessie backed away, eyes wide and the colour gone from her cheeks. Callen saw her eyes flick rapidly between the numerous guns that were in various states assembly after the cleaning task Hetty had set them on. He took in the stiffness to her body, the erratic rise and fall of her shoulders and chest with a brief glance before he focused back on her face. Whatever this was it was not good. It was very bad.

Jessie jerked her head from side to side. "I…" Her eyes were no longer shifting but had settled on the hand guns in front of Callen.

"Jessie?" Callen stood and moved toward her. He shifted deliberately between her and the guns which managed to get her attention onto him. Her gaze lifted to his and Callen saw the panic and fear in her eyes.

"I'm sorry," Jessie whispered before she fled.

"What was that about?" Deeks asked. There was a murmur of a similar answer from everyone; the general consensus being no idea.

Callen had already walked past Deeks on his way to follow Jessie when Deeks had asked the question.

"Don't know," was Callen's reply. "About to find out." He came across Kensi just after leaving the armoury. "Did you see Jessie?"

Kensi pointed. "That way," she said. "Is she okay?"

Callen didn't answer. He picked up his pace and tracked her to the gym.

The sound of her ragged breathing echoed around the empty room. So did her voice.

"Breathe," Callen heard her tell herself.

The rise and fall of Jessie's shoulders was just as uneven as it had been when she'd left. Callen heard the repeated instruction and saw the clenched fists by her side. He moved close but, not wanting to scare her, didn't reach out to her. Whatever was going on though, this time there wouldn't be a reprieve. He needed to know because quite frankly what had happened just now had Callen a tad more worried than he liked to be about his favourite doctor.

"Jessie." His voice was quiet and gentle but it didn't stop her startled reaction. Jessie jumped, turned and took a step back before she stopped. Those brown eyes of hers were wide and filled with panic, fear and pain. Callen stepped a fraction closer because the last time he'd seen someone that pale, they'd fainted at his feet. "You okay?" His muscles were tense, ready to move at the slightest hint she was heading to the floor.

"Will be." There was a breathlessness to her voice. Callen watched as Jessie closed her eyes and took a slow yet decidedly shaky deep breath. It shuddered more than he liked. Adding to the paleness and the emotions in her eyes there was also had a sheen of sweat on her skin. Callen reached out carefully, aware that he was taking a risk but he needed to know how bad things were. He gently rested his hand on her neck; small mercies she didn't flinched or jump at his touch. The soft skin was clammy and the pulse he could feel pounding in her neck far too strong and far too rapid.

"What happened?"

Jessie's eyes popped open wide at his question. "Noth -" She stopped abruptly. Callen raised an eyebrow and dropped his hand. Jessie sighed.

"If I'm not mistaken," Callen said quietly, "that was a panic attack." He'd witnessed them, had a few himself after difficult times.

"Not mistaken."

Jessie turned away and Callen watched her head to spot at the wall where she slid to the floor and rested against it. Callen could see the attempts she was making to get her breathing under control. He followed, sat next to her, close enough to be side by side with his arm resting just against hers and waited patiently.

"I have a problem with guns." Jessie's voice was still shaky.

"Kinda noticed," Callen replied. That part wasn't hard to tell. Why she did and why it was such an extreme reaction was what he wanted to know. "Not exactly in the right line of work if you do."

"I'm in the right line of work. I can usually avoid them."

Callen's mind ticked over everything he knew about this woman beside him; the things he knew, the things he didn't, and the experiences he'd had with her.

"This is why you aren't in initial briefings, isn't it?" There was an exceptionally high probability that gunfire would be included in whatever was shown on the screen. He remembered her flinches, the way she hadn't looked at the screen and the paleness to her complexion from the one time he'd gotten her in there and a twinge of guilt settled.

Jessie nodded.

Callen gave her a chance to add more but when she didn't he asked, "What happened?"

Her response was quick and not at all what Callen was expecting. Jessie's eyes flew open and locked on his. Her breath halted and then increased rapidly, the question having killed the control she'd just regained. He saw the panic flaring again.

"Jessie, breathe," Callen said firmly. She did, her eyes stayed locked on his as she fought her breathing again.

"Short version," she eventually said, "I was eight when my parents were shot and killed at home."

Callen saw the tears almost overflow in her eyes. That had not been what he expected to hear. He'd figured given she worked in the military for so long it would've had something to do with that. He hadn't expected something so very personal.

"I'm sorry," he told her. He could empathise with her to some degree but it was something he couldn't have been able to do before he learned the truth, and had those few wisps of memories about his mother.

Jessie caught her lip with her teeth, her breath shifting in the wrong direction again. There was obviously more.

"I was there," Jessie whispered before her eyes closed and the tears fell, leaving a shining trail on her cheeks.

"There?" Everything in him stilled. She couldn't be saying what he thought. "As in the same house?" Callen could only hope. That hint that she had some darkness in her life, that he'd wished he was wrong about, reared its ugly head.

Jessie shook her head. "Saw it."

Her breathing sped up. Callen could see how hard the effort to remain calm was. He shifted a little so the pressure of his arm on hers increased; hoped it might give her something solid to focus on. Jessie's eyes opened, a small smile graced her lips briefly. Callen took it as one of thanks. Her breathing eased a little and he was glad it seemed like he was helping to some degree.

"What happened?" Callen hoped his question held enough of the right tone that Jessie knew he was interested but if she wasn't ready to talk there wouldn't be any pressure. As much as Callen wanted answers, he wouldn't push her into something that was obviously so painful and so difficult if she didn't want to talk, not after a panic attack anyway. The conversation would just have to wait if she wasn't ready, but not forever.

"Long story," Jessie said softly.

"Nowhere else to be," Callen told her.

"You were …" Jessie turned and looked at him. He saw the muscles in her throat work as she swallowed. "Doing something with Sam."

"Sam can finish on his own. Probably prefer that anyway. He's very particular." Callen stopped himself just in time from adding _with guns_. He shifted his gaze briefly from Jessie to the door, where Sam stood just in the shadows. Callen had known Sam wasn't far behind him, had sensed his partner's arrival in the doorway of the gym just as Callen had stopped next to Jessie. Sam nodded and slipped quietly away. There'd be questions Sam would ask later. How much Callen would tell Sam of the details would depend entirely on what Jessie had to say. Sometimes stories were not for others to tell. He knew Sam would understand.

Callen waited patiently as Jessie continued to settle herself before he gently prodded. "The beginning's usually a good place to start."

Jessie's head dropped back against the wall again but she tilted it slightly toward him.

"I was six," Jessie started, "when my mother went away for a week to Mexico with four of her friends. Three days in they were abducted." Jessie took a slow breath before she continued. "Two months later she was finally home. At least in body. She was never the same after it."

"I doubt anyone would be." Callen's heart ached for the little girl that she had been and the pain he could still hear in the grown woman before him.

"I don't blame her," Jessie said, "at least not anymore. But I didn't understand back then. I just wanted my mom back. I wanted her to hug me, hold me. See her smile and hear her laugh." A brief smile flitted on her face. "She had such a beautiful laugh."

Like mother like daughter Callen thought but didn't say anything to interrupt.

"Tell me she still loved me." Jessie's voice broke on the last two words and she took a moment to resettle. "But she couldn't stand me touching her. Wouldn't touch me at all. And the only times she let my father touch her was when he would hold her as she slept or when she cried."

Callen wanted to pull her into his arms, do something, anything, to ease the pain he could hear but he didn't really know what to do. How do you ease that kind of pain for someone? He guessed, hoped, seeing the guns and the panic attack had led to the pain coming back so strongly. Everything in him hoped it wasn't this difficult for her every day.

"That can't have been easy for any of you," he said.

"I didn't know what actually happened to her until I was eighteen when her psychologist handed over his notes and her journal and I was able to get access to the investigation report. Then I understood and everything made that bit more sense. Even if it didn't change the pain I'd felt, I at least knew what she'd been going through and how she'd felt. How much pain she'd been in too."

Callen didn't know what to say so he stayed silent and waited.

"They were caught up in the sex trade. Working in a brothel except not exactly working. They didn't have a choice and they certainly weren't being paid. They were chain-" her words cut off and Callen understood. Just saying it was too much.

"It's okay," Callen said softly. "Unfortunately I can imagine." There'd been cases in his past of a similar nature, cases he wished he could forget.

"The thing was," Jessie continued, her voice barely above a whisper and Callen shifted his head a little closer so he didn't miss anything. "While she couldn't stand our touch, she could stand others. She got mixed up with a drug cartel after she got back. There were nights when she wouldn't come home. Then when she was, she would be crying. Hate mixed with love. I was confused and hurt. When she was home my dad would try and be there for both of us but he was torn. She needed him but so did I. He loved her so much and I know she loved him but…."

Jessie let out a sigh, pain and sadness filled it. "Every time she looked at me I felt like I was the one who had hurt her. Destroyed her. That it was my fault."

"It wasn't." Callen could understand how a child would feel something was their fault, even when it wasn't. He'd felt it enough, though nowhere near the level he imagined she did, as a child growing up in the system. For years every time he'd been moved the thoughts had played in his head. What had he done wrong? What could he do differently to get them to love him? Or even just like him? Until he stopped caring what they thought and just went with the inevitable change of location, refusing to let any hope of attachment grow. Except of course for the Rostoff's. And while he couldn't understand a parent making a child feel that awful deliberately, he figured there was plenty more to her mother's story that would explain it.

"I know," Jessie said. "Now. But then I couldn't understand at all." Jessie looked at him finally. The tears shimmered in her eyes, right to the point that they should be overflowing but somehow stayed right there. Her bottom lip trembled and the level of pain in her eyes jumped so much that Callen almost feared what she had to say next. "They'd found a photo of me in her purse. Every time she fought." The tears couldn't be contained anymore and her voice was thick with pain. "They'd show it to her, tell her if she kept it up, they get me too. That they had clients…."

"She stopped fighting." Callen cut in to stop Jessie from having to say what he could easily imagine. He lived and worked in a world where he dealt with some of the worst of mankind that was out there which had the unfortunately side effect of needing to think like them to be able to get them.

Jessie nodded. "It wasn't that she blamed me. It was that every time she looked at me she remembered what they'd told her they would do. Just the thought of what that might be made it so hard for her to look at me, impossible for her to touch me without feeling like she'd destroy me too. She felt so guilty that she'd put me in danger by doing something so selfish, her words not mine, as to go away for a holiday without her family." Jessie swiped at the tears on her cheeks, not that it made a difference, more just took their place. "Right up until she died I thought she didn't love me anymore."

"What changed?"

Jessie lifted her gaze from where she'd been staring at the wetness on her hands to him. "She died for me," she whispered. A smile, sad but happy at the same time. Callen found it hard to comprehend the happiness to it. "She'd ended up as the head of the drug cartel's girl. He decided he wasn't willing to share. Sent some of his men to bring her back. My father didn't want to let her go." Callen could see in her eyes how difficult it was for her to keep going. He shifted so his fingers found hers and covered them, kept the connection with his arm against hers, just added a little extra. It was all he could do aside from tell her to stop and Callen had a feeling that stopping wouldn't be a good thing. She'd come this far, surely there couldn't be that much more to tell.

"They had orders," she continued. "Two of them held her and the others pushed my father and I to our knees. My father was first. Orders were for him to survive long enough to suffer and watch them kill me and take her away."

It took everything in Callen not to show his reaction in his grip, or to tell her to stop.

"When they turned the gun on me she found something in her," Jessie's voice lowered, a touch awe came into her voice as she continued. "Something so strong that she was able to break away from them and throw herself at me. It was the first time in over a year that I'd felt her touch ... The first time she'd looked me in the eyes since she'd come home ... The first time," her voice started to break, "since she'd gone away that she looked at me with love in them … love for me."

The tears for her that had been trying to push into his eyes as her story went on finally grabbed a small hold. Callen blinked and managed to restrain it to just one that slipped down his cheek. A tender smile lifted Jessie's lips as her eyes followed it. She reached out, caught it on her finger as more slipped down hers. Her head shifted a little closer to him, like she was seeking some degree of comfort, so he shifted his a little closer too. Not quite touching but close enough for their body heat to mingle.

"The bullet hit her in the back," Jessie rubbed her fingers together over the tear of his she'd collected. "After that everything went crazy. DEA arrived and there was gunfire everywhere. When it was over there were six more bullets in my parents; but none in me. My father had managed to move and cover me as well. He'd been working with DEA to try and get her out. Someone had been watching our house but he hadn't been able to get help quick enough. They tried but were a couple of minutes too late."

"Jessie I'm sorry."

Jessie nodded, closed her eyes, her head shifted that final distance and rested against his. Her fingers shifted and instead of just having his covering hers, they were now entwined.

Callen stayed next to her, waited to see if she had any more to say. After a few minutes of silence he rose and held out his hand. Jessie stared at it for a moment before she lifted hers and took it. Callen pulled her to her feet and stepped in close. He gently brushed some of the tears off her face, shifted the small piece of loose hair back behind her ear. It wasn't something he'd have done for Kensi, but then Jessie wasn't Kensi. Kensi probably would've taken him down if he'd tried anything like that considering how much she hated to be seen as weak. One day he hoped that wouldn't be the case and Kensi would know that it was okay to lean on them.

"You should've told us," Callen told Jessie, his voice gentle. His hand slid lightly down her arm, his touch just there to hopefully reassure her in whatever way she wanted to take from it. His fingers brushed the back of her hand and he left them there, just touching in case she wanted more. It was that or pull her in for a hug and Callen wasn't quite sure how she would feel about that. He wasn't quite sure about the urge he felt to do that. He pushed that thought aside and focused on Jessie and what he could do for her.

"When exactly?" Jessie asked. "It's not something to drop into general conversation, plus I had plans in place to avoid things that would."

Callen frowned. "How did you end up in the armoury?" Now that he thought about it he couldn't remember Jessie being in there before.

"I was looking for you and Deeks said he knew where you were. I didn't think to ask where we were going."

The wheels in Callen's head were still working in the background processing everything and adding it to the puzzle. So many pieces were falling into place, like her overreaction to him being shot and in the hospital. The personal, the fear. This was what was behind it.

"When you had to patch me up from Sam. It wasn't just a bad night at the hospital was it?"

Jessie shook her head.

"The drugs?" She'd stayed away because the case had been related to a drug cartel.

Jessie looked down and nodded.

"Jessie," Callen waited until she lifted her eyes back to him. "Granger? This is why you defied him." This had to be what was behind those conditions she'd referred to.

"It's why I have it in my contract that consulting on cases is entirely up to me," Jessie confirmed. "So this doesn't happen."

Callen didn't need her to confirm another one of his questions. He'd always thought there was more to her becoming a doctor. She would've been a very good reason and strong motivation to push through the hard road to get there so she could help those like her mother. Jessie's eyes were bloodshot and there were shadows under them. She looked exhausted. The yawn that came next simply added proof.

"Go home Jessie. Rest."

"But-"

Callen shook his head. "Unless what you were looking for me for was urgent, we'll deal with it tomorrow." He could only imagine how much it had taken out of her to recount that event in her life.

Jessie sucked in a breath. "I'm sorry. Hetty wanted to see you. She asked me to find you."

Callen had no idea how much time they'd spent here but he really didn't care. If it had been urgent Hetty would've already found them.

"I'll find her," Callen assured Jessie. "Go home. Get Deeks or Kensi to drive you." He'd do it himself but he wasn't sure he'd be able to leave her alone and he didn't want to push his company on her, a constant reminder of what she had just shared with him, when she was trying to move on from the memories.

"I have my car," she protested.

"Ask Kensi or Deeks." His tone was firm and with the definite note of an order to it. "I'll pick you up in the morning." That way Callen could decide for himself if she was up to coming in or if she needed more time.

After a moment, Jessie nodded. "Thank you."

Callen stepped back from her. "Anytime Doc."

* * *

Callen watched Jessie leave, Deeks on one side, Kensi on the other. He'd almost changed his mind and taken her himself but he'd seen the concern on Deeks' face when they'd come back to the bullpen. So he'd let Deeks take over. Kensi had simply slipped in and gone as well. It was these little things that made it clear to Callen that the team was accepting her as one of theirs, even if they weren't necessarily talking to her completely yet. Only when the doors had closed behind them did Callen turn and head to Hetty's desk. His mind still whirled with all the information and how many pieces of puzzle had fallen into place. Unfortunately he now had proof that the darkness he'd sensed in her life was real. There was no more hope that his instincts about that had been wrong.

"Hetty," Callen stepped up to her desk. "You wanted to see me."

Hetty looked up from her paperwork. "Ah," a knowing tone in her voice. "The doctor found you."

Callen's eyes narrowed. A sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach started and he hoped it was unfounded. "You know what happened to her parents?"

Hetty nodded. Callen let out a breath.

"You knew I was in the armoury." Hell Hetty had sent him and Sam there. Of course she did. The look in Hetty's eyes was all Callen needed to see to prove his suspicions that she'd set Jessie up. His voice rose as did his protective instincts. "Hetty do you have any idea what you put her through, sending her in there?"

"Mr Callen," Hetty remained calm. "Sometimes we need a little shove to face our demons. I knew you would take care of her."

Take care of her? Hetty was lucky Jessie hadn't fled the building and if she had, in the state she'd been in, they would've been incredibly lucky if she hadn't ended up in an accident. Callen stared at Hetty, not quite sure what to say to his boss. Hetty worked in mysterious ways but this seemed a downright dangerous, and cruel, route to go down.

"It was a long time ago," Hetty continued. "This job is important to her and for her to do it properly she needs to move through this."

"If she hasn't already done that why do you think she can do it now?" Admittedly it was an assumption but Callen figured Jessie had to have had help with her issues. At least to some degree. She was a psychiatrist after all. From her reaction it obviously still affected her though Callen had bared witness to panic attacks much more severe than hers had been which added to him believing she'd had help. It just seemed that Jessie hadn't completely gotten over it. But then it wasn't something that was going to be easy to forget, get over and not react about. Sometimes things didn't go away no matter what you did to fight them.

"Because," Hetty's voice pulled Callen from his thoughts, "she has you, and the team, to help her. You will help her won't you?"

"Of course we will Hetty." Callen saw the look of satisfaction on Hetty's face. Of course Hetty had already know that but Callen still didn't like what she'd done. "Couldn't you have done it a little more gently?" he asked.

"Sometimes ripping the bandaid off is the best way to go."

* * *

The team had already left the next evening and Callen had just shut down his computer when he heard her tentative voice.

"G."

Callen looked up. Jessie stood at the entry to the bullpen, looking a tad unsure. He'd almost told her to stay home this morning when he'd picked her up. It didn't look like she'd had much rest but there was a pleading note in her eyes and he understood without needing the words. She needed distraction and work would give it to her.

"You okay?" Callen asked.

"I'm good."

Callen raised an eyebrow at her answer. She smiled, a nervous one but at least it was a real one.

"Look, I just wanted to say ..." she trailed off.

Definitely unsure of her words which for Jessie was unusual. Callen waited for her to find them again.

"Yesterday wasn't a quid pro quo thing," Jessie continued. "I don't want you to think that … that I'm expecting you to tell me something in return."

The thought hadn't even crossed Callen's mind, though obviously it had crossed hers. "So what was it?"

Jessie started to back away, her bottom lip caught in her teeth. "I was hoping a friend to friend thing. Good night."

Jessie walked away quickly, not giving Callen time to answer. It wasn't until she was fully out of sight that he said quietly. "So was I."


	13. The First Step

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a little chapter this time. Not too big at least in words, but still another step in securing trust between these two. A little note I've always thought the firing range was near the gym in hq but in the most recent episodes I've seen (s9) it's changed to being a door into it off the armory - which to be honest doesn't make sense in my head sof for the purpose of this story, the door into the firing range is not in the armoury!
> 
> Hope you enjoy. Always love to hear what you think.

* * *

A few days later Callen stood in the shadows and watched Jessie pace back and forth in front of the door to the firing range. In the days since her panic attack and their subsequent conversation Callen had kept a close eye on her to make sure she was doing okay. When he'd picked her up the next morning Jessie had assured him that the panic attacks weren't frequent; that her last one had been years ago. The tiredness had taken a couple of days to slip from her eyes but it was the look of uncertainty that was in them when Jessie's gaze had fallen on him a few times that had Callen concerned the most. He hoped things were okay between them; the opportunity to test out the normalcy of their interactions hadn't arrived yet. He was concerned that sometimes when you showed someone your vulnerable side, things changed. He wasn't averse to things changing a little between them, as long as it was for the better.

For the third time Jessie stopped in front of the door and reached for the handle. And for the third time she pulled back abruptly and started pacing again before she'd even touched it. Under different circumstances it could've been comical but given what Callen suspected she was trying to do, it wasn't.

It was late and everyone had gone home. Callen didn't doubt that was deliberate on Jessie's part. He'd been gone but on the way home had realised he had forgotten to give Hetty the report he had completed. It wasn't due until the next day but, given the last time Callen had been late with a report Hetty had reprimanded him for setting a bad example to the team, he figured it had been worth the small diversion to return to the office and put it on her desk tonight ready for the morning. Because who knew what tomorrow could bring in this job and forgetting to deliver it wouldn't be worth the punishment he was sure Hetty would dish out for another late report. Seeing Jessie's car parked outside, a car that hadn't been there when he'd left, had been a surprise. When he hadn't found her in her office concern had him searching the building and he'd found her here.

Jessie's hand made it to the door handle again and Callen mentally willed her on. However her hand dropped, followed by her head and shoulders. She turned and, rather than resume her pacing before she tried again, she walked away.

Callen stepped out of the shadows into her path. Since Jessie wasn't watching where she was going she crashed into him but Callen caught her before she could stumble or fall; her body warm and soft, perfectly fitting against the hardness of his.

Jessie's head came up, her eyes wide in surprise. "Agent Callen."

Callen raised his eyebrows. There was no way they were going back there.

"G," Jessie corrected quickly. "Sorry. I thought you were gone."

"Checking up on me?"

"I…" Jessie stopped, let out a slow breath and stepped back from him.

Callen gave her a few moments to resume talking on her own but when she didn't he prompted.

"What are you doing Jessie?"

She remained silent and Callen could see a battle going on in her eyes. Whatever it was Jessie didn't want him to know, that much was obvious. What wasn't was why. He knew she wouldn't lie; learned that a while ago. If she didn't want to tell him something there would be silence or deflection but never a lie. He figured it was part of the way she'd earned his trust as quickly as she had. Perhaps a more specific question might help.

"What are doing outside the firing range?"

After another small moment of silence Jessie sighed and resignation settled on her features. "Trying to get through the fear. Face it. So I can do my job better."

Just like he'd suspected. "Why here?"

"Seemed to be a good place for the first step."

A room with no guns but one where the whole point of it was for their use. She'd thought it through, at least some of it, but not all.

"As a psychiatrist," Callen said, "would you recommend to your patients that they face their fears alone?"

"No." Jessie's head had dropped as she answered but not quick enough to stop Callen from seeing the fleeting look that told him there was more.

"So why are you trying?" Mentally he begged her to tell him. She'd trusted him with so much about what happened to her parents. This couldn't be any harder than that. When Jessie remained silent Callen reached out, cupped her chin gently with his fingers and lifted her head so she looked at him.

"Jessie." Her name was a plea, a request for her trust him.

"I'm supposed to be the one there for all of you," she finally said. "How can I do that if you don't think I'm strong enough."

"You're strong Jessie." She'd more than proven that to him when she'd stood up to Granger, with her persistence and patience and so much more. "We know that. You don't have to do this alone. We're not going to think you aren't strong if _you_ need _us_. We're a team remember. We're all here for each other."

Jessie closed her eyes. Callen suspected it was to hide the shine from the tears in them. He let his hand slip from her chin as he stepped closer, reached out and took her hand in his. Her eyes opened, surprise filled them. He definitely preferred that to tears.

"Come on." Callen guided her back to the door. Jessie's eyes were wide and she shook her head when they stopped in front of it. Callen gave her hand a squeeze before he let it go and shifted one hand to rest gently on her back between her shoulder blades. Using a small amount of pressure Callen eased Jessie forward, far enough that the handle was within her reach. The only connection between them was his hand, but he was close enough that he could feel the warmth from Jessie's body reach him.

"Open it Jessie." Callen could feel her heart pounding from where his hand was on her back. "I'm right here."

Jessie turned her head and he saw that her eyes now held a touch of panic. Callen hoped he wasn't making a mistake pushing this, but he wasn't intending to push her through the door. Any further was entirely up to her. He was just going to be here for her. Callen caught her gaze with his and held it. "You're not alone," he assured her again.

Jessie took a slow deep breath before she turned to face the door again. A few more breaths, he could feel them as well through their connection, and then she took hold of the handle. She didn't turn it but looked back to him. Callen saw the fear swirling and the panic that battled with the determination in her eyes. He smiled to himself. His brave Jessie, the one who had stood up to Granger and fought to do what was best for him without hesitation, was in there. She just needed a little help to come out.

"There's nothing in there this time." Callen moved his free hand into hers. Her fingers tightened around his instantly. "Just a room." He could feel her hand trembling slightly even with her tight grip.

Jessie's gaze dropped to their entwined hands. She took another breath before she pushed the door open. Callen stayed close, kept their connection when she moved into the room. The door closed behind them, the soft click made Jessie flinch. Callen shifted more to the side so he could see some of her face to gauge her reactions better. He kept his hands where they were; on her back and in her hand. Her focus shifted through the room; to the partitions and the benches before finally landing on the targets on the walls at the end of the line. It was then that Jessie's breathing got more ragged. Callen moved closer, his hand from her back moved up onto her shoulder. His other hand was still held tightly in hers. The movement brought his body into contact with her side giving her, hopefully, more of a connection to hold onto.

"Breathe Jessie," Callen encouraged softly near her ear.

Her breath was shaky but Callen could tell she was trying. His rubbed his thumb back and forth on her shoulder, the soft shirt allowing the movement to be smooth. Her breathing slowly eased to a more controlled rhythm and her hand gradually lost its death grip on his. When Callen was satisfied that her breathing seemed almost normal he pulled them back out of the room.

"But-" Jessie started to protest when the door closed.

Callen shook his head. "No need to do it all in one day."

Jessie's hand slipped from his and she took another breath. "Thank you," she whispered.

"Anytime Doc. You did good tonight."

It wasn't just the fear she'd faced. Jessie had let him help again and, given what she'd said about wanting to be seen as strong, that wouldn't have been easy for her. If only Callen could find a way to convince Jessie that what she had done had made her seem even stronger in his eyes. Facing a fear is one thing. Letting someone see you vulnerable, that took a great deal of strength and wasn't something he did voluntarily.

"You hungry?" Callen asked. "I know a great pizza place."

Callen saw the no forming in Jessie's eyes and gave her a look he'd perfected on Sam, one that told her exactly what answer he was expecting; and that he wasn't actually asking. After what she had just done, he didn't think being alone right now would be a good idea. She needed a little company, a little support, to recover. Even with his confidence in giving her a look that she could understand, her answer still surprised him, pleasantly so.

"I'd like that."


	14. Jessie Late

* * *

 

“Come on G,” Sam whined. “A decent breakfast one morning a week. Is that too much to ask?”

“Not if you want to cook it for me,” Callen replied as they entered the bullpen after having been out chasing down a suspect. Literally, as the dirt marks on his jeans attested to. However, unfortunately the suspect wasn’t who they were looking for after all and so they had to return empty handed and head back to square one. “Plus a decent breakfast doesn’t guarantee anything,” Callen added. “After all you had one this morning right?”

“Yes. Always.”

“Yet who caught the suspect?” Callen sat down in his chair, a smirk on his face. “Not you and your decent breakfast.”

“G.”

“And who said I don’t eat a decent breakfast. What’s the minimum you’d call a decent breakfast?”

“Something covering more than one food group. Bacon and eggs don’t cut it,” Sam grumbled.

"I'll have you know there was tomato on the plate too."

"Yeah, and it was still there when you finished."

“Hey,” Deeks walked into the bullpen. “Either of you seen Jessie this morning?”

Callen frowned. “She’s not in?”

“Nope,” Deeks shook his head. “Had something to ask her but she’d not around.”

Callen glanced at his watch and his frown deepened while concerned started to heighten. It was ten thirty and Jessie was always in by nine, unless she was actually working a day shift at the hospital. He rose from his chair and headed to Hetty.

“Where’s Jessie?”

Hetty looked up at him over her glasses. “I am not Doctor Blake’s keeper Mr Callen. I do know she worked at the hospital last night. You know she has some flexibility to her hours because of that.”

“She’s always in by nine, even if she sleeps on her couch.” Callen turned and walked away.

“Mr Callen. Your case? Your suspect?” Hetty’s voice reached him as he started to head toward the corridor.

“Dead end,” Callen called back. He pulled out his phone and dialed Jessie’s cell. It went straight to voicemail.

“G?” Sam caught up with him. “What’s up?”  
Callen hit the button for Jessie’s home number. That one went to the answering machine.

“Going to Jessie’s. She’s not answering.”  Callen dialed Eric and asked him to check her phone as Sam walked beside him to his car. Eric had no luck either.

“G, I’m sure she’s fine.” Sam settled into the passenger’s seat.

“I’d like proof.” They drove in silence. He wasn’t in the mood to talk and, like the intuitive partner he was, Sam sensed that. Callen pushed the speed limit a little more than he could probably justify for something that wasn’t a case. Sam was likely right. There was probably a good explanation but there was a tightness in Callen’s gut that had him unsettled. He hated the feeling of not knowing where she was, not knowing she was safe.

* * *

 

When the knock on her door went unanswered, Callen dropped to his knee and pulled out his lock pick kit.

“What?” There was sarcasm in Sam’s voice. “Don’t have a key?”

“Not yet.” But he would, just as soon as he could figure out how to get one without making her worry about why he wanted it. The click came easily on the first lock, the second took just a little bit longer.

“At least do her a favour,” Sam said when Callen rose and put one hand on the door handle, the other reaching behind his back. “Keep the gun away.”

Sam had point and Callen dropped his hand to his side. He’d filled Sam in on the essence of what had happened with Jessie’s parents; not the finer details but enough so Sam was aware and could be careful around Jessie. Deeks and Kensi too.

“Depends what we find inside.” Callen pushed the door open and stepped through. At first glance her apartment looked normal. Second glance showed the shoes and handbag on the floor near the table that had a bowl for her keys; keys that weren’t in the bowl but beside it. Her coat had been dropped on the back of the couch rather than on the hook behind the door. Whether it was normal or not he wasn’t sure though he had the impression she was a touch tidier. However, none of that gave him cause to think that anything bad had happened.

“Jessie,” he called out.

Not a sound reached back to him. It was a small apartment so Callen didn’t bother heading to the kitchen but went straight down the hall in the direction of her bedroom. He chose to try the door directly across from the bathroom first and relief slammed into Callen hard when he saw her sleeping, obviously deeply and safely, on her bed. Frustration followed close on its heels.

“Jessie.” His voice was loud and the frustration in it clear to his own ears.

Jessie jerked awake with a gasp. Her hand went to her head as she groaned and looked at him.

“What are you doing here?” she asked.

Callen refused to let her soft sleepy voice affect him. “You’re late.” Anger now mixed with the frustration.

“G.” There was a definitely warning note in the way Sam said his name but Callen didn’t take heed of it.

“What the hell happened?” Callen demanded. “You’re never late.”

Jessie sat up, the sheet pooled at her waist. She frowned. “What time is it?”

“Ten fifty.” And every second of the last twenty minutes had felt like more than double.

“I’m sure I had an alarm set for eight,” Jessie murmured quietly as she rubbed the back of her next before Callen saw her glance fall on the bedside table.  “Where’s my phone?”

“I tried calling. Went straight to voicemail.” The frustration of not knowing what was going on, even now knowing she was safe, increased. “Dammit Jessie, what the hell is going on?”

“G.” Sam’s hand on his arm brought Callen’s attention from Jessie to his partner. “Go make some coffee,” Sam told him with more than a subtle push toward the door. “Give her a chance to wake up.”

Callen wretched his arm from Sam’s and with just a brief glance back at Jessie, who looked concerned and confused, he walked out the door.

* * *

 

Callen searched the kitchen, found the coffee and started it brewing, narrowly avoiding breaking the coffee pot when his frustration came through in the force he used putting it in place. He stood there, listened to the water slowly heat and start to drip through into the pot.

He was glad she was safe. It was obvious Sam was confused by his reactions, in all honesty so was he, but Sam wasn’t team leader. Callen never wanted to feel that churning, gut wrenching feeling of having a team member of his go missing again. Sure, the chance of that was slim to none, their job came with a high risk, but with Jessie. Even though she was in the team, with her the risk was much lower. She was the safest of them all, to a degree. But that was what had been in his gut on the drive; that same feeling he’d had when they’d realised Dom was gone. Callen didn’t doubt he’d over-reacted, but swinging from concern to relief so dramatically and quickly had him a little out of sorts. He’d had no reason to think that anything had been wrong. She was only a little late and there had been a plausible explanation for it that made sense. He took a deep breath and let it out. What was it about her...

A hand, much softer and gentler than Sam’s, on his arm brought him out of his thoughts.

“G, I’m sorry.” The sleepy sound was gone from her voice but it was still soft.

“You should’ve called someone.” Callen didn’t turn and look at her. Not yet. He gripped the bench hard. He was still trying to get the anger and frustration under control. He refused to label it accurately, even if he did know what it was. He’d never confuse that feeling after Dom. He took a breath, the smell of the coffee strong.

“I was going to.”

Callen turned to Jessie sharply. “Yeah? When?” He knew he sounded harsh. Definitely not in control enough yet.

Jessie held up her phone. “It was in my bag. Ran out of battery sometime after I left the hospital. I had an alarm set for eight so I could wake up and call in that I would be late. I guess I was too tired to remember to get it out when I got home.” She put the phone down on the bench.

“Eight’s early enough to get into work.”

“G,” Jessie sighed. Callen could hear the tiredness in the way she said his name. “I got in at three after working sixteen hours.”

“Why did you work that long?” He didn’t think ER doctors were allowed to work those kind of shifts.

“That pile up on the motorway.” Jessie rubbed her neck again. “We were the nearest hospital.”

Callen remembered hearing about it last night on the radio he’d had going. It was pretty bad, a lot of injuries but relatively few deaths reported so far.

“By the time we got through everything,” Jessie continued, “and I signed off it was two thirty.”

Callen’s mind shifted from the accident to her, thoughts of one merging with the other. Frustration flared again.

“You drove home after a sixteen hour shift?” She’d been lucky she hadn’t had an accident herself.

“No.” Jessie shook her head firmly. The look in her eyes took the wind out of his frustrated sails in a moment. “I don’t take my car to the hospital. I use a taxi,” she told him. “It’s too unpredictable how long I’ll be there for and I don’t want to end up back there as a patient because I’m on autopilot and get in the car and drive when I shouldn’t.”

Callen frowned. “You’ve-”

Another shake of her head stopped his question.

“Not me,” Jessie added. “Years ago I took over from a doctor who’d worked a long shift. Twenty five minutes later he was back on the table in front of me after missing seeing a red light. I haven’t driven myself since then unless it was an emergency and I didn’t have time to wait.”

He should’ve known that. He didn’t know enough about her and how she did things. It was the same with Dom; he hadn’t known enough about him either.

“Call next time,” Callen said. “Anytime.”

“G, it was three in the morning. I didn’t want to wake anyone.”

Of course she didn’t because she always took care of everyone else. But who took care of her?

Callen stepped closer. “Call,” he told her firmly. “I don’t sleep much and I don’t mind being woken up. I’ll even come and get you if you want.” At least that way he’d know exactly where she was and that she’d made it home safe. The idea appealed to him more than it should.

“Dom wasn’t your fault,” Jessie said softly. The words took Callen by surprise.

“He was mine,” Callen told her. “Therefore my fault. He was new. I should’ve check on him. Maybe if -”

Jessie shook her head. “Stop,” she said firmly. “You can’t keep doing that.”

“You’re in a dangerous job now Jessie.” He had to keep her safe. Callen couldn’t lose someone else, especially someone like her; someone not trained like an agent. He understood Hetty more these days after Dom. Understood why she’d want to call it quits and leave. The responsibility, the guilt. It didn’t leave. “You have to be more careful.”

“I’m not-”

Callen stepped even closer, the motion putting a stop to what she was saying and her eyes widened a touch. He put his hands on the bench either side of her. He looked down into her eyes.

“Important?” he filled in. It wasn't necessarily what she was planning on saying but it was what she needed to know.

She was. They all were but there was something about her that had Callen worried about her more than the others.

Maybe it was because she wasn’t an agent. Maybe because she didn’t have training to defend herself that the others did. Maybe because she was more trusting of people than he was.

Maybe it was because standing there in her pjyamas, the soft looking material and small straps that left her shoulders almost bare and made her look so delicate and fragile. Callen knew she wasn’t but the picture in front of him took centre stage in his mind and sent his protective instincts into overdrive, which wasn’t good considering where they had already shot to regarding her earlier. “You’re a member of my team. You’re one of us,” Callen went on. “And if they want us, getting you is one way to do it.”

Fear flickered in the depths of her brown eyes and Callen was sorry he’d put it there. But if it was a choice between a flicker now or full blown later because she wasn’t careful he’d accept it, and do it as many times as he needed. Callen lowered his voice. “You sure you’re still in the right job Doc?”

Part of him wanted her to say no; wanted her to run to the safety of a normal job with normal patients that didn’t leave her vulnerable to being a pawn in a much bigger game.

“Yes,” Jessie answered, a confidence in her voice even if it wasn’t much louder than a whisper. Callen fought down the elation her answer gave him because, even though he wanted her safe and didn’t doubt being somewhere else away from him would be so much better, selfishly he wanted her with them.

“I can’t protect you if I don’t know where you are,” he said. “Call.”

Jessie nodded slowly. “Promise,” she agreed.

The click of the coffee machine finishing broke the moment between them. Callen stepped back abruptly. He turned and pulled the pot out of the machine. “You probably shouldn’t have this. Go back to bed.”

“I’m awake now,” Jessie replied.

“Go back to bed Doc,” Callen ordered her. He dumped the freshly made coffee down the sink and put the pot down carefully. “You need to sleep.” He walked past her and headed straight to the front door, ignoring Sam’s call to wait. He needed to get out and clear his head.

 

* * *

 

When a piece of paper moved in front and blocked Callen’s view of his computer screen he looked up. Jessie stood in front of his desk, her hand held the paper. It was the first time he’d seen her since he’d walked out of her apartment earlier in the day. A quick once over of her face confirmed that she’d at least gotten a reasonable amount of sleep.

“What’s this?” Callen reached out for the piece of paper.

“My schedule for the hospital for the next three weeks. It changes after that,” Jessie told him.

Callen looked up. “Why?”

Jessie smiled. “So you know where I’ll be.”

Callen studied the paper briefly. It didn’t take much to see that it wasn’t just for the hospital. She’d put in the times she expected to be here too. He lifted his gaze to her. She spoke again before he could say anything.

“I’ve also added you to my file at the hospital so if you need to you can call and check if I’m still there or when I signed out.”

“You put me on your file?”

Jessie nodded. “Actually you, Hetty, Eric and Nell just to cover all bases. Sam’s already had a chat. He’s given me a list of ten different ways to and from the hospital to learn and make sure the driver uses a different one each time.” She smiled again. “I’m sure there’s more coming later.”

Callen almost chuckled except that he knew exactly where Sam was coming from. It was one of the things that they suspected had gotten Dom taken, his predictability on his routes to and from work.

Jessie started to back away from his desk. “Goodnight G.” She turned away.

“Jessie.”

She glanced back.

“Thank you,” Callen said. “And I’m sorry about earlier.”

Jessie’s lips lifted on one side in a half smile. “Nothing to be sorry about. It’s kinda nice.”

Callen frowned, confused. “What is?”

“Having someone watching out for me again.”


	15. First 'Talk'

* * *

 

Callen knocked on Jessie's door. The smell from the pizza had been making his mouth water since he'd picked it up.

"G?" There was a look of surprise on her face but Jessie still smiled. "Everything okay?" she asked. Her eyes flicked to the pizza box. "Is that..."

"Same place from before," Callen said. "Are you going to join me or do I take it home?"

Jessie stepped back quickly. "How can I turn down an offer like that?"

"Pizza or me?" Callen walked through the door. Jessie laughed softly.

"Not sure I should answer that. Don't think I could win either way. Are you okay?" The repeated question held a touch of concern and Callen couldn't blame her. The last two times he'd rocked up to her house unannounced had been when he'd gotten out of hospital and when he'd been worried about her being late.

"You sure?" Callen said. "Wouldn't it be a win-win?"

Jessie closed the door behind him but didn't comment so Callen continued.

"You didn't come to the surfing lesson. Didn't want to see us crash out?" He put the pizza box on the coffee table.

"Checking up on me?" she asked.

Callen shrugged and sat down on the couch as Jessie headed to the kitchen. She came back with plates and paper towel along with a couple of cans of soda.

"I was going to come." Jessie she sat down beside him. "I had a call that went too long."

"Nothing bad?"

Jessie smiled and shook her head. "Nothing bad. Should've known it would run over though. They never finish on time. How did you go?" Callen flipped the lid and they both reached for a slice of the hot pizza.

"Didn't go in. Neither did Sam."

Jessie swallowed and looked at him. "Didn't want to show Deeks up?"

Callen chuckled. "Kensi did a good enough job for all of us."

"She can surf?"

Callen nodded and finished his bite of pizza before adding, "Deeks didn't know that though."

Food became the priority and they ate in comfortable silence while Callen's mind worked overtime trying to figure out just why he'd ended up here tonight. Sure she'd said she'd try and meet them at the beach. There hadn't been anything definite about it and he hadn't actually felt the need to check in on her. Yet something had pulled him here, detouring him by the pizza place he'd taken her to after the firing range incident. He couldn't recall seeing anyone enjoy a slice of pizza the way she had that night, and again now.

"G?" Her voice was tentative, unsure.

"Yeah?" Callen glanced at her but Jessie's eyes were fixed on the cold can of drink on the table.

"How many good ones?" she asked softly.

And just like that Callen realised why he was here. Lance had gotten under his skin today, brought up his past in a way he usually kept buried. He was here to talk. Somehow Jessie knew and had given him an opening with her question. One he could run with or shut down. One he didn't have to think about because he knew exactly how many good ones he'd had out of the thirty seven.

"Eight."

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

"The rest weren't all bad," Callen assured her. "Some were just a place to sleep and eat." He didn't say that sometimes the food was good and sometimes it wasn't; that it depended on the generosity and motivation of those who were receiving the cheques that were supposed to put food in his mouth and clothes on his back.

"But some weren't," she said.

No some weren't. Some felt like hell on earth at the time, though he'd learned since that what he'd experienced as a child, while terrible and not something that should've happened to any child, was nothing compared to what he'd come across in his career and what the worst of the worst could dish out.

"No," Callen admitted. "Some weren't."

Jessie shifted on the couch and Callen felt her arm settle against his, just like his had against hers that day in the gym.

"I used to wish that -" Jessie stopped abruptly and Callen felt, through just that small connection between them, a tension shift into her body.

"Wish what?" Callen prompted. He watched her face carefully, curious where she had been headed with that comment. She finally turned her head toward him.

"When I was younger," Jessie said quietly, "I had this idea that foster parents wanted kids but couldn't have them, or they loved kids and just wanted to take care of them ... I wished I was one of those kids."

Her gaze dropped from his to what was left of her slice of pizza in her hand. She'd wished to be in foster care? Callen had spent so much of his time wishing the opposite. Why would someone - His thoughts stopped dead as he realised something he didn't know.

"What happened when your parents died?"

Jessie shook her head. "I'm sorry. This isn't about me. You were -"

"Jessie." Callen cut her off. "Where did you go?"

It took a few moments before Jessie put her plate on the table, settled back against the couch and looked at him. "My aunt and uncle. They didn't want kids though." She shrugged. "I guess they were like the places to sleep and eat. Not bad but…" Jessie trailed off.

"They were family. Didn't they…" _Love you_ Callen almost said but Jessie was already shaking her head, like she knew what he was about to ask.

"No." There was pain in her voice. "As soon as I was eighteen they considered their obligation done. I haven't seen them since I walked out with my bags the next day."

She'd lived with them for ten years. Ten years in a place that held no love and more than likely a constant reminder of what she'd lost since one of them had been a brother or sister of her parents. A familial connection in looks, with no love to counter it, would have reinforced who wasn't there every single day.

"What did you do when you moved out?"

"Survived." Jessie smiled. A happy, and most unexpected, one. The shift was instant and so different from the sadness that had been in it just a moment before. "A friend and I moved in together, helped each other."

"Good friend to have."

"The best ever."

"I'm glad you had someone."

Jessie blinked rapidly, her eyes shining. "I'm sorry you didn't," she whispered.

But he did. Callen didn't think about them much but when he did, the thoughts and memories made him smile. And because he didn't want Jessie to think that he hadn't had someone, Callen told her a little about some of them. Those eight were the small shining warm spots from his younger life after his mother's death.

The smell of home baked cookies every afternoon after school and the glass of milk and talk about what had happened that came with them, from one.

The stories at bedtime from another not long before he'd turned seven. She'd been a librarian and even though he'd only been with them a few weeks she'd been the one to start his love of reading. A good book could help you escape any situation just as long as you could find somewhere out of the way to hide with it. Until her he hadn't really bothered, most likely because he'd been well behind in his reading skills and no one had noticed until her.

Then there had been the one where the dad was the parent that stayed home. He'd been terrified when he'd heard that in the car on the way to their house that first day. But the dad had taught him to throw and catch with a baseball and other things as well; things that little boys should be taught. Not what it was like to have the baseball bat slam across your back and legs. He'd been more than a touch battered and bruised when he'd arrived with them. The mom had been a nurse and she'd helped him get better, which he suspected had been why he'd been placed with them. She'd cried, the dad as well though not as openly, when they'd taken him away to the next one. Callen had never been able to understand why he'd been moved so much.

"When I was fourteen there was this family I was with for a few months," Callen told Jessie. The family that had finally come in much later, after he'd lost hope. The ones who'd given him something none of the other good ones had. "It felt like a family. A little sister, mother, father."

What he'd have given to have been able to stay there, to forget he was the one so many hadn't wanted.

"Why didn't you stay?" Jessie had turned on the couch at some point, her head rested on her hand and her focus completely on him, interest clear in her eyes. He hadn't talked so much about the families he'd been with in one hit ... ever.

"Some bureaucratic screw up," Callen said, "or something. I don't know. Just got moved on."

"Did you try and find them … later?"

The question took him by surprise, as did the flash of pain of the memory of Alina and what she had done for him and what it had ultimately cost her.

"No." Callen paused. Could he tell her? Or did she already know? The question suggested she didn't but it would've been in his files. A part of him suspected she hadn't delved into them unless necessary given her comment about wanting to get to know them herself. Could he share a little of his pain with her? She'd shared so much with him and even though he knew she wasn't expecting anything from it, it had changed things. The trust she'd shown in him, opening herself up to him with the most painful part of her life, had created a connection between them. Perhaps it had been the solidifying of the foundations of a friendship - a real friendship. "The daughter found me," Callen told her.

"That's good right?"

"No." It wasn't good. And Callen wasn't sure he didn't still partly blame Arkady for what had happened, even though he remembered a certain little girl who was very determined to get what she wanted. She'd turned her eyes on him more than once and had him wrapped around her little finger. Arkady probably hadn't stood a chance. "She died because of me," Callen admitted.

Jessie's eyes went wide and filled with concern mixed with confusion. Her mouth opened and Callen knew a question was coming, but he wasn't ready for more tonight.

"Let's watch something." Callen turned away, picked up the remote he'd spied on the table earlier and handed it to Jessie. "You choose." He reached for another slice of pizza.

The tension in him eased slowly as the time went by and Jessie didn't ask any more questions. Ten minutes into the movie he was fairly relaxed and by half an hour all of it was gone and the movie occupied most of his mind.

* * *

Callen turned to Jessie after he'd stepped into the hall beyond the door of her apartment. "Maybe next time Deeks offers a surfing lesson you'll come and give it a try," he said.

Jessie shook her head. "Not really my kind of thing."

"Worried you won't be able to do it."

Jessie smiled. "Know I can't. Been there, tried it." She touched a finger to her forehead. "Had the lump on my head to prove it." It was the first time Callen noticed the pale small scar at her hairline, right where her finger had touched. He leaned against the door frame. It wasn't until he saw the slight lift to her eyebrows that he realised it was what he tended to do at the office as well.

"Maybe you didn't have the right teacher."

"That is entirely possible since neither of us knew how to surf when we tried."

"Your friend?" One day maybe he'd get to meet this friend that seemed very important to her.

"Yeah. We really shouldn't have been out there."

"Why were you?"

Jessie shrugged. "Not entirely sure. Think it was something to do with a dare and who was going to cook that night." There was a sparkle in her eyes and Callen had no doubt there was more to it.

"A dare?"

"Don't get any ideas. I don't do dares."

"But you did."

"I learned my lesson." But there was hint of something in her eyes. Something that suggested under the right circumstances a dare just might happen.

"Mmm. We'll see. Sounds like a challenge." Callen was glad for the light banter after their earlier discussion.

"No," Jessie said firmly.

"I could teach you if you want."

Jessie frowned. "Teach me?"

"To surf." Their conversation had kind of gotten a touch off track.

"Oh. Safer for all if you don't."

"I'll keep you safe."

Jessie chuckled. "I don't think you can tandem surf and that's probably about the only way."

"Actually -"

Her eyes went a little wide. "No," she said quickly.

Callen grinned. "Chicken."

"Good night G." Jessie moved, her hand on the door ready to close it.

"Thanks … for the pizza," Callen told her.

"You brought it."

Callen smiled, walked away but didn't say anything in response.

"G."

Callen turned to face her but kept moving backwards toward the stairs.

"Thanks," Jessie said, a soft smile on her face. "For the pizza."

"You're welcome." Callen turned away before he let the smile form. He knew she wasn't thanking him for the pizza, at least not only for it.

Just like he hadn't been.

It was the first time he'd talked to her about him.

Even though it wasn't in the office, and was off the record, it was still big.

And, surprisingly, it felt good.


	16. Trevor Part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to split this into two rather than one extremely long chapter. I wasn't sure if 7K words was a little too much so let me know if you'd be happy with extra long chapters like that as there are a few more further into the story that I have to decide what to do with. In the meantime, enjoying learning a little more about Jessie, alongside Callen.

* * *

Callen looked up from his computer when Eric walked into the bullpen, happy for the distraction from the report he was working on that was more difficult than the seemingly simple mission would suggest. The tablet in his hand, the grin on his face and the bounce in Eric's step a good sign, especially if this was related to their current case.

"So," Eric started, "I've found a little something of our Jessie."

That had Callen sitting up a straighter and other thoughts, like difficult reports due shortly, out of his mind. With a quick swipe of Eric's finger on his tablet the TV in the bullpen lit up.

Callen rose and moved to the front of his desk, eager to put the paperwork out of sight.

"You're friends with Jessie on Facebook?" Deeks asked, a touch of a whine in his voice.

"Course," Eric said. "Aren't you?"

"No."

Eric shrugged. Callen caught the makings of a teasing twinkle in Eric's eyes that was becoming a touch more frequent these days and wondered how much of it had to do with a certain analyst's influence.

"She must like me more," Eric said innocently, except for that twinkle.

Callen heard the barely suppressed laugh from Sam, his own held in better, at the look on Deeks' face.

Eric bounced on his toes. "You guys have to see this." With a tap on his screen Eric started a video playing of a young couple dancing to the song 'Time of My Life'.

"It's Jessie," Eric told them, "and a guy named Trevor Cassidy."

It was easy to see they were happy and having fun together - and good. The connection between the two of them obvious even with the old footage. Whoever he was to Jessie, there was no doubting they were close. Callen couldn't quite tell how old she was but if he were to guess he'd say late teens but no older than very early twenties.

"Eric!" Callen turned his head to the familiar voice. There was a frown on Jessie's face and her steps were quick as she moved toward them. She shook her head. "Stop!"

Callen glanced back at Eric who's eyes were now wide and no teasing twinkle to be seen.

Deeks stepped in front of Eric and held up his hands. "But Jessie," Deeks pleaded.

"Off," Jessie said firmly, not letting Deeks get started. Callen reached out and pulled her back against him to stop her getting to Eric.

"Keep it going Eric," Callen told him as Jessie struggled against his hold.

"Eric you know Hetty won't like it," Jessie said.

She was desperate if she was playing the Hetty card which made Callen even more intrigued to see what Eric had discovered. He trusted Eric enough that whatever this was, it wasn't something that shouldn't be shared.

"Jessie," Eric said, a touch of confidence coming back into his eyes, perhaps because he didn't fear Jessie reaching him anymore. "You're awesome. Don't worry." Eric glanced back at the video and quickly flicked it back to the start. "Where are you two anyway?"

Callen felt Jessie stop struggling and, with the breath she let out, her body relaxed slightly into him. She didn't seem to notice where she was or that he held her and he certainly wasn't about to say anything to bring attention to it. He refused to think anything beyond the fact that he was keeping her from reaching Eric and putting a stop to whatever this discovery was. That in itself was a very good reason to keep hold of her. They were most definitely about to learn a something important about their Doctor.

"Senior Prom," Jessie murmured. That would explain why the video quality wasn't good. She'd have been eighteen then so his guess was pretty accurate. Because of the way Callen had pulled Jessie against him, he was still able to see the side of her face. Her eyes were locked on the screen and a soft smile lifted the edge of her mouth. Even though Callen watched the TV and the dance that was unfolding on the screen, he took in her reactions. The extra lift to the smile, the catch of her lip and the shine in her eyes that told him whoever Trevor was, the connection he could see on the video was still there. Thankfully the tears hovering in her eyes were happy ones.

Deeks gave his fair share of comments about some of the moves as the video played. Sam gave Deeks a hard time for knowing what moves were from the movie and what weren't.

"Please," Deeks turned to Jessie, "Tell me you do the lift." Deeks' eyes went wide even though Jessie didn't say anything. "You do!" He turned back quickly.

When the dance ended, after the lift that Deeks had been waiting for, the head and shoulders of a dark haired, green eyed man filled the screen. There were enough similarities that it wasn't hard for Callen to tell he was the one from the video.

"Hey Jessie girl." The smile on Trevor's face was full, bright and happy. The look in his eyes reflected the same. "Thirty years since you crashed into my life. Don't regret a thing between us. Always gotcha. Love you more than words can say." Callen felt the shaky breath Jessie took when Trevor blew a kiss and faded out to be replaced by a photo of the two of them.

It wasn't the happiness that Callen would remember most from that photo. Nor the sight of Jessie in a modest bikini and sarong wrapped around her waist, with her hair falling halfway down her back, standing wrapped in the arms of a shirtless Trevor. And even though the photo was a beautiful one, the blue ocean behind them, the light from the sun warming their faces, that wasn't the most memorable thing either. The expression and emotion on their faces as they looked at each other, her up at him, him down at her, that was what would stay with Callen. Because there was no doubting the love in that look. He also couldn't doubt the longing that broke through his walls and slammed into him; longing to have someone look at him like that. He pushed it away though, because he'd had practice at shutting down that side of him. Years of practice.

Jessie lifted her hand from where it had been resting on Callen's arm and wiped a tear away from her cheeks.

"That's … Is that…."

Callen's gaze lifted from Jessie and he stared at Nell who, unusually, seemed to be having trouble stringing more than two words together. "Is that really Trevor Blake?" Nell finally managed to ask, her eyes flicked back and forward between Jessie and the screen.

"Who's Trevor Blake?" Deeks asked before Jessie could answer.

Nell turned to stare at Deeks, disbelief on her face, then she moved her look to Eric who held up his hands defensively.

"Don't look at me like that. I know who he is. I just didn't know it was him until you pointed it out." Eric pointed at his tablet screen and Nell's eyes followed. "See ... Trevor Cassidy."

"Who is Trevor Blake?" Deeks asked, a little more demanding this time.

Jessie had stayed silent during the debate and Callen felt her shift slightly with a deep breath but Nell spoke again first.

"Just one of the hottest dancers and choreographers in New York," Nell told them.

"Hot? Meh." Deeks shrugged. "Wasn't that hot."

Kensi rolled her eyes. Callen felt a slight shake go through Jessie. He had his suspicions she was trying not to laugh at the way the conversation was going.

"She means popular," Kensi said. "Wanted. Something you wouldn't understand. Though he is pretty hot."

"That I do understand." Deeks wiggled his eyebrows and smirked. Kensi punched him in the arm and Callen not only heard but felt the laugh that Jessie tried to hide.

"Who's Trevor?" Callen asked Jessie directly because he did actually want to know the answer and the others were getting nowhere. There was no doubt Jessie meant a lot to Trevor and vice versa but Callen couldn't recall her ever mentioning his name.

Jessie jumped, startled by his question that was spoken fairly close to her ear. Her head spun and Callen saw the shocked looked spread across her face as recognition flared in her eyes of just where she was. Callen dropped his arms when he felt her pull away and she stepped back quickly. The blush on her cheeks heightened and Callen suspected she'd made the connection with just how long she'd been there with him for. He couldn't help the slight teasing grin or the lift of his eyebrows that had the flush increasing even more.

"Blake?" Sam questioned with a lift of his eyebrows and Jessie turned quickly from Callen to Sam, almost like she was trying to escape. "Same last name?"

"Yes," Jessie admitted. "Best friend ... and … ex husband." Those final words held a note of reluctance to them that Callen only just managed to notice given the shock that the actual admission had running through him.

"Husband?" Callen repeated.

Jessie looked at him again. "Ex," she stressed.

If he was her best friend why was her ex? Especially given how much they obviously cared about each other. The love in the photo had been so clear. Just when Callen thought he was getting a handle on who Jessie was, more questions seemed to come up to take the place of the answered ones.

"How long were you two married?" Nell asked. "When? I didn't even know he'd had a wife." That had Callen raising an eyebrow. Nell didn't know something about someone she was obviously a big fan of? How exactly did that happen?

"Long time ago."

Since Jessie hadn't answered the first part of Nell's question, Callen prodded. "How long for?"

Jessie turned back to him and Callen held her gaze and waited. The moments ticked by slowly and then she finally answered.

"Five years," she said, "Four months, three weeks, two days and one hour."

Callen raised an eyebrow. Jessie smiled, her eyes twinkled with amusement and he could even see the love in the background of them, like in the photo, as she spoke about Trevor. "He likes numbers. He's a dancer and it's his favourite countdown."

That was an exceptionally specific number and brought even more questions to Callen's yet again expanding list to find out about one Doctor Jesinta Blake.

"Wait?" Nell's voice pulled Jessie's gaze from Callen's. "Isn't he-"

"I am sorry to interrupt this lovely trip down memory lane," Hetty's voice suddenly sounded from just behind Callen and almost everyone jumped. "However there is a case that needs your attention upstairs."

"Sorry Hetty." Eric's words spilled out and he flicked the screen clear before heading to the stairs taking them two at a time. The rest of the team followed but obviously not quite as eager as Eric to escape the potential of Hetty's wrath.

"Mr Callen. Doctor Blake. Both of you two please. I assure you it's safe." Hetty's last comment was directed at Jessie.

Jessie nodded. "I'll be there in a minute Hetty. I just … have to make a call."

Callen's eyes followed Jessie as she headed toward the nearest door that led outside. He had his suspicions on just who that call was going to be to.

"Coming … or do you have a phone call to make too Mr Callen?" Hetty asked him.

Callen pulled his gaze from where Jessie had just disappeared. "Something like that. I'll be there soon."

Hetty nodded. Callen was sure he saw amusement and a knowingness in her expression. He followed Jessie and, though he stayed inside, got close enough to hear her. Yes, he was technically spy but having felt like he knew her pretty well with everything that had happened between them, this new information reminded him that there was still so much he didn't know about her.

"Hey gorgeous," came the same male voice from the video. "Nice to see you again."

So it wasn't simply a phone call but a video one. Callen's interest heightened further. If a phone call wasn't enough that gave Callen more insight into this new relationship, or old relationship perhaps. It was telling about what Jessie was like with those she cared about, as well as the fact that she had put calling him ahead of work.

"Hey," Jessie said, the tone of her voice held a gentleness and a smile. Callen could hear how much she cared in that one simple word.

"Get my message?"

"I did," Jessie replied. "As did those I work with. You could've warned me so I could stop them."

Trevor chuckled. "Where's the fun in that? It's not like it was bad. We were amazing darling," he drawled out.

Jessie giggled which had Callen more curious because that light-hearted girlish giggle wasn't one he'd heard before. Her laughter? Yes. He'd brought it on plenty of times; aimed to try and hear it frequently. But like that? Not like that. Nothing that pure and innocent.

"And they should know you are too, if they don't already," Trevor finished, in a very different tone to the teasing drawl. It was clear to Callen Trevor wasn't referring to her dancing skills.

"I miss you," Jessie said.

The sadness in her voice hit Callen hard right in the very centre of his chest. He'd only ever heard it that strong when she'd talked about her parents.

"I you. It's the first time we've missed Gotcha Day." Trevor's voice held enough emotion to confirm to Callen that his feelings for Jessie were definitely strong and the words from the video weren't just words. He'd meant them. Again the question came to him. Why was he the ex?

"I know," Jessie agreed. "Just couldn't swing another trip so close. At least we went out when I was there."

Trevor didn't live nearby and she had recently seen him. One answer to why they'd never meet him.

"Doesn't count and you know it. We'd have done that anyway." Trevor's voice lowered a little. "Gotcha day is special. Always will be."

"I know," Jessie said, that sadness there again. And if Callen wasn't mistaken, there'd be the hint of tears in her eyes right now.

"Alex taking you out to dinner for me still right?" Jessie asked.

Another name. More questions.

"You asked. What did you expect? Of course. What about Jessie? Did you find someone to have dinner with you for me?"

"I -"

"Don't lie to me Jessie," Trevor said firmly. Callen frowned. That wasn't the Jessie he knew.

"Seriously?" Jessie said. "You didn't even let me answer. And you know full well I haven't tried to lie to you since we were sixteen. Though I still wouldn't mind knowing how you always knew," Jessie said.

"Maybe it's because I know you like no one else. So…"

There was a pause before Jessie answered and Callen smiled. There it was. The quiet, the contemplation, before answering. That was the Jessie he knew.

"I haven't but I will."

"What's keeping you? I thought you liked those you worked with."

"I do. They're great."

"What about the one you told about your parents?" Trevor asked gently. Callen listened harder. She'd obviously shared quite a bit about them with Trevor, just not the other way around … yet.

Jessie sighed. "It's complicated."

"That's as close as you ever get to lying to me and if I didn't have a rehearsal I can't miss starting in a minute you know I wouldn't accept it."

"I know. Just like I know you'll get the details later."

"Always. Find someone," Trevor pleaded, "before the end of the day please. I don't want you alone. Promise me."

"Promise."

"I gotta go."

"Me too," Jessie replied. "Love you."

"Love you more."

Callen heard Jessie let out a sigh and he moved to the stairs, took them two at a time and was in Ops well before she was.

* * *

Callen watched for Jessie at the end of the day, the work in front of him merely a screen to stop anyone questioning why he was still sitting there. Not that there was anyone left in the bullpen to notice. He saw her head toward the exit, rose, grabbed his jacket and caught up with her just as she pushed open the door. Callen had moved his car earlier so that it was closer than hers and took Jessie by the elbow and steered her to the passenger's side.

"G, what are you doing?"

"Hop in." Callen opened the door. "There's something I want to show you."

Jessie stared at him, confusion in her eyes. "I -"

"Please," Callen added before she could say no.

There was a moment before she gave in. "Sure. Why not?" Jessie slipped into the passenger seat of the silver Aston Martin. It was a risk what he was about to do but one he was willing to take.

"Nice car," Jessie commented when Callen was in the driver's seat. "Yours?"

"Friend."

"Rich friend?"

"Unusual friend."

"Hetty."

Callen glanced at her. There was a confidence on her face at her conclusion. "Excuse me?"

How had she figured that out from three words, two of them being the same?

"Hetty drives a Jag. She obviously has good, and expensive, taste in cars."

"I couldn't have another friend with good taste?"

Jessie grinned. "You could, but I doubt you'd drive one of their cars around for work."

She did have a point and as a psychiatrist probably had pretty good powers of deduction - something he hadn't really thought of though it made sense.

"Actually," Callen said, "She lets me drive them so they don't feel neglected."

Jessie raised an eyebrow. "Really?" She didn't sound like she believed him. Pity because he was actually telling the truth, mostly.

Callen winked. "That's what she tells me." Hetty also told him exactly where she wanted each vehicle to be seen at some point while he had them and a few places that he wasn't to go with them. He was pretty sure Hetty's cars were connected to certain aliases of hers and he was doing the grunt work for the upkeep of said aliases when he had them. He didn't complain though. It was a small, and willingly paid, sacrifice to have a break from the motor pool ones that were nowhere near as nice to drive.

"So what do you want to show me?" Jessie asked when they were underway.

Callen's lips twitched. It was now or never. He was either going to be in big trouble and turning the car around or hopefully…

"There's this great place I know to eat. Good view of the water, especially at sunset."

Callen wasn't sure they'd be there that long but who knows. He might get lucky. The silence from her had him rethinking his last thought. He was probably in trouble.

"You eavesdropped." A strong vibe of disbelief radiated from Jessie. "You're taking me to dinner."

"I did reconnaissance." Eavesdropped wasn't quite right.

"I'm not a mission," Jessie protested.

Callen glanced across at her briefly. "Complicated enough to be one," he told her. Way more complicated than he'd thought. So many mysteries to solve. "Relax Doc. It's just two people eating dinner together. Nothing we haven't done before. Some of the best steak in LA."

Callen could feel her stare burning into him but she remained silent and he kept his eyes on the road until he stopped at a red light. He took a breath and turned to face the music.

"You stalked my Facebook page too." Disbelief mirrored in her eyes what was in her voice. "You know Trevor went to a steakhouse."

Yes he did. But technically Callen didn't stalk her. He just gave Eric a subtle nudge to give him the information, which to be honest hadn't been anywhere near as difficult as he'd thought it would be. Though Nell hadn't said anything, the look on her face at learning more about Trevor Blake had been obvious to both him and Eric. Given Callen wasn't likely to get away with anything he owned it.

"Research," he corrected, leaving Eric out of it because he certainly didn't want to get Eric in trouble. "Who were you going to go out with? You promised him." That should push the conversation from what he had done to what she hadn't.

"Day's not over," Jessie said, a hint of guilt in her eyes. "I still have time."

The light changed and Callen accelerated the car smoothly.

"Not anymore and I'll bet you weren't going to."

Callen glanced briefly across at her and saw her raise her eyebrows; though which part of his comment she was reacting to he wasn't sure.

"Actually I was. I was going to call Nell when I got home. I couldn't find her before I left," she told him. "I'm sure she's got a million questions about Trevor that would keep me entertained for the night."

Callen shook his head. "Nell's got plans tonight."

Well Callen assumed she had plans since he'd seen her and Eric walking out together talking about a movie, though … if Nell knew what was on the table she'd probably change her plans in an instant or Jessie would end up with both Nell and Eric at dinner. That thought didn't particularly appeal to Callen so he said, "You can tell me about him instead."

"Why would you want to know about Trevor?"

"Why wouldn't I?" He was important to her and there was a lot Callen could learn about Jessie herself by learning about her relationship with Trevor. Probably more than she suspected he would.

Callen pulled into the parking lot. "We're here."


	17. Trevor Part 2

* * *

Callen waited until they were seated at a table, with the great view over the water he’d mentioned, before he said, “Tell me about Trevor.”

They’d already ordered and their drinks, his beer and her wine, were in front of them. The gentle breaking of the surf could be heard along with the music drifting out the doors to where they were on the balcony. Nothing loud enough to stop the conversation though, which was the reason Callen had chosen outside.

“That’s a pretty open ended question,” Jessie said. “Where should I start?”

“Beginning’s a good place.” Callen regretted his words immediately when the brightness in her eyes dimmed and he realised it was what he’d said to her once before. However the moment Jessie started to talk about Trevor, the light shined bright once again, even more so than before.

“I was eight,” she said. “It was his first day at school.” Jessie’s smile matched the sparkle in her eyes. “As he said in his message I crashed into his life … literally. I was running, turned a corner straight into him. We both hit the ground. I scraped my knee, he scraped his elbow. We looked at each other and burst into giggles. That was how the teacher found us. Bleeding, giggling and tangled together.”

“Memorable first meeting.” Callen couldn’t quite imagine her as a giggling little girl. Or maybe it was just that he’d yet to hear any fun times from her childhood that would allow him to create that image.

Jessie nodded. “Best friends ever since.”

Best friends? Could Trevor be the one she’d referred to in their previous conversations? It fitted, though Callen had assumed said best friend she moved in and went unsuccessfully surfing with was a girl.

“When did you start dating?”

Jessie frowned. “We never dated.”

Callen swallowed his mouthful of beer, raised an eyebrow and said slowly, “You married him but didn’t date him?”

Jessie leaned forward, her elbows rested on the table. “G,” she said seriously. “Trevor’s gay.” There was a pause as Jessie studied him for a moment before she continued. “I thought Nell would’ve told you. I’ve known since we were fourteen, probably suspected sooner since it didn't come as a surprise. ”

That was a curve ball Callen hadn’t seen coming at all. And no, Nell hadn’t said a word about it, though when he thought back there had been that moment Hetty had interrupted them. Yet Callen had been positive of what he’d seen in the photo of the two of them; what he’d heard in their voices on the call and seen in her eyes, even now. Love was so strong in that photo and it wasn’t taken that long ago; only a few years ago at the most he’d bet. Was it possible he’d been wrong? 

“What did you say when he told you?” It wasn’t the question Callen most wanted to ask but it was the first one in his head that he got straight enough. He felt like he’d almost completed a puzzle only to be have it break apart, jumble up and have to be put back together again. Nothing had actually changed but that small piece of information made the picture entirely different.

Jessie sat back in her chair. “Okay, just don’t steal my guy and we’re good.”

“Was there a possibility of that?” 

“No.” Jessie shook her head. “Definitely different tastes. He’s always been more into tall, dark and handsome.”

“And you?” Callen probably shouldn’t have asked that one but the ball was in play now. The twinkle in Jessie’s eyes and twitch of her lips suggested she was up for it. He just no idea where she’d go.

“Eyes always did it for me,” Jessie said. “Especially blue ones.”

Not expecting there though.

“Must remember that.” Callen wasn’t entirely sure if she was just simply playing or if she meant it. He also wasn’t sure why it bothered him slightly that the first option might be the correct one. Jessie rolled her eyes and Callen chuckled at the look on her face. “How did you end up married if that was the case?”

Jessie took a sip of her wine and reached for one of the hot bread rolls that had just arrived on their table. “On his eighteenth birthday,” she said as she buttered the roll, “Trevor finally told his parents. They didn’t take it well, at all, and kicked him out there and then. I turned eighteen a few weeks later and my aunt and uncle turned my trust fund over to me. It was small but it gave us enough to get a place together until school finished. Then we headed to Boston. He was accepted at the Boston Conservatory for their dance program and I took the offer Boston University made me.”

“Why Boston?”

Every now and then it was difficult to get a straight answer out of Jessie but Callen was almost always patient. This time though he didn’t feel like she was holding back, more that she was giving him what he’d need to process and understand what the situation had been. However he suspected she didn’t know that there were other little things about her that she was telling him too. The phrasing she choose gave him a much bigger insight into her personality and her relationships than she probably realised. Callen didn’t doubt that she had chosen Boston University to be with Trevor.  _ Trevor was accepted _ where as she  _ took the offer _ . That told Callen just how important Trevor was to her. He picked up a roll as well. 

“We’d lived our entire lives in Chicago and we both wanted out,” Jessie told him. “We’d already been talking about going somewhere together, had made sure we applied to the same cities for our different programs to increase our chances of making it happen.” Jessie sighed, sadness crept back into her eyes and voice. “When everything went crazy with his parents, Boston hit the top of the list. Trevor’s grandmother had left a small apartment in trust for him there when she died so it meant accommodation was covered. All we had to do was wait for the previous tenants to leave, which ended up being almost perfectly timed. They left two weeks after we finished high school. We got married after we got there.”

“Why?” Callen asked. Especially so young and given they didn’t have a romantic relationship it didn’t seem a logical choice.

“It seemed the easiest way to us. We were in a new place. Alone. He wasn’t ready to come out to anyone else after his parents had turned on us. It really rocked him.” 

Oh there was definitely a story there. A hint of anger had edged into Jessie’s tone alongside the sadness. Callen could tell it was directed squarely at Trevor’s parents. Even though that one little word,  _ us _ , told him it was partly her story, it also wasn’t and he wouldn’t push for it. She’d tell him when she was ready, maybe not tonight but eventually that he knew - instinctively. It was just a matter of time.

“It was protection for both of us,” Jessie continued. “Kept the questions at bay.” 

The question Callen now wanted to know was why did Jessie need protection? Trevor he could understand to some degree. Unless of course it had to do with her parents. Had she been protected from the potential media frenzy that could’ve followed?  What had she suffered and how many people kept asking questions and bringing it up? He could understand seeking protection and anonymity, wanting to hide, start fresh and forget. Those questions though, he wasn’t going to ask her, not tonight. 

“Would’ve made dating hard for you,” he said instead.

Jessie shook her head. “Didn't have time to date. I was trying to condense a four year degree into three so I was studying most of it and taking the occasional job where I could to help. Trevor was just a busy taking on every opportunity that came his way to learn more about dance.”

“Med school?”

“The studying paid off. I got into Harvard on a half scholarship. Thankfully still in Boston so that helped with costs since accommodation wasn’t an issue.”

“How did it work?”

“How did what work?”

“Money.”

A half scholarship to Harvard would still leave her with a lot of debt. Living expenses, even with accommodation taken care of, weren’t going to be cheap in Boston and he couldn’t imagine there would be much more time free for her to work as well as study once she hit medical school.

“We pooled what we had and survived.” Jessie said. “It was the only way. If we’d fought over whose was what we never would’ve made it.”

“And after the marriage was over?”

Jessie rolled her eyes. “God the lawyers. It was supposed to be simple but none of the ones we approached thought it should be amicable. I swear I almost threw something at one of them for what they wanted me to go after Trevor for.” Jessie took a sip of her wine. “We’d supported each other however we could with what we had. That was it. All we wanted to do walk away with what was ours at the start. Him the apartment, me my trust fund and split anything we’d brought during the time that wasn’t personal. Which to be honest wasn’t much. We really didn’t have a lot left over at the end of the month.”

“Why did you split?” Aside from the obvious.

Jessie smiled and the softness returned to both her face and her voice. “Trevor met Alex and that was it. I knew the first time Trevor brought him to dinner that we were on the countdown to the end.” 

Apparently Alex wasn’t the girl Callen had assumed when he’d listened in on her call earlier. At that point their entrees arrived and the conversation had a brief pause until the waiter had left.

“You would’ve still been in med school,” Callen said. “Didn’t that make it harder when it was over.”

“I was,” Jessie nodded, “but we moved in with Alex. He had a bigger home.”

“You -” Callen coughed as his mouthful almost went down the wrong way. The way she said it was so simple, so matter of fact, almost as if it was a logical step. The shock must’ve been clear on his face because Jessie laughed, though he didn’t miss the quick look of doctor concern that had flicked across her face.

“It’s odd I know,” Jessie said, “but it worked for us. Alex is a bit older and he was already established in his career. He earned enough that he could take care of both of us until I finished Med school.” She smiled. “Alex’s excuse was that I’d taken care of Trevor for him until they could meet and now he was just saying thank you and returning the favour. Kind of romantic but really it’s just pure Alex. He has a heart of gold.” 

Callen could hear almost as much love in her words for Alex as he could for Trevor. If they were eighteen when they got married, they’d have been twenty three or twenty four when they divorced. Alex would’ve been in her life for for at least fifteen years. There weren’t many in Callen’s life that had lasted that long but those that had meant a lot to him so he could understand a strong connection developing between the three of them. 

“When I finished med school,” Jessie continued, “they moved to New York where Trevor’s career went through the roof. I moved back to the apartment and did my residency at MGH. We were family by choice. Still are.”

Callen was glad to hear that. She deserved that kind of connection. She’d missed out on having her family care for her but had found ones to call her own. The way she spoke about them left no room in Callen’s mind that they were indeed family in the best sense of the word. Dinner arrived and after the flurry of changing plates and the next order of drinks taken, their conversation continued.

“Okay,” Callen asked. “How did you manage a divorce timing that detailed?”

Jessie laughed. “Because of our problems with the lawyers we approached a judge for help. He was really sweet and helped us through the process. When it came to declaring us divorced he was quite happy to do it right on the time Trevor wanted. The judge said it was one of his most memorable divorces and the nicest one he’d ever done.”

“Why did Trevor want that time though?”

“The divorce meant the start for Trevor and Alex.” Jessie smiled. “We were counting down to that. It wasn’t a bad thing. It was good. The zero came an hour after it was final. Trevor and I went out for a meal, just the two of us, and Alex arrived right on zero, sixty minutes later.” There was a soft look on Jessie’s face and Callen knew she was remembering fondly whatever had happened when Alex had arrive.

“They weren’t already together?”

Jessie shook her head. “No. They’d spent time together, the three of us had as well but … Trevor and I had made a promise, more than one when we said those vows. If anyone special came along for either of us, the marriage would end before anything happened. It wasn’t fair to anyone to be the other ‘person’. Having been through broken promises before we swore we’d never do that to each other, or anyone else.”

Callen let that bit of information settle about Jessie. It fitted. She’d promised him things already and she’d kept them all.

“Why a divorce not an annulment though?” Callen asked her. “The marriage wasn’t real.”

Jessie shook her head and swallowed her mouthful quickly. “The marriage was real G. Just because it didn’t include sex doesn’t make it any less real. I had someone who was there for me through everything. Who I was there for too. The good. The bad. All of it. There were times I’m not entirely sure either of us would’ve made it through without the other. Why would I want to make it like it never happened?”

The passion and conviction in her voice and her eyes floored Callen. He hadn’t thought about it that way but, knowing what he knew about Jessie, he knew she didn’t do things by halves so it honestly shouldn’t have surprised him. She was fully committed to whatever it was in front of her, for however long it took. 

“You kept his name.”

“Trevor’s been my rock since the day I met him. As much as I loved my father, going back to that name wasn’t going to happen. I know my father would’ve been there for me if he could but Blake, ... it’s an important part of who I am, who I became because of Trevor.”

There was more to it. Callen saw it in her eyes. But he also felt she wasn’t ready to go there so he didn’t push.

“Cassidy?”

“Alex. Trevor changed his name when they got married after Massachusetts legalised same sex marriage. At least the change was for all things personal.  By then Trevor Blake was too well known, almost brand-like, for him to change it professionally. It was a nice touch for us to be able to return to where it all started for it, even if it wasn’t recognised everywhere.”

“What kind of apartment?” Callen finally gave into the question that had been poking at him to ask ever since she’d mentioned it. He was curious, why he wasn’t quite sure and he wasn’t willing to look into his own head to figure out his motivation.

Jessie’s eyes narrowed in suspicion. “Studio.” A wicked smile was on her lips as she added. “And yes just the one bed and no one slept on the couch.”

“Yet nothing happened?”

It wasn’t like Callen hadn’t noticed she was attractive, after all attention to detail was an important part of his job and one of the skills he excelled at. The agent in him had noted deep rich colour of her hair, even if she kept it pulled back in that familiar bun at the back of her neck. The expressive eyes that were easy to get lost in if you let yourself. The smooth looking, soft skin and a toned body that had curves that could easily tempt you to find out just how soft they were, if you let yourself think too much about them. But that was all it was, all it could be; the agent in him noticing. Because after Tracey, Gibbs’ Rule Twelve was burned into Callen’s brain. 

Jessie raised her eyebrows. “You don’t believe me.”

“I didn’t say that.” Almost five and a half years was a whole lot of nights spent in a bed next to someone for nothing to happen, even if it didn’t go somewhere. But then right now he wasn’t exactly thinking about how it could’ve been between her and Trevor and wondered where Gibbs was when he needed him.

Jessie leaned forward on the table, her elbows on either side of her plate and her chin resting on her linked fingers. There was amusement in her eyes and Callen had a distinct impression that this conversation was no longer under his control.

“I don’t know whether to be flattered,” Jessie said, ”that you think I’d be irresistible to a gay man or concerned that you don’t think a loving platonic relationship is possible between a man and a woman. Should I be concerned about you with Kensi and Nell?”

Callen leaned in closer. “I don’t spend every night in Kensi or Nell’s bed.”

Sure there had been the occasional time he’d been undercover with Kensi and they’d had to play things that way but there was nothing between them like that. Never had been. And Nell, well ever since the time he’d watched her walk away from him and Sam with a backpack on her back that seemed too big and a hard hat on her head, she’d seemed like the little sister he’d never had. He didn’t even need to think about Gibbs’ rule for them. 

The twitch of Jessie’s lips and the increased amusement in her eyes told Callen that what he hadn’t quite phrased that right.

“That’s not what I meant Doc and you know it,” he said quickly. 

“Why Agent Callen, are you blushing? That must be a first for me.”

“Must be the light,” Callen said in the closest thing he’d come to lying to her. He could feel the unusual sensation of heat in his cheeks. 

Jessie was trying not to smile but she failed miserably, of sorts, and a very satisfied one lifted the corners of her mouth. “So I don’t need to keep an eye on you with them?”

She made it way too easy to turn the tables. Callen lowered his voice enough so it created more than a hint of intimacy between the two of them. “Doc you can keep your eyes on me anytime you want. Just doesn’t need to be because of that.” Callen grinned and sat back. “And now she’s blushing.”

“It’s the light.”

But both of them knew it wasn’t. And neither of them truly minded. And Callen told himself that the flirting and banter between them had absolutely nothing to do with Rule Twelve. They settled into finishing the rest of them meal, the conversation lighter and less intriguing but still flowed comfortably.

When Jessie finished everything on her plate Callen nodded in appreciation of her efforts. 

“So she eats. Not quite sure where you put it.” The steak hadn’t been the smallest on the menu and he’d been curious to see how much of it she’d actually finish. He’d come close to struggling toward the end of his but it was too good to leave on the plate and theirs had been the same size.

“Not like the girls you usually date huh?”

Callen raised his eyebrows.

“I’m not saying this is a date,” Jessie backtracked, a flush of pink moving onto her cheeks. 

Between her eyes and her cheeks she was so easy for him to read. Not predictable though. She did manage to take him by surprise fairly often which was probably why Callen enjoyed his conversations with her as much as he did.

“I don’t know,” Callen said slowly. “I ask a girl out to dinner, kind of figure it’s a date.” The thought that their first date had been the night he’d taken her for pizza after the firing range had barely flashed through his mind before he slammed to door on it - hard.

“Therein lies the problem Agent Callen.” Jessie smiled. “You didn’t ask.” She sat back in her chair and continued before he had a comeback to that one since she did have a very valid point. “I eat because it’s good food, and because I learned during my residency to eat when I could because you could never be sure when the next food break was going to happen.” Jessie shrugged. “I balance things out and work out enough that I don’t have to worry.”

“Good to know.”

The waiter came back then and gathered their plates. “Would you care for dessert?”

Callen looked to Jessie and with a inclination of his head gave her the lead to answer.

“Apple pie and ice cream please.” She raised her eyebrows and Callen felt a certain degree of competitiveness shift through him.

“Peach Cobbler.” It had tempted him when he’d first seen it but given what he knew about the meals here he wasn’t sure if he’d have room to fit it. Apparently slow eating worked better than his usual rush; or perhaps it was the company and conversation.

“So,” Callen finally asked when the waiter had left, “What’s Gotcha Day?”

Jessie put down her wine glass. “Ah yes, your … reconnaissance.” She tilted her head a little as she looked at him and another one of her soft happy smiles settled on her face. “The day Trevor and I met. Every year we celebrate it.”

“And you usually do something together.”

Jessie nodded. “Always ... Expect today.” Sadness crept into her eyes but not enough to steal the happiness completely.

“He couldn’t come to you?” Callen remembered Jessie being away a few weeks ago. That must’ve been when she’d last seen Trevor.

“He’s got a show he’s doing and can’t get away.”

Callen remembered her comment on the phone and leaned forward. “I’m sure Hetty would’ve let you go if you’d asked.”

Jessie shrugged. 

“Jessie,” Callen said. “In case you haven’t noticed, this isn’t your standard working environment. If you need time off for something important, just ask.”

* * *

They were back at the office and standing next to her car. “Thank you,” Jessie said. “I had a really good time.”

“Trevor seemed pleased when he called to check on you after the show.” 

Jessie laughed softly. “Yeah. You’d think he’d trust me by now.” 

The small strand of hair that had been fighting the light breeze all through dinner finally lost its battle, came loose from her bun and blew across her face. They both reached for it at the same time and their fingers collided. Callen’s won. He tucked the soft strands behind her ear, his fingers lingered perhaps a touch longer than necessary.

“I’d say he knows you well.”

“He does,” Jessie agreed. “Frequently better than I know myself.” Jessie reached into her bag for her car keys. “Good night G.”

“Night Doc.”

Callen followed her home, kept his distance and waited until he saw the sliver of light around the curtains in her lounge room come on. He was just about to pull away when his phone pinged with a text.

_ You didn’t need to follow. _

As much as he’d kept his distance he’d hadn’t really been using all his skills to not be spotted. She’d obviously noticed though which made him feel a touch more confident about her awareness of the out-of-the-ordinary around her. A good thing considering the life she know led.

_ Wanted to make sure you got home safe. It’s what Trevor would do right? _

Though Callen suspected Trevor probably would’ve seen her right to her door personally not just followed and watched.

_ Yes. He would. Night G. _

_ Night. _


	18. Callen talks again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for the Kudos. Glad to know there are readers enjoying the story.  
> This chapter was inspired by the episode Killhouse where Nell was in trouble and the team, of course, came to her rescue. A little time between Callen and Jessie after the fact.  
> Enjoy. Love to know what you think.

* * *

 

Jessie stepped back and let Callen walk through her door without him saying a word. Neither did she. By the time he had put the Chinese takeaway on the table and sat down she was back with plates, glasses and a bottle of wine. Callen eyed the bottle. It wasn’t rare for them to have a drink with the meals he brought but it was unusual for Jessie to bring a bottle to the table.

“Trying to get me drunk Doc?”

Jessie laughed softly. “It’s half a bottle G. Plus I’m pretty sure you could drink me under the table.”

“On would be better. More room.” 

“It’s a very small table,” she told him.

“I’ll make it work.”

God it felt good to banter with her already. Some normality to a day that had been hell. Even better when that blush appeared quickly and her lips twitched in the way they did when she tried to hold back her smile. Jessie rolled her eyes and sat down next to him on the couch. She had a perfectly good dining table in the corner, with plenty more room than the coffee table had here, but they’d never actually used it. Perhaps the casualness of the couch made it easier for him to talk to her. Callen dished out the food and Jessie poured the wine. There was silence as they ate but, although it was companionable, there was a heaviness hanging over it. Callen knew it wouldn’t last, didn’t want it to because after all, he wasn’t here for the company even though that was as good a reason as any. He was here for more than that and they both knew it.

Eventually Jessie broke the silence with her quiet question.

“You okay?”

Callen took a breath. “It was too close with Nell today.” Way too close. His heart had been pounding hard enough when they’d been searching the building but seeing her standing there trapped, with a gun held to her, he’d felt like it was about to break through his ribs.

“You were there,” Jessie said gently. “She’s safe.”

Now maybe and Callen was very relieved that was the case but it didn’t ease the feelings he had about what had happened.

“Granger shouldn’t have kept us in the dark but we …  _ I _ should never have left her alone.”

“That’s true.”

Callen stopped chewing and stared at her. He swallowed, with difficulty, past the sudden tightness in his throat. “Thought talking to you was supposed to make me feel better.”

“G, we’re human.” There was compassion and understanding in her eyes and voice. “We make mistakes and hindsight is 20/20. Sure, at the time you didn’t think you needed to leave her with someone. Looking back you should’ve. You learn and move on.”

“You don’t blame me?” Even though he’d blamed Granger for putting his team, especially Nell, at risk, it wasn’t all on Granger. Callen was the team leader. He was responsible for the day to day safety of his team and leaving her alone … that was solely on his head.

“Why would I?” Jessie looked genuinely confused at his question and Callen didn’t know how to respond.

“How’s Nell doing?” Jessie asked him after a few moments.

“She’s okay. Sam’s keeping watch for a few hours, then I’ll take over again.” When Eric had taken Nell home Callen had followed and stayed outside her apartment in his car until the pizza delivery had arrived. That had prompted his own stomach to rumble. Knowing Sam, who had arrived arrived not long before the pizza, was fine to watch for a while Callen had headed off. He’d surprised himself when he’d ended up at his favourite Chinese restaurant ordering enough for two, and none of them Sam’s favourites. It had taken a few moments in his car before he’d finally admitted to himself that he’d missed Jessie’s reassuring presence today. Not that he would’ve seen her much but knowing she was there for them and watching out in her own way, that he’d missed. These day shifts of hers at the hospital were starting to annoy him, which told him just how much she’d become a part of his team.

“Does she know?” Jessie’s question pulled Callen back from the thoughts he’d gotten lost in.

“Know what?”

“That you two are watching her?”

“Three.”

Jessie smiled. “Eric’s with her.”

Callen nodded and took a sip of the wine before he turned his attention back to his food. And she waited, as patient as ever for him to be ready to talk.

“It was almost like Dom again,” Callen finally said.

Jessie didn’t reply but she did put her wine glass and plate down on the table then turned her attention fully to him.

“You say were learn from our mistakes yet-”

“Stop,” Jessie interrupted firmly.

Callen raised an eyebrow. “Thought you wanted me to talk to you.”

“I do. But I know where you are going with this and I need to say something first and hopefully it will help.”

“What?”

“Dom wasn’t your fault.” They’d only briefly touched on Dom that day here in her kitchen. Jessie didn’t give him time to say anything. “Sure, he was your team member and your responsibility. I get that. But you are not at fault for him being taken. You can’t take the blame for what the bad guys do.  _ They  _ took him. You  _ did not _ hand him over.”

She didn’t get it. Callen wasn’t sure she could. Dom had family and Callen had a responsibility to not only Dom but to them to keep him safe in this crazy world they worked in. Not an easy task but one he was generally very good at.

“He was young,” Callen started.

“But not stupid,” Jessie countered.

“I should’ve taught him better.”

“You were. You just hadn’t taught him everything. That takes time.”

Did she really have to have a reasonable answer to all his reasons?   
“I should’ve checked on him when he didn’t show that night.”

“Why?”

“I … I don’t know. But-”

“How often had Dom been out with you all on a team night out?” Jessie asked.

Callen didn’t have to think too hard on that. He knew because it had played on his mind how little about Dom he knew and that he’d never really pushed Dom to join them in the beginning on their team night outs. He was that much younger. New. Callen was just giving him a little time to settle in. Too much time apparently. The fork stilled on the way to his mouth as Callen realised then that he was repeating that mistake with Jessie, at least in terms of the team activities. He’d definitely spent more time getting to know her.

“Only once,” Callen admitted.

“And how much did you know about Dom’s personal life?”

“Not much.”

“Then there’s no reason,” Jessie said with confidence, “for you to think he needed checking in on. For all you knew he’d ended up with a date or had a family situation that took precedence.” For some reason Dom on a date wouldn’t compute in Callen’s mind but the family situation did.

“He was close to his family but he would’ve sent us a message.”

“What if his phone ran out of battery?” Jessie asked. “Or whatever it was came on suddenly and that was all he could think of?”

“I -” But Jessie didn’t let him continue.

“Why are you the one who should’ve called him? What about Kensi? She was his partner. Why’s it not her fault? Or Hetty’s? I mean Hetty is the one in charge of all of you. Surely she’s more at fault than you for not looking out for him. Then of course Sam.”

“Hey!” Callen jumped in to protest Jessie’s attack as his anger rose but the raised eyebrow she gave him, and the look in her eyes, told him he’d fallen neatly into her trap. Callen felt the tension slip from him and with it a slice more of the guilt he still felt, not all of it but some. “I get it. You don’t need to keep going.”

“You sure?” Jessie said. “Cause I’m on a roll.”

“I’m sure.”

“G,” Jessie said softly and shifted just a little closer to him on the couch. Her hand rested just on the back of it near his shoulder. “You can’t take the world’s problems and put them on your shoulders,” her hand moved to settle on his shoulder. Callen could feel the warmth of her hand almost immediately through his shirt. “No matter how strong they are,” Jessie continued. “Even if it’s only in your little world. Dom. Nell. Today was not your fault. It’s life and life includes mistakes. It’s not so much the mistakes you make but what you do after that’s more important, and you got her back. She trusted you to do that, to come for her, make her safe again. Remember that. Hindsight is a good and a terrible thing. It can help or hinder us.”

Everything she said made sense, not just relating to Nell but to Dom too. They’d found him, had followed every lead. They just hadn’t been able to get him out.

“Sounds like you are speaking from experience,” Callen said.

“Working in the ER teaches you to let go. If I didn’t, how could I move onto the next patient with thoughts of what had or hadn’t happened with the previous one crowding my head? ”

Callen knew she wasn’t looking for an answer to her question. “You’ll talk to Nell? Make sure she’s okay?” He really didn’t need to ask the question but he did anyway, even knowing what her answer would be. Hearing her say it would help him believe Nell was going to be alright.

“Of course I will,” Jessie assured him. “I’ve already had a quick chat on the phone with her when she got home. She’s coming to see me tomorrow.”

Callen reached for his plate and the remote which he handed to Jessie. “Your choice of movie this time.”

“You sure you want to stay that long?” Jessie shifted back to her end of the couch, obviously accepting that the deep conversation part of the evening was over.

Callen nodded. “I’m sure. Sam’s got Nell covered.”

“And I’ve got you covered.”

Whether she did it deliberately this time or not, Callen took the open door. “Not quite Doc, but a guy can hope.”

Jessie kept her eyes on the TV and searched for a movie but it didn’t stop Callen witnessing the blush on her cheek or the way she caught the inside of it to stop the smile. His smile on the other hand wasn’t held back at all and it was the easiest one he’d been able to do all day.


	19. Karaoke

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This and the next chapter relate to the same adventure, shall we call it, but I've split it a little because of size. There are also a couple of times we slip into Jessie's head for the first time so far!
> 
> Jessie's song from this chapter - Every time we touch - Cascada. Just in case you want to listen.
> 
> Hope you enjoy and would love to know what you think. It's taken me a bit to get this one just right (I hope - still just a touch unsure) but figured if I kept reading to see what other little tweaks I could do it wouldn't get out for a while.

* * *

 

“Have a good time,” Jessie told them all.

Callen watched her turn and walk away down the corridor to her office. When he focused back on the team, a look from Hetty was all it took to know what she expected from him.

“Meet you there,” Callen told them. “Have something to do first.”

“Don’t be long G.” Sam grinned. “Wouldn’t want you stuck with the bad choices … again would we?”

Callen shook his head.  “I’ll make it up in the car next week if that happens.”

Sam’s grin dropped and then the team filed out of the bullpen. Light laughter and teasing comments reached him from the corridor and made Callen smile. When the door closed behind them he headed to Jessie’s office and found her putting on her coat.

“You know,” Callen leaned against the door frame. “You were included in that invitation.

Jessie spun around. “I don’t-,” she stopped. A look that was very telling slid across her face. It was the same when she’d started to tell him nothing after the armoury and Callen felt a major sense of satisfaction that she hadn’t been able to continue the attempted lie. He’d seen the same protective and reactive look in her eyes both times and, even though this time there was no panic, he knew there was a something about Karaoke and her.

“You do, don’t you?” he said.

Jessie picked up her bag. “It’s not something I tend to do in crowds.”

Callen threw a silent thank you out to Hetty for her unintentional help with this. Jessie was coming tonight, even if she didn’t know it yet.

“Hetty’s got a private room booked.”

Jessie shook her head again, more firmly this time.

“You have other plans for tonight?”

“It’s been a big week. A night in with a glass of wine, a warm bath and preferably the phone of the hook.”

Callen knew the last part was wishful thinking. She would never deliberately be uncontactable, no matter how much she wanted to.

“With or without company?”

Jessie blushed but held his gaze. “Not that it’s any of your business, but without.”

“Can’t have that now can we?” The blush heightened and Callen pushed on. “It’s a team outing and you are part of the team. Aren’t you?”  He saw the stillness settle over Jessie and the conflict in her eyes. “Come with us,” Callen asked. He didn’t want to force her, much prefer it if he could simply change her mind and get her to agree but Hetty had given him an order with that look of hers.

After a few moments Jessie sighed. “Fine, I’ll come. But I’m _not_ singing.”

“We’ll see,” Callen straightened. “I’ll drive.” They started to walk down the corridor, side by side.

“I have my car,” Jessie protested.

“I’ll drive,” Callen repeated. “Pick your car up tomorrow.”

“You’re not giving me a choice are you?”

“Don’t trust you not to slip away.” While Callen trusted her to actually show up, he didn’t trust that she would stay long enough and join in. Her track record for team nights wasn’t strong, though there was usually a good reason for her skipping out or leaving early - generally a hospital shift. At least without access to her car, she’d either have to get a taxi or stay until Callen was ready to take her home. Either way he’d have the team’s help to keep her there until he was satisfied, which definitely wouldn’t happen until she’d at least sung once.

Callen pushed the door to the exit open and stepped back to let her go through. “Plus,” he said, “by the time we’re done with you, you won’t be able to drive.”  He opened the passenger door for her but she didn’t get in.

Instead she looked up at him, a curious expression on her face. “Are you planning on getting me drunk Agent Callen?”

“Maybe.” Callen grinned. “It’s an effective way to learn about someone.”

“Interrogation or dating technique?” Jessie slipped into the  passenger seat.

Callen chuckled and leaned down to look her in the eyes. “Whatever you want it to be Doc. I’m good either way.” He straightened and closed the door quickly on yet another blush before she could say anything in return.

* * *

 

Jessie put her empty wine glass down on the table. Callen shook his head in disappointment.

“Two glasses of wine and you’re still not up there,” he said. “What’s it gonna take?”

“Told you.” Her voice was filled with confidence.

“Bet I can get you up there.” She said she didn’t do dares, but Callen figured he could manage to find a way to ‘encourage’ her if he really put his mind to it.

Jessie shook her head. “Nope.” She turned and looked straight at him. “I’m not stupid enough or drunk enough to bet on you not getting what you want, Agent Callen.”

He was getting to the point that almost every time she called him that he felt the pull of a challenge to make sure whatever it was happened. Now was no different. She was going to be up there. No question. It was just a matter of when and how.

“What about betting you can resist?” If she was that confident surely that shouldn’t be a problem.

“I’m not getting up there,” Jessie repeated.

“G, you’re up,” Sam interrupted them.

Callen rose, but his eyes stayed on Jessie. “I’ll have you up there before the end of the night. Count on it.” He started to walk to the stage her words stopped her.

“In your dreams.”

Callen turned. “Multiple times Doc. Multiple times.” He saw the catch of her breath and the blush that flooded her cheeks and the potential double meaning to his words hit him. Callen smirked and winked before he continued to the small stage that was nothing more than a step up from the rest of a room that was  just big enough to take the eight of them.

* * *

 

Callen sat back down beside Jessie once he’d finished, took a sip of his drink and turned to face her. “Hope you’ve thought of a song,” he said. “You’ll be up there soon.”

Jessie shook her head. “I’m not going to make a -”

Callen reached out and put a finger on her lips to stop her words. He shook his head, leaned closer and spoke quietly enough so the others wouldn’t hear. “Doc, it’s not about whether you are going to make a fool of yourself.” He saw the surprise in her eyes and knew he’d been spot on with where he’d suspected she was going with her protest. Yeah, they did make fools of themselves, but in the name of relaxing, fun and team bonding.

“You’re just joining in.” He removed his finger.

“I need to earn their trust, not put on a show,” Jessie said earnestly.

Callen got where she was coming from, knew how important it was for her to earn the team’s trust. Even though she had it, a lot of it at least, she obviously felt she could do better. But she still had lot to learn about being a part of this team of his. “If I can get up there and do it,” Callen said, “and show up on Monday and lead them, so can you.”

Jessie opened her mouth but Callen started to speak again before she could say anything.

“You won’t earn their trust by sitting here. You won’t earn it up there either but up there,” Callen pointed to the stage where Nell now stood to take her turn. “You will take another step deeper into the team. That’s what you want isn’t it?”

Her eyes were wide, her mouth started to say something a couple of times before she finally said, “You play dirty.”

Callen smiled. Yep. He’d play dirty all he needed to when it was important and he knew he was good at it.

“I play to win Doc. Think about it .”

Callen sat back and let his words sink in. He noticed as Nell sang her song a third glass of wine disappeared from Jessie’s glass. He knew what she could handle well enough. She might be too close to the limit to drive but she certainly wasn’t drunk. Her first two glasses had taken over an hour to finish and Hetty had supplied ample food, which he’d witnessed Jessie eat a decent amount of.

After Nell came Eric and when Eric finished Callen felt the small nudge of an elbow beside him. Hetty gave him a look and flicked her gaze to Jessie and back.

Time was up for the good Doctor.

“Come on.” Callen rose. “Your turn.” He held out his hand and waited.

Jessie shook her head but the rest of the team realised what was going on and a soft chant of Jessie’s name, that started with Deeks, filled the suddenly quiet room. Jessie stared up at Callen and, after a slow deep breath, put her hand in his. Callen pulled her up before she could change her mind.

“I’m going to regret this aren’t I?” Jessie murmured when they had walked the few steps to the stage and stepped up.

Callen leaned close. “Trust me. I’ll keep you safe.” She looked confused by his words. “You don’t think,” he added, “I’d leave you up here all alone do you? I’ve already got the song picked.”

Jessie’s eyes went wide. “What have you done?” she breathed.

Callen grinned, tugged her closer to the Karaoke machine and handed her a microphone. “Ready?”

Jessie shook her head but Callen pressed the play button anyway.

“Now I’ve,” he started and Jessie’s eyes went wider, “had the time of my life.”

“You didn’t,” she hissed at him.

Callen leaned right in beside her head, covered her mic and skipped the next words to reassure her in low voice next to her ear. “I know you know the song.” The video might have been old but it had been easy to see that both Trevor and Jessie had been singing along to it in parts. “Trust me,” he said. “This is important.”

“It’s the truth,” Callen jumped back in. “And I owe it all to you.”

Callen mentally crossed his fingers that she’d step up and start. She swallowed and caught her lip between her teeth, something Callen knew she did when she was trying to stop a smile, deep in concentration or, as it most likely was in this case, nervous.

“Cause I’ve,” her voice was tentative and soft. “Had the time of my life.” Callen smiled at her and she returned it with a slight shake of her head and the nervousness started to slip from her eyes. “And I owe it all to you.” A touch of sarcasm was in her tone with those last words.

Callen chuckled since they were rather appropriate words considering he was exactly why she was up here. The team picked up on it and there was laughter mixed with the cheering.

As the song went on Jessie relaxed more and eventually seemed to give up the fight and embrace it. Nell and Eric found their way up beside them and started dancing. Jessie stepped closer to Callen to give them space. Given both Nell and Eric were looking a little worse for wear, Callen slipped his arm around Jessie’s shoulders so that he could move her out of their way if he had to. Callen felt Jessie’s shoulders shake a few times over Nell and Eric’s attempts to recreate the dance from the movie and he hoped with everything he had that they didn’t try the lift.

The song ended and they’d sat down. Jessie shook her head. “Once,” she told him firmly. “I’m done.”

“Nowhere near done, Doc.” Callen grinned. “I said multiple times.” Jessie closed her eyes and groaned.

* * *

 

A few songs later when Jessie’s phone rang she answered it quickly as Sam continued to sing. Callen heard her say Trevor’s name and moved closer to listen in.

“Yes it’s Karaoke,” Jessie said softly. “...Yes ... Once and no, not again.” Jessie shot Callen a look that she probably thought was a deterrent to him trying to get her up there again. He looked forward to showing her how wrong she was. Jessie pulled the phone away from her ear and stared, a flicker of confusion on her face before the screen flared back to life with an incoming video call. Seeing who it was, Callen swiped the phone out of her hands before she could do anything about it.

“Well, well, well. Who do we have here?” Trevor’s voice came through loud and clear when Callen answered the call.

“Callen. You must be the infamous Trevor.”

“Infamous,” Trevor repeated. “I like that.”

“Who dares interrupt Karaoke night?” Deeks called out. Nell leaned over Callen’s shoulder, her fingers gripped his shoulders and Callen could tell she was well past tipsy as she wobbled into him.

“Trevor Blake,” Nell squeaked. Callen could see Trevor was taking in everything with curious eyes.

“The one and only,” Trevor replied with a smile for Nell.

“Jessie’s Trevor?” Deeks asked. “The hot dancer?”

“Deeks!” Jessie almost squeaked like Nell in surprise.

Trevor chuckled. “Why thank you. Care to introduce me?” Callen obliged and made a quick sweep of the room with the camera along with introductions, first names only, even though Jessie tried to retrieve her phone.

“Jessie darling,” Trevor said, “You’ve been holding out on me. Why didn’t you tell me you worked with such a beautiful bunch of bodies. I’d have been in Cali a long time ago.”

Between Jessie’s groan, and what he knew of Trevor, Callen suspected Trevor was teasing because if he’d been able to be out here to see her Callen had no doubt he would’ve, whether he knew about them or not. The blush that had heightened on Jessie’s cheeks confirmed the teasing theory, or at least he thought that was what it was about, unless … Jessie dropped her head to the table which drew a simultaneous chuckle from both Callen and Trevor.

“You’ve got to sing it you know Jessie. It’s tradition,” Trevor said.

“Sing what?” Deeks asked before Callen could.

“Jessie has a favourite song.” Jessie’s head flew up at Trevor’s words but the protest that spilled out didn’t stop him. “She sings every time we Karaoke.”

“Every time?” Callen drew out the words slowly, his eyebrows raised in question. “So she does it often?”

“We use to do it frequently back in the day, not so much now since she left me for the delights of all of you and the west coast.” Trevor continued, oblivious to Jessie’s desperate look for him to stop. Though the slight raise of Trevor’s eyebrows and flicker of something in his eyes suggested to Callen that wasn’t quite the case. “There’s this one song though,” Trevor said. “She owns it and really must do it for you.”

“ _We_ sing that song,” Jessie protested. “Together. And since you aren’t here-”

“Jessie,” Trevor interrupted, “take the phone and step out of the room.”

A resigned sigh fell from Jessie’s lips and she put her hand out for the phone. Callen handed it over and watched her leave, more than a touch of curiosity filling him.

* * *

 

Jessie closed the door quietly behind her and lifted the phone so she could see him. “Trevor -” A firm shake of his head, and the look in his eyes that she was more than familiar with, stopped her.

“Jessie ... Darling ... I love you and you are more than capable of singing it without me.”

“No. It’s ours.”

“My Gotcha present covered for the next two years if you do.”

“No.” The man was determined but she couldn’t do this, not here with-

His next words cut off her thoughts abruptly.

“Next five if you sing it to the hottie like you do me.”

“I’m not singing it to G.”

The sound of a throat being cleared right beside her made everything in Jessie still, breath and heart beat as well, before they jumped back in a touch faster than before. She knew exactly who was standing there; the one person who somehow always managed to sneak up on her and the very last person she wanted to hear what she’d just admitted. Her head turned slowly but she didn’t need the visual confirmation and her heart started thudding rapidly in her chest at the look in Callen’s eye. Hell, she’d be lucky if she ever lived this moment down, or got away without any fallout from it tonight.

Trevor chuckled and Jessie pulled her eyes from Callen back to him.

“Darling,” Trevor said, amusement clear in his voice. “I never said a name. You know me. Tall, dark and handsome. You made that assumption all on your own.”

“You know.” Jessie tried to focus on Trevor but she could feel Callen’s gaze burning into her, matching what she could feel on her cheeks. “It amazes me that even from thousands of miles away you can still get me into trouble.” But even with the embarrassment of being caught out saying what she had, she wasn’t mad at Trevor. She’d never been able to be, though frustrated was a very different story.

“You tried to tell me you didn’t Karaoke,” Callen said, way too close to her ear. She hoped he didn’t hear the way her breath caught. The attraction had been simmering lightly for a while, the flirty banter between them heating things occasionally but nothing she couldn’t handle. She was good at professional boundaries. At least she used to be except she hadn’t counted on getting to know him like she had. But then she’d never worked in this kind of team before so things were bound to be a little different. She didn’t doubt that there would be a very interesting conversation with Trevor sometime in the next day or two about this.

“She lied,” Trevor piped up with way too much glee in his voice.

She might’ve been tempted to, self preservation and all, but like always she hadn’t been able to continue.  “I didn’t lie-”

Callen jumped in and cut her off. “So she definitely does?”

“She does, not so much now,” Trevor said. “But we did plenty before. After all,” Trevor smiled, one Jessie knew. The one that told her that he was about to get her into even more trouble and there was no way to stop it. “We had to find some way for her to relieve stress when we were married since the usual way was out.”

The phone slipped from Jessie’s fingers. She couldn’t believe he’d said that; hoped like crazy she’d just been hearing things. Callen caught the phone before it hit the floor. She sucked in a breath but the timing was bad because Callen shifted closer right at that moment. Not only did she breathe in air but him as well and his familiar scent, which used to simply be comforting, wasn’t anymore.

“Inside.” Callen’s words were like a warm breath over her ear that she barely managed to repress the shiver that it elicited. Callen pushed the door open and reluctantly she walked through, without her phone, to a room that was silent; as if they were all waiting for something, or had been trying to listen. Jessie threw up a silent thank you that the rooms were sound proofed and a prayer that Trevor didn’t get her in any deeper than she already was.

* * *

 

Callen waited until the door closed before he lifted the phone. “So Trevor, what’s this song?”

Trevor chuckled. “If it’s a decent place they’ll have it or she’ll be able to get it.” Trevor frowned and his tone turned serious. “Callen, do me a favour. Don’t let her hang up on me. I really want her to do this and I want to see it. She _needs_ to do this.”

Callen frowned. “Why?”

The concern on Trevor’s face was clear. “Because she does. Because she holds back and it’s about bloody time she had some fun again. It’s been too long since she moved over there. I wanted to come out but she wanted time to settle in and she’s been back this side pretty frequently so she doesn’t think I need to. But I need to know she’s okay. She works too hard. Always has.”

Sounded exactly like the Jessie Callen had gotten to know.

“I’ll do my best.” Callen pushed the door open and walked back into the room. Jessie sat in her chair, the empty wine glass in her hand. He saw the contemplative look on her face and he knew she was tempted for a refill. Callen held the phone out to her but didn’t say a word. She put her glass down.

“No,” she said firmly before Trevor had a chance to say anything. Callen sat down and listened. But neither said anything, vocally that is. The looks between them, the expressions, eye rolls, were interesting to watch as the silent conversation progressed. It spoke volumes about the connection between the two of them.

Eventually Jessie let out another sigh. “Fine.” She held the phone out to Callen. “Apparently,” she told him, “He wants to watch. Doesn’t trust me not to back out.”

Callen watched her rise from her chair and she’d only taken a step from the table when Trevor called out. “Jessie.”

She turned and looked at the phone that now sat on the table using its case as a stand.

“You gotta dance too,” Trevor added.

Jessie’s mouth dropped open and her eyes widened. Her gaze slipped to Callen. He saw the blush that had only just settled flare again and he was reminded of the conversation he’d overheard outside and his curiosity about this song intensified. Jessie looked at his drink on the table and took a step closer.

“What’s that?” she asked.

“Scotch,” Callen told her.

Jessie took a deep breath and Callen raised an eyebrow when she picked up his drink and he watched her down half of it. Her eyes widened further and she spluttered. Trevor laughed, Callen was tempted too but the glare Jessie turned on Trevor stopped him.

“This is on your head.” Jessie pointed at Trevor.

“Gladly,” Trevor replied.

Callen was surprised to see Jessie stop and whisper something to both Kensi and Nell before the three of them went up on the stage. When Kensi looked at him he raised an eyebrow in question. Kensi shrugged but smiled. Maybe, just maybe, the payoff tonight would be bigger than Callen thought for Jessie’s connection to the team. A little bonding with Kensi could go a long way.

He saw Jessie close her eyes and take a breath before the music started then her eyes opened and she focused on her phone and Trevor as the first words fell from her lips.

_I still hear your voice when you sleep next to me._

Jessie smiled with a small shake of her head.

_I still feel your touch in my dreams._

Callen knew the song. It wasn’t the kind he’d expected her to be singing though.

_Forgive me my weakness but I don’t know why._

_Without you it’s hard to survive._

Jessie’s voice was stronger than it had been when he’d been singing with her; a confidence to it. Trevor had said she owned it and he was right.

The music’s beat kicked in and Jessie’s gaze slid from Trevor’s to him as she started to move. Choreographed moves Callen was sure; they were too good to just be made up on the spot. Yet at the same time natural. Kensi and Nell started following and Callen heard Trevor whistle in appreciation. He saw the smile spread on Jessie’s face and her eyes seemed to brighten.

The longer the song went on the harder it was for Callen to pull his eyes off Jessie. The way she moved, the enjoyment she was obviously finding with it, even though it had taken a lot to get her up there, it kept him focused on her. He did notice Deeks head up on stage and start dancing with Kensi but not for long and when he looked back to Jessie her expression was a silent question.

_“What’s that about?”_

Callen shrugged. He wasn’t entirely sure if those two had more going than they were letting on. The way they were dancing with each other though suggested if they weren’t yet, it wasn’t far off.

Callen’s focus slid back to Jessie and stayed there, with barely a flicker when Eric decided to join Nell. Her movements were smooth and rhythmic but something seemed to be missing and after a quick glance at the other two couples up on stage with her, Callen realised what it was - the dance was designed to be done with a partner which made Trevor's comment make a little more sense.

The look in Jessie’s eyes told Callen there was something special about the song that made him curious. The curiosity was fleeting though because he couldn’t keep his mind off what she was doing and the scene she was creating with her body - the way her hands slid over her body, not so much where they went but how was almost lover-like.

And with that thought the door he’d kept locked for so long flew open and off its hinges. Thoughts he’d pushed aside, tried to mask by keeping them to simple detail and agent-like notice,  were suddenly free and there was no denying it. Callen was attracted to her. Very much, to the point that his physical reaction took him by surprise. A touch of jealousy flared in that instant that Deeks and Eric had been brave enough to step up and join the girls. Callen’s hands tightened into fists. No he wasn’t going up there. With the strength of the attraction, stronger he was sure because of the months it had been pushed aside, he didn’t trust himself not to let it take him somewhere it shouldn’t. Especially considering what she’d said to Trevor suggested she just might feel similar. It had been long time since he’d felt something this strong.

Callen pulled his gaze back from her body to her eyes, hoped it would give him some breathing space but there was a hint of something in hers that almost seemed to reflect what he was feeling but it was gone quickly and replaced with amusement and Callen knew she’d witnessed the way he’d looked at her. The raised eyebrow of hers and the smile on her face was more of a challenge than Callen could resist, so he lifted one corner of his mouth and then deliberately ran his gaze slowly down her body and back up again. The other side of his mouth joined in when he saw the heat in her cheeks and her wide surprised eyes when he looked back at her face. Jessie gaze skittered away from his and Callen took a slow deep breath. If she wasn’t up for the heat, she really shouldn’t play with fire. But then neither should he.

Callen knew he’d be in trouble if he didn’t get this attraction locked away but that little voice on his shoulder, the one that tended to encourage you down a path that would end in trouble even with how good it would be, whispered in his ear _why._ Before Callen could answer the voice, or himself, he felt Jessie’s gaze back on him and looked up. Turns out he didn’t need that little voice to get him in trouble because trouble was too tame a word for the look in those brown eyes of hers which were now locked on his. Jessie started to walk slowly toward him, still singing and moving in a way that had him wishing for a cold shower because he couldn’t wish for anything else. It felt like they were the only two in the room and she was moving solely for him. Callen didn’t miss her eyes trail over his body and his did the same, without any thought on his part. Jessie leaned forward, her hands on the arms of his chair and his eyes were drawn to the top of her blouse that fell open just enough. He pulled them quickly up to her face and shifted in his seat to get more comfortable. The spark of satisfaction in Jessie’s eyes that told him she knew exactly why he’d moved.

She was so close. It wouldn’t take much to put his hands on her waist and lift her onto his lap. Put his hand on the back of her head to tilt it back so he could brush his lips over her neck and see if she tasted as sweet as she smelled. And then - He pulled back his thoughts, with great difficulty, to hear her sing the last line softly.

_I need you by my side_

Their eyes stayed locked after the music stopped. Callen wasn’t quite sure how long it took before the cheers from the rest of the team and Trevor broke through the connection that was fairly sizzling between the two of them. The blush flared on Jessie’s cheeks and she moved back quickly, almost as if she’d been burned. She turned to the phone and Trevor.

“You,” she said, ”are lucky you’re thousands of miles away.” The breathless quality to her voice did nothing to help Callen stop his wayward thoughts.

“Oh Jessie darlin,” Trevor grinned. “If you play your cards right, you’ll be the one who’ll be lucky tonight.”

Neither did that.

Callen honestly didn’t think there was any more colour that could end up in Jessie’s cheeks but he was wrong. She reached out quickly and hit the button to kill the connection with Trevor, hard enough that the phone slid across the table. For the second time that night Callen caught it before it hit the floor, at least assuring him some parts of his mind were still in control. When he handed it back to Jessie after she had sat down, the sparks jumped between them strong enough that her hand jerked away. Callen only just stopped his doing the same.

“I need a drink,” Jessie groaned. “I swear next time I see him…”

Callen could tell from her tone that the threat was an idle one. He already knew that Trevor meant more to her than anyone.

“Thank him for me,” Callen told her in a voice that was more normal than he expected. “That was well worth losing my drink for.” Because even though he knew he’d have to lock everything down again, he couldn’t deny that he had enjoyed it.

Jessie dropped her head down on the table and Callen chuckled softly.  

“Oh Jessie,” he leaned closer so she’d hear him over the song that had just started with Kensi, “the night is still young and that’s only twice.” He heard Jessie groan and then watched as she rose quickly and headed to the self serve bar. She poured another glass of wine, with slightly shaky hands, before she stared at it for a moment which upped Callen’s curiosity on what was going through her mind and whether it was similar to his. However instead of bringing back the wine, she exchanged it for a sparkling water and returned to her seat next to him.

“There’s a rule right,” she asked him after a moment. “What happens at Karaoke stays at Karaoke?”

“Where’s the fun in that?”


	20. After Karaoke

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We pop back into Jessie's head in the last one of these 'after Karaoke' moments. Hope you enjoy.

* * *

 

Callen leaned back against his car outside Jessie's apartment building. Hetty had organised taxi's for the rest of the team, charging Sam with getting a very drunk Deeks and Kensi home. Hetty herself, who had drunk surprising little compared to last time they'd done this, had taken Nell and Eric under her wing and left Jessie in Callen's hands. The short drive had been made in silence, though not an uncomfortable one.

"Wasn't so bad was it?" Callen asked her.

Jessie stood a few steps away from him on the grass. "It was…" She smiled. "Something … But not bad, no."

"Memorable?" It was her first full night out with the team where she hadn't slipped away, even if there were moments Callen was sure she would've run if she'd had the chance. At least during the first half of the night.

"Oh," Jessie said with slight nod, "there are definitely some things I think it would be better _not_ to remember."

"Like Hetty singing _I'm too sexy_?" Even Callen wouldn't mind forgetting that one. If he'd been able to write it off as a drunk Hetty, he'd have probably found it highly amusing but since Hetty was nowhere in the vicinity of being drunk … He refused to let his thoughts head down that path and if the shake of Jessie's head was anything to go by she was attempting to do the same.

"Yep," Jessie agreed, "that is definitely one on the list to forget. Along with Nell and Eric's _You're the one that I want_."

Callen chuckled. "I think those two are growing up way too fast for my liking." That one had happened at the end of the night and after it Hetty had promptly called an end to the evening.

"Sam's _Summer of 69_ was pretty good," Jessie said. "Didn't know he could sing that well."

"I'm pretty sure he was just doing it for you. He's never that good in the car."

Jessie took a step backwards.

"What about the rest?" Callen asked before she take anymore. "Anything else you want to forget?"

Jessie glanced down at the ground and Callen caught the way she worried her bottom lip with her teeth before she looked back up. "No." She smiled. "I think I can handle remembering the rest."

So could he, even if it probably wasn't very wise at all.

"That song has a history," he said.

"It does," Jessie admitted, obviously understanding which one he was meaning. Not entirely an easy thing considering how many times she'd ended up singing after all.

"Care to share?"

Jessie studied him for a long moment before she finally spoke. "Me, a guy who wasn't accepting I wasn't available and a protective Trevor."

"Sounds like an interesting story." There was a question in his comment and Callen hoped she'd answer. He should just let her go inside, head home, try and put the attraction back in the box with the lid sealed tight, but he wasn't quite ready to let the night end.

"We were at dinner," Jessie started, "just Trevor and I, and there was this guy. I kept telling him no I wasn't interested, clearly and multiple times, but he just wouldn't stop. Trevor, being more creative arts inclined than martial arts, came up with an idea that left said guy with the very strong impression that he was the proverbial snowball in hell. I'm sure you can put that and what you saw tonight together."

Oh he was very capable of that. Too capable because the visual in his mind didn't involve Trevor at all.

"And of course," Jessie continued, hopefully oblivious to where Callen's mind had gone, "being the perfectionist he is, Trevor decided that the dance had to be perfect, just in case we needed it again, which was how the tradition started."

"There's more to it though. That song … minus the heat." She blushed and Callen resisted the urge to smile or say something about it. "That's you and Trevor."

There was a moment of silence. "Very perceptive," Jessie said. "It is."

"You did good tonight Doc," Callen said in an effort to pull the conversation to more neutral territory and away from that song. There had definitely been progress with her place in the team. He'd seen it in the eyes of the others as she'd finally joined in and become part of the night rather than just watching. He'd also seen it in the way Kensi had responded to Jessie easier as the night went by; laughed with her and smiled quicker and encouraged Jessie to join them for another song. Kensi was always going to be a challenge for Jessie, in a different way than he was, but tonight had been good for them.

"But I'm curious," Callen continued, "what I would've won if you'd taken me up on the bet."

"No idea," Jessie replied. "Didn't think that far."

Jessie took another step backwards towards her apartment but paused. "What would you have lost if I hadn't got up there?"

Callen grinned. "I was going to take you to dinner." So much for neutral territory.

"Really? How is that a loss?"

Callen saw the surprise and shock in her eyes and she stepped back.

"You know," Jessie added quickly before Callen could take her comment somewhere it probably shouldn't go. "I'm going to go now, before that scotch gets me in anymore trouble than it already has. Good night."

Callen stood there and watched her walk away. When the apartment building door closed behind her Callen gave himself a shake. He really needed to shift his thoughts back to professional and away from the intense attraction for her. Most likely easier said than done since he wasn't entirely sure they'd ever been just professional, given the banter between them, and that he'd just spent the entire time watching her walk to the front door with the gentle sway of her hips reminding him how her body could move and of the temptation that almost had him out of his seat earlier tonight to experience it up close.

Deliberately Callen focused his thoughts on the results of tonight. Jessie might still be a mystery but she was one he was enjoying finding out about, even if the going was slow. With the right encouragement, and perhaps a small amount of alcohol in the mix, she'd let her professional walls down around the team tonight, at least once she'd stopped fighting it. He'd also learned something else; the effect Trevor had on her, even from the other side of the country. It was like he gave Jessie the security to be free, more relaxed and reveal more of herself. Or perhaps Jessie simply wasn't capable of being anything other than herself, with no walls, around Trevor given how long they'd known one another and how close they were. Because Callen knew enough to know that Jessie getting up there, singing and dancing, had nothing whatsoever to do with the wine or the scotch. Not only was she strong enough to stand up and say no, he'd witnessed it himself, she hadn't drunk enough to do something she didn't want to do.

* * *

Callen admitted to himself, and only to himself, that he'd been waiting for Jessie's arrival in the office Monday morning. The weekend had been long and frustrating, not as successful at banishing the attraction back in the box as securely as he'd have liked. That wasn't the biggest problem. Saturday night had hit and he'd been on the verge of picking up some takeaway and heading to her place, like he'd done before. He hadn't though, because that was just plain asking for trouble. Even though the box wasn't secure, he knew what had to be done. Things needed to go back to normal, because quite frankly, he missed her - and that was another thing he didn't intend on admitting to anyone else.

Callen's senses were tuned in for her approach down the corridor because he knew the sound of her footfall. There was something smooth and calm about it that differed from everyone else in the office. When he heard it, he lifted his head from his paperwork and waited.

Deeks was at Kensi's desk and saw her first; his voice was loud and clear before she'd even come into Callen's line of sight.

"If it isn't the surprise of Friday night," Deeks said cheerfully with a grin from ear to ear on his face.

Jessie turned toward the bullpen. She frowned. "What are you talking about?"

"Who knew you would be that into Karaoke?" Deeks broke into the lyrics from 'Time of My life' as Jessie walked toward them. Callen saw the shock and disbelief in her eyes.

"You were too drunk to possibly remember that," she said.

"Who needs to remember?" Deeks grinned. "Callen has video."

Jessie's head spun to face Callen; her body followed only slightly slower. "You what?" She stared at him, her mouth slightly parted.

"Yep," Deeks continued. "You two make such a cute couple." The blush was slow but definitely strong and Callen felt the familiar sense of satisfaction as he watched it grow.

"And then of course," Deeks kept going, "All you lovely ladies doing that sisters song together. And those two upstairs." Deeks glanced up toward Ops. "Anyone wonder whether they are … you know."

Jessie spun around and headed off to her office; her pace quicker than usual, not so calm or smooth anymore, as if she was desperate to escape. Callen chuckled quietly to himself, rose and followed; the temptation to see her too strong to ignore. He told himself he was just getting the ball rolling to back to normal. He leaned against the doorway and waited.

"Why did you do that?" Jessie asked when she saw him there.

"There aren't many opportunities to get something on Hetty."

Jessie shook her head. "Hetty wasn't in ours."

"I asked Sam to record it." He'd given Sam his phone and asked before he'd followed her out the door and listened in to her and Trevor. And yes, between him and Sam they had also recorded any that did have Hetty because he hadn't lied to her. It was incredibly difficult to get something to hang over Hetty's head. Not that he'd gotten anything useful, not on Hetty anyway. "Never know," Callen continued, "what you might learn if someone doesn't know you're watching.'

Jessie stared at him for a few more moments. "The other one?" she asked reluctantly.

"The other one?" Callen repeated and tried not to smile. "You mean the one you sang to me?" If she didn't know before how much of the conversation with Trevor he'd actually heard, she would now.

"I didn't…" Jessie closed her eyes. "I'm going to kill him when I see him next," she murmured before she opened them again. "You haven't shown Deeks that one I take it."

"No." Callen definitely hadn't. He hadn't shown anyone. There wasn't any point. Sam had only recorded Jessie, as requested, so there was nothing for anyone else to see.

"I don't do blackmail," Jessie said firmly.

"It's not for blackmail," Callen assured her, though the look on her face suggested she was anything but reassured. "I learned a lot about you the other night Doc."

Jessie groaned. "Remind me to keep the continent between you and Trevor. God help me if you two are ever in the same place." She took a breath. "Please G, delete it."

Callen shook his head. "Nope. Promise though I'll keep it just for me."

The blush flared again. Callen pushed himself off the door frame and left before she had a chance to plead with him further. A slow smile spread on his face as he walked away. He could work with their normal.

* * *

End of the week:

Jessie grabbed her handbag from her drawer and her cellphone off her desk. She mentally kicked herself for the appointment she'd forgotten about. If she didn't leave now she'd be late. It was worse because she'd organised earlier to have a chat with Callen in half an hour. If she could've cancelled her other appointment she would've because the last thing she wanted to do was to do that with him.

Things were going well and she didn't want to jeopardise the trust that was building between them. It was slow, it was steady, but it was nowhere near the level she wanted. He still held back and while she wasn't expecting complete and utter disclosure from him about everything, she wanted more from him and that would only come with deeper trust.

Over the weekend she'd worried that what had happened, what she'd done with that song at Karaoke, might've messed things up but so far everything was normal - almost like it hadn't happened at least after Monday morning anyway.

So much had happened this week with the team, things they needed to talk about, but she didn't have a choice. She also didn't have time to track him down in person so she pulled his details up on her phone and dialed as she walked.

Jessie had just turned the corner near the bullpen and started down the corridor toward the exit when a familiar song started to play. She froze for a moment then backed up slowly before she turned on her heel toward the bullpen, her phone still held to her ear. Her eyes went straight to Callen and she watched him pick up his phone and a slow smile lift the corners of his mouth before he looked straight at her. The song stopped playing at the same time the ringing in her ear did.

"Jessie."

She could hear his voice in her ear and from across the room. The smile had morphed into that particular smirk of his that, if she wasn't careful, would have her losing track of her thoughts. She would be in so much trouble if he ever figured that out.

"You didn't," she said.

"Didn't what?"

Jessie almost groaned. The man could do innocent infuriatingly well. Not that she actually needed him to admit to anything. She knew exactly what she'd heard and where it had come from.

"I can't believe you did that," she told him.

That smirk shifted into a satisfied smile. "Helps me know who's calling," Callen replied, still with an innocent tone that nowhere near matched the look she could see on his face. "Make sure I don't ignore the important calls."

Before Jessie could even figure out how to respond to that, Deeks' voice drifted across to her.

"Hey. I know that song at least I think. Why?"

Jessie tore her eyes from Callen to study Deeks. Relief flooded her when she saw genuine confusion in Deeks' expression. He obviously hadn't made the connection yet, but it wouldn't take long if things didn't change.

"You wanted me?" Callen's voice brought her attention back from Deeks, his choice of words scrambled her thoughts for a moment and sent them in a direction they couldn't go.

Out of the three serious relationships she'd had over the years, the one that had blindsided her the most when it ended was the one that had started with a strong attraction. She'd promised herself that she wouldn't make that same mistake again. She accepted the attraction she felt for Callen, but the fact that it was stronger than that previous relationship unsettled her and kept her wary. At the same time though, she found being around him, including their banter as flirty and innuendo-filled as it was, was comfortable, fun even. And then there was the friendship that was developing with him. One where she'd found herself confiding in him in a way that was comparable only to Trevor. She was in unknown territory when it came to him and how they were with one another. She wasn't entirely sure she liked the feeling.

"I … I have to go." Jessie turned away and headed down the corridor. "I have an appointment I'd forgotten about," she told him. "I'm sorry. Our chat will have to wait."

"All good Doc," Callen's voice came through calmly to her ears, though there was no missing the amused tone to it. "We'll catch up another time."

"G." She had to try. "Change the ringtone … Please," she begged.

"Nope." Callen hung up before Jessie could pleaded her case. She stared at her phone for a moment before she shook her head and left the building. Trevor had a hell of a lot to answer for.


	21. Reverse Chat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little bit serious after the light fluffy Karaoke. Would love to hear your thoughts.

* * *

 

When Jessie opened her door shortly after his knock Callen took everything in with a glance and raised an eyebrow.

"Started without me?" There was a half full glass of wine in her hand, exhaustion, and redness, in her eyes. The lack of welcome in them when she saw him was more a touch unsettling. The wasn't the way things usually went when he arrived.

"What are you doing here?" Jessie asked. Her voice reflected everything Callen had seen in her eyes … and more.

"Brought dinner." Like he had more than once since that first time he'd arrived with pizza. This time it was Thai.

"I'm sorry." Jessie shook her head. "Not hungry."

That was definitely a first. She'd never turned him down yet. But then so far everything tonight had been a first. This time perhaps she was the one who needed to talk. Callen gave her half empty wine glass a long look before he returned his gaze to her face. "Already eaten?"

Jessie shook her head again. Her mouth opened and Callen saw the door start to close. He wasn't taking no for an answer, not with her like this. Callen stepped forward before she could do anything, close enough to have her instinctively step back to avoid him bumping into her which gave him just enough space to slip inside.

"G."

"You need to eat." Callen headed toward the kitchen. "Especially if you're drinking."

Callen was almost certain she muttered "you're not damn my keeper" under her breath but he didn't call her on it. This wasn't Jessie, not their normal Jessie anyway. Something was going on and he intended on finding out what.

By the time Callen had dished up the selection he'd brought and returned with the full plates Jessie was on the couch staring at the TV that was paused. He noted she'd topped up her glass of wine. Callen held out the plate and she took it, reluctantly. Her murmured thank you gave him hope that she wasn't too far gone because he couldn't tell from the bottle how much she'd already had to drink. He did know that a few glasses didn't put her into this kind of mood so there was definitely something behind the tension and the screaming. The word might be odd, given she was silent, but it was accurate for what Callen felt radiating from her and he suspected if Jessie had the chance to scream at someone she would. Maybe he needed to be that for her tonight. He sat at the other end of the couch, his usual spot, and made sure she was in his field of view. Jessie flicked the TV off and set the remote down.

"You can keep watching," Callen told her.

"Doubt you'd enjoy it."

Oh yeah, definitely pain in that voice of hers. She'd been at the hospital today so it was easy to narrow it down that something had most likely happened there.

"Not sure you are either," Callen said.

"Not watching to enjoy it." Jessie reached for her glass and took another sip of wine, before she settled back and lifted her fork. Callen figured it would be best to stay quiet and hope she did actually eat, but the way she was pushing her food around the plate didn't give him a lot to hold onto.

Jessie had barely taken a few bites before she put it back on the coffee table. By then, Callen had already finished his.

"What's going on Jessie?"

Jessie glanced at him. Her eyes dropped to the empty plate Callen still held in his hand and she rose.

"Bad day," she said. "Thanks for dinner." Jessie walked to the door and opened it. Callen rose and moved next to her but she refused to meet his eyes until he closed the door, with him firmly inside. She looked up a protest in her eyes and on her lips.

Callen shook his head. "No. Not kicking me out yet," he told her firmly.

Her eyes flicked away from his. "G I have a date with a glass of wine and a tear jerking movie, then hopefully a good night's sleep to move on. It's what I do so _please_ , go home."

Callen didn't particularly care if it was what she did. He wasn't leaving her alone. Especially since he was pretty sure she didn't need a movie to bring on the tears. He reached out and cupped her chin gently in his fingers and, with just a little pressure, lifted her head so he could see her eyes. The pain swirling in them was clear and he didn't like it.

"Talk to me," he pleaded with her.

Jessie twisted her head out of his touch and walked to the other side of the room. Callen saw the way her arms were held against her body, saw the tension in the muscles and the tightness to her jaw. It was like she was trying to hold herself together. Callen moved slightly closer, casually rested his hip against the back of the couch and stayed far enough away to give her her the space she seemed to want.

"You know I'm the one you're supposed to talk to," Jessie said.

It was a completely obvious attempt to derail the conversation Callen was looking to have and he wasn't having a bar of it.

"I thought friends talked to each other."

It was a low blow but he'd be damned if he'd let her shut him out when she looked like she did. Jessie closed her eyes and from the hitch in her breath Callen knew she was incredibly close to tears; proven when she opened them a few moments later and they were filled with them. Callen only barely kept himself where he was when unexpected strong urge to pull her into his arms hit.

"I had to tell a patient's parents that they would never see their daughter alive again," Jessie finally told him. "She would never hug them … or kiss them." Her breathing hitched again and tears fell down her cheeks. "She would never … never tell them she loved them again." Jessie's eyes closed. "All because some idiot who was high stole a sports car, went for a very fast joyride and ran a red light."

"I'm sorry." Callen was too far away for his liking and took advantage of her eyes being closed to shift a little closer. "It's not fair but it happens," he said. "I'm sure you've seen it before." This was her job, had been for years. The chance that she'd never faced this kind of scenario had to be zero. And it certainly wouldn't be the first time she'd had to inform someone of a death.

"I know." Jessie's eyes opened and locked on his, the pain in them so strong Callen almost felt it where he stood. "But G …" She bit her lip and took a breath. "She was four years old … They had done nothing wrong. She was strapped in properly, their car was probably one of the safest ones out there. And with everything I know, nothing…" The tears fell faster.

Callen took another step closer. She was almost within his reach.

"Jessie, you didn't do anything wrong either."

Jessie took a shaky breath. "It's moments like these when I hate my job," she whispered, but the quietness of it didn't hide any of the pain. "It's always harder the younger they are," Callen took the last step to bring him in front of her. He lifted his hand, used his thumb to gently brush the tears off one cheek. Her eyes fluttered closed and Callen swore he felt her move her shift into his touch so, instead of continuing to brush off tears that would only be replaced the next moment, he cupped her cheek and left his hand there for her, his thumb shifting just the slightest over the soft skin that covered her cheek bone.

"Then there was the seven year old."

Callen stomach churned at there being more. The pain in her voice was even stronger. He hadn't thought that was possible. Jessie continued, her eyes still closed, her head pushed slightly into his hand.

"Who fell down the stairs. So broken and bruised. I don't know if he'll make it. It's unlikely but at least I was able to get him into the doctor's hands for the next stage but …" She stopped and took a deep breath. And then another.

"But what?" Callen wasn't entirely sure he wanted to know but he was sure she needed to talk to someone.

When Jessie lifted her head from his hand and opened her eyes, his hand dropped to his side. "His parents were drunk and gave him aspirin." Her laugh wasn't the one that always pulled on his smile, or that would end with her smiling. It was cynical and sad. "I don't know why."

"He was hurting," Callen said. "Isn't it natural to want to try and take the pain away?" Way more natural than wanting to hurt a child.

"G, he fell down a flight of stairs, his arm was broken clean through the skin, he was bleeding and unconscious. Would you try and give someone something when they were like that? How would you even do it?"

Aspirin was known to thin the blood so her cynicism made sense. But the rest? The how? That floored him too.

"You said they were drunk." Drunk could explain many things, but when someone was well beyond intoxicated even the most by the book person could end up doing things that were well and truly out of character or dangerous.

Jessie closed her eyes briefly, a sob mixed with the breath she tried to take and her shoulders shook. "He had bruises on his body that had nothing to do with the fall down the stairs," she whispered. A stillness settled over Callen as the meaning of her words sunk in, the ones that followed reinforced it. "We had to call the police and family services."

"You don't think it was an accident?"

"I don't think the fall down the stairs was an accident," she corrected. "The aspirin," she shrugged, "maybe it was just them being idiots." Tears fell fresh and strong with her next words, the pain in her eyes hidden as she'd closed them again. "I don't know whether to hope he recovers or not."

She couldn't mean that.

"Jessie-"

"No." She cut him off and her eyes flew open. "If he recovers," her voice much stronger and that screaming Callen had heard in the silence now coming through in the tone of her voice. "He's going to have a hard time getting better. It wasn't just his arm that was broken."

Callen didn't even want to contemplate just how bad this boy had to be for Jessie to be talking like this. He held his tongue and let her get it out.

"Plus whatever fallout comes from this thing with his parents and where he might end up. Maybe it would just be better if he didn't. Let him have some peace." Her voice broke on the last sentence, more Callen guessed from the meaning behind what she was saying than the words themselves.

Jessie had barely finished speaking before Callen gave up the fight and pulled her into his arms. Hers locked tight around his waist, she buried her head between his shoulder and neck as her body shook with quiet sobs. Callen didn't let her go, just held her tight and waited for her to show him she was ready to move. When he felt hold loosen he guided them to the couch and put the movie on without saying a word. Jessie curled up in her corner of the couch and wrapped her arms around a pillow. Even though Callen wanted to pull her back into his, comfort her in some way, he let her be but he didn't see the movie even if he was looking at the TV. His focus was totally on her. He knew the number of tissues she went through, knew that the tears continued to fall all the way through the movie and that the likelihood that she even saw anything of it was slim to none. He also knew the tears had absolutely nothing to do with the movie. Not wanting to leave her alone but unsure she would allow him to stay if he asked, Callen slowly shifted his body and faked sleep just before the movie ended. He kept himself completely still and didn't respond to her whispered good night when she laid the blanket over him.

* * *

Callen placed the mug of freshly brewed coffee carefully on Jessie's bedside table then he retreated to the doorway and waited to see if the smell would wake her or not. It didn't take long before she started to shift on the bed. She blinked slowly and, after a brief glance at the mug, looked toward him

"So it's not just my office doorway you like." The sleepy tone was there and, to Callen's relief, the pain much less than last night.

Callen grinned and let his eyes wander over her body, that was perfectly respectable and completely covered with the sheet. "View from this one's pretty good."

Jessie rolled her eyes and the smile appeared on her lips quickly, the hint of pink a little slower but there after his comment and look. It was good that things between them seemed to be normal after last night. Jessie sat up and reached for the coffee.

"Thank you." She took a sip and looked up at him. "How did you know I like it like this?"

"Part of my job, being good at noticing things."

Jessie might take coffee black or any other way someone gave it to her but Callen had noticed the difference in her reaction to white with just a touch of sugar and everything else. He also knew she preferred mugs to cups but that had more to do with what he'd found in the cupboard this morning than anything else. He watched her take another sip and then she yawned.

"Jessie."

"Hmm." She looked up at him.

"Why do you do it if it hurts you so much?" Callen asked.

"What?" Confusion mingled with the sleepiness in her eyes.

"Last night."

Callen didn't know how she did it. If that was just what one night was like, how could she keep going back knowing it could just as easily happen again. How could she handle the possibility of facing that much pain every time? Why wasn't she protecting herself better?

"Oh." Jessie glanced down at the mug her hands were wrapped around. She took a slow deep breath before she looked up. "Why do you do what you do when it hurts you so much?"

"It doesn't."

"The scars say otherwise."

Callen watched her rise carefully from the bed, mug held steady in one hand. She walked towards him. "You do it," she said, "because you are good at it and something about it makes the rest worthwhile."

"Think you know me that well?"

She was right. There was a lot of bad things that came with Callen's job but what they achieved made the sacrifices worthwhile. Plus somebody had to do it and it helped that he was good at it.

"Didn't say I was talking about you," Jessie replied softly. She was just a couple of steps from him. "Days like yesterday happen. Nights like last night too," she said. "I learned a long time ago I need to grieve when they do and let them go. If I didn't, I couldn't do it. ER doctors have one of the highest burnout rates. I'm lucky I don't do it full-time but we all have to learn to cope in our own way with what we deal with. I'm also lucky my other role gives me an insight into helping with it." Jessie stepped closer. The hand that didn't have the coffee rested on his chest as she rose onto her toes, her body leaned into his, warm and soft. Callen's hand moved of its own accord to rest on her hip. It was just to keep her safe he told himself. She brushed a light kiss on his cheek before she stepped back.

"Thank you for last night," Jessie said before she backed away and moved around him out of the bedroom.

"Thank you for not waking me and kicking me out."

The warmth from her lips on his cheek and hand on his chest lingered, as did the smell of the coffee and hint of vanilla that definitely wasn't from the coffee.

Jessie glanced back over her shoulder at him as they walked down the short corridor and into the kitchen. She smiled. "True I didn't kick you out but don't try and make me believe you were asleep Agent Callen."

His eyebrows shot up at the formality, though now it was part of their teasing, rather than to create distance, and her smile grew. Jessie put her mug down on the kitchen bench and turned to face him. "I know you weren't," she said.

Callen's mug was still in his hand. "I thought I did a pretty good job pretending."

Jessie raised her eyebrows at him. "G, I'm a doctor. You think I don't know when someone is actually asleep? It's not just how you breathe."

Callen shrugged. "Point taken." He wasn't worried that she knew he wasn't asleep. There were more important things at play. He caught her gaze. "So that now leaves the question," Callen continued slowly, eyes still locked with hers, "why _didn't_ you kick me out?"

Jessie turned away and opened the fridge. "Do you want some breakfast?" she asked.

"Sure," Callen agreed and filed away her non-answer. Sometimes it was what Jessie didn't say that told him a lot more than what she did.


	22. Viennese Waltz -  or Trying to teach Kensi and Deeks to Dance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little light and fluffy again after the last teary one. Inspired by the Season 3 Episode 8 Greed. Love to hear your thoughts on it.

* * *

 

 

"Mr Deeks, good grief," Hetty exclaimed. "I thought that given some time you two might be more … comfortable with each other."

Callen had tried not to watch, had tried to take the steps out of the gym and away from the potential train wreck that this was going to be, but he hadn't been able to. The temptation had been too strong. He and Sam had finished their workout, showered, changed and come out to see Hetty trying, once again, to teach Kensi and Deeks the fine art of the Viennese Waltz.

"I'm trying Hetty," Deeks whined. "She keeps standing on my feet.

"Me!" Kensi protested. "You just stomped on mine."

Callen covered his mouth to muffle a laugh, though the look Hetty shot him suggested he wasn't as successful as he'd thought. Sam had hi-tailed it out of the gym the moment he'd realised what was happening, not willing to risk Hetty following through on her threats from last time.

"Miss Blye let Mr Deeks lead," Hetty pleaded.

"You're too far away from each other." Jessie's voice from the entry to the gym pulled Callen's attention from the bickering couple.

"Doctor Blake," Hetty said with a touch of glee in her voice.

Run Doc, Callen thought. Run now. He knew that tone of Hetty's very well.

"You know something about the Viennese Waltz?" Hetty asked innocently.

Jessie shrugged and stepped closer. "A little."

"Would you mind trying to do something with these ...," Hetty's hand went up and down in Deeks and Kensi's direction. "I don't even know what to call them. They certainly are not working together as partners should."

Callen saw Jessie's eyes narrow, a hint of suspicion in them that disappeared after a moment. He briefly wondered if he should warn her to trust that suspicion more when it came to Hetty. Except part of what he liked about Jessie was that she made her own decisions about a person.

"Can I borrow your scarf Hetty?" Jessie asked.

Hetty lifted the scarf from her neck and put it in Jessie's outstretched hand. Callen watched with as much curiosity as Hetty did when Jessie walked toward the two agents and he shifted just a little closer to the action.

"Take your partner Deeks," Jessie instructed.

Deeks put his hand on Kensi's waist and took her hand.

"Hey!" Deeks protested when Kensi's hand came down on his shoulder, obviously harder than necessary.

"You've got your work cut out for you Doc," Callen called out to her.

Jessie turned her gaze on him, a small smile twitched at the edges of her lips. "I've had bigger challenges." Callen had the distinct impression she was suggesting he was one of them.

"Closer," Jessie told Kensi and Deeks. They shuffled forward barely enough to notice and Callen caught the eye roll Jessie gave them.

"Fine if you want to be difficult," Jessie said.

Callen knew that tone well too. Well enough to know that trouble was brewing.

"We'll do this the hard way," Jessie finished.

"Don't," Kensi slapped Deeks on the shoulder. "Say. It."

"Say what? I was - Omph!"

Jessie had slipped the long scarf around the two of them while they had been yet again distracted bickering with one another and pulled it tight, cutting off Deek's words. With quick fingers Jessie had a knot done and the ends tucked into the back of Deek's belt.

"Hang on," Deeks protested. "This is-"

"How can a girl be expected to follow your lead Deeks," Jessie said, "if she doesn't know where you are or where you're going. The closer you are the easier it is to feel what's happening." Jessie stepped back and she was at just the right angle for Callen to see the smile of satisfaction on her face.

"I can feel exactly what's happening," Kensi muttered.

The look on Deeks' face had Callen feeling a touch sorry for the Detective, but not enough though to try and rescue him.

"Try and behave," Jessie said, "because I can do it tighter. You're still not as close as you could be. Kensi let him lead."

Jessie turned back to Hetty and nodded for the music. Her gaze slid to Callen and she smiled before she focused back on Kensi and Deeks. Callen looked at the two and caught the inside of his lip to stop his smile. Hetty was watching him just as much as she was the two on the dance floor. Callen had his own suspicions that if Hetty thought he was enjoying this too much there'd be hell to pay, in what form he wasn't sure, but he was definitely glad that Sam had left. He shifted from where he stood near Hetty to the other side of Jessie, just in case. Kensi and Deeks were struggling to settle, probably because they were still trying to get away from each other.

"And where exactly," Hetty asked Jessie, "did you learn this particular technique? It does appear to be a rather drastic measure."

"Trevor."

"You danced with Trevor like that?" Callen asked Jessie from his place next to her.

"No. We didn't need it. But I know he's used it with some … reluctant students in different situations."

"This is impossible," Deeks muttered. "How the hell are you supposed to dance with someone this close and not…"

"Not what Deeks?" Kensi asked.

Callen saw Deeks' eyes go wide at the threat they all heard in Kensi's tone.

"Get tangled like Christmas lights."

Jessie chuckled softly. "Relax Deeks, you too Kensi" she said. "Go with it. It will work if you don't fight it."

When Kensi and Deeks almost fell into a pile on the floor because they were trying to get away from each other at the same time as dance Jessie shook her head.

"I don't think I've met two more stubborn people," she murmured under her breath. Deeks reached behind him and grabbed the knot.

"Sorry Jessie," Deeks said. "But she's just -"

"Mr Deeks," Hetty interrupted, "bear in mind your partner's other skills before you say anything else."

Deeks seemed to swallow his words and rethink while he got to his feet.

"Look," Deeks said eventually. "No one can dance that close the first or second time together. To dance that close you need time."

Callen raised at eyebrow at Jessie when she glanced his way at Deeks' comment. The look on her face told him she was thinking the same thing. Karaoke and the way those two had been dancing. An idea started to form from that memory in Callen's head. An idea that could be good or bad. Correction - very good or very bad.

"And to like the other person," Kensi hissed.

Callen stepped in front of Jessie and held out his hand. Her eyes went wide.

"Come on Jessie," Callen said. "Let's show them how it's done."

"You know how to waltz?" Callen heard a lot of reluctance in her voice. More than when she'd been trying to get out of singing.

"I'm a man of many talents."

Callen waited, his hand still held out to her. What he wouldn't give to have a glimpse inside her mind and know exactly what she was thinking as she stared at his hand.

"Go on Doctor Blake," Hetty said. "I'm sure it would be very beneficial for Miss Blye and Mr Deeks to see how," Hetty glanced at Kensi and Deeks, " _mature_ adults handle physical closeness." Callen saw the signs of Jessie not trying to react to Hetty's comment and smiled. He took advantage of her being distracted, reached for her hand and spun her under his arm, around and straight into the hold Kensi and Deeks had been having so much trouble with. He heard her swift intake of breath when her body came flush against his and bit back the grin. His hand slid into place at her back and held her there. She fitted perfectly in his arms.

"Too close?" Callen asked, his voice low and for her ears only. He was pushing his luck. He knew he didn't have to hold her quite this close, but the feel of her hand in his had set a little something off in him that added to the challenge he'd already felt with her reluctance.

Jessie lifted her head and her eyes narrowed at him. "You're playing with fire Agent Callen," she said just as quietly and with that trouble brewing tone of hers. Oh yes, definitely a very good … and very bad… idea. The feel of her in his arms… very good. The challenge in her eyes made him want to see just how much heat he could push before one of them pulled back … very bad.

"I don't mind a little heat," he told her and saw her eyes shift into a deeper richer chocolate brown.

"Well," Deeks piped up and broke the connection that was humming around them. "Are you two going to move or just stand there gazing into each other's eyes?"

Jessie turned her head quickly and Callen saw the blush creep onto her cheeks.

"We're ready Hetty," Callen said.

"Hope you know how to lead," Jessie murmured out of the corner of her mouth.

"Of course. Question remains though whether you're willing to follow."

Thoughts of where she might follow, that had nothing to do with the Viennese Waltz, were pushed from his head when the music started. Callen didn't wait for an answer, just started them spinning. He felt her body relax fairly quickly into his and the shift of hips against one another and legs moving built the heat between them. It probably wasn't exactly appropriate for the average workplace environment, but then nothing about OSP was average. When it was obvious Jessie was keeping up and they were flowing together well, Callen got curious and pulled off one of the more intricate moves he'd been taught. She followed perfectly. He then dipped her back, slow and deep, and when brought her back up their eyes locked and he forgot what they were supposed to be doing. Their bodies were pressed against each other from mid thigh to chest and she was breathing a little more heavily than Callen figured the dance warranted. But then so was he.

Jessie let go suddenly and stepped back. She pulled her gaze from his and turned away.

"So there you go Deeks," Jessie said with a voice that only just hinted to Callen at how flustered she was. Whether the others picked up on it or not would depend on how well they knew her voice. "It can be done," Jessie continued. "Just stop thinking so much."

Callen chuckled and Jessie turned to glare at him.

"Where did you learn to dance like that?" Callen asked before she could say anything.

"Trevor. Alex's family are from Austria. It's," she smiled a little, "mandatory for Christmas." Her eyes narrowed a touch. "You?" she asked him in a slightly accusing tone.

"Had an op in Vienna and ended up needing to attend a ball. Figured I'd better learn to do it properly so I didn't stand out."

"You went to a ball in Vienna?"

"Yes."

"Tux?"

"Tails."

"And you thought you wouldn't stand out?"

"Why Jessie," Callen raised his eyebrows and caught her gaze with his. "What are you saying?"

Deeks started to laugh and the flush on Jessie's cheeks went a shade deeper.

"Good luck Hetty." Jessie headed to the gym exit and Callen's eyes followed her progress. "I have a feeling you are going to need it," Jessie added before she walked out the door.

"Mr Callen."

Callen turned to face his boss. "Yes Hetty?" The thought 'Hell no' flashed through Callen's mind at the expression on Hetty's face. Whatever it was the answer was no, though it wouldn't be phrased quite that way.

"Perhaps you could dance with Miss Blye and show Mr Deeks a little slower."

"Sorry Hetty. Just remembered something I need to do." Callen had already backed halfway across the space that had been between him and the doorway before he finished speaking. He didn't miss the raised eyebrows before he turned and almost ran the rest of the way before she could call him back.

* * *

Callen watched from her doorway as Jessie gathered her bag.

"Going somewhere?"

Jessie spun around, her hand when to her chest. "One day I'll get used to you sneaking up on me."

"One day you'll learn to be more observant."

"I usually am," Jessie said. "It just something about you."

A shot of satisfaction went through Callen at the thought of something about him being different to others in her life.

"So you think I'd look good in tails."

"I didn't say that." Jessie started to walk toward him.

"Yeah you did."

"No," Jessie said firmly. "I asked if you thought you wouldn't stand out."

Callen had to admit she had some definite skills in being able to say things that could be taken more than one way depending on what the listener wanted to hear.

"So you don't think I'd look good in tails?"

Jessie was standing in front of him now. Since Callen had positioned himself so that he was blocking the doorway she couldn't get past.

"G, I need to go. I have a shift at the hospital."

Callen moved enough to let her get by but not enough that she didn't brush against him. The heat that was still simmering from the dance flared.

"Chicken," Callen whispered when she was level with him. Jessie stopped and looked up, her body still close enough that it was against his. The look in her eyes told Callen he was in trouble.

Jessie smiled slowly. "If I had to choose ... tails. Easier to get off." She stepped away and walked down the corridor without looking back.

"Must remember that," Callen said to himself as she disappeared around the corner though he couldn't help wonder just how she knew that.


	23. Another Gun Check In

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been tweaking the order of chapters further ahead and am need of a little help. I think the way it stands at the moment it's good but I have this sneaking suspicion that there is a place or two that needs just a little something light and fluffy in between some of the heaviness of these two battling for trust and being brave. So if you have anything in particular that you'd like to see between these two pop me a message and I'll see what I can do. I know you don't know what's coming but you never know, if it's not already there you might just inspire another chapter.
> 
> Hope you enjoy this one and would love to hear your thoughts on it.

* * *

 

 

Callen leaned against the door frame to Jessie's office and waited.

It took a couple of minutes before Jessie looked up from her work and frowned, confusion shifting into her expression when she saw him.

"We don't have an appointment do we?" she asked.

"No." Callen pushed back on the feeling of disappointment that their usual banter about him watching her wasn't happening today. "Just thought I'd check in before you head off." Jessie had a week's relief work at a hospital in San Francisco which she started tomorrow.

"I'm good," Jessie replied. "You?"

Callen moved toward her desk. "Disappointed." In more ways than one but he wasn't about to admit to too many of them.

"In?"

"You?"

Jessie frowned. "What did I do?"

"It's more what you haven't done."

Jessie rose from her chair, the confusion still there. She joined him on the other side of the desk. "I'm lost."

"What's the next step?" Callen asked. "It's been a while since we dealt with the firing range."

Jessie's eyes went wide and understanding flared in them. It had taken a number of times before Jessie got to a point of being able to walk into the firing range without having issues. It hadn't been easy but, given it was the first step, it did make sense that it had the potential to be the hardest. At least Callen hoped things would get easier from here.

"I…" Jessie trailed off into silence.

"You wanted to get through this right?"

"I did. I mean I do," Jessie corrected quickly. "I just-"

Callen took a step closer and the protest he was sure was about to come out of her mouth stopped.

"I wanted to savour the win," she finally admitted. "And then things seemed to get in the way and get busy."

"I get that," Callen agreed. She certainly deserved to enjoy the success. It had been hard work and a lot of emotion for her to get through. "But," he continued, "when are you going to take the next step?" He'd been waiting, hoping she'd come and ask for his help like they'd talked about.

Jessie sighed and one shoulder lifted up and down a touch. "In all honesty I'm not exactly sure what the next step should be."

Neither was he but Callen had some ideas on what they could do that might be good. It would depend on how she responded to them though. He knew a little pushing was inevitable but he didn't want to risk putting her progress back in any way.

"It would be useful if you could handle seeing a gun."

They all carried them without thinking about it, though Callen was very conscious to make sure his was covered before he approached her. However there was a high chance of her seeing them when she was working with any of the team and he figured it would be a very good thing to get through sooner rather than later.

"Yeah." The sigh Jessie let the word out on told Callen she wasn't happy with the idea, even if it was logical. Since she wasn't running in terror at the idea, Callen moved forward with it and reached behind him for his.

"No." Jessie shook her head, a touch of panic jumped into her expression. He'd expected no less once she realised what he was planning.

"Yes."

And yes, he was going to push this. Gently but unless she got to a point where Callen didn't feel she could be pushed further without heading into panic attack grounds, this was going to happen.

"G please," Jessie begged. Callen had to fight the part of him that didn't want to put her through anything resembling pain or fear. She needed to do this, had told him so herself and had trusted him to get her through the last time.

"Trust me," Callen said gently.

"I'm not prepared for this."

She never would be.

"Sit." Callen pointed to the couch.

Jessie sat, though rather reluctantly and stiffly. She kept her head turned away as she spoke. "You know I'm the psychiatrist, right? Shouldn't I be dictating how this goes?"

"I believe it's not a good idea for doctors to treat themselves." Callen sat down next to her and lowered his voice. "I've spoken with Nate. He's given me some tips."

It had taken a couple of weeks before Nate had been able to get back to him with answers to his questions. Callen hoped knowing he wasn't flying completely blind with this would reassure Jessie to some degree.

Callen put his gun on the couch behind him. He'd sat down closer to Jessie than he usually did to leave room for it, out of sight, unless she was really trying to look. He'd also turned his body sideways toward her to create a bigger barrier. The gun was empty; just in case she started to panic he could reassure her that there was no way she could be hurt by it. Nate had brought up the idea using a fake one but Callen had argued that it wasn't going to be easy for her either way so they might as well just get it done once with the real thing.

Jessie started to rise but Callen put his hand on her shoulder and urged her back down. When she finally looked at him the fear and panic was there as expected but what brought the smile to his face was the courage he saw hiding behind it. He left his hand on her shoulder for a few moments until Jessie sank back into the couch and a resigned sigh slipped past her lips. "What do I have to do?"

"Talk to me," Callen said simply. "Tell me about something unrelated to what we are doing?"

"Like?"

"Favourite book." He had a mental list of possible questions to prompt her with ready.

"Pride and Prejudice."

"Why?"

Jessie smiled and the softness was reflected in her voice as she answered. "Love wins. No matter what."

"She's a romantic," Callen concluded.

Jessie's laugh was soft as well, and with it some of the fear and panic slipped from her eyes. "Not exactly. But having someone love you and fight for you. It's nice."

Callen left that alone, though the question if she had someone now flashed through his mind. Given the frequency of his visits to her apartment on a Friday or Saturday night and that she had yet to turn him away led him to believe that there wasn't anyone. Aside from Trevor of course.

"Favourite colour?"

"Blue."

"Really?"

Jessie smiled. "Yes."

"Why?"

"Because looking up at the sky when it's blue and endless puts things into perspective and reminds me that there's so much out there that you don't know yet but is there if you want to reach for it."

"Not because of my eyes?"

"No." There was a twinkle in hers. "Totally different thoughts come from those."

Callen clamped his mouth shut for a moment before he asked just what those thoughts were. The Karaoke night revelation was responsible for where his thoughts went more frequently going when it came to the woman in front of him.

"Place you'd like to visit but haven't yet?" he asked next.

Her answer was quick and confident. "Maldives."

"Why?"

Jessie's eyes narrowed and her lips twitched from the smile he could see wanted to come out. "I'm seeing a pattern here," she said.

"You haven't answered the question."

"I think it would be nice to be somewhere so quiet and peaceful."

"It's not cheap."

Jessie nodded. "Which would be why I haven't been yet."

"Not exactly a place to go on your own." She was definitely a romantic even if she didn't want to admit it.

"Who said I'd go on my own?"

Callen raised an eyebrow. "Lucky guy."

"No comment." Except for the blush of course. "What about you?" Jessie asked.

"You asking me to be the lucky guy?" Callen probably shouldn't have gone there but the picture that had come to mind of her, a beach and no company had taken him by surprise and the question had slipped out before he'd thought.

"No!" Jessie denied quickly. Callen tried not to laugh at the expression on her face, which he focused on rather than the hint of disappointment at her answer.

"I was asking," she continued, "where you would like to go that you haven't been."

"Haven't been to the Maldives."

"Stop." But Jessie was struggling not to laugh herself or keep the smile off her face. And that was exactly why he'd continued, well at least one of the reasons, because now the fear and panic had completely gone. And that had been the whole point to the conversation, even if she didn't know it.

"Iceland," Callen told her.

"Why?" She threw back at him.

"Northern lights are supposed to be pretty spectacular from there." Plus, it was also fairly remote and away from the places he'd been for work. Callen figured he'd be able to relax there more than just about anywhere else.

"Have you ever seen them?" Jessie asked.

"No." Callen shook his head. "Never timed it right in other places." He rarely had a chance to stop and take in the sights. "Next question," Callen continued. "Favourite ice cream."

"Strawberry and coconut." The look on her face was one of expectation. He didn't keep her waiting.

"Chocolate."

"Simple man."

Callen shot her a look of disagreement. There was very little about him that was simple, unless you counted his possessions.

Jessie shrugged. "It's a standard flavour," she said. "Where's your adventurous spirit?"

"Not with ice cream."

Sometimes the simple things just couldn't be beat. And it was nice to have something that no matter where he was he could find to just escape from life's complications for the few minutes it would take to eat.

"Challenge accepted." Jessie had a suspiciously satisfied expression on her face and Callen wondered just where she would go with it. He also wondered if challenges were different to dares and just what he could do with that.

"One last one." Callen knew he needed to bring this to a close before he lost the upward momentum and she crashed back to reality and remembered exactly what they were doing here. "And the future of our relationship hangs in the balance on it," he added dramatically.

"Oh dear." Jessie didn't even try and hide the smile or amusement in her voice. "Don't keep me in suspense."

He didn't. "Bacon - yes or no?"

Jessie dropped her head back against the couch and laughed. "Yes," she answered.

"She didn't need me to clarify the question." Callen smiled. "My kinda girl." He rose, slipped his gun swiftly, and carefully so she didn't see, into the holster at his back and pulled his shirt over in a smooth motion.

"See you when you get back," Callen said.

Jessie frowned. "But…"

"But what?"

"Weren't we … I mean…"

"You mean the gun," Callen said with the most innocent tone he could manage.

"Yeah."

Callen smiled. "You just had a conversation with a gun sitting a few feet away from you out in the open."

"I …"

Callen waited as it sunk in what his words meant.

"Sneaky," Jessie finally said. But from the smile that was slowly lifted the corners of her mouth it didn't seem like she minded too much.

Callen winked. "But effective." He moved toward the door.

"G."

Callen turned back. She stood next to the couch, a worried look on her face.

"Don't go getting hurt this week. I won't be around to patch you up."

A week without her. That would be interesting.

"I'll do my best. Much prefer your touch."


	24. Aiden

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy this one - some further A/N at the bottom to explain a couple of things but here would give it away. Busy long weekend coming up so the next one may not got posted until early next week. Have a great weekend.

* * *

 

Callen walked through the hospital doors and into the emergency department reception, barely able to keep up with his partner. A flash of their badges got them through the security door without question and then they came to a standstill.

Sam grabbed a nearby nurse and held up his badge. "Aiden Hanna? From Keating? Where is he?" Sam demanded.

Callen knew Sam well, knew that particular on-edge tone that rarely appeared in his partner's voice. It had been there since the call had come through.

"Room twelve," the nurse replied after a quick glance at the wall of names.

Sam nodded and moved down the corridor quickly. Callen checked the numbering system and looked ahead to the door they needed just as a gurney was wheeled out and taken in the other direction from them. A doctor stepped out back to them and watched them go. The white coat, dark hair reminded Callen of Jessie.

"Aiden," Sam called and started to run. "Wait." But the staff didn't stop their rapid departure.

The doctor turned and the light hit her hair in just the right way to show not just dark, but deep auburn, and a very familiar face. Jessie. Callen hadn't made the connection with hospital name and Jessie being up here in San Francisco this week.

"Sam. Stop." Jessie put out her hand and stepped in front of Sam.

"I need to see him." Sam's eyes were on the door that had just closed behind Sam. Callen's were on Jessie and the worry in hers.

Jessie shook her head. "No. Right now he needs to go to surgery."

With that startling information Sam stared at Jessie. Callen stepped a little closer when he saw the fear increase in Sam's eyes. Family was everything to Sam.

"What?" Sam shook his head. "They said he was hurt sparing."

Hetty had forwarded a call to Sam from Keating less than half an hour ago. Even though Sam had been worried the call, while urgent, didn't suggest something this serious, though Callen had been suspicious when they'd been directed to the hospital rather than Keating's medical facility. Except Sam had told him Keating was renovating that part of the campus and their resources were limited for now.

Jessie stepped backwards and pulled Sam into the room Aiden had just been taken from as another gurney came their way. Callen followed. Jessie sent the staff who were still there out before she closed the curtain.

"Sam," Jessie said in a low voice. "Aiden's been beaten, badly."

Sam shook his head. "He was at school. They said he was sparing."

Callen felt for Sam. He knew how strongly Sam felt Keating was the right place for Aiden. It was hard because it was far away but the connection and trust Sam had with the school was strong and Callen could see the confusion.

"Sam," Jessie stepped closer. "He's on his way to surgery for an EVD, a drain, to be inserted to help relieve the pressure off his brain from being hit around the head. He has so much bruising to his ribs and the x-rays confirmed two fractures and a hairline crack. He's lucky neither his jaw or eye socket isn't broken. One eye is swollen shut."

Sam continued to stare at Jessie, the shock seemed to have taken away his ability to speak.

"How did this happen?"

Jessie glanced at Callen when he asked the question but her focus returned to Sam when she answered. Callen didn't miss the hand she put on Sam's arm.

"Sam, you and I both know the rules. Under fourteen's are not allowed to spare without headgear and gloves. And no multiple attacker sparing at all."

Aiden was thirteen.

"Jessie," Callen said as he saw the tension ramp up and the anger start to burn in Sam's eyes. "What are you saying?" He hoped it wasn't what he was thinking.

Jessie turned her body slightly so she faced him as well, though her hand stayed on Sam. Callen wasn't quite sure whether it was to reassure Sam or to give Jessie a bit more time to stop Sam leaving because she would feel him move quicker.

"Aiden wasn't wearing any protective gear. He had skin and blood under his fingernails. The bruising around his ribs is already showing distinctive knuckle marks. With his face it's easy to see the abrasions that gloves wouldn't have made, a gash on his head that headgear would've protected him from and," her gaze slid back to Sam. "I know you Sam. Aiden would've been more than capable of handling one attacker before he even went to Keating."

She was right. Callen had helped Sam train Aiden before school had started.

"Doctor Blake." A nurse poked her head through the curtains. "Sorry. You wanted to know when the other students arrived. Rooms two, five and seven."

"Thank you."

"Other students?" Callen asked.

"Aiden was the priority. He was brought by ambulance. The others weren't that serious so they came separately. _Three_ others."

Sam seemed to come out of his frozen state and moved toward the curtain. Callen saw Jessie's hand tighten and she pulled him back, at least she tried to. Sam stopped and looked down at her hand. Callen went on alert because the look in Sam's eyes were a dangerous one. He knew Sam wouldn't hurt Jessie deliberately but with Sam in this mood, he wasn't taking any chances.

"Sam. No." Jessie said gently but firmly. Sam lifted his eyes to Jessie's. "You need to go and wait for Aiden to come out," she said.

"Sam! Callen!" Deeks' voice reached them and Callen moved just enough to open the curtain.

"Here." Callen stuck his arm about but didn't take his eyes of Sam. He shifted as Kensi and Deeks joined them.

"Aiden okay?" Kensi asked quickly.

Sam moved again. "Sam please," Jessie stepped in front of Sam this time. "Go and wait. Let me do my job."

"But -"

"Go," Jessie cut Sam off. "To the waiting area. They'll find you there when they have any news on Aiden. I'll take G with me." That surprised both Callen and Sam.

"Why would you need Callen?" Deeks frowned as he asked the question.

"Protection," Jessie said.

Now Callen frowned. "You need me to protect you?"

"Well," Jessie looked at Callen. "They did just beat up Aiden. But who said the protection wasn't for them?"

There was a fierceness in Jessie's eyes that had Callen wanting to smile in spite of the situation.

"Jessie, this is my son," Sam pleaded. Callen knew Sam would want answers. He also knew that sitting around waiting for them would drive his partner crazy, even if it was for the best.

"I know Sam," Jessie stepped closer again and looked up at Sam's face. "I've just spent the last fifteen minutes getting him as stable as I could so he could go to surgery. I can justify having G there. If I take you, both of us will be in trouble."

Callen saw the battle in Sam's eyes. What Jessie said made sense … to an agent but not to a father. Callen wasn't the only one to see Sam's struggle.

"Take Kensi too," Deeks told Jessie before he glanced at Sam. "I'll look after the big guy."

"Please Sam," Jessie begged. "Trust me."

After a few moments Sam nodded and once he'd received instructions from Jessie for where to take Sam, Deeks put his hand on Sam's back and they walked out of the cubicle. Part of Callen wanted to be there with Sam while he waited but he also knew that staying with Jessie and working on getting answers would ease Sam's mind a fraction.

Callen heard Jessie let out a sigh before she turned to them.

"Where do you want me?" Kensi asked.

"Outside the cubicles. Make sure none of them leave before I've seen them."

"You got it."

"And me?" Callen asked her.

"Right in there with me." Jessie moved the curtain aside and walked out. As they headed down the corridor Jessie glanced at him. "How did you guys get up here so quickly?"

"We were here on a case," Callen told her. One that had nothing to do with Keating though they had plans to surprise Aiden with a visit when they were done if the timing was right. This wasn't the kind of surprise they were thinking.

"I don't know whether to worry or think it was a very lucky thing," Jessie said as they stopped outside cubicles five and seven.

"Lucky Doc," Callen told her. "Always lucky when it comes to us."

Jessie smiled briefly before she turned to Kensi and told her which ones she was to watch.

Jessie took a deep breath. "Show time," she said.

Callen followed as Jessie went into each cubicle briefly, checked the chart and assured the occupants that she would be with them very soon. After she'd done this with all three she pulled Callen aside.

"G." Her voice was low but there was no missing the anger or worry in it. "They're all at least sixteen."

Callen frowned and thought about what she'd spoken with Sam about earlier. "They shouldn't have been sparing with a thirteen year old should they?"

"No. They shouldn't."

How the hell was he going to tell Sam that Keating had failed Aiden like this? How had Keating let this happen?

"Which one first?" Callen pulled himself back to the here and now.

"The one with the sergeant. Maybe we'll get a few answers and figure out what happened."

Callen followed Jessie and stood back while she examined the cadet. At least it looked like Aiden had put up a reasonable fight. It was about the only good piece of news he figured he could give Sam at the moment. Jessie's frustrated tone put him on high alert. When another question she asked was answered by the sergeant Jessie turned and stepped up to the soldier. Callen moved closer.

"Sergeant Ryder," Jessie spoke firmly, reminiscent of that first meeting but with a frustration and anger mixed in. "I suggest you stop answering for the patient. How can I possibly tell how he is doing if he doesn't use his voice? I am assuming when you ask your cadets questions you expect them to answer _not_ their neighbour so he should be more than capable." Callen felt a certain amount of pride in his doc for her being so brave. He just hoped it didn't backfire.

"I was in command at the time of the incident," Sergeant Ryder said.

"That's got nothing to do with how the patient is doing now or him answering my questions," Jessie retorted. "Though it does have everything to do with how he got here in the first place. You say you were in charge when this happened?"

"Yes. It was a sparring session. Nothing wrong with that."

"Bullshit," Jessie spat out, her anger clearer in her voice this time.

Callen shifted closer again.

"I have a thirteen year old," Jessie continued, "in surgery to relieve the pressure on his brain before the damage is irreparable." Callen caught the shift of the cadet on the bed out of the corner of his eye and risked a quick glance at him. He was definitely paler than he had been and the look on his face suggested guilt and sorrow.

"It happens," Ryder said calmly. Callen pulled his attention back to Jessie because with the anger that the answer had sparked in Callen, he was sure it was going to be so much more in Jessie.

She stepped up even closer and the sergeant shifted back a little.

"Yes it does," Jessie said, " _when_ the rules aren't followed. You've admitted you were in charge so either you don't have the faintest idea of the rules or you blatantly disregarded them because a thirteen year old should not be sparring without headgear or gloves and most definitely not with more than one attacker. As for sixteen year olds, they have no place sparing with thirteen year olds."

Callen saw the anger in sergeant's eyes as Ryder stared down at Jessie.

"What would you know?" Ryder's rose his voice. "You're just a -"

"That's enough." Callen stepped in and pulled Jessie behind him and flashed his badge.

The sergeant blanched and stepped back. A very telling move. "Agent Callen. NCIS. I suggest you stop threatening the doctor."

"I wasn't threatening," Ryder protested.

"Didn't look that way to me." It might not have been verbal but it had been clear in his tone and the way he looked at Jessie. Callen turned to Jessie. Her eyes were dark and her breathing a little heavy. The emotional toll could easily be seen and Callen suspected that the adrenaline that had fuelled her attack on the sergeant had just dropped.

"Carry on Doc," Callen told her calmly with a small nod. "We have a couple of other patients to see after this one."

"Thank you," Jessie mouthed. Callen could see the relief in her eyes. Brave as she'd been, she might've bitten off a little more than she could chew if he hadn't been here. Callen stayed between Sergeant Ryder and Jessie while she finished cleaning up the cadet. She tilted her head toward the door and Callen followed.

"You need to get the sergeant out of there," she said.

"Why?"

"Because the boy's afraid of him." Callen frowned. "Every time I ask him a question," Jessie told him, "he flicks his eyes to him before answering."

"If he's covering up something then he's not likely to want to budge."

Jessie sighed. "I guess we could try the others first but…"

"Everything okay?" Kensi asked.

An idea formed in Callen's head. "Perfect." He turned to Jessie. "Is there a security office Kensi could question him in?"

"Are we on this officially?" Kensi asked.

"It's Aiden Kens," Callen said. "What do you think?" Officially or not, they wouldn't be backing off.

"I think I'll be visiting security."

Callen nodded.

"Security is just to the left of the ER doors," Jessie said. "You can't miss it and they do have a place you could use."

Kensi nodded and headed into the cubicle.

"Stay out here," Callen told Jessie. "Once he's secured I'll be back then we'll talk to the boy."

* * *

After talking with all three cadets and getting the story confirmed Callen and Jessie walked out of the final cubicle. She turned to him.

"I can't believe he would do that. He's just a kid."

"You were right," Callen said. "They were scared."

Ryder had pushed the cadets to fight Aiden. Given Aiden's height and that the sixteen year olds didn't usually mix with the first years, they had no idea that Aiden was so young, thought he was a newly enrolled cadet they were helping test. They did suspect something wasn't quite right but when they brought it up Ryder had threatened to fail them all. Told them they would be kicked out if they didn't follow the orders. Given all three of them were already on probation for other incidents, they'd done what they were told. The parents were on their way to pick up the cadets. It would be up to Keating to deal with their punishment but the sergeant was another story. That would go up the food chain.

"Callen," Kensi called out as she walked toward them. They both turned.

"Did you get anything?" Callen asked her.

"With a little help from Ops, yep. MP's are taking him away now."

"Do I want to know?"

"Sam might not."

Kensi went on to explain that Ryder had a grudge regarding Sam from a long time ago when they'd both been at Keating together. When he had realised that Aiden was Sam's son, he'd decided that this was the way to get back at Sam.

"Hell," Callen said. "How do we tell Sam that?"

"You don't," Jessie said. "Not yet."

Callen shook his head. "Sam won't be happy if we keep it from him."

"Sam needs to focus on Aiden now," Jessie said. "Tell him the sergeant's been taken into custody. The kids didn't know how old Aiden was. But leave it at that. And when you do tell him," Jessie smiled a little, "tell it was under my orders that you didn't say anything sooner."

"You don't want to do that Doc," Callen said. He knew Sam wouldn't be happy to be kept in the dark, not even for a short amount of time.

"Just until the surgery is over and he's knows Aiden is going to be okay," Jessie said. "He doesn't need anything more to worry about right now."

"Aiden will be alright won't he?" Kensi asked.

"He should be," Jessie said. "Just depends on what they find in surgery."

"I'll give you this," Callen said to Jessie, "if he doesn't ask specifically, we won't tell him until it's over." That was the most Callen was willing to stretch keeping this from Sam.

"I'll take it." Jessie stepped away. "Give me a minute and I'll take you to Sam." Callen watched Jessie walk over to the nurses station and then head behind it to the staff room.

"Thanks Kens. He wasn't too much trouble was he?" Callen asked.

Kensi shook her head. "Way less trouble than Deeks." Callen chuckled just as Jessie reappeared, minus her white coat, with her bag. He studied her face and saw the tiredness in her eyes.

"How long has your day been?" Callen asked as he and Kensi followed her down the corridor and through the doors.

"Started at five this morning."

Callen glanced at his watch. "Jessie, it's 7.30 … at night."

They stepped into the elevator and she shrugged. "Been a busy day."

"Shouldn't you be in bed?"

"G," Jessie said, "just because a clock ticks over at a certain time doesn't mean my job is done. You should get that. Plus if I'd gone earlier, I wouldn't have been here for Aiden."

The lift opened and they stepped out and headed down the corridor to the waiting area in silence.

Sam and Deeks rose when they saw Jessie.

"Any word on Aiden?" Sam asked quickly.

"Sorry Sam, I just finished. I'll see what I can find out." Jessie turned away but Callen grabbed her arm and steered her to a chair.

"Sit," he said firmly. "I'll go ask." Callen hadn't missed the several yawns on the short trip here, or the way she'd leaned against the wall in the elevator.

"But it's my job."

"You're off the clock. And you look like you are about to fall over."

"Jessie?" Sam's face held as much concern as his voice.

"She's been here since five this morning Sam," Callen told his partner, "Sit and make sure she doesn't move." Knowing Sam would, Callen headed to the desk to find out what he could. He ended up back far too quickly with not much to tell Sam.

"Still in surgery. They'll try and get an update to us soon."

Sam glanced at Jessie.

"It's okay, Sam," Jessie told them. "It's delicate and not something they want to rush, but they're very good at what they do. It usually takes about two hours. Nothing to worry about yet."

Jessie rested her head back against the wall. Callen sat down on the other side of her.

"Jessie," Sam said. "Thanks for being there for my boy."

Jessie lifted her head and smiled. "I'm glad I was," she said softly.

"Is he going to be okay?" Sam asked.

"He's in good hands." It wasn't exactly the answer Callen was sure Sam was looking for but it wasn't a lie.

"I know he was," Sam smiled just a little. "Not sure about who he's with now though."

"Thank you Sam," Jessie leaned over and gave Sam's cheek a kiss. "That means a lot."

Callen heard the emotion in her voice. For Sam to trust his family, especially one of his kids with someone, it was a big thing and Jessie had obviously recognised that.

"Look," Jessie continued, "The surgery, even though it's delicate, is pretty simple from the surgeons point of view. They have done this many times. As long as it goes well, and I think it will, and there are no surprises, he should be fine. He'll have some recovery to do but he's young and fit and he'll have all the support he needs to get back to where he was."

Sam nodded and Jessie yawned.

"When did you last eat," Callen asked her quietly.

Jessie turned her head to him. "Um, lunch? I think."

"Really?" He was entirely skeptical of her answer.

"I know I had a muffin at some point today."

Callen shook his head and rose from his seat. Typical Jessie. He wouldn't be surprised if she hadn't eaten lunch at all. He held out his hand to her. "Come on. I'm going to find you something to eat and get you to bed."

Deeks spluttered around the mouthful of drink he'd just taken. Callen smiled as Jessie's eyes filled with laughter, pushing the tiredness to the back of them. Even Sam's lips twitched a little.

"That's your pick up line?" Jessie smiled up at him. "Very direct. Does it work often?"

Callen chuckled. "You tell me."

Jessie put her hand in his and he pulled her up. "Food yes," she said. "Bed no."

"So fifty percent success rate," Callen put his arms on her shoulders when she seemed to sway a little. He raised an eyebrow. "I think I'd better work on that pick up line pretty quickly."

Jessie laughed softly. "I want to be here G." She yawned again which did nothing to convince Callen that he shouldn't make sure she went to bed after she'd eaten. If anything it made him more determined.

Sam stood up. "Jessie, let G take you to the hotel."

Jessie shook her head. "It's not like I'd sleep if he did." Jessie held up her hand when Callen opened his mouth. "No,' she said. "Don't."

Pity, because he really wanted to go with through that wide open door. The line was right on the tip of his tongue begging to be let free but he bit it back.

"Be back soon," Jessie told Sam.

* * *

When the doors closed on the elevator Callen turned to Jessie. "Why's it so important that you are here for Aiden? You've done your part."

Jessie shook her head. "Not Aiden. Sam."

"Why?"

"Because he's finally trusting me." That Sam definitely was.

"And that's important to you." It wasn't so much a question but a statement.

"Of course it is. You know that."

"Jessie," Callen turned her to face him. "We all trust you."

"G I -"

"We do."

"Even you?"

Callen nodded. "Even me." He knew she knew it but he also knew she doubted just how much. Which he couldn't blame her for. Sam trusting her with Aiden would've told her a lot but that wouldn't be enough for his determined Doctor. She wouldn't stop until there was no more to earn, with any of them.

Jessie smiled. "Good to know. Doesn't mean I'm not coming back after we've eaten."

The doors swished open. "We'll see," Callen said as they stepped out the doors.

"Working on another pick up line?" Jessie covered her yawn.

"Maybe I should just pick you up and take you to bed."

"I suppose that would be one way to do it," Jessie smiled. "But that wouldn't be very satisfying for you would it?"

"Oh Doc, if only you'd let me I could show you just how much it would be."

Callen slipped an arm around her shoulders, which were shaking just a little and smiled. He guided her toward the exit, focusing on getting her some food and not on proving her wrong.

* * *

Callen sat in the corner of Aiden's room while Sam spoke quietly with his son. The surgeon had spoken with them last night after the surgery and had been able to reassure Sam that Aiden would be fine. The relief on Sam's face had been huge and though Sam had stayed at Aiden's bedside through the night, his partner didn't look too worse for wear.

It was hard to see Aiden lying there battered and bruised. Old memories tried to surface but Callen wouldn't let them. He kept his focus solely on Aiden's situation. They had to make sure Aiden didn't move around and if he did the nurses had to come back in and check the EVD that was draining the excess fluid from his brain. So far Aiden was being a model patient and staying still.

The door opened.

"Good morning," Jessie said with smile as the door closed quietly behind her. "Thought I'd check on the patient and see how he is this morning before I get started."

Callen smiled when Jessie glanced over to where he sat. She didn't look too tired so he assumed she'd actually slept pretty well after all. He'd dropped her off at her hotel room after Aiden had come out of surgery, because unfortunately, he hadn't figured out how to get her to go before. Thankfully by the time they'd gotten back from dinner it was only another half hour before that had been the case. In all honesty though Callen hadn't tried that hard because he understood how much she wanted to be there for Sam and he hadn't wanted to interfere with the opportunity this awful situation had given Jessie and Sam.

"I remember you," Aiden said, his words slightly muffled with the swelling to his face.

"Always good to hear," Jessie stood at the foot of Aiden's bed right in the easiest spot for Aiden to see her. "Especially after what you went through."

Callen rose and stood next to Jessie. "Hope she was gentle with you," Callen said to Aiden. "She has a reputation to uphold."

Jessie chuckled but Aiden looked confused.

"Aiden," Sam said. "This is Jessie. You remember the doctor I work with I told you about?"

"Oh." Understanding bloomed on Aiden's face. "She was gentle ... I think."

Callen chuckled. "That's not overly reassuring for you Doc."

"Better than what you said after the first time," Jessie commented with a roll of her eyes.

"Which first time?" Callen asked. The blush on Jessie's face was quick.

Aiden gave a little snort of laughter and then winced but didn't move. "I'm fine Dad." Sam had almost jumped out of his seat. "I like her. She's pretty cute too isn't she Uncle Callen."

Callen raised an eyebrow at Aiden and shifted his glance to Sam. Sam didn't seem at all shocked by his son's comment where as Callen wanted to know when Aiden had started noticing girls. Jessie cleared her throat, the blush still there.

"Anyway, I have to go," Jessie said quickly. "I'll swing by later in my break and check on you."

"We'll hold you to that," Callen said. "That way we can make sure you eat."

Callen walked Jessie to the door.

"You'll still be here then?" Jessie asked him in a low voice.

"We talked with Hetty. Sam and I'll stay for a couple of days until they're sure Aiden's okay. If the drain is out by then and he can go home we'll take him with us, otherwise Michelle will head up and stay until then."

"I'm here until Sunday so I'll pop in when I can and check on him too. When he goes home I'll be there if they need me. What about Deeks and Kensi?"

"Deeks and Kensi are over at Keating sorting things out."

Jessie glanced back at Sam. "Does he know?"

"Yeah. We told him this morning." Sam hadn't actually asked about who had done it until Callen had arrived this morning. Deeks and Kensi had stayed until Sam was settled in the room with Aiden and the nurse who was monitoring him through the night and then headed to the hotel.

"Am I in trouble?" Jessie asked, a flash of concern in her eyes.

"Kept you out of it Doc." Callen grinned. "You owe me."

Jessie smiled. "I'm afraid to ask." She stepped out the door. "See you later."

Callen watched Jessie walk away before he headed back into the room.

"So," Aiden said, "You never answered my question."

"What question?"

Sam chuckled.

"Jessie's cute."

"You're too young for her," Callen said. Where was the kid who was simply interested in guns, lego, football and following in Sam's footsteps?

"You're not," Aiden countered, a smile on the boy's face that was decidedly familiar since it was very much like his father's.

"Sam," Callen turned to his partner. "What have you been telling him?"

"Nothing. Didn't know there was anything to tell. You're the one not answering his question." Sam grinned. "So come on G. Do you think she's cute?"

"That's one way to put it." That was all he was going to say with a thirteen year old in the room. Callen sat in the chair and pulled out his phone. The matching chuckles from the direction of the bed was good to hear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rules relating to sparing at Keating are purely fictional. I'm not sure what the rules would be, and I did try to find out but didn't have any luck, but these seemed to be reasonable in my mind based on a need to protect the young children in a military academy environment while at the same time teaching them and getting them stronger.
> 
> Thanks for reading, hope to hear from you.


	25. More Gun Work

* * *

 

Callen had barely leaned against the door frame when Jessie spoke without looking up.

"Remind me to make sure I tell you if I'm going to paint. Can't have you ending up with a stripe down your side. Hetty wouldn't appreciate it."

"I'm sure I'd notice."

Jessie lifted her head and looked at him skeptically. "Not so sure you would. You're settling into a habit."

"Don't do habits," Callen denied.

Jessie's lips twitched. "Yet there you are leaning against my door frame ... again."

Okay. He would admit it was his favourite spot to watch her before she realised he was there. Callen pushed off and moved into the room. He'd spent more time in this room with Jessie so far than he had the whole time Nate had been in here. She'd made it her own with the lighter furniture, the soft covered couch rather than the leather one Nate had favoured and, while the walls still held a multitude of books, there were also some calming pictures and a small stereo that tended to have something playing softly in the background whenever he was here. Always instrumental. He'd figured out she favoured classical - it was playing right now. If he was completely honest, he felt quite comfortable in here, unlike when it had been Nate's.

"Then," Callen said, "I'm not the only one who's developing a habit." He stopped in front of her desk but didn't sit.

A surprised looked crossed her face. "You admitted it."

"No," Callen shook his head. "I said that if I am so are you."

"Not what I heard but we'll go with it." Jessie settled back in her chair and looked up at him. "What habit am I developing?"

"Avoidance."

Jessie raised an eyebrow. "For what?"

Callen rested his hands on her desk and leaned forward. Her eyes went slightly wider.

"Your issue with guns."

The small smile that had played on Jessie's lips since she'd first looked at him slipped away.

"Oh."

"It's been a couple of weeks since we worked on it," Callen reminded her.

"I know." A hint of guilt tinged the two simple words.

Callen waited patiently.

"I'm not avoiding it," Jessie told him. "It's just not exactly high on the list of priorities."

"Because you always put yourself last?"

"I don't," Jessie protested quickly.

"Yeah you do. Work comes first. I get that." He was the same. Callen knew her schedule and knew that she didn't have to spend as much time as she did in the office. She didn't just head home and wait for the call that her skills were required; she stayed until they were back from the field, just in case, unless she had one of her shifts at the hospital. Callen knew there were times she would swing by the team at home, him included, if they'd been injured and she hadn't been here to treat them - almost like she didn't trust someone else to take care of them. It could be though that she didn't trust any of them to actually follow doctor's instructions and rest properly and hoped a personal visit from her might make them behave. There was a small niggle of doubt if _work comes first_ was the most accurate choice of words.

"However," Callen continued, "since this really is about work, you should put it right at the top of the list."

Jessie inclined her head once. "I'll work on it."

"That you will Doc. Right now. Come on."

Callen straightened and waited for Jessie to rise from the chair.

"But-"

Callen raised an eyebrow. "Do you have something else to do that can't wait?"

"No," Jessie admitted. Eventually she stood up, slowly and with great reluctance. "You know," Jessie moved from behind her desk as she spoke. "It would be nice if you'd run through this plan of yours with me sometime so I can have a little notice and be prepared."

Callen stopped at the door way and waved his hand to indicate for her to go first. He didn't intend to let her out of his sight in case she found a way out of it.

"But then if you were prepared," Callen said, "how would I know your true reaction?" When Jessie didn't move Callen put his hand on her back and guided her out the door and down the corridor. He had to work hard to keep the heat that he felt through her shirt from distracting him. His fingers itched to move over the soft material; over her. His awareness of the attraction to her was something he had to fight daily but at least he was capable of controlling his impulses and his hand stayed still. He focused on it simply being a tool to make sure she didn't head in the wrong direction and escape.

Callen felt the tension in her body increase through that one point of contact, a bonus in addition to keeping her moving, when they turned the corner and there was no doubt where they were headed.

"What are you planning?" Jessie asked, her voice now quiet and uncertain.

At least she didn't say no. Or stop. Or turn and run. From his position beside her Callen could see her focus was locked on the point in the corridor where they would turn left into the armoury.

"It's your last place to conquer, Jessie" Callen told her. "You've done the firing range."

"As long as no one is firing."

True, they hadn't pushed that side of things yet. That would come but there were more important things for her to get through before trying that.

"You're okay in Ops," Callen continued.

"I still prefer not to be there."

Oh he knew that, which was how he'd figured out it was better to stand where he could catch her gaze if needed rather than next to her. Sometimes a little reassurance, or distraction, was all she needed to get through a tough spot. Her eyes would flick to him when she started to feel overwhelmed and a simple look, be it a reassuring smile, a cheeky lift of his eyebrows, a nod of his head or just to hold her gaze for a few moments, was all she seemed to need these days.

"I know," Callen agreed. "But you can be if you have to without fleeing mid briefing." They were almost at the turn. "This is it then you have the run of the place."

Jessie stopped and turned suddenly and, because of their closeness, she bumped into him, or he her. Callen wasn't quite sure which one. She didn't seem to notice their closeness; there was no backing away. Since he didn't want to distract her from their reason to be here, at least not yet, Callen didn't bring any attention to it by stepping back himself. He did have to push the thoughts from his mind that were created by the scent of vanilla the came in with each breath he took. Most likely from her hair. Today she was wearing it in two braids that ended in her typical low bun. Callen still couldn't recall seeing her wearing her hair in anything but a variation of that style. He pushed that thought away too and focused back on what he had planned to do. He lifted both his hands and gently rested them on her shoulders. When Jessie tilted her face up to his, Callen saw the fear in the depths of her eyes. Not huge, but there. Nothing less than he'd expected.

"Everything is packed away," Callen said. "Lights are out except one so we can see where we're going."

He'd also made sure they wouldn't be disturbed. This wasn't going to be easy for her returning to the place that had set off her last panic attack. Callen hadn't wanted to take any risk that someone would distract either of them. He wanted to make sure she got through it, preferably without any major issues and the only way he was sure he could do that was if his focus remained solely on her.

"We're just going to spend a little time in there," Callen told Jessie. That would be the first step. If anything else happened here and now, that would be solely up to her.

Jessie closed her eyes. Callen felt the rise and fall of her breathing through his connection with her shoulders; as well as the way her body brushed against his chest with each inhale.

"Okay," Jessie finally agreed and then stepped back. His hands fell from her shoulders. "Let's go."

Callen shook his head. "You sound like you are being take to your doom."

Jessie turned her head toward him. "I'm walking into a room that's full of God knows how many guns and other things," she said.

Callen put his hand back on her back and eased her forward.

"Might as well be," Jessie finished.

Her steps halted just before the turn that would bring the armoury full into view. Callen didn't stop quick enough and once again he ended up against her. He shifted slightly and let his hand drop from her back. His hand brushed against the back of hers. Instead of pulling back or taking her hand in his, Callen left it for her to decide what she wanted to do. After a slow breath in and out, she shifted her hand and linked her fingers with his. Her eyes were still on the opening they were about to go through.

"I've got you Jessie," Callen assured her.

"I know," she whispered back.

Callen knew everything they'd done so far to help her with this fear had taken a lot of trust from Jessie in him. There had been nights when Callen hadn't been able to sleep and he'd ended up researching how to get through fears. He'd put that together with what he knew about Jessie and taken it one step at a time. He'd sort advice from Nate when he wasn't sure of a tactic, and while he didn't always follow it, he did take it into consideration.

Callen squeezed her hand and started to move forward. Jessie followed close enough that he wasn't dragging her into the room with him, hopefully a good sign. Once they were a few steps into the armoury Callen let her lead the way. The light he'd put on lit up some of the floor and the centre of the room but not the walls where the weapons were stored. Nothing had been left out on the table. Callen could hear Jessie's unsteady breathing, knew she was fighting not to lose control of it. Even though she couldn't see anything, the knowledge of what was in the room had to be difficult for her. Jessie stopped and her grip on his hand tightened. Callen shifted closer so his body was against her arm, hopefully giving her something tangible for her mind to hold onto if it needed it.

"Why are you doing this for me?" Jessie asked quietly.

"You're part of my team. Why wouldn't I?"

"So you'd do this for Sam?"

Callen smiled. "Hold Sam's hand?" He knew it wasn't what she was meaning but he could work with it. "Don't think the big guy would like me doing that." He felt a small amount of tension shift out of her body and saw the lift at the corner of her mouth.

"That's not what I meant." There was a touch more brightness to her voice.

"I'd do what I needed to do for them. You're a little more of a challenge ... You're very different to them."

Jessie lifted her gaze to his. "Is that a bad thing?"

"No Doc," Callen held her gaze with his and didn't give into the temptation to drop it to her lips. Now wasn't the time for him to be distracted because he could see in her eyes the possibility that that was a genuine concern of hers. "It's not a bad thing. We need someone like you."

It was a few moments before she looked away and focused back on the room they were in.

Jessie let go of his hand and stepped forward, her arms shifted and crossed in front of her as she did.

"Jessie, you don't have to do this alone." With no connection to her Callen wasn't sure how easily he'd be able to know just how well she was coping. She hadn't let go of him the first time in the firing range and the feedback that had given him had helped.

"I'm not always going to be able to hold your hand in here. Deeks would have a field day with that."

Deeks wouldn't and Callen suspected she knew that. As much as Deeks liked to tease, and most likely would if he did catch them holding hands, Deeks was also pretty sensitive to those around him when it came to serious problems or when fear was a factor.

"We don't have to do it all today," Callen said. He'd honestly thought she would only be able to handle being in the room for a minute or two, similar to the firing range but she was doing better this time. Her breathing, while faster than he would like, did seem in control.

"But I'm okay for now. Let's make the most of it." Jessie turned back to face him.

"And do what?" Perhaps if she was in control of some parts of the process it might go better.

"Pick a cupboard," Jessie said. "Show me what's in it."

Callen deliberately headed to the one that held the knives. Jessie stepped closer and her shoulder brushed his. Not quite enough of a connection, he'd prefer more, but it would do for now. Callen flicked on the light.

"Knives?" Jessie laughed softly. "Really?"

"Just wanted to make sure you were really okay with it."

"G please," Jessie pleaded.

"Okay."

Callen chose the rifle cupboard next. Barely a moment after he flicked the light on he heard the breath she'd sucked in and saw her step back.

"Jessie?"

Her breathing got heavier and uneven. Her eyes were locked on the weapons in front of her. Callen stepped in between. He'd leave it up to her to ask for the light to be turned off but at least he could give her an easy option to hide.

"Sorry," Jessie murmured.

"Nothing to be sorry about," Callen assured her and waited to see what she would do or say before he did anything else.

"They had those too." Jessie closed her eyes. "Most were handguns."

Callen put his hands back on her shoulders, giving him back the connection. She was tense, he could feel it, just as he could feel the way she was fighting to gain control. She finally opened her eyes and looked at him.

There was too much emotion in her eyes. It was time to go.

"I think we've done enough for today," Callen told her but she shook her head quickly.

"No. I can do this."

"Jessie."

"Please. I'm okay."

Callen was torn but the determination on her face made the decision for him. Ultimately it was up to her, her choice. He might be there to nudge or push if necessary but mostly he was there to support her. He nodded and waited until she had a little more control of her breathing. Her eyes dropped to the floor when he eventually moved away to turn off the light.

They stood in front of the final cabinet.

"Close your eyes," Callen said.

This was the one with the handguns and after what she had just said, Callen knew he had to do this a little differently. He watched the movement of her throat from the nervous swallow and saw her close her eyes tight. He had a feeling she suspected what was coming. Callen flicked on the cupboard light and moved to stand behind Jessie, close enough that his chest was against her back, and then he rested his hands on her hips. Her breath hitched and Callen smiled. Considering what else was happening right now, it was an unexpected reaction that sent a rush of satisfaction through him that she wasn't immune to him either. Not that he planned on doing anything about it but still, the man in him was pleased to know that she was affected by him like he was by her.

"Open them when you're ready." He'd said the words right next to her ear and felt the small reaction that went through her. He could tell she was trying to fight it. However, a little distraction might be the perfect thing to get her through this next part easier. "I'm right here," he added in that same spot.

Callen felt the deep breaths Jessie took and waited. There was no need to rush. It was on her timetable now. Callen knew exactly when Jessie opened them because the moment she did she backed away, straight into him. He lifted his hands from her hips, wrapped his arms around her shoulders and across her front. Her hands came up and gripped his forearms, her nails dug in; no doubt he'd have marks before this was over. The whimper that escaped her made Callen worry that this step might have been too big. His hold tightened a little more. He couldn't imagine what was going through her mind right now. Slowly he felt Jessie's breathing ease and settle into a more acceptable pattern. Callen relaxed his arms around her, though didn't move them. The tension in her started to ease, so did her grip on his arms.

"Why did you choose military Jessie?" Callen asked quietly. "Why not just normal patients?" Why did she put herself into an environment that had so much risk of bringing up those painful memories?

"Because I wanted to give something back," Jessie whispered, "to those who protected others. They do so much … and sacrifice so much for those who they don't even know." She turned around, still in the circle of his arms. "Can we go now?" she asked in a shaky voice. "I think I'd like to call this a win and not push my luck anymore today."

Callen nodded and let his arm fall to her waist and guided them out of the armoury.


	26. Sam Shot

 

* * *

 

Callen jerked awake at the touch of a hand on his shoulder.

"Sorry."

Callen relaxed quickly, the soft voice and touch familiar. It took a further moment before he remembered exactly where he was.

A hard chair next to Sam's hospital bed.

Callen looked up. "Hey Doc." The dim lighting in the room reflected off the red in Jessie's hair and made it sparkle, almost halo like. Callen rubbed a hand over his face and yawned at the same time he pushed thoughts of angels from his head.

Jessie crouched down in front of him, her hand rested on his leg for balance. "You should go home," Jessie said quietly. "Sam's fine."

Callen shook his head. "He got shot Jessie." His gaze was pulled to where he could feel the heat of her hand through his jeans.

"Yes," Jessie said, her voice still quiet, most likely so as not to disturb Sam. "And it could've been a lot worse but it's not." Callen lifted his eyes to her face. She smiled and continued. "He'll be home in a couple of days. Maybe less if he's anything like you."

Callen felt the twitch of a smile at that. Sam didn't hate hospitals like Callen did and he was generally much better at following orders that were for his benefit but he preferred not to be confined to a hospital bed. Callen glanced at his watch and frowned. It was one in the morning.

"What are you doing here anyway?" Callen asked Jessie.

"Came to check on you."

"You mean Sam," Callen corrected her and looked over at his partner. Sam was sleeping, the steady beeps reassuring in that they told Callen easily that Sam's vitals were just fine.

"No," Jessie said.

The answer pulled Callen's thoughts from Sam and he looked back to her.

"I mean you," Jessie told him. "When you weren't at home I figured you'd be here."

"How do you know…" A yawn took his words away. Sleeping on a hard chair was never a good thing. Callen could feel the stiffness in his neck. He hadn't meant to fall asleep. A part of him knew Sam would be fine. But another part of him, the part that had won, had wanted to watch over his partner just to be sure. The previous day had been huge, ending with a vigil in the waiting room until the doctor told them Sam had come through surgery without a hitch and was in recovery. Callen had gone home for a little while, but ended up back here to keep watch and he'd sent Hetty home. He figured he wouldn't sleep either way so he might as well be here.

Jessie had that soft look he was starting to become familiar with, one that seemed to get him to do things that she wanted. She'd used it a few times when she'd turned up at his house to check on him after an injury and found him doing something he shouldn't.

"G go home. Get some sleep. Some real sleep."

Callen opened his mouth to protest, to tell her he needed to watch over Sam but she shook her head before he could.

"I'll stay here," she said, "if you want."

She continued to surprise and confuse him, but he didn't mind too much. Surprises in his line of work were usually bad. Hers usually good.

"Why?" Callen asked her.

"Why what?"

"Why would you stay?"

Jessie rose and held out her hand. "Because you needed me to," she said matter-of-factly, as if it was the most logical thing in the world.

Callen put his hand in hers and let her pull him out of the chair, not that he actually needed her help but her hand, her touch, was hard to resist. The softness and familiarity of it calmed him after the wild day they'd had. He looked down at her; his hand still in hers.

"Don't you need sleep too?" he said.

"I can sleep later at the office. Michelle will be back in the morning so it's not like I'm going to be here that long." Michelle had felt it best to get Kamran home to bed once Sam was out of surgery. Sam had woken briefly and been able to reassure his daughter with a smile that he was okay. Once the babysitter arrived Michelle planned on heading back to check in and keep Sam company for a while.

Callen's gaze slid back to Sam. Those steady reassuring beeps had lulled Callen into a light sleep, though obviously deep enough that Jessie had been able to get into the room without him noticing, which wouldn't have been good if it had been an enemy. Perhaps she was right and he did need some decent sleep.

Callen felt Jessie squeeze his hand and he focused back on her.

"It's usually the other way around isn't it?" she said.

"What?"

"Sam by your hospital bed instead."

Callen was definitely in the lead on who had spent more time in a hospital bed. "Prefer it that way," he said quietly.

"Of course you do," Jessie agreed.

Callen studied her face for a moment, the dim lighting softening her features, giving her an almost dream like quality. Could he be asleep? The feel of her hand in his grounded him enough to know he wasn't. Which was a shame because he could handle Sam being shot in a dream much better than reality because in a dream when he woke up Sam would always be fine.

"I don't like it when my team gets hurt," Callen told her.

"I know," she replied quietly with a knowing smile. "You'd take all their pain if you could."

"Except yours," Callen said. "Somehow I don't think I could handle yours." He'd seen it in her every time they got hurt, the pain in her eyes for them, the worry and concern. More than it should be for a simple co-worker. She hurt because she cared. Nate had told him that a long time ago but Callen only really understood now he'd gotten to know her. He wasn't sure he was strong enough to deal with the heartache she felt when they got hurt. He hurt too but he'd had many years of keeping his heart out of the equation and even though the team had reached deeper than anyone else, the walls were still there protecting him from the full effect. Physically, sure he'd be glad to take any on, but not what she felt.

"I wouldn't want you to," Jessie told him.

Callen reached up with his free hand and tucked a non-existent lock of hair behind her ear. He wanted more of a connection with her right now aside from the hand that he was holding but he wasn't capable of voicing that.

"You feel too much," his voice was low but could be heard easily in the still of the quiet room

"No," Jessie shook her head. His hand slipped from where it had lingered just behind her ear. "I feel what I need to feel to be me." Jessie stepped back but didn't let go of his hand. With just a small amount of pressure Jessie pulled Callen toward the door and opened it.

"Good night G."

Callen turned around after he'd stepped over the threshold of the room. She'd let go of his hand to place it on his shoulder and all but pushed him out.

"How did you know I wasn't home?" Callen asked her. He'd started to ask the question when she'd first arrived but it hadn't made it out of his mouth before he'd yawned.

"Because I was looking for you." Jessie closed the door before he could respond.

 

 

 


	27. Hair

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A long one this time. still not quite sure if these types of chapters are too long but the general idea was to have one chapter about a particular moment in the building of their relationship. This one is borderline in length though and I almost broke it up.  
> Love to hear your thoughts.

* * *

"You know I do remember Hetty telling you all not to go out and be more reckless just because I was here to patch you up." Jessie pointed to the bed. "You know what to do."

Callen worked hard to focus on the bed and keep his steps even. The world was still spinning a little from the run in in the alley when he'd been chasing a suspect. They'd been trying to bring him in, unscathed, but that hadn't worked out well for Callen or the suspect. Though at least Callen had gotten away with just the blow to the head. Why Sam hadn't manhandled him to Jessie Callen wasn't sure. He must've been more convincing that he was fine than he thought because his partner had simply walked him to the door, had a quiet word to Jessie and then left.

"Must be the treatment I'm getting here that keeps me coming back." Good voice, sounded normal; at least to Callen's own ears anyway. He eased himself up on the bed and shifted his focus to Jessie.

Jessie shook her head slightly and moved to stand in front of him. "So I need to be rough with you so you don't want to come back?"

"I'll always come back to you Doc." Callen smiled. "I like your touch too much, gentle or otherwise."

Though her lips twitched Callen saw the seriousness in her expression. She'd flipped to 'Serious Doctor' mode already.

Jessie held up her hand between them. "How many fingers?"

If she'd hold them still he'd be able to count. "Two?" Crap, she'd hear that uncertainty in his voice easily.

"Close," Jessie dropped her hand. "Three."

"That's what I thought," he protested.

"I know. But you thought you were wrong and tried to fix it. The only correct answer here is the truth. Remember that please."

Okay he really needed to look into Jessie's qualifications because he was sure mind reader wasn't one of them.

"G?"

Callen pulled himself out of his own thoughts.

"Sorry. What did you say?"

"Are you okay?"

"I'll be fine Doc. You take good care of me."

Jessie's hand was gentle against the side of his head. The light she shined in his eyes not so much and Callen flinched away from it. She did the same with the other eye.

"No doubt you'll have a bad headache in the morning if you don't already. Your responses are good, which is promising."

Callen could already feel the headache and he wasn't looking forward to what it would be in a few hours. After a couple more checks Jessie started to clean up the side of his face and Callen closed his eyes. He felt the coolness of the water and the gentle touch as she focused on the small cut near his eye. He opened them when she was done and the world only spun a little now. When he tried to focus on something his gaze landed on her hair.

"How clear am I G?"

Jessie's question fought for his attention against the strand of hair that was out of her bun. It fell to almost her shoulder and he wondered how such a big piece had managed to get out.

"Clear?" Callen repeated as he tried to make sense of her question while his focus remained on her hair.

"How many freckles on my nose?"

"Twelve."

The answer was a little more instant than it should've been. Because there was no way Callen had counted them in that time. He hadn't even looked. He just knew. That in itself should've bothered him. Or at least had him wondering how exactly did he know that and how did he know that it was twelve only if you counted the really light ones as well as as the seven that were easily seen. On that note, when had he gotten close enough to take the time to study her nose enough that he did know any of that? But none of those questions had the power to pull his thoughts from that strand of hair. Before he knew it Callen had lifted his hand and caught the soft, silky strand between his thumb and finger.

"How come we never see you with your hair down?" Callen asked. He rubbed the soft strand between his fingers.

"Gets in the way. Easier if I pull it back."

Callen knew a practiced answer when he heard one, even with his head being fuzzy.

"I haven't seen it down at your place either." And he'd been there often with plenty of opportunities. He frowned slightly. "Okay it wasn't pulled back like this that morning you were late." If he recalled right, it was plaited but he wasn't noticing much about her hair that day. He'd been too worried.

Jessie shrugged but didn't answer him. Not that he'd actually phrased it as a question.

Callen tucked the strand behind her ear and, instead of bringing his hand away from her, he leaned forward slightly and slid his hand back to the bun at the base of her neck. He heard the faint gasp that fell from her lips and brought his eyes from where he'd been watching his own fingers and the strand of hair to hers.

"How long is it?" he asked. He tried to guess and picture it in his mind but he couldn't. "I'd love to see it down." His fingers started to feel for the pins or band that held the bun in place but Jessie stiffened. In that instant Callen stopped his search, though he left his hand where it was.

The rise and fall from Jessie's breathing gave it away as did the movement of the muscles in her throat when she swallowed. Something had happened. Something not so good. The look in her eyes confirmed Callen's suspicions. Something that had scared her and still did a touch. Even not being on form there was no missing the signs.

"It not just that is it Doc?" Callen asked gently. When she didn't say anything he prompted. "What's the real reason you don't wear it down?" He stared into her eyes and saw the battle going on there. Callen started to move his thumb against her scalp gently, not trying to take it down, just a reassuring touch, at least he hoped it was. A deep breath seemed to ease a small amount of the tension from Jessie but not all.

"There was a patient." Jessie's voice was barely above a whisper. "He didn't like that I failed him on the psych evaluation that he needed to get back in the field."

There was a moment of quiet and Callen kept his thumb moving gently while he waited for the rest.

"I was walking through the hall." Her voice got a little stronger and more normal. "He came up behind and grabbed my hair, twisted his fist into it and pulled me back against him. He was angry."

"He hurt you," Callen concluded and fought down the sudden blast of rage at the idea of someone hurting her that had him wanting to find this patient and ensure he never came anywhere near her again. It intensified when he saw her hand come up to her neck. He was pretty sure she hadn't realised she'd done it.

"Not just the hair," Callen added, though it wasn't a question. He knew body language well enough. It took a lot of effort for him to keep his anger out of his voice but he managed.

"No," Jessie confirmed and dropped her hand. "Not just the hair. Security was there pretty quick but…."

"You don't wear your hair out anymore."

Jessie shook her head just a touch, his fingers that were still buried in it restricted her movement. "Not at work," she said. "It's safer this way and it's a distraction if it's out."

"I can imagine." Callen hadn't meant to say that out loud even if it was the truth. The softness against his fingers was distracting enough but the thought of it loose and free, had his fingers itching to know what it looked like and felt like. "You know," Callen tried to put a more professional tone into his voice after that small slip and hoped to distance himself from the comment that possibly shouldn't have been made. "You are letting him win by not wearing it out."

"It's just at work."

Callen studied her carefully wondering just how close she was to lying to him. She usually stopped before the lie could form completely.

"I do wear it out a home," she added softly. "I swear."

Callen had no doubt it was out at home at some point but whether she wore it out when he wasn't there and was quick to put it up after he knocked on her door he wasn't sure. But he could see in her eyes that she was earnest in her comment.

"I've never seen it out," Callen told her again. "But even if it's only half the time," he continued, "he's still winning."

Their eyes stayed locked on each others as Callen started to move his fingers again

"Jessie," he said, "you know you're safe here with us."

"I know," she whispered just as Callen's fingers brushed one of the pins.

"So Doc," Callen caught hold of the pin. "Are you gonna be brave?"

"Why?" she asked, her voice soft but more curious than scared, which was definitely progress.

Callen didn't answer her question though. He wasn't sure he should. Because he wasn't quite sure he was ready to admit to her, or himself, why he had such a strong desire to see it loose and free. Something like that would change everything.

"Be brave Jessie. I've got you."

"Why?" she asked again.

What was that he was seeing in her eyes? Curiosity? Intrigue? Or was he seeing the same thing she'd see if he wasn't careful.

"Hey Doc, got some ic-" Deeks' voice and the sudden opening of the door meant Jessie jumped back from him. Callen's hand slipped easily from her head, thankfully not catching on anything and hurting her. Within a few moments she already had it back mostly where it had been, including the tempting strand that had distracted him from the start.

"Oops, sorry," Deeks said. "Didn't mean to interrupt."

Callen saw the look on Deeks' face as the detective glanced between the two of them.

"What exactly was I interrupting?" Deeks asked.

"Nothing," Jessie said quickly and turned her back on Callen as she moved to the freezer.

Callen watched her collect a couple of ice packs and move toward Deeks. She kept her eyes on Deeks as put the ice pack on his bruised cheek a touch roughly if Deek's "Ouch, whatcha do that for Doc?" was anything to go by.

"Sorry," Jessie murmured.

"So," Deeks turned to Callen, "are you going to answer?"

"You heard the Doc," Callen glanced at Jessie briefly. "Not interrupting anything." Though if she wanted Deeks to believe that killing the blush on her cheeks might help.

Jessie might've turned her head in Callen's direction but her eyes stayed averted. "Sam's already told me you're going home with him so you're good to go G. We're done," Jessie said in an attempt to dismiss him.

Callen slid carefully off the bed. He still felt a bit wobbly but that was to be expected with a minor concussion which they all knew he had. Thankfully he felt stable enough on his feet to let go of the bed just after his feet touched the ground.

"Deeks, sit. Let's see what you've done." Jessie's tone was professional now, at least more professional than she usually used with him. Callen took advantage of Deeks moving toward the bed to shift out of his way and toward Jessie under the guise of heading to the door.

"Oh no Doc. We are not nearly done with this," Callen said very quietly but knew she'd heard him when her gaze flew to his and her blush deepened.

* * *

It was ten thirty that night when a knock on Jessie's door startled her from her reading. She put her book down, rose from the bed and, after a quick check through the peephole, opened her front door.

"Sam? G? Are you okay?" Her eyes ran over Callen's face quickly looking for signs things weren't right. She knew he'd taken a bit of a blow to the head today but his reactions were good even if he was a little slow on his feet and he'd given no sign it was more than a mild concussion. Had she missed something?

"He's fine Jessie." Sam's tone reassured her.

Admittedly she shouldn't have needed the reassurance because she knew if there was anything unusual or wrong they probably wouldn't be here. Sam would've taken him directly to the hospital.

"Michelle and I have to head out of town," Sam continued. "Michelle's sister's in hospital."

Jessie stepped back and ushered them in. She pointed at Callen and then at the couch. "Sit." He gave her a lopsided smile and a small salute. Damn the man could make her smile with barely any effort. It didn't take much more for him to distract her either if she wasn't careful which didn't bode well for times like this when she needed him to behave. She turned back to Sam. "I'm sorry."

"We're on our way to the airport," Sam said, "and figured you'd prefer we brought G over instead of leave him alone."

"I'd prefer you called. I could've come and got him, save you the time. This isn't the way to the airport." Sam had added a good twenty minutes to the trip by coming to her.

Sam glanced at Callen. "Yeah well, if I'd called he'd have known. I just let him think I was dropping him home."

"I can hear you Sam," Callen called out from the couch.

Jessie glanced over but could only see the back of his head.

"I know the way to my house from yours Sam. I knew where you were taking me."

Sam rolled his eyes and Jessie couldn't resist smiling at the two of them when Sam said, "Yet you didn't protest."

"Would it've done me any good?" Callen's response contained a hint of sarcasm she was familiar with between the two partners.

"Nope."

"See."

Jessie could almost hear the grin Callen would most likely have on his face right now as he spoke.

"I'll be a good boy and take my medicine."

Jessie shook her head doubtfully. "That would be nice," she said loud enough for Callen to hear. She heard the responding chuckle. "I've got him Sam. Go. Let me know if you need anything."

"Thanks Jessie. Night G," Sam called out. "Be good."

"You know me."

"I know." Sam mouthed _good luck_ to her before he walked away. Jessie closed the door quietly and locked it.

She took a breath and shook her head. This was going to be an interesting night.

* * *

Callen's head wasn't as bad as he'd expected it to be. It hurt. He wouldn't argue with that but not enough to complain. He heard the door close after Sam said goodbye and turned his head enough to see Jessie walk around the couch to him. The only light was the low table lamp but it gave off enough to take in the fact that she was in her pyjamas; and that she obviously had a thing for soft material. He stopped the thoughts quickly, though not soon enough since his fingers itched to feel the material for themselves.

"Sorry," Callen said. "Didn't you think you'd already be asleep." A glance at the clock told him it just after ten thirty.

"I wasn't asleep," Jessie told him. She moved to a small cupboard. "Just reading."

When she turned back to him she held a stethoscope and small light in her hand.

"I'm fine Doc."

"G." There was that familiar serious look in her eyes. "Stop arguing." Jessie sat down next to him. "How's the head?"

"Still sore, but I can live with it." At least now Callen felt like he could keep control of the conversation unlike earlier when he couldn't stop thinking about her hair. Speaking of hair. It was down, to some degree, plaited over one shoulder.

"Have you taken anything?"

"No." She should've known the answer to that question already.

"Want anything?"

Callen raised an eyebrow at the next obvious question.

"I know," Jessie smiled. "No but I had to ask."

"No you didn't. You know me better than that."

"G, what do you think it would tell me if you said yes?"

Callen narrowed his eyes. "You're sneaky." Because if he did say yes, it would've had to have been really bad to get that from him. No doubt it would also end up with him back in the hospital getting thoroughly checked over. She put the stethoscope in her ears.

"Girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do. You don't make it easy."

Callen was about to say something but before he could she pointed to his shirt.

"You going to help me out here or do I have do everything?"

Callen shifted his t-shirt so she could listen to his heart. "You know Doc, if it's beating a little fast it's probably because of you."

Jessie rolled her eyes and removed the stethoscope. "It's not. Perfect rhythm. Not too fast at all."

Callen shifted his shirt back into place as Jessie picked up the light. Her free hand came to the side of his head, warm and soft against him.

"Ready?" she asked.

"Do your worst. I can handle it."

Jessie chuckled. "You don't know me that well, Agent Callen, to be able to say that."

One day, Callen thought. Not that her worst would be bad. She flicked the light in and out of one of his eyes quickly. It was bright but he didn't flinch this time. She repeated it with the other eye, which was easier to handle.

"Looking good."

"Always knew you liked me."

Jessie huffed a little in mock frustration - at least that was the way Callen decided to interpret it - the twitch of a smile helped.

"Definitely getting better." Jessie rose from the couch. "Up you get. You need to go to bed."

"Couch is fine," Callen started to lie down but her hand went to his shoulder and stopped him. He looked up to see her shake her head.

"G. Bed. Don't make me call Sam back."

"Where are you going to sleep?" Callen rose slowly.

"Couch."

"No."

"Yes." She tried to steer him away from the couch but Callen held his ground.

"I'm not kicking you out of your bed Jessie. I'll take the couch." He couldn't resist. "Unless you want to share." He never expected her to agree. He was looking out for her and figured she'd give in. When she didn't answer straight away Callen started to wonder what was going through that beautiful mind of hers. There was certainly plenty of different things flicking through his. Unfortunately no matter how hard he tried, the thoughts had nothing to do with sleeping. As much as it would be convenient to blame the concussion he couldn't.

Jessie sighed. "Come on then."

Callen followed automatically, his brain too busy trying to figure out what had just happened, to stop his motion. In the bedroom doorway he stopped.

"Jessie?"

She turned around. "Look, it's big enough and I need to check on you every couple of hours anyway. It'll be easier this way."

Easier? Maybe for her but for him? This was going to push his control, especially since he wasn't 100%. If this was a mission… Maybe that's how he needed to think of this. Let the agent in him take over.

"You do this for all your patients?" Maybe pushing her into doctor mode in his head would help.

"As you like to remind me," Jessie said, a soft smile lifted the corners of her mouth, "You aren't my patient."

So much for that theory. Because if she wasn't thinking of him as a patient how the hell would he manage to think of her as a doctor?

"But the answer is no," Jessie continued. "This is a first." Jessie moved toward the bed. She pulled back the covers and straightened the pillows before she glanced back to him.

Callen hadn't moved. He wasn't entirely sure he could. Yes, he'd been in her bedroom before. Hadn't thought twice about barging in when he thought she was in trouble. But walking in now? Joining her in the bed? That was a totally different scenario.

"Side preference?"

Her question pulled Callen from his thoughts. "Right," he said.

He didn't really have a preference. He could reach his gun from either side, not that he had one on him which was probably a good thing. But, even though his mind was struggling with the whole concept of what was about to happen, he'd still noticed the details. Like her phone and book were on the left hand side. So was the bedside light that lit up the room.

There was a look in Jessie's eyes that suggested she didn't believe him so Callen added. "I prefer to be closest to the door."

That much was actually true, which was why he'd learned to reach for his gun from either way since he rarely had a place to call home for any length of time, until Hetty had given him no choice, though he still had aliases to keep up which meant there were plenty of times to practice.

Jessie shook her head. "I don't bite G. I promise."

Callen gave himself a little mental shake. If he didn't get back in the game, back to his normal self with her, she'd start to wonder what was going on with him and then he'd be in trouble because she was way more perceptive than he'd like.

"You've said that before." Callen lifted one side of his mouth in a half smile, one of the ones he deliberately used with her when he was teasing because it always brought a little something to her eyes, though he was yet to figure out what that something was. He just knew he liked it. "I'm starting to think you protest too much. Not sure I should believe you."

Jessie chuckled and moved around the bed to the left side. "Perhaps I should rephrase," Jessie said, that something but also more than a hint of mischief as well in her eyes. She sat down and added, "I don't bite unless you ask." Their eyes locked.

Hell, he was in trouble because it was on the tip of his tongue to actually do that. Though she probably wouldn't take him seriously because if the words did slip out, his saving grace would be that she didn't know what was going on inside his head and would simply take his comments for banter.

Jessie was the first to pull her gaze away and Callen let out a breath he hadn't realised he'd been holding.

"G I can sleep on the couch, but you aren't. It's your choice."

He wasn't sending her to the couch, even though it was more than comfortable and Callen didn't doubt she'd slept on it in the past. She'd said as much the first time he'd stayed over. So he forced himself take the first step toward the bed and then the next ones after that. He took off his shoes and laid down. His sweatpants and shirt would be fine to sleep in. He certainly wasn't going to strip down to his boxers like he normally slept.

"Good night G." Her voice reached him just before the light went out and he felt her shift on the bed for a moment before she settled.

"Night Jessie." Callen laid there perfectly still for a few minutes before he carefully rolled onto his side. The light from the lounge room gave him just enough to see her features, soft in sleep already.

He still didn't get her completely. There were so many layers to her and just when he thought he had her worked out, another would reveal itself. But what he did get, he liked. He liked her. Not just because he found her attractive. The more he learned about her the harder he was finding to keep his distance even though it should've made it easier. Because he knew how much she vested in those she cared about. How it hurt her when something happened to them and how much she needed love in her life. He knew he couldn't let her get too close because the closer she got, the bigger the risk was that he'd let her down because he wasn't the kind of man she needed. That little voice on his shoulder piped up just as he was drifting off to sleep.

_She's already in danger. She already cares. Why don't you just make the most of it? The closer you are the more you can protect her._

The words the voice said were tempting. But temptation was one thing Callen was good at avoiding. Even if he didn't want to.

With that thought, he slid deeper into sleep.

* * *

"I can feel you watching me." Jessie's sleep softened voice broke the quiet of the room just before she opened her eyes.

Callen been watching her sleep for a least a few minutes after he'd drifted awake and figured out where he was. He knew coming to her when he had things on his mind made him feel better and let him process his problems easier. What he hadn't realised was the calming effect just being around her had on him. Usually when he woke up he started to think and then he had to get up and do something.

"Thought you were asleep," he told her quietly.

"I was."

"Didn't mean to wake you." Not that he was sure how he had. He'd only rolled over to face her and hadn't moved after that.

"You didn't," Jessie said. "I was due to wake up and check on you anyway."

Callen glanced at the clock and, sure enough, it was just after one, two and a half hours since he'd arrived.

"How do you do that?"

"Internal doctor clock. You okay?"

"I'm fine."

His answer didn't stop her running through the routine questions for a concussion. Nor did his satisfactory answers stop her from sitting up and turning on the light so she could check his eyes again.

"Do I still look good?"

Jessie stared at him for a moment before she answered. "Your reactions are getting better."

"That's not what I asked."

"That's the answer you're getting."

Callen chuckled and got an answering smile from her. "Go back to sleep G." She started to reach for the light.

"Who watches you sleep?"

Jessie turned back to him.

"My dad used to," Jessie admitted. "I remember it made me feel … safe."

"Safe?" Callen suspected that wasn't the word she'd planned on using but it made him feel warm inside because maybe, just maybe, that meant that she'd felt safe when he was watching her.

The smile disappeared from her eyes. "He used to watch me sleep from the chair in my room on nights when my mother didn't come home. I think he felt that if he kept me safe, somehow it would keep her safe too."

"You feel safe with me?" He wanted the smile back and moving the topic from her parents seemed to be the easiest solution.

Except it wasn't so much a smile but suspicion that flared in her eyes. It intensified when Callen reached out and caught a strand of hair that had come out of the plait as she'd slept. Carefully he wrapped it loosely around his finger. Somehow it was even softer than earlier in the day.

"Do you?" Callen prompted when he managed to look her in the eyes rather than at her hair wound around his finger.

"Yes." She said it in almost a whisper, like she was uncertain where the answer would take her.

Callen let the hair unwind from his finger and slowly tucked it behind her ear.

"It's down," she said quietly.

"Not out," he replied. Not free and loose for him to sink his hands into. And he really wanted to do that. He just couldn't say it. He dropped his hand and took a breath. Her bottom lip was caught between her teeth as she continued to stare at him.

"I'm not him," Callen told her. "You know that."

"I know."

He got that she'd been scared. He just wasn't sure why she was now. Before he could reassure her again, Jessie sat up and turned her back to him. She pushed the plait behind her, the band already gone.

"Jessie?" She turned her head to glance at him.

"Go ahead," she told him.

Callen shifted closer, slowly but at the same time not taking too long because he didn't want her to change her mind and take back the invitation. Carefully his fingers eased her hair from the plait. It was soft, thick and wavy. The ends of her hair reached down to her waist. He ran his fingers through it, no knots to be found in the silky strands. He remembered doing this with Alina, even though her hair was nowhere near as long or thick. She used to love it when he'd brushed it for. He couldn't help but wonder if Jessie would too. The request was on the tip of his tongue but he bit it back. One step at a time.

Jessie turned her head toward him again.

"Now you know why I don't leave it out," she said.

"No. Now I know it would definitely be a distraction." Callen reluctantly pulled his hands from her hair and Jessie turned around on the bed to face him.

"Which is why it's best," Jessie said as she pulled the hair back over her shoulder and with efficiently fingers tamed it back into a plait, much to Callen's disappointment. "To keep it in at work."

"Keep it in a work if that's what you want to do, but not because it's safer." Callen waited until she looked at him. "None of us would ever hurt you. You know that right?"

There was moment before she answered. "I know."

"Good." Callen laid back down carefully and stared up at the ceiling. He fought to keep the neutrality in his tone. "You should get some sleep Doc."

There was a brief pause before she said, "Good night G."

For the second time that night Callen felt the bed shift slightly as she laid down. He closed his eyes and worked on relaxing his body and slowly evening out his breathing. Sleep didn't come so easily this time. It took time to push aside the thoughts and visions that had been consistent in his mind from the moment he'd started to undo her hair. Thoughts of the possibilities, some innocent like brushing it, and some not. But one held on tight, refused to be locked away and followed him into his dreams. The one where she was above him, her hair falling on either side of his head blocking out the rest of the world, as he buried his hands in its softness, pulled her close and covered her mouth with his.

 

 


	28. San Diego

* * *

 

Callen didn't need to think where his phone was when it woke him from the light sleep he'd been in. He knew exactly where it was and without opening his eyes he reached for it. The ringtone would expect nothing less than instant response.

"Hetty what's up?" He opened his eyes and glanced at the clock beside his bed. Three forty three am.

"There's been an incident in San Diego," came his boss's no-nonsense, and very much awake, voice. "I need you and the team there ASAP."

Callen pulled himself up off the bed. "If we leave now we'll be there by six."

"No. Driving will take too long. LAPD have kindly offered their assistance in this matter and have arranged support in the form of a helicopter transfer. It's on standby waiting for you and the team at the Hooper Heliport. Mr Hanna is already on his way and Miss Blye is responsible for picking up Mr Deeks."

Callen flicked his phone onto speaker and tossed it on the bed as Hetty continued.

"I need you to pick up Doctor Blake and take her with you."

Callen grabbed the pair of pants from the end of his bed and pulled them on. "Why does Jessie need to be there?"

"She's been called into the hospital. There are a … lot of casualties."

Callen paused mid-motion to reaching for a button up shirt. No time for buttons. His hand slid to the one beside it and pulled it straight over his head.

"What happened?" Hetty's no-nonsense tone had faltered with that last comment.

"An explosion on one of the ships docked at the base. They need all the help they can get."

Callen grabbed his go bag from the bottom of the wardrobe, his phone off the bed and left his bedroom. "I'm leaving now Hetty. Have you called Jessie?"

"No. Could you please? I need to contact Miss Jones and Mr Beale still. Hopefully they will have more information for you by the time you join the rest of the team."

Callen had set the alarm and locked the front door by then. "Will do." He slipped into the driver's seat of his car, put his phone on speaker and dialed Jessie before he pulled out of the driveway.

"G what's wrong?" Jessie's sleepy yet worried voice came over the speaker.

"Need you up," Callen said. He kept his tone as easy as he could though he knew she would pick up on the seriousness of things. After all he'd never called her like this before. "Coming to get you. Ten minutes tops. Can you be ready?"

It was normally longer than that but he figured Hetty could swing a speeding ticket for the cause.

"I'll be ready. What happened?"

Callen could hear her moving around and noted that the sleepy factor had already gone from her voice. "Accident on a docked ship," he told her. "Hospital in San Diego has called you in. You're coming down with team. Hetty's got us a lift."

"Okay."

Callen was there sooner than the ten minutes he'd predicted. He had just reached for his keys to shut off the engine when he saw someone walk out of her building and, even though the only thing he could see was the silhouette, somehow he knew it was her. When Jessie walked under the street light on the way to his car, he had all the confirmation he needed. She tossed her bag into the back and slipped into the passenger's seat; two disposable coffee cups in her hand.

"Coffee?" She handed him one of the cups. "Sorry it's black. Ran out of milk. It is strong though."

"Thanks," Callen said gratefully. He had a feeling they were going to need all the help they could get with this and firing up the brain with some coffee would certainly help. "Got everything?" Callen took a sip before he put the mug in the cup holder.

Jessie smiled at him. "You're not the only one who knows how to get up and go."

* * *

Callen pulled the SUV Hetty had organised for them up right outside the hospital entrance in San Diego. Jessie glanced across at him.

"Can you -"

Callen nodded. "We'll check you in and put your bag in the room if we get there first." Hetty had also organised hotel rooms for them. Obviously she wasn't expecting them to be home at the end of the day. He knew Jessie wouldn't want to waste time checking in before she went to the hospital and it would be quicker for her to get started if she didn't have to worry about her bag.

"Thanks." Jessie pushed the door open, got out and turned around before she closed it. Callen saw the quick look she gave them all. "Good luck."

"You too." The concern deepened on her face and she closed the door quickly. Callen watched her run up the walkway to the Emergency Department before he pulled away from the kerb.

A glance back at the rest of the team had him catching Sam's concerned look. The rest of the team had been going through the information Eric and Nell had sent them during the drive. That was why Jessie had been in the front with him. When she'd first heard the initial briefing Callen had watched deep concern and worry fill her eyes, along with just a hint of fear. The helicopter wasn't the best place to discuss it anyway so with a quick look at the others, they kept the conversation to a minimum during that ride. Their voices had been low in the back in the SUV but Callen had his earwig in which let him hear everything but kept the depth of the incident from Jessie.

"G," Sam said. "This is bad."

"I know." Callen pulled out of the hospital grounds onto the main road.

"If this gets out that an act of terrorism has happened on home soil," Kensi said, "and within a military base, it's going to be chaos."

"Let's hope it doesn't," Callen said. "And let's hope they're wrong and it's not."

* * *

It was just before seven that night when Callen made his way back to the hospital to find Jessie. When the team had arrived at the hotel after a very long day, Jessie hadn't been there. They'd done everything they could to figure this out but they weren't there yet. Investigations were still going on but the director of NCIS San Diego had told them to go and get some sleep and come back first thing in the morning. Round the clock investigative teams had been set up so after a quick handover of where they were up to with their assigned tasks they had headed off.

A nurse stepped up to Callen. "Can I help you?"

Callen flashed his badge. "I'm looking for Doctor Blake. Is she still here?"

"She is. She's taking a break." The nurse pointed down the hall. "At the end, go through the door and take the first on your left to the staff rooms. Doctors Lounge is in there."

"Thank you."

Callen found Jessie at one of the tables. A steaming drink and half eaten sandwich were beside her. Her head rested on her arm and her eyes were closed.

"Jessie." Even though his voice wasn't loud Jessie jumped and her eyes flew open.

"G?" Jessie shook her head, her hand on her heart and blinked rapidly. "What are you doing here?"

"Checking on you." Callen stood next to the table and looked down at her. "You weren't back at the hotel."

"I haven't finished. Just taking a break."

There were dark circles under her eyes and the usual brightness Callen was familiar with gone. Even when Jessie was tired it was usually there somewhere for him to find, except on those very bad days.

"No," Callen told her firmly. "You're not taking a break. You are going to bed."

Jessie shook her head. "There was a second explosion. Need to make sure everything is done." Jessie yawned before she pushed herself to her feet.

Yes Callen knew about that but he wasn't about to mention it. The last thing right now he wanted to have to tell her was how close it had come to where the team had been at the time. They'd felt the heat and the shock of the explosion's blast but the debris hadn't reached them.

"Come on." Callen wasn't taking no for an answer. "Let's go. Who do you need to tell?"

"G." Jessie stepped toward him but tripped on the leg of the chair she'd just been sitting on. Callen's reflexes were quick and he caught her before she fell. He put his best I told you so look on his face as he looked down into hers.

"Okay." Jessie nodded when she was upright and on her own two feet again. "You may have a valid point. I'll go."

After returning the borrowed coat and temporary ID to the nurses station, collecting her small handbag and signing out, they walked down the corridor to the exit. Jessie's steps were slow and she was unsteady on her feet. He slipped an arm around her waist to help but that seemed to make things worse. Instead of leaving her floundering by herself he simply stopped them and scooped her up in his arms.

"G!" Her arms went around his shoulders.

Callen shook his head. "You can't walk straight line Jessie. Trust me. It's safer for everyone this way. Let's just get you to bed."

Jessie's head dropped to his shoulder. "You've still got to work on that pick up line."

Callen detected a touch of a smile in her voice and chuckled. "Doc, you're not fighting me. I'd say it's going well."

"Blaming the adrenaline crash you know," Jessie told him, "that I'm not fighting you. Not that it feels so good. Plus, it's not like you are actually trying to pick me up."

Callen wondered if she really knew what she was saying, or more to the point how she was saying it, because there was a definite hint of disappointment mixed with the tiredness in her voice. He tried not the think about it or what it could mean and kept things normal between them.

"Not trying Doc. I did."

Callen stopped at the car he'd left parked close to the entrance. He set Jessie carefully on her feet and kept an arm around her waist as he unlocked and opened the car door.

"In you get," he told her. She didn't protest this time.

Rounding the car Callen opened his door and slipped into his seat.

"So tired."

The whispered words pulled Callen's attention to her.

"So many people hurt," she added sadly.

Jessie hadn't done up her seat belt yet so Callen leaned over and reached for it. He clipped her up but when he looked up at her face there were tears on her cheeks.

"Hey." Callen brushed away the tears that were closest to him.

"Too many died G. Why?"

"We're working on it." She wasn't in any condition to know what was going on. Tomorrow maybe they could discuss it with her and she might be able to give them some insight into the kind of person they were trying find in the haystack. "I promise we'll find them," Callen told her. She nodded, dropped her head back against the seat and closed her eyes.

Neither spoke during the drive to the hotel. Callen didn't wait to see if she could walk; just picked her up as he had before. She didn't protest this time and her head went straight back to his shoulder.

"Sometimes I wonder," Jessie's whispered words warmed his neck. "If it's worth it. When there are so many I wonder how I can possibly make a difference, or even if I am."

"You are," Callen assured her. The elevator doors slid closed quietly and sealed them off from everything else. He hated hearing the pain and sadness in her voice.

"And then," Jessie continued, "someone doesn't die under your hands and they still have a chance of making it when you hand them over to the next doctor." Her voice was grew softer and the words came slower. "And you know that you've at least made a difference in that person's life and then you hold onto that memory and it's not quite so hard when the next one comes on the table, and then the next … and the nex…"

Callen felt Jessie's body sink further into his, her head get heavier on his shoulder and her arms loosen around his shoulders. He pulled her a touch closer into his body. Exhaustion had taken hold and she'd fallen asleep in his arms. The elevator door opened and he stepped out. At the door of Sam's room, that was next to his own, Callen tapped his foot against the bottom of it. When Sam opened it Callen saw the questioning concern on his face.

"Keycard in my pocket for her room." Callen looked down at the shirt pocket that Jessie wasn't held against. Sam slipped the card out and moved to the room directly across the hall that was Jessie's.

When Callen laid her on the bed she didn't stir in the slightest and he risked taking her shoes off before he covered her with a blanket. He left a note and the keycard on the table beside her handbag and reluctantly stepped out into the hallway with Sam.

"She okay?" Sam asked after Callen had closed her door.

"I don't know. I doubt she's stopped much since we dropped her off."

"Think she'll be able to sleep? Wasn't pretty from our point of view, let alone hers."

Callen knew how rough it was seeing the carnage and the bodies under plastic. He couldn't imagine how hard it must've been for her to have so many pass through the ER and not make it. Her words had hinted that she'd seen too much. If there was a way to protect her from knowing the why he would but he doubted she'd want that. To process everything she'd seen and been through she'd need to know why.

"Hopefully," he said to Sam.

At least for now she was sleeping soundly. Callen had been tempted to stay in her room to keep an eye on her but figured they both needed to sleep and he probably wouldn't if he stayed. He would've liked to have made her eat before she fell asleep but obviously her body had other plans. He'd take care of that in the morning.

* * *

Callen sat on the chair in his hotel room. The door to the balcony was open to let in a cool breeze. He'd slept a little after eating with Sam but a few hours later, as usual, he found himself awake. With the last words of the book in his hand red, he closed it and put it on the table. He'd need to replace it when he got home. Perhaps something in Russian this time. Hetty would no doubt have something that would keep his attention.

A splash pulled Callen's attention from books. A glance at the clock in the room told him it was ten forty pm. Suspicion, and instinct, had him rise from his chair. He stepped across the threshold onto the balcony and over to the railing. The pool closed at eleven but there was one lone swimmer doing lap after lap. Callen knew it was a she, the swimsuit kind of gave that one away. He also suspected he knew who she was. There something familiar, perhaps it was the dark hair or the way she moved, yet he knew for sure it wasn't Kensi. He was almost as sure that it was Jessie. He stepped inside, closed the sliding door and pocketed his keycard before he left his room. He stood in the shadows for just a moment until he could confirm his suspicions and then made his way to sit at the edge of the pool where Jessie was headed to from her latest lap. They weren't leisurely strokes either. She obviously knew how to swim and was pushing hard. When she stopped at the end and lifted her head she jumped back.

"Don't do that," Jessie said, her breathing heavy.

"What?"

"Sneak up on me."

Jessie brushed the water off her face. The pool water came to just under her arms but thanks to the surrounding lights, he could see the bright blue two piece swimmers she was wearing. He ignored the pull to let his eyes linger on the body he'd yet to see like this; the photo didn't count.

"I didn't sneak." Callen hadn't made a lot of noise but he certainly wasn't sneaking. "Why are you down here Doc? It's almost eleven. You should be sleeping."

Jessie moved closer to where Callen was and crossed her arms on the side, water pooled around them. She dropped her chin on to them and tilted her head to look at him.

"I woke up," she said quietly, "and then my mind starting going over everything. I thought a swim might help distract me."

This late at night? There was more to it. Book, movie or tv was a more logical choice for this time of night.

"There are other distractions that wouldn't require you to leave your bed in the middle of the night," Callen told her.

Jessie lifted her head and raised an eyebrow. "You offering?"

Everything in Callen stilled. In the moment it took him to realise how what he'd said could be interpreted Jessie's eyes went wide and she dropped under the water and pushed off. Callen watched her swim underwater for over half of the pool length before she came up for air. When she continued toward the steps Callen rose and walked toward her. He reached her towel before she did, picked it up and handed it to her. Jessie took it with a quiet thank you but didn't meet his gaze.

"I'm sorry," Jessie said softly, her head still down. "That wasn't appropriate."

"I'm not complaining," Callen told her but she still refused to look up. "Jessie." After waiting a moment or two but still not seeing any sign she was going to look at him, Callen reach out and eased her chin up and held it until she lifted her eyes. "If we apologised," Callen said, "for everything slightly inappropriate that was said at work between the team, we could end up spending most of the day doing it."

There was a lot of banter and comments between the team that if they weren't as close as they were could easily be misconstrued and in some cases was borderline breaking rules. But with the closeness of the team, and the kind of things they dealt with, came a little freedom in how they interacted and coped. But with it also came an understanding and a responsibility to read the others reactions and if you did cross the line to take a step back and fix it.

"Yeah but," Jessie started but stopped just as quickly.

"But what?" Callen dropped his hand from her chin and waited but Jessie didn't continue. "Afraid I'll take you up on it?" If she wasn't going to answer then perhaps he'd better fill in the blanks until he knew what was going on in that head of hers.

Jessie started to shake her head and Callen added another option. "Or hoping I will?"

Jessie stilled for a moment and then stepped back away from him.

Callen wouldn't deny the thoughts and possibilities that had come to mind with her answer earlier. He also wasn't blind. He knew there was attraction from her side as well. What he didn't know was what she'd do about it or if she'd even considered taking things further. It was something he tried not to think about but moments like these made it harder to hide from the thoughts.

The light from the moon as it came out from behind a cloud, lit up her face clearer and Callen saw the exhaustion still there on her face and his thoughts, while they remained on her, shifted to something more serious.

"Jessie why do you do this?" Callen asked her.

"Do what?" Jessie squeezed the water out of the plait her hair was held in into the towel.

"Work so hard?" Callen focused on trying to read her expressions while she dried off with the towel. "You spend so much time with us then work, what twenty hours or more at the hospital every week. And now this? Do I need to talk to Hetty about a pay rise?"

Jessie stopped and looked up at him. "I don't get paid for this G."

"What?"

"The emergency response. It's not paid."

"The regular hospital work?" There was no way she would be doing this much work for nothing.

Jessie shrugged. "Not exactly. Over twenty hours a week I get the option to take as pay if I want."

Callen shook his head. "Walk me through this because it's not making sense that you work so hard for nothing."

Jessie wrapped the towel around her waist, which pulled Callen's gaze down at the motion. The bright blue bikini stood out against the creamy white of her skin. It wasn't what he'd call revealing but he knew the vision of bright blue lycra, creamy skin, soft curves and flat stomach would haunt his dreams when he finally headed back to sleep. He lifted his gaze back to hers but there was no hint in her eyes that she'd noticed he'd just memorised every inch of her that was above the towel. Perhaps he hadn't taken as long as he'd thought.

"When USU agreed to pay for my degree," Jessie started, "at a different university, the condition was that I'd pay back half." Jessie pulled her plait back over her shoulder and squeezed some more water out as she continued. Callen kept his gaze firmly fixed on her face and his concentration on what she was telling him. "PsyD courses were quite new and expensive. At the time there were no scholarships available for them."

"PsyD?" Callen remembered seeing that on her qualifications but hadn't pursued researching her after all.

"Doctor of Psychology. The other option was a PhD. Doctor of Philosophy. PsyD is more patient orientated while a PhD is more research orientated. The agreement with USU included ten years with a government department, minimum five within a military branch once my degree was done. I would continue to work as an ER doctor two shifts a week at the hospital of my choice wherever I happened to be. The first twenty hours would go directly to USU until my debt was clear or the ten years were up whichever came first. The final part was the emergency response like this and up to four weeks relief wherever the military needed me for those ten years."

"Why do you choose the hospitals you do? Everywhere you've been you've worked at the busiest Level 1 Trauma hospital in the area. Why?"

"Checking up on me?"

It hadn't been hard to pick up on with the quick scan of her resume. Since it was always a good idea to know what was the best hospital to head when you needed help and had no back up he knew most of the names of the hospitals on her list already.

"It's what I do. Why?" Callen asked again. He was trying hard to understand.

"Simple," Jessie said. "Level 1 hospitals tend to attract the best there are in the field. I get to learn so much by working side by side with those doctors. I also get to help upcoming ones learn how to handle it."

"That's a hell of a commitment."

"G I had nothing but a small trust fund that kept me in food and a roof over my head if I was careful. I got lucky with Boston. Trevor and Alex wouldn't take anything for the apartment when I moved back in after they went to New York. What my parents left when they died was split between two trust funds. The first to provide a small income. The other to pay for my education. But it wasn't enough for it all. That's why I pushed my first degree through in three years instead of four. Taking on extra classes each year gave me a discount. Those extra classes were half the price. By doing that I could manage that first degree with what I had and no debt following me. After that I had to get creative."

"Do you still have debt?" Sixteen years of study was bound to have a hefty bill attached.

"Some. Harvard's paid off. Just USU that's left."

"How long before you can give this up?"

"Give up what?"

"The extra job."

Jessie frowned. "I'm not planning on giving this up."

Callen stepped closer. "Why not?" He couldn't imagine how hard what she did was. He'd seen the effects of a bad day at the hospital, seen the emotional toll it could take on her as well as the physical. That was just from the part time job, then she had a full-time one on top of that with them that was stressful in its own right. It wasn't like working with them was easy.

"When do you have time for a life Jessie?" Callen asked her. "When did you last have fun?" Trevor had been concerned about that. "Go out on a date?"

Jessie stepped back from him suddenly. Callen could almost see the walls slam up around her and her expression closed off. It was like he'd hit a painful spot and every defense had reacted.

"My personal life is not your concern." Her voice held a back off tone which Callen ignored. Why he couldn't say except it felt too important to let go.

"When Jessie? And I don't mean with Trevor."

"When did you?" Jessie countered.

"I date." A reactive answer and, if she asked when, he'd be reluctant to answer. Because the last time he'd been out to dinner with someone other than her or the team, it had been at a bar and whoever she was, he couldn't remember her name, had come up and asked him if she could join him. He'd figured why not. Dinner with a pretty girl was a perfect distraction for the day he'd had. But he'd then spent the rest of the time in a conversation that had bored the hell out of him. He hadn't been able to help but compare the dinner with Jessie the night she'd told him about Trevor and how much better that had been in every way.

There was a flicker of something in Jessie's eyes with his answer, so fast he couldn't place the emotion. Something told him that perhaps it would be better if he didn't know.

Jessie started to turn away but Callen reached out his hand to her shoulder and stopped her. She turned back slowly.

"When Jessie," Callen asked, "when do you get time for you? When does someone take care of you?"

Jessie remained stubbornly silent but for the life of him Callen couldn't figure out exactly what that silence meant this time.

"Is it really that hard," Callen pushed, "to tell me the last time a man took you out to dinner? Dancing? Kis-" He stopped himself before he finished that word but it didn't halt the images that had already taken root in his mind. Images that, yet again, didn't contain someone else with her.

Jessie closed her eyes. "Do I get to count the night you took me out without asking?"

"Jessie." She opened her eyes again and looked at him. "Don't you want a life with someone?" Callen asked her. "A family? Someone to go home to?"

She turned her head and looked out over the pool. "Having someone's overrated when they can't understand you."

"You had someone."

Callen wasn't quite sure he wanted to put a name on that hot streak of something that flew through him.

"Tried," Jessie answered simply still looking out over the pool. "Didn't work."

"So you just stopped?"

Jessie turned on him. "No G, I didn't just stop." There was a harshness to her voice, a hint of pain and disappointment. "I tried ... More than once. But I deserve to be accepted for who I am, be the one he'll stick around for through it all, not just when things are rosy. Not the one who's good enough for now or the in-between one to fill in time before the next younger and prettier model catches his eye."

Callen clenched his fist. The words were spoken with enough passion and pain to know that she was speaking from experience. He wouldn't make the same mistake if she was his. Callen shook off and pushed aside both the sudden thump in his chest and the thought, because he wouldn't be in the place to not make that mistake.

"As for kids," Jessie shrugged. "Maybe it's too late, maybe not. But that's not for me to do on my own."

Jessie reached for the keycard that was still on the chair where her towel had been and started to turn away.

"Why Jessie?" She turned back. "Make me understand," Callen asked, "why you work yourself so hard." The two jobs. It wasn't for the money. The direction she'd taken her career and the field she'd focused on told him that easily. He couldn't understand someone as caring as her putting herself in such emotionally painful situations.

Jessie stared at him for a moment. "I need to."

"Why?"

Jessie's gaze dropped to the ground. Her shoulders rose and fell with a slow deep breath.

"Six of the men from the group who were there that night my parents died were dead within three years." She lifted her head and looked at him, the tears in her eyes reflected the moonlight. "They didn't have easy access to someone to talk to who could understand. For four of them the mental strain of their jobs was too much and they felt it better to leave their lives than stay."

Dammit that wasn't what he was expecting from this conversation. Hurting her more after everything she'd been through today was not in his plans. She continued before Callen could put a stop to it.

"Two DEA agents that night died in the emergency room because there weren't enough doctors to treat them in time. Two good men, G, whose families woke up the next morning with someone they loved missing. They had four kids between them and those kids grew up without their dads," the tears started to overflow at that point, "because their dads were out fighting the bad guys, protecting … me. Six good men dead because -"

Callen shook his head and she stopped. "No. Jessie, they were just doing their job. Nothing to do with you." Her head dropped, her face hidden once again. "They knew what they were getting into," Callen told her. "You can't bring them back."

Callen lifted his hands gently to the back of her neck. With a gentle nudge, he lifted her head again so she looked at him.

"Jessie you can't save everyone."

"No I can't. I know that," she admitted, much to his relief that she understood this. "But I can do everything in my power to make sure someone else doesn't lose their parent for just a little bit longer."

"What happens when it all gets to much for you?"

Jessie frowned.

"When you break Jessie?" Callen continued. "What happens then? Who fixes you?"

"Who said I'm going to break?" One of her hands came up and covered his. Her tone had softened considerably but pain was still there.

"You're exhausted.

"Yes. So is everyone who was there today."

"You're pushing yourself too hard. You need a life."

And that was most definitely the wrong thing to say. Her hand dropped from his and Callen felt the tension flood back into her body beneath his hands in the brief moment before she took a big step back out of his reach.

"And you aren't?" Gone was the softness. "You don't get to tell me how to live my life Agent Callen." There wasn't any hint of teasing in the use of his title this time. This time it was formal and very much there for distance. She took another step back as if to reinforce that fact. "You don't get to tell me what I need. You don't know what I need." She turned and walked away quickly.

Callen swore. What the hell had he just done? How had a conversation about why she did what she did and his concern that she was okay end up here? His quick pace was just enough to catch up with her as the elevator doors slid open and he stepped in just after her. The doors closed behind them and Jessie punched the button for their floor. She kept her head turned away from him.

"Jessie." She ignored him and frustration flared because he didn't want it to end like this. Callen hit the stop button on the control panel and Jessie finally looked at him. There was fire in her eyes, behind the shimmer of tears, but not the usual kind of heat he saw.

"What are you doing?" Jessie demanded.

"Finishing our discussion." Because there was no way they were leaving things this way.

"Discussion?" Jessie repeated. "That wasn't a discussion. That was you being a dictator."

"I'm worried about you," Callen said honestly. In so many ways right now. Given the day they'd all had where they were running on adrenaline and, particularly for her, emotion it was probably the worst time to have started the conversation in the first place. But what was done was done and now he just had to find a way to fix it.

"And that makes it all right?" She said. "I'm just supposed to do what you say?"

"Jessie." He shook his head but no idea what he wanted to say. The words were a mess inside his head but he couldn't stop trying.

"Alright," Jessie threw her hands in the air. "I give up." She also backed away from him, not that there was a lot of space to do it. "I'll go out on some dates, try and find another guy? Find someone to take care of me and my _needs_. Is that what you want me to do? Something _personal_. But if I do so do you."

"What?" Damn, her words had briefly scrambled his brain and Callen tried to pull his thoughts from the images her words had put into his head but it was stuck on a picture of her with some faceless guy. His stomach tightened painfully.

Jessie stepped closer. The chlorine smell from the pool didn't fully cover the vanilla that was just her. He forced his focus back to what she was saying.

"If it's alright for you to tell me what to do," Jessie said firmly, "because you're worried about me then right back at you. I'm worried about you." She actually poked him in the chest, punctuating each of her points. "You don't sleep much. You hold yourself back from everyone, even those you are close to. You work anytime you can. Take risks you probably shouldn't. Sure you might date, but I highly doubt you tell them who you really are. Do you have anyone G," Jessie asked, "who you care about enough to tell the truth about who you are?"

You. It flashed through Callen's mind the moment she asked, the answer subconscious and not thought about at all. It floored him more than a little.

"At least," Jessie continued, "if I go out with someone I can tell them who I am."

"That's not fair."

Callen saw a flicker of guilt and apology in her eyes and the shine that hinted the tears were gaining control again.

"No," her voice started to break. "It's not. And it's also not fair that you think you can tell me what's wrong with my life and how to fix it but I can't tell you the same."

"Jessie that's not what I'm trying to say," Callen said. "You're tired."

"Patronising me? Great."

Where the hell was his control? The ability to talk himself out of anything? To think before he spoke? It was like he'd left it behind when he'd gone down to the pool.

Jessie reached out and hit the release button and the elevator started to move again. Callen slammed his hand back on the stop button and the elevator jerked to a halt. Jessie glared at him.

"You are not going to walk away like this." Callen's brain searched for a way to figure this out and fix it. It couldn't get any worse if he kept trying but if she walked away in this mood, he didn't know what would end up going through her mind.

"I'm not walking away," Jessie told him. "I'm stepping back to take a breath before I say something I might regret. It's healthy." Jessie reached out to the button but Callen caught her arm, a firm yet careful grip around her wrist so she couldn't move but nothing that would hurt her.

"G stop," Jessie demanded.

Callen stepped closer and lowered his voice. "Jessie." He brought his free hand up to her chin and turned her head to him. "I care about … I care about my team," Callen said quickly to cover that the word you had almost slipped out. "I worry you've taken on too much. What happens when my Doc breaks? Who is going to fix you like you fix us?"

"I have a therapist G." Her tone softened considerably as did the anger in her eyes. "Do you really think I could do what I do without having someone to talk to?"

"I didn't know." As much as he had been concerned about her breaking, Callen had never really thought about what she might be doing to stop it.

"I know," she said. "It's not something I feel the need to advertise but I'm not trying to hide it."

Callen let go of both her wrist and her chin and stepped back. "I'm sorry," he said.

"For?"

So many things right now but only one was clear enough to say at that point.

"Pushing you."

She'd been right. Her personal life, in theory, was none of his business. Except this job was one where the lines blurred because of how intense it was, the inherent dangers and how close the team was to each other. He needed to be more careful.

"I'm sorry too." Jessie's apology took Callen by surprise as did what she said next. "Being told I'm not good enough is something I'm still have a problem with. It's a button I'd dearly love to get rid of but haven't quite got there."

Callen racked his brain to try and figure out how he'd given her that impression. "Jessie I didn't say you weren't good enough. You are," he told her. "We're damn lucky to have you. I'm just trying to understand." And he hoped like crazy that he hadn't done anything to jeopardise that.

"G," Jessie took a small step closer. "I do what I do because I want to, because I need to and because I'm good at it. Whether I have to or not, isn't the point. Can't you understand that I have a life I love the way it is. I have a job, or two, I love. Work with people I care about. I make a difference, at least I feel like I do. And maybe, maybe one day I will meet someone who understands that. Who wants me even with all that. Or who makes me want to give up something to make more time for him. If I'm lucky it'll be both. But for now…" Jessie trailed off.

"You don't have someone to do that for," Callen concluded quietly.

"Those I care about are the ones I already spend my time with."

"Is everything okay?" a crackly voice interrupted from the elevator speaker.

Callen reached over and pressed the button. "Fine. Sorry."

Callen restarted the elevator and he tried to decipher what it was she'd just said. It was one of her answers that could easily say more than what the words actually did. There was silence for the rest of the short ride up and it continued as Callen walked Jessie to her door.

"Have you eaten?" Callen asked.

"No."

"I'll order something while you have a shower," Callen told her. He wasn't quite sure how to continue the conversation or even if it needed continuing he just knew he wasn't ready to leave her yet.

"You don't-"

Callen reached out and put a finger on her lips. Their eyes locked.

"Let me take care of you Doc, please."

Jessie took a shaky breath, emotions still swirled in her eyes from the day and the confrontation. She nodded and Callen dropped his hand. Jessie turned and unlocked the door. Callen followed her in.

"Preferences?" he asked as Jessie gathered clothes off the bed and stepped toward the bathroom door. She didn't look back at him.

"As long as it's good I'll eat it," she replied. "You know that."

The bathroom door closed behind her and Callen was alone with his thoughts while the woman he couldn't keep his mind off was in the shower. He picked up the phone and ordered, all the while forcing himself to ignore the sound of the water running. Assured the food wouldn't be long, Callen moved to the window and stared out at the lights from the boats on the water. He took some long slow deep breaths as he thought about the confrontation; something he rarely had with her. Certainly there had never been one so personal.

Callen understood Jessie better now. He got the motivation for why she did what she did. He didn't like that she worked so hard between them and the hospital and he wasn't sure she was getting enough sleep, but he got it.

After everything she'd told him tonight Callen knew that the friendship, the flirting and the banter was all it could be between the two of them. She was right that she deserved someone who would stick around and be there for her.

He wasn't that guy. He couldn't guarantee he'd be around after the next mission. He couldn't guarantee his enemies wouldn't come after her. And he certainly couldn't guarantee he wouldn't hurt her. Tonight was clear proof of that. He didn't have a great track record with relationships where women were concerned and he cared about her too much to take the risk that he'd hurt her further. She'd already been hurt by the wrong guy, perhaps more than one. And no matter how tempting she was, no matter how much he cared for her, there was someone out there, the right guy had to be out there, for her and he wouldn't stand in the way. That much at least he could do for her.

* * *

Late the next afternoon Callen pulled up outside Jessie's apartment. It was over, apart from the final paperwork. They'd been wrong about the terrorism aspect. It had been a disgruntled military soldier, an explosives expert to boot, who had rigged the two ships with explosives and set them off when those he had a grudge with were on board. They would never know why he'd done it because one of the targets hadn't been hurt in the explosion and the soldier had come to finish the job. It didn't go his way.

Callen turned to Jessie. After the team had talked with her this morning and she'd given her thoughts on who they were looking for, she'd spent the rest of the time at the hospital helping out where she could until it was time to head home.

She smiled though it didn't fully reach her eyes. Callen knew she was struggling with the number of deaths. Even more so because she believed that there were mental problems with the soldier that should've been picked up well before this and treated.

Jessie opened the door and started to get out.

"We okay?" Callen asked. They hadn't had a chance to talk about last night yet.

Jessie slipped a fifty dollar note out of her pocket and handed it to him. Callen raised an eyebrow.

"Don't forget the pineapple." Jessie smiled and slid out of the car. She grabbed her go bag from the floor and looked across to him. "We're good G. Don't take too long. I'm hungry."

"Dessert too?" Callen asked, the tension in him slid swiftly away.

"Of course."

Callen watched her walk up the path. When she reached the entry door she turned back and, even though she was too far away, he knew just what the look was on her face when she realised he was still there. He smiled and pulled the car away from the kerb.

It wasn't a good idea to keep his doc waiting when it came to food.

 

 


	29. Back Seat

* * *

 

Callen stood in the doorway to the lounge room and Sam sat with the two brothers of the soldier who had been killed that they were investigating.  Though Jessie had initially sat near the brothers when they’d broken the news to them she now stood as far away as she could without actually leaving the room. Callen had picked up on how uncomfortable she’d been with not only the way they were looking at her but some of their comments. Sam had pulled them up on it after she had moved and given them a blunt warning to watch their words after they had made a comment regarding being comforted by the lovely doctor.

Jessie didn’t come out with them often. If she was needed to talk to suspects or witnesses it was usually done at the boatshed but this time she’d offered to come to help with the difficult news. Callen suspected she was regretting that decision right about now.

The brothers were still shooting glances at her, though Callen admittedly couldn’t blame them for looking. Today of all days she’d decided not to wear her hair back and tucked away in a bun, but in a soft, slightly loose braid down over one shoulder. He hadn’t realised just how much of difference it would make but it did and while not distracting exactly, he did manage to keep his focus on the discussion with the brothers, it did pull his attention to her more than normal.

Callen moved closer to Jessie to provide a touch more security and support at the same time a squeal of tyres outside had Sam out of his seat and at the window a moment later. The familiar sound of gun fire started just a split second before Sam yelled, “Get Down!”

Not that Callen had needed Sam’s instructions. The first shot was all it took for Callen to reach for Jessie and pull her down behind the protection of the couch. As they went, his hand automatically cupped the back of her head and tucked her into his shoulder as he rolled them sideways and put his body between her and the couch and window. He felt her flinch with every shot that was fired. When it was finally over, Callen didn’t release her but checked in with Sam first.

“Sam?”

“I’m good.”

“The others?”

There was a slight pause before Sam answered. “They’re good too. You? Jessie?”

“I’m good. Give me a second.”

Callen eased his hold on Jessie and shifted a little to see her better. “Jessie?” She lifted her face to him and he saw the paleness and wide dark eyes. “You hurt?” Callen figured that was an easier question for her to answer than if she was okay - because he could see that she wasn’t.

The shake of her head that she answered with was jerky and not particularly confident. “You sure?” Callen ran his gaze over her but couldn’t see any sign she’d been hit. Her breathing was unsteady. He lifted a hand to her cheek and found it a touch on the cool side. “Come on Doc. Need you to talk to me. You okay?”

Jessie took a couple of breaths which seemed to settled. She closed her eyes and nodded. “I’m okay,” she finally added softly.

“G?”

“Jessie’s good.” He kept his eyes on her as he spoke with Sam. “We clear?”

“Checking now.”

Jessie rested her forehead on his shoulder as she took slow deep breaths. Callen heard Sam’s footsteps and some whimpering from the two brothers.  

“Clear G.”

Callen eased Jessie out of his arms and rose. He held out his hand to her and pulled her to her feet. He could feel the slight tremors that still went through her and kept her close. When she started to turn her head toward the window Callen quickly reached up and stopped her with a hand on her cheek.

“Jessie trust me. Look at me, not the window.”

She really didn’t need to see the carnage that had been made of the curtains or the couch that had protected them.

Callen kept his eyes on Jessie. “Sam, think we should get them out of here. Call Kensi and Deeks. Have them come check things out. I’ll take Jessie out around back and meet you at the car.”

“Got it.” Callen put his hand on Jessie’s shoulders and steered her out of the house to the back yard, making sure he kept her looking forward not back to the mess.

“I’m sorry,” Jessie said quietly when the door of the house closed behind them and they were on the back deck.

Callen frowned. “For what?”

“Not handling that well.”

“Jessie,” Callen topped them and turned her to face him. “You handled that very well.”

“But you and Sam-”

“Are used to being shot at.” And even then it still got his heart pounding and a touch of fear running through him but he’d learned long ago to use that and the adrenaline to keep himself, and others, safe by channelling it to allow him to think and focus clearer during it.

Jessie took a shaky breath.

Callen lifted her head so she looked at him and not the ground. “Hey,” he said gently. “If this happened a few months ago, how do you think you would’ve gone?”

Jessie’s eyes widened a little and he saw she got what he was saying.

“Yeah. Think how far you’ve come.” She might’ve been shaken but she wasn’t anywhere near what she had been that day so long ago when she’d fled the armoury.

Jessie nodded slowly. Her breathing settled further. Callen was relieved to see she wasn’t so pale anymore.

“Let’s go,” he said. “Sam’s probably waiting and you know how he hates to wait for anyone.” He put his arm around her shoulder and kept her close.

Jessie laughed softly. “He hates it because you like to do it to him so often.”

“At least this time it’s for a good cause.” Callen wasn’t sure if she’d picked up on it but he’d heard the concern in Sam’s voice.

They walked around the side of the house and toward the car. However they hadn’t kept Sam waiting. He’d waited to come out of the house until he’d heard the gate at the side of the house close when Callen and Jessie had gone through. Sam ushered the brothers into the back seat of the Challenger and moved to the drivers side quickly.  Callen saw the looks on their faces and closed the door before he turned to Jessie.

“You front,” he ordered.

“G, that’s your spot,” Jessie protested.

She’d been in the back on the way over but he wasn’t letting her do that again. Not with the company she’d be keeping.

Callen stepped a little closer. “I’m going in the back,” he told her firmly.

“Why?”

Callen lowered his voice so it didn’t travel into the car. “Because Doc, they’ve got their eye on you and it’s not for that beautiful mind of yours. I’m protecting you from wandering hands.”

“I can protect myself you know.” Actually he didn’t know. What he did know was that she would’ve had some basics of self defence since she’d worked with the military and FBI, but he doubted she’d gone into much past that, which meant, as far as he was concerned, she definitely didn’t have enough to deal with the brothers.

Callen shook his head. “Perhaps we’ll test that theory sometime but not today and not with them.”

Jessie frowned, a look of genuine confusion on her face. Any other time she’d have figured out exactly what his words and tone implied, but not today. Today he’d have to be blunt.

“You. Me. Backseat some other time,” Callen said. “Then you can show me just what you can do.”

Jessie’s eye went wide and she blushed. Well that was one way to get the colour back into her cheeks.

“Take the front Jessie,” Callen told her firmly and because he could see the battle in her eyes he added, “Or we’ll both go in the back and you can show me today after all.”

“I’ll take the front,” she agreed quickly.

Callen wasn’t quite sure how to take that.


	30. Why both?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you are all having a lovely weekend. It's been nice to be able to have a weekend that has allowed me a little down time to do the final polish and get this (and the last) chapter out over it for a change - probably helps that they are only short one.
> 
> Enjoy learning a little more about Jessie and why she does what she does.
> 
> Love hearing your thoughts.

* * *

 

Callen laid on the bed in the medical room while Jessie gently cleaned up the nasty cut above his eye.

"Why both?" Callen asked. It was one of those questions that, even with everything they'd talked about, hadn't been delved into as much as he felt it needed to be answered properly.

Jessie looked down at him and frowned. "Both?" she repeated.

"Psychiatrist and ER Doctor. Neither are easy. Why not just one?"

"Because I love both for different reasons." She'd finished cleaning up but she had a look in her eyes that Callen didn't think boded well.

"I'm sorry," Jessie said. "I'm going to have to stitch this after all."

Callen had hoped they'd be able to avoid the stitches even though he suspected he did need them. She slid the stool next to the bed, sat down and adjusted it to the right height before she pulled the tray with supplies closer and changed her gloves.

"Tell me why," Callen asked. "Keep my mind off that needle."

"I promise," Jessie said, "You'll barely feel the stitches after the anesthetic kicks in. Close your eyes."

Callen followed the instructions and then her fingers were there, gentle and warm even through the gloves, on his head. The slightest prick was all he felt from the needle.

"All done," Jessie said a moment later.

Callen opened his eyes and looked at her. "How do you do that?"

"What?"

"Barely felt a thing."

Jessie smiled. "Practice, a gentle touch and a little something extra. It's a gift according to my teacher who had to be the guinea pig for all of us one day when the TA didn't show."

"Not a job I'd show for either."

"It was only a small class of ten but he couldn't grade us without knowing how we did compared to one another so had to take them all."

"So why both?" Callen asked again.

Jessie touched gently near his eye. Callen flinched a little.

"Not quite ready. During rotations at Med School," Jessie started to tell him, "I, surprisingly, found I liked the ER better than the rest. It was full on, definitely. But watching the doctors working I could see there there was no time to question decisions. You _had_ to know and be confident about what you were doing. They were so amazing with the breadth of knowledge they had and knowing what was important to get done to save the patient."

"Wouldn't that've been scary?"

"Not as scary as constantly wondering if you had missed something with a patient you were trying to find out what was wrong with them especially when they'd come back and what you'd told them to do hadn't done anything to help. And working with kids," Jessie shook her head, "That was just too .. sad to see them in pain. I struggled with the emotional side of that too much to do more than was required." Sad wasn't the word she was truly saying and Callen knew that. Pain was what she'd felt seeing them. He seen it with his own eyes.

Jessie touched his eye again. "Feel that?" she asked.

"Not a thing." Callen put on a sad face, "Not even your touch."

Jessie smiled and gave a little shake of her head. She picked up the needle and Callen closed his eyes quickly. He hadn't expected her to continue talking but she did as she stitched the cut.

"In the ER," she said, "you are there when they need you the most."

Callen felt the soft touch of her fingers on his face but still nothing near the injury or the needle at all.

"Sometimes," Jessie's voiced softened, "you are all that stands between them and whether they take their next breath or not. You're there at a time when they can't necessarily fight for themselves and someone else has to. When that gurney comes into the room and all this information is being shouted at you, you have no room in your head for anything but what's going on and what you and the team you depend on around you need to do. It's oddly freeing."

"Exhausting though," Callen said quietly.

"It is," Jessie agreed, "but rewarding. Even if I don't end up knowing what happened to them after they leave me, I know I've done everything I could to put them in the best possible condition for the next step."

"You don't follow up?" She had with Aiden but then that wasn't exactly a normal situation.

"Mostly no. It's easier if I don't. Checking in has the risk that the doubts might start and when you start questioning yourself that's when mistakes can happen. You don't have time to run through all the options and sometimes a brief moment of wondering if this is the right choice or if there is something else I should do instead could be the difference between a patient surviving or not. You have priorities, you make choices that you have to trust and keep going."

Rather similar to when he had to make the choice to pull the trigger or not.

"Pretty big responsibility," Callen said.

"It is."

Callen felt her hands leave his face and he opened his eyes. "Done already?"

"Yep." Jessie smiled. She took off her gloves and pushed the trolley aside. "Stitches are extra small so no one will notice the scar unless they look really close."

"No one's likely to be looking close enough to notice or care." The look on Jessie's face and the way her mouth started to open had Callen adding quickly, "Except you."

Callen sat up slowly and Jessie moved away to clean up.

"Psychiatrist?" Callen prompted.

Jessie came back to him and leaned her hip against the bed. "I'd finished my residency and MGH had asked me to stay on. A few months into it a patient was brought in. Car accident victim. Wasn't pretty."

The look on her face told Callen wasn't pretty was an understatement.

"It was crazy," Jessie continued, "trying to stop the bleeding enough to get him stable for surgery and keep the focus on the priorities to keep him alive and not worry about the non life threatening injuries. The most challenging patient I'd had to that point. He was ready to be wheeled out when he grabbed my arm. I still don't know how he had the strength left to do that. The look in his eyes was so full of pain that had nothing to do with his injuries. He said _'I don't want to die Doc. But I don't know how to live with what I've seen.'_ "

Callen saw the rapid blinks and the shine of the tears she was obviously trying to push back.

"I signed off," Jessie continued. "But couldn't bring myself to leave the hospital. I slept there until he came out surgery and then I sat in his room and tried to figure out what he meant. In the morning two men from the Army came in. A Psychologist and a Colonel. Turns out my patient was an Army Ranger - Captain. He'd been struggling for a while and had been seeing the psychologist but with a shortage of them in the military at the time, there weren't enough to give him the time and regular contact that he'd really needed and he'd slipped through the gaps, like many others."

Jessie took a slow breath. "G, the captain had driven his truck straight into a brick wall at over 40 miles an hour. If his truck hadn't been as solid as it was, he wouldn't have made it to the hospital."

"Suicide?"

Jessie nodded. "I spent the next few months trying to figure out why there was such a pull for this patient's situation. That was also when I found out about the agents that had been there that night with my parents. The psychologist who was treating him was great. We talked and he helped me get things clear in my mind and we came up with a plan so I could do both."

"But why?" Callen slid off the bed. "Lot of extra work."

"The body can be the strongest one out there but if the mind breaks it doesn't matter. I loved my work in the ER and didn't want to give it up but I couldn't stop the pull of helping with more than just the body. Which part of me was I supposed to ignore?"

"You don't have much of a life outside of work." There was a brief moment of silence and Callen wanted to take back his words as soon as they were out of his mouth. While not quite the same phrasing as when they'd been in San Diego it was essentially the same comment that had sent them down the path to that confrontation.

"It's my life," Jessie said calmly. "Who says I have to only work one job or so many hours and have to have something else as well. Why can't this be my life?"

There was no tension, harshness or anger in her words. They were soft and normal. So Callen searched for the answers with another question.

"Hobbies, family. Kids. There are other things to life."

"Says he with the same issues." Jessie tilted her head and smiled. "Yet here I am, happy with my life at this point. And how do you know I don't have hobbies? If someone were to come along and want to share this life with me, sure I'm open to it. But…"

When she didn't continued after a few moments Callen prompted. "But?"

Jessie took a breath and let it out before she answered him. "This is who I am G. Whoever he may be needs to know that and accept it. If I want to change for someone that's my choice. Not theirs to force on me."

Jessie stepped closer and looked over his eye.

"Would you?" Callen asked while staying perfectly still.

"Would I what?"

"Change."

"For the right one yes." Jessie stepped back. "Looks like you're good to go."

Callen nodded. "Thanks Doc." He moved toward the door.

"G."

Callen turned back to Jessie his hand already on the door handle.

"What about you?" Jessie asked him.

"Me?"

"You think I work hard. You probably work more than me. What about a life of your own?"

Callen shook his head. "Too much baggage. I doubt someone would take me on," he said then pulled the door open.

"Would you change for her? If she was willing to take you on?"

Callen turned back and their eyes locked. Time stood still for who knew how long but it couldn't have been that long since she didn't repeat her question.

"Change isn't easy," Callen told her. "Probably depend how much patience she has."

Callen moved out the door before she could respond. The last part had slipped out without thought, his words bypassing his brain. He hadn't meant to encourage anything more between them because he knew he wasn't the right one for her but that answer had played right to the strength of their relationship and where it had all started; with her having the patience to gain his trust.


	31. Deeks, Sam and More

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one based on events in the episodes Descent (S4 Ep24) and Ascension (S5 Ep 1) and comes before Impact (S5 Ep2). 
> 
> Love to know what you think.

* * *

 

"How's Deeks doing?" Callen asked from his spot in the doorway. Jessie turned around from the bookshelf and Callen almost smiled at the roll of her eyes. Apparently she hadn't heard him again.

Jessie shrugged and a frown shifted in to take the smile's place on the face that had just a moment ago been happy. "He's not talking to me yet."

"Not sure he's talking to anyone." Callen couldn't blame Deeks. Talking generally required reliving an experience and he was pretty sure Deeks wouldn't want to relive what had happened when he and Sam had been caught by Sidorov. The problem was that he probably was anyway and locking himself away from everyone meant he was going through it on his own. But until Deeks was ready, all they could do was wait.

Callen sat on the couch.

"I'd hoped," she said, "that Kensi might be able to reach him but he's not responding to her yet either."

Jessie wasn't the only one that had hoped Kensi might be the key to breaking through to Deeks. Kensi had admitted that nothing had happened yet, aside from a kiss just before everything had gone to hell and Sam and Deeks tortured. She'd also admitted she wanted something to happen.

Jessie leaned against her desk. "I can't do anything for him yet. I wish I could."

"I'm pretty sure you are. Between you and Kensi I'd say you're covering all the major food groups."

Jessie raised an eyebrow. "You know about that?"

"Of course."

He'd been watching Deeks' apartment multiple times now and spotted either Kensi or Jessie arrive, bag of food in hand for Deeks; always walking away with worried expressions on their faces within a few minutes. The first time Callen had waited five minutes and then gone to Deeks' door to see if he could get Deeks to talk. The food was still sitting there. He told Deeks he'd be back in five minutes and if the food wasn't inside he'd be bringing it in himself. Sure enough five minutes later the food was gone. He'd then told Deeks he'd better not leave the food outside again or he'd either eat it or knock his door down; that it would depend on what they'd left. At least the food made it inside and hopefully the tantalising scent had meant Deeks would eat. Whether Deeks always took the food inside he wasn't sure. there was only so much time Callen could be there.

"I've asked Hetty to call Nate in," Jessie said.

That surprised Callen. He didn't think Jessie was the kind to give up so easily. "You don't think you can help him?"

"I'm trying." There was a desperate tone to Jessie's voice. "Nate is me trying." Jessie sighed. "Sometimes I think me being a female does not help."

Callen raised an eyebrow and let his eyes run over her body, a half smile on his face.

Jessie shook her head. "Don't go there." But there was a spark of brightness in her eyes that made Callen glad he had. That and the desperation had reduced.

"What do you mean?" Callen asked seriously. He was interested in the conversation, he just hated when she sounded so worried.

"Take Sam." Jessie came and sat next to Callen on the couch. "He'll talk to me about it, but I think he's censoring what happened. Like he's trying to protect me."

"Why would Sam be protecting you?"

"It's who Sam is. He's very protective of the women in his life and apparently I now seem to be on that list. It's sweet, but doesn't help me do my job."

"I wouldn't tell Sam you think he's sweet."

That was the only drawback to how close Jessie was becoming to the team. Especially Sam, because she was right. Sam was protective of the women in his life. Callen knew how hard it had been for Sam when Michelle had been out there again. In Jessie's case, in addition to her being a team member, the bond had strengthened between her and Sam when she'd taken care of Aiden. Fighting for his son the way she had done, not just with the treatment she'd given Aiden but with both Sam and the Sergeant, had made that bond much stronger.

"I think Sam would talk to Nate easier about this too," Jessie continued. "I know Sam has his plans in place. He's been trained for this kind of thing unlike Deeks. He knows how to block it out, to distance himself so it's not exactly happening to him. So Sam's doing well considering everything. I'm concerned one day, if this happens too many more times, it might become too much and he might break, but he's not there yet. Hopefully I can make sure he doesn't."

Callen knew how important this part of her job was to Jessie. She'd made that abundantly clear in their very first serious chat.

"But for you do to that," Callen said, "Sam needs to talk to you."

Jessie nodded. "Really talk to me without holding back." She sighed. "I'm not sure when Hetty can get Nate back but in the meantime I'll keep trying with Deeks but…"

"But what?" Callen asked.

Jessie rose from the couch and paced as she continued. "I'm not sure Deeks grasps it all yet. That the bad guys you chase here are so much worse than the ones he went after with LAPD. I don't think he's made the connection between the risks and rewards. He needs to understand that not only are the rewards - the things you stop happening, the people you take down, the people you save - that they are so much bigger here than they were there, but so are risks." Jessie stopped her pacing and turned to face him. "I think right now he just sees the risks being way too high compared to LAPD and doesn't see the rewards match up. I think he's feeling the price is too high."

"You think Nate can get him to see that?" Callen added her theory to his own, just in case he managed to get Deeks talking. He had a few stories that might help Deeks start moving toward that realisation, as long as he could phrase them in the right way and not make Deeks run for the hills.

"I don't know," Jessie admitted. "But I can't stop trying until I figure out what he needs."

Deeks was certainly in good hands even if he didn't know it yet. Callen had no doubt Jessie would try everything to help Deeks … and Sam … get through this in one piece and come out the other side stronger. However, he didn't like the doubt he heard in her voice.

"You know," Callen said casually, "none of us really liked talking to Nate either."

"I know. You all have your secrets and I get that but -"

"It's getting easier," Callen cut her off.

Jessie closed her mouth and stared at him for a moment. "What is?"

"Talking to … someone." Callen saw the flicker of a smile and the slight nod of acceptance at the very vague compliment he'd given her. He hadn't doubted that the slight pause between to and someone would give away what he was really saying.

"You had to deal with Janvier again," Jessie said quietly.

"I wanted to kill him," Callen admitted. "I could've." So very easily.

"But you didn't," Jessie pointed out.

His finger had been on trigger, aimed right where he needed to shoot for exactly that. He'd even felt his finger tighten just a fraction. He'd stopped it though before the point of no return.

"He wanted me too." Callen rose and walked to the window; looked out over the small garden and took a breath. Jessie stayed silent. "If I'd been a better shot, he'd have got his wish." Callen felt Jessie's hand on his lower arm and looked down. He wasn't entirely sure when she'd moved. He certainly hadn't heard her footsteps.

"It's not about being a better shot," Jessie told him gently. "It's about being a better man. And you were. You are."

Did she have to sound so confident?

"Not sure about that," Callen told her. The urge to pull the trigger had been so strong. His fingers still felt the pull to squeeze the non-existent gun in his hand, the need for revenge for Hunter and Renko, for Sam and Deeks. Callen had no idea how he hadn't pulled the trigger. At least maybe if he had it would take away some of the guilt he felt for letting this happen.

"Then trust me," Jessie said softly. "I am."

"If it wasn't for me…"

Jessie shook her head and squeezed his arm slightly. "Don't. Janvier is responsible for everything he chose to do. Like I said, you are the better man."

Callen wasn't sure it was quite right, considering everything that had happened, for him to feel the heat of her hand on his arm so consciously, or that he should be registering the scent of vanilla that was very her. He shouldn't be thinking about her eyes right now. Eyes that weren't just one shade of brown but ranged from honey brown to dark brown, or that they tended to darken when she felt strongly about something. He certainly shouldn't be thinking about them darkening when he'd dipped her way back when they were showing Kensi and Deeks how to dance.

Callen's phone rang and it pulled him from the thoughts he shouldn't be having, not when Sam and Deeks should be what he was focused on and how he could help them, not on something good like her. He answered his phone quickly, partly grateful for the distraction Hetty's call proved and the chance to put some distance between him and Jessie. And partly not.

"Be right there," Callen told Hetty. He turned to Jessie who now stood a good four steps away from him. "Duty calls."

Jessie didn't say anything, just nodded and let him go.

Callen took the time between her office and Hetty's desk to push those less than professional thoughts out of his head. Or at least try. She was getting harder to keep in the box as time went on.

* * *

Shortly after lunch when Callen came down from Ops and walked into the bullpen he stopped abruptly.

"What's that?" he asked Sam and pointed at his desk. A small cooler sat on his desk with a bottle of sparkling water beside it.

Sam shrugged. "Don't know."

"Who put it there?" He wasn't particularly fussed on finding things on his desk that he didn't know about. Sure Hetty put paperwork on there and left him notes, but this was different.

"It was there when I got here," Sam said. "Why?"

Callen stepped closer. "You didn't read the note?"

"Not my note to read." Sam frowned. "What's up with you?"

"Me?" Callen turned to face Sam. "A mysterious package turns up on your partner's desk and you don't even think about checking it out? Keep me safe? Watch my back?"

Sam chuckled. "G, I highly doubt it's dangerous, but if you want me to read your admirer's note," Sam rose from his chair.

"Hold on a minute." Callen moved quickly to his desk and snatched the note just before Sam, who had moved quicker than expected. "I think if I've got an admirer I might like to keep that to myself after all." He flicked open the note, kept it away from Sam's prying eyes and read it to himself.

_Bring these and come find me. Ocean Front and Paloma._

Callen smiled. He knew that writing. He pocketed the note and picked up the bag and bottle.

"What did it say?" Sam asked.

Callen kept walking.

"G," Sam called out. "You know you shouldn't keep secrets from your partner."

"You should've thought of that before you didn't check the mysterious package on your partner's desk that could've been anything."

* * *

It wasn't hard to spot her. Her shirt was familiar from earlier in the day and the sun hitting her hair and highlighting the red was impossible to miss. She sat on a blanket and was looking out over the waves, the breeze doing it's best to pull that hair out of the messy bun she'd pulled her ponytail back into since he'd last seen her.

Callen put the cooler and bottle beside Jessie and sat down on the half of the blanket she'd left free. She turned to him and smiled that smile of hers that made him feel like he'd just brought her the world. Why he had no idea but it was one of his favourites.

"You came," she said.

"You got me intrigued. What's up?"

Jessie's gaze dropped to the cooler and back up. "Have you opened it?"

"No."

"Open it," she told him.

Callen unzipped the top and looked inside. Two plastic glasses, two spoons and small tub of ice cream. He handed Jessie the glasses and lifted out the ice cream. A glance at the side told him what flavour it was.

"Chocolate?"

"Yep." Jessie smiled.

"Thought I was a challenge." Callen lifted the lid and as soon as the smell hit him his mouth watered from the rich chocolate scent.

"You are," Jessie replied. "But not with this today."

Callen watched as she poured the water into the two glasses and held one out to him. "I take we are celebrating something," he said when she held up her glass to his.

"Indeed."

Jessie smiled that smile again and he couldn't help the one that his mouth lifted into as well, or wonder just why it was so frequent today on hers. Her next words only confused him more.

"You talking to me."

"I talk to you a lot Doc. Like now."

"You do," her voice softened. "But today is the first time you've talked to me about you … in the office."

"Ah." Now the smile made sense and his returned. Callen tapped his glass to hers. "I guess your patience paid off."

Jessie rolled her eyes and handed him one of the spoons. She took a spoonful of ice cream and Callen did the same when she was done. He let it melt in his mouth as he watched her enjoy the first spoonful.

"If," Jessie swallowed, "it was just patience I'd still be waiting and you know it. I've worked hard for this moment." She dipped her spoon into the ice cream again.

"You have," Callen agreed. And she had. She'd been with them for many months and, even though he frequently found himself at her place letting out a little something about his day or emotions, he hadn't done that in the office before. Talking to her as a friend about himself had felt so much safer, and easier, than as the team psychiatrist. Today had just happened. He hadn't even realised until she brought it up just now. And even though he hadn't said all that much in her office earlier it had been enough and another step deeper in their relationship - the professional one that was.

Jessie took another sip of her drink and leaned on one elbow, half rolled toward him.

"Thank you," Jessie said quietly and scooped up another spoonful of ice cream.

"You're welcome Doc."

 

 


	32. Armoury Success

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone's interested in the playlist of songs I have running when I'm writing/editing this story let me know. I've never been one really for playlists but tried it this time and am finding it really cool for getting myself back into the characters when my head's been busy with life.
> 
> Thanks for the support, enjoy this one and I hope to hear your thoughts when you are done.

* * *

  

"What exactly are your plans for me this time?" Jessie asked him as she walked beside him. Callen was pleased there wasn't any hesitation in her steps, though her voice did hint at nerves.

"Who said I had plans? Maybe we'll just wing it."

Jessie made a noise that sounded like a snort crossed with a laugh and he looked over at her.

"Really?" she said. "Wing it?" Jessie shook her head. "You always have plans, even when you don't."

At that moment they turned the corner into the armoury and Jessie stopped. Callen heard the catch of her breath and saw the signs of the tension increasing in her body. He made sure he stopped away from her.

"You've got this Jessie," Callen said in a low voice for her only. He saw the slight shift of her body toward him but kept his distance. This was something for her to do without him. "Go on. Go talk to them."

As hard as it was Callen stayed where he was. He watched Jessie take a few steps forward before she stopped and looked back at him. The nervousness and uncertainty in her eyes was expected. He gave her what he hoped was a reassuring smile and watched her take a deep breath before she turned away from him to face the others.

She was right. He did have a plan - or two - up his sleeve. A plan that, this time, involved the team. Sam, Kensi and Deeks were in the armoury. They all had weapons they were handling. And instructions. He'd told them that they weren't to have them held at any time as if they were to be fired. Callen had trusted Kensi with the rifle. He figured it would be less daunting for Jessie if it was pulled apart. The other instruction was simple. Engage Jessie in conversation that had nothing to do with the weapons they had, keep her attention on something else.

Callen leaned against the wall and watched her progress slowly toward them. He wanted to be beside her, holding her hand, no matter what she thought about Deeks, but he couldn't. She had to do this without him. Deeks said something to Jessie, what Callen wasn't sure what but he was sure that it had gained a smile from Jessie for it. He also saw the tension shift from her a touch. So far so good but still a way to go.

It wasn't until Callen could see that the tension was almost all gone from her that he nodded to Sam. The biggest dangers for her walking into the armoury when they were in there was cleaning the guns and packing for a mission. She'd gotten through the first part, now came the second. Sam pulled out a large bag and put it on one of the tables and Callen felt the tension in his own muscles increase and he focused completely on Jessie. He had a signal worked out for Sam if they needed to back off quickly. Hopefully they wouldn't need it.

Callen saw the tension in Jessie jump and the sudden movement of her head to where Sam had just pulled one of the large rifles from the cabinet to put in the bag. He could see the change of her breathing and had started to push himself off the wall when he saw Kensi put her hand on Jessie's arm to bring her attention away from Sam. Callen couldn't help the smile when the tension eased in Jessie. Kensi might be a tough bad ass girl but she also had a tender side that she didn't pull out often, unless it was really needed. And that was what Jessie needed right then. A little gentle guidance to get through a tough situation.

"Seems like you've succeeded in your mission." Hetty's voice came from near his shoulder and Callen looked down at his boss.

"She's coping," he admitted. It wasn't over yet. There was still a lot more to do with her but for now, yes, it did look like things were a success. But it wasn't his mission or his success. It was Jessie's.

"Very well by the looks of things," Hetty added.

Callen glanced back to Jessie. She turned slightly and he could see her face enough to spy the smile on it as Kensi laughed at something.

"At least," Callen told Hetty, "she should be able to move around freely without worrying what she might come across." He continued to watch her interactions with the team, pleased it was going so well. "I still don't like what you did to her in the beginning," Callen told Hetty. Just remembering the panic and fear that had been in Jessie's eyes that day, gave him the urge to tell Hetty off for it.

"It needed to be done," Hetty told him. "She needed a reason to face her fears. I simply opened the door for her. You and the team gave her a reason, and the support, to walk through it."

"It was a risk that could've easily backfired, Hetty. She could've walked away right then."

Callen couldn't imagine not having her around. Jessie had made a place for herself in the team, not Nate's spot but her own. Those early days of him not being sure of her seemed so long ago. So much had changed since then.

"I trusted that you would not let that happen," Hetty said in that confident knowing way.

Callen looked down, suspicion settling at the look in Hetty's eyes. "Why's that?"

Hetty smiled, the one that you knew there was way more behind her words than you could possibly figure out, even with a lifetime to do it. "I knew she was perfect before I hired her. By then you also knew even if you weren't ready to admit it." With a nod at the team Hetty walked away.

Callen turned his attention back to Jessie, just in time to see her look back at him with a smile and to catch the shine of triumph and satisfaction in her eyes. He returned the smile and waited until she'd turned back to the others before he slipped away. This was the team's chance to show her they were there for her too.

* * *

It took longer than Callen expected for the team to return to the bullpen with Jessie. Callen watched them walk toward him, smiling together, and saw Deeks sling his arm around Jessie's shoulder.

"I think," Deeks said, "we should celebrate."

"I'm in," Kensi agreed as did Sam. Callen waited for Jessie's response in case she needed to retreat and process.

"I'd love to but," There was a collective groan and Jessie smiled. "You know I have a flight tonight to London and going out and celebrating with all of you will guarantee I'll be running for the gate. But when I'm back it's on me."

Callen chuckled. "Are you sure you can afford us?"

Jessie smiled. "You're worth it." Her gaze stayed on him for a lingering moment before it traveled over the rest of the team as well.

"One drink Jessie," Deeks pleaded. "We have to celebrate just a little now."

"I really have -"

"One drink it is." Hetty arrived in the bullpen with a bottle of champagne. Nell and Eric were just behind her each carrying a small tray of glasses. "I have been waiting," Hetty continued, "for just the right moment to pop the cork on this beauty."

Callen raised an eyebrow at Hetty when he realised exactly which bottle of champagne she had in her hand. He knew where and when she'd brought it, including how much it had cost.

Hetty smiled. "Worth it Mr Callen, wouldn't you agree?"

Callen glanced at Jessie. The smile that was still on her face and the sparkle in her eyes had him nodding in agreement with Hetty. "Very much," he said.

With obvious experience, Hetty eased the cork from the bottle with barely a pop before she filled the glasses and Eric and Nell delivered them.

Hetty raised her glass and looked at Jessie. "To fear."

Every turned to stare at Hetty who smiled and continued her toast. "To the success of kicking it's butt."

A light laugh ran around everyone in the bullpen as they raised their glasses.

"To Friends," Jessie said next. Callen caught her gaze as she added. "Who are there in the dark places and help you find the light."

"To Friends," everyone repeated.

"And to Jessie coming back," Deeks said. "Don't go falling for one of those British bond types and their accents."

Callen stilled, a coldness swept through him at the thought of her not coming back. It seemed like the room had dropped ten degrees in a moment yet no one else seemed to be affected.

Jessie laughed softly and shook her head. "Been there, done that. Won't happen again."

There was moment of stillness and silence as everyone processed another small part of Jessie's past.

"Plus," Jessie said, a mischievous smile coming to her lips. "How could I fall for Bond? He couldn't possibly compare to what I have right here at my very own fingertips."

Callen still felt cold but the smile on Jessie's lips warmed him slightly.

Deeks grinned. "I like this girl. We're keeping her right Hetty?"

"Indeed we are Mr Deeks." Hetty's gaze shifted to Callen that look in her eye again that said more was at play. "Indeed we are."

Relief shifted through Callen, beating back the rest of the chill, because if Hetty intended for Jessie to stay with them, whoever wanted to take her away would have an impossible battle to do so.


	33. Spiral

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is inspired by the episode Spiral (S6 E12) and is essentially a tag for that episode - though remember that the time line is completely messed up and I'm just using certain episode as inspiration. The first part in Italics is directly from the end of the episode.
> 
> For those interested in the playlist for this story here it is. (some are more specific chapters others just give me the right feel for these two).
> 
> Stand by you - Rachel Platton (this is really their theme song)  
> Everytime we touch - Cascada  
> Need you now - Lady Antebellum  
> When you say nothing at all - BoyZone  
> Shut up and Dance - Walk the moon  
> Secret Love Song - Little Mix  
> Love me like you do - Ellie Goulding  
> If I let you go - Westlife  
> The fighter - Keith Urban  
> Whataya want from me - Adam Lambert  
> Fallin for you - Colbie Caillat  
> Just give me a reason - Pink  
> That’s the way it is - Celine Dion  
> A thousand years - Christina Perri  
> Tell her about it - Billie Joel  
> Don’t want to miss a thing - Aerosmith.
> 
> I look forward to hearing what you think.
> 
> Enjoy

* * *

 

**Chapter 32 - Spiral**

" _Thanks Sam."_

" _For what?"_

" _For making sure I didn't wake up in Druid Hills Georgia alone."_

" _That's what family's for."_

" _Also for not following through on your threat to fill these halls with the sound of your voice."_

" _Don't thank me for that because I'm warmed up baby."_

" _No."_

" _I -"_

Sam's words stopped when the door suddenly opened.

"Sam what's going -"

Callen saw Jessie come to an abrupt halt and she stared at him.

"You're awake," she said.

As much as Callen had been pleased not to wake up alone, as much as he was grateful to his partner for being there, he hadn't realised that he'd been disappointment that it hadn't been Jessie that he'd opened his eyes to see. Until now. Until it disappeared.

"You're here." She was, but why?

"Where else would I be?" Jessie asked.

She'd used that line on him before but there were so many places she could be, not least Los Angeles or London depending on how long he'd been here for. Callen kept his gaze locked with Jessie's familiar brown ones. Ones that had drifted in and out of his dreams and thoughts since the moment he'd seen the vial break and he'd hit the button.

"How long have I been here for Sam?"

"Two weeks."

"How long has Jessie been here?"

"A couple of days after you."

"Sam!" Jessie's protest was too late.

The words were already out and Callen made the connection easily. His body might be weak, his voice might not be strong, but his mind was still able to put two and two together and get four. Even though Callen kept his eyes on Jessie he saw Sam back toward the door.

"I'm going to …" Sam started to say, "go and leave you two to it ... whatever _it_ is that's…. Nice to have you back G."

The door closed quietly behind Sam but the small click was enough to startle Jessie and she looked away.

Callen watched her take a few steps closer to the machines that were monitoring him. "You were supposed to be on holidays."

"I came back when I heard," Jessie replied, her eyes fixed on the equipment.

"You were there to see Trevor in a show."

"I did. Opening night was the second night I was there." Jessie had a look of concentration on her face that was well beyond what was needed for her to understand what she was seeing. As much as Callen wanted to reach out to get her attention, bring her closer, his body just wasn't capable yet.

"Jessie-"

"Someone had to help Sam watch over you. He does need sleep occasionally, even if he doesn't want to admit it."

"There's the rest of the team."

"Who are busy holding down the fort back home."

There was a long moment of silence. She was being completely stubborn and refusing to look at him.

"Jessie." Callen waited patiently and when she eventually gave in and looked at him he asked, "Why are you here?"

He knew her well enough. Making sure Sam slept? That wasn't the reason because Callen knew that Sam would sleep when he needed to, be it in the chair beside him or at the hotel Hetty would have booked nearby. Sam wouldn't have been by his bedside for two weeks straight. He wasn't that crazy.

"In case you needed me," Jessie admitted.

That might be part of it, she always was around when he did, but it wasn't all. There was more.

"I don't think your medical skills would help in this situation," Callen told her. And since he hadn't been conscious neither would her listening skills.

"Didn't say they would," Jessie replied. "The doctors here are pretty phenomenal."

Jessie looked back to the machines she'd already studied to death. Doctor mode always made it harder to get answers out of her. Callen needed to get the topic off him.

"Good to know," he said. "Doesn't explain why you left your holiday early to come back."

Damn his voice had to go wonky toward the end of that sentence. Jessie's attention flew back to him, and he saw the concern and worry deepen in her expression. She helped him with a small sip of water, her hand on the back of his head as he drank. The cool liquid was soothing on his dry mouth and throat. Her touch just as soothing as it always was.

"Why Jessie?"

"I can do it another time. Just don't go getting yourself at death's door again or I might be tempted to bill you."

"Maybe I should come with you." The thoughts that followed were more appealing than Callen had thought they'd be.

"That would be one way to keep you out of trouble."

There was a slight smile on Jessie's face, finally, but Callen wanted more and knew just how to get it. He lifted one side of his mouth in that half smile that never failed to get a reaction from her.

"Didn't say we wouldn't get into trouble." And there it was; a fuller smile and a slight sparkle in her eyes.

Guilt hit him again though. She'd cut short her time away because of him, missed so much that she'd been planning for so long.

"Jessie," his smile dropped, "They shouldn't have called you. You shouldn't have come."

Jessie's smile disappeared so fast, the hurt flared in her eyes and she backed away from him as if he'd physically struck her; all in barely the heartbeat after the words had left his mouth. The regret for his poor choice of them hit half a heartbeat after that.

"Jessie stop. I didn't mean it that way. I'm sorry." He wasn't trying to push her away, wasn't telling her he didn't want her here but no doubt that was part of what she'd thought.

Jessie stopped but the hurt remained in her eyes.

"I'm sorry," Callen repeated. "It's just you were looking forward to it so much."

Jessie shrugged. "So? It's London. It's not going anywhere anytime soon."

"You were there for Trevor, and to catch up with some friends."

"Trevor didn't need me. It's just a tradition and I was there for it. The friends will still be there later. Plus … you are my friend."

"You can do this another time too."

Jessie's eyes went wide and the words that followed tumbled out quickly. "I'd rather not if you wouldn't mind keeping yourself safe."

Callen almost sighed in relief. The hurt was starting to leave her eyes and now there was just a hint of tears shining in them.

"I meant watching me sleep," Callen corrected her. "It's not like there was much else for you to do."

Jessie laughed. It was short but soft and real and followed by the smile like always. "You've told me you don't tend to sleep much so maybe I'm just making the most of the opportunity."

"Maybe I prefer to do other things in bed than sleep." Callen let his eyes wander over her and when they came back to her face, the blush that was so familiar was there and the tears and hurt were finally gone.

"You are definitely feeling better aren't you."

"I can still make you blush. I'm good to go."

The look in her eyes and the raised eyebrows told Callen he was nowhere near good to go but then he hadn't exactly been meaning that he was physically ready to go anywhere.

"Jessie." His tone was serious this time. "Why are you really here?" Callen asked. "The whole truth this time."

Jessie stared at him and Callen waited patiently. It wasn't like he had anywhere else to be right now. He could wait her out quite easily.

"Because I needed to be," Jessie finally said softly.

"You could've just called to check on me." Callen was glad she hadn't chosen that option even though he still felt guilty that she'd changed her plans for him. Guilty and a touch of something else.

"Not the same," Jessie said.

Callen opened his mouth to protest, though he wasn't quite sure what he was going to say, just that there was an urge to tell her it wasn't necessary for her to give up something like that just for him. He wasn't worth it.

"Look G, Kensi would be here if she could but she figures if she keeps things covered at the office it might make you feel better when you wake up. As it is she's on the phone to me multiple times a day checking in on you."

Callen kept his mouth closed and listened because he knew when Jessie was spilling out words like she was, not that it happened very often, it was because she'd been holding something in for too long that it needed to come out and did, along with a lot of other words around it. He was getting better at reading between the lines with her. One thing he'd yet to work out though was how she managed to breathe when she was like this.

"Deeks is usually whispering in her ear," Jessie continued, "wanting to know how you are as well. Hetty has the doctors so well trained they call to give her reports at nine am, twelve noon and six pm, Los Angeles time mind you. Every. Single. Day. And anytime anything changes. It wouldn't surprise me if Eric and Nell had worked out how to hack into here and have your vitals up on the screen in Ops twenty four seven. Sam gets a text or two from Granger every day, in addition to what Hetty would obviously be passing on. Oh and don't get Sam started on Gibbs. Sam's had to pull Abby in to try and keep him in line." Jessie gaze fell onto the phone beside Callen's bed. "I'm surprised that hasn't started ring-"

The phone rang.

They looked at each other. "Hetty," they both said at the same time.

Jessie stepped closer to the bed and picked it up. "Hello?"

"Hi Hetty." Jessie rolled of her eyes and Callen smiled.

"Yes, he's awake… Sure." Jessie moved the phone closer and put it in his hand.

"Hi Hetty." Callen could hear the relief in Hetty's tone as she spoke. "Much better … You shouldn't have called Jessie on her holidays." Callen raised at eyebrow at the flash of guilt that flicked across Jessie's face. "Thanks Hetty. I'll behave."

Callen handed the phone back to Jessie. She placed it back in its cradle and stepped back from him, out of his reach again.

"You see G," Jessie continued. "You almost dying doesn't just affect you. There are people who care about you and we wanted to be here."

There it was. The ultimate meaning behind her tumble of words. They all cared about him and he was important to them. He was important to her.

Callen watched for Jessie's reaction carefully as he asked the question. "Why did you call Hetty?"

Jessie frowned and glanced at the phone. "I didn't. She called here."

Callen shook his head. "Not just now. When you were in London. Why did you call Hetty?"

When she didn't answer, and the look on her face told him she didn't particularly want to, he prompted gently yet firmly. "Why Jessie?"

Jessie dropped her gaze to the floor. "I was worried," she told him.

"Was it on the news?"

Jessie shook her head.

"Jessie talk to me," Callen pleaded.

She lifted her eyes back to him. "Isn't that my line?"

"Roles do seem to be reversed right now."

The staring match continued for a few moments before Jessie glanced away and crossed her arms over her chest. "I woke up from a bad dream," she told him. "Not exactly sure what it was about but I felt scared … for you."

"Just a dream Jessie," Callen assured her.

"I couldn't sleep."

"So you called Hetty." Not him, because she wouldn't want him to know she was worried over something so intangible as a dream.

Jessie nodded. "Figured she could ease my mind."

"But she couldn't."

Jessie shook her head.

"You caught the next flight home," Callen concluded.

"Here."

So she hadn't returned to LA at all.

"Jessie, -"

A doctor chose that moment to walk in through the door and the slight hum of a connection that had been buzzing between the two of them was broken.

"Good to see my patient finally awake," the intruder, and that was the only way Callen could put it, said.

Jessie stepped back quickly and headed to the door.

"Jessie," Callen called out to her before she could leave the room. He saw the flicker of concern when she turned back to him, his voice not as strong as he'd thought it would be when he'd called her name. "Not done," he said.

"There's nothing more to say," she replied. "I'll be back later."

* * *

Callen leaned against the door frame away from the peep hole and waited for Jessie to answer his knock on her apartment door. He knew she was home. He'd had Eric check that for him before coming here.

The door opened just a small way, the caution of her actions almost made him smile, before she opened it fully, a look on surprise on her face.

"G?"

"Doc."

"What are you doing here?" Jessie asked.

"You weren't at work today." Callen stepped forward, giving Jessie no choice but to step back or have him crash into her. She stepped back but didn't answer. Callen turned around when she closed the door and stood in her path. "My first day back in the office," Callen said, "and I find you've got the day off. Not what I was expecting."

Callen had finally been allowed back today, desk duties for a little bit, but he'd been going stir crazy after the time in hospital and the ten days at home since he'd been released. Even Hetty's supply of obscure European Literature hadn't been challenging enough to keep him from that itching feeling of getting back to work. Though the times when Jessie had visited hadn't been all that bad. She'd checked on him frequently to make sure he was following doctors orders, even stayed a couple of nights though he didn't quite know where she had slept given his lack of furniture. He just knew she'd stayed because she'd been there when he fell asleep and was still there when he woke up.

He'd been looking forward to seeing her at work today, getting back to their normal, because things had been slightly too serious with her worrying over his health. Except she hadn't been there and Callen had been more than a touch disappointed, especially when he'd found out that it wasn't because of a hospital shift.

"Why weren't you there Jessie?" Callen asked when she didn't volunteer any details. "Big plans for today?"

"No big plans," Jessie admitted in a quiet voice that held a little something more so Callen waited. Jessie let out a deep breath. "Do you had any idea," she finally said, that little something more becoming stronger as she continued, "what it was like to know exactly what that damn virus was doing to you? Even with the antidote? What it was doing, what it was trying to do to your body? And know that there wasn't a thing I could do to help?"

"No."

"I …. We almost lost you and if I'd been there today, I would've been looking for the slightest sign you weren't ready to be back. For the smallest hint that you were still recovering, that your body wasn't fully healed and then I'd have had Hetty send you home. And that probably would've taken all of about five minutes." Jessie shook her head. "You didn't need me there today."

That was where she was wrong. He did need her. But he didn't correct her because he was still trying to fight back that feeling. Because needing someone wasn't something he was used to. Needing someone made you vulnerable to your enemies and that was something he couldn't afford, outside of needing his team. And as much as she was part of his team, the need didn't fully come from that. Being completely honest with himself he knew it was something he struggled with concerning more than just her.

Callen stepped closer. "I'm fine Doc. I'm being careful. Sam's not going to let me do anything remotely resembling pushing things. He's as protective as you." Sam already had a list of things he planned on making Callen do before he would 'allow' Callen to come out to find a suspect. It didn't matter whether the doctors said he was fine or not Sam had his own checklist.

"I doubt it." Jessie shook her head. "The slightest hitch of your breath that suggested your lungs weren't at 100% is all it would've taken."

His lungs weren't at 100% yet. They both knew that. He still needed a little more time to get there.

"Then I guess I'm lucky," Callen said, "that you weren't there to take my breath away."

Jessie's mouth dropped open but nothing came out. The pink on her cheeks started to rise and Callen grinned.

"Of course," he continued, making the most of the distraction from the bad and the shift back to normal, "if you really wanted to test my lung capacity all we'd have to do is get active. We could go for a run on the beach or," He raised his eyes suggestively and gave her that half grin she always reacted to, "You could just have your way with me."

Jessie eyes widened and blush deepened. "You are impossible."

The hint of breathlessness to her words pulled that little voice back to Callen's shoulder back, nudging him to take a leap. He almost stepped closer and reached for her but something kept his feet right where they were and his tone the normal, lightly teasing one familiar to them both.

"What's it going to be Doc? Run or -"

"Walk," she said quickly. "We can go for a walk."

"Not my preferred option but I'll take it."

"Can I get changed please?"

Callen debated saying no, to make sure she didn't try and back out, but knew she'd be more comfortable at the beach in something else. Callen stepped back to let her through since he'd effectively had her trapped between him and the front door with the couch and wall on the sides. It was the most effective way he knew to help get answers from her - when she couldn't hide or run.

"Don't take long," Callen called out when Jessie had turned down the hall toward her bedroom. "Or I'll think you've changed your mind and want-"

"Don't say it!"

Callen chuckled. She might be out of sight but there was no doubt in his mind that Jessie was smiling. There was probably a spark of amusement in her eyes and, if she was feeling anything like him, relief too that things were heading back to normal between them.

* * *

The walk was quiet, neither of them spoke as they made their way through the throng of people that still crowded beach on the warm autumn evening to a quiet spot. Jessie's pace had been much slower than Callen felt his health warranted but he hadn't complained. He wasn't in a rush to go anywhere. Eventually Jessie stopped and turned to face the ocean in a spot where the tail end of the waves moved in and out over their feet; their shoes had been left in his car at the start of the walk. Callen stood next to her, his arm just brushing hers. He watched her instead of the waves and saw the breeze play with a few strands of her hair. He studied her hair for a moment - something wasn't quite right.

"You've had a hair cut," Callen said.

Jessie turned her head to face him. "Sorry?"

"You cut your hair," Callen repeated. It was pulled back in a simple plait but he'd realised it wasn't as far down her back as it had been. It was still long, just over halfway down her back but didn't reach her waist anymore.

"I … Yeah. I did."

"Why?"

It took a moment before Jessie replied. "In case I want to leave it out. Better length."

Callen wondered if she realised what she'd said and what it meant. She probably did, given that she'd taken some time to think through her words before answering him. If she was considering leaving it out, making changes so she could, she definitely felt safe with them.

"You'll have to show me some time." Now would be good. He could watch the breeze play with and give him an excuse to touch it and to ask if she wanted him to brush it when they got back to her place.

Jessie smiled and looked back over the ocean as she said, "I'm sure you'll find a way."

Callen continued to watch her watch the waves.

"The ocean is a lot different to the lakes of Chicago," Jessie said. "I didn't see the ocean until after we moved to Boston."

"The first beach I remember," Callen stopped. As much as he wanted to tell her, he wasn't sure it was the right time for something like that.

Jessie turned to him, not just her head but body as well. "Where?" she asked.

Callen turned so they were facing one another and looked down into her eyes.

"Romania," he said quietly. "Where my mother was shot."

Callen witnessed the shock and surprise that leapt into Jessie's eyes. "You mother was…"

Callen nodded. "You didn't know?"

Jessie shook her head. "No."

"It's in my files."

"I haven't looked in your files. I started new ones and if I need to know anything from somewhere else for a case Hetty gets it for me."

Because she didn't want to be influenced by others and wanted to get to know them herself.

"She was shot by the Comescu's," Callen told her, "or someone working for them."

Jessie frowned and Callen could almost see her putting together a puzzle in her mind and making connections. "The ones who had Hetty?" she asked eventually.

Callen nodded.

"I'm sorry," Jessie whispered and shifted just a little closer to him.

Callen lowered his voice. "I wanted kill them," he admitted, "when I realised what they'd done. Not just for Hetty." The emotions in her eyes were clear for him to see, comfort and understanding in eyes that were safe and he continued. "Her name was Clara. I didn't know that at the time. But I remember her sitting on the beach, smiling. And then they killed her. Tried to distract me with a toy first."

Jessie slipped one of her hand into his.

"I'm sorry."

A gust of wind succeeded in dragging a strand of hair from the plait onto her face. Callen caught it with his free hand and tucked it behind her ear. His hand settled half on her neck, half on her shoulder. "It's not like your parents-"

Jessie's finger on his lips and stopped his words. She shook her head.

"There's no comparison. No who's was worse. You lost your mother in a horrible way. That's all there is to it. No child should have to witness something like that."

Her finger dropped from Callen's lips but the warmth and the memory of the softness lingered. Her hand fell to rest on his chest, just over his heart. No doubt she could feel it pounding.

"I wanted to kill them," he said barely above a whisper. "I did … It wasn't all in self defense."

As much as Callen could justify his actions, after all they did raise their weapons at him and he had no doubt it was him (his team) or them, the intent wasn't all self defense. How could she not hate someone who'd done that? Why did he see compassion and understanding in her eyes after that admission?

"G, you were there to get Hetty."

"But-"

Jessie shook her head. "If Hetty hadn't been there, needed you, you wouldn't have done it. You wouldn't have simply gone up to them and killed them. No matter what."

"You can't know that." Even he wasn't sure of that himself.

Jessie smiled. "I do know that. I told you before you were the better man. I still believe that. Yes, I believe you wanted to kill them. Yes I believe a part of you did it for your mother, but I do not believe you would've only done it as revenge. You were there for Hetty and they were a threat to her. To you and to your team."

"Did you ever want to…." He didn't even finish the question before she was answering, somehow knowing what he was asking without the need for words.

"Yes," she admitted softly. "I wanted them punished, hurt, to suffer, even in the really bad moments to die. But …"

"But you never would've done anything about it."

"I wouldn't be so sure of that. I've had job opportunities in Chicago but won't take them. If one of them ended up on the table in front of me, I'm not sure what I'd do."

It was Callen's turn to shake his head. "You wouldn't do anything. It's not in your nature to harm."

Jessie didn't say anything but lifted their joined hands and flattened her palm to his. A soft smile spread on her lips as she looked at them.

"So different," she said. "Yet so similar."

Not just their hands. Both had lost their parents tragically though different. Both had grown up with very limited love once their parents were gone. Both did what they did to save others.

Callen focused on their hands.

His, larger, rougher and darker.

Hers smaller, softer and paler.

Hands that killed.

Hands that saved.

Hard.

Soft.

Male.

Female.

That last one was the one that stuck in Callen's mind, those differences pushing aside the rest. The thoughts he'd tried to keep locked away wouldn't stay where he put them and pushed out of their box. Almost dying made him wonder what he'd missed with her. Made him wonder if there could be more. He'd told Sam about the regrets regarding his father, but he hadn't told Sam about the ones with Jessie. He knew he wasn't the right one for her but a part of him wondered what if. Wondered just what it would be like to kiss her, hold her, have someone like her care about him in that way that just never seemed to fit with the life he'd chosen or who he was. Wondered if maybe that was what he needed to find it in him to care for someone that way; someone to show him. The heat from her hand, where it still rested over his heart, almost seared him through his shirt. He shifted his gaze from their hands and they collided with hers. She was too far away at the same time she was too close. The urge was almost overwhelming to pull her closer, satisfy his curiosity as to what it would feel like to have her lips under his.

She needed someone to put her first, someone to love her in a way he didn't even think it was possible for him to do. He had nothing to give her except a life of not knowing if he'd walk in the door at the end of the day. But what if...

Jessie's gaze dropped to his lips and back. Was that curiosity in them as well? Did she want the same thing or was he just seeing what he wanted to see? When had his hand ended up on her hip, in just the right position to pull her into his body? His fingers flexed against her there but didn't pull her close. It wouldn't take much. Her hand on his chest would make it easy for her stop if she didn't want it.

Suddenly Jessie jumped away from him and the moment that had seemed to go on forever was broken. It took another moment before Callen realised that she'd only jumped away because a wave had crashed over them both and soaked them from the knees down. As they moved out of reach Jessie's phone went off. She pulled it from her pocket and silenced it.

"I have to go," she said. "I have a shift at the hospital tonight. Starts in an hour."

Callen didn't try to place the emotion he could hear in her voice. He was afraid that he'd find what he wanted to find and then do something that one of them might regret. He also didn't trust his own voice so just nodded. They walked back to his car and he drove them back to her apartment.

Jessie opened the passenger door and turned to look at him. "G, I'm glad you're back." She smiled. "Thank you."

He knew what the thank you was for but didn't respond to it. He wasn't quite sure how.

"Want me to wait and drive you to the hospital?" he said instead.

Jessie shook her head. "Taxi's already booked. Plus you need to rest." She smiled again. "Make sure I don't send you home tomorrow."

"Will you be in?" If she was starting a shift this late, Callen figured she'd probably prefer to stay home and sleep in the comfort of her own bed.

"I'm be in, by nine. After all, you need a new schedule. Last one's a little out of date."

 


	34. Need you now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one inspired by a few things. Season 4 Episode 13, The Chosen one where Callen goes undercover into a terrorist cell and ends up with a bomb strapped to him.
> 
> Plus the following songs though the lyrics aren't necessarily accurate the the chapter but the emotions they brought out were - Need you now (Lady Antebellum) & When you say nothing at all (BoyZone)
> 
> Enjoy and, as always, love to hear from you when you are done.

* * *

 

Callen sat in his car and looked up at Jessie's apartment. She'd worked a hospital shift today so hadn't been in the office.

He was man enough to admit that today had rattled him a little - more than a little. It wasn't that he didn't trust his team, or Sam's abilities, but sitting there with a bomb strapped to him and then, when he'd just breathed a sigh of relief, finding out there was another one under him - he needed her and the calming effect she had on him. He hadn't been able to sleep without the possibilities of what could've gone wrong interfering. A strong urge to see her, to be somewhere he knew would ease his mind and allow him to process the day or even stop thinking about it, had been too much to resist and had pulled him from his usual distraction techniques - techniques that hadn't been working this time. He just hadn't considered the time when he'd grabbed his keys and gotten in his car.

It wasn't until Callen had pulled up in front of her apartment building that he realised he couldn't just go knocking on her door at this time of the morning. So now, here he was and she was so close; yet nowhere near close enough.

Callen dropped his head back against the seat, his eyes still locked on the lounge room window that had just the hint of light around it. Could he wake her? Would she mind? Was it fair to wake her when he probably wouldn't talk anyway?

The unexpected ringing of his phone pulled his gaze from her window. The first notes of the ringtone enough to tell him who it was and cause a smile to lift at the corners of his mouth, even before he saw her name on the screen.

"Everything okay?" Callen asked before she could say anything.

"Depends." Jessie's voice was soft and gentle, soothing even.

"On?" Callen glanced back up at her living room window but couldn't see her. He wondered whether she was even home. Perhaps she was calling because she was late at the hospital and was finally asking for a pick up.

"How you answer this next question," she told him. Something in her tone made Callen stop reaching for his keys to start the car in anticipation of heading to the hospital.

"Ask away," Callen said.

"Why aren't you coming up to me?"

Callen swore his heart leapt in his chest. He had no idea why.

"What?" Callen's gaze shifted from her living room window to her bedroom one and saw a faint shape and the faint glow of the light from her phone, if he wasn't mistaken.

"Why are you sitting in your car outside my apartment at one thirty in the morning?"

Callen wasn't quite sure how to answer that. His silence was obviously too long when she continued.

"Okay," Jessie said, "then perhaps you should get into your car, come to my apartment and check out my stalker."

"It's me," Callen assured her quickly.

"Then," Jessie's voice went back to that soft one that slid over him like a warm, soft, comfortable blanket. "Let's go back to the first question. Why aren't you coming up?"

"Didn't want to wake you." It was the truth.

"I'm awake."

"Why?" He hadn't thought to wonder about that. Why was she up at this time of the morning after a day at the hospital?

"G. Come up." There was a touch of exasperation in her still soft voice before she hung up and disappeared from the window. Callen stared down at his phone for a moment before he got out of his car. By the time he arrived at her apartment door, she was waiting with it open. He followed her to the kitchen, leaned against the opening between it and the lounge room and watched her make hot chocolate.

"Why are you up Jessie?" Callen asked to keep the conversation off why he was here.

Jessie shrugged and kept her focus on the saucepan and stirring. "Couldn't sleep," she eventually admitted.

"Why not?"

Jessie poured the hot liquid into two mugs and handed Callen his without answering. Perhaps he wasn't the only one who didn't want to talk tonight. Jessie walked past him to the lounge room and flicked on the gas fireplace before she sat down. The fireplace touch was a sign something was bothering her. It was the alternative to the distraction of the TV. He knew she liked to stare into the flickering flames and lose track of her thoughts. Callen sat down next to her, not quite close enough to be touching but close enough that he could feel the hint of warmth from her arm against his.

"Hospital bad today?" Callen asked then took a sip of hot drink. The warm, smooth liquid slid down his throat. One day she'd tell him her secret because he'd yet to figure out how to make it himself this good. She'd refused the numerous times he'd asked; claimed if she told him he'd have no reason to come to her. If only she knew it had nothing to do with the hot chocolate, no matter how good it was.

"No. Fairly uneventful."

"So?" Callen waited.

"I heard what happened," Jessie answered softly.

"We're all good," Callen assured her.

"I know."

Callen watched her watch the flames as they drank. Neither pushed the other for anything more. When Jessie had finished her hot chocolate she put the mug on the table and then sat back. The shift brought her arm against his. Her head dropped back against the couch and her eyes returned to the flames. Callen shifted his gaze to the flames too as he tried to figure out what he wanted to say but the words wouldn't settle. He did feel calmer just by being here with her. He wasn't sure how many minutes had ticked by before he felt her head settle on his shoulder.

He glanced down. Her eyes were closed, her features soft and her breathing the slow and rhythmic kind she had when she slept. He hadn't realised in the limited times he'd been around when she was asleep that he'd learned what she sounded like. A check of the clock told Callen it was ten past two in the morning. His gaze was pulled back to her, sleeping so soundly and safely beside him. He reached out to gently brush the wisp of hair off her face. When she didn't stir Callen let his fingers linger on her cheek. He didn't know what was going on with them. Friendship was certain. Anything more, well as determined as he was to keep things to the friendship, flirting and banter that had come naturally between them, he was struggling to not think about the possibilities of more. Even with knowing he wasn't what she needed, that he didn't have anything to offer her. It was tempting. She was tempting and if he thought there was the chance that he could be good for her, he'd more than likely try. But he wasn't the one.

Callen eased her head gently off his shoulder and stood up. Carefully he picked her up, smiled when she snuggled into him as she slept and carried her to her bedroom. He lowered himself, and her, down onto the bed. Having her there in his arms was too much to resist. He wasn't ready to give it up yet. With some careful arranging he was able to lie down with her head on his shoulder and his arms around her.

When Jessie shifted a little Callen stilled, afraid he'd woken her, but her body relaxed further into his and he smiled. At least she still felt safe with him.

"G," came her voice, soft and sleepy. It did something to him on so many levels, some he wasn't willing to think about.

"Yeah." Callen kept his voice low so he didn't wake her further.

"Wake me if you wanna talk."

"Sure."

"Promise me," she whispered.

Callen almost laughed. Even mostly asleep she'd picked up the fact that his answer had been a reactive one. He knew what she'd wanted to hear.

"I'm here," she continued, "if you want me."

Callen knew she wasn't offering more than a listening ear, though there was a skip to the beat of his heart and a flare of hope that he banked down quickly at the possibility she might mean more. He wasn't the one for her. She needed someone good. Not someone like him.

"I promise," Callen said quietly against her hair, tempted to press his lips to her there but he refrained. He wasn't entirely sure if he was promising that he'd wake her, or that he wanted her. Though it didn't really matter since both were true. He felt her head get heavier on his shoulder and knew she'd fallen back asleep. He closed his eyes and let the comfort of being here with her ease him into a sleep that didn't involve a vision of how yesterday could've ended.

* * *

Jessie drifted awake and reached her hand out to the other side of the bed.

Empty.

She blinked and yawned before she looked to confirm it and felt the disappointment settle heavily on her heart. The sheets were slightly rumpled and the indent of his head was still on the pillow so she knew it wasn't all just another dream.

She noticed a small piece of folded paper on the pillow with her name on it and reached out for it.

_Thank you_

That was it.

Jessie smiled as she traced the words with her fingers. Two words but what they represented was so much more. Th


	35. Break In

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a little bit of protective team mode here. Hope you enjoy the fun. Let me know what you think.

* * *

 

 

Callen stepped past the broken door and into the apartment Jessie had told him she'd be in. Sure enough there she was sitting on the couch next to her elderly, ground floor, neighbour. There was relief in her eyes when she saw him and a small smile lifted the corners of her mouth.

"You okay?" he asked.

Jessie rose and walked over to him. "I'm fine. Thank you." She glanced over his shoulder and frowned. "You brought Sam?"

Yes he had, but he wasn't going into detail as to why with her. Callen glanced behind him. Sam was already in Mr Fix-it mode checking out the door.

"Couldn't leave him on the sidewalk," Callen told her. "You checked upstairs yet?"

Jessie shook her head. "No. Didn't want to leave her alone."

Nor should she have headed up there alone. Callen was grateful that some degree of sense had prevailed though he wasn't sure which had been the stronger one - to stay with her neighbour or stay away from her apartment.

"Jessie dear is everything okay?"

Jessie turned around. "It's alright Mrs Bradshaw. These are my," Jessie paused but only slightly. "Friends. They're here to check on things."

Callen moved closer to Jessie and smiled at the older, frail looking woman. "Anything we can do for you?" he asked Mrs Bradshaw.

"Jessie's taken very good care of me."

Callen shifted his gaze to Jessie. "Yes. She does that well."

"Looks like they kicked in the door," Sam said. "Lock's completely broken. Needs replacing."

"My son is away but he'll be here tomorrow to fix it."

Callen exchanged a look with Sam after Mrs Bradshaw's comment. That door wasn't waiting until tomorrow. He kept his voice low when he spoke to Jessie. "Keys."

"I'll come." Jessie started to take a step away from him.

"No you won't," Callen told her firmly. "Sam and I will check it out. You stay here."

"G-"

"Stay. Keys. Please." He hoped she wouldn't continue to be stubborn because if the worst had happened he didn't want her to see it.

Jessie stared at him for a moment longer before she picked her handbag off the floor near the coffee table and pulled out her keys. Her fingers were warm against his palm when she put them in them.

"Thanks for coming," she said.

"Anytime."

Callen moved to join Sam where he waited at the front door. Jessie followed.

"G." Her voice was soft and worried. He turned around. "Please be careful."

Callen tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear. He most definitely enjoyed that she wasn't wearing her hair in that bun so much. "You know me."

Before she could answer Kensi and Deeks walked through the door.

"Whoa! What happened here?" Deeks asked when he saw the door and the mess that the room was in.

"You called them too?" Jessie asked.

"My dear don't complain," Mrs Bradshaw said. "It's nice your young man wants to protect you. You shouldn't have to deal with things like this."

"We're -"

Callen cut her off. "See. Let me protect you."

The look on Jessie's face made it too difficult for him not to smile.

"He's so sweet," Mrs Bradshaw added.

Callen raised his eyebrows and Jessie bit her lip but it didn't stop the smile in her eyes.

Deeks chuckled and walked over to Mrs Bradshaw. "I'm Detective Marty Deeks. What can we help you with?"

Jessie turned back to face him. "What did you do that for?" Her whisper held a reprimand in it. "She thinks we're together."

Callen slipped his arm around her waist and pulled her up against him. And briefly wondered whether she realised just how perfectly she fitted there? He did. Her eyes went wide.

"Let her think it," Callen said quietly. He felt the small shiver go through her and held back the smile at the reaction of his words being near her ear, or his touch. He'd take either. "She's a sweet old lady and it will only make her worry more than she already is if she thinks you're going to be alone tonight."

Jessie shook her head. "But that's -"

"Why you love me," Callen said in a loud enough voice to travel to Mrs Bradshaw. He couldn't resist and pressed a quick kiss to her forehead. He dropped his arm and stepped away before he did more than that. He wasn't fussed on the idea of having an audience the first time he kissed her. Just had to find the right moment, which wasn't now.

Sam chuckled.

"Don't encourage him Sam." Jessie tone held only a hint of the warning Callen was sure she was aiming for.

"Wouldn't dream of it," Sam replied.

Jessie rolled her eyes but the smile she'd been fighting hard finally came out. She shook her head, turned around and headed back to Mrs Bradshaw. Callen and Sam slipped away.

"You thinking it's got to do with us?" Sam asked Callen as they headed up the stairs.

"Don't know," Callen admitted. "Don't like the idea that it's not safe here."

"Jessie's third floor. Why break in down here if they're after her?"

"Test out the response time?"

"They certainly weren't trying to be quiet. You do know it's not uncommon for break in to happen."

"I know. What do you want me to do Sam? Forget about it?"

"No, but let's just check it out and see before you freak her out. You've already got Eric checking the surveillance cameras."

"I'm not going to freak her out."

Stay the night? Probably though he wasn't sure he'd get away with it without making her worry. Update the locks on her doors? Already brought and in the backpack Sam was carrying. And Eric knew better than to say anything to Jessie about what he was doing, why he was doing it or what he might find. Callen hadn't lied, even if he'd let Jessie believe that Sam had been in the car with him. He wasn't but Callen had called him and sent him on a trip to the hardware store for new locks for Jessie's door and her neighbour's. He'd already picked up how concerned Jessie was on the phone about her. It was one thing he could do to help ease her mind. He'd arrived before Sam but had waited out the front so they could go in together. He'd taken the opportunity to check out the surrounding neighbourhood in a way he hadn't before, though Sam hadn't been that far behind him.

* * *

Callen and Sam took longer than Jessie thought to check things at her apartment which had her worrying slightly. As much as she wished that he hadn't called Deeks and Kensi into this, she was grateful for the security of knowing they were there until she knew what was going on. The police hadn't stayed all that long and Mrs Bradshaw had been shaken though she'd handled it quite well overall. Jessie had always felt her apartment building was safe but when she'd come home from the hospital earlier to find the police in Mrs Bradshaw's apartment and the disaster that her front door and home was in she'd honestly been a touch scared. Callen's reminder that she was in a dangerous job resurfaced from where she'd buried it in the back of her mind, though she had taken on board and made the changes Sam had suggested. She was tidying the bookshelves when they finally walked back in. A quick glance at Callen assured her he hadn't been in a fight and with Sam just behind him she knew they hadn't found anyone.

"All good," Callen assured her and Jessie let out a breath she hadn't known she was holding.

"Locks are changed," Callen continued, "and we have another one for here."

Her heart went thump in her chest and she was glad he was on the other side of the room and wouldn't hear it. She wondered if he even realised what it did to a girl when he did things like that.

"You didn't need to do that however thank you," Mrs Bradshaw said. "How much do I owe you?"

"No charge," Callen said.

"We'll have it done in no time," Sam added from where he was already working on the door.

"Jessie," Mrs Bradshaw looked at her, "You are such a lucky girl to have a wonderful man and these lovely friends to help you out in times like this."

Oh she knew she was lucky to have them but that wasn't what went through her mind when Callen caught her gaze. The little lift to his eyebrows and twinkle in his eye dared her to break Mrs Bradshaw's heart just as strong as if he'd said the words. And since she didn't do dares, there wasn't much she could do. Plus, she really didn't want her neighbour to worry.

"Lucky is one way to put it," she said instead.

Callen winked and her breath caught.

"You know," Mrs Bradshaw said to Callen. "You should take her out to dinner."

There was a protest on the very tip of Jessie's tongue but for some reason, and most likely the fact that Callen still had his eyes locked on hers and she couldn't break away from them, the words wouldn't come out and Mrs Bradshaw continued.

"It's been a very big afternoon and she'd only just gotten home from the hospital to end up looking after me."

Jessie finally found her voice. "Mrs Bradshaw it's okay." She could feel the blush heating her cheeks. Callen smiled that half smile of his and she was in so much trouble because every time he did, the reaction it caused got stronger - and he seemed to know it did something to her because he'd been pulling it out more often lately. Callen looked at Mrs Bradshaw which gave Jessie a moment to breathe, at least until he finished his sentence.

"I was thinking," Callen told her neighbour, "her favourite takeaway, a bottle of wine and a movie on a comfortable … couch."

Jessie's breath stalled briefly once again in her lungs. There was just enough of a pause before he said couch to make everyone in the room ponder just what he'd been about to say instead. She heard Deeks cough to cover something, what she wasn't sure she even wanted to know. Sam's muffled chuckle came from where he was still fixing the door. Even Mrs Bradshaw smiled and a twinkle appeared in the older woman's eye.

"Oh he's a good one dear," Mrs Bradshaw said. "Reminds me of my late husband. Don't let him go."

"I don't _let_ him do anything." There was a smug satisfied expression on Callen's face that just did not bode well for her, though it did guarantee things were going to be interesting. She turned her back on Callen and went back to straightening up the book shelf, though she continued to feel Callen's eyes on her at various moments.

Finally Sam's words, "All done," had Jessie let out a sigh of relief and turn from the bookshelf, one that she'd probably finished at least a few minutes ago but wasn't quite ready to face the music, so to speak, yet.

Sam stood up from the door and headed toward Mrs Bradshaw. Jessie hoped things were almost over and that they would get out of here before Mrs Bradshaw put any more ideas into anyone's head. Jessie adored the older woman even though she was very determined that everyone get their happy ending like she'd had with Mr Bradshaw. Jessie had already been introduced to two of her unmarried sons. Though maybe there would be some benefits to today if she stopped pushing that.

Sam crouched down next to Mrs Bradshaw. "What would you like me to do with the new key ma'am?"

Mrs Bradshaw smiled. "Such a polite young man. Military if I'm not mistaken." Jessie smiled. Mrs Bradshaw's husband had been in the Air Force. She would most definitely recognise that the military influence in Sam.

"Navy SEAL ma'am."

Mrs Bradshaw handed Sam her keys. "If you don't mind, could you pop it on here. My fingers are not what they used to be."

As Sam changed the key over Jessie fought back the tears of appreciation. They'd come for her and were helping out her neighbour. So much more than she'd expected when she'd called Callen, unsure what to do and asked for help. He was right. This was a whole different world she was in now. Not just because of the potential danger, but because of the people she worked with. She loved it and knew without a doubt that this was exactly where she was supposed to be; where she wanted to be.

* * *

Callen helped Sam clear up the mess from the door repairs and then said their goodbyes. The apartment was just about back to rights which Callen was sure would make both women feel better.

"Call me if you need anything," Jessie told Mrs Bradshaw.

"I'll be fine dear." Mrs Bradshaw patted Jessie's hand. "I wouldn't want to disturb your night."

Callen saw the look on Jessie's face when she glanced at him as she spoke.

"You won't," Jessie said. "It will be very _quiet_."

Callen's lips twitched and he waited for Jessie to get closer enough to slip his arm around her waist. It was all part of making sure Mrs Bradshaw didn't worry about Jessie of course. Him wanting her close didn't come into play at all. Seeing the look in her eyes when he did it - worth it just for that. It was a mix of surprise, confusion and acceptance because no doubt she still figured he was playing a part.

Sam closed the apartment door behind them. Barely a moment later Deeks and Kensi both started to laugh. Sam came close too. Callen remained neutral, except for the smile that he couldn't hold back.

"Stop it," Jessie hissed.

"She thinks you two," Deeks pointed between Callen and Jessie, "are together. As if."

A flash of annoyance went through Callen that Deeks had such confidence that the two of them together was such a difficult thing to imagine.

"Actually," Jessie said. "She thinks you two are as well."

Neutrality was gone from Callen and he started to shake with silent laughter when Kensi's stopped abruptly at Jessie's words.

"What?" Kensi slapped Deeks' shoulder. "What did you do to make her think that? You're not supposed to do anything like that at work." The two had been struggling to keep their relationship from filtering into work. Callen figured it would be better for them to give up and just go with it. One less thing to cloud their thoughts during the work day. As long as it didn't actually affect them doing their jobs he was fine with it.

"I didn't do anything," Deeks protested.

"She's perceptive," Jessie told them. "It wasn't anything you two did."

Perceptive? Callen wasn't quite sure if Jessie realised what she'd said could apply to the two of them just as much as Deeks and Kensi, just in a slightly different way.

"Look," Jessie said quietly, "Thank you all for coming. It's way more than I expected."

"Jessie," Deeks said unexpectedly seriously, "You're one of us. Course we'll be here."

"See you two tomorrow," Sam said and walked out with Deeks and Kensi. Callen put his hand on Jessie's lower back and guided her to the elevator.

"Wait, don't you need to take Sam home?"

"He's got his car."

"But-" The elevator door opened and he pushed her in gently.

"G what are you doing?"

"Taking you upstairs."

"Why?"

"I haven't given you your new keys yet." And now he had a set and hadn't had to worry her by asking for them. Though he wasn't quite sure if he'd let her know he had them. The doors opened and they stepped out and walked to her door.

"You didn't need to come up to do that," Jessie said. "You've already done enough, in more ways than one."

Callen glanced at her and raised his eyebrows at the stern look which fell quickly into worry and confusion.

"What am I going to say to her when I see her next?" Jessie asked him.

"Tell her I got you take away and we watched a movie on the couch." He unlocked her door and handed her the keys for the two new locks before he stepped back and ushered her inside.

Jessie turned to him after he'd closed her door.

"I don't want to lie to her."

Given what he knew about Jessie, Callen doubted she'd be able to. Lucky she wouldn't have to. "You won't be," he said.

Jessie frowned.

"What do you want for dinner?" Callen asked.

"I…"

He waited for her to realise this wasn't negotiable. It didn't take that long.

"Pizza," she said then turned and walked away.

Callen followed her to the kitchen where she got a glass of water.

"Not good enough." Callen leaned against the wall. "Whatever will Mrs Bradshaw say if she sees me coming back in with pizza?"

"That you were getting my favourite."

"But it's not your favourite."

"It's one of them."

Callen shook his head. She certainly had a favourite pizza place but it wasn't at the top of the list. "Chinese?"

"Why not just go Italian?" Jessie said sarcastically. "Wouldn't that be more romantic?"

"Italian it is."

Jessie rolled her eyes. "G I was joking."

She might've been but he did know that Italian was one of her top favourites, along with Chinese and fully loaded burgers. He already knew exactly what he'd be ordering for her.

Callen walked backwards and smiled. "I'll leave the table up to you," he said. "Though I'm sure candles wouldn't be out of place."

Jessie's eyes went wide and she followed him into the lounge room. "Table? Candles?"

"Yeah. Wine too of course." Callen winked, the flush on her cheeks and the look in her eyes not quite where he wanted it yet. "Plus, I'll be gone long enough for you to slip into something more comfortable."

Jessie stopped and her mouth dropped open. And the worry from the day slipped from her eyes and the pink grew.

"Better," Callen said and reached for the door handle.

"You're. .." Jessie faltered and he could see she was trying hard to find the right word. He just wasn't sure he wanted to know what it was. There was too much going on in her eyes to figure out what she was thinking.

"Manly?" Callen filled in. "Strong? Exceptional? You know I can keep going."

"Adorable," she said.

"Adorable?" That so wasn't anywhere near where what he hoped she'd been thinking.

Jessie nodded.

"Not manly?"

"I'm sticking with adorable." The smile she'd been fighting came right out.

"I'll work on manly when I get back. Just don't go telling Deeks you think I'm adorable."

"We'll see."


	36. Self Defense

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all had a lovely weekend. Now back to the business of posting some more chapters.
> 
> So enjoy the follow up to the previous chapter. Love to hear from you when you're done.

* * *

 

 

"How's Mrs Bradshaw?" Callen asked from his spot in Jessie's doorway.

Jessie looked up from her computer. "She's fine. Her son came over the next day when he got home and stayed with her the rest of the weekend. Made sure everything was okay."

"Did she ask about your night?"

Jessie sat back in her chair, crossed her arms over her chest and gave him a look that said he was in trouble. For what he wasn't sure.

"Not exactly," Jessie said slowly.

Interesting response. Callen moved into the room and sat on down on the couch. "Meaning?"

"Meaning," Jessie said. "I had to cover for you after she mentioned how disappointed she was that you left at three in the morning."

"How did she know I left at three?" He certainly hadn't made any noise when he'd left and had to walk straight past Mrs Bradshaw's door to the exit.

"She had trouble sleeping." There was a hint of worry on Jessie's face.

"What did you tell her?"

The worry slid away, a smile replaced the frown. "Don't worry G. You're reputation with her remains in tact. She still thinks you're wonderful."

Callen raised an eyebrow.

"What?" Jessie said.

"That wasn't what I asked."

Jessie rose and moved around to stand in front of her desk. "You don't need to know what I told her."

The slight hint of pink rising on her cheeks and the fact that she wouldn't look him in the eye told Callen a lot.

"Maybe not, but now I really wanna know," he said.

"Not gonna happen." The blush got stronger.

With that and her evasive answer, Callen's curiosity rose further. He just might need to call on her neighbour and make sure everything was okay for himself.

"I guess next time I'd better make sure I stay all night."

"I don't even know why you stayed until three," Jessie said. "The movie would've been done by eleven."

Callen worded his answer very carefully. "You weren't the only one who fell asleep."

They hadn't eaten at the table but their usual spot on the couch. There'd been no candles but there had been wine and as for the something more comfortable? She'd changed but certainly not in the direction the expression usually implied; he hadn't actually expected it. Not that it made a difference because what she had chosen was made of whatever soft material it was she seemed to favour at home and had been almost as distracting as she would've been in something else.

Jessie had fallen asleep about three quarters of the way through the movie. After the movie had finished Callen had quietly cleaned up the dinner dishes and carried her to her bed, even though he knew she would've been comfortable on the couch, leaving her in it alone this time. He'd stood in the doorway and watched her sleep for a few minutes, just to make sure she was completely there, and let his thoughts drift a little. He still couldn't quite place what exactly it was about her that had him coming back frequently, aside from enjoying her company which was obviously a good reason, except that wasn't usually the reason he sort her out. Sure this time had been because she'd needed them but he continued to find himself with her more often after rough days than he'd ever imagined he would. More so than he found himself with Sam or Hetty, or even the solitude he usually craved when things were bothering him. It was like she was becoming his safe place. Before he left her apartment he'd made sure to check that all the windows were secured. He'd had his hand on the front door ready to go but had stopped and switched on the small table lamp that she always left on overnight in the lounge room first.

It was at that point he'd sat on her couch and tried to figure out what was going on. She lived on the third floor with no balcony. The likelihood of someone trying to scale the outside walls to get into her apartment was pretty slim. Her couch was comfortable, he knew she had no problem sleeping on it, but still he hadn't been able to leave her there. And when exactly had he learned that she left that light on at night? He'd known it for a while. He knew if this was Kensi he'd have simply covered her with a blanket and walked out the door locking it behind him. Sure there'd been a break in downstairs but that's all it had been. With Sam he'd checked out every door in the building for any other signs of forced, or attempted, entry and there had been none. Eric had found the suspects on a surveillance camera he'd gained access to and run them through facial recognition. They had no connection whatsoever to him or any of the team. Just a couple of teens that were looking for a thrill and LAPD had tracked them down already thanks to an anonymous tip about security footage from the apartment building across the street.

She was safe but it didn't stop him trying to make her safer; getting an alarm system put in here was something he just had to figure out how to convince her to do and he knew exactly which one it would be. The temptation was there to stay the night but right now Callen was struggling with where to take, to borrow a phrase from Deeks, this thing with her. He trusted her, there was no doubt about it. They were friends, very good friends, but he needed to figure out what was going on beyond that. To figure out if she was interested or not in more. In all honestly the banter and flirty nature of the relationship made it that bit harder to work out.

While he'd been thinking and staring up at her ceiling sleep had pulled on the edges of his mind and he'd drifted between sleep and memories of them together, which was why he hadn't left until so much later. He hadn't wanted to pull away from those times.

"G?"

Callen pulled himself out of his thoughts when she said his name. "Sorry."

"Did you just come by to ask about my neighbour?" Jessie asked him.

"No." Callen straightened and focused on her and the here-and-now. "You're going to learn some more self defense." The basics weren't enough for this new life of hers.

"Why?"

"Have you forgotten about the break in already?"

"No." Jessie shook her head. "But it had nothing to do with me or this job. The police have already caught them."

Callen rose and stepped closer. "You're in a different world now. You need to know in case." He saw the mix of reluctance and acceptance in her eyes.

"Fine," Jessie said. "But I don't know when we'll fit it in."

"You're meeting with Sam in the gym in an hour." Because Callen knew how easy things got busy and he'd figured if he took away the option of when and just gave her a time it would more than likely happen.

"What?"

"Sam's teaching you self defense. And no, you're not getting out of it. I know you don't have any meetings."

"Why Sam not you?"

For two very good reasons. One, as much as he'd enjoy the close contact teaching her would bring, Callen wasn't entirely sure they'd get to much teaching the way the heat had been building between them and he was still trying to work out if she was willing to take them further. He was trying to find that out subtly because asking straight out would make the professional side more complicated than it already was if she wasn't.

And, because he wouldn't trust anyone else to get her through it, he was responsible for number two.

"I'm teaching you how to fire a gun." Callen saw the tension flood Jessie's body in an instant and, even though she had her desk right behind her, she seemed to shift further away from him.

"No." Jessie shook her head. "No you're not."

"Jessie," Callen shifted a little closer.

"No," she repeated firmly. "It's one thing to get through the fear of seeing them." Jessie moved away from him to an open space in the office before she turned around and faced him. "Or even being around them. But not shooting one." She shook her head again. "No."

Callen took a step closer. "If you end up in a situation where you have one and don't know what to do with it, it'll be even more dangerous."

"I'm not going to-"

"Yeah you might," Callen interrupted her. "I keep telling you Doc, this is a dangerous world you move in now."

"The only danger right now is you pushing your luck."

Jessie was scared. Callen heard it clearly in her tone as she tried to stop this. He stepped closer and she took another step back.

"What are you going to do Jessie?" Callen kept walking toward her as he spoke. "How would you get away if I wanted to hurt you?"

"You won't hurt me."

She was confident of that which was reassuring.

"I won't," Callen agreed and took the final step that would bring him close enough to her when her final step took her flush against the bookshelf. He put his hands on either of her arms at elbow height and trapped her there. "Do you know how to get away?"

"I didn't say no to the self defense." Her eyes locked with his. "Just the gun."

"All part of it," Callen said. Those brown eyes were swirling with so much emotion and had deepened in colour; the honey brown swallowed by the deep chocolate. Jessie shook her head and Callen saw the panic rise in the depths of her eyes.

"Jessie," Callen lowered his voice, "let me teach you how to keep yourself safe."

"I-"

"Trust me one more time. Have I let you down yet?"

"I trust you," Jessie told him in a soft voice. "It's not you."

"You can do this," Callen assured her. He'd make sure she could.

Jessie shook her head. "Please."

Callen pushed away and stepped back when the almost overwhelming urge to reach out and run his fingers over her cheek, or do something to shift the panic that was increasing in her eyes out of them, like lower his mouth to hers and make sure they both forgot what they'd been talking about. He didn't exactly think now was the right time, even if they were alone.

"You know," he said in a deceptively relaxed manner because he wasn't relaxed at all and it had nothing to do with the conversation. "It's in your employment contract."

"No," Jessie said. "It most definitely isn't. Trust me. I went over that very carefully and made multiple alterations with Hetty before signing it. I know exactly what's in it."

Callen smiled, grateful that he'd hit on something appropriate that distracted her enough that the panic was diminishing in her eyes. "It's in there Doc. I guarantee it."

"If you can find the clause that says that," Jessie told him, confidence replaced the hint of fear that had been in her words before, "I'll do it."

She should know him well enough that he wouldn't say something like that if he wasn't sure.

"Sounds like a bet," Callen said. "I'll take it." He watched the confidence fall from her expression in an instant.

"No." Jessie shook her head. "It can't be."

"It is. I told you it was."

"No." Jessie shook her head. "There isn't any mention of the word gun in my contract."

"Your job is to take care of the mental health of the team right?"

"Yes," Jessie confirmed. "And that _is_ in there."

"Good. After work we'll get started," Callen told her. "I know you don't have a hospital shift tonight and any other plans can be cancelled."

Callen walked toward the door.

"Don't you walk away like this," Jessie demanded. "How?"

Callen turned back to her. "Because Doc," he said seriously, "the better you can defend yourself, the less I … We'll worry about you. And that's got to be a good thing for our mental health right?"

The look on her face was all the answer Callen needed. She knew he had her. He walked out of the room before she tried to talk her way out of it.

* * *

"How did it go with Sam?" Callen asked when Jessie walked up to his desk at the end of the day. He'd avoided the gym during the time Sam was working with her. He figured she didn't need the distraction of him there.

"Fine," she said, followed closely with, "I can't do this." It wasn't what she was learning with Sam that she was saying she couldn't do. Callen knew that.

"You can," he told her.

"No G." Jessie shook her head. "Please."

Callen rose from his chair and moved to the same side of the desk as she was. He leaned against the edge. "Jessie, it's the same as what we did before. One simple step at a time."

Jessie shook her head. "It's not simple."

"Think what you've overcome. Just a little step further."

Jessie stared at him in silence, silence that said way more than it should. She was scared, big time, but Callen knew that this needed to happen. Because this job came with enemies and they knew that those who would come after them wouldn't always make a frontal attack. Jessie knew that; had seen it already. Everyone in the team was a target to get to any of the others. Deeks could easily vouch for the dangers. Callen wished she wasn't on the list but he couldn't do anything about that unless he was prepared to chase her out of their lives and have her leave though, even then, he couldn't guarantee they wouldn't use her anyway, like Janvier had with Hunter.

"Give the first step a shot and we'll go from there," Callen said.

Jessie's eyes widened and he realised too late the words that had slipped out weren't quite appropriate, at least not for the seriousness of this conversation.

"Sorry." Callen stood up. He held out his hand to her. "Trust me?"

"You know I do."

His hand remained empty, but he kept it there and waited. Jessie took a slow deep breath in and then let it out as she put her hand in his.

"No guarantees past tonight," she said.

"One step at a time," Callen agreed. He tightened his hand around hers and lead the way out of the bullpen. When he stopped at the firing range door and turned to her a frown creased her forehead.

"Why here?" Jessie asked him.

"Here, if things don't go so well, it won't affect you too much."

"You think I'll fail."

"No." Callen shook his head. "I'm not going to let you fail Jessie." She would get through this, no matter how long it took, one small step at a time. "Here is a place you don't have to spend time in. If it doesn't go as well as I hope, isn't it better the memory is here than in your office, home or somewhere you need to be often?"

"Still talking to Nate?"

"Haven't been able to talk to Nate for a while. So far my instincts haven't let us down have they?"

"No, but obviously you think they might this time."

"I'm just planning for potential roadblocks. Always have a back up plan."

"So you have a plan for when I run screaming from the room?" There was a touch of sarcasm to her voice, better than panic or fear.

Callen stepped right up close. "Not planning on letting you run."

"How are you going to stop me?"

Callen slipped his arm around her waist and steered her to the door. "Can't run if I don't let you go."

Once inside, Callen slid Jessie's bag off her shoulder, put it on one of the hooks and with the hand that had stayed around her waist, shifted it to her back and directed her to one of the stalls.

"I'm not shooting one tonight," Jessie told him. "Can I at least draw that line?"

"One step at a time Doc. That's a long way off."

Callen stood next to her and watched as she took some deep breaths with her eyes closed.

"So," Jessie turned her head and looked at him. "What's your plan?"

Callen put his left hand on the bench in front of them, palm up, and used his other hand to put hers in his the same way. She stared at their hands for a moment before she looked at him, curiosity in her eyes. He smiled and kept his eyes on hers as he reached behind him and pulled his gun, already emptied and cleared, from his waistband. Her eyes followed the progress, with only a hint of fear in them, but the moment he placed it in her hand he felt the slight tremor run through her body. He closed her hand around the gun with his and put his free arm behind her, just touching her back and creating a barrier to stop her running.

"Close your eyes," Callen said quietly. He shifted his body a little further so he brushed up against her side. Her eyes darted to his before she closed them but not before he saw the slight deepening of the brown, that he was sure had nothing to do with fear. He wasn't about to push that side beyond the slight connection at her side and back. Distraction was warranted but he had a different kind in mind for now; though it could be a very good back up plan in the event that things went badly.

"What are you doing for Christmas this year?" Callen asked after she'd taken a few calming breaths.

"Going to Vienna."

"Hmm. Thought you'd be spending it with Trevor."

"He and Alex are going to the Caribbean this year."

"Don't want to join them?"

"Nope. Been there, done that years ago. Love them dearly but not again."

"Why not?"

"Third wheel is not exactly fun. It's not that they didn't include me, it's just that I felt like I was intruding on their time together. I ended up making excuses to do something on my own so they would get to be alone."

"Yet you lived with them." Callen was definitely enjoying the things he learned about her from these 'distracting' conversations. It was the little things she told him that added up to so much.

"Living with them was simply a transition from living with Trevor," Jessie said. "We made a life that worked from scratch. Vacationing with them like that was an entirely different scenario. Give me sightseeing or an active holiday like skiing or hiking with them and we're good. Not a beach holiday with all the trimmings of hot bodies, sun, sand and water and everything else that goes with that." Jessie shrugged and Callen saw the smile that twitched her lips. "Mind you, it was probably more the timing. They'd been having some problems, gotten through them finally and were feeling … like making up."

"Maybe next time you should take someone with you," Callen suggested. "Give them a taste of their own medicine."

Before she could make a comment and before he did the rather inappropriate, though incredibly appealing, thing of suggesting he'd be happy to go with her and help, he pulled them back on track.

"Other hand as well," he said softly in her ear. "Eyes stay closed."

Jessie slowly shifted her other hand and put it on the gun. Callen didn't miss the way it shook but he was feeling very proud of his doc for doing it without question.

"Do you ever spend Christmas with them?"

Jessie nodded. "Every few years Alex's family do a massive family Christmas. That's where I went last year. I've been to most of those since we met. Usually though I see them at New Year."

"What takes you to Vienna?"

"Markets, and the city, are supposed to be beautiful and since I haven't had chance to spend any time in the city yet, only transited through the airport, thought I'd give it a try."

"Are you going with someone?"

Jessie opened her eyes and looked at him with that question. "Are you asking about my love life Agent Callen?"

"No." But if you want to tell me what's going on with that I'm not going to stop you. "Just asking about your Christmas," was all he said.

"No," Jessie admitted. "On my own."

When Callen smiled confusion clouded her eyes. He wasn't quite sure how she'd taken it but he was happy to clear it up for her.

"Look down." Callen tilted his head just a bit in the direction of their hands but kept his eyes on Jessie's face and watched her reaction.

When she looked at her hands she promptly dropped the gun she was now holding on her own. He'd slowly slipped his hand away from hers as they'd been talking.

"Jessie," Callen said quietly, "Pick it up." Jessie didn't move, her eyes were locked on the gun and her breathing shallow, though fairly even and controlled. "You can do it," Callen added.

Her hands were trembling but slowly she did. She only held it for a few moments before she put it down again and backed away, straight into him. He'd moved behind her to let her pick up the gun without him being within her line of sight.

"See." Callen rested his hands on her hips. "You did it."

Jessie nodded slowly. Callen lifted one hand off her hip, reached for the gun and slipped it back in its place and the shirt back down over it. Jessie finally turned around and looked up at him with an expression he wasn't expecting.

"You like the distraction technique don't you?" she asked.

Callen wondered which one it was that worked this time - the conversation or the physical contact. Perhaps it was the combination of both. He smiled. "It does seem to work on you."

Jessie shook her head at him, the corners of her mouth lifted just a little. "I can see I'm going to have to be more aware of what you are up to."

Callen shrugged. "I'll just have to be more sneaky."

"More?" Jessie raised an eyebrow. "Why?"

Callen slipped his arm around her shoulder, steered her to the door and grabbed her bag before they walked out.

"If you know it's coming," he said, "it's not going to work."


	37. No Pineapple

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this one is based off the Episode The Seventh Child (S7 Ep19) - Not any major spoilers so if you haven't seen it it shouldn't be a problem and a slight change to the story line of the episode since I've messed up canon time lines and this happens much sooner in my story than in the show.
> 
> The change from the show is that Callen doesn't know his name so Nadir can't call him that at the end - I've included what happened between them in this chapter so you'll know what's in my version.
> 
> Looking forward to hearing what you all think of this one. Enjoy.

* * *

 

Callen knew it was Jessie at his door before he opened it. The pizza box on the other hand was a surprise. It was usually him who arrived on her doorstep with food. The smell wafted toward him and his mouth started to water.

"That smells like my favourite," he said.

"It is," Jessie confirmed. "No pineapple either."

Callen raised an eyebrow. "At all?"

"At all."

Callen stepped back and let her in. He wasn't quite sure what was going on but he knew something was up because Jessie skipping pineapple on pizza was unheard of. He, personally, didn't like it but they'd settled into a pretty happy place with the half and half options.

Jessie turned around as Callen closed the door. "Where do you want to eat?" she asked.

Considering his limited furniture, perhaps he should look into a couch at least sometime, there weren't too many comfortable options. "It's nice out back."

Callen stopped in the kitchen for paper towel and drinks before he followed her out to his deck. He was curious how long it would take before her reason for being here would come out.

Jessie had already put the pizza on the small table that sat between the two loungers he had out there. Usually he was out here with a beer and Sam. This was a touch different. Callen handed her a soda and put his beer down on the deck just beside his seat and watched her settle on the other one. The silence was unusually heavy between them. He knew she had something to ask, or tell, but she stayed silent for two full slices and surprisingly he couldn't take it anymore.

"Why are you here Doc?"

Jessie turned her head to look at him. She didn't answer straight away but this silence was at least usual; the silence when she was finding the words she wanted to say. He waited and studied her face while he did. Concern, worry and something that resembled curiosity only more serious on it.

"I should say," Jessie finally said, "that I'm here to check on you after you spent all that time in the water tank."

He'd felt almost numb by the time he'd gotten out and spent a good length of time in a hot shower afterward.

"But," Callen prompted when Jessie paused for too long.

"Nadir wanted to call you by your first name."

Callen had a feeling he knew what was coming or at the very least the general direction that the conversation would take. Connecting with Nadir had taken a lot yesterday. He'd had to pull on emotions and events that he rarely let surface and he had no doubt Jessie would've picked up on that. "He did."

"But you don't know it."

"You know that." Callen had promised Nadir that when, not if, he found out what it was he'd let him know. He hoped it was a promise he wasn't destined to break.

"In the talks we've had," Jessie said, "you're never told me how that makes you feel."

Callen shrugged. "It's just a name."

Jessie sat up and turned to face him. "You don't believe that G. Names are an important part of who we are."

Yes and his was a letter and he'd never quite resigned himself to it being his name, even though it felt like it. There was this part of him that didn't quite feel whole not knowing. Though given how long he'd lived with G, he wasn't even sure if gaining the information would change anything. Few people called him G. Mostly it was Callen. Those who did though -. He cut off the thought there.

"I'm more than an name," Callen told her. "So are you."

Jessie frowned.

"I still don't know why not Jess," he added. The pain that flared in her eyes was hidden quickly. Not quick enough. He saw it.

"I'm not here about me."

Typical deflection but he wasn't having it this time. Callen sat up and turned to face her. They were almost close enough for their knees to touch.

"You're more than a name too Jessie," Callen said. "What you went through in your childhood has made you who you are."

"You too yet…" Jessie trailed off.

"What?"

"You haven't told me much," she said, "but I get the feeling most of it was … bad."

Callen knew from the pause that she'd had to think what word to use. She'd erred on the conservative side with her choice.

"Most of it was." He wasn't about to give her a more accurate word for it.

Jessie leaned forward slightly. "So how," she said softly, "did a … bad childhood create such a good and caring man?"

It was question he had no clue how to answer. To tell her he wasn't good would mean telling something he swore he would never tell anyone. He also didn't want to talk about his childhood. Callen rose to his feet and walked over to stand by the railing around the deck. He stared out over the garden he played in for three glorious months when he was here with Alina. He could almost see her running around trying not to be caught by him. Almost hear her little light laugh when he had. This had been the most home like place he'd ever been, that he could remember anyway.

Callen felt rather than saw Jessie come and stand next to him. There was something about her presence that he was tuned into. She wasn't even close enough to brush against him or even for him to feel the heat radiating from her body, but he knew exactly where she was and how much distance was between them without even looking.

Callen had no idea what to say. He knew Hetty coming into his life not long before he'd been old enough to leave the system had had a big impact on how he'd turned out but still, that was after many number of years of hell. So now it was back to his turn to deflect again.

"How did you losing your parents like you did," Callen said, "then living for ten years in a home without love create you? Those years must've been hard and dark too. Yet here you are," Callen turned to her. "You hurt when we hurt. You hurt when others hurt that you don't even know. I'm guessing you were hurting for those kids and Nadir yesterday. And yet the only really dark think you've shared is when your parents died." It may have been the darkest and most horrific thing to happen in her life, but with the childhood he'd had, he knew dark didn't necessarily have to mean violent.

"You want to know the rest of mine?" Jessie asked.

"I won't say no." He wanted to know everything she was willing to share, and more.

"There wasn't a whole lot of darkness G. Sad? Yes. Lacking in Love? Yes. Lonely? To some degree, but I had Trevor. I had my rock, always. What did you have?"

"Not a whole lot of darkness isn't none."

Callen saw the frustration flare in Jessie's eyes. He knew she wanted him to talk and this was a very rare moment where she actually pushed a little. It had put him on the defensive and, as the saying goes the best defense is a good offensive. Except his defense wasn't so much about not wanting to talk. He found it much easier to share things with her in a way that was new and comforting and safer than he'd ever expected. But opening up about his childhood wasn't something he wanted to do. He didn't want to go back there. He liked that he'd very effectively locked it away, even if it wasn't the healthiest way to deal with things because there were times like yesterday when it came back to bite him. But aside from that he didn't want to hurt her and he had no doubt that telling her the bad things that had happened to him when he was young would do just that. When Jessie hurt, when she cried for others, it came so close to breaking his own heart, and given how locked away that was, that was rather unsettling.

"What do you want from me G?" Jessie asked, the frustration in her voice as well as her eyes. "Do you want me to spill all the times I cried? All the times I felt alone and wondered if I was really lovable? Because sure, there were lots. I missed my parents so much. I'd have nightmares about what happened. Would wake up screaming and nobody came to comfort me. If it hadn't been for the DEA appointing me a therapist for as long as I needed I probably wouldn't be here right now. Those who were supposed to love me didn't. Those I thought did, most didn't after all. Nothing I did could change their minds, no matter how good I was, how quiet I was or what marks I got at school. I couldn't understand what was wrong with me, couldn't understand what I'd done to make them hate me, still can't."

And there it was. The non-violent darkness that could tear someone apart inside almost more effectively, though much slower, than a bullet could.

Callen focused on just one of the new things that she'd revealed. "Who did you think loved you but didn't?"

Jessie turned her head away and let out a long sigh before she answered.

"Trevor's parents. They showed their true colours when he told them he was gay."

She'd hinted at this a long time ago.

"What did they do?"

Jessie put her hands on the railing and took another deep breath. She looked back to him as she spoke. "Aside from kick him out, they blamed me. You see they knew before he told them. They didn't want it to be true so they had written me in to the role of savior because we spent so much time together. They figured given time, as we got older and hormones came into play, he'd see me as something else and 'get over it' and be normal again."

"But he didn't."

"No. Because there was nothing wrong with him in the first place."

Callen knew there was more but he gave her a moment; the emotion had been strong in her voice with the last comment.

"What else did they do?" he asked eventually.

"They'd made me feel like a part of their family. Not like a daughter exactly but certainly accepted. The last few years they tended to leave Trevor and I alone and seemed happy when I was there so often. I didn't realise why until that day."

Jessie folded her arms across her chest and closed her eyes. Callen saw how tight she held her arms, could almost feel the tension that radiated from her, and a sense of dread settled in his stomach.

"If you'd just fuck him he'd get better," she whispered, eyes still closed.

It took Callen a moment to respond to her words unsure that he'd heard her right. "What?"

Jessie opened her eyes and looked at him. He saw the pain in them, the shine of tears, and almost reached out to her.

"That's what Trevor's father said to me. And that was the moment it all shattered." The tears were so close to falling, her words unsteady as she continued. "My world as I knew it changed and once again it barely took minutes. When the dust settled, all that was left was my rock. Grounding me, keeping me from shattering even as his world shattered too. Trevor and I against the world." She smiled even though a tear slid down her cheek. "And it continued with Trevor's fist in his father's face, followed by his mother telling us to leave and never come back. Only two sentences to change our entire world."

"I'm sorry." There was nothing else Callen could say. At least not to her. There were plenty of things he wanted to say to Trevor's father, and most definitely to Trevor - in very different ways. He was very much looking forward to eventually meeting Trevor in person. The timing hadn't been right the couple of times he'd been out for a brief visit.

Jessie stared at him for a few moments before she closed her eyes again and took a couple of slow, deep calming breaths. She wiped the tears from her cheeks before she opened them again; the tears and pain had thankfully eased somewhat though weren't completely gone.

Jessie stepped closer to him. "Do you want to know why I want to know about your childhood?"

"Why?"

"Because I want to know _you_. All of you. That little boy who lost his parents? How did he survive that? And the childhood that followed. How did the teenage boy rebel when he didn't have parents to rebel against? How did he handle that first crush with no father to turn to for advice or mother to comfort him when it all went wrong?"

Jessie stepped a little closer and now Callen could feel the heat of her body near his, though they weren't touching.

"What hurt you?" Jessie continued. "Who hurt you? And who gave you enough that you are who you are now rather than someone not so good? Why are you the man who will hold me when my heart breaks and I cry over a child who I have never even spoken a word to?" The tears were threatening to spill again. "The man who took the time to help me fight my own fears even though he barely knew me? Who puts his life on the line every single day for those he doesn't know and doesn't even flinch when it's entirely possible he might not see the end of the day because he's staying right beside a scared child and risking being blown up himself?" Jessie shook her head. "And don't try and deny it because I heard you promise him you'd stay and you don't make promises you don't plan on keeping."

And if her voice hadn't hitched and that tear hadn't escaped maybe, just maybe, he'd have stood a chance to keep protecting her.

Jessie stepped back and wiped away the tear.

"I won't run. I can handle it G. Not matter how bad it is. Maybe one day you'll realise that and can answer those questions for me … Maybe one day you'll realise I don't want to be protected from the harsh realities of your life; past, present or otherwise. That I want to know _you_. And when you can," Jessie stepped back further, "I'll be there. Just come find me." She turned and walked toward the door that would take her inside and away from him. Callen couldn't let her go and he knew there was only one way to keep her from leaving right now. And it was entirely up to him. All he had to do was be brave.

"Cricket bat."

Callen saw her hand still on the door at the quiet words. Jessie slowly turned to face him.

"A broom handle."

Jessie started to walk back to him, one step with each admission that fell from his lips.

"A saucepan but never a frying pan. And the cliche leather belt."

And now Jessie was right there in front of him.

"The garden rake was tricky to avoid but it helped that by then I'd gotten pretty good at ducking the beer bottles."

The words kept coming. He couldn't stop them. Didn't want to stop them anymore. At least not with her.

"Of course fists were the easiest and simplest for them to use. And not just for the men."

A fresh tear slid down one of her cheek. Callen's eyes followed it as he kept going.

"There was one place, only spent one night there. One sleepless night with my back against the door because there wasn't any furniture to push against it to stop him getting in - their son had a thing for knives."

The tears were now on both her cheeks.

"Want me to keep going?" Callen asked her. He wasn't quite sure whether he was looking for a yes or a no.

"Yes," Jessie whispered.

Of course it would be yes, because no matter how much the words he was saying hurt her, no matter how painful the thoughts those words he said put into her head were, his Jessie was brave and caring and wasn't thinking about any of those things. Just about him, just about giving him what he needed, even though until her he hadn't needed it. Until her, until this very moment, locking it away had been the right thing for him; the only way he could survive it. So Callen kept going, hating the fact that he was hurting her but knowing at the same time that telling her all of this would not only help him but also show her something - just how much he trusted her.

"I had a TV thrown at my head once. It missed but the follow up was probably worse. Baseball bat to the legs so I couldn't run." He could still remember clearly the pain and the crumpling feeling as his legs had gone out from under him and he'd hit the ground. But that was nothing compared to what came next. "And then across my back I don't know how many times. I blacked out because of the pain and woke up in hospital."

Callen saw Jessie bite down on bottom lip but it didn't stop the sound of the sob she tried to hold in. It did stop his words because the sound broke his heart. He reached up with both hands and cupped her head. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "Didn't want to hurt you."

Tears dripped down her cheeks and over his fingers. Jessie shook her head a little. "You didn't," she said, her voice soft but filled with a combination of pain and compassion. "Hurt for you, yes. Not by you."

She could've pulled away but she didn't. If anything there was the slightest hint that she shifted closer. And she waited, her patience, care and concern clear in her eyes, she didn't try and hide that, or the pain, from him. The acceptance that she was showing, by staying right through this nightmare, had the words coming again.

"I preferred the beatings to the mind games," Callen continued. "At least with the beatings you knew exactly what was happening, then you got better and moved. I learned the easiest way to get shifted was to beat back. They didn't like that."

Jessie stepped closer, almost close enough that they were touching. His hands slid from her face. One of hers came up and rested on his chest.

"How did you survive?" Jessie asked him. "How did that little boy make it through to become you?"

"He didn't."

Jessie frowned. Callen couldn't blame her for the confusion. He'd just told her he didn't make it, but it wasn't quite as cut and dried as that.

"I locked him in a place that kept him safe," Callen told her by way of explanation. "In a home where all the best things happened, far from me." Only visited when he had a rare safe place to hide, where no one would be able to find him until he wanted to be found.

"You protected him," Jessie said.

"I learned to be someone else early. It's what I do. I become who I need to be. Whoever and whatever that it." Unfortunately it had taken many years of hell to refine that skill and the lessons were sometimes brutal.

Jessie stood there, so close that his hands had found themselves drawn to rest on her waist and it felt completely natural and right. She stared at him for a few moments before she smiled at him.

"You're wrong," Jessie said.

The conviction in her voice so strong but Callen wasn't sure what she was referring to.

"You think he's far away but he's not," Jessie said. Her other hand came up to rest on his chest too. Two of her fingers tapped gently right above his heart. "Here ... You keep him safe here," Jessie told him, "and that's why you are who you are because that lovely little boy is at the very centre of who you are and affects everything you do."

Callen shook his head. "No."

"Yes. You said all the good things that happened are with him." Jessie tapped his chest again. "Right here. Because you wouldn't do what you do, you wouldn't protect the way you do, care the way you do or make the sacrifices necessary for this job if he wasn't. Because as big and as thick and strong as the walls are that you have built around him to keep him safe, you can't stop the love and care, honor and compassion that are in here, the things you've given him to live with, from affecting everything you do. You may become someone else on the surface G, but the essence, the very core of you, always stays the same and is with you no matter where you are or who you are playing. He is with you no matter what."

Callen didn't know how to respond to what she had just told him. Her reaction wasn't what he'd expected. Sure the tears were a given, but that she'd stayed, essentially let him hurt her and then looked so deep inside him to a place that he hadn't even known existed yet made sense now she'd taken him there with her. That hadn't been expected.

Jessie stepped back from him, her hands left his chest and Callen missed the connection immediately. The pain he could see in her eyes came through in her whispered words. "Thank you. I'll see you Monday." She started to turn away.

Callen reached out and grabbed her by the wrist with some gentle pressure turned her back around to face him. He stepped closer and shook his head. "Don't go. Can't let you, not like this." He brought his other hand up and brushed the tears off her cheeks that had fallen in the brief moment she'd had her back to him. His fingers lingered on her cheek, almost like they were waiting to catch the next one before it could get too far.

"G, please."

Callen hated the struggle and pain in her voice. Hated that he'd put it there yet he knew that she wouldn't have done anything to avoid it if she'd been given the choice.

"No. Stay. I hurt you." Callen shook his head at the protest he saw start to form in her eyes. "I did. Everything I said, I knew it would but … I couldn't stop it." He took a breath and added. "Didn't want to." He saw the look of surprise in her eyes at that admission. "Please, let me fix it."

"I just need time," she said quietly.

"Have it here with me." Callen didn't know if he was being selfish or caring to push this. Right now it was such a fine line he felt like he had one foot in both camps. He didn't want to be alone. More specifically he wanted her with him. On the other hand he couldn't bear the thought of her being alone with her pain. "There's still pizza left," he told her. "Too much for me to eat on my own."

A smile finally twitched on her lips and spark flared in her eyes. "I'm sure you'd manage, plus there's no pineapple on it."

Callen smiled. "I can fix that?"

Jessie looked doubtful. "Really?"

"I have a tin in the cupboard."

"You keep a tin of pineapple in your cupboard?"

She really shouldn't have doubted him. "I do."

"Why?"

"In case a certain someone turns up after I've already ordered. Can't have her saying no to dinner with me just because of that."

That spark flared a little more, dimming the pain that had been so strong. Jessie raised an eyebrow at him. "Since when have I said no to dinner with you?"

"You try," Callen said, "occasionally, but my charm always wins out."

Jessie finally smiled and boy did it lighten weight that had been sitting on his shoulders since the first admission had slipped from his lips.

"Your charm?" she said. "Is that what you call it?"

"You mean you only have dinner with because you're after my body?"

Jessie sucked in a breath, bit her lip and then laughed. "You know tha-"

Callen put his hand over her mouth and stopped the words. "Let me dream Doc. Don't tell me you're not." When he was sure she wasn't going to continue, he dropped his hand from covering her mouth and the other from her hip and stepped back.

"Pineapple coming up." Callen moved toward the table and the pizza but Jessie's hand on his arm stopped him. He turned to look back at her.

"I can handle it without pineapple," Jessie told him.

"But the tin-"

"Save it," Jessie said.

That familiar _I'm about to be in trouble_ feeling washed over Callen at the look that suddenly came into Jessie's eyes and the smile that lifted each corner of her mouth.

"For a time when your body's not enough."


	38. Christmas Part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, Christmas comes in three parts. First two are complete and I'm hoping part three will be ready by the time it's due to be posted on Friday. Fingers crossed. They needed a little more work considering everything that has happened with these two since I first let them flow from my fingers. So enjoy the first part, including a little further glimpse into Jessie's head for the first scene.
> 
> I hope you enjoy and look forward to hearing what you thing - this chapter is at least a little on the lighter side than the last one.

* * *

Jessie followed the flight attendant's directions to the row her seat was in. Though it was a window one, which she hadn't actually booked, she wasn't about to turn down the free business class upgrade because of that. She had no idea how she'd gotten so lucky. It was the first time it had ever happened.

Jessie slipped into the comfortable spacious seat, took out her book, headphones and mp3 player before she checked her cellphone one last time. She breathed a sigh of relief there were no messages or missed calls on it, turned it off and put it in her bag. Her fingers were mentally crossed that this time her holiday wouldn't be cut short like her last one had. Surely the team, especially Callen, could keep out of trouble for just a few days especially around Christmas. Headphones in, relaxing music found, Jessie settled back into her seat and closed her eyes. A couple of calm breaths and she was set. At least she didn't have to worry about the person next to her, given the size of the seat it's not like they could easily enter her personal space. Soon, she promised herself, very soon she'd be able to treat herself to this kind of comfort occasionally, but not quite yet.

The music had relaxed her so much that she was almost asleep when Jessie felt the shift of the seat that told her the passenger next to her had arrived. The first brush of something against her shoulder Jessie put down to the passenger getting settled, though how whoever it was needed to encroach into her space that much she didn't know, but she refused to open her eyes to see. It was most likely just the brush of a jumper or jacket. The second one caused a flicker of annoyance and she took a slow breath to let go of the irritation that had flared. She was determined not to let anyone spoil the mood she'd worked hard to find after a couple of rough days at the hospital that had followed a week long undercover mission for the team that had her left in the office wondering what the hell was going on when their comms had gone down right before everything had gone haywire after things had seemed to be progressing just fine. How none of them were injured when they'd arrived back at the office she had no idea. It had been one of those moments where she'd wondered if guardian angels just might exist after all.

The third intrusion however was a definite nudge that couldn't be ignored. She had her headphones off and opened her eyes just a moment after that.

"Stop - " She blinked not quite sure what she was seeing or if perhaps she was actually asleep. "G? What are you doing here?"

Callen smiled and she felt her own respond and the irritation and annoyance mostly disappeared.

"Nice to see you too."

Jessie shook her head. "That's not what I meant. Are you going to Amsterdam?"

"Vienna."

Jessie blinked slowly. "Since when?" she asked as she felt the plane shift and start to move backwards from the gate

"Since now," Callen replied.

Jessie stared at him for a moment. "G, you've known for weeks I was going to Vienna. You never said a word."

"Decided this morning."

She had a feeling she was a little too relaxed to be dealing with a cryptic Callen. "Why?"

"Had nothing else to do."

Jessie frowned. She knew him well enough, though there was still plenty that she didn't know, to know that something was up. But first things first, how exactly did he end up sitting next to her? "Did you ask for this particular seat?"

"Yes."

"No room left in economy?"

"It's a ten hour flight Jessie. Why would I fly economy if I didn't have to?"

"Price." She couldn't imagine what a last minute business class ticket would've cost him.

"There was space. I just wasn't interested."

It was a moment before the puzzle started to connect in her mind. "Wait. They said they were overbooked. That's why…" And then the puzzle was done. Her mouth dropped a little and she stared at Callen again. She caught the look and knew he'd seen that she'd worked it out. "You."

"What?"

That innocent tone wasn't getting him out of this one.

"You upgraded my seat didn't you?" She always booked the cheapest ticket she could, and those tickets weren't usually eligible for a paid upgrade let alone a free one.

"What if I did?"

At least he wasn't trying to be innocent anymore. He might be able to fake it better than anyone but Jessie highly doubted G Callen had an innocent bone in his body anymore.

"G I can't afford this."

"I'm not asking you to pay."

"But-"

"Consider it a Christmas present," Callen cut in before she could protest anymore. The look on his face told her not to bother trying. "Just don't tell Sam. He'll expect at least the same for his present."

"Why?"

"He thinks I like him best."

Jessie almost laughed but she was still too confused. "No. Why did you do this? Why are you here?"

Jessie struggled to know where things stood with him. Co-workers? Yes. Friends? Most definitely. More? Even with how well she knew him she had a hard time figuring out the meaning behind the banter and flirting that had been going on since that first day. There were looks that suggested more but then things would suddenly be just as they usually were. Sometimes she felt like she was on a roller coaster, blindfolded, and as soon as she got settled with going up, suddenly they were going down again or around a corner she had no idea was coming.

Callen's cheeky grin pulled her from her thoughts and those butterflies in her stomach that always seemed to wake up when he was around fluttered like crazy.

"You suggested I come with you next time," Callen said. "I'm taking you up on the offer."

It took a moment to realise what he was talking about. "Oh no," Jessie shook her head. " _You_ suggested it. I just told you not to get in trouble or I'd have to bill you."

That whole experience was one Jessie would rather forget. She still remembered the sickening feeling of loss looming that had been her constant companion from the moment she'd spoken to Hetty on the phone that night until she'd walked into his room and found him finally awake two weeks later.

"Consider the bill paid." Callen lifted his eyebrows and there was most definitely mischief in his eyes. The butterflies flew in all directions. "Now comes the fun of finding the trouble."

Oh she didn't have to look for trouble. He was sitting right beside her.

"How did you even do … Eric." Of course Eric would have the skills to pull this off.

"Actually I didn't-"

Callen was cut off when a flight attendant said, "Here you go." She handed each of them a glass of champagne and smiled. "They told us about you two." The flight attendant lowered her voice and leaned in closer. "I know you don't want a big fuss but we all found it very romantic. Congratulations."

"Thank you," Callen said.

Jessie focused on Callen's face. You had to know him well to see the small hint of guilt, though maybe since this wasn't work perhaps he wasn't trying quite so hard. What had he done? She shifted her attention back to the flight attendant.

"They told you want?" Jessie asked even though she dreaded the answer.

"How you two were fighting and he came to his senses and proposed."

"Proposed?" It was worse than she could possibly have imagined. She shot Callen a look and he at least had the grace to shift a little uncomfortably in his seat.

"And you said yes," the attendant continued so obviously blind to what was really going on. "But, because you'd been mad at him you'd booked a trip away for Christmas on your own."

"I had huh?" Jessie shook her head slightly at him. "I wonder why."

"He said it was a lot of work but worth it. He was very convincing."

"He's something alright," Jessie murmured under her breath.

"We're just glad we were able to arrange these two seats together up here so you could fly together." The flight attendant gave a sigh that left no doubt that she was wishing something like this would happen to her. "It's such a long way and such a romantic place." With a bright smile, she finally walked away.

"What have you done?" Jessie hissed at him.

"Now Jessie," Callen said in a surprisingly calm, and low, voice. "You don't want to give them the wrong idea."

Jessie leaned in close, perhaps too close since the breath she took included that scent of him that tended to scramble her brain. She couldn't ever place the scent though, that was how badly it messed with her head, she just knew that it was him. "Wrong idea?" Jessie had to focus on what he'd done and nothing else. "You've already done that. How exactly did you figure this would play out? They're going to figure it out." She backed away a little, took a breath and held up her left hand. "No ring for a start."

"Actually I told them I was buying you one while we're away."

Jessie fell back into her seat and sighed. "You are…"

So many things came to mind but nothing quite fitted with right now. Funny, caring, handsome, cheeky, intelligent, charming - all in spades - and of course adorable. Unpredictable, crazy, sexy and, oh dear God, she was in trouble.

"Everything you've ever wanted?"

Callen's words pulled Jessie out of her thoughts, thankfully, and Jessie laughed. It was that or say yes, because he was so close to the truth. Everything she ever wanted was a bit of a stretch because she certainly hadn't imagined anyone like him until she meet him, but from there on…

"For once," Jessie said, "words fail me." At least ones that were suitable to leave her mouth right now. "I have no idea what to say." That much was most definitely the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

"You don't need to say anything more." Callen had that smug look of satisfaction on his face. "You already said yes."

For a moment the butterflies froze as Jessie wonder if she'd actually said the word early before she'd laughed. But then she realised what he was referring to. She shook her head. "You are … crazy for trying to pull something like this off."

"I already have."

Add confident to that list of words.

"There's still fourteen hours to go G." And I am not an agent to be able to play along no matter how appealing the thought of being his was.

"Not entirely," Callen said calmly. "It's just this flight. The next one they won't know about this, probably."

"And exactly what are you planning to do on this one?" Jessie held up both her hands. "You know what. Don't answer that."

Callen caught one of her hands and brought it to his lips. Jessie's breath halted in her chest at the first touch and the tiny spark she wasn't even sure he would feel as his lips brushed across her knuckles. She felt the blush heat her cheeks and tried to pull back, but Callen kept hold of her hand. The warmth of his breath and lips created a warmth of a very different kind in her and not just limited to where he was touching her. The man was more than trouble. He would break her heart if she wasn't careful. Jessie struggled as it was to stop hoping for something even though it didn't take a genius to understand he didn't think he was one for relationships, or to see that he held back from everyone. Secrets she understood. Everyone had them but she needed someone who wouldn't hold back in other ways. As much as he was opening up to her, more than she imagined he would in those early days, she didn't know if he would ever let her in far enough for her to risk completely falling.

"Aw, how sweet," their friendly flight attendant said when she walked by.

"There you go," Callen said, his lips still close to the back of her fingers. "I'm sweet."

Jessie tried to breathe smoothly so he didn't realise just how he was affecting her. He linked their fingers and settled back in his seat with their entwined fingers resting on the arm rest.

She stared at their hands for a moment before she spoke softly. "G."

Callen turned his head to her.

"Can I please have my hand back?"

"You don't want them thinking we're fighting already do you?" The tone was playful and she so wished she could just go along with it but she couldn't.

"I don't want you playing a role with me." It was the most neutral reason Jessie could think of.

The playful look on his face disappeared, a serious one took its place and Jessie had a dreadful feeling that the answer hadn't been as neutral as she would like. She also had no idea what was going through his mind now.

Callen nodded. "Fair enough," he said.

Jessie felt his fingers loosen and she started to pull them away but he tightened his grip, gently, before she could extract them.

"But," Callen said and Jessie lifted her eyes from where they'd drifted to their hands back to his blue ones as he continued. "I'm not doing anything I don't want to do. Not coming on this trip, or spending time with you." He lifted their still joined hands. "Or this." Then he loosened his grip and Jessie was able to get her hand free. But the feel of him holding her hand lingered as she reached for her book and settled back into her seat all the while hoping that he didn't know her well enough to notice that she was holding her book in the hand she didn't usually. If she didn't she was afraid she'd reach for his again.

* * *

The red and blue flashing light reflected through the taxi that had come to a halt in the midst of what seemed like peak hour traffic. Given it was going on ten pm that was definitely odd.

"What's going on?" Callen asked the driver who was taking them to Jessie's hotel from the airport.

"I don't know," the driver replied in heavily accented English.

"G, the hotel is just a block away," Jessie said from beside him. "I can walk the rest of the way and you can take the taxi to your place."

"No," Callen shook his head. "I'm not sending you out alone."

"It's Vienna G. It's safe. And it's not like I have far to go."

She might not have far to go but they'd already been travelling for over eighteen hours with an added delay in Amsterdam. They should've already been at their accommodation a few hours ago.

"I'm coming with you." Callen paid the taxi driver over Jessie's protests. "I'll catch another one from your hotel when I know you are safe."

Jessie sighed and Callen resisted the urge to chuckle. She was stubborn that was for sure but she was obviously learning when not to fight him. He retrieved her small suitcase along with his from the rear of the taxi and stepped onto the path out of the way of the traffic.

The closer they got the harder it was to make their way through the crowd and Callen grabbed Jessie's hand so they didn't get separated. They managed to make their way closer and then Jessie tugged on his hand. He stopped and turned back to face her.

"G, that's my hotel," she told him quietly. Callen turned around and studied the scene with fresh eyes. There were many emergency vehicles around, along with uniformed workers shouting and directing the people who were coming out of the hotel, most still in their night clothes. He noticed the queues and pulled Jessie with him toward the staff that were there.

"What's going on?" he asked.

"Gas leak. We've had to clear the entire hotel. No one is allowed back in until it's fixed. Tomorrow at least."

"Tomorrow?" Jessie's quiet voice still reached Callen's ears over the loud hum of voices and sirens that filled their air.

"Tomorrow." The staff member shrugged. "Maybe. If you'll just join the end of the line and be patient, we'll get to you in time. We're trying to find alternative accommodation but it's hard this time of year."

Jessie nodded. "G go. This will take a while."

Callen stopped her from heading to the end of the line and guided her off to the side and pulled her in close out of the way. "Come with me."

Jessie shook her head. "I-"

"I've got a two bedroom apartment." Callen gave her the half smile that always got a reaction and hoped this time it would get a yes. "Please. Come stay with me."

Jessie frowned. "How did you even get a place at the last minute?"

"It's one of Arkady's apartments. I called this morning he said it was free."

Even with the noise her silence still spoke volumes and Callen could see the battle in her eyes. He just wasn't quite sure why it was a difficult choice for her to make. Unless she was trying to get away from him which he really hoped wasn't the case. He'd have to do some prying to make sure he wasn't spoiling her holiday.

"Sir," Callen called out to the staff member reluctantly taking his eyes off Jessie. "What's the chance you'll be able to get a room for everyone here."

"Not a lot. Most will have to go outside city."

"So if you had one less to find a place for?" Callen let his gaze head back to Jessie.

"We'd appreciate it more than we could say."

Callen waited for her to answer the question that was still hanging between them.

"I'll come," she finally said.

"Let's go," Callen took her hand before he turned back to the staff member. "One less. We'll call about a refund."

"Thank you." There was a great deal of relief in the man's voice. "Please come this way. I'll get you a cab straight away."

They were at Arkady's apartment in less than ten minutes. Callen ushered Jessie through the door and put their bags down before he closed and locked it. A flick of the switch lit up the room.

"Home sweet home," Callen said.

Jessie turned to him. "G."

Callen raised an eyebrow and waited.

"Thank you."

"Why do I have a feeling that wasn't exactly what you were going to say."

"I don't know what you're talking about." A yawn caught her by surprise. "Sorry."

"Choose your bedroom. I'll sort out food."

"Mind if I shower before we eat?"

"Go for it."

Callen headed to the kitchen and opened the fridge. "Thank you Arkady."

Arkady had offered to get his housekeeper to stock some food for them considering the time they were arriving. He'd let Arkady think he had a friend staying with him even though he hadn't been sure he could convince Jessie to change her plans. Especially after her comment about not playing a role with her. He'd thought he'd best hold off on the offer, not quite sure how she'd take it considering the episode on the plane, but then the gas leak had put it right there as a legitimate, and perhaps only, option.

There was a container labeled goulash with directions for heating. Callen set it on the stove and popped some of the bread from the bench into the oven to warm. That would give them a little something before they slept. The sound of the water in the shower reached his ears and he pushed aside the thoughts. He was not going to think about Jessie in the shower. At least not until he could do something about it and he had no idea when that would be, or if. He was in intel gathering mode. There was interest and there was attraction. There was friendship and subtle little signs she might be open to more. But he still wasn't sure. Lucky he was good at winging things because these next few days could go in many different directions. Maybe on this trip there might be a chance to find out, or maybe he'd just keep it light because he really didn't want to screw up what they had.

The bread was warm, the goulash bubbling nicely on the stove when she came out of the shower, her fingers taming her hair into a plait over one shoulder. His fingers itched to take over but instead he dished up the dinner and put it on the table. They ate in comfortable silence though the number of times Jessie yawned Callen was surprised she hadn't fallen asleep at the table.

"Sorry," she said softly. "Don't think I'll be up much longer."

"Go to bed Jessie," Callen told her when she stood up and picked up her bowl. He put his hand on hers and lowered it, and the bowl, back to the table. "I've got this."

"Thanks G. For this. For everything. Night."

"Night."


	39. Christmas Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part 2 of Christmas here we come. And Happy Valentine's day (at least it is Valentine's day when I posted it!)
> 
> Enjoy and I would love to hear from you once you've finished.

* * *

 

 

Callen sat back in his seat and in the low light of the restaurant watched Jessie finish off her dinner; an enormous plate of ribs he was sure she wouldn't make it through. He was wrong.

"You don't do anything by halves do you," Callen said. "Is there anything left in the city to see?"

"Of course." Jessie smiled and dipped her fingers in the bowl of water before wiping them dry. "There's still the markets and the Butterfly House among other things."

They'd already done Schonbrunn and Belvedere Palace, a bus tour, spent some time watching the Lipizzan horses at the Spanish Riding school - just the practice session not show since the shows are booked out months in advance. They'd also included a short tour of St Stephen's Cathedral and since they'd only started the day at ten it had been busy.

"Is tomorrow any slower?" Callen asked her.

Jessie shook her head. "Nope." she smiled. "I have a list of all the best places to go and plan on ticking off as many as possible before we leave."

Callen leaned forward. "Why exactly are we leaving on Christmas Day?" Given how many things she seemed to want to see, a couple of extra days could easily be filled and give them a more relaxed time.

"Cheaper." Jessie glanced away as she answered and to most it would simply look like she'd turned her attention to picking up her glass for a drink. To him? There was way more to it.

"Jessie," Callen said, "we can stay longer if you want." It wouldn't take much to change their tickets and it wasn't like they had accommodation to worry about. Arkady had no plans to visit Vienna in the few weeks and had told him he could use the apartment as long as he wanted.

Now Jessie leaned closer to him. "G, this is the way I do it okay."

"Do what?"

"Christmas Markets. It's Vienna's turn this year."

"You do this every year?"

"Every year except for those when Alex's family Christmas happens."

"Why?"

"I might not have family to share Christmas with, but I love it and this way I get to do something special."

Callen frowned and was about to delve into that further, because yes she did have family in Trevor and Alex. She didn't have to be alone and that was essentially what she had just admitted because until he had stowed away on this trip with her she was doing it on her own. He suspected the other trips she made were also alone.

He didn't get a chance to ask his next question though as the waiter appeared, took their plates and left the dessert menu. Where she was putting it all Callen wasn't sure but since she was going for the Kardinalschnitte (a meringue, sponge cake, coffee cream concoction) he went for the more traditional apple strudel.

When Jessie yawned for the third time during dessert, Callen shook his head and signalled the waiter for the check.

"Perhaps you should rethink tomorrow for a more relaxed pace." Callen handed the waiter the cash to cover the bill and a generous tip, and stopped Jessie's protest with a look. The markets were on the way to the apartment so they took a slow walk through them, including a brief stop for a cup of warm gluhwein on the way to ward of the chill that had settled over the city while they'd been at dinner. If Callen wasn't mistaken, snow was on the horizon if not tonight then sometime tomorrow.

Back at the apartment Jessie struggled with getting her boots off. She sunk back into the couch. "I really shouldn't have had that drink," she murmured. Callen finished getting his off and then helped remove hers. Once done he pulled her up from the couch into his arms.

"I don't think it had anything to do with that," Callen told her and kept her still when it felt like she was swaying a little. She'd only had the one drink on the way home, nothing with dinner. "I think," Callen said quietly when Jessie finally lifted her gaze to his, "that you are trying to pack too much in and you're exhausting yourself. I'm just not sure why."

If he hadn't been looking Callen would've missed the pain that flicked through her eyes. It was barely there a moment. Jessie pulled away from him.

"Thank you for coming with me," she said. "Good night."

Callen watched her walk away and down the hall to her room. There was definitely something else going on here. As happy as she'd been, the smiles and laughter had been frequent, there had been an underlying hint of sadness in her and the occasional flicker of pain when she hadn't thought he was looking. So far his subtle questioning hadn't revealed anything but he wasn't going to give up.

* * *

It was just after midnight when Callen heard Jessie's bedroom door open followed by movement down the hall. He found her in the kitchen making hot chocolate. He leaned against the wall and watched her, that feeling of sadness was coming off her in waves, even though he couldn't see her face.

When Jessie turned around and saw him she jumped and her hand went to her chest over her heart.

"Stop doing that," she demanded.

"Stop being so unobservant."

"I didn't hear you."

"I wasn't trying to be quiet." And now she'd looked at him he'd seen the sadness clearly in her eyes. Callen moved closer and reached above her head into the cupboard for another mug. "Enough for two?"he asked.

His body had brushed against hers when he'd stretched up and he'd sensed rather than felt the tension that settled over her. He did hear the catch of her breath though. Deliberately after he set the mug down he stayed close enough to feel the heat from her body, and for her to feel his. She had the walls down further than any time so far on this trip and he was more than happy to use every weapon in his arsenal, including a bare chest and the attraction between them, right now to find out what was going on with her. From everything she'd said this was supposed to be something fun and exciting, her way to celebrate Christmas. She certainly didn't look that way right now and if there was any way he could fix it he would - he just needed to know what was wrong first.

"I can stretch it," Jessie said quietly. "I usually make too much anyway."

The strongest hint that Jessie actually wanted him there was when she'd finished making the hot chocolate and poured it into the two mugs, with plenty left over. She hadn't needed to stretch it at all, which made Callen wonder if she'd been hoping he'd join her. Jessie handed him a mug and then moved over to the window of the living room where she stared out at the wintery city scene. He had to give Arkady credit, the man knew how to pick a beautiful spot. Instead of looking outside however, Callen focused on Jessie. The sadness was there for the world to see, she wasn't even trying to hide it. He finished his drink but didn't move until she finished hers then he took both mugs and put them on the coffee table before coming back to her.

"What's going on Jessie?" Callen asked gently. "After today you should be sleeping soundly."

Jessie sighed quietly but didn't look at him. "Bad dream."

"Want to talk about it?"

Jessie shook her head. "Not particularly."

Not exactly the reaction one would expect from someone whose job it was to get people to talk. So strike off talking about the dream, maybe she was willing to talk about something else.

"Why are you sad? And not because of the dream," he added before she tried to use that as an excuse. "It's been there all day, just more now."

Jessie closed her eyes and leaned her head against the window. "It's not usually this hard."

Callen waited for the rest, she didn't disappoint.

"They died on Christmas Eve. My parents." The words were barely a whisper but Callen heard them. When Jessie opened her eyes he saw the tears hovering, she blinked and then they fell. The brown of her eyes was so deep they almost looked black. "I do this," Jessie continued, "Because my father loved Christmas and always tried to make it special. And the distraction of new things to see helps me get through it."

Which would explain why she packed so much into the days and why she did this except for the those times when she went with Alex and Trevor to something that would obviously be a huge distraction.

"When I didn't need the trust fund money anymore to survive," Jessie said, "I started doing this. I have a list of Christmas markets around the world and I'm working my way through them. Usually it helps me forget the bad parts. Some years it's harder, but this year it seems worse…." Jessie trailed off.

"Why is it so hard this time?" Callen asked.

"I don't know."

The pain and confusion in her voice hit Callen square in the chest and he barely stopped himself from reaching out to her. It wouldn't take much. She was well within arms reach.

"Is it because I'm here?" Callen asked though he wasn't sure he wanted to know the answer.

Jessie started to shake her head but then a frown creased her forehead. "I ... No. I don't think so. I'm happy you're here G, but ... I don't know."

He hadn't meant to cause her pain, but then maybe he hadn't. She'd been the reason he'd finally told someone about his childhood. Wasn't there some theory that you would shut down on certain things until you had the support you needed to deal with it? Hetty had suggested as much regarding Jessie's issue with guns.

"It's natural to miss them," Callen said, "Especially at this time of year, even if there wasn't more to it."

Jessie lifted her head off the window and straightened up before she quickly brushed the tears from her cheeks.

"You know," she said, "I really don't want to talk about this after all." Jessie turned from the window. "So unless you are going to help me forget, I'm going to bed." She started to walk away.

Callen didn't really think about what he was about to do or whether it was a good idea. He reached for her, his hand gentle on her wrist and turned her back toward him. Then he simply followed his instincts, let them take over and did something he'd wanted to do for months. He stepped closer and pulled her into him at the same time. Jessie's eyes widened in surprise and then Callen's hand was at the back of her head in her hair and he lowered his mouth to hers.

He felt the warmth and softness of her lips as he brushed his over them. The soft gasp that opened her mouth to him sent the kiss quickly to a different level, as did the tentative response of her tongue against his. The blood in his veins roar with a heat more intense than he'd ever dreamed of in those rare moments he'd given in to the temptation to wonder what this would be like. He was lost to everything but her; from the feel of her curves sinking into his body in all the right places and her soft hands moving up to his shoulders where they held on tight to the heat from her body through her pjyamas that warmed his hand where it rested on the dip at her lower back and held her close. The lingering chocolate taste that mixed with her own left Callen craving more and when he did finally pull back, who knew how long after the kiss had started, Jessie's lips were swollen and wet. Her eyes opened slowly, full of surprise and, heaven help him, a need he wasn't sure he'd be able to resist if she asked for anything.

A blink and a slight shake of her head seemed to bring them both out of whatever haze the kiss had created. Jessie's hands slid down from his shoulders to his bare chest and, after a brief pause, Callen felt the slight pressure of her pushing away. He dropped his hands from her hair and her back quickly, not wanting her to feel trapped. He had no idea what to say, an apology maybe. Except that he wasn't sorry. Not a bit. Not unless you counted the fact that the kiss had ended.

Jessie stepped back from him and her fingers lifted to her lips. Her eyes skittered from his to his lips and back again before she closed them.

"That'll do it," Jessie murmured softly and fled to her room.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so not exactly Valentine's day but figure it was the perfect chapter for it! What about you?


	40. Christmas Part 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one took a bit but I'm finally happy with it. Now to sort out the road ahead. I keep changing it around to fit better with what's happening inside the heads of these two. Hopefully I'll wrangle it and be back posting as usual on Monday, but don't worry if I'm not. It'll just be that these two are driving me a little crazy and I'm still working on it and need a little more time.
> 
> Enjoy the last part of Christmas. Love to hear from you.

* * *

 

 

After sleep that mingled with dreams of a certain brown eyed doctor and a kiss that went further that it really had, the morning found Callen watching Jessie move around the kitchen. She was already dressed ready for the day, as was he.

"Morning," Jessie said without looking at him. "Coffee's ready." There was a brightness to her voice that set Callen's agent instincts into overdrive.

"She finally notices me." Callen moved into the kitchen, careful to give her space, and poured himself some coffee.

"Heard the door close."

Jessie's words were not only bright but clipped and efficient, which was most definitely not normal for her. There was almost always a softness to her voice that lulled you into feeling safe enough to spill everything. She picked up her coffee cup and moved out of the kitchen, her pace a little quicker than necessary. Callen followed but kept his pace relaxed, refusing to be pulled into her rush. Breakfast was already laid out on the table and it made him wonder just how long she'd been up.

"Sleep well?" Callen watched her reaction carefully as he sat down at the table across from her. Her gaze slid to his but darted away quickly. A slight hint of pink appeared on her cheeks.

"Very well." Jessie nodded. "You were right. I was packing too much in and was exhausted. I've cut down things a little today."

Callen fought back a smile. He'd almost expected this was the way she was going to play it after she'd refused to look at him. They were going to ignore the elephant in the room. Pity, but given what Callen had learned last night, or early this morning actually, he'd give her a pass for now because of what the day was for her. It would also give him a little more time to wrap his head around what had happened.

Callen kept his voice casual and normal. "When do we start?"

"When we're done here," Jessie said. Her focus was on the breakfast in front of her. At least that was where her gaze was. What was going in his Doc's head was an entirely different matter. But today wasn't the day for him to figure it out. Today he had to help her get through it and he instinctively felt that getting things back to normal between them was the key. Getting through breakfast and out the door away from the scene of the crime, so to speak, was a good place to start.

* * *

When Jessie caught Callen's hand unexpectedly and pulled him across the street, he was surprised. Until that moment she'd kept a little bit of distance between them during the morning, though it had been diminishing slowly with each place they'd visited. Callen was grateful that it was a quiet back street rather than one of the main thoroughfares because he'd barely had time to check for traffic before she had them stepping into the road.

"Detour?" Callen asked. He was pretty sure crossing the street wasn't the way to get them to the next place on her list. As much as Jessie had said she'd cut back, Callen wasn't entirely sure since they were already heading for the fourth item for the day and it wasn't even lunch time yet. He held her hand firmly enough that she couldn't just let hers slip out of his. If she wanted to get away she'd have to work for it.

"Just a quick one."

Jessie stopped them at a street vendor and brought a small bouquet of flowers. The smile Callen saw her give the seller as she handed over the cash didn't last more than the time it took to turn away. Callen followed her to the imposing metal gates of a cemetery.

"Jessie." Callen pulled her to stop thanks to the hand he still held.

"You can wait here." Jessie kept her face averted as she spoke. "I won't be long."

Not getting rid of me so easy Doc. Not today. "I'll come," he said and tightened his hold on her hand just a little to reinforce his words.

Callen wasn't willing to leave her alone today if he could help it and a cemetery, considering the day, definitely wasn't going to be one of those 'couldn't help it' times. He stayed beside her as she moved through the graves. He wasn't sure what she was looking for so he couldn't help but he could study her. The sadness that he'd picked up on yesterday, that he'd been able to see she'd been fighting throughout the morning had shifted to full force once she'd brought the flowers.

Eventually she stopped and he let go of her hand so she could place the flowers down on a grave. Callen caught the quick brush of her hand across both her cheeks and, when she stepped back from where she had crouched down, he didn't move out of the way. She bumped into him and Callen took the opportunity to slip his arms around the waist and hold her against him.

"Why are we here Jessie?" Callen asked quietly, his head next to hers almost on her shoulder. "Do you know them?"

"No."

Callen could hear the tears thick and heavy in that one word she'd whispered. He turned her in his arms and kept her close. The tears were there, full to almost overflowing, yet somehow not falling. She did that often though Callen didn't quite know what to make of that. Was she trying that hard to stop them falling that she could hold them on the edge? Or was she fighting against the emotions that were tearing her up inside and not wanting to lose control. He waited to see if she would volunteer anything.

"My parents are buried in Chicago G. I…" Jessie closed her eyes and the tears spilled in a shiny trail down both her cheeks. "This is the closest I can come to putting something on theirs on this day."

Jessie tried to pull back from him but Callen wouldn't allow it. He needed every bit of help he could get to help her and he wasn't giving up the connection of holding her close easily. Since she seemed to stop fighting when he'd gently tightened his grip and refused to let her step away, he figured she didn't want to go too badly.

"You do this every time?" Callen asked her. "Find someone else to leave flowers for?"

Jessie nodded. Trusting that she wouldn't run, Callen lifted one hand and wiped the tears away, wishing he was doing it with his bare fingers not gloved ones.

"Why this one?" he asked her.

"It's a couple. I'm sorry I need to get out of here." Jessie pulled away hard this time and Callen let her go. Exiting the cemetery was by a much more direct route and Callen made sure he was only a couple of steps behind her the whole way, giving her space but not letting her get too far from him if she needed him. Once they were out the gates, Callen closed the distance with a few quick steps and slipped his arm around her shoulder before he steered her to under a tree out of the way of the crowds on the sidewalk.

"G please, let's just -"

"No Doc. Let's talk."

Jessie might be ignoring their kiss but Callen wasn't letting this one go. He sensed that what had happened here had created an important opportunity for them, too important to let her sweep it under a rug or put off until later.

"About?" She wouldn't look at him but that didn't deter Callen.

"What you just did."

"I put flowers on a grave. Not a big deal." Callen had noticed Jessie occasionally would brush things off when it came to herself. Given what he knew of her life and what those she'd counted on, aside from Trevor, had done, it wasn't surprising that she would have moments of feeling unimportant. That was one thing he definitely didn't want her linking with him so he pushed, gently and carefully.

"When did you last put flowers on your parents grave?"

Her swift intake of breath told Callen he'd hit something big with his question.

"I … a long time ago," she admitted.

"When?"

Jessie finally looked at him. "The day I left Chicago," she said softly.

"You didn't do it when you went back."

There was moment of silence before she answered. "I haven't been back."

"Never?"

"There's nothing there for me." Jessie's gaze shifted over his shoulder.

"Jessie," he kept his voice soft and low.

Jessie shook her head and looked back to him. "No G. You have to understand." Her words were a passionate plea. "Going back there puts me in their world. I won't do it. Everything about that city reminds me of them."

Callen wasn't entirely sure who the them was she was referring to - the family who didn't want her or the cartel who had taken her parents from her.

While he understood all too well not wanting to go back to a place where bad things had happened, her childhood memories were there too; the good ones just not the bad. To have the chance to go back to where his childhood had happened, before his mother died - not that he remembered it - was something he didn't think he'd be able to stop himself from doing. To find a place that held good, he hoped, memories - perhaps strong enough to give him something new to remember - would be something he'd grab with both hands.

"It's where you grew up," Callen said. "It's where you knew your parents."

"I can remember the good times without going back to that hell."

The chosen phrase gave Callen pause. As much as she had admitted a lot to him about what happened, he couldn't help but wonder what she hadn't that gave such power to a place.

"Please," Jessie begged, "can we just keep going on with the list?" The look in her eyes, the desperation in her voice and obvious need to move on from this moment was too strong for him to deny her.

Callen heard a horse behind him somewhere and smiled. "Ride in a horse drawn carriage on the list?"

And just with those few simple words her eyes brightened and she smiled. The other emotions were still there, the pain and sadness still strong but hopefully not for long. Callen was determined to get rid of them and have her happy and enjoying her time here well before the end of the day. The ghosts of Christmas might not fully disappear but it didn't mean that he couldn't try to find a way to hide them for her for just a little while.

"As a matter of fact yes," Jessie said.

Callen stepped back and held out his hand. She put hers in his with not sign of reluctance and he squeezed it gently.

"Let's do it."

* * *

Later that evening, after an early dinner, they finally explored the markets in greater detail. They'd skipped dessert at the restaurant and had enjoyed sampling the many various sweets to be found around the markets. They'd avoided the gluhwein this time but the hot chocolate was certainly a treat. Somehow though, as good as it was, it was missing something compared to Jessie's.

Jessie already had multiple bags filled with the Christmas presents she'd managed to find. She'd been searching for a little something for all of the team and settled on a special Christmas decoration for each of them to go with the small boxes of chocolates she'd brought the previous day. Trevor and Alex had also been covered. When Jessie had needed to clean up after a particularly messy encounter with some fruit dipped in warm melted chocolate Callen had made the most of that opportunity to sneak a little something into his bag for her though when he'd give it to her he wasn't sure.

The sky had been clear throughout the day but the clouds had settled earlier and once again, during dinner, the temperature had dropped.

Jessie suddenly stopped beside him and put her hand on his arm. She looked up and smiled.

"It's snowing," Jessie said, a hint of awe in her voice. The flakes were slowly coming down and were strong enough to settle when they landed. They were easy to see on her hat and the part of her hair that was loose and over her shoulders. She looked at Callen. "Isn't it beautiful?"

"Beautiful," Callen agreed, though not exactly about the snow. The flakes on her dark hair stood out clearly but it was her he was referring to. That smile, the sparkle in her eyes, the pink of her cheeks, that had nothing to do with his teasing but the chill of the night. The joy she found in something as simple as a falling snowflake. That all added up to beautiful in his book.

Jessie blinked when one of the flakes found it's resting place on her eyelash and then on her nose which wriggled. Jessie's hand come up to brush it off at the same time Callen's did. Their fingers connected and even through the gloves Callen was sure he could feel a hum between them. Their eyes locked and the hustle and bustle around them disappeared off Callen's radar to just leave the two of them. He slowly brushed the tickling snowflake from her nose and then he let his fingers trail across her cheek where he shifted some of her hair over the lower part of her ear that wasn't covered by her hat. Jessie's mouth dropped open just a little, in an inviting way, and her breathing got shallower. Even though Callen had a mission, to keep her happy, and had decided not to push anything further this trip because he didn't want to feel, or either of them feel, that he was taking advantage of the situation any more than he already with that first kiss, he was tempted.

And so was she if he was reading the signs right.

Callen's eyes dropped to her lips and back to hers and he waited. At least if she made the first move he'd have kept his promise to himself. The temptation was strong though, because he really wanted to know if earlier had simply been a product of the situation or if it was what it was like between the two of them.

Did he feel her shift a little closer?

His hand moved slowly from her shoulder, where it had dropped to after shifting her hair over her ear, to partway to the back of her neck. His gloved thumb brushed the skin just below her ear and Callen felt the slight tilt of her head that opened up her neck more to his touch. She was so damn tempting and that vanilla scent of hers mixing with the crisp snow filled air? He didn't think he'd smelt anything that drew him in this strongly before. It was probably more the woman it was connected to more than the scent on it's own but still it was a heady combination. Callen definitely felt her shift closer again but before anything happened a frown creased her forehead and she looked over his shoulder.

"G look," Jessie said softly, concern clear in her tone.

Callen turned around and there was a little girl crying, all on her own just off the path. Both of them looked around to see if there was anyone going to her but there wasn't. Everyone seemed to be ignoring or not seeing her. The little girl's crying wasn't loud and Callen wasn't entirely sure how Jessie had managed to hear it over the hum of people and Christmas music that was being played, but he was glad that she did. Jessie started to move toward the little girl. Callen reached out and stopped her.

"Jessie are you sure?" A stranger might frighten the young child and she might run.

"Find someone G," Jessie told him. "Police, security or parents who are looking like they're missing someone. I'll keep her safe."

Callen watched Jessie step closer to the little girl. Her voice was soft as she murmured something Callen couldn't quite pick up. The little girl started to back away from Jessie who then stopped. Callen shifted a little closer but when Jessie murmured something that he could at least tell was in German and the little girl nodded he stopped and breathed a small sigh of relief.

Jessie looked back at him. "We're good," she said.

By the time Callen got back to Jessie with the police and parents in tow, Jessie was sitting on the ground her jacket now wrapped around the little girl who was in her lap. At the sound of her parents voices the girl looked up and smiled. There was no trace of tears on her face any more. Jessie helped the girl stand up and removed the coat that swamped her. Callen saw the soft smile on Jessie's face as the girl ran off and was scooped up in her father's arms. He also saw the strong shiver that went through Jessie. Callen stepped over and held out his hand to help her up from the cold ground and slipped her jacket around her once Jessie had brushed off the snow her clothes.

"What did you think you were doing?" Callen asked when another shiver went through Jessie. "It's freezing," he said sternly as he buttoned up her jacket and rubbed her arms.

"She was cold."

"And you aren't?"

"G," Jessie tilted her head at him. "She's just a little girl. She needed to be warmed up."

"So do you."

The parents and police officer came over and thank them. The little girl reached out to Jessie for a quick hug before she settled back into her father's arms again with a blanket covering her.

Jessie shivered again, stronger this time.

"Let's get you home," Callen said. He put his arm around her and pulled her in as close as he could while still allowing them to move.

"I've got a better idea," Jessie said. "I know the perfect place to warm up."

Callen shook his head. "Jessie, the apartment is close." They could walk it in five minutes but a taxi would be even quicker.

"So is this. Just need a taxi." Jessie smiled. "Trust me." That smile just about had him ready to do anything but the shiver that came over her had Callen start to shake his head.

"Please G. Trust me."

It was hard to fight the plea with that look and softness to her voice and Callen gave in, though he had his own conditions. "Okay, for now. But," he put a gloved finger to her lips to stop the protest. "I reserve the right to take you home anytime if I feel it's best."

Surprisingly Jessie nodded in agreement. It didn't take Callen long to get them to the taxi rank, his sense of direction a skill he'd honed over many years, which was thankfully almost deserted and had multiple vehicles waiting. Jessie gave the driver an address and Callen pulled her into his arms and against his body in the back seat to try and help her warm up. At least the heating was on and it was much warmer inside the taxi than outside.

"Is this where you test my ability regarding wandering hands?" Jessie asked him with a definite hint of cheek to her tone.

"That would be one way to warm you up." And a very tempting one since another shiver went through her.

"Only once you got through all the layers."

Callen chuckled. "Once huh? Not if. You don't sound like you have much faith in your abilities after all."

The silence was telling and he almost called her on it but then she shivered again. Hell, if they didn't get where they were going soon he'd turn the taxi around and take her home and figure out something.

"I didn't know you spoke German," Callen said in an attempt to direct the conversation to something neutral at the same time he continued to rub her arms and hope that some of the heat from him could make it through the aforementioned layers.

"A little. Alex's family are from Austria and a lot of his family are still here. They taught me enough of the basics so I wouldn't be too lost at the family Christmas get togethers."

The next shiver wasn't so bad. "See," Jessie dropped her head back on Callen's shoulder and looked at him. "Warming up already."

Callen slipped off a glove and brushed a warm finger over her still pink, and cold, cheek. He covered it with the palm of his hand and she closed her eyes and sighed.

"Jessie are you sure you don't want to go back-"

She opened her eyes and shook her head. "I'm sure."

The taxi pulled to a stop at that moment and she smiled. "Plus," Jessie added. "We're already here ."

After paying the fare they hopped out and Jessie led him quickly to a large wooden door.

Callen read the sign. "A Spa?" Not what he was expecting though to be honest he wasn't sure he'd even thought about where she might've been taking them. He was too concerned about the strength of her shivers. If she hadn't been a doctor he probably wouldn't have let her win.

"Hot Springs. Kind of," Jessie told him. "They bring the water in from the mountains and keep it at the temperature it would be up there naturally."

Callen raised an eyebrow and leaned in close to her ear. "And what exactly are we supposed to wear?"

Jessie grinned. "Worried G?"

"I'm game if you are."

Jessie's mouth dropped open and she blinked slowly. Callen raised an eyebrow and waited.

"Don't worry G. We can just buy what we need."

Jessie turned her head away and pushed open the door.

"Wasn't worried," Callen said quietly, not entirely sure if he wanted her to hear the comment or not. Perhaps hopeful but not worried. Except for the fact that he was pretty sure that would've been way too big a step to take. Damn the woman was blowing all the good intentions out of his head tonight, when she didn't say anything and when she did. He'd have to be more on the ball if he was going to keep things light. Though at least he seemed to be succeeding in keeping her happy and distracted.

Jessie had already organised and paid for everything by the time Callen had pulled his thoughts together and he stepped up beside her. The receptionist handed over a sealed packet of swimmers to each of them along with a swipe key each. "They should be the right size but if not come back and I'll exchange them. Change rooms are just around the corner and then number ten is all yours."

As they walked away Callen queried in a low voice, "Number ten?"

Jessie looked at him, her bottom lip caught briefly between her teeth before she answered. "They have a small number of private spas inside and a large outside one plus the cold plunge pool."

"Private?"

"G we're here to get warm." At that moment another shiver went through Jessie.

"Let's move it then."

Warm, she needed to get warm. Not anything else, even if it would get her, and him, very warm.

* * *

Callen changed quickly and stowed his things in the full length locker that the swipe card also gave him access to. Jessie stepped out of the female change rooms only moments after he had and left him wishing that he'd been stronger to take her home instead. It took a lot more effort than it should to keep his eyes on her face and not let them drop lower. He mentally cursed the agent in him because even though he hadn't really looked, he'd seen and taken all of her in that very first glance. A modest bikini wasn't supposed to so damn tempting. When her eyes slipped down to his chest he almost had to bite his tongue before he commented on it because he wasn't entirely sure either of them were ready for where the flirting might head.

"Ready?" he asked needlessly but it was better than saying something else.

"Let's go."

Now Callen noticed the hint of blue to her lips and the slight tremble to them. "You haven't warmed up much have you."

"I'm fine G," Jessie said as they walked down the corridor. "Just a little colder than I thought."

Callen put his hand on her lower back, just above the towel and felt the chill to her skill. "I should've taken you home. It would've been quicker."

"Not as much fun," Jessie replied.

She brought out the worst (or was it best) in him because the response slipped out even after all his mental lectures to keep things neutral. "I'm sure I could think of something."

Jessie didn't respond, unless you counted the shiver that went through her which Callen couldn't be sure didn't simply have to do with her being cold. She pushed open the door and stepped through.

Callen heard the soft sigh that slipped from her lips as the heat from the room surrounded them. She hung her towel on the hook and put her key on the small shelf. Callen watched as she stepped down into the hot steaming pool of water that was about the size of a small outdoor spa. He didn't miss the hiss as she slid further into the water.

"Too hot?"

"Just in one particular place," Jessie replied.

Callen chuckled and she shot him a look. "Ground a little cold was it?" He hadn't really needed to ask.

"Mmm hmm."

Callen stepped into the warm water and moved to the opposite side. Jessie leaned her head back against the padded headrest that went the whole way around and sighed this time. The heat from the water combined with the gentle pulse of the jets seemed to reach straight into Callen's muscles and he came close to doing the same thing. He wasn't even interested in upping the pressure of the jets.

"This is definitely good," he said.

Jessie opened her eyes and looked across at him. "Told you to trust me. Think we can get Hetty to get one for the office?"

Callen smiled. "I don't know Doc. Can you figure out a way to word it so Hetty feels it's in the best interests for us health and job wise?"

Jessie laughed softly and closed her eyes again. "Not sure it would last long even if I could. I have a feeling certain team members might take advantage and get everyone in trouble."

"I wouldn't do that."

"Didn't say you," Jessie murmured softly. Too softly in his opinion.

"Jessie?"

"I'm fine G," she assured him. Her voice was stronger which helped Callen relax. He settled back and let the heat and the water work it's magic, though he kept a close eye on Jessie to make sure she didn't fall asleep and slide under.

Jessie moved and winced. "Ouch."

Callen sat up. "What wrong?"

"Cramp in my foot."

"Give it here."

Jessie's eyes went wide. "What?"

"Your foot."

Jessie frowned. "Why?"

"Jessie, trust me." Callen waited but another wince had her sitting back and shifting her foot to his knee. He picked it up in his hands and after helping her stretch it out a few times the pain in Jessie's expression eased. Instead of releasing her foot though he kept hold and started to massage it. Given how much ground they'd covered over the last couple of days, he was pretty sure she wouldn't mind a little pampering. Plus, this way he got to touch her without getting into trouble.

"Oh," Jessie sighed. Her head dropped back against the headrest again. "You've been holding out on me Agent Callen."

"In what way?" he asked.

"Didn't know you were this good with your hands."

Callen's fingers stilled on her feet.

"G, don't go there. You're not Deeks."

Callen made his hands start moving again. "Glad you noticed."

Jessie opened her eyes and looked at him. "Of course I noticed and not everything has to have a double meaning."

"True," Callen agreed, "but it's so tempting and fun with you."

"Perhaps I should stop reacting."

"Don't do that Doc. I like the way you react." He caught her gaze with his. "I think you like it too."

Jessie's silence told him he'd got that much right. He knew they both enjoyed the way things were between them. Instead of pushing the conversation, Callen shifted the massage from her foot up into her calf. When he found a small knot that had her flinching, Callen eased the pressure. Jessie's eyes were closed again but he heard the small groans that escaped as he worked to get rid of it. He was about to ask if she wanted him to work on the other foot when a splash from just outside sounded.

"What was that?"

Jessie opened her eyes. "Cold plunge pool is just outside." She pointed behind him. "Walk through those heavy curtains and you can jump right in."

"Gonna do it?" Callen asked her.

"I've just got warmed up G. Maybe next time."

Callen put her leg down and there was a flash of disappointment in her eyes. Perhaps he should do the other leg but he knew why she did these trip and he didn't want her look back and regret missing something. This place had obviously been on her radar since she hadn't had to look up the address. They left early in the morning. There would be no time to come back tomorrow.

"And when is next time?" Callen asked her. "You can't come all this way and miss out on something that's just a few steps away."

"Nope," Jessie shook her head. "You can go though. Not stopping you."

Callen stood up and held out his hand. "Come on. We can do it together." The idea didn't particularly appeal but he'd done it before. He could survive if it meant she'd be happy with one more thing ticked off her list before they left in the morning.

"No. Really G, it would undo everything that I've just done."

It wouldn't be that bad since you didn't tend to stay in long at all. It would be no more than jump in and climb out which would only really cool the surface of the skin not the body itself.

"Dare you," he said.

Jessie smiled. "Nope. Not falling for that one."

Callen shifted and leaned over her, one hand on either side of her head and looked down so he could look her straight in the eye. "A bet?"

"G. I know you. I'm not about to bet with you."

Callen smirked. "Because you know I'll win." He needed to focus because this close the thought of dropping his head and kissing her was incredibly tempting. It didn't help that one of his legs brushed against one of hers under the water.

"Because I know if I do then yes, you will do everything to win and you play dirty."

Jessie's words were a touch less firm than he suspected she was trying for and the thought that it might be because she was as distracted by him as he was by her was very satisfying.

"I play to win."

"Which is exactly why I'm not playing."

Callen straightened and shifted just far enough away that he wasn't in contact with her anymore. "You know you'll regret it if you don't."

There was a soft buzz that went off and Jessie reached out to turn off the alarm that told them they'd been in the recommended time.

"G do you know how cold the water is out there?" Jessie asked him.

"Not freezing. Ten or fifteen degrees I think it said."

Jessie shook her head. "Not convincing me."

"It's not like you stay in long."

"No."

She couldn't say he hadn't tried. Callen stepped up and out of the water. He felt her eyes on him as he dried off and wrapped the towel around his waist. When he was done she was still exactly where he'd left her.

"Shouldn't you be getting out."

"Not sure I trust you." There was a degree of suspicion in her eyes.

"You think I'm going to pick you up and drop you in."

"Wouldn't surprise me."

Well he was about to, surprise her that is. He lifted her towel off the hook and held it open for her and waited. Jessie rose and slowly came out of the water, not taking her eyes off him. It helped keep his on her face and not the rest of her. When she was close enough he wrapped the towel around her along with his arms.

"G." He'd felt more than heard her swift intake of breath before she'd said his name.

"Jessie," Callen smiled. "I promised you were safe with us. You still believe that right?"

"Of course," Jessie agree softly and he could see in her eyes she meant it. The suspicion also disappeared.

"Good. You said no and while I might try and convince you otherwise, I'll accept your answer."

Jessie stared at him for a moment and then she smiled. "Thank you."

Callen stepped back and picked up their swipe cards as Jessie dried off and wrapped the towel around herself under her arms. There were no more shivers and he could see the steam rising from her skin. Her lips were no longer blue and her eyes were happy without a trace of pain in them. Distraction successful, job done. Now he just had to get them back to the apartment and home in the morning without giving in to anything more because he didn't want things clouded by the emotions from the trip. When his arm slipped around her shoulders without him thinking about it as they walked to the door he knew he was going to be more difficult than he thought. She fitted perfectly next to him; her skin was warm and soft against his. He tamped down the urge to turn her into him and bring his lips to hers.

Not yet.

There was time, just not here.

* * *

Callen lifted Jessie's suitcase out of the trunk of his car.

"Thank you G. I had …" Jessie smiled. "A great time. I'm glad you were there with me."

"So did I. Worth every cent."

Jessie shook her head. "You still didn't need -"

Callen put a finger on her lips, this time ungloved. It was a whole lot warmer in LA. "Of course I didn't. I wanted to."

Jessie backed away and gave him another smile. "Goodbye." She turned away.

"Jessie." Callen waited until she looked at him and he gave her a lopsided smile. "What would Mrs Bradshaw think if she was watching?"

Jessie's lips twitched, her eyes held a mischievous glint to them which made him happy, even if a touch suspicious on what was going through her mind, because there was no sign of the difficulties or pain she'd dealt with over the last few days.

"What indeed," Jessie said in a soft voice and she walked toward him. She stepped in close enough that her body just touched his and brushed her lips over his cheek. He was tempted to pull her close but something held him back and he kept his hands by his side. Her lips shifted to near his ear and she whispered, "She's away until New Year G. Your reputation is safe." Jessie stepped back and smiled. "Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas Jessie."

Callen watched her walk up the path to the front door of her apartment building. He'd had to fight back the urge to ask her to have dinner with him. A yawn took him by surprise and he shook his head a little to clear his thoughts. He had plans.

Sam and Michelle were expecting him in a couple of hours for their late lunch/dinner Christmas celebration. Sam had been skeptical when he'd told him he had plans for the morning but Callen hadn't expanded. No one knew he'd joined Jessie, though he suspected Hetty would probably figure it out since he pulled an old safe alias out for it.

When Callen glanced up at Jessie's window before he drove off he was sure he saw the curtain move. He smiled. It had been a good few days. Nice to have some time with her without having work come into play. He wasn't sure what would happen next. He still had to figure a few things out like whether she was truly interested.

Unfortunately now that they were back, the doubts had come in again. They'd started trying to get a foothold on the plane but he'd been able to push them away. But now, back home, back with his ordinary life looming, they were right there. She deserved more than he could give her. Maybe being just friends was for the best. Except that the kiss had been beyond intense and that was going to be a hard thing to forget about which he would need to do if things weren't going further.

A little voice in his head whispered _Are you so sure you can't give her what she deserves_?

"Yeah I'm sure."

Callen was glad that no one else was in the car because he'd actually said it out loud. But he'd heard the hint of doubt and the diminished confidence that he usually felt about that answer.

The voice continued and it sounded eerily like Sam.

_She just needs someone to love her for who she is. Why can't that be you?_

"Because…." But the usual answer Callen gave himself wouldn't come. Instead he started to wonder could he? Could he actually love someone like that?

There was definitely something between them. Taking it further was a risk. A tempting one but when Callen thought about what could go wrong, it was much harder. Would it change the friendship? He'd come to depend on her. As much as he didn't like depending on anyone he was surprisingly okay with it and he didn't want to lose that. But after all these months of trying to push those extra feelings and attraction aside he wasn't sure if he wanted to anymore. Even with those doubts trying to eat away at him. The few days away had given him a taste of what things could be like with her separate from work. Maybe he should stop fighting. He could take it slow, like he'd done with helping her with her fears. He figured he needed some time to think. Since Jessie was heading to New York tomorrow for a little over a week to house sit for Trevor and Alex while they were away and to celebrate New Year with them he'd have it.

Callen pushed the thoughts out of his head for now. He needed to have a plan for Sam and he wasn't sure he was quite ready to discuss this thing between him and Jessie with his partner just yet. Sam had an unhealthy, in his opinion, interest in Callen settling down with a nice girl and was more than a little biased.

* * *

Jessie walked into her office early her first day back after her time in New York to find a small wrapped present with a note on her desk.

_Decorate next year._

Jessie smiled. She knew that writing. She didn't usually decorate her office but then this wasn't exactly like anywhere else she'd worked. She noticed the small arrow on the bottom corner of the note and turned it over.

_Careful where you put it. Someone might take advantage._

More than a little curious now, Jessie put down the note and carefully lifted the lid off the box. Her breath caught and a soft laugh escaped her lips. He was most definitely trouble. She wasn't sure if it was the good kind or the bad yet, but she was definitely having a hard time resisting.

Her fingers brushed gently over the gift and she smiled. In the box on a soft bed of white velvet was a beautiful crystal Christmas decoration.

Mistletoe.


	41. Callen and Sam Injured

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I managed to get this one sorted over the weekend, hopefully to your liking. Let's see what I do to them next. ;-)
> 
> Enjoy and as always, would love to hear from you.

* * *

 

 

Jessie walked out of one emergency cubicle toward the next. She took a slow steady breath and cleared her mind for the next patient before she stepped into the cubicle.

"Hi, I'm Doct - Sam?" Jessie's steps paused briefly before she moved to Sam's side. Her eyes ran over him quickly and professionally - mostly. Sam was a friend and co-worker and a small amount of fear was playing at the edges of her mind. Where Sam was, so was Callen.

"Jessie," Sam's tone serious, "Have you seen G yet?"

"Oh God, what have you two done?" There were scratches and dirt and something about the way Sam was holding himself that suggested he was in pain.

"Jessie go find G. He needs you."

She wished she could. "You're my -" Next patient was what she was going to say. There was procedure and order in the ER. You couldn't just pick and choose your next patient. But Sam cut her off before she could.

"Jessie. Go to G," Sam voice almost thundered through the room and everyone stood still. "Or I'll get up and walk out of here now," Sam warned. Jessie had no doubt he'd do it and that she couldn't have on her conscience. Sometimes you did have to bend the rules a little and go against procedure in the best interests of the patient. She glanced at the nurse who looked unsure of what to do next.

"Clean up his cuts first," Jessie told them. She studied Sam for a moment before she asked, "Shoulder?"

"Bruised," Sam answered. "Not dislocated."

Jessie raised an eyebrow and waited.

"Anymore," Sam added.

Jessie shook her head. "Sam-"

"Come on Jessie. Not my first, not gonna be my last. Go find G. I'm good."

Jessie grabbed the chart and quickly scribbled some instructions on it for the next doctor who would come in. "X-ray it as soon as possible," Jessie told the nurse beside her and then gave Sam her sternest look. "I'll be back soon. Behave."

Jessie stepped out of the cubicle and almost crashed into Kensi. At least Kensi was upright and walking but she looked a little worse for wear as well.

"Jessie." There was a certain amount of relief in Kensi's voice.

"Sam's in there," Jessie tilted her head in the direction of the correct cubicle but continued her study of Kensi a little longer. "You good?"

"Kenz," Sam's raised voice reached them before Kensi answered. "Get Jessie to G."

Kensi turned and pointed to the other side of the hallway and one slot down. "He's in there."

Jessie moved quickly. She was rarely afraid of what she'd find when she walked into one, but this was definitely one of those times. If Sam was that worried he'd refuse treatment it couldn't be good. It was one thing to put your partner first but the seriousness of Sam's threats suggested more than just that.

Jessie stepped into Callen's cubicle and Kensi followed close behind. Without needing to be asked Kensi shifted into a corner out of the way. In an instant Jessie took in the scratches, the bruises, especially the one on his head, and the black marks on Callen's clothes. Her gaze lingered for a moment on the long patch over his jeans, with the material around it discoloured by blood.

"Really?" Jessie said in a light voice that took every skill she had at keeping her voice positive for patients. "Can't keep out of trouble for a weekend?"

"Missed you." Callen's voice was weaker than she wanted to hear but, given the way he looked, was stronger than Jessie had expected. "Had to find an excuse to see you," he added with a brief smile.

Jessie shook her head. "Not like it's been that long since we've seen each other." She'd only gotten back from New York a week ago and the week had been full on at work with a couple of complex missions that had kept the team busy - still was by the looks of things. While they'd seen each other during the week it had all been work related.

"What happened?" Jessie asked him. She put gloves on and continued to study the patient, she definitely needed to think of him as that this time, in front of her, though nowhere near as professionally as she would've liked to be able to do. Her heart was pounding more than just a little and the fear was still trying to make its way to the forefront of her thoughts. The fact that Callen was here, rather than waiting for her to finish her shift at the office and be called in, said that he was too hurt to wait for her and that wasn't a good thing. It was also the first time she'd had to patch him up since Christmas and whatever shift had happened in their relationship while they'd been away together was still unresolved. Unless of course the shift had just been on her side. Perhaps the kiss had meant nothing to him after all and had just been a sympathy one. She shook off the thought and focused.

The nurse handed Jessie some cleaning pads and she went to work on the blood around his eye and lips so she could see just how bad those injuries were.

"This is only going to need a couple of stitches," Jessie told Callen, "But I have a feeling you're not going to get that lucky with the leg." A quick check of his responses and a gentle touch on the bruise on his head told Jessie what she needed to know fairly easily, considering how well she knew him.

"I really need to know what I'm dealing with here G."

"Giving you an excuse -"

Jessie shook her head. "Hospital not the place for your usual lines," she cut off his words with a firm voice. "What happened?" The twinkle in his eye, even with his injuries and the pain she could see there, was familiar - and a relief to see.

"Explosion," he answered simply. "Got out in time."

"You call this in time?" Jessie shifted her gaze to Kensi and gave her a more thorough once over. Scrapes, probably some bruising but she didn't seem to be injured in any major way. "Let me guess," Jessie turned back to Callen, "you were last out and made sure the others got out first."

"You know me well Doc," Callen replied. The pain in his voice obvious but she didn't waste her breath asking if he wanted something for it. She certainly wasn't looking forward to seeing what he'd done to his leg.

"Unconscious at all?" Jessie asked him.

"Things got a little fuzzy but no," Callen replied. He held her gaze and she could see the truth in his eyes.

"Still fuzzy?"

"Nope." Callen grinned. "Can still see the freckles on your nose."

Jessie couldn't help the small laugh, even though the answer probably wasn't quite appropriate it at least reassured her that he couldn't be that bad if he could still manage to banter with her. He still wasn't giving her quite enough to go on though. She looked back to Kensi.

"How far did he get thrown or fall?"

"He was on the ground about six feet from the door when we looked back. Said he was at the door when it blew. Which was how he ended up with the shrapnel from the door in his leg."

"No steps?"

"Nope," Kensi assured her. "Ground level exit."

"That's something." Jessie turned her attention back to Callen. The paramedics had already opened up his shirt and she could see the bruising and scratches there too. Some of the bruising was well formed which had her wondering if it had to do with being thrown from the building or a fight. She glanced back at his head now she had more information but it didn't seem like the injuries there were from a punch. With careful hands she felt over the ribs and though nothing appeared to be in the wrong place she didn't want to take that risk of not checking deeper, especially since it wouldn't take much with him being here in the hospital already. This time they were on her turf and it was her rules.

"X-ray to make sure nothing is broken." She'd try and get the portable one to him somehow so he didn't have to move too much.

"Doctor Blake."

Jessie looked at the young intern who was helping in the ER today. She wasn't quite sure when the intern had slipped into the room, but then that was the way it was supposed to be this time around. Observe, learn and stay out of the way. After a time the hands on side would come into play but not yet.

"Yes Laura?"

"Not sending him for a CT scan?" Laura asked.

Jessie smiled. "It's something to keep in mind and under ordinary circumstances that would be the correct call." Jessie moved to the leg and started to lift the patch off carefully. "However I know this patient very well and have seen him after previous blows to the head so I have enough experience with his responses to feel it's not warranted … yet. I'll monitor him and if anything shifts out of his ordinary then that's where he'll be going."

Jessie put the patch back down gently. "First this leg is definitely going to need to be stitched. I'll call a surgeon in for it."

From what she'd been able to see the cut wasn't overly deep but would require a couple of levels of stitching and was a good fifteen centimetres long. The bleeding had slowed right down. Somehow he'd managed to avoid any major blood vessels getting damaged.

"You Doc," Callen's voice pulled Jessie's attention to him. "No one else."

Jessie did not need his stubbornness right now. She stepped closer to the top of the bed and his head. "G. It's big. It'll be better if a specialist does it. Less scarring and -"

Callen shook his head, a flash of pain on his face at the action. "You."

"G, please."

"Trust you."

He had to play that trust card didn't he? She could do it but it would take longer than a surgeon and wouldn't be as neat. Since Callen didn't seem to care about scarring that line probably wouldn't have made a bit of difference to his answer. A glance at the clock told her there was half an hour left of her shift and she knew this would take up all of it, if not more. The look in Callen's eyes was a mix of trust, pain and just a hint of fear and she didn't stand a chance. So much for her being in charge.

Jessie looked at Laura. "Can you get Heidi please?" Laura hurried off and Jessie turned back to Callen. "You are a troublesome patient," she told him.

Callen smiled and it did things to her that she didn't want to admit right now.

"But I am yours," he said.

If only she knew if that was a possibility. She admitted that she'd pulled back the next day after that kiss. There were too many emotions going on and she had just wanted to get through what was going to be a difficult day. He had certainly distracted her and the distraction had lasted much longer than it had needed to. Her world had shifted and she still wasn't sure where it was headed. Perhaps if things had gone differently at the markets it might've made a difference to where they were now. Until Callen she'd never considered dating someone she worked with. She had dated a doctor once though. Six months in and she'd found it wasn't as simple as she'd thought it would be. Being in the same field she'd figured he'd understand the unpredictable nature of their work but when her emergency relief with the military had come up he'd all but demanded she not go because of the plans they'd had, it had been the final straw. He'd expected her to be understanding about him working late and canceling dates, but as time had gone on he'd gotten less understanding with her for the same thing. It had certainly taught her that understanding someone's job didn't guarantee they would understand you.

Jessie started a more thorough clean of the area around the eye to get it ready for the first round of stitches. She hoped her boss wouldn't have any problems with this. This kind of intensive stitching wasn't usually done in the ER. As carefully as she could, she injected the smallest amount of anesthetic she felt she would need. Callen didn't protest or flinch when he saw the needle which bothered her, but a quick check of his responses assured her he wasn't getting worse. She was just about to start when the intern returned with her boss.

"You wanted to see me Jessie?"

Jessie squeezed Callen's hand briefly and stepped over to Heidi. She lowered her voice to keep the conversation between the two of them. "I need to stitch up his leg. I know a surgeon should be doing it but it's complicated. There's trust issues. It's going to take me the rest of the shift at least. I thought you might want to see if there's someone already here who can start early so you aren't down a doctor. I'll cover a couple of hours for whoever it is sometime when they need it."

"I can do that." There were questions in her boss's eyes but Heidi was all business and called the intern over. "Check the staff room and if you find anyone here who can start early bring them to me." Heidi glanced at Callen before she looked back to Jessie, the questions still there but all she said was "Come see me later."

"I will but can I ask one more favour?"

Heidi smiled. "You can ask, doesn't mean I can do."

"Is Ryan still in?"

"I think so."

Jessie hoped so because without Ryan she wasn't sure she could pull this off. "I need him for this. Personal favour. I will owe you both."

Heidi frowned. "Sounds serious. I'll track him down."

"Thank you." Heidi left at her usual brisk pace and Jessie headed back to Callen's side. Jessie told the nurse to head off and help the rest of the doctors. She'd be fine to take care of this without help. Also the less people in the room that he didn't know she figured would help Callen relax better.

A small touch to Callen's eye showed no reaction so Jessie settled in to stitch up the cut that, while small, was in the wrong place to be able to heal properly without help. In another location a butterfly bandage would've been enough. She was pleased to note that her hands were as steady as they always were, even if her heart rate wasn't.

"Done. G-, "

"Well well, if it isn't the elusive Doctor Blake looking for a favour," a male voice came from the entryway.

Not Johnson, not now. She didn't have time, or the patience for this today. Jessie groaned quietly, though not quiet enough if the slight frown on Callen's face was anything to go by. Jessie looked over her shoulder.

"I'll cover for you." Johnson was standing in the entryway, a smug smile on his face that didn't do anything but make her feel like she needed a very long shower with a scrubbing brush. "If you'll have dinner with me."

"No." She turned back to Callen and hoped that he would simply take the hint. Heidi knew that Jessie didn't get on with Johnson and the difficulties she faced, and did her best to schedule them in different shifts thankfully. The crossover however was harder to avoid.

"Doctor really," Johnson continued. "Surely you need to get out and have some fun. A pretty girl like you needs a real man."

Jessie almost gagged on just the flicker of what he was suggesting. She couldn't believe he was actually doing this in front of a patient or Kensi for that matter. Callen shifted on the table and she quickly put her hand on his chest.

"G," Jessie said softly. "Stay still. I've got this." She glanced at Kensi who was tucked right in the corner of the room out of Johnson's line of view. At least she had a witness this time.

"Oh. Has the doctor got a thing for her patient?"

The smugness in Johnson's eyes grew and Jessie was done. She had a patient who needed her attention, whether it was Callen or someone else didn't matter. She stepped closer.

"You are out of line," Jessie told Johnson. "Get out."

"I think you might be more than me." Johnson's eyes flared with a flash of victory. "I won't tell if you join me for dinner."

Jessie almost laughed at the fact he thought he had won. She would've if she hadn't been so furious with the man. This was the ER not a staff room. As much as she wished she could ignore his comments and simply take care of her patient she needed him gone so she could focus. Before she could say anything else though Deeks was beside Johnson and Jessie had never been happier to see the detective.

"Not for me," Jessie said, "but Doctor Johnson here is walking a damn dangerous line and he knows it."

"Who's going to believe what an out of it patient says."

Jessie heard the movement and turned quickly. "G no." Callen stopped but there was a fury on his face that said if this went on longer she wouldn't be able to keep him down. Jessie looked back at Johnson. "Not just a patient, who isn't actually out of it. There's a witness right beside you." Not to mention the one tucked in the corner.

Johnson looked Deeks up and down and shrugged. The look on his face told Jessie exactly what he thought of Deeks. Deeks was rocking a very scruffy look today along with being in a similar worse for wear as Kensi was.

"Your word against mine," Johnson added.

This had to stop and now. Jessie looked at Deeks and smiled. "You know that badge you have?"

Deeks got a twinkle in his eye and Jessie could've kissed him for picking up on things so quickly. She knew it was part of what they did but still.

"You mean the big one?" Deeks asked her.

Jessie tried not to smile which wasn't entirely easy when she heard Kensi's muffled laugh from the corner of the room. "Yeah," Jessie said. "Doctor Johnson I'm sure would be very interested in seeing it."

Deeks pulled out his badge. "This one right? My LAPD one."

Jessie saw Johnson pale and take a step back. The look on his face was priceless. "Yeah that one," Jessie smiled. "Oh and since Heidi is right behind you, not my word against yours anymore. Now I have a patient to take care of and you've interrupted that for far too long."

"Jessie," Heidi said. "I've got someone to cover so don't worry." Heidi's voice turned serious, a tone all of the staff knew was a bad thing and never wanted to be on the receiving end of. "Doctor Johnson, my office. Now."

"Thanks Deeks," Jessie said before she headed back to Callen's side.

"You've got an admirer Doc," Callen murmured.

"Hopefully not anymore." With any luck, now that there had been witnesses Johnson would be gone. While she'd reported all incidents to Heidi for the record, there hadn't been anyone who could back up her up. Whether there were more reports from other staff she wasn't sure but she certainly hoped it was over now.

Jessie gathered a couple of ice packs out of the cold storage cupboard and carefully placed them on Callen's ribs. He hissed a little but there was no sign of increased pain in his expression and Jessie figured it was because they were cold on his bare skin.

"He give you much trouble?" Callen asked.

Jessie shook her head. "Nothing I can't handle. He's usually more subtle that that but at least now he's been caught red handed."

Callen reached out and grabbed her hand, the strength in his grip surprising considering his condition. "If he keeps it up we'll have a word with him."

Jessie smiled and squeezed his hand back. "My protectors."

Hopefully she wouldn't need to take them up on it. Jessie had a feeling it might not just be a word and could only imagine the fear that Callen and Sam could put into someone if they were trying because she doubted Callen would go on his own and Sam could do menacing very well.

"Always," Callen replied quietly and let go of her hand.

Jessie checked Callen's responses again and this time they were showing some improvement so she was reasonably confident that they wouldn't need a CT scan. His leg was worrying though. She tried to figure out how to convince him that a surgeon would be better but before she could get the right words another male voice came from the entry away, a welcome one this time.

"Jessie, Heidi said you needed me."

"Ryan, Thank you." Jessie shifted away from the bed and moved toward Ryan.

"What do you need?" Ryan asked her.

"Sedation help." Her words were quiet but Callen obviously heard them.

"No." Callen said, strongly in spite of his injuries. "Just numb it."

Jessie headed back to him. "G, I need you to trust me."

"Not going under." Jessie could see the panic starting to rise in his eyes and she took his hand.

"I'm not asking you to go under," Jessie said quietly. "But if you want me to do this, I need you to have something."

Callen shook his head.

"G," she said, "this is not my specialty and it's going to take a while. I can't have you flinching or moving while I'm doing it."

"No."

"Kensi will be in the room all the time. I won't leave until you are back with us properly. It's procedural sedation not general. You'll be awake just not as aware or feel it."

"Hate that feeling."

"I know." She did know. She knew how he'd been injured on a mission and woken up in the hospital with someone standing over him with a knife. He'd barely been able to hold the attacker off because he was still affected by the general anesthetic he'd been under and the knife had been so close it had left just the faintest scar across his neck that you could only see from the right angle. "But G you're safe here. I promise. I won't leave and Ryan is the best. He'll be here watching over you the whole time and he'll give you just enough so that when I'm finished it will already be wearing off."

"Another admirer of yours?"

Ryan chuckled softly. "Let me guess," Ryan said. "Johnson."

"Caught this time." Jessie kept her eyes on Callen.

Ryan moved into view and spoke directly to Callen. "Admirer in terms of her ER skills but nothing more. My wife would have a problem with that."

"Married huh?" Callen said.

"Yep," Jessie answered this time. "To my boss Heidi." She squeezed Callen's hand again. "Can you trust me G?"

This was probably the biggest test there had been between the two of them. It was one thing to tell someone something that was big, another to trust them and put your life in their hands and face a fear where you had no control. Callen stared at her for a long moment before he finally nodded his agreement.

A heady feeling and relief combined to hit Jessie hard at the trust Callen was showing in her. Nate had been right. Well worth everything she'd had to do to get to this point and all the steps in between.

"I'll be ready in five," Ryan told her and headed out of the cubicle.

"I can numb it now or after Ryan starts so you don't notice it so much."

"First." Callen smiled again. "Remember, I barely feel it with you."

Jessie removed the patch and trimmed the jeans further around it. They'd need to come off later but not until he was put back together and the movement wouldn't cause further injuries. She'd need to clean it thoroughly but she wasn't about to do that without giving him something first. Needles done she looked at him. "I'm going go check on Sam okay? Kensi's still in here with you." It would give the anesthetic time to kick in.

Kensi moved closer after her words. Callen just nodded and closed his eyes. If she thought he'd say yes, she'd offer some pain relief but she figured since she'd just won one battle with him regarding sedation she probably shouldn't push her luck further.

Jessie tossed the gloves in the bin and headed across to Sam's cubicle.

Sam didn't even give her a chance to say anything before he'd asked, "How's G?"

"Stubborn," Jessie told him. "Won't let anyone but me stitch him up."

"How bad is his leg?"

"He'll survive. It's not as bad as I thought it was going to be. What about you? You been checked over?"

"Yep. I'm good. X-ray soon."

"Are you okay if I take Deeks to watch out for Callen?" Jessie asked Sam.

"Why?"

"I need him sedated. I figure if Deeks and Kensi are there watching out for him he might feel a little more secure."

Sam raised an eyebrow. "He's letting you?"

"Reluctantly. Just procedural not general. He'll be conscious. I've got him Sam." It wasn't just the trust of Callen that she needed right now. She'd needed Sam's too.

"I know," Sam assured her. "I can help watch too."

"No." Jessie shook her head. "X-ray first and then we'll see. Can I trust you to wait for instructions here on your own Sam?"

"You can."

"Okay."

Deeks followed Jessie out into the hall. "In there with you or out here?" Deeks asked her.

"What's the chance someone's going to come looking for all of you?"

Deeks shook his head. "It was over before the explosion - a booby trap no one saw coming is what got us."

"Then come in. If he wants you to wait out here I have no doubt he'll say something."

Deeks moved to the corner Kensi had previously occupied and Kensi shifted out of Jessie's way to the other side of the bed.

"Okay," Jessie said. "Let's see where we are at." She slipped on a fresh pair of gloves and poked Callen's leg gently where he shouldn't be able to feel anything once the anesthetic worked it's magic properly. "Feel anything?" she asked. There was a slight twitch and she knew he'd felt something. "Apparently so," she said before he could answer.

"I'm good to go Doc. Do your thing."

He was stubborn but if he could handle things now it would be over quickly. "Alright. I'll start cleaning now but if you feel too much, tell me." Callen nodded and she got to work. The nurse, one Jessie loved working with because she had the excellent ability of knowing what supplies were needed and an efficiency to her that was amazing, had already set up the necessary supplies before she'd left. By the time the wound was thoroughly cleaned Ryan was already there and had started to talk Callen through what was going to happen.

"G," Jessie moved closer to his head. "Kensi and Deeks are both here. We've got you."

Callen nodded but Jessie saw the apprehension that was so close to fear in his eyes. She removed the gloves and took his hand in hers. She leaned down close and looked him straight in the eyes. "G. I've known Ryan for years. Med School and residency and worked with him a couple times before here as well. He's the one I'd want watching out for me. I wouldn't have asked him to do this for you if I didn't trust him completely."

After a moment the apprehension faded and Callen nodded.

"Ready?" Ryan asked Callen.

"As I ever will," was Callen's quiet response.

Ryan signalled when he was through with the initial sedation process and Jessie got started. She still wished Callen had agreed to the surgeon. He would be a better option for the physical aspect of stitching him up. However Jessie knew that, from a personal side, the trust Callen had in her was what made her the right one for this after all. She understood his fears and had done everything she could to ease them. Her shoulders were stiff and her fingers borderline cramping when she placed the last stitch. It was the longest session of stitching she'd ever done.

She lifted her head and looked at Ryan. "Done."

Ryan nodded and smiled. "Figured you were close and started easing off a few minutes ago. He's done great."

Jessie stood, stretched and then carefully placed a protective patch over the stitches before she removed the gloves and positioned herself where Callen could see her face easily. "All done. We'll get you to a room shortly for the night." She put a finger on his lips and shook her head. "Don't talk. I promised you I'd be right beside you all the way until you're back to normal and I will be. So just rest. Close your eyes and know we've got you."

* * *

When Callen drifted awake the first thing he noticed was the soft touch of someone's hand on his. As his mind became less fuzzy, the familiar noises of hospital equipment beeping became clearer as did the soft breathing nearby and the clear knowledge of whose touch he was feeling. He shifted his head enough to look next to him. Familiar dark hair covered the head that was resting on his bed just beside his hand; the hand that hers covered. Her breath drifted over his fingers, smooth and even as it always was when she was asleep. There was no clock to tell him the time but the quiet and the darkness of everything suggested it was the very early hours of the morning.

The day before came back. The trap, the race to get out, the blast, the pain in his leg and him asking Jessie to stitch it even though he knew she was right. It was someone else's job but after the case they'd just been working on where the witness ended up being the bad guy, he'd been feeling a little unsettled. There was a reason they'd ended up here and not another hospital. He remembered Sam ordering the paramedics to bring them here instead of the closest hospital to the explosion. Sam knew he needed her. He needed someone he could trust.

And he had trusted her because otherwise he never would've allowed the sedation to happen. It hadn't been as bad as he was expecting. Ryan had talked him through the procedure as well as keeping up a quiet, one-sided stream of conversation that Callen had appreciated. Turns out Ryan was a football fan so the conversation was at least interesting, even if Ryan was a Giants fan.

Callen slipped his hand out from under Jessie's and gently placed it on the top of her head. Her hair was soft and silky under his fingers. It wasn't loose so he couldn't play with it but he could touch it and reassure himself that she was here and he'd be okay. Because with her, he always was.

Jessie's breathing shifted and she lifted her head.

"Hi," she said sleepily. "You're awake."

"Can't have been comfortable sleeping there. Why didn't you go home?"

"Promised you I wouldn't go anywhere."

"While I was still under the effects."

"You fell asleep first. You feeling okay?"

Callen shrugged. His leg hurt but nowhere near as badly has it had yesterday when it had happened.

"I can get-"

"I can handle the pain Doc," Callen assured her. "Don't worry about it."

Jessie yawned.

"Go home Jessie. Get some sleep."

"I can wait until Sam comes in."

"Doc," Callen said firmly. "I'm pretty sure visiting hours are a good few hours or more away. Go home." He didn't have to remind her to take a taxi since she always did. "I don't want to see you until you've had some sleep and those shadows are gone." They weren't deep shadows, just the light ones from not enough sleep the night before and the only reason he knew that she had them, because the dim light in the room didn't exactly light up her face all that clearly, was because he knew her face so very well.

"Will you follow orders from the staff if I go?" Jessie asked him.

"Depends how long they try to keep me here for."

" _If_ you behave,"Jessie said, "you'll be able to go home, with supervision, once the doctor checks you over later this morning."

"Why don't you check me over now and I'll go home with you? A win for both of us. I don't stay here and you know I'll follow your orders."

Jessie smiled. "I'm still waiting for that miracle." She yawned again.

"I'll behave Doc. Go home."

Callen waited until the door closed behind her before he closed his eyes and settled back into the pillows. No matter how hard he tried to push it aside the one thought remained persistent in his mind.

Was this fair to her?

Callen had barely decided to try and see where things might go with Jessie and here he was, battered and injured and barely a few seconds from not making it out alive. She hurt enough as it was with the relationship at its current level when he got hurt. Taking it further guaranteed moments like these would hurt her even more and he didn't want that. Perhaps taking it back to friendship was the best way to go.

The thought was logical and the right thing to do to protect her so why did it create this squeezing sensation around his chest that had nothing to do with the bruising he was certain was there?


	42. Debt Free

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a little one today.  
> Hope you enjoy a bit of lightness between these two after the deep times we've had recently.  
> Love to hear you're thoughts when you're done

Jessie walked into the bullpen and popped a takeaway container of food on Callen's desk. He watched her move quickly between the desks and do the same for Kensi, Deeks and Sam.

"What's this?" Deeks picked up the container and sniffed. "Is this… " Deeks sniffed again and Callen saw his eyes go wide then narrow in suspicion as he looked at Jessie. "No?"

"Yes." Jessie smiled.

Callen lifted the lid on his, a familiar scent drifted out on the steam, and looked at her. "What's all this?" he asked skeptically. "You want something?"

Jessie's look was all wide eyed and innocent and it brought a smile to his face because she really didn't do innocent that well, at least not when she wasn't.

"Can't I buy you a meal without having an ulterior motive? Why G? What kind of person do you think I am?"

Callen watched Jessie spin around and walk out of the bullpen. If she was trying to hide the smile though she hadn't turned quick enough. He watched her deliver a food package to Hetty and then almost skip upstairs to Eric and Nell.

Callen glanced around the bullpen to see the rest of the team already digging in. He watched them for a moment enjoying their unexpected bounty. He was just about to start his when footsteps on the stairs pulled his attention in that direction just in time to see Jessie heading down the corridor to her office while Nell and Eric headed toward the bullpen.

"Why is Jessie buying me my favourite meal?" Eric asked.

"You too?" Kensi asked then looked around at the rest of them. "All of us?" Everyone nodded.

"G?" Sam asked him specifically.

"Yep.

"Suspicious," Eric said. "She's never done this before. What does she want?"

"Really?" Deeks said, "Can none of you just appreciate her generosity and enjoy it? She obviously know us well and planned it because she'd have to go to so many different places."

"G," Sam said. "Any idea what's going on?"

"Nope." Callen sealed the lid on his and picked it up along with the plastic fork Jessie had also left with all of them.

"You gonna find out for us?" Sam asked as Callen headed out of the bullpen.

"We'll see." He was planning on finding out but he wasn't necessarily going to share.

Not able to resist continuing their little tradition Callen leaned against her door frame and waited. She was on her couch, her container in her hand already eating. She looked over and smiled.

"Wondered how long it would take you," Jessie said. "Not going to be easy to eat over there."

Callen took it as an invitation to join her and moved into the office. He sat next to her and reopened his container.

"What's the occasion?" Callen asked between bites. She definitely knew what he liked.

"Who said there had to be an occasion."

"You brought everyone lunch. Why?"

Jessie grinned and Callen noticed the sparkle in her eyes. He wasn't wrong and he suspected she was simply enjoying playing with him.

"I did it," Jessie said. "I've paid off my student debt and this is my first full paycheck with nothing taken out of it. I wanted to celebrate."

"All done?" Callen knew she only had USU to payback but he hadn't exactly thought about how much longer she had to go.

"All done." Jessie shrugged. "At least the money side. The hospital service is still there but it's no big deal."

No big deal? What she sacrificed to achieve her goals was a big deal but Callen also knew that she enjoyed what she did and he seriously suspected that even when her time was up she would continue to do it all anyway.

"So," Callen raised an eyebrow, "You taking orders for next week?"

Jessie chuckled. "No. I have plans for that money, things I've put off."

"You going to tell me some of those things?"

"Nope." Jessie took a sip of her drink.

"Personal things?" Callen asked and watched for her reaction.

Jessie barely managed to swallow the mouthful of drink. After a cough she glared at him.

"Really? You had to say that then?"

Callen had to admit there was a fleeting curiosity about what she might have been thinking but he pushed it aside quickly and shrugged innocently. His meal finished he leaned forward and put his empty container on the table in front of them. When he sat back he deliberately made sure his arm brushed against hers and then leaned a touch closer.

"Congratulations," Callen said.

"Thank you." Jessie smiled and Callen couldn't look away. When she was like this, happy, excited, she was so beautiful.

"Have-"

The desk phone rang and Jessie pulled her gaze from his and stood up to answer it.

Callen both cursed and praised the timing of the call. An invitation to dinner had just started to slip off his tongue without weighing the consequences or implications. Dinner as friends between them was rarely a pre-planned activity; it simply happened. Pre-planning, asking, was heading into the dangerous territory of a date. And he wasn't quite sure if he was ready to take that step and somehow he didn't think he could get away with the excuse of wanting to help her celebrate since they just had.

"Thanks Eric," Callen heard Jessie say before she put down the phone.

Jessie turned back to him. "Duty calls. You're needed in Ops."

Callen rose and gathered up his container and cutlery to take with him. "Thanks for lunch. You chose well." He started to walk toward the door.

"Anytime," Jessie said softly.

The softness made Callen wonder what she was thinking. He turned back his head to look at her as he walked. "Careful Doc, I might take you up on that and your bank balance might not be as healthy as you'd like."

Jessie chuckled, a slight wickedness to it as well as the slow smile that spread across her face.

"You mean," she said," You'd want to stop me from buying all those _personal_ things?"

Callen steps faltered as certain images flashed through his mind. It was unfortunate, especially at times like this, that he had a very good imagination.

"Nicely played Doc," Callen said with a shake of his head. He could hear her soft laugh as he walked out the door.


	43. Purity

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter based on the Episode Purity. (S4Ep20).   
> Hopefully I'm not driving any of you insane with how many almost moments these two are going through before they finally get their act together. I'm having a lot of fun doing it and we've still got a bit to go before things are sorted.  
> Enjoy, and as always, would love to hear your thoughts when you're done.

* * *

 

 

Callen slid off the bed and grabbed on tight as his legs all but collapsed under him. He only narrowly avoided ending up on the floor of Jessie's medical room.

"Dammit G," Jessie swore abruptly. "What are you trying to do?" Her arms were around him and she was all that was holding him up right now. The strength had disappeared quickly from his legs and his arms weren't much better.

"Need to get back to work," he said.

"You can barely stand." With a strength Callen didn't realise she had, Jessie had him on the bed and lying on his back.

"I'll be fine once I'm moving." At least that was Callen's theory. If he started moving surely his muscles would get the message to work again.

"No you won't." Jessie put her hand on his chest and held him down when he tried once again to get up. It didn't take much. He hated feeling so weak and incapable. It wasn't a good thing to be in his line of work.

"Jessie."

"No."

Callen heard the hitch in her voice on that one word. The shine in her eyes was there but so was something else. A ferocity that told him he wasn't getting up anytime soon.

"The team are working on a plan," Jessie told him firmly. "When they've figured it out they'll let me know and if, and that is a big if, I think you can do this without being a liability, then I'll let you go."

Callen thought out teasing her about not wanting him to leave but decided now wasn't the time.

"Doc, come on," he said. "You know how important it is that we stop them." If they didn't the entire city could be affected, chaos, panic and so much worse.

"I know." Jessie's voice lowered. "I also know that you almost died barely an hour ago."

"I didn't. You made sure of that."

Jessie had given them the antidote kit and instructions. Callen had noticed the tremor in her hands when she'd showed him and Sam how to use the needle and the best places for it to go. He'd seen in her eyes she didn't want them to do this but she hadn't tried to stop them. She also hadn't seen them off which, just like her silences, said a lot.

"It could so easily have gone the other way," Jessie said.

"Yeah, they could've shot me."

"That's not what I was meaning," Jessie snapped and then turned away. Callen watched the rise and fall of her shoulders. "If," she continued in a voice much softer than just a moment ago, "they'd put too much in the glass the antidote might not have been enough."

Callen sat up carefully and turned himself on the bed so his legs hung off the side. He didn't try and get to his feet though. Just what he'd done had taken everything he had to move and not make a sound and worry her. It was admittedly easier than the last time he'd tried so there was progress happening, just not as fast as he would like.

"Doc."

Jessie didn't turn around.

"Jessie."

There was a tremor that ran through her when she took another deep breath.

"Doc you can come to me or I can come to you. Your call."

That got her attention and Jessie finally turned to face him, but not before her hand had come up and brushed over both her cheeks. She took a couple of steps toward him.

"Closer," Callen told her.

Jessie stepped a little closer and Callen reached out, hallelujah he could move his arms after all, and pulled her close until she stood between his legs.

"G-"

"Stop," Callen told her firmly. "I'm gonna be fine. And we're going to stop this thing from happening. But I can't do it from here." He reached up and, with an unfortunately unsteady hand that she saw, wiped away a tear that she'd missed. "Don't cry over me Doc. I'm still here. You know I've been through worse."

Neither of them said so but Callen had no doubt this had brought back memories of the time he'd spent in Georgia not all that long ago.

Jessie closed her eyes. "Why do you have to be such a -" she stopped abruptly and opened her eyes. Her teeth caught her lower lip as if she was still trying to stop the words.

"Not sure I want to know where you were headed with that." Callen smiled. "This is what we do remember. You included now. Without you, I wouldn't have been able to do what I did."

"I didn't give it to you so you could deliberately poison yourself," Jessie said. "It was just supposed to be a backup."

Callen reached up and shifted a strand of hair off her shoulder. Her hair was half up and half down today and he'd been fighting a battle with his fingers every time he'd seen her through the day. At least his hand seemed steadier - to him maybe not to her though.

"They'd have shot me instead," Callen said. "I figured the drink was the lesser of two evils and I knew you had my back. Now we know exactly who's involved and the rest of us get to do what we do best to finish this."

"You can barely stand."

She did have a point. "I'm getting stronger by the minute," Callen countered.

"Squeeze my hand." Jessie took his hand and closed it around hers. "Now. Squeeze it as hard as you can."

Callen tried. He really did but he couldn't do much more than grip it lightly enough that his hand didn't let go. It made him wonder just how he'd been able to pull her in close. And that led to the thought that perhaps she had wanted to be close to him and, if that was the case, what exactly did that mean? Was it just a case of needing to know he was okay or was it that she needed him or a connection with him to help her through?

"G, how do you think," Jessie's voice interrupted his wayward thoughts, "you are going to be able to fire a gun?"

Right now Callen was struggling to think clearly because she was so close and the memory of that Christmas kiss combined with the thought that she wanted to be this close to him was battling with the thoughts of the mission. It wouldn't take much to pull her just that little bit closer, though he guessed that would depend on whether she wanted to or not.

Not now though.

It took a hell of lot more willpower, perhaps he could blame it on his current medical issue, than it should've to get his thoughts back to the mission and what they needed to do. Millions of lives were at stake and he couldn't get distracted. Not yet.

"By the time we get there," Callen said, "I'll be good."

Jessie shook her head.

"Doc," Callen smiled that one that almost always got a reaction, "Have I ever lied to you?"

There was a flicker of the usual reaction and then Jessie's look turned serious and she raised an eyebrow. "Not that I know of but it doesn't mean you haven't."

"I haven't," Callen said seriously. "I promise you that." This trust thing was a two way street between them and he wasn't going to screw it up with a lie. "I've had worse," he told her, "and still got the job done."

"But -"

"You can take care of me when it's over. I promise to follow every instruction you give me."

That managed to get a soft laugh out of her. "I think I'd like to see that miracle," Jessie said.

"Then it's a date."

Jessie raised her eyebrows. "A date?"

"Maybe not a date as such." Callen winked. "I think I'd prefer to be fully functional for that."

"Fully -" Jessi stopped and shook her head, the flush on her cheeks obvious.

Callen was more than a little curious about where she'd gone in her head with his comment - that was simply supposed to hint at being able to take her somewhere, like out to dinner or something which he couldn't do in his current condition. Mind you her reaction had given him other ideas which he pushed down very quickly.

"Just forget I even started to ask." Jessie stepped back from him and took a breath. "Stand up but don't hold on," she ordered.

Callen raised an eyebrow. "You want me to slide off the bed and stand up without any support?" Just a few minutes ago she was putting her foot down about the mission. Now this? Maybe he'd gotten through to her somehow that he didn't have time to be doing nothing.

"Yep."

"And if I hit the floor?" He'd barely held himself up last time and she was taking that bit of security from him.

"G," Jessie said softly, "I won't let you hit the floor." There was a promise in her words and tone. "Be aware for yourself if you can handle it and pull back if you can't."

"Shouldn't you be closer if you are going to catch me?"

"I'm close enough."

Callen grinned. An opening he wasn't even going to try and resist. "No you're not Doc. Not nearly close enough." He could see her struggle not to smile.

"I'm close enough to catch you," she promised him.

Callen took a steadying breath. If he was going to be able to get out there and take down this threat he needed to be able to do this. He needed to be able to prove to her he was strong enough to control his body because, if he couldn't, no amount of pleading, sweet talking or banter would get her to let him out of the room. And she'd be right to do so. But the team needed him so he lifted his hands from the bed, took another breath then shifted enough to feel the slide start. His feet hit the floor and it took everything in him to tense the muscles in his legs and not buckle at the knees. He breathed a sigh of relief and lifted his head to look at Jessie, his focus having shifted to the floor he had been mentally willing to stay a respectable distance from him. Jessie was halfway between him and where she had been, her fist clenched at her sides.

"See Doc," Callen said lightly, "getting better every second."

"Can I at least get it noted that I don't like the idea of you going back out there? That I recommend you stay in bed?"

"Now if you were going to be there with me Doc," Callen teased, "you just might be able to tempt me."

"If I thought that was all it would take…"

Even though she didn't finish her sentence Callen heard that she was serious which told him just how badly she thought his condition was. But then as a doctor she knew a lot more about what was happening to his body than he did which, as it had in the past, would be making this so much more difficult for her. Callen took the two steps he needed to get to her, without tripping over his feet, and looked her in the eyes.

"You and I both know that you wouldn't," he said quietly. "This is too important."

"I know," Jessie whispered.

"How about this. Let me go get the bad guys, then you take me home and I promise I'll stay in bed for the rest of the night."

"Your place or mine?" Her answer was instant and as much as he'd hoped to put her at ease, the quickness didn't help him feel successful. There was no doubt she was scared and all he wanted to do was pull her into his arms and make her forget the danger that they were facing, and had already faced today; take the worry away and make her smile, get her to laugh again. He had a very effective distraction technique he wouldn't mind trying again.

"Mine for a change," Callen answered and quickly slammed the door on the thoughts before he could figure out why he wanted it or have his over active imagination work on the possibilities of her staying over. He stepped backward, grateful that his legs were feeling much stronger, and headed to the door.

"G."

Callen turned his head toward her not quite willing to test his ability to turn around quickly just yet.

"Please be careful. All of you."

There was so much worry in her eyes and Callen hated that he didn't know how to take it away. If he could just ease it a little, he'd be happy.

"Always," he assured her. He started toward the door but stopped and smiled to himself. Maybe he could after all. He turned to look at her again. "Oh and Doc," Callen added, "remember I don't have a couch." He winked. "Just a bed."

He walked out the door and left her with that and held onto the hope that his comment had a least distracted her a little from her worry.

* * *

When Callen woke the next morning it was to see Jessie sleeping beside him, her hand soft against his shoulder. Seeing her face, relaxed and soft in sleep on the pillow beside him in his bed felt right. And for a man who felt he was destined to be alone, who didn't do these kind of relationships, that was downright scary. Hetty on the other side of the interrogation table would be less so.

Early this morning after they'd saved the world, or at least their small part of it, Jessie had checked him over at the office before Sam had driven them both back to Callen's home. They'd been so shattered all the two of them had managed to do was nudge off their shoes, fall onto his bed and go to sleep. They hadn't even gotten under the covers. Thankfully the night hadn't been cold because Callen wasn't entirely sure either of them would have had the energy to correct that.

Callen had planned on sleeping on his bedroll, because as much as he'd teased Jessie about only having the bed, he actually had no intention of sharing it with her. Last time had been hard enough but now that he knew exactly what it was like to have her in his arms, feel her mouth move under his and how she responded to his kiss - Oh yeah. He hadn't planned on taking that risk.

But Jessie being Jessie had simply taken his hand, reminded him he'd promised to follow her orders and walked them to his bedroom. He hadn't had the energy for the simplest of playful banter or even a token protest. He just laid down, noted her eyes were already closed and before he knew it, he was waking up with the morning sun lighting up his bedroom and the woman he was having a hard time keeping out of his thoughts and dreams no matter how hard he tried, lying right there next to him, as if she belonged there.

For once Callen was honest with himself. He didn't want to get up. He wanted to stay right here and watch her sleep, maybe even wake her up and share a little playful banter before he let her get out of bed. And while he was being honest what was one more admission. He really wanted to shift close enough to brush a kiss across her cheek and see what her reaction was when it woke her up; to see if it might lead to somewhere more.

But just because that was what he wanted to do, didn't mean he would.

In his line of work you needed to be decisive yet Callen couldn't seem to make up his mind about where he should go with this. In theory it should be easy. Friends. Safer for her that way, but no matter how hard he tried to keep things to just that, she was slipping closer and working her way further under his skin every day and that was his biggest problem. How do you hold someone at a distance when all you wanted to do was have them closer?

Callen glanced at the time and realised how late it was. He needed to get up. A young scared boy was counting on him to keep his promise. He'd let Jessie sleep and maybe she'd still be here when he got back. He slipped out of bed, quietly gathered some clean clothes and headed for a quick shower. After he left Jessie a note on his pillow, one he'd spent the entire time in the shower trying to figure out how to phrase it so she'd still be here when he got back. In the end he'd decided to keep it simple.

_Promised I'd check on Alex._

_Back soon._

_Breakfast preference?_

_G._

Callen figured she'd either tell him and he could do something about it or he'd come home and they'd wing it, unless she was already gone. What he didn't say, that he hoped she'd still be there when he got back, could be read between the lines if she wanted to.

When her text arrived just after he'd finished tossing the ball with Alex, Callen knew she'd stayed.

_Pancakes work for me. I gather they work for you considering what's in your cupboard._

The text he sent her - _On my way -_ when he'd walked out the front door of the home Alex had been placed in received an answer before he'd started his car.

_They'll be ready - after your check up._

Callen chuckled and fired off one more text before he drove home.

_You can check me out anytime you want Doc. Before and after even._


	44. Kam

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy another light and fluffy and love to hear what you think when you are done.

* * *

A metallic scratching sound woke Jessie from the light sleep she was in. She shifted, and the fact that she'd opened her eyes and noticed where she was, was the only thing that saved her from unceremoniously rolling off the couch and onto the floor. The tapping, scratching and clinking sound continued. She glanced at the clock, ten past five, and frowned. What was Sam doing at this time of the morning especially after the night they'd had? She pushed off the blanket that covered her legs and rose from the couch to pad barefoot into Sam and Michelle's kitchen. One step in and Jessie stopped; a mix of horror, amazement and confusion flashed through her.

"G?"

Callen turned around and Jessie saw the smile that quickly changed to a frown of concern.

"Jessie? What are you doing here?"

"Isn't that my line?" Jessie glanced at the mess on the bench. "Does Michelle know you've pulled apart her toaster?" At least she was pretty sure that was the appliance that was completely dismantled on the kitchen bench.

"I'll put it back together." Callen put down the screwdriver and took a step closer to her. "What are you doing here?" he asked again.

"Kam was sick last night. Sam -" Jessie yawned. "Turned up on my doorstep at half past nine to bring me back here."

"She okay?"

Jessie smiled and hoped it, along with her words, would reassure him. "She will be. Seems like she's slept a bit which is good. As far as I know the last time she threw up was just after two." If Kam had managed a few hours sleep without another episode it would be a good sign. The poor little thing had had a hell of a night, though Jessie wasn't entirely sure Sam's wasn't worse having to watch his little girl go through it and not able to do a thing to stop it.

"No wonder you look like hell."

Jessie raised her eyebrows. That wasn't exactly very diplomatic of him. Sure she'd been up all night after a rough day at the hospital but still, she was sure the man had more tact than that.

"Not exactly what a girl wants to hear." She stepped toward the fridge to get something to ease the dryness of her throat.

"Would you prefer," Callen said in a tone that made her pause mid step, "to hear about the red lace and buttons that are undone?"

Jessie's eyes flew to his and saw that smug half smile and mischief in his eyes before she looked down to see if he was having her on or not. Nope, he wasn't. She turned away, the heat flared on her cheeks and she quickly did up the couple of wayward buttons that had come undone while she'd been asleep and made a mental note to make sure she checked if there was a next time!

Jessie still had no clue what was going on between them. Things kept conspiring against them. His leg and the recovery from that, their interrupted pancake breakfast when someone had tried to contact an old alias of Callen's and they'd had to respond quickly. Add to that the fact that she'd also been called in for a week's relief at Bethesda which, being on opposite sides of the country certainly hadn't helped. The only real bonus to that was Trevor and Alex weren't far away and she'd been able to spend some much needed time with them. It was hard to believe that Christmas wasn't even a month ago.

Buttons fixed, Jessie turned back and the fake, she thought, look of disappointment on Callen's face made her smile. She'd been so close to taking Kam to the hospital last night and right now a dose of fun with him was just what the doctor needed.

"Depends," Jessie said, "whether you'd like to know that I've also got it in blue?" Technically she didn't actually define what she was talking about, the shirt or the lace, but she knew exactly how he'd play it. He didn't disappoint.

"Now Doc," Callen shook his head. "That's just downright cruel telling a guy that if you've got no intention to prove it."

"Who said I wouldn't?"

The words were out of her mouth before she thought them through. Something about him pulled out this different side of her that no one else had. The look in his eyes changed with her words and now it simultaneously scared and sent a thrill through her. She seriously doubted that this time the look was fake which made it hard to breath and her heart rate kick up more than a notch. If she'd had just a touch more sleep and was feeling braver now would've been the perfect chance to find out what was happening. But unfortunately she just wasn't ready for that this morning.

"I need to check on Kam," Jessie murmured and backed away. "Be right back." She all but fled the kitchen and headed for the stairs.

* * *

Callen followed Jessie, his footsteps quiet on the carpeted stairs and hallway. The worry for his favourite little girl pushed the thoughts of the possibilities of red and blue lace on a certain favourite doctor a little further back in his mind. He stopped behind Jessie and put his hands on either side of the doorway, which brought him close enough that his chest just brushed against her back, and looked over her shoulder into the room.

The picture in front of him kept Callen's thoughts focused, mostly, and he couldn't help but smile. Kam was asleep curled up in Sam's arms, her head on his chest. She looked like she was sleeping soundly, as was Sam. Kam looked so small and fragile but Callen knew it had more to do with her size compared to the giant she was almost sleeping on top of.

"Good sign right?" Callen kept his voice barely above a whisper when he asked Jessie the question. She turned her head and looked up slightly at him with a smile. The motion brought her mouth so damn close to his. Too close for rational thought to prevail especially after their exchange downstairs which was now back to the front of his mind. Callen's eyes dropped to her lips and lingered for a moment. He heard Jessie's breath catch and looked back into her eyes.

"G?"

Callen swallowed a groan of frustration at the interruption and stepped away from Jessie. "Hey Michelle." Callen hadn't even had time to register what he'd seen in Jessie's eyes before Michelle had broken the moment.

Michelle raised an eyebrow and Callen saw her gaze flick between him and Jessie. The last thing he needed was for Michelle to guess what was going on and tell Sam, especially when Callen wasn't entirely sure himself, aside from the fact that he was having an incredibly hard time keeping his head clear about what he wanted when he was around Jessie. He stepped closer to Michelle to put some distance between him and his distraction.

"I hear Kam had a rough night," Callen said. Surprisingly his voice sounded completely normal.

Michelle glanced through Kam's open door. "Yeah, just a bit."

Jessie moved next to Michelle and kept her voice low. "Did she wake since I went downstairs?"

Michelle shook her head. "No."

"Good, that means she's been sleeping for a few hours, which is what she needs. You and Sam need to make sure you get some sleep too. We've taken precautions but we don't want you two to get sick as well."

Michelle nodded. "We will."

"I can look after Kam if you want," Callen offered. "Sam and I were supposed to go for a run but I guess he won't be up for that."

Michelle shook her head. "Thanks G, but we'll be fine. We'll tag it. But can you take Jessie home for us please? She's been up most of the night."

"I can-" Jessie started but Callen cut her off.

"Sure." He looked at Jessie for the first time since he'd almost kissed her. "Let's go Doc. Let Michelle get back to bed."

Jessie stared at him but she didn't protest any further though Callen suspected she wanted to. Instead she turned back to Michelle and issued more instructions.

"When Kam wakes, start her on a teaspoon or two of water every five minutes or some ice chips to suck on. If she keeps that down after a few hours double it and if that works, call me and we'll go over the next step. If she gets worse or throws up more than twice, take her to the hospital and call me. I'll meet you there."

Callen watched as Michelle hugged Jessie. "Thank you," Michelle said. "Sam was out of his mind before he thought of you."

Callen fought back the chuckle. If there was one particular thing that you could absolutely guarantee would be the undoing of Sam Hanna it was his little girl suffering. Callen still remembered Sam's reaction to Kam falling off her bike the first time when she was learning to ride. If Sam had had his way back then Kam would never have got back on it. At one point Callen had to take over and send Sam home. He was only allow to watch again once Kam was able to ride it.

"Any time," Jessie said and then headed down the stairs.

Callen followed after he gave Michelle a quick hug and was half way down the stairs when Michelle called out.

"G."

Callen looked up at her. There was a knowing look in her eyes.

"I'd better find my toaster in one piece when I come down."

Callen grinned. "Always is."

Michelle shook her head but there was the hint of a smile on her face before she disappeared. Callen continued down the stairs and into the kitchen to find Jessie sitting at the kitchen bench with a glass of juice in her hands.

"Why?" Jessie pointed to the toaster opposite her. "Was it not working?"

"No. It works," Callen said. "Well it did, and it will, as soon as I put it back together."

"Still doesn't tell me why?"

Callen picked up the screwdriver and started to fit the pieces back together. "Had to do something while I waited for Sam."

"A book?" Jessie suggested. "Listen to music? Watch TV."

Callen smiled. "Where's the fun in that? It won't take long and then I'll take you home."

"You don't have to."

Callen paused and looked up at her. "I'm sorry. Have you met Michelle? I don't want to know the consequences of disobeying her."

"Couldn't be as bad as Hetty's punishments."

There was a twitch of a smile on Jessie's lips and Callen knew she was thinking of the first day they'd meet and his comment about Hetty's unusual forms of punishment. He waited for her to finish her mouthful before he spoke.

"Ask Sam to tell you about the Little League incident and then get back to me."

Jessie's eyes went wide and Callen grinned before he turned his attention back to the toaster.

* * *

"G."

Callen glanced over at Jessie. She was barely able to keep her eyes open in the passenger's seat of his car.

"Thanks for taking me home," she said. "I could've got a taxi though."

There was no way he'd let her get in a taxi with how tired she was.

"Wasn't any need," Callen told her. Yes, he'd had plans to run with Sam and then they'd have just hung out for a while, but since that wasn't on the cards, he didn't have anything else to do. Plus, even if he did, he'd have cancelled it.

"Just…" Jessie's voice was soft with the sleep that was obviously pulling hard at her. "My toaster … I really like my toaster."

Callen pulled to a stop at an intersection and took a moment to focus on her since there were no other cars around. Her eyes were closed now.

"What about the kettle?" he asked.

Her eyes opened half way. "You can have the kettle," and then they drifted closed again. "But so help me you do that to my coffee machine and we're done."

Callen chuckled and a smile lifted the corners of Jessie's mouth but her eyes didn't open again.

"Don't worry Doc," he said, "I wouldn't dream of coming between you and your coffee."

Or being done with you, he added silently.


	45. Rage

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was inspired by a comment from admiralandrea and the request for a chapter relating to the episode Rage (S6 Ep20).  
> Busy weekend ahead so next chapter likely won't be up until Monday next week. Have a great weekend.
> 
> Hope you enjoy. Let me know what you think.

* * *

 

 

Callen tossed his jacket on the back of the couch, keys on the small table near his front door and headed to the kitchen. He put the bag of groceries he'd brought in the fridge and reached for a bottle of beer. With a sigh he changed direction and pulled out a soda instead. His head had taken a beating, technically he'd been cleared of a concussion, but since he was home alone he should at least try and look after himself.

It had been a hell of a couple of days and all he wanted to do was forget. He'd been in a lousy mood since he'd walked away from Agent Rand earlier. The pounding in his head had eased thankfully so that was one less thing to think about. It had taken a long time in the shower at the office until the smell of fuel was gone from his skin.

Even if the team had been willing to go out he certainly hadn't been in the mood, though they were the ones who would understand he wouldn't want to talk. Sam was busy with something at school for Kam tonight and he had a feeling there was some reassuring happening between Kensi and Deeks given that Kensi hadn't been undercover like that since the two of them had finally gotten together.

Callen headed out his back door to the cool and quiet of the evening. A small movement put him on alert instantly and his hand already on his gun by the time he recognised who his visitor was.

"Jessie?"

"Hi," she said softly. Callen could hear the worry and concern in her voice.

Not a good time Doc, he thought.

"What are you doing here?"

Jessie rose from the seat and walked toward him. "Checking on you."

Oh yeah, there was the look - the flicker of her eyes over him, the pause on the obvious injuries and the slight little frown that happened in place of the relief that would be there when they returned unscathed.

Callen moved to the railing and popped the top off the soda. The cool liquid slid down his throat. Not quite as satisfying as a beer but it was at last something. "I'm fine Doc."

"Not so sure about that," Jessie said.

"Mind reader are you?" She didn't deserve his mood. None of what had happened was her fault but his control was hanging by a thread and it didn't seem like it was going to matter who was in the firing line when it snapped. It would be best if he could get her to leave sooner rather than later.

"No. Hetty hacked my taxi."

Callen turned to her. "She what?"

Jessie's smile dropped as if she suddenly picked up on just how close to losing it he was. "There was a taxi waiting for me when finished at the hospital, my phone rang and Hetty told me I was coming here. Taxi already had the address. I didn't have to tell him."

"Hetty sent a taxi to my door?" The interfering little … Even in his current mood Callen wasn't particularly game to insult Hetty.

"Half a dozen doors down," Jessie amended quickly. "I walked the rest of the way."

"Go. Not in the mood for company." Callen turned away and stared out over the garden again but she didn't leave.

"Hetty was very … adamant that you needed me. That perhaps you needed to talk." Her voice was soft, calm and tugged on him in a way he really wasn't wanting, even if he needed it - which Hetty would've read between the lines of the mission and knew, even if the others didn't, that this had gotten personal. Unfortunately the thought of Hetty instigating this visit from Jessie grated on Callen more than he thought possible, and Jessie was right in the firing line.

"Or," Callen all but snarled, "she thought I was in need of some female companionship."

The words were out, he had no idea where they'd come from, and Callen immediately regretted them. A heavy silence stretched between them and Callen let out a long breath before he turned around, an apology ready on his lips.

Jessie spoke before he could. "I'm going to let that one slide this time," she said.

There was no hint of pain or offense in her tone which Callen was incredibly grateful for.

"And hope," Jessie continued, "to whatever Gods might be out there that Hetty doesn't have this place bugged because I seriously doubt she'd appreciate being referred to as a madam no matter how subtly you want to phrase it."

Callen opened his mouth but Jessie shook her head. Apparently she wasn't wasn't finished with him yet.

"It's obvious you're hurting," Jessie said. "It should also be pretty obvious to you that I would recommend you talk about it. But … and let me make it very, _very_ clear, I am _not_ here to force you to talk or because Hetty made me come. I am more than capable of telling a taxi driver where I want to go and even if he'd been threatened by Hetty to ensure I was dropped off as per her orders, she did not hold a gun to my head to get me to walk the rest of the way or to sit out here for the last hour waiting for you to arrive home." Jessie took a step closer. "I am here because I want to be … for you." Another step and she stood right in front of him, almost toe to toe. "Now you have a choice G. Talk to me, let me help in some way or tell me to go home and try not to be insulting about it."

"I'm sorry," Callen said.

"You're forgiven."

And then she waited patiently for him to make the next move.

Callen knew he wasn't ready to talk. But now she was here, he didn't really want to be alone after all. "Have you had dinner yet?" he asked.

"G-"

"Have you?"

"No."

Since she'd come straight from the hospital, and been here at least an hour, her answer was what he expected.

"I have some steak in the fridge," Callen said. "You any good with a knife?"

Jessie raised an eyebrow, a twitch of a smile on her lips. "Not quite as good as I am with a needle and thread but I do have some skills."

For the first time, since well before Rand had pulled the trigger and shot Charlie, Callen smiled. "Probably didn't need to ask that did I?"

"Not really," Jessie said.

"Will you have dinner with me?"

Callen saw the relief in her eyes and she smiled.

"Yes," Jessie said. "And you don't even need to break out the tin of pineapple."

Callen almost laughed and a small amount of the tension from the day slid from his shoulders.

"Body's enough huh?"

Jessie smiled. "This time."

Callen slipped inside first and made sure his gun was out of sight. Jessie might be getting better but he wasn't taking any risks. She stood next to him at the bench, handed him the steaks to unwrap and get ready from the bag he'd retrieved from the fridge, and she started on the vegetables. It was all very domestic but it didn't pull his thoughts away from Charlie and the look of confusion in his eyes or the pool of blood under his head that would no doubt haunt his dreams tonight, that is if he slept.

"G?" Jessie's soft voice and hand on his arm startled him out of his thoughts. He looked from her hand to in front of her and him. She'd already finished chopping everything and he was standing there with the steaks barely out of the wrapping.

Jessie turned him to face her. "G please talk to me," she pleaded softly with him.

"What's to tell? We did what we were supposed to do." Callen tried to turn away but her hand tightened on his arm.

"What about Charlie?"

She knew about Charlie? The rage and the pain flared again. "Hetty did more than hack your taxi didn't she?" Callen stepped back, her hand dropped from his arm and his voice rose. "You know this is your fault," he said.

Jessie's eyebrows went up. "Excuse me?" That calmness did it yet again and the words came out in a rush.

"You and your … I had my childhood locked up tight in a box and then you come along and get me talking. And then there's Charlie and I can't lock it away and I try and help and all it does is get him killed." Maybe if he'd just kept his mouth shut, maybe that was why they were suspicious of him because he hadn't been able to stop trying to help. Maybe that's why Charlie was dead.

"G."

"No," he cut her off. He wasn't done. "I was happy with the way things were." Before I told you all those things that happened, before you told me just where that little boy was - before you got so damn close.

"No you weren't."

Callen stepped closer and his voice got harder. "Yes I was. Until you. You, your sweet calm voice and you damn patience and the way you make me want to talk." He wasn't quite sure why he thought she'd back off from his harsh attitude but he was wrong. She stepped closer.

"G, what happened with Charlie?"

"You're doing it again."

Soft and calm and there.

"Then," Jessie's eyes locked with his, "send me home if you don't want me here."

And therein lies the rub. Because he did want her here. Because as much as he was protesting, he did want to talk … to her. Callen swallowed past the lump in his throat, his eyes stilled locked on hers. He was fighting against the need she created in him.

He was losing.

"He was me," Callen said quietly, the rage suddenly gone and all that was left was the pain. "Charlie. That was me before Hetty."

"Hetty?"

"Without Hetty, I'd have ended up tried in court as an adult and jailed for who knows how long for grand theft auto and assaulting a police officer with a deadly weapon."

Jessie's eyes went wide. "What did you do?"

"Stole a car and crashed into theirs. Hetty pulled some strings, not sure with who, and saved me from that and going back to social services. She gave me a lifeline. What I am today, what I do, it's because of her."

"And Charlie reminded you of yourself."

"I tried to help. Wanted to be that for him." Callen stepped away from her. "Tried to get him to see where he was headed. I thought I was getting through to him. If Rand had just given me another minute maybe."

Jessie closed the distance he'd managed to put between them. "Another minute," she said, "might not have been enough."

"He wanted out. I know he did." Charlie had just been trying to survive and got caught up with the wrong guys to do it.

"I don't doubt that G. I know you can be very persuasive, but you can't know what he would've done in that situation. Another minute could've meant you were dead."

That brought Callen's gaze back to hers. "Hetty again?"

"Sam." Jessie smiled, just briefly. "He gave me a rundown of what happened when he found you. And your injuries." Her eyes flicked to the scratch on his forehead. "You'll tell me if I need to check anything won't you?"

"If I say no?"

One side of Jessie's mouth lifted in a half smile. "Feel free to say no. Just remember I can be just as stubborn as you and if I feel that there's a problem I simply won't leave until I'm sure you're okay."

Callen fought back a smile and tried to stay serious. "That's all I need to do to get you to stay over again?"

Jessie lost her battle with a full smile and so did Callen. But he wasn't entirely sure if it was her smile that did it to him or the thoughts of her staying over.

Jessie's look turned serious again. "G, you did what you could for Charlie. It's entirely possible you did succeed. And if you did, even if he didn't have a chance to move forward with a new life, his ended with him making the right choice because of you."

Jessie's stomach rumbled at that point, probably good timing since Callen wasn't entirely sure how to respond to what she'd just said.

"Perhaps we'd better get back to making dinner." Callen moved over to the bench and the waiting steaks. "Sounds like someone's hungry."

The vegetables were steaming and the steak was cooking nicely when Jessie spoke again.

"Any idea how Deeks is doing?" she asked him.

"Deeks?"

"It's the first time Kensi's had to do something like that since they got together. Can't have been easy for him."

Callen's eyes narrowed and he focused on her but Jessie wasn't looking at him. Her eyes were fixated on something outside the kitchen window - it was dark and there weren't any lights on out there to allow her to see. She was avoiding looking at him.

"How much do you know?"

Jessie shrugged. "I don't need to know what happened."

She might not need to know but that didn't mean she didn't. Callen flipped the steak and then turned to her. He had a distinct feeling that they weren't exactly discussing Deeks. Or perhaps not just Deeks.

"Jessie, it's just a job."

"I know."

Callen wasn't so sure. Moments like these Callen was filing away and letting add up to make sure he wasn't jumping to conclusions, because he had a suspicion that she was trying to figure out how she felt about what had happened between him and Kensi on the mission.

"Kensi will be making sure Deeks understands it was just for the mission," Callen said. "Though given Deeks' background he should already know that, at least in his head. Think about it Doc." Callen reached out and turned her to face him. "You see bodies all the time right? I'm sure there's a difference between what you think about a male body in the ER to someone sitting across from you at dinner."

He certainly hoped so anyway.

"That's different," she protested quietly.

"Really?" Callen raised an eyebrow. "You're doing your job, we're doing ours."

Callen wondered what Jessie would say if he got more specific about the particular aspect of the mission. Kissing Kensi had been mechanical, his mind on everything at once. Who was watching, how long did they need to do this to make it look real. How would they play it when it ended all alongside the part of his brain that kept working through the possible scenarios that might happen during the mission so he had some options ready to go. There hadn't been a twitching of attraction, not even through the night when they had to keep an ear out and pretend things were getting hot and heavy when they heard the faint creak of the floor boards or another door opening, depending on how long it had been since last time.

But when he'd kissed Jessie? Or even thought about it? Hell that was a totally different story. Because that kiss? What they were doing, how she was reacted and what she made him feel had completely consumed him. As much as he'd like to believe that there was a part of him that had been alert to any dangers and if something had happened he'd have been able to react, he wasn't entirely sure and was glad that he hadn't been put to the test.

"Deeks and Kensi haven't been together that long," Jessie said. "I don't even know if he's been in that position before. I'd hate for it to mess their thing up."

Callen smiled and stepped closer. "See I knew you were a romantic at heart."

Jessie rolled her eyes.

"They'll be fine," Callen reassured her. "But I'd probably say they won't be spending a lot of time out of the bedroom this weekend. Now can we please move to a different topic and get rid of that image from my mind?" He did need an image out of him mind, just not of Kensi and Deeks.

Jessie laughed softly. "You're the one who put it there."

And if I didn't have doubts that I might screw things up I'd be telling you exactly what was in my mind. Except all Callen said was, "You're the one who brought the topic up."

"I was-"

"Doc, steaks are ready. Let's eat."

* * *

They were almost finished dinner when Jessie said, "You should to Sam about what happened."

"About?"

"Charlie. You and Hetty."

"How do you know I haven't already?"

There was a knowing look in Jessie's eyes. "Have you?"

Callen shook his head. "No," he admitted.

"Then," Jessie smiled, "does it matter how I knew?"

"Yes." Because Doc I really want to know what it is about you that has you knowing so much when I certainly haven't told you everything.

Jessie put down her knife and fork, all the food now gone from her plate. "Because you just told me how you had your childhood boxed up nice and tight and that I was the one who broke it - therefore it's an easy assumption to make that Sam hasn't seen inside the box."

"You didn't break it." She'd found a way in but the box wasn't broken. However it certainly wasn't as secure as it used to be.

"No?" Jessie tilted her head. "That's not what it sounded like earlier."

Callen conceded that fact. "You have very good mental lock-picking skills. I guess I forgot to upgrade."

Jessie's smile was very satisfied one. "Don't," she said. "Just talk to Sam."

"Why?"

"Because it will make the bond between the two of you stronger."

"We're strong Doc. You don't need to worry about us." Callen had known Sam would come for him today. He might not have known when but he knew. Just like he'd always come for Sam. Or any of the team, including her.

"I know and I don't worry about that. But it can't hurt to strengthen it. It's not like Sam doesn't suspect that things were rough."

"I don't want him to know how rough."

As much as Sam knew how cruel the world could be, letting him know the specifics wasn't an easy thing to consider doing. Cruelty in the adult world was one thing, but when it related to a child that was a totally different ball game.

"He doesn't need to know anything you aren't ready to tell him. You've told me-"

"You're different," he cut in.

"How?"

Callen grinned. "Client patient confidentiality."

Jessie sat back in the chair at the small dining table he'd recently purchased along with the couch, a small half smile on her lips. "I didn't think you were my patient. But you are my friend, and I have told you anything outside the office doesn't go on record. But Sam is also your friend. More really."

Yes Sam was, but so was she.

"I'll think about it," Callen said. Though he already had a sneaking suspicion she'd managed to get into his head enough and he'd end up doing exactly that because he knew she was right. Given what they did, the strength of the relationship between him and Sam was an integral part of their survival. It had to be strong and beyond someone's ability to break.

"That's all I'm asking," Jessie said. The look of triumph in her eyes was clear.

"Yeah," Callen shook his head. "I really should stop you doing that. Before you know it Doc, you'll be asking me for the moon and I'll be trying to hijack the nearest space shuttle."

Jessie chuckled. "Don't do that. We wouldn't want a mopey Deeks because his surfing was affected."

Callen smiled in return. "Heaven forbid a mopey Deeks.

Jessie rose from her chair. "I should go. It's late." She started to gather the plates but after a quick glance at his watch, ten past eleven, Callen reached out and put his hand on her arm.

"I can do that. But you're right. It is late. Stay here tonight."

Jessie put the plates down. "I can just-"

"Catch a taxi I know," Callen interrupted. "Stay. I'll drop you home in the morning. It'll give you one more time to convince me to talk to Sam."

"Do I need one more time?"

"If I say no will you still stay?"

"I noticed you have a couch now."

"I do."

"Is it comfortable to sleep on?"

This time the triumph would be in his expression, he just wasn't sure he wanted her to see it.

"I'll let you know in the morning." Because he wanted her back in his bed. Even if he wasn't there with her.

"I-"

Callen put his hands on Jessie's shoulders and turned her around. He walked her to the bedroom, pulled a t-shirt from his drawer and tossed it on the bed. "In case you want something more comfortable to sleep in." He walked to the door and didn't give her time to argue. "Night Jessie."

Callen closed the door, her quiet good night just managed to slip out before he did.

Her soft voice and the picture of her in his shirt in his bed played a big part in his dreams that night, saving him from both the zero sleep and the nightmares he'd expected. He slept surprisingly well.


	46. Superbowl

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all had a lovely weekend. This was an unexpected chapter that popped into my head a couple of weeks ago. The Patriot's player mentioned specifically in here is purely from my imagination. This chapter is also one of those rare occurrences where we can put a specific date on things. Superbowl 2015 was held on the 2nd February 2015 and references to the game are correct from my research anyway.
> 
> It's a big chapter. ;-) Love to know what you think when you're done.

* * *

 

"Jessie," Sam called out across the office. Callen glanced around and saw Jessie head towards them.

"What's up Sam?" she asked.

"Hawks or Pats?"

Jessie frowned. "What?"

"Superbowl. This weekend. Who are you going for? Hawks or Patriots?"

"Ah." Jessie rolled her eyes. "Patriots if I must. Why?"

"You willing to put money on it?"

Callen almost laughed at the look on Jessie's face.

"You want me," she said, "to bet on the outcome of a football match?"

"Good luck with that Sam," Callen said. "She doesn't bet." He kept his focus on Jessie and wondered if Sam would be successful where he wasn't.

"Well," Sam grinned, "she would be betting on the wrong team but at least you'd have company on the losing side G."

Jessie's eyes narrowed. "You're all betting on it? The four of you?"

Sam nodded. "Seven of us, eight if you join in. Hundred bucks each. Winnings split between those who pick the _right_ team."

Callen had no doubt that Sam thought he'd picked the right team.

Jessie tilted her head. "Even Hetty?"

"Yep," Callen confirmed. "Hetty's going with the Hawks too."

"I'd recommend you change your mind," Sam said to Jessie. "You know the Patriots haven't won a Superbowl in nine years and the Hawks won it last year."

A smile lifted at the corners of Jessie's and Callen was suspicious. That particular smile usually came when she knew something you didn't.

"But this will only be the third appearance for the Hawks," Jessie told, "yet the eighth for the Pats. And not too many teams go on to win consecutive Superbowl's."

Callen grinned. "My kinda girl," he said and Jessie smiled back.

Sam looked sideways at him. "Maybe, but is she willing, to stand by her … team." Sam's focus was back on Jessie but Callen wondered about the pause.

Jessie raised an eyebrow. "Fine."

Callen mouth almost dropped open and he stared at her. "You're betting on this?"

"Sure."

"But you don't -" Callen stopped at the look in her eyes.

"It's okay G." Jessie grinned. "I'm not betting against you so I'm safe."

Sam chuckled. "But you are going to lose."

Jessie shrugged. "If we do, you're only thirty three dollars each better of. We, on the other hand, will be three hundred dollars richer. Maybe I should call it an investment though rather than a bet ."

Callen chuckled. "She's got a point Sam."

Sam ignored him. "Why the Pats? Just so you don't have to bet against G?"

Jessie shook her head. "Seriously Sam, I spent almost thirteen years in Boston. Did you really think I'd go for anyone else?"

Callen watched Jessie turn and walk away.

"So," Sam said, "Is there something you're not telling me G?"

Callen pulled his attention from Jessie to Sam. "Not telling you?"

"My kinda girl?"

Callen chuckled. "C'mon Sam. It's just an expression. She obviously has good taste in football teams." To borrow Hetty's favourite phrase, bugger. There was look in Sam's eyes that gave Callen reason to think Sam suspected something between him and Jessie. Michelle must've talked.

"Mmm hmm," Sam stared at him for a moment and Callen waited for the questions about Jessie to start, except Sam surprised him.

"I still don't get why Hetty's betting against you," Sam said.

Callen sent up a silent thank you to whoever it was that had Sam shifting topics, perhaps Michelle had given her husband instructions to stay out of it, and gratefully answered. "Hetty never takes my side."

"Never?"

"Always bets against the other team, whoever they are."

"Why?"

Callen shrugged. "She probably figures this way at least one of us will win."

"So you're going to share winnings with her?"

"Nope. And she never shares hers with me either. It's a gloating thing. Makes conversation more interesting if one of us can."

Actually it was because, surprisingly, Hetty had a lousy track record in picking the winning team for any sport. It didn't matter if she picked the favourite or not, they would always lose. So, long ago, when he'd come into her life she'd started backing whoever Callen didn't choose so he'd win. The first time they'd bet on anything, just two weeks after she'd rescued him, Hetty had given him ten dollars to place on whoever he wanted then she'd placed ten on the other. The win had given Callen a hundred dollars. It wasn't until many years later that Callen finally learned the real intention of those monthly bets - to give him a safety net and some degree of independence regarding money that didn't come from Hetty actually giving it to him. By the time he'd met her he really hated being thought of as a charity case and she'd figured that out pretty quickly.

"Well I hope you're ready for being on the losing end of that conversation," Sam said with a touch of glee.

Callen smiled. "We'll see come Saturday."

"You should make sure Jessie's there. It won't be quite the same if we don't have the two of you there to … gloat over."

"If she's free I'm sure she would love to share the winning experience with me over the rest of you."

"In your dreams G."

Oh there were definitely things in his dreams that related to her but he wasn't about to share them with Sam.

* * *

Callen leaned back against her car and watched her walk toward him. "So Saturday."

Jessie raised an eyebrow. "What about Saturday?"

"Superbowl."

"And?"

"We're all meeting at Sam's to watch the game."

"Okay," Jessie replied slowly.

Callen smiled. She was a little slow on the uptake tonight. "It's not going to be much of a celebration when the Pats win if I don't have anyone to share it with."

Jessie smiled. "I'm sure you'd do fine without me."

"Maybe I don't want to do it without you."

"You want me there?"

"It's a team thing." Callen didn't exactly answer her question, though the change in the look in her eyes made him suddenly realise that it was entirely possible she got just as much out of his deflective answers as he did from hers. He'd have to be more careful.

"What time?" Jessie asked.

"Kick off's five thirty. Anytime after four will be fine."

"What do I bring?"

"You're a first timer," Callen said. "We've got you covered." There was always too much, especially when it was at Sam and Michelle's. This would be the first time the whole team were there though because it had only been recently that the rest of the team had come to know about Sam's family.

Jessie chuckled. "Next time you'll hit me up big huh?"

"We'll see. Depends who's playing. I might prefer to go somewhere sunny instead."

Jessie rolled her eyes. "G, we live in Los Angeles. It's almost always sunny."

"I hear the Maldives are great this time of year." Callen grinned. "Though I suppose that might depend more on who I can convince to go with me." He winked, turned and walked away before she could reply.

* * *

Between the gasps, the many groans and the limited (though only in numbers) cheers, the end of the match was noisy.

The Patriots had won and it had come right down to the final thirty seconds. Callen and Jessie were the only ones in the room with a smile, though Callen caught sight of a certain familiar twinkle in Hetty's eyes. Jessie rose from her spot on the couch and headed toward the kitchen though she had to go by him to get there. Callen lifted his hand and they hi-fived and smiled.

"You're never gonna let us live this down are you G?" Sam asked.

"Given the way you were all behaving during that third quarter? Hell no." After being tied at half time, the Hawks had pulled ahead to lead by ten points at the end of the third quarter. There'd been no end to the ribbing that the rest of the team were all doing during that time. But then the Patriots had rallied right through the final quarter until they were four points up with two minutes to go. Somewhere during that time silence had settled. Callen and Jessie had taken the high road and, even though neither had said anything to one another, there was no ribbing from the two of them in the opposite direction.

"Mr Callen," Hetty rose and handed an envelope to him. "Your winnings. I take it I can trust you to share it appropriately."

Callen took then envelope and nodded. "Of course." He smiled. "Thank you all for your very generous donation." He left them groaning and grumbling and headed to the kitchen to check on Jessie who hadn't returned yet.

When Callen walked into the kitchen she was standing at the sink, one hand held a glass of water and the other rubbed her temple.

"You okay?" Callen asked.

Jessie turned to face him. "Headache. It's been a bit of a noisy night."

"How does it feel to be on the winning team?" Callen lifted the envelope and moved just a little closer so he could have a good look at her face and see just how bad it was.

"I'm always on the winning team," Jessie replied with a smile.

"Pats haven't always won." They had a pretty good record but still their Superbowl scorecard wasn't as one sided as the fans would prefer.

"Doesn't mean they're not a winning team." Jessie took another sip of water.

Callen could see the tension and a touch of pain in her eyes. Headache must be bad for that to show through on her face.

"It's fine G," Jessie assured him. Apparently he'd been staring for too long and given away what he was up to. "I've taken something," she said. "It just needs a little time to kick in."

Callen nodded. "So tell me something Doc. How exactly do you know so much about the Patriots?"

Jessie had been a part of the conversation that had been going on all afternoon, dropping little bits of information here and there about the team. Not a lot but enough to make Callen curious since some of those facts weren't easy to come by and he didn't really see her as that interested in football. Especially since he'd just spent the last three and a half hours watching her reactions; reactions that were not those of a true fan.

"And don't try and tell me you are a die-hard fan," he said. "I know you're not."

"Considering everything I need to know for being a doctor, a few facts about football isn't a big deal."

"I didn't say it was a big deal. I asked how you knew."

"A friend."

"A friend? A guy friend?"

"Yes," Jessie admitted.

"Who?" There was a hint of something in that yes.

"Does it matter?" Jessie asked him. "You don't know him. I figured it would be good if I knew something given how much you and Sam have been arguing over this game for the last two weeks. At least I could contribute today."

"You don't like football so why did you drop a hundred on the Pats? Why did you come today?"

"I wasn't here for the football."

It didn't take much more than that for it to all click in Callen's mind. "The team." She was here for the team.

Jessie nodded. "Very astute Agent Callen. Well done."

"So who is he?"

Jessie put her now empty glass down on the sink and Callen caught the very quiet sigh she let out but no answer was forthcoming.

"A patient?" he suggested. "An old friend? A previous co-worker?" Still she didn't answer which left Callen with only one obviously choice.

"An ex."

"G, stop."

Ex it was.

"You know I could just ask Eric," Callen said.

Jessie turned to him. "Why?"

"Ask Eric what?" came the question from the doorway at exactly the same moment.

Callen turned to the voice. Speak of the devil. "Jessie have any Pats fans on Facebook?"

Eric snorted. "Yeah. That is if you want to call Tom McConnell a fan."

"Eric!"

"You know Callen," Eric said, "maybe you should get on Facebook, then you wouldn't need me to tell you all these things."

"All what things?" Jessie asked. "And really Eric, have you memorised my friends list?"

Eric shook his head. "No. He tagged you on a post when the game ended. Don't worry Jessie, I'm not stalking your famous friends … Much."

Callen turned back to Jessie and asked, "You know Tom McConnell? The Tom McConnell known for his loyalty to the Patriots for his entire career even when multiple other teams wanted to pay him double or more to jump ship?"

Jessie sighed. "Yes."

Callen stepped closer to her and out of the corner of his eye he saw Eric leave the room quickly.

"How?"

There was a moment of silence where Callen was sure Jessie was trying to figure out how to stop the conversation. In the end she gave in.

"During my residency a friend was going on a first date but she was nervous. Didn't want to go on her own. Her date understood and had a friend who was willing to join to make it a double date if she had a friend who was also willing."

"You went on a blind date with Tom McConnell?"

"No." Jessie shook her head, he noted carefully. "He was her date but she ended up clicking with Riley instead to the point where they got married six weeks later which was when I saw Tommy again."

_Tommy?_

"How long did you date for?"

Jessie stayed silent.

"You did date right?" Callen prompted.

"Why do you think that?"

"Because," Callen stepped closer to her, "you are being evasive and two meetings don't warrant the closeness of Tommy or the fact that you are still friends."

There was a little voice on his shoulder that whispered in his ear, _Jealous much?_

"Fine," Jessie admitted. "You're right. We did."

"For how long?"

"About a year."

"No way. " Callen shook his head. "There's no way you could date a footballer for a year and not get your name connected with his or your picture in the paper or somewhere together."

He'd have remembered her if he'd seen her before he was sure of it.

Jessie's eyes narrowed and that little voice on his shoulder chuckled.

"You know all of the Pats players history of girlfriends?" she asked him.

"I remember things," Callen corrected. "Plus, it gives me something to do when there's no appliances that interest me."

"You like gossip."

"No. I like details," Callen corrected her. It was all Hetty's fault. When she discovered he liked the Patriots she'd encouraged him to learn all the statistics and details that he could and she'd test him out on them. He hadn't known it at the time but he'd realised later she'd been training him up to be an agent. The ability to memorise and recall details and facts was an essential skill. It was something that he'd kept up because every now and then, usually to deflect or avoid a particular conversation Hetty would start asking him more current details and Callen had no intention of letting Hetty get the better of him on that subject at least. The internet meant there was a lot more information out there and he had to be on top of his game to beat Hetty.

"Then you should know," Jessie said, "Tom McConnell has been notoriously protective about his private life after the media pried into his rehab. It took three months before they even knew he was married."

Callen remembered that debacle. "Because some woman was claiming he was the father of her son."

"Yes." Jessie nodded. "If that hadn't happened, it would've been a lot longer."

Callen thought for a moment. "There was some woman who gave him an alibi and McConnell sued for defamation. He won."

"She deserved everything she got. She was lying. He didn't need an alibi."

Callen noted the intensity of her reaction and came to a conclusion fairly quickly. "You were that woman."

Jessie nodded again. "She claimed she was in New Orleans Superbowl weekend. That she'd spent it with him celebrating the win and that was when she got pregnant. That he was drunk out of his mind when they were together and that was why he didn't remember her."

"But he wasn't."

Jessie shook her head. "He knew celebrating was going to be an issue and even though he'd been out of rehab for three years, with no issues, he wasn't going to take the risk. The team and coach understood. One of the reasons he wouldn't leave. They never gave up on him and he refused to give up on them. After the game they had a quick celebration together, without the alcohol and then he left, quietly and discreetly. We flew to Hawaii. We were on the plane within two hours of the game finishing. There was no way it was him."

"Why did you break up?" He so had to move beyond the thoughts of Jessie with a guy in Hawaii. And not just some random guy, but one that he knew, at least of, though not personally.

"I moved to San Diego," Jessie told him. "Neither of us were willing to give up our dreams for the other and we realised as great as it was, it wasn't meant to be. He meet Erin three months later and the rest is history. They have three girls and one, a boy he hopes, on the way."

Jessie stepped closer. "Is that really what you want to know?" A small mischievous smile lifted on corner of her mouth and she lowered her voice a touch. "Or do you want to know that he's intelligent, funny, charming and yes, rather attractive. Oddly enough we didn't actually talk much about football back then."

"Did you talk much?" Hell, he really needed to keep his mouth shut.

Jessie's smile got bigger. "Ah, that's what you really want to know. Well he's an exceptional kisser but never quite managed to blow everything else out of my mind when he did."

Callen had no idea if it was what he thought but he couldn't help but wonder if she was referring to their kiss at Christmas when he'd distracted her - both of them.

"And," Jessie continued, "that even though he's strong and could sweep a girl off her feet as if she was as light as a feather, I never felt completely safe when he did."

She'd fallen asleep in his arms in the elevator in San Diego when he'd carried her to her room - that had to mean she felt safe right?"

A wickedness came into Jessie's smile and eyes and she stepped even closer. "He has very talented hands that could give excellent foot rubs after a long day at the hospital, among … other things, and until recently nothing has ever been better. And as for s-"

"Doctor Blake," Hetty's voice interrupted them and Jessie took a big step back. A flush of pink suddenly appeared on her cheeks.

"Your other boss is on the phone," Hetty continued and handed Jessie her cellphone at the same time. "I hope you do not mind that I took the liberty of answering it. I figured it must be important."

"Thanks Hetty." Jessie turned away from Callen and he took a moment to pull his thoughts together from where the conversation had taken them.

"What?"

Jessie's voice grabbed Callen's attention and he had the distinct impression whatever was happening with the phone call wasn't good.

"Is there no one else?" Jessie asked. "No. I understand … Hold on." Jessie turned to him and the look on her face confirmed his impression. The flush had gone and so had the sparkle in her eyes. In its place, cheeks that were now the other side of normal and an expression that was far from happy.

"How long to get to the hospital from here?" she asked him.

"Twenty minutes." She'd definitely been called into work.

"I'll be there in twenty …. I know." Jessie hung up and walked out of the kitchen without a word. Callen followed and saw her grab her handbag and jacket.

"I'm sorry," she told the others. "I have to run. Hospital emergency."

If any group of people could understand the need to cut and run at a moments notice it was those in the room. They kept their goodbyes simple, left out any comments about what had transpired here. Callen saw the concerned look on their faces and was glad that they knew Jessie well enough to pick up on something being wrong too. She was definitely a part of this team.

Callen grabbed his jacket and headed out the door with her. He slipped his arm around Jessie's shoulder and steered her to his car.

"G, I have to go."

"I'll drive you."

"My car's here."

Callen opened the passenger door and looked at her. "I'll get your car to your place and leave the keys inside. I know the way from here. You won't have to think where to go so it'll be quicker." That was the fact that did it, not that it would have mattered. Callen wasn't about to let her drive like she was. She needed some time to digest whatever was going on and get ready to do her job. She slipped into the seat and murmured a soft thank you. When he got in the driver's side she handed him her car keys and settled back into her seat with her eyes focused on her window. Halfway to the hospital Callen broke the silence.

"What happened?"

"Accident," Jessie answered. "Two buses down a twenty foot embankment. Three ER doctors down with the flu." Which explained why she was being called in because she wasn't supposed to work this weekend. She'd done her hours already for this week.

"What else?" Callen asked quietly because that wasn't enough to warrant the paleness in her cheeks, the look in her eyes or the emotion in her voice.

"Ten year olds coming home from camp," she admitted softly.

And that was it. That was what had done it. Kids. The ones she always had a hard time treating because it hurt to much to see them in pain.

Callen didn't say anything, just reached across and covered her hand that was closest to him with his. She turned hers over and linked her fingers with his but didn't look at him. He didn't say anything, just held her hand the rest of the way to the hospital. There was nothing else he could do.

* * *

Jessie slid the key into the lock of her front door. Her body ached, her throat was tight, the pressure behind her eyes was almost painful and she just wanted to curl up in a ball and forget everything that had happened. She'd shifted from clinical ER doctor back to herself not long after she'd stepped out of the hospital. She'd held tight to her control in the taxi on the way home, clamped her jaw tight and stared out the window counting lights as they flashed by just to keep her thoughts on something else and to stop the emotional crash she knew was inevitable. How her hands weren't shaking when she'd put the key in the lock she wasn't quite sure because she certainly felt the tremors that were shaking at the very heart of her. She twisted the key, pushed the door open and stepped through the door.

And there he was. Standing there waiting. Not quite what she was expecting. She had thought he'd probably be asleep. The knowledge that he was here was what had given her the strength to climb the stairs. She hadn't taken the elevator because she needed something to keep her mind from sinking into thoughts about the hours that had just past so she'd climbed and counted every step on her way up. She'd known he was here because she'd seen not only her own car but his as well along with the light in the window that she hadn't turned on before she'd left for Sam's yesterday.

Was it really only yesterday?

Because it felt like a lifetime ago.

The door clicked closed softly behind her, her bag dropped to the floor and her keys slipped from her fingers to follow. She couldn't hold the tears back any longer. The look in his eyes shook the foundations of the walls around her heart. She stepped forward and before she knew it Callen had one arm around her waist and her head was on his shoulder. His other hand went to the back of her head and made oh so gentle tiny motions through her hair. He didn't complain that she was soaking his shirt, just held her safely, as if he knew the hell she'd been in and what she needed.

Because it had been hell. Almost fifty ten year olds has passed through the ER and because they were short staffed for such an emergency she'd had to see more of them than she should've. Most were just shaken but ten were in serious condition with two of those at serious risk of not making it. Four already hadn't.

Callen didn't say a word.

When she lifted her head, he steered her to the bathroom door.

When she came out after her steaming hot shower there was a plate of food, leftovers from Sam and Michelle's, heated and ready for her on the table.

When he stood behind her and eased a comb through her still damp hair until there were no knots in it and it was almost dry, the walls started to crumble.

When he took her hand, led her to her bedroom and settled her in his arms with her head on his shoulder, they completely disintegrated.

It was four in the morning and he was here.

How was a girl supposed to fight that?

She didn't stand a chance. Maybe tomorrow she'd start to rebuild the walls, but for now, all she could do was hold on and hope that she survived.

Because she was at his mercy. He held her heart in his hands and didn't even know it.


	47. Callen and Trevor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a long time coming but finally these two men in her life meet.  
> Let me know what you think. Enjoy.

* * *

Callen stepped out of the elevator and walked along the corridor. It had been a long morning so far. After spending last night with Gibbs after his meeting with Vance, he'd hopped in the car and driven north of Washington to play lawyer for Hetty. One of her alias's had needed to be killed off and Hetty had requested he take care of disposing of her assets. A property had to be sold and he needed to sign the paperwork and pack up the few personal items Hetty had requested from the apartment. It had taken him until lunch time to deal with the hopeless real estate agent - what had Hetty been thinking using him Callen didn't know. Thankfully the packing only took him an hour; it was a small unassuming apartment obviously designed as a hideaway rather than an alias for some particular mission. Then, instead of driving back to Washington straight away, he'd driven a further north to New York.

Callen knocked on the apartment door and waited. It didn't take long before it was opened. The dark hair, green eyes, even the smile was as expected but the height? Not so much.

"Callen."

"Trevor."

"Come in." Trevor stepped back and Callen walked past the man who was a couple of inches taller than him, barefoot.

"Your call surprised me," Trevor said. "What brings you here?"

Callen followed him through the apartment to the kitchen. "Was in the neighbourhood." He sat on one of the bar stools Trevor indicated.

"Drink?"

"Water's fine," Callen replied. He wasn't going to be staying long since he still had to drive back to Washington. "Thought it was about time we met since Jessie seems to be determined to not allow that to happen."

Trevor chuckled. "The timing of me over there hasn't exactly worked."

"Not sure if it's the timing or deliberate on her part," Callen said with a smile. "Pretty sure she's terrified of what will happen to her if we are together."

Trevor handed Callen a glass of cold water. "Given what we apparently bring out in her, you can't blame the girl for being a tad bit worried." Though the words that followed were light, the look in Trevor's eyes was serious. "How is she after Saturday night?"

"She's fine. Still tired but she's doing okay." Jessie had still been asleep when he'd had to leave her apartment at one o'clock Sunday afternoon after the Superbowl. She hadn't stirred at all. Unfortunately the team had been called in to work, though he'd told Hetty to leave Jessie be until it was absolutely necessary for her to be there, and the next few days had been mad with a case and he'd only been able to check on her briefly. And then he'd been sent to Washington to give Vance a briefing in person. But that wasn't the reason for being here right now. He had something he'd been wanting to say to Trevor for a while and he was making the most of the rare opportunity. "She told me what your parents did to you both."

Trevor nodded. "I know. She told me. We have no secrets."

Callen raised an eyebrow and Trevor smiled.

"Hers not yours, or anyone else's," Trevor clarified. "I don't expect her to tell me everything but when it comes to each other, we don't keep secrets. Haven't for a very long time."

Callen nodded with relief, not that he'd actually expected Jessie would tell all but in his line of work you got suspicious quickly. "I wanted to say thank you for being there for her even when things were bad for you."

"She held me together just as much," Trevor said, "both that day and for months afterwards. You don't need to thank me."

"Maybe not," Callen agreed. "But if you hadn't been there for her she might not have got through it."

Trevor smiled, a knowing glow in his eyes. "And you might not have her now."

_I don't._ Callen shook off the thought. "We're very glad that we do."

There was a flash of amusement in Trevor's eyes. Callen suspected Trevor thought he'd taken his comment the wrong way. He hadn't. He knew exactly what Trevor was hinting at, but he wasn't admitting anything to anyone about wanting Jessie to be his, at least not yet. He was still working through that in his own head.

The amusement left and Trevor leaned forward from the other side of the kitchen island. "Jessie's greatest strength is also her greatest weakness," Trevor said seriously.

Callen nodded. "Her heart."

"Good to know you can see it. She hurts more than most but it's also what drives her to do what she does and part of the reason she's so good at it." Trevor sighed. "There's a part of her heart she can't protect, that's there always free to care and to hurt. But the other part?" He shook his head. "That you have to earn and when you do, there's nothing in the world quite like it. She'll do anything for you when you get there."

"She said you've been best friends since the day you met," Callen said.

"I still had to earn it," Trevor said, "but it was easier back then. All she needed was someone who would love her." Trevor took a sip of his own water. "Now though, now there's a wall after too many heartbreaks. I didn't have to get past that. I was already in when she built it."

"But you've earned your place multiple times by being there for her."

"Do you believe in soul mates Callen?"

Callen shrugged. "Not something I tend to think about." But then he hadn't tended to think about relationships and the possibilities much before a certain Doctor had entered the scene.

"I do," Trevor said. "Not just the romantic concept of them either. She's mine. The moment we met it was like this part of me that I hadn't known was missing was suddenly there." Trevor smiled, a softness to his expression that spoke a lot more about how he felt about Jessie than any words could. "I knew her deep deep down in a way that an eight year old really can't define beyond her being meant for me and me for her." Trevor straightened and walked over to the shelf and picked up a framed photo. He handed it to Callen.

"This was our first photo together," Trevor said.

Even Callen could see the smiles and the look in their eyes as they laughed together was the same as the one much later that had been on Facebook, a childlike version but still the love was so strong and clear even then. Jessie's hair as a child wasn't as deep an auburn as it was now, but it was still definitely her. But there was a sadness and pain that was somehow visible even in the happy scene.

"Taken only a few weeks after we meet," Trevor told him, "about three months after her parents were killed. You can still see the pain can't you? It's why I keep that one right next to the other."

Callen glanced over to where Trevor had taken the photo from and saw that same photo he'd just compared the one in his hands to.

"It shows me just how far she's come," Trevor said, "yet at the same time in some ways, nothing's changed." Callen handed the photo back to Trevor.

"Once you're in though," Trevor continued when he was back to the other side of the island and looked at Callen. "You have the power to destroy her." The look on Trevor's face changed as did his voice. "You hurt her, I'll break you."

Callen raised an eyebrow at the definite threat in Trevor's tone. Before he could respond the apartment door opened and both men looked toward it. Callen saw a blonde haired, blue eyed man walk through the door. If you combined Deeks' looks, though not quite that scruffy, Sam's build on a body about an inch shorter than Callen in a custom made Hetty approved suit that who was walking toward Callen and Trevor.

"And," Trevor said, "If I'm lucky, he'll be a step behind me."

Callen turned back to Trevor as the blonde moved next to him, his jacket already shed, the top button undone. He stood next to Trevor and kissed him on the cheek.

"If you're not?" Callen asked.

"He'll be a step in front and I won't get a chance."

The blonde laughed softly and introduced himself. "You must be Callen. I'm Alex."

Alex held out his hand and Callen shook it. The strength wasn't surprising considering the build; Sam would be impressed. It was the confidence and control that Alex showed when he could easily have shown his strength in an intimidating fashion by trying to crush Callen's hand.

Callen looked at Trevor. "Jessie said you were into tall, dark and handsome."

Trevor and Alex both chuckled. Alex might be handsome in Trevor's eyes but tall and dark he definitely wasn't.

"Tall, dark and handsome still does it for me, but I always come home to him." Callen caught the look that passed between the two men and almost felt like he was intruding but it was over quickly.

Trevor turned back to Callen. "When it's the one, all bets are off and there's not really a whole lot of choice. It just is."

There was a soft chime from the clock on the wall and it made Callen glance at his watch.

"I should go," Callen said. "I have a plane to catch." He drained the rest of his water and rose from the stool.

"We can drop you at the airport," Trevor offered, "rather than you grab a cab. Give us more time to talk."

Callen could see the interest in Trevor's eyes. He shook his head. "Thanks but I drove."

"What airport?" Trevor asked with no attempt to hide the curious expression.

"Dulles."

Trevor raised any eyebrow, a knowing look spread slowly on his face. "Then you really had better get going."

"Not what you are thinking," Callen said. "I was up this way on business."

Alex chuckled when Trevor said, "Keep telling yourself that Callen. You might believe it by the time you get to the airport."

They both walked him to the door.

"It as a pleasure to meet you finally Callen," Trevor said.

"You too," Callen replied.

Alex shook his hand once again. "Take care of our girl," Alex told him. It wasn't a request. It was an order. One that wasn't necessary but it certainly gave Callen the impression that Jessie was important to Alex as well.

"Always do," Callen replied.

* * *

Trevor closed the door behind Callen and turned to Alex. "So what do you think?"

"I think our Jessie chose well," Alex replied.

Trevor sighed. "As did he, if he can ever admit it." From everything Jessie had told him about Callen and the small time they'd spent together here, Trevor could tell the man was stubborn. But he could also tell he cared about her a lot. It wasn't so much what he said but the look in his eyes when he'd asked Callen how she was. That and the definite something in the _Always do_ reply before he'd left.

"He will," Alex said confidently and pulled Trevor in close with an arm around his waist.

Trevor rested his forehead against Alex's. He wished he had Alex's confidence. "How do you know that?" Trevor inhaled slowing and breathed in the relaxing scent of his other soul mate.

"Because he's a smart boy," Alex said. "Plus it's our Jessie. How could he not? You know how well she does getting you to admit what's really going on."

Trevor laughed softly. Oh yeah, he knew that. Jessie had known before he did that Alex was the one. "Yes, but that's usually for others, not for herself."

"True," Alex agreed. "So we'll just have to do something about it if they don't get their act together. Pay her back for us."

"She doesn't expect that." Jessie had been the one to come to him and ask him for a divorce. It had shocked the hell out of him until she'd rolled her eyes and showed him a photo she'd taken of him and Alex together when they hadn't known she was there. It had been an eye opener. That had been the moment when he realised that all bets were off when it came to the one. "But maybe," an idea formed in his mind, "LA this new year. Does that give them enough time?"

"Over ten months - way too long since I'd prefer next week," Alex said with a smile. "However it's our Jessie and we know how stubborn she can be. If we go in too early she'll just back right off. So I'd say by New Year she should be very receptive to us knocking their heads together, figuratively of course."

"Oh no," Trevor added with a slight chuckle. "If I have to physically do it to straighten them out I will. If I have to lock them in a room alone for a week, I'll do that too." He sighed. "What if he can't though? What if he breaks her heart?" He didn't think he could bear it to see Jessie truly broken. The other heartbreaks from the few men in her past would be nothing compared to what Callen could do to her.

"Then we'll do what we always do," Alex said, "we'll be there for her. And," he added sternly, "as much as we will want to, we _won't_ be breaking him."

Trevor lifted his head and frowned. "You couldn't possibly have heard me say that to him."

Alex grinned. "Didn't need to hear. I know you. But you know she wouldn't want that."

"I know." Trevor grinned right back at him. "But he doesn't."

Alex chuckled. "I wouldn't be so sure about that. But we won't fill him in just in case."

 


	48. Jessie finally shoots a gun

* * *

 

 

Callen leaned against the doorway, a smile on his face as he waited. Jessie frowned at her computer screen, a slight tilt to her head and a frustrated yet focused look on her face.

"Come on Doc," Callen said after a while. Jessie jumped and her gaze flew to his. "How long are you going to make me wait here?" Callen asked.

"Perhaps if you walked instead of flew I might stand a chance."

Callen chuckled. "I think I could've stomped and you wouldn't have heard me. Trouble?"

Jessie sighed. "No. Just trying to wrap my head around some research that's not making sense. I've probably been staring at it too long." She flicked off her computer and looked at him again. "How was Washington?"

"More interesting than I expected."

Jessie frowned. "The director give you trouble? You didn't do anything wrong."

"I know." The op had been a disaster but it wasn't their fault. With the FBI not giving them a heads up that they had an undercover operative working in there, even though they knew that NCIS were working it as well, things had gone more than pear shaped and the FBI agent had ended up in hospital seriously injured, from an NCIS agents bullet or two. Heads were going to roll but Vance had been supportive and wasn't going to let it be any of theirs. "He's supporting us. It was pointless though. Everything I had to say was in the report."

"Not pointless," Jessie told him. "Even if you'd given him the report verbally word for word, he'd still get more from the meeting than from just reading it. Body language and tone can tell people a lot. You should know that."

"I do. I also know you misled me."

"How did I mislead you and with what?"

"What exactly does Alex do?"

Jessie frowned. "Alex? He's in corporate law. Why?"

"That would explain the Armani suit but not the muscles."

"Muscles?" Jessie shook her head. "What ... Oh no. Washington." Jessie sat back in her chair and closed her eyes. "You met Trevor and Alex."

Callen chuckled and Jessie opened her eyes to glare at him. "Yep," Callen confirmed. "And Alex is definitely not tall or dark. And on that note, Trevor's a little bit taller than I was expecting."

"I'm …" Jessie started and then sighed. "I'm in so much trouble if you met both of them."

"Why would you be in trouble?"

"Really? I told you long ago it was in my best interests to keep the continent between you and Trevor."

"Because you're worried what we might convince you to do."

"G," Jessie stood up. "Trevor has a knack for convincing me to do just about anything."

Callen lifted one corner of his mouth in a half smile. "Just about?"

"You seem almost as effective which means with the two of you together I have no chance."

"And Alex?"

Jessie rolled her eyes. "Alex is no help at all. He just says yes to Trevor and then looks at me with those damn puppy dog eyes that make me feel like I'll be torturing him if I say no and take away his favourite treat."

Callen chuckled. "Really? Alex? A puppy dog with those muscles? Which by the way, how did he get?

"He was an MMA fighter and now a volunteer part-time trainer at a youth centre in New York. He's never stopped training himself but just doesn't fight anymore."

"Oh." Well that put a whole different spin on Trevor's threats and why he wouldn't stand a chance if Alex got to him first.

Jessie chuckled. "Oh my," she grinned. "Did Alex threaten you?"

She looked entirely too pleased with the idea and Callen wasn't quite sure why.

"No." Callen could honestly say that. "Why would he?"

"Because he's protective and I'm on the other side of the country and he doesn't get to look out for me anymore."

"Oh Doc, they're still looking out for you even from over there."

Jessie's eyes narrowed and she stared at him for a moment but didn't say anything more. "So why were coming to me?" she asked.

Callen had barely opened his mouth to answer her when her eyes went wide and she shook her head.

"Oh no," she said, "I know that look."

"What look?"

"The _It's time for the next step now_ look."

Callen raised an eyebrow. "I have a look that says that?"

Jessie nodded. "You've used it often."

"Well then," Callen pushed himself off the door frame, "shall we?"

"Where to this time?" Jessie asked as she rose from her seat and walked toward him.

Callen looked her over and noted what she was wearing and what he'd need to do to fix it. Open neck shirt and short sleeves weren't quite safe enough.

"Firing range," Callen told her. "It's time for you to shoot one."

Jessie's steps faltered and she came to a stop halfway between her desk and him. She took a deep breath and Callen waited.

"You sure?" she asked him in a small unsteady voice.

"I'm sure." Callen kept his tone easy going and confident.

Jessie nodded and started to walk toward him slowly. Her cheeks were paler than before.

"Let's go Doc, before you change my mind."

Jessie made a sound that almost sounded like a snort, but a least a slight smile came to her lips as well. "Me change your mind?" she said. "Not likely."

Jessie slipped past him and Callen followed her down the corridor. He didn't miss that her steps slowed as they got closer to the firing range. It also didn't go unnoticed that she was being brave and not trying to get out of it. He'd already set things up so after they walked through the door he was able to hand her the eye and ear protection and get started straight away so she didn't have time to think too much.

"I'll shoot first," Callen said. "Give you a chance to get used to the noise again." He'd brought her here just before Christmas and started that process. He just hadn't been able to get her back her as often as he'd hoped since. Jessie nodded and put her protective gear on, as did he. She stepped back against the wall, which didn't necessarily bode well if she was backing off, though that had been where she'd stood the other times they'd been in here for this.

Callen stepped into the middle cubicle. Instead of holding the gun in two hands though, this time he held it in one and kept his eyes on her so he could get a feel of how difficult this step was going to be for her. With each shot he saw Jessie flinch and the halt of her breath. Each time he waited until she breathed again before taking the next shot. Six shots down and she wasn't flinching as badly and her breath was steadier. Callen put the gun down on the bench and waved her over to him. Her eyes went wide. Callen pulled of his ear muffs. She followed him.

"Not yet," Callen said. He knew what she'd been thinking. "Something else first." He waited until Jessie stood next to him. "Put your hand on the back of my shoulder for the next shot."

"Why?"

"Recoil, give you a chance to feel what it's like." It wouldn't really help her to know what to expect. What she'd feel through his body was a lot less than she would feel when she fired the gun. The main reason was so that she was closer to the gun when it was being fired. If she couldn't handle standing next to him when he fired, he wasn't going to push her to do one herself yet. With both their ear muffs back in place Callen turned and picked up the gun in both hands this time. He glanced over his shoulder at her and raised an eyebrow in question. Jessie took a deep breath before she lifted her hand and did what he asked. Her hand was gentle on his shoulder and Callen knew it would hold a comforting warmth to it but he couldn't feel it through his jacket. He turned back and fired. Her hand dropped instantly from his shoulder and he looked back to see her reaction. There was just a touch of panic and surprise on her face.

"Again," he said. Jessie put her hand back in place. He fired one more time and when her hand stayed put this time he fired again quickly.

The gun down and out of his hands he turned back and did a quick study of her face. He removed both the ear and eye protection this time and put them on the bench next to his gun. She followed suit and he took them out her hands to place them with his.

"So," Callen said. "Your turn."

Jessie shook her head. "I'm not…"

"You're as ready as you are going to get Doc. You know that as well as I do which is why I didn't warn you."

"You never do and I'm still not sure I like your tactic."

Callen heard it in her voice, saw the slight panic she was trying to hold back in her eyes and the shallow breathing. His girl was brave. Callen gave himself a mental shake at that thought. She wasn't his. He knew what he wanted to do, he just wasn't sure it was the right thing to do. However he did know what he needed to do with her now to help get her through this moment, because even though there was panic, it wasn't too strong to continue.

Callen lifted his fingers to the buttons on her shirt and started to do them up. Three buttons. That's all he needed to manage. He kept his touch neutral and made sure to lift the material and buttons away so he didn't actually touch her.

Jessie looked up and lifted an eyebrow. There was a curious expression on her face and a small smile. "I'm getting wise to you Agent Callen. You are trying to distract me."

Callen smiled and he lowered his voice. "If I was trying to distract you, I'd be going the other way." Technically he was making her safe, the distraction was a bonus in this case.

Jessie's swift intake of breath and the look that came into her eyes at his words suggested that he was in trouble.

"Don't look at me like that Doc," Callen told her with a small shake of his head.

"Like what?" Her voice was soft.

"Like you want me to distract you."

"What if I do?"

It was a good thing that at the moment the last button finally found its way into the hole and Callen pulled his hands away. This wasn't going quite according to plan. She needed to be distracted not him. That hadn't been his intention.

"Jessie," Callen made sure there was no trace of flirting in his tone and but did keep his voice gentle. "I know you're scared but we've got this." He slipped off his jacket and held it out to her for her to put on. "Trust me," he said when she looked at him in question. "You don't want a hot shell down your shirt or hitting your bare arms."

"Perhaps," Jessie said with a hint of her smile as she put her arms in, "If someone had warned me, I'd have had the chance to dress more appropriately."

Callen smiled and winked. He slowly zipped the jacket up to her chin. Perhaps he hadn't really needed to do those buttons after all though it had been rather effective both in terms of safety and distraction.

"Now why would I do that?" Callen said. "This is much more fun." He stepped back and pointed to his gun. "You know what to do. There's only one bullet left. Even if you tried you couldn't fire any more."

Jessie stared at it for a moment that was long enough for Callen to wonder if she was going to back off. But then she took a breath and put the protective gear back on and reached for his gun. With just a small adjustment to her hold, they'd already been through this part plenty of times in getting her used to handling the gun, she was ready. Jessie glanced at him, the nervousness clear in her eyes. He nodded but didn't say anything.

Jessie looked back at the target and Callen watched her breathe, saw the little things he did to get ready and aim, then she slowly pulled the trigger. She flinched, as expected, which jerked her aim away from the spot she'd been trying for. He saw where the bullet landed. Jessie put down the gun, flexed her fingers a little and lifted off her ear muffs.

"I don't need you to tell me I missed the target," Jessie said before he could say anything.

"Wasn't going to," Callen replied.

"However," Jessie said, a resigned tone to her voice, "I do need you to tell me where it went."

"You sure you want to know?" Callen was having a hard time keeping the smile off his face.

Jessie closed her eyes. "That bad?"

"It's okay," Callen told her. "The roof is padded as well."

Jessie groaned and Callen smiled this time. She opened her eyes and looked at the gun for a moment before she turned to him. "One more," she said.

Callen raised an eyebrow. He hadn't been planning on her shooting more than once.

"You sure?" he asked.

"I'm sure." Jessie nodded. "I really don't want to tell the others I fired into the roof."

"Jessie -"

"Please G. Just one more. Then hopefully I can celebrate a little."

"Okay." Callen picked up the gun and the almost empty replacement cartridge he'd prepared earlier, since he hadn't been sure how many shots it would take to get her settled from his full one, and reloaded the gun.

"Just one more," Callen said and handed it to her. He watched her go through all the same steps as before. She closed her eyes for a moment before she opened them, readjusted her aim and then fired. She still didn't hit the target, but into the wall rather than the roof was an improvement.

"Happy now?" Callen asked her. At that point Eric knocked and came through the door.

"Sorry Callen, need you upstairs now."

"On my way."

Eric left and Callen picked up the clips and his gun and looked at Jessie. There was something about seeing her in his jacket that he liked.

"Am I going to get my jacket back?" Callen asked her as they hung up the ear muffs and glasses. He opened the door and she walked through it before him.

Jessie shrugged. "Maybe later," she said. "I kind of like it. It has good memories."

It was then that Callen realised it was the same one he'd had on the day they met.

"I guess it will be on your head then Doc if I get cold."

Jessie chuckled. "G it's Los Angeles. If you get cold it won't have anything to do with you not wearing your jacket."

When they got to the bottom of the steps they stopped.

"Mr Callen." Hetty's voice pulled Callen's attention from Jessie and he looked up. "Now please," Hetty ordered from over the railing.

Callen nodded and looked back at Jessie. "Guess I'll have to take it back later," he said before he walked up the stairs and fought the urge to look back for one last look.

* * *

"Meet you at the car Sam," Callen said as the two of them walked down the stairs. Sam headed the bullpen to grab his things and Callen headed straight to the car. When he walked out the doors he saw Jessie leaning against his car. She was still wearing his jacket though it was unzipped, and those buttons were once again undone.

Callen walked slowly toward her. "So am I getting it back?" he asked when he was close enough.

Jessie smiled. "I figure you like it that much I really shouldn't keep it from you." She slipped it off and handed it to him. When Callen put it on the scent of vanilla and her lingered on it. He glanced at her shirt, raised an eyebrow and took a small step closer. "What else does that apply to?" he asked in a low voice.

There was a sparkle in her eyes and the corners of her lips lifted a touch higher, but then confusion took them away. "G what's -"

"Ready G." Sam's voice cut in.

Callen didn't take his eyes off Jessie. He wasn't quite sure what she was wanting to ask. "Jessie?"

"It's okay," Jessie said. She stepped away from his car. "Be careful."

"Always." The confusion was still in her eyes and he really cursed Sam's timing. Just a minute more and he'd have known what she wanted to ask. He got in the car and pulled away.

"Everything okay G?" Sam asked.

"Fine," Callen replied. He glanced in the rear view mirror to see Jessie still standing them watching them. At least it would be when he could figure out where he was willing to take this thing with Jessie.

 


	49. Callen Drunk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bit of an intense one this one. The details of Callen's past - purely .... fictional ;-) ... Well non-canon and from my own head.  
> Enjoy. Love to hear from you in the comments on what you think.

* * *

The pounding on her door had Jessie wide awake in an instant. The familiar voice calling her name had her worried and off the bed a moment later. She hadn't seen Callen since he'd driven off earlier in the car with Sam after their interrupted conversation. He hadn't come back to the office after they'd solved the case. Sam had said he had plans but didn't say what. She had to admit she'd been disappointed not to see him again and just slightly worried but Sam hadn't seem to be so she'd let it go. When she opened the front door she only just managed to hold herself and Callen up when he fell hard against her. Her elbow banged into the wall and the air she sucked in on the pain filled gasp after that almost made her gag.

"G?" Jessie straightened him up and looked in his eyes; blue eyes that had lost that familiar twinkle of mischief. He was drunk, at least she thought he was by the smell of beer and whiskey that surrounded him. "What have you done?" she asked.

"Done?" Callen said, with only a hint of a slur to his words which relieved Jessie a lot considering the strength of the smell emanating from him. "A lot," he continued. "A lot of bad things. Apparently for the right reasons or so Hetty says."

"How did you get here?" Jessie tried to guide him around to sit on the couch but he wouldn't budge from just inside her front door, which somehow one of them had managed to close. At least now he was standing on his own feet so Jessie stepped back from him so she could take a good look. Callen fumbled as he peeled off his jacket and dropped it on the floor, almost on top of his feet.

"Taxi. You worried I drove Doc?"

"Worried full stop."

Maybe she should've gone to find him after work. She could easily have used the celebrate excuse, but she'd hoped he would come to her for that because that's what usually happened when she took the next big step with this fear they were working through together.

Callen walked toward her, though not quite straight, whether because his was drunk or because he tripped over his jacket Jessie couldn't be sure.

"You shouldn't worry," Callen told her. "I'm not worth it."

Jessie took another step back from him. She'd never seen Callen like this, never felt this kind of pain coming from him.

"G."

Callen stepped closer and Jessie tried to keep some space between them but before she knew it her back was against the wall.

"Not worth someone so beautiful," Callen murmured and ran a finger lightly down her cheek, "and sweet and caring worrying about me."

The pain in those words was beyond anything she'd heard before. "You're wrong," Jessie told him softly.

Callen's finger traced her lips and Jessie sucked in another breath. This time the smell wasn't so strong and she was relieved to know that most of it must've come from his jacket. His finger lingered on her bottom lip and she was sure he moved closer. His eyes were definitely focused, at least as focused as they could be, on her mouth.

"G, you're wrong," Jessie repeated.

Callen shook his head. "No. You are."

Jessie hated how much belief was held in those words.

"You should run Jessie, run far away from me." There was no doubt he was drunk but perhaps not as far gone as she'd first thought when he'd stumbled into her through the door. There was also no doubt that he believed what he said.

"Why?" she asked.

"I killed him."

Jessie as almost positive her heart stopped in her chest for a moment at his words, before it started pounding again; harder and faster than a couple of moments ago. What had he done before he got here?

"Who?"

Callen's hands moved into her hair. His fingers were gentle and in control, even if she could see that the rest of him wasn't, especially his emotions.

"So soft." Callen's voice was just above a whisper. His eyes were still on her lips as his fingers wound their way deeper into her hair and cupped the back of her head. "Wonder what else is soft?" he said.

He needed her. Jessie knew there was something very wrong and he'd come to her, but not for this. And no matter how much she'd dreamed of moments with him since well before that kiss at Christmas, though not quite like this, she couldn't let him go there.

"Who?" Jessie repeated. _When_ was what she wanted to ask. Callen's head moved closer, her breath caught and she couldn't help the slight thrill of anticipation that ran through her, even though she knew she had to do something to stop him. But at the last moment before she had to push him away, he shifted to the side of her head. Jessie felt the tip of his nose trace her ear and she struggled to focus on what he needed. Because his touches heated her body and sent her mind reeling. When he'd kissed her at Christmas? It wiped everything from her mind but him and he was the only one who had ever had that kind of effect on her.

"My partner," Callen whispered right in her ear.

Jessie frowned. He couldn't be meaning Sam could he? Callen pulled back and she looked him in the eyes. She saw so much pain and guilt there. She reached up and put her hand on his cheek, his whiskers rough against her fingers.

"So long ago," he added.

Those three words gave Jessie a huge amount of relief because it meant he wasn't referring to Sam.

"I killed my partner Jessie," Callen murmured. "Friendly fire … Didn't know it was him … It was dark."

As Callen lowered his head to hers, Jessie dropped her hand to his chest, ready to push him away if she needed to but she'd wait until he gave her no choice. She knew how controlled he usually was and she was sure he was still in there. Her breath halted when Callen stopped with his lips just a couple of inches from hers. Jessie refused to close her eyes. One kind of need battled with the other inside her and she knew which one had to win - there was only one way it could go.

"Run Jessie," Callen whispered, "Run before I destroy you too."

 _Never_. He was going through hell right now and she was going to go through it with him, right by his side, whether he liked it or not.

"No." Jessie stayed perfectly still because if she moved she wasn't sure the temptation to close the distance, hope that her kiss would wipe the pain from his mind and give him a reprieve, stop him hurting for just a little bit, wouldn't win.

"Yes." Callen pulled back slowly and their eyes locked again.

"Never," Jessie told him firmly but softly.

Callen pulled back abruptly and turned away. "Guess it's up to me then." He started toward the door but a stumble against the couch gave Jessie an opening and she slipped past him quickly and stood with her back against the door.

"I can't let you go," she said.

Callen's hands slammed into the door, one on either side of her head. Jessie flinched at the sound and the vibration, felt the whoosh of the air that was displaced by his actions shift over her ears.

"You should," he said.

"I can't."

"You've had more than enough darkness in your life. You don't need me."

 _I do._ More than she'd thought she could ever need anyone beyond Trevor. But Jessie didn't say it, instead she turned it around. "You need me."

"Oh Doc," Callen replied slowly, "in more ways than you can imagine."

He leaned closer and took one hand off the door to gently run his fingers down her neck from just below her ear, across her shoulder and nudged the small strap off before his fingers trailed down and across the neckline of her pjyama top. His fingers paused just above her heart and he flattened his hand over it. Jessie had no doubt he could feel her heart pounding against his hand.

"But I won't," Callen said. "Because you are too good and I'm -"

"You're good too."

"No." Callen shook his head. "Good doesn't kill his partner.

Jessie's heart almost broke for him when a tear slid down his cheek. She reached up and wiped it way. "Bad doesn't cry for mistakes," she told him quietly.

"Wasn't a mistake," Callen whispered, the pain his voice so strong. "Knew it was him."

Jessie frowned in confusion. "It was dark." At least that was what she was sure he'd said.

"Only cause I shot the lights out … after."

Jessie heart thudded harder and her stomach rolled. She needed to know what happened because she couldn't help him if she didn't and there had to be more. She knew he needed to talk but she didn't know how to ask. A drunk Callen was something she had no experience with.

"I knew it was him Jessie. You know it now. Let me go."

"No."

Callen slammed the hand that wasn't still pressed over her heart against the door again.

"Why do you have to be so damn stubborn?" Callen almost yelled before he stepped back.

Jessie straightened as his voice rose further. He needed her to be strong right now.

"How much more," he said, "do I have to say before you realise -"

"Before you realise that you need me?" Jessie cut him off, her voice just as strong and almost as loud as his. "Realise that you need to talk? That I'm here? Now. Right beside you. All the way and I'm not going anywhere?"

A flicker of vulnerability crossed his face but only briefly before he spat out in a harsh voice. "Hunter, Renko, Alina. My mother …. Ric." The harshness didn't hide his pain from her. "That's just the start. Do you really want your name alongside them? Because that's what happens to those who get close."

"Sam, Hetty, Kensi, Deeks, Nell, Eric," Jessie countered. "... Me. We're already close and none of us are on that list."

Callen moved quickly and then he was toe to toe with her looking down. Jessie tilted her head back to look up at him, her bare feet to his shoes put her at a height disadvantage.

"Just a matter of time," Callen told her.

"Please G," Jessie begged, the tears pushed at her eyes and she fought to stop them falling. That would be the last thing he'd need to see right now.

"Please?" Callen stepped back and ran his eyes over her body. "I can do that."

Jessie shivered at the intense heat in his eyes and her body responded to it of its own accord.

"Wouldn't change a thing," Callen continued, "but you'd enjoyed it, that I can guarantee. So would I. Last chance Jessie. Run."

She couldn't. Whether what she was about to do was foolish or brave she wasn't sure, Jessie just knew it was what she needed to do no matter what the consequences because she wouldn't run away from him. She took a deep breath and gathered all her courage and stepped forward.

"What happened to Ric?" she asked.

The heat in his eyes burned hotter when she'd moved but was replaced instantly when she'd spoken Ric's name with pain and guilt. Callen started to shake his head but Jessie put both her hands on his face, one on each cheek and stopped him. She stared into Callen's eyes and refused to look away from the mountain of pain she saw there.

"Tell me why you shot Ric," Jessie said.

Callen opened his mouth but no words came out.

"Tell me," Jessie repeated softly. "Please."

"Human trafficking. We were supposed to be the good guys."

"You are."

"He wasn't. And then I killed him and neither was I."

"More."

"We were there to rescue them," Callen told her. "Two ways in so we split up. I got pinned down. When I finally made it there I heard him. He was giving orders. I was set up. I wasn't supposed to have made it."

The agony in his voice was tearing her apart but Jessie waited for the rest so she could figure out how to help him heal. She couldn't do anything yet but soon, hopefully, he'd let her. As she waited she stroked his cheeks gently with her thumbs.

"He turned when he heard me," Callen finally continued. "Smiled. Told them to kill me. They tried. I got them first. Then there was only him and me."

Callen dropped his forehead against hers. Jessie closed her eyes and focused every other sense on him.

"I killed him Jessie."

"He made a choice."

"No." Callen's voice broke. "I made a choice. He didn't think I would do it. Didn't think I was strong enough. Thought he would get away with it. There was just the two of us, his word against mine. He was well respected, been around a long time. Who would believe me over him? But …"

Her thumbs stopped. A sense of dread hung over that one little word. "What?" Jessie asked, not entirely sure she was ready for the answer but knowing he needed to give it.

Callen lifted his head and looked down at her. "He had a wife and three daughters. I took their father from them."

Jessie dropped her hands and stepped back.

"And now she runs," Callen added, despair hinted at in his voice alongside of the pain.

"No G. I'm not running."

She wasn't but there was only so much she could fight at once. She'd been fighting back the feelings his touch and looks had set off in her well enough so she could focus on what he needed, but to fight back the deep pain that sliced through her at the thought of three unknown children losing their father like that? She had needed to take something out of the equation and removing the physical reactions was the only thing she had control over.

"I'm trying to understand," she told him.

"He was going to shoot but I didn't give him a chance."

"It was you or him."

"I killed him and then I lied about it."

"Why?" She couldn't understand that. He wasn't the one who had done anything wrong.

Callen advanced on her again until her back was against the wall, his hands beside her head again, this time without the force. But he didn't touch her. "Because it's what I do," he said. "Destroy things."

"You don't."

"You think I'm so much better than I am."

"You are better than you think you are." Jessie saw his throat move as he swallowed. She saw the tension in the muscles of his neck and his arms. He was barely holding on but she knew, in her heart, that he wouldn't hurt her, at least physically. She was already hurting in her heart for him. "G why did you lie?" she asked quietly.

"Because if they knew what he'd done," more tears fell from his blue eyes that were so full of misery they looked grey instead. "They'd have lost everything."

"Who?"

"His family. They'd have lost it all, not just their father. They'd have got nothing because of what he did. So I told them it was friendly fire. That I hadn't been able to see."

Jessie's heart broke for the choice he'd had to make, for what he'd had to live with locked inside. "Who else knows?" she asked, even though she suspected she knew the answer.

Callen shook his head. "No one." He lifted one hand and ran the back of his fingers over her cheek. "Just you."

And those two words had her falling deeper for him.

Callen frowned. His fingers moved slowly toward her lips. "Why won't you run?" he asked her.

_Because you have my heart._

_Because there's no one else for me._

_Because I can't imagine living without you in my life._

_._

_._

_._

_Because I love you._

But she said none of that because Jessie wasn't sure he was ready to hear those words; she wasn't sure he ever would be and that in itself broke her heart to think he may never be able to accept what she felt for him.

Instead Jessie shifted, his hand dropped and she moved to wrap her arms around his neck before she whispered, "Because you, G Callen, are a good man. And nothing you could possibly tell me will change that."

Because she knew his heart, even if he usually kept it hidden. Tonight he hadn't done that, the walls were gone, why she wasn't sure but she was grateful. Because it confirmed what she'd known already in her own. If only he'd keep them down for her.

Callen arms tightened around her.

"I -"

"Am good," she said before he could say otherwise. It felt like a long time that he held her tight before he suddenly let her go.

"I should go," he said.

Jessie shook her head. "No.

"I-" Callen stopped when she turned her back on him and moved to the door. Jessie clicked the locks before she faced him again.

"Shower and then sleep," Jessie told him. "You take the bed. Put your clothes outside the door and I'll get them washed." She saw the flicker of the Callen she was familiar with, waited for the flirty comment but it didn't come. He was still too torn for that. She stepped closer. "I'll be here if you need me," she told him softly.

"Always are aren't you?" he replied.

"Always will be."

* * *

Callen's head felt like there was a little person inside … with a big mallet. One who liked to tap dance. He kept his eyes closed and groaned.

"Good morning," a soft, and very familiar, voice said.

Callen opened his eyes. Jessie sat cross legged on the other side of his bed a very concerned look on her face. He closed his again as some of the previous night flooded back into his conscious, and more sober, mind. How he'd remembered what day it was when he'd been out with Sam. How he'd avoided going back to the office where she might be and had tried to drown his sorrows but it hadn't seemed to help anymore. He'd been well beyond drunk when he'd brought the whole bottle, god knows the bartender should've cut him off much sooner and would've it it had been a slightly more reputable establishment, and walked outside to drink it because the crowd had gotten too rowdy. He remembered throwing the bottle of whiskey against the wall outside in frustration and the stream of whiskey that had come out of the open bottle and almost drenched him.

What he didn't yet remember was Jessie and why she was here in his bedroom looking completely comfortable sitting on his bed with a soft shirt that had slid slightly off one bare shoulder and a pair of leggings that would do nothing to hide the shape of her legs when she stood up. He debated whether he was strong enough to open his eyes and not make a fool of himself. Had he called her? On nights like last night he always took a burn phone with just one number in it; the special number he'd set up to get diverted to Sam in the event he needed to help to get home. Why hadn't he called Sam?

Callen opened his eyes and kept them averted from Jessie while he tried to make sense of things.

And that was when he realised he wasn't actually in his bedroom, he was in hers. The memory of the taxi pulling up outside the pub, of him almost falling into it and giving the driver an address - her address - came back, as did him pounding on the door and calling her name; and not quietly.

He rubbed his face and horror settled over him as he remembered more.

He remembered that he'd told her everything. A fifteen year old secret and the guilt that went with it, unloaded in one drunken confession. He'd always known she'd be dangerous for someone like him and now he had the confirmation. Because even when he'd been drunker than this with Sam or Gibbs, he'd never spoken of it.

This was why he had to keep his distance. Yet even with knowing all that he knew about how she got under his skin, how she had that voice that encouraged you to spill your secrets if you weren't on your guard, here he had come when his defenses were already down and he should've known better.

He had to do better.

This couldn't happen again because there were too many things he shouldn't say.

"You sure about that," Callen finally responded quietly. After what he'd told her, what he'd done, he couldn't be sure anything would ever be good between them again.

"Very." Her answer held no hesitation.

Callen finally looked at her. Jessie smiled at him but he could see the concern and depth of the worry in her eyes.

"I'm okay Doc," he said. At least mostly. "You don't need to worry."

There was a slight raise of an eyebrow and Callen was sure it had something to do with last night. While he knew what he'd done and the general content of what he'd told her, the specifics were still a little fuzzy .

"I'm sorry," he said.

"For coming to me?"

"Yeah." Perhaps more the way he came to her if he was completely honest with himself, which perhaps he should stop doing when it came to her. It might make it easier to keep his distance.

"Don't be," Jessie said softly. "I'm glad you did."

Callen focused on her better. "I scared you."

"You didn't," Jessie replied firmly but, and his head was very thankful, softly.

Callen almost called her on the lie except the memory of her face with his hands beside her after he'd slammed them into the door beside her head, had cleared. Startled, yes. Concerned, definitely. Scared? No she hadn't been. And then something else clicked in his foggy head. She had her hair down - completely free and flowing and instantly his fingers itched to bury themselves in the soft smoothness of them. He tightened his fingers into fists and focused on the first part, that her hair was down. If he had scared her, if she didn't feel safe with him, it wouldn't be down at all.

"Did I hurt you?" He had to know. If he had he would never forgive himself.

"No."

"Jessie -" She cut him off.

"G I'm glad you came. I'm glad you talked."

Callen started to sit up and Jessie shifted closer to help. Her hand went to his back, warm against his bare skin, to help him up. His went to his head as that little person with the mallet jumped around with glee. Callen groaned and closed his eyes. He felt the sheet pool at his waist and that was when he realised what he was wearing …. Or more to the point wasn't wearing. He was in Jessie's bed with not a stitch on.

Callen opened his eyes and lifted his head, ignored the pain and thumping and stared at her. Did more happen than he thought?

"Jessie." Callen heard the tension and wariness in his voice. The change in her expression said she did too. "Where are my clothes?" he asked, not sure if was dreading the answer or not.

"On the chair," Jessie point to the seat in the corner near the window and Callen saw a neatly folded pile of his clothes there. "They're clean and dry," she added.

"Who …" Callen trailed off not quite knowing how to ask.

Jessie raised an eyebrow. "You don't remember?" There was a look in her eyes that Callen wasn't sure he was ready for though he was grateful for some degree of proof that things were okay with them.

"Remember?" he repeated.

Compassion replaced the look on her face. "It's okay," Jessie assured him. "You had a shower and put yourself to bed. I washed your clothes because they smelled like you'd mopped the floor of a bar with them." Her mouth lifted in a gentle, but with just a touch of mischief, smile. "I promise I kept my hands to myself."

Relief washed over him and he started to feel more at ease. "Good to know," he said and then felt the twitch of a smile lift on his own mouth and forced himself back to their normal. "Hate to think I'd missed that."

Her blush kicked in quickly and with it the sense of normality started to return to him. This was them. This is where it had to stay. Their normal flirty banter and friendship, nothing more. It was better this way, especially for her.

 _Liar_ the little man in his head yelled and Callen swore he almost physically flinched.

Jessie rose from the bed. "I'll get you some breakfast."

Callen raised an eyebrow, not particularly thrilled with the idea of eating something.

Jessie smiled. "Trust me G. I'll feed you something that will stay down and help. There are benefits to have a doctor treat your hangover. Come out when you're ready." She closed the door quietly behind her.

Callen laid back on the bed, stifled a groan when he hit the pillow harder than he'd intended and closed his eyes.

As he laid there more of last night came back like how close he'd been to kissing Jessie, more than once. The look in her eyes that had been fleeting but there all the same - the one that said she wanted it too. Then there was the memory of the softness of her skin when he'd run his fingers down her neck, over her shoulder and then lower across the neckline of her shirt, the soft curves there that had almost had his hand moving lower except that his fingers had felt the pounding of her heart and he'd placed his hand over it instead. His offer to -

Callen's thoughts stumbled to a halt but not before the picture was already vivid in his mind of exactly what he'd offered and how it would've played out; a picture that was beyond appealing and something he could never have with keeping the relationship where it needed to stay. And one that he wasn't sure he'd ever get out of his head.

Hell. He needed another shower.

A cold one.

 


	50. Birthday Discussion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A much lighter chapter this time, which at least half of it got thrown in literally this morning! I had originally planned for the chapter that will come after this to be here but realised that two heavy duty chapters following each other might be a little much, at least at this point, so I brought this little chapter forward. There is a fair bit of work to do on the next chapter so no guarantees but I will be aiming for Monday at the latest.
> 
> Hope you enjoy and would love to know what you think of this.

* * *

 

 

This time when Callen stood in her doorway he caught the slight lift of Jessie's lips as a smile formed on them before she spoke without looking up at him.

"You sure you don't want me to write your name on the door frame?"

Callen chuckled. "Hetty wouldn't like that."

Jessie looked up. "What's up?"

"When's your birthday?" Callen saw a flicker of suspicion cross her face.

"My birthday?" she repeated.

"Yes Jessie. You know, the day when you were born, the one usually on your passport or driver's licence. That tells you when you can legally drink."

"I know what a birthday is. I'm just not sure why you're asking about it."

"You've been here over a year. We haven't done anything for you."

"You don't need to."

Callen moved closer and sat on the edge of her desk. He looked down at her. "What if we want to?"

"What if I don't want you to?" Jessie countered.

Callen frowned. "Most people like to celebrate their birthdays."

"You don't."

Callen had to give her that point but it didn't mean he was going to give up. "Why don't you want us to?"

Jessie stared at him and kept her mouth firmly closed.

"Jessie?" He hoped that the way he said her name was enough of a mix of curiosity and request for her to share something that he could already see bothered her.

Jessie sighed. "Because -"

Kensi walked through the door at that point and Jessie's gaze flew from Callen's to Kensi's; more than a flicker of relief in her expression as it did.

"Sorry Callen. Eric and Nell have found them."

There was a definite sigh of relief from Jessie.

Callen nodded at Kensi and rose from the desk. "Not getting out of it that easy Doc," he said softly.

"Who said that was easy?"

"Later," he said. "I promise."

* * *

Later came at nine pm that night with him bearing Chinese takeaway after the case had been wrapped up. Jessie opened the door just after his knock and Callen held up the food.

"Hope you haven't eaten yet," he said. "I've got plenty." He hadn't managed to get lunch and was starving.

Jessie stepped back to let him in. "Wasn't hungry," she said.

He walked around her and turned to study her face. "You were in OPS weren't you?"

Jessie nodded.

"We got the bad guys," Callen reminded her, "and none of us got hurt." Though it had been close on many occasions.

"I know," Jessie replied quietly. "I would've seen you before this if you had."

Callen put the food down on the table and turned to her. "Thought you trusted us to do our job?"

"I do," Jessie replied. "You're all very good at what you do it's just… the bad guys can be pretty bad and none of you are indestructible."

Callen smiled. "You worry about us too much."

"Someone has to."

Callen stepped a little closer. "It's nice to know. I worry about them too, but I trust them."

"Trust is entirely different to worry," Jessie said. "They aren't mutually exclusive you know."

Callen wasn't entirely sure how to respond to that so instead he went back to his original purpose. "So, hungry?" He pointed to the food.

Jessie smiled just a little. "Sure," she said then headed to the kitchen for the plates and cutlery. Callen dished up and they sat back on the couch to eat in silence for a few minutes before Callen broke the silence.

"Jessie."

"Mmm," she responded around the mouthful of food.

"Birthday." Jessie's gaze flicked to his. Callen grinned. "Warned you earlier."

Jessie swallowed. "Are you trying to bribe me for information? Is that what dinner is about?"

"Trust me, this isn't a bribe. I have much more," he paused briefly, "effective ways of extracting information from you. Want me to try?"

Jessie's eyes went wide. "No!"

Probably good that she didn't answer yes because there were things in his mind already that he needed to not think about.

"So, when is it," Callen asked, "and why don't you do anything for it?"

"How do you know I don't do anything for it?"

Callen took the plate out of her hand and put it on the table along with his. "Jessie," he sat back and caught her gaze with his. "I know what you are doing. I'm very good at doing the same thing. So stop, it's not going to work on me." She was stalling and deflecting and most likely hoping he'd give up. He wasn't going to.

Jessie rolled her eyes. "May 12th." She reached for her plate and started to eat again.

Callen waited for her to finish the mouthful she'd taken, no doubt in an effort to put an end to the conversation. Again, not going to work. "And?" he prompted.

Jessie let out a slow breath. "I haven't had a birthday party since my parents died. My aunt and uncle didn't celebrate things like that."

There was a hint of hurt in her voice and Callen wondered if it was just her they didn't celebrate for but he didn't ask.

"There were only two birthdays that warranted recognition," Jessie said quietly, her gaze settled on the plate of food in front of her, not on him. "Fifteen when they got me a car and driving lessons, from my trust fund of course, and eighteen when they told me to leave, that they were done."

"I'm sorry," Callen told her.

Jessie shrugged. "I have good birthday memories G. They're just from before my parents died."

"What's your favourite one?" Callen picked up his plate too and hoped that if he was eating perhaps she would follow suit. He certainly hadn't meant to kill her appetite with his questions.

Jessie smiled. "When my dad took me to see Wizard of OZ in the cinemas. He'd found one that had old movies playing at it. It was his favourite from when he was a child. Then he took me to this fancy restaurant and we had toasted cheese sandwiches and chocolate sundaes." She finally looked at him and there was happiness in her expression. "It was my favourite meal at the time. He'd organised it all before and he brought me this really pretty sparkly dress and matching shoes. He dressed up too, tails and top hat, polished shoes and all. He had the staff treat me like a princess."

The smile slipped and she put her plate back on the table, though Callen noted thankfully that she had finished most of it.

"That was my last birthday with him," she added softly.

"What about Trevor? Surely he wanted to do something."

"He did." Jessie nodded slowly. "I remember he came to my place after school with a present that first year on my birthday." Her head dropped back against the couch and she stared at the fireplace even though there were no flames in it at the time. "They told him to go home," she continued, "that I didn't celebrate birthdays. I didn't even get to see him." Jessie turned her head toward him. "Trevor being Trevor and curious as he always is, asked me about it the next day. I promptly burst into tears and asked him not to do it again because I didn't want to get in trouble."

While she didn't say it, he wondered just what kind of trouble she'd gotten into. But it was one question he wasn't going to ask.

Jessie finally smiled again. "He was good and didn't but he didn't give up exactly. Gotcha day was his idea and that became our thing. We'd celebrate when we came into each others lives rather than the world."

"What about others?"

Jessie shook her head. "No. They all seemed to accept that I wasn't a birthday fan and let it go."

Callen studied her for a moment. "But you do like birthdays."

"I did. I just…. No reason to change now is there?"

Callen read between the lines easily, even if she didn't know what she was telling him. No one had tried to change her mind.

"Sometimes," Callen said, "it's hard to remember when my birthday is." Callen sensed an easing of the tension in her with the topic of the conversation shifting from her to him. "I've had so many aliases and I kind of forget about it." It wasn't entirely true but he told himself on those times when he did actually remember that it wasn't a big deal, that he'd had plenty of birthday celebrations over the years, just not on that date. There weren't that many years that he'd been himself on his birthday though so it didn't come up often because when he was undercover he needed to forget things like that that could throw him off his game.

"Liar," Jessie whispered to him, a small smile lifted the corners of her mouth. "You don't forget anything."

Callen grinned and took the opening to move the topic back to her in an entirely different way.

"No I don't. Like just what did you say to Mrs Bradshaw." Jessie mouth dropped a little in surprise. "I saw her tonight," he said. "I'm pretty sure if I hadn't had food she'd have invited me in for a cup of tea." Mrs Bradshaw had seemed a little disappointed when she'd spotted the bag of food, though only briefly.

Jessie shifted and rose quickly. Callen grabbed her hand and pulled her back but he'd pulled in the wrong direction and instead of landing back on the couch Jessie tumbled toward him and ended up in his lap.

"G!"

"I got you. Now," he grinned, his arms around her to stop her from slipping off or escaping. "What did you say to her?"

"I …." Jessie dropped her head back briefly, a small groan of frustration sounded at the same time. Unfortunately it opened her neck up right there for him to taste. All he had to do was shift a little. Callen gave himself a mental shake and reminded him where this had to stay. It wasn't an easy task though and he knew he'd made a serious miscalculation pulling her back down. The couch beside him was one thing, in his lap an entirely different matter.

"Come on Jessie." Callen focused on the discussion not on the feel of her in his arms or on his lap, not on the warmth of her body against his or …. Yeah, not going so well on that front. "She's a lovely old lady, it can't have been that bad."

Jessie looked at down at him for a change and told him, "She was worried that with our respective jobs we didn't get a lot of time together."

"What does she think I do?"

"She assumed law enforcement of some kind. I didn't correct her. You know this is your fault for not letting me correct her assumptions in the first place."

"You could've told her anytime."

"Yeah," Jessie rolled her eyes, "and break her heart and worry her? You played that card too well."

"So how did you manage to lie to her."

"I didn't. I just … let her assume."

"She thinks I'm wonderful," Callen grinned. "You had to say something to keep that up."

Jessie tried to get up but Callen tightened his hold and she groaned, or growled - it could've been either.

"G, she wanted to make sure we were ... taking care of each other when we could. That we didn't just pass in the night like ships."

Callen narrowed his eyes. "That doesn't sound bad. Pretty decent advice .. if, I mean, we were…"

"G," Jessie shifted her head a little closer and looked him right in the eyes. That look meant trouble. "Mr and Mrs Bradshaw enjoyed a very full and happy marriage right up until he died at seventy three and when I say full, I mean full."

It took a moment before Callen realised what she was meaning. "Taking care of..."

Jessie smiled. "Yes G. I mean sex. She wanted to make sure we were … connecting with each other when we had the opportunity."

Callen's arms slipped from around her and Jessie took the opportunity to escape. It was definitely better that she wasn't sitting on his lap at that point because he'd been unable to stop the images of just what Mrs Bradshaw was meaning.

"So," Callen cleared his throat, "how exactly did you reassure her I was wonderful without lying." Jessie now stood a few steps away from him, her arms crossed in front of her.

"I told her you were very good at taking care of me. I let her assume that I was talking about the same thing she was." The blush was high on her cheeks.

"Why do I get the feeling there was more to that conversation than you are telling me?"

"More? Isn't that enough?" Jessie asked but didn't wait for an answer before she headed to the kitchen and Callen heard her open a drawer and the fridge. She came back in with two small pots of ice cream and two spoons in her hand. She held one out to him enough that he could see it was chocolate before she pulled it back out of his reach.

"You can have this on the condition that we drop the conversation regarding Mrs Bradshaw and what I told her."

Callen wondered who was getting the better deal.

"Are you betting with me Doctor Blake?"

"No Agent Callen," she said firmly, but there was a twitch of the lips that almost negated the effect. "I'm giving you a choice. Ice cream or go home."

Callen chuckled. "So either way you get the result you want."

"Either way the conversation I don't want to have ends."

So maybe she didn't want him to go?

Callen reached for the ice cream. "The conversation goes no further." She handed him the ice cream. "Tonight," he added.

Jessie pulled the spoon back out of his reach. "Ever," she corrected and waited.

"I can't give you ever Doc, but you do drive a hard bargain so I'll compromise. If it comes up again, it will be by you not by me."

Jessie thought for a moment then handed him the spoon. She sat down next to him.

"Though," Callen said, "it doesn't mean I won't find out more when Mrs Bradshaw inevitably catches me without food and offers me tea. I couldn't possibly turn down a lovely old lady requesting my company."

Jessie groaned but didn't respond. She just opened her ice-cream, strawberry and coconut, flicked on the TV and handed him the remote to choose the movie and started to eat.

* * *

The movie was over and Callen was at the door. Jessie leaned against it and looked tired. Callen felt guilty for keeping her up so late.

"You're not working tomorrow are you?" he asked.

"No. Day off unless I get called in," She smiled, " … to either of my jobs. Maybe at least some will behave and give me a chance to sleep."

Callen smiled and started to walk away but he turned around at the sound of her soft voice saying his name.

"You knew when my birthday was didn't you?" Jessie asked quietly.

"I did," he admitted. He'd just wanted to hear it from her. A part of him had known there was a story, or more, behind why there had been nothing said about it or even on Facebook, because yes, he'd had Eric show him her wall and there was nothing there, not even in her personal details, and he'd gone back through the entire thing.

"Thought so. Night G."

"Night Jessie." The door closed with a soft click and Callen walked away slowly. Her birthday was still a little bit away. He had some time to figure out what to do.

* * *


	51. Kensi Injured Part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was originally going to be with the next chapter but they are two very different feeling ones so I've split them instead. These are based loosely on the events of S8 Ep 1 & 2) but in this I'm not having Kensi out of action for so long so don't worry about that.
> 
> Enjoy, don't kill me, and let me know what you think at the end.

* * *

 

Callen saw Jessie the moment he'd stepped off the transfer flight. She stood by the car waiting for them. He knew when Deeks had spotted her as his pace picked up. Callen and Sam matched it but they stayed a step behind, even if Callen wanted to be the first to reach her. Deeks needed Jessie a little more right now.

"Jessie," Deeks said once they were close enough. "Is she alright?"

Callen watched Jessie hug Deeks as she answered. "She's settled. Surgery went well but no change yet. To be expected."

That was good news at least. Kensi had been sent back on a medical extraction flight but there hadn't been room for any of them and they'd had to wait until the next morning before theirs. The hours had been excruciating enough for Callen being worried about Kensi. He didn't even want to contemplate what Deeks had been going through.

"I want to see her," Deeks said.

Jessie stepped back from Deeks and Callen saw the concerned quick once over she gave him and Sam. Callen did think her eyes seemed to linger on him a little more but perhaps that was wishful thinking.

"You will," Jessie turned back to Deeks. "But first let's get you to the hotel. You can shower and have something decent to eat."

Callen saw Deeks tense.

"I'm not going to the hotel," Deeks told her. "I'm going to the hospital.

"Deeks -"

"No Jessie," Deeks' voice rose. "I need to see her. Do you know how long it's been?"

"Yes." There was something to that yes that had Callen wondering if she was saying something more than just how long it had been since Deeks had to watch Kensi fly away.

"Then take me to the damn hospital now."

Sam reached out and put his hand on Deeks' shoulder. Callen stepped a little closer to, though whether it was to help Deeks or Jessie he wasn't entirely sure. He wasn't happy Deeks was pushing Jessie but he could understand Deeks' frustration.

"Deeks take it easy," Sam said.

"This is Kensi-"

"Marty," Jessie's voice was soft. "I know you want to be there, but right now visiting hours are over. They open back up in another hour."

"I don't give a-" Sam squeezed Deeks' shoulder and Callen caught the brief flicker of pain that appeared on Deeks' face.

"I know," Jessie stepped closer and put her hand on Deeks' arm. "Trust me please," she said. "Right now Hetty is working on getting you a pass so you can stay outside visiting hours, but if you go in and demand to see her now, it won't go down well."

"But -"

"Deeks you're LAPD, not military and this is a military hospital," Jessie told him. "Let Hetty work her magic."

Deeks' shoulders dropped and he gave a small nod. Jessie took Deeks' bag off him.

"Hop in the car," Jessie said softly to Deeks. She put the bag in the trunk and Deeks headed to the back seat and got in.

Sam pulled Jessie into a hug. "Good to see you Jessie," Sam said. Jessie's arms went around Sam too. Callen caught the glimmer of tears in her eyes when she looked at him from where her eyes barely peered over Sam's shoulder. She stepped back.

"Don't think you two are getting off lightly," Jessie said. "Full check up when we get home."

"Whatever the doctor orders," Sam said with a smile and went to join Deeks in the back seat.

Jessie gaze landed on Callen and she gave him another once over, this time a touch longer.

"I'm good Doc," he assured her. They'd patched him up on the ship. He definitely didn't enjoy that as much as he would've if she'd done it.

"We'll see."

Callen stepped closer. He reached up and tucked some hair behind her ear, a good excuse to touch her. He wasn't quite sure what would happen in he pulled her in for a hug like Sam did so instead, he slipped his arm around her shoulder and guided her to the driver's side. "You know Doc," he said, "You only need to ask."

Jessie looked up at him. "Ask what?" A confused look was in her eyes.

God she was beautiful. The thought slipped into his mind and he knew it was more than her looks. There was so much more to her than just that.

Callen's lips twitched. "You don't need the check up excuse to get your hands on my body." He saw the pink rush to her cheeks and her eyes went wide. Then the smile finally made it to her lips, even if it did have a hint of exasperation to it. "Much better," he said and opened the door for her.

Jessie shook her head at him but at least she was smiling again.

And so was he.

* * *

Callen watched Jessie swim from the shadows for so long he lost track of the number of laps she'd done. He'd seen this before - a late night swim when things were rough and she couldn't sleep. He knew swimming and running were her preferred exercise, the simple and cheap kind that a struggling student had got hooked on when gym memberships weren't an option. She'd kept it going after because it was easy. You could run anywhere and swim just about anywhere too.

Callen might know this was what she did but it didn't mean he had to like it. She was pushing hard, no leisurely swim for his Jessie when she needed to get something out of her head.

When Jessie finally stopped at the end of the pool closest to him Callen could hear the heaving of her breath in the still of the late night. There was no one else around, which was exactly why Callen had come here to swim, the walls of his room had been taunting him. Calm and simple, yet his mind wouldn't settle with everything he was worrying about. Kensi in particular, Hetty and the fallout from this mission. Was it really worth it or had they just ended up putting their entire team structure at risk because if Kensi didn't pull through this their lives would be screwed up in more ways than one. Especially Deeks, so there was someone else he was worrying about.

But right now Callen pulled his focus back to Jessie. He had to stop this, she was pushing too hard. Callen was about to step out of the shadows and go to her when he heard the hitch to her heavy breathing. The soft sob that followed ripped at his heart and he froze, unsure if she'd want him to see her like this. They'd discussed it once, how she worried that if she wasn't strong around them they wouldn't feel like they could lean on her. But they'd come so far since then. He closed his eyes and clenched his fists and stayed put while he tried to decide what to do but when another more forceful sob reached his ears it was too much.

Callen quietly slid into the water and moved over to her. He put his hand on her shoulder gently and Jessie jumped a little under his touch. Her head came up off her arms and she spun around. Recognition flashed across her face and Callen did the only thing he could; he pulled her into him. One arm slipped around her waist, his hand on her back easing her closer and the other cupped her cheek. His thumb brushed the tears aside, because he knew they were tears not the water from the pool. Jessie took a shaky breath and Callen saw her bottom tremble.

"Jessie," he whispered right before he pulled her closer and lowered his lips to hers. Because there was nothing in the world he wanted more at that moment than to connect with her, to have her in his arms and ease her pain, and his, and forget everything that had happened. She'd been the last thing in his thoughts before the crash and had been there in the background from the moment he'd come to after. He'd wished for her to be there, to help them know what to do with Kensi and yet with the same thought was glad that she wasn't because if she had been she'd have been hurt too.

But right now, her soft gasp when his lips had touched hers, the brief stillness before her arms were around his neck and then the feel of her lips pressing back against his were all he could think about. The first touch of his tongue to her lips had her mouth parting under his and then he was lost completely. The taste of her, the heat, the feel of her in his arms. Her responding with so much need and passion it almost burned yet he couldn't get enough. Christmas had nothing on this kiss.

Callen's hand slid to the back of her head and held her head still as he explored every corner of her mouth and lips. He felt her fingers dig into his shoulder. One of her hands moved to the back of his head and somehow then she was the dominant one in this kiss. When her legs lifted to wrap around his hips, her body intimately up against his, Callen groaned and tore his lips from her to breathe. He shifted his head and brushed his lips over her cheek and down her neck. He could feel her body shift against his with every breath that she drew in, just as ragged as his was. He could feel the pounding of her pulse in her neck and felt it leap when he ran his tongue over it. The vibration of the moan and the sound that fell from her lips was like heaven to his ears and he did it again. He could still taste her, the vanilla that was her, even after her time in the pool. His hand slid up her back as his mouth returned to hers, to the warm and taste that was perfect and home. Without thought his fingers had undone the clip at the back of her swimmers and when he realised he stilled. He lifted his mouth from Jessie's and stared at her, somehow in the haze they'd created he was able to stop and wait for a sign she was okay with what he'd just done. Jessie smiled and the hand that was at the back of his neck pulled him back to her and she controlled the kiss once more.

His hand ran over her back, bare now for him and a need so strong it took his breath away shot through him. He pulled back and buried his head in his neck, closed his eyes and took a slow deep breath, because if he didn't gain some level of control this would be over way too quickly.

A splash reached through the haze and the thought of someone else in the pool with them had him pulling back and opening his eyes.

To find he was still standing in the shadows, fists clenched by his side and his body still responding as if Jessie was still in his arms rather than where she was now, swimming again. Callen fought to gain control of his body that had plenty of ideas of exactly what he should be doing now, which didn't include stepping back into the shadows and breathing slowly and deeply.

Callen watched Jessie swim another six laps before he felt comfortable enough to go to her and stop this craziness she was putting herself through. He slid into the water, pushed aside the very vivid memory that his thoughts didn't want to let go of and made his way until he was in her path and waited. He caught her carefully and made sure he didn't let her go under. Jessie spun around and after the flicker of recognition she glared at him.

"Don't do that," she said forcefully. But then her face crumbled and pain replaced the anger and glare. "Don't ever do that again," she sobbed.

Callen knew she wasn't talking about stopping her swim. He pulled her into his side and her head dropped to his shoulder as a shudder went through her and a sob was choked back.

"Can't promise that," Callen said softly. "It's what we do."

"I know," Jessie murmured. "I just…"

"Still having a hard time with us getting hurt?"

Jessie nodded against his shoulder, her arms had slipped around his waist at some point and her whole body was against his side. Her skin was warm, even in the water, and his hand slid up her back to her neck. Callen pushed away the thoughts that were trying to convince him to get back to where his vision had left off. He rubbed the back of her neck gently.

"Don't get used to it," Callen told her.

Jessie lifted her head and looked at him, a small frown on her forehead.

"You wouldn't be you if you did," Callen added. It would be like getting used to the body count; if it didn't affect you, then you needed to worry. "We're safe now Doc. It's okay."

"Not yet. Kensi's not."

"Yeah she is," Callen corrected. "She's not good but she's safe."

Jessie was still breathing heavily and it wasn't all to do with the tears, mostly he was sure it was to do with just how hard she'd been pushing herself with each and every lap that she had swum so far.

Callen lifted a hand and brushed at the tears on her cheek and traced where he knew the shadow was under one of her eyes carefully. "What are you doing to yourself Doc?"

"Couldn't sleep."

"When did you last sleep properly?" He'd noticed the shadows when she'd picked them up earlier.

Jessie briefly glanced away but before she answered she looked back to him. "Before you left," she admitted reluctantly but at least truthfully. Callen was grateful that she hadn't tried to lie, because he didn't want to have to call her on it. A yawn took her by surprise.

"Go to bed Doc," Callen said. "Get some sleep." _Before I take you there and neither of us get any._ Because his body was still fighting with his mind and wanting to get back to having her where she belonged.

Jessie stilled in his arms and for a split second Callen wondered if he'd actually said that last part out loud.

"What about you?" Jessie asked softly.

Callen pushed away the thought that he'd heard an invitation in her voice. Just wishful thinking. He dropped his arms and moved back from her.

"I'm gonna swim for a bit first." Hopefully some laps would get his mind off … things.

Jessie nodded and stepped away from him and headed to the edge of the pool. She lifted herself up onto the side and looked at him. She smiled a little. "I'm glad you're home G."

_Yeah, so am I_ he thought and knew he wasn't referring to being back in the States. Callen watched as Jessie rose, grabbed her towel and walked away; a desperate need to join her only narrowly held back. He had his suspicions that he was screwed when it came to wanting to keep things to friendship with her. It didn't seem to matter how many times he told himself that, something would throw them together and show him what he was missing out on and he wasn't just thinking physically. As a friend she would always be there for him. As more? It would be different level of being there for him and he was desperately wanting to grab that with both hands right now. He pushed off from the wall and started to swim. She deserved better than him - if only he could remember that.


	52. Kensi Injured Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for not killing me after the last chapter! This follows on from the last chapter. A note on the final scene in this - it's at least three weeks ahead of time so feel free to put some of the chapters after this in between. It just didn't make sense to try and put it somewhere accurate time wise.
> 
> Regarding time - just for those who might be getting frustrated with how long these two are taking, this (and the last chapter) are sitting around the last week or two of February, so not too far after Christmas.

* * *

 

Callen watched from the entry to the gym as Jessie continued to hit the punching bag. It was unusual to see her involved in such a violent activity. He crossed the room to her quietly.

"What did the punching bag do to you?" Callen asked when she paused for a breath.

Jessie turned around. There was sweat on her forehead but Callen already knew she'd been working out for a while because of the line of sweat down the middle of the back of the gym top she wore.

"Nothing, just…"

Callen raised an eyebrow. "Frustrated?"

Jessie turned and started on the bag again. "It's Kensi," she said in between punches. "She's shut me out."

"To be expected."

"We were there." Jessie landed a punch that sent the bag spinning. "She trusted me. Now it feels like I'm back to square one - if not further."

"I know." Callen moved to the other side of the bag and held it still for her. "She's going through a lot." There was more power behind Jessie's hits than he'd expected. She was stronger than he thought.

"I know," Jessie agreed. "I just want to help her get to the other side. It's why I'm here."

"Give her time."

Callen almost stumbled back at the force of the next punch. "Okay." He stepped around the bag and reached for her hands. "Let's take a break from this before you break something." He tugged the gloves off her hands.

Jessie frowned. "I won't break the bag. Sam might but not me."

"I wasn't talking about the bag." He lifted her hands. "What would I do if you couldn't patch me up?"

"Maybe it would convince you to be more careful."

Callen smiled. "How about we try something different. Let's see what Sam's been teaching you."

Jessie raised an eyebrow. "You mean test me?"

"Test, show, check up on. I'm good with any of them."

Jessie rolled her eyes but smiled. "What do you want me to do?"

"Take me down." Callen winked. "Or at least try."

It wasn't exactly a dare but it was as close as he was going to go.

Jessie grabbed her towel and wiped the sweat from her face, neck and arms. Callen moved to the mats and waited for her to join him.

"I wish I knew what I could do to get through to Kensi," Jessie said when she had joined him on the mat.

Callen picked one of the easier holds Sam would've worked on with her that should be simple enough for her to get out of and let her talk.

"I wasn't expecting this massive jump backwards," Jessie said as she smoothly extracted herself from the hold.

"Kensi's tough." Callen moved onto a slightly more difficult one. "She doesn't tend to like showing weakness."

"We all have our weak spots." Jessie tossed him off her onto the floor and there was a definite smirk of satisfaction on her face when he looked up at her.

"Kensi's are harder to find." Callen stood up. "And even harder for her to admit to. When it comes to failing," Callen shook his head, "or being thought of as a failure or not good enough, that's definitely one of hers though."

Jessie frowned. "But she's not failing."

"She's not what she was," Callen said. He went for one of the more difficult holds this time since it was obvious that Sam had taught her well with the easier ones. She did struggle and after a few moments Callen let go so she wouldn't end up frustrated in another way. She took a couple of breaths.

"She's amazing," Jessie said. "She's this tough, beautiful, talented girl. I know her father would be -"

Jessie stilled and went quiet as Callen wrapped his arms around her and locked her arms against her own body with his.

"Would be what?" Callen asked and it was deliberate when his words drifted over her ear. He felt the slight shiver that went through her which she no doubt tried to hide if the tension that increased in the way she held her body was anything to go by. He didn't bother to hide the smile since she couldn't see it.

Suddenly Callen was on his back and Jessie was on top of him. She had his hands pinned above his head and straddled him across his stomach; thankfully no lower otherwise his body would be betraying him more than it already was, and she'd notice.

Callen saw Jessie's eyes were wide and then she smiled.

"That's it. Her father." Jessie shook her head a little and the smile grew. "You're gonna have to do better than that."

Callen felt the easing of pressure on his wrists. He pulled a sneaky move that allowed him to flip her and reverse their position so she was under him, her hands pinned above her head. Jessie closed her eyes and groaned.

Callen chuckled and Jessie opened her eyes. The intensity in brown depths sent his thoughts in a not so innocent or professional direction. He slammed the mental door on them and focused on what they had actually been doing, because unfortunately now was the time or place. "Don't think you've won," Callen told her, "until you're safely away. I think Sam's still got some work to do."

"I was distracted."

_Yeah Doc and so was I. Just not in the same way._ Callen shifted off her and rose to his feet. He held out his hand to her but she didn't take it. She eyed it off as if he was planning something.

"What about Kensi's father?" Callen prompted.

Jessie looked startled for a moment but then she put her hand in his and pulled her up.

"I need to get to the hospital." Jessie glanced at her watch. "Now."

"I'll drive." He was curious about what she was up to. Jessie started toward the gym exit. "Jessie," Callen called out. Jessie stopped and turned to him. "Don't you want to get changed?" he asked.

Jessie shook her head. "No time. Visiting hours are over soon and I can't get away with playing the doctor card with her unless it's a medical emergency now."

Callen followed her out of the gym and they headed straight to his car. He grabbed a spare shirt out of the bag he kept in the trunk and handed it to her before she got in. "Put this on," he said. He saw the confusion and then the realisation that what she had on, workout leggings and a fitted gym top, might not be exactly suitable for a visit to the hospital.

"Thanks."

* * *

Callen followed a very determined Jessie as she rushed through the corridor of the hospital to Kensi's room. With barely a pause she had the door open and walked through. Callen closed it behind them.

"Jessie?" Deeks rose from his chair beside Kensi.

Jessie pointed at Deeks, "Shh." Then she pointed at Kensi. "You and I are going to talk."

Callen moved next to Deeks and watched Kensi shake her head and turn away from Jessie.

"Not in the mood," Kensi said.

"G and Deeks can stay," Jessie said firmly, "or they can go."

"Not talking so don't care." Kensi's gaze was intent on the blinds over the window.

Callen was surprised at the hostility, for lack of a better word, that Kensi was showing to Jessie. He could understand now why Jessie was so concerned. With them Kensi held back and didn't want to talk but her tone didn't hold this back off/get lost feel with them as it did now.

"Dammit Kensi," Jessie swore, "why won't you let me help you?"

Kensi glared at Jessie.

"Jessie," Deeks started to say. Callen put his hand on Deek's shoulder and shook his head at him. Deeks frowned but fell silent and Callen turned his attention back to the two women in the room. Something was going to happen, what he wasn't sure but he had that feeling that a fight was brewing.

"Is it because of your father?" Jessie asked.

Kensi turned her head away again.

"Because you don't think he would be proud of you?" Jessie prodded.

Kensi remained silent and Callen hoped Jessie knew what she was doing because Kensi wasn't really someone who responded well to being poked.

"Do you really," Jessie asked, "honestly think he would not be proud of who you have become?"

Kensi remained silent but Jessie didn't wait long before she continued the attack. Callen now suspected that Jessie did very much want to poke the bear. At least then there would be something for her to work with instead of the current silence.

"Or is that you don't want to be a failure?"

"She's not -"

Callen thumped Deeks on the back and cut off the words. There had been a spark of something in Kensi's eyes at Jessie's last words.

"I don't know," Jessie shrugged, "maybe you already are. You're not letting me help you. That's damn stubborn even for you."

The spark turned into a flare and Kensi's eyes flew to Jessie's. "I'm not -" but then she stopped abruptly.

"Not what?" Jessie asked, softer this time. "Stubborn? A failure? … Or scared?"

Callen could see the tension in Kensi's jaw, saw her swallow, and willed her to answer, to reach out and take the help Jessie was offering.

"Because I know," Jessie said, her tone gentle, "you are stubborn. You need to be to do what you do and to be so good at it. I know you are not a failure, nowhere near it. And I'll tell you right now if you aren't scared of what might happen, or not happen, after everything then there would be something wrong."

Jessie stepped closer to Kensi. "Are you scared?" she asked quietly.

Kensi's eyes were locked on Jessie's and Callen saw the tears fill Kensi's eyes. He felt Deeks start to shift and grabbed his arm to stop him.

"Scared of what?" Jessie asked. Kensi's lower lip trembled and a tear fell down one cheek. "Are you scared of being labelled wrong," Jessie said, "like your father was?"

Kensi's eyes went wide. "How-"

"You worked so hard to clear his name so nobody thought he was drunk when he died."

"I -" Kensi started but stopped yet again.

"Kensi," Jessie begged, "Please talk to me."

"I don't want anyone to know," Kensi whispered.

"Know what?"

"When, if, I come back … your report-" Kensi stopped.

"Is that it?" Jessie asked. "You're worried about what I might put in the psych evaluation?"

Kensi remained silent but the look on her face was as good as an admission and everyone in the room could clearly see it.

"Fine," Jessie turned to Callen. "Phone … please."

Callen unlocked his phone and handed it to her. He watched as she dialed and put the phone to her ear and then Jessie turned her attention back to Kensi. The two women stared at each other while the two men waited on tenterhooks wondering where this was going.

"Hetty."

So that's who she was calling.

"You need to get someone else in to do Kensi's evaluation for when she's ready to come back to work …. No I'm not doing it …. Then I'll resign."

That made Callen straighten and frown. Like hell she'd resign. He wouldn't let her. They needed her.

After a moment Jessie added, "Thank you," and then she disconnected the call.

Kensi looked between the phone and Jessie's face. "It's your job," Kensi said, clearly as confused as Callen was. "Why did you do that?" Kensi asked Jessie.

"That's not the only part of my job," Jessie said. "And I'm warning you now, whoever Hetty brings in will be harder on you than me because they will have to dig to find out if you are ready or not. As for my job, the biggest part, and the best, is to be there for you when you need me." Jessie moved closer. "And you need me now more than you ever have."

It felt like forever to Callen that Jessie and Kensi stared at each other before the silence was broken.

"I'm scared," Kensi finally admitted. "What I can't walk again? Can't shoot?"

"I get it," Jessie nodded. "It's a slow process but the swelling hasn't fully gone down yet. It's only been a week. Until it is, everything is just a guess. You need to be patient."

"What if," Kensi's voice dropped lower but with the silence in the room all heard her next words. "What if I'm not strong enough to make it to then, or tomorrow?"

Callen hear Deeks' gasp of shock. He was surprised his own didn't slip past his lips too. To know Kensi felt that lost, that weak was a shock. His hand tightened on Deeks' shoulder once more, who it was to hold back Callen wasn't entirely sure.

Jessie held one of Kensi's hand in one of hers as she spoke. "If you're not strong enough, then you hold onto me. It's my turn to be strong for you, to get you through those moments," Jessie reached out and brushed the tears from one of Kensi's cheeks. "One moment at a time until you are strong enough again. I promise you Kensi Blye I will not let you break."

Kensi choked back a sob and more tears fell.

"But," Jessie continued, "I need you to let me be there for you. Let Deeks be there, all of us. You can't do this alone and you have so many people who love you and want to be there for you."

Jessie's hand went back to Kensi's face and the tears. "Will you let me? Will you let them?" Jessie asked softly.

Kensi nodded and Jessie moved close enough to pull her in for a hug. Kensi's eyes were closed and Callen saw the deep breath she was taking to regain control. He dropped his hand from Deeks' shoulder. A glance at Deeks' face showed the tears on his face. Seems like there wasn't a dry eye in the room - yes he'd had to blink them back too - and Callen knew if the conversation had brought Kensi to tears, Jessie would have them too, which was proven when she pulled back and he caught a glimpse of her wiping her own away.

"Okay," Jessie said. "I will be back tomorrow and we will talk properly."

Kensi nodded and then looked over at Deeks. "Oh."

Jessie spun around and it looked like both the women had at some point forgotten they had witnesses.

"The punching bag safe again?" Callen asked in an attempt to break the serious mood to the room.

Jessie's lips twitched. "Depends, considering how frequently you … all frustrate me, I might end up back there sooner rather than later."

"I guess I … we'd better not frustrate you. Can't have you breaking something."

A nurse walked in at that moment and Jessie glanced at the clock. She backed away from Kensi's bed. "We're just leaving," Jessie told the nurse with a smile. "See you tomorrow," she said to Kensi and walked out the door.

"Bye Kenz," Callen said. He found Jessie outside the door leaning against the wall, her eyes closed.

"Jessie?"

She opened them, tears fell. "I had no idea she was that scared."

Callen brushed the tears away with a gentle finger. "Yeah you did. You might not have known what but you knew." He touched the spot right above her heart with two fingers. "Right there. That's why you fought so hard in there. Why you pushed."

Jessie sniffed a little and straightened up off the wall. "I don't like pushing," she said.

Callen smiled. "I know." He draped his arm over her shoulder and they started to walk down the corridor. "You prefer the sneak attack where we just spill everything to you."

Jessie chuckled. "I'm pretty sure you haven't spilled everything to me."

No he hadn't. At least not yet. "A guy's gotta have some secrets."

* * *

Callen watched from the balcony as Jessie paced the office below. Kensi was in Jessie's office with another navy psychologist having her psych evaluation. Hetty had called Nate back, at Jessie's request, a week ago to check Kensi was ready from his point of view too before scheduling the official one. Now it was all up to Kensi to prove to a total stranger that she was good and ready for field work again. Thankfully, once the swelling had gone down completely there had been no lasting physical damage from the accident, but it had taken a few weeks of intense physiotherapy once Kensi was out of hospital to get the muscles back strong and at one hundred percent. Callen knew Kensi had had more than a few intense therapy sessions with Jessie too to make sure she had recovered mentally from the ordeal.

Callen headed to the top of the stairs. His intention was to keep Jessie company while she waited but when Jessie suddenly stopped pacing and looked toward the corridor that led to her office. Callen slipped back into the shadows and watched. Kensi walked into view and then the two women were hugging and laughing. Callen smiled and moved out of the shadows. He leaned on the railing and looked down at them.

"Georgio's," Callen called down to them. Jessie and Kensi looked up. "I'm driving."

"Why?" Kensi asked.

"The team's waiting to celebrate."

"How do they know I passed?" Kensi asked.

Callen smiled. He headed down the stairs and slipped an arm around each of the shoulders. "With the two of you working together how could you not?"

While there wasn't much height difference between the two of them, one of them felt that much more right at his side than the other. Yeah, he was in trouble all right. Now he just had to make the most of it.

 

 

 

 

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N 2 - One of the reasons I created Jessie is because of Nate's disappearance. It seemed wrong that they didn't bring someone in to replace Nate because in their line of work with everything they do, they really do need someone they can trust to talk to and who will fight to help them. Kensi's recovering in the show and how she pushed everyone away for so long seemed like a place that someone, like Jessie, being there for them, and who Kensi had already built up trust with, would've made a great deal of difference to her mental recovery. Hope you enjoyed and would love to know what you thought.


	53. Coffee

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter has been written only in the last couple of days and was prompted from an interesting conversation with a couple of reviewers on FF. Perhaps not as polished as the rest since I haven't sat on it for long but it's mainly a little bit of fun and fluff and simmer. I've had a lot of fun writing this chapter!
> 
> I'm not quite sure I'll be able to get the next chapter up tomorrow - it's a big one and life has gotten in the road the last few days for getting ahead. Sorry for that but hopefully it won't be too far away and will be worth the wait.
> 
> Enjoy and love to hear what you think when you're done.

* * *

 

Callen had just left Hetty's desk to return to the bullpen when he saw Jessie come through the entry doors and down the corridor. He didn't miss the yawn or the eye rub as she walked toward him. He changed direction.

"What's up Doc?" Callen asked. "Big night?"

Jessie looked at him, a small smile lifted the corners of her lips but disappeared into another yawn. "Coffee machine broke this morning," she said, rather sleepily.

"Can it be fixed?" He was tempted to ask if she'd driven or not but he refrained. He trusted that if she wasn't in a position to drive herself safely she wouldn't have.

Jessie shrugged. "I'll have to call tomorrow. I'm at the hospital from four this afternoon so -" She yawned again. "Hopefully."

Callen chuckled. "I don't think I've seen you this sleepy first thing in the morning."

"Have you seen me before my first cup of coffee before?"

Callen thought for a moment. "A couple of times." He couldn't count their time in Vienna since she'd managed to be up before him every day. "Why didn't you stop and get some on the way?"

"I was running late."

"Did you drive?"

"No. Going straight to the hospital from here."

"Maybe you should've called and I'd have come and got you. I could've even brought coffee with me."

Jessie smiled. "I'll try to rem-"

"Mr Callen." Callen turned to see Hetty beckoning him over.

"Duty calls," Jessie murmured and headed down the corridor to her office. Callen watched her go before he answered the summons.

* * *

Callen didn't wait in her doorway this time. He simply walked up to Jessie's desk and put the coffee in front of her along with the donut.

Jessie looked up. "You brought me coffee?"

"Don't forget the donut. And," Callen grinned, "don't forget to thank Sam for bringing them in this morning otherwise I'd have had to raid Kensi's secret stash of twinkies."

Jessie smiled and the dimple on the left side that Callen had noticed but hadn't really registered how tempting it was, showed up.

"We can't have you being in Kensi's bad books can we?" she said. "Thank you." Jessie lifted the coffee cup to her lips and sipped. "You do make very good coffee."

"I try." Callen moved away from her desk and stepped backward toward the door.

"That's it?" Jessie said. She tilted her head, a confused expression on her face. "You just came to bring me coffee and a donut?"

"That's it Doc," Callen agreed. "No ulterior motive." Unless you counted getting to see her again.

"No next step?"

"That's coming but you're not ready yet. Plus, you'd know with the look right?"

"Do I want to know what you have planned?"

Callen chuckled. "Nope, plus I don't have a plan yet." He might have more than one though. He just hadn't decided which way to go. He continued backwards toward the door. "Just remember to trust me and you'll do fine whatever is I get you to do."

Jessie raised an eyebrow. "Why do I have a feeling you're not talking about my issue with guns anymore."

Callen grinned. "I don't mind if you want to apply it to everything else." He turned and walked out the door and tried not to think just where he could go with that.

* * *

Jessie slid the key into the lock of her apartment door, turned it and pushed the door open. The brightness inside the apartment, rather than the darkness she usually found, had her freeze, door open, key still in the lock with one foot in and one foot out. She started to breathe again when she saw Callen's jacket on the back of the couch, right near the door. Perhaps a sign for her that he was here, perhaps just coincidence but she was relieved either way to know just who was lurking in her apartment at this time of night. She hadn't spotted his car when she'd gotten out of the taxi but that didn't mean it wasn't around somewhere. Why he was here though was something she didn't know but intended to find out. Jessie stepped through her door and closed it quietly. She put her bag and jacket down along with her keys and walked toward the kitchen where, since the light was on, she assumed he would be. A familiar tapping and clinking reached her ears. Oh no. She moved quicker but stopped when she saw him.

"G?" Jessie stared at her kitchen bench. There wasn't any part of it that wasn't covered with things that were most likely, given that her coffee machine was no longer where she was sure she'd left it this morning, parts of her coffee machine. "What -" She let out a breath on a sigh.

"I can't be in trouble," Callen turned and her eyes were drawn from the horror on her bench to him, where her heart jumped a little at the cheeky half smile he already in place. "It was already broken," he added.

"But it was in one piece. Do you even know how to fix it?"

"Working on it."

"Why?" The word was filled with bewilderment. Jessie wasn't sure she was up for this right now. The why had a multitude of questions behind it. Which one he would answer she wasn't sure.

"Can't have you without coffee."

The phrasing confused her and Jessie gave her head a little shake not quite sure what he was saying. Because it could be taken a couple of different ways.

"You know what," Jessie said. "I'm going to bed because I'm obviously too tired to make sense of this." She took three steps away before she backed up again and turned to face him.

"Wait. How did you get in?" Jessie frowned. "Did you pick my lock?"

"No," Callen denied. "That would be illegal."

Jessie raised her eyebrows as something in her distant memory jumped out at her. "You've done it once before though." She still remembered opening her eyes to see him in her bedroom and the worry that had been in his eyes, combined with a hint of anger that had confused her but had been easily explained.

"Probable cause," Callen said calmly. "Nothing illegal then."

"Probable cause?"

"I was worried about you."

Okay she'd give him that. "And this time?"

"Key."

"Since when do you have a key?" Jessie frowned as another thought came to mind. "You brought my car back from Sam's but I only left you with the car keys. How did you get in?" That was another moment she would never forget finding him there for her when she desperately needed him but didn't even know it until she'd seen his car on the street.

"Keys then too."

The man was infuriating. He knew exactly what she wanted to know. "G." Her tone was firm and her look warned him not to play. At least she hoped it did.

"I kept a set when we changed the locks," Callen admitted and took a step closer to her after he'd wiped his hands clean.

"Again ... why?"

"In case of an emergency."

Jessie ran her hands through her hair in frustration. "My coffee machine isn't an emergency."

"That's debatable." Callen grinned. "Go to bed Doc," he said, his tone soft and comforting. "Trust me. I promise it will be back together by the time you wake up."

"That's less than five hours from now G. I'll be up at eight to be in the office by nine."

Callen stepped closer and Jessie took a step back. "You need to sleep," he told her. "No point waking up coming into the office and trying to go back to sleep. You'll sleep better here."

"I sleep fine in the office G. That couch is very comfortable."

"I'm sure it is, but not as much as your bed."

Jessie backed up a little more. Him talking about being in bed was sending her thoughts in a direction that, while she was sure would be very interesting, wasn't something she was up for right now.

"You are not to be in the office before twelve Doc."

There was a warning note to his tone she'd be wise to listen to. Whilst under normal circumstances she would've listened to the warning, she wasn't always wise around him, especially when she was slightly sleep deprived … or almost anytime she was around him for that matter.

"Or," Callen continued, that warning tone still there, "I'll pick you up and take you back to bed."

Jessie raised an eyebrow. "Is that a threat Agent Callen?" She started to back down the hallway toward her bedroom, a brief part of her being wise and getting her out of there, even if her tongue was hell bent on finding trouble. "Or a promise?"

The look in his eyes changed, his voice dropped. "A promise Doctor Blake. Always a promise."

Her heart flipped and her body felt hot. Jessie was lucky she was at the door to her bedroom and not closer to him because during that moment of potential that hung between them her feet almost started walking forward of the own accord. But her day had been too long and she wasn't sure if she was seeing something she wanted to see or something that was actually there.

"Good night G. Do try and keep it down." It took a lot to keep her voice light. She turned toward her door.

"Doc."

Jessie turned back to him and felt a shaft of disappointment shoot through her that the heat was gone from his voice, just concern to be heard now. She turned her head to look at him but kept her body facing her doorway, just in case.

"How was the hospital?" Callen asked.

"Busy," Jessie replied. "But nothing big." Just a tonne of patients that never seemed to stop coming through the door. It may or may not have had something to do with the full moon.

"Kids?"

The man was a danger to her heart because it flipped again and the butterflies in her stomach jumped up and down, awfully happy to know that he remembered and was concerned for her. "Nothing more than the usual colds and stomach bugs," she said, "where the visit was more reassurance for the parents rather than treatment for the patient." She smiled softly. "Night G."

"Night."

Jessie quietly closed the bedroom door and leaned her head back against it for just a moment. She took a slow breath. One day things would fall into place and she'd figure out what it was between them. Or she'd just come right out and ask - she just wasn't sure she was brave enough to do that without being somewhat surer of what he felt for her. For now though, she'd bide her time and hope that when it came to being brave she chose the moment well, because she wasn't sure what she'd do if it caused him to walk away instead of come closer.

With a sigh she moved off the door, got changed and was asleep almost as soon as her head hit the pillow; the gentle tapping and clinking sounds not quite as disturbing as the first time she'd heard them at Sam's. Perhaps it had something to do with knowing exactly who was making it this time.

* * *

Jessie leaned against her car door and sipped her coffee. The doors opened and Callen walked out and headed straight for her. She took another sip and waited for him to get closer before she spoke.

"Technically I'm not in the office yet." It was just before twelve.

"You are on work grounds." There was that mischievous smile lurking in his eyes and she couldn't help but smile back.

"But you said not to be _in_ the office before twelve," Jessie told him, "so I'm not in trouble."

"I could fix that," Callen lifted one side of his mouth in that half smile that was doing more to her this morning than it usually did. "I'm sure I could carry you a few steps inside," he added.

"What would the point of that be?"

"Then I get to take you home."

"Ah home." But he hadn't said home this morning when he'd threatened, sorry promised. "There was something not quite right this morning," Jessie said. _Aside from you not being there when I woke up that is._

"What was that?"

"My coffee machine."

"Looks like it was working." Callen pointed at her travel mug. "Does it do a good job?"

"Much better than it did before."

Callen took the cup out of her hand and tried it. "Pretty good."

Jessie wasn't sure if it was deliberate or not but his lips ended up in the same place hers had just been and he'd kept his eyes on hers as he'd taken his sip.

"Hmm." Jessie took back the mug and tilted her head a little. "It was strange," she said. "I swear my coffee machine was silver, but now it's black."

"That is strange. But then," Callen smiled, "you do have some issues with your powers of observation of certain things."

"I will admit that there are certain … things … I seem to have difficulty noticing when it comes to a certain someone's stealth mode, however getting back to my coffee machine, I actually had to read the instructions. I haven't had to do for at least two years. In fact, when I moved into my apartment here I threw them out because I didn't need them anymore."

"Really?"

Jessie chuckled. "G why do I have a new coffee machine?"

"Couldn't fix the old one."

"I could've had someone look at it and fix it. That's what I was planning to do."

Callen shrugged. "And now you don't have to."

"How much do I owe you?"

"You don't."

"G," she said firmly.

"Jessie," Callen said her name just as firmly as she had done his. "You needed a working coffee machine. I couldn't fix your old one so I replaced it."

Jessie stepped a touch closer. "My old one," she said. "The one that you were trying to fix in the middle of last night."

"Yes."

"I know you can order online anytime but to get something delivered in said middle of the night?" Jessie shook her head. "Didn't think that was done."

"Who said it was the middle of the night when it was delivered?"

Jessie chuckled. "You were gone by seven this morning. Deliveries don't usually start til after that."

"What are you suggesting Doc?"

Yeah, she was onto him. The tone might be innocent but Callen certainly wasn't keeping the twinkle out of his eyes, or the smile off his lips that would've reinforced the innocence.

"I'm not suggesting anything," Jessie told him. "You already had one to replace it."

"So?"

"How much?"

Her stubborn blue eyed agent remained silent.

"Fine." Jessie shrugged and stepped back from him. "I'll go to the shops, find out how much and get Hetty to put the money in your bank account."

"Or you can accept it for what it is," Callen countered.

"What is that?" Would she finally get some answers from the man this morning that she could actually follow?

"An investment."

Nope. Of course not. "In what?"

"My health."

"What?"

Callen grinned and stepped closer. Close enough to make her breath catch. "If my doctor's not awake," he said softly, "how is she going to take care of me?"

"Maybe you should be taking care of yourself a little more so she doesn't have to patch you up so often." Her words were softly and way more breathy than she wanted them to be.

"Who else is going to take care of you?"

Jessie almost sighed when Callen tucked her hair behind her ear and his fingers brushed her skin. The slightest touch from him had the potential to turn her into a puddle at his feet. Her alarm went off at that point and when he pulled his hand away the backs of his fingers brushed along her jaw. Deliberately she was sure.

Jessie took a step back from him. "That's my cue," she said.

Callen frowned.

"It's twelve. It's safe to go inside."

Callen chuckled. "You were that worried about what might happen?"

Jessie started to walk toward the front door. "Not worried," she threw over her shoulder.

"Then what?" he called out.

Jessie ignored the question and stepped through the doors.

"Terrified," she murmured to herself. "Incredibly tempted," she added. Because the idea of what might happen if she did arrive early had had Jessie standing at those doors ten minutes ago with her hand on the handle ready to go inside.


	54. Deep Trouble

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So again, I've split a very large chapter into the different feels, which means you don't have to wait until I've finished the rest to get this bit! The next chapter will have a somewhat lighter feel to it (still working on it though).
> 
> This chapter/incident is based on the Deep Trouble Episodes (S5 Ep 24 & S6 Ep 1) and acts as a tag but only to the part about the boys in the submarine. The other story lines to the episodes don't factor in here.
> 
> Love to hear from you when you are done. Enjoy

* * *

 

 

Jessie fought hard to keep her gaze from drifting to Callen as she thoroughly worked through her check of Sam. It wasn't until Sam gently put his large hand over hers that she realised it was shaking.

"Jessie," Sam's voice was full of concern. "You okay?"

"No," she admittedly honestly. Really there was no point in even attempting to lie to him, aside from the fact she was hopeless at it anyway. Sam could clearly see it and if he couldn't then he should be rethinking his career. "You two could've died."

"But we didn't," Sam replied.

"But you would've." Jessie swallowed hard to shift the lump in her throat and blinked back the tears that were almost as determined to fall as she was to not let them do so. Not here at least. At home, alone. Maybe then. But not here or now.

"Meaning?" Sam prompted.

Jessie lifted her eyes to his. Warm, dark and filled with concern. The tears tried again. "Meaning," Jessie said, "I know you both … very well. You would've sacrificed yourselves to save those on the Van Brummen. You'd have blown both yourselves and the sub up first if it hadn't have been done for you."

"Yes," Sam admitted quietly. "We would've."

The way Sam said that told her so much. She had no doubt now that they'd already set the plans in motion. Not knowing what was going on when they'd lost communication with them had been terrifying, yet she hadn't been able to walk out of Ops. It had been like her feet were glued to the floor, even when she knew what was coming and Granger hadn't been able to stop it; at least until the moment the submarine had been blown up and the pain had all but torn her in two and she'd fled. She was on the second last step when Nell had shouted at her over the balcony that they were alive. Jessie's knees had almost given out under her, a vice-like grip on the railing the only thing that had kept her upright. But even knowing that she hadn't been able to return to Ops so she didn't know anything about what had happened during that time when they'd been out of communication. Instead she'd continued to her office where she'd collapsed on her couch and let the tears fall in private. Because even though she knew he was alive, the pain was still there and now she'd experienced it, even for that brief minute or two, she knew that without him she didn't think she'd be able to survive and that was beyond terrifying.

"And the damn thing is," Jessie didn't miss the slight raise of Sam's eyebrows at her choice of words, "I wouldn't want either of you to change because if you weren't who you are I wouldn't care ... He wouldn't be the one I …." Jessie closed her eyes and took deep breath.

"Jessie." Sam's voice was low enough that nobody would hear. "Look at me," he said.

Jessie opened her eyes and Sam studied her, more intently than he ever had before, and she knew he could see everything on her face that she just wasn't capable of hiding yet.

"You haven't have you?" Sam asked.

"Haven't what?"

"He's my partner and I love him but," Sam shook his head and sighed. "Oh Jessie, you haven't chosen an easy one."

"Didn't choose," Jessie murmured and shifted slightly so her back was turned more to Callen because she could feel his eyes on her and the last thing she needed right now was to look at him. "Just like you didn't choose Michelle."

Sam tilted his head in acknowledgement.

"You almost died," Jessie whispered.

"Think about it in terms that we made it, okay." Sam squeezed her hand that she didn't realise he was still holding. She gently pulled it away and got back to the job she should've already finished.

"Trying to play shrink?" She needed something to lighten things or she would lose the battle with those tears.

"No," Sam said gently. "Friend."

So much for that theory, the tears pressed against her eyes again. Jessie only nodded in response.

"Is this why Nell's checking him over, not you?" Sam asked her.

"She knows what to look for," Jessie told him, "and will tell me if she sees something that isn't right. And if I find something with you then I'll check him then." Because right now she didn't have the emotional strength to actually do her job when it came to Callen. It had taken everything in her not to throw her arms around him when he'd arrived at the boatshed. She'd known it before they'd arrived and that was why she'd asked Nell to help her. Nell had looked at her oddly but Jessie had pointed out if they both checked them over if there was anything drastically wrong it would be picked up quicker. Something in the younger woman's eyes had suggested she didn't entirely believe her but Nell had accepted the instructions without further comment.

Jessie finished another recheck of Sam's ears, which gave her a little more time to push back her emotions, then she rested a hand on Sam's shoulder and gave a gentle squeeze. "You're good to go. A couple of quiet days would be useful but you'll be fine."

She heard Nell's comment to Callen about a ruptured eardrum. However since Nell didn't call her over Jessie figured it wasn't that bad and was nothing she needed to look at right away since he didn't seem like he was in pain. She'd check it tomorrow and keep an eye on it for infection. Sam's ears were all clear, which given his background wasn't surprising; he'd know exactly what to do to keep out of trouble in that way. Given that was the worst Nell had mentioned to Callen, Jessie assumed she was done for now so turned her back on the occupants of the room and packed away her equipment. It felt wrong, no doubt about that, to not be the one to check on Callen but she just couldn't, not without the incredibly high risk that she would completely breakdown in front of them all. Equipment away, she kept her back to them and took some slow breaths to prepare herself to turn around and, somehow, say goodbye and leave. She had her suspicions that Callen might follow her when she did. How she would deal with that she didn't know. All she could do was hope that somehow she got to her car first and could leave before he said anything. There was only so much control she had left and she would need it all to get home.

Except her escape wasn't meant to be because as she turned around Deeks put drinks on the table and invited everyone to join in. Even though she knew before she moved to the table that this wasn't a good idea, in fact it was an incredibly stupid idea, Jessie stepped up anyway to join them.

Friends and Partners.

She could've added more to that toast easily and not just about Callen. When exactly did she find this new family?

She kept her eyes off Callen and downed the drink along with everyone else. After all, it was a team celebration wasn't it? She was a part of the team.

For better or worse.

The first drink may have been a celebration, as disgusting as it was, but the second wasn't. That one was purely drunk with the, probably futile, hope of it easing, or at least masking, the pain that was still so very raw and aching in that spot in her chest right at her heart.

* * *

Callen had watched Jessie check Sam over. He had to admit to some major disappointment that she'd given Nell the job of checking on him, supposedly so that they both got checked quicker. Except both of them had seen the paramedics already and been given instructions so technically this was just going to be Jessie checking up on them for her own satisfaction and records, which again didn't make sense that Nell was the one doing it for him. Jessie hadn't even looked at him yet and that told Callen there was way more to this than just making sure they were checked quicker. He knew she would be hurting that they'd been hurt, except that they weren't that hurt. Just some minor issues that would barely cause a hiccup in the general scheme of things.

When Deeks had set out the depth charges, Callen was surprised that she'd joined in. He'd stopped after one, but Deeks had more supplies and a few put their hand up for seconds, including Jessie. So Callen had sat back and watched and tried to work out what was going on with her. After the two depth charges came four more straight shots of rum; in fairly quick succession. And still Jessie wouldn't look at him.

Callen could see that this wasn't the Jessie they'd seen at Karaoke after a few drinks had simply taken down her protective walls and had her relaxed.

This was a very different Jessie. A very quiet Jessie. One that worried Callen.

When Deeks placed a fifth shot of rum in front of Jessie and she picked it up, Callen moved quickly and removed it from her fingers - easily. She finally looked at him then and her mouth opened to protest.

"Time to get you home Doc," Callen said before she could. Jessie closed her mouth and looked away but not before Callen saw a flare of pain in her eyes and he wasn't quite sure what it was about. It was different to what he'd seen in her eyes when she'd been upset after the helicopter crash and Kensi had been badly injured. Callen slipped his arm around Jessie's shoulders and steered her toward the door. Sam handed him Jessie's bag.

"Careful G."

Callen wasn't sure why but there was definitely a warning tone and an edge to Sam's words. Given Jessie stood right next to him, and swayed slightly, now wasn't the time to get into it and he simply said to Sam, "Always."

Jessie remained quiet and stared out the window of the passenger's side of his car the whole way to her apartment. He didn't attempt to get her to talk because he figured the car wouldn't be the place for her to lose whatever control she seemed to be holding onto tightly.

When Jessie stumbled on the path to the front of her apartment building Callen caught her easily.

Jessie groaned and her hand went to her head. "I'm going to feel so bad in the morning," she murmured.

Callen slipped his arm around her waist to hold her steady. "So why did you do it Doc?" he asked quietly. The question had her glance at him again but then she went into silent mode and looked away.

Callen managed to get her up to her apartment, mentally thanking whatever builder decided that yes a three story apartment building did indeed need an elevator, and through her front door safely and without another incident. He closed and locked the door before he turned around to see her trying to get out of her second shoe, the first one already on the floor beside her. When it unexpectedly came off and Jessie wobbled precariously on the one leg, Callen moved quickly, caught her and pulled her in close to keep her from falling.

Jessie looked up at him and before Callen could register the look in her eyes, she shifted and pressed her lips to his. Not just a light brush, but a firm press and request for more. A request that he gave into because her touch had short circuited his brain and left it sending him just one message - whatever she wants.

Callen felt the wall against his back when she pushed against him; the hard wall a contradiction to the softness of her body against his front. Her hair, half up, half down, had tempted his hands the whole time they'd been in the boat shed and now one of his hands found its way through the silky strands and cupped the back of her head as his mouth explored hers in a kiss that was like a battle between the two of them. There was no dominant person in this kiss. They were both as desperate as one another. For far too long the heat had been simmering between them and it had just hit boiling point with explosive force.

The hard tug on the bottom of his shirt had some of Callen's brain reconnecting even though the feel of her fingers moving over his stomach and up to his chest threatened to fry them again. Jessie's lips left his and trailed along his jaw and down his neck, the softness of them distracting as was the breath that drifted over his skin as she moved. It was the sob that finally had his brain start to click into gear and gave him pause to think rather than just feel. Her lips had stopped in their tracks against his neck and simply rested against his skin, her hand was also still under his shirt. The second sob, and the tremor that went through her body with it, had the rest of his mind fire up. Callen's hand was still in her hair and he extracted that carefully before he shifted so she was the one against the wall and he was looking into her eyes. Eyes that were filled with tears and pain that even the haze of alcohol couldn't hide.

"What are you doing Jessie?" Callen asked gently.

"You almost died." A stream of tears fell down one cheek. "I thought you had."

Callen heard the pain in her voice and the whisper of a connection flared. Her hand under his shirt made more sense - his heart beat. The place she'd stopped on his neck - his pulse.

"I'm not that easy to kill."

Her eyes dropped to his lips and she moved her head closer. Callen pulled back though.

"How much did you have to drink?" he asked her, even though he knew. He needed to know if she knew before things went any further, that was if they went any further today.

"Not enough," Jessie whispered, the pain even stronger and the tears heavier. "It still hurts."

"What still hurts?"

"Thinking you were gone. Hurt then. Still hurts now."

"Sam and I are fine," Callen assured her. He brushed the hair off her cheek gently and then his eyes locked with hers again. He hadn't thought the pain could be any stronger but it was. Except now it was coupled with guilt.

"You hurt more." Her voice broke on the words.

Callen heart pounded in his chest and his mind raced over the possibilities of what she was saying. But she was drunk, that much he was sure of, and he couldn't be sure she even knew what she was saying.

Jessie reached up and ran a finger over his lips. Her saw her eyes follow the motion before they lifted to his and her hand slipped behind his head. Callen felt the gentle pressure that she used to urge him closer.

"Please," she whispered.

And there was a part of him that really wanted to, a part of him that was already instinctively closing the distance to give her what she wanted, needed, before he could even think. Probably because he wanted and needed it too and when something was mutual it made it that much more difficult to think clearly. But just as his lips brushed hers the chivalrous - Hetty had to put that word into his mind in connection with Jessie didn't she - part of him took over and instead of deepening the kiss and getting lost, Callen shifted and trailed soft kisses over her cheek and down her neck. He hoped it gave her a little something while he worked on getting enough control to be able to stop this before it went somewhere he only wanted it to go when she was sober and could make the choice with a clear head.

Jessie's head tilted to one side and it opened up her neck better for him. The leap of her pulse under his lips was a temptation he struggled with and he gave in to the urge to run his tongue over it - vanilla and salty tears this time. The vibration of the moan in her throat at the action had him temporarily lose the grip on his control and he opened his mouth over the point and gently sucked. The moan to that action was louder and then her body started to sink as if her knees had given out. Callen caught her to him and swept her up into his arms. It took every ounce of control he could pull from every place he could think of to carry her to her bed, place her down gently and not join her. When Jessie looked up into his eyes, her arms still around his neck, the passion, hurt and need in her eyes was almost Callen's undoing. If that was all it had been, then the invitation he saw there in her eyes would've been too much to resist. But the haze from the alcohol made him stop.

Callen gently removed her hands from around his neck, lowered his head and pressed a gentle, lingering kiss to her forehead before he pulled back to look her eyes, eyes that now held confusion as well.

Callen shook his head. "Not like this," he told her gently. "Sleep Jessie. I'll be here when you wake up." He saw the disappointment, tried to ease it a touch with a kiss to her fingers before he let them go and moved away from the bed. He walked out of the room without looking back but left the door open so he could hear if she needed him. The soft sob that reached his ears just after he'd left the room was one of the hardest things he could remember having to walk away from. He kicked off his shoes, laid down on the couch and stared at the ceiling. He hated the fact that he didn't think he had enough control right now to stay in there with her, give her the comfort he was sure she needed without letting it going too far. But if she turned to him, begged him for more, he wasn't sure he'd be able to tell her no again. He'd done it, slept beside her, before but things tonight were different.

Was it just the situation or was it more?

Had the situation combined with the alcohol shown him what she was really wanting from him? She said it hurt more thinking he was gone than Sam. Could that mean what he thought? Did he want it to mean what he thought?

And had it shown him what he wanted from her?

Callen had stopped them, but it was hell lying out here knowing she was hurting and not being able to be there for her. If they were together, if she really was his, nothing would've stopped him giving her what she needed tonight. Because he was sure if they were together, the alcohol wouldn't have been necessary. She simply would've come to him rather than try and numb or hide what she was feeling.

A part of him wanted to leave, to give himself some space to try and think how things would go from here but he wouldn't leave her like this. He'd promised and he wasn't going to break a promise to her. Ever.


	55. More Trouble

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well I wasn't sure I'd get this out today but it looks like I just might. Took a little more tweaking than I thought. Getting into their heads and hearts is creating a problem though as I go further on with the story. It's getting harder to keep to the original plan and each chapter seems to require that little bit more work to make it fit what has now come before. But it's fun and a challenge.
> 
> Enjoy, have a great weekend, and love to hear what you think when you get to the bottom.

* * *

 

 

Callen slipped quietly into Jessie's bedroom and placed the glass of water and bottle of Advil he'd found in her bathroom on the bedside table before he moved back to the doorway to watch her sleep and drink his coffee.

Something he hadn't done much of last night, though he had spent a lot of time thinking.

There was no doubt in his mind that he wanted more with her. It wasn't just the physical, because if that was all he'd wanted from her, he'd have been able to put a stop to this already one way or another. If Jessie had been the kind of girl that would've done a brief, yet satisfying fling, they'd have had it a long time ago But she wasn't. That was a step that she wouldn't take unless she felt something. He knew that about her, even though they'd rarely spoken about her past relationships. And if he wasn't interested in more he'd have been easily able to dismiss the attraction and move on.

Because he knew her.

The deep, the dark, the light and the fun. He _knows_ her.

Their talks over the last year hadn't been one sided. She knew him almost as well as he knew her. Yes there were still secrets, more on his side than hers, but that didn't mean they didn't know one another. The small things he had said had added up to way more than the sum of their parts.

Callen trusted Jessie in a way he'd never trusted any of the women in his past that could've been what Hetty would've called a romantic interest, or even those who weren't. In some ways he trusted her more than anyone else, Sam and Hetty included.

His biggest problem came down to one thing - Was he good enough for her? Because he cared, more than he'd been willing to admit until now, and he didn't want to hurt her. There was so much about his life that caused him concern. His lack of knowledge from his childhood - who was he, where did he come from? And then there were so many things that could come back to hurt anyone connected to him from what he'd done in his career. Some enemies he knew, some he didn't. That scared him, or at least the thought of what those enemies might do to her scared him. They could do what they wanted to him, just not her.

Callen had tried to build back the defenses after his drunken confession, tried to keep their relationship to what it had been, but he might as well have been building those defenses out of clouds.

Even when he hadn't been looking, opportunities for things to move further had tempted him, but something always seemed to interfere, be it someone else, or his own damn doubts about whether he could give her what she needed.

But a little voice had been in his ear all last night. A selfish little voice that was exceptionally convincing in the still and quiet hours of the morning. What about what he needed? He needed someone to trust, to care and to be there for him. Someone who wouldn't leave him wondering if she was too good to be true or if she would run at the slightest hint of trouble. And given how trouble tended to find its way to him, there would be more than just a slight hint of it.

What if he reached out to get what he needed which then meant he could be what _she_ needed? A veritable catch twenty two but if it worked, where would that take them?

The sparks between them had been there since the beginning, even if he'd been good at ignoring them for a while. The longer things had gone on, the hotter the heat had grown between them. Last night was proof that something needed to be done before it was completely out of their control. It honestly scared him how strong those feelings were that she evoked in him, not just how lost in the moment he could be with her when they physically connected but how he worried, cared and wanted to protect her so much more than anyone he could remember. He was scared that the passion and heat between them would burn so hot but die quickly and leave them a pile of ashes that would never be the same again. And Callen rarely admitted to anyone, especially himself, that he was scared.

But another little voice had popped into his head when those thoughts had played in his mind. One that sounded decidedly like Sam.

_What if it doesn't? What if the flames burn hot and vibrant and keep you warm for the rest of your lives?_

It was that voice, those words, that Callen had held onto as he'd decided something in the early hours of the morning before he'd slipped into a light sleep that filled with dreams of just that kind of scenario, even as he was still tuned in to her, just in case.

Friendship wasn't enough anymore. He was willing to take the risk, as scary as that risk was. He just needed to figure out how before the sparks took on a life of their own and things happened without him being in control. And if last night was anything to go by, it wasn't far away, and if that happened, the risk of hurting her was huge.

So now all he needed was -

A soft groan from the bed brought him out of his thoughts.

"Morning," Callen said gently. He wasn't quite sure how she'd respond. The groan that followed sounded more horrified than pain-filled and he chuckled quietly when she pulled a pillow over her head. "Don't think I've seen you wake up this badly before," he said.

Jessie moved the pillow away but her eyes stayed closed. "That would be," she said very softly, "because I've never had a hangover around you before."

"Can't be that bad," Callen replied. "You're awake and still in bed, not the bathroom."

"What can I say, I'm blessed with a cast iron stomach." Jessie opened her eyes slightly but closed them quickly with another groan. "But the same can't be said for my head. I'll have you know this is exactly why I stick to wine. Spirits are hell the next morning."

Callen refrained from laughing at her again. "Water and Advil beside your bed."

Jessie's eyes opened again and this time they stayed opened. "Why are you so cheerful?" she asked him.

Callen smiled. She must've picked up the laugh in his voice even if refrained from the actual sound. "Just enjoying a different side of you." And stepping very carefully after last night.

"You're enjoying my suffering?" Jessie said slowly. "How very … nice of you. I seem to recall the reverse happening not that long ago and I'm sure I didn't enjoy it as much as you seem to be."

"Oh Doc, you enjoyed that moment very much."

Her eyes narrowed at him and Callen grinned. "You had me at your mercy. Not my fault if you didn't take advantage. You could've enjoyed it a lot more."

Jessie blushed and closed her eyes briefly before she shifted carefully and reached for the Advil. After taking them and downing the whole large glass of water he'd brought in she sat up slowly.

"I have the distinct feeling," Jessie said, a hint of nervousness in her tone, "That I did something last night that I should be apologising for." She looked at him expectantly but Callen made her wait while he processed that comment. He took his time with the sip of his coffee. From that he would have to conclude that Jessie didn't remember what had happened. Disappointing but not exactly unexpected. She had drunk a lot in a very short period of time. He needed to be careful for a bit before he pushed to find out what was really going on in her head and where she wanted this to go. But it certainly didn't mean he was going to go easy on her, their _normal_ still needed to apply because that's who they were. It would be there whether things progressed or not.

"Didn't do anything I wouldn't want you to repeat sober." There, banter, teasing, not exactly answering but then he wasn't lying either. A perfect answer. Especially with the wide eyed look it got from her in response.

"That doesn't help me know what happened," Jessie protested.

Callen smiled. "Who said you need to know? Plus, surely you'd know if something happened wouldn't you?"

Jessie shook her head, promptly groaned and closed her eyes.. "Oh … I wouldn't count on that. I remember that first drink but after that things are decidedly fuzzy." Jessie lifted her gaze to him. "Remind me to tell Deeks off for that idea of his when my head doesn't hurt."

Callen pushed off the door frame. "Do you really think that if something happened you'd have woken up in that bed alone? Or wearing what you are?" Jessie's eyes grew huge and Callen winked. "Take some time Doc then catch a cab into work. Hetty's expecting you by lunch time. We've got an unexpected case."

Callen turned and walked away. The groan, one he knew well, that he heard had nothing to do with her head and everything to do with him frustrating her. He couldn't help the grin that spread on his face. Things were going to get very interesting.

* * *

Jessie pulled herself reluctantly from the bed once she heard the front door close behind Callen. Her head was pounding but she knew the Advil would kick in soon. If only it would clear up her memories. At least a shower would make her feel better and hopefully functional enough to get ready for work. It must've been rather important for Hetty to call them in after what had happened yesterday. Callen and Sam at least needed some time to rest after yesterday. She doubted if Hetty would be sympathetic to those with a hangover.

Jessie stared at her reflection in the mirror and hoped for some kind of miraculous recovery. What she'd told Callen was only the partial truth. Yes, the headache connected with the hangover where spirits were involved were killers but she could deal with them. The main reason she stuck to wine, and hadn't joined in with the usual drunken university parties, was that if she drunk enough to end up with a hangover, she also ended up with memory loss. She was incredibly lucky that her experience with hangovers like this was limited to times when Trevor was around to keep her safe and she could count them all on one hand, perhaps two now.

Jessie closed her eyes and took a breath. Yep, yesterday had been a prime example of a high risk day. She should've known better than to even join the team in the first one. In face she had known better. Her emotional state was the warning sign but she'd ignored it in an effort to escape the pain. And with that thought the pain flared again. Thinking he was dead had been the most painful thing she'd felt in a very long time. She pushed it away though. He was safe. He was home. It was over.

At least that part anyway.

What had she done last night? Jessie didn't even know how much she'd had to drink or how she'd gotten home, though it was an easy assumption to make that Callen had something to do with that. Sam had -

Oh God, Sam knew.

Jessie's eyes closed again and she dropped her chin to her chest and let out a long, slow breath. Was it really that obvious? Or was it just that Sam was very good at reading people? Considering she worked with a group of people who were the best at doing just that, the likelihood of it just being Sam now, was slim.

Jessie rubbed the back of her neck and stretched the muscles as she stared at her reflection. With no idea what had happened she would be flying blind when she walked into the office later, not something she particularly enjoyed. Her hand ran over her neck and paused when she came across a patch of tenderness. She frowned and looked closer through the mirror to see a slight mark right where her pulse would be found. She shifted so the light reached it to make sure it wasn't a shadow. As she did a memory, a brief but very intense one, came back. And it involved her against the wall with Callen right where he'd need to be to leave that kind of mark.

Her body's response to the reminder left her in no doubt that it was indeed a real memory, not something that she'd dreamed of.

"Oh no," she whispered. "What did I do?" She turned from the mirror, stepped into the shower and flicked the water on without waiting for it to heat up. She closed her eyes and rested her head against the tiled wall as she shivered under the onslaught of cold water. Hopefully it would help because she really needed a clear head before she faced him again.

* * *

An hour and a half later Jessie walked slowly through the double entry doors and paused. She wasn't ready for this. Her head wasn't clear. In fact it was a jumbled mess of small possible moments that she couldn't piece together. How many were simply from dreams and how many from last night she couldn't even work out. That was on top of the still there headache. She didn't want to contemplate how bad it would be if she hadn't taken something. To top it off, she'd had to make a call she'd never had to make before to Heidi at the hospital to cancel her shift for tomorrow. There was no way she was risking working in the ER with any leftover effects of last night. Here was a very different story, though how much use she'd be right now she wasn't sure. Part of her wondered if she was currently on the receiving end of one of those unusual forms of punishment Callen had mentioned.

Callen.

Jessie forced her feet to take her down the corridor and breathed slow and deep, in and out, as she went. She could do this. She had to do this. And he didn't know that she'd remembered anything. She hoped anyway.

Neither Hetty or the team were at their desks so Jessie headed directly up to Ops, being very careful on the stairs. They were probably already up there. She walked through the sliding doors but it was only Nell and Eric who were seated at their desk.

"Hi Jessie," Nell said. There was a look in Nell's eyes that Jessie wasn't even going to try and decipher with her head the way it was at this point.

Eric spun his chair around, but abruptly stopped it. His hands went to his head and he groaned.

"You too?" Jessie felt sympathy for Eric but there was no way in hell she'd feel an ounce of it if Deeks walked in with a hangover. It was an uncharitable thought, and if she wasn't feeling this unsettled, both physically and emotionally, then she probably wouldn't even be thinking it.

"It's just the spinning I can't handle," Eric said slowly.

"Nell?" Jessie turned to face Nell.

"I'm good." Her voice was so chirpy.

"Seriously?" Nell was so much smaller than her. "How can you possibly be okay?"

"Because I," Nell looked between the two of them, rather smugly, "Stopped at one."

"Eric stopped at?" Jessie asked a touch hesitantly, knowing if she asked about Eric, the conversation would get back to her and she wasn't sure she wanted to know.

"Just one straight shot after the Depth Charge," Eric told her.

Really? That's what Deeks had given them? The man had a strange sense of humour. She vaguely remembered that now. Not that she'd been drunk at the time but her head hadn't exactly been in the conversation.

Eric looked at her, curious. "You?"

Jessie sighed. "I don't remember," she admitted to them.

"Anything?" Eric looked shocked.

"The first drink I remember, after that…." Jessie wasn't entirely sure she was up to admitting anything about the brief possible moments that she did remember. Especially about her hands running over a certain someone's chest, the skin to skin kind of contact not through a shirt. She especially wasn't going to admit to seeing his face above hers when she was sure they were in her bed.

"You don't remember the second depth charge?" Eric asked.

Jessie shook her head.

"Or the four rum shots after?"

"No." Four plus the two, plus the beer. No wonder she felt so bad.

"What about the tequila shots?" Nell asked.

Jessie closed her eyes and groaned. "Oh god." Her hand went to her neck though she didn't realise it until she heard a noise from Nell and opened her eyes to find the analyst's eyes locked on her hand.

"Jessie," Eric said, "There were no tequila shots. Not at the boat shed anyway."

Jessie hadn't heard the doors open but there was no mistaking that voice.

"Tequila. Really Eric. I didn't know you were up for that. I'm in, as long as I get Jessie."

Jessie spun on her heels, the pain in her head ignored as shock and embarrassment flooded her. "What did -" No. No, there was no way Callen had just said what she thought did. Her mind was just too screwed up to hear properly. She really shouldn't be here.

The grin on Callen's face was that one he had when he had something on you. She really hated being on the receiving end of that smug look, even if it did have the ability to make her heart skip a beat. She turned away quickly, at little too quickly and groaned as pain shot through her head at the motion.

"Good to see everyone is finally in," Hetty voice sounded and Jessie turned, this time slowly, to see Hetty, Sam, Kensi and Deeks had joined them.

Unfortunately it looked like she and Eric were the only ones suffering any major effects from last night. Eric was a gem and kept the volume down on the videos, much to Deeks' amusement. If Jessie had been that way inclined she would've been thinking up some interesting questions for Deeks' next session that would leave him squirming. The detective was lucky she wasn't.

She lost track of the briefing at one point when she'd felt Callen's gaze land on her and she'd automatically turned to him without thinking when she'd felt it. His gaze lingered on her neck and, once again, her hand had a mind of its own and reached up to cover it. Callen lifted his gaze to hers and raised an eyebrow, the smirk on his face grew when she quickly dropped her hand and pulled her attention back to the screen. Unfortunately it took more than that to get her focus back on what was being said and she really hoped her input wasn't needed for a while until she could review the details without distraction, which meant in private.

When it was over the team left the room, only Eric and Nell remained with her.

Jessie folded her arms on the table and dropped her head to them with a groan.

"What happened last night Jessie?" Eric asked. "Callen took you home right?"

"Yeah," she answered with her head still on her arms.

"And?" Nell prompted.

"I don't know." How ridiculous that sounded coming from a, supposedly, very responsible adult.

"Did you guys…" Eric trailed off but what he hadn't voiced hung heavy in the room and Jessie's head flew up in protest. She closed her eyes and reached for the side of her head that felt like a knife had just been run through it.

"No," Jessie said. "He said nothing happened."

Actually he hadn't said that. It was implied but given the man's gift at evasion, of all kinds, he hadn't really answered and she was only just realising that now. Apart from his admission that she hadn't done anything he wouldn't want to repeat, everything else had been a question disguised as an answer.

"He was there when you woke up?"

"He slept on the couch."

"Are you sure?" Eric questioned.

"I trust him." She did trust him. She also knew him which unfortunately didn't help her decipher just what he'd been saying this morning. When Callen went into cryptic mode it was almost impossible to figure that out.

"Then how did you get that mark on your neck?" Nell asked.

"How can you even see it?" Answering a question with a question. Hmmm, where exactly had she learned that tactic? "I can barely see it myself even when I'm looking."

"Detail orientated," Nell said calmly. "So's Callen. He noticed."

Of course the man noticed, especially if it had gotten there the way she thought, but she wasn't about to admit that yet.

"Are you going to ask him about it?" Eric asked her.

"No!" Jessie shook her head to reaffirm her answer, something she really shouldn't have done. "No," she said more gently. "I'm just going to try and let it go and trust that nothing happened."

Because she really wasn't game enough to walk up to him and ask if he'd - Not even in her head was she game enough to ask the question.

"Something happened Jessie. You can't deny that."

"Eric, I was still dressed when I woke up - alone."

"He's a man of many talents." For that Nell thumped Eric on the arm, hard enough to cause him pain.

"He's also a man of his word, Eric," Nell said. "If he said nothing happened, nothing happened."

Except he didn't and now Jessie was well and truly confused. Why wouldn't he say something to her? Unless he regretted it.

"Yeah well," Eric took a step away from Nell which drew Jessie's attention from her thoughts, "unless Jessie pinched herself," Eric continued. "Something happened. About time."

Nell glared at Eric.

"Hold on you two," Jessie said after a mental shake of her head. She was learning thankfully. "What's going on here?"

Nell continued to hold her glare on Eric but Jessie had her own powerful look that she rarely used anymore, because it certainly wasn't something to use on the majority of this team.

"Eric." The firmness of her voice seemed to break Nell's hold on Eric's gaze. He looked at her, his eyes went wide and he stepped back. "Tell me."

"We've got a bet going," Eric rushed out.

"On?" Jessie knew before she'd even asked.

"When you two will get together."

Jessie brought both hands to the back of her neck. Her day was just getting worse with every moment.

"We're not - Who is betting on it?"

"It's just between us," Nell admitted.

"And what's the rest of it?"

Eric stayed silent so Jessie turned the look on Nell. Nell rolled her eyes and Jessie knew in that moment to not bother with the look with her again. However Nell did at least come forward with the information. She probably figured the cat was out of the bag so what was the point of keeping it a secret.

"Eric gets a new surfboard if you are together before Thanksgiving."

They were betting long term obviously.

"And you?" Jessie asked Nell.

"I figure before the end of Summer."

"What do you get?"

"I take her to see the musical of her choice, without complaining."

"Summer's not far away Eric, I think you might be safe."

"Well we've had to change it twice already because you two didn't -" Eric stopped abruptly.

"We're not -." Jessie sighed. What was the point? She doubted she could change their minds.

"Come on Jessie," Eric had a smile she hadn't seen before on his. She wasn't sure that she wanted to know what was behind it. "The sparks between you two are obvious," Eric said.

"Just because attraction is there doesn't mean two people should be together." That should've been the end of the conversation but no, this was Eric and Nell she was talking about.

"So you do find him attractive?" Nell asked.

"Kill the bet," Jessie said firmly and turned around to leave. She came to an abrupt halt. Callen stood near the door, an extremely smug and satisfied look on his face. She turned back to Eric and shook her head slowly.

"You," she said softly, "are in so much trouble." And she was in so much more.

She turned and walked quickly out the door, not looking at Callen, though it didn't stop her from hearing his quiet chuckle.

* * *

Callen went to check on Jessie later in the afternoon, when they had a small down moment in the complicated case that had been dumped in their laps that day. When she wasn't in her office or the medical room, he headed up to Ops to check with Eric.

"She went home about half an hour ago. She wasn't feeling great."

"Her car still at the boat shed?"

"Yeah. She said she'd pick it up tomorrow or the day after depending on how she was feeling."

Good to know she was being careful. He walked out of Ops and pulled out his phone.

The text he fired of quickly was simple. _You okay_?

His patience was much thinner than normal and he was on the verge of calling her when he received a text back.

_Head's bad. Need to sleep._

_Are you already in bed?_ He sent back.

There was a small delay before her answer came.

_Yes._

Instead of texting Callen called her. Because he really needed to know she was okay.

"Did I wake you?" It was a stupid question in reality because he'd just been texting her but he had a mental blank on what to say when he'd heard her quiet voice in his ear.

"Not asleep yet," Jess told him.

"Are you okay?"

"I have a hangover G. It's not pleasant. I'll be fine after a good night's sleep."

Callen wasn't sure what else to say. If her head hurt and she needed to sleep she probably didn't feel like talking.

Jessie broke the silence. "G what happ-"

"G." Sam called out. Callen turned and saw Sam coming down the stairs two at a time. "We've got something. Let's move."

Callen heard Jessie sigh through the phone. "Sorry," he said to her, he kept his voice low just in case. "Got a lead to chase. Get some sleep, don't forget to-"

Jessie cut him off. "I know what to do for a hangover G. Good luck with the lead."

She hung up before he could say goodbye which left him staring at his phone for a moment.

"G." Sam called out again.

Callen pocketed his phone and followed Sam to the car. Reluctantly he boxed up the strange ending to their call and got back to the mission at hand. He'd have to figure her out later. There was too much to risk being distracted and he had a feeling this mission was going to take everything they had to solve and, unfortunately, he wasn't expecting it to be completed anytime soon.

 


	56. Plan awry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all had a lovely weekend. Welcome back to another week of Callen and Jessie. Enjoy and love to know what you think when you get to the end.

* * *

Callen narrowly avoided fidgeting as he sat at the bar of an upmarket restaurant and waited for Michelle to arrive. He had plans, plans that didn't include his partner but unfortunately a certain doctor had given him orders he wasn't inclined to disobey. The case that had fallen into their laps had been more than a touch complicated and after a full on four days, now that it was over, Callen was done waiting. There was a talk that needed to be had.

Except Sam had taken a blow to the head, a minor blow that wasn't even concussion worthy, but Jessie had nonetheless told Sam he couldn't drive until tomorrow. Both Callen and Sam had been surprised by the order considering they'd both had worse and not been put in irons, so to speak. What had surprised Callen even more was that Sam hadn't fought the order. The look that was exchanged between his partner and Jessie gave Callen the distinct feeling that he was missing something.

When Callen had protested that Sam was fine Jessie had shot him a look that had him fighting between the urge to step back from the force or step forward because of the worry he saw there. Perhaps, given what had happened less than a week ago with the submarine, it was understandable that Jessie was being a little overprotective of Sam. Callen admitted the thought was heartwarming that she worried so much about the big guy.

That was what led to him being here. Sam was dressed up looking rather dapper, as Hetty had said when she'd finished dressing him for his date with Michelle since Sam didn't have time to go home first. Callen was still in his jeans. He'd had every intention of dropping Sam at the door and into Michelle's hands except the babysitter had been ten minutes late and therefore so was Michelle. So in he'd come, feeling out of place, but not willing to leave Sam on his own - Doctor's orders and given what he was planning tonight he wasn't going to get on her bad side.

Because his plans had to do with Jessie. These last few days had been crazy and lacking in sleep or down time that would've given him an opportunity to talk to her unless it was case related. There was a particular Italian restaurant, a favourite of hers, that he already had an order placed to pick up and then he'd head to her apartment and, hopefully things would go well from there. How exactly he was going to bring the topic up he wasn't sure yet. He figured he'd just put his winging it skills to work.

Callen was pulled from his thoughts when Sam said Jessie's name but he missed the words around it.

"Sorry Sam," Callen said. "What did you say about Jessie?"

Sam was watching him intently. "What happened the other night when you took her home?"

Callen was tempted to smile but didn't. Sam's restraint in asking this particular question was incredible because there had been many times this week he'd caught his partner looking at him just like he was now. And now he knew exactly what had been behind the look.

"What do you think Sam? I took her home, kept her safe and put her to bed. Stayed the night to make sure she was okay." That was the essentials of what he' done. The touch more personal interaction was just that, personal.

"She was drunk G."

"I know."

"You didn't take -"

"Sam what do you take me for?" Callen knew exactly what Sam was about to ask. It was protective Sam at work and even Callen wasn't immune to being on the receiving end of Sam's wrath if he was to do anything bad. "You really think I would've taken advantage of her? I'd kill anyone who did." Maybe a slight exaggeration but not far off. And it didn't only apply to Jessie. If someone took advantage of Nell or Kensi like that, he'd feel the same way, so he certainly wasn't going to do it himself. That wasn't to say it had been easy to put a stop to things, but he had.

"I don't know what's going on with you two," Sam said. "She was drunk and upset."

Callen wasn't about to tell Sam exactly what happened. While Callen trusted Sam immensely, this was about Jessie and he didn't think she'd want anyone else to know what she had done during that time, especially since she didn't remember herself. Perhaps tonight she might ask and that would be an easy opening to start the conversation he wanted to have.

"I know," Callen replied quietly. More than just upset.

"G," Sam sighed, "what -"

"What what?" Callen asked when Sam stopped suddenly.

"Is that Jessie?" Sam stared at a spot in the mirror behind the bar.

"What?"

Sam put a hand on Callen's arm before he could turn around to check out the room. "Mirror. Table toward the back on the left. Guy in a suit, black hair."

Callen followed Sam's directions, found the table in question and yes, it definitely was Jessie. He'd know her anywhere, even dressed up as she was. A shaft of something hot shot through him, something not pleasant. It was obvious that this wasn't a first meeting - her hair was half up and half down - which meant she trusted whoever she was with. Some of the shorter strands that she'd left loose had been curled and softly fell around her the side of her face and brushed her shoulders. His fingers wanted to weave into those curls, knowing just how soft they'd be.

"What's she doing here?" Callen asked Sam, though given Sam had seemed surprised to see her, it wasn't likely that he could answer the question. But it did explain why Jessie hadn't stayed around the office after giving them orders.

"Don't you mean who is she with? Does our Jessie have a date?"

"You think?" Another shaft of something hot shot through Callen when Sam said the word date.

"C'mon G," Sam said. "It's a fancy place. She's dressed up. Look around and see how many couples are here." There was a look in Sam's eye that Callen couldn't quite fathom but then he was having a hard with his thoughts right now.

"You aren't including us in that are you?" Callen said with an attempt to keep his tone light but his eyes were drawn back to Jessie and her date who looked way too old for her; the black hair Sam had mentioned more grey than black. But the smile on Jessie's face was relaxed and happy and when she laughed, Callen felt a sharp pain in his chest.

"Did you know she was dating anyone?" Sam asked. There a suspicious note in Sam's voice but Callen couldn't pull his eyes away from Jessie to try and decipher it.

"No," he answered a touch sharply and he was sure Sam choked back a laugh but then his gut tightened painfully when Jessie leaned a little closer to the man before she shifted back in her chair and laughed again. Callen was surprised the glass in his hand didn't break given how tight he was holding it. Then Jessie stood up, left the table and headed toward the back of the restaurant, most likely to the ladies room.

Callen stood up and almost knocked the bar stool over in his haste.

"G." Sam's tone was a warning one. "Don't."

"Don't what Sam? I'm just going to talk to him. Don't want Jessie with the wrong guy do we?"

"Talk?" Sam's tone held a lot of disbelief. "That's all you're gonna do?"

"Sure. What else?"

"I'll believe that when I see it." Sam's words only just reached Callen's ears since he was already on the way over to the table because he figured he didn't have a long time to figure out what was going on.

Callen slid into the chair Jessie had vacated.

The man across looked at him. "Can I help you?" The voice was gentle and easy, a silky smooth operator kind of voice if ever Callen had heard one. His gut tightened further.

"She's beautiful," Callen said. "A little out of your league though isn't she."

"Excuse me?"

Callen leaned forward and lowered his voice. "Who are you? What do you want with Jessie?"

"You know Jesinta?"

There was a knowing look in the man's eyes and Callen fought to push down that now familiar hot feeling that he was trying very hard not to label. "What will it take to get you to get up and go, right now?"

The man sat back in his seat, a slightly smug expression came onto his face as he did. "What are you offering?"

"A hundred dollars. Walk away now. I'll even take care of the bill."

"That's all she's worth to you?"

Callen wasn't about to tell this stranger just what she was worth to him and his instinct told him to back off, that he was going in a very bad direction, but the hot feeling was still there and getting stronger by the moment.

"Five hundred."

This time the man stayed silent and Callen couldn't even read what was in the man's eyes. A feeling eerily like panic flooded Callen. He didn't want her with someone else. That was why he was headed to her tonight. He wanted this limbo over with. He wanted her, needed her, and the man across from him was about to spoil it all. He could almost see her slipping away from him and the words that slipped out had more than a hint of desperation to them, even to his own ears.

"A thousand and you don't ever see her again."

"G?"

Callen froze yet the blood continued to pound through his body.

"What are you doing?"

Hell, he could hear the hurt in her voice and knew he'd see it in her eyes. Callen slowly stood up and turned around. Not just hurt but confusion and possibly anger.

Jessie looked to the man at the table. "I'm sorry Jacob, I'll be right back."

"Take your time," Jacob said calmly. "I'll be here when you're done."

Callen felt his heart sink to his stomach when Jessie put her hand on his arm, none too gently.

"Outside now," Jessie hissed at him and pushed him away from the table.

When they were out the door she dragged him down the steps and off to the side of the entry that was partially in the shadows.

"What the hell was that?" Jessie asked him.

Callen had no clue what to say so he kept his mouth shut.

"Nothing?" Jessie said. "No apology? No explanation?"

"He's too old for you." Callen didn't think about the words, he just said them.

"Too old?" Jessie shook her head. "Who are you to tell me who I can go out with? Wasn't it you who was telling me I needed to get a life? And yet the first time you find me out to dinner with a guy, and very nice one at that, you do this."

"He's old enough to be your -" Callen stopped at the fury he saw in her eyes, strong enough even in the shadows.

"Don't you go there." Jessie shook her head. "You are unbelievable."

"Why him Jessie?" Why not me? Callen only narrowly avoided saying it.

"He's kind, loyal, funny and caring. Why wouldn't I go out with someone like him?" Jessie continued to glare at him. "He also doesn't jump to conclusions."

"Yet he was willing to be paid off."

"And just how far were you willing to go? Was the thousand to keep me out of his bed …. Or did you think to rescue the poor dumped damsel and take her to yours?"

Callen took a step closer. "That's not-" But Jessie stepped back away from him and it hurt like hell. Yes she'd stepped away from him before but not like this.

"I don't know," Jessie said, the hurt clear in her voice once again, "whether to be flattered or not that you think I'm worth that much."

"Jessie -"

Jessie shook her head. "Why didn't you just ask who he was? Come and say hello even. I would've introduced you."

Callen didn't know what to say. All he'd done so far tonight was the one thing he never wanted to do - hurt her.

"Were you jealous?" Jessie asked.

Yes. He'd fought hard not to label it but he knew; deep down Callen knew. Not just because she was with someone else, but because the man she'd described was exactly the kind of guy he thought she deserved, the one he wasn't but wanted to be, and he was doubting once again, just as he'd managed to get past that. Yet instead of admitting it and finally having it out in the open and seeing what she would say, he said something else and the words that came out were wrong and out of his control.

"Why would I be?"

Jessie stepped back from him once again. "Why would ….Dammit G. He's my friend, my mentor. _My_ therapist. He's the one who helped me realise I could do this, helped me negotiate with USU. He's also married. His wife walked in just as we walked out here. I'm taking them to dinner tonight to celebrate their fortieth wedding anniversary before they go on a cruise tomorrow for it."

Jessie stepped back again and now she was completely out of the shadows Callen could clearly see the tears shining in her eyes, magnifying the pain he'd been only to easily able to hear in her voice.

"Jessie -"

"No."

Callen watched helplessly as Jessie turned away from him and walked up the steps to the doors. She turned when she got to the top and looked at him.

"Is that all," she said, "it would take to make you walk away from me and not look back?" Jessie pushed through the doors before he could answer, not that he had one ready. He'd screwed up almost every time he'd opened his mouth tonight. It was probably better that he kept it shut. Plus, how exactly was he supposed to fix the hurt he'd heard and seen in her? Hurt that was there solely because of him, because of what he'd done to her.

"G." Michelle's voice came from behind him and Callen turned around. Sam stood beside his wife. Callen wasn't sure when Sam had left the restaurant. "Sounds like you're in trouble," Michelle said.

"No kidding," Sam added unhelpfully.

"You care about her?" Michelle asked, though Callen wasn't entirely sure if it was a question or a statement.

"I -"

"He does," Sam interrupted. "He's just having trouble admitting it or doing something about it."

Callen stepped back from them. "She deserves better." He turned and walked away and ignored Sam when he'd called his name.

* * *

Callen leaned against the wall beside Jessie's apartment door and waited for her to get home. He could've gone inside. He had keys but it didn't feel right. He'd been waiting in his car for well over an hour since he'd pulled up outside. When he'd left Sam and Michelle he'd gotten in his car, sped away and driven with no direction in mind. He'd pushed the speed limit more than once trying to outrun the knowledge that he'd hurt her.

Sure she'd hurt for him before, many a time, but he'd never been the one to inflict it on her, telling her about his childhood aside since that was different. He'd damaged their relationship tonight and knew that it wasn't going to be as simple as taking dinner over and saying sorry. The conversation he'd planned on having tonight wasn't going to happen. Each time the pain of what he'd done caught up with him he pressed his foot on the accelerator more heavily. That was until he'd almost crashed when someone had come out of a park garage in front of him. He'd pulled over and taken a few minutes to stop the craziness in his head before he'd driven off, this time following the speed limits to come here for her.

Sam had texted Callen that Jessie was leaving the restaurant. His partner knew him well or it was a lucky guess that Sam thought he'd be waiting for her. So Callen had left his car, parked in the shadows in case she saw it and decided to go somewhere else instead, to wait by her door.

Eventually he heard the elevator ding and watched down the corridor for her. Jessie's steps faltered when she saw him and she stopped. He saw, even from this distance, the deep breath she took before she continued toward him and then unlocked her door without saying a word. When she stepped through and didn't close the door behind her Callen took it as an invitation to follow.

"Why?" Jessie asked him when he'd closed the door behind him.

"I'm sorry."

"For?"

Of course she wasn't going to let him get away with that for an answer.

"G," Jessie said when he obviously took too long to answer, "There's no point in apologising for something you have no idea about."

She sounded tired and sad and yes, still hurting. All Callen wanted was to make it right but he didn't know how. He stepped closer. Once again that slight shift away from him that Jessie took hurt.

"I'm sorry for hurting you," Callen said. "For jumping to conclusions and making you feel -" He stopped. "I'm sorry for it all." More than you could possibly know, he added silently.

Jessie moved and sat down on the couch. She nudged of her shoes and lifted one foot to rub it. Callen sat on the table in front and gently took her foot in his hand, reminiscent of Christmas. Callen took it as progress when she didn't pull her foot away.

"I'm mad at you G."

"I know."

Jessie sunk back into the couch and her eyes drifted closed. Callen heard the soft sigh.

"Don't think a quick foot rub will get you out of it," she told him quietly. "No matter how good it is."

Callen stayed silent and concentrated on working on her foot. At least this seemed to be one thing he could get right tonight.

"Why did you do it?" Jessie finally asked.

"I wasn't thinking," Callen admitted.

"I know that," Jessie replied.

"Thought I was protecting you." Protecting you in terms of wanting you for myself, not so much to keep her out of danger.

"Considering you weren't thinking?" There was a moment of silence before she asked, "From what?"

"He's older."

"So are you."

"Much older," Callen repeated though he wanted to jump on her comment and know what she meant, but her eyes were still closed and he had nothing to go on, plus he didn't think it was time yet for things to go there. He had some repairs to make first.

Jessie opened her eyes and looked at him.

"You've been hurt before," Callen said. "Didn't want it to happen again." Yet it was exactly what had happened with his jealous response.

Jessie sighed. "I'm aware I've made mistakes in the past G, ones I don't intend on repeating, but if I make a mistake it's mine to deal with and learn from." She stared at him for a moment. "Just like it was your mistake to make tonight and not Jacob's responsibility to stop you even though he knew I was there."

Callen almost made a comment about Jacob not being a good friend for letting her get hurt, but he realised that probably wasn't a good way to go so he, once again, kept his mouth shut.

Jessie pulled her foot from his hand and rose from the couch. When she walked toward the door Callen knew he was being dismissed and that he still had some work ahead of him to make it up to her.

"Next time," Jessie said, "just ask."

Callen stopped and looked at her. "Next time?" That sinking feeling in his gut returned.

Jessie shrugged. "Who knows, I might get lucky and have someone more _appropriate_ take an interest."

Callen didn't miss that the comment was aimed at him for calling Jacob too old for her.

"Good night G." Jessie opened the door for him.

Callen moved again but when he was next to her he stopped, close enough to feel the heat from her arm on his and looked at her. Her eyes were averted but it didn't stop him feeling the emotions that were rolling off her. And suddenly he knew what to do to start making amends, and knew that this time when he opened his mouth, it wouldn't be to screw up.

"Not money," Callen said quietly, "Your life."

Jessie's gaze flew to his. "What?" The word came out on a breath.

"Minimum to have me consider walking away from you for good."

Callen heard her breath halt and it took a lot to pull his gaze from her and walk away without taking it any further. One step at a time until he'd wiped the slate clean of hurt and he could try again.

 

 

 


	57. Johnson

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So now that Callen's put his foot in it, so to speak, let's see if he can manage to ease things along and make some progress with Jessie to fix things.  
> Hope you all enjoy. Love to know what you think.

* * *

 

Callen watched Jessie from the doorway. She sat at her desk, her eyes closed and rubbed the side of her head.

"You okay Doc?" Callen moved into the room.

Jessie opened her eyes and looked at him with a small, but brief smile. "Headache. Big day. Didn't sleep much last night."

"Taken anything?"

"No. I'm out of here soon and plan on heading straight to bed to sleep it off."

Callen cut off any thoughts of her and bed quickly and focused on the fact that she was hurting. He walked around to her side of the desk and Jessie turned in her chair to face him. Callen held out his hand.

Jessie frowned. "Not ready for the next step G. Not today."

"I know," Callen told her. He kept his hand out and, after a moment of staring at it, Jessie put her hand in his and Callen pulled her gently to her feet. He brushed a stray strand from her cheek. "Your hair back like this can't help. Why's it pulled back so tight?" Callen couldn't remember seeing it back in a bun for a long time.

"Had a meeting this morning."

"Meeting?" Callen frowned. With any of the team she wouldn't have pulled it back like this. This was, at least now, the sign that she didn't feel comfortable with whoever she'd been to see. "About?"

"Johnson." Jessie sighed. "It went until two."

Ah, Johnson. That would explain the hair.

"Thought that was next week. Why didn't you tell me about it?" Johnson had been put on administrative leave while the accusations against his behaviour had been gathered and checked. That done, a hearing was the final part to decide on what actions would be taken.

"Only changed yesterday. Plus what could you have done?"

Callen's lips twitched a little. He'd love to have a chance to face Johnson now he was back on his feet. Jessie smiled and a soft laugh escaped her lips.

"Perhaps you shouldn't answer that after all," she said.

Callen lifted one hand to the back of Jessie's hair which brought him just a touch closer, and allowed him to breathe in the comforting vanilla scent that was always around her. Jessie stilled when Callen started to feel for the pins and lifted her eyes to his. He held her gaze, his fingers still and waited. When she started breathing evenly again, and hadn't said no or pulled away from him, he found the first pin and pulled it out. He put it on the table before going back to the next one.

"He been fired yet?" Callen asked her.

"Not yet. He's on probation." Jessie's eyes closed as Callen went for another pin. "But if Heidi has her way, he'll be gone soon. She doesn't want him there."

"Can't she fire him?"

Jessie opened her eyes. "No. If it had been a patient, or physical, he'd be gone but…" She sighed and then unexpectedly turned around which gave him easier access to her hair. Callen smiled at the trusting nature of the action and went to work removing the rest of the pins and bands carefully.

"If she can find a hospital," Jessie continued, "within the state that will take him and his probation issue on for no more than a ten percent pay cut, he has to accept. If not, we're stuck with him unless he messes up again and we can prove it."

With the pins and bands all gone, Jessie's hair fell down her back in soft waves and Callen sifted it through his fingers carefully to ease out the knots, enjoying every moment of the silky feel of her hair in his hands.

"Do you think she can?" Because if she couldn't Callen would find a way to ensure he didn't bother Jessie again.

"It's Heidi, if anyone can it's her. She has an impressive track record when it comes to negotiation. It's a bonus, in a way, that he is actually a great ER doctor. He's just a lousy man, so she's at least got something to work with."

"Not as good a doctor as you though," Callen added and eased the last knot from her hair.

Jessie laughed softly. "You're biased."

Callen's fingers pressed into her scalp and he heard the soft moan that escaped her. Her head rested back against his fingers and her body seemed to sway a little closer to him. Callen chuckled. "Perhaps you'd better sit down before I do any more."

Jessie sighed. "If you keep doing that then I'll probably fall asleep right here."

"Then perhaps," Hetty's voice came from the doorway and both of them turned to face her, Callen's hands reluctantly left Jessie's hair with the movement. "Mr Callen should take you home," Hetty said. "I can spare him for the half hour that would take."

"My car," Jessie started to say.

Hetty interrupted. "Will still be here tomorrow. You have had a big day Doctor Blake. A early departure and quiet evening would be something I should think a doctor would order if she was inclined to take better care of herself."

Callen didn't wait for Jessie to answer. He knew an order from Hetty when he heard one. He stepped back from Jessie. "Let's go Doc."

Jessie looked between the two of them and sighed, resigned obviously to being told what to do after all. She picked up her bag. "Thank you Hetty for Deeks this morning. It was appreciated by all."

Callen saw Hetty's lips twitch. "Far be it from me to deny Detective Deeks the … privilege of taking down the bad guys, no matter what form they come in. I have it on good authority he enjoyed himself."

Callen ushered Jessie out her office door around Hetty before she could find a reason to stay. Once they were both settled in his car he looked across at her. "Deeks?"

Jessie smiled. "Witness from that time when you were there."

"You didn't ask me?" He felt a slight stab of disappointment that she hadn't asked for his help.

"The lawyers went for Deeks and Kensi as back up," Jessie told him. "G, you weren't really in a good place to be a witness and they didn't want to have to worry about you being grilled."

"I could've handled it." Callen pulled out onto the street and headed in the direction of her apartment.

"I know, but …" Jessie sighed. "Johnson would've brought up his theory that there was something going on between a doctor and a patient. Even though," Jessie hurried on before he could protest, "there wasn't, it wouldn't have stopped him trying to put the spotlight on someone else. With Deeks as a witness it wasn't going to be easy to argue. As it was, statements from the Hospital Director and Vance were issued about the unique work situation I have here combined with the hospital on the off chance he tried to bring it up."

"Fair enough." He could understand that. "I guess it helped your witness was a cop."

"It did."

Callen glanced over at her when they were stopped at a red light. "So, big day and you didn't sleep last night?"

"I was worried about today. If he got off somehow, it wasn't just me that would be his target. He'd make all of our lives hell who had put in complaints or fought against him."

"If he says or does anything to you…"

"I know," Jessie said with a smile. "I'm sure he'll behave himself. It's too much of a risk now. Just once and he gets caught his whole career could be over." Jessie's eyes drifted closed and she sighed softly.

"Go to sleep Doc. I can take you to bed when I get you home."

Jessie yawned. "Promise or a threat Agent Callen?"

When Callen glanced over at her words, her eyes were closed but there was a soft smile on her lips.

"Always a promise Doc."

"We'll see," she murmured.

* * *

Callen pulled up to the kerb outside her apartment building, switched off the engine and glanced over at her. Jessie was indeed asleep. The features of her face relaxed, her breathing even and slow. It was one of the things that amazed him about her - how easily she fell asleep. Given the struggles Callen tended to have he'd had a hard time understanding how she could at first but then realised that just like his ability to function on little sleep, and so many other things that he took for granted regarding his job that he simply did without thinking, Jessie's ability to fall asleep in a moment would be one of hers. Most likely honed during her residency when shifts were long and at odd hours. Similar in a way to her eating when she could because you didn't know when you'd get the chance to next.

Callen reached out and touched one of the strands of hair that fell off her shoulder between them.

Soon. Soon this limbo would be over and he'd know for sure where things could go with them. But first he had something to do before he pushed that side of things, because if he screwed up again, he might not have a chance to get her over the finish line with her issue with guns.

He'd taken it carefully since that night at the restaurant. He'd found subtle ways to remind her of their connection, rebuild the trust he believed he'd damaged and keep them on even footing with all the little things that were them and their relationship as it stood. He had planned on another step with the guns being today but the moment he'd seen her at her desk he'd known it would have to wait.

He had something else to do first though - Callen had a promise to keep. He just had to figure out how to get her door unlocked with her in his arms. Perhaps they should've done a fingerprint lock instead when he'd changed it with Sam so long ago.

Jessie shifted and yawned then opened her eyes.

"Go back to sleep Doc," Callen told her. "I have a promise to keep."

Jessie chuckled. "I can get the rest of the way on my own."

"Didn't say you couldn't, but it doesn't mean I can't keep my promise and carry you up."

Jessie's eyes locked on his. "I don't believe carry was a part of the promise."

Callen's heart stopped for the briefest of moments before it kicked into high gear as his words came back to taunt him.

_I can take you to bed when I get you home._

Jessie turned her head away and broke the look between them. She reached for the door handle and was already exiting the car before Callen moved.

He meet her on the footpath.

"Thank you," Jessie said softly.

"I'll pick you up in the morning."

Jessie opened her mouth and Callen could almost see the protest but then she just smiled and nodded. Jessie started to walk toward the door and Callen followed but she stopped and turned to him.

"You need to get back," Jessie said. "Hetty will be waiting."

Unfortunately that was true. It was a fifteen minute drive to Jessie's place from the office and Hetty's mention of half an hour would've been for a reason otherwise she just would've told him to take Jessie home and she'd see him when he got back in.

Jessie stepped closer and brushed her lips across his. His whole body froze, his instincts screamed to reach out and pull her close, to kiss her back and screw waiting until later. But it was over too quickly and he hadn't had a chance to move. Jessie had a slightly mischievous smile on her face. She winked at him.

"Mrs Bradshaw's home." She stepped backwards away from him. "See you in the morning G."

Jessie turned and walked away and even though Callen watched her all the way until she was through the doors, she didn't look back. He took a deep breath and let it out before he got back in the car.

Tomorrow. She'd sleep tonight and tomorrow he'd deal with this next, and hopefully final, step then he'd find a way to move things forward and hope that he didn't screw it up again.

 


	58. Save, not kill

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, what does Callen have planned for today. I was so very tempted to split this and leave you in suspense but the split would've made a very short chapter and apparently my bunnies were not impressed at all and wouldn't let me. :-) But then I'm a fan of longer chapters so they probably didn't have to threaten too hard.
> 
> I must admit to having an absolute blast writing a particular part of this and I really hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.
> 
> Look forward to hearing what you think at the end.

* * *

"Not bad," Callen told Jessie, "Need to get it closer to the middle though."

Jessie's shots were within the target on the paper but he'd like them a bit more centred. They'd been working together carefully to get her up to the point of being able to handle a ten minute live firing session. He'd mixed it between live and dry to help ease her into things. It wasn't just because of her issues with them but when you weren't used to firing a gun, the muscles could easily hurt if you went at it too long.

"Aim a little more to the right," Callen said. "You want to being going for the centre of the body. Remember, try not not to lift as you're firing."

Jessie put the gun down, pulled off her earmuffs and safety glasses and pushed them at his chest. "I'm sorry," she said before she turned from Callen and fled. He heard the distress in her voice with just those two words.

"Jessie!"

Callen followed but she'd moved fast and was already around the corner. Safety and responsibility unfortunately meant he couldn't follow her, not with the equipment they'd been working with left out as it was. He quickly packed it all away and headed to her office. When she wasn't there he had Eric track her phone for him and then went to find her.

She was easy to spot where she sat on the beach and not just because he had the co-ordinates. Once again it was like Callen simply knew where she was when she was near him. The light breeze tried to catch her hair and tug it out of the loose bun she'd pulled it back in when he'd turned up at her office earlier and told her it was time to take the next step.

Her test.

Callen had a certain point where he wanted her to be with her ability to shoot. They had started with a simple paper target, nothing on it, and since he'd been experienced enough to be able to eye the paper and know whether she would've hit the target, had there been one on there, he knew when it was time to upgrade to a real one. That had happened a couple of sessions ago.

The idea of the test was to see how Jessie would go under pressure. Callen had multiple cartridges loaded and ready, six shots in each. The test was simple. She had six shots and he wanted her to hit the actual target cleanly with all of them, preferably closer to the centre than the outside but that was something they could work on later. As long as she could hit what she was aiming for, she would be safer if she ended up with a gun in her hands.

Callen couldn't figure out what had happened at the firing range; he was honestly drawing a blank which bothered him. He thought he knew her well enough. She'd been doing so well. She still had the occasional issue if she came across a gun unexpectedly but she wasn't having any issues that impacted on her work with them anymore. At least not until now.

A sound pulled Callen's attention from her and he glanced to his right. He smiled. A little something might just help the conversation that was coming go a little smoother.

* * *

A shadow fell across Jessie's face and she looked up. Callen stood there, an ice cream cone in both of his hands, one held out to her.

"Sorry," Callen said. "They only had strawberry or coconut."

Jessie reached out and took the cone from his hand.

"Thank you." She watched him from behind her sunglasses as he sat down in the sand beside her.

"What happened Jessie?" Callen asked.

He didn't look at her, perhaps to give her some semblance of privacy, perhaps just because he didn't. Either way though Jessie appreciated it. Her thoughts and emotions were still a jumble inside, even knowing why hadn't helped settle them yet.

"I can't do it," Jessie told him softly.

"You already have," Callen replied. "It's just a matter of practice now."

Jessie didn't know if she could make him understand. It wasn't just about firing a gun. Her life and what she did was so different to his. She licked the ice cream and let the subtle coconut flavour and coolness rest on her tongue for a moment before she swallowed.

"It's not the practice," Jessie said. "It's…" She sighed. "I can't kill someone G. It's not what I do. I spend so much time trying to save them, yet here I am letting you teach me how. It's not me. I save, not kill."

Callen was quiet and after a few moments Jessie turned to looked at him. He was watching her, almost like he was waiting for her attention.

"I'm not teaching you to kill Jessie." Callen's tone was serious. "If you get to a point of having a gun in your hand, it'll be them or you. I'm teaching you to save yourself."

"But -"

Callen shook his head. "That's what you do isn't it? Save lives? Why is your own not as important as someone else's?"

Jessie stared at him for a moment, and she almost smiled. It seemed like she might be rubbing off on him a little since that was probably exactly what she would say to someone in a similar situation.

"I guess I didn't think about it like that." All she could see was that she was learning to shoot and kill someone.

"Taking a life isn't easy," Callen added. "It happens more frequently than we would like, but it's not like we go out there with the intent. Usually it's them or us."

"I know." She knew the fatalities they faced were larger than those in general law enforcement would, but then what they faced and who they dealt with was a lot worse so it was to be expected.

"What happened?" Callen asked her. "What did I do to make you walk away?"

He was being generous there with that description because walking wasn't what she'd done.

"It wasn't you," Jessie tried to assure him. "You've been so patient." God knows it had taken them so long to get her to this point and he'd never wavered, never gotten frustrated with her or made her feel like her reactions were silly or unnecessary. He'd just been there and kept her moving forward at a pace that she could handle.

"Something happened," he said.

Jessie's ice cream dripped onto her hand and she quickly licked it off before she replied. "When you said body, I stopped picturing it as a piece of paper." Jessie looked at him and Callen quickly glanced away but not before she saw something in his eyes, something unexpected at this moment and suddenly her thoughts slipped from her issues with guns to him.

Sitting here on the beach eating ice cream, with the sun setting in front of them, could so easily have been the end of a date, or even the beginning. The look in his eyes just now suggested he was interested in more, but somehow nothing ever seemed to come of these moments. Christmas felt so long ago and then whatever had happened after the sub incident. She didn't remember much but she knew something had happened but before they'd been able to talk, things had blown up with Jacob and she'd felt like he was stepping on eggshells around her for a few days. She'd hoped maybe that it would prompt something to happen. But so far nothing. It was a touch disheartening but then she also knew she hadn't exactly came out and told him what she wanted either. Even if she had brushed a kiss over his lips when he dropped her home yesterday. Mrs Bradshaw had been home, but she knew the older woman took an afternoon nap every day at that time. But Callen hadn't. Maybe is she hadn't backed away so quickly, if she'd lingered a little longer. She shook off the thought. It was in the past, she couldn't change that now.

The sparks of attraction were still there, stronger than ever, but Jessie wouldn't take this further based only on that. She'd seen the effect of someone giving themselves to someone else when there was nothing on the other side of the equation than physical attraction. Some people might be able to handle it but not her. She couldn't deny though that he certainly tempted her.

There were also times when Jessie felt it would be best to try and shut down what she felt for him because sometimes it seemed like she was simply waiting to be broken. But then he'd do something, say something, or she'd see a look in his eyes that gave her hope that this wasn't one-sided after all and maybe, just maybe, he might find something in her that would make him want to fight for whatever it was between them, beyond the heat that was almost on the boil. But he kept people at arms length and she wasn't sure he'd ever let her in any closer than she already was, which for him was very close. She knew that. She wanted more though.

Jessie sighed softly and then focused on eating her ice cream before more of it melted in the heat of the early evening.

"What if we changed the target?" Callen's words broke the silence between them. "Think you could do that?"

"I don't know," Jessie answered honestly. The visual of shooting a body was still very firmly imprinted in her mind.

"Can you still trust me?"

That pulled her attention from the waves quickly. Jessie turned to him. "Of course I trust you," she said. "Whether I can do something or not has nothing to do with my trust in you. Just with myself. I guess maybe I need more time."

"Not letting you avoid it."

Of course he wouldn't. And he was right. If she stopped now it would be that much harder to start again.

"Just a couple of days maybe."

Callen nodded. "I'll see what I can come up with."

* * *

_A couple of days later._

"You're kidding me right?" Jessie stared at him, disbelief clear in her voice and look. Callen also noticed she was struggling not to smile.

"Nope," Callen said.

"You want me to shoot a rock?"

"A picture of a rock," Callen clarified. He watched Jessie's lips twitch.

"Did you have to put a fluffy bunny on top?" she asked him.

"Still just a picture."

Jessie shook her head and even though he was sure she tried for a look that was supposed to have concern somewhere in it she failed dramatically. "What if I hit poor Bugs?" Jessie asked.

This time Callen struggled not to laugh, however he didn't bother fighting the slight lift to the corners of his mouth. "You're supposed to be hitting the rock not the rabbit."

It had taken him some time to figure out how to get her back in here without the same issues as before. He'd been through quite a lot of different possibilities before he'd decided to try this one. It seemed like he might have gotten it right after all.

"I'll never hear 'What's up Doc' again."

Ah hell, he gave up and laughed. "I think I can manage to make sure you do," Callen all but promised her.

Jessie raised an eyebrow. "Even if I hit Bugs?"

"Stop naming the rabbit." So this wasn't quite the way he'd pictured their next trip into the firing range but it was definitely a step up from last time

"Why'd you do it?" Jessie asked him. There was genuine confusion on her face, even though the sparkle was still in her eyes and the smile still on her lips.

Callen leaned forward closer to her and his exceptional powers of observation allowed him to note that her breath caught at the closeness and her eyes darkened just a touch. So close, but not yet. "You're smiling Doc," he said casually, "A little different to last time." He shifted back to give her, and him, some space. "You ready?"

Jessie turned away and picked up the safety glasses. She looked back at him and he saw the nervousness in her eyes.

"You can do this Jessie," Callen assured her.

* * *

Jessie let out the breath she'd unconsciously been holding since he'd moved closer and turned back to face the target. Another smile twitched at her lips. She put the glasses and the earmuffs on and then took another slow breath. She turned back to him and held out her hand, pleased to see it only shook a little. Callen put the gun in her hand and took a step back from her.

"You don't need me," he said. Obviously he seen something in her expression or eyes when he'd moved away.

Jessie opened her mouth to deny it but stopped. Because needing him had nothing to do with firing a gun. She turned and pushed those thoughts away before she focused on what he wanted her to do right now. The smile twitched again at the picture at the other end of the range. She took her time and set herself in the right position and then fired. She narrowly missed both rock and bunny. She turned her head slightly to look at him, careful to ensure the gun stayed pointing at the target.

"You have more of these right?" Jessie asked him. "Because I'm really not sure I'll be able to keep shooting if I hit Bugs. It might be a little traumatic." If someone had told her that one day she'd be joking with him while she had a gun in her hand, she'd have thought they were crazy. But here she was doing exactly that. He'd brought her so far with this fear of hers and she wasn't sure she'd ever be able to repay him.

"Hit the rock Jessie," Callen said firmly, even if there was a twinkle in his eyes.

Three shots in she hit the rabbit. Jessie put the gun down and took off her ear muffs before she started to turn around.

"Poor Bugs."

Jessie spun around completely. "Deeks?" It wasn't just Callen. Sam and Deeks were there too.

"You killed Bugs," Deeks whined in mock horror. "He's my favourite."

"Oh stop," Jessie told him, but struggled not to smile at the look on Deeks' face. It certain didn't help that Sam was silently laughing from his spot beside the door.

Callen moved closer to her and brought the target up to change it. "Yes I brought more," he murmured not that far from her ear. A closeness Jessie was sure he didn't need to have but she liked anyway, even if it might not be the best for her state of mind.

"More than targets," Jessie told him, though her eyes were focused on Deeks who was making his lower lip tremble as if he was suffering terribly. She shook her head slightly. "Why do I have an audience?" At that point, Kensi hurried through the door.

"Sorry I'm late," Kensi said and moved next to Deeks who had just snatched the shot target from Callen when he'd taken it off its mount.

"She killed Bugs," Deeks said mournfully to Kensi.

Jessie rolled her eyes and Deeks winked at her. She turned to Callen. "You still haven't answered me."

"Didn't invite them," Callen told her and continued to send the fresh target back to its spot. He picked up the gun and reloaded it with another cartridge he'd set up for this session.

"We wanted to be here Jessie," Sam said. "G said you were almost there. Thought we'd cheer you on."

Jessie appreciated the support, no doubt about that, but this wasn't what she was prepared for. She turned to Callen and shot him a look that he should be more than capable of interpreting. She wasn't sure she could do this with an audience. He fired one straight back at her that she had no difficulty reading either. He knew she could.

Jessie turned around to pick up the earmuffs and her eyes were pulled to the target that had just reached the back of the range.

"Oh come on," Jessie said with a shake of her head and turned her gaze back to Callen. "That's not fair!"

Callen's lips twitched. "Aim for the rock Jessie."

This time there were two rabbits.

"At least I won't starve if I end up in the woods alone after this," Jessie muttered.

"I won't let you end up in the woods alone," Callen told her.

The words were innocent but the tone wasn't - either that or her mind was playing tricks on her because instead of thinking about ending up in the woods alone, or even being in the woods alone having to shoot a rabbit, the picture her mind conjured up almost took her breath away, A cabin, a fireplace and the two of them. She needed to take more than a breath to bring her concentration back to the task at hand but she was still slightly distracted and, yet again, hit the rabbit instead of the rock.

"Just empty the clip, hit the rock without hitting the rabbits," Callen told her as he sent the next fresh target back, "and we'll call it a win."

Jessie groaned. And then there were three. "At least," she mused out loud, "they're sticking with their natural talents and multiplying." Jessie turned to Deeks and grinned. "See Deeks, I'm not killing Bugs. He's multiplying."

"And getting smaller," Deeks remarked.

Fair enough observation, Jessie thought, considering there was only so much room on the target.

Four shots in this time, all nicely on the rock, before the fifth hit a bunny. So close. She only needed to do six.

Jessie shook her head. "Well I guess if they are smaller, in theory, there's less chance I'll hit them right?"

Except this time when Callen sent the target back there were, naturally, four bunnies, but they were bigger after all. Jessie frowned as something else caught her attention before she could complain. She studied the picture as it went back. Then she glared at Callen before she turned to the others.

"Is it just me or," Jessie's gaze flicked to Callen then back to the others, "is the rock getting smaller?"

"Not just you," Sam agreed. Kensi nodded but Deeks shrugged.

"I'm just here," Deeks said sadly with a sniff, "mourning poor Bugs and his little friends." Deeks sniffed and tightened his arms around the target of the first Bugs that was shot. Jessie couldn't help the soft laugh and Deeks winked at her. How he managed to keep a straight face at the same time, aside from the wink, Jessie wasn't sure.

Jessie turned to face Callen. "Just how many of these do you have?"

"As many as it takes."

Jessie raised her eyebrows. "We could be here all night at this rate."

"Better hope not," Sam said. "You'll be sore in the morning if you aren't careful."

Sam was right. They'd spent some amount of time practicing before the test had started. If she was right, they'd already been in here longer than any other firing session and she knew how her arms tended to ache a little after each time they'd extended it. Jessie held her hand out to Callen and he handed her the newly reloaded gun.

"Shoot the rock Jessie," Callen said. "Not Bugs."

Jessie smiled. "Now you're naming the rabbits."

Callen didn't laugh but she could see the struggle in his eyes and the jump to the muscles in his cheeks. Her heart skipped a beat at something else that seemed to be hiding in the depths of his eyes and she pulled her gaze, reluctantly, from his. She took a breath.

There it was again. A little something that gave the hope inside her a boost. The patience she'd needed with him was monumental and even though it was definitely one of her strengths there were times when he drove her crazy and she felt she must be close to being at the end of hers. He had her heart and she wasn't sure she could get it back even if she wanted to which meant, somehow, she always managed to find a little bit more patience to help her hold on. Maybe she needed to reach for some bravery instead.

But first, she had a rabbit, no a rock, to shoot.

Jessie glanced around the room at those here and a warmth spread through her from her heart out. A soft smile formed on her lips. They were here for her and that was something she'd never had in a job before, not like this. This was more than just being a support for the job she needed to do like her teams in the ER. This was …. They were why she loved this job so much. She was there for them, but they were also there for her, which made a huge difference. They were her friends as well as colleagues. Before she was simply there for her patients when something went wrong and needed fixing or when an evaluation was necessary. But it was never more than that. Here, it wasn't just about being there when they need fixing, physically or mentally, she was there for all the inbetween. To help them cope on a daily basis, with little and big things, to help them be stronger and not break so easily so they could do what they had to do; something that not many could. And that connection, being a part of them, was what made this job so different. What made it a job that it would break her heart to leave - she'd never worked somewhere that she cared so much about that she couldn't contemplate the possibility of moving on.

Jessie turned back to the target. He arms were getting tired but this was, strangely, fun. Whether it was what Callen had done with the targets, or the support surrounding her right now, this was the most comfortable she'd felt around a gun or when she was shooting in all the time Callen had been working with her on this.

Jessie took a slow breath and closed her eyes for a moment, before she opened them, focused and aimed. She squeezed the trigger gently and felt the slight recoil up her arm and the hint of soreness that would come if she wasn't done soon, like Sam had predicted. She looked at Callen who was that much closer than he'd been before and saw a flicker of concern in his eyes. She turned away and focused back on the target. She took a breath and settled herself between each shot and before long she had five bullets in the rock, with all bunnies safe. Only one more to go.

Everyone was quiet behind her, like they didn't want to distract her. As she took a slow breath, Callen shifted closer and she felt him brush up against her arm. Her mind flicked from shooting to him. That small touch was enough to distract her and to feel the heat from him, even through her long sleeves. He moved the ear muff off one ear so she could hear his voice easily; low, calm and reassuring.

"Take a breathe Jessie. Put the gun down for a moment and loosen your arms."

Jessie turned and her gaze got caught with his. He was so close and her breath hitched a little. He shifted back, to her disappointment, but then she wasn't entirely sure she wanted him to kiss her with witnesses. And that was exactly what had jumped into her mind when he was so close. Now she'd need more than a moment to simply relax her arms. She put down the gun and followed his instructions, her focus on the target in front of her. She could see that her shots were getting further from the centre area of the rock.

"You can do this Jessie," Callen told her quietly. "Relax."

He had so much faith in her and she didn't want to disappoint him so Jessie closed her eyes and took a few calming breaths, though each breath included him since he was still close. It could go two ways depending on what was happening. This time she focused on using it to calm and feel safe and refused to let herself even think about the other option.

Jessie opened her eyes, reset the ear muffs and picked up the gun. She looked forward, smiled because even though she'd seen it so many times, what he'd done with the target for her still made her feel warm inside. She focused, breathed in gently and slowly squeezed the trigger. And while it wasn't in the middle, it did hit the rock and the rabbits were all safe. She put the gun down, took off the ear muffs and felt a certain degree of satisfaction go through her.

Jessie turned around and smiled. They were all smiling too. Hi-fives were given and Kensi hugged her. Jessie turned to Callen. "Thank you."

"Told you you could do it," Callen said.

"Not without you," Jessie told him before she turned to the others. "Okay, ice cream is on me. I think a celebration is in order."

"You definitely should celebrate," Kensi said. "But Deeks and I have plans." Kensi grabbed Deeks' arm and pulled him to the door.

"We do?" Deeks looked confused.

"Yeah," Kensi said. "We do. Let's go." Deeks tossed the target he'd been holding to Jessie and smiled as he was literally dragged out the door.

"Me too Jessie," Sam said. "Date with Michelle. You did great." Sam took a moment to give her a hug before he too just about fled as quickly as Kensi had with Deeks. Jessie turned to Callen.

"I don't think," she said, "I've ever seen them leave a room so quickly." She narrowed her eyes at him. "Why?"

Callen shrugged. "They said they had plans."

Jessie watched him for a moment as he packed the cartridges into a box.

"Michelle's away G."

Callen turned to her. "I don't know about you," he said, "but I don't want to know what they get up to on their phone dates."

"What did you do?"

"Nothing."

For once he actually sounded and looked innocent. Given he hadn't lied to her yet, she believed him, though it didn't mean she didn't think something was going on. It just may not have had to do with Callen.

Callen put the ear muffs and eye protection back on the hooks and picked up the box, which included all the targets. Her lips twitched and she didn't fight the smile this time. She still couldn't believe what he'd come up with for this.

"So," Callen held the door open for her, "where are you taking me for ice cream?"

Jessie walked out the door before him. "I know just the place." She turned her head, looked at him and smiled. "Time for you to be adventurous."

* * *

Callen sat at the table outside the ice cream shop Jessie had brought them to. She placed a tray with six small pots of ice cream in between them, two small spoons next to each.

"So," Jessie said. "You are going to try all of these, then we'll get you a proper serve of your favourite."

"Are any of these chocolate?" Callen asked. None looked completely like chocolate.

Jessie shook her head. "Not on it's own."

Callen studied her for a moment. "This is payback isn't it?"

"No G." She shook her head again. "It's not. It's a thank you. I couldn't have done this without you."

She could've, if she'd wanted to. She could've asked any of them to help her but he was glad he was the one she'd trusted.

"Yet here you are," Callen teased lightly, "making me eat ice cream that I don't want."

"You don't know that yet," Jessie countered. "Try them." She smiled. "Trust me. I'm sure you'll like at least one of them." She grabbed one of the spoons from next to the first pot and took a small scoop for herself. "Come on," Jessie said. "Be brave. If I can fire a gun, surely you can try a bite of these."

Callen raised an eyebrow. "I don't think that's a particularly equal comparison."

"Nope. One of them is a whole lot more difficult than the other."

She did have a point. Callen picked up the spoon and tried the first one. It wasn't bad, a bit too sweet, kind of caramelly and a hint of stickiness to it.

"Mmm. Not bad," Callen told her and put the spoon down. "What was it?"

"Fudge ripple and it's very nice."

Callen shrugged. "Not chocolate though."

Jessie rolled her eyes and reached to pick up the spoon for the next one at the same time he did. Their fingers brushed and he saw hers jump back just a touch. Interesting.

"Do I get to know this one before I try it?" Callen asked lightly.

"No. Maybe the next one. Tell me what it is after you've tasted it, if you can that is."

That sounded very much like a challenge. Callen scooped up a small bit and once he'd swallowed it said, "Mango and raspberry."

"Very good," Jessie said. "Though kind of easy."

"You think I can't tell the next one?"

Jessie smiled and there was cheeky twinkle in her eyes. "Can you?"

He went for the next one and puckered quickly. "Lemon. Definitely lemon."

Jessie giggled. "We needed to reset things before the next round."

Callen looked at the next pot. "Is this finally a chocolate one?"

"Yes."

They both took a scoop and Jessie seemed to enjoy it. "Passable," Callen said.

"Oh come on," Jessie protested. "That one's really good."

It was but he was having fun teasing her with this. "What was it?"

"Choc Coconut ripple."

Callen noted it could be a good combination for the two of them. He moved on and picked up the spoon for the next one.

"This one is Cherry pie," Jessie volunteered before he tried it.

Callen raised an eyebrow. "Cherry pie ice cream?"

"Yep."

Cherry pie and Ice cream went well together, at least as separate entities. Surely it couldn't be that bad? He took a bite but it just didn't work. He screwed up his nose and shook his head. He noted Jessie's reaction was pretty similar.

"Yeah," Jessie said. "That doesn't work for me either. How could they possibly get that wrong?"

They both took a sip of water before they went onto the next one.

Callen looked at her expectantly and waited for her to tell him what this one was going to be. He wasn't fussed on going in blind.

Jessie smiled. "Strawberry and Coconut."

Her favourite.

Callen tried it and let it sit in his mouth for a bit longer than the previous ones. It was an interesting combination and surprisingly he liked it.

"Best one so far," Callen told her once he'd swallowed.

"Even over the chocolate one?"

Callen smiled. "Just."

Jessie picked up her spoon for the last pot. "Last one." She watched him and Callen noted that she seemed to be waiting for him to go first. He put the spoon in his mouth and almost coughed it out again. He swallowed and coughed once more. Jessie laughed and put her spoon down. She hadn't even tried that one.

"Fairy Floss Ice cream?" Callen said. "Really? Did you honestly think I'd like that one?" It was way too sweet.

Jessie shook her head. "No. I wasn't aiming for like with that one."

Callen took a mouthful of water and mentally wondered just how he could get her back for that one.

"Will you trust me," Jessie asked, "to get something you'll like?"

Given the trust she'd placed in him with her fear of guns, Callen figured he could man up and trust her for this. It wasn't a big deal really, not in terms of whether he liked what she got, but it was one way to show her that he trusted her. Sometimes the simple little things were things we held onto too tight and wanted to keep control of.

"Sure," Callen said.

Jessie rose from the table and picked up the tray. "Cone or cup," she asked.

"Cone."

Callen watched her walk through the open doors and kept his eye on her when she ordered. He was happy with the way today had gone. He'd gotten her to the point that he wanted and now he had to figure out how to move things forward with them. Maybe today he could nudge things a little. But the thought that perhaps he might not want to blur the lines of her success with the gun with a shift in their relationship slipped into his mind. That was assuming the shift didn't take more than a conversation that he still wasn't sure how to start.

Jessie returned with two cones in her hands and he pulled his thoughts away from the soon to be future and focused on here and now, on celebrating this massive milestone with her. She'd come so far. Yes it had taken a long time but it was worth it. And yes, there was still more to go, particularly getting her used to a gun suddenly popping up. She still had a few issues there but they'd get through that with time.

Jessie handed him his cone and sat down across from him.

"Chocolate?" Callen said after the first taste settled on his tongue.

"Best there is near here."

"You've tried them all have you?"

"Yep," she replied unexpectedly and took a bite of her own.

Callen swallowed his next bite before he asked, "Why?"

Jessie smiled. "Had to make sure it was good and you wouldn't be disappointed."

"So you tried every ice cream shop around here, sacrificed and had chocolate instead?"

There was a mischievous twinkle in her eyes. "No. As well."

Callen had to laugh. That was his girl. Of course she wouldn't have missed out on the opportunity to enjoy her own favourite as well. "What happened to the challenge of making me adventurous?" He had to admit this was one of the best chocolate ice creams he had in a long time.

"You were," Jessie said simply.

"Yet you chose chocolate?"

Jessie licked the ice cream off her fingers that had dripped down onto them and then took another bite before she answered. "Just because we are brave and try new things," she said, "doesn't mean it changes who we really are."

Callen watched as Jessie reached out her finger and ran it up the side of his ice cream before she put her chocolate covered finger in her mouth. It took a huge amount of effort for Callen to drag his gaze away from that movement and to push aside the heated thoughts that had instantly sprung to his mind. The twinkle in her eyes left him with the distinct impression that she knew where his thoughts had gone. The smile suggested she didn't mind and hope flared hot and strong for what might be.

"However," Jessie continued softly, her gaze slipped to his mouth and back very quickly, "If we are, sometimes it opens up a whole new world of opportunity."

Callen had a feeling she wasn't talking about ice cream anymore and the hope grew and he relaxed. He didn't need to rush. He wasn't trying to put things off, but he could give her this day to savour her very big win and simply enjoy being with her. The right time would come and it wouldn't be far away. This was her time, not theirs.

"So, what did you get?" Callen asked.

"Strawberry and coconut."

Callen raised an eyebrow. "Not very adventurous either."

Jessie shrugged. "I've had enough adventure today. I think I deserve a little comfort."

Callen frowned, a hint of worry surfacing. "You okay?"

Jessie grinned. "I did shoot Bugs a lot today."

Callen chuckled. "Told you not to name him."

 


	59. Arkady

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because of course, some where along the lines Arkady has to come into play.  
> Enjoy.

* * *

 

 

The coffee had finished percolating and Callen was about to pour a cup when a noise had him reaching for his gun and spinning toward the back door.

"Whoa!" Arkady held his hands up in front of him and stared at the gun in Callen's hand. "Is that any way to greet friend?"

"Depends," Callen said, "can never tell-"

A gasp from behind Callen had him spinning once again. Jessie stood there, slightly pale, her eyes wide and focused on his gun. He put it behind his back quickly.

"Jessie," Callen said, "Breathe." Jessie lifted her eyes to his and took a slow deep breath. "You good?" he asked.

Jessie took another breath and nodded. Callen slipped the gun on to the top of the fridge and turned back to Arkady, those his senses were still tuned into Jessie so much so he could hear not only the sound of her bare feet on the kitchen floor as she moved toward the sink but also her breathing. This was the biggest part they still needed to work on for her, because he really wanted her past freezing when she unexpectedly came across a gun. He just hadn't figured out how to do that yet.

"Why are you here?" Callen asked Arkady.

"I did not mean to interrupt something." Arkady's eyes lingered on Jessie who was now at the sink, a glass of water in her hand.

"Not interrupting," Callen told the old man. Unfortunately. "It's work."

The fact that she was wearing his t-shirt and a pair of his sweatpants might suggest otherwise but it wasn't the case. The clothes she'd been wearing when she'd come over last night, after going home to get her car when she'd finished her hospital shift, weren't comfortable for sleeping in. It had been a sacrifice he'd been all too willing make to keep her here given she'd arrived just after eleven. Of course he'd played up that she must be tired and he couldn't let her drive home so late so she could either stay or he'd have to take her home. Which given his injury was guaranteed to make her think twice at least. Even though Sam had taken good care of his injury, Callen was starting to notice of late Jessie wasn't inclined to take anyone else's word for it and seemed to need to check on them herself.

Arkady raised an eyebrow.

"G," Jessie turned to him. "You shouldn't have let me sleep so long. I need to go and we need to do this before I do."

Callen nodded and Jessie slipped out of the kitchen. He turned back to Arkady. "Not what you're thinking," Callen said after seeing the look on Arkady's face.

"Beautiful woman in your bed before six am." Arkady shook his head. "That not business. That personal."

Callen wasn't in the mood to argue so he ignored the comment. "What are you doing here?"

"She's beautiful."

Apparently Arkady wasn't in a hint-taking mood. "Yes," Callen agreed.

"Work you say?"

"Yes. She's a doctor." The look on Arkady's face had Callen almost sighed in frustration. "I'm not speaking in code Arkady."

Jessie walked back in, medical kit in hand, and Callen shifted to the coffee machine. The least he could do was get the cup of coffee for her that he'd been in the process of doing when Arkady had arrived.

His plan had been to wake her up with it. Well it hadn't been his original plan. Callen had known Jessie needed to get up earlier but when he'd stood in the doorway, he'd gotten sidetracked watching her sleep in his bed. She'd been on her side, what would've been her side anyway if he'd been in there too, but one of her hands rested on his pillow. It had made him wonder whether it meant nothing or whether she was reaching out for him in her sleep. Then he'd started trying to think of what to say when he did wake her up that could move things forward but by the time he'd pulled himself out of those thoughts, without having managed to decide anything, he'd realised it was late. He figured if he at least had coffee for her when he woke her up he might not be in so much trouble.

Jessie smiled gratefully when he handed her the mug, white with just a touch of sugar, and took a sip before she put it on the table.

"Can't do this with your shirt on," Jessie told him.

Arkady coughed, to cover something Callen was sure. Jessie raised an eyebrow and shot him a curious look.

"Don't ask," Callen warned her. He turned one of the kitchen chairs around and sat down, leaving his back free, then carefully eased off his shirt. He felt Jessie's soft fingers peel the protective patch that was covering the wound on his left shoulder blade.

Arkady frowned. "You mean she is Doctor?" He moved around and looked at Callen's back. "Who's head needs to roll?"

"Don't worry Arkady," Callen said. "It's already done."

Arkady shrugged and then helped himself to a cup of coffee, miraculously he brought one to the table for Callen too.

Callen hissed. "Ouch Doc." The antiseptic, or whatever it was she'd just dabbed on his shoulder hurt like you wouldn't believe. "Where's your gentle side gone?" he asked.

"Perhaps," Jessie replied, though he noticed her touch had gentled, "if someone didn't need to be reminded that he shouldn't go into things without backup, it might return. How's Sam supposed to watch your back if he doesn't know what you're doing."

She did have a point though Callen wasn't sure that he should tell her exactly what had happened, or more to the point what might've happened if Sam hadn't actually caught up to him when he did.

"I promise," Callen said, "to try and remember to tell Sam where I'm going."

"And I promise," Jessie said, with a touch of amusement to her tone Callen was sure, "to try and be gentle next time when you don't, unless it's worse than this and then you might want to consider another doctor."

"Never Doc." Callen smiled even though she couldn't see it. "No matter what you do you're the only one for me." In more ways than one if only he could find the right time. It had only been two days since they'd had ice cream and he'd held off from moving forward. With Arkady here, it wasn't going to happen this morning either, plus she did have to leave very soon.

Arkady chuckled. "I like this girl. She has your … what is it? Number yes? Do I get introduction or you continue to be rude?"

"Arkady Kolcheck. Jessie Blake."

"You know I make much better patient than he does," Arkady said.

"You follow instructions?" Jessie definitely sounded more than just a touch amused.

"For you, always."

Jessie laughed softly and Callen felt it tug on his smile. "Somehow," she said, "I doubt that would be the case."

Callen shook his head and let the smile come out after all. "I think she's got you pegged too Arkady. Perhaps I should've introduced her a little clearer. She's both a medical Doctor and a Psychiatrist."

"Body and mind," Arkady said with a nod. "I like."

Before Callen could say anything in response Jessie finished pressing the fresh patch to his shoulder. "All done," she said.

Callen rose from the chair and turned around. "Thanks Doc."

Jessie took another sip of the coffee. "Sam will be over tonight to change it. I'll leave the kit in the bathroom for him. It's looking good. Nice and clean. Tell him he did a great job." She took her mug to the sink and turned back to him. "It should be much better tomorrow but a few days of rest would do it, and you, good."

"You know me," Callen said.

"I know," Jessie smiled and rolled her eyes just a little. "If I'm lucky I'll get today."

"Doc if you're lucky you can have me more than just today."

Jessie blushed and stepped back. "Be good," she warned him again. She turned to Arkady. "Nice to meet you."

"Pleasure most definitely mine," Arkady replied as he rose from his seat.

Jessie grabbed the kit and left the room.

Arkady sat back down and stared at Callen for a few moment. "So, not personal?"

"No." The lie slipped from Callen's lips easily, at least the word did. There was something in Arkady's eyes that suggested it wasn't believed.

"But you want it to be," the intuitive old man said.

More than anything. The timing was just screwed up and things kept getting in the way.

"G."

Callen turned quickly and wondered how much of that she had heard, or more to the point if Jessie had understood what had been discussed in the more one-sided conversation that had been going on.

"I'm serious," Jessie said with no sign that she'd heard anything they'd said. "Rest and be good for Sam over the next couple of days. You know he'll tell me if you're not."

Jessie still had his t-shirt on, though he wasn't sure when she'd changed back into her pants. Her bag was in her hand and she was obviously ready to go. Callen was curious about the shirt but decided not to say anything, since he did like seeing her in it.

"I'll try." Callen walked her to the front door. He could feel Arkady's gaze on him, which meant he'd moved from the chair Callen had left him in. In a moment of … something … Callen reached out and grabbed Jessie carefully by the waist, turned her to face him and pulled her in close. He made sure they were positioned in a way that Arkady wouldn't be able to see Jessie's face.

"What are you doing G?" she asked him cautiously.

Callen hadn't missed the swift intake of breath or the change of the look in her eyes when he'd brought her body flush up against his.

Callen kept his voice low and made the most of the opportunity to move his head just a touch closer to hers. "Messing with the old man's head."

"Why?"

Callen grinned. "Because he thinks a beautiful woman in one's bed at this time of the morning must be personal."

A wicked look appeared in Jessie's eyes and she leaned closer. Her words a breath across his ear. "Perhaps if you'd actually been in the bed instead of sleeping on the couch or your bedroll, it might've been." Jessie attempted to move away then, but Callen pulled her even closer and their eyes locked with each others.

"Care to go back and try again?" Callen asked seriously. Because if she said yes, he'd be more than happy to kick Arkady out and lock the doors. He could feel the way she held her breath.

"G," she finally said. "I have to go. I have a plane to catch."

One of her non-answers which he took as rather telling. "Raincheck it is," he replied and loosened his hold, though he didn't drop his arms yet. "Enjoy Gotcha Day."

Because that was where she was off to and as much as he would love to tempt her to stay, she'd already missed out on spending it with Trevor last year and he wasn't going to be the cause of her missing out again. The next few days were hers and Trevor's. They were headed to New Orleans. Apparently it was Trevor's idea to throw a dart at a map and to decide where they went this year. And that it had to be two days since they'd missed last year.

"I will," Jessie said with a smile. "Always do."

There was something in Jessie's eyes that Callen didn't have the time to work out before she pressed a soft kiss to his cheek - well not exactly his cheek. It was much too close to the corner of his mouth to be classified as cheek but not close enough. She stepped back and reached for the door handle and opened it. She glanced back at him. "Be good," she repeated.

"It would be." He knew what she was referring to, just as she picked up what he was referring too.

Jessie rolled her eyes. " _You_ be good. Please."

"Promise."

And when you get back Doc, he thought, somehow, some way I'm going to figure out just how to get you alone without interruptions, of any kind, and find out just what is going on in that beautiful head of yours. Because so many little things that she had said and done lately had given him the strong impression that she was into the idea of more just as much as he was.

"Bye G."

Jessie closed the door behind her and Callen headed back to the kitchen and his surprise visitor.

"So, tis personal," Arkady said. "She taking on new patients? I need new doctor."

"What happened to the last one?" Callen sat down and picked up his coffee.

"Told me to stop things I don't want to stop. Maybe she be nicer and let me do what I want and just fix later."

"She's not available," Callen told him.

"Personally or professionally?"

"Either," Callen said. No point lying to Arkady. The man had already figured it out. "She's certainly not available to become your next ex."

Arkady chuckled and then smiled, though there was something a touch more sedate about it than normal.

"She reminds me of my Katerina," Arkady said.

"Which ex would that be?" Callen asked and then took another sip.

"Not ex," Arkady said with a hint of sadness to his voice. "Would've been first Mrs Kolcheck."

Callen frowned. "Would've?"

Arkady nodded. "She died. Month before wedding."

"I'm sorry."

Arkady smiled, one that was so much gentler than Callen had seen in reference to any of his other exes. Even the ones he'd liked. "She was beautiful. Smart, sassy and gave me as much cheek as I give her. Wouldn't take any of my … crap. No one comes close since."

This was news to Callen. He knew all about Arkady's marriages but he'd never heard the man speak of a Katerina before.

"Trust me G. Your Doctor. She's worth mixing business and pleasure."

Callen wasn't going there with Arkady but he could take the hint that the man was done reminiscing.

"Why are you here Arkady? Especially this early in the morning."

"What else? Business."


	60. Forty Nine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this one only popped up on my radar about a week ago and is a mid-show tag, I guess, inspired by the episode Where's there's smoke - S 7 Ep 23 - You don't need to have seen the episode to get the chapter though, just thought I'd mention it in case you've seen it because little things will make more sense. Again, timeline completely messed up so some things about the episode don't make it in to this AU story.
> 
> It's Friday, which unfortunately means tomorrow is the weekend. And this is the last chapter I can guarantee before Monday. Weekends just don't give me the peace and quiet to get into and focus on the story and all the little details, and things are starting to move faster so I need to make sure I've covered all those things for it to go where I need it to go.
> 
> Have a great weekend and I hope you enjoy this fun little moment. Love to hear from you.

* * *

 

Callen returned to his desk after the long shower he'd had to take to rid the smell of smoke from his body. He relaxed back in his chair. The case wasn't over but he felt a hell of a lot better now and was ready to figure out just what was going on. Sam coughed and Callen narrowed his gaze at him in question.

"I'm fine G. Medics said so."

"We'll see," Jessie said as she walked into the bullpen.

Callen sat up straighter in his chair and frowned at her unexpected arrival. "What are you doing here?" he asked. She'd gotten back from New Orleans a couple of days ago but things had been a little busy in the office so he hadn't had much of a chance to catch up with her yet, or talk.

"Heidi gave me an extended break," Jessie told them. "I have less than ten minutes to check the two of you over before I need to head back to the hospital."

Jessie glanced between Callen and Sam.

"Really?" she said. "It's not enough that you spend almost every day dodging bad guys and bullets. You have to go and do it in a burning building?"

"What can we say Doc," Callen said lightly. "We don't want to get bored."

"Bored?" Jessie turned on him. "I would be incredibly happy with just one day of you being bored."

Callen's lips twitched. "No you wouldn't because then I'd have to come find you to solve the problem. You weren't here today so had to do something else."

Jessie shook her head and rolled her eyes. "You," she pointed at Callen. "Shirt off now. So help me you had better hope your lungs are clear or else."

"Jessie," Sam said, "It wasn't that bad."

Jessie spun around to Sam. "You," she said firmly, "are next. And given what Hetty told me I'll be stunned if you aren't worse than G."

"How did you find out?" Callen asked as he followed her orders and pulled his shirt over his head. "Hetty wouldn't have called you at work, not for this."

Jessie stepped closer to him, her stethoscope and light already in her hands. "Imagine my surprise," she said, her hand gentle on the side of his face as she held him still and checked his eyes. "When Heidi hands me the phone with someone looking for an update regarding the firefighter who had crossed my table with a knife in his chest and I hear Hetty's voice on the other end."

"Is he going to be okay?" Sam asked quickly. Jessie turned her head briefly from Callen at the question.

"Most likely. He's in surgery with an excellent doctor so has a very good chance of pulling through." Jessie glared at the two of them in turn. "However, it would've been much nicer to know that you two weren't involved in such an altercation and in need of checking _again_." She shook her head. "Can you please go a couple of weeks without an incident or is that just beyond impossible for the pair of you?" She focused back on Callen, her finger brushed his lips. "Open." He did as he was told without comment.

Deeks snickered in the background.

"What are you grinning for Deeks?" Sam asked since Callen's mouth was out of action for the moment. Callen saw Deeks' smile widen out of the corner of his eye.

"She likes me better."

Luckily Jessie was done checking his throat because Callen snorted. "Why do you think that?" Callen asked.

Jessie put the stethoscope to his chest. Callen was pretty sure she didn't actually need both hands on him to do so but he wasn't about to complain about her touching him. He was just going to simply sit back and enjoy the feel of her soft, warm hands on him.

"Because," Deeks said, "She doesn't have to patch me up as much as you. Am I right Jessie? I mean I've definitely got a lower number of visits to your room than these two have."

Jessie glanced over at Deeks. "Twenty three." She looked back at Callen and he lifted an eyebrow in question. "Forty eight," she answered his unspoken question. "Forty nine now." She shifted to listen to the back of his chest, her hands still on him. Callen felt the gentle touch of her finger over the slight mark that was still on his back from last week's knife incident. His denim jacket had protected him somewhat but it was Sam's timely arrival and shot that had sent the attackers aim off that saved him ending up in the ER with a much deeper wound and more of a reprimand that Jessie had given him. It had healed quickly, only being a slight flesh wound, albeit a longish one that was too shallow for stitches and needed to heal itself with rest. Which he had dutifully done for her, especially since between Sam and Hetty he'd ended up resting almost the entire time Jessie had been away.

When she stepped back, obviously done listening to his lungs, Callen said, "It's your bedside manner that keeps me coming back so often." Jessie's eyes widened and he continued before she could respond. "What about Sam?"

"Thirty two."

"Me?" Kensi asked.

Jessie looked at Kensi and Callen caught the twitch of the smile she was holding back. "You, if Deeks' theory was to hold up, I would like the best. Nineteen, and I would appreciate it if you would stay a teenager in this respect for a very long time."

Jessie turned back to Callen. "Does it hurt to cough?"

"No."

Jessie raised an eyebrow and waited.

"Maybe once or twice at first but not now," Callen added. "Didn't know you were keeping count."

"Of course I am. It's not exactly like you make it easy to remember all the patch up jobs. I need to know in case you do something that might aggravate a previous injury." She took another step back from him. "If you have any trouble breathing or any chest pain, you call me. If I can't get to my phone it will divert to Heidi and she can help until I can. I don't think you will, it all looks okay for now."

Jessie turned to Sam, who removed his shirt without saying a word. Callen slipped his back over his head and watched Jessie give Sam his check up.

Yep, she certainly hadn't needed her hands on him the way she did, because she didn't do it with Sam.

When Jessie was done, she shook her head and Callen sat forward in his seat to listen.

"For once you are worse than G," Jessie said, "but then I guess being in a fight as well as inhaling smoke that was a given. Though you are surprisingly better than I was expecting. Ice if the bruises hurt for the pain. Rest would be good." She looked at Callen. "For both of you though I highly doubt you'll do that today but a girl can hope." She turned back to Sam. "Monitor your breathing. I'm serious. There's oxygen in the medical room. Use it if you need it." She glanced again at Callen. "Both of you." Jessie sighed. "If either of you think something isn't right, just head to the hospital and call me. I'll meet you there. Don't risk it."

"Got it Jessie," Sam said.

"Good." Jessie stepped back from Sam. "I'll check on you both tomorrow but call if you need me."

Jessie picked up her bag and put her gear in it. "I would like it if you could all get through the day without any more injuries." She glanced around at the whole team. "Is there any chance of that?"

There wasn't a whole lot of hope in her tone.

Callen stood up. "All we can do is try," he said. "I'll drive you back."

"No Mr Callen," Hetty stepped into the bullpen. "You won't. I will. You have a case to get back to."

Jessie had just stepped around the dividers of the bullpen when she stopped and poked her head back in. "Just so you know, you get worse, it does involve blood tests." She raised an eyebrow and looked directly at Callen. "You might want to keep that in mind." She turned and walked away.

Callen shook his head slightly. She knew how to be cruel given he didn't like needles. Blood tests were even worse. And now that she'd put the thought in his head, no doubt it would stay there and he'd have no choice but to behave, mostly. He was disappointed not to get to drive her back but he knew Hetty was right. They needed to get back to work. He just really wanted to know why she'd come because Jessie had never slipped out during a break to see them. Sure she'd visited them at home if something happened while she'd been working a hospital shift, but never this.

"She likes me best." Kensi's comment pulled Callen out his thoughts and he saw her grin.

"That's not what she said," Callen told Kensi. Because he certainly hoped she liked him best. Even if he did apparently need her more than the others.

"How is it," Deeks' eyes narrowed at Kensi, "That you haven't been injured that much? Jessie's been here what, a year and half and you've only seen her nineteen times."

Kensi shrugged. "I guess I'm just better at dodging than the rest of you."

"Sounds like a challenge Kenz."

"Bring it on Sam," Kensi smiled. "That is if you are up for being reprimanded by our Doctor ...yet again."

Sam kept his mouth shut and Callen chuckled. Kensi had him there.


	61. Jessie hurt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back to another week of Callen and Jessie. I'm almost positive that we'll have at least four chapters this week. Fifth one just a little up in the air. Cross your fingers for an uneventful week in my life so we can have an eventful one in theirs!
> 
> Hope you all had a lovely weekend.
> 
> Enjoy and love to hear from you at the end.

* * *

 

Callen heard the sound of familiar footsteps and lifted his gaze from his paperwork to see Jessie head down the corridor to her office. His gut told him in an instant that something wasn't quite right. He glanced at the clock.

"Jessie's late," Callen said to Sam. It was only fifteen minutes late but still.

Sam frowned too. "Jessie's never late without calling."

She'd always called, ever since that morning Callen and Sam had gone to her apartment last year. She still gave him her schedule every time it changed and, if she had the time, would text him if something last minute came up. She'd yet to call him for a pick up though.

To be honest Callen had expected her to be here this morning waiting for him and Sam to arrive so she could check them out after yesterday's fire incident. Neither of them had felt any ill effects and Callen at least was feeling perfectly fine this morning. Curiosity and concern had Callen out of his seat and headed for her office except she wasn't there and the lights were still out. Callen backtracked to the medical room and saw the small sliver of light around the door. He opened it, slipped inside silently and watched Jessie gather some supplies from the cupboard.

"What's up Doc?"

Jessie jumped, turned slightly toward him and somehow narrowly avoided dropping what was in her hands. She turned back to the cupboard quickly.

"Oh for goodness sake you are not a rabbit," Jessie snapped sharply at him. "Could you please make a little more noise?"

Callen's concern ramped up, though at the same time he found her reference to rabbits amusing. Jessie didn't usually snap at them, even when she was frustrated with them and their injuries. Sure she'd tell them off, but not quite like this.

"You do know," Callen said calmly, "that too much noise in our line of work isn't good."

Jessie shifted and placed the small container of supplies on the bed. "What do you want G?" She kept her back to him and fiddled, unnecessarily Callen was sure, with the supplies. He stepped a little closer, his concern still high.

"You're late," he said.

Jessie glanced over her shoulder at him. "Really?" Then she turned her head away again. "That's why you're here? Because I'm late."

"You're never late without calling in Doc."

Callen moved closer. Jessie was now within touching distance but he didn't reach out to her, just yet. He was still trying to figure out what was going one because she rarely had her back to him when they were talking, and certainly not as determinedly as she did right now.

"I'm not that late." Jessie sighed and her shoulders dropped. "I'm sorry," she added quietly.

Now Callen reached out, put a hand on her shoulder and eased her around to face him. It didn't take him long to notice the bruise on her head, near the hairline, or the small butterfly bandage over the cut in the same location.

"What happened?" he asked as he took a quick look over the rest of her to see if he could find any other obvious injuries.

"Rough time in the ER," she said. "It happens occasionally."

The cut was only small which was a relief, though the bruise was of a reasonable size. Callen guessed the majority of it was under her hair. Hair which was very loosely held back which gave him some indication that it was indeed painful.

"No stitches," Callen noted out loud. "That's a plus."

Jessie didn't say anything which had his gaze narrow and his focus intensify. Silence meant she wasn't telling him something. He glanced at her supplies. He had enough experience to know that what she had in that small container had nothing to do with the head wound.

Callen focused on her eyes, eyes that seemed to be not quite willing to meet his. "Headache?"

"Not much." She answered this time.

"Did you take something for it?"

Jessie rolled her eyes. "Yes. I'm not you and I'm not stubborn. And yes, it was under doctor's instructions and no not mine."

"Tell me what happened." Callen wasn't about to go round in circles with her anymore than he already had this morning.

Jessie sighed and there was a distinct resigned tone to it.

"An unexpected reaction from a patient," Jessie told him. "He was unconscious when he was brought in and when we started checking his injuries he came too suddenly and lashed out, not deliberately. I fell, hit my head on the cupboard." She stopped there as if the story was over, however Callen knew there was more. And that it had something to do with her reluctance to tell him everything. It was time to call her on her supplies.

"Those," Callen tilted his head and glanced at the container on the bed, "are not supplies for your head."

"You're right," Jessie agreed. "They're not." She didn't elaborate.

Callen grinned. "You know I'm pretty sure we're not this stubborn telling you about our injuries."

"Yes, but I'm the doctor."

"Come on Doc," Callen said gently. "Talk to me. What else happened?"

"I got a cut that needed stitches. I need to replace the dressing that's all."

"Where?"

Jessie's eyes flew to his at his question but she didn't answer.

"Where?" Callen prompted. "Let me help."

"I'm fine to do it," Jessie said quickly.

"And you think we're stubborn. Where?"

Callen saw the muscles in her throat shift as she swallowed.

"Leg," Jessie finally admitted. That would explain why he'd had that feeling something wasn't right earlier when she'd arrived. Her footsteps were familiar but slightly off because she would've been walking very carefully on the injured leg.

Callen cocked an eyebrow and let one side of his mouth shift in a half smile. "Leg doesn't quite tell me much considering how long they are." Long enough to wrap - Not there, not now, Callen told himself and pushed the mental image that had already formed out of his head.

Jessie huffed. "G, I can -"

"Tell me or I'll go looking," Callen interrupted her protest.

"Thigh," Jessie said quickly.

Callen stepped back. "Up you get. I'm sure you don't want me doing this while you are standing."

Jessie carefully shifted onto the bed. Callen felt a touch guilty for not help her but he was doing all he could to pull his thoughts from places they really shouldn't be, at least at this moment.

"Why are you doing this?" Jessie asked.

"You don't give us a chance to take care of you often. Making the most of it."

"I don't need taking care of," Jessie denied.

Maybe not this time, but she definitely did need someone looking out for her. He knew she was pretty independent, that she didn't want them to see her as weak though she had come a long way in that respect. He also knew she appreciated it when someone cared for her anyway.

"We all do at some point." Callen knew enough to head to the sink and wash his hands thoroughly. He glanced over at her. "Do I need gloves?"

"No. G-"

"Stop arguing or I'll start to think you don't trust me." It was supposed to be teasing but her reaction said she took it otherwise.

"I trust you," Jessie said seriously yet softly. "You don't need to do this. I'm more than capable. It's not that much more than changing a band-aid."

Callen stepped closer. "Then I should be more than capable too. Or is it that you don't want me to do it? Would you prefer Sam or Deeks?"

"God no not Deeks."

The forcefulness of her reaction made him wonder just where on the thigh it was. While Deeks could be serious when the need arose, his teasing manner was at the forefront more often than not.

"Trust me Hetty's not particularly gentle. So," Callen looked down at her legs that were covered with her loose skirt. "Help me out here Doc."

Jessie finally, and reluctantly Callen could tell, shifted her skirt up. Almost all the way to reveal the adhesive patch toward the top of the thigh, more on the inner side than the outer. He dragged his thoughts away from where they had headed with the further exposure of skin. It wasn't like he hadn't seen her legs before. She must've seen or sensed something of his reaction because when she spoke there was a touch of mischief in her tone.

"Still want to do this? …. Or should I get Deeks?"

Callen looked up and caught her gaze. "You want Deeks?"

"No."

Did that mean she wanted - Callen stopped that thought and took a slow, deep breath that was steady, measured and quiet so she wouldn't realise anything was amiss, before he carefully eased off the patch that covered the cut.

"How many stitches?" Callen asked her.

"Six, two in and four on top. It was pretty deep."

Callen could see the stitches were very tiny and close together. Someone had taken great care in stitching up her wound. There probably wouldn't be a scar.

"Should you be home resting?"

"I plan on taking it easy but I needed to check on you and Sam."

"Feeling perfectly fine, nothing to worry about."

Callen opened the cleaning pouch and used the wipe to remove the sticky residue from the previous patch. He was careful not to touch the wound and kept his touch around it as light as he could to get the job done. He knew the drill, the wound had to stay clean and dry. He did have a hard time focusing solely on cleaning when he had an up close view of her bare leg, not to mention the feel of the soft warm skin under his fingers. Lucky he was good at multi-tasking.

"What happened?" Callen asked in an attempt to help keep his thoughts on her injury and the job at hand.

"Scalpel got knocked off the tray. Ended up finding a resting place in my leg."

"Ouch."

"Just a bit."

Jessie handed him the partially opened new patch and, careful not to touch the sterile part that would cover her wound, Callen finished removing it from the packaging and placed it gently over the stitches. He ran his finger around the edge and pushed down carefully to ensure it stuck and was thoroughly sealed. He didn't miss the slight twitch of her leg muscles.

"Sorry," Callen said. He lifted his gaze from her leg to her face. The words were out before he thought them through. "Want me to kiss it better?"

Jessie stared at him for a moment before she smiled and rolled her eyes. "It's almost tempting," she said, "to say yes and see how you react."

"Try me." Callen's voice was no longer teasing but serious. He saw her brown eyes darken as he watched and waited. Her gaze flicked very briefly from his eyes to his lips and back again. His fingers moved slightly over the warm skin of her leg, away from the wound, in an entirely different way than they had just moments before. Her breath halted for a moment before Callen heard it speed up and her mouth dropped open. He might not be as good as Kensi at reading lips, but he did know that the shape of it was definitely more yes than no.

Before Jessie could say the word though, the door to the medical room opened. Sam's voice broke the connection between the two of them and Callen had an overwhelming urge to yell at his partner to get out. He didn't though.

"You find Jes- G What are you -" Callen shifted his head which gave Sam the chance to see the side of Jessie's head with the bruise. "Jessie?" Callen could hear the concern in Sam's voice. "What happened?"

Sam's footsteps came closer.

"I'm fine," Jessie assured Sam and started to shift her skirt back over her legs. Which was the moment when Callen realised his hands were still on her legs. He stepped back quickly.

"Had a close encounter with a cupboard and a scalpel," Jessie told Sam as Callen headed to the sink and kept his back to them.

"G?" Callen heard the question from Sam that wasn't voiced. A question he wasn't about to answer.

"Just helping change the dressing," Callen replied instead. He took his time washing his hands to give him a moment to shift his thoughts from where they had been right before Sam walked through the door to something more appropriate.

Six hours later though he was regretting not telling Sam to get lost. Because he was on a plane with Kensi headed to Italy where the NCIS Mobile Blue team, who were based in Europe, had a case at the Naval base at Sigonella that appeared to have links with one of their cold cases. Since he spoke fluent Italian and Kensi could adapt easy enough since she spoke Spanish and French, they'd been the obvious choices to send. With any luck they'd be back within the week.


	62. Tequila

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Initially I wasn't going to split this one but it was a bit too big to get sorted and all out today so I had to make a choice - to split or to hold back posting until tomorrow. I went with the split. Hope you don't mind.
> 
> Okay, so on with the show. Love to hear from you at the end.
> 
> Enjoy.

* * *

"Hey Doc," Callen called out when he saw Jessie heading to the exit. She was just the person he was looking for. "Need you."

Jessie turned around as he caught up to her. "For what?" she asked warily

"There's a game of poker about to happen in the gym. Need another player."

Jessie shook her head. "No. I don't bet remember."

"No betting. Just a fun game between friends." The last time money had been involved Hetty had punished the lot of them, though Callen wasn't entirely sure that that wasn't because she hadn't been included in the invitation to play.

Jessie raised an eyebrow. "Does Hetty know?"

"No. And we'd hate for her to find out. She cheats."

"Really?" Jessie looked dubious. "Hetty cheats?"

"We think she does. We just haven't been able to prove it yet." Which was the very reason she hadn't been invited. They'd learned their lesson before when she'd taken them all to the cleaners. Admittedly, as far as Callen knew, Hetty had never cheated when it was only the two of them playing.

Jessie shook her head. "G, it's the weekend. I just want to go home and relax. It's been a long couple of weeks."

Didn't he know it. He and Kensi had just arrived home two days ago from Italy. It had taken much longer than they thought but both the Blue team's current case and their cold one had finally been solved. Now he was itching to have some time with Jessie and find out what was going on between them from her side as well. That was his plan for tonight. Callen figured some time with the team for a little fun and then he'd find a way to take her home, or at least follow her and make sure she got there okay. Which could easily lead to him coming in for some coffee and then, then he'd just have to figure out what to say.

Callen stepped a little closer and with a gentle finger brushed the shadow under one of her eyes. "You haven't been sleeping well."

"It's been … an odd time."

Callen wondered if it was because they were away in the middle of a murder investigation that had gotten a little hairy. He'd had to be treated by Italian doctors and he missed his own. Not that they hadn't done a good job, but they weren't Jessie. Thankfully it hadn't been a bad injury.

"An hour," Callen compromised. "Give us hour then I'll feed you. I know I great Chinese place on the way to yours."

Jessie smiled. "And what if I'm in the mood for something hotter?"

"I'm sure I can find a Mexican or Indian place somewhere around."

She looked almost tempted. "Curry does sound appealing." Jessie sighed. "I -"

"Come on Doc. Without a partner I can't play."

"It's poker. You don't need a partner."

"Apparently for this one you do. At least that's what Kensi told me."

When Jessie didn't say anything Callen reached out and took her hand. He walked slowly backward deeper into the building and it didn't take more than a gentle tug on Jessie's hand to have her follow.

"Trust me," Callen told her. "This will relax you. It's just some fun, nothing serious." And then dinner and more, he hoped.

"One hour then you owe me dinner."

Callen narrowly refrained from saying _It's a date_. "One hour," he agreed.

They walked into the gym and headed to where Deeks, Kensi, Nell and Eric were at a table. Jessie stopped suddenly and because Callen still had hold of her hand he felt the tug on his arm as she did. Callen stopped and turned to face her.

"Why is there tequila?" Jessie asked him. "I thought you said this was poker?"

Callen frowned. "That's what I was told." He turned and looked at the table. Sure enough tequila, more than one bottle, shot glasses and finger food were in the process of being set up. "Deeks?" Callen started to walk closer Jessie followed though her hand slipped, or was pulled, from his.

Deeks looked over at them and smiled. "Yes. Six it is."

"What's the game?" Callen asked when the got a little closer.

"Poker, but instead of money, so we don't get in trouble with Hetty, losing teams have to take a shot. Winning team gets to eat." Deeks held up a small box. "Tequila Shots, hard edition. Heard it was fun. Thought we'd try it. I found it in the shops the other day."

"No," Jessie said firmly from behind him. Callen turned. Jessie started to back away. "No way." She turned toward the exit.

Callen caught up with her and stopped her before she could leave the gym.

"Doc, come on," Callen said. "It won't be that many hands by the time the hour is up."

"G," Jessie shook her head. "The last time I drank anything but wine I can barely remember anything from it."

"But you do remember something." Callen watched her carefully and saw the flush heighten on her cheeks. What he couldn't remember was when, or why, it had first appeared.

"I'd have the hangover from hell tomorrow. No thank you." Jessie tried to tug her arm from his grip but, even though he kept hold, he made sure it wasn't tight enough to hurt.

"I have a theory," Callen stepped closer. "Your hangovers have to do with mixing drinks. Not so much what you drink."

"What are you talking about?" Jessie asked in confusion.

"The depth charges were mixed, not straight. Try it tonight," Callen said, "I promise you'll be safe with me."

"That's not what I'm worried about," Jessie said.

"You mean I'm not safe with you," Callen teased.

Jessie stepped closer to him and lowered her voice. "G do you have any idea what this game is that Deeks has brought?"

Callen shrugged. "Difficult tequila shots?" He was more concerned about the poker game itself but only because he knew Deeks and Kensi both had a reasonable head for the game. Nell and Eric, he wasn't too sure about but given the way Nell's mind worked, she'd probably be very good at it. The tequila wasn't a big deal. He'd pull the two of them out with some excuse before it got too much.

Jessie rolled her eyes and sighed, clearly frustrated. "You have no clue. And I'll bet neither does he. Are you both that naive that you are going to play a game without knowing what you're getting into?"

"Do you?"

"Yes," Jessie hissed, "and we are not doing it." She pointed toward Deeks, Kensi, Eric and Nell. "Neither should they be."

Now she really had him intrigued, and a touch unsure.

"You two out or in?" Deeks asked. "Almost done setting up."

"In," Callen called out at that same time that Jessie said, "Out."

Jessie glared at him. "Give me a reason," Callen said.

* * *

Jessie took a deep breath and let it out slowly. The last two weeks had been hard and she'd missed him. She hadn't been able to sleep when she'd known they were up and potentially in trouble. Sigonella was eight hours ahead which really messed with things. Plus she'd done two three shift weeks in the ER to make up for the fact she was away on a conference next week. When he'd been hurt she'd wanted to get on a plane and make sure he was okay. Hetty must've sensed it because she'd stopped her and got the treating doctor to talk her through what had happened and what the treatment had been. They'd also set up video link with Callen and Kensi so she'd been able to see that he was okay. Hetty had also privately reminded her it would take her more than fourteen hours to get there and Callen was only in the hospital for a few hours for observation before being released and heading back to work. By the time they'd returned to LA, he was well and truly recovered and there had been no point checking him over. Both of them knew it.

Jessie took another breath in and out. She could not believe this was happening. She wanted to go home, had hoped he come over, like he used, but it felt like so long ago that he had simply turned up uninvited at her apartment door with food and they'd watched something and occasionally talk. So much had happened recently, it felt like one thing after another and she really wanted the world to stop spinning for a moment so she could breathe. Jessie saw the expectant look on Callen's face and pulled herself out of her thoughts.

"There is a partner element to the game," she told him. "You spin to see where the salt goes. Neck, inside of the wrist, elbow or knee. Lower back, lips." Jessie swallowed. "Chest." Surely he had to realise exactly what that meant since it wasn't like you could lick salt from your own back. "Or you get really," She paused and she felt the heat increase in her cheeks when he raised an eyebrow expectantly. She wasn't sure she had the right word but it did at least fit. "Lucky … and get to choose a card that gives you a very different scenario." Jessie struggled to keep the picture out of her head of what some of those scenarios were. It wasn't like she'd play the game before, she just knew what it was all about.

"Sounds interesting," Callen said. "Nothing to say no to yet."

Yes it did sound interesting and in the right kind of relationship the cards would add to that but they weren't there. The rest of the options though, if she was being brave, and they weren't in company, she'd probably pour the first shot herself and spin. But they weren't and she wasn't, unfortunately, because it would be sure fire way to get things moving in one direction or the other.

Jessie rolled her eyes and a sound rumbled in her throat. She was frustrated with more than just Callen and Deeks right now. Partly because of the game and their naivety but mostly because of herself. She was a grown women. Why the hell couldn't she just come out and tell them man in front of her she was interested because apparently hinting and subtlety didn't work on the stubborn creature before her. Well at least she didn't think it did though perhaps if they weren't interrupted so much. She shook off the thought.

"Deeks." Jessie called out as she walked toward the detective. "Cards now, please."

"But I haven't opened them yet," Deeks protested. Jessie walked up, took them out of his hands and returned to where Callen stood. She had them opened before she got to him.

"This," Jessie whispered, "is one of the cards." She held it up to him and watched for his reaction as Callen read it. He raised an eyebrow.

"I'm up for it if you want to do the drink that time."

Jessie growled as the frustration, and something else, rose. She went searching for another card at the same time she mentally cursed Deeks for not realising exactly what kind of game he'd picked up. Because if he had, she could guarantee this would've only been pulled out when he and Kensi were alone.

"What about this one G?" Jessie dropped her voice low and caught his eyes with hers as she spoke. "Are you," she paused just a moment, " _up_ … for me to doing this one to you?" His eyes dropped from hers to the card. She saw his eyes widen, his throat move as he swallowed and she was pretty sure there was just the slight hint of a blush on his face which must be only the second time she'd managed that. Callen lifted his gaze back to hers, held it for a moment before he said, "Not in company."

Jessie's eyes went wide, her breath halted in her lungs and her mouth dropped open just a little as she tried to suck in a breath. Okay so that response and the look in his eyes definitely told her that he was interested, and she was pretty sure it wasn't because of what was on the card since it was just like the one that had been there when he'd replaced the patch on her leg. So why couldn't they just come out and say it? Why was he, why was she, holding back? Was it just bad timing or was he just as scared as she was about what might, or might not, happen?

"Deeks," Callen called out before she could managed to find any words, "not using the cards or the deals off."

"What!" Deeks all but squeaked in disappointment. "They're supposed to be the best part."

Jessie somehow pulled her gaze from Callen and, even though she was walking toward Deeks, the something between them continued to sizzle and she could feel his gaze on her back as she moved away. Jessie bent low and whispered in Deeks' ear, quiet enough that the others didn't hear, because if Deeks really didn't know what he was about to get himself into, then neither would the others and she'd rather keep it between as few of them as possible.

Deeks pulled back and stared at her, shock and disbelief on his face.

"But … No," Deeks stuttered. "They're ... just supposed to be a bit of fun. A bit difficult."

"Yes," Jessie said softly and sympathy rose for him. " _Hard_." Deeks actually blushed, snatched the cards from Jessie and stuffed them back in his bag.

"No cards," Deeks choked out.

Jessie walked back toward the door and Callen intercepted her with a gentle hand on her arm before she could leave.

"Where are you going?" he asked.

"Home G. I'm not doing this." No matter how tempting it was.

"Deeks has agreed not to use the cards, the rest is reasonably innocent."

Jessie highly doubted it would be reasonably innocent at all considering Kensi and Deeks were together and she was positive so were Eric and Nell, though they were doing exceptionally well to keep any personal relationship (aside from friendship) out of the office. And with the heat that was already at boiling point between her and Callen, she doubted it would stay that way for long between them either. It was incredibly tempting to see if this kind of thing would prompt something since nothing else had seemed to work.

"No," Jessie said, though not as firmly as she'd hoped. If only she'd said it before that thought had occurred to her she might've made a successful get away.

"We can't leave the kids alone Doc."

Callen's hand slid down her arm slowly and slipped off at her fingers. Jessie felt the trail of heat and tingles all the way down even after his hand was gone.

"Who knows what they'd get up to," Callen added with a shrug. "After a few shots they might pull those cards out and you wouldn't want that on your conscience would you?"

He played dirty, but then Jessie had known that for a very long time. She should've been expecting it. Had he been able to see how tempted she was? Or was he just trying to convince her because he wanted this too?

"And you think," Jessie said, "we'll be any better with half a dozen shots firing through us?" If she made it to six shots she'd been well and truly in trouble and that wasn't that unlikely a scenario. While she could play poker and hold her own against Alex and Trevor, she knew that to some degree they went easy on her.

"We're adults Jessie."

"So are they."

"I'm sure they'll be drinking more than us."

He sounded so confident and Jessie suddenly suspected that he was very good a poker. Most likely had to learn for an alias along the way and she knew that when he put his mind to learning something he was usually successful, as his waltzing skills had shown.

"Which is exactly why they shouldn't be -"

"Left alone," Callen cut in. "We're more mature. We can keep them in line."

Jessie shook her head. "I am not fourteen and you can not convince me to play spin the bottle."

Callen frowned. "You played spin the bottle at fourteen?"

She didn't say anything though apparently she didn't need to

"Let me guess," Callen added with that knowing smirk. "Trevor."

"Who else?"

"Come on Jessie, you know you're curious."

She shook her head, confused and frowned. "About what?"

"Mixing your drinks."

Jessie groaned. He wasn't giving up. Maybe she should. After all, he'd promised her an hour. How long did it take to play a hand of poker? It's not like any of them were professional right?

"Where is Hetty?"

A smug satisfied looked came across his face at her question. It was like he knew he was getting to her. "Dinner, meeting, something that's going to take her a while and not be back until the morning."

"Which is why this was set up in the first place." Jessie swallowed and closed her eyes. He almost had her agreeing. Would it really be that bad to say yes? What was the worst that could happen? She knew she was safe with them.

"Jessie."

She opened her eyes and Callen tugged her a little closer, "Help me keep an eye on them," he said.

"Who's going to keep an eye on us?" Jessie asked.

"I can keep an eye on you too," Callen told her and, given the look in his eyes she had no doubt about that, just exactly what kind was the question.

"Ready to go," Deeks called out. Jessie stepped back from Callen when she realised just how close they'd gotten during their conversation. There was barely any space between them and she was almost in his arms, at least would be if he'd simply lifted them to put around her.

"We six or four?" Deeks asked.

"Please," Callen said.

Jessie sighed once more. "I'm going to regret this in the morning aren't I?"

"Six," Callen told Deeks and slipped his arm around Jessie's shoulder and steered her back to the table. "I promise," he murmured to her, "you'll be safe."


	63. A slice of lime and a danish

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Suspense over for now and it's a long one to make up for the short previous one. Hoping it was worth the wait.
> 
> Let's see what happened next. Enjoy. As always, love to hear what you think.

* * *

The hour was almost up and although Callen had kept her safe, in terms of how much Tequila they'd consumed, the heat between the two of them was ready to combust. At least from his point of view. He'd thought that he'd be able to keep things under control. Being a more than decent poker player he'd been able to keep them to having only lost three times so far. However he'd underestimated something.

Jessie.

Callen knew how much she could handle, alcohol wise, and he figured he'd pull the plug when they got to four shots, which should leave her at a similar point to karaoke night. Not drunk, not even tipsy, just relaxed and the walls down and open to what he hoped was coming later. Because they'd won so many hands they'd also eaten plenty which probably meant he wouldn't have the dinner excuse for later.

It wasn't her skills at poker he'd underestimated though. She did okay but lost more than he did. Thankfully it only had to be one of them to win to earn the reprieve of another shot.

What he'd underestimated was what her touch, the way the game called for, would do to him. And vice versa. He hadn't really thought that through much. He wasn't going to deny that he'd thought a little about it, looked forward to it and had no doubts he'd enjoy it - but it appears his mind wasn't quite as accurate as he'd thought when it came to imagining certain things.

So now their fourth shot had arrived and Callen was in far more trouble than he'd imagined. So far for her she'd spun wrist, neck then chest (she'd stuck to the v of his shirt unlike the other couples) and this time wrist again. He however, after having spun wrist, elbow then neck, now spun the one he had started the night out hoping for yet now he had it, he wasn't sure it was safe.

Lips.

There was no way after the way he'd felt when Jessie had done hers from his neck that this was going to be anything but difficult. Enjoyable most definitely but difficult. This wasn't quite what he'd had in mind when he'd originally thought that this could be a good way to ease them into talking about the next step between them. Callen glanced at the others.

Kensi and Deeks had been lousy at poker tonight, quite possibly because they'd been a part of the losing couples for the first four hands and had continuously spun the options of chest, neck and lips. Needless to say they'd been having a problem for most of the hour keeping their hands off one another and their eyes on their cards. Which was where Callen's second loss of the night had come in, deliberately, just to make sure they had something to eat. He'd spaced it far enough from the first loss that the drinks weren't too close together for Jessie.

Nell and Eric had certainly eaten more than Kensi and Deeks but were ahead of him and Jessie regarding number of shots. At this point Eric and Nell were giggling and blushing like teenagers when they first discovered the opposite sex wasn't that bad after all. If he hadn't known better he'd have pulled the plug on the game much sooner but Nell had confided in him weeks ago where things stood with her and Eric and just how far the relationship had progressed. He admitted to being surprised and a touch unsettled, but then Nell brought out a protective instinct in him he was sure was usually reserved for little sisters! Luckily he liked Eric. Nell had, at one point recently, shot him a warning look when he'd been eyeing Eric off just a touch longer than necessary. It told him clearly that she didn't need him to defend her honor where Eric was concerned.

However both couples would need him to ensure they got home safely which would require him getting them into cabs at least, if not going with them. His night wasn't going quite according to plan in any way, except that he had gotten to spend some time finally with Jessie, even if it wasn't alone.

Callen looked at Jessie, not quite sure where this was going to go. She shrugged and rose from her chair and Callen watched her step closer. His heart skipped a beat when she smiled, a wicked one, and suddenly everyone else slipped away and all Callen could do was focus on her. Before he could get a read on what she planned on doing, Jessie leaned down, pushed his chair back slightly and then straddled his lap. She leaned in close to his ear and whispered, "Have to show the kids how it's done right?"

The first time Deeks had spun up lips, he and Kensi had made such a mess and made it look so awkward, they'd all cringed. Nell and Eric had done a little better but it was still awkward.

Callen discovered his hands were on Jessie's hips, he wasn't quite sure when that had happened, but it made sense to do that so she wouldn't slip off. Jessie leaned back to reach for the shot glass and lime. The movement shifted her closer to his hips and his mouth went dry. He stifled a groan, only just, at how close their bodies were to being intimately pressed together. This was bad, yet he wasn't stopping it.

Bad could sometimes be good right?

When Jessie turned back to face him Callen didn't miss the flicker of satisfaction, the knowing smile or the slightly raised (in question) eyebrow she shot him that told him she hadn't missed his body's reaction to her. He also didn't miss that there was no haze in her eyes from the alcohol she'd already had. This was all her.

But still, he had to fight the recklessness that the tequila shooting through him, even if it wasn't a lot, mixed with the obvious attraction he felt for her, made him feel. The hands on her hips tightened but he didn't pull her further into him. But there was something in the way her eyes deepened in colour and her breath hitched that suggested she knew what he'd been thinking of doing. Jessie held out the shot glass, her hands shook slightly. Callen reluctantly lifted one hand from her hip to take it. She carefully placed the lime on top and then she leaned back and picked up the small container of salt. Yet again, her body pressed against his and this time Callen couldn't stop the groan. He was almost sure there had been one from her as well except he was a tad distracted to know for certain.

When Jessie looked into his eyes, Callen could read the desire and want in them, no doubt in his mind that she was feeling similar to him. The brown looked liked liquid chocolate, her breathing was uneven and there was a definite flush on her cheeks. He didn't need to look to know that her pulse was pounding in her neck since that was where he had taken his last lick of salt from. She wasn't drunk, he wouldn't even say she was tipsy, but her inhibitions had certainly seemed to be lowered.

Perhaps Callen should've called it quits after three instead of four. It was too late now for sanity to reign as he watched Jessie put her finger in her mouth to wet it slightly before dipping it into her salt container. There was still a wickedness in her eyes and Callen was wishing right now that it was just the two of them, because even though he was thoroughly focused on her, he knew the others were there and that was about the only reason he knew this wouldn't go too far. Callen sucked in a breath when he saw Jessie's tongue dart out and wet her lips before her finger started to dab salt on them. The salt pot was back on the table and she lifted the lime from the top of the glass. He couldn't pull his eyes from her lips, slightly parted and sparkling.

"G?" Jessie whispered.

Callen lifted his eyes to hers and saw the hint of uncertainty in them and realised he hadn't moved when he should and left her waiting. He shifted his hand from her hips to slide up the smooth silkiness of the shirt that covered her back to both hold her steady and urge her a little closer. Their heads moved too until Callen could feel Jessie's breath on his lips which were now just a couple of inches from hers when a voice attempted to intrude.

"I think we've had enough for tonight."

"Hetty!" came a chorus of different voices, but not his and Jessie's.

Out of Callen's peripheral vision, apparently some parts of his agent senses still seemed to be working, he registered Kensi and Deeks jump apart and heard a crash that his mind was able to extrapolate as Eric trying to jump away from Nell and falling off his seat.

However neither he or Jessie moved, those couple of inches all that was between them.

"Almost done Hetty," Callen said, though where the words came from he wasn't sure because his brain was almost entirely consumed with the woman on his lap and in his arms, who vanilla scent mingled with tequila flood his senses and stirred a need in him didn't think anyone else ever had. "Last shot."

Callen lifted his gaze to Jessie's. He could see his struggle reflected in her eyes. She wanted this too.

"No more shots," Hetty said firmly and the order seemed to make it through to Jessie's mind at least because suddenly there was more space as Jessie leaned back. She straightened and shrugged, though Callen could clearly see the disappointment in her eyes.

"Sorry G," Jessie said lightly, "Maybe next time." She ran her tongue over her lips and the sparkling salt disappeared. It pulled a groan from him and he hoped that only she could hear it. The flicker of something else in her eyes said she had and, if he wasn't mistaken, she was pleased to know she'd affected him. How she could've doubted that considering their position he wasn't sure.

"I have the minivan out the front," Hetty said. "I will drive you all home and you can organise to pick your respective vehicles up another day."

Jessie finally shifted off Callen's lap and grabbed her bag off the back of her chair.

"We should clean up," Deeks muttered under his breath while Callen sat in the chair a moment or two longer than perhaps he should've given Hetty's order. However he needed a moment to breathe, slow and deep, and pull his body back under his control, at least a little.

Deeks' voice brightened. "I know. Kensalina and I can stay and clean up."

"Clean up you will Mr Deeks, but not tonight and not with Miss Blye. You can come back tomorrow at six am and do it all by yourself. Consider it punishment for unauthorised use of the gym." While not entirely a cruel punishment in general, for Deeks it would be since that would be when he'd prefer to be out surfing, though perhaps Hetty was more saving Deeks than punishing him since in his current condition, surfing in the morning probably wouldn't be a good idea.

There was a pause before Hetty added. "Mr Callen it is time to go."

Callen rose slowly, reached for his phone and keys and slipped them in his pocket. He turned and walked toward the gym exit, which meant he had to pass Hetty.

"You know Hetty we had it under control," Callen told her. It wasn't entirely a lie. He knew that there was only so far that he could let things go and he trusted himself, mostly, enough to know that he wouldn't let it go beyond that point.

Hetty looked up at him and there was a knowing look in her eyes. "I have no doubt Mr Callen. What I am unsure of is exactly what it was that you had under control. Now move it."

* * *

Callen slipped into the seat next to Jessie in the minivan. He watched and waited but she determinedly kept her gaze out the window. But he was patient and simply enjoyed being beside her and looking at her while he did. He'd missed her during those long days in Italy, missed her skills a doctor for sure but also the comfort of knowing she was around. There had been times when he'd wished for her listening ear when things had been troubling him about the case. While he had been able to talk to her, it hadn't been as convenient as normal given the time zones.

Eventually Jessie sighed and turned her head toward him though she looked straight ahead rather than directly at him. "What?" she asked.

Callen shifted his head a tad closer and whispered in her ear. "You owe me that last shot." He didn't miss the slight shiver that went through her body, thanks to the fact that his shoulder and arm were pressed lightly against hers. Neither did he miss the catch of her breath.

Jessie shook her head and kept her eyes averted from him. "We were lucky Hetty arrived when she did."

"Why?"

Jessie turned her head fully and because Callen didn't move back the moment brought them close together once again, though not quite as close as when she'd been on his lap. Her breath hitched again and her tongue darted over her lips, most likely involuntarily before her teeth caught the bottom lip. The urge to close the distance and replace her teeth was his was almost too much but Callen knew here wasn't the place and held himself very still. After a moment that felt a lot longer, Jessie's gaze lifted to his.

"You were supposed to keep me safe," she whispered.

"You were. You are," Callen assured her.

"Then why did it feel like I was about to jump out of a plane without a parachute?"

Callen didn't have a chance to answer before the minivan jerked to a stop. He was sure it was deliberate on Hetty's part and he glanced toward the front and saw Hetty staring at them through the rearview mirror, a knowing look in her eye.

"Jessie," Hetty said. "You're home."

Callen slipped out of the back of the van and held out his hand for Jessie to help her down. She paused but obviously decided to take it and put her hand in his. Probably a good thing since she wobbled slightly on the step down. Her hand was soft and fitted in his perfectly but she didn't leave it there any longer than necessary.

"Mr Callen." Hetty's voice was firm.

"Just making sure she gets inside safely Hetty," Callen said. "I'll be back."

"I'll be waiting," Hetty said in the tone of hers that meant business; the one you didn't particularly want to hear but always tended to follow. "Don't make me come and get you," she warned.

"I'm fine G," Jessie protested as they walked to the front entrance of her apartment building. It would've been more effective if she hadn't fumbled with the keys and dropped them to the ground. Callen bent and retrieved them, gave her an _I told you so_ look before he unlocked the front door and followed her to the elevator.

Jessie held out her hands for the keys and Callen handed them to her, his fingers brushed hers. As they did the sparks jumped between them. Her gaze went to his but slid away quickly.

The elevator doors opened and Callen followed Jessie out and down the hall. Her words played in his head and he tried to figure out what it was about them that bothered him.

At the door Jessie turned to him. "Good night G."

"Open the door Jessie. I'm not coming in." No matter how much he wanted to right now. "Just making sure you get there."

Jessie took a deep breath before she turned and carefully, this time without any fumbles, unlocked the door and pushed it open. "There," she said. "I'm in."

Jessie turned around and before she could say or do anything Callen stepped closer. He kept his hands to himself even as he lowered his mouth to hers and brushed his lips across her soft warm ones. Because something in him needed this, needed to have that connection with her that they had been denied. He couldn't remember the last time he'd felt like he _needed_ to kiss someone, a need that just as important as his next breath. Yet at the same time Callen didn't want to take, or give, without asking in some way, which is why he kept his hands behind his back. He wouldn't hold her to him. If she didn't want this a simple shift was all it would take to move away. She didn't even need to step back.

But Jessie didn't. There was a soft gasp from her just as he touched his to hers and her mouth opened a little more. There was a brief moment where her breath drifted over his lips, perhaps on a sigh, and then he felt her move toward him. Temptation slammed through him at that shift, at the pressure coming from her lips to his rather than just his to hers, yet Callen kept control. He wanted to capture her mouth in a full, deep kiss, pull her to him, have her in his arms, but he didn't. Instead he focused his attention on her bottom lip. When he pulled back, Jessie's eyes blinked slowly and she stared at him, confusion mixed with desire and, Callen hoped but couldn't be entirely positive, a touch of disappointment that things had ended.

"You missed a bit," Callen said when he finally found his voice. He took a step back.

"Missed what?" Jessie asked with a slight shake of her head.

"Some salt," Callen replied.

He wasn't lying, not exactly. Because he had still been able to taste the salt on her lips. It just hadn't been the reason behind the kiss. Callen turned and walked away without waiting for a response because he wasn't sure he wouldn't through caution to the wind and pull her into his arms. Her tongue had darted out as if to wipe away anymore traces of salt and the action had caused the desire to kiss her the way her really wanted to to flare strongly. It would be a kiss that Callen had no doubt would be long enough to have Hetty come looking for him.

And the next time he kissed Jessie, he wanted Hetty nowhere around. And there was no doubt at all. There would be a next time.

* * *

Callen sat on the picnic table near the beach and watched Jessie run. He wasn't sure if she'd spotted him yet as she ran back and forth just near the edge of the water. He knew she eventually would since he was sitting right near where she would come to head home.

Callen had spent a lot of time thinking last night, trying to figure out what her comment about jumping without a parachute had meant and the best he'd been able to come up with was that she was scared of what might happen if they moved forward, or even if he was interested in moving forward. He got that. It wasn't like he was big on relationships. He certainly hadn't been involved with anyone during her time with them - unless you counted her because how involved they were now, even though they weren't exactly involved was more than he'd been with any other woman in his past. But all Jessie knew was that he didn't do relationships. He was pretty sure he'd told her that once, or that he wasn't any good at them, more than likely both given the knack she had for getting him to talk. So yes, he couldn't blame her for thinking that perhaps he didn't want any more than what he already had, or something simply physical from her given what had happened last night between them. Callen didn't know how to let her know that wasn't it. For some reason, he just couldn't find the words which was not really him. His life and his job, his teammates, depended on his ability to think on his feet, to be able to pull the right words out at the right time. Yet with her, he couldn't. Perhaps it had to do with not wanting to play a role with her - something he knew she certainly didn't want. So he, the real Callen, needed to find the right words and he had precious little practice doing that.

Jessie's steps slowed to a stop and she looked at him. The tilt of her head told him she recognised him and she started to make her way over. He was grateful that she wasn't avoiding him entirely.

"G," she said when she finally stood a few steps away.

"Jessie." She wore sunglasses that shielded her eyes and stopped him getting a read on what she was thinking or feeling. He took an instant dislike to the barrier.

"What brings you here?" she asked.

Callen reached behind him and held out a bakery bag. "Brought you breakfast since I didn't get you dinner last night."

Jessie sat down next to him, though she did kept some space between them, and stared out at the water.

"How's the head?" Callen asked as he reached into the bag and pulled out a strawberry danish. He broke it in half and handed one piece to her.

"Thank you. Still there." Jessie broke off a small piece and popped it into her mouth. When she'd swallowed she asked him, "How did you know where I'd be? Eric tracking my phone for you?"

"No. As far as I know Eric is still asleep and probably should be for several more hours."

When they'd dropped Eric home, Callen had once again gotten out of the van and taken him to the door. Except Eric needed more than a little help to get into his apartment. Callen had steered the very drunk techie to his bed and left him there, though he had at least taken Eric's shoes off and flicked on the bathroom light so it wasn't completely dark. It was lucky today was a Saturday and that, in theory, they had the weekend off. "This beach is five blocks from your apartment," Callen told her. "Where else would you go running this morning when you shouldn't be driving." Not that she had her car yet.

"Should you be?"

Callen was sure she knew that both of them by now would be under the legal limit to drive. Because if he wasn't he wouldn't have gone to the office to pick his up and come here. That was also how he knew Jessie hadn't picked hers up yet.

"I'm not the one with the hangover from hell," Callen replied, using her words from last night. Jessie chose that moment to pop another piece of danish in her mouth and didn't answer. Callen's lips twitched and he wondered if she knew yet that by not answering she was telling him a lot. He decided to let it slide for now.

"How did you know what was on the cards?" Callen asked. It had been bothering him all night, almost from the moment he'd realised what was on them and that she knew that. But until he'd gotten home it hadn't really played in his mind. He'd managed to focus on other thoughts and push it aside but it had come back again this morning with a vengeance, and something else he didn't want to name because the last time he'd gone there, he'd screwed up big time.

Jessie was quiet and continued to stare out at the waves. Callen waited patiently. She had to give him some kind of answer on this one because it wasn't an easy one to leave. Yet even though he couldn't see her eyes, Callen could read her body language and he understood that she wasn't sure how to answer but was trying to figure it out.

"An ex gave me a pack as a gift once."

"Oh." The memory of what was on the cards and the possibility of her with someone else sent a flash of something through him that he had no trouble identifying. He pushed the emotion aside.

"Not what you're thinking," Jessie said quietly.

"You don't know what I'm thinking." At least he hoped not. Callen stared out the water as well, because even though the thought of her with someone else had briefly flicked through his mind, that wasn't where it was now.

"He was my ex when he gave them to me."

Callen frowned. "Already your ex?" He glanced sideways at Jessie and she nodded, though she wouldn't look at him. Strange gift for an ex to give someone, even if they were still on friendly terms.

"Yep." Jessie looked down at the danish in her hand and broke off another piece to eat. Callen waited patiently yet again because he suspected she wasn't finished and was just giving herself some time and space before she spoke again.

"However," Jessie said, "He wasn't when he created them."

Callen had just put a piece of his own danish in his mouth and almost coughed it out at her words. And that emotion flared hot and strong once again.

"I know what you are thinking," Jessie said softly, "But you're wrong."

Callen didn't say anything. He wasn't sure there was anything he could say.

Jessie finally turned her head and looked at him.

"He's an ex for a reason G. I wasn't the one he created them with."

Callen could her a touch of pain in her voice. She looked out over the water again and continued.

"He was the one time I didn't have Trevor's opinion about a guy I dated. I learned a lot from that experience."

Callen wasn't about to comment on that one but he did have something to say. "He was an idiot." He saw the smile that pulled at her lips but she didn't look at him.

"He may very well have been," Jessie said, "But so was I. He was very good at checking all the right boxes and I fell for it."

"Where was Trevor?"

"It was when I was in the UK. Looking back I know part of it was that I was lonely without Trevor and looking for someone to fill that emptiness, someone who wasn't thousands of miles and an ocean away. It was the furthest I'd ever been away from Trevor for an extended period."

They both took another bite of their danishes.

"He was understanding of my work," Jessie continued, "Of how busy I was adjusting to a new country and life. He was accepting when dates got cut short or cancelled because of work. He was around most of the time when I was free and showed me the sights. He was fun. He was attractive. But," she shook her head, "looking back he was just playing at it. He wasn't there for me. He was just there and making the most of trying to win the American girl. I was a notch to add to his bedpost. Rough nights at the hospital when I didn't want to go out, he'd just accept it and say he'd see me next time. He rarely asked if I was okay. But in that moment I didn't care because I just wanted to get through it in my way but it was just one of the things that should've been a warning sign. I'm grateful it ended when it did and not later."

"How long were you with him?"

"Three months." Jessie took a breath. "I never slept with him. We didn't get that far, thankfully. I highly doubt he knew much about me at all, nothing beyond what a CV could tell you anyway."

The silence was different this time. The conversation was over regarding her previous relationship. Callen could feel the door close on it so he moved it to a different topic.

"You lied to me Doc," Callen said.

Jessie shook her head and looked at him. "Haven't lied to you G. I'm not stupid. You'd know and call me on it."

"I'm calling you on it." Callen reached over and carefully took off her sunglasses. The proof was right in front of him. Clear eyes, no issues with the bright sun. "You don't have a hangover."

Jessie didn't say anything, but she didn't look away either.

"You let me think you did." Her reply to his text to check on her this morning had been deceptive.

_Okay, going for a run to try and shake it off._

Callen had assumed she meant the hangover. "But you don't. Which means-"

"Nothing," Jessie cut him off. "It doesn't mean anything." Jessie popped the final piece of the strawberry danish into her mouth.

Callen reached into the bag beside him for the second one.

"Lying by omission Doc," Callen told her. Jessie took the sunglasses back and slipped them on. Callen held out the danish, chocolate this time, to her and she took it. She stood up, tore it in half and handed him back the bigger half before she took a step back away from him.

"Thanks for breakfast," she said.

"Still lying."

Jessie shook her head and slowly walked backwards toward the beach. "Not lying," she repeated.

"Then what is it?" Callen had to raise his voice just a little higher than their conversation had been when she was seated next to him. He saw her take a deep breath and let it out.

"Self-preservation," Jessie answered then turned and jogged away leaving Callen alone with his half of the chocolate danish and her words to think about.

Callen watched as she moved further away up the beach. This time though she didn't turn around but left the beach. She was obviously taking the long way home to avoid him. Callen sat there and watched the waves for another half hour, thinking carefully about everything he knew about her, things she'd told him, things he'd discovered for himself, before he finally landed on the answer he needed. She needed to know he wasn't just checking the boxes. Needed to know he knew her and was there for her and not just there because of the obvious physical attraction between the two of them. He knew how to prove it, but he only had a small window to organise it and he needed a little bit of help this time.


	64. Maybe a little dancing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I managed to get this one done. Was tempted to sit on it one more night but thought I'd probably just go round and round in circles and tweak little bits here and there. Now I get to head onto the next chapter - it might not be out tomorrow though. We'll just have to see if life and the bunnies co-operate. In the event that I don't, have a lovely weekend and I'll definitely be back Monday.
> 
> Enjoy and look forward to hearing what you think.

* * *

Callen knocked on Jessie's apartment door and waited patiently. The last day and a half had gone fast and successfully but only time would tell if he was able to pull off what he wanted to tonight. He had a plan. He intended to show Jessie she was more than just a physical attraction, though he did hope she already knew that. He knew their friendship was strong but what tonight would do, if he was right, was make sure she understood that she was more than just that to him.

Jessie opened the door and her eyes went a little wide as they travelled over him.

"G? What's going on?"

"Need you," Callen said in a, hopefully, friendly and neutral tone. "Kensi and I were supposed to be scoping out a restaurant tonight. Turns out someone she knows will be there."

"What's that got to do with me?" Jessie asked.

"Need you to be my date."

A stillness settled over Jessie and she looked unsure. "Date? Can't you just go on your own?"

A question he'd been expecting and already had an answer prepared for. "Because someone on their own at this particular restaurant would be more memorable than a couple."

"G," Jessie shook her head. "I have to be at the airport in less than three hours."

He knew that. Wished she didn't have to head over to Washington for this four day conference, especially right now. Which was why what he had planned had to be done tonight and he needed her to say yes without him resorting to kidnapping otherwise the whole thing wouldn't exactly work.

"I know. I'll get you there on time, I promise." Callen knew her flight details and when she had to be checked in by.

"I'm not an agent. I can't do Kensi's job."

"You're having dinner with me. That's all there is to it." Callen shrugged. "And maybe a little dancing."

Jessie's lips twitched. "Dancing huh?"

"Maybe. Just need some time to get a feel for the place so we don't go in blind next time."

"I can't miss this flight G. It's the last one of the night and I have to be there in the morning."

"You won't miss it."

Jessie sighed. "Even if I wanted to, look at you."

Her eyes wandered from his feet to his head. Callen couldn't really say if she took her time or not but he did have a feeling that she liked what he saw. He'd have thank Hetty sometime for the tux, more than he already had considering the appreciation he saw in Jessie's eyes.

"It's obviously very fancy," Jessie continued, "and I don't have anything that would suit."

Callen grinned and leaned down to pick up the box that was beside the door out of her sight.

"Covered."

Jessie's eyes went wide. "I can't…"

Callen handed her the box and walked inside. He closed the door behind him. "Look first before you say no." He carefully lifted the lid off and then took the box in his hands so Jessie could lift out the dress. He saw the way her fingers ran over the soft material before she lifted it out of the box, saw the look on her face and resisted the urge to smile in satisfaction. Somehow he'd known she'd love it when he'd seen it.

A deep purple knee length dress made from soft silk and chiffon with one inch straps with crystals on them.

"It's beautiful." The was a touch of awe in her voice and her gaze stayed on the dress even as she spoke. "But Kensi and I aren't the same size."

"Try it on. If it doesn't fit I'll go alone."

Jessie lifted her gaze and her eyes narrowed at him. "Too easy. What's the catch?"

"No catch Jessie," Callen assured her. "If it doesn't fit I'll walk out the door alone." He had no intention of doing that. She was coming with him.

"Okay but -"

"You won't miss your flight. If I know you, you are already packed and just waiting until you have to leave. At least if you come with me you won't be bored."

Jessie laughed softly. "Bored is most definitely not a word I would associate with being with you."

"Try it on Jessie."

Jessie walked away and Callen took a slow breath. This had to work. If she didn't come with him, his whole plan was out the window. Five minutes had gone by and Callen started to worry. He was about to head to her bedroom to knock on the door and make sure she was okay but she stepped out of hallway and his breath caught. It fitted her perfectly. The colour suited both her pale skin and her hair which was now piled on top of her head with some loose curls at the side of her face that fell to play with her shoulders that were mostly bare thanks to the smallish straps. The dress hugged the curves of her body and flared out from the hips to just below the knee.

He was in trouble. But then he was pretty sure he had been from the moment Hetty had told him to go out in the rain and get her that very first day. However in regard to tonight, the trouble came in the form of her in that dress. He'd known it would look good, but to see her in it was a whole different story.

"G?"

"Wow." Callen finally found a word though it didn't seem quite enough. The combination of the dress, hair and barely there make up left him almost speechless. The hint of colour to her lips had him tempted at first glance to kiss it off but it wasn't bright or bold, just subtle and tempting. However it was the bare feet that had him completely lose his train of thought.

"How come a dress for Kensi fits me?" Jessie asked which brought his attention back from her pale pink coloured toe nails.

When the question finally registered properly in Callen's head he pulled his thoughts away from how she looked and focused on his plan. He had to and that question was one he wasn't going to answer just yet.

Callen glanced at his watch. "Time's ticking Doc," he said, pleased his voice sounded normal. "You ready to go?"

There was a flicker of uncertainty in her eyes and Callen stepped a little closer. He reached out and caught one of the curls that was brushing her shoulder. He twirled it lightly around one of his fingers and the back of his hand brushed against the skin of her shoulder. "You look beautiful Jessie," he told her and smiled. "Though I'm thinking it might be hard not to be noticed with you on my arm."

"Maybe I shouldn't -"

Callen shook his head and she stopped. "Maybe we should go." Before he found a way to stay and keep her to himself, which would not help his cause. "Where are your bags?"

"By the door."

Callen glanced over and saw a suitcase and handbag. "Everything there?" he asked her.

Jessie nodded. He glanced down at her feet briefly once again before he looked back to her. "Shoes in the box," he said.

Jessie moved over and pulled out a pair of matching purple shoes with sparkling straps crossing over around the ankles. "Let me guess," she murmured as she sat and put them on. "Perfect size."

Callen could hear the suspicion in her tone but once again didn't answer. Jessie headed back to the bedroom and Callen picked up her bags and waited by the door. At least this way his hands were occupied and he wouldn't be tempted to touch her. Because then he'd be well beyond trouble. Jessie came back fairly quickly with a small black evening bag over one shoulder and another small bag.

"Girl's got to have the essentials." She lifted the small bag. "Plus I need to change into for the plane."

Callen opened the door and as Jessie moved past him he caught the scent of her perfume which was something she didn't wear often. It mingled with the usual vanilla that surrounded her. He couldn't place the subtle floral scent but it did seem to suit her.

When her bags were stashed in the boot of the Aston Martin Hetty had allowed him to borrow for the night, the one he happened to have when he took her out for Gotcha Day last year, Callen opened her door and held out his hand to help her in. He closed it, took a slow deep breath and then moved to the drivers side. A sudden unusual case of nervous settled in his stomach and he desperately hoped that he wasn't making a mistake tonight.

* * *

Callen's hand was on Jessie's lower back as he guided her through the tables at the restaurant. He knew when she slowed that she knew.

"G."

"Mmm."

"Thought Kensi couldn't come tonight." Jessie stopped and turned to face him.

"I didn't say that."

Jessie raised an eyebrow. "It was implied."

"But not said. I'm sorry." Callen felt the need to apologise even though he technically hadn't lied but he had been deceptive but for a very good reason. "I needed you here."

"Why?"

Callen gently turned her toward the table and urged her forward again. "Let's join them and I'll explain."

She moved, thankfully not reluctantly.

Deeks grinned when he saw them. "I'm thinking," Deeks said, "That Callen's in trouble."

Jessie glanced at Callen as he stood beside her. "Depends on his answer to what exactly is happening?" Jessie turned to face him. "What is happening G?"

"Happy Birthday," he said.

Jessie shook her head. "It's not."

"I know," Callen said. "But you're away for it. We thought we'd celebrate tonight."

Jessie lowered her voice and lean slightly closer to him. "You know I don't…"

"I know." Callen had dropped his voice low enough so those two words were just for her before he spoke again at a normal volume. "We wanted to."

Jessie didn't say anything.

"Come on Jessie," Nell spoke up. "We're starving. Hetty's already ordered for us all. All we need now is for the birthday girl to sit."

Callen pulled out the chair for her and then sat next to Jessie. A sideways glance saw that she did at least have a smile on her face. Hetty lifted the glass in front of her and everyone followed suit.

"To Jessie," Hetty said. "A perfect addition to this misfit bunch. Happy Birthday dear."

* * *

Once the main meal was finished Callen stood up and held out his hand to Jessie. She looked at it and then up at him, curiosity in her eyes.

"I did say there might be dancing," Callen told her.

"Go on Jessie," Kensi said. "You can't not have a dance for your birthday. And really, are you going to turn down someone looking so fine?"

Jessie laughed softly. "When you put it like that how could I possibly refuse." She put her hand in his and Callen lead her to the dance floor.

"So I'm looking fine am I?"

Jessie smiled and Callen pulled her close. He'd timed it for a slow one deliberately. Her hand settled on his shoulder and his around her waist. It wasn't an actual dance hold, unlike the last time they'd danced. This was a much more relaxed, intimate hold.

"You have eyes G. You know you look good."

"I know you prefer tails but I couldn't quite convince Hetty."

Jessie shook her head. "I only prefer tails if I have to choose."

"Because they're easier to get off."

Jessie blushed. "You really don't forget anything do you?"

"Nope." Callen spun them around and dipped her, enjoyed the smile that lit up her face as he did and then pulled her up and close again.

"Are we in trouble?" Callen asked her. He'd watched Jessie carefully through dinner but nothing suggested they were, or more in particular that he was. She seemed to be having a good time and was yet to glare at him. He just hoped it was making the impact he wanted.

"No," Jessie said and that small weight that was on Callen's shoulders disappeared.

"You're having a good time?"

"I am," Jessie nodded. She tilted her head and asked, "Whose idea?"

"Mutual."

Jessie raised an eyebrow. Callen chuckled. "I may have been the one," he admitted, "to put the idea out there that we missed your birthday last year." Okay so there was no maybe's about it. He had been and he'd also been the one who had told them they'd all be here tonight. It had been a shame that Michelle hadn't been able to make it, though the sight of Sam was dancing with Hetty potentially made up for it.

"They don't know why do they?" Jessie asked quietly. A hint of sadness crept into her eyes and Callen wasn't having any of that. If she wanted to reminisce about happier times from her memories and the good birthdays, he was fine with that but sadness was not acceptable.

"Your story to tell not mine," he said and then spun her around several times until she laughed and the sadness in her eyes slipped away.

"Why though," Jessie said after she caught her breath. "Why did you do this?"

For so many reasons.

"We wanted to," Callen replied simply. Because they did. Once the team realised that her birthday had slipped under their radar they'd wanted to make it up to her. Callen had assured them they didn't need to make up anything but that he wanted to make sure they didn't miss this one.

Jessie shook her head. "There's more to it."

Their movements had slowed until now they were doing nothing more than swaying and their bodies brushed against each other as they moved. Callen focused on answering her question.

"It's about time you had something good happen on your birthday." And that was one of his personal reasons for doing this which the team knew nothing of. He wasn't going to be lumped in with all the rest who just let it go that she didn't do birthdays. He knew better and he wasn't going to let her miss out again. He intended to be the one who tried to convince her otherwise.

"G, I…"

"You're a part of us," Callen interrupted. "We wanted to."

Jessie seemed to relax a little more in his arms and Callen took that as a sign she'd accepted this.

"Does this mean," Jessie said, a twitch of a smile on her lips, "that next year we'll be doing something for yours?"

Callen shrugged and her smile grew.

"If it's good enough for me," Jessie said.

"We'll see. Not big on parties." Callen lifted once side of his mouth in the smile he was sure she liked to see. "But … maybe I might let you take me out to dinner."

"Let me huh? And the rest of them?"

When exactly had her hand moved to the back of his neck? Her fingers ran lightly over a small patch of the short hair there and he struggled for a moment to think of a suitable reply.

"You know what they say," Callen said, "Two's company and three's a crowd and we all know that Deeks is a crowd on his own."

Speaking of Deeks he chose that moment to interrupt and ask for a dance with the birthday girl. Callen had no reason to say no, even if he wanted to keep Jessie to himself. Next year maybe. Deeks whisked Jessie off into a fast dance. Callen hadn't even noticed that the music had changed. He made his way back to the table and sat down. Sam came next after Deeks and then Eric took over and Sam headed back to the table. Callen smiled at the look on Jessie's face. She was enjoying herself and that made this night completely worthwhile.

"G." Sam's voice came from right next to Callen.

"What's up Sam?"

"You and Jessie?"

"Nothing to tell Sam." Not yet, but hopefully soon.

"Don't hurt her G."

Before Callen could reply Hetty interrupted. "Mr Callen is there much time before you need to take Jessie to the airport?"

Callen glanced at his watch. There was still twenty minutes before he truly needed to leave. "Ten minutes," he told Hetty. That way he could at least claim another small amount of time having her to himself.

"Then perhaps you should extract her from the dance floor so we can finish up."

Callen rose and glanced at Sam. "Not gonna hurt her Sam." It was the last thing he ever wanted to do. He'd done it once and hated himself for it.

"Hope not," Sam said quietly yet Callen heard the warning behind it.

Callen slipped through the crowd on the dance floor and found Eric and Jessie. Eric stopped and looked guilty, why Callen wasn't sure but he highly doubted Eric had done anything to look guilty of, at least here on the dance floor.

"Almost time to go Doc."

Jessie nodded and turned to Eric. "Thank you," she said with a smile. Eric bowed and Jessie curtsied. A very deep one, the hem of her dress almost brushed the floor.

"Thank you my lady," Eric added when she rose up.

"Where'd you learn that?" Callen held out his arm to her.

"Where to you think?" Jessie slipped her arm through it. "I've only ever had one dance teacher."

"Not your average curtsy."

"Trevor's not average. His opinion is that there's not much point in doing things by halves. It took me months to get low enough for him to be happy." Callen felt her shrug before she continued. "But then given he was trying to get me ready for our first Christmas with Alex's family he was a tad bit … worried shall we say and didn't want either of us to make anything less than a perfect impression."

"And how did that go?"

Jessie chuckled. "That's a whole other story that is way too long for tonight."

Callen pulled out her chair and she sat down. When everyone was back at the table, Hetty handed Jessie an envelope.

"Just a little something from the team for your birthday," Hetty said.

"You didn't have to do that."

"We wanted to," Kensi said with a smile.

"Open it," Deeks said impatiently when Jessie held it in her hands for too long. "Don't keep us in suspense."

Jessie's eyes narrowed at Deeks. "Don't you know what it is?"

"Of course we know," Deeks replied. "We just don't know if you will like it."

Jessie glanced at Callen but didn't say anything. She slid her finger under the envelope's flap and pulled out the contents.

Callen focused very carefully on her reaction and saw the stillness that settled over her as she read the words in front of her. His gut tightened a little and wondered if he had made mistake tonight after all. Everything else had gone so well.

"Two tickets to Wicked," Jessie murmured. She glanced around at everyone though her eyes avoided Callen's which didn't help him feel secure about this part at all. "Thank you. It's wonderful."

Callen breathed a sigh of relief. He knew she wouldn't have said that if she didn't mean it.

"You know," Deeks said with a cheeky smile on his face. "I'm happy to be your plus one."

Callen raised an eyebrow and Jessie smiled. "You like musicals Deeks? I didn't know that."

"Not at all," Deeks admitted. "But I'm willing to suffer through it," Deeks winked. "Especially if you wear that dress. I'll be the envy of every man there."

Callen saw Kensi turn to stare at Deeks but Deeks simply winked at her.

Jessie laughed softly. "I doubt that."

"Though maybe," Deeks said, "you will be. I scrub up pretty well in a tux don't you think."

"Oh yeah, Deeks," Sam said. "Jessie will be the envy of every man there."

"Hey -"

This time the laugh came from all around the table. Callen stood up.

"Time to go."

* * *

Callen held Jessie's carry on bag and small backpack while she checked in. When she was done he handed her the bag she'd put her change of clothes in before they'd left her apartment earlier.

"You don't have to wait," Jessie told him.

"Go get changed," Callen said. "You don't want to take the dress with you."

Jessie looked down at the dress and then back up to him, a smile on her face. "It's a very pretty dress," she said.

"I know," Callen agreed. And even though he'd spent the last few hours looking at her in it, his reaction was still the same as that first moment she'd walked out in in.

Jessie sighed. "It needs to go back to Hetty though. I won't be long."

Callen watched her walk to the bathroom. He knew she could take it with her if she wanted to but he was still keeping some things close to his chest. The night was about making sure she knew he cared, to focus on something other than the heat between them. From what he could tell, he'd accomplished his goal.

Callen frowned when she was back quickly and still in the dress.

"Zip's stuck," Jessie said. "Tell Hetty I'll get it to her when I get back."

"Turn around."

"No." Jessie shook her head. "Abby's picking me up from the airport. She can help me then."

Callen raised an eyebrow. "You really want to be wearing this on the plane? You will be trying to sleep."

"If it gets ripped Hetty will kill me," Jessie said.

"No she won't." Jessie frowned. Callen put his hands on her shoulders and gently nudged. "Turn around."

Jessie resisted and Callen's hands stopped their nudging and simply rested on them. The coolness of the crystals on the straps was a sharp contrast to soft warmth of her skin.

"It's too far down," Jessie said softly, "for you to do anything here."

Callen lifted his hands from her shoulders and took off his jacket to put around them instead. Then he stepped closer and slipped his arms around her.

"What are you doing?" Jessie asked.

Callen was close enough to see her pupils dilate and feel her breathe quicken.

"Fixing your zip."

"G."

Callen's fingers brushed the skin just above the zip's tag before he gripped it between them. His other hand held the top of the dress carefully. "I know what I'm doing." Callen started to slide it down careful to try and make sure it didn't catch on something.

Jessie raised an eyebrow. "Experienced at undoing dress zips?"

"Remember," Callen said, his gaze caught hers, "I have talented hands. You said so yourself." He tried very hard not to think too much about the fact that her body was pressed slightly against his and that with just the right shift his mouth would be on hers. There was definitely an advantage to her being in heels.

"Hetty," Jessie protested. "The dress." There was hint of breathlessness in her voice.

Callen continued to slide the zip further down. "If I rip it I'll by you another one."

Even though she stood very still, Callen felt that stillness deepen.

"G," Jessie said softly, the intensity of the look in her eyes that were still locked on his rose. "Whose dress is it?"

"Yours."

"Who brought the dress?"

"I did," he admitted. He hadn't intended to bring that up tonight.

"Why?"

Of course she wouldn't just leave it at that. "Thought you'd like it."

"I do. Why?"

"I wanted you to enjoy your birthday, even if it wasn't exactly on the day."

The zip finally shifted past the snag and Callen lowered it an inch of two more just to be sure. One of Jessie's hands shifted between them to hold the dress close even though at this point there was certainly no danger of it gaping because of their position.

The look in her eyes, the depth of the brown and the way she was breathing made his intentions all that more difficult. The warmth of the skin on her back radiated to his fingers and he couldn't resist the urge to gently run his fingers up her spine.

"Need help with anything else?" As his fingers went higher without encountering anything, they stilled. He swallowed. "Guess not."

Jessie's eyes dropped to his lips, her breath was shaky and she caught her lower lip with her teeth.

Callen stifled a groan and kept himself still until she looked back to his eyes. There was definitely an invitation in them, a clear invitation, no haze or any doubt. His hand spread against the skin of her back and he pulled just a little closer as he watched her eyes carefully for any sign she wanted to stop.

An announcement on the loudspeaker that was right over their heads startled Jessie and she stepped back.

Callen reached down and gathered up the bag she'd dropped and handed it to her. With just smile of thanks she headed off to the bathroom and Callen took a slow breath. His timing was lousy. For a trained special agent who knew timing was a major factor in success, when it came to Jessie, his skills in that respect was well and truly beyond lousy. How many times now had they been interrupted? He'd lost count though he knew Sam was responsible for the majority of them.

Callen hadn't meant for things to go there tonight though. She was going away and there wasn't any point taking things a step further right now. It would just leave everything up in the air. When she got back from Washington he crossed his fingers that timing would be better and wondered briefly if he could make sure Sam was away just to be sure.

Jessie was back quickly, the dress and jacket over her arm, and looking much more comfortable for a long flight.

Callen slipped his jacket back on and even though she hadn't been wearing it for long, the subtle floral and vanilla scent lingered.

"Thank you," Jessie said. She picked up her handbag and slipped the strap over her shoulder before she reached for her carry on. She looked at him and there was a moment's pause before she stepped closer.

Callen felt the soft warmth of her lips brush over his cheek. Their gazes locked when she pulled back and he only just resisted the urge to pull her in and have that proper kiss now after all.

"I enjoyed my birthday dinner very much," Jessie said then stepped back from him. "Try to keep out of trouble. I'm only gone a few days."

"No promises," Callen said. "But I'll see what I can do."

Jessie smiled and Callen stood there and watched her walk away. His attention was drawn from her when his phone pinged with a text. A smile grew when he saw it was from Jessie.

_Thank you for the dress and the present. You chose well._

**_Present was from all of us._ **

_I know you picked it._

**_How?"_ **

_Because no one else knows that story G. Only you. Night._

Callen looked up from his phone but she was already gone.

 


	65. Gibbs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back. Hope you all had a lovely weekend. Look forward to hearing your thoughts on this chapter.

* * *

Callen sat in the hard chair next to the hospital bed. His head jerked up and startled him awake when his chin dropped to his chest. Yet again those steady beeps seemed to lull him into sleep. He blinked, shook his head and straightened in his chair. The room was dark, night was well and truly on them. Only a dim light lit up the man on the bed who hadn't stirred since Callen had slipped into the room almost two hours ago. All Callen wanted was a small sign the stubborn old man was okay.

"Should you be here?" the croaky voice came from the bed almost as if Callen's wish had been granted. Either that or Gibbs could read his mind and wasn't overly impressed at being referred to as old. The voice was weak but he'd take the sign and be grateful.

"Shouldn't be," Callen agreed, "Neither should you. Getting too old to dodge a bullet?"

"Two actually."

The feeling of relief at hearing Gibbs' familiar voice was huge. "If I can manage five," Callen said, "this should be a cinch."

"Why you here Callen?" Gibbs asked.

"Returning the favour. Sleep Jethro. I'll keep watch."

Gibbs' eyes closed. Callen knew Gibbs had been by his bedside years ago when he'd been shot. He'd turned back at the airport that day when Macy had called and told him what had happened. Callen vaguely remembered Gibbs' voice filtering through into his mind when he'd been out of it, though by the time he'd come to Gibbs was already back on the east coast. According to Hetty it was rather reluctantly, and only because Hetty had promised regular updates and to call him the moment anything with Callen changed.

So yes, he was here to return the favour. Even though Gibbs was safe from the enemy that had inflicted this on him, Callen would watch so Gibbs didn't have to worry.

Worry. That Callen was doing more than enough for the pair of them. The damage that one bullet had done to Gibbs' chest was almost more than the five had done to him. Callen had been on a plane within the hour of Vance giving him the news Gibbs had been shot and would be stateside by the end of the day. He admitted to being more than a little annoyed Vance hadn't let him know about Gibbs sooner. Hetty had shot him a look that had kept Callen from telling his superior exactly what he thought of him and then she'd ordered Eric get him on the quickest flight to Washington, without Callen needing to ask.

May as a month really sucked. First his shooting, then Dom and Macy. Now Gibbs. He wasn't doing this. He'd just found something good in May and he wasn't adding anymore grief or pain to the damn month. Gibbs could suck it up and at least make it through until June, June 2045 to be more specific.

The quiet of the room and Callen's honed senses meant he heard the soft movement of the door. Guilt flared. He was sure he had an alarm set so he could slip away before the nurses came for their regular checks. If he was kicked out he couldn't keep his promise to Gibbs to watch over him and he couldn't let that happen.

But it wasn't a nurse.

It was doctor.

Callen's very favourite one and she was dressed up, though not as fancy as she had been for her birthday dinner. Was it really just last night? It felt so much longer since he'd seen her.

Jessie smiled. "Hey," she said as she closed the door behind her.

"Doc, what are you doing here?" Callen asked quietly.

"Conference remember?"

"Here in the hospital." Callen's eyes ran over her slowly. The dress was a dark green, fitted nicely over her curves but not quite as nice as the one he'd brought her. He was disappointed that her shoes were closed in unlike the strappy one he'd chosen to go with the purple dress that had left her toes peeking out. Apparently he had a thing for her feet though he wasn't quite sure when that had started. Perhaps back in Vienna. "If I knew conferences had that kind of dress code," Callen said, "I'd go to them more often."

"Formal dinner on the first night. Why," Jessie shrugged, "I don't know but it is what it is."

"Dancing?"

Her lips twitched. "There was but I didn't."

"Why not?"

"Wasn't anyone there I wanted to dance with."

Even in the dark Callen got the subtle message and it gave him something to finally smile about in this horrid day.

"Why are you here Doc?" he asked again.

"Figured I'd find you here. Hetty told me you were headed this way."

Jessie glanced over at the monitors and, even in the dim light, Callen saw the hint of doctor mode in her expression.

"How'd you know I'd be here though?" he asked.

Jessie moved to the end of Gibbs' bed and picked up the chart. She used the small torch attached to the clipboard to light up the notes.

"There are few people," Jessie said as she read over them, "from your past that you talk about by name and every time I'm here he asks about you." She looked up at Callen and smiled. "And not in terms of your workplace performance. It's easy to tell he's important to you as you are to him." She flicked off the light, put the chart back on the bed and moved toward him.

"G, it's late," Jessie said. "Well beyond visiting hours. Why aren't you in bed?"

Callen couldn't help it. He reached out and touched the strand of hair that had fallen loose. "Maybe because you aren't there with me."

He needed her. Worrying about Gibbs seemed to hurt less now she was here. The flirty banter a small touch of fun after the hours of worry.

"Is he gonna be okay Jessie?" Because yes, Callen was still worried and since he now had access to the doctor he trusted most he had to ask.

The smile slipped from her face. Jessie stepped just a little closer and placed her hand gently on his arm. "I don't know," Jessie said. "I wish I could say yes, but it's bad. What I can tell you is that he's in the best physical condition he could be right now. If Taft hadn't been the surgeon on the ship," she shook her head, "I'm not sure you wouldn't be preparing for a funeral rather than sitting beside his hospital bed."

"You know Taft?"

"I worked here at Walter Reed when I was with the FBI. Taft was here for some of that. Sent more than a few patients to him during that time."

"So he's good?"

Jessie nodded. "The best. There was one patient. He crashed on me twice in the ER and then once on us on the way theater. I handed him over to Taft just after we got his heart going again. I didn't expect him to make but he did. Walked out the hospital door a few weeks later."

"Good to know."

"Gibbs has a way to go though G. Some of it will be in his mind. If he doesn't want to make it, it will be easy for him to give up and let go. The fight will be hard but it's doable."

Callen glanced over at Gibbs. "Sometimes I wonder…" Callen trailed off.

"Wonder what?" Jessie asked.

"Never mind." Not his story to tell. Callen pulled his gaze from the bed and brought it back to her. "So enough deflecting Doc. Why aren't you in bed if it's so late?"

"Because I'm needed somewhere else."

Callen frowned. "They called you into work here?"

"Not exactly." Jessie reached up and slipped something over his head and around his neck. "But here is where I'm needed."

In the darkness of the room Callen couldn't really tell what it was. He looked down at it when she stepped back. "What's this?"

"After hours visitor pass," Jessie told him.

Callen looked back up at her. She'd got him a pass to stay. Or Hetty had. Something told him it wasn't Hetty.

"Hetty?"

"Hetty's not the only one with contacts in high places," Jessie continued. "Can't have you getting in trouble with the nurses for sneaking in here."

"You don't think I could sweet talk my way around them?"

Jessie tried not to smile. "Oh you could sweet talk your way out of or into just about anything you wanted but I'd rather you didn't have to. With this," she gently taped the pass that now hung on his chest, "You can come and go as much as you please for the next three days. After that," Jessie shrugged, "You might have to try sweet talking but I can't guarantee the nurses here will fall for it."

"Would you?"

Jessie laughed softly and Callen smiled.

"Now I really know I'm in trouble if you are asking that because it means that everything you've had me do," Jessie said, "has been without really trying. I should be terrified what would actually happen if you put your mind to it."

Jessie smiled and leaned in to brush a kiss on his cheek. Her lips were warm and soft, and that hint of vanilla was there as always and he breathed in deeply.

"I'll see you later G."

Jessie stepped backwards but Callen pulled her back to him before she could get too far away.

"You can't run away yet Doc." Callen felt more of the tension in him slip away now she was almost in his arms.

"Not running away," Jessie's voice was barely above a whisper. "It's after midnight. I'm going to bed now I've delivered your get out of jail free card."

Callen tucked that piece of hair back behind her ear. "It's your birthday."

"So?"

"Happy Birthday."

Jessie smiled. "Thank you." She brushed another kiss on his cheek and Callen's hold tightened only fractionally. She may not have even noticed but he knew he had. He didn't want her to go.

"G?"

She'd noticed.

Callen pulled his mind away from the thought of kissing her properly. Not here. Not in hospital room. Not when his mind was full of worry for Gibbs. "Have lunch with me," Callen said. "I'll take you somewhere for it."

Jessie paused for a moment before she replied. And if Callen wasn't mistaken there was disappointment in her tone when she spoke.

"I would love to," Jessie said, "but I can't. I have a meeting with the director first thing then it's the second day of the conference. I won't be done until probably nine tomorrow night. Lunch and dinner is included. I'm sorry."

So was he.

"Plus," Jessie added. "We've already celebrated."

Didn't mean he didn't want to do it again. "Next year Doc, don't go making plans."

"Got something in mind?"

"I'll figure something out. Can't have you working on your birthday."

Jessie shifted slightly and Callen let his hand drop so she could leave. "Night G, do try to get some sleep," Jessie pleaded gently, "at some point before I have to call Hetty." She started to walk toward the door.

"If you were waiting for me, I promise I'd go to bed."

Jessie stopped and turned back to him, a small smile lifted the corners of her lips."I highly doubt even that," she said with a brief glance at the bed, "could tempt you away from here tonight."

Callen almost suggested they give it a try and see but he knew she was right. He wasn't leaving Gibbs tonight, even if he would be tempted. He didn't know how long he stood there, staring at the door lost in his thoughts about her, after she left but it couldn't have been that long before he heard that weak yet reassuring voice from the bed again.

"Finally met your match huh?"

Callen returned to his chair. "Didn't know you were awake."

"Classic surveillance technique," Gibbs said. "Learn a lot when they don't know you're listening. You and the doc?"

"No."

"Not yet anyway," Gibbs said.

Callen didn't comment.

"Why not Callen?" Gibbs asked and even though the voice was croaky and weak, the concern was there too. "What's stopping you?"

"Everything." Everyone. "Keep going back and forth if I'm good for her or not." Though he had managed to fight that one back much better of late.

"You love her?"

Callen wasn't sure if Gibbs was making a statement or asking a question but whichever way, the was a multitude of feelings that flicked through Callen including denial, fear and perhaps even hope.

"Seriously Jethro, what would I know about love?"

"A hell of a lot more than you think and don't think I missed the deflection either. I'm not that far gone."

"Too many enemies. Hate for her to pay the price." And they would pounce on anyone he cared about especially someone as close as he seemed to want Jessie to be. Maybe -

Gibbs' words interrupted Callen's spiral down into the rabbit hole that always led to him backing off.

"Has she complained about them?"

"No."

"Asked you to quit?"

"Why would she? We're not together."

"If she did what would you say?" Gibbs obviously took his brief silence as an answer because he continued with a smugness that was clear. "You'd consider it for her."

It wasn't until Gibbs had asked the question that Callen had even thought about that possibility. The fact that he hadn't answered straight away gave more than Gibbs an answer.

"Wouldn't make a difference if I did. Not going to stop the enemies." Callen knew it. All one had to do was look at what he'd lost from the Comescu feud alone. And they were still haunting him too.

"Thought those tech geeks of yours in LA could work wonders. Surely they'd be able to create something for the two of you."

"Jethro, are you trying to get rid of me?"

"No, but Callen come on. Don't miss out on something like this. She sounds like she's good for you."

Callen had forgotten just how much Gibbs could see. It was one of the few things about the man he didn't like, but that was only because Callen didn't like anyone looking too closely at him.

"You get that from one small conversation you overheard while dosed up to your eyeballs with painkillers?"

"You're planning a year in advance. You don't even do that with me and I know how much you like me."

"It's complicated," Callen admitted.

"Always is."

"She's been through a lot." What if he was the one who was taken from her? What would that do to her? She'd already lost so much. He'd already seen the effect on her when things had happened to him, not to mention when she'd thought he had died.

"Couldn't handle you if she hadn't."

"Jethro."

"Callen."

There was another telling pause before Callen finally admitted, "I'm trying. Things keep getting in the way."

"You trust her?"

"Yes."

They both knew the instant nature of that answer spoke way more than the simple word that was said.

"Then don't let things get in the way."

"You want me to break rule number twelve?"

"My rules not yours. If she's important, fight for her." Gibbs smiled, or tried to. He was obviously tired. "Make an old man happy and let me see you happy. But if you don't want her, she is a redhead."

"Gibbs." Callen response was quick and almost like a growl.

Gibbs chuckled but it was cut off quickly with a groan. "Nothing to worry about. She hasn't show the slightest interest when she's been out here. In anyone and trust me Tony's tried. Now I know why."

"You haven't -"

The look Gibbs shot him stopped Callen's question. "Seriously Callen, I was never gonna try. Can you really see me with a shrink?"

"Could you see me with one?"

"No but I can see you with her."

So could he and that did sometimes terrify Callen. Gibbs yawned.

"Go back to sleep," Callen ordered. "I'm free to stay."

"Should have breakfast with her." Gibbs' eyes were closed again. "before she meets with Vance."

"Then who would have breakfast with you?"

"If you'd prefer to have breakfast with me than her, I think we need to have a serious talk about your priorities."

"My priorities are fine." Gibbs needed watching. He needed to get better. Needed to be safe. Callen needed to know Gibbs was safe.

"It's her birthday," Gibbs reminded him. "The fact you don't want to take me up on the offer to get out of a place we both know you hate to be in as a visitor or a patient, makes me wonder what you're not telling me."

"You got shot. I'm keeping an eye on you."

"You said it would be a cinch. You lying to me?"

Technically Callen hadn't told Gibbs it would be one, just that it should be.

"No."

"Then there's no reason why you can't slip away for a couple of hours and have breakfast with your girl."

"Not my girl."

"Maybe if you had breakfast with her more often she would be."

Callen chuckled. "I've had breakfast with her plenty of times."

"Must be doing it wrong if she's still not yours. We need to have a birds and the bees talk?"

Callen shook his head firmly. "I'm not having a birds and the bees talk with you." He took great comfort in being able to blame the pain killers for the way Gibbs was talking. "Keep this up and I'll head off now and then where will you be?"

Gibbs opened his eyes and nailed Callen with a serious stare that was unexpected given his current condition. "You stand outside my door," Gibbs told him, "pissed. You go to her, happy."

Gibbs eyes drifted closed again. Callen could see he was fighting hard to stay awake for this conversation now. A conversation, as crazy as it had been, that had been very reassuring. Gibbs wasn't giving up yet.

"Callen," Gibbs' voice was quiet this time. Callen leaned forward in his chair to listen carefully as the voice from the bed faded with the words, "If she's your Shannon, don't let her go."

Callen didn't answer. Gibbs needed to sleep. But as he sat there and watched his friend and mentor sleep, he took the quiet opportunity to think more about Jessie. Callen knew how much Shannon meant to Gibbs; and what it had done to him to lose his wife and his daughter. He knew Gibbs wouldn't wish that kind of pain on anyone. But Callen also knew Gibbs didn't regret one moment of their time together, just that it had ended. Callen hadn't meet Shannon and Kelly but over the years as the trust between the two men had grown, Gibbs had shared many things with him. Things that Callen at the time had never thought he could have. But now? Maybe? If he could just time things right.

 


	66. Breakfast

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Almost didn't do this one but inspiration struck. Hope you enjoy. It's just a short one today but a much longer one tomorrow, assuming the final editing goes well. Love to hear your thoughts.

 

* * *

 

Callen knocked on Jessie's hotel room door, breakfast in his hand, well a bag in his hand. The longer time went on the more Gibbs' suggestion had taken root until he hadn't been able to stay put any longer. He knew he wouldn't have a lot of time with Jessie but that didn't really matter. This would also give him another opportunity to show her it was about her, not the physical attraction. He had to make sure she understood that what was between them was more than just the obvious heat. He knew she was wary; he'd seen it in her eyes on more than one occasion - confusion and uncertainty mingled with attraction.

Jessie opened the door and yawned. She was still in her pjyamas, her hair was messed from sleep. She wore the same pjyamas from the time he and Sam had gone in search of her when she was late. This time though Callen clearly noticed the details. The small straps that left her shoulders almost bare, that told him what wasn't underneath. The soft material that his fingers instantly itched to know what it felt like and whether the warmth of her skin would come through quickly or not.

"G what..." Jessie frowned and then after a moment her eyes went wide. "Oh no." She turned around quickly and moved deeper into the room. Callen followed.

"Jessie?"

She picked up her phone and looked at him. "I have five minutes before I'm supposed to leave." She sighed and dropped it on the bed as she moved to the wardrobe. "I must've forgotten to set an alarm."

Callen set the bag that contained their breakfast on the small table and watched as she grabbed clothes from the wardrobe.

"What time is your meeting with Vance?"

"Um.. eight, so I can be get to the conference by nine."

Jessie put the clothes she'd retrieved from the wardrobe on the bed and her hands went to the bottom of her shirt.

Callen cleared his throat at that moment and Jessie looked at him, confused but only for a moment. She froze and her mouth formed a perfect O but she didn't say anything. Her cheeks flushed instantly.

"How about," Callen picked up the bag that contained their breakfast, "I take this and go get a taxi downstairs so it's waiting when you are ready." Not that there wasn't a part of him that wouldn't mind hanging around for what was about to happen but it certainly wouldn't help with his plans. He also highly doubted it would help get her out of here on time.

"Thank you," Jessie said, though the pink on her cheeks was high.

Callen walked out the door and closed it behind him. He took a slow breath and let it out. So much for timing things right. He thought he'd left the hospital in plenty of time to be here to have breakfast with her, but traffic had been bad. At least her hotel wasn't too far from the office. Callen spoke to one of the taxi drivers who was already outside the hotel and then grabbed two coffees to go with the muffins and juice he already had in the bag. He could make sure she got breakfast on her birthday, even if it wasn't as leisurely as he'd first hoped.

* * *

Jessie arrived at the taxi barely a minute after he'd returned with the coffee. Callen handed hers to her after she'd put her seat belt on.

"Thank you." Jessie took a sip and looked at him. "I really can't believe," she said, "that I forgot to set the alarm yesterday."

"You did have a pretty big day." Callen handed her a raspberry and white chocolate muffin. She took a small bite and sighed in appreciation.

"This is really good." Jessie looked at him. "Please tell me you got this far away from the hotel."

"Can't do that," Callen took a bit of his banana one. "I can _not_ tell you where though, if it will save you from yourself."

Jessie took another bite and leaned her head back against the seat. "It's not like I'm here for long right? What's a few days enjoying something like this each day."

Callen chuckled. "What am I saving you from? Eating or needing to shop?"

Jessie glared at him but there was a twinkle in her eyes that he took to mean she understood he was simply teasing. "I'm… I'll have you know I have no problem shopping. I just don't do it very often." The look on her face changed to mischievous. "Though lately I have had some surplus funds and found some very nice things to buy."

Callen swallowed his mouthful. "Really? Any chance you'll show me when we get back? After all, what's the fun in shopping if you can't share your excitement?"

"Oh there's plenty of fun to be had." The look in her eye suggested she was having fun teasing him about it.

Callen raised an eyebrow. "Does that mean you're not going to show?"

Their eyes locked, the memory of their conversation at Sam's showing clearly in her eyes and it was just as clear in his head.

"Where did you get the muffins from?" Jessie pulled her gaze from his.

Callen grinned. "Two doors down from the hotel. Very easy walk."

They continued to eat in companionable silence until she'd finished and then Jessie reached into her bag and pulled out her brush.

"That was a very nice breakfast. Thank you."

Callen watched as she brushed out the knots, wanting to take the brush from her to do it but he knew that wasn't going to work, not in the taxi anyway. "Maybe you should bring some back with you when you go home," he suggested.

Jessie quickly twisted her hair back in a bun and fastened it with a band and some pins. "I don't think they'd last the day at the conference," she said when her hair was done.

The taxi pulled up and Callen and Jessie got out though Callen had already organised for the taxi to wait so it could take him back to the hospital.

"When do you head back?" Callen asked.

"Thursday," Jessie said. "Heading to the airport straight after the conference. If you want me -"

"Doctor Blake." The authoritative voice of their boss interrupted.

Jessie turned toward the voice. "Director Vance."

"Agent Callen."

"Vance." Callen's tone was abrupt. He was still annoyed with Vance.

Callen caught the look and raised eyebrows from Jessie.

"How's Gibbs?" Vance asked. Callen knew he would've already have already check in with the hospital and this was simply a polite question because he knew Vance did check on his staff when they were injured, even those on the other side of the country.

"Still fighting," Callen told him.

"Good to hear." Vance turned his attention to Jessie. "Doctor Blake we can start whenever you're ready. I know you have a tight schedule."

"Thank you. I'll be there in a moment."

Vance walked away and Jessie turned to Callen. "Help Gibbs find a reason to fight G. When there's more a reason to go then there is to stay, the likelihood is they'll go."

"How do you know he wants to go?"

"I don't, but I see something in his eyes sometimes," Jessie told him. " I don't know what. I tried asking Abby once what had happened. She closed up tighter than a clam and since Abby's usually a fountain of information that definitely said a lot."

Jessie took a step backward from Callen. "Thanks for breakfast," she said and smiled. "And the wake up."

"Anytime."

Callen watched her walk away until she disappeared into the building then got back into the taxi. His phone vibrated with an incoming text just after the driver had pulled away.

_Already best birthday in a long time and it's only just started._

_**Next year will be better.** _

_Threat or a promise?_

Called smiled

_**Promise Doc. Always a promise.** _

 

 


	67. Reznikov, N

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is based of the episode of the same title. 
> 
> Let's see what I have in store for Callen and Jessie today!
> 
> Enjoy and love to hear from you.

 

 

* * *

Callen ignored the multiple text messages and continued to look through the photos as he sat on the floor. The calls were harder; her distinctive ringtone pulled at him every time.

Today had been an emotional day. Hell, the entire week had been. Gibbs had kicked him out Wednesday afternoon. Apparently he was annoying and Gibbs wanted some peace and quiet so told him to go home or to go to Jessie. Since she was busy with the conference he'd headed back to LA instead, with the hope that work would give him something else to think about.

It certainly had.

There had been times today when Callen had wanted to talk to Jessie, but since it was the last day of the conference and she was going to be home tonight he didn't. And then things had spiraled quickly out of control and had blown up in his face, literally, and worse than he'd planned. He knew she could help him make sense of what was tearing him up right now, calm him, but he just couldn't face her.

He'd tried to handle things on his own, to keep his team out of it and safe, once he knew it was the Comescu's again. But Reinhardt was dead, Granger was in hospital and Sam was hurt , though thankfully not too badly.

Callen had been glad Jessie wasn't back yet, and that his injuries weren't so bad that Sam couldn't take care of them. She'd no doubt check on them when she could but he could put that off for a day or two at least if he was lucky, until he was strong enough to face her.

Because Callen didn't want to see the disappointment in Jessie's eyes after what he'd done and what had been the fallout. He didn't want to have her try in that oh so subtle, and effective, way she had to get him to talk. He wasn't even sure he'd know what to say. Better to keep his mouth shut than reveal things to her he didn't even know himself.

As much as he tried not to, Callen's gaze was drawn to his phone. The temptation to read her texts strong as was the disappointment that the calls had seemed to stop; almost like she'd given up on him. But then, as he held the phone in his hand, the screen lit up, her ringtone sounded and her name came up on the screen. He stared at it, torn between answering or ignoring. Wanting both but knowing that was impossible. His finger hovered over the answer button as he fought the internal battle. Just as he'd made his choice it stopped ringing and the disappointment intensified so much that he had no choice.

He needed to hear her voice. Seeing her he wasn't up for because that would give him feedback of what she was thinking because Jessie wasn't able to hide from him. He wasn't sure he was in the right frame of mind to cope with that as well.

So he hit the button to call her back. Not only did he need to hear her voice, he needed connect with someone he hadn't hurt yet, and the pull for it to be her was too strong to resist.

At the knock on his front door, Callen frowned. He ended the call before she answered and suspicion grew. It was confirmed when he opened the door and there she was. Part of him pleased, another part wary.

"Not up for company," Callen told her. His tone was abrupt but if he didn't hold on tight to his emotions she'd see. He stood in the doorway to block her way in, even as a part of him wanted to reach out to her. Except she found a way in. Whether that was because he'd refused to look directly at her so he wasn't as alert to her actions as he might've been or whether that part that wanted her was stronger than he thought, Callen wasn't sure but before he could react she'd ducked under his arm and headed inside. He closed the door and followed Jessie to the kitchen where she put a bag takeaway on the bench.

Jessie turned and smiled, though he could see in her eyes she was worried. She rattled off in an overly cheerful voice what was in the bag and then walked past him, her arm brushed against his as she did, and headed to the front door.

"Jessie," Callen called out. She stopped and turned slowly to face him. "Where are you going?"

"You're not up for company," Jessie said. "I've delivered dinner, now I'm going home."

"Too much for one." Now she was here Callen didn't want her to go but he didn't know how to ask.

"Put it in the fridge for tomorrow." Jessie turned toward the door and Callen moved quickly. He reached out and put his hand on her shoulder. She stopped, looked back at him and waited.

"Stay," Callen said. "For dinner. Not up to talking but I can eat with you."

Jessie remained silent but Callen could feel the intensity of her gaze as she studied him. He could almost see the wheels turning, the battle showed in her eyes that she wanted to stay but she also didn't want to push and intrude. It was one of the many things about her that had won him over. Her tact with when she would push and when she would simply be patient and wait until he was ready.

"Please Doc, I prefer not to eat alone." He didn't usually mind but if he had a choice of alone or with her, he'd prefer her.

"I'm not sure I believe that," Jessie said gently. "But I'll stay if you really want me to." She caught her bottom lip between her teeth, a nervous habit he'd started to recognised only recently, as she waited for him to answer.

Callen shook of the brief but intense vision of him doing that to her lip instead. He dropped his hand off her shoulder and took a step back before he did something that neither of them were quite ready for at this particular point in time. This wasn't about them, not that way anyway.

"Stay," he repeated. Trusting she would, he headed to the kitchen and dished up two plates from the food she'd brought. When he came back she was sitting on the floor near the photos that he'd spread out. He sat down on the other side of them and passed her a plate.

"These all you?" Jessie asked him as they ate.

Callen nodded.

Jessie smiled. "You were a pretty cute kid."

Callen wasn't quite sure what he was expecting her to say but it wasn't that. "Were?" he asked with a curious look. "Are you saying I'm not now?"

Jessie looked up at him from the photos and finished her mouthful before she replied. "You're not a kid now. Cute doesn't apply."

"So what does?"

The hint of a pink flush spread on her cheeks. "Adorable still works."

For the first time all day Callen felt the urge to laugh, just a little, and even though he didn't, it made the weight on his shoulders just a little lighter. "Here I was," Callen teased, "hoping I'd finally made it to manly."

"Eat your dinner before it gets cold."

Callen may not have laughed but her response and the look in her eyes at least had him smiling, and suspecting somewhere along the lines she did think of him in a way that was a touch more fitting to what was between them than adorable or cute.

They ate the rest of the dinner in silence, though Callen knew Jessie still scanned the photos. What she would learn from them he wasn't sure but he had no doubt she'd see something in them.

Jessie picked up a photo out of his tea box. "This one isn't you," she said gently.

Callen stared at the photo. "My mother."

"She's beautiful."

She was, he just wished it was in colour. Did he have his mother's eyes or his father's? He couldn't tell from the photo, but at least he had something of her.

They lapsed back into silence and when they finished eating Jessie rose and took the plates to the kitchen. Callen heard the running water and knew she was cleaning up. By the time she was done, he'd hung up a sheet on the wall and had the projector set up.

"Good night G," Jessie said quietly and reached for her bag.

"Jessie stay," Callen said. "Please." He wasn't sure what was going to be on the film but he didn't want to watch it alone. More specifically, he wanted her there when he did watch it.

Jessie looked at him and a long moment went by where Callen could hear the thump of his heart as he waited. Then she smiled and nodded. She didn't say a word but somehow his world seemed almost right again. Jessie put her bag back down and slipped off her shoes before she settled on the end of the couch away from the projector.

Callen threaded the film carefully and switched it on.

On the sheet appeared a little girl being pushed on a swing by a man in uniform. The man and the girl were happy. He swallowed at the sense of familiarity that swept over him, the tightness in his throat made it difficult though. And then there was a little boy in the man's arms. Callen felt the tears push at his eyes. The pain of what he was in front of his eyes, of what he didn't have, was strong but it was tempered by a strong feeling of hope for what he thought he was seeing. And when the little girl took the little boy's hand and kissed it, his heart pounded in his chest so hard he was sure it was about to jump out and his throat tightened. Callen reached for the box that had held the film and pulled out the small piece of paper that was in it that he'd previously ignored as he was more focused on finding out what was on the film.

"моя семья (moya sem'ya)" Callen murmured as a tear broke free and slid down his cheek. He looked back at the last few frames of the film and rubbed the tears from his face.

"G?" Her soft voice reach him just after the film ran out. He turned to look at her. Jessie was closer now. Not touching him but right there beside him.

"My family," Callen told her, his voice not much more than a whisper. More tears fell and Jessie reached out to brush them from his cheeks. There was such tenderness and care in her touch. "My father." Callen's words hitched and he saw the tears in her eyes too. He turned back and set the film to play again. This time he watched it with different eyes, now knowing exactly what he was seeing.

Callen felt Jessie move closer, her arm rested against his and created a physical connection. She didn't speak, just watched with him as the tears continued to press against his eyes in the effort to get out.

Callen felt his body shudder with the effort to keep the emotions, and the tears, locked away. Then he felt Jessie shift next to him and her arm was around his shoulder. He gave in, leaned into her and sought out the comfort he knew she'd give him as his eyes stayed on the film that was playing yet again. How many times he'd restarted it he wasn't sure. He'd just continued to play it over and over again as he grabbed the only visual proof he'd had a family, and that they'd been happy. At least at one point.

Jessie held him close, his head under hers, her cheek rested gently on the top of his head. He could hear her heartbeat, a steady comforting sound beneath his ear and between that, the touch of her hand on his cheek and her arm around him, the walls broke and the tears came harder.

Callen didn't know how long it took before the tears stopped, but at some point he must've shifted because when he drifted awake his head was on a pillow on her lap. One of her hands rested against his chest and his hand covered it. The other was on his head. He remembered she'd stroked her hand over it as he'd cried. Callen opened his eyes when her hand slid off his head and looked up at her. Jessie's eyes were closed and her head had dropped slightly to the side against the back of the couch. He could see the trace of dried tears on her cheeks. Her breathing had that distinctive rhythm to it that told him she was asleep. He checked his watch. It was after one. Carefully Callen extracted himself from Jessie's arm, switched off the projector and then looked down at her.

He couldn't leave her there. His couch was nowhere near as comfortable as hers and he hadn't been able to do that either. Sending her home wasn't an option. She'd be too tired to drive safely, especially considering she'd only just flown in from Washington last night - a mere few hours ago. But none of those were as strong as the simplest one. He wanted her to stay.

Callen gathered Jessie in his arms, careful to try not to disturb her, and made his way to his bedroom. She snuggled into him, her head on his shoulder, her breath against his neck and he heard her murmur his name which caused his heart to leap a little. He lowered her to the bed and her eyes fluttered open.

"G."

"Shh," Callen said. He brushed the hair back off her face. "Go back to sleep."

"You too," Jessie murmured. Her hand found his and linked her fingers with his. "Don't sleep on the floor. Stay."

It was an invitation Callen didn't have the strength to turn down. He settled on the bed and turned on his side, watched her eyes close and the smile that slowly lifted the corner of her mouth.

"Good." After a couple of breaths Jessie added, "Thank you."

Callen watched and listened as her breathing settled back into sleep and her facial features relaxed even more. It wasn't long before Callen fell asleep too, the emotion of the day taking its toll and the comfort of her by his side giving him a solid six hours sleep before he woke to find their fingers still entwined and her head resting next to his shoulder. He could feel the warmth of her breath through his shirt.

Reluctantly Callen unlinked his fingers and moved off the bed. His body protested, soreness from yesterday's activities now bothering him. He headed for the shower with the hopes that a hot one would ease the worst of the aches. As he stood under the pounding water Jessie took up his thoughts more than the injuries.

He knew he couldn't fight it anymore. As much as he'd wanted to move forward, and had tried, there had been a small part of him that was still holding back. But her pull was just too strong. How did a guy like him fight a girl like her? A girl who wouldn't push, who simply stayed? Who was there for him no matter what, giving him comfort and friendship and could make him smile, even on a bad day? How could he fight against someone who cared enough to be there through it all when it was something so rare in his life?

He couldn't.

All Callen could do now was to reach out with both hands and hold on tight. Fight for her, as Gibbs had said. He'd wake her after the shower and hopefully by then not only would he feel better physically but he'd have some idea what to say to her about last night and what he wanted.

 


	68. Going somewhere?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Managed to wrangle this one into submission. Enjoy.

* * *

Jessie drifted awake and reached out across the bed. Empty but still warm. She opened her eyes and saw the indent still there in the pillow that confirmed what the warmth told her. He had stayed. Though once again she found herself waking up alone in his bed. One day she hoped he'd be beside her when she did.

Jessie sat up and yawned. She hadn't meant to stay. She'd only come over to make sure he was okay. And then he'd asked and she hadn't been able to say no, because she could see he meant it; that he wasn't just saying it to be polite, not that he usually did that with her. By the time he'd put the film on she was already tired and then she hadn't wanted to leave him alone. When he'd picked her up, the thought had crossed her mind that she should go, but she hadn't been able to fight what she wanted so desperately wanted, to be there for him, with him. So she hadn't protested when he'd put her on the bed, just asked him to stay.

What had happened with Callen yesterday was so personal and Jessie knew him well enough that personal would cut deep. But just because he'd let her in last night didn't mean he wouldn't regret it, literally right now, in the morning.

Jessie rose from the bed, opened the door quietly and slipped out into the hallway. She heard the water running in the bathroom and breathed a small sigh of relief. She felt a touch guilty for leaving without saying goodbye but she honestly felt it was best to give Callen a little space to deal with what had happened last night. Not too long though; she'd seek him out in a few hours at work after he'd had a little time to think and process it all in the light of day. This was one of the times when she felt it was a bad idea to catch him with his defenses down.

Jessie found her bag and shoes that were still beside the couch and slipped them on. A glance around the room told her there was nothing she could leave a note on. There was nothing in the kitchen either. She shook her head, a slight smile lifted the corners of her lips. Callen might be slowly adding things to his home but he didn't have the little things yet. She was just about to check her bag for a pen and paper when she realised the water in the shower had stopped at some point. She needed to leave. A text would have to do. She'd just unlocked the front door and her hand was on the handle ready to open it when she heard a sound behind her.

Jessie turned around and her breath caught. He stood there, a towel slung around his hips and droplets of water clung to his chest. She dragged her gaze up his body, with no idea how long it took her to do so, to his eyes. Eyes that held a very particular smile, even if it wasn't on his lips. He'd seen her look. And what's more, he returned it by running his gaze briefly over her too.

"Going somewhere?" Callen asked her.

"I -" Her was mouth dry, her body hot and her heart pounded. How did he do that with just a look? Surely this kind of response required touch to be so strong. When he started to walk slowly toward her, Jessie's heart pounded harder and faster with each step he took. She closed her eyes and breathed in deeply.

"Don't like what you see?" His voice was low and Jessie heard the slightest hint of amusement to it. Why did he have to be so perceptive? And so close? Jessie opened her eyes and her breath stuttered to a halt. He was barely a step away.

"No I do-" Jessie close her mouth quickly. Had she really said that?

"Good to know," Callen said quietly.

Jessie turned back to the door. "I have to go … Work." She started to pull it open but his hand appeared beside her head and he pushed it closed again.

"Jessie." Callen's voice was soft and near her ear. She froze. "Why are you running?" he asked.

"I told you," and damn even she could hear the breathlessness to her words. Since when did he have that much effect on her that she couldn't control her own voice? "I have to get ready for work. I'll be late."

Actually Jessie had no clue what the time was, but she needed to get away, give him time. There was too much potential for things to go wrong after last night but he was so close. Not touching, yet she could feel the heat from him through her shirt and scent of the soap that he'd obviously used. Nothing strong just clean and … him. She swallowed, hoped it would help when she had to speak again, but it was hard.

"There's a shower here," Callen said. Jessie could barely hold back the shiver as the breath from his words drifted over her neck. "I'm sure I could find something of mine," he continued. "You'd look better in it than me."

Jessie's breath caught again. A sound, something like a soft moan that she tried very hard to stop but was ultimately unsuccessful at, came with the mental picture his words painted in her mind that had nothing to do with wearing something suitable for work. She felt the heat flare in her cheeks and it travelled down her neck as well. She tried to ignore the rest of her body that had turned traitor and was well on the way to being on fire and still he hadn't even touched her.

Jessie closed her eyes and dropped her head against the door. "Please G," she begged softly, though if she was completely honest with herself she wasn't entirely sure what she was begging him for - to let her go or not.

Callen's hand was then on her shoulder and the gentle pressure encouraged her to turn around. She kept her eyes closed, her heart pounded and her breathing was erratic. She knew he'd notice every single one of those small things. The silence was too much. She opened her eyes and tried very hard not to look at the bare chest in front of her, though the slight scars didn't fail to register as they always did when she saw them. A slight tremor went through her at the thought of how they'd happened. Callen's hand shifted from her shoulder to her chin and lifted it until she looked him in the eyes.

"Jessie." He said her name so softly and with a hint of question in it. It made her heart ache with hope and then his eyes dropped to her lips and hers followed to his. He moved closer, or maybe she did. The distance between them was closing, that much she knew.

Even though she wasn't sure what would happen after, though she knew given everything that had happened yesterday he needed some space to process it all, she wanted this now - badly. Wanted to feel his lips on hers, this time without alcohol potentially affecting their judgement or as an effective distraction technique. She wanted him to kiss her just because he wanted to. And she wanted to for the very same reason. The space continued to diminish slowly, like he was giving her a chance to stop it. His hand slid from her chin along her jawline toward the back of her head. She could feel his breath on her face. Before the space was completely gone a ring-tone sounded. One that they both knew he couldn't ignore. Callen stepped back. Jessie stood there frozen and watched him move to the small coffee table beside the couch and pick up his phone. She had a strong urge to yank it out of his hand and throw it across the room.

"Hetty what is it?" Callen said abruptly.

His tone and the words that broke the silence pulled Jessie from the frozen state she'd been in as she'd watched him move away. She sucked in a deep breath and turned around quickly. She slipped out the door and though she heard him call her name she fled down the path to her car where she reached for her bag to get her keys. A bag which wasn't there. Jessie groaned. She had a vague recollection of it slipping from her fingers when he'd been so close; his breath on her neck such a distraction that she hadn't registered it at the time because her brain had been a puddle and her body wasn't that far behind.

Jessie took a steadying breath and turned around, resigned that she would have to face him sooner than she wanted to. When he'd answered the phone she'd panicked, feeling that if she stayed it would mess everything up between them. After what he'd been through, now wasn't the time to take a leap, not until she was sure of how he was after yesterday. It never did seem to be the right time. And she couldn't help but wonder, and her heart ached at the thought, if it would ever be the right time. She hoped so. But for now all she could do was protect the relationship she already had with him. Because she didn't want to lose that. She didn't want to lose him.

Jessie lifted her gaze to the front door. Callen stood there, still in that towel that wouldn't take much to remove. Jessie gave herself a mental shake to rid her mind of that possibility. Callen was obviously waiting for her to return. Her bag dangled from his fingers as he leaned against the door frame, and she knew there was no way he would come to her.

Jessie took another deep breath and walked back up the path to his front steps. When she thought she was close enough for him to hand it to her she reached out but Callen didn't move. His hand stayed right beside him. He was going to make her come all the way. Another breath and two more steps put Jessie almost too close for rational thought. She bit the inside of her lip to stop her from saying anything because she wasn't entirely sure she wouldn't ask him to take her back inside. Callen straightened and handed her the bag before he reached out to tuck some hair behind her ear. At least Jessie thought that was what he was doing, but then his finger gently brushed down her cheek and along her jaw as he pulled it back. That brief touch left a warm sensation that she could feel even over the heat that was already there.

"Thank you for last night," Callen said. His tone was gentle, his voice easy, like she was a deer about to flee at the slightest startle, which to be honest was a fairly accurate description of what she was feeling right now.

Jessie finally lifted her gaze to his. "You're welcome," she managed to say, though it was just above a whisper. She stepped back quickly. "See you at work."

"No doubt."

Jessie turned and walked quickly down the steps. His voice reached her when she was about half way down the path to her car.

"We're not done with this Jessie."

There was heat in his voice that made her body want to turn right back then and see what he meant. Jessie also heard the determination in it and knew he wouldn't let this one slide, not like he had with some other things that had been left hanging.

Jessie didn't respond. She didn't know how. She continued down the path to her car and drove away, and struggled not to look back.

Things had most definitely changed. That fact simultaneously terrified and thrilled her.


	69. Mercy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I've split these last few chapters up a little more than you (and I ) may have liked but I'll be honest in saying it was that or you'd have to wait a few days between updates because even this chapter was only finalised today and that included bigger than just simple tweaking to make me happy with it.

* * *

 

 

When Callen arrived at work a short while later, he fought the urge to head to Jessie's office and see if she was there yet. Instead he went to his own desk, sat down and leaned back in his chair, with what he hoped was a somewhat casual air. Sam looked up from his computer. There was an odd expression on his partner's face.

"What?" Callen asked.

Sam glanced around before he spoke. "I hear you had a visitor last night, or at least one left this morning."

Callen sat up quickly. "What?"

"Blog lady," Sam pointed at his computer, "tells me you had a woman leave your house and you were wrapped in just a towel."

Callen thought he'd fixed this thing with his neighbour months ago. The fact that he couldn't even remember his neighbour being out this morning, told him just how focused he'd been on Jessie.

"G," Sam leaned forward, "I thought you were interested in Jessie. What's going on?"

Callen had no idea how to answer that question. Instead he rose from his seat and walked over to Sam's desk. "What else did she say?"

Sam pitched his voice high. "Her dark hair was wild, the sun brought out the red hints and her cheeks were pink. And the way he tucked her hair behind her ear, it's melt worthy." Sam's voice returned to his usual pitch thankfully. "Who's your girl?"

"Not my girl." Not yet.

"So he confirms it."

Callen felt Sam's stare almost burn into him and shifted his gaze from the computer to Sam.

"Now tell me," Sam demanded in a low voice, "what the hell you were doing with another woman when I know you're crazy about Jessie."

Crazy was one way to put it. Frustrated beyond belief another. He had just about slammed his phone against the wall when he'd heard the door close behind Jessie this morning. They'd been so close to taking another step and Hetty had to call. As much as he'd prefer to move forward with a conversation when the opportunity was there this morning to show her instead, he'd taken it. Or at least tried to.

He still didn't know why she'd run. Her reactions to him were clear that she was interested. Just to be sure he'd moved in slowly for the kiss, to give her time to say no. Perhaps if he hadn't taken that time, Hetty's call wouldn't have interfered and they might've actually gotten somewhere.

When he'd watched her walk back up the path to him to get her bag, she'd kept her eyes focused on the ground, which had concerned him. Perhaps it had been mean to push it so she came close enough to touch but he'd done it anyway. One last chance to reach out and reassure her somehow before she slipped away. And that was when he'd seen something else in her eyes. She was scared. Not of him but of what was happening. He just wasn't quite sure why. If he could figure that out maybe that would help.

Callen heard Jessie's familiar footsteps and looked up from Sam's computer.

"G."

Callen watched Jessie head quickly down the corridor to her office. She didn't even glance toward the bullpen. Callen straightened and started to move away from Sam's desk except Sam's hand gripped his arm and stopped him. Callen looked down and frowned.

"G," Sam almost growled, "who was she?"

"Jessie okay," Callen told his partner. "There's no one else. She stayed the night."

"Tell me it wasn't a one night stand G. Then tell me I don't need to hurt you."

"It wasn't a one night stand and why would you need to hurt me?"

"Did you hurt Jessie?"

Callen glared at Sam. "No. Done that once, not doing it again."

Sam released his grip and Callen absently rubbed the spot. His partner had a vice like grip though Callen was rarely on the receiving end of it.

"Tell me what happened G, before I do hurt you."

Callen returned to his seat, an inkling that Sam wouldn't be giving up this conversation meaning he wasn't going to be heading off to follow Jessie anytime soon.

"She came over, brought dinner," Callen told Sam. "We ate. We watched that home movie we found at Reinhardt's. She fell asleep and I put her to bed." He wasn't sure he wanted to share with Sam that he'd stayed in the bed with Jessie or what had happened, almost, prior to him standing in his doorway in just a towel.

It was when he'd stepped out of the shower that he'd realised he hadn't brought clean clothes in with him. Thinking Jessie would still be asleep Callen had quietly slipped into the bedroom. When he saw that she wasn't there he'd gone looking, not really thinking about his state of attire, just that he didn't want her to be gone. He'd felt a flash of disappointment when it seemed like she'd planned on slipping away without saying goodbye, but then she'd turned around and Callen had seen the look in her eyes as she looked him over. The opening to take a step was too much for him to resist. They'd been so close, again.

"Back up," Sam's voice got Callen's attention away from his thoughts of this morning. His mind much easier to pull back than his body which seemed to have a mind of its own because it was still thinking about the possibilities of what might've happened had Hetty not called.

"The movie," Sam continued. "What was it?"

Callen took a slow deep breath and pushed back at the emotions that still seemed to want to linger after seeing his family. "My father, Amy and I."

"Your family."

The look in Sam's eye was obvious. His partner knew how big a deal this would be and, like a dog with a bone, Callen knew Sam wouldn't let it go until he got answers.

Callen nodded.

"What else?"

He stared Sam.

"What else G? I know you. There's more."

"It was a rough day yesterday."

"No kidding," Sam agreed and the guilt that Callen had gotten his partner in such a dangerous situation flared.

"Emotions got the best of me," Callen admitted.

Sam stood, walked over to Callen's desk and lowered his voice. Not that he needed to since they were the only two in the bullpen and the rest of the office seemed unusually quiet.

"Emotions?" Sam repeated with a slight raise of an eyebrow that made the word a question.

Callen nodded once.

"The kind where tissues are usually involved?" Sam continued to probe.

This time Callen didn't nod but he had no doubt Sam had gotten an answer from the way Sam's expression shifted.

"And she was there."

"Yes," Callen answered.

"All night?"

"You already know that."

"You didn't try and kick her out?"

"Why would I do that?"

"Why indeed." Sam grinned. "You really do like Jessie?"

"Sam." It wasn't as if Sam hadn't already figured it out at the restaurant that disastrous night.

"I know, I know. I already knew but hey, a guy likes to be sure before he starts playing matchmaker."

"You're not playing matchmaker," Callen said firmly. "No. I don't need your help."

What Callen needed was a conversation with a certain doctor that wasn't interrupted and he was starting to think that he might need to kidnap her and take her somewhere with no cellphone reception, in a car with no gps locator. It was an extreme measure but it was getting close to being his only choice given the way things kept getting between them.

"You need my help," Sam said, "but I'll give you a little more time."

"Why how gracious of you," Callen retorted.

"Take much longer and I'll help whether you like it or not," Sam warned. "You've already taken far too long to get your girl."

A whistle interrupted and both Sam and Callen looked up. Surprisingly it was Nell who looked down over the railing at him.

"Eric lost his whistle?" Callen called up to her, relieved to have gotten a reprieve from the conversation with Sam.

"He's sick. Hetty banished him to home for the day at least." Nell smiled. "Kensi and Deeks have just pulled in. Hetty wants you all up here on the double."

* * *

Later that afternoon Callen found the time to head to Jessie's office. It had surprised him that she hadn't called him or Sam for a check up yet. She hadn't been at the briefing and Callen had to admit that he struggled a touch to put this morning out of his mind and focus on the case. There had been the occasional look or nudge from Sam that had helped bring him back to the matter at hand. Thankfully no one else seemed to notice.

Callen was almost at the door when he heard Jessie's voice.

"Please Hetty ," Jessie begged, "I can't go now."

Callen frowned and stopped just far enough from her door not to be seen and listened.

"I am afraid there is nothing I can do to stop it," came Hetty's voice in reply. "There are no pressing cases or situations here that I could use to overturn this."

In tune with Jessie as deeply as Callen was he heard her soft sigh.

"And it's my turn," she said. There was resignation in her voice. "It's the way it works.

"It is what you signed up for," Hetty added.

"I know," Jessie said. "It's just bad timing."

"For what it is worth," Hetty said, "I am sorry. Your flight leaves first thing in the morning. Perhaps you should head home and get your things ready. An early night might also be in order considering the trip you have in front of you. I'll have someone drop by and collect any mail so you don't need to be concerned about that."

"Thank you."

Callen took a few steps back away from the door just before Hetty walked out. She didn't say anything, just gave him a look he didn't have enough time or light to decipher in the dimly lit hall. Once Hetty was gone, Callen moved forward and leaned against the door frame and studied Jessie for a moment. She sat at her desk, eyes closed and rubbed both her temples with her fingers.

"Something wrong Doc?" Callen kept his tone casual. He didn't want to add to whatever was bothering her.

Jessie's eyes opened and her head turned in his direction. Her gaze didn't linger on him for long. She let a slow breath out, rose from the chair and picked up her bag.

"I have to go," she said.

"Where?"

There a moment of pause before answered. "I've been assigned to the Mercy for three weeks. One of the trauma doctors broke his leg and they need a temporary replacement until the next three month shift starts." Jessie started to walk toward him and the door. "I was the lucky draw winner."

The Mercy - A Navy military hospital ship. Callen wasn't entirely sure where it was deployed at the moment but it could be anywhere. He could hope for it to be on a humanitarian mission rather than near any action.

"When do you leave?" Callen had the answer already but he didn't want her to know that he'd been listening in earlier.

"First thing in the morning. I need to go and get ready."

Jessie was right in front of him and Callen shifted his position just enough for her to pass.

"I'm sorry," Jessie said when she paused next to him. She was so close he could feel the heat from her body reach his.

"For what?"

Jessie lifted her gaze to his. "Having to leave right now," she said quietly. Their gazes stayed locked on one another for a brief moment and in that look Callen could see how much she regretted this time that would come better them again.

"All good Doc," Callen reassured her. "I'll see you when you get back." He watched her walk down the corridor and held himself very still so he didn't go after her.

Three weeks.

Callen took a deep breath.

They'd waited this long, what was another three weeks?


	70. Yet to be determined.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you can probably guess, this is a bonus chapter for the weekend. Thankfully I had enough of a window to make this one what I wanted and get it out to you. Now I can focus on next weeks chapters. Have a lovely weekend.
> 
> Hope you enjoy and always, absolutely love to hear your thoughts.

* * *

 

Callen slipped unobserved into the gym and watched Jessie climb the rock wall yet again. Given everything that had happened at his house yesterday with Jessie, Callen hadn't been quite ready to return so he'd figured a night on the couch in the office would give him a little time to process. Which meant he'd been drifting on the couch in the bullpen when he'd heard someone arrive at the office just before midnight. He'd slipped off the couch into the shadows and watched Jessie arrive and head to the gym. Callen had pulled up the video surveillance feed on his computer and watched her climb up and down, over and over again. It reminded him of the nights she'd kept swimming. Something had bothered her then and something was obviously bothering her now.

Callen could see the sweat soaked back of her shirt and the hair that clung to the side of her face. She'd been at it for over an hour. He moved closer, kept his steps silent, and waited until she had both feet on the ground before he spoke.

"What's bothering you Doc?"

Jessie jumped around and faced him, but it was only for a brief moment before she turned away and rechalked her hands. "Nothing," she murmured.

"That's a first; you lying to me." Callen called her on the lie, just like she'd known he would, if what she'd said to him at the beach was true. He saw the slight drop to her shoulders. "You're here," he continued, "it's after one in the morning and you are supposed to be on a flight in less than five hours." Callen put his hand on Jessie's shoulder before she could start to climb again and eased her around to face him. "Something's bothering you. What's up?"

Even with the heat from the exertion of the last hour Callen could still see the hint of a blush that rose on her cheeks. Jessie didn't answer, just shrugged off his hand and turned back to the wall.

"Tell you what," Callen said. "I'll race you for it."

Jessie spun back, her eyes a touch wide, no doubt in disbelief about the bet, or challenge, he'd just laid down.

"I get to the top first," Callen told her before she could say anything in response, "and you tell me what's really bothering you."

"And if I win?" Jessie asked, surprising him.

Callen thought she'd simply say no to the bet. He was mainly using it as an opening to try and get the conversation going. He could work with this option too.

"Anything you want Doc," he said. "Just have to ask."

* * *

Jessie took a deep breath and let it out slowly as his words played over in her mind.

_Anything you want Doc. Just have to ask._

His voice had been pitched low, an intimate tone had set something off inside her. All she had to do was ask but, if she won, what would she ask for? There were so many options. The look in Callen's eyes made her nervous though. There would be no going back from here. Was she really ready for that?

Jessie knew he wouldn't accept anything less than the truth if he won. And he'd know if she tried to lie.

The timing was lousy. It always seemed to be. She was leaving in the morning, in a few hours really, but maybe, maybe this was what they needed. A catalyst, a push, to get them over this wall they seemed to be dancing around. They'd get so close and then something would get in the way. Bad timing, an interruption, distance. She was so sick of not knowing, of this damn limbo they were in.

But even with that, could she be brave enough to ask?

There was only one way to find out. Her heart pounded in her chest, part of her screamed out no, but Jessie didn't listen. She held out her hand before she could think too much and said, "Deal."

Callen's hand held her smaller one for a touch long than she thought was necessary. When his thumb brushed over her palm as he pulled his hand back, the touch sent shivers through her. The flicker of something in his eyes told her that he hadn't missed it. After all one of his specialties was details, including the very little things.

Callen headed to the wall and Jessie followed slightly slower. The butterflies in her stomach went completely mad and that little voice in her head tried to get her to back out. Told her this was crazy; that she was exhausted and didn't have a hope of beating him.

Except deep down Jessie knew she wasn't trying to beat him. She was going to lose and then she was going to have to tell him.

"Three, two," Callen started the countdown the moment Jessie put her hand on the wall. "One, Go."

And even though she'd had her hand on the wall by the time she moved, Callen was already a few feet up. At the halfway point Jessie glanced at him and caught sight of the satisfied grin on Callen's face.

Jessie also saw his eyes drop in the direction of her shirt. A shirt that was perfectly respectable when both parties were on the ground but given his higher altitude, probably not so modest anymore. Her heart skipped a beat and then proceeded to pound faster in her chest. Panic washed over her. She couldn't do this. She couldn't tell him. She couldn't lose - either the race or his friendship.

Jessie picked up the pace and by the time Callen reached the top, she was only one hand hold away from there herself. Just one too late. Jessie dropped her head against the wall and closed her eyes. She took some slow deep breaths to settle her racing heart, or at least to try. Her progress down was slow. Her muscles protested the punishment she'd inflicted on them tonight almost as loudly as that little voice in her head that repeated over and over, _I told you so_. And to top that off Jessie could feel Callen's eyes on her as she descended.

Before Jessie's first foot hit the ground Callen lifted her off the wall, put her down and turned her around to face him. One hand rested on her hip, the other lifted to her cheek where he pushed back the hair that was clinging to her cheek. His gaze grabbed her attention and for a moment she couldn't tear it away. She could barely breathe with the intensity she could see in his eyes.

Could she be brave? Could she take the risk? What if this killed the friendship? There was no doubt there was heat and attraction. But friendship was different to more. What if…. It scared her to feel this strongly about someone, to feel that her whole life could be shattered in a moment. She'd been through moments like that but she had a feeling if her world shattered because of him it would beyond anything she'd already been through. He didn't do relationships like this. Did she really think she was the one he'd change for?

"What's bothering you Jessie?" Callen's his fingers still lingered on her cheek.

What would she say? What could she say?

_I love you._

_I want you._

_Kiss me._

_Don't ever leave. I don't think I'd survive it._

What was the chance that any of those wouldn't send him running?

The words wouldn't come. Her throat was so tight she didn't know how she managed to take a breath at all. She couldn't do it. She felt the burning of the tears that pressed against the backs of her eyes and she stepped away quickly; his hands fell to his side as she did.

Jessie shook her head. "I'm sorry." She turned and all but ran out of the room. She only stopped to grab her phone and keys that she'd brought with her. His words followed her out of the gym into the hallway.

"Jessie we had a deal."

Jessie slowed her pace near the bullpen. He was right and she wasn't one to back out of a promise. And that was, in essence, what the deal was. But the deal didn't say it had to be face to face. She swiped at her phone, pulled up his number and hit call before she could change her mind. At least this way she wouldn't have to see his face if it all went wrong.

It rang only once before he picked up.

"You backing out Doc?" Callen's tone was gentle. There was no judgement, perhaps even some understanding in his tone.

"You really want to know what's bothering me?"

"Yes."

Jessie pushed open the door to the office and stepped outside into the cool of the very early morning. She took a long deep breath and let it out before she finally answered.

"You."

There was a corresponding moment of silence from his end before Callen asked, "Is that a good thing or a bad thing?"

Jessie gave him the most truthful answer she could before she hung up.

"Yet to be determined."

 


	71. Email

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter, started in my head on Friday. The bunnies weren't happy about three weeks of no contact so they came up with something a little different. The next chapter or two are a bit intense after this and still need a bit of work but I promise they'll be out when I'm happy with them, though maybe not as soon as tomorrow. We'll just have to see how productive the bunnies are at tweaking it.
> 
> Jessie's emails are just in Italics. Callen's in Bold as well
> 
> Hope you all had a lovely weekend, and enjoy this next bonus. Love to hear your thoughts.

* * *

 

 

The first email didn't surprise Callen. The message in it was almost expected. What surprised him was that it had come to him.

_Two planes, a helicopter and barely any sleep, but safe and sound. Think I could sleep for a week but only have today to get settled._ _Do me a favour, don't get hurt. It'll be a hell of a commute when I have to come check on you._

Callen knew from Hetty that Jessie's access to external communications would be limited for anything other than medical so the short email to tell them she was safe was logical. The reference to her coming back though wasn't necessary and he knew it was entirely aimed at him. The thought of her coming back to check on him made him smile, even though he knew the likelihood of that being possible was slim to none. It did make him be a touch more careful.

Callen replied with a short one of his own.

**_You know you're the only one for me Doc. You're not here so I'll have to be good._ _Sweet dreams._ **

_Sweet dreams? Not exactly. Busier than I expected. Unfortunately no beach in sight to run off the frustrations. And no swimming either._

**_Frustrated with what?_ **

_Not what - Who._

Three words was all she said in that particular email but Callen knew she was referring to him, or maybe them, and yet again, it brought a smile to his face.

The first week Jessie was gone flew by. Her emails came daily, short and sweet. It wasn't something he wasn't expecting considering what she was up to and the way things had been left. Callen choose to look on the bright side, assumed that she was hoping him bothering her was a good thing and this was her way of reaching out and keeping a connection between the two of them even with the distance.

When a day came where her email wasn't waiting for him by its usual time, Callen started to worry. Perhaps a tad too easily but then he didn't know where exactly she was. All Hetty had told him was that the Mercy was in between between action and humanitarian locations so there was a small degree of risk.

An hour after the email should've been there Callen sat at his desk, stared at his computer and mentally willed the email to pop up into his inbox. Just one word from her was all he needed. He was startled when his phone rang; the number not familiar but he answered anyway.

"Hello."

"Only a have a minute for this call. Please tell me something funny."

Jessie.

Callen would've savoured the sound of her voice if he hadn't been concerned about the distress he could hear in it. "What's wrong?"

"Three year old. Nothing I could. Please."

Callen could the touch of desperation in her voice. The most recent mission sprang quickly to mind and it was easy to find something for her.

"Deeks and white poodle named Chaucer," Callen told her, "with a personality to match."

Jessie laughed just a little. "You're kidding?"

"Nope. Chaucer is half Deeks' height, with a white fluffy pom pom haircut. Deeks had to take him to a Dog show, guide him around an obstacle course and …then Deeks called out across the carpark, _We really wanted to breed with you._ " Callen left out any reference to what else had been going on around it.

"Please tell me there's video of it?"

"Pretty sure Nell and Eric have that covered for you."

"Thank you," Jessie said softly. He could hear a small smile in her voice.

"You're welcome ….Jessie."

"Yeah."

"We all miss you."

There was a moment's pause before Jessie replied. "Miss you too. Time's up. Bye G."

Callen hung up the phone and stared at it. She'd called him. Personal calls weren't easy to make with the number of crew vying for phone time. He knew from Hetty that her phone wasn't capable of calls from where she was. Yet she'd taken the time and found a way to call him. She'd needed him and he was glad he'd been available. He wondered briefly if the _Miss you too_ was for all of them or for him in particular. He'd heard in her voice with those three words that seemed more than just missing friends.

The crash of something dropped on the other side of the office pulled Callen out of his thoughts. But not away from Jessie. He glanced at Hetty's desk and, noting she was there, went to join her. He took a seat, watched and waited until Hetty finally lifted her gaze from her computer.

"Yes Mr Callen?"

"Is she safe? I know you can't tell me where she is, but is she safe?"

Hetty nodded. "As safe as she can be. The ship is just within reach if those facing action need the advanced medical skills on it but well out of the direct combat area."

It was the most he could ask for because he had a feeling Hetty had pulled some strings to get the information about where Jessie was and that she'd given her word to keep it to herself.

"She'll be home safe soon Mr Callen," Hetty added. "I have it on good authority that the replacement team is right on schedule to head out at the appropriate time."

Callen should've know Hetty would have her finger on the pulse of what was happening with Jessie. After all, she was one of Hetty's own.

Callen nodded. "Thanks Hetty." He rose from his seat.

"Mr Callen."

Callen waited.

"You and Doctor Blake?"

"What about us?"

"Is there an us?"

Callen sat back down and let out a breath. "Not exactly."

"But there is potential?"

It wasn't a question as such. More Hetty looking for confirmation of what she suspected.

"If things would stop getting in the way," Callen told her, "maybe we could find out." He didn't see the point in trying to lie to Hetty about this. She'd known him longer than anyone and she wouldn't have been asking these questions if she didn't already suspect something.

"You want something from her," Hetty concluded. "Something you've yet to find with another woman."

Callen sat forward, his elbows on his knees. "She's different."

Hetty nodded. "She is."

"She knows me."

"She does," Hetty agreed, "because you had the courage to let her in and be yourself."

Callen didn't quite know how to respond to that because he wasn't sure what she said was true.

"Really Mr Callen? You don't think it took courage for you to do that?"

Callen sat back in the chair. "I don't know that I really did anything. She's just slipped in."

Her patience and trust, not just the trust she'd earned but the trust she'd placed in him and what she'd let him help her get through.

"There's no just slipping in with you," Hetty said. "To get past your walls takes more than just luck."

"Patience. A lot of it."

"Not just patience either."

Callen wasn't entirely sure what Hetty was suggesting. She didn't give him the satisfaction of telling him either.

"What if…" Callen stopped but Hetty took over.

"What if she leaves like almost everyone else you have cared about has?"

Yes, that was a concern, but not the biggest one.

"No," he said. "What if someone takes her from … us?"

There was a slight raise to Hetty's eyebrows and he knew she knew he changed that last word.

"I doubt anyone in the team would let that happen," Hetty assured him. "They would certainly fight with everything they had to keep her safe."

"And you?"

Hetty looked at him, the seriousness in her expression clear. "Doctor Blake will not be leaving this team if I have any say in the matter. She's too important … to all of you. The connection she's made with the team is well beyond what I had hoped when I first brought her in."

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why did you bring her in? Really Hetty, it's not like we were that open to Nate and you know we liked him."

"You needed someone."

Callen narrowed his eyes at Hetty. "You as in the team, or you as in me?" he asked her.

Hetty's lips twitched. "One and the same Mr Callen. You all needed someone to be there to catch you when you fell, to take your hand and walk you out of whatever hell you might've slipped in to. Drag you kicking and screaming if necessary."

"Why did you think she was the one who could do that?"

"Because she is," Hetty answered cryptically and Callen knew that there wouldn't be anymore of an answer than that … at least for now.

The emails settled back to normal for a few more days, then they stopped once again. Callen kept his phone handy, had Eric make sure that if the number she'd previously called from tried again to make sure it was answered, one way or another - if Callen couldn't answer someone else had to. But this time there were no calls either. When the second day arrived with still no email, Callen headed up to Ops. He found Eric there alone and walked up behind the techie, spun Eric's chair around and put his hands on the arms of it.

"Eric," Callen said firmly. "I know you know where she is." He caught Eric and Nell discussing something to do with Jessie over the time that she'd been away and though he didn't have proof, when it came to those two and information he didn't need it to know it. "I'm not asking you to tell me. I just want to know what's going on. She hasn't emailed in two days."

Eric nodded. "She's fine ... I think. Hurricane blew up in the area." That definitely confirmed that they were watching out for her. "I've been checking for any communication coming from there," Eric continued. Callen raised an eyebrow. "Don't ask how," Eric said quickly, "and definitely don't tell Hetty."

"Agreed," Callen said.

"The only communication I've been able to track is from the other military ships in the action area, but I did catch a message that said the Mercy was fine but their long range communications were damaged and not working at that moment. All the messages they've needed to send medical wise have had to go through the other ships and out and then back again through to them."

"So she's fine?"

The was a small smile and a nod from Eric. "There's been no reports of any injuries to the crew of the Mercy."

That was about as good as he was going to get and he trusted that Eric was doing everything he could, officially and unofficially, to find out about Jessie.

"How long do you think," Callen asked, "it would take for them to make repairs and get things back online?"

Eric shrugged. "A day or two. They can't afford to have that communication line down for long. But the hurricane only finished passing over their location about six hours ago. It affected them for a while so they wouldn't have been able to start repairs until then at least. No one would be going topside unless it was absolutely critical during that kind of weather."

Callen was tempted to ask where she was but he'd promised Eric he wasn't. But then he realised that Eric had already given him enough to figure it out himself if he really wanted to. A hurricane search, combined with knowing she was near action but out of the way would probably give him a pretty good idea. Callen was impressed with Eric's subtle skills - something he wasn't entirely sure the surfer had.

Callen straightened. "You'll keep me up to date?"

Eric nodded.

"Thanks Eric."

Three hours later her email arrived.

_Cruise ship off my bucket list. Possible over reaction since I've never been seasick before but I'm okay with that! All calm again. Assuming someone filled you in on what happened. You okay?_

**_Don't know what you could possibly be referring to. We're not supposed to know where you are. And I'm fine Doc. No injuries to check in on. Note to self, don't suggest cruise if I want a particular doctor to come with me somewhere._ **

_Not supposed to and not knowing are two very different things when it comes to you. If anyone could change my mind it would be you._ _No injuries … at all?_

Callen laughed quietly and quickly replied before she had to sign off.

**_Nothing more than a little scrape here or there that I could take care of myself, much to Sam's disappointment. I'm sure he'll have a full written report, colour coded tabs and all, for you when you get back detailing the slightest scratch. However if it would get you back here quicker, I would be willing to change that, just for you. Nothing too serious of course._ **

_I have no doubt you could easily manage something but please don't. Do I need to put that in CAPITALS to make certain you hear it? I'll be home soon and will check on you myself. Tell Sam not to worry about the coloured tabs. A bullet point summary will do._

Two days before Jessie was due back in LA, they had their last long distance email conversation for what Callen hoped would be a long time. He just happened to be at the computer when it came through and the exchange between them was quick and fun.

_Helicopter and two planes then home. Don't expect to get anymore sleep on the way back than I did on the way here. Will need food when I get home. What's the chance there's pizza in my future?_

**_Very high. Text me when you know when you'll land and I'll come get you. Can I get away with no pineapple since I'm feeding you after such a difficult trip?_ **

_Only if there's ice cream. Can even be of the chocolate variety if you can't find my favourite. No ice cream here._ :-( _I'm having withdrawals._

**_Only for the ice cream?_ **

_No, not just ice cream. I miss my pillow too._

And then came another one fairly quickly before Callen had a chance to fire off his reply.

_You know you were asking for that right?_

**_No, I was asking about something else._ **

_You were fishing and you know it. Time for me to go. Home soon._

Within four hours of her last email, Callen had to send her one he didn't want to but had no choice. Thankfully he knew she'd understand.

**_You know that old man whose head I was messing with? He's got himself in a spot of trouble. The kind we need to get him out of. Raincheck on the pizza though and I'll even add the pineapple back into the deal. I promise I'll make sure Sam knows what I'm doing. Can't have my Doc lose her gentle touch again. Missed it. Back soon._ **

So instead of picking her up from the airport when she arrived, he was in the midst of flying to Russia to rescue Arkady, and hoping that the old man was still alive to rescue.


	72. Chicago - Callen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Callen's trip to Moscow to get Arkady is loosely based on the Season 7 Episode 16 Matryoshka Pt 2. Arkady is in trouble somehow, but there's no Anna in this story.
> 
> This has been a hard one to get right. Hopefully I've managed to keep Callen in character, or at least the character he is now with the growth he's had in this story. Jessie's POV is in the next chapter and will pick up where this one leaves.
> 
> Let's see how the reunion went. Love to hear what you think when you are done.

* * *

 

Callen got Sam to drop him at the office after they landed before Sam headed home to Michelle. Jessie had arrived back four days ago. Because of the nature of the mission to get Arkady, he hadn't been able to talk to her while he'd been away. And since he knew that she had a habit of being in the office when they got back from a mission Callen figured this would be where she was since she wasn't scheduled for the hospital yet after her stint on the Mercy. There was pizza and a talk in their very near future. When he opened her office door it was dark, as was the medical room. He was sure she hadn't been in the bullpen when he'd come in. Callen pulled out his phone as he walked back down the corridor and dialed her number but it went straight to voicemail. Since Hetty wasn't at her desk to ask, Callen headed up to Ops to see Eric or Nell.

As it turned out Eric was alone and spun on his chair when the door swished open. "Welcome back."

Callen nodded. "Thanks for your help Eric."

Eric smiled. "It's what I'm here for."

"Good I need that now. Where's Jessie? I can't find her."

"She's on her way to Chicago."

Everything in Callen tensed. "She's what?"

"She flew out a couple of hours ago." Eric glanced at the computer. "She'd still be in the air for a couple more."

"Why?"

Eric frowned. Perhaps the tension in Callen had become noticeable to Eric or maybe it was the harshness to that one simple word.

"She said she had a family emergency," Eric told him. "Asked me to get her on a plane and book her a hotel room. Is something wrong?"

Callen backed toward the door. "Get me on the quickest flight there and on that hotel room booking." He turned and the doors opened in front of him.

"Callen." The concern was clear in the voice and Callen turned to see it reflected in Eric's look.

"What's wrong?" Eric asked him.

"Chicago's her personal Hell." Callen shook his head. "There is nothing good about family there anymore. Try and find out why she's there if you can."

Eric nodded. "Got it. I'll have you on the next flight and look into it. Promise."

Callen took the stairs two at a time and saw Sam at his desk. He didn't bother to question why his partner was in the office when he was supposed to be heading home already. He was just grateful.

"Sam," Callen called out from the bottom of the stairs. "Take me to the airport." Callen headed straight down the corridor. He heard Sam's quick footsteps as his partner moved to catch up with him.

"We just came from there," Sam said.

"Jessie's headed to Chicago. Family issues."

Sam knew enough about Jessie's personal history to know it wasn't good and fell into step beside him.

"Want me to come too?" Sam asked.

"Tempting." Especially since Callen had no idea what was going on. "But I don't think Hetty, or Michelle, would appreciate me stealing you away again so soon."

"You need to pack?"

Callen stopped at his car, opened the trunk and grabbed a bag before he closed it again. "Good to go."

* * *

By the time Callen landed in Chicago all Eric had been able to find out was that Jessie's uncle had died a couple of days ago and that she'd received a call from a Chicago lawyer early this morning. He hadn't been able to get anything else.

Callen headed straight to the hotel rather than the lawyer's office since he could at least guarantee Jessie would head back there at some point and he didn't want to be chasing her all over the city only to just miss her. The plane ride to Chicago had been short compared to what he'd been on to get home with Arkady and since there was nothing he could do while he was stuck on it, he'd tried to get some sleep. He'd had a feeling he'd need to be on top of his game for whatever was coming.

After he arrived at the hotel, Callen downed a strong cup of coffee and jumped in the shower to freshen up. He was just drying off when he heard the hotel room door open and hurried to get dressed before Jessie realised someone was in her room and panicked. There was a knock at the door just as he was pulling his jeans on. He heard Jessie's voice.

"What do you want?"

Callen could hear how tired she was, and the pain that was there too, in those few words.

"You to do what you've been told." An unknown voice entered the conversation and it was someone who obviously knew Jessie. Callen zipped up his jeans, eased open the bathroom door further so he could listen easier as he finished getting dressed.

"I'm going home," Jessie said. "I can do it from there if it's really what you want but I don't need to be here."

"That's not the condition."

Callen frowned. The tone of the other voice in the room wasn't friendly at all.

"Why are you doing this?" Jessie cried. "Why did he do this?"

Callen stepped out of the bathroom quietly and pushed his arms into his shirt sleeves. Thankfully the room Eric had booked was a suite so the bathroom came out onto the bedroom not the main area.

"Why do you think?" The other voice was harsh and angry. "At least I have one son who follows my instructions. You and you mother," the venom in those words took Callen by surprise, "took the other one from me. Now it's time for payback."

"You know he was my father too," Jessie said, "not just your son."

"That's debatable given what your mother was."

"GET OUT!" Jessie yelled. Callen stopped buttoning his shirt and moved quickly. Jessie never yelled. Raised her voice yes but never like this.

Callen stepped out of the bedroom. "Jessie?"

Her gaze flew to his and Callen saw the relief, mingled with the intense pain in her eyes. He heard his name fall softly from her lips. He kept his eyes on hers, saw the tears swimming in them as he moved toward her. Out of his peripheral vision he saw a well dressed, much older woman. The conversation had already told him exactly who the woman was. Jessie's Grandmother. However she wasn't important right now.

"Well, well. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree does it," Jessie's grandmother said. "Barely in town and already behaving just like the whore your mother was."

Jessie broke the look between them and stepped quickly toward her grandmother, an undeserved title as far as he was concerned. Callen moved quicker and put his arm out, grabbed Jessie around the waist and pulled her into him to stop her doing something he was sure she would regret. The flash of anger and her instant reaction was enough for Callen to know Jessie was running purely on emotion which didn't bode well for whatever she had been about to do.

"Don't Jessie," Callen said quietly when she was against him. "She's not worth it." He turned to the grandmother. "Get out."

The grandmother ignored Callen, her focus still on Jessie. The contempt and loathing was clear on the older woman's face as she spoke. "To think my son thought naming you after me would make me forget that he married that woman without my permission."

"I don't have your name," Jessie denied.

"You don't even have the grace to go by a decent version of it either. Some silly little worthless cartoon character. Though I guess that is appropriate for you."

Callen felt Jessie's body tremble. If he thought she'd stay put and not go after her grandmother or alternatively collapse on the floor in a heap he'd have physically tossed the other woman out of the room. But he wouldn't let Jessie go. He felt Jessie straighten in his arms and take a deep breath.

"I'd rather be named after her than a heartless woman," Jessie said.

Oh yeah, Callen almost smiled. There was his brave girl.

"She cares about others," Jessie continued. "She's brave and strong. What did I do to you? I was just a child but nothing was ever good enough for you."

"Of course not," Jessie's grandmother almost snarled. "You weren't … aren't good enough. How could you be with a mother like that? Let's see how brave you really are." The smile that formed was nothing remotely friendly "You stay and the money goes where I'm sure you would like it to go. Or run home." There was a long pause before she added, "And I'll give it to Drake Santiago."

Jessie gasped and almost collapsed in Callen arms. He was sure her legs had given out and he was all that was holding her up.

"Your choice …. Jessie." The name dripped with loathing. Then the grandmother was gone and the door closed on a slam.

Callen looked down at her, concern flooded him at the paleness of her cheeks and the wide distraught eyes. "Jessie?"

She was out of his arms in a moment, instinct had him letting her go when she pushed against him, and ran to the bathroom. Callen followed but the sounds coming from there made it obvious what was going on and he stayed out but remained close in case she called for him. He did however pull out his phone and call Eric.

"Callen is she alright?"

"Working on it. Need a favour." He needed to know what the hell was going on here because whatever it was was bad. That much was easy to read.

"Anything."

"Find me everything you can on Drake Santiago. Chicago I'm guessing. And everything on Jessie's Grandmother - her father's mother - and any connection with them all.

"Drake Santiago?" Eric's voice had that focused tone to it when you knew he was in serious thought. "Why does that name sound familiar?"

Callen could hear the keys tapping away.

"She's going to be okay … right?" Eric asked.

"She will be Eric. She's not alone."

"I'm sorry I let her go."

"You didn't know. Nothing to be sorry about. Let me know -" Eric swore. Taken by surprise Callen stopped abruptly. "What?"

"Drake Santiago is the head of a drug cartel based in Chicago. Callen," Eric said tentatively. "He's the son of Juan Santiago."

"Name doesn't mean anything to me."

"But it will to Jessie," Eric told him. "Juan Santiago was the head of the cartel when Jessie's parents were killed. His men were the ones there that night but no charges were ever laid against Santiago or any one else for that matter."

Now it was Callen's turn to swear though he did it Romanian so as not to shock Eric. Callen could put two and two together with what he knew and work out that Juan Santiago was the man Jessie's mother had gotten involved with. Callen rubbed his hand over his face. No wonder Jessie had reacted the way she had to the name. She'd tried to put Chicago and everything about it behind her and now, past and present had just collided in one almighty explosion.

"Thanks Eric."

"You weren't kidding when you said it was her personal hell were you?"

"No, I wasn't. Hold two seats on a flight back to LA every hour for the rest of the day and get whoever is in charge of investigating Santiago at the DEA over here as soon as you can." The retching sounds from the bathroom had stopped and Callen heard water running.

"Will do." There was worry still in the tech's voice.

"Eric, she might not be okay right now, but we'll make sure she is."

"We will." There was now a hint of determination in Eric's voice and Callen knew Eric would do all he could to help get this sorted. Hetty had been right when she'd told him they'd all do whatever it took to make Jessie safe. From anything.

Callen hung up, moved to the bathroom door and tapped on it. After a few moments Jessie opened the door.

She was pale and her eyes dull. "I'm sorry," she whispered.

Callen shook his head. "Nothing to be sorry about." He reached for her hand and led her to the couch before he got a bottle of water from the fridge and sat beside her.

"Drake Santiago is-"

"I know," Callen cut Jessie off gently. Her voice was shaky and he didn't want her to have to go through trying to explain. "Eric told me." Callen tucked some hair behind her ear. It had fallen out of the bun she had it in. "Why are you here Jessie? Why did you come back?"

Jessie stared at the bottle of water in her hand. "My uncle made me executor of his will."

"You haven't seen him in a long time."

"Not seen or spoken to him since I walked out of his house the day after I turned eighteen."

"Why did he do it?"

Jessie shook her head. "I don't know." Her head dropped a little. "I can't go home. I have to stay. It could be weeks or months depending on how complicated his estate is."

Callen reached out and lifted her head to face him. "No." He shook his head. "No Jessie. You can't stay." It was hurting her too much and it would be a cold day in hell before he let her stay here.

"I have to."

"The money isn't important."

Jessie leaned back against the couch. Tears slipped from her eyes down her cheeks. "It's fifteen millions dollars G."

The figure stunned Callen. "He was rich?"

"He had a trust fund from his grandparents - actually he had both his and my father's. My grandmother was in charge of them and gave both to my uncle when my father married my mother as punishment. My uncle was very good with investments, but he was under her control as was his wife." Jessie took a sip of her water before she continued. "If I stay," she took a shaky breath, "It goes to charities and organisations that help those with drug problems. Help them get out of bad situations, giving them somewhere to go when they want to get away from people like Santiago that are dragging them under."

Callen shifted closer on the couch, Jessie leaned in and her body settled against his side.

"It was hard enough," Jessie said, pain clear in her voice, "to decide to walk away knowing it wouldn't go there when I thought she'd just take it for herself. It's impossible now, no matter how much it hurts."

The tears fell harder and Callen could hear her effort as she tried to steady her breathing. He reached a hand up and brushed the tears away. "You forgot loyal," he told her gently, "courageous, precious and rare."

Jessie opened her eyes and looked at him. A frown creased her forehead. "What?"

"Jessie. Toy Story." Callen smiled, his thumb rubbed over her cheek gently. "Plus she's cute and has red hair too."

There was a glimmer of a smile but it didn't last anywhere near as long as Callen would've liked. The tears started to fall again and Callen pulled Jessie closer. She curled into him. Callen wrapped his arms around her and let her cry. When Jessie started to settle Callen used one hand to ease her hair out of the tight bun and worked his fingers through it gently. It seemed to help.

Callen wasn't sure how long it was before a knock came at the door.

"Agent Callen. It's Agent Whitby DEA."

Jessie shifted out of his arms and sat up. She brushed the tears off her cheeks and shot him a curious, confused expression.

"Eric called them for me," Callen told her. "Hoping they can help."

Callen went to the door, ushered in Whitby and a fellow DEA agent.

Callen studied Jessie closely as she relayed what had happened and answered some questions Whitby had. After she was done Callen ordered her to the shower so he could discuss things without worrying about her hearing the details. They had a plan Callen was happy with by the time Jessie came back.

"Are you sure the money won't get to him?" Jessie asked when she'd been filled in on the basics.

Whitby nodded. "We'll be watching closely. With you and Agent Callen's … connections, we've been able to get a warrant already to monitor the finances of both her and your late uncle. We'll know when any of it is moved. If it heads to Santiago or any of his known connections or shell companies, it'll be intercepted and seized."

"What happens to her?"

"She'll be taken into custody, investigated and punished as the law sees fit for those aiding drug cartels."

"If I go," Jessie said, "the money won't go where it's supposed to, where it's really needed."

"We can look into that," Whitby assured her. "If we seize it, it won't be that hard to get it delivered in accordance with the will. There'll be a process but given where it was supposed to go and the history of this case, our lawyers shouldn't have a problem getting approval for that."

"I'm not sure I'm willing to risk it," Jessie said. Callen shifted closer at the sound of her voice breaking a little.

Whitby nodded. "I understand. The lawyers are with a judge right now to grant you a four week extension given the work that you do for the military and the hospital and how the clause is unreasonable to expect you to drop that all in a heartbeat."

Jessie frowned "Four weeks?"

Whitby nodded.

"Will I have to come back?"

"No." Whitby's tone was firm.

They'd discussed this at length. Callen knew that there was no way for her to cope with being back here like this. Whitby understood and had given Callen his word Jessie would not have to set foot back in Chicago unless she chose to, and certainly not because she was coerced to return because of the will stipulations.

"We'll continue to fight the clause," Whitby went on, "explain how you can easily do the job from Los Angeles with the help of our lawyers without actually being here. They'll fight with everything the unfairness of it. If she makes any move to contact Santiago, that will give us more ammunition to fight with."

"When can I go home?"

It took everything in Callen to stop him pulling Jessie into his arms at the sound of the pain and despair in her voice when she'd ask that question. Callen didn't know how she was still holding it together.

"Soon," Whitby said. "When the lawyers are finished with the judge and have the four weeks approved there'll be a letter for you to sign to give them permission to fight the condition on your behalf while you remain in LA. I promise our lawyers are very good at what they do. You won't have to come back."

"Will she go to jail?"

"More than likely."

Jessie remained silent for too long.

"Jessie, what's wrong ?" Callen asked.

"It doesn't seem right," Jessie said, "to know this could happen and not warn her. She hasn't done anything wrong yet."

Mentally Callen swore. The woman had done so much wrong. Outwardly though he remained calm, hoped somehow some of it would rub off on Jessie and help her in some way.

"We'd prefer you didn't," Whitby said. "She knows this is wrong."

"Maybe she's just hurting," Jessie said quietly, "and lashing out. She's just lost her son. Maybe she wouldn't do it if she was reminded what would happen if she did."

"It's up to you," Whitby looked at his phone. "Good news. Judge has granted the four weeks. Paperwork will be here within the hour." Whitby stood up and the other agent followed suit. "We'll wait downstairs. Give you some time to think."

Callen saw them out and returned to the couch.

"What are you going to do?" Callen asked her gently.

"I don't know. Can we talk about something else? Anything but this."

Callen settled back and casually asked, "Who do you think will win the Superbowl?"

Jessie turned her head toward him and Callen saw the flicker of amusement.

"Really?" Jessie shook her head. "Aside from the fact that the Superbowl is months away, we haven't seen each other in over three weeks and that's all you can come up with." Suddenly Jessie straightened. "I'm sorry. Arkady. Did everything go alright?"

Callen nodded. "He's safe. We're all home."

Jessie's eyes narrowed. "What happened? There's something."

She was very perceptive, even in her current emotional state.

"I met my father."

Jessie eyes went wide in surprise. "G, That's…"

"I know."

"What did he say to you?"

"Not much."

"After so long how could … Why not?"

"Wasn't really time this trip. We were in a bit of hurry to leave." She didn't need to know why. They were home and safe and that was ultimately all that mattered, and all that he wanted her to know. He was very grateful right now that he'd managed not to get injured.

"I'm sorry," Jessie said softly. He could see she was disappointed for him.

"I know my name," Callen told her.

Jessie raised an eyebrow. "You don't think you could've led with that one instead of the Superbowl?" There was a twinkle in her eyes and she shifted a little closer on the couch. "So, are you planning on keeping me in suspense Agent Callen?"

Callen stared at her for a moment. "You know I really hate it when you call me that."

Jessie's lips twitched and there was hint of her usual twinkle in her eyes. "Then stop frustrating me and answer the question."

"Ah, so it's Agent Callen when you're frustrated. Must remember that."

Jessie rolled her eyes, but the smile was a little bigger.

"I could've," Callen said, "but where would the fun be in that?"

Jessie looked confused for a moment but suddenly it seemed like she understood what he'd said and what he'd replied to and she smiled. A real one that was worth the effort he'd given to get it. Jessie settled back against the couch, close enough that she was against his side and his arm that was now along the back of the couch could easily slip to her shoulders.

She waited.

"Grisha Alekandrovich Nikolaev," Callen told her.

"How do you feel knowing what it is finally?"

"Don't go all doc on me now."

Jessie shook her head. "Not asking like that."

She was simply asking as a friend.

"I know." Callen let out a slow breath. "I'm just not sure what I'm feeling. I'm glad to know it finally but ... it doesn't really seem like mine yet." Callen shrugged. "Names are complicated."

Jessie sighed. "That they are."

Callen shifted his arms lightly and ran his fingers over her shoulder. "So ... that was the reason for no to Jess."

Jessie nodded. "I was named after both my grandmothers. Jessica and Rosita. She goes by Jess informally." Jessie yawned and when she didn't add anymore Callen took it as a sign the conversation was closed. He had enough though to understand her issue with the name. He didn't need anymore.

"Why don't you try and get some sleep," Callen suggested. The shadows under her eyes were dark. The travel back from the Mercy would've been hard enough and then she had to face all of this.

"I need to think," Jessie said. "I don't know what I'm going to do."

"I'm here if you wanna talk." Not that Callen could tell her what to do, but he could at least be a sounding board for her.

Jessie smiled at him. "Isn't that usually my line?"

"Not a line Doc."

Jessie yawned again.

"Go," Callen said. "Lie down. You can think in there if you can't sleep." Callen brushed the hair back off her face. "I'll be here." As much as he wanted to stay with her, she needed to think and he needed to let her, and not try and take the pain out of her eyes which would be incredibly tempting if he was in there with her at the moment.

Callen watched Jessie walk through to the bedroom and let out a deep breath.

This wasn't the way the reunion was supposed to go.

Callen knew with everything Jessie was dealing with right now, he needed to tread carefully. She'd been knocked more than sideways with this and shifting the relationship in any way that might backfire or have her feel unsure about them wouldn't be a good thing, not now. For now though, he could show her that he would be there for her. Reinforce that he cared and if a moment happened that gave them a chance to move forward, he'd take it, if it was safe to do so.

Jessie knew him, maybe not all of him but more than anyone else did. Hetty had known him longer and knew so much about him and his life. Sam knew him well too, but he still kept both of them back just a little unlike Jessie. She knew the essence of him and still wanted him - at least everything pointed to that and he just had to have a little more patience for things to settle.

Callen's phone rang and, grateful for the distraction, he answered quickly and quietly so as not to disturb Jessie in case she'd managed to fall asleep. By the end of the conversation though he wasn't so sure he was grateful. He rose from the couch and headed into the bedroom. She wasn't asleep and must've heard him since she rolled over and looked at him. Callen sat on the bed and wished he could lie to her right now. But he wouldn't, especially since it concerned her and he felt she needed to know given the current situation.

"What is it?" Jessie asked quietly.

"Eric called. There something you should know."

Jessie frowned. "Do I want to?"

"Probably not, but you should. It might help you make a decision."

Callen laid down beside her and rolled on his side to face her, raised up on his elbow with his head propped up on his hand.

"G, please, tell me. You're worrying me."

"I'm sorry. You know the DEA didn't go after Santiago when your parents were killed."

Jessie nodded. "They didn't have enough proof."

"They did. Kind of."

"What do you mean?"

"They had Santiago's men who were there, even though they all died, that was enough to put Santiago in their sights for it."

"They weren't witnesses though."

"True. It was circumstantial but put with an … eye witness, would be strong enough to give them a chance."

Jessie's frown deepened, confusion clouded her eyes and then they went wide. "Me," she breathed out.

Callen nodded. "You were an eyewitness. The only one. You could testify why they were there, what they said. It would've been enough to get started."

Jessie's breath shuddered and Callen continued. "But the DEA wouldn't do it and the DA agreed. You were too young, you'd been through a traumatic experience and just lost both your parents. They couldn't be sure what you could give them would be enough and didn't feel that it was worth putting you through that again."

"But I couldn't even recall everything clearly for a year at least. It was a blur of terror and emotions, not the specific actions. The psychologist helped me process and make sense of everything but I wouldn't have been able to tell them much before that."

And now came the part Callen really didn't want to tell her. "Jessie, DEA and the DA were taken to court to force them to proceed with charges against Santiago and put you on the witness stand."

"What? Why?"

"The ones who took them to court wanted justice for their son's murder."

Callen was glad Jessie was still lying down because she went paler.

"No." she shook her head and whispered with disbelief. "They didn't."

"I'm sorry."

"But they knew I didn't remember clearly. And they knew how bad I was..." Jessie closed her eyes. Her breathing was erratic and harsh. Callen shifted closer and pulled her the rest of the way into his arms.

"I'm sorry," he whispered against her hair. She shuddered and buried herself closer.

"Just their son?" Jessie's was slightly muffled against his shoulder.

"Yeah." He wished he could've given her a different answer. "Just their son. But they didn't win. The judge ruled in DEA's favour and put a protection order over you until you were eighteen. Then you would be an adult and the choice would be yours."

"And Santiago was dead before I turned eighteen," Jessie said. "But why did the judge do that? My grandparents would've had the best lawyers money could buy."

"The judge had experience with Santiago's lawyers. He'd seen them shake a confident adult witness and turn things around so much that the witness ended up discredited. The judge didn't think it was fair to put you through that given everything that had already happened. He figured all it would do would traumatise you more and get them no closer to Santiago than they were already."

Jessie's hand settled on his chest and Callen covered it with his own.

"There's something else," he said.

Jessie shook her head.

"This could be good," Callen told her, "but if you don't want to now, we'll talk about it later."

"Good?"

"Not quite sure but Nell thinks it might be."

Jessie's fingers played with the button on his shirt. He was tempted to tease her about it under brighter, and normal circumstances, he would've but not now.

"Tell me," she said quietly.

"Your aunt died just over five years ago. A few months later your Uncle's will was changed to what it is now." Callen ran his fingers up and down her back slowly and gently. He hoped the touch would comfort and calm her a little as they talked.

"Two months after that there was a five thousand dollar payment by your uncle to private investigator."

"For what?"

"To find you."

Jessie lifted her head and looked at him. "Me? But he never contacted me."

"No, but he knew where you were and what you'd done with your life."

"I don't understand." She settled back against his shoulder. "Sorry, keep going."

"A couple of months after the investigation results were delivered to your uncle, he sold one of his business interests. Put the money into a simple trust. Over the next four years, he slowly did that with other investments. The last one was completed two weeks before he died. Jessie, he had cancer. He knew he was dying."

"But he didn't come to me for help?"

"Nell thinks that he was trying to make it easier for you once he was gone."

Jessie sat up and stared at him. "Why would she think that?"

"Because his current financial situation is all within easy to close investments. Once you took control and could close everything down and distribute it the way of the will, Nell thinks it would only take about three weeks for it to all be done. What he'd had before that could've easily taken six months."

"But that doesn't mean -"

Callen put his finger on her lips. "Nell's looked at all the investments that he closed down. Jessie, he sold them for less than he could've. Potentially five million less all up."

Tears sprung in her eyes. "You mean she thinks he …."

Callen took over when she seemed unable to continue. "He was doing what he could to protect you from the worst of it. He might not have been able to fight his mother to her face, but it seems like he was fighting back in his own way."

Jessie closed her eyes and moved back into his arms and they stayed there in silence until there was a knock on the door.

* * *

 


	73. Chicago - Jessie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now it's Jessie's turn to let us into her head. Love to hear what you thought.

* * *

 

Jessie stared out the bedroom window of the hotel. The glass was cool against her forehead, the sun's heat not able to reach it. She was confused. So much had happened today.

Had her uncle really cared? Had she read him wrong?

No. She didn't believe she had. There were too many clear memories that showed he hadn't cared, hadn't wanted to be responsible for her. She'd spent one night in the hospital and two with a foster family when they'd been trying to track her aunt and uncle down after her parents had been killed. Those two nights had been bliss compared to what came after.

The first night in her uncle's home she'd woken in the middle of the night, shaking in fear and terrified after a nightmare. She'd barely been able to grip the handle on her bedroom door to open it before she'd made her way to their bedroom. Instead of finding comfort, like her father had always given her after a bad dream, they'd told her to stop being silly and go back to bed; that it was only a dream. Except it hadn't been a dream and the nightmare had been very real replay of what had happened, and one that slipped into a blur afterwards leaving her even more confused and scared. After a few more times with exactly the same response she'd learned to stay in her room. She'd curl herself into ball and shake until she was too exhausted to stay awake anymore. If the DEA hadn't come to them just after the New Year with the first few appointments already made with the psychologist, Jessie was positive she wouldn't be here now. That DEA had footed the bill, and not asked her family to pay, was the only reason she'd been able to get the help she'd needed.

It wasn't until much later that Jessie had learned that it was more than just DEA who paid for her therapy. Her psychologist, Carly, had given her own time too. A letter Jessie received after Carly had died explained it all. Carly had heard more than Jessie had said and knew what was happening at home, or perhaps more to the point what wasn't. So Carly had filled the gap the best she could, with more therapy sessions - that weren't always therapy. Sometimes they were to help with homework, or discussions about boys or a movie and popcorn. Sometimes they'd even involved pizza. That was where she'd got her love of pineapple from. Carly had been the one whose shoulder she'd cried on when her uncle had ripped up the application for a scholarship to an elite private school that her teachers had managed to get her a chance at. Her teachers felt it would give her more of a chance to get where she wanted to go than the public school she was in. Admittedly it was a very good public school given where her uncle and aunt lived, but still, with what she wanted to be her chances were better somewhere else. Her uncle had looked at her, torn the paper in half and told her the local school was more than good enough for her.

No, Jessie hadn't been wrong. However she did admit, and she'd seen it happen more than once, when someone was dying and looked back on their life, there would occasionally be regrets. They'd realise things they'd done weren't right and wish to change the past; something that wasn't possible. Maybe Nell was right. Maybe he had looked back and realised what he'd done and felt a degree of remorse. Or maybe Nell was simply trying to find something good for Jessie in the midst of all this pain.

Jessie closed her eyes and felt a tear slide down one cheek. It hurt being back here. She hated this city more than anything. Perhaps not so much the city itself but what it represented from her life. Yes, there were good things to come from here. Her parents, Trevor and Carly. But that was it. Everything just reminded her of -

Callen's hand on her shoulder startled her out of her thoughts and she jumped.

"Sorry," Callen apologised. Jessie saw the concern increase in his eyes as they followed another tear down her cheek. He reached out and brushed it away.

"DEA is back with the letter," Callen told her. "If you want to call her, now's the time."

Jessie turned back to look outside. What was she going to do? Two ways to take this. Both appealing in their own way.

"No one would blame you if didn't call," Callen told her.

But he was wrong.

"I would," Jessie murmured. "Because then I'd be like her." She would never be anything like her. Jessie felt the gentle pressure of Callen's hands and she allowed him to turn her to look at him.

"You're not like her," Callen said firmly. "Not at all." He frowned. "Why would you think that?"

"Because if I don't call her," Jessie told him, "I'm letting her walk into a hell she won't cope with. She'd never cope in jail."

The woman was well into her eighties, even if she didn't look or act like it. She may not be frail but the life that she'd led, the luxuries and benefits that old and new money had given her, meant that her grandmother wouldn't be able to handle the kind of things that would come with being in jail.

"That's not your responsibility Jessie," Callen said. "It's her choice."

"Can't you see G. She did everything to put me through hell all over again by fighting to put me on the witness stand." Jessie shuddered at the thought of what might've been if that had happened and Callen's hands seemed to tightened just a fraction on her shoulders in response. It made her feel protected.

"She wanted to put me in a place that I wouldn't have cope with at all."

As a child Jessie had known her grandmother didn't care about her. The older Jessie got, the more she understood the selfish and manipulative behaviour and what it meant, yet part of her had still hoped for approval. As a mental health professional Jessie knew that nothing she could've done would've made a difference. But Jessie had never dreamed that her grandmother would be deliberately cruel like that to a child.

"If I don't warn her," Jessie tried to figure out what words to say to help him understand, "remind her what she's planning is wrong, it's close enough to me doing the equivalent of that. Of me putting her through hell."

Callen's warm hands cupped her face. Jessie could see in his eyes he was struggling and she loved him all the more for it. He wanted to protect her, wanted to fight and punish those who had hurt her but she could also see that he was fighting against that because he knew she wouldn't want him to.

"If that's what you want," Callen's voice was gentle, "I'll be right beside you." He pressed his lips to her forehead and Jessie closed her eyes and savoured the comfort the kiss gave her. Then his hands shifted from her face, one arm settled around her shoulders and he guided her out of the bedroom of the suite to where the DEA agents were waiting for her. Jessie wondered if Callen realised how much strength his touch gave her. She'd add that to the list of the many things that she hoped one day he'd be ready to hear.

A couple of signatures was all it took for the paperwork to be completed. Jessie stared at the phone that was set up on the coffee table with monitoring equipment around it. She was grateful that it was already done. She wasn't sure how much more she could handle and having to ask for it might be enough to make her change her mind.

"If you do make the call," Whitby said, "we'll record it as proof that she's been warned."

Jessie knew they didn't want her to but what they wanted and what she needed to do were two different things. She nodded. "I need to."

"When you're ready, just dial. It'll automatically record so you don't have to do anything." Whitby and the other agent moved to the other side of the room to give her some space.

Jessie looked at Callen.

"I'm here, not going anywhere without you," he said. "You know what you want to say?"

"No." Jessie picked up the phone and dialed.

"Jessica Reed."

She hated that voice. She hated the reaction she had to it every time she heard it. The chill down her spine and the churning of her stomach. "It's Jesinta."

As much as she loved the name Jessie, she loved Jesinta too. Particularly for the connection to her other grandmother who had unfortunately died when she was four. Grandma Nita gave the most special hugs, tight and warm and filled with so much love.

"Calling to tell me you are going to toe the line?"

Jessie gave herself a mental shake and pulled her thoughts back to the conversation. Callen's hand covered hers and she shifted her fingers and held on tight to him. He grounded her and gave her strength to find the words she needed.

"No," Jessie said. "I'm going home. I won't play your game."

"You know the consequences"

"You know that it's wrong. It's illegal."

"It's you who's making the choice. You have the power to stop it."

More than she knew.

"They'll know," Jessie told her.

"Who?"

"DEA. They'll know. It's a lot of money. They'll see it."

"I'm an upstanding member of the community," her grandmother said. "As if I would be of interest to them."

Jessie closed her eyes and took a breath. The temptation to hang up was so strong that she almost did. But she refused to be like the woman on the other end of the phone. A woman she dearly wished she had no connection to.

Right was right. This was illegal and that was all there was to it.

Protect and take care of the people you love. That had been ingrained into Jessie by her father and her mother during those brief eight years. Though it had come in a different form from her mother in those last couple of years due to what her mother had been through.

Jessie certainly didn't love her grandmother. And now that she knew the full extent of the hatred and actions Jessie felt no compulsion to protect her. After what Callen told her the things in Jessie's past made sense. Jessica Reed didn't like to lose and when she did someone always paid the price. She lost the fight for justice for her son. Only one was left to pay.

Jessie knew her father had loved his mother; though she doubted if he knew what had happened after his death that he still would. And Jessie also knew that her father had tried hard to mend the fences with his mother but he had refused to give up the woman that he loved just to please her. That made Jessie love her father even more now she understood the strength standing your ground against a woman like Jessica Reed would've taken. And it was only because of her love for her father that she managed to say the words.

"Your son was killed by them. They'll have never stopped watching you." Jessie hung up before there was a response. She never wanted to hear that woman's voice again. Callen's squeezed her hand which drew her attention from her thoughts to him.

"Let's go home," he said.

Jessie nodded and closed her eyes. She really wanted to be gone from this place. It was hard to hold back the tears and her throat was so tight Jessie wasn't even sure she could get any words out if she tried. She just wanted to be home.

When the call had come this morning, telling her her uncle had died and she'd been named executor, she'd gone numb. The moment Jessie had stepped off the plane everything come back in a rush; the pain, the grief and the fear. There had been a constant hovering fear all those years she'd lived here after her parents death, wondering if Santiago would come for her since she was all that was left. DEA had assured her they were keeping an eye on him and they would keep her safe. Since they hadn't had to do anything she assumed nothing had ever happened yet it had come back so easily, along with the haunting feeling someone was watching her.

Because she still held his hand, or he held hers, perhaps both, Jessie felt Callen stand up and opened her eyes. With gentle pressure he encouraged her up too. His other hand slipped around her waist and pulled her close. The warmth from his body enveloped her and she felt like the world had stopped trying to throw her off.

"Eric's got us on the next flight home," Callen told her. "If he has to he'll hold it for us but if we go now we should be fine."

Jessie nodded again and followed him to the door, where their bags already waited. Whitby and the other DEA agent were there too.

"Thanks Whitby. Appreciate your help," Callen said.

Jessie managed a small smile for the agent. She wasn't brave enough to try and talk.

Whitby nodded. "She won't bother you again Jessie," he said. "We'll intercept any calls she tries to make to you and if she heads to California, our office there will take care of her but we'll also let Callen know. We'll be watching her closely."

Callen picked up their bags, handed Jessie her handbag and they walked out of the room, still with her hand in his.

The ride to the airport, the waiting, the flights and the trip to her apartment - Sam had picked them up from the airport even though it was after midnight - was done in silence. Jessie only spoke when she had no choice. Callen seemed to understand. He held her hand when he couldn't hold her in his arms. Asked her yes or no questions that she could nod or shake her head to and brushed away the occasional tear when she couldn't keep them locked away.

At her apartment Callen opened the door and stepped inside with her. His fingers lifted her chin and she looked up into his eyes. There was so much concern in them that that Jessie felt overwhelmed yet at the same time well and truly cared for.

"I can stay or go," Callen said. "Or you can come home with me. Up to you. Whatever you need."

"I …"

Jessie felt like she was about to break apart. Everything she'd left behind, the pain, the loss, the grief, even though she'd dealt with it all over the years with Carly and later on Jacob, seemed like it was back fresh and raw. She was so tired. She'd barely slept since before she'd got on that helicopter to come home, the timing lousy at the end of a shift rather than after some sleep. It seemed like a very long time ago and she felt so different then. There'd been so much hope knowing she was coming back to him. She was physically and emotionally shattered which made sense to the psychiatrist in her that she'd be unable to handle much right now.

When Callen pressed his lips to her forehead, she instinctively moved closer at the same time a sob shook her body. She couldn't say the words but the door was right there. She reached out with one hand, the other still held his hand tight, and flicked the lock on her door by way of an answer. Her head went to his shoulder. She felt so damn weak right now and she didn't care that he would know. He was here and she needed him desperately.

Jessie felt Callen shift a little but he didn't let her go. "Hey Sam." His words were quiet. "I'm staying. Go home … That would be great … Thanks. I will." Callen led her to the bedroom. "Get ready for bed. I'll be in when you are."

Jessie felt relieved he was here and simply followed the instructions he'd given her without thinking, something she didn't want to do right now. She'd barely laid down and pulled the covers up when he walked through the door, now in a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt that she wasn't quite sure where he'd found. But then she didn't even remember him bringing the bags up from Sam's car so that wasn't saying a lot.

Callen slipped under the covers and shifted close. He gently guided her closer to him, her back to his front, and then wrapped his arms around her; one at her waist and the other higher up that went across her body and his hand closed over one shoulder so she was completely wrapped in his arms. She wasn't sure she'd ever felt this safe or cared for.

"Sleep Jessie," Callen whispered, "I've got you."

Jessie closed her eyes and soaked in the warmth of his body and the comfort of his touch. The familiarity of home and the safety of his arms meant she fell asleep much faster than she thought possible.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not an easy chapter to write. Next one will be lighter, just have to get in the right frame of mind to get it sorted.


	74. Home & Safe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little bit lighter and shorter today.

* * *

 

Callen felt the bed shift as Jessie left. A glance at the clock told him it was just after three in the morning. He didn't follow but waited to see if she would come back or not. He thought she'd sleep more than she had given how exhausted she must be. When five minutes went by and she still hadn't returned to him, Callen rose and walked quietly down the hall.

There she was on the couch with the TV playing. The picture on the screen kept changing as she flicked through the channels but Callen had a feeling she wasn't really seeing anything.

He sat down beside her. "Can't sleep?"

Jessie shrugged. "I did. Then I woke up."

Callen took the remote from her fingers and turned on the DVD player, where he had already put one of her favourite movies last night just in case this very situation came up.

Callen left it up to Jessie how close she wanted to be to him by simply putting his arm along the back of the couch. It didn't take much before she moved in and settled next to him, her head on his shoulder. He felt her body get heavier against him and within twenty minutes, her head dropped further down his chest and Callen knew she was asleep. He flicked off the TV and moved slightly to get more comfortable. When she didn't stir he shifted further until he was lying down and she between him and the back of the couch; her head on his chest and one of her legs over his. Callen tugged the blanket off the back of couch and covered them both before he wrapped his arms around her to keep her safe. He drifted into a light sleep himself, but a part of him stayed alert enough to know when Jessie moved, murmured or fretted in her sleep, and aware enough to reassure her with a whisper or a stroke of his fingers over her shoulder or hair. He was also in tune with her enough to know that she knew he was there and that he was helping her get through this. And in tune with himself enough to know that being here with her, taking care of her and protecting her felt so very right. Now, if they could just find the right time to talk and take that next step.

* * *

Callen sat on the coffee table and watched Jessie. He'd woken a little after six and carefully moved out from under her to let continue to sleep. There were still shadows under her eyes and he didn't like seeing them there at all. He had no idea how to help her. Protect her, that was a given. He knew what he was doing there. He didn't know if she needed space, something he suspected she'd been trying to give him that morning she'd been about to slip away from his place. Or if she needed company, distraction or to talk. What he did know was that he wanted to take the pain away but processing things like this was what she was all about so Jessie probably had a better idea of what she needed than he did. He heard the subtle shift in her breathing and took a sip of his coffee while he waited for her to fully wake up.

"Yep," Jessie said with a soft smile, her eyes still closed. "Definitely safe."

Callen smiled at the memory the comment brought to mind and watched her blink and finally look at him. She didn't make any move to get up yet.

"Sorry," Callen said. "Didn't mean to wake you."

"Wasn't you." Jessie yawned. "Getting hungry."

Callen frowned. "When did you last eat?" She hadn't eaten since he'd arrived Chicago. He had something at the airport but she hadn't been up for it.

"Don't remember. Probably breakfast yesterday."

Callen stood and went to the kitchen. It didn't take him long to get back to her with some toast, juice and coffee. She had the blanket wrapped around her shoulders when he returned. Callen sat down next to her on the couch and waited until she'd eaten half the toast before he spoke.

"What do you need Jessie?" She looked across at him. "Do you want me to stay?" he added.

"Yes, but," she let out a breath slowly. "I need to talk to Jacob and I don't know long that will take or when it will happen."

"Jacob?"

Jessie nodded. "He knows what happened. He's got all my psychologist's notes from when I was a child so he knows what I went through, at least in an academic way. He's helped me over the years when things have occasionally come back to the surface. I …" Jessie stopped and closed her eyes for a moment. Callen waited. "It's like it's all come back fresh. I want it gone. I want my life now, not then. Hopefully Jacob can help sort it out quickly."

At first the name had confused him but as she spoke Callen remembered exactly who Jacob was and understood why she needed him. Apparently he'd blocked some of that night out of his mind.

"So you do want me to go?"

Jessie smiled. "Not really but it'll be easier if you aren't here."

Callen studied her for a moment. "If this is because you don't want to look weak …"

Jessie shook her head and he stopped.

"It's not," she said. "I know you don't mind. I know you won't think less of me if I am. It's just that I need to focus on what I need to tell him and with you here," there was touch of mischief in her eyes, "I might get distracted. I need to fix this G. Quickly before … before it gets too big in my head and the fight gets harder."

Callen nodded. "Okay. Just as long as you know this is a two way street. We're here for you, just like you're here for us."

Jessie smiled. "I know."

Callen rose, took his cup to the kitchen. When he'd picked up his keys and phone from the table and his bag from the floor he turned to her. She was still on the couch wrapped in the blanket but she had shifted to watch him. He was tempted to go back, pull her into his arms and do something. But that would be a distraction and right now she needed to talk.

"Call me and I'll come back when you're ready," he told her.

Jessie nodded and smiled. "Thank you G. For everything."

Callen walked out the door, rather reluctantly. He hopped in his car, grateful that Sam had made the offer to drop it over last night, especially given the late hour, in case he needed it, and stared up at her window for a minute before he pulled out his phone and put into place an idea that had formed that might be what she needed. He hoped anyway.

* * *

Jessie leaned back on the couch, her hands wrapped around another cup of coffee. She was still so very tired. It had been another emotionally draining day but in a productive way. She'd spent three hours with Jacob, part on the phone when he only had a few minutes to spare and had something easy to cover in that time, but most of it was through Jacob's video conference option which they usually used for their sessions. He'd squeezed her in between patients that couldn't be rescheduled so the blocks of time had varied. She definitely felt better, more in control, though she knew to expect waves of emotion that might knock her off her feet over the next little while until she got completely through it. She'd get there, and not too far from now either. They had a plan and she had confidence Jacob would be able to help get her clear of the past. For now, she was free for the rest of the day.

Jessie closed her eyes and breathed in and out slowly. It was just after three. Callen had texted her through the day to check on her, each one had brought a smile to her face. He'd hadn't tried to hurry her along. He'd given her the space she needed to get help, but let her know he was there when she was ready.

Jessie appreciated it and now she didn't want to be alone anymore. A smile spread on her lips. There was definitely more happening between her and Callen than just friends. She was almost positive he felt it as well, and that he wanted more too. Admittedly, she couldn't be one hundred percent sure about anything with a man like G Callen unless he came out and said it but she was as close as she could get without the words. She didn't doubt she needed to be patient. If she came right out and told him what she wanted with him, she wasn't sure what would happen and she wasn't about to risk that. What she was willing to do was find a way to take another step forward with him and soon. She put her now empty mug down and picked up her phone. Halfway through the text to him, there was knock on her door. She laughed softly to herself at his timing and walked to the door. He really did know her well.

But instead of blue eyes, they were green ones. Seriously worried green ones and her mouth dropped open briefly in shock.

"Hey gorgeous."

The words were normal, but the usual cheekiness to them missing, worry had replaced it. Her arms were around his neck in a heartbeat.

"Trevor," Jessie whispered and tears sprang quickly to her eyes. His arms tightened around her.

She stepped as the tears fell down her cheeks. "What are you doing here?"

She pulled him with her back into the apartment and closed the door.

"Somebody," Trevor said, a touch of accusation now in his tone, "Not you, called to say you needed me."

Jessie frowned. "Who?

"Who else honey? You're Hottie."

Jessie blushed at the phrase and at the memory from so long ago. "He's not mine." She wanted him to be and she had every intention of doing what she could to make it happen.

"Oh Jessie," Trevor sighed and shook his head. "He is. He just might not know it or have admitted it yet. Stubborn as he is."

"I…" She didn't really know what to say to that considering it was almost what she'd been thinking before he'd arrived.

"Trust me," Trevor said and brushed the tears off one of her cheeks. "He's yours. He called me. Told mind you, not ask, told me to get to the airport. That there was a ticket waiting for me and you needed me. He picked me up at the airport and even a blind man could've seen it was killing him not to come in when he dropped me off."

Jessie gasped. "He dropped you off?"

Trevor nodded and Jessie almost flew to the window. A smile jumped to her lips when she saw him. He leaned against his car looking up at her window, as if he was waiting for just this moment. The lump that was suddenly in her throat made it impossible for her to talk but she still had her phone in her hand. She cleared the text she'd been working on and quickly sent another one.

_Thank you_

Jessie watched him pull his phone from his pocket and not long after a text arrived on her phone.

_**Anytime Doc.** _

And then another quickly after.

_**Six at Sam's - team's eager to meet him.** _

Callen waved before he got in his car and drove off.

"Told you," Trevor's voice came from just behind her and Jessie turned around.

"He's just-"

Trevor cut in. "Doing it for a co-worker? Honey, this is way beyond co-worker."

Yes and no. Jessie knew Callen would do anything for his team, but then his team was more than just co-workers.

Trevor slipped his arm around her shoulders and guided her back to the couch.

"So," he said when they were both seated comfortably.

Oh boy, she knew that tone.

"How about you tell me what's going on in that head and heart of yours and what I can do to help."


	75. T'n'T

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well it's Friday and I managed a chapter a day this week, so I'm rather pleased with myself. This is a nice one to lead into the weekend.
> 
> I hope you enjoy. Have a lovely weekend and love to hear what you think.

* * *

 

 

Jessie stood at the sink and stared out the window of Sam and Michelle's kitchen. There was still enough light that she could see their backyard but she didn't really 'see' anything. She'd needed a moment to herself, to breathe and get control back. The emotions that had flooded her, necessitating this temporary isolation, had nothing really to do with Chicago or what had happened there. A side effect perhaps, but technically not related. Trevor and the team together had been more than she'd expected. They fitted so well, the banter, the teasing, everything just seemed to work and seeing the two most important parts of her life merging together so seamlessly had almost left her in tears. She was kind of surprised Callen hadn't followed her out here, but then he seemed to know when she needed him and this moment wasn't actually one of them.

"So," a familiar voice came from behind her. "This is where she's hiding."

Jessie turned around. Deeks stood a few steps away. She smiled. "Not hiding. Just needed a moment."

Deeks pointed to the doorway. "I can go if you want."

"No." Jessie shook her head. "It's okay."

Deeks smiled, but it wasn't one of his cheeky ones. There was more than a touch of concern in it. "So, the meerkats have been a touch twitchy these last couple of days."

"Have they?" Jessie knew Callen had Nell and Eric's Help looking into things. She knew they'd been worried, had seen it in their looks when she'd arrived tonight. And felt it in the hug Eric had given her. The tears pressed against her eyes again at the reminder of just what she had here.

"Not their usual secretive selves either," Deeks added.

"Oh." Jessie had a feeling she knew where this was going.

"Yeah. They don't really do worry well," Deeks told her. "Who'd have thought worry could be an effective way to extract information."

Jessie tried not to smile. "You didn't take advantage of their vulnerable state now did you?"

Deeks' lips twitched. "Cause I did."

"I didn't mean to worry them, or any of you."

"Too bad. Part of the deal being in this crazy team." Deeks took a step closer. "You do trust us right Jessie?"

"I do," Jessie told him seriously. Callen had told them the basics of what had happened to cause her fear of guns a long time ago so that they could understand and help her through as well, even if Callen had been the main support. But they didn't know the depth of the personal issues with the rest of her family, until now, and even then there was still more she could tell them.

"Yet Callen was the only one you told."

"To be fair," Jessie said, "That kind of just happened given the situation at the time." It wasn't that she'd gone looking to tell Callen but he had been there and willing to listen when she'd needed to talk, or perhaps because he'd been there she'd been ready to talk. She was grateful that they had because that had been a major step forward for them, even though it was her confiding in him, not the other way around. She took a step closer to Deeks. "It's not that I don't trust you. I do. It's just…" Jessie sighed. For someone who dealt with words as part of her job she didn't quite know how to explain it.

"I get it Jessie. It was a shitty time in your life."

Jessie raised an eyebrow at his choice of word.

Deeks grinned. "I was erring on the bright side but if you want I'm sure I can find a much more appropriate word to describe it."

Jessie laughed a little, something she hadn't done much of lately until tonight. "I'm sure you could," she said, "but for ease of conversation let's stick with shitty."

Deeks nodded. "You didn't want to think about it. You didn't want it to touch your life now."

Sometimes Jessie thought that the team forgot how deep their detective could be. He had this fun and cheeky side but underneath Deeks had so much potential to see and help with the serious. His way of dealing with the things that he saw, had seen, and had to do through his life tended to be on a brighter note. Definitely a better and more productive way than some who had been through the kind of things Deeks had.

"I didn't," Jessie agreed. "I wanted it to stay in the past."

"And I get it. Maybe a little more than the rest of them."

"Meaning?"

"I get the fear … and the shame."

"You have nothing to be ashamed about," Jessie said quickly.

"Neither do you," Deeks countered. "Yet that's one of the things that held us back from talking about it until we didn't have a choice isn't it?"

"Keep this up and I won't have a job."

Shame wasn't a word she'd particularly liked to use to describe her feelings about her past but if you wanted to get really deep and back to basics, that was one of the things she'd felt growing up. What would people think if they knew the truth about what had happened that night, and what had caused it? Would they think like her grandmother did about the kind of person her mother, and perhaps she, was? DEA had kept much of the details out of the press at the time, and given the lack of social media and internet back then, it had given her a degree of anonymity, at least for the most part. There'd still been whispers but never anything directly to her, though when the whispers had gone around in her final year of high school on the tenth anniversary of their death, it had made things difficult and she'd struggled to focus on her studies at a crucial time. People in her grandmother, uncle and aunt's circle of friends knew, or thought they knew, what had happened and of course, gossip was a career for some in those circles. However Jessie knew it was nothing compared to what it would be like if it had happened now.

"Course you will," Deeks said. "No way am I going to try and get into Kensi's head the way you do. Plus blood?" Deeks shook his head. "That's all yours."

Jessie smiled.

"You do know you fit quite well with the majority of us right?" Deeks said. "The screwed up childhood, parent issues, brilliant minds and amazingly hot?"

"You are…" Jessie shook her head in disbelief at how he'd just finished such a serious line.

"Just admit it. You find me hot."

"Deeks, stop."

"Not a little bit?"

Jessie shook her head. "I'm sorry. I won't deny you have attractive qualities but you just don't do it for me."

Deeks shrugged. "Worth a shot. Maybe you should tell me what your type is though. I might have some friends that fit and get you out on a date." He frowned. "When was your last date?"

"I don't remember exactly."

Unless you counted the times she'd been out to dinner with Callen. Because there had been a few of them that technically could classify as a date, from his criteria anyway. Jessie reached for the glass of water she'd got earlier when she'd come it and took a sip.

"You doing okay Jessie?" Deeks asked seriously.

"I'm okay," Jessie nodded. "I'm doing what I need to do to get through it."

She waited because it looked like Deeks had more to say.

"Do you need a lawyer?"

A lawyer? Jessie frowned.

Deeks continued. "DEA sound like they've got things covered and are doing good things for you, now and back then, but the lawyers are still theirs."

"You think I should have my own?"

Deeks nodded. "I think it would be wise to have someone who's got your best interests at heart to look over anything you have to sign at least."

He was right. Jessie hadn't even thought about that. She'd just been so relieved that someone was taking care of things and she could escape that hellish place and not have to go back.

"Are you offering your services?"

"Just the lawyer ones." Deeks winked. "Kensi has dibs on the others." A momentary pause put space between the cheek and the serious. "I'm not licensed there but I can look over the paperwork and give you some advice, answer questions, explain what they're talking about. Legal jargon can mess with heads of even brilliant minds."

Damn those tears were coming back again. "I'd love that. Thank you," she managed to say without letting them fall.

"You want me to contact them? I can," Deeks voice changed to serious, "put on my lawyer voice and call," and then went back to normal. "Or get some letterhead paper done up. Martin Deeks. Attorney at large. I mean law."

This time Jessie laughed out loud.

"There it is," Deeks said with a grin. "Knew I'd find it somewhere."

Sam walked in. "What's going on?" he asked suspiciously.

"Nothing," Deeks said quickly with a serious expression. Except for the twinkle in his eyes and the wink he sent her way.

"Nothing?" Sam repeated. "I think I'd believe Kam telling me she didn't eat the chocolate cake when it was smeared all over her face more than I believe you right now."

Deeks slipped his arm around her shoulder. "Attorney client privilege. Sorry Sam."

"You hired Deeks?" Sam gave Jessie a skeptical look.

"Not sure exactly."

"Sure you did."

"Payment wasn't discussed."

"Quid pro quo. You've already paid in kind." The slightly haunted look that slipped in and out of Deeks' eyes that Jessie didn't miss, told her exactly what he was referring to. She slipped her arm around his waist and gave him a little squeeze.

"That was my job Deeks and I'm glad I was there for you."

"I didn't make it easy and you went above and beyond. Now I get to return the favour."

On that note ...

"You know we haven't had a chat in a while," Jessie said. She'd been away too long and didn't like that she hadn't been there for them for either things that cropped up or help with ongoing issues. Maybe she needed to renegotiate her deal to avoid any more lengthy absences.

Deeks lifted his arm from her shoulders and took a step away. "And that's my queue." He backed toward the door and turned away.

"Deeks," she said in a firm tone.

"Friday, your office, twelve o'clock," he called back. "Bring lunch and I might be there."

"Deal," Jessie called out to his fast disappearing back. She laughed softly. As much as Deeks appreciated what she'd done for him, though she was sure Nate had succeeded better in the initial phases than she had, he still wasn't overly fussed talking to her about it. If it took lunch to get the ball rolling, that was a cost she was very willing to pay.

"You okay?" Sam asked her.

"I'm good Sam. I should get back in there, before Trevor spills all of my secrets." She started to head to the door.

"Jessie."

She stopped and turned to face Sam.

"You know it's not just G who has your back don't you?"

What was it with the men in her life right now being able to reduce her to tears without trying?

"I know Sam." Jessie stepped closer to him. "I know." She rose up on her toes and kissed him on the cheek. "Thank you."

Jessie headed back to the dining room, not entirely sure that her time out had helped at all but she didn't care anymore. She knew exactly where she belonged and it wasn't hiding out so she could get control.

They were there for her; good, bad, fun, or not. They didn't care if she laughed or cried. Well they did. They'd much prefer the laughter. As for the tears, they'd care too and want to take down whoever had caused them. She brushed one off her cheek. Not a sad one, an overwhelmed one. Overwhelmed in the best possible way with the feeling of family that surrounded her right now.

* * *

"Tell us something we don't know about Jessie," Sam said.

"Where should I start?" Trevor asked.

Callen chuckled to himself at the look of dread on Jessie's face. That being said, Callen highly doubted Trevor would tell them anything Jessie wouldn't be okay with them knowing.

Callen sat opposite Jessie, all the better to see her reactions even if part of him would've preferred to be next to her within reach. Here he had the opportunity to observe her with Trevor, in person, for the first time. The body language and silent communication between them made it obvious to Callen the strength of the connection between the two of them. He'd have seen it even if he hadn't already known. The fact that Trevor had dropped everything, including performing tonight and tomorrow, without question or complaint, to come for her, simply reinforced what Callen had already learned about their relationship. In front of him was best friends, love and family all wrapped into one and Callen knew his instincts had been right to call him into this. Trevor had seen Jessie through more than anyone and she needed that stability and support.

There had been a lot of questions already tonight fired at Trevor about Jessie. Fun stories and little things about their life together had been enjoyable but Callen had no doubt what the most important thing was. They'd learned that the Jessie they knew was the same as the Jessie Trevor knew, and even though it wasn't necessary Callen knew it had given the team another level of trust in her.

"Just start telling," Kensi said. "We'll let you know if we know it already."

Trevor's lips twitched when he looked at Jessie. "Bet you I get it first go."

Jessie shook her head. "You know I don't bet, so do they."

Deeks piped up. "Except on the Superbowl."

Trevor raised an eyebrow.

"It was an investment, not a bet," Jessie corrected quickly.

Callen coughed to cover a laugh about that particular incident. Jessie looked at him and he saw the struggle not to smile when she tried to give him a serious look.

"All right." Trevor sat back in his seat. All the better to see everyone Callen guessed. "She has a tattoo."

"No way," Deeks shook his head, his eyes wide. "Not our Jessie."

"She does," Trevor confirmed with a small nod.

"Where?" Nell asked. Callen had been thinking that very thing from the moment Trevor had said the word.

"Did yours hurt too?" Nell continued before Jessie had answered the first question. That gave Callen pause. Nell had a tattoo?

"Yes." Jessie answered. "It hurt."

Which told Callen Trevor was speaking the truth but still, he noted she hadn't told them where.

"That does it," Deeks slapped his hands on the table, "Tomorrow. The beach. Bikinis mandatory."

Callen saw the look Trevor shot at Deeks.

"Really?" Trevor tilted his head from side to side. "Not sure bikinis are your thing Deeks, though maybe in the right blue."

Deeks almost choked on his drink. "That wasn't…"

Hetty patted Deeks on the back causing another cough. "There, there, Mr Deeks. If you don't have one in blue, I am positive I have something in wardrobe that will fit you with a … little extra padding in places."

"Hetty!" Deeks squeaked out.

Hetty's lips twitched and Kensi was desperately trying to smother a laugh at Deeks' expression. She wasn't the only one except Sam didn't bother to try and smother his at all.

"Wouldn't help," Trevor said.

"What wouldn't help?" Sam asked.

"Getting her in a bikini."

Callen ran his eyes over Jessie and caught her gaze. Given he'd seen her in a bikini multiple times and hadn't spotted a tattoo he was even more curious now. He lifted an eyebrow in question and Jessie blushed. She quickly turned back to Trevor.

"Just show them yours," Jessie told Trevor.

"Wait," Nell said. "You have matching tattoos?"

"Couldn't let her do it on her own," Trevor replied.

Jessie nudged him. "Go on. Satisfy their curiosity."

"Oh Doc," Callen said. "That's not gonna work." Jessie looked at him. "We'll only be satisfied with the real deal," he told her.

Their gazes locked and the heat started to simmer between them, a nice change given the last couple of days when it had been notably, and rightly so, absent. Jessie pulled her eyes from his but Callen didn't take his from her. He watched as she flicked her hair back over her shoulder and wondered if anyone else in the room had ever picked up on the messages she sent with her hair. Because tonight she was sending a very clear message to all of them if only they knew how to read it. Her hair was down. Everyone in this room she trusted and felt safe with.

"Alright." Trevor stood up and lifted his shirt.

Callen heard the sighs from certain females in the room at the very clear six pack stomach that was now on display, but not a peep from Jessie. He did catch a look of appreciation in Hetty's eye which was a touch disturbing. Hetty caught his look and sent one back to him that he could clearly read. She appreciated fine things and just because she was old...er didn't mean she had to stop. Callen shook off the thought and focused on the task at hand - figuring out Jessie's tattoo.

"What is it?" Nell leaned closer and reached out her finger to trace the small tattoo near Trevor's hip. "Can't really tell."

Jessie laughed. "Told you black wasn't a good colour for it, especially that small."

Trevor dropped his shirt and sat back down. "It's a rock."

"But it had wings," Deeks added.

The wheels turned in Callen's head quickly. "He's your rock."

Jessie looked over at him. "Very good," she said with a smile.

"And she's my wings," Trevor added. "That first year in Boston was hard. I wanted to quit multiple times and she was struggling with the workload. She wouldn't let me quit -"

"And he kept me sane and fed so I could focus on what I needed to learn and get settled into the whole different world of university study."

"She helped you fly," Callen summed up, "and he kept you grounded."

"When did you get them?" Sam asked.

"When I graduated from my first degree. I wanted something that would last to remind me of what I had accomplished. I almost chickened out until he said get the same one."

"It gave us both something to remind us that despite everything we'd faced, we'd made it. Together."

"So," Nell looked at Jessie. "Where is it? I mean if it's not suitable to show the boys, you can just show Kensi, Hetty, Michelle and I. We won't," Nell's glance slid over the boys in the room, "tell them or anything."

Jessie chuckled. "It's not that. They just made it so easy for him," she glanced at Trevor, "to play. Come," she said to Nell. Nell went to Jessie's side and Callen watched Jessie shift her hair to one side and tilted her head.

"Wow," Nell said. "It's beautiful and so much easier to see than his."

"Behind the ear?" Sam said. "Hell, you're braver than me. Not a place I'd want one done."

Nell sat down and Kensi took her turn. When the rest of the team had check it out, Jessie looked at him with a question in her eyes. He moved out of his seat and around the table. She tilted her head but before she could move her hair out of the way Callen did. He eased it back and his finger brushed slightly against her skin and saw the small purple and blue tattoo that sat behind her ear, small enough that unless you knew to look for it, you wouldn't see it. It was clear, despite the size, and very beautiful with the colours she'd chosen.

"Why here?" He took advantage of the moment and touched it softly. "You can't see it, neither can anyone else," Callen asked.

"It wasn't about seeing it," Jessie told him. "It's knowing it's there and knowing what it means. A reminder of what I can do."

"Anything you want," Callen said quietly for her ears only as he shifted the hair back over her shoulder, giving him an excuse to keep the connection between them. But there was only so long he could do it for and then he headed reluctantly back to his seat.

* * *

"Next question," Deeks said with a grin. "Jessie's first kiss."

Jessie had just taken a drink and almost spat it out.

"Come on, aren't we at twenty already?" she protested.

"Twenty came and went a long time ago Doc," Callen said. A glance at the clock showed him it was almost nine. A good three hours had slipped by quickly.

"So," Sam added. "Gonna answer or do we ask Trevor?"

Jessie sighed and pointed to Trevor.

"So Trevor -" Deeks started.

Jessie shook her head. "No. It was him."

"But…" Deeks started. "You … She…"

Given what they knew about Trevor, Callen was also a little lost on this one.

Deeks gave up trying to say whatever it was and simply asked. "How old?"

Jessie's gaze flicked to him briefly before she answered. "Fourteen."

Callen's mind put the look and what he knew of her together quickly again. "Spin the bottle."

Jessie glanced at him and blushed. Oh yeah, he was right.

Trevor laughed. Jessie slapped his arm gently. "Oh stop it," she told him. "It's not what they are thinking and you know it."

"So should I tell," Trevor said, "or you?"

"You can start. I'll correct if I have to."

"Group assignment. Eight of us. Four girls, four guys."

"Good numbers," Deeks commented and Callen saw Jessie's exasperated expression at the look on Deeks' face.

"It was combination of spin the bottle and truth or dare," Trevor continued. "The dare was the spin. My question, was a touch too personal for my liking so I took the dare."

"A touch too personal?" Jessie shot Trevor a glare. "I'd warned you not to agree to play. We could've left but you said yes. What's a girl to do?"

Trevor slid his arm around Jessie's shoulders and Callen saw Jessie lean into him.

"My little protector," Trevor said. "What would I have done without your noble sacrifice?"

Jessie rolled her eyes but smiled.

Trevor turned back to the rest of them. "They were aiming to push me to admit that I was gay."

"They were aiming for more than that." Callen saw the flash of anger in Jessie's eyes as she spoke.

"Meaning?" Sam prompted.

"They had chosen one person to spin the bottle instead of passing it around," Jessie said.

"And Jessie," Trevor continued, "figured that the person who was spinning knew how to spin for a particular result."

"You were set up," Callen concluded.

Jessie nodded. "It was spun to land on one of the boys not a girl like had happened with the rest of their turns."

"How did it end up on you?" Callen asked.

Trevor grinned. "Because my girl is smart and protective."

"They hadn't defined the rules past where it stops is who you kiss," Jesse said.

"So she reached out, stopped it on her and gave her first kiss to me."

'"That's actually quite sweet," Deeks said.

"The teasing that followed wasn't." Jessie added with a look at Trevor. Callen saw the smile he gave Jessie.

"But together," Trevor said, "we got through it."

"Like always," Jessie said before a yawn took over.

"I think someone better get to bed," Trevor said before he rose from the table. "It's been delightful meeting you all, in person. Nice to know her back is covered all the way out here."

"It is." It was Deeks who jumped in first with that but nods all around and Callen saw Jessie blink quickly. Sam and Callen followed them to the front door after she'd said goodnight to everyone. Callen walked Jessie to the car when Sam asked Trevor a question just outside the front door. He should probably thank Sam for that later since this would be the only time he'd had with her tonight alone.

Jessie turned to face him. "Thank you," she said softly. "How did you know?"

Callen knew exactly what she was asking about. He reached out and tucked a piece of hair behind her ear then let his fingers trail down its softness all the way to the end.

"He was there for you from almost the beginning. Seemed like he was the perfect one to be here for you now."

Jessie stepped closer. "Not just him-"

"Ready?" Trevor arrived before she could continue and Callen stepped back. He was sure he hear her sigh. Apparently Sam's delaying technique needed a little work.

"Good night G."

"Night Jessie."

Trevor nodded at Callen and got in the driver's seat of Jessie's car. Callen stared at the rear lights as they disappeared down the street.

As much as he wanted to be there for her, with her, there was only a limited time Trevor could be here. She had tomorrow with him and then he flew back to New York early the next morning. After that, he'd see how she was doing before anything else happened between them. She seemed good tonight and his hopes rose that would continue.

Callen turned and walked back up the path where Sam waited for him.

"Not easy to let her go," Sam said.

"She needs him now."

"Needs you too."

Callen didn't respond to that one. He just headed inside. One more day.


	76. Insane

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back. Hope you all had a wonderful weekend. School holidays are upon us so I can't entirely guarantee that I'll be able to post every day this week. I will try though it's going to depend how much peace I get to work on what's coming.
> 
> Based around the incidents of Season 7 Ep, 21 Head of the Snake.
> 
> Time to get the ball rolling for another week. Enjoy and love to hear what you think when you're done.

* * *

 

Jessie paced between the desks of the bullpen. The man was driving her insane. Trevor had gone home but a mission had Callen undercover for a couple of days after. A couple of days? She could deal with that. Hell, they'd had interruptions of a much longer length than that before.

But no. Oh no. This wasn't just an interruption. Callen had come back into the office yesterday after the mission was over and managed to avoid her. Something he wasn't supposed to do because as the team psychiatrist he was supposed to debrief with her after those kind of missions.

Jessie had even gone to his house after work and waited until almost midnight last night but he hadn't shown up there either.

And to top it off this morning, the moment he'd seen her arrive, he'd slipped away. Correction, heard her arrive, because Jessie wasn't even all the way down the corridor from the entry when she'd seen Callen's back disappearing. Sam had given her an odd look but hadn't been able to answer when she'd asked him where Callen had gone. There was no doubt about it, Callen was avoiding her. A meeting had kept her out of this morning's briefing but she was done. Trevor's last words to her at the airport had been simple.

_He's yours. Reach out and take him. Don't wait._

So yes, that had been the plan. However, right now, Jessie was very tempted reach out and throttle Callen if he kept it up.

Well, she could at least try. Perhaps landing him on his back and pinning him down until he talked to her might be a better option. Sam had trained her well enough that she felt she could take Callen _if_ she worked the situation right.

Jessie heard voices from above and looked up. There, at the top of the stairs. He saw her. Jessie knew it. Then he was gone. She shook her head. Damn him. He was now the one running and she wasn't going to let him.

Yes, Jessie knew Callen didn't think he was cut out for relationships, especially the kind they seemed to be heading for. But damn it, was he really that blind that he couldn't see they were already in one? Had been for months if not since that moment he'd found her after she'd panicked in the armoury. He may not know in his head how to be in one but he sure knew how to do it. At least with her.

When Callen had walked out of the bedroom in the hotel room in Chicago Jessie had thought she was seeing things. But then he'd reached out caught her in his arms, stopped her from doing something incredibly stupid and she'd almost broken down in that moment. She would've if not for …. No, she wasn't going to taint that moment with her. That moment was too precious.

Callen's arms, his voice and his smell. With her past crashing in on her present, she'd been drowning and then there he was; a safe port in the storm. He'd given her the strength to hold it together, but at the same time given her a safe place where she could break and know that he would help put her back together if it happened - but it hadn't. It had been close though. His strength had helped her survive, to come home and deal with it, move on, almost anyway. Jessie knew she still had some work to do but she was nowhere near breaking point anymore.

It was while Trevor had been staying with her that she had been hit with the knowledge that there had been a shift she hadn't realised. Because she hadn't thought about Trevor, about calling him. Chicago was so close to New York. He could've been there when she got off the plane.

Yet the only one who'd gone through her mind in the midst of the turmoil of going back had been Callen and how he wasn't home yet. Trevor had been her rock for so long, and she knew he always would be, but now … Callen was the one she thought of and would run to first.

So no, Jessie wasn't going to sit back and wait for things to fall into place and be the right time. Because with the two of them, it just never happened. Something, or someone, would inevitably get in the way. She moved into the shadows out of sight and waited.

Finally Callen came into the bullpen and when Jessie was sure it was too late for Callen to slip away and avoid her, she stepped up behind him as he searched his desk.

"What's going on G?"

"We've got a case," was his short response.

Jessie didn't miss the tension that filled his body when she'd spoken. He also didn't look at her. Oh there was definitely something going on with him.

"I know that." Jessie stepped back only slightly when Callen turned around and his arms swung out as he put his jacket on. She moved into his path when he went to leave. "That's not what I meant," she said.

"Nothing's going on."

"Bullshit." Jessie saw the slight pause in Callen's movements at the word and she stepped closer. "You're avoiding me and I don't know why."

"Busy."

Callen made a move to step around her but Jessie had had enough. She grabbed his arm and dragged him outside, spun him around and glared at him. "Not in the office. Now what the hell is going on?"

And suddenly her back was against the wall, his hands were by the sides of her head and he was staring into her eyes. No part of them touched but she could feel her body go up in flames at the heat in his eyes. Jessie's heart pounded so loudly she was sure he'd be able to hear it.

"You really want to know Doc?" Callen's voice was low and rough, dangerous even, a warning perhaps to her in it, but Jessie wasn't backing down. Even if she had backed away from him instinctively when he'd advanced on her once they were outside.

"Yes," she said though it came out in a whisper. Not quite the strong and convincing response she had hoped for.

"You."

It took just that one word to remind her of one of their previous conversations, admittedly one that was over the phone. Jessie swallowed, her breathing was shallow, her heart pounded and she struggled not to let his physical closeness distract her. Taking her lead from their previous conversation she answered as he had.

"Is that a good thing or a bad thing?" she asked. It was his turn to answer her.

"G." Sam's voice reached them. "Let's go."

No. No. No. Not again. This was not happening.

Callen leaned forward and her breath halted. His words were whispered right next to her ear. "A _hard_ thing."

Jessie's heart skipped a beat and she sucked in a breath as the implications hit her. But then he was gone, it seemed in the blink of an eye, and she felt like screaming. Jessie closed her eyes and dropped her head back against the wall. This wasn't fair. How many more times were they going to get so close only to have something rip them apart?

If only she could make Callen see what they were, that they had the relationship that he didn't think he could do, albeit without the physical side that they both wanted. When would it be their time? She still didn't understand why he was pulling away. His answer certainly didn't give her a clue. Sure he wanted her physically, but that couldn't be why he was pulling back. There had to be more and that worried her because she thought they were in a good place with all but the physical.

"Doctor Blake."

Jessie opened her eyes to see Hetty now stood in front of her. There were times when Hetty would call her Jessie - usually when it was more personal. But whenever it was work Hetty always seemed to revert to the formal title. Jessie wasn't entirely sure she liked it but she also didn't quite know how to convince Hetty to change it.

"Sorry Hetty. What can I do for you?"

Hetty stared at her long enough for Jessie to feel distinctly unsettled.

"Sometimes," Hetty said, "we think something is worse than it really is. If we shine a light on it the reality is usually much different. I tend to find the majority of the time it is also much less scary than when everything is in the dark."

Jessie frowned. She wasn't sure what Hetty was talking about. But then that wasn't exactly unusual. When Hetty wanted to be cryptic she had an exceptional talent with it.

"Think about it my dear," Hetty added. "I'm sure you will get my meaning eventually. Now I need your help to shine a light on a little dark situation of my own."

Jessie raised an eyebrow in question and Hetty added. "Nate's in trouble."

* * *

Callen pushed away from the wall, and Jessie, and narrowly avoided running to follow Sam. Surprisingly Sam waited until they were in the car and moving before he said anything.

"What's going on with you and Jessie?"

"What do you mean?"

"You've been avoiding her. She's noticed. I've noticed. Wouldn't surprise me if the rest of them noticed too. You're not exactly being subtle about it."

"It's complicated."

"No it's not. You like her. She likes you. Tell her and get together."

Callen slammed his hand against the dashboard of the car in frustration. So close and yet again something was between them. Only this time it wasn't just an interruption.

"Hey!"

"Sorry Sam." Callen took a breath. "The morning I went under I got a message from Janvier. _Game's not over._ "

"How?"

"Email. Eric looked into it. From what he can tell, it was sent from the prison and there are a couple of moments that Janvier isn't covered by cameras. Eric and Nell think he's managed to make a contact who sent it for him."

"What's this got to do with you and Jessie?"

"Everything. Plus two days of being Rick doesn't help." An alias Callen wished Hetty had buried a long time ago but she hadn't, because to get where Rick could go would take weeks if not months and she'd simply put him in stasis instead. Though not anymore. He'd told Hetty point blank after coming out that Rick goes.

"Just an alias G. Not a nice one but not you."

That was an understatement. Rick was the worst one he'd ever had to be.

"It was so easy to be him." And so difficult to put Rick out of his mind. But then Callen hadn't done what he was supposed to do after being under - he hadn't gone to see her and talk it through.

"Because you are good at what you do." Sam glanced across at him. "We all are. You usually shake it off easier than this," Sam said and rightly so.

"He's so far from what she needs, from what I want to -" Callen stopped.

"From what you want to be for her," Sam finished once again proving how well he knew Callen.

"Between that and worrying about Janvier getting her, maybe she's better off if we don't go any further. I kept seeing her in Hunter or Renko's place." Trapped and blown up, or shot and dead. The images still haunted him if he didn't focus on keeping them away.

"G, you're not going to let him ruin this for you."

"He doesn't care who he takes down Sam." Callen felt the frustration and the fear for her rise. "I hated Hunter, yet he still took her. Renko, not that close, but we'd known each other for a while. When he finds out about Jessie-"

"G," Sam cut him off. "It's too late for that now. You care about her and whether you two go further or not, if he finds that out, you know she'll be in his sights."

Given Janvier's ability to generally be a step ahead in the game, Callen had no doubt at some point Jessie would end up on his radar.

"So how do I keep her safe Sam," Callen asked, "when I couldn't keep them safe?"

'"We didn't know what he was then. We do now and, if he does get out, and I'm not saying he will, we'll take care of it like always."

"What if he -"

"We won't let him."

Callen took another slow breath. Part of him agreed with Sam. Keeping her close would keep her safe, but the names on the list who had died because of him were many and he'd do just about anything to keep her from being added to it. The question was, could he leave her to do that? And if he could, just how far would he have to go to ensure she was safe?

The last day and a half avoiding her was painful. All of his instincts had him wanting to see her, needing to even. He'd stayed at away from his home to make sure she couldn't find him, crashed at a cheap hotel.

The problem was from the moment he'd started thinking that he should stay away, his mind started to fight against him. So anytime he'd slept since going under, mingled with seeing her trapped in a car or shot in the head there had been dreams so damn realistic and hot he'd wake up reaching for her, wanting her and, for a brief moment, positive he could smell her vanilla scent lingering in the air around him. Coming back to work and seeing her had been so hard, in more ways than one. Because those dreams came back vividly when he did and if he didn't avoid her he'd more than likely do something stupid, enjoyable but stupid, like find an empty room and drag her in there and see if the reality lived up to his dreams.

"Tell her G." Sam's voice pulled him out his thoughts just in time. "Tell her or I will."

Sam flicked the stereo on and Callen glared at him as Billy Joel's ' _Tell her about it_ ' blared from the speakers. Sam just grinned and added his voice to it. He had a sneaking suspicion the song wasn't a coincidence. Callen did his best to tune them both out. It wasn't easy, especially since the song repeated.

Callen's thoughts went to Jessie and their brief, but intense, encounter just now. Sam was right, she'd noticed he'd backed off and was avoiding her. The fact that she'd pushed and dragged him outside, fought to find out what was going on impressed him, and made it so much harder to keep up the fight. Then there was the look in her eyes. Determination, frustration and confusion all mingled there. But it had been the scent of vanilla that had been his undoing and taken almost all of his control away. He'd backed her against the wall, put his hands on it to stop him pulling her into his arms, and stared into her eyes as he fought against his own instincts to claim her mouth in a kiss that would take her breath away and leave her no doubt how he felt right at that moment.

He hadn't, but it was a close call. If Sam hadn't called out when he did, Callen didn't think he could've held back anymore because the heat that had risen in her eyes combined with the pull of her was so damn strong.

But Sam had and he'd left her with an answer that told her what he couldn't show right now, though he knew it wasn't enough. It certainly didn't give her everything that was bothering him about her, but then there hadn't been time and he hadn't been in the right mental place to give her anything more given where his thoughts were at that point.

Sam and the song were getting to him because the lyrics fit and as much as he wanted her safe, he didn't want to lose her. Didn't want to walk away to keep her safe. She did know what the world was like he lived in, though it had yet to affect her in a personal way, aside from them getting hurt. She knew the risks and yet she hadn't backed away. Janvier was locked up. They could put plans in place to protect her. He could have Eric to monitor Janvier closer. A smile started to lift at the corner of his mouth. Maybe...

"We're almost there G. You ready?" Sam asked.

Callen pulled his thoughts away from her and back to the mission. Nate was in trouble. Jessie would be there when this was done. He wouldn't avoid her again.


	77. Nate

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Without further ado - let's see what happens next. Again, this influenced by Head of the Snake, just like the previous chapter. There is a small part in italics that is taken directly from the show.
> 
> Enjoy. As always love to hear your thoughts on this.

* * *

Callen opened the car door and stepped out. With Nate was safe, his mind had swirled back to what had happened. He hadn't had a chance to talk to Nate to find out how he had that information, especially his real name. Someone had given it to him and Callen couldn't figure out who. He pushed open the door and walked down the corridor, his mind still trying to make sense of it all.

And then he saw her.

Jessie came towards them, concern and worry on in her expression, her eyes on him, not Sam.

The rush of betrayal slammed into Callen so hard he couldn't breathe. Coming towards him was a very likely who. One he hadn't even considered. Anger, confusion, hurt and disbelief joined forces with the feeling of betrayal and he reacted when she reached them. Callen had her against the wall, an arm across her shoulders and chest, in a moment. His stomach churned.

"Was it you?" Callen demanded.

Jessie's eyes were wide, fear flickered in them along with confusion and hint of pain.

"What?"

"What did you tell Nate about me?"

"I haven't spoken to Nate -"

Her words cut off when his free hand slammed against the wall beside her head.

"He knew things he shouldn't," Callen ground out. He should've known she was too good to be true. Too perfect and understanding. Since when did someone like him deserve someone like that? The depth of emotion tearing him up at the thought that she'd spent so much time getting to know him, finding her way in, and it wasn't real, was shatteringly painful. "He knew my name," Callen told her. "Someone told him and you-"

Her eyes widened further and she shook her head desperately. "No! I wouldn't."

"You have the clearance. You knew things. You knew."

The tears swam in her eyes and the pain Callen saw wasn't because of something physical anymore and that little voice in his head said screamed at him, _"What are you doing?"_

"Mr Callen."

Hetty's voice broke through the haze but wasn't strong enough to completely gain his attention. He didn't let Jessie go, couldn't stop looking into those brown eyes that he'd trusted, that he'd always felt like he could read and see the truth in. Even now he saw nothing that would tell him she'd played him. Was she really that good? He could feel her body trembling through where his arm touched and held her against the wall.

"Let Doctor Blake go," Hetty ordered firmly.

"G." Sam's warning tone and his hand on Callen's shoulder reached him more than Hettys' order. But Sam didn't wait. He pulled Callen away and broke the physical connection between him and Jessie. A unexpected flash of guilt flared when Jessie brought her hand up to her shoulder. It intensified when the emotional pain in her eyes overshadowed everything else. Then she was gone. Callen's heart pounded, his breathing was harsh and a sharp pain shot through his chest like a knife, over and over again.

"Mr Callen."

Callen turned to Hetty.

"It wasn't her," Hetty said.

Callen shook his head. "You can't be sure." The sense of betrayal was crippling. That she was the one to give Nate information all made sense. They knew each other. Nate had recommended her. She could access his files. It hurt like it never had before and he'd been betrayed more than once.

"G, Jessie would never -

"You don't know that Sam," Callen snapped. "Look what Nate did."

"Nate was undercover."

"He had me waterboarded, Sam."

Callen heard Hetty gasp and saw the look of shock on Sam's face at that detail.

"Mr Callen," Hetty said, "Be that as it may, Jessie is not Nate. Do you really believe after everything you two have been through together that she would betray you?"

"G," Sam added. "Deep down you know she wouldn't. She wouldn't do it to any of us, let alone you."

Callen closed his eyes. He didn't want to believe it, but the facts fitted. Yet, now that the intensity of his emotions had eased a little, and Sam's voice of reason was starting to be heard, it didn't completely fit.

"In your heart G," Sam pleaded. "You know."

Jessie had never given Callen a reason to doubt her. He was a pretty perceptive guy, had to be in this line of work, and it had saved his hide more times than he could count. She'd been with them for so long and shared so much with them and not once had anything she'd said or done not matched with who they believed she was. Callen took a slow deep breath and let it out. In his desperation to have answers, he'd jumped at the first logical fit of who had sold him out, fact wise anyway.

Sam was right, Hetty too.

But there was more to his reaction and Callen knew it. The moment the thought had crossed his mind that Jessie had betrayed him, he'd headed into survival mode, at least tried to. If he slammed up the walls and pushed her away the theory was she wouldn't be close anymore and it wouldn't hurt so bad. That had backfired spectacularly and now Callen had hurt her, badly. He knew how important trust was to Jessie and he'd screwed that up, perhaps to the point of no return.

"No she wouldn't," Callen finally agreed with them.

"I need to know you really believe that Mr Callen."

"I do, Hetty." If only he'd realised that sooner.

"Then I think an apology is necessary," Hetty told him.

Callen glanced down the hallway where Jessie had fled.

"Unfortunately, not now," Hetty said. "We have a few things that must be finalised post haste. I do believe a small amount of time to let things settle would be beneficial. It will give you some time to figure out how to beg her forgiveness. That was a rather large spanner you've just thrown."

"You hurt her G." Callen heard the disappointment in Sam's voice. "You said you wouldn't."

Callen didn't respond. It wasn't like he could say anything to that because Sam was right.

* * *

Cleaning the weapons usually helped Callen get his head around whatever had happened through a mission, but not today. He was having a hell of time trying to figure of how to fix the mess he'd made with Jessie. He was down to the last weapon and still didn't have a plan when Nate walked in.

_Callen looked up at Nate. "What the hell were you thinking?" Callen asked._

_"I lost control."_

_"You're lucky to be alive." After a moment Callen added, "Look I get why you did it … you got too deep."_

_"And I almost got us killed trying to prove myself."_

_"But that's just it, you don't have to," Callen told Nate. "You're already a part of the team but this team doesn't work if we don't trust each other."_

_"I guess I've got a lot to learn"_

_"Look we all do, that never changes."_

Callen saw the deep breath Nate took before he nodded and headed toward the door. Callen didn't miss the dejectness in the way Nate held his body or his stride. With a little time, Nate would wrap his head around what had happened and gain his confidence back.

Nate stopped and turned around. "You let Jessie in yet?" he asked.

Callen frowned. "I -"

"Come on Callen," Nate cut in with a touch of frustration to his tone. "If you don't talk to her she can't do her job."

"I talk to her. I just …" What the hell, Nate might as well know. "I screwed up too Nate," Callen admitted.

Nate frowned and stepped back toward him. "What did you do?"

Callen took a slow breath and thought about how to phrase it as simply as possible for Nate. "I let my doubts mess with my head. Doubted her loyalty when I had no reason to." He'd had no proof. Just little pieces of a puzzle that seemed to give a glimpse of the full picture. Callen should've known better, considering what they do, than to think that a few pieces of a puzzle was enough. You can't conclude anything from that little information, no matter how strong the facts seem.

"Is that because of me?" Nate asked.

Callen wasn't sure he wanted to answer that question. Nate had had a bad enough time as it was and it wasn't like it was all to do with what had happened. While Nate's actions had prompted his reaction, it was Callen's reaction and therefore the responsibility landed solely on his own head.

"It was," Nate concluded before Callen could say anything.

"Partly. You had information few had."

"Including her," Nate said. "Callen, I haven't been in contact with Jessie since I was here that time for Kensi."

"So how did you find that out? It wasn't that long ago I learned my name."

"Alisa. I tried to figure out how and who she got it from but I guess she didn't trust me enough to let me know. I had to use it. I'm sorry. I was in over my head and just trying to find a way to make it to the end of the day alive."

"I get it Nate," Callen assured him. "I'd have done the same thing." If he'd ended up that deep, but Callen had the experience that Nate lacked to stop that happening in the first place. Time and experience would help Nate, but Callen hoped that wouldn't included getting someone killed. He picked up the final weapon and put in on the shelf before he locked the cabinet and turned back to Nate.

"Callen do you care about her?"

"Of course," he answered quickly. "She's part of -"

"No," Nate interrupted and shook his head. "Not as a team member. I mean as something else."

It took Callen a few moments before he answered. "Yes."

Nate took a step back toward the exit. "Then I'd better go and let you find her."

"I don't know Nate." Callen let out a breath. "This was big. She's worked so hard to earn my trust and I … I'm not sure I can fix it."

Callen wasn't even sure he deserved the chance. She'd been loyal. She'd fought for him, all of them, in so many different ways over the time she'd been with them. Never giving up until she could find a way to help with whatever it was they were struggling with. She was still helping Deeks through the last remnants of issues from his torture. Sure it had taken some time for Callen to trust Jessie but that hadn't been because of anything she'd done. It had just been that initial phase of learning about someone. And yet it had only taken a moment for him to turn on her when her loyalty had been in question, and only in question because he hadn't been thinking clearly. He hadn't even given her a chance to explain. He'd be lucky if she spoke to him again.

"You can."

Nate's words gave him a touch of hope.

"She'll understand. She'll take you back."

Callen shook his head. "To take me back we'd have had to have gotten somewhere. We hadn't yet."

_Liar. You were somewhere. That's why it hurt so much when you thought she'd done it_. That little voice sounded like Sam this time.

"How long have you cared for her?" Nate asked.

Callen shrugged, not particularly wanting to try and answer a question he wasn't even sure he knew the answer to.

"That long huh," Nate said. "Jessie's a very understanding person, Callen. There is very little she can't forgive if you are sincere."

"How much do you know about her past?"

Callen had been curious about that for some time, and given her issues with guns, it made him wonder what Nate knew and why he'd recommended Jessie for a job where she was bound to come across them.

"Enough," Nate said. "I checked things out before recommending her to Hetty. I also observed her evaluation before she was offered the job."

"So you knew she had an issue with guns?"

"Yes. It was the only thing that we weren't sure of for her taking the role, but Hetty said she was happy to work around her issues because she liked what she'd seen with everything else."

"Makes sense." Callen nodded. "Hetty doesn't tend to let things stand in her way when she wants something." Like Deeks. She'd found a way to get him even though he wasn't ready to be an agent.

"I also knew," Nate continued, "this wasn't the kind of team, or environment, Jessie was used to working with but that it was the kind she would fit in with given the chance. Her loyalties aren't with blood, but with those who deserve it not because of some arbitrary connection. Plus, she needed you all as much as you needed someone to talk to. She needed a team and to not be so isolated. She'd needed it for a while."

"A family," Callen added.

Nate nodded in agreement. "Go to her Callen. Now. I know I've lost some of your trust but please, please trust me on this at least. Leaving it any longer will make it worse. She's lost too much as it is. She's strong but she's also incredibly vulnerable to those she cares about. That's part of what makes her -"

"Special. I know."

"I was going to say perfect for you but that works too."

Nate sent Callen a small, uncertain smile before he backed away and walked out of the armoury.

Callen flicked the lights off and headed to his desk to grab his bag before leaving. Torture he could handle, with his hands tied behind his back, (or duct taped to the arms of a chair), and barely bat an eye.

But this? Making amends with Jessie after he'd screwed up beyond belief? That had him scared.

Because he wasn't sure what he'd do if Nate was wrong.


	78. The Talk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's that time. Can Callen fix this?  
> Enjoy and I would really love to hear from you when you're done.

* * *

Callen held the pizza box in one hand and knocked on Jessie's door with the other. He wasn't sure she would answer, especially if she knew it was him. He hadn't called or texted. This was something that needed to be done in person and he was taking Nate's advice and not leaving it any longer.

The door opened slowly and that sharp pain shot through his chest again at what he saw in Jessie's eyes; what he'd done to her. There was pain and uncertainty in them. The redness suggested the tears had only recently stopped.

"I brought pizza." Callen held up the box a little higher. "All your favourite toppings."

"Why?" The pain in Jessie's voice surpassed what he saw in her eyes and the hope that Nate was right dwindled.

"Jessie I'm sorry. I-"

"You don't like pineapple on pizza."

"Can I come in please?" He didn't want to do this on her doorstep. She closed her eyes and he saw the breath that she took, slow deep and shaky.

"I can go get wine," Callen said, "Ice cream, flowers. Whatever it'll take. Anything. Just tell me." He wasn't usually one to beg but then he didn't usually screw up like this or have such a desperate need to fix things.

Jessie opened her eyes and stepped back, though she didn't say anything. Callen took the invitation without question as soon as it was offered. He didn't want to give her a chance to change her mind. There was no missing the extra step back Jessie took that made sure there was plenty of space between them so he wouldn't brush against her and the pain flared again. He hadn't realised how much he'd accepted the little accidental touches that were obviously a part of them. Seeing her pull away cut, not that he could blame her for that. Who wouldn't from someone who had hurt them like he had her?

Callen put the pizza on the coffee table and turned to face her. Jessie stood on the other side of the room, her arms crossed in front of her. A protective gesture he'd seen before - though not because of him.

"I'm sorry," Callen repeated.

"For what?" Her voice was rough and she blinked rapidly, no doubt to try and keep the tears at bay.

"I hurt you. I let my doubts affect my trust in you. I know you would never betray us."

"Do you?"

"Yes." Callen put as much confidence and certainty into that one word as he could and hoped with everything he had that she believed him.

"I rather die G." The tears fell as she spoke. "Than betray any of you. But for you -"

Jessie closed her eyes again but it didn't stop the tears that slipped from beneath to fall down her cheeks. Callen hated to see her cry and it was so much worse because he'd caused it. He managed to hold himself still when the urge to go to her and pull her into his arms almost overwhelmed him. He didn't think he'd be welcome that close yet.

Jessie opened her eyes, and headed to the kitchen. She came back with paper towel and pushed the coffee table further from the couch before she sat on the floor.

"Sit." Jessie pointed to the spot on the floor next to her. When he sat she turned her back to him. "Back to back."

Callen followed her instructions quickly. Right now he'd do anything she asked if it gave him the slightest chance to fix this. "Why?" he asked as he felt the warmth of her back against his. He could feel she held herself stiffly against him.

"Sometimes," Jessie explained, "it's easy to talk when you can't see a person's face."

Callen could almost feel the slight vibration of the words through their connection. "You don't get to see their reactions."

"No," Jessie agreed quietly. "But you feel them. You're connected and the reactions can't be hidden."

"Anonymous, yet not." Callen felt the deep breath in and out Jessie took. The tension in her eased a touch and her back softened against his.

"Something like that," she said. "You can pretend you're talking to someone else if it makes the words easier to get out."

Callen highly doubted he'd be pretending she was anyone else.

"It tends to work well with reluctant speakers," Jessie added.

"Who said I was reluctant?" He just didn't know what it was he needed to say.

"Who said I was talking about you?"

There was still so much hurt in her voice. Before Callen could say anything she started to talk.

"There's this guy at work," Jessie said. "I thought he trusted me… But I'm not so sure anymore. He was quick to think something that wasn't true."

"Jessie I-"

"No… Don't… Not yet."

Callen closed his mouth and just listened.

"But I get it," Jessie continued. "He's had some bad experiences with people selling him out in his past. Including today. But it wasn't me." She took another deep breath. "I don't know what else to do. I've been patient."

Callen felt the shudder through their connection and knew that she was trying to settle her emotions before she continued. He waited.

"I've given him no reason not to trust me. At least I don't think I have. I thought -" Jessie stopped suddenly and when she didn't continued, Callen prompted gently.

"Thought what?"

"That there might be more between us. There have been moments of almost, but something, or someone, would get in the way. Sometimes it would be a relief."

"Why?" That one slipped out without thought and Callen almost regretted except she answered and he was grateful.

"Because…." Jessie sighed. "What we have already is amazing and I didn't want to screw it up. I was afraid anything more might cause him to run. I didn't want to lose him."

"Maybe he felt the same way."

"I don't want to be the in between girl," Jessie said, "or the good enough for now one. I don't know if he's ready, or ever will be, for what I want … need from him."

Callen suspected that there had been deliberate thought behind her adding the word need. There was a message in it. He got it loud and clear and there was a corresponding leap in chest at it.

"You want it all."

Jessie sniffed. "If he doesn't trust me that's not possible. I don't want to be held away from him. I can't do it. Can't … care for someone who won't let me in. It hurts."

Callen got it. She'd given so much to others who hadn't given to her in return, or had only given her a little. Or who had thrown it back in her face and made her feel unloved and unworthy; not good enough. He'd heard it straight from her grandmother's lips and Callen had to wonder just how many times in those ten years she'd lived with her aunt and uncle Jessie had heard those words.

"It hurt so much today," Jessie said.

His stomach churned. "He hurt you badly."

There was a moment before Jessie answered. "Yes. But it was the emotional part that hurt the most. Not just for me but for him too. He seemed so scared … like his world was crashing in on him and he didn't know who he could trust anymore."

At that moment, when he'd lost it with her, she'd been right. He'd had no idea who he could trust and every person he saw was under suspicion. He'd even run through the possibility of Sam being the one, but that had lasted only a moment. If only the thought relating to her had too. If only he'd gone with the first instincts he'd had which didn't even have her cross his mind.

"I just wish," Jessie continued. "I wish he'd been able to hold onto that trust we had. Not jump to conclusions. I wish he could understand that what we have, the _relationship_ we have, or maybe it's had now I'm not sure, is true and safe and not a lie. And I wish he could know that even though he doesn't believe he can do relationships that he's very good at it. Because we're in one, even if it's not all the way yet."

There was no doubt she was hurting. Callen could hear it in her voice and he didn't doubt that there would be tears on her cheeks too. But there was nothing he could do about that right now.

It was the _yet_ that fired up Callen's hope. He knew she was right, they were in a relationship. There was the friendship and working relationship which were both great, but even with all the fighting against being more with her, he'd been there anyway. He was just too stubborn, or scared, to let himself admit it.

Callen felt Jessie take more than one deep slow breath. When the silence stretched longer than any previous ones so far tonight, he saw it as a sign she was done and took his chance.

"There's this girl at work." Callen thought he felt a small reaction through her that might have suggested a smile or slight laugh, at him using her line. It gave him a little more hope.

"I screwed up. Hurt her in so many ways." How did he explain everything that had happened today to her right now? This wasn't a session with the therapist. This was Jessie, the woman, not the psychiatrist.

"Today was a nightmare." And not just when he'd been with Nate as a hostage. "Someone betrayed me. Someone I trusted and then he had…"

Callen wasn't sure about telling her what Nate had done or had someone else do to him. But if he didn't, how would she know what he'd been going through. And right now wasn't the time for holding back. Not speaking up had been what had got them to this point. He'd had opportunities to move things forward, deeper, and he'd allowed things to get in the way.

"He had me tortured."

"What?"

Callen felt Jessie stiffen slightly against him but then she shifted and somehow more of her back was connecting with his, her head shifted to between his shoulder and his head, like she was trying to get closer.

"G?" she whispered and Callen heard the question in that one word.

"Waterboarded but I'm fine. Nothing I haven't been trained to handle." A tremor went through her.

"He had information," Callen continued, "that someone from inside had to have to given him. The only information I had at hand fitted with her." Might as well throw everything into the mix. "It hasn't been a great week. I've missed her. An old enemy reared his head before I went under. I can't stop thinking about her meeting the same fate as others at his hands. Between that and these last few days undercover as a guy who is nowhere near right for her it made me think I should walk away." Callen took a moment to think a little carefully about what he wanted to say next.

"I think maybe the part of me that doesn't feel like I deserve her or what she could give me, that I can't give her what she needs, grabbed onto the idea as an excuse to push her away. Partly perhaps to protect her but … More to protect me. To stop the pain before it hit. I do trust her ... More than anyone, but I didn't show it today even though she didn't even cross my mind as being the one until I saw her. I keep wondering why would she want to be with someone like me? She knows me … better than anyone … and still she stays."

Callen felt Jessie shift and glanced down beside them. He saw her hand on the floor within reach and took a risk. He moved his hand slightly and hooked his little finger over hers. He felt Jessie's breath change, become a little unsteady, but she didn't pull away and Callen took that as a good sign.

"She scares the hell out of me," he said. "What she makes me feel. It's so strong. There are no walls anymore with her, even when I tried to put them up today it was impossible. She's right there, deep. A part of me and I'm not sure I'll ever get her out. I don't want to but … what if an enemy finds her and figures out she's the key. If something happened to her… If they took her to get to me … What if I can't protect her? What if she got hurt because of me … or worse?"

Callen took a breath. That hadn't been easy to say, opening up, but it had been what needed to be said. If he was going to fix this, not lose her, he'd needed to let her know it all. He just hoped she understood because he wasn't entirely sure that he'd managed to put the words together right. "I don't know if I can make it up to her after what I did today," Callen added.

"I'm sure she doesn't think you can't give her what she needs," Jessie whispered.

"I wish I was sure."

"You won't know if you don't ask."

The spark of hope that had been growing now flamed bright in Callen's chest with her words though he had some doubts that he was interpreting them the way she was meaning.

"You want me to ask her what she needs?"

There was a moment of silence before Jessie answered quietly. "Why don't you ask her out?"

"What if she says no?"

"Then I guess you'd have your answer on whether she wants to move forward or not."

Callen took a slow breath and thought carefully. Perhaps there was more to be said for this anonymous thing after all. "What would you say if your guy asked you out?"

"Guess it would depend on where he intended to take me."

"Anywhere in particular that would help him get a yes?"

"As long as it wasn't a strip club he'd have a pretty good chance."

Callen couldn't help the smile that formed. He didn't even want to try to. It felt good after the day they'd had. This was normal, almost anyway. The teasing, the flirting. It might only be a touch of it but it was a start. Could Nate have been right after all? Was it possible she'd forgive him for screwing up? It hadn't been easy, especially opening up like he had, but she didn't seem to be dragging it out.

"Not a strip club kind of girl?" he asked.

"Prefer a private showing."

Callen cleared his throat and pushed the thoughts from his mind her comment had generated. He had a long way to go before that kind of possibility would come into play.

"I'll tell you what," Callen said. "I'll ask my girl out if you promise to say yes if your guy's brave enough."

Callen felt the extra deep breath Jessie took, then another one. He started to worry. Perhaps he shouldn't have phrased it like that. She wasn't into bets. And maybe he was pushing his luck given what had happened today.

"Deal," Jessie whispered much to his surprise.

At the sudden loss of support from where they'd been back to back Callen grabbed the coffee table to stop his tumble.

"Good night G. Lock up when you leave please." The words were hurried and by the time Callen turned his head to look at her Jessie was gone.

The pizza remained untouched and Callen confused. He was sure things were going well. Why had she run?

Callen rose, took the pizza to the kitchen, wrapped it and put it in her fridge. He stared down the corridor toward her bedroom, tempted to go down it, knock on her door and ask what he'd done wrong.

But then it hit him.

So much had happened today. She needed time. And so did he. Today had been bad and full of many different emotions. Tonight had been a step in the repair of their relationship, but just like recovering from an injury, time was also needed to heal between the treatments. He had no doubt Jessie wanted him sure before things went any further, given what he'd said. She wouldn't want to have him back off again after opening up. As Nate had told him, she was vulnerable when she cared and if he backed off again it would hurt her even more.

Callen picked up his keys and phone from the table and left. He made sure to switch on the light and lock the door behind him.

At his car Callen looked up and his gaze landed on Jessie where she stood at her bedroom window. He watched her for few moments before he pulled out his phone and called her.

She answered on the first ring but didn't say anything.

"We're not done with this Doc," Callen told her.

"Promise?" Jessie whispered and he heard the question and the hope in that one word. Hope, nervousness and much less pain than had been in it earlier.

"I promise Doc."

With that, Callen hung up. There was nothing more to say right now. But tomorrow was a different story. Hopefully tomorrow they would both be brave and take another step forward.

* * *

Jessie closed the bedroom door behind her. Her heart raced and her head spun with all that had happened today. She wasn't entirely sure she'd get everything straight in her head if she had a month.

Jessie moved to the window when she heard the apartment door close and watched for Callen to leave. The tears dripped down her cheeks slowly. She'd been reluctant to let them fall when he'd been here, not that she'd been able to stop them at some points, because she wasn't sure she could handle it if he saw her crying and took her in his arms like he had so many times already. She wasn't sure she wouldn't break in some way. That or cling to him and now wasn't the time to do that. They were a little bit broken and the cracks needed time to mend. That had already started with their talk. But there was only so much one could handle at once, which was why she'd fled when she did. The talk had revealed so many things.

Jessie saw Callen look up at her windows and when his gaze landed on her, she held her breath. The phone in her hand, she didn't even remember picking it up off the coffee table, rang. It was him.

Jessie pressed the button to answer but she wasn't ready to speak.

"We're not done with this Doc," Callen said. His voice gentle yet firm, a contradiction but perfect. Gentle in terms of volume and tone because he knew she was fragile, firm in terms of the promise. Oh, how she hoped it was.

"Promise?" Jessie whispered the question. She had to know the answer; because when Callen promised something he meant it.

"I promise Doc."

The tears fell harder with his words.

Callen hung up then, didn't push her for more; just gave her the promise that she needed to hold onto. She watched him get in his car and drive off before she laid down on her bed and let the remaining tears fall and hopefully take away some of hurt with them.

They were mixed tears now. Tears for the pain that, while easing, was still aching in her heart that he hadn't trusted her. Tears for him for what he'd felt and been through.

Hetty had been right of course. The light shining and letting her see all that had happened, and what he'd felt, giving her a different view of the situation.

And then there were those of relief that maybe this had been a catalyst for them. Maybe they'd needed something big to get them truly moving forward. This would certainly fit. She just wished it hadn't been something so painful.

Jessie did get where Callen was coming from. Betrayal hurt from any source but when it came from people you cared about, it hurt more. While she'd never had the kind he had, where his life or that of those he loved were on the line or in danger, she knew how a world could shatter when someone wasn't who you thought they were.

That Callen had come to her tonight to try and fix it, that he'd talked to her, listened and told her what had happened and what he was feeling, said so much. It showed that he did trust her. And he did that not just with words but with actions, and right now that was the most important thing, even more so than knowing he did want more with her too. She'd couldn't comprehend Nate doing what he did to Callen, betraying him like he had, even if he was to reach out for help, it was still so very wrong -

Jessie gasped.

Nate.

No wonder Callen had jumped where he had with her. Nate had been in a privileged position of trust to know things about Callen as the team psychologist. And she was in that exact same position, even without the rest of what was between them. She hoped Hetty didn't want her to help Nate through this, or talk to him because she wasn't sure she could given what he'd done to Callen. Perhaps not very professional of her but this cut too close to be able to set it aside.

It would've been easy to ignore the knock tonight and send Callen away. It would've hurt, but it would've been easier than facing what had happened with how raw she was feeling earlier when he'd knocked. And it should've been easy to write the letter to Hetty she'd tried to start - ten times - but she couldn't find the words that sounded right to explain that if he didn't trust her, she couldn't stay. Possibly because Hetty's words had kept repeating in her mind about things being different when they were in the light.

When Callen had come to her door, when the possibility was there that they could get through this, together, she'd jumped, cautiously but she'd still jumped. Hoped the light would reveal things weren't so bad. Afterall it had hurt more than she'd thought possible when she'd felt like it was over, that she'd somehow lost his trust, what was a little more? The pain couldn't really be that much worse if they tried and failed.

The knowledge of what Nate had done and how that connected with her, shifted things in her mind and heart. That kind of betrayal was huge and as much as she hated the fact that Callen had doubted her, it would've been hard not to have doubts about those around them, especially someone in the same position, no matter how you felt about them. And given the importance of trust and security of personal information in their line of work, that would've added to the difficulty.

Now though maybe, just maybe, there was a chance for her and Callen. Maybe the cracks would heal and fade never to be seen again. Or maybe they'd simply fracture further.

She wouldn't know unless she tried.


	79. Crushed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Was going to split this but decided not to. It does mean I can't guarantee the next chapter will be ready for tomorrow though. Still a lot of work to be done on it so if I don't *see* you tomorrow, I'll be back Monday. Have a great weekend.

* * *

Callen turned around when he heard the boat shed door open and close. A moment later Jessie walked in. Her gaze found his but slipped away quickly. He'd noticed she seemed nervous around him this morning. As much he wanted to find a way talk to her, work hadn't given them the opportunity. By the time Callen had arrived at the office that morning, early after a sleepless night wondering if Jessie was okay after their talk, they'd been brought into this case since the FBI wanted more eyes on it. There hadn't been time to talk about anything other than work. What Callen wasn't sure of yet was whether Jessie was nervous, backing off, or perhaps scared after their conversation last night.

Callen watched Jessie out of the corner of his eye while she listened to what they had to say about the man in the interrogation room. He and Sam hadn't had much luck getting information out of him. Kensi and Deeks were taking their turn now, though they seemed to be hitting a wall as well. There'd been a thoughtful expression on Jessie's face as she'd listened and watched the video feed.

Deeks and Kensi came into the room. "Either he doesn't know anything or he's a rock," Deeks said.

"Can I try?"

All eyes went to Jessie.

"Why?" Callen asked. "What do you think you can do?" Even he knew as he said it that the words were more abrupt and harsh than he meant them to be. Sam raised an eyebrow but didn't comment.

"I'm not you." Jessie's gaze skittered away and Callen wished he could turn back time just a moment and rephrase his question. "Maybe he just needs someone to talk to," Jessie said, "not question him until they're blue in the face. It's not like I haven't done it before."

"You don't do it a lot," Callen reminded her though he made sure his tone was as normal as it usually was.

"You think you can get something out of him?" Sam asked her.

Jessie turned to face Sam. "I don't know but isn't it worth a shot? What's the worst that can happen?"

Unfortunately Callen could imagine where she couldn't. He moved closer, put his hand on Jessie's shoulder and she finally turned to look at him. There were so many emotions flickering in the depths of her eyes.

"I don't want you in there alone," Callen told her, once again careful of his tone.

He didn't want her in there alone but he certainly wanted to be alone with her so they could continue what they'd started last night. He didn't want too much time to pass before they took another small step. There was a room upstairs that, if not for the nature of this case, he'd be tempted to take her there right now.

"He's not going to talk if you're in there as well," Jessie said. "I'll be fine."

She might be but Callen wasn't sure he would. He didn't say that though. The suspect may be cuffed, and had a reasonably good record of behaviour in prison - any altercations he'd been involved in were because of another inmate - but his reputation prior to his incarceration had been violent and dangerous. One small slip up had landed him a twenty year sentence. Even if that was almost twelve years ago now, Callen didn't want Jessie anywhere near the inmate, especially alone. The case they were working on right now involved those who had been put away with him, though not for as long, and they were out causing trouble. The FBI was getting desperate and running out of time to stop this before things escalated further out of hand than they already were.

"Worth a shot," Kensi said. "We've got nothing else."

Jessie nodded, turned and headed toward the interrogation room. Callen walked beside her.

"Don't do this," he said quietly. The knot in his gut told him this was the wrong tactic. They'd figure out something else. Unfortunately he couldn't be completely sure of why he felt this way. Was it to do with the case, the inmate, her or them?

"Stop," Jessie hissed. "This is my job."

Callen took her arm, firmly but gently, and pulled her around to face him. "No it's not," he said. "It's your choice to do this. You can be brave about this but-" He stopped. Now wasn't the time. Especially if she was going to end up in there. Callen saw the flicker of understanding in her eyes.

"I know what I'm doing with this," Jessie told him. With her tone and her words Callen got the message to the question that had been playing in his mind about her. She was scared. They were both in unknown territory when it came to what was happening between them.

Callen started to shake his head, "Jessie -"

"Let me do this," Jessie pleaded. "Let me help."

Hell, she wasn't an easy one to say no to. She was asking and Callen knew if he put his foot down and refused to let her walk in that room she wouldn't. She'd accept his decision. But he also knew that not that long ago he wouldn't have thought twice about letting her talk to a suspect or witness even if she didn't do it often.

Callen nodded and they moved to the door. Before he opened it he said, "We'll be watching."

Jessie looked at him. "I know."

Callen saw the trust she had in them to be watching out for her in the look. He was glad he hadn't screwed that up with his actions yesterday. He pushed the door open, more than a touch of reluctance, and let her walk into the room.

"You need us we'll be right here," Callen said, more for the man sitting at the table than for Jessie.

Jessie nodded and Callen turned his stare to the inmate who held his gaze as Jessie moved to the chair and sat down. Callen closed the door and returned to the main room, his eyes on the screen the moment it was in view, and refused to look away even as he joined in the conversation.

Though Jessie managed to get the man to talk, she wasn't having anymore success getting him to answer the questions they needed to know. She had glanced at the camera a couple of times but none of them had figured out what message she was trying to get to them about what had been said.

"It's not happening," Callen said after only a few minutes. "I'm pulling her out." Callen had barely shifted off the wall he was leaning against, the closest point he could manage to the room which also allowed him to see the monitor, when Jessie rose from her chair. In barely the blink of an eye the inmate was out of his seat and Jessie was slammed into the wall with his hands, still in cuffs, around her neck.

Callen moved and in barely a moment he crashed through the door, gun drawn with Sam only a step behind him. Time moved slowly. The inmate looked at Callen, a smug smile on his face. His arms were straight pushing against Jessie's neck. Callen heard a sound from her and without any hesitation he took the shot, instinct and skill made sure the bullet hit its mark exactly where it needed to go. The inmate fell to the ground and Jessie started to slide down the wall but Callen was there before she hit the floor. He trusted Sam would take care of everything else. Her hands were at her throat, her eyes wide and Callen could hear the difficulty she was having breathing. He picked her up in his arms wanting to get her out of the room as quickly as possible. "Breathe," he told her as he took her out of the room. "Slowly."

"Ambulance is on its way," Kensi told them as Callen put Jessie down on the couch.

Callen brushed the hair out of her eyes. "Breathe," he repeated. "You know what you need to do." There was panic in her eyes. He heard it in his own voice too.

"G."

"Don't talk. You need to breathe." Her breath kept catching and she made noises Callen really didn't like to here. "SAM!"

Sam's footsteps pounded through the boat shed.

Callen couldn't take his eyes off Jessie, every struggling breath ripped him apart. "Does she need you to help her?" he asked Sam as he shifted to give his partner more room. Jessie's hand stayed firmly held in his.

"Jessie," Sam put his hand just below her ribs. "If you can breathe slow and deep we can get through this."

That harsh sound came again and the band around Callen's chest tightened. "Sam," he growled. "Do something."

"G, it's better if I don't." Sam's voice was calm. It was a skill Callen always appreciated in the field but rarely didn't it affect him so personally. "She's breathing," Sam assured him. "She just needs to be calm and you're not helping."

Jessie squeezed his hand, her brown eyes huge and scared as she stared up at him.

"Ambulance is two minutes out," Eric's voice said through the computer.

"Two minutes Jessie," Sam said. "You can do this."

Jessie tugged on Callen's hand to pull him closer.

"G," she breathed.

"I'm here." Callen tried to keep his voice calm. "Don't talk. Just breathe. Like Sam said." He lifted his other hand and brushed her cheek gently. Her eyes closed and the tears slipped out. Callen brushed them away as she breathed with only an occasional flinch, the noise not quite so bad now she was breathing slow and smooth. Callen could already see bruises had already formed around her neck.

"That's it." Callen started to breathe in the same rhythm as she was. He heard the sound of sirens, faint and growing stronger and a touch of relief settled on him. Then he heard footsteps and assumed Deeks and Kensi had headed out to get the paramedics. Sam's hand squeezed his shoulder, but still Callen's eyes never left Jessie.

In a small space of time, Jessie was on the stretcher, an oxygen mask over her nose and ready to go. Callen still had hold of her hand and they were moving toward the door when he turned to Sam.

"Go G." Sam nodded. "Go with Jessie and don't worry," Sam assured him, "We've got this."

Callen nodded and stayed beside Jessie, grateful that Sam, and the team, understood where he needed to be before he'd had to say anything.

* * *

Callen sat beside Jessie's hospital bed, the chair close enough so he could still hold her hand. She'd been given something for the pain and had fallen asleep not long after, either the pain medication or the adrenaline crash taking its toll. Probably a combination of both. There was a nasal cannula in her nose to help with her oxygen levels given the difficulty she was having breathing.

A knock on the door pulled his attention from the bed to the door, his free hand automatically went for his gun but he stopped when he remembered he'd left it at the boat shed. Given he'd just shot someone in front of Jessie he hadn't wanted to put her through any more and had put it on the table before he'd picked her up. Sam had taken it back to the office and locked it away for him to get later.

Heidi, Jessie's boss looked around the door at him. "Hi," she said softly. "Can I come in?"

Callen appreciated the courtesy of the question even though he knew it wasn't really needed. As a doctor, head of the ED and Jessie's boss, Heidi had so many reasons to be here. Callen nodded. Heidi closed the door quietly behind her. It was a private room. Callen wasn't sure if that had to do with who Jessie was here, or Hetty, but he was grateful not to have to worry about anyone disturbing her or overhearing anything that was said. He'd directed the paramedics to this hospital, under the condition that they were sure she'd be okay for the slightly longer drive. They'd assured him she'd be fine and that it wasn't that much further. Callen figured she'd feel a whole lot better knowing those who were looking after her.

"She's going to be okay," Heidi told him as she took a quick glance over Jessie's chart. "I've spoken with the doctors who treated her. She's bruised, badly, though not as bad as it could've been since she wasn't held for all that long. I believe that's thanks to your quick response." Heidi put the chart down and stepped closer to Callen. "There's a small distortion to the shape of the trachea but we believe that will rectify itself on its own but we will be keeping a very close eye on it during her recovery. There's no sign of any permanent damage. She will hurt a good few days to a week and have a little trouble eating in the early stages. Fluids will be best during that time. Her voice will take a little time to settle too."

"Thank you." Callen's gaze had returned to Jessie while Heidi spoke.

"Agent Callen," Heidi said. He looked up. "She's tough."

"She shouldn't have been there. I shouldn't have.-"

Jessie made a noise and Callen stopped. He felt her hand squeeze his. Jessie stared at him with that look he knew very well.

"I'm fine," she said in a voice that was anything but. "You heard.." Jessie swallowed and grimaced a little.

"Don't talk," Callen told her quickly.

"Stop blaming … yourself."

Jessie looked from him to Heidi.

"You'll be fine," Heidi assured Jessie. "But I'll be the one to personally decide when you are ready to come back to work here. You're off the roster on medical leave for at least two weeks, most likely three. Your other job I'll leave in the hands of your team. Talking is going to be hard to start with but it will be an easier job for you to rest when you need to."

Jessie nodded slowly and Heidi turned to Callen. "Feel free to call me directly if you need to know anything or have any concerns." She held out a business card to him and Callen took it gratefully.

"Thank you Doctor," he said.

"Please, it's Heidi." She turned and after a quick squeeze of Jessie's hand left them alone.

"I'm sorry," Callen said to Jessie when the door was closed.

"Don't be," Jessie whispered very carefully but he still heard the struggle and roughness to it.

"Don't talk."

"Need … to."

Callen shook his head. "No you don't. You just need to get better."

"He…"

"Jessie don't." Callen couldn't stand the sound of her struggling to breathe and talk at the same time.

"Paper then."

Callen didn't have any paper but he did have an app on his phone that would do. He handed her his phone once he'd pulled it up.

_He was scared. He didn't want to go back to the prison._

"Scared of what?"

_Who, but I don't know. There's someone there he was more frightened of than dying._

Callen frowned and looked at her. "What do you mean?"

There were tears in Jessie's eyes. "He knew… you wouldn't… let any." Jessie closed her eyes in obvious frustration and went back to his phone.

_He knew you wouldn't let anything happen to me. He knew you'd come._

"I don't understand." Callen shifted closer so he could see what she wrote as she did.

_He told me not to worry. It wouldn't take long. I thought he meant what he was doing to me but he wasn't trying to kill me. He could've. He was strong enough to crush it completely but he didn't. He was holding back._

Things started falling into place but she couldn't be meaning what he thought.

"Are you saying he wanted to die?"

"Yes," Jessie whispered. "He knew you … wouldn't risk." Jessie swallowed. "It. You'd stop … him in any way."

"How did he know? And please, write it," Callen begged.

_Team. He used to be military. He knows about protecting your team._

Jessie struggled to control a yawn. Callen took the phone from her hands and watched her eyelids flutter closed and then open again.

"Someone in … prison scared him… Maybe -"

Callen put his fingers over Jessie's lips. "Enough talking," he ordered. "Go back to sleep. I'll let Sam know." Callen shifted so he could press a kiss to her forehead before he sat back down and sent a text to Sam, one handed. Jessie was asleep before he'd finished.

* * *

Callen walked back into Jessie's hospital room. She sat on the edge of the bed, her legs dangled off the side.

"You're not trying to get up are you Doc?" Callen moved to stand in front of her. She still had an oxygen tube in which wouldn't be removed until they were sure she was breathing well enough to keep her own levels stable.

"No. Just needed a change of scenery." She looked at him and smiled. "Much better, but … what's going on?"

"What do you mean?"

Jessie rolled her eyes. "G, I could you hear you from in here. Something's up." She took a deep breath. She was talking much better than Callen had expected her to be considering what had happened to her only this morning but if she tried to say too much she ran out of breath easily. He hated the way voice sounded but was grateful for the improvement she already showed.

"You up to putting your psychiatrist hat on?"

Jessie nodded.

"What do you think of Taylor?"

"Taylor? Geoff's team Taylor?"

"That's the one." They were one of their other undercover teams that dealt with the less critical and not quite so national security type missions.

"Why?"

Callen raised an eyebrow.

Jessie smiled. "I can't tell you what I think if… you don't tell me what … it is you want to know about him."

"May need to send him in undercover on his own."

"On his own, no back up?"

"Back up a reasonable distance away."

Jessie shook her head. "No, not yet. Not for something big anyway ... He's good but he still lacks some confidence after ... what happened a few months ago. He'll do what it takes ... to get the job done when he knows someone's ... got his back, but in isolation," she shook her head again, "he'll doubt himself. We're working on it."

Callen nodded. That's what he'd suspected when Sam had come to him with a plan. The FBI had managed to get a break with the case and now had it under control but in the course of it and looking into what had happened with Jessie and the inmate, there was more for them to do after all.

"Someone will always have his back," Callen told her. "It's just how far away it is we have to work out."

"Why?"

"We need to get in to find out who this guy was so afraid of in prison." Callen saw understanding in her eyes, that she knew who he was talking about.

Jessie nodded. "A guard?"

Callen shook his head. "You were right, there someone in there, running things, in a way. Eric and Nell have found enough to know there something going on. What we don't know if it's an inmate, staff or a combination, so we need to go in without them knowing."

"And Taylor's the one you want in?"

"He has an alias that Hetty can use to get him right to the area we need him in."

"You're worried."

Of course she would've picked that up. "Wasn't sure how well he'd bounced back yet. Plus his team's not as experienced as we'd like so back up will need to come from somewhere else." Callen and the team had had to scramble a few months ago to get to Taylor when a mission went wrong. His team had taken a major hit to their confidence, as had Taylor but then they were still a fairly new team, both in experience and time together. That didn't mean they weren't talented, Hetty wouldn't have chosen them if there weren't, but they were still going through a few teething issues.

"Who? Sam?"

"No. Sam's out because he's known to the staff there from a previous mission. If it didn't include the possibility of one of the workers we would. Deeks has been a part of putting some of them in there. No to Kensi for obvious reasons."

"You?"

Callen took a breath. "I'm needed somewhere else."

Jessie reached out and took his hand, pulled him a little closer. "G. I'm okay."

"I don't want to." Callen didn't want to go anywhere right now. Here with her, making sure she was okay and taken care of, was where he wanted to be. Along with finding the time to continue to talk through what had happened between them.

"But they need you to."

She did have him there because they needed someone with the skills he had to be able to be ready yet unobserved until he had no choice. He was the logical, and most experienced, choice.

"Jessie I -" Her fingers went to his lips and she smiled.

"This is what you do." Jessie lifted both of his hands to her lips and kissed the palm of each of them before she did something totally unexpected. She moved them and gently placed it on her neck. She took a slow deep breath before she spoke. "Don't let this be for nothing … I'll be here when you're done. Well ... not here exactly I hope." Her hands dropped from his and he shifted one hand away but left the other one there.

"Why?"

Jessie frowned. "Why what?"

Callen stroked her neck very gently with his fingers. "Why this?" After what she'd just been through, why would she put his hands right over where someone had hurt her so badly?

"Because, yet again we are facing an interruption ... and after everything we've just been through … I need you to know I trust you. Promise me ...you'll come back safe."

"It would just be as back up but I'd need to go in today. They'll put Taylor under tomorrow. I wouldn't be directly involved, unless Taylor gets into trouble he can't get out of."

"Which is all he needs to know."

Callen put his hands on her shoulders. "What about you? What do you need?"

"I'll be fine," she said with a confidence he could hear even with the rough sound of her voice. "They'll take very good care of me here."

"How long do you think you'll be in?"

"Tonight, probably tomorrow as well. Depending on how the levels are. Shouldn't be any longer than the day after. I promise when I'm home I'll take it easy."

"About that."

"Uh oh."

Callen smiled. "Hetty's promised to take you home with her. She has staff that will take care of you when she's not there."

Hetty had seen straight through him to one of the major reasons for his reluctance to go under right now. She'd assured him that she would make sure Jessie was well taken care of and protected, not that there was anything imminent that put her in danger, but it was still reassuring. He still didn't want to do it though.

"G," Jessie said, "I'll be fine at home."

"It's not negotiable. If I'm going in, you're going with Hetty."

"That's not fair."

"Don't you remember Doc? I don't play fair. I want to know you're taken care of since I can't be there to do it."

A knowing look came into her eyes. "You want to know I'm safe."

"That too," he admitted.

Jessie's eyes narrowed and a small spark of mischief settled. "So if I refuse to go with Hetty … you won't go under?"

Callen raised an eyebrow. "Thought you wanted me to do it."

Jessie smiled. "Never said that ... but I know you need to."

"We'll find someone else." He needed to be here with her. Needed to make sure his screw up was fixed.

"No you won't," Jessie said. "If there was someone else, you'd have already … chosen them. You really should go."

"Why?"

"Because the longer you stay here, the more likely I am to refuse to go with Hetty."

Callen cupped her face with both hands. "Now it's my turn to assure you I'll be fine."

Jessie closed her eyes and Callen felt the shift of her head against his hand.

"Jessie."

She opened them and looked at him.

"I promised you we weren't done."

"I know. Bad timing again … G I," Jessie took a moment before she continued. "I understand why you reacted … like you did. Nate's betrayal was so … easy to connect with me. I don't blame you."

"I hurt you Jessie."

"Yes it hurt. It's what usually happens when you are hurting .. You tend to hurt the ones you … care about the most. Perhaps that's a good thing … because those close can probably understand better ... more likely to fight for you and forgive."

Callen's thumbs moved gently over her cheek. "You're amazing. So very forgiving."

"You didn't mean to hurt me. I'm not going to … say that it doesn't still hurt. It does but … that's just going to take some time to ease. Knowing… what was going through your head," Jessie smiled, "You talking to me about it ... helped. If you hadn't … we'd be in a very different place right now."

"When I get back -"

Jessie nodded. "I'll keep you to your promise."

"Maybe I'll just kidnap you when I get back and go somewhere with no GPS or cell phone reception so we can guarantee no interruptions."

Jessie raised an eyebrow, mischief in her eyes for the first time in so long. "Threat or a promise Agent Callen?"

Callen chuckled and brushed a kiss on her forehead, now wasn't the time for anything else.

"What do you want it to be Doctor Blake?"

Jessie smiled. "A promise. As always."

"One day then. I promise."


	80. Jessie & Hetty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompted by some reviews on FF and written only late yesterday and today so perhaps not as polished as the rest but it hasn't been sitting in my head quite as long as the rest of the story.  
> Have a great weekend. Will see you back here next week to continue their journey.
> 
> Hope you enjoy. Love to hear what you think.

* * *

 

"Here you go my dear," Hetty said as she handed Jessie a cup of tea. "A soothing combination of chamomile, lavender and mint."

They'd just arrived at Hetty's after Jessie had been released from the hospital. She had strict orders to make sure she breathed properly and didn't over exert herself for the next couple of days when she'd have another check up. Her throat still hurt to swallow and to touch but it was definitely easing. The bruising looked so much worse now. Jessie had to admit that she was grateful for that Callen was undercover so that he didn't see it and have it prompt more guilt.

Jessie took the cup and smiled. "Thank you. Are you trying … to put me to sleep?"

Hetty sat on the couch opposite Jessie and took a sip of her own tea. "No. It is a relaxing and healing combination. Something I believe you could do with."

Jessie sipped the tea carefully. Surprisingly it was nice, though she did like the smell better than the taste.

"True."

After a few moments Jessie put her cup down. "Say it Hetty."

"Say what?"

Jessie rolled her eyes. "Whatever it is you want to say … to me." She was so close to be able to talk properly without losing her breath. Just a few more words from each breath and you wouldn't know anything had happened - aside from the sound of her voice of course. The first time she spoke after an extended period the sound of her own voice still took her by surprise.

Hetty put down her cup and took a breath. "Very well. Mr Callen cares about you."

Not quite sure she was expected to respond to that statement Jessie waited.

"I care about him," Hetty added.

Here it was. Not from Sam but from Hetty. "I know," Jessie said.

"I don't like to see him hurt."

"Yet you send him into, essentially, battle often and he comes out hurt frequently." Maybe she shouldn't have gone there but there was one thing she'd come to appreciate with her relationship with Hetty. Hetty preferred straight talk - even she didn't give it herself. And this was something where Jessie wanted no confusion in what Hetty was referring to.

"That's different. That is our job. It's physical."

"No Hetty," Jessie said. "It's not just physical and you know it. He just hides that other part well." Did Hetty really think she could swing that past her? They both knew there was an emotional side to their jobs. If there wasn't Jessie wouldn't need to be here.

"If you hurt him -" But Hetty stopped and Jessie smiled. She was actually quite impressed that Hetty hadn't finished the threat.

"If you truly thought," Jessie said, "I would hurt him, I wouldn't be here right now. You would've already had me … gone from the team and probably … on the other side of the country."

It was sweet and protective and everything she knew Hetty to be, underneath that tough exterior. She did get more of a look at that side than most given her role and Hetty had been, though reluctant sometimes, a reasonably frequent visitor to Jessie's couch in the office. Callen was important to Hetty, more than most knew.

"Why do you say that?" Hetty asked with an air of innocence that would've had Jessie laugh if she'd thought it wouldn't hurt.

"Because," Jessie said, "you could do it. I'm not planning on hurting him Hetty."

"He didn't plan on hurting you the other day but he did."

Jessie nodded her head in acknowledgment. "Extenuating circumstances." So much had happened, not just with Nate, but over the previous week their world's had been all over the place. The hurt still twinged but it was almost gone.

"That could happen again," Hetty reminded her.

Jessie put down her tea. "Hetty, what are you really worried about?"

Hetty put her tea down too. "I do not want his heart broken. I feel you could do it."

Honesty and straight talk finally. Jessie appreciated that. She stood up and started to pace because, while the conversation with Hetty wasn't frustrating, the situation with Callen was. There was so much that was just up in the air and a great deal of hope for what could be and yet again they were apart. Hetty was worried, had admitted it, and somehow Jessie needed to reassure her that her boy was safe with her.

"If I'm lucky enough that he gives me his heart," Jessie said, "I'll be protecting it with everything I have." Whether he gives it to me or not really, she added to herself.

"What makes you think he hasn't already done that?"

Jessie stopped pacing and turned to face Hetty. "I don't know if he has or not," she admitted quietly. As much as he had told her she was right in there, love was a tricky emotion.

"Have you given him yours?"

"Yes."

"Does he know it?"

"Possibly. Depends how well he reads between the lines."

Callen seemed to get it with their conversation at her apartment the other night. ' _You want it all_ ' But she hadn't said the three words that were hidden beneath them for the very reason she'd given him. What if they made him run?

"Mr Callen's heart is very well protected but damaged from everything he has been through."

"I know," Jessie said. "He's told me a lot about what's happened."

The talks weren't always big and most of them took place away from the office - off the record so to speak. Sometimes just a line that hinted at something. Sometimes it would be a much deeper conversation. Sometimes she replied and sometimes she didn't because Callen didn't necessarily want her to fix it. He just wanted to share something with her. She tended to grab those moments with both hands and hold them closer to her own heart that he'd share something so personal with her.

"There are many dark moments in his life," Hetty told her, "that he most likely hasn't shared with you."

"I wouldn't be so sure of that," Jessie replied.

Hetty's eyes narrowed at her. "What has he told you?"

Jessie shook her head. "Don't take this the wrong way but what he's told me is none of your business."

Hetty sat back a little and Jessie managed to keep the smile off her face. To shock Hetty was a very difficult thing to do.

"Trust Hetty. He has to be able to trust me with anything and that includes keeping his secrets from you if necessary." The world started to get a little fuzzy. Jessie put her hand out to the couch that was beside her and held on. She took a big breath in that hurt but she was desperate for it. Hetty was beside her in a moment and eased her back onto the couch.

"I'm sorry," Jessie said breathlessly.

"No my dear. I am sorry. This was not the time for this particular conversation. Do you need me to get the oxygen we brought with us?"

"No, it's okay ...I … just forgot to breathe properly… If I've learned anything ... from the way things with G and I ... have gone it's that things that need to be ... said, need to be said. You can't always … wait for the right time." Who knew what would've happened or where they would be if they'd pushed through and been brave enough to fight for the conversation they needed to have.

"Breathe Doctor Blake and stop talking. It can wait. Do not make me have to tell Mr Callen that you fainted on my watch."

Jessie smiled. "I'll breathe but you've ... got to stop the Doctor Blake business … Just Jessie okay."

She might as well take advantage of this moment with Hetty. She hoped she wouldn't be in such a vulnerable position again but it had to have a little bit of a perk.

"Very well. Now breathe … Jessie."

Jessie took a slow deep breath and then another. The world was no longer hazy. The conversation had gotten intense, and very important. Hetty was important to Callen as Callen was to Hetty and Jessie didn't want her to worry. With so much running around in her mind she'd forgotten that she actually needed to be sure to breathe in deeply which took longer because she couldn't rush it, which was why conversation was still jumpy with the breaks she needed to take to do so.

"Hetty, I … care about G … very much. Can you … trust me with him?"

Hetty took a moment. "There are very few people I do trust with him. But yes, I can trust you."

"Thank you."

* * *

"In the event you and Mr Callen move forward with this relationship, I feel perhaps we may need to revisit your job description."

Jessie swallowed the mouthful of soup, the traditional chicken kind, which was smooth and warm and slid down very nicely. She stared at Hetty for a moment. The abrupt change in direction of conversation a minor shock. Just a moment ago they'd been discussion fifties music and musicians, with Jessie finding out just a little more about Hetty's personal life than she probably needed to know. Admittedly Hetty had taken the drop, hint and cut approach to those revelations which left you not quite sure what she was meaning even though there was a very clear picture in your head.

"In what way?" Jessie asked.

"Do you feel you can still treat him as a professional?"

Jessie took a moment to think about where Hetty was going. This wasn't a topic to be rushed. She knew she'd already hit some hurdles that had been hard with him with what she felt. The submarine incident and Nate came to her mind easily.

"You want me to resign?"

"No." Hetty shook her head. "I do not. You are good for them and though you were brought in as a psychiatrist and emergency doctor, your relationship with the team is complicated and not traditional. It has become much stronger than I anticipated, which I am grateful for. As long as your personal relationships with them are not detrimental to your working relationships there is no reason not to continue. What I wish to know is if you can still do that once you shift into a proper relationship with Mr Callen."

Jessie almost chuckled at the thought, because she knew they were already in one, just not officially. However Hetty had a point.

"I will admit to having," Jessie started, being careful to take moments to breathe considering what happened yesterday when she'd gotten into an intense conversation with Hetty about Callen, "had some issues. Most of those came from … trying to hide what I felt for him … so as not to push him away."

"I have noticed some, shall we say unprofessional, moments with him also."

"He would never let this interfere with a mission."

"Yet he did."

Jessie frowned. "How?"

"He went with you to the hospital."

Jessie shook her head. "He would've done that for any of us."

"Not the way he did for you. He could've sent Kensi instead. Or organised for me to meet you both there and stay with you so he could return to the mission. He certainly wouldn't have stayed at the hospital as long as he did."

In her panic she hadn't thought about him being there. She'd just been grateful. She'd needed his reassurance.

"Did the others notice that too?"

"Mr Hanna no doubt, but since the rest of the team were more than a little worried about you, I do not think they thought too much about it."

"I -"

"You were scared, and rightly so. You needed someone. It just didn't need to be him."

Hetty was both right and wrong. While Jessie did indeed need Callen at that point, it wasn't that someone else couldn't have helped instead. And now things became a little more clearer as to why Hetty was concerned. She'd seen deeper than the others the connection Jessie hoped was there between her and Callen. And with Hetty's experience she'd noted the potential it had to interfere if they didn't put some plans in place.

"He still did the job," Jessie said. "He still went under when he needed to."

"Reluctantly so and only after making sure you were taken care of."

"Again he would've made sure anyone-"

Hetty shook her head. "With the others, he would've trusted that we would take care of them, as we would've with you. However, he felt the need to confirm it."

Another point to Hetty's concerns. But it wasn't one that would affect him doing his job. It just meant he needed a touch of reassurance that she would be taken care of. Given what had happened, and the situation between them at the moment, it was understandable and possibly one he could move on from when things were settled.

"Would you give up your job if you needed to?" Hetty asked.

"I don't want to," Jessie admitted truthfully. "I feel I can… still be there for them. I guess … perhaps it's something I need to think … about a little more now things… seem to be moving forward."

"There is one thing I would like to put in place as soon as possible."

"That would be?"

"You are to no longer do Mr Callen's psychological evaluations."

Jessie's initial reaction was a touch of hurt that Hetty didn't trust her, but she pushed that aside, knowing trust was a sensitive topic for her right now. Jessie focused on the why behind Hetty's request from a professional side. As a psychiatrist and Doctor, getting involved with a client or patient wasn't allowed. But as she had been told many times from many different sources what she did here wasn't normal. With them she was a part of the team, not so much an outsider looking in and treating them, but an equal, though not an agent, there to help get them through the days and the things they had to do.

The rest of the office and the other teams were where the more traditional psychiatrist role happened. She'd been warned about it from Nate before she'd even accepted the job that working with Callen's team wouldn't be like she was used to. The closeness of the team meant that the usual professional distance wouldn't work. Trust was a big factor and that couldn't be done at a distance, not in the way they needed. Lines would blur between friendship and profession and that was just the way it was. If she couldn't accept that possibility, then the job wasn't for her.

To be honest she'd been scared of the possibilities when he'd told her that. Being able to keep her patients issues locked away to their sessions had been a challenge but once she'd found what worked for her it had allowed her to help them better. The same for her role as an ER Doctor. She'd found her way to let go of what happened during a shift and it helped her do the job she loved to the best of her ability.

But then Nate had handed her a job opportunity that thrilled and called to her in a way no other had, and those skills she'd developed couldn't be a major part of it because she would to need to be more open and a part of their lives than she had ever been. In a similar way to what Carly had been for her when she was a child. That fine line between professional and friend had blurred then, for the better thankfully. Her experience with Carly had been part of the reason she'd ultimately said yes, though she had taken a good week of serious thought after that conversation with Nate to make sure it was what she was ready for.

Hetty had even spoken to Jessie too while they'd been working through her contract details. She'd made doubly sure Jessie understood that the closeness and issues that were faced when working within this environment created relationships that were outside normal parameters. As long as whatever those relationships ended up being didn't affect their jobs, Hetty was happy for them to progress. While she was a part of Callen's team, she reported directly to Hetty and officially didn't have anyone reporting to her. Normal given what her job was but Jessie remembered thinking that defining that specifically in her contract had been odd. Jessie studied Hetty for a moment. Could that have been deliberate on Hetty's part? If Callen wasn't her boss - No. Jessie shook off the thought because it wasn't possible. Hetty hadn't known her that well to be able to see something like that and plan for it?

Right?

Callen had become a friend and co-worker long before he'd started to trust her in the office as a professional, at least in terms of himself. The lines had started to blur that afternoon in the armoury. As for the rest of the team, they'd all had their defining moments of blur too. While Nell and Eric didn't tend to face too much danger, given they were in the office most of the time, they had been easy to take under her wing, almost like the little siblings she'd never had. A family had developed, one that she cared deeply for and would do whatever it took to continue to be there for them.

"Jessie?"

Hetty's voice pulled Jessie out of her thoughts.

"You're right," Jessie said. "As much as I … would like to think that I could be completely objective … having someone else do his evaluations would make sense."

"Perhaps together we can find someone Mr Callen can trust to take that on."

"I'll look into it," Jessie promised. "Though I do request … something myself."

"What would that be?"

"That I can still give my evaluation and opinion even if it's not the one that counts."

"Why would you want to do that?"

"Because then I can check on myself … To see if I am still objective enough."

Jessie knew she couldn't help Callen properly if she couldn't see clearly what he needed with the professional side of her. If all she could react to him with was the woman and her heart, and not the psychiatrist, then she would need to rethink. She knew that from what had recently happened with Nate. While eventually she'd been able to see what had happened and work through it with her professional skills, her first reactions had been from her heart. She'd need to figure out how to contain her reactions if she was going to continue in the role she loved. This was one way she could keep track of how well she was doing. She could compare her conclusions with someone who was fully objective and hopefully they would match without too much variance. She wasn't naive enough to think that she could completely switch off her heart and react solely as a psychiatrist, but as long as she could see what he needed as well then she could continue.

"You would give up your job if you didn't feel you could be that for him?" Hetty asked.

"I would give up my job if I couldn't help them anymore," Jessie corrected. "I may need to adapt it if I start to lose my ability to think clearly about their mental health."

It wasn't just Callen she was concerned about. The rest of the team were like family now and she knew that would make things harder. But Jessie also knew that because of who they were and what they did, they needed someone they could depend on and trust to get them through any issues that came from their jobs. And she'd become that for them. Some easily, some through trials of fire and one in particular through a massive amount of patience. It was very important to her that she find a way to be able to continue in that support capacity, alongside the growing personal relationships with them.

"That sounds like a wise move."

"Hetty."

"Yes."

"Thank you. For trusting me to be able to continue to be there for them as they need me to be."

"I don't doubt you can be there and will continue to be there for them no matter what. It is purely whether you can separate personal from professional as needed."

"I guess we'll see."

"We'll adapt where necessary if we need to."

* * *

"Thank you Hetty." Jessie set down her bag just inside the door of her apartment. "I'd offer you tea but I don't think I have anything that would be fitting for your taste buds."

Hetty smiled and handed her the container of brownies. "That is very kind of you my dear, but I will leave you to rest." Hetty tapped the container. "Remember just because you can eat now, do not eat them all at once."

"As tasty as they are, I'll be putting them in the freezer. Savour them little by little." And sharing them with a certain someone who Hetty had informed her had a liking for these particular brownies.

"A wise idea indeed." Hetty took her hand. "Thank you for letting me take care of you, even if you would've been fine at home yourself."

Jessie studied Hetty for a moment. "Did you bug my hospital room? That's what I told G."

Hetty just smiled and stepped back through the door. "Two more days and another check up," Hetty said, "before you can return to the office."

"Hetty -"

Hetty raised an eyebrow, the look in her eyes said it all.

"Two more days," Jessie agreed reluctantly.

Hetty nodded and left. Jessie closed the door and sighed. It was good to be home. Yes, Hetty had taken very good care of her. But there was no place quite like home. She took the brownies to the kitchen, wrapped and froze them. This morning they'd made them together as a little celebration that the day before Jessie had been able to eat again and not need to drink or sip all of her food. It was a special recipe that Hetty had guaranteed would be delicious but wouldn't share, so even though they'd made them together, that had only been after Hetty had set out all the ingredients without labels.

As much as they had discussed serious things, like Jessie and Callen's relationship and how they could handle it, the four days she'd spent at Hetty's had been relaxing and in places fun even. Hetty had a few movies that she'd been lacking companions for of late - apparently the old, romantic in particular, movies didn't go down so well with Callen - so they'd watched them, with ice cream not popcorn.

Hetty was probably the one of the team that Jessie was least close to but this time with her and her concerns for Callen's heart had brought them a touch closer, at least Jessie felt that it had. She also now knew she could talk to Hetty if she had concerns about her ability to do her job with the changing relationship. And knew Hetty wanted her to stay and would do what she could to help her.

Now, she just needed was a certain undercover op to finish.

 


	81. Finally

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all had a lovely weekend. Without further ado, let's see what happens Callen finally gets back.
> 
> Enjoy and would love to hear your thoughts.

* * *

Callen waited near the entry to the bullpen. Things had gone well with the prison mission. They'd found the man, correction men, they were after; an inmate, a guard and high level supervisor. Taylor had performed well and, while beaten up, was fine. He'd been extracted the evening before and Callen had feigned illness to get moved to the medical ward this morning followed by a transfer at the request of his lawyer to 'better' medical facilities.

Now the FBI had their information, plans were being put in place to take all of the men down in one hit and follow any trail that led higher up. Eric and Nell were working with them to ensure Callen and Taylor's aliases stayed viable if possible.

Taylor had been released from the hospital mid-afternoon and had been in with Jessie since. Callen had been debriefed by the FBI and arrived back in the office just after lunch. He'd only seen Jessie once, in passing, but he was patient. At least he had been through the afternoon. Taylor had left Jessie's office fifteen minutes ago and Callen was about done giving her time to write up notes. A little longer then he'd go find her.

But he didn't need to. He heard the tap of her heels and her familiar footfall before he saw her. He watched as she walked down the corridor toward him. Her steps faltered when she first saw him but she recovered. He didn't miss the look over his body she gave when she was close enough; that doctor one to check he was okay.

"Hey Doc," Callen moved toward her.

"Hey."

"I was hoping you weren't hiding out or avoiding me."

"Not exactly."

There was tentativeness to her answer and Callen pulled her in close. "Not exactly?" His hands settled on her hips.

"Wasn't quite sure what to say."

It was good to know that Callen hadn't been the only one the time apart had affected. Sometimes he'd felt like what had happened between them was part dream, part nightmare but not much of reality.

"You could say Hi, or I missed you, or …" Callen smiled. "Yes."

Jessie looked puzzled. "Yes?"

Callen didn't like that her voice was still off, but was pleased to see the bruises had disappeared. He'd been under a week and a half. Way too long but at least the mission had been successful. Sam had filled him in on Jessie's improvement when he'd picked him up early that day but it was nice to see it for himself up close.

Callen ran the back of his fingers carefully over her neck. "All gone."

"Yes." Jessie chuckled. "That's what you wanted me to say yes to?"

Callen shook his head and smiled that particular smile he knew she liked. It felt like forever since he'd had the opportunity to do it. "Have dinner with me," he said and heard her swift intake of breath she gave in response. To the question or the smile he wasn't sure.

"Are you … asking me on a date?"

There was nervousness in her voice, and if he wasn't mistaken, a hint of hope.

"Yes."

Callen shifted his hand from where it had settled near the base of her neck, on her shoulder, and ran his fingers over the loose curl of hair, tucked it behind her ear; the ear that had the tattoo which he deliberately let his fingers brush over as a little reminder to her that she could do anything she wanted. He hoped she still wanted this.

"Are you going to be brave Doc?" Callen's fingers continued to move down her neck slowly to return to her shoulder.

"Just dinner?" Jessie asked.

"Maybe a movie too." Callen grinned. "But definitely no strip club."

Jessie's smile grew, as did a slight blush. "Lucky I'm not a strip club kind of girl or I'd have to say no."

"Lucky me. So?"

She made him wait, just a heart beat longer than Callen would've liked but at least the answer was what he hoped for.

"Yes. I'd love to."

"Pick you up at six."

Jessie frowned. "It's already six."

Callen let his hand shift from her hip to the small of her back and started to guide them down the corridor.

"Perfect timing. Let's go."

"But ….I need to-"

Callen looked at her and raised an eyebrow in question. "Need to what? Get changed? No you don't. You look beautiful, as always." If his memory served him correctly, she was wearing the same as what she wore the first day they'd met. Deep green skirt and long sleeve white blouse. However, the hair was very different. Pulled to one side, yes in a bun, but not a tight one and with a curl or two loose on each side of her face. It wouldn't take much to have it out, but he'd leave it for now.

"I -" Jessie glanced away. The blush increased on her cheeks before she faced him again and smiled. "Alright. Let's go."

* * *

Callen walked Jessie up to the entry door of her apartment building and stopped. He pulled her close, his arms slipped around her waist.

"Thank you," Jessie said softly. "I had a wonderful time."

They'd done the movie after all. Callen knew an old fashioned theatre that showed a variety of classic movies. They watched Abbott and Costello's first movie, One night in the Tropics and then he'd taken her to dinner and they talked - about anything that wasn't work. Just like a first date. Sometimes it felt like things were backwards with them. They knew so much about each, deep and dark secrets. They'd gone away together, shared more than a heated kiss or two, though admittedly under less than ideal circumstances, yet here they were technically having just gone on their first date. But then they weren't exactly normal so why should anything about their relationship be so?

"Thank you for being brave." Callen tucked one of those loose curls behind her ear.

"We both were."

Jessie looked up at him, a soft smile on her lips and Callen felt her shift closer. A drop of her gaze to his lips and a lift of her eyebrow when she looked back to his eyes told him exactly what she wanted.

Callen smiled and started to lower his head. He stopped a couple of inches away.

"G?"

"Just wondering who's going to inter-"

And there it was.

Only this time it was a welcome one. Jessie's lips on his. She pulled back and smiled. "Now that's done can we keep going?"

Callen chuckled. "That's the kind of interruption I'm more than happy to have." He pulled her closer and brushed his lips across hers a couple of times as her arms shifted around his neck before he settled into the kiss. Their breaths mingled and her lips parted under his. The kiss deepened and everything else faded away. It was just them; the warmth, the taste, the softness of her lips against his. The depth of the kiss was much more than their previous ones. The heat from their bodies meant they didn't even notice the unseasonably cool night air around them.

Jessie pulled back first. She took a deep breath and then let it out slowly. Callen leaned his forehead against hers and did much the same.

"That was…" Callen wasn't quite sure what to call that.

"Yeah," Jessie whispered, "It was."

Callen lifted his head and ran one of his fingers lightly over her cheek. He was still trying to catch his breath. Her body had settled into his during the kiss and she hadn't pulled away. Her softness against his hardness felt so right and he didn't want to let her go.

Jessie's gaze caught his. "Stay," she whispered. Callen's whole body stilled at that one little word.

"Jessie I-" He wasn't even sure what he was going to say.

"I want you to stay," she said. Her fingers reached and traced his lower lip. She smiled. "I know what will happen if you do. You, me and not a lot of sleep, hopefully anyway. If you want, as a doctor, I can tell you in much more detail what I hope will happen."

"Doc."

Jessie's fingers went to his lips, this time to stop him talking. He wanted to say yes, pick her up in his arms, kiss her the entire way to her apartment so she wouldn't have a chance to change her mind. Because quite frankly, if that kiss just now was anything to go by, neither of them would be able to do anything more than feel and respond. Callen was struggling to comprehend just how far they'd come after everything that had happened recently. The kiss they'd shared, he'd felt it in every part of him and he hadn't wanted it to end. Except there was that whole breathing thing that needed to be done.

There was no doubt Callen wanted what Jessie was asking him for. He couldn't help but wonder though if she felt rushed or in a hurry to move things forward because of how long they'd taken to get this far. He didn't want this to be rushed.

Jessie smiled and took a small step back. "Door gets locked in five minutes." she told him. "Depending on which side of it you are on is where you'll be for the rest of the night."

She sounded so positive. Of course she would. Callen knew well enough, when things weren't messing with his thoughts, that Jessie wouldn't do something she didn't want to do.

"You know I have a key right?" Light, banter, that was where he was confident.

Jessie reached up and brushed her fingers over his cheek and across his lips. Callen closed his eyes briefly at her touch.

"G, if you need more than five minutes to decide if you are ready for this step tonight, you'll need more than six." Jessie stepped even closer and brushed a light kiss over his lips where her fingers had just been. "And that's okay." Her words were like a whisper over his lips because she was so close. "We've been dancing around this for months. Everything else is already there. But I'm not going to push you. I'm ready when you are."

Jessie took another step back and walked through the doors. Callen stood still and watched her. She turned and smiled before she stepped into the elevator and disappeared from view.

* * *

Jessie took a deep breath when the elevator doors opened and she stepped out. She'd done all she could and she wasn't going to push Callen to take this next step. Her fingers lifted to her lips and she smiled. That kiss. All she could really say about it was that it had left every other one they'd shared in the dust. And not a drop of alcohol was in the mix. Neither of them had had any tonight at dinner. But it was also the first kiss that was purely because they wanted it. Her body still hummed. She reached into her handbag for her keys as she turned the corner in the corridor near her apartment. She stopped and her breath caught.

There he was.

Jessie started to move again. Anticipation grew and her heart beat a little faster. The closer she got the more her body heated from the look in his eyes. She stopped in front of him.

"I guess you didn't need five minutes after all."

Callen turned the handle on her door and her lips twitched. He'd already unlocked it. He wasn't out of breath even though to make up the stairs and unlock her door before she got here would've meant he'd had to run. As slow as the elevator was, it wasn't that slow.

"Jessie," Callen's voice was low, full of heat with a dangerous hint to it, or perhaps a warning that there was no going back from here. "If we need anything for tonight, tell me now because once we're through your door, neither of us are going anywhere."

Jessie smiled and reached for his hand. "Got it covered." She moved through the door and pulled him with her. But he stopped just before he stepped over the threshold. She faced him and took step closer. "G, I want you. No regrets. I want this."

Callen lifted his hand to her hair and played with the curl for a moment before he answered. "So do I."

When he didn't move, Jessie tugged on his hand and he was finally through the door. She closed it and flicked the lock. Her handbag barely made it out of her hands before Callen pulled her into his arms and his mouth was on hers. Oh, how it felt like coming home, so familiar and perfect. Yet at the same time it was new, exciting and hot. He took her breath away but she really didn't care. Without breaking the kiss Callen picked her up in his arms and made his way to her bedroom. Her feet touched the ground and then his hands cupped her face. He finally broke the kiss and Jessie took in a much needed breath. Callen's lips brushed over hers once more before he pulled back.

"Where?"

"Top drawer." Jessie's fingers had already eased two of his buttons undone when his hands reached up and covered hers. She looked up and frowned which elicited a cheeky smile from him. Callen stepped back and reached into the drawer to pull out the box. He raised an eyebrow at her.

"Unopened?"

Jessie felt her cheeks heat.

"When did you get these?" he asked.

"After my birthday," Jessie admitted after a moment.

"Hopeful?"

Jessie smiled and stepped closer, a hint of bravery and mischief taking over. She took the box from his hand. "A girl needs to be prepared."

"For?"

She tore open the seal, pulled a few out of the box and tossed them on the bedside table. Callen raised an eyebrow and the blush heightened on her cheeks but she didn't let it stop her.

"You," she said. Her hands went back to the buttons on his shirt. "Only you."

Callen stopped her hands once more and pulled her flush against him, their fingers entwined and were now down by their sides. His lips brushed against hers, just a slightest touch but she felt it deep down to her soul.

"No need to rush Doc, we've got all night."

Callen let her fingers go and he cupped the back of her head before he covered her mouth with his and proceeded to kiss her more thoroughly than before. Jessie's arms slid up around his waist and she moved them toward the bed. When the back of her knees hit it she pulled back, somewhat reluctantly, from the kiss and whispered. "Please." It came across a breathless plea but she really didn't care. She needed more.

Callen dropped his arms from around her. The flash of disappointment she felt at the loss of connection with him disappeared when he pulled his shirt off over his head. Before her hands could take advantage he tumbled them back onto her bed. He looked down at her and smiled. "Told you all you had to do was ask."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Door closes here for those who don't want to stick around. Opens next chapter for those who want more. Assuming I don't chicken out from the stretching of my comfort zone.


	82. Chapter 82

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Given I've now had a few mentions on another site of getting back to the start of the story, I wanted to clear things up. When I started there was just under 60 chapters including getting back to the first scene and it's aftermath. As you can guess, things got a wee bit extended. I don't intend to go back to the start until the timeline of Callen and Jessie's journey gets there. The main reason for this is that I am still learning about Callen and Jessie, not only as individuals but as a couple and as I've gone deeper into their relationship I've learned things I didn't know at the beginning. If I jump ahead and then come back to the rest of their story, I wouldn't *know* them as well as I will when I eventually get there. Putting the prologue in in the first place was because I knew it was going to be a slow journey, and I wanted it to be known that they definitely made it through the trials that were coming -both planned and unplanned! So hopefully that helps you understand where I'm coming from.
> 
> And now, we get to the next bit - The part that has stretched my skills and comfort zone as a writer. I've only delved this deeply once before into this kind of scene, but hey, I want to get better and that's one of the ways to do it. So, for where I am as a writer, I feel I've done the best I can with what I've posted.
> 
> The first draft didn't include these scenes, but then I hadn't delved into their minds and emotions as deeply then and it didn't need to be. However, after everything that has ended up being in this story, not having this chapter felt like I would be cheating the story, the characters and the readers, so I was brave.
> 
> Warning: It's not graphic or explicit. It's heated but it's not just physical even if that's what's happening. There's emotion and a deepening connection between the two - well that's what I was aiming for anyway. You'll be the ones to tell me if I got there or not. Please, if it's not your kind of thing, don't read it. Praise/encouragement/constructive criticism are all welcome but please no flames.
> 
> So, without me interfering anymore, enjoy and yes, I'd love to know how you think I went.

* * *

Callen lifted his mouth from Jessie's. Her lips were pink, wet and slightly open. She smiled up at him. Callen felt the warmth of her breath as she took a deep breath in and blew it out slowly. She lifted her hand to his cheek. "I think I'm in trouble," Jessie said.

Callen smiled. "Why would you be in trouble?"

"You."

"The nice kind right?"

Callen lowered his head and dusted kisses across Jessie's cheek to her ear.

"The hot and breathless kind," she whispered. Callen felt the tremor that went through her when he nipped at her ear. The scent of vanilla was subtle but so very her. He pressed kisses all the way down her neck to the curve of her shoulder before he lifted his head.

"Then I guess we're in the same kind of trouble." Callen ran his thumb over her bottom lip. She flicked her tongue out and a shot of desire went right through him.

Jessie smiled. "Lucky." Her hand ran down his neck to his shoulder and he went right back to tasting the skin of her neck. His fingers found the buttons on her shirt and when he sucked on a spot on her neck Jessie arched against him. A moan rumbled through her throat. The need that it conveyed was music to Callen's ears and his heart.

A shot of guilt hit him quickly and Callen lifted his head. "You okay?"

Jessie frowned. "Okay?"

Callen gently ran his fingers over her neck. "Does it still hurt?"

"No, doesn't hurt." Jessie smiled. "Do it again. I'll prove it."

Callen wasn't stupid enough to turn down that kind of invitation. The vibration against his lips from her throat and the moan sent a bolt of fire through his veins. The last button finished, with fingers that trembled just a touch with the need she created in him, Callen nudged her shirt off one shoulder and continued his exploration of her skin; soft, smooth and warm. He lifted his head and his eyes followed his finger as it traced the strap of her bra all the way down across the top over the curve of her breast, the softness of her skin a contrast to the slight roughness of the lace.

"Purple? That's three." It was a light purple, not deep enough to show through the white shirt.

"Disappointed it's not blue?"

Callen grinned and shook his head. His finger finished tracing one side, dipped into the valley between before repeating the action for the other. "Never disappointed in you Doc. I'm still waiting though for you to show the blue."

Jessie's breath stilled when his hand went lower and cupped her breast. With a flick of his thumb across the already hard peak her eyes closed and her body arched again.

"G," she breathed. His hand moved back up and he shifted the strap off her shoulder.

"What other colours are you hiding?" Callen's lips trailed from the outer edge of her shoulder in toward the curve of her neck where he dipped to trace her collarbone with his tongue. He had a new favourite flavour. It even beat chocolate ice cream. Jessie groaned and then, to his surprise, shifted suddenly and Callen was on his back with Jessie straddled above him. Now it was his turn to groan.

Jessie smiled. "Never really was a girl who could decide on a favourite colour. Lucky for me, I've had some extra cash of late."

Callen's hands went to her waist and, with a little tug, the shirt fell down her back. Jessie pulled her arms out and tossed it away before she leaned over him and looked down into his eyes. Callen's hands drifted to her hips, up past the dip of her waist to settle at the bottom of her ribs. The woman was so damn beautiful. The depth of emotion in her eyes for him was hard to believe even though it was right there for him to see. All for him. It blew his mind that someone like Jessie cared about him, especially since she knew him, darkness and all.

"Guess I'll have to wait and find out." Callen lifted a hand to her shoulder and his fingers nudged the other strap off. "Or maybe I'll just check your drawer to see."

"Don't do that," she said with a wicked smile. "Think how interesting it will make the time at work until you figure it out."

Callen groaned again. "Not fair Doc." A part of his mind went to the possibilities and he knew coming in to find her in the office wouldn't be the same again.

"Trust me," Jessie whispered and leaned down to brush a kiss over his lips before she added, "Not worth checking the drawers. Very different look off than on."

Callen's hands slid up her back and pulled her down, his lips caught hers just as his fingers found the hooks on the bra and undid them. The kiss was hot and thorough and as it slowly came to an end, he caught her bottom lip between his teeth and felt the tremor that went through her.

"I'm sure they do." Callen ran his fingers down her arms to follow the path the straps had just taken when the bra had fallen against him.

Jessie shook her head, as if to clear her mind. "Are we talking about the same thing?"

"Maybe, though right now, not really feeling like talking." Her skin was so tempting. It felt like it heated under his fingers and she shifted, ever so slightly into his touch each time. Being detail oriented had its benefits.

Jessie sat up and the bra went the way of the shirt before she came back quickly to kiss him. The feel of the kiss fought for supremacy in his mind against the new feeling of her body against his with nothing in between. Her lips left his much quicker than he'd like but when she pressed them to his neck he figured he'd was okay with it after all.

Callen closed his eyes and enjoyed the feel of her lips on him as she moved lower to his chest. The soft tips of her fingers drifted over his skin, traced each of his scars before her lips followed the same path and the warmth of her breath caressed his skin. His reaction to her touch so different than when she was checking him for injuries; her touch was so much more personal and arousing, yet just as caring. Her fingers found his belt and Callen let her undo it but caught her hand when she pressed it against his hardness beneath the zip. His body reacted strong and fast and his breath halted at that simple touch even through the layers. He pulled her back up his body, felt her settle against him.

"Might need to go a little slower," he said, "or we'll be done sooner than I'd like. I want to savour this time."

"We've got the rest of the night for that," Jessie whispered against his lips before she kissed him, a desperation hinted at in the passion she put into it. Callen's hands went into her hair and he held her there as they battled to dominate a kiss that was sending their bodies up in flames. At least he hoped hers was just as hot as his. They broke apart, his chest heaved and her breasts brushed against his chest as they both tried to regain their breath. Forehead to forehead they breathed slow and deep together.

"Doc."

"Yeah."

That one word held so much in it and he knew she was just affected as he was.

"Not sure slow's gonna work after all," Callen told her. "Not if you keep kissing my like that."

Her gentle laughter reached his ears and he smiled.

"Then maybe," Jessie said, "we'd better do something about these clothes, because I really, _really_ like kissing you like that." She proved it by doing it all over again and almost destroying what little of Callen's control remained. His hands went to her hips, lifted her off him and broke the kiss. She pouted and damn if he wasn't a hair's breadth from pulling her straight back into another kiss, but that wouldn't solve the dilemma of clothing. As much as he didn't want space between them, the rest of their clothes had to go.

Callen rose from the bed and his fingers went to the button on his pants, but Jessie's hands stopped him.

"Jessie," he warned.

"I'll behave." There was a sparkle in her eyes that Callen wasn't sure he trusted completely.

"Behave?" The button released under her fingers. "Not so sure I believe that," Callen said. Just the brush of the backs of her fingers against his stomach as she'd undone the button had brought him closer to the edge.

"Maybe not behave exactly." Jessie smiled as she slid the zip down slowly. Callen closed his eyes and his focus went to her touch; a touch that was much more than just about physical pleasure. In every brush of her fingers on his skin he'd felt a promise in it.

"But," Jessie added. "I won't do anything you won't enjoy." There was something in her voice, something intimate and just for them. He hadn't heard that before. At the same time it heated the blood rushing through his veins and his body, it also reached deep down into his heart and he felt … safe.

Callen pulled her off the bed and held her tight against him; trapped her hands where they were at the bottom of the zip. Bad timing … maybe but she must've sensed something since she didn't take advantage of it. Callen let out another slow breath.

"Now that," he said, "I definitely believe."

Callen stepped back, toed off his shoes and kept his eyes on hers as he slid both his pants and boxers down and off. He took his socks off with the same motion, a skill he'd learned a long time ago for when quick changes were necessary but had never really thought of them coming in useful in this situation. He straightened and watched Jessie's eyes travel over his now naked body, the heat from her gaze affected him almost as much as her touch did. She took a deep, somewhat shaky breath, that small action told him so much, and her eyes came back up to his, a even deeper brown than before. Jessie stepped forward and his body leapt in anticipation as her hands travelled down his chest and then one finger ran gently over his hard length before her hand closed around him. Callen closed his eyes and tried to breathe, tried to keep a reasonable amount of control but the way she made him feel as she touched him was all he could think about it didn't take much longer for his control to shatter.

Callen pulled her close and kissed her; tried to tell her everything he couldn't with that kiss. How much he wanted her, needed her and hopefully, how much she meant to him, because he didn't have the experience in his life to find the right words for this moment.

It wasn't just physical. This was way more than simple physical attraction and sex. He'd had that. This was something entirely different - a world apart if that was possible. The heat had been building between them for a long time as had the depth of the relationship and the trust. Something he'd never had before and this feeling was beyond anything he'd ever dreamed possible.

The need to touch her overwhelmed Callen. He needed to know that she felt as strongly as he did in this moment, to share with her that intense feeling and to soak in what the other was giving them through their touch.

Somehow Callen's fingers found the zip on Jessie's skirt even as he continued to pour everything he had into the kiss. He felt the skirt land on his feet and then he pulled his mouth from hers to trail kisses all the way down her body; along her jaw to her neck, across her shoulder and back to follow her collarbone and then down her body to her belly button. His fingers hooked into her underwear. Where he got the control from to not rip them from her body he wasn't sure, maybe because they matched the bra and he wouldn't mind seeing her in them later. He eased them down and from her body. He wasn't quite sure where her shoes had ended up but it was one less thing to have to remove. His fingers dusted over her skin from her ankles up her calves, along the inside of her knee and thigh, higher to that point where he wanted to be and, if her reaction was anything to go by, she craved it as much as he did. Her fingernails dug into his shoulders, her breath shallow and fast. Her knees almost gave out as his fingers slid between her legs to find her warm, wet and very much ready for him. In an effort to gain just a touch of control, Callen brought both his hands up to her face and stared into her eyes. Eyes so rich and brown and warm, full of emotion and need - for him. For them like this, together in every way - finally. He kissed her again but this time it was a gentle brush of his lips over hers, followed by a kiss to the eyelids that had drifted closed at his touch.

"G, please," Jessie begged. "Savour a little faster."

Callen lowered her to the bed, reached for the foil packet and settled beside her. Jessie took the packet from his hand and with slightly unsteady hands dealt with the condom quickly. He was grateful she didn't take too long because the feel of her fingers sliding it over the length of him took him dangerously close to coming apart in her hands. She shifted and straddled him, her heat right there, ready for him.

Callen stared up at her, took some deep breaths to give him a touch of control back as she slowly took him into her body. His fingers gripped her hips to stop her as her heat and tightness, and that feeling of being right where he was meant to be, almost had him there again. Jessie smiled, a hint of satisfaction mingled with the heat in her eyes.

"Think I might be the one in trouble Doc," Callen managed to say. He hoped the grip on her hips didn't leave bruises but if she moved again, he wasn't sure he would last.

Jessie didn't say anything but her look turned a little less cheeky and a touch more serious, though the heat in her eyes still blazed. Before he could think too much about what was behind it, given he wasn't really capable of thinking at all with her over and around him, Jessie lifted her hands to her head. His gaze travelled up her body but even with the rather tempting view of her body above his, his gaze was drawn further up and their eyes locked. Jessie slowly pulled out the pins and the band that held her hair back. It tumbled down in waves over her shoulders and around her face. Then she leaned over him, the shift taking him deeper inside but he was more mesmerised with what she'd just done and her coming closer. Jessie brushed her lips over his and her hair fell to either side of them, a wall of rich auburn that blocked out the world and brought the focus even tighter onto just the two of them. Callen lifted his hands and slid his fingers through the soft, silky strands and deep into the hair at the back of her head. He pulled her close and kissed her. Their tongues danced, stroked and explored as the heat steadily built well beyond anything that had been between them before. The rest of their bodies stayed perfectly still, locked in an embrace that was just perfect. Through the kiss they sent a message to each other that came across loud and clear, even through the heat of passion. Hers of total trust in him. His of acceptance of the gift, that trust, she'd given him, and a promise from both of them to the other that this was just the start of something wonderful.

As the kiss eased, the rest of Callen's body came into focus and he felt Jessie shift; she moved up and down along his hard length and his body arched into hers and he was close to giving over to the need to let go. But he had no intention of hitting that peak on his own this first time. The desire and need he felt to have them reach that height together gave him enough control to flip them and sink deeper into her body. Jessie's legs wrapped around his hips and he felt impossibly close to her, couldn't feel where he ended and she began. Callen raised up and watched the emotions and heat swirl in her eyes as he moved slowly; the position gave him more control to hold back from the edge until she was ready to come with him. Callen felt the first flutters of her body around him and watched Jessie's eyes close and her head arch back. Her mouth was slightly open and her breath came in pants. The small sounds she made gave him a great deal of satisfaction. Callen brushed his lips over her ear and down her neck. Jessie's fingers dug into his shoulders. He opened his mouth right over where her pulse pounded, teased and sucked on the skin there. She gasped his name. The power of her orgasm hit and with two deep thrusts he was there with her; his mind was blank of anything but the power of what was happening between them.

Weak yet exhilarated he collapsed, with just enough strength to keep all his weight from being on her. Every breath he took was filled with her scent. He flicked his tongue and tasted the skin of her neck; the vanilla seemed heightened with the heat and saltiness of her skin. Callen raised himself up so he could look at her. Jessie's eyes were closed and a smile lifted at the corners of her mouth. Her cheeks were flushed and Callen could see the marks he'd left on her neck and something about it stirred him deep inside. He brushed a kiss over her bottom lip and her smile got bigger. One of his own formed and then he leaned in close to her ear.

"So, good or a bad thing?" he whispered.

Jessie's fingers drifted up his back, her nails lightly scratched his skin. Callen lifted his head again and saw the smile and sparkle in her eyes.

"I don't think good quite covers that." She was just as breathless as he was.

Callen traced her bottom lip with his thumb. "What's the chance I reached manly?"

Jessie laughed softly. "I don't know," she said. "I've grown rather fond of the adorable description."

Callen shifted his hips a little and caught her in just the right place to take advantage of the tremors that still through her.

"Strong, hot, charming … very talented, sexy." Jessie reached up to his face and trailed her fingers across his whisker-rough cheek. "Mine." It was almost a question. There was a touch of hesitancy to it. Callen lifted his hand and caught her hand against his cheek.

"Yours," he assured her and then turned his head to press a kiss to the palm of her hand.

Jessie smiled. "Well, I guess I could use manly but I think we'll see how next time goes first."

Callen chuckled. "You want to go again… Now?"

"Well I do need to be sure." There was a serious look to her face, except her eyes. "I'd hate to use the wrong word to describe you."

Callen lowered his head and brushed his lips over hers. Jessie's hand slipped to the back of his head and kept him still as she kissed him. A gentle trace of her tongue over his bottom sought permission and he gave it. This time this kiss was slow, deep and full of promises. And yet again, breathtaking. Callen pulled back and took a deep breath.

"Give me a minute," Callen said.

"Only a minute?" she teased.

Callen smiled and dropped a quick kiss on her lips before he carefully eased off her.

"With you Doc, not sure I'll even need that much." He headed to the bathroom to clean up. When he returned she was still on her back but had pulled the sheet over her. He leaned against the door frame and studied her. He didn't think he'd ever felt this lucky in his life. To have her care for him, want him and fight as hard as she had for him. Especially with her compassion and forgiveness over a certain recent event. It surpassed even how lucky he'd felt that day Hetty had saved him.

Jessie's eyes were closed. A satisfied smile, one Callen hoped he could bring about frequently, on her lips. The sheet draped over her body, the woman had a thing for soft material, and though it covered her from just below the shoulders all the way down, it didn't do a thing to hide the shape of her from him. He knew that body well enough already to be able to picture her. He also had every intention of knowing it much more thoroughly by the time the night was over.

"You still like doorways," she said.

"This view's the best one yet."

Jessie opened her eyes and her gaze roamed over him. Her smile grew. "I think I'd have to agree with that."

Callen moved to the bottom of the bed and tugged the sheet off her body. He took his time to run his gaze from her toes all the way up to her eyes, his body more than eager to explore and work on proving his manliness again. He grinned.

"Now." Callen leaned down and kissed the side of her foot, trailed kisses and toward her ankle. "I get to savour slowly." He continued up her lower leg, the fingers of one hand trailing in the same location as his lips on the other leg, to the inside of her knee where he paused and sucked on the sensitive skin there. He felt her shift restlessly on the bed, heard her breathing change and smiled. He knew enough to read her body's signals. This was going to be one very enjoyable night.

"You can try," Jessie whispered.

Callen lifted his head. The heat in Jessie's eyes flared hot. He smiled and went back to the opposite knee and treated it to the same attention as the other one before he continued up the inside of her thigh; kisses, flicks of his tongue and a moment near the top to mark her as his. She didn't seem to mind, if anything the way she moved and whimpered when he stopped, told him she was more than happy with his unexpected primitive urges. Just before he reached the top of her thigh Callen shifted to the outside and moved to her hip. He didn't miss the groan of frustration which pushed at his control but this time, oh this time he was determined to take it slow and have her at his mercy and possibly even begging more than she already had. And then, if she wanted, she could have her turn. He wouldn't mind a bit. Over the hip, across the stomach and up the middle of her body he went, all the while kissing, nipping and caressing as his fingers learned the curves of her body more thoroughly. His hands caught hers and held them by her head when Jessie tried to take over. Callen took his time at her collarbone, up her neck, left a very definite mark just below her ear and then pressed soft kisses across her cheek and before he lifted his head. He smiled down at her. "I intend to do more than try."

And he started with her mouth.

* * *

Jessie woke slowly to the weight of Callen's arm around her waist and his warm body tucked against her back. She felt happy, safe and content. It wasn't the first time she'd woken like this with him, yet this morning it was so very different to before. And not just because of the lack of clothing. Callen's breath drifted evenly over the skin of her shoulder. He was still asleep with his hand, warm and comforting, over her stomach. She smiled.

Limbo was well and truly over.

The night had been perfect. From the movie to dinner to him staying and everything that came after. Including waking up from a rather heated dream to find him right beside her watching her. The flush of embarrassment was quickly gone when he pulled her close, kissed her and then proceeded to take her where the dream had promised but hadn't fulfilled.

She was exhausted in the most satisfied way. Her body ached in places but she wouldn't have a changed a thing about last night. His touch held so much that he didn't say. She hoped one day he'd be ready to hear the words she desperately wanted to tell him but until then, she'd just have to show instead.

His breath changed and came a little faster across her shoulder. His thumb moved over the skin of her stomach, with a just the faintest brush on the underside of her breast. That was it took to start her body to heat in anticipation of more and the exhaustion to slip into the background. The brush of his lips on her shoulder had a sigh escape her lips.

"Morning." His words were soft and she felt them more than she heard them.

"Morning," she murmured. With a slight shift of her head she looked back at him and smiled. Callen's arm tightened around her waist and then, with a twist he had turned so her front was against his. His lips brushed hers.

"Get enough sleep?" he asked.

Jessie chuckled and her fingers settled on his shoulder. "For now."

Callen's fingers ran up her spine and Jessie arched at the touch.

"Hungry?" Callen asked but then he had to go and trail kisses over her cheek and down her neck and steal her thoughts.

"Yes," she breathed.

Callen stopped and started to move away.

"Hey!" she protested quickly and caught his arm.

Callen looked at her with a cheeky grin. "Yes?"

Jessie rolled her eyes at the innocence to the word. "Where are you going?"

"Kitchen."

She tugged him back, the motion brought him over her and he looked down into her eyes.

"Didn't say I was hungry for food." Jessie slid her hand behind his neck and pulled him down for a kiss.

Somehow though it wasn't her leading the kiss even though she had started it. Callen took over the moment her lips had touched his and very quickly had her whole body on fire, desperate for his touch, yet all he'd done was kiss her. His hands hadn't done a thing.

Callen lifted his head and cleared his throat. "I think we need a little something to help keep our energy up."

Jessie raised her eyebrows and shifted her leg against him. "Really? You seem just fine in respect to up."

Callen's lips twitched when her stomach rumbled. He dropped a quick hard kiss on her lips before he rolled away too quickly for her to stop him this time.

"Seems like someone's hungry after all."

Jessie sighed and admitted, "In more ways than one."

"I think I can satisfy both with time." Callen pulled on his boxers and headed the door. "Any preference?"

"You."

Callen chuckled. "In time Doc. I promise. Guess I'll see what I can find unless you want to join me." He left the room before she could answer and Jessie let out another sigh. How could it be after everything they'd done last night it took barely a touch before she wanted him again? She didn't know if it was down to the build up they'd had to this point - long, slow and heated - or if since she didn't feel like she could say the words, this was one of the ways she could show him. Or maybe it was just them. It wasn't that she minded it was just so different from anything she'd experienced before and she was curious. She guessed only really time would answer that question.

Jessie rose from the bed, her body still hot and eager for his touch - him leaving the room didn't make a bit of difference to that feeling. His shirt was on the chair and a smile played on her lips. Well, if he wanted to get her hot and bothered then walk away, she could play the game too. As she walked through the hallway she did up just enough buttons to be … not respectable. When she leaned against the opening to the kitchen Callen looked her over and she saw the heat flare in his eyes and the way they'd lingered where the shirt wasn't done up.

"Not playing fair Doc."

"Never said I would. You were the one who wanted food."

"What am I supposed to wear now?"

Jessie let her gaze run over him. "You got more than enough on right now."

Callen chuckled and turned to face her. He leaned his hip against the bench, knife still in his hand ready to do something with the bread he'd just popped into the toaster. "I do believe," he said, "I'm missing a t-shirt. Last time I saw it you were walking out of my house with it on. Never came back."

Jessie shrugged. "I like that shirt."

"Really? Yet I haven't seen you wear it again."

"I'm rather fond of sleeping in it." Jessie didn't add that smell reminded her of him or that she loved the feel of the material against her skin because it was the closest she could get to him at the time.

The heat flared in Callen's eyes again and he put down the knife. "I'm rather fond of the one you're wearing right now."

Jessie heart sped up and her breathing became a very distant necessity. "Maybe you should come and take it back."

Callen walked slowly toward her. "I always said you'd look better in my things than me."

"I believe you were talking about wearing something of yours to work."

Callen stood in front of her. He reached out to traced the open of the shirt from collar to where she'd done the buttons up to. His finger left a trail of burning heat over her skin and she could scarcely breathe. His fingers slipped the buttons out of the holes easily. Callen caught her gaze with his.

"Doc," he said in a low heated voice. "Promise me you won't wear this shirt to work."

"Why not?"

His fingers traced back up the other side of the opening of the shirt and shifted it aside. Jessie's eyes drifted closed and she held her breath in anticipation.  
The feel of his warm, slightly rough hand cupping her breast drew a moan out of her she'd didn't have a chance of holding back.

"Because," his voice was suddenly right next to her ear and she shivered. "I won't be able to think about anything but this." His other arm moved around her and pulled her close. Combine what he was doing with his hand and the kiss he gave her she was left her breathless and weak and trembling. His hands shifted to cup her bottom and lifted her. Her arms went around his neck as her legs went round his waist. She held on tight and he carried her to the bed all the while teasing the skin of her neck with his lips and tongue. He kept the majority of his weight off her when they came down on the bed together, her legs still around him. The way they landed a small shift was all it would take to have him inside where she desperately wanted him. The boxers had conveniently shifted freeing him at some point during the journey to the bedroom. He buried his head against her neck and groaned.

"Doc."

"I know," she whispered. She shifted her legs from around him and Callen rolled off to reach for a packet from the bedside table at the same time his phone rang.

Jessie closed her eyes. "No," she groaned.

Callen swore. "Sam. I forgot." She opened her eyes as he picked up the phone.

"Sam," Callen said, his voice so very normal. It set something off inside her. Oh no. The man was not going to get away with switching off easily. Especially considering just how close they'd been.

"I'm sorry Sam. I know I was supposed to be there by now."

Jessie started to run her fingers up Callen's legs. She leaned over and kissed the inside of his knee, surprised that the muscle there jumped at her touch. Then as she moved toward his stomach, her eyes locked on his she deliberately brushed against his hardness.

"I'll … make it up to you," Callen said into the phone.

That was better. Jessie took so much satisfaction in the way his voice had hitched. The look Callen shot her told her to behave - she did the opposite and hooked her fingers in his boxers and pulled them down. He couldn't have minded too much considering he lifted his hips to let it happen.

"Something unexpected happened." At least now there was a degree of heat to his voice.

Jessie reached up and grabbed the phone from him.

"Hi Sam." She scuttled off the bed when Callen reached for her. "He's fine. I promise."

" _What's going on Jessie? He said something unexpected._ "

Jessie could hear the hint of worry in Sam's voice.

"Not exactly unexpected." Jessie's lips twitched and she caught Callen's gaze again. He was slowly moving off the bed, no doubt a plan to get her back for this had already formed in his mind. If she was going to be in trouble, she might as well enjoy it. "Just a long time coming."

Callen's eyebrows rose at a choice of word.

" _What's he gotten himself into_?"

Callen's hand went to either side of her head and he lowered his head to her neck on the side she didn't have the phone. She was in trouble all over again, delightfully so. Her head dropped back against the wall and tilted to one side to give him better access.

"Um … you really don't want me … to tell you what he's gotten into." If Sam didn't pick something up from the way her voice had gone, he should be fired.

" _Jessie._ " Oh yeah, there was a hint of suspicion in Sam's voice.

"I promise Sam," she said quickly, because this conversation really needed to end soon. "He's being very," her eyes closed and she locked her knees as Callen sucked on a particularly sensitive spot of her neck, "Very good." Her voice was barely more than a breath by the last word.

Callen's mouth lifted and he took the phone out of her had before she'd could even register he'd stopped.

"Sorry Sam, gotta go."

Jessie opened her eyes to see the hint of mischief in his eyes. Their gazes locked. "No Sam. Not a one night stand … A long weekend."

Jessie's eyes widened.

"Bye Sam." With a flick of both thumb and wrist Callen had hung up and tossed the phone toward the bed.

"A long weekend?" she repeated, not quite sure how to take that.

Callen smiled. "Just to get things started Doc. I promise we're not anywhere near done." His mouth went back to her neck, the other side this time. When his mouth opened over a spot and he sucked again her legs went out from under her and the only thing that held her up was his firm body against hers.

Callen lifted his head far too soon for her liking. Jessie drew in a desperate breath. He had a curious expression on his face. His fingers touched the sensitive spot where his mouth had been.

"You seem to like that."

"Like what?" Jessie could barely think.

Instead of telling again Callen showed, only briefly, and when he stopped a moan of frustration slipped past her lips. "You seem disappointed when I stop. Why?"

Jessie took in a deep breath and pulled part of her mind to focus on his question. "Aside from the fact you seem to know just where to do it to … leave me weak at the knees?"

"More Doc." His finger traced the spot on her neck where his mouth had just been. "There's more to it than that."

Jessie lifted her hand to cover his where it now rested over that spot. "You don't have pictures on your walls."

There was confusion but also patience in his eyes as he waited for her to continue, like he knew she wouldn't leave it at that. He was right.

"You live a life of leaving nothing behind for someone to trace to you." Jessie started to see understanding bloom in his eyes. "Yet," she added, "here you are leaving -"

"My mark on you," he said softly.

"Yeah. Just a little bit of a turn on."

Callen's head moved back to her neck and he ran his tongue of the spot. There was no way he'd miss the way it made her body tremble. "Really?" he said. "Just a little?"

Jessie's heart pounded hard in her chest at the heat in his voice and the whisper of his breath over the sensitised skin. She struggled to find her voice to answer. "More than … a little."

Callen's lips trailed up her neck, across her cheek and then caught her mouth in a kiss so damn hot Jessie was sure there'd be nothing left of her but a pile of ash when he was done - and she didn't care in the slightest.

Of their own accord her legs lifted back around his waist and she arched against him, a desperate need to have him inside, that ultimate connection. Callen groaned and pulled his mouth from hers.

"Doc." She heard the question in the word, felt it in the tension of his muscles beneath her hands. A thrill ran through her that she wasn't the only one so desperate for the other that the bed, while only three steps away, was far too far away.

"Pocket," she breathed. Her legs dropped to the floor as Callen shifted to put just enough space between them to take care of the protection he'd fished from the pocket of his shirt she still wore.

"Prepared huh?" His voice was raw.

"Hopeful."

"Lucky."

Jessie smiled. She shifted her head closer and whispered, "Always lucky with you," before she kissed him and the flames took them both again.


	83. Busted

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's time to move on from their weekend and head back to work. Enjoy and as always, love to hear your thoughts.

* * *

"So you and Jessie," Sam said.

"Yes Sam. Me and Jessie and that's all I'm going to tell you. I don't kiss and tell. I am a gentleman after all." Nope, her kisses were all his. He wasn't about to share anything about them, or anymore about their time together with anyone, even his best friend.

"At least there was kissing." Sam grinned.

Callen rolled his eyes. There had been a smug expression on Sam's face since Callen sat down in his chair. Jessie's conversation on the phone with Sam was going to give his partner so much fodder for teasing but somehow Callen couldn't bring himself to mind.

"As for gentleman," Sam continued, "since when?"

"Thanks partner." Callen shook his head. "Nice to know what you really think of me."

Sam had the grace to look a touch contrite. "I'm glad things worked out."

"Me too," Callen agreed. "I'm sorry I missed helping you this weekend."

Sam shrugged. "You had more important things to take care of." And that made up for the gentleman comment, because yes, as important as Sam was, moving forward with Jessie had easily been the most important thing he'd needed to do on the weekend.

The tap of heels, a slight touch faster than her normal pace, pulled Callen's attention from Sam. When Jessie appeared Callen wasn't the only one who saw her. Deeks was near the bottom of the stairs and had spied her too. Deeks vaulting over the railing did distract Callen from Jessie's approach and then he watched the detective reach out and grab her arm before she could head down the corridor to her office and … escape if the look in her eyes was anything to go by.

"Hold it, hold it, hold it," Deeks said.

"What?" Jessie asked him. Her eyes flicked to Callen briefly, a slight flush came to her cheeks too.

"You're not going anywhere," Deeks told her, "before you answer a few questions." Deeks steered her back toward the bullpen.

Jessie didn't look at Callen again but he did look at her. His lips twitched at the nervous expression on her face. Just about anyone would be nervous though when caught and brought into what he was sure she would consider an interrogation with Deeks, Sam and him. No Kensi to balance the male-female ratio in any way. Admittedly they hadn't gotten around to talking about what to tell the team, though Sam obviously knew. Perhaps he should rescue her from Deeks and talk about it. Except the first thing he wanted to do was to kiss her again. Her shirt was green with little buttons all up the front, but enough of a V to be tempting, though maybe he didn't even need the V to tempt him anymore. The black pants hinted at the shape of legs he knew very well. Hell, he was in trouble and she hadn't said anything to him. Just a hint of the memories of their weekend were enough.

"What questions?" Jessie asked with a hint of reluctance in her voice.

"Well," Deeks let her go and stepped back. "For a start, what's this about?" Deeks waved his hand up and down indicating her hair. Which Callen now registered completely. It was down, and pulled over her shoulders to rest against her neck. It probably hadn't registered because it had been down pretty much all the time they'd spent together.

"I was running late," Jessie said quickly. Finally her eyes flicked to Callen's but didn't settle. The blush heightened.

"Uh uh," Deeks shook his head. "Late on you involves a messy bun or hasty ponytail. You never leave your hair out like this at work."

So Deeks had noticed.

"This is something else." Deeks walked around Jessie and studied her. "Hair like this isn't out for too many reasons."

"Really Deeks," Jessie said. "And what might be a reason?"

Callen had a feeling Jessie's sarcasm and question was about to backfire.

"The usual ones of course, to wash," Deeks ticked them off his fingers, "Brush, or do something with. Or," He stepped closer to Jessie and lifted the hair off one side of her neck before Callen even figured out what he was about to do. "To hide a hickey."

Jessie was frozen, her eyes wide and she shot him a looked that pleaded for help.

Deeks shifted the hair on the other side as well. "Well, well, well. One, two … three," Deeks said. "Looks like someone got a little action last night."

Callen heard Sam's muffled chuckle and his own lips twitched but he managed to keep the smile off his face. He didn't look away from Jessie, curious to see how she would handle it. Jessie glared at Sam and then turned it on him but then it changed and Callen knew things were about to get even more interesting.

"Oh no." Jessie turned to Deeks. "Definitely not _little_."

And there she was, the wicked Jessie he'd discovered this weekend, but particularly when she'd been talking to Sam on the phone and hell if it didn't turn him on a little bit more than he already was.

"Did our Jessie have a one night stand?" Deeks asked.

Callen wasn't sure he was particularly pleased with the gleeful tone in Deeks' voice, however he didn't say anything, just settled back in his chair, his attention focused on Jessie to watch the show.

"No," Jessie replied.

"Two then?" Deeks prodded.

Jessie's gaze flicked to Callen's. He raised his eyebrows just a little and let one side of his lips lift in a half smile. The mischief in her eyes increased.

"Now Deeks," Jessie said with a wicked smile that matched her tone, "that would imply a break."

Callen couldn't help the smile that broke free when Sam just about choked trying to hold back a laugh. He saw the up and down look Deeks gave Jessie.

"So," Deeks said, "Just how many more of these are you hiding?"

"Can't be sure," Jessie replied casually. Callen rubbed his hand over his face to cover the smile, because he knew exactly where they all were and there was no way anyone else was going to see beyond the ones on her neck. When she'd told him why she enjoyed it so much it had cleared up Callen's own reasons for the satisfaction he'd felt seeing them. She was right. He didn't usually leave a trail behind. But with her, he'd taken great pleasure in leaving one.

Sam managed to keep a straight face when he said, "Maybe she needs someone to count them for her, G."

Deeks obviously didn't get the underlying meaning from Sam's comment because if he had there would've definitely been a response but both Callen and Jessie did. Callen mouthed the words, "Anytime," to her. The heat that flared in her eyes was unmistakable, as was his response to her look.

"So," Deeks continued, "who is he? What's he like? Where did you meet him?"

"Really Deeks," Jessie said. "Why don't I just bring him to the boat shed and you can interrogate him."

"Okay."

They all heard the seriousness in Deeks' tone.

"I was joking," Jessie protested quickly.

"I'm not," Deeks said, still serious. "You've been with us for almost two years. We've never heard a peep about you having a date let alone something that would lead to … " Deeks' hand pointed at her neck, "this. Have to be sure he's good enough for you."

"Yeah Jessie," Callen said finally, "is he good enough for you?" And even though Callen had asked the question in a light tone, there was a part of him deep down that wanted to hear her answer and hoped it was a positive one.

Jessie's gaze locked with his. "I wouldn't be with him if he wasn't," she answered in that very serious, honest, yet gentle tone that she used with him the other night at her door before they'd taken the relationship further.

She took a step back away from Deeks, clearly ready to put an end to the conversation. She turned away but glanced back as she walked away. "Oh and G, you have that debrief in ten minutes. Don't be late."

That was news to Callen. There was something going on, though given they hadn't had a chance to talk about the undercover op last week maybe he'd just missed something. Except there was a look in her eyes that suggested this wasn't work related.

"Wouldn't dream of it," Callen said. He rose from his seat. "Perhaps I should just come with you now."

Sam coughed, to cover either a snort or laugh … or both, and Callen saw the colour of Jessie's cheek flare hot before she turned and fled. It took a moment before he realised just how what he'd said could sound to those who knew what they'd been up to. Callen left the bullpen quickly but not before he shot a withering look at Sam for his lack of control. Sam just smirked at him and went back to his paperwork. Deeks was watching the corridor Jessie had just disappeared down with a thoughtful expression.

"Don't worry Deeks," Callen patted him on the shoulder, "I'm sure you'll figure it out soon enough."

Callen caught up with Jessie in time to open her office door for her. She walked through and he closed it behind them. He spun her around back against the door and his mouth hovered just above hers.

"Debrief? Really Doc?" Callen questioned before he brushed his lips over hers. Only gently, even if he wanted more, especially when her mouth dropped open a little in invitation and she dug her fingers into his back and pulled him closer still.

"You didn't want me to say come to my office so I could have my way with you did you?" Jessie shifted and closed the distance between their mouths and it was more than a few moments before Callen brought the kiss to a halt and found his voice.

"Already? Here?"

He flicked the lock on the door and his fingers started on the buttons of her shirt. Because yep, he was there too.

Jessie's head dropped back and she sighed. "What is it you are doing to me?" she whispered.

Callen knew she wasn't meaning that literally. "Same thing you do to me Doc," he assured her and pressed his lips to her cheek.

"We should be worn out," Jessie murmured.

They should. The weekend had been … incredible. Though really it had only been Saturday night to this morning. And he was the reason she was late. Or maybe she was. Either way it had been enjoyable. He'd offered to drive her in to work but she had an appointment to go to later and needed her car. Except when he'd been about to head off and she'd said goodbye and hopped in the shower it had had been too much for Callen to resist. So instead of her having plenty of time to get ready and drive to work for her usual nine o'clock start, she'd been rushed after he'd left her breathless and satisfied, both of them actually, again on her bed. Yet even with that, here they were again, ready and wanting.

Callen started moving them back toward the couch, his fingers traced up along her spine, his hand having already found their way under her shirt. When he got there he pulled her down on his lap and trailed a line of kisses along her jaw.

"Not sure I'll ever get enough of you," he whispered in her ear, "but more than happy to test out the idea." Jessie hand lifted to his jaw and stoked her fingers down it before she settled her mouth on his and took control of the kiss.

Jessie pulled back first. "We probably shouldn't be doing this here."

"You'd prefer the bullpen?"

Her laugh was light. "You know what I mean. We're at work."

Callen moved the shoulder of her shirt out of the way and trailed his fingers down the bra strap. "Yellow?" His hand shifted from the warm skin of her back and around to the front. The material was silky and soft, not lace and rough. "Just how many of these do you have?"

"Plenty." Her eyes were closed, her breathing shallow through parted lips, and she'd obviously forgotten about her previous question.

"Are we talking a different one for each day of the week?" he asked.

"You trying to figure out when you might find blue?" Her eyes opened and she smiled, "because you know there are so many different shades of blue."

"You're killing me you know that right?"

Jessie brushed her lips across his. "Lucky I'm a doctor, and a very good one. I promise I'll save you."

Callen caught her lips with his and the heat skyrocketed. But again Jessie pulled back and sucked in a breath.

"This … We …Work."

"Doc," Callen cupped her cheek. "Do you really think Kensi and Deeks don't get up to things here? We're not going to be the only ones. As long as it doesn't affect work or a case, we don't worry about it."

"Yes but …." Jessie trailed off and her fingers drifted gently over his lips. When she leaned forward he took it for an invitation for more he went with it. She responded without hesitation so he figured he'd guess right.

A knock on the door broke them apart. Jessie's eyes were wide and he saw a hint of guilt there. He really would have to work on that with her because given their jobs and the unpredictable hours they spent in the office due to what they did, this was going to happen as often as he could get away with it and not have it interfere with his, their jobs.

"G." Sam's voice came through the door. "Hetty needs you two upstairs. Case just landed."

"Thanks Sam," Callen called out as Jessie's head dropped to his shoulder. "Duty calls," he said reluctantly.

"And when duty thy name is Hetty calls…"

"We answer," Callen finished.

Jessie lifted her head from his shoulder. Callen's fingers went and did the buttons up. Oddly enough he enjoyed it almost as much as the other way around. Maybe it was the brush of his fingers against her soft, and heated, skin or perhaps it was just that he felt like he was taking care of her in another way.

"At least it was Sam who came to get us," Jessie said.

The last button done Callen looked up at her face. "If you don't get up soon though Doc," he said, "You'll be the one responsible for her needing to track us down." Somewhere in the midst of one of those heated kisses she'd gone from sitting on his lap to straddling it. Jessie bit her lip and shifted off him quickly. He couldn't stifle the groan though as her body brushed against a very sensitive part of his.

"Sorry," Jessie whispered. Callen rose, took her hand and pulled her into him. He cupped her cheek with his free hand and tilted her face to his. "Don't apologise Doc. I have no problem with how you make me feel, or when and where you make me feel it."

He waited for her response which came in the form of a smile and a nod of acceptance before he led them out of her office and down the corridor. Just at the end of it their hands slipped apart and Callen followed Jessie up the stairs to Ops.

* * *

There was a lull in the briefing and Deeks looked at Callen. "You," Deeks said. "It's you."

"What's me?" Callen said innocently though he had noticed Deeks had spent a reasonable amount of time since Callen and Jessie had arrived looking between them with that same thoughtful expression he'd had downstairs earlier.

"You and Jessie. You're responsible for …" Deeks pointed to Jessie. "Those."

"Took you long enough," Sam said.

"Wait what?" Eric turned to look at Callen and Jessie. "You two are together already?"

"Yes!" came a rather excited squeak from Nell who now bounced on her toes. Callen saw Eric's face fall when Nell added, "Told you it wouldn't take that long."

Callen studied the interplay between the two of them and then turned to Jessie with a questioning expression.

"You didn't know about the bet?" Jessie said. Callen shook his head. "Nell seemed to think you'd get your act together sooner than Eric did."

Callen looked back to Nell who smiled. Eric shrugged and said, "Come on Callen. We all know how stubborn you can be. I erred on the side of caution."

"What were the stakes?" Callen asked.

"New surfboard," Eric said. The dismal expression on Eric's face made Callen feel a little bad but then he remembered that if Eric had won, it would've been so much longer before Jessie and he had gotten together. He shifted his glance to Nell.

"He's taking me to a musical." Callen raised an eyebrow because that didn't sound all that bad. Eric seemed to be into those.

"She gets to choose and, trust me, sometimes she has weird taste in things."

"No kidding," Sam commented and Callen chuckled because he knew Sam was taking a gentle dig at Eric since Nell had obvious chosen him.

"You thought I'd take until when?" Callen asked Eric.

"Thanks giving."

Callen looked at Nell and waited.

"End of summer," she said.

"Cutting it fine there Nell," Kensi said.

"Wait," Deeks interrupted. "Debrief? Really? That's your code word."

Jessie's face flared red and Callen laughed at the look of horror in her eyes.

"Now, now," Hetty finally called things to order. Callen could see the look of satisfaction in her eyes and wondered whether she had anything to do with the bet as well. "Back to the case at hand," Hetty continued. "Discussion about the latest love birds of the office can wait until later."

Jessie's hands covered her face and groaned. Since the cat was well and truly out of the bag, Callen shifted next to her and leaned in close to whisper in her ear.

"Definitely need a new code word."


	84. Not so clueless

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, it's Easter and with the holidays comes lack of time and peace. This will be the last guaranteed chapter until sometime, hopefully early, next week. We'll just have to wait and see, however know that I am still working on it and nothings wrong. Have a great weekend.
> 
> Enjoy this continuation of their first day back. Love to hear from you.

* * *

Callen swiveled his chair and looked at Kensi. He'd felt the intensity of her eyes boring into him for the couple of minutes they'd been sitting at their desks after the briefing in Ops.

"What's up?" he asked and leaned back casually.

"You and Jessie. It's serious right?"

"Yes."

"I like the idea but..."

"But?"

"You and women, in that way. There's never really been someone." Kensi shrugged. "Aside from Tracey, at least that I know of."

Callen was getting a strong vibe of concern coming from Kensi. And he was pretty sure it wasn't all to do with worrying about him.

"I'm not entirely sure what Tracey was anymore," Callen admitted, "when I compare it to this."

Tracey. He'd got caught up in that mission, with her and perhaps because of that deep, long pushed down, need to feel like he'd belonged to someone. She was good, he'd definitely give her that and he'd believed that she'd cared about him. Until she'd showed him otherwise. But with Jessie? She left Tracey's 'caring' in the dust if not far away on another planet.

"Jessie seems good for you," Kensi said.

"She's patient and determined. She took me on and won."

"You both did."

"She wouldn't give up." Though Callen had certainly given her more than one reason to.

"Will you?"

Callen frowned.

"In our line of work," Kensi continued, "knowing who we can trust isn't easy. It doesn't always take much to start the doubt."

Callen studied Kensi for a moment and wondered just how much she knew about what had happened with Jessie after Nate.

"You and Deeks. Sam and Michelle. Finding that right someone doesn't seem quite so rare anymore."

"So you do trust her?"

"Completely. You trust Deeks?"

"Of course. He was determined too." Kensi smiled. "Like a little puppy with a favourite shoe. No matter how hard you try and hide it from him, he'll search it out and find it."

Callen raised an eyebrow. "Not sure that referring to Deeks chewing you up and spitting you out is particularly appealing. Do I need to have a chat with him?" He was only half joking. Maybe that interrogation idea at the boat shed wasn't such a bad thing - it just might not be the interrogation that Deeks was expecting.

Kensi smiled and shook her head. "Ah but the puppy loves the shoe. He's not trying to eat it, he just wants it with him always and wouldn't stop searching until he found it."

"It's the perfect shoe and he just had to have it?"

"Something like that, though we know none of us are perfect."

There was perfect and then there was perfect for someone. Kensi had found her perfect for her, just as Callen had found his. Whether he was perfect for Jessie only time would tell - if he hurt her again, the answer would be no.

"You're happy right Kenz?" Callen asked. He thought she was but they hadn't really talked much about her and Deeks on a personal one to one level.

"No regrets. You?"

Callen chuckled. "Very happy but regret that it took so long." But then maybe it needed to take as long as it did. Maybe he and Jessie needed that solid foundation, which had been rocked a few times, to make sure it would stand firm in the wake of anything else that might be thrown at them given who they were. Something strong enough to protect and support what was going to be built on it.

Kensi smiled, an understanding light in her eyes. "You needed to know you could trust her. I get that and I'm sure she does too."

"I've trusted her for a long time." Callen couldn't quite pinpoint exactly when but he knew it and that she continued to strengthen it with everything she did. "I just…."

"Didn't think you were good enough for her?"

Callen's lips twitched. "We're a little more alike than we thought aren't we Agent Never-Does-A-Second-Date Blye." He had his suspicions about part of the reason Kensi had held back from Deeks for as long as she had.

Kensi grinned. "What can I say," she shrugged. "He's very convincing."

"So is she."

"Good. She'll be good for you. And even if _you_ don't think so, you'll be good for her."

Callen studied Kensi for a moment. "When did you know something was going on?"

"I didn't. Not really anyway. I just hoped, which started when she showed up at the hospital in your shirt."

And there was another reminder of just how good she looked in his clothes. Callen pushed back on the thought but not before the memory of yesterday morning hit him. "It was nothing." He focused on the conversation with more difficulty than normal and frowned as he tried to figure out what it was about that moment. "We were in the gym. She needed something to cover up and she was in a rush to see you."

"So she told me."

That comment told Callen that Jessie and Kensi were more than just co-workers too.

"But Callen," Kensi continued, "You've never offered me your shirt - you always sent me to Hetty."

"You," Deeks walked down the stairs and pointed at Kensi, "Kensalina." Deeks made his way to them. "You are in trouble. You didn't tell me."

"Tell you what?" Kensi glanced at Callen in confusion and he shrugged.

"About them," Deeks pointed to Callen.

"Hey," Kensi held up her hands. "They've only just gotten together. I didn't find out until up there like you."

"But you knew." Deeks leaned against his desk. "You knew something back with Bugs. You pulled me out of that room as if there was a fire. Tried to distract me with …" Deeks stopped and cleared his throat. There was a hint of a blush on his cheeks. "Plans. But you _knew_ something was going on."

"Give her a break Deeks," Callen said. "Nothing happened until recently." Not for lack of trying. Okay so maybe a lot had happened but the defining moment when everything was out in the open between them was very recent.

"And you," Deeks turned his stare on Callen. "Mr, not interested in a relationship as he has told us so many times over the last few years, G Callen."

Callen looked to Kensi for help. She shrugged. "He's got a point." Kensi rose from her chair and went to stand next to Deeks. It gave Callen an odd feeling of being ganged up on, or at least an attempt at it.

"How many times," Deeks said, "have we listened to him espouse the joys of the freedom of the unmarried or unpartnered life? His derisive comments about Sam and Michelle, and us?"

"What can I say," Callen shrugged. "She changed my mind."

"You're a detective Deeks. You didn't think something was up?" Kensi asked.

"Oh no I thought something was up many, _many_ times, but I trusted what he told us," Deeks eyes narrowed at Callen. "There was at least twice in the medical room. A couple of times in her office and the way she looks at you when you're injured." Deeks shook his head. "That's totally different to the way she looks at us. And how much you helped her with the gun issue? I mean not saying you shouldn't have but it seemed a little bit more … personal maybe than it would've been with any of us. The fact that you seem to worry about her more than Kensi I put down to you being a touch more protective of her like you are with Nell and Eric because they aren't agents. And Chicago? Would you have jumped on a plan that quickly for me?"

"Yes," Callen answered quickly and seriously.

Deeks looked at him for a moment. "Okay I'll take Chicago back and admit that's what you'd do for friends, but still there were signs which I ignored because of what you said. The biggest one was Christmas."

Callen straightened in his seat. "Christmas?"

"You, Jessie, Vienna."

"How did you -"

The look on Deeks' face said it all. Crap. Callen had fallen into that trap way too easily. Perhaps he needed a little more sleep over the weekend than he'd gotten after all. Not that he'd change a thing about it - aside from them having to come to work today so they could -

"Aside from you confirming it just now," Deeks' words brought Callen's mind back from the weekend. "She slipped up a couple of times too and referred to _we did_."

"Ah. And he wasn't home Christmas Eve." The tone of Kensi's voice was kind that suggested the moment when you see a light bulb go on over one's head in a cartoon.

Callen lifted an eyebrow in question.

"Kensi and I came over Christmas Eve," Deeks explained, "to make sure you had a little something under that dismal thing you called a tree for the next morning. Your lovely neighbor, Elise right, informed us that you hadn't been home for a couple of days. You were exhausted at Sam's place Christmas day and claimed to have spent time at home D-I-Y-ing. Which by the way Sam didn't believe either."

Yeah well, Callen had been tired and distracted with a certain someone and a kiss he'd struggled to stop thinking about. It was the first thing that had come to mind and been out of his mouth before he'd been able to stop it. Sam had never said anything but it was entirely possible he suspected something. Hetty knew because, one she was Hetty and two, he'd pulled a safe alias to use for the trip and Hetty was always on the ball when it came to any of their aliases.

"Doesn't mean we went away together." Technically they didn't. They just went to the same place at the same time.

"You spent Christmas with her Callen. That's means something as does the fact that you didn't share it with anyone. On top of that," Deeks turned serious, "At the boatshed, when she was hurt. Never seen you scared before but you were then. It looked like you thought you were about to lose everything that meant anything to you." Deeks' glance slid to Kensi briefly. Callen caught the look and knew Deeks had felt that way too about Kensi. Deeks turned his attention back to Callen after a moment. "Why didn't you say something then?"

"Wasn't exactly thinking about explaining things," Callen replied.

"I get it," Deeks nodded, "and we were all worried about her which was probably why I didn't think anything more of your look or you going with her because I could see how scared she was. It wasn't until today all the pieces fell into place, once I ditched the red herrings."

"Deek I'm sorry," Callen said. "You weren't wrong. It's just not been an easy thing to admit."

Deeks shrugged. "It's okay," he said and then grinned and rubbed his hands together. "But now I get some payback. All those talks about Kensi and I keeping it out of the office."

Callen chuckled. "You don't. I'll give it to you that you do keep it out of the field though."

"Still," Deeks took a deep breath and let it out. "No mercy when I catch you two … you know."

Callen raised an eyebrow. "You know … what?"

"Making out in the burn room, a shadowy corner, the supply closet upstairs at the-"

Kensi elbowed Deeks and Callen noticed the blush on both their faces.

"So," Callen smirked, "now I know exactly where to look when you two disappear in the middle of the day. But why would we bother? She's got a lock on her office door."

"Oh." Deeks frowned and shook his head. "No, no, no. No … no. Please no. I have therapy in that room."

Callen chuckled. "And yet you didn't consider that for the rest of us with the burn room, or the supply closet? And in particular," he hesitated deliberately before he added, "the gym bathroom."

Kensi and Deeks' eyes went wide and their mouths dropped open.

"Like I said," Callen grinned. "You two are doing great keeping it out of the field, not so much out of the office."

Kensi huffed a little. "What do you expect when we all but live here some days." She glanced at Deeks. "He's kind of hard to resist at times."

Callen shook his head. "Just figure out a signal for the bathroom at least. I really don't want to walk in on you two again."

"When did you-"

Callen groaned and Kensi stopped. "Thank Kenz. That just confirms it was more than once."

"Don't tell Hetty," Deeks pleaded.

"You leave Jessie and I alone, I won't tell Hetty." Hetty probably already knew but Callen was making the most of the desperation on Deeks' face.

"Deal," Deeks said hurriedly.

The tap of heels on the stairs took their attention from the conversation. Jessie walked down them and over to the bullpen.

She looked between the three of them.

"I really don't want to know do I?" she said.

Callen smiled. "No Doc. I've got it under control."

Jessie shook her head at him. "Why does that make me worry more?"

"Don't you trust me?"

"I trust you." Jessie smiled. "That would be why I worry." She turned and walked away and Callen watched until she disappeared around the corner.

"Oh yeah. He's definitely got it bad," Deeks said with a grin.

Callen stared at Deeks for a moment before he said. "Hetty." It just took the word and possibly a little of the raised eyebrow to make Deeks' grin drop.

* * *

When Callen stepped through Jessie's apartment door later after work the first thing he did was pull her into his arms and kiss her. The thought of just how right she felt there in his arms was strong, but brief since the heat and taste of her blew all other thoughts from his head the moment her mouth opened under his.

Jessie sighed contentedly when the kiss came to an end. "I've missed you," she whispered.

"It's been less than twelve hours since we were here." Callen guided her backward to the couch, sat down and pulled her onto his lap.

"Yeah well," Jessie said, "apparently you're a touch addictive." Her shirt shifted just enough that he spotted the hint of yellow from the strap that he hadn't had a chance to check out closer in her office. But then a smell registered and Callen looked over her shoulder to notice she already had food on the table in front of them.

"Addictive or not, looked like you're ready to eat."

Jessie shifted off his lap. "I missed breakfast for _some_ reason," she glanced sideways at him as she reached for her plate, "and lunch was rushed."

"How did your appointment go with Heidi?" She'd been caught up with helping them on some details for the case and by the time she'd remembered to eat it had almost been time for her to leave.

Jessie swallowed her mouthful before she answered. "I'm back on the roster as of next week."

Callen frowned. "Next week." He put down his plate and fork and turned to her. "Are you okay?" It had been just over two weeks and she seemed fine.

Jessie smiled and did the same with her plate. She turned her whole body to face him. "I'm not ready to go back yet, not because I'm not well enough. Heidi was surprised how quickly I've recovered."

"It has been quick." Callen remembered Heidi had thought it would be more likely three weeks before she'd be ready.

"I'm putting that down to Hetty's special tea she made me drink," Jessie said.

"So why next week," Callen asked, "not this week?"

"Because," Jessie shifted and straddled his lap. "I need some time to," she smiled, "get settled with some recent changes in my life."

"Settled?" Callen raised an eyebrow when she slid her hands down his arms and to the bottom of his shirt. "Changes?"

"Mmm hmm," Jessie murmured, the brown in her eyes heated and swirled like melted chocolate. Oh he was getting the message loud and clear.

"Some very," Jessie continued softly, "interesting changes that need some," Callen's shirt was up over his head and tossed somewhere on the carpet behind her, "further exploration."

Callen chuckled. "You can explore anytime you want Doc." Her hands drifted over his chest. "But what about dinner?"

"Not hungry," Jessie whispered and covered his mouth with hers. And suddenly neither was he as the heat soared between them and food was the last thing on his mind.

A shrill sound came from her phone on the table and Jessie pulled back. She shook her head. "Damn they have lousy timing."

"Who?"

"Sam and Trevor." Jessie reached back for her phone and answered the call as Callen took advantage and started on the buttons.

"Okay," came Trevor's voice. "I think I caught you at a … bad time." There was amusement in his voice and Jessie gasped. Callen looked at her phone to see Trevor staring back at him with a grin from ear to ear.

"Oops," Trevor said cheekily. Jessie buried her head in Callen's shoulder and groaned. Apparently she'd answered the video call without thinking. Callen took the phone out of her hands.

"Not the worst timing we've had to deal with, believe me," Callen said easily.

Trevor raised an eyebrow and curiosity filled his eyes. "I believe there's a story behind that I have to hear."

Jessie sat up. "Snowball. Hell," she told Trevor and shifted off Callen's lap.

"I was just calling to check up on you," Trevor said, "and can I just say Hallelujah, about damn time you to got it on ... or perhaps off in this case."

Callen chuckled at the look on Jessie's face.

"Hey Alex," Trevor called out. Jessie dropped her head back against the couch and Callen's gaze slipped down to the few buttons he'd managed to undo which just revealed the hint of yellow silk. "No need to go to LA for Christmas." There was a cheer from the background and then Trevor looked back to them. "Jessie?" There was a question in the word, the serious tone and the look.

"We're good," Jessie assured Trevor. "It's all sorted."

Because of course, Trevor would be the one she would talk to when things had gone so bad. And even though Callen wasn't particularly pleased with his behaviour or knowing that Trevor, and most likely Alex, knew things had gone badly, he was glad that she had someone he knew she could trust to help her through.

"Glad I don't have to knock the two of your heads together or lock you in a room."

"You can lock us in a room anytime," Callen said. "Just make sure it's got food and a bed."

Jessie flushed and glared at him though Callen saw the heat in her eyes at the possibilities.

"Deal," Trevor chuckled. "Next time you come over this side I'll make sure the spare bedroom is ready."

Jessie groaned.

"Don't worry," Trevor grinned. "We sound proofed it."

Jessie squeaked. "Why?"

"More for the guests than for us." Trevor winked. "Alright, I'll let you two get back to it. We'll talk later. Perhaps I should call first though in the future. Wouldn't want to catch you do-"

"Good night Trevor." She flicked her finger over the call and killed the connection.

"Anyone else likely to call?" Callen pulled her back onto his lap.

"Don't care." She brushed her lips over his cheek and nibbled at his ear. Instead of working through the numerous buttons that were left Callen followed Jessie's lead and pulled her shirt up and over her head. The yellow was plain, simple and soft but the way she felt through it, certainly wasn't simple. He didn't know which he preferred, this softness or the slightly rough lace. Her skin warmed under his touch and he kissed the marks on her neck he'd left behind.

"Want me to count them after all?"

Jessie let out a breath. "Thought you'd never ask."


	85. Jessie, Callen and Nate

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all had a lovely Easter break. This week is a little wonky but I'll get chapters up when I can. Next week things settle back to normal.

* * *

Callen watched Jessie stare out the window from where he leaned against the door frame in his usual spot and waited for her to notice him. He knew Jessie well enough that he could see the tension she was holding in her body. When she didn't notice him within a reasonable amount of time he spoke up.

"Doc?"

Jessie turned. Her eyes reflected the tension and the worry he'd known would be there but she still had a smile that was just for him.

"Hi," she said.

"You summoned me?" She'd sent him a text message asking him to come to her office when he was free. Callen headed toward her but Jessie pointed him to the couch which told him this wasn't personal.

"What's up?" he asked.

Jessie leaned against her desk and a frown creased her forehead. "I need to talk to you about Nate."

"Nate?" Not his preferred topic of conversation especially with Jessie after everything that had gone down.

"Director Vance wants me to give him report," Jessie told him, "on how what happened affected the team. I've spoken to the others already."

"You left me until last."

"Yeah," Jessie replied. "Trying to give me time to be able to wrap my head around it."

Callen studied her for a moment. "Hasn't helped has it?" Jessie looked confused, frustrated and concerned all wrapped up together.

Jessie closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "Just … Please," she opened her eyes. "Will tell me how what he did made you feel. I know I don't normally push you to talk but I need to get this done."

"Jessie," Callen said her name firmly and waited until she focused on him instead of the floor. "You're not pushing me," he assured her. "You're doing your job. This thing," he let one side of his mouth lift in a half smile, "between us shouldn't affect that."

"I know," Jessie said softly. "But it does. This is hard."

Callen could hear that easily in her tone. "Then let's get it done."

Jessie nodded.

"He betrayed us," Callen said. "No way around it. He used privileged information and details to get us. But he was trying to reach out for help."

"Why he was so far under on his own? I don't get that," Jessie said. "He's not like you or Sam or Deeks. Nate doesn't have the experience to be that far under without support."

"I agree," Callen said. The whole thing had felt wrong from the moment they'd realised it was Nate in the truck. When they'd found out it had been twelve weeks without contact all Callen's senses had jumped up and down and screamed at him something wasn't right. He'd tried to be patient and give Nate the benefit of the doubt until they knew more. "That he was out of contact that long," Callen continued, "without something being done to find him was wrong. He should've been watched and had back up check in options. I don't know why he wasn't."

"You wouldn't have let that happen would you?"

"No." As much as undercover work could be of the lone agent type, there was always a back up plan, or some form of overwatch in place. It was more important in those early days where someone was learning the ropes. Sometimes those early days could take years.

"But he wasn't really under was he?" Jessie frowned. "He was himself."

And that was the third major red flag that Callen didn't like nor could he understand. "Don't know why either," he agreed.

"How did … how did him using the information he did affect you?"

Callen could see how hard it was for Jessie to ask him to answer her questions. The only way he could reassure her was to answer easily and truthfully. Here was where their solid foundation came into play. He didn't have a problem talking to her. So answer her he did.

"I doubted him," Callen told her. "Doubted everything that had ever happened. Wondered how long he'd been turned." He'd also wondered who had turned Nate, who his inside contact was. Sure Nate's clearance would've allowed him to find out his name since it was on his file now but the JDX information was higher than Nate's access would let him reach. He'd already checked with Eric and Nell and knew in those twelve weeks Nate hadn't used his login.

"You thought he'd turned," Jessie said.

Unfortunately Callen had. "The Nate I knew wouldn't have sat back and let someone torture someone else and not flinch."

In all honestly that had been harder to take than knowing someone had given Nate information. It had been the moment when Callen had truly believed Nate had gone, until later when little things and a slight look of desperation had appeared in Nate's eyes even though it was quickly hidden.

"He would've know you'd been trained to take it," Jessie said. "Do you think he picked that form because of that?"

"Given he hadn't turned it's entirely possible." Hindsight always made things look a little different.

"You trusted him," Jessie said, "and he did this. It must've hurt."

Callen shrugged. "He did what he did to reach out for help in a no win situation."

Jessie frowned again, deeper this time. "You … You don't seem to mind."

"He's inexperienced Jessie. He was reaching out to save himself. When people are desperate and trying to save their own skins anything is up for grabs."

Jessie shook her head. "No. No you wouldn't have done that. You wouldn't have sold out Sam or anyone on the team."

Callen loved the fact that Jessie had that much faith in him and that he wouldn't disappoint her in it because she was right. He wouldn't but that was because he had plans in place in case. False leads that had enough detail to back them up so he had time. Those plans would also alert the team to the fact he was in trouble. They all had them but that wasn't something Jessie needed to know right now.

"I've got the experience not to have gotten into that kind of situation," he said calmly, hoping his ease would rub off on her. Unfortunately it didn't seem to.

"Why G? Why aren't you mad at him?"

Callen could hear the frustration and anger in Jessie's voice and he rose from the couch.

"He betrayed you," she continued. "He was your friend."

As Callen got close to Jessie he could see the tears in her eyes.

"He used personal things he knew to get you to do something so wrong. He used your protectiveness against you."

"Yes he did," Callen agreed. "He was in too deep, had no idea how to get out. He grabbed onto an idea and had to ride it out."

Callen saw the pain in her eyes intensify and tears fell down Jessie's cheek. It caused an ache in his chest. He really hated it when she cried, especially for him.

"You expected it didn't you?" Jessie said almost in a horrified whispered. "In some way you expected it. That's why it's not a big deal. You're prepared for it because it's happened before. Like you're not important enough, you don't think you matter."

Callen cupped her face. "You shouldn't be doing this Jessie," he said softly.

"This is my job."

Callen shook his head. "This is personal for you. Vance needs to get someone else to do this." This was hurting her so badly. Dammit he should've realised Vance would want to know more and Jessie was the one he'd turn to. Why hadn't Hetty pulled the plug on this when it came through? She knew how this had affected Jessie.

"Nate did this to _you_ not me," Jessie said.

"You're wrong Doc. You were hurt too."

Jessie frowned. Callen's thumbs brushed the tears off her cheeks. "What Nate did," he said, "the distrust he caused in me hit you. I hurt you. That itself is on me, but it's still fallout from Nate's actions. You're too close."

"The report's almost done. The rest I was fine with. I can't-"

"You can and you will." It didn't matter how much she'd already done, this part was too intense, too personal.

A knock on the door pulled their attention from one another.

"Sorry," Kensi said with a apologetic smile. "We've got them. We need to go."

"Thanks Kenz," Callen said. He turned back to Jessie. "We're not done with this Doc. I will be back and we'll finish this talk."

Callen brushed his lips over hers and wiped away the rest of the tears though he couldn't be sure more wouldn't fall when he left the room but there was nothing he could do about them.

Callen dropped his hands from her face and stepped back. "I promise Jessie, we'll work this out."

* * *

"You think resigning is the way to go?" Hetty's voice reached Callen in the corridor.

"I don't know Hetty. I can't do my job right now. Not this part."

"Mr Callen is right and it is something I should have seen. I will speak to Director Vance."

"What if this is the way it's always going to be?" Jessie asked.

"What way?"

"They get hurt, I hurt for them and can't -"

"Hetty," Callen stepped through the door. "Can you leave us please?" His gaze was locked on Jessie though he saw Hetty nod and walk toward him out of his peripheral vision. It wasn't a question and Hetty knew it. Callen closed the door behind Hetty.

"Doc," Callen said firmly. "I said we'd talk about this when I got back."

"G, I promised Hetty I'd tell her if I was struggling. She was free so we talked."

Callen walked over to her and stood in front of her.

"You want to resign?"

"No." The force behind her denial reinforced her answer. "I love my job. I love being here for all of you. I just don't know if I can do it. I'm mean this is the first big thing and I'm struggling and we've only been together a week."

"We've been together a lot longer than that Doc and you knew it before I did. You're having trouble because this one is personal. It affected you too."

"So when does it stop being personal G? I care about you. All of you."

"And you have for a long time yet you've still done your job," Callen assured her. "You didn't just suddenly have things get personal in the last week. It hasn't stopped you before. I've seen you fight for all of us and it's obvious it was more than just because of the job."

"It's a little harder than I thought considering the emotional connection."

"With one member in particular?" Callen stepped closer.

Jessie smiled. "Well there is one who evokes very different emotions than the rest."

"I agree. Hetty is very different."

Jessie laughed softly and he saw some of the tension slip from her. "I was talking about you," she said.

"I would hope I do more than evoke different emotions." Callen slid his hands up under her shirt and around to her back to stroke the skin there. He felt her body soften and Jessie leaned into him.

"You do know if you resign," Callen said, "you won't have high enough clearance anymore. Even if you wanted to help us, we wouldn't be able to talk to you about most of what we do." One hand stayed on her back and the other shifted to her waist and his fingers stroked the dip there. He felt the muscles twitch. "You'd worry more," he continued, "because you wouldn't know what was going on." His hand moved out from under her shirt and he cupped her cheek. "You know the odd hours we have to work sometimes. I'd miss you." He leaned forward and brushed a kiss over her other cheek and let his hand drop to the buttons on her shirt.

"You're playing dirty," Jessie murmured. Her eyes drifted closed when his lips brushed hers.

"I'm playing to win." Because he couldn't let her leave. She was too important. Two buttons down Callen stopped and Jessie's eyes fluttered back open. He nudged her shirt off her shoulder since now the buttons had been freed.

"So I finally get the blue."

"Huh?"

Callen ran his fingers over the strap. "I finally get to see the blue version."

"How do you know it's that one, not just something in blue?"

"Details Doc. It's same as the red."

Jessie looked skeptical. "You barely saw it."

"But I remember every thing very clearly." Including how his fingers had itched to trace the line of red lace and feel her skin, which he took advantage of and did right now.

Jessie took in a deep breath. "You're making this very difficult."

Callen dropped his hand and settled it at her waist. Over not under her shirt.

"Okay. Take this out of the equation."

"You're not making it easy." His other hand may still be under her shirt on her back but he was keeping it still. He just wasn't willing to lose that connection with her.

"Your fault for distracting me."

"What did I do?"

Callen grinned. "You're breathing Doc. That's all it takes."

There was a very strong hint of feminine satisfaction in Jessie's eyes. Callen continued to kept his hands still. The conversation was too important.

"You're not allowed to do my psych evaluations right?"

Callen hadn't liked the idea to begin with, had protested the decision to both Jessie and Hetty but had eventually come to the conclusion it was the right move. He was even more sure of that now with her reaction to this situation. It wasn't like he hadn't had them done by someone else before she'd come along. Jessie's would be more thorough, given that he would be open with her in a way that he couldn't be with someone else. But there were three ways it could go. Jessie could manage to be unbiased, or she'd hold him back even when he was ready. The third option, the one that had made Callen realise it was a necessary move, was that Jessie might feel she was being overly concerned because of the personal relationship and put him out there when he wasn't ready. When it came to being ready to be in the field or not, that difference could be either his life or someone else close to him he'd rather deal with another psychologist than to risk that.

"Right."

"So whoever does mine can do theirs as well. You handle the rest of the office, someone else handles the team. You're still here for us, still taking care of us, both mentally and physically, but not the one ultimately responsible for whether we're in the field or not."

"What happens when I recommend one of you isn't ready to go back out, or even be out there?" Jessie asked him. She dropped her gaze to his chest and fiddled with his buttons. "Even if I'm not making the decision it'll still be something I'll need to do."

Callen cupped her face in both hands and tilted it back up so she wasn't hiding from him anymore. "If you're doing it because of your job we'll be fine," he told her. "If you're doing it because you care and are scared, we'll still be fine." He was sure the rest of them would understand, he'd make sure they did. "But will you be okay?"

Jessie didn't answer so Callen added, reluctantly, "If resigning is what you really want to do, I'll support you."

"I don't. I love this job like nothing I've done before. I feel like I belong here. Like it's where I'm meant to be."

That was the best news he'd had all day.

Callen nodded. "Good to know. Now we just need someone to come in for us. You have anyone in mind?" He dropped his hands back to her waist.

Jessie nodded. "I was thinking of Jacob."

"Why?" Callen asked and kept his tone serious, one that he hoped came across as simply wanting to know the reasons behind her choice and not anything else. Obviously there was history with him and Jacob on a more personal level.

"He has military experience. A lot of it and evaluations have always been a part of his job, but …" Jessie took a breath. "I know you didn't exactly have the greatest introduction to him."

Callen smiled. "I won't hold it against him if he won't hold it against me."

Jessie shot him a look. "You won't? What exactly did he do to you?"

Callen tugged her a little closer. "He had you, all dressed up and he made you laugh and smile."

"And that is wrong in what way?"

"I wanted it to be me."

Jessie smiled. "So you were jealous."

"Never said I wasn't."

"You-" Jessie stopped, a thoughtful look in her eyes. "I guess you didn't did you?"

"Nope. Felt it. Terrified me. Made me do some pretty stupid things." That he was incredibly lucky she hadn't held against him.

"You recovered nicely." Was that because of his quick apology or because of those words that he'd felt instinctively that he'd needed to say to her before he'd left her apartment? He knew for certain it wasn't because of the foot rub.

"So, getting back to the why," Callen reminded her.

"I'm hoping that because I trust him, you'll all trust him a bit easier than someone else."

"Makes sense." Callen nodded. "Sounds like he's a good choice. Why haven't you asked him yet?"

"We've been kind of distracted."

"Speaking of that."

Jessie raised an eyebrow when Callen slid his hands under her shirt again. He saw the flush on her cheeks heighten and her eyes heat.

"There are some very good perks to you staying," Callen told her.

"Really?"

Callen shifted his head toward her and nibbled on her neck. A slight moan escaped.

"G," Jessie breathed. "Shouldn't we be keeping this out of the office?"

"Blurred lines remember," Callen whispered next to her ear. "As long as it doesn't affect our jobs."

"Not very," her words were halted and breathless, "professional."

Callen smiled. "I'm just making sure you have all the facts about the perks to the job." He found the spot on her neck, just below her ear and sucked gently. Her knees went out from her but since he was expecting it, she didn't fall. "Remember," he said softly, "I play dirty."

"If someone were to walk in…"

He had her right where he wanted her. "That would be why I locked the door behind Hetty."

"G."

Callen could hear the desire and the conflict in her voice. Once again he reluctantly removed his hands from under her shirt and cupped her face in.

"I want you here, not just for me, or this, but because of what you mean to the team as a whole. They need you. We need you and you are not replaceable." He didn't think anyone in her position had managed to get through to any of his team before like she had. They were so wary of talking but something about her had won them all over.

There were tears in Jessie's eyes again, though these ones Callen suspected weren't from hurting for him. He brushed a kiss gently over her lips and then pulled back to look down in to her eyes. The shine was there but the tears weren't falling. Jessie's hand slid around his neck and she pulled him closer.

"Perhaps," she whispered, "since you are so into details, you should show me some of these perks a little more." Then her mouth covered his.

Callen let Jessie take the lead with the kiss for a few lingering moments before he pulled back and lifted her into his arm and carried her to the couch. "Anytime you want Doc."

* * *

Callen let his fingers trail up her back, no shirt or bra strap to interfere this this time. Her skin was warm and soft.

"Still think you should resign?" he asked.

"No." The word was a warm breathe across his neck.

"Convincing was I?"

Jessie laughed softly and then lifted her head to look at him. "It wasn't the perks that were convincing."

"You don't like the perks?"

"Oh I love the perks," she said with a smile, "and look forward to making the most of them."

"So," Callen brushed back the hair that had come loose off her face, a frequent occurrence because he loved to bury his hands in it when he kissed her and anytime he saw it pulled back too thoroughly the temptation usually became too strong to resist.

"You had me at need."

Callen smiled. "We do need you Doc. No one can replace what you give us."

Jessie shifted and lowered her head to kiss him but before her lips meet his the sound of voices from the hallway outside filtered through. Jessie's eyes went wide. Then came the sound of the door handle being turned, or at least attempted to.

"Really!" Deeks' voice came from outside the door. "You couldn't have waited just a little and go home for it."

"Deeks," Kensi's voice, amusement clear in it, joined in. "Let's go. We'll catch them later."

Jessie buried her head in Callen's neck and he felt her shake with repressed laughter. When the sound of footsteps disappeared she lifted her head and smiled. "Oops!"

Callen grinned back. "Ah the beauty of payback." He brushed the backs of his fingers over her cheek. "Deeks doesn't have to know what happened in here if you don't want him to."

Jessie's eyes went wide."You're not planning on telling him what -"

Callen shook his head. "Of course not. This is just between you and me. But we can make it seem like we weren't here and the door was just locked."

Jessi shrugged. "Not much fun in that."

Callen raised an eyebrow. "You've got a cruel streak in you Doctor Blake. I'm shocked."

Jessie shook her head. "No you're not because you were thinking exactly the same thing." She smiled and the smile held more than a touch of wickedness to it. "However he did have a very good idea we should thank him for."

"What's that?"

"Going home."

The twinkle in her eyes told Callen exactly what she meant. "I like the way you think Doctor Blake."

"I have some catching up I'd like to do so stop looking at me like that or it'll happen here."

Callen tightened his hold on her when she shifted to get up. His shirt was undone but that was a far as he'd let her go. While they could've gone further together, he'd kept this just for her somehow hoping that she'd read just how much he needed her, in his life and here at work, in his touch. His hands slipped into her hair and he held her gently until she looked him in the eye.

"Doc, this isn't a competition. I'm not playing that with you."

Jessie smiled and Callen eased his hold when he felt the slight shift as she moved forward to brush her lips over his. "I know it's not," she said softly. "Doesn't mean I don't want to play more."

Callen smiled. "I'm all for more playing, just not because you have to catch up. Are we clear?"

"Very." Jessie kissed again, deeper, heated and full of something he wasn't quite ready to put a word to but would take as much of it as she was will to give.

Callen pulled back with some degree of difficulty. "Home Doctor Blake."

Jessie chuckled and he knew she'd heard the frustration in his tone. "Whatever you want … Agent Callen."


	86. Wicked

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little fun one for today. Enjoy and love to hear your thoughts.

* * *

 

Callen caught the two small pieces of cardboard that Deeks tossed on his desk before they slid right off. After checking them out he looked up at his team mate. "Two tickets to Wicked?"

"Yep." Deeks nodded. "For tonight. The night the girls are going."

"Why?"

"Why? Really? You're going to let your girlfriend go out on her own?"

"She's not on her own. She's with Kensi."

"Right," Deeks drew out the word. "Two awesomely hot women out on their own at a place where there will be loads of men interested in the same things they are. What do you think's gonna happen? They're going to get hit on."

Deeks really seemed bothered by this and Callen wasn't quite sure why. Surely he trusted Kensi.

"One," Callen said. "Not sure how I feel about you calling Jessie awesomely hot. Two. I trust her and you should trust Kensi."

Deeks shook his head. "I don't have a thing for Jessie, but seriously Callen, I've got eyes. She might not be my type but she's most definitely hot especially if she wears that dress from her birthday."

Okay so Deeks had a point. That dress did to amazing things to her, not that without she wasn't…. Callen pulled his thoughts back from her not in a dress.

"Still Deeks," Callen said, "they're not going to go running off with some random guys. Have a little more faith in them."

Deeks started to pace. "I have faith in them. Jessie will be polite and turn them down gently, but she won't be outright blunt because she wouldn't want to hurt someone's feelings, especially if he was going about it nicely. But Kensi?" Deeks stopped and faced Callen. "You know what Kensi will do if a jerk hits on her."

And now Callen saw the more important part of why they were going. "She'd take him down."

"Hard, either with words or action, and then that will no doubt spoil Jessie's birthday adventure and you wouldn't want that on your conscience would you?"

Callen chuckled. "Wow, you do know how to play dirty. They decent seats?"

Not that he really cared. He was going to say yes anyway more to keep Deeks in line but also to get a chance to see if Jessie enjoyed her birthday gift as much as he'd hoped she would.

"Nope. Three rows from the back. Was lucky to get them, they were the only two together left."

"Lucky we're not there for the show."

"Lucky. Should we check with Hetty about suits? Do you think she'd let us borrow some so we don't stand out?"

Callen had no doubt Hetty wouldn't mind though she would certainly make the most of the opportunity in some way.

"Deeks you realise Kensi's a trained agent. The likelihood of her not figuring out we're there is slim to none."

Deeks put his hands on Callen's desk and leaned closer. "You're giving us a lot more credit than I would. She'll know. And then Jessie will know."

Callen rose from his seat. "Then I guess we'd better talk to Hetty so we get to be the ones to take them home."

"And now he truly gets it. Just think of what -," Deeks stopped suddenly. "You know what don't. Just enjoy the benefits of picking up your girl and I'll do the same with mine."

* * *

"Kensi," Jessie leaned close and whispered, "Is it just me or are we being watched?"

Kensi smiled. "Seems you're picking up some good skills there. We are. By who though?"

"Feels G but why would he be here?" Jessie spoke quietly to avoid distracting those around us. She'd have waited until intermission but the feeling of being watched, even if she thought it was from Callen was distracting and she was looking for a little reassurance.

"Deeks is as well."

"Both of them? Why?"

"I'm not even game to try to figure it out," Kensi said. "You're the therapist. You try and get into their heads."

"If they weren't who they are, I'd say they didn't trust us."

"But they do."

Jessie knew Callen trusted her. After everything they'd been through to get together there was no way her head would be turned by someone else so he had no reason to worry about her being out without him, at least in those terms. As for Deeks, it wasn't like she talked to Deeks about what was going on between him and Kensi, unless he was struggling with something about their relationship and working together but even then that had been infrequent and only happened a few times early on. She certainly had the impression that he trusted Kensi. Unless they were worried about their safety. She pushed off the thought. No, if that was the case Callen would've made sure he was right next to her.

"Perhaps Callen really wanted to come to the show," Kensi said.

Jessie frowned. "He told me to ask you, not that I wouldn't want to come with you, but -"

"It's okay Jessie," Kensi assured her. "I get it. Of course you'd want to be with Callen. And I'm really glad you asked. Deeks isn't into this, and neither are my other friends."

"So why?"

"Maybe Callen's not ready to let you out of his sight yet."

As much as the thought was appealing, Jessie shook her head. "If he'd felt that way he'd have said so."

"I'd say Deeks had something to do with it."

"So what are we going to do about our shadows?"

Kensi smiled and Jessie had an 'uh oh' moment. There was a particularly wicked gleam in Kensi's eyes that had nothing to do with the show they were here to see.

* * *

"I'm going over there," Deeks said.

"Deeks," Callen put his hand on Deeks' arm and stopped him. "No. They're fine." He was surprised he hadn't had to physically restrain Deeks sooner.

"Those guys are hitting on them."

Callen chuckled at the very distinct hint of jealousy in Deeks' tone. "They're just having a conversation that they are enjoying."

"The guy put his hand on Kensi's arm."

"And he's still breathing," Callen reminded Deeks.

Deeks huffed. "True."

"Come on Deeks. Nothing's happening over there except for some people enjoying discussing something they've just watched."

Deeks all but snarled when one of the men Kensi and Jessie were talking to got the girls another drink.

Callen shook his head. "Deeks, settle. Let's go back inside. It's almost time anyway."

"Nope. Not until they go in."

Callen resigned himself to waiting. "I'm surprised with you glaring daggers that Kensi hasn't come over and told you off."

"They haven't even looked in this direction," Deeks grumbled. "So much for Kensi's agent talents."

Callen had to give it to Deeks that he did have a point. There'd been no sign of either woman having realised they were being watched. And it wasn't like they'd been subtle about it. Callen hadn't been able to pull his eyes from Jessie since she'd arrived in the purple dress he'd brought her. He didn't quite know how she did it but he was sure she looked even better in it tonight than she had before. Or maybe it was that he was looking at her in a different, more knowing, way.

"They're on the move." Deeks turned his back on them quickly to hide his face, though why he bothered Callen wasn't sure, since his hair would've been a dead giveaway. Callen continued to monitor Jessie and Kensi.

"Bathrooms," he said. "They'll be heading inside soon."

"Speaking of bathrooms." Deeks headed that way too.

* * *

Callen followed Deeks and climbed the stairs toward their seats. He almost crashed into Deeks when the man stopped suddenly.

"Uh oh," Deeks said. Callen looked up and there was Kensi sitting in one of their seats. Kensi pointed at Callen and then further down to where the girls had been sitting - where Jessie was. Callen looked back and Kensi flicked her fingers in an unmissable sign that he was to go and Deeks was to come to her.

"Good luck," Deeks murmured before he headed to Kensi.

Callen descended slowly, watched Jessie the whole way but she didn't look back at him. He slipped into the seat beside her and then she finally looked at him.

"Hi." Jessie raised an eyebrow and there was a definite question in her look that he knew she wouldn't accept him not answering.

"It's Deeks' fault."

"Really?" Her lips twitched in amusement. "He dragged you kicking and screaming? I didn't hear any commotion at all like that."

Callen grinned. "We were just making sure you didn't get into trouble."

"I'm pretty sure Kensi could've got us out of any trouble."

"She would've been the one to get you in it." Jessie frowned. Callen leaned closer. "Kensi doesn't take it well when guys hit on her badly."

"Oh. So you're saving her from herself? How very noble."

"Saving you," Callen corrected.

"Me?"

"Wouldn't want a scene to spoil your night."

"Is that what Deeks said to make you come here?"

"Something like that."

The lights flickered and the people still in the aisles hurried to their seats.

"So why am I down here and Kensi up there?" Callen asked her.

Jessie turned her head and they were so close. Callen couldn't resist and caught her lips in a kiss that was perfectly respectable, except for the heat it generated.

Jessie's breath came out in a whoosh when he pulled back.

"Because," Jessie said softly, "I wanted you here."

Callen ran a finger softly over her cheek. "Lucky me."

"Plus, Kensi has plans for Deeks."

Callen narrowed his gaze, suspicion suddenly flared. "Those two men who were flirting with you two?" He should've known Kensi would know they were there.

"They weren't flirting," Jessie denied.

"Yeah they were. You're not seriously that innocent are you Doc?" There was a twinkle in her eyes. "What don't I know?" he asked.

"Richard and John are lovely. Celebrating their fifth anniversary tonight."

Callen laughed. "Deeks was about ready to take whichever one down that put his hand on Kensi's arm and got you drinks."

"I'm glad you stopped him."

Jessie smiled again just before the lights went down completely. She shifted in her seat and her arm settled against his. Callen caught her hand and lifted it to his mouth, kissed her palm. In the stillness and quiet of the auditorium before the show restarted he heard the faint catch of her breath as he did. Temptation got the better of him and he flicked his tongue over the spot as well.

Jessie leaned close and whispered in his ear. "Behave G."

Callen turned his head toward her. "Not likely," he whispered back. The lights came up on the stage and he was able to see her eyes. "Especially when you look at me like that."

Jessie took a deep breath and turned her head toward the stage. He kept her hand in his throughout the show, occasionally lifted it for a kiss, traced circles on the palm of her hand or ran his fingers over hers. He knew what he was doing and he felt Jessie's reaction in the little tremors that went through her, her breathing and the moments where she caught his hand in hers and held it tight to stop him doing anything more.

The curtain fell and the lights brightened. Jessie was up out of her seat quickly, his hand still locked in hers. "Kensi and I caught a cab," she told him. "You and Deeks?"

"Brought our own cars." All the better to whisk their girls away at the end of the night.

"Good." Jessie led the way out of the theatre but once they were outside, Callen pulled her out of the way of the exiting audience to a secluded spot.

"Doc why the rush?"

"Where's your car?"

"Thought you'd want to say goodbye to Kensi."

"No."

"So what do you want?"

Her gaze caught his and Callen knew with just the look he saw in her eyes what was going on. All those touches, as innocent as they could've been, had been too much.

"You know my night didn't go quite according to plan," Jessie told him.

"How's that?"

"It was supposed to be a girls night." She smiled and slipped her arms around his neck and her body brushed against his. "But this really hot guy sat down next to me and from that moment on I had an incredibly hard time concentrating on the second half of the show."

"Hard time huh? I can understand that." Callen pulled her tight against him to make sure she didn't miss his meaning.

Jessie took a deep breath and slowly let it out.

"Sorry this guy ruined your night," he said.

"Oh he hasn't ruined it. Not yet. That depends on what he does next."

"What do you want him to do?"

Jessie brushed her lips across his. "I've been wanting to know for a very long time what he wanted to do the last time I wore this dress."

Curious to see where she was going to take this line of conversation Callen waited for her to continue.

"You see," Jessie's fingers played with the back of his neck, "He had to undo the zip when it got stuck and there was something in his eyes that made me very curious."

"Really?"

"Yeah really. I'm hoping he'll show me just what it was that he was thinking."

"Here? Now?"

Jessie laughed and as she did her head dropped back slightly and Callen took advantage to drop a few kisses along its length.

"Oh no, not here. Not now, but soon. Probably at his place."

"Why his?"

"It's so much closer than mine." Jessie shifted slightly and her hand slipped under his jacket between them and he felt the lower buttons of his shirt give way.

"Jessie," Callen growled near her ear, "what are you doing?"

"Not my fault that you're so tempting. I'm just getting a head start." Callen stepped back and her hands dropped out from under his jacket.

He held out his hand for one of hers. "Let's go home."

Jessie kept her hand on Callen's leg the whole drive home, but miracle of miracles she didn't actually do anything aside from that. Callen wasn't entirely sure if he was relieved or disappointed.

Once inside his front door Jessie kicked off her shoes, dropped her small evening bag to the floor, turned to him and smiled.

"So, what were you thinking?" she asked.

Callen stepped closer. Jessie didn't back away, just waited for him.

"I was trying not to think," he admitted.

"But," she slipped her arms around his neck and shifted her body close to his. "That didn't work did it?"

Callen's fingers found the zip but he didn't lower it.

"No it didn't," he told her quietly.

"What did you want to do?" Jessie asked softly

Callen showed her. He took her mouth with his, tasted and explored and accepted when she did the same but his fingers didn't shift that zip any lower.

"That," Callen pulled back and they both sucked in a much needed breath, "was what I wanted to do, considering where we were."

"And now?" Jessie brought her fingers to trace his lips gently. "What now that you don't have to worry about company?"

The zip slid slowly down her back under the gentle pressure of his fingers, no catching this time. One finger trailed just behind the zip along her bare skin. Callen walked them slowly back toward his bedroom. By the time the zip hit the bottom they were through the doorway and he began to trail kisses down her neck all the way until he could nudge the sparkly strap off one shoulder as his fingers danced up her bare back.

"Now," he lifted his head. "I have something else in mind that I really want to do." His fingers nudged the other strap off her shoulder and the dress pooled between them at chest level where they bodies were touching.

"What's that?" Jessie asked. Her voice was breathless and Callen's gaze locked onto hers. The heat in her eyes made the brown look like swirling molten chocolate. "To see you, in my bed."

Next week once those hospital shifts started again he wouldn't be spending every night at her apartment. He wanted this time with her in his, creating some memories here that he'd could think about when she couldn't be with him.

Callen lifted his hands and started to ease it out of the simple yet elegant updo that she had it in. "You hair spread out on my pillow around you." Jessie's breath caught when he shifted just enough for the dress to fall to her feet. Her hair tumbled down around her shoulders at the same time. He traced her bottom lip with his thumb and her tongue flicked out. His breath caught this time and he backed her toward the bed. he lowered her carefully and followed her down, his body covered hers

"And that smile," he said when she smiled up at him, "just for me."

"Now you have that," she said softy, "what else do you want?"

"You."

"You have me," Jessie whispered and raised her head to catch his lips in a gentle kiss before she added, "You have all of me."


	87. Santiago

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Managed to get this to a point where I'm happy, or at least as happy as I think I can get with it, so here you go. Next one may not be out until Monday so in case, have a great weekend.
> 
> Hope you enjoy and love to know what you think.

* * *

Callen glanced toward the Ops doors when they swished open unexpectedly. A smile started to form when he saw Jessie walk in but his look quickly changed to concern when he saw the paleness to her face and the fear in her eyes. She headed straight to Eric and handed him her phone before she turned to him. The request was clear in her eyes and Callen moved to pull her into his arms. Her arms went around his waist and she held on as if she her life depended on it. All thought of the mission they'd just completed and had been going over gone.

"Jessie?"

She lifted her head. "Santiago. He … He has her. Wants..." A shudder went through her and Jessie buried her head in his shoulder.

"Eric?"

Eric looked at Callen and he saw the concern in Eric's face. "On the screen now."

Instinctively Callen put his hand on the back of Jessie's head to keep her from looking. The message that had obviously come through on Jessie's phone contained a photo of Jessie's grandmother, what appeared to be a link and a message.

_I want my money. I'll give her back when I get it. I'll call in an hour to arrange a meeting. You'd better answer._

"Eric, what's the link to?" Sam asked.

With a few clicks Eric had connected to what seemed to be a live feed of Jessie's grandmother tied to a chair looking a little battered.

"Where's it coming from?" Kensi asked.

"Working on it." Eric and Nell tapped away quickly on their respective keyboards.

Callen glanced over Jessie's head to Sam. His partner caught his eye, gave a barely noticeable nod and left the room just as Hetty walked through the door.

"What's going on?"

Callen didn't wonder how Hetty knew something was up. There were so many things it could be. He just appreciated her instincts. "Santiago's contacted Jessie," he told Hetty. "He wants his money."

Jessie lifted her head again. "It's all gone G. We finished distributing it last week."

The DEA had won the fight to have Jessie deal with her uncle's estate from out here. They'd also worked hard during that time to have everything set up so it could be dispersed as quickly as possible. Callen knew she'd spent a day last week with Deeks and the lawyers finalising the paperwork.

"There's no money for him," Jessie added.

"How would he even know?" Deeks asked. "Would she have contacted him?"

"DEA didn't tell me anything about what went on with her." Jessie shrugged. "I didn't want to know. Maybe she did."

"Any luck yet Eric on the feed?" Callen asked.

Eric spun in his seat. "He's here in LA."

"What?"

"No," Jessie gasped and her hold on Callen tightened.

"Damn," Callen swore. "Whitby said they'd warn us. What the hell is going on?"

Sam walked back in. "G. Twenty minutes."

Jessie glanced between him and Sam. "G?" There was suspicion in her eyes and tone.

"Michelle's on her way," Callen told Jessie. "You'll go and stay with her until we sort this out."

Jessie shook her head. "No."

"Yes." Callen cupped Jessie's head in his hands. "You go with her and stay safe."

"What about you?"

"We'll do what we do best and take care of this."

"No," Jessie shook her head again and tears filled her eyes quickly. "I've already lost too much to that family."

"Jessie," he kept his tone gentle but firm. "I'm not gonna lose you. I've just got you."

"What if I lose -"

"You won't. I promise." It was a promise Callen probably shouldn't have made but she needed something to hold onto and he hoped to every possible God or whatever was out there that he could keep it. He'd certainly be doing everything he could to make sure of it.

"I need you safe," Callen told her, "so we can get this done." Because is she wasn't safe he suspected his head would be with her instead and then none of them would be.

"I can't. I'm supposed to talk to him in less than an hour," Jessie reminded him.

Nell was beside them. "I have a program," she said. "With enough recordings I can cover the conversation."

"Go with Nell," Callen said. "Give her what she needs. There's not a lot of time."

"G."

"Trust me." Callen brushed a kiss over her lips and waited while she took a deep breath.

"You had this planned already didn't you?" Jessie asked.

"Yeah," Callen admitted. "For a while now." He'd set it in place with Sam that if anything happened Michelle would be willing to step in and protect Jessie. He'd had it in place even before things between them had been resolved. "Go," he said. "Please."

Jessie reluctantly nodded and Callen waited until the doors swished closed behind Nell and Jessie before he turned to the rest of the team.

"Hetty."

"You have a go Mr Callen," Hetty answered before he could ask. "She's one of us. Make her safe."

"Eric get DEA in Chicago on the phone. I need to talk to Agent Whitby."

"Already have the DEA director waiting for you Callen."

This was what he loved about his team. They knew their jobs and what needed to be done and he didn't have to handhold them. He flashed a grateful look at Eric. "Bring him up."

An older man appeared on the screen in front of them.

"Director Harvey," Callen said. He knew the man's name from his dealings with the Chicago office. "I need to talk to Agent Whitby."

"Why?"

"Drake Santiago. I'd like to know how the hell Santiago slipped through his surveillance along with Jessica Reed and are here in LA as we speak." Callen shifted closer to the screen. "He was supposed to give us a heads up if she came this way as well as have your guys here handle her."

"Agent Whitby is dead. His body was discovered this morning."

There was silence in the room.

"How?" Callen asked, though he quickly followed it with and "I'm sorry," before the director could answer.

Director Harvey nodded. "He was tortured before being killed and his body dumped behind our main office."

Callen ran a hand over his face. "Do you know by who?"

"No but we have our suspicions and Santiago is right at the top of our list. You say he's in LA?"

"We believe so. He contacted Jessie, Jesinta Blake, this morning by text." Callen glanced at Eric. "Send it to the Director."

"On its way."

"It appears," Callen continued, "he's holding Jessica Reed hostage and coming after Jessie for the money. Has there been any contact between Reed and Santiago?"

Director Harvey shook his head. "Not that we've been able to find yet but we're digging even deeper now."

"How the hell did he find out about the money and the connection to Jessie?" Deeks asked.

"Search right back to before her uncle died," Callen told them, the instruction for both the DEA and Eric because he didn't doubt Eric would be doing his own searching. "See if she contacted him before that happened."

Callen thought for a moment. "There's a leak somewhere. He had Jessie's number."

"Not here." Director Harvey said confidently. "Not in the DEA office at least. Whitby kept his Santiago case close and tight. He's been after him for years. Those who worked on it work with him were well trusted."

"If Santiago had gotten anything out of Whitby," Callen thought out loud. "He wouldn't have been contacting her on her mobile. He'd have had her address."

"No, he wouldn't. Jessie's apartment is not in her name," Hetty informed them. "She has another address to use for mail and anything else. Eric, check on it please when you can."

"Why?" Callen asked Hetty. This was news to him. Not that it was unusual for the rest of them, but it wasn't normal for those in supporting roles to have that. Just the agents.

"A different world Agent Callen. I felt it was necessary to put in place precautions from the very beginning to get her used to the need for a certain degree of secrecy." Callen suspected there was more to it than that. Perhaps Hetty had been protecting Jessie from more than just enemies relating to the job.

"Who else had her mobile number?" Deeks asked.

"The lawyer for her uncle. Remember he called." Callen glanced up at the screen. "Can you check him out? See if he's had contact with Santiago?"

"Will do."

"Director Harvey." Hetty stepped up closer to the camera. "Henrietta Lange. Operations Manager here. My sincere condolences."

"Thank you."

"Are you willing to make this a joint operation?"

"In what way?"

"I am assuming with Santiago here in Los Angeles that would open up an opportunity to take him down at your end. If we were to deal with the problem here, with the help of DEA in Los Angeles, block his communication with home they'd be a little lost without their leader calling the shots."

Director Harvey nodded. "If you think between us we can take this bastard down once and for all, you have our full cooperation. Whitby's team is crying out for blood, as are the rest of us. He was one of our best."

"Very well." Hetty nodded. "We have a op to plan then gentleman," Hetty glanced at Kensi. "And lady. Let's get to it."

* * *

Callen walked toward where Jessie sat at his desk in his chair. Michelle had texted Sam to say that she'd just pulled in and Callen wanted to see Jessie one more time before she left. Jessie rose and walked straight into his arms.

"It's okay," Callen whispered against her hair. "We've got this." He lifted her head with a gentle hand on her chin so he could look into her eyes. Eyes that held fear which he was determined to remove for good. At least the fear connected with this. Callen saw a movement at the corner of his eye and looked up to see Michelle walking towards them.

Callen turned his attention back to Jessie. "I need you to trust Michelle as if she were me. If she tells you to do something, you do it. No question."

Jessie frowned. "What's going on?" The fear in her eyes grew and he felt the tension in her body increase.

Callen took a moment to figure out what to tell her. He didn't really want her to know the full extent of everything but if he kept it from her she wouldn't understand why he needed her to do this. "Whitby's dead. Possibly at Santiago's hands and Santiago has Jessica," He refused to call her by the title of grandmother, "here in LA."

"He's really here?"

"Yes. Trust Michelle please."

Jessie nodded, the motion jerky. Callen could see he'd told her enough that she knew how serious this was. He pressed his lips to her forehead and pulled her into a tight hug.

"Go. We'll come get you when it's over," he assured her.

Jessie's arms tightened around him briefly before she let go and stepped back. Michelle stepped forward and put her arm around Jessie's shoulder.

"Don't worry G. I've got her."

Callen gave Michelle a brief smile but they both knew that he would anyway. At least this way he knew Jessie was with someone who had the skills to keep her safe. He watched them walk away and when Jessie looked back just before they stepped out the doors he put on the most reassuring smile he could manage. The door closed behind them and he headed up to ops taking the steps two at a time.

"Let's do this," Sam said when Callen walked it. "Just need to finalise the plan." Which they couldn't do until they knew exactly what Santiago wanted and where.

"Nell," Callen said. "You ready for the call?" There was only ten minutes before Santiago was due to call.

"Ready," Nell said, "with multiple pre programmed responses and plenty of half ones I can fill in on the fly."

"Eric."

"Ready to track the call."

"DEA," Callen glanced at Hetty who had taken on coordinating with the Chicago office.

"Are mobilising teams as we speak," Hetty informed them, "and working on a plan to surround the compound so they are ready to head in when we give the signal."

Callen looked at Sam. "We've got a team already working their way to cover the building we believe Santiago is in and monitor it," Sam told him. "DEA here are meeting up with the team and will coordinate with them to provide additional cover and follow orders from us when the time comes."

"Will they?" Callen asked.

"They will," Sam said confidently. "They know it's personal for them," Callen raised an eyebrow considering how personal it was for them. Sam shot him a look of acknowledgment before he continued. "They've got a good team on the ground G, who understand the importance of chain of command. As personal as it is for us, Whitby is dead and they don't want to screw this up and have Santiago get away."

Callen nodded and was about to add more when Jessie's phone rang.

"He's early," Nell said.

"Lucky you're ready." Callen saw a hint of nervousness in Nell and went to stand behind her, his hand on her shoulder. "You've got this Nell." She nodded, took a breath and answered with the help of her program.

"I want my money," Santiago's voice came over the phone. "You have it."

"No. It's already gone where it's supposed to."

"I don't care where it's gone. It was promised to me." This wasn't good. Callen could hear the danger in Santiago's voice. The man was on edge.

"By who?"

"By your lovely double crossing grandmother of course."

There were raised eyebrows all around the room and Callen's gut churned even more.

"What do you mean?" Nell asked

"You really don't know do you?" The was a chuckle over the phone as Santiago laughed. "She promised me you or fifteen million."

Nell glanced up at Callen, worry in her expression. Callen gave her a reassuring nod and she turned back to continue the conversation. "Me?"

"She promised she'd bring you back to Chicago so I could get my hands on you or I could have the money. Unfortunately for me, and her, you were gone too quickly when you were back there."

A slice of fear, cold as ice ran through Callen that he'd already watching Jessie back then.

"Why do you want me?"

"Why? Simple. You ruined my childhood and I've been waiting forever to get you for it."

"I don't even know you." There was only one drawback to Nell's program in that you couldn't inject fear into the voice. Callen hoped Santiago was too caught up in what he wanted to think about that.

"Oh but I know all about you. The child worth dying for. My father was determined to have your mother but she died to protect you. He never let my mother live it down that she was second choice. I suffered because my mother wasn't going to repeat the mistake of putting her child first. She made it clear he was her priority right up until the day she died, a week after he did. I've been waiting for this opportunity for a long time."

"I can't give you money I don't have."

"Then I'll take you and the rest of your life. You want your grandmother to live, you will either bring yourself, or the money. I'll send you the address. Twenty four hours. You or the money. I'll take either. Or maybe I'll take both. Depends how generous I'm feeling." The call was disconnected.

Callen glanced around the room. The magnitude of what had been said didn't miss any of them. Callen wasn't the only one who swore.

"What do we do?" Eric asked.

"Take him down," Callen said. "Before the time is is up. He's not getting anywhere near her."

"I'll call Michelle."

"Don't Sam." Callen said. "Michelle knows what she's doing. Calling her will just make Jessie worry more."

"I agree." Hetty said. "We leave Jessie in Michelle's capable hands and get this done. The sooner the better." Hetty turned and walked out the door. Callen had heard the tension in Hetty's voice. He knew she'd volunteered one of her safe houses for Michelle and Jessie. Which one he wasn't sure but he had no doubts that it was well stocked with whatever Michelle would need. He just hoped none of it was needed.

"Did she really set up her own granddaughter?" Nell asked.

"Looks that way," Sam said.

"Who needs enemies when you have family and a grandmother like that," Eric muttered.

"She not Jessie's family Eric. We are. Let's not refer to her as Jessie's grandmother again. She doesn't deserve that connection."

"Got it," Eric said. Everyone else nodded in agreement.

"Right," Callen said. "Let's take down the bad guys."

"And girl," Eric murmured. Callen's lips twitched at Eric's words. It was good to know he was just as protective of Jessie as the rest of them.


	88. Hetty's

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did try for the mission part of this but, I'm not really an action writer and nothing would come so this is the fallout. There will be small details about what happened filtered over the coming chapters that should give a reasonably good, general, idea of what happened.
> 
> Enjoy.

* * *

 

Hetty stood at the bottom of the hospital bed, her arms folded across her chest and watched the woman sleep. Bruises and a broken arm were the obvious injuries though the doctors report said there were more internal injuries that could become an issue. In all honesty Hetty didn't care if the woman made it. Callen was in surgery to remove a bullet from his leg. She was more concerned about him, not that she had any doubts he'd pull through because he'd been through worse before and made it. Some might say this one should be a cinch, and while she might not have doubts, the worry and fear hovered anyway.

No. Hetty's reason for being here now was to ensure the woman on the bed never bothered Jessie again. If Hetty could make it happen, one Jessica Reed would not exist in Jessie's life.

Mrs Reed started to stir on the bed and Hetty moved to the side where she could be seen better. Hetty would not think of the woman in terms of her being Jessie's grandmother any more than necessary, nor would she refer to her by the name Jessica - it was too close to Jessie and Hetty was determined to keep as much distance between the two as she could, even in her own head or conversation.

"Who are you?" Mrs Reed's weak voice said when she opened her eyes and looked at Hetty.

Hetty smiled. "Your worst nightmare."

"Excuse me?" The confusion on her face was clear. Hetty let her think she'd misheard.

"Such a misfortune on your part to be caught up with a Santiago again. Did you really think it would go any better than last time?"

"No idea what you are talking about."

"Of course you don't. You were just an innocent bystander."

"He beat me and took me hostage."

"Did he?"

"Are you calling me a liar?"

"If the proverbial shoe fits." Hetty shifted a little closer. "I don't believe he took you hostage. I believe you came to Los Angeles by choice. So you could see for yourself what he did." Mrs Reed's mouth opened but Hetty shook her head. "No I am not done. I do wonder if you think about those who rescued you today."

"Why would I wonder about them?"

"I thought you might want to know how the man who was shot. Perhaps feeling a touch of guilt that he got hurt."

"He was doing his job. Why should I?"

Hetty pursed her lips. "No. He wasn't. It was DEA's job to get you out of the unfortunate situation you waltzed yourself into. He was not DEA." If it hadn't been for Jessie's involvement her team wouldn't have had anything to do with it and Callen wouldn't be in surgery now. She knew though that none of them regretted taking care of and protecting their own. Especially Callen. They'd do it in a heartbeat for any of them. Had done for her.

"Not my problem."

"Perhaps not," Hetty said, "You, on the other hand, are mine."

"Go away."

The firm authoritative voice, or attempt at it, was pitiful. The voice was dry and croaky and lost it's force almost before the first word had ended.

"You don't even have a thank you for them?" Hetty shook her head. "A wish that he gets better quickly."

"That's what doctors are for. Again, not my problem." Mrs Reed closed her eyes in dismissal that Hetty wasn't about to take.

"Is that your answer to everything? You have to be the most loathsome woman I have had the displeasure to meet." And Hetty had meet some dreadful people in her time.

Mrs Reed's eyes opened. "You come a close second." There was something about that comment that rose Hetty's hackles further because somehow Hetty knew she was referring to either Jessie or her mother and neither were acceptable.

"You will leave Jessie alone. You will have nothing to do with her. No contact in any way. Her name does not pass your lips."

"Ah, that would be why he looked familiar. For him to do that for her she must be even better than her whore of a mother." Hetty reached out and grabbed the despicable woman's arm - the broken one, a the woman cried out in pain. Unfortunately not soon enough to stop the vile words from being uttered.

"Never again," Hetty said. "Do you understand?"

"What does she have on you?" The pain could still be heard on the voice.

"What she has is my protection."

"What could you possibly do to me? Do you know who I am?" The was disdain and a high and mighty, you couldn't possibly touch me, tone to the comment.

Hetty smiled. "I know who you are. As for what I could do. Remove you from her life - permanently."

"As if an old woman like you could do anything. The little who-" A cry of pain came from Mrs Reed again when Hetty pressed on a certain place on the broken arm, cutting off the word before it could fully form. Hetty knew what she was doing. She'd dealt with many a broken arm and while there was the slight risk that she might do more damage, her actions were mainly to cause pain.

"Do you know," Hetty made her words slow and clear, "what the statute for limitations on murder and conspiracy to commit murder is in Illinois?"

Mrs Reed whimpered again. Hetty released the arm and stepped right up next to the bed. "It's bothered me," Hetty continued, "since reading the report into Jessie's parents death that no one could really say how Santiago's men found them. Especially since Jessie's mother's psychologist reports said she made sure not to be followed home."

Hetty had read everything she could access regarding the death of Jessie's parents once she knew the situation, including all she could about her mother's mental state. What she'd discovered was a severely traumatised woman who loved her family with everything she had but struggled to cope with what she'd been forced to do. She had desperately tried not to taint her family with what had happened and ended up living two different lives to compartmentalise the woman she'd had to become to survive those months in captivity and protect the family she loved.

"She always met the driver well away from home," Hetty refused to use Jessie's mother's name in front of this woman. It was the least she could do to honor her memory. "And in varying locations. She was protective of her family even in the midst of the trauma she was dealing with." Trauma that had brought Hetty to tears more than once when reading about it.

"She was a -" But Mrs Reed stopped when Hetty raised an eyebrow. Surprise, surprise, the woman could actually learn.

"DEA in Chicago have seized Santiago's holdings. Everything. They are processing it as we speak. I believe Juan Santiago's personal diaries have been found."

For a woman who was already pale, the colour fleeing Mrs Reed's face was noticeable and incredibly informative.

Hetty smiled and shifted to the end of the bed now she felt reasonably confident that there would be no more vile words spilled regarding Jessie or her mother. "Yes, I thought that might be of interest to you. I wonder what they will say when they find that you gave your son's address to Santiago. That you tried to bargain for your son's life because you knew what Santiago would do with that information but that was all it was, you trying even though I'm sure you thought you had succeeded. Your lack of concern for what he did with Jessie or her mother is beyond appalling. As is the fact that you tried to use a traumatised little girl to take Santiago down even though you knew she didn't remember anything at the time."

"You have no proof." Mrs Reed shifted uncomfortably on the bed and Hetty knew it had nothing to do with getting physically comfortable. It had everything to do with being concerned for her own future.

"That depends on your definition of proof," Hetty told her. "Your reactions are all I need to know. DEA will find the information if it's still there but we already have testimony from Drake Santiago that you were conspiring with him to get Jessie into Chicago so he could kill her." The intent had been clear from the recorded phone call, even if the words hadn't been quite so specific. Add to that the testimony from all of her team of what Santiago had said when he'd been cornered and there was no way out for that for this woman. "Fifteen million is a very big pay day for murder," Hetty continued. "You obviously did not learn your lesson the first time around with the Santiago men and their inability to keep their word." There was silence. "Not denying it?"

"I want my lawyer."

"A lawyer will not help with me. Oh no. What you need is an honest to God miracle of the very highest order."

"Get out." The heart rate monitor started to beep faster. Much more and there would be nurses coming to check on the cause.

"I am your worst nightmare." Hetty waited until the gaze of the woman on the bed finally came to her. "I know how to hide the bodies."

Mrs Reed blanched further and Hetty smiled in satisfaction. Sometimes the imagination of a person was such a help in making things clear.

"I know how to dig the hole." Hetty moved closer to the head of the bed now, on the side which held the IV drip. She ran her fingers down it slowly before she added, "But the most important thing you really, really, need to remember. I know how to _make_ the bodies."

"Are you threatening me?" The was just a little bit of fight in the old girl, but nowhere near enough, nor would there ever be when it came to one of Hetty's own.

"No," Hetty said calmly. "I find threats to be a little wishy washy to be perfectly honest. You can never be quite sure if they realise you mean it. I deal in facts. So no, not a threat. A fact." Hetty paused briefly. "DEA will be here within an hour to take you on medical flight and return you to Chicago."

Hetty had made the arrangements herself. She wanted this woman as far from Jessie as she could be as soon as humanly, and medically, possible. She did not want Jessie to feel like she had to come and see this sorry excuse for a human being.

"What they do with you there," Hetty continued, "is up to them but I will be watching. If I need to step in to stop you doing any more harm to Jessie I will."

Hetty moved toward the door.

"What is she to you that you would risk everything?"

Hetty turned. "One, I am not risking a thing. A risk is something you take when you are unsure of the outcome. As for what is she to me? A wonderful caring woman that I consider my family. And when it comes to family, there is nothing I won't do to protect them. As will all those there today. You being rescued was simply a byproduct of them protecting her."

Hetty walked out the door just as the nurse walked in.

* * *

When Hetty joined her team in the waiting area she was surprised that Sam was no longer pacing and they all now sat quietly. However one person was missing.

"Where is Jessie?" Hetty hoped that she hadn't gone looking for a certain someone.

"She's in with Callen," Kensi told her. "He's out of surgery. Everything's looking good."

"I would expect nothing less." The heavy weight that was on her shoulders since the moment she had heard through the comms that Callen had been shot lifted at that news.

"The bullet was small," Sam told her. "Didn't do a lot of damage to the tissue but did cause some blood loss. He'll be in for a few days but he didn't lose enough to cause concern."

"That is indeed good news."

Hetty glanced around at the team. They all looked relieved and exhausted. Typical when a mission became more than just a mission. Now that it was all over the adrenaline would crash and they needed some rest. But first she needed to ensure they understood something.

"I would prefer that Jessie not hear certain details that were uncovered and the danger she was in and why."

Sam nodded slowly. "I get it Hetty, but are you sure? We don't want Callen keeping secrets from her."

Hetty tilted her head in acknowledgement of Sam's concerns. "I understand your concerns, and agree with you. Which is why I think it best Mr Callen be the one to tell Jessie if he believes it's in her best interests to know." She would certainly be keeping her theories about what had happened with her parents to herself. Should DEA discover proof then that was a different matter. "Mr Deeks."

"Hetty?"

"Could you please liaise with DEA to have them direct all the information through you. We will filter it together and let Jessie know only what she needs to know, nothing more."

Deeks raised an eyebrow in question. "You're sure Hetty?"

Hetty nodded both her approval and confirmation. As much as she had no doubts that Jessie was considered part of the team, seeing their reactions today and now, had solidified those feelings. The trust they had developed with Jessie was two way. They trusted her and she trusted them and it was an important part of their relationship that none of them wanted to risk.

"I am," Hetty said. "She has had too much to deal with over these last few months between heading back to Chicago in the first instance, Nate, her injury, her changing relationship with Mr Callen and now this. I think she deserves a little time to get stronger before any more is thrown her way."

As strong as Jessie was, there was only so much a person could handle. If they could protect her for just a little while, before she needed to know this information, Hetty would prefer it that way. She would take full responsibility if there was any fallout.

Hetty looked over them again. "Perhaps you should all go home and get some rest. We'll debrief tomorrow."

Sam shook his head. "I'll go once I've seen G, unless Jessie wants me to stay." Michelle sat beside Sam their hands clasped together.

"Michelle," Hetty smiled, "Thank you for taking care of Jessie today. We all appreciate knowing she was safe."

"My pleasure Hetty. Glad I could help."

Hetty looked at Kensi and Deeks. "You two staying?" They both rose together.

"I think we'll head off," Deeks said. "Now we know Callen's gonna be fine, we'll go and make sure Nell and Eric are okay." Deeks glanced at Sam. "Let him know we'll swing by tomorrow and say hi." Sam nodded. Deeks and Kensi departed arm in arm, Hetty comforted by the knowledge that the two of them had each other to get through this. Once they were out of earshot Sam looked at Hetty.

"Is it really over for her Hetty?"

"She is safe from Santiago. Whether she is safe from any more pain is something I cannot answer."

"You're worried about something DEA will find. That's why you've asked Deeks to stand between her and them."

Hetty inclined her head. Sam had particularly good instincts. "I am. For Jessie's sake I hope I am mistaken." It was unfortunate that her instincts in this matter felt very strong.

"Do you really think he would've ki-" Sam stopped. Hetty could understand the reluctance to speak of certain things.

"I have no doubt Santiago would have tried ... And failed. Jessie has the best protection there is."


	89. Hospital Room

* * *

 

Jessie's patience was lacking as she sat and waited for the sedation to clear from Callen's system enough for him to wake up. Every noise from the monitors attached to him told her he was fine yet at the same time every beep reminded her he wasn't. Until he woke, until Jessie could see in his eyes that he was okay, a part of her would continue to worry.

When Hetty had appeared at the door to the safe house, Jessie had felt like her heart had ripped in two. She'd been expecting Callen and if he wasn't there that could only mean something bad had happened. When Hetty told them that Callen had been shot Jessie's world had started to spin and darken until Hetty's words had sunk in that he was okay. Just the one bullet to the leg and he was already in surgery. The news that Santiago was gone for good had left her shaking in relief. No doubt some form of adrenaline crash from the fear being gone contributing to it.

There had been no confirmation of what had happened to her grandmother from Hetty but then Jessie hadn't asked for any either. She really didn't want to know.

Michelle had driven them to the hospital and Jessie had paced the waiting room until the surgery was complete and she'd been allowed in with Callen. She'd looked repeatedly at his chart to reassure herself he was okay, but she really needed him to wake up. Hold her hand, tease her, anything to know this wasn't a dream she was going to wake up from and find out she'd lost someone else, or more than one someone, to the Santiago family. It was hard to comprehend it was over and she'd never have to worry about them again.

Jessie's fingers alternated between holding Callen's hand and tracing the outline they made on the white hospital sheet. She refused to sleep, even though she was so damn tired that there were times when her eyelids seemed to be determined to close. She wasn't entirely sure if it was so she didn't miss him waking up or if she was afraid to fall asleep and find this was a dream after all and it wasn't over. When Callen finally started to come around Jessie squeezed his hand and focused on his face.

"Hey Doc," he said without opening his eyes.

"Hey," Jessie whispered back. She lifted his hand to her mouth and brushed a kiss over the backs of his fingers. He finally opened his eyes.

"You good?" he asked.

Of course he would check on her first. Here he was recovering from surgery and being shot and he had to ask if she was okay.

"I'm fine," she said. "You will be too."

"Course. Not leaving you. Promised." A tear slid down Jessie's cheek and dripped onto his hand. "Don't cry Doc."

"Why not?"

"Not -"

"Don't you dare say you're not worth it," Jessie growled. It was the one thing she desperately wanted to change in him but she didn't know how.

"I wasn't." Callen smiled. "Was gonna say, not until I can kiss them away."

Jessie managed a smile. "I'm not entirely sure I believe that."

"Haven't lied to you yet, not gonna start now. Come here." Callen's gaze held hers and Jessie knew he wasn't going to take her no for an answer. She rose and leaned toward him.

"Closer." Callen raised an eyebrow and waited. Jessie smiled and went closer - all the way and pressed a gentle kiss to his lips. She backed up enough to look into his eyes.

"That what you were looking for?" she asked softly.

Callen lifted a hand and wiped away a tear with his finger before his hand dropped back to the bed, clearly still affected by the drugs in his system and weak.

"Not quite," he told her, "but it'll do for now. Get the rest later."

"I'm sure you will. Get some more sleep," Jessie whispered and sat down, her hand back in his.

"Go home Jessie."

"No." She wasn't going anywhere. This was where she wanted, and needed, to be.

"You're safe. You know that."

"I know, but -"

The door opened and Sam popped his head around it.

"Hey Sam." Jessie managed a decent smile. "He's awake. Come in." She stood and let go of Callen's hand. "I'll leave you two for a bit." As much as she needed to be with Callen, she knew Sam needed some reassurance that his partner was going to be okay. She could give them a little bit of time.

* * *

"How bad?" Callen asked Sam once the door was closed. He figured since he didn't hurt the pain medication was still working quite effectively. No doubt soon enough he'd start to feel.

"You'll be fine G. Almost went all the way through cleanly. Lost some blood but knowing you you'll be up and almost back to normal in about four weeks rather than six. You were lucky it was a small bullet."

They were all lucky. There had been more within the building than they'd expected, though not more than they'd prepared for. No one had wanted to take any chances. They'd cornered Santiago, found out more than they really wanted to know about Jessie's grandmother's involvement before Santiago had fired the first round. That was when the intense gunfight had started.

"He's dead right?" Callen had shot Santiago, taken more than a brief amount of satisfaction in knowing his bullet had hit him, along with others. Unfortunately Callen had been hit and hadn't had a chance to check for himself before Sam had him headed for the paramedics.

"Yep." Sam nodded. "We didn't give him a chance. DEA in Chicago were successful in taking things down there too. It's over." Sam smiled at him. "She's safe."

"Physically anyway." Emotionally was a differently story. Jessie had only just recently started to feel like she'd finally gotten over the last time Chicago had pulled her back into its web and now this. At least Callen knew what she needed and if she didn't get it for herself he would. He'd only need his phone.

"G," Sam had that serious tone, "Hetty asked us not to tell Jessie what we found out. She's leaving that up to you."

Callen knew Sam well. The look spoke louder than the words. "You think I should tell her."

"I think you two have spent a huge amount of time building trust and keeping a secret from her now would undermine that. Especially since it concerns her. If it was about something or someone else she'd easily understand."

"I know," Callen agreed. "I just… this is going to hurt even though she didn't like the woman. And bad." He didn't even know how to find the words to tell Jessie just how much danger she'd been in and why.

"You don't like hurting her."

"Of course I don't Sam," Callen said. He'd done it more than enough for a lifetime. Even if this would be different. "Physically if she got hurt I could help." Sam raised an eyebrow. "Okay," Callen rolled his eyes, "so maybe not if it involved needles but mostly I could fix it." Callen shook his head. "Her heart. Can't do damn thing to stop that hurting."

"I get it G. But just don't let her … don't let that woman hurt the two of you. She's done more than enough to Jessie as it is."

Callen nodded. "Is she still here?"

"Hetty's organised for her to be gone within the hour. She wants her far from Jessie, for good, and apparently she's told her that too. Can't say I wouldn't have minded being a fly on the wall for that conversation."

Callen had to agree. That would've been a sight to see. Callen had to admit to the slightest wish that maybe one of the stray bullets might take Jessica Reed out of Jessie's life for good. Briefly only though because he knew Jessie wouldn't want him thinking those thoughts. But after the way Jessica Reed had responded when he'd managed to move to her, still bleeding, and untie her from the chair, the thought had come back quickly. There'd been no thank you, no sign of gratefulness. Just a demand for medical attention. He hadn't missed the daggers she'd shot him and Sam when Sam had literally hauled him up from the floor and made sure Callen was attended to first. It wasn't like he should've expected anything different especially after hearing the exchange between Reed and Santiago about Jessie not showing up. The fury at her just about had Callen's blood boiling. He shook off the memory before it got too much of a hold on him again.

Before anything more could be said the door opened and Jessie walked back in. Sam stepped away. "I'll catch you tomorrow partner. Be good and follow the doctors orders."

"He will," Jessie said firmly, her eyes on Callen. "He'll have to answer to me if he doesn't." And with that look Callen knew he was in trouble to some degree.

Sam chuckled. "Well then, I can sleep soundly and not worry. Bye G."

Callen watched Jessie move to the foot of his bed and checked his chart.

"Do you really need to do that Doc?" he asked. "You must have it memorised already. Doubt anything on it has changed since the last time you looked." Callen was feeling stronger, at least in his head. His voice was getting there too. It was just his body that felt like it weighed a ton.

Jessie put the chart down, sat in the chair beside the bed and took his hand in hers. "I'm sorry you got hurt," she said.

Callen was a little surprised that she wasn't telling him off. He remembered all too well the first time he'd woken to her in his hospital room after getting shot and it wasn't as bad as this. Though perhaps given the emotions that he could feel coming off her in waves it was just a matter of time.

"Me too. But it was worth it to take him down."

Jessie nodded.

"Doc."

"You could've been killed." The words tumbled from her lips.

"I wasn't."

"All of you could've been hurt or worse."

"Doc," Callen squeezed her hand. "We got the bad guys. It's what we do."

"He shouldn't have been your bad guy to get. This had nothing to do with NCIS."

"It had everything to do with it," Callen corrected her. "You are us." He tugged on her hand and she leaned closer. "We protect our own however we can."

The tears were there, though Jessie closed her eyes to try and hide them. While Callen didn't want to do it he knew Sam was right and his last comment led right into it.

"Jessie." Callen waited for her to open her eyes and look at him. "I need something from you."

"Anything."

If only he could take advantage of that comment.

"I need you to trust me."

"I do."

"There are things we found out," Callen told her. "Things that are … going to hurt, not physically, but they'll hurt you."

Jessie frowned. "What?"

"That's where I need you to trust me. Don't want you to know." He couldn't do it. Not after everything she'd been through. She didn't need to know that Santiago had been after her blood and her … Jessica Reed had been intent on delivering, and witnessing, it. The hostage part had only come once they were in LA and Santiago had turned on her. Not now, maybe someday but not now.

"But.." Jessie shook her head. "I don't understand."

Callen rubbed the back of her hand with his thumb, the closest contact he could get though he'd much rather have this conversation with her held safely in his arms. Unfortunately he suspected that even if he did manage to get her to break the hospital rules, she'd fall asleep not long after she was settled. He knew from the moment he'd been able to see her clearly that she was exhausted.

"You don't need to know," Callen told Jessie. "It's not going to make a difference to anything. It's just going to hurt and you've already been hurt too much as it is."

Jessie stared at him for a moment before she closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

"Jessie, if I thought this information would help you in any way I'd tell you," he said. "But I don't think it will. Can you trust me if you need to know, I'll tell you. Trust that I want to protect you. This isn't about keeping secrets or lying to you."

Her eyes opened. "You really don't think I need to know?"

"No. You don't." There was a long moment between them before she nodded.

"Okay."

Callen tugged her closer and lifted his hand to her face. "Thank you. One more thing." Jessie raised an eyebrow. "Go home," he told her. "Get some sleep. I promise I will follow the doctors orders while your gone."

"Promise huh?"

Callen smiled. "Always a promise with you Doc."

Jessie smiled, and Callen noted the easing of fear and worry in her eyes. "On that note," she said, "when are you going to take me somewhere we won't be interrupted?"

"As soon as my Doctor says I'm good to go. She'll need to take into account what we'll get up to that weekend." There was a flicker of heat in her eyes at what he was suggesting. It was good to see that her normal responses to his flirting were still there, even if weighed down by everything else.

"Only a weekend?" she asked with a touch of teasing.

"Wouldn't mind a week but let's see how well we survive a weekend first."

"I'll take what I can get. A weekend sounds good."

It certainly did after everything they'd been through. He just had to get better so he could take advantage of it.

 


	90. Home

* * *

Callen drifted awake, the dull throb in his leg annoying but not something he couldn’t handle. His hand drifted to the other side of the bed, reaching for her, but when he encountered only cool sheets he opened his eyes. There were no lights on in the room but the light from moon shining through the open curtains and the soft glow from the hallway gave him enough to see Jessie sitting in the chair in the corner of her bedroom near the window. Her knees were drawn up and her arms wrapped around them, her chin rested on top and he could feel the intensity of her gaze. What he could see of the look on her face was one he didn’t like.

“You’re too far away for my liking Doc,” he said casually as he tried to figure out what was going on in her mind to produce such a look. It was like her heart was breaking. Jessie didn’t reply and Callen carefully shifted up onto one elbow so he could see her more clearly.

“Jessie what’s wrong?” 

Callen saw her shoulders rise and fall with the breaths she took, heard the lack of smoothness to it and had no doubt there would be tears on her cheeks and in her eyes even if he couldn’t see them clearly yet.

“Hey,” he said gently.

“I love you.”

Callen stilled. It was the first time she’d said the words to him; the first time they’d been said between the two of them.

“I can’t do this G. Not if you can’t see yourself feeling this way too sometime.”

Callen heard her voice break and pushed himself into a sitting position. He wasn’t quite sure what she was trying to say but he didn’t particularly like where it might go. “Jessie -”

“I’m sorry.”  Her words rushed together. “I thought I could … thought I could wait you out for as long as it took until you were ready but ... It hurts so much seeing you like this and not… I just ... And the thought of you dying and not having told you and -”

Callen shifted on the bed and put his feet on the floor. He ignored the pain in his leg as he rose to his feet. Slightly unsteady but he knew enough that it was just pain and he wasn’t making it worse.

“What are you doing?” Jessie was out of the seat and by his side quicker than he thought, or perhaps he was slower than he thought. That wouldn’t surprise him considering he’d only gotten out of the hospital yesterday.

“G, get back into bed,” Jessie begged as she held him up.

“No.” Callen cupped her face and tilted it up so he could look her in the eyes. His thumbs brushed the tears he’d known would be there from her cheeks and lowered his head to touch his lips to hers in a gentle kiss.

“I love you too,” he said softly.

Jessie’s breath halted briefly before she took in a deep shaky breath.

“Not great with words,” Callen continued, at least not ones like this he added to himself. “Better at show.” 

Callen pulled her closer and kissed her again. This time it wasn’t a brush across her lips but a thorough, yet gentle, one that hopefully would back up the words he’d just said and ease the heartbreak she’d been feeling. He eased back and then pressed a kiss to her forehead as he continued to hold her close.

“I’m sorry,” Jessie whispered, her hands rested soft and warm on his bare chest. “You have shown it but ... I guess I needed the words to be sure.” Of course she did, given what her life had been like. It wasn’t that Callen hadn’t wanted to say them he just .. Well like her the words had been lacking in his life too and pinning down exactly what he’d been feeling to the point of labeling it hadn’t been easy.

Callen shifted one hand to the back of her neck and rubbed gently. “Then I’ll try and say them as often as you need me to. I love you Jessie.” He pulled her even closer and lowered his head again. Jessie pulled back before he could kiss her.

“G you shouldn’t be up.”

Callen chuckled. “And whose fault’s that?” As gentle as he’d kept the kiss it hadn’t stopped his body reacting to it or having her against him. Not that that was what she was referring to. Jessie smiled, a sparkle of a different kind joined the one from the tears.

“Get back into bed before you hurt yourself more … Please.” But even with that sparkle, Doctor mode still managed to make an appearance.

“Only if you join me. Missed you.” 

Jessie helped ease him back down onto the bed before she joined him on the other side. Callen turned on the bedside light before shifting carefully to lay on his side to face her. Jessie raised an eyebrow at the movement but Callen ignored the silent reprimand and lifted his hand to brush the back of his fingers over her cheek.

“I love you,” he said. “More than I thought possible.” She’d worked her way through the walls he’d built to keep everyone away from his battered heart. Only a few made it close enough to affect him deeply, yet they were still kept a small distance away by the final wall. Jessie was the only one who had made it beyond that barrier. Brick by brick she’d dismantled it, slow and steady, patiently and determinedly, until it was gone and he hadn’t even realised. He wasn’t sure when he’d fallen in love with her. It could’ve been from the very first moment if his heart had recognised its missing piece, or maybe Karaoke, or when she’d trusted him with the story of her parents. So many times it could’ve been but he’d been too stubborn, or too inexperienced, to realise it. Oh he’d had no doubt he cared about her a lot, but love was something very different. Especially this kind. 

When he’d realised what Santiago wanted to do to her the fear and fury had spread through him quickly. It was stronger than anything he’d felt and in that moment he knew that if he lost her, his heart would be broken beyond repair and his future would be so much less bright, which was when he knew he loved her more than he’d loved anyone in his life. He didn’t want to contemplate a life without her beside him. So while he may not be able to pinpoint the moment he fell, he could pinpoint the moment he knew. 

Jessie brought her hand up to his face. Callen caught it and held it against his cheek. He saw her blink back the tears.

"I love those brown eyes of yours," he said. "They tell me so much about what you're feeling. The darker they are the stronger you feel." Callen moved his hand from hers, brushed the backs of his fingers over her cheek before he trailed a finger down her jaw and neck to the first button on her pyjama top. He flicked it open and smiled. "Yeah, just like now." The deepening had been subtle but he knew what his touch, even briefly, could do and knew how to read her well.

“G.”

“Shh. Listen.” The second button slipped undone as did the third. It gave him enough space for now. “I love how soft your skin is.” Callen trailed his fingers down the line where her ribs meet, enjoying the familiar softness. “I love how warm it is, how it heats under my fingers.” He finished the last button and shifted the shirt off her shoulder before he leaned down to place some feather light kisses over the skin there. “How it feels,” he flicked his tongue out and felt her shiver. “And tastes and reacts to my touch.” His fingers moved back up the centre of her body to her lips.

“I love the feel of your lips and how just a kiss from you can warm me right through, no matter how short, long or deep it is.” She could tell him so much with a simple kiss, like it was a direct connection to her emotions. A tear slid down Jessie’s cheek and Callen caught it with his finger before he picked up a lock of her hair. “And your hair. How soft it is, how it feels when my fingers are buried in it and holding you close. How it feels on me.” He ran his fingers down her arm to her hand and linked her fingers with his. “I love the connection when I hold your hand, or when we sit shoulder to shoulder. It’s simple but so very different to anything else.” He’d struggled to believe just how much feeling could be conveyed in those simple little touches but every time she held his hand he felt it. Every time she touched him there was a message, even before they’d gotten together it had been there if only he’d looked.

Callen shifted their hands and held it against the part of his body that really didn’t care that he’d just had a bullet removed from his leg. “I love what you do to me without even trying.” Callen smiled at the blush on her cheeks and even though he knew somewhere deep inside her she wanted to protest that this wasn’t good for him given he was still recovering, her hand didn’t move away when he let it go to shift his to rest over the place where her heart pounded hard enough in her chest he could easily feel it. “Yet all that pales in comparison to how much I love you because of what’s here.”

Another tear fell from her eyes but this time he didn’t lift his hand from her heart to catch it.

“The way you care, the way you hurt for others, whether you know them or not, even though I really wish you didn’t. How much you love what you do and how much care you put into looking after others, even when you don’t know them. How much you give of yourself to me.” Callen brushed another kiss on her shoulder and then looked down into her eyes. “Jessie you don’t hold back. You give me everything and I don’t deserve you.” He shook his head to stop the words he knew had already formed and were ready to fall from her lips. “Whether I do or not,” because maybe, just maybe the universe was saying sorry and she was his reward to make up for the hellish childhood he’d lived through, “I’m not letting you go.”

Jessie stifled a sob and Callen shifted to brush a kiss across her lips.

“And you say you’re not good with words,” Jessie murmured.

Callen smiled and let his hands run down her body in a very different way than just before. “Much better at show.”

“G.” He covered her mouth with his and stopped the protest. He knew his body well enough not to do anything that would cause a problem and knew hers well enough to know how to stop her thinking.

* * *

Callen ran his fingers gently over Jessie’s shoulder. Her eyes drifted open and the haze of passion still lingered in her eyes, mingled with the love that so clear to him now. Callen was more content than he’d felt in … well forever. She loved him. He loved her. They both knew it and everything was now out in the open. No more doubt, no more wondering.

“Are you okay?” Jessie whispered.

“Never better,” Callen replied.

“Your leg,” Jessie clarified.

“Leg’s fine Doc. You can check it yourself. Didn’t do anything to cause a problem.”

“Don’t want to move,” she murmured but she started to raise up and Callen put his hand on her shoulder.

“Then don’t,” he said. “I’m fine.”

“You could’ve hurt yourself.” 

True, he could’ve; if he hadn’t been able to resist joining her. But he had, with great difficulty, but what had just happened wasn’t about sex, or satisfaction for them both. It was about showing her, and Callen hoped with every touch and stroke, kiss and taste, that he’d proven it so she’d never doubted again.

“And if I did I have you right here to fix me.” Jessie opened her mouth but he put a finger over her lips to stop her words. “Completely worth the risk Doc.” Then he got sidetracked and traced the line of her bottom lip. So soft, still slightly damp and swollen from his kisses. 

“But you-” Jessie blushed and that was yet another thing he loved about her. Even though their banter had always been flirty, she still blushed whether it was light and cheeky or deep, sexy or even sometimes dirty in the best possible way. There was an innocence about that blush that was contradictory, yet at the same time not, of the woman she was. 

Callen ran the back of his fingers over her cheek and smiled. “Another time, when you’re not going to be so worried that you wouldn’t enjoy it as much as I will.”

“Thank you,” Jessie whispered and shifted so her head rested on his shoulder and her body settled into his side. Callen wrapped his arms around her.

“Anytime.” He pressed a kiss to the top of her head. “Promise me something.”

“What?”

“If you need something from me, ask.” Jessie stayed quiet. “I can’t read your mind Doc. I know you won’t lie to me but I don’t always know what you need.”

“Promise,” Jessie said, her voice quiet. A quiet that he knew well. He kept his touch gentle as he traced small patterns on her shoulder. It didn’t take long for the pull of sleep to take them both, safe and sound, right where they were meant to be.


	91. Kamran and Ice Cream

* * *

 

"Jessie." Kamran's hand tugged on Jessie's just outside the supermarket entrance. Jessie bent down low enough to be eye level with her.

"What's up Kam?"

"Is Uncle Callen really going to be okay?"

Jessie tucked a piece of loose hair behind Kamran's ear. She could see the worry in the young girl's eyes, even though Callen had been out of hospital for almost two weeks. "Yes he is."

"He's been shot before."

As much as Sam may have tried to keep Callen's injuries from Kamran in the past, he hadn't been as successful as he'd like, which was part of the reason Kamran was staying with them this weekend, not just so Sam and Michelle could have some alone time. They'd picked up that she was still worried about Callen and this seemed a pretty good option to clear those. They all figured if Kamran spent some time with him, she'd see he was okay. Obviously there was a still a little bit of worry in her though.

"I know," Jessie said. "He's got a really good track record of beating them. This time, it's not so bad," she assured Kamran. In all honesty Callen's recovery had surprised Jessie. He was further ahead than she thought he would be. She wasn't sure whether he was just naturally quick at healing, past injuries did seem to hint at that, or if it was something more like maybe his body knew exactly what to do now after having been shot so many times. She'd take it either way.

"You're worried though," Jessie added.

Kamran nodded.

"It's okay to be worried. You love him. I was worried too and I know what was going on." Even after he'd woken up, Jessie had continued to worry. She'd planned on taking time off when he'd been released from the hospital to make sure he didn't misbehave in those first few days. However Hetty had decided that the most important aspect of her job for the time being had been making sure one stubborn blue eyed agent behaved himself during his recovery. So for the last two weeks, if the team needed her it was done by phone or the occasional visit to the office, usually by Hetty turning up at Callen's home to take over the supervision. The rest of the team had tagged it when she had to work the hospital shifts but he'd actually been an, almost, model patient.

"You really love him?" Kamran asked her.

"Yes."

"You won't give up on him will you?"

Jessie shook her head and squeezed Kamran's hand in reassurance. "Never. I promise."

"Good." Kamran's smile brightened her face and the worry slipped away. "Because he's more fun now. I mean he was fun before but now," she shrugged. "It's different. Better. He's happier."

Out of the mouths of babes. Children tended to notice things and their comments weren't always filtered with any degree of tact. That Kamran had noticed the changes in Callen gave Jessie a lot of satisfaction that she was making a difference in his life. Not that she didn't know but having confirmation from an outside source was always reassuring.

"So am I," Jessie said. "Now, how about we go get that ice cream and get home before he gets too restless." Callen was getting restless and wanting to get back to work, or something, and one of those somethings was getting harder to resist.

"Yeah," Kamran agreed. "You don't want him taking apart your toaster. Sometimes it doesn't go back together right."

"Really?"

Kamran nodded. "One time he put it back together but the toast kept burning until Daddy realised Uncle Callen had put something in backwards."

Jessie laughed softly. "Did he fix it when you told him?"

"We didn't tell him. But next time he pulled it apart it went back together right."

"Let's go rescue my toaster then." Or perhaps her kettle since Callen knew her toaster and coffee maker were off limits. Jessie straightened. Kamran slipped her hand back into Jessie's and dragged them into the shops, anxious to get supplies for something special she had in mind for Uncle Callen.

* * *

"We're back."

Callen heard Jessie's voice call out and the front door close as he walked down the short hallway from the bedrooms. He looked over the two girls.

"Two bags?" Callen raised an eyebrow. "That's a lot of ice cream."

Kamran grabbed one bag from Jessie's hand and headed for the kitchen. Callen only narrowly stepped out of the way of the small girl on a mission. Jessie chuckled softly behind him and they both followed Kamran toward the kitchen.

"It's not all ice cream," Kamran told him. "Some of it is topping."

"You got chocolate though right?" Callen asked.

"There's chocolate for topping."

"Ice cream," Callen gave Kamran a stern - ish, look. "You know my favourite young lady." He turned to Jessie and noticed the twitch to her lips and the sparkle in her eyes. "So do you Doctor Blake."

Jessie raised her eyebrows and Callen mentally cursed the use of that name. Not because there was anything wrong with it, just that where it usually led to wasn't possible with a little someone still in the house. And given that certain activities had been a little restricted of late, it didn't take much to get him thinking about what might be very soon especially if he could convince one slightly over protective Doctor that he was physically well enough to have the restrictions lifted.

"So what did you get?" Callen asked before Jessie could reply in kind, which he had no doubt she would because that wicked side that had come out their first night together hadn't gone away. If anything she was inclined to pull it out fairly frequently, even when there was company around. It seemed she was rather good at saying one thing and having him understand she meant another without anyone else being the wiser. Probably something to do with him being able to read her well. He watched Jessie lift out a tub of ice cream from the bag.

"Vanilla?" He shook his head.

"Trust me Uncle Callen," Kamran said. "It's the best flavour." She then proceeded to tip upside down the bag she'd been carrying and an assortment of chocolates and lollies spread over the counter. She then looked up at him with a smile. "Especially since you can add things to it and it makes it even better."

Callen raised an eyebrow at Jessie. "Can anyone say sugar overload? Sam's not going to like this." That was an understatement.

Jessie smiled and walked closer to him. She opened the freezer and put the ice cream away before she said, "A small price to pay, wouldn't you say?" It was what wasn't said that had the heat flooding through is body. Oh yeah, she was being wicked all right because she'd just put thoughts into his head about what could be happening if they were alone. And he knew he'd be more than willing to put up with Kamran on a sugar rush if it guaranteed him a weekend alone with Jessie.

"Go and sit Uncle Callen." Kamran put her hands in the middle of his stomach and pushed him backwards. "We'll bring it out when it's ready."

"I can help."

Kamran gave him that same look Sam did. The one that told him she wouldn't take no for an answer and if he didn't follow quickly he'd be in trouble. Now with Sam he'd push his luck occasionally, just because it messed with Sam's head. But he knew if he did it with Kamran he'd be in trouble with his partner for messing with his kid. He held up his hands in surrender and headed to the living room to see if he could find something suitable to watch with Kamran in the house.

Sam and Michelle had been after a weekend to themselves for some alone time and, being the caring partner he was, Callen had volunteered to take Kamran for the weekend. It had absolutely nothing to do with him being bored and hoping Kamran would help distract him from the multitude of things he couldn't do yet. Sam had agreed as long as Jessie would be there to help him. Jessie had agreed and adjusted her hospital schedule so that she would be here for the duration. They were at the end of the fun, but exhausting, weekend. Not because Kamran kept them active, oh no, it was the constant chatter of the little girl that was hard to keep up with. No wonder Sam could managed to listen in on multiple conversations going on around him without missing a beat. Babysitting Kamran could almost qualify as agent training. Sam and Michelle were due within the hour and then peace and quiet, and some alone time with Jessie, would be his once again.

The banging and giggles that came from the kitchen tempted him to go and see what the two of them were up to but he stayed put and behaved. Misbehaving, hopefully, would come later.

* * *

Three bowls of vanilla ice cream and six small bowls of chopped and smashed (that explained the banging) toppings were brought to the table. Kamran sat down next to Callen on the couch and Jessie across from them on the floor. Kamran handed him his bowl and then continued to stare at him expectantly.

"What?

"Choose your toppings," Kamran ordered with a roll of her eyes as if it were obvious.

"How many can I have?"

"All if you want." Kamran reached for her bowl and added two toppings to her bowl.

"How many are you going to have?" Callen asked when she added a third.

"All of course."

"And your dad would want me to say what about that?"

Kamran rolled her eyes again. "You're not my daddy Uncle Callen. Chill." She scooped a spoonful of chocolate pieces onto the ice cream in his bowl. "There." She smiled. "Chocolate ice cream."

Jessie laughed softly, and Callen's smile responded as always. Kamran finished off the selection in her bowl with the rest and mixed it lightly while Jessie added two to her bowl.

"So, what do you think?" Kamran asked before Callen had a chance to even swallow the mouthful of ice cream and chocolate.

"It has potential," he said but the answer wasn't the right one.

Kamran glared at him. "More than potential. Try something else."

* * *

Callen closed the front door on the sound of a very hyped up Kamran telling Sam and Michelle about her weekend. He turned to Jessie. "Told you Sam would be mad."

Jessie smiled and backed away from him. "At least he was until you said something."

"Aren't you lucky I rescued you." Callen walked toward her.

"Me?" Jessie picked up the bowls from the coffee table and walked toward the kitchen.

"You took her shopping and let her buy all of that."

She turned her head back to him. "But you let her eat it. After all, you were in charge. I was only here to help."

Jessie put down the bowl on the sink and Callen spun her around and pinned her against the bench, hip to hip. Heat flared in her eyes and followed closely through his body. This close there was no way to miss his growing interest.

"Ah so my house, my rules and your house, your rules?"

"My rules huh?" She smiled. "Would you play by them?"

"I'd need to know them first wouldn't I?"

"I'm sure I can come up with something." And the look in her eyes suggested that whatever they were were going to be just for him.

"While you're doing that I guess it's my rules," Callen reached into the freezer that was right next to them, as he kept her pinned against the bench, and pulled out the ice cream.

"What exactly are you doing?" she asked.

Callen grinned and held up a small spoonful of vanilla ice cream to her lips. She automatically opened and he fed it to her. "Testing out a theory."

Jessie swallowed. "What-"

Callen caught her mouth with his, took advantage of the fact that it was already open and dipped his tongue inside. The warmth and taste of her mingled with the coolness and taste of the ice cream. Turns out it was true. Adding to the ice cream made it taste even better.

Callen eased off the kiss slowly, savouring the taste of her lips just as much as her mouth. He trailed his finger down her cheek and across her lips.

"Did … your theory pan out?" Jessie asked in a breathless whisper. Callen's finger continued along her jaw and down to the first button on her shirt.

"Yep. You definitely make the ice cream taste better." The button slipped from its hole easily.

"G." There was just a touch of warning in her tone, the heat so much more apparent. "Stitches come out tomorrow."

Callen grinned as the second button went the same way as the first. "Don't you think it's better to test things out while they're still there. If I'm not … up … for this now," third button done. "They should probably stay in a little longer."

Final button done, Callen pushed the shirt off both shoulders and it slid down her arms. He smiled. "And Doc, if you really wanted me not to do this." His finger trailed along the white satin that edged the sheer black lace bra. "You probably shouldn't be wearing this." Callen's finger settled on the small red bow that nestled in the dip. He lifted his eyes to hers. "I know you weren't wearing this this morning." He shifted closer and kissed her neck, only lightly because he could tell by the pounding pulse in her neck and the subtle shift of movement that she wanted so much more.

"How can you be sure?" Jessie asked and tilted her head to give him more room.

Callen chuckled. "Aside from seeing you get dressed, we'll just say you fill out the shirt a touch differently in this."

"Really?" Jessie lifted her head. "Tell me when it changed." She almost seemed like she didn't believe him.

"When you slipped away to the bathroom in the middle of the sugar overloaded dessert." There was a hint of surprise in her eyes that he'd picked up on that.

"You are observant aren't you."

Jessie definitely had a thing for pretty lingerie, but Callen had learned there were two kinds. The pretty for her which was a little something nice for her to wear under the professional look that she needed for her Doctor and psychiatrist roles - or at least before she joined them. They usually consisted of pretty colours and soft to the touch material, something she liked in other things too. However the most recent additions, like this one, were most definitely for him, her as well he guessed but in a different way. He also knew it was something she'd only occasionally splurged on before she'd paid off her student loans. He was more than happy to be the beneficiary of her ongoing celebration.

His finger trailed back to that bow. "Tell me this does more than look pretty."

The wicked smile on Jessie's lips grew as did the corresponding sparkle in her eyes. "Try it and find out, though maybe we should move to the bedroom first. Not sure we should push our luck with upright just yet."

Heat flared at her suggestion and he was so very tempted to go with that idea. "Remember Doc, always lucky with it comes to us."

Callen stepped back but his fingers stayed on the bow, the temptation strong to test it but knew if it did what he hoped, getting to the bedroom was unlikely. He did let his finger slip under it and felt the slight hardness of hooks - hooks which were undone and with that brief touch he knew exactly what would happen when he pulled. Jessie shifted but instead of moving away to the bedroom she stepped closer and whispered in his ear, "Chocolate, back of the freezer, if you want to test your theory some more that is."

Then she was gone and Callen wasn't far behind, chocolate and vanilla ice cream in hand. Never let it be said that he couldn't take a hint especially when it involved thoroughly testing his theories with his favourite doctor.


	92. Kidnapped

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Really sorry. Thought I'd posted this chapter at the end of last week.

* * *

 

“Are you sure you want to do this Mr Callen? Not just enjoy the weekend away and tell her when you get back.”

No, he didn’t want to do this but it needed to be done.

“I’m sure Hetty,” Callen said. “It’ll give her time to process it away from everything else.” Hopefully the two days would be enough.

“This will be the first time,” Hetty said, “you two have taken some time just for the two of you, aside from Christmas.”

Callen raised an eyebrow. “You never asked me about that.” Didn’t mention a thing, not even asking him with a slightly suspicious look how his Christmas was.

“I did not wish to pry.”

Callen almost snorted in disbelief. Hetty not wish to pry? As likely as him not ever being injured again.

“Very well,” Hetty admitted with a twitch of her lips. “You seemed happy. So did she. I did not wish to, shall we say, put my foot in it ”

“When did you suspect something was happening?”

“Suspect?”

Callen narrowed his eyes. Hetty and deflection was never a good thing. It was also one of the most obvious signs Hetty was hiding something. Obvious and rare. However when it came to personal topics between the two of them it was a sign that she was willing to go further but was leaving it up to him. If she didn’t want to go further she was more than capable of slamming the verbal door closed with a look. 

“Hetty did you set us up?”

“When?”

Callen chuckled. And now that had him starting to wonder just how much Hetty had influenced his relationship with Jessie. He knew about the armoury set up, but hadn’t considered the possibility of more until now. “You had her in mind for me from the beginning didn’t you?” It would explain the cat that got the canary and the cream look he’d briefly witnessed on her face in Ops the day it had all come out to the team.

“Not as such. I had her in mind for the team but,” Hetty smiled. “I must admit witnessing that first encounter did raise my hopes a little.”

A very interesting first encounter it had been. Even then Jessie had been able to draw a real smile out of him before he knew her, or who she was.

“Your hopes for what exactly?” 

“For you finding someone who you could stop and smell the roses with. It appears I was right considering you are taking time off for … pleasure rather than other investigative pursuits.”

Callen grinned. “I guess all I can say to that is thank you.” Because he wasn’t going there in conversation with Hetty. There were some personal conversations that were strictly off limits when it came to Hetty the boss, or Hetty the mentor, or Hetty the anything and everything else she was to him. This was one.

“You are very welcome.”

Callen’s smile slipped. “You’ll make sure unless there’s no way around it we’re not called?”

Hetty nodded. “We’ll monitor the calls to both your phones and, if necessary investigate further to see if you need to be contacted on the number you’ve given me.”  

Callen had a phone specifically for this weekend. One without GPS and Hetty knew it. They might get close to the area but they wouldn’t find him. He was going almost entirely off the grid. He wanted to be able to focus on Jessie and getting her through what he had to tell her, along with other more … pleasurable activities.

“I would make sure however,” Hetty continued, “that you let Trevor know your plans. I do not think he would appreciate not knowing where Jessie was and would worry if he could not contact her.”

“Already done.”  The smug satisfaction in the tone of the other man was completely obvious. Anyone would think he’d been a part of getting them together. That thought had him pause. Had he? Because if Jessie had been talking to anyone about what was going on between the two of them it would be Trevor.

“Are you going to tell me where you are going?” 

Callen heard the concern in Hetty’s voice and appreciated it but this was something he needed.

“No.”

“It is safe, correct?”

“Very.” The safest place he knew. Well, barring one of Hetty’s fortress like safe houses.

“Very well then Mr Callen. Off you go.”

* * *

Callen leaned against his car and watched the entrance to the hospital as he waited for Jessie. He’d already arranged with Heidi to make sure Jessie left on time tonight, or actually this morning since it was three am. His phone buzzed in his pocket and he pulled it out, the smile already on his face at the familiar ringtone.

“Hey Doc,” he said. “Finally calling for a pick up?”

“No,” Jessie replied. “Just wondered whether you were home or not and up for some company, since tomorrow is Saturday.”

“Tomorrow or today?”

“Oh, yeah. Today I guess.” 

Jessie sounded tired and Callen was very glad he was here waiting. “If you’re the company,” he replied, “I’m up for it.”

“I’ll be there soon. I’ll just grab a cab.” 

Callen saw her through the doors before she saw him. “No need Doc. I’m right here.” He hung up, pocketed his phone and waited for her to come to him.

“What are you doing here?”

“Wanted to see you.” Callen pulled her into his arms. Jessie yawned and rested her head on his shoulder. “Big night?”

“Big in terms of constant rush but nothing drastic this time.”

Callen shifted and opened the car door. “Hop in.” Jessie brushed a light kiss across his lips before she slipped into his car. By the time he was in his seat, she was clipped up and her eyes were closed.

“Sleep Doc. I’ve got you.”

“Sorry,” she whispered.

Callen reached for her hand and brought it to his lips. She opened her eyes and smiled. “Nothing to be sorry about,” he told her. “Go to sleep.”

Jessie closed her eyes and sighed softly. She was asleep within ten minutes which suited his plans well.

* * *

Three and a half hours later Callen pulled up outside the small cabin and Jessie was still asleep. He’d eased her seat back and covered her with a blanket once he’d been sure she was sleeping deeply and hoped it would help keep her that way until they arrived.

Callen leaned over and gently stroked her cheek. Jessie’s eyes fluttered and her head moved closer to his hand.

“Hey sleepyhead,” he said.

Jessie smiled and then confusion flitted across her face. “What’s going on?” She shifted. “Where are we?” 

Callen left the lights on the car to light up the cabin since the sun hadn’t come up quite yet, though the sky was lightening.

“Promised to kidnap you for a weekend away.”

“How long have I been asleep?”

“A few hours.”

“Hours?” Jessie sat up and raised the back of her seat. “Where exactly have you taken me?”

Callen smiled. “Somewhere almost unreachable.”

“Almost?” Jessie turned her head toward him and smiled back; a slightly mischievous twinkle in her still sleepy eyes. “And what exactly are you plans? Because I really hope it doesn’t include dinner out because you didn’t let me pack.”

“I brought the necessities though you won’t need much.”

“I hope not,” Jessie murmured. 

And on that note, Callen cleared his throat, switched off the lights and got out of the car. He didn’t miss Jessie’s light laugh as he closed the door. He took her hand when they meet at the front of the car, his phone giving them a little extra light as they walked up to the front of the cabin. He unlocked and opened the door.

“It’s not much,” Callen said, “but it’s comfortable.”

“It has a bed, a bathroom, I’m assuming.” Jessie raised her eyes in question.

Callen nodded. 

“A roof, walls and a kitchen,” Jessie continued, “What more do we need?” She turned and stepped into his arms.

“A fireplace is good too.” Callen kissed her, softly and slowly and eventually deeply, but there was no rush or urgency to it even as it heated. They had all weekend.

“Why don’t you get into bed, get some more sleep,” he said. Given how tired she’d been she certainly wouldn’t have had enough sleep in a few hours. “I’ll bring the things in from the car and unpack.” He’d packed the food in portable fridges in the boot to keep them cold on the trip along with the rest of the things for the weekend.

“Will you join me once you’re done?”

“Depends. Do you want to sleep or not?”

“Not.”

* * *

Callen drifted awake to the feel of Jessie’s lips on his shoulder and her hands drifting gently along his side. 

“Afternoon,” Jessie murmured softly against his skin. 

Callen rolled onto his back and smiled. “Hi.”

“So we really can’t be contacted?”

“We can.” Callen reached up to push her hair back over her shoulder and slide his hand behind her neck. “But Hetty will only do it if the world’s coming to an end.” Gentle pressure was all it took for him to encourage Jessie’s head to come lower so he could kiss her.

“Mmm.” Jessie smiled. “Think I’d prefer she didn’t then I could spend the rest of it with you.”

Her stomach rumbled and Callen grinned. “Hungry?”

Jessie’s eyes narrowed. “You know,” she said, “I seem to recall recently you asking that same question and when I answered yes, you left.”

Callen tugged her down and wrapped one arm around her. “I was trying to feed you then but you had other ideas.” His fingers at the back of her neck eased into the silky strands of her hair and brought her lips back to his. 

“Don’t suppose you bought that shirt did you?” she asked.

Callen chuckled. “Not this time. Maybe next time.” And he’d make sure that she only wore it when they didn’t need food.

“I like the idea of a next time already.” Jessie lowered her head to his and the kiss was much gentler and shorter than he was expecting. “However,” Jessie said, a hint of disappointment in her tone. “I really do need something to eat this time. I promise to behave, at least until we’ve eaten.” They hadn’t managed breakfast yet and a glance at the clock showed it was just after twelve.

“All right. I’ll feed you.”

Callen pulled on a pair of shorts and t-shirt. Jessie watched him. “Careful Doc, look at me like that and food might prove more than difficult.”

She tried for an innocent look but failed miserably and just shrugged. “What can I say? You’re hard to resist. Now, where will I find what you brought me to wear?”

Callen couldn’t help the cheeky look. “Who said I brought you anything?”

“Right,” Jessie smiled. “So if I was to just join you in the kitchen like this we’d actually get to eat food?”

“Top drawer is yours.” Callen nodded to the chest of drawers on her side of the bed, where he’d put her pile of clothes from the small suitcase he’d brought with both of their things in it when she’d been in the bathroom earlier before they’d, eventually, fallen asleep. He walked over to her. “But,” he leaned down and kissed her at the same time he tugged the sheet off, “that is definitely something we’ll have to try over the weekend. Just so we know for next time. Would make packing so much easier.” Another quick hard kiss and Callen turned and walked toward the kitchen area. It was a small two room cabin only. The bathroom being one and everything else the rest. But it was all he ... they needed.

* * *

“You’re really not going to tell me where we are?” Jessie leaned back in her chair at the table.

“Nope.”

“Why not?”

Callen grinned. “It’s a secret.”

Jessie’s eyes narrowed. “G, whose place is this?”

Just like she’d picked up on something the night of her birthday dinner she did again.

“Mine,” Callen admitted.

“You own this?”

“Technically an alias does.” He’d been sent out here by a friend when he’d needed to lay low for a few weeks. The old man who’d owned it was looking to sell. Callen knew an opportunity when he saw one.

“How long have you had it?”

“About eight years. Picked it up cheap for cash under an alias. Needed some work but nothing I couldn’t handle.” 

Callen watched Jessie look around, eyes wide. There wasn’t a lot but he’d taken time and care to fix the old cabin up. He’d done most of the woodwork by hand, thanks to Gibbs’ teachings from the various times he’d stayed with him over the years. Working with Sam had also taught him a few things, though more than Sam suspected since Callen never really let on just how much he had learned from his partner. The University of Google supplied the rest of the necessary instructions. It had electricity, hot running water and a nice deep cellar he had plans for but hadn’t quite figured out the details.

“It’s beautiful G.” Jessie smiled at him. “Sam must be pretty pleased knowing he’s taught you well.”

“Sam doesn’t know. No one but you.”

Jessie tilted her head. “Hetty must know.”

“No. The alias is one of my own. No one knows it exists.” After having had a close call with a supposedly safe alias being compromised that had been set up by the agency he’d been with at the time, Callen had made sure to create a couple of his own that no one knew about.

“So this is your safe house.”

“Not so much a safe house but a hideaway.”

Jessie rose. “And I’m the only one you’ve brought here?” She moved around the table to him.

Callen pulled her onto his lap. “The only one I want here with me.” His hand slipped under the back of her shirt and stroked the skin of her back. She closed her eyes and her body sunk into his.

“Want to see what’s outside while lunch settles?”

Jessie opened her eyes and her lips twitched. “I suppose considering the lunch you just fed me a walk would be good.” Given he hadn’t fed her breakfast when they’d arrived and he assumed that she hadn’t stopped for anything more than a snack during her shift he made sure it had been a decent meal. Spaghetti, garlic bread and salad courtesy of a very generous chef of Hetty’s who had prepared everything and frozen what he could of it for him to bring. There was ice cream for dessert but that would come later.

“Shoes are by the door,” Callen told Jessie. “Promise I’ll satisfy that other hunger when we get back in.” 

Jessie moved off his lap and held out her hand.

“I’ll keep you to that.”

 

* * *

 

There was a small dock near the edge of the river. It had been one of the first things he’d fixed, after the couple of small leaks in the roof. It made a great place to sit and think with the gentle sound of the flowing water. Supposedly it was a good fishing spot though Callen had never tested the idea. His friend who had sent him her when he needed to hide had though. 

Callen had thrown a towel over his shoulder before they’d left the cabin to put over the wood for them to sit on. Jessie sat first and he slipped in behind her, their legs dangled over the edge where the water would occasionally splash up high enough to reach their feet. She leaned back against his chest and his arms went around her.

“It’s so peaceful,” Jessie said in a soft voice that fitted with the atmosphere that surrounded them.

“It is.”

“You like it up here?”

“Better with you, but it’s a nice place to escape to.”  

Callen had spent some of the time when he was recovering from the five bullets up here; told Hetty and Sam he was going on a road trip for a few weeks. He wasn’t sure they believed him but he hadn’t asked to find out for sure. Back then there hadn’t been any cell phone reception. Now it was better but weak and honestly seemed to be as fickle as a breeze. There was no one for miles. He’d scored when he’d brought it. The cabin came with enough land to keep the neighbours at bay. The sound of the river running barely fifty yards, downhill from his door, was soothing and peaceful. In the event he had to get away the river was an excellent escape route, and yes, he’d already taken many dips in it to see where he ended up. Not that he was expecting anyone to find him here but it was better to be safe than sorry. It’s where he used to come for some time out after missions. He could slip away for a couple of days when necessary. Though he hadn’t been out here all that much over the last year or so.  The reason for that was settled right in his arms.

Callen’s hand slid under her shirt and his fingers play lightly across the skin of her stomach. As much as he would’ve liked to have slid them higher, it wasn’t the time. It was now or never for a conversation he wanted to have away from the cabin, hoping that Jessie would find it easier to be inside if the things he was going to tell her were done somewhere else.

“Doc,” he said quietly near her ear. “We need to talk.”

“Sounds ominous.” Callen felt a little tension increase in Jessie’s body. “Maybe you should just get it over with,” she said.

“It’s gonna hurt.”

“Is this what you didn’t want to tell me?”

“Some of it.”

“Why now?”

“Because something else came up and you need to know.” He wished she didn’t. He’d gone around and around in his head on his own, with Hetty and with Sam to try and figure out a way that he could justify not telling her but all of them knew there wasn’t a choice. All he could control was the how and where.

Jessie rested her head on his shoulder and took a deep breath. As she exhaled he felt her settle into him further. “Go for it,” she said.

“Jessica Reed died three days ago.” The tension increased the moment he spoke the name.

“Where?”

“Chicago … In prison.”

“Prison? Why was she in prison?”

“Her dealings with Santiago.” It was the truth, the minimum he could manage.

“So she’s gone?” No questions about how, which said a lot about Jessie’s thoughts on the woman.

“Yeah.”

There was a moment of silence before Jessie said, “Good. Now it is all over.”

If only. Yes some of it was done but there were complications. “Not yet,” he told her.

Jessie sighed. “Do I really need to know anything more?”

“You do. She didn’t change her will after your uncle died so everything was left to him.”

Jessie shrugged. “That was stupid but what’s it got to do with me?”

“You’re her only remaining relative. Illinois law says it goes to you.”

Jessie stiffened further. “I don’t want a cent of her money. It can go charity.”

“Jessie -”

“No.” The word was firm, harsh almost but Callen heard the pain in it.  “I don’t want anything from her.” 

Callen gently stroked his thumbs over her stomach and felt just the hint of her body relaxing back into his. He kept it up as he spoke.

“What about what was your father’s?”

Jessie turned her head and pulled away just enough so she could look at his face. “What do you mean?” She frowned. “What did she have of my father’s?”

“DEA, and Eric and Nell, have been looking into everything. Deeply.” They’d sent Nell and Eric to Chicago for a few days after Santiago had been taken down to get NCIS eyes on the ground looking specifically for things to do with Jessie. DEA had appreciated the help given all that found and had been helpful in sending through anything they came across as things went on that Nell and Eric hadn’t managed to get to. If there was one good thing out of all of this, aside from Santiago being gone and Jessie safe that was, it was that DEA Chicago/Los Angeles and NCIS OSP seemed to have a new appreciation for some of their agents. It would benefit them all should they need to work together again.

“Of course they would,” Jessie said. “Eric and Nell don’t know how to do anything else.”

“That trust of your fathers, the one she gave to your uncle.”

“What about it?”

“She didn’t have the authority to do that. All she could control was how much of the interest could be withdrawn and given to them. At thirty, the trusts would’ve reverted to your father and uncle and they would have had complete access.” Nell and Eric had found the paperwork in Jessica Reed’s home. Lucky because banking records didn’t go back that far. Why she’d kept them nobody could say and she had refused to answer any questions. Callen had the rather unfriendly thought that the woman enjoyed being able to look at what she’d managed to do to mess with Jessie’s life and that could explain keeping something like that. Jessie could probably come up with other ideas on what might have been going on in her mind but Callen wasn’t about to let her delve into that. Jessie’s uncle, again no idea why, had also kept meticulous financial records that dated right back as well which had shown just when and what had been transferred to his account.

“You’re saying she stole it from him?”

“Yes.”

“How much?” There was something in her eyes Callen wasn’t quite sure what. It looked decided like anger.

“Jessie?”

“How much G?” she demanded. Oh yeah, his Doc was angry.

“The trust was worth two point five million but only two made it to your uncle’s account.” 

Callen had his suspicions that whoever had been involved in the transfer had been paid well. Jessie’s eyes closed and a tear fell from one of them. Callen was torn between wiping it away and keeping her held tightly in his arms. He went for option two this time.

“Doc?”

“My father was thirty two when he died.” Jessie bit her lip and opened her eyes. “If he’d had that money,” more tears fell, “we’d have left Chicago. Santiago would never have got them.”

“You don’t know that.” He wished it was as simple as that, but with the likes of Santiago, both junior and senior, distance probably wouldn’t have thwarted them.

“Yeah I do.” Jessie nodded. “I remember him telling me how he wished he could take us away, somewhere quiet and simple and safe where we could start fresh. But he didn’t have the money. When she disappeared, he changed jobs so he could be there with me. When she came back he couldn’t go back to his old job because she needed him too. He worked three different janitor jobs and would take me with him with a pillow and a blanket to the night ones. Tuck me up in one of the offices and let me sleep because he couldn’t leave me home alone, or alone with her. If he’d had that money, he wouldn’t have had to work. We could’ve been somewhere far from Santiago. Gotten her out before it was too late.” Jessie’s head dropped back against his shoulder and a shudder went through her body. Callen held Jessie while the tears fell silently. He felt the shoulder of his shirt get wet but didn’t care. 

After a few minutes Jessie wiped the tears from her face and said, “Damn her. She might as well have pulled the trigger herself.”

Callen’s body tensed at her words and he fought hard to ease it out of his body before she noticed. He was unsuccessful.

“What else?” she whispered.

Callen tightened his arms around her. “Don’t want to tell you Doc.” He didn’t to do this. If he thought it would work he’d turn her in  his arms and kiss until she couldn’t think. But he knew her better than that.

“Just do it G. Let’s get this over once and for all.”

“You sure?”

“I’m sure.” Her body settled back into his. It was different than before. It was almost like she was trying to become a part of him. He slipped one hand out from where it rested on her stomach and covered her hand that was on his other arm. Her fingers twined with his.

“She was in contact with Santiago.  She was the one who told him about the money … She told him that she could get you back to Chicago so he could … get you or he could have the money if she couldn’t.”

“She what?” Horror and disbelief mingled together in her words.

“She set you up.”

“Why? What did I ever do to her … or to him?”

“He blames you for his childhood with a mother who didn’t care. She blames you for her son’s death.”

“G I don’t understand any of this.”

Callen pressed a kiss to the side of her head, an apology of sorts for being the bearer of news coming that would hurt. “Jessica Reed told Juan Santiago where you lived. Thought she’d bartered for her son’s life but Santiago used her to find what he really wanted - your mother. She didn’t care what happened to you or your mother though. She wanted her son safe and after, she wanted to take Santiago down by putting you on the stand, but as you know that didn’t happen.”

Jessie was silent and Callen waited patiently while she digested this news. A soft sob shook her body and she buried her head in to his neck. He held tight and waited for the expected onslaught of tears.

But it didn’t come. 

Callen was confused but kept silent and continued to be patient. Eventually Jessie shifted in his arms and turned around. Her legs went around his waist and his hands dropped to her hips, his thumbs gently stroked the skin just above the waistband of her shorts. The shift brought them intimately close together but he ignored his body’s heated response to concentrate on her.

“So,” Jessie took a shaky breath. “You’re telling me she told them where to find us? That’s she’s responsible for them being there that night?”

“Yes ... Jessie?”

Jessie smiled, relief and brightness in her eyes even as a small sob broke through. She brushed her lips across his and when she pulled back there were tears on her cheeks again. He reached up and brushed them away. “Thank you,” she said.

“Now I’m the one who doesn’t understand.”

“G,” Jessie’s voice was soft, though still with a hint of pain in it. “I’ve always…” She stopped and took a breath. “I always thought it was my mother’s fault. That she’d led them back to us. Even after reading the notes and journals about how careful she was. A part of me wanted to blame her, hate her for it … and I felt guilty because I couldn’t. Like I wasn’t …” hiccup. “honoring my father because I couldn’t blame her. After all she died to save me yet …” she rested her forehead against his and took a moment. “I couldn’t tell Carly about it,” she whispered, “not even Jacob later, just to think about it felt so horrible. I pushed it away, tried to forget.” Jessie lifted her head and he saw the tears in her eyes, spilling unrestrained as she spoke. “There were times I would wake up from the memory of her whispering I love you over and over again in my ear that night when she-” Jessie closed her eyes and he waited as she took some slow breaths to regain control. “G she didn’t die straight away. After she was shot she covered me and whispered that until she couldn’t anymore. There was no screaming of pain, which I know she must’ve been in, but there were tears. Tears and a constant whisper, almost like she was trying to give me something else to listen to than the gunfire. When I would wake up after those dreams I could feel her love so strongly and then when I remembered the reason my father was dead the guilt would start all over again because I couldn’t hate her for what she’d done.” She cupped his face in her hands. “But she didn’t do it. It wasn’t her and …” she kissed him. “I don’t need to feel guilty any more and I’m free to love her now that-” she took another deep breath.

“Now that you know the truth.”

Jessie rested her forehead back against his. “Thank you,” she whispered.

Callen had been worried about telling her, almost hadn’t because he hadn’t wanted to hurt her. Yet it was what she needed to hear.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner.”

Jessie shook her head. “You were protecting me G. It’s okay. It’s likely I wasn’t ready until now to hear it. Not until she was gone because goodness what I would’ve done if she’d still been alive.” She settled into him,  her head on his shoulder and he stroked her back until he felt that the majority of the tension was gone and her breathing was steady.

“Are you ready to go back to the previous topic?” he asked quietly.

Jessie lifted her head. “You have thoughts on it?”

“I do.”

“I don’t want her money,” Jessie said with a shake of her head.

“What about your father’s though? Would you consider taking what was rightfully his?”

“Why?”

“So you can be free to do whatever you want without worrying about money.” Callen didn’t add that having access to that kind of money would mean she had options to run and hide if she needed to. “Whatever job you want to do or not do, you wouldn’t have to even consider the money.”

“I’m happy where I am.” Her fingers stroked his cheek and she smiled.

“I know and I’m glad.”

“You think I should take it.”

“I would like you to consider it.” He wasn’t going to tell her what to do, he just wanted her to think through all her options and not let her feelings toward Jessica Reed mean she lost out on something that had a lot of potential to make her life easier and safer.

“How much did she have left?”

“Not a lot compared to what she had before her husband lost a lot of it.” Ten years ago something had gone wrong and they had lost of over three quarters of the value of their investments. Jessie’s grandfather had died a few months later from a heart attack.  “Five million in property, and just over half a million in cash and stocks.”

Jessie closed her eyes and sighed.

“Just think about it,” Callen told her. He started to stroke her back again. “You don’t have to decide now.”

“I’ll take what she stole from my father. The rest.” Jessie took a breath and lifted her head and looked at him, “I want it to go to Agent Whitby’s wife and children.” Callen raised an eyebrow in question, not so much at what she wanted to do but that she’d decided so quickly. “It’ll give her the freedom to be there for those three girls and not have to worry about money.” Like the money would’ve done for Jessie’s father.

Callen nodded. “You’re sure?”

“Very. Anything else you need to tell me?” 

Callen smiled and shifted his hands under the back of her shirt and slowly slide them up her bare back, with just the slightest pressure that ease her closer.

“Hungry?”

Jessie smiled. “Very.” She put her hands behind his head and tilted it back. Her mouth covered his and she dominated the kiss with heat and passion and he could sense a relief, almost like she was celebrating her freedom. As if a weight had lifted off her and she was free to enjoy everything even more than she already did.

Callen tore his mouth away and sucked in a breath. “Inside Doc.”

“Why?”

That one simple word temporarily blew the thoughts right out of his head at the thought of having her here, now, with the sun warming their bodies at the same time the slight breeze took the intense heat from their skin.

“Because,” he managed to answer, “the bed’s got to be a hell of a lot more comfortable for what I’ve got in mind than here.”

Jessie rose off his lap and when he was stable on his feet, he scooped her up in his arms. Hers went around his neck. “I can walk you know,” Jessie told him, laughter in her voice. 

“I know.”

“So?”

“Because I’m hoping that if you’re holding on to me we’ll actually make it inside.”

Jessie smiled. “You don’t trust me.”

“Oh I trust you Doc. Very much.”

“Well then.” 

Callen was halfway between the small dock and the cabin and he knew from the tone in her voice that he was in trouble. 

“I’d better not disappoint.”  The words were said near his ear and as soon as they finished her mouth was busy against his neck.

They made it to the bed, only because he didn’t have to take more than half a dozen steps to it from the front door.


	93. Freedom

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this catches everything up. Next chapter might be a little way off. I am working on them but have a slight issue that I broke my foot on the weekend. Once I don't need to have it elevated so much I might get more writing done but for now, know I'm not gone, just a little hampered. Enjoy.

* * *

The fire crackled and warmed the room of the evening chill. Callen sat behind Jessie on the floor near it, the remains of their dinner off to the side, and gently brushed Jessie’s now dry hair one last time before he shifted it over one shoulder to free her neck to his touch.

“You’re very good at that,” she murmured.

“What? Touching you?”

Jessie laughed softly. “You’re exceptional at that. I was meaning brushing my hair.”

“Alina used to let me. Glad her instructions are still good.” It had been so long since he’d enjoyed doing something like this without wondering what would happen next.

“You okay?” Callen put the brush down.

Jessie shifted to lay with her head on his legs. “I’m better than okay G.” She smiled. “I feel … relieved, happy. I can think about her and not feel the guilt.”

“You rarely talk about them and you never mention their names when you do.”

Jessie smiled again. “Michael James.”  

Callen didn’t miss that she didn’t add Reed to it. After his experiences with Jessica Reed, he could understand Jessie’s strong desire to remain Blake even more than before.

“He was tall,” Jessie started, “and had dark brown eyes and the gentlest touch you can imagine. He was strong and brave and … he loved us so much. I hated to see him cry. There was nothing I could do, but then he’d see me and he’d find a way to make me laugh instead, which usually helped him too. Before,” her smile dropped just a touch with that word and the connotations connected with it, “he smiled so often. The three of us would find our way out to something around the city to do. Free because we didn’t have much but it didn’t matter because we were together. He always had his arm around her or holding her hand… before. Touch was important.” 

Callen continued to run his fingers through her hair as she spoke. The firelight caught the red in her hair and was reflected in her eyes. 

“I’d fall asleep in his arms after a bad dream feeling safe like he was my own personal Knight who could chase away all the bad things. It was almost impossible for him to fit in my small single bed but he did and he never complained and would always be there when I woke up in the morning - even if it was in the chair by the window instead.”

Jessie stared into the fire for a little while and Callen let her be, let her enjoy whatever memories she was recalling because there was a gentle smile on her lips and he knew she was happy. When she looked up at him and smiled again he brushed his fingers over her cheek.

“Your mother?” he prompted gently.

“Catalina Rose O’Shea.”

“Beautiful name.”

“She had the blue eyes and pale skin of her Irish father and the deep brown, almost black hair of her Spanish mother. Named after her grandmothers, in a way, as well. Her father’s mother, Katherine, died just before she was born so they named her after her but used the Spanish version so they could honor both sides of the family.”

“And Rose?  From her mother’s name?” He remembered Jessie had told him her grandmother’s name was Rosita.

Jessie shook her head. “You’d think wouldn’t you but no. Still from her mother but it was her favourite flower.”

“So you get your name through tradition.”

Jessie looked up at him a slight stillness settled on her and he knew what she was remembering. “It wasn’t my father who wanted this name for me. It was my mother even knowing how…” Jessie stopped and moved on. “She loved small little traditions that had hidden meanings.” The stillness seemed to leave and Jessie smiled again. “My mother had this laugh that somehow got inside you and made you feel like you could fly. And she sang this song,” Jessie’s words gentled further and she turned her head back to the fire. “I don’t know what it was called, never been able to track it down but it was in Spanish. When she sang it, it was like the softest warmest blanket would wrap around you. Most of the time she would be holding me when she sang it but even when she wasn’t it always soothed me whenever something was wrong.” She looked back up at him. There were tears in her eyes and Callen eased down beside her but rose onto his elbow so he could still see her face easily.

“I don’t remember much more about her G. The time, after, kind of wiped some of the memories. I wish I could remember more.”

“You had no other family?”

Jessie shook her head. “My mother was the youngest of three but the other two died before they were fifteen. You know about my father. My grandmother was an only child. Her parents brought her out here when she was six to have a better life. My grandfather came over with his mother from Ireland. All I know is there was some family issues and they never spoke of who they left behind.”

“Ever tried to find out if there’s someone left?”

“No. Given my luck in family matters I never tried.” Jessie shifted enough so she could kiss him gently. “Thank you,” she whispered, “for giving me back my mother.”

Her hair spread out around her and fire light continued to dance over her.

“You know I don’t know your middle name.”

Jessie raised an eyebrow, a surprised look crossed her face. “You don’t? You mean you’ve never looked it up?”

“Someone once told me about wanting to get to know someone for themselves. I decided to try it. Worked out pretty well.”

A grin spread on her face. “So I have something over you. Now that is tempting to keep.”

“I’m sure I can get it out of you.” Jessie tried to shift away but Callen caught her, pulled her back and moved so he was above her.  He caught her hands, held them beside her head and looked down into her eyes. The heat in her eyes was no longer because of the fire and the same spread through him. “Oh no you don’t Doc. You’ve got me well and truly curious. Especially after what you’ve told me. There’s got to be a story to this too.”

“Hmm, so what will you give to hear the story?”

“Are you trying to blackmail me?”

“No. Just making the most of an opportunity.”

Callen shifted her hands above her head and kept them there with one hand, gentle enough that he knew she could pull them away if she truly wanted to. There was no restraining beyond this with them; anything more would be too close to what her mother went through. He made sure never to take her choice away, no matter what they were doing. He shifted off her enough to be able to get to the buttons on the shirt she was wearing.

“You know,” he said as the first button slid undone, “you’re really going to have to stop wearing my shirts or I’ll have nothing safe to wear to the office.”

“Maybe if someone had packed me some more clothes than he did I wouldn’t need to steal his.” 

It wasn’t his fault, much anyway, that her shirt had gotten ice cream on it and needed to be washed, though given it was sitting on the floor of the shower it might very well be his fault that it wasn’t ready to wear yet.

“Maybe he didn’t want you wearing much this weekend.” He hadn’t exactly packed a lot for either of them.

“Then he’ll have to live with the consequences.”

“Oh he’s enjoying them as we speak.” The buttons were all undone now and the shirt opened just enough for a strip of skin down the middle of her body to show. He ran his fingers up it lightly.

“So am I,” she whispered.

“And you can enjoy it so much more once you tell me.”

Jessie laughed. Callen loved the way it seemed to radiate through her whole body, not just her voice and face. 

“So,” Jessie smiled, “you think you can just wait and not be tempted to take this any further for as long as it takes?” She shifted her lower body against his.

Callen grinned. “I can tempt you just as much.” His hands ran up her leg slowly and her breath caught when got close to the top of her inner thigh but then slid out to her hip. He moved and whispered near her ear, “I will win.”

“Not betting with you.”

“Doesn’t mean I won’t play dirty anyway.”

“A girl can hope.”

“Tell me and we’ll both win.”

Callen nibbled a trail of kisses down Jessie’s neck and sucked just near the junction of neck and shoulder, hard enough to leave a mark and get the reaction he loved.

“G.”

“Name first.”

Jessie groaned. “Fine.”

Callen raised his head and let go of her wrists. She didn’t move them from above her head. He danced his fingers over her skin softly and watched her face. “Jesinta?” He waited for her to fill in the gap.

“Valentina. Doesn’t exactly roll of the tongue easily.”

“It’s pretty.” Callen shifted the shirt off one side of her body and his hand settled just at the bottom of her ribs. She raised an eyebrow in question. “Reward.” his hand drifted slightly higher. “The story will bring more,” he promised.

“My parents met on Valentine’s day.”’

“Blind date?”

“No.” Jessie shook her head and her eyes flutter closed as his hand drifted to the bottom curve of her breast. “Grocery store. Eerily similar to Trevor and I but without the scrapes and blood. They both turned the corner of an aisle and crashed into one another.” Jessie sucked in a breath at his touch and let it out slowly. “No crashing to the ground except the box of chocolates in her hand which my father insisted he pay for by way of apology.”

“Love at first sight?” The other side of the shirt shifted out of his way and her breathing got heavier. Her eyes locked on his. He went by feel and enjoyed the shifting and swirling of heat in her eyes.

“Maybe but it was three weeks of my father visiting the store every night at the same time with the hope of seeing her again. When he finally did, he asked her out for dinner. They married six weeks later. Story done. Now -”

Callen leaned over and caught her lips with his. “That wasn’t so hard was it?” he asked when he broke the kiss.

Jessie laughed again. “Not for me.” Her leg slipped over his and in a move he was sure was adapted from something Sam had taught her, pulled him on top of her and cradled him between her thighs. “But definitely for you.” She whispered and lifted her head to kiss along his jaw before she brushed her lips over his in a teasing light way that had a growl sound low in his throat before he caught her lips in a kiss hot enough to rival the fire.

 

* * *

 

Jessie sighed when they backed away from the cabin. “I’m going to miss this place.”

“We’ll come back soon. Promise.” 

Jessie turned her head and smiled at him. “Have I told you how much I enjoyed the way you fulfilled your promise this time?”

“You told, and showed, and thanked me.”

It had been a wonderful weekend, the two of them, no distractions and the knowledge that they were indeed safe.

“Hmm. Think next time think we can swing a week?” Jessie asked.

“Probably not for a while. Since Christmas isn’t that far off I guess it depends on how much we’ve got left in holidays.”

“You have plenty,” Jessie told him. “I might be pushing my luck since you’ve already spent two weeks of it.”

It was true that he had quite a lot of leave that had accrued during the years when he didn’t really have a reason to take it off.

Callen grinned. “You said I could plan Christmas this year.” She’d handed over the task while he’d been recovering and couldn’t move much. She said it was to try and stop him driving everyone crazy with being bored. Problem was, it didn’t take him long to know exactly what he wanted to do with her and get the plans in motion.

“You know we need to hit one of the markets on my list right?” Jessie said. “Next year will be with Alex’s family and we won’t have much of a chance.” 

For a guy who didn’t tend to plan too far in advance, the idea should’ve unsettled Callen but it didn’t. It reassured him that she was thinking long term, which meant she wasn’t worrying too much and that she had faith in them. There was a look in her eyes that he could read easily. She was testing him a little with the long term reference. 

Callen smiled, a little cheeky one and a little nod to tell her he understood just what she was doing. “I know.”

The flicker of emotion in her eyes told him his answer was what she needed, and wanted, to hear.

“So where are we going?” she asked.

“Not telling. Not yet.”

“You’re wanting to pack for me again?” 

Callen glanced across at her before he pulled out of the dirt trail that had led them to the cabin and onto the dirt road that would eventually lead them to a proper one. “I’m not fussed on the idea of you freezing, though warming you up would be fun. I’ll pack appropriately.”

Jessie’s eyes narrowed at him. “Appropriately? For who?”

Callen chuckled. “Trust me Doc. If we’re going to be seeing anyone else on the trip I’ll make sure you have the right clothes.”

“Hmm, lucky I trust you.” She smiled.

“I’m very lucky you trust me.”


	94. Jacob

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not been up to a whole lot of writing but managed to get this little one out. Probably not as polished as I would like but if we were to wait until then it might take a while and since it's just a little one, figured let's get it out for your enjoyment.
> 
> Have a great weekend.
> 
> Enjoy. Love to hear from you.

* * *

Callen walked toward the bullpen and held the smile back as Jessie paced in front of his desk. Oh he knew exactly why she was there.

"What's up Doc?" he asked casually when he was close enough. Jessie turned and face him. Callen saw the worry and concern on her face.

"How did it go?"

"How did what go?"

Jessie raised an eyebrow and the look she gave him told Callen just what she thought of his innocent act.

"It was fine," Callen told her. It wasn't enough and he'd known it as he'd said the words but there were times when he couldn't resist teasing her. He stepped closer and pulled her loosely into his arms against him. "It went well Doc. You don't need to worry."

"It was your first time with him."

"Yes."

"Did you talk to him?"

"Yes. And I passed, as your evaluation said I would." They'd returned from the cabin yesterday and his official evaluation was today to get him back in the field after the bullet to the leg from the Santiago confrontation. Jessie had done hers last week on him before getting Jacob to come out to do his.

Jessie sighed. "But did you talk to him?"

"Give me a chance Jessie. It was easier than I thought but I still need to feel him out." The first thing Callen had gotten out of the way before the official psychological evaluation was done was apologise to Jacob. That first encounter wasn't the way Callen wanted the professional relationship to be based on, not just for Jessie's sake but his own and the team. Jacob had been very gracious and told him that there wasn't anything to be concerned about; that sometimes those moments tell a lot about a person and that Jacob had taken Callen's actions to mean he cared about Jessie deeply - which was obviously the case since they had managed to get beyond that situation.

"Please don't take as long as you did with me."

Callen raised an eyebrow and it took a moment for her to realise just what she'd implied with her answer. "You know what I mean," she added with an exasperated tone.

"I know Doc. Look." Callen leaned back against his desk and pulled her between his legs. His fingers linked with hers as he held both her hands. "He's professional. He asked the questions. I answered them honestly. Did we get into deep stuff? No. I'm saving that for you. " He squeezed her hands when she was about to say something, "Unless," Callen continued, "it's relevant to the psych evaluation. Okay?"

"I supposed I can't really ask for much more than that can I?"

"Let me give you a hint, it went better than my first one with Nate."

"But not your first one with me?"

Callen smiled. "Everything's better with you, first or otherwise."

Jessie laughed softly and Callen pulled her in close, his fingers slipped from hers and his arms went around her waist. Her hands rested on his shoulders and her forehead against his.

"I just … I want this to work out."

"I know," Callen said quietly. "I promise Doc, I'm doing my best with him okay?"

"Okay."

Callen felt Jessie take in a deep breath and he simply held her there, even if he was tempted to pull her further into him, as was usual when they were this close.

"Really you two?" Deeks' voice interrupted before anything more happened. "Can't you keep it in the lockable office?"

Callen and Jessie lifted their heads and looked over at Deeks, but they stayed where they were.

Sam chuckled. "Come on Deeks. They're still in the honeymoon stage. Give 'em a break."

"Yeah Deeks," Callen said with a grin. "Give us a break." He tugged Jessie back and kissed her. Soft and slow and lingering, nothing that would get them in trouble. He pulled back and smiled at her, she returned it with a soft one of her own.

"And how long is that going to be for?" Deeks asked.

"How long's what for?" Kensi said.

Callen looked over Jessie's shoulder to watch. He had a feeling the show was going to get interesting.

"Kenz," Deeks spun around. "Didn't see you there."

"How long is what for?" Kensi repeated.

"The honeymoon stage," Sam said. "Deeks wants Callen and Jessie out of it sooner rather than later."

"But baby," Kensi slid her hands up Deeks' chest and around his neck, "If they're out of the honeymoon phase then so are we. Are you sure you really want that?"

Callen and Jessie both struggled not to laugh but Sam just let it all out.

"Um … no of course not. I mean…."

Kensi winked over Deeks' shoulder at Callen.

"Yeah Deeks," Callen said. "How long have we got before it's over? Got to make the most of it." Deeks turned around and Callen took advantage of the moment to kiss Jessie again. Just briefly though there was a strong hint of more to come in it and he saw the look in her eyes that said she was looking forward to it.

Except there came a distinctive whistle from upstairs. They all looked up at Eric who leaned over the railing.

"Okay lovebirds, please, just leave it down there. Sorry for the lateness of the hour but we've got a case that we can't leave until the morning to get started with." There was a collective groan from the team give it was just after four pm.

Sam rose first and headed up. Kensi stepped away from Deeks who followed Sam quickly, almost like he was trying to get away. When Kensi passed by Jessie and Callen, she hi-fived Callen. "You two owe me."

"I'm sure you'll reap the benefits," Callen said.

"Oh I intend to." Kensi headed to the stairs.

"You coming for this one?" Callen asked Jessie.

"I'll be up after I've spoken to Jacob. Let's hope this case isn't an all nighter."

Callen grinned. "Frustrated are we Doc?"

Jessie rolled her eyes. "Very. Like you didn't plan it that way."

Callen knew exactly how to kiss her to get the message across, and those kisses didn't need to be long. But then so did she. They were developing a language of their own with their kisses.

"I'll take care of that tonight," he said.

"Is that a promise?"

"As much as it can be since we've got a case."

Callen gave her a quick hot kiss. Jessie growled just a little when he stopped.

"Maybe I should drag you to my office for just a little bit longer," she said.

They both knew she wouldn't, neither would he, but it was still a nice thought.

Callen grinned. "You'd brave Hetty's wrath?"

Jessie smiled. "You're worth it."

Callen heard it in the tone and saw it in that smile that she truly felt that way and that the comment was about so much more than what the conversation would have you believe.

Callen pulled Jessie close.

"I'm starting to believe that Doc." He really was starting to believe he was worth someone fighting for him, for whatever it was and he knew the woman in his arms was willing to fight anyone, including Hetty for him.

"Good." Jessie brushed a soft kiss over his lips.

Callen pulled back and stepped away and cleared his throat. "Tonight or as soon as possible after. A little's not long enough for what I have in mind to ease your frustrations."

 

 


	95. Jessie & Jacob

* * *

 

Jessie walked toward her office, a weight off her shoulders now that she knew Callen had coped with talking to Jacob. While she knew from personal experience how easy it was for Jacob to draw out what was really going on with her, she wasn't sure how he would go with Callen. The man wasn't easy to get to talk, as she well knew. A soft satisfied smile lifted her lips. He'd done it for her and she knew it. He knew it was a requirement of his job to pass these tests but she knew that he'd tried harder this time because of her. Because he wanted her to stay in this job with them. She'd find a very special way to thank him later.

Jessie glanced at her desk to see Jacob still seated there. He looked up and smiled.

"Take a seat."

Jessie paused and raised an eyebrow. "Am I a patient or do I get my chair back?"

Jacobo pointed to the couch and Jessie sighed softly. She should've known this was coming. She closed the door and went to sit as directed. She knew better than to argue with Jacob. He knew her too well.

Jacob sat down on the other end of the couch. "He passed."

"He told me."

"Your evaluation was accurate."

"Good to know." Jessie waited for Jacob to continue because if that was all he wanted to say she would've had her seat back for it.

"We haven't had a chance to talk about what you found out about your … Jessica."

Jessie appreciated that he'd refrained from using the word Grandmother. "He told you?" She hadn't mentioned it to Jacob yet so it was Callen or Hetty.

"Yes."

Well that was interesting. Jessie hid the smile. It seemed there was a way to get Callen to talk to someone other than her easily - her and something that might be bothering her would do it. She had spoken to Jacob over the course of Callen's recovery and dealt with things from that but the latest revelation was obviously raw and close.

Jessie settled back on the couch. "I'm relieved she's gone. Relieved it's truly over." The fear had been a constant companion since the text from Santiago had arrived. Admittedly after the team had taken him down it had eased, but somewhere she'd been waiting for more from Jessica Reed and been surprised that nothing had happened.

"You wondered if she might come back again somehow," Jacob said almost as if he'd just read her thoughts.

"Yes," Jessie admitted. "Though I know that if she had, she'd have a hard time, if not impossible time, getting to me."

"They do seem to all care about you a lot."

"I care about them too." It was different working here. Having that connection with a patient beyond a particular situation to get them through. Yes, she'd had recurring patients before but it was usually only if something went wrong. Now, she had the chance to keep them strong rather than just deal with the fallout and that was an amazing thing to be a part of.

"You have family."

Jessie smiled. "I do. A very weird family, though that's not exactly out of the ordinary for me given Trevor and Alex is it?"

"No, but now it's a little more balanced."

There was silence for a moment before Jacob prodded gently. "What else Jessie?"

Jessie took a deep breath. "I'm feeling a bit guilty about being happy about it."

"Because she was family?" She'd known Jacob would know that she'd jumped back to the previous topic.

"No." Jessie shook her head. "Not that. I just feel like I shouldn't be glad anyone is gone."

"Yet you're glad Santiago is and don't feel any guilt for feeling that way about him do you?"

"He's…"

"The bad guy," Jacob filled in, "so you don't need to right?

"Right."

"So was she."

"It's different … difficult somehow with her."

"I know how you feel about family Jessie," Jacob said gently. "What you had hoped for with them. But you've learned a lot about her, what she was truly like then and now. Learning that can't have been easy."

Jessie's head rested against the back of the couch. "It wasn't but it was easier than it could've been."

"Because of him."

Jessie turned her head to look at Jacob. "Yes."

It was one simple word but in it was more. The trust, the depth of friendship, the emotional connection and the love was what filled that very honest one word answer. Because of Callen, because of the strength and support and love that he gave her, she was stronger than she'd ever been. And because of that, her world hadn't shattered with the knowledge that Jessica had been behind it all.

"He cares very deeply for you," Jacob said.

"I know." Tears welled in her eyes but they didn't fall. "He loves me and that makes a huge difference to everything we go through. Knowing he's there for me."

"You haven't really had that have you? In a boyfriend/partner way. I know you have it with Alex and Trevor."

"And you."

Oh yes, Jacob had been there for her for so much. During those years of studying and working, trying to find a way to do two very different jobs within the same field that she felt so drawn to. He was the reasons she'd been able to do both when so many others had told her she couldn't handle such pressure. He'd encouraged her, mentored her and when the topics of study had confused her, he'd given her a different way of looking at things that had made it finally click. Not to mention helping guide her out of those moments when the past had come back to haunt her in her dreams and emotions.

"I'm glad to be included in that count."

Jessie smiled. "G's the only one who knew it all. I mean Tom came close. He knew they were killed but we never discussed how or why or by who." In a way she hadn't been ready to talk, even though it had been years after the fact. Or perhaps he just wasn't the one she needed.

"The trust you have with Callen is deep and strong."

"Yes." Jessie had known how important it would be, not just from Nate's note, but from her own interaction and observations. She'd worked hard to prove that he could trust her, with anything; his heart, his secrets and all.

"Yet," Jacob gave her a questioning look, "you don't trust yourself to be able to do the job without emotion getting in the way."

"It was personal this time," Jessie said. "Even knowing what's he's been through before, knowing how strong mentally he is with things like this, I couldn't help but wonder if I was seeing what I wanted to see. That I wanted him to be alright." She'd tried hard to push the emotion aside and to see beyond that Callen had been through all of this because of her. She'd had to push aside the lingering guilt that if it wasn't for her he wouldn't have be shot yet again.

"You feel better now knowing mine came back the same?" Jacob asked her.

"I do. It's reassuring that even when I'm not sure I can still see clear enough."

"For what it's worth Jessie," Jacob said, "I don't think my evaluations are going to come back any different to yours. You are very good at what you do and your concern for your patients is always clear. I've seen you fight to get those back in the field that are ready when their superiors didn't want to and also the other way around to keep them out. Their well being has always been your priority no matter what."

"Thank you," Jessie said. "That means a lot."

"However, I would recommend that if it gets very personal for him, or you come very close to losing him, that you step back from that situation and don't even try. Simply be there for him. Let me take care of the rest."

"I get losing him," Jessie said. She hadn't even been close to losing him with his injury this time and it had been hard. "But why the personal for him?"

"It's not that I don't think you could do it in those situations. But I think it would be more beneficial for you, and him, for you to step back and simply be there for him in the personal side rather than the professional. Let him be free to talk to the woman he loves rather than the psychiatrist."

Jessie shook her head. "I get where you are coming from, and with anyone else I'd probably agree. But if it's personal for him, you'll be lucky if you can get anything out of him. We have a deal, G and I. In the office is on the record, outside is off. It worked for us."

Jacob raised an eyebrow. "A recent deal since you got together?"

Jessie shook her head. "No. From very early on. I needed him to trust me. It seemed like a good idea at the time, to give him the opportunity to talk to me on his own terms, when he was ready with whatever it might be."

"It seems to have paid off," Jacob said. "He obviously trusts you and in turn that has given him a certain amount of trust in me. Getting back to you though. We were discussing your feelings for Jessica and what she did."

It was a tricky thing getting therapy as a therapist. Even though you knew you should be talking about something, it was easy to slide into something else if you wanted to. But with a good one, like Jacob, they always brought you back to make sure you talked about what you needed.

"I don't know what was going through her head," Jessie said. "I find it hard to comprehend anyone doing that to family, even if they didn't like them. In my job I've seen some horrible things but this seems so extreme."

"It does," Jacob agreed. "But some people are like that."

Yes, some people were. Perhaps if she'd been in private practice rather than military orientated she would've had more experience with dealing with someone with those issues, but she wasn't.

"And some are like that," Jessie said, "because something is wrong and they need help."

"Is that why you feel guilty that she's gone? Because you wonder if you could've helped her? If you should've seen that something was wrong?"

"No. I was never around her enough to see what was wrong. I mean I felt it but that was more about the idea of a family that never was."

Jacob waited.

"I think I feel guilty because …" Jessie rose and started to pace the room. "I wish she'd paid the price for what she did. I mean I know she lost her son, and that's a big price to pay, but so many people died because of her."

Not just that. All those affected by the loss of a family member because of her. Agent Whitby's wife and children were going to pay the price for the rest of their lives. Same with those men from that night so long ago who didn't make it and those they cared about.

"So many lives," Jessie continued, "affected because of how selfish she was and she got away with it for years. Then it's like she skips out on the punishment."

"It's not wrong to feel that way."

"I should know better. The woman was most likely ill mentally in some way."

"Jessie." Jacob rose and walked toward her. "One, you know how I feel about should."

"I know." Should implied there was something wrong with her. You should've done something but you didn't and therefore you weren't good enough because you didn't. Could was a better word which gave you the choice. You could chose to do something, or not. Then it was up to you.

"Two," Jacob said. "It's not wrong to want justice. It's not revenge. It's not hate driven. It's the way the world, law and order, is supposed to work. You do something wrong, there's punishment for it. If everyone got away with doing something wrong the world would be in chaos. Whether she was ill or not, does not mean she shouldn't have paid the price. She knew exactly what she was doing and what the fallout would be when she told Santiago about the money and you."

Jessie frowned and narrowed her gaze at Jacob. "How do you know that?"

"I spoke to her. Hetty asked me to. I didn't tell Jessica about my connection to you though."

"And did you think she was fine?"

"Oh she wasn't fine. She was vindictive, selfish, believed herself above the consequences of her actions. She knew what she was doing. Perhaps yes, there was something mentally wrong with her that meant she didn't feel for those who were affected by her actions, but she knew what she was doing."

Jessie sighed. "Sometimes I don't know what to feel."

Did she feel sorry for the woman because she'd lost her son, not once in her mind but twice Jessica Reed had lost him? Did Jessie feel compassion, sympathy or nothing at all for her? Was it hate because of the loss she had caused Jessie?

Jessie had definitely felt that more than once in her lifetime, more frequently than she would've liked but she'd accepted that when the heart came into it so did other emotions and just because she dealt with mental health, didn't mean issues didn't happen with her. It was one of the reasons she'd made sure to keep up her sessions with Jacob. To be strong for others meant she needed to be strong within her own mind as well. And sometimes that was hard.

"That's normal," Jacob reassured her. "Relief is a good thing though. It means you understand the impact she's had on you. She's affected your life in a very bad way, for many years and now your future is out of her hands. She can't hurt you anymore." Jacob put his hands on her shoulders. "And I'm glad. I'm glad you are free. And I'm very glad you've found him. I've never seen you pull through something like this as easily as you are right now." He squeezed her shoulders just a little. "But I do have to ask, and I'll only ask it once. Are you sure about the life you are walking into with him?"

"Yes," Jessie told him confidently. "I know it's dangerous. I know that there is always that chance hanging over us that he may not come home. I don't like it, but I'd rather live with that than not live with him."

"Good," Jacob nodded and released her shoulders. "That's what I was hoping to hear. You haven't chosen an easy path." Jacob shrugged. "But then you never were one to follow the easy road."

"I wouldn't be here, wouldn't have found him without you. Thank you." Because while her path may have crossed Callen's in an Emergency Department setting, she wouldn't have had the chance to get to know him without this job.

"You're welcome." Jacob smiled. "And thank you."

Jessie frowned. "For what?"

"I get to retire because of you. Victoria is most pleased."

"You're retiring?" Sure Jacob was older. The grey hair in his case was deceptive because there wasn't a lot of it. He was well into his sixties and had been doing this job for so many years. While, logically, at his age retirement wasn't far off, she'd never really considered him actually doing it.

"Partially," Jacob answered. "Your Hetty has offered me a small retainer, in addition to the one off payments for any evaluations necessary, to be on call for the team in case things get too personal for you to deal with. It's only small but will be enough to supplement what we already have. I'll have to make sure all the patients I currently have are covered with someone they work well with so it will take some time. Don't worry though. I won't be handing you over to anyone else anytime soon."

Jessie wasn't worried about that, though no doubt when it eventually happened she would miss the connection that she'd built with him. She trusted him to find someone she would fit with to take his place.

"Does this mean," Jessie said, "that you are moving closer to this side of the country?"

She knew they'd always wanted to eventually retire to a warmer environment and Victoria, Jacob's wife, had been born and raised in San Diego.

"Victoria is most likely looking for possibilities as we speak. You know once something is decided she doesn't waste anytime."

Oh that Jessie knew from first hand experience. The letter telling her of her acceptance into the PsyD course in San Diego had barely left her hands when Victoria was talking about her contacts that might have a room for her to rent. The following day Victoria had handed her a list of three names, all with a spare room or over the garage apartment that she could rent if she wanted. The woman was the most efficient one Jessie had ever meet.

"Wow," Jessie said. "That's…. When did Hetty offer this to you?"

"Last night over dinner after I arrived. She met me at the airport."

"Last night?" Jessie frowned. Jacob nodded. "And she offered you just the right amount?"

"Yes." Jacob's gaze intensified. "Are you thinking she knew what was needed to make me say yes?"

Jessie chuckled softly. "I wouldn't put anything past Henrietta Lange. She has a way of getting what she wants but making you think you are getting what you want."

"I'm not sure if I should be scared of that or not."

"Be scared, but also be in awe. Just don't fight it. You won't win." It was the only piece of advice Jessie could give him to prepare him for dealing with Hetty. You couldn't win against Hetty because by the time you knew what was going on, it was all over.

"Noted." Jacob stepped back. "Now I'd best be going before I miss my flight."

Jessie nodded. "I have a briefing to get to as well." And a case to make sure they wrapped up as best they could for the night before too long because there was a promise she very much wanted a certain someone to keep.


	96. All at once

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally tweaked this to where I'm mostly happy. Slowly getting my head into gear more but still struggling a bit. Hope you are all happy with this chapter. Might as well add a warning here. Appears I'm really enjoying letting things get heated with these two so just be prepared, the likelihood is it will happen frequently. Whether there are interruptions or not will depend whether I, or the bunnies, are in the mood to make up all the previous close moments to them or not. :-)
> 
> Here we are, enjoy a little fun, a little doctoring and a little heat.

* * *

Callen walked down the corridor, Kensi on one side of Deeks and him on the other as they helped Deeks hobble along. Sam walked beside them. It was almost comical when they all stopped at the same time having looked up and witnessed Jessie standing there watching and waiting for them.

"Crap," Deeks murmured. "Callen, that's not a good look is it?"

Callen shifted slightly to reaffirm his grip on Deeks. "Nope."

They all started to move forward, a quick glance around showed that Callen was the only one brave or willing enough to look at Jessie. He watched the various looks flitter across her face as they got closer; the concern, the quick Doctor check, the slight amusement, for what though he wasn't sure.

"All of you?" she said when they were close enough to hear. "Well I must say this a first."

Now the amused look made sense.

Jessie tilted her head toward the medical room. "Off you go," she told them. "It'll be a tight fit but I suspect if I leave any of you out here, you'll find a way to make a run for it."

Jessie moved toward them and took over from him and Kensi with Deeks. They all followed dutifully. If Callen wasn't mistaken he heard Hetty laugh quietly at her desk. He knew that particular laugh though it wasn't one they heard often. It was the one she made when things were their own fault and none of them were too seriously hurt. It certainly helped, in an odd way, that this had nothing to do with a case. They'd simply been in the wrong place at the wrong time - and a touch less aware of their surroundings than federal agents should be, perhaps because of the bickering that was going on between Sam and Deeks that had Callen and Kensi distracted.

"Sit," Jessie ordered them all as she eased Deeks onto the bed.

Callen noted she'd already prepared for them and had extra seats against one wall. She turned to look them all over once again before she headed to the freezer and pulled out an armload of ice packs.

"Aren't you all lucky I'm prepared?"

Deeks stayed quiet on the bed. Jessie handed Callen the first ice pack.

"Jaw please." Jessie gently touched the spot that was hurting most - where he'd caught it on a rock. The brief touch, while not taking away the pain, gave him something pleasurable to remember and focus on while he held the ice pack in place. Jessie wrapped one carefully around Deeks' wrist before she turned toward Kensi and Sam. Callen watched Jessie head straight to Sam. He wondered how she'd deal with the big guy.

"Where?" she asked.

"I'm good," Sam said.

Oh Callen could just about tell you with great detail what the look on her face would be at that obvious wrong answer.

"So this cut," Jessie pointed, "above your eye is nothing?" The blood was dry now but hadn't looked like nothing when the blood had been dripping down Sam's face earlier.

"Deal with Deeks," Sam told Jessie.

"You are such a," she patted Sam on the shoulder rather firmly and Callen saw the muscles tighten in his cheek and jaw, "generous co-worker Sam. Pity about the dislocated shoulder you're trying to hide."

Sam was now grinding his teeth. "How did you know?" he asked and Callen couldn't resist the urge to laugh.

"Just wait for your turn G," Sam said. Callen closed his mouth quickly. Jessie walked to the desk and picked up the phone at the same time she pulled out a pen and pad from her drawer.

"Hetty, I need someone to take Sam to the hospital. He's dislocated his shoulder, and fixed it himself, again. He needs an MRI so I can see just how bad it is in there … Great. Thanks Hetty."

Jessie signed the bottom of the paper and turned away from the desk.

"Jessie I don't -"

Jessie held up a hand. "Yeah you do Sam. I want to know what's going on in there. That's what, two times, in the last year you've done this?"

"Three," Sam murmured.

Jessie's eyebrows raised. "Three? So you didn't tell me about one?" she asked in that tone that Callen knew didn't bode well for Sam. Or any of them in fact should they not heed the lesson from Sam's mistake.

"Sorry?" Sam added.

"How can I take care of you," Jessie asked, her frustration came through, "if I don't know what you've done?"

Sam actually had the grace to look contrite and the murmured apology was much more sincere, even if lower in volume.

Jessie moved onto Kensi. "Really? You were doing so well. You're not a teenager anymore."

"What?" Deeks called out from the bed. "You mean she hasn't been to see you at all since we talked about that."

"No." Jessie looked at Kensi's arm and shook her head. "Any more than just this?"

Kensi nodded. "Just some little ones on the back I think. But I know how to roll so they shouldn't be bad."

Jessie chuckled. "Then maybe you'd better teach the others once they've recovered. Let's get this shirt off so I can have a better look." Jessie helped Kensi ease the shirt up and over her head.

"Eyes down boys," Deeks ordered.

"Really Deeks," Callen rolled his eyes and glanced at the Detective, whose eyes were most definitely not down. A quick glance at Kensi told him exactly what he'd instinctively known from experience in the field when they'd played a couple. The sports bra was more like a crop top. "Her bikinis cover less and her gym wear not much more."

Jessie turned around and raised an eyebrow at him, but Callen wasn't worried because he knew she knew she was the only one for him. Before Jessie could comment though Hetty walked through the door.

"How are the ragtag bunch of misfits doing?"

"We're fine Hetty," Callen assured their boss. "Just a few scrapes."

Hetty's eyes ran over them quickly and efficiently. "More than scrapes by the looks of you all." Jessie stepped over to the desk and picked up the piece of paper and gave it to Hetty. Hetty nodded in acknowledgement and looked at Sam. "Mr Hanna. Let's go. Your chariot awaits."

"My chariot?"

"Your Challenger. You have a hospital to be at according to the doctor. I am here to drive you and take you home when we are done."

"Uh Uh." Sam shook his head. "You're not driving my car Hetty." Hetty raised an eyebrow. "You wouldn't see ov-"

"Think very carefully," Hetty interrupted before Sam could say something he'd regret, "of your next words Mr Hanna and move."

Sam's mouth closed and Callen choked back a laugh. Oh to witness Hetty driving Sam, especially in his own car. What he wouldn't give to see that.

"Jessie," Hetty said, "I suggest that given it is Friday, and the state that they are in, you all go home as well. I expect you back in the office first thing Monday morning, with an incident report on my desk on how this .." she waved her hand to encompass all of them, "happened to four well trained, supposedly observant agents, when they weren't working a case. Enjoy your weekend," Hetty glanced at Deeks, "Though I suspect some of you will have more fun than others."

Hetty ushered Sam out of the room but Callen knew that until Sam was seated in the passenger's seat his partner's mind would be working overtime to figure out how to not let Hetty drive.

Jessie moved close to him and added some extra items to the trolley. "Why aren't you sitting down?" Jessie asked him.

Deeks spluttered and Kensi coughed to cover their respective laughs.

"Someone had better spill before I -"

"Callen got a splinter in his arse," Deeks said in a rush. Jessie raised an eyebrow at Callen.

"He tried to pull it out himself," Kensi added, "But some of it got left behind."

"And how exactly did you get back here in the car?" Jessie asked.

"With great difficulty," Callen said. With only one car, Kensi's between the four of them it was lie face down in the back or put the front seat back and be on his side. Deeks had refused to give up shotgun, complaining that it would be too difficult being squashed in the back with his knee as it was. Callen had ended up on the back with Sam. Between Sam's shoulder and the splinter that made it near impossible to sit on that side it had taken some maneuvering to get comfortable enough in a way that didn't risk them getting into trouble should they be pulled over. Thankfully they hadn't been.

Jessie moved over to Deeks. "I'm not going anywhere," she said. "Would love to hear the story." She took a pair of scissors to Deeks' jeans.

"Hey, wait up," Deeks protested. "My favourite jeans."

"Used to be." Jessie didn't wait, she cut the rest off the leg just above the knee. "Seriously, what happened? How did you all end up like this?"

"Well," Deeks started to say then hissed as Jessie started to clean up the scrape on his knee and shin.

"There was this car," Kensi started.

"It was coming at us fast," Callen added. The car had been out of control before it had taken the corner near them, well at least it had certainly appeared, and sounded, that way. He was sure he could still smell the burning rubber.

"We jumped out of the way," Deeks said, "but ended up rolling down an embankment when we ended up too close to and slipped over the edge."

The place they'd gone to pick up lunch had been across the road and they'd been about to cross it when the car had appeared. The corner had been too close for them to do much but react and while self preservation had them all moving in the safest direction, it unfortunately hadn't been as safe as they'd thought. Though definitely better than getting hit by a car.

"Let me guess, one filled with rocks, dirt," she glanced over at Callen, "and trees or dead wood."

"Sounds about right," Kensi agreed.

Jessie sighed and went back to Deeks' knee. "You're going to have to stay off this. Rest, ice etc, you know the drill. I'll come by and check it in the morning. Until the swelling goes down I can't really tell much without sending you to the hospital too and I don't think it's that bad." She put a patch over the scrapes that he had going half way down his shin and on his knee. "Keep it clean." She helped him sit up. "Just stay there until I'm done with Kensi."

The scrapes over Kensi's back and arm didn't take Jessie very long to clean up, none needed a patch thankfully. Before Callen knew it, Kensi and Deeks were heading out the door, Deeks with a pair of crutches Callen didn't realise Jessie had in here and Kensi wearing a spare shirt Jessie kept in the drawer. Callen watched her close the door behind them and he was almost certain he heard the slight catch of the lock.

Jessie turned around to face him, her arms crossed in front of her chest. "Do you want to know what number you're up to?"

"No." Callen grinned. "I know I'm your favourite."

"My favourite huh?" Jessie held back the smile rather effectively, but he knew her well. She shook her head. "You know you'd hold that position easily without getting hurt."

"But then I wouldn't get to experience your lovely bedside manner," Callen added innocently.

Jessie took a step closer to him, her eyes running over his face. "Yeah, you get the in bed one instead." She raised an eyebrow. "You sure you still want to keep getting hurt?"

"I'll get both anyway."

Jessie rolled her eyes and pulled the trolley up close before she removed the ice pack from his jaw as he stood there. "Hmm, not as bad as I was expecting." Her touch was soft, gentle and soothing as she traced the line of his jaw with the barest of touches. "Better than any time you've taken a fist there." She cleaned it up carefully, along with above his eye where she also placed a butterfly strip over the small cut that was there.

Jessie stepped back. "Shirt off."

Callen raised an eyebrow. "You just want to get your hands on my body," he teased.

"Of course, after I've made sure I won't hurt you."

Callen chuckled. The flirting was a whole different ball game now that they were together and he loved that she was happy to go there still. He'd been a little worried that getting together would affect this connection because she might've been more concerned about professional than personal. He was glad he'd been wrong and that what was between them before was still there now, only better.

"Doc," he said. "I'll take the hurt any day if it means I get to have your hands on me."

He eased off the shirt.

"No need for that," she said, "I'd much prefer simply getting my hands on you without having to worry about what damage you've done." Jessie's gaze turned serious as she studied him front and back. Obviously he had a few scrapes and she cleaned them with her usual gentle touch.

"You know," Jessie said when she'd finished, "the shirt at least needs a wash and probably a few minor repairs."

Callen narrowed his eyes. "Are you saying I can't have my shirt back?"

"Not until it's clean." The innocent tone was there, but so was the twitch to her mouth and certain little sparkle in her eyes. "Wouldn't want all that dirt getting in somewhere it shouldn't," she added.

Callen chuckled, slid an arm around her waist and pulled her close. She came easily into his arms. "When do we get to the kiss it better part?" he asked.

"Perhaps whe -"

He didn't wait.

Jessie cleared her throat and took a breath when he was done; well they really because she'd been a most willing participant. She looked like she was trying to work out what to say but in the end gave up and stepped back.

"Pants off."

It was only then that Callen noticed the twinkle in her eyes had turned wicked. "Doc..."

"How can I get the splinter out if I can't see what I'm doing?"

That particular tone, even with the innocent words, was all it took for his body to heat and harden in a way that perhaps he should try and control, except the look in her eyes made it rather difficult. He dropped his pants, she kept her gaze on his eyes.

"Face down on the table."

Callen raised an eyebrow. "You know that's not exactly going to be comfortable."

Her lips twitched. "Front would make things much easier for me," Jessie replied. "But if you can't manage, on your side will do."

Callen followed her instructions, the side ones, and relaxed under fingers that were gentle as she examined his splinter.

"Next time G," Jessie said softly, and he knew that she'd managed to turn Doctor mode back on at least momentarily, "let someone else pull it out. This is going to take a little bit of digging."

The coolness of the antiseptic and the pain of the poking, prodding and pulling was countered by the touch of her fingers on his skin. He knew the moment it was out without her saying anything because the touch of her fingers on his skin wasn't quite the same. Nothing specific, perhaps just the intent coming through, but he felt the change. She put a small patch and walked away. Callen shifted so he could watch her as she disposed of the one glove she'd used, which would explain why he'd felt her touch so strongly, and washed her hands. There was something about the way she held her body; a hint of tension in it that had him frowning until she turned to face him.

Then he knew.

Callen wasn't the only one having trouble, even if she'd been able to find doctor mode. He wasn't the only one affected by the fact that she had him naked and alone. Callen eased of the table and walked toward her. This time though her eyes flicked over him instead of staying on his face. He saw the flush, witnessed the change of her breathing and had no doubt if he put his hand on her neck or over her heart it would be pounding. He loved that he affected her so easily. It leveled the playing field since she had the same effect on him.

"G."

The protest was there, a token one that he knew was okay to ignore. Callen pulled Jessie into his arms and kissed her deeply. Her scent and her taste blasting away the lingering burning rubber smell and dryness in his mouth. When they broke apart to breathe Callen took full advantage of her inability to think. He had her shirt up and over her head before she could protest because hey, if she had him naked, then surely she could join him, at least a little. He knew he was in trouble the moment he looked down.

"What were you thinking this morning Doc?" Callen traced the edge of the lace. The red lace that he'd spotted so long ago at Sam's.

"That surprisingly," Jessie's hands slid up his arms, over his shoulders and slowly down his chest as she spoke, "you hadn't seen this one yet and perhaps it was about time you had a closer look."

"And how exactly did you expect me to concentrate on work once I knew what was underneath? I mean, blue is one thing, but red, it just screams…"

Jessie lifted her eyes from his chest. "Screams what?"

"Hot." Callen continued to trace the lace where it dipped low, her skin warm and a slight hint of moisture there. "Doc."

"Yeah?"

His finger moved from the dip and traced the other side, sliding under the edge just a little. "What's the chance you have a change of clothes in here for me?"

"Not much. Why?" she breathed.

Callen groaned, reluctantly pulled his hand away from the skin he suspected he'd never get tired of touching and reached down to pick up her shirt. "Get me some clothes, loose pants please, and get us out of here." He brushed a kiss against her ear and whispered, "before I have you moaning loud enough that everyone in the office knows what we're up to."

Jessie pulled back, her mouth was slightly open, the wicked look mingled with heat and surprise and, damn her, a hint of interest. Before he'd even thought about it he had her back against the wall and his mouth back at her neck. He found the spot, just below the tattoo that was one of her most sensitive areas and sucked hard.

"Your choice Doc." He ran his tongue over the mark with satisfaction before he added, "but the moans aren't optional only the location."

Jessie took a couple of quick shaky breathes. Callen felt her body tense and the slightest start to her moving away. He stepped back and watched her quickly leave the room just as he'd known she would. She might be curious, perhaps even tempted to see if he'd follow through but he knew her well enough. Teasing of certain team members aside, what was between them, was between them and only them.


	97. IA

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the way things look, until I'm not so tired, I'll be aiming for three chapters a week. Wish it could be more but as it is, I'm struggling with whether I'm happy with the final edits.
> 
> I was looking for a way to show Jessie could handle the pressure and balance being there for Callen professionally even with the very personal relationship that is now happening. A bit of a chat with a reviewer on another side led me to the episode Internal Affairs (S7 Ep 10) with Deeks and IA.
> 
> A re-watch showed me Callen was very contemplative during the briefing and Sam noticed it. He even asked Callen if he was okay. I was curious about what was going through Callen's mind with that. It turns out it seems to fit in nicely with something else from this story. First part in Italics is just the transcript from the show.
> 
> So hope you enjoy, love to hear from you at the end.

* * *

_Callen: You brought Deeks here. Anything else you want to tell us before we dive into this?_

_Hetty: No._

_Callen: You're sure you want us to do this?_

_Hetty: You don't want to help Detective Deeks?_

_Callen: In order to help Detective Deeks, we're gonna have to look into this case. What if we don't like what we find?_

_Hetty: The truth doesn't take sides Mr Callen. Only we do that._

Callen walked away from Hetty but he couldn't walk away from the churning sensation in his stomach. His gut was telling him not to look into this but he couldn't pinpoint why exactly. He'd barely taken half a dozen steps before Jessie appeared beside him.

"My office. Now." The tone of her voice said she was serious; very serious. Callen followed her down the corridor and into her office. She closed the door and turned to him.

"Why don't you trust Deeks?"

"I trust Deeks." The answer was automatic. Because he did but the look on Jessie's face made him rethink and expand his answer. "But he's hiding something," Callen admitted. While the trust was still there, the uncertainty of where this was headed could very well be part of the reason behind why he didn't want to delve into what was going on.

"Of course he is," Jessie said. "You all are to some degree."

"If IA are looking into this Jessie, it's big. And if it's big, it could take down more than him."

They were connected with Deeks. Strongly. And that meant what affected Deeks affected the team and NCIS. Things weren't overly friendly between LAPD and NCIS. Callen knew Deeks wasn't particularly well liked over there, though there had never been any legitimate complaints about his work and Callen knew very well that Deeks' track record for his cases was excellent.

"Especially if you find something IA don't," Jessie said.

"If we find something we'll be obligated to tell them."

Obligated yes. Would they? Callen wasn't entirely sure how far he could go to protect Deeks from whatever this was. He suspected Hetty would likely take it on herself so as not to bring the rest of the team into any suspicion. He wasn't sure he liked the idea of Hetty taking the fall, but he knew she'd do it for any of them.

"Is that why you don't want to look into it?" Jessie asked. "Why you don't want to help Deeks clear his name?"

Callen shook his head. "I never said we didn't want to help Deek. We're good Jessie. Better than IA. If there's something to find, we'll find it. More likely that we will than they will."

Jessie stepped closer. There was fire in her eyes, determination and strength. A flash a pride flew through Callen at the look. She was actually fighting him for Deeks. She wasn't letting what was between the two of them stop her from coming after him.

"And what happens," Jessie said, "if you don't look and IA find something but not everything? What if what you could've found would be what Deeks needs to get through this?"

Callen held Jessie's gaze. "You know that if IA find something and Deeks is in trouble, we'll continue to look whether they do or not." They certainly wouldn't sit back and let IA have Deeks without making sure there was nothing else to it.

"That's not the point G. You know Deeks. You know what he's done here. For Sam, for Kensi … For me. We know him."

Deeks had been there for all of them, well beyond a simple team member. What he'd taken for Sam and Michelle's safety, the way he was with Kensi and what he gave her, not just personally but as a partner who well and truly had her back. And Callen would never forget what Deeks' had done for Jessie, even though it was entirely different. Knowing Deeks was there, filtering the information and making sure Jessie was taken care of with all the legal things that had happened with Chicago had been a great relief. But still…

"We don't know everything about him or what he's done," Callen told her.

Jessie threw up her hands in obvious frustration and stepped back. "Of course we don't. Name one person in this office that you know everything about? You don't even know everything about me."

"Doc you aren't -" But she didn't let him finish.

"But this isn't about me. This about Deeks, about the team. He needs you. He needs all of us to trust him and back him up."

"I'll back him up. I'll look."

"Just because Hetty's ordered you to?"

"No. Because he's one of us."

"Will you trust him?"

There was the slightest stumbling block. While he trusted Deeks, how little he knew about the man and his past made things difficult. "Jessie, he's been arrested for the murder of a cop." Not a light charge at all.

"A bad cop."

Callen raised an eyebrow. "So you're okay with someone being murdered if they're bad?"

Anger flared in her eyes and Callen instantly regretted the comment. He knew her better than that.

"Don't you dare," Jessie said. "You know that's not what I was meaning."

"I know. I'm sorry." There was the slightest pause before he continued, a break to shift the words from his apology to what he wanted to say next. "Just because Deeks is one of the good guys doesn't mean he hasn't done something bad."

"Have you thought that maybe he's been set up?" Jessie asked. "That someone in LAPD wants to take him down?"

Here came the downside to her job here with them. The things she saw, the way their minds worked. His Doc was looking at things in a way he wished she didn't need to.

"Yes," Callen told her. "It has crossed my mind. But Deeks isn't acting like he's been set up." He hadn't told Kensi anything, hadn't protested his innocence. He'd just let them take him in.

Jessie stepped closer and her voice lowered a little, a pleading note to it. "And why do you think he did that? It would've made things a hell of a lot worse if he'd fought it or tried to run. Can't you see he's trusting his team to have his back?"

Callen wanted to reach out and pull her into his arms. Protect her from this. He could see how much this was affecting her; her heart was involved because she did care about Deeks. She cared about all of them more than a co-worker should. But then all of them did. That was what made this team special. But he didn't pull her into his arms; now wasn't the time for personal.

"Maybe," Callen said, "he needs to trust us with more than having his back. Maybe he should tell us exactly what happened." They could hold off telling IA until after they had confirmed all the information. They didn't need to tell them everything as soon as they knew. "Or does he not trust us," Callen continued, "enough to tell us? We can't protect him if we don't know what's going on."

Jessie turned to her desk. She picked up her cellphone and grabbed her keys out of her bag.

"Where are you going?" Callen asked.

"We," Jessie emphasised the word when she turned back to face him, "are going out." She started to walk to the door. Callen slipped in beside her as they moved into the corridor.

"We have a case," Callen reminded her, "one you want me to dig deep on."

"Yeah well, right now, we're going out and hopefully by the time I'm done with you, you'll work it more effectively and with the right attitude."

Callen glanced across at her. Jessie shot him a look that told him clearly that she wasn't taking no for an answer. He was going with her, he was sure of that.

"I'll work it thoroughly." That was something that Hetty had ingrained into him. That he give his job the best, anything less wasn't good enough. He rather not look at all than only do a partial job of it, which was part of the reason he'd gone to Hetty in the first place.

"I have no doubt about that," Jessie said, "but you need to be more than thorough with this."

* * *

A short yet silent drive in Jessie's car had them at the beach. She slipped off her shoes. Callen followed her lead, did the same and then walked beside her as she headed to a relatively deserted part of it.

"Why are we here Jessie?" Callen asked when she finally stopped.

Jessie turned and tilted her face up to look at him, the unevenness of the sand put him at a slightly greater height advantage than usual. Her voice was more gentle than he'd expected given the conversation that had happened before they left.

"Because what we're about to talk about," she said, "was told to me as a friend and out of the office and I intend on keeping it that way."

Callen frowned. "What would that be?" He talked to her out of the office so much more than in.

"I thought you would understand Deeks better than anyone. You've been there G. Done something wrong for the right reasons to protect not only your own life but, especially to you, more importantly those who were innocent and then lived with that secret and didn't tell anyone for so long."

Callen was silent. That knot that had been sitting in his gut since he'd heard about Deeks being taken into custody, tightened even further. There was no doubt what she was referring to. It had been on his mind to the point of distraction. Sam had noticed in Ops that something was bothering him, though Callen had brushed it off. Whether Sam believed him was an entirely different story.

"What's so different about the two of you?" Jessie asked him gently. "Why is it so hard to believe in him, even if he did do what they claim? We know Deeks. We know the kind of man he is but you seem to be backing off from him, from this. Like you're trying to put distance between you and him." Jessie's eyes went wide and she didn't wait for an answer. "You _are_ backing off. So you won't feel it so much if we lose him."

Callen should've known she'd see into him further than he could because until she said the words even he hadn't realised it was a part of it. But the protest, as pointless as it was, still made its way to his lips.

"That's not -"

"Yes," Jessie cut him off, "it is. Are you thinking of him as LAPD or Detective rather than one of us? Your conversation with Hetty suggests that you are."

He was, sort of. Not completely but yet again the protest came. "So what if I am? He is." He was just more them than LAPD now.

Jessie shook her head. "Don't G. Don't pull away. He needs you. We all do if we are going to get through this. Kensi needs you. She needs to look at you and know that you're there for Deeks; all of you, not just the agent skills and mind. But the friend, the family she's come to know. She needs her safety net - all of us - in case the worst happens. She needs to know we'll catch her if she falls, help her stand on her feet and fight by her side."

Jessie stepped closer and put her hands on his arms, the first time she'd touched him since her arm had brushed against this when they'd been walking to her office earlier. The softness of the touch, the warmth and the rightness of the connection between the two of them registered in his mind and his body, with a small degree of tension shifting from him.

"You know," Jessie continued, "he'd do everything he could if you were in the same situation. You've all gone through hell for each other when something has gone wrong. Me included. It's Deeks' turn now for us to be there for him."

Deeks had a very strong advocate in Jessie. Callen almost smiled but things were still roaring and twisting inside him and he had a feeling all was not done with Jessie yet.

"I'll do everything I can," Callen told her, "for both of them."

"Not if you pull back." Jessie frowned. "Why are you? Really? It's more than just protection from getting hurt. All the reasons G. Look deep and tell me why."

Callen swallowed the lump in is throat. Somehow the knot from his stomach had worked its way up to his chest and wrapped around that beating part of him that until her he'd managed to keep out of most things as she'd spoken. It was particularly painful when Jessie had mentioned being there for Kensi if things did go bad.

"Because I don't want to remember." The words slipped out of Callen's mouth with no thought, but he knew they were the truth. Because she had a way of getting him to admit things he didn't want to. "There's a reason I never spoke to anyone about it."

"And there's a reason why you told me."

Callen wished he'd been able to blame the alcohol but it was all her and the way she had of pulling things out of him and the strangely odd need he'd felt to share his burdens, to have her really know him and all that he had done.

Callen reached up and cupped her cheek. "Because you're different."

"Hoping that's a good thing," Jessie said with a gentle smile. "But G, the likelihood is Deeks hasn't spoken to anyone about it either. And just like it was ripping you apart, no matter how far down you pushed it, it's probably doing the same thing to him. He needs you because in some way you know what he's been going through, even if he doesn't know it. You know what it's like to live with a secret burning you up in side. Yours hasn't come into the light but his has."

Jessie tilted her head into his hand and Callen felt like her eyes were burning right down deep into his soul, where no secrets could hide.

"What are you scared of G? Are you afraid yours is going to come into the light too? That if you look into Deeks' case too hard someone might start looking into you?"

"No." The word was harsh and forceful because the more she spoke the clearer things became in his mind.

"Then what are you afraid of?" Jessie repeated.

It took a couple of breaths, her patience once again his undoing, before the words started to tumble out.

"I look at Kensi and Deeks and see what this is doing to them and wonder when something is going to come back from my past and rip us apart." Callen's hands went to her shoulders almost like he was afraid it was going to happen right now and holding onto her was vital to ensure she wasn't ripped away from him. "It's like I'm getting a glimpse into the future and I don't want to look but it's playing right out in front of me."

"And you want to turn the TV off," Jessie concluded quietly.

Callen wasn't sure how she did it, considering he was sure she didn't move but somehow she seemed closer, safer almost. And then it changed and instead of him being the one holding her, something made it feel like she was holding him, safe and protected. He couldn't understand it but it was one of the best feelings he'd experienced.

"That's why you're backing off," Jessie continued. "So you don't have to watch."

Jessie's hands slid up his chest and cupped the back of his neck, her fingers a gentle brush over his skin and the short hair there. His dropped from her shoulders to her waist and pulled her in closer. Jessie rose on her toes, touched her forehead to his.

"Nothing is going to rip us apart G." Her whispered words were a like a warm much needed breath over his lips. "I promise. It might hurt, it might take some time to get through, but we'll get there, together, no matter what it is." She sounded so positive and Callen pulled some strength from her and held onto her words, tight and close to his heart.

"Can Kensi and Deeks get through this?" Callen asked her. He hoped so. In the time he'd known Kensi, he'd never seen her so comfortable and happy as she was with Deeks. She'd always been willing to be someone else and never really settled into herself. But now, now she was happy just being Kensi.

"We'll make sure they do, won't we?" Jessie said. And Callen knew it was another promise. She would do everything to help them.

Callen's throat was too tight to say anything in response.

"Trust me G," Jessie whispered. "Trust him. Trust us."

She was so close, her lips a mere breath away and Callen closed the distance; needed to close it as if his life depended on it. Needed her. Her lips were soft and warm under his, tasted of the hint of salt from the sea breeze that had been dancing around them. With just the slightest pressure her mouth opened under his and then she was playing just as much a part in the kiss as he was. It was deep, passionate but also reassuring and gentle, like she was reinforcing the promise she'd made to him in words with her kiss. Like she knew what he needed from her, knew why he'd had to kiss her even though he hadn't said the words himself. She was confirming their connection, her commitment to him, that she was there - she wasn't going anywhere.

They both took a deep breath when the kissed ended.

"What was that for?" Jessie asked and then sucked in another steadying breath. "Not that I didn't like it but -"

Callen smiled. "Thank you. Guess you can do that whole professional thing with me after all."

"That kiss wasn't professional, however," Jessie's fingers still played at the back of his neck, "more than happy if you want to skip the words and replace them with that anytime."

"Better be careful Doc. There are plenty of times I need to thank you." And if he got to kiss her like that every time, he was sure he could think of more.

Jessie smiled. "Like I said."

Callen shook his head. "No." His finger traced her lips, pink swollen and wet from the kiss and he was tempted to capture them again but he didn't. "The words are important too."

"Okay, both it is."

For the first time since they'd heard what happened to Deeks, Callen laughed. It was just a small one but with it the knot he'd felt since that moment earlier slipped undone.

"Thank you," he said, "for helping me see what I was doing, and why, and for reminding me what I needed to do."

"Thank you for letting me." Jessie brushed a light kiss across his lips. "Now," she added, "how about we go see what we can do to get Deeks out of this mess? You can catch up on that Thank You kiss later."

Callen loosened his grip on her waist, cupped her chin and made sure he could look deep into those brown eyes he adored. "One last thing before we go Doc."

"What?"

"I love you."

Those words were important too and he didn't say them anywhere near enough.


	98. Mrs Bradshaw

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heat does jump a little high in this chapter toward the end. Love to hear from you when you're done.

* * *

When Callen stepped out of his car he saw Mrs Bradshaw walking up the path of hers and Jessie's apartment building, laden with bags. He hurried to catch up to her.

"Let me help you with that." Callen took the majority of the bags from her hands.

"Oh thank you," Mrs Bradshaw said and smiled at him.

Callen knew sometimes those who wanted to be independent wouldn't always accept it but was glad she did. He knew that first hand, considering how reluctant he tended to be with accepting help. With the bags safely on her kitchen bench he turned to say goodbye but she spoke first.

"Would you like a cup of tea?" she asked him.

Callen was here to take Jessie out for dinner but he knew Jessie wouldn't mind. She'd mentioned more than once that she felt for the older woman; that although her sons were close by, they couldn't always be there when their mother needed a little company.

"Sure. That would be lovely."

Mrs Bradshaw pottered around the kitchen and Callen sent a quick text to Jessie.

_Cornered by your lovely downstairs neighbour for tea. Up soon._

Jessie replied quickly.

_Lucky you were early. But now I'm worried what she might say._

That comment reminded Callen of a previous conversation Jessie had had with Mrs Bradshaw that she didn't want to discuss, about how his reputation was still in tact.

_:-) Seems like my timing might've been perfect after all._

Callen put his phone back in his pocket and focused on Mrs Bradshaw. She seemed a little older than when they'd been here changing her locks, a little shakier, but still reasonably independent. He had seen her in passing since but never long enough to study her like this. He kept watch but didn't try and take over. Jessie had told him that she was determined to stay in her own home as long as possible. He knew Jessie kept a close eye on the older woman too and how concerned she was for her.

"Here you go." Mrs Bradshaw brought a mug and a cup to the table and handed him the mug. "Nice and hot and strong."

She sat down across from him and sipped at hers.

"How are you Mrs Bradshaw?" The least he could do while he was here was gather some intel for Jessie.

"As well as can be expected for an old lady."

Callen chuckled and Mrs Bradshaw smiled.

"It's a funny world isn't it," she said. "I can call myself old, yet if someone dared call me that, there would be others up in arms about bringing my age into it. I don't always get this world."

"Age is just a number that's only important for a few things. It's about how you feel." He didn't particularly care about birthdays or his age, though he did find himself looking forward to next year with Jessie.

"Very sweet of you to say. However it is unfortunate that I am starting to feel my age." Mrs Bradshaw sighed. "It's in the little moments that I miss Mr Bradshaw the most. Someone to sit with and watch a movie, hold my hand, share a cup of tea. Talk about our day." She smiled. "Little moments. And now with my children being so busy, I miss those moments even more."

Mrs Bradshaw put down her tea and looked at him intently. "It's important in a relationship to make the most of the time you have, not just for the big things but the little things as well."

Callen raised an eyebrow and put down his mug. "Why do I have a feeling you are talking about me and Jessie?"

"I worry for her sometime, for both of you. You seem to have such busy lives and yet I see how much you care about each other. I wonder…" Mrs Bradshaw trailed off. Callen could hear the uncertainty in it.

"Wonder what?" he encouraged.

"I don't want you to feel like I'm sticking my nose into your business." She shrugged and smiled. "Even though it's exactly what I'm doing."

"It's okay." Callen smiled. "Go ahead."

"You and Jessie as so busy and I wonder why you don't live together. It would give you more time to take care of each other and enjoy the little moments, and no I am not entirely talking about sex thought that is obviously a very important part of any healthy relationship."

Callen felt a little hint of a blush rise at the unexpected topic and cleared his throat. Mrs Bradshaw continued with a smile.

"There was a similar reaction when I brought this up with Jessie. Given you are two grown, healthy and mature adults and it's obvious that you are attracted to one another, I'll assume that that side of your relationship is going well and leave it at that."

Callen chuckled. "You've got me curious and wondering just what you said to Jessie."

"Ah, wonder all you want," she said with a grin that brought an unexpected sparkle to the old woman's eyes. "Girl talk is private. However I will tell you this. Make time for each other. When life gets busy it's easy to lose track of things. My husband was in the military so not home often but we made sure to spend time with each other, and when the children came along we took a week every year just to go away the two of us." If Callen wasn't mistaken a hint of a blush came onto the older woman's cheek. "It usually followed that the next one was born nine months later, at least until we decided that three was enough."

"Where are they now?" Callen hoped to pull the topic of conversation a safe distance away.

"Our two sons are here in Los Angeles but our daughter is actually in Toronto. Anyway," she rose from her seat, "I've kept you here long enough. I'm sure Jessie is waiting." She smiled. "She's a lovely girl. I introduced her to my son once hoping something might happen but it seems I was too late and you'd already won her over."

"When was this?" Jessie hadn't mentioned that before.

"Three months before I meet you. It was obvious then why my son didn't stand a chance." Mrs Bradshaw smiled. "She's a wonderful girl and I'm glad to see her so happy with you."

Callen rose too. Mrs Bradshaw took a step toward him, then she grabbed the table and the colour drained her face. Callen managed to catch her before she fell. He lowered her to the floor carefully.

"Mrs Bradshaw?" She looked up at him, a hint of fear and pain in her eyes.

"Pills." She was struggling to breathe and Callen did the first thing that he could think of and whipped out his phone to call Jessie.

"Are you still -"

"Jessie," he cut her off. "Mrs Bradshaw collapsed. She's asking for pills but she can barely talk."

"I'm on my way," Jessie said. "Pills should be on the table. Blue lid, white bottle. Give her one." He heard the door close through the phone and then distinctive sound that told him Jessie had hung up.

Callen found the bottle easily. There were four pill bottles on the table and they all had a different, brightly coloured lid. He helped Mrs Bradshaw with the tablet, and then a small sip of water. By the time he'd done that the front door of the apartment opened and Jessie rushed in. She held her phone to her ear and from the sounds of it she'd called 911 on her way down the stairs.

Callen moved out of the way and Jessie shifted in next to Mrs Bradshaw as she hung up.

"Ambulance will be here in less than three minutes." She glanced up at Callen. He saw the question in her eyes.

"She's had the tablet," he confirmed.

"What happened?" Jessie started to examine Mrs Bradshaw.

"We were talking." Callen knew Jessie was listening to every word he said even as she check over and murmured reassuringly to Mrs Bradshaw. "She was going to walk me to the door but she took a step, went pale and started to fall."

Jessie glanced up sharply. "Did she fall?"

"No. I caught her."

Jessie sighed in relief. "That's very good news." She turned her attention back to Mrs Bradshaw.

"Want me to wait out front for them?" Callen asked quietly.

Jessie nodded. He noticed she held Mrs Bradshaw's hand and there was tension radiating from Jessie. Callen had a sinking feeling in his stomach as he walked away.

* * *

"I'm going with her," Jessie told Callen as she watched the paramedics load Mrs Bradshaw into the ambulance less than five minutes later. His arm was around her shoulder and she drew what comfort she could from it before it was gone.

"I'll follow."

Jessie looked at him. "You don't -"

Callen put his fingers over her lips. "I'll follow," he repeated.

Grateful tears pushed at her eyes but she refused to let them fall. She needed to stay calm. Instead of sinking further into his arms as she wanted, Jessie smiled, a small one that only lasted until she'd turned away from him, and hopped into the back to sit beside Mrs Bradshaw.

Jessie looked down at the woman on the gurney. She had strong suspicions that things weren't going to go well. It was to be expected given Mrs Bradshaw's medical situation. Unfortunately there wasn't a lot she could do without specialist equipment but she'd been able to give the paramedics a heads up on what she'd found and vital statistics so they could start working quickly. Mrs Bradshaw tugged on her hand just as the vehicle started moving.

"Jessie," she said softly.

"Don't talk."

"Please."

Jessie leaned closer. Mrs Bradshaw was stubborn, she knew her own mind and what she wanted. Jessie also knew it would end up being much easier if she just let her say what she wanted to say and then she could get back to the job of concentrating on breathing.

"He's a good man."

Jessie knew exactly who she was referring to. "I know."

"Don't let him go. No matter what. He's what you've been waiting for. He'll keep you safe."

The tears pushed at Jessie's eyes but she refused to let them fall. "Rest."

"You've been a wonderful neighbour."

It seemed Jessie wasn't the only one who suspected what was happening. She forced a smile. "So have you."

Mrs Bradshaw had been everything she'd dreamed a grandmother could be. The way she cared and showed it. The quiet conversations they'd had over tea occasionally. There had been plenty of times Jessie come home to find a box of something sweet outside her door that Mrs Bradshaw had baked and brought up, even the occasional hot meal that had arrived with a knock on the door five minutes after she was home from a long shift. If only.

"I'm glad you have someone. That you're not alone." Mrs Bradshaw tugged her closer. "I'm ready to go home. It's time. Will you tell them?"

"I will."

Jessie lifted the frail hand to her cheek. Mrs Bradshaw smiled and closed her eyes. As the ambulance sped through the streets, the heart monitor beeps slowed down, a little with each beat. The paramedics continued to work but Jessie knew nothing they were doing would stop where this was going. Sometimes knowing the human mind as well as she did made things harder. As a doctor she would keep working until the end, as a Psychiatrist she knew that when someone was ready to go, sometimes nothing you did would stop it. When the line went flat and the long beep sounded the first of Jessie's tears fell.

* * *

Callen walked through the hospital doors to the Emergency Department foyer. He saw Jessie before the doors had even swished closed behind him; his instincts, as always, automatically knowing where she was when she was close. She was talking with two men and he headed toward them.

"Stop," Callen heard Jessie's raised voice. "This is not what she would want." He moved quicker, his ears tuned into her voice as he listened intently.

"You know she wanted to be home as long as she could," Jessie continued. "Not stuck somewhere that she felt old in. She didn't want to be a burden to either of you. She loved you both and she'd had a long and happy life."

Oh hell. Callen knew what that phrasing meant.

"This is what she wanted and you both know it," Jessie added just as Callen reached the group.

"Sorry Jessie," both men murmured.

Callen slipped an arm around Jessie. He could see the pain etched around the two men's eyes. They looked similar and he saw traces of Mrs Bradshaw in them and knew these were the two sons she'd spoken of earlier. He hadn't been as close behind as he'd wanted to be because as he'd gotten in his car the thought had crossed his mind that both Jessie and Mrs Bradshaw's apartments might've been left unlocked and he'd needed to check. While Jessie's had been easy to lock up with his own set of keys, Mrs Bradshaw's had taken a little longer until he'd found hers. Jessie looked up at him and he saw the pain and tears in her eyes along with the tear tracks on her cheeks. She leaned into him and turned to the men.

"I know," Jessie said gently, "and I'm sorry too. She was lucky to have you all."

"She was lucky to have you too Jessie," one of the son's said. "We appreciate everything you did for her."

Jessie nodded and then looked at Callen. "I'm ready to go home."

Callen kept his arm around Jessie and guided her to the car; not a word was spoken but then he wasn't sure what to say. She held his hand the whole way home.

* * *

Callen guided her to the couch and Jessie curled up in his arms, her head against his chest. It wasn't long before the tremors started and he felt the tears seep into his shirt. He kept one arm around her and used the fingers on his other hand to stroke her hair. This was going to be harder on her than when she lost a patient in the ED because this time she knew the patient. He wasn't sure how long had gone by but eventually Jessie lifted her head to look at him. Her eyes were puffy and red, as was her nose, but she still looked so beautiful, because of who she was and her heart; a heart that right now was breaking and there wasn't a damn thing he could do about it.

Jessie shifted and brushed a kiss over his lips before she pulled back and looked at him. Her fingers found the buttons on his shirt and undid the first one.

"Please," Jessie whispered before she lowered her mouth to his and kissed him.

As she'd come closer he'd planned on letting her set the pace but the desperation and passion that she poured into the kiss blew Callen's mind and before he knew it he was reacting by feel and not by thought. His shirt was undone when they broke apart, both breathing harshly, his fingers had already slid the zip down on her dress and his hands were at her shoulders nudging the straps off and down her arms. She pulled them out and the blue dress pooled at her waist. A glance down had Callen pause and he couldn't help admire the view, even in the midst of the emotion swirling around them.

His fingers slowly traced the black lace that edged the half cup bra that left plenty of skin to be touched and admired. Something she'd obviously put on for their date and for him. He lifted his hands and cupped her breasts, the softness of the midnight blue material that the black lace edged, a stark contrast to the roughness of his fingers.

"G, please," Jessie begged.

"Wouldn't want to miss this," Callen murmured and brushed his thumbs over the hard peaks that were just below the edge of the lace.

"I'll wear it again."

"This is the first time."

Callen's finger slipped under the lace and Jessie moaned softly, the pleasure at, and need for his touch, clear in the sound. Her head dropped back invitingly. With a quick shift, he sat up and turned them. Her knees settled on either side of his thighs and he accepted the still-there invitation of the expanse of her neck while his fingers continued to play. His lips trailed down her neck, his tongue flicked over her collarbone and then lips and soft kisses shifted closer to his fingers but before lips could replace fingers Jessie pushed him against the back of the couch and put just enough space between them so that he could watch as she reached behind her back. With the bra gone, he had barely any time to admire the view and take a breath before her mouth was back on his. The heat, passion and desperation intensified and in the madness, somehow, the rest of their clothes were gone and she was over him, taking him into her body and they both flew over the edge together.

* * *

Callen stroked her back with one hand and eased her hair off her face with the other.

"You okay?" he asked.

"Mostly," she answered before she shifted her head to brush her lips across a sensitive spot on his neck; a place he suspected she'd marked him as he usually marked her, given the sensitivity there. His heart pounded and he could feel hers beating in a similar fashion too. Their bodies were still joined and as their breathing eased, he remembered something that had been forgotten. Jessie obviously sensed the change in him and lifted her head, a questioning look on her face.

Callen tucked the hair behind her ear. "We got a little caught up in the moment Doc. Forgot something."

Jessie frowned and then her eyes went wide in realisation. "Oh."

"We okay?"

Jessie nodded. "Have an implant. Easier than taking a tablet at the same time every day with my schedule."

Callen nodded, relieved. He seen too much of unwanted or unprepared for children growing up to risk it, not to mention the health aspect. Not that he thought there was anything wrong, but it had simply been the way he'd done things. Always, until now. Until her.

"What about …" He started to say but changed his mind and tried a different tack. He ran his fingers gently up her arms. "Haven't been with anyone without before."

"Me either," Jessie said softly. "And I know our medical results. We're both clear."

Callen slid his fingers into her hair that was now out, not that he remembered doing that, and behind her head. He brought her closer. The brush of his lips over the softness and dampness of hers and the mingling of their breaths, was without the madness or the passion of before but still was more than just the physical touch. It was calming and caring, reassuring and loving.

"I didn't mean to forget," he said. There'd been so many hot, desperate moments between them before when they'd still remembered.

"Neither did I. I just..." A small smile lifted at the corners of Jessie's mouth. "I needed you and everything else slipped away."

Callen could understand. She'd wanted to forget the pain, wanted to have something good and to stop to remember protection meant she had to think. And he'd been responding to her need, to the pain that he could do nothing about apart from give her something else to focus on so she could get some distance from what he hoped was the worst of it. But he still should've -

Jessie shook her head. "Not your fault either. It is what it is." She bit her lip. "The question is where do we go from here?"

Callen raised an eyebrow not quite sure what she was asking.

Jessie's lips twitched. "We kind of missed enjoying that moment."

"You didn't enjoy that? I think I'll have to call you on that lie Doc."

Jessie laughed softly which caused her body to shift slightly against his, skin on skin, soft curves against hard muscle. Her fingers traced his outline of his ear and along his jaw. "I'm not lying," Jessie whispered as those soft, yet strong fingers trailed down his neck to settle over the beating pulse in his neck. "I definitely enjoyed what we just did but the moment of having nothing between us was kind of missed."

"You'd like a replay?" The thought was appealing to more than just his mind. His body leapt at the idea.

"Not exactly a replay but another chance to experience .. You." Jessie lowered her head and kissed him, slowly, deeply and with the same passion, but not the desperation this time. His recovery time was over well before the kiss was, but then it never had taken that long for him to be ready for her, especially when she was encouraging him.

"Let's try the bed this time," Callen suggested when she finally lifted her mouth from his. "I have a few things in mind that might be difficult on the couch."

With a heated yet gentle smile, Jessie lifted her body off his. Callen rose quickly and scooped her up into his arms. He wasn't interested in having any extra distance between her than necessary.

"Really? I'll behave G."

"Don't want you to behave Doc." Callen loved it when she didn't but he also knew when that happened she could be totally distracting and given what they'd just decided, the likelihood was high that they might not make it where he wanted to go. "Just want to get there faster so we can get started and not distracted against the wall."

Jessie laughed. "Who needs a wall," she whispered against his ear.

* * *

The morning sun lit up the bedroom and Callen watched the woman he loved sleep. There had been no more tears through the night, though he doubted she was completely done. Their first time together on the couch had an outpouring of grief in the midst of the storm of passion and emotion. In the bedroom he'd felt it, the different energy coming from her, not grief, but just love and need, though in some ways more intense than it had been before Mrs Bradshaw's passing. Like she'd had a revelation to cherish and enjoy the moments even more.

Callen hadn't slept a lot. He dozed and drifted with Jessie in his arms, responded when she'd reached for him again through the night, the third time calmer and more cherishing. Around that though his mind had been too busy replaying part of his discussion with a wise old woman who would no longer be a part of Jessie's life. Mrs Bradshaw had been right. They needed to make the most of opportunities when they were together. Their lives were difficult enough with the hours they worked, even if some of that was together.

He felt Jessie's breath change and her stir in his arms.

"Morning." Callen planted a kiss on the side of her head.

"Morning," Jessie murmured and snuggled deeper. Callen's light chuckle rumbled in his chest and he felt the smile of her response against his skin. Unless Jessie had to get up for work in the morning, she was usually reluctant to leave the bed. Not that he minded. He tended to take advantage of it in numerous ways; some ways were more active than others.

Jessie lifted her head. "You're thinking something."

"Been thinking most of the night," he admitted.

"Is my toaster still in one piece?"

"Of course. I promised never to touch your toaster." Toaster and coffee maker - at least as long as it was working. Everything else was fair game, though he'd yet to take her up on the offer of her kettle after all.

Jessie shifted, rose up on one of her elbows and looked down at him. "What is it about toasters?" she asked. "Why do they fascinate you so much? And why do I feel like there's a story, or two, behind it?"

Callen ran the fingers of one hand up her back and the other twisted a strand of hair gently around one of his fingers.

"Probably because there is but I can't tell you. National security reasons." More international security reasons and there were still times when he wasn't entirely sure that particular episode in his life wasn't just a very strange, but realistic, dream.

"A toaster is national security worthy?" Jessie asked skeptically.

Callen shrugged. "Maybe, kind of. But either way, you don't have the clearance."

"Does anyone? You know what. I think I can answer that. Hetty probably does."

"She does. Not many do." He could probably count the number of those who knew what had happened on his fingers.

"You aren't going to tell me, not even with doctor patient confidentiality and all, are you?"

Callen knew Jessie wasn't trying to get him to say anything. The clearance factor was one thing she wouldn't try and push, though he would love to talk to her about that particular episode in his life.

"No," Callen said, "but I will answer your question. It's the methodical feeling of taking them apart and putting them back together. I guess a puzzle that settles my head so I can sleep."

He'd found a long time ago that doing something rhythmic and methodical that was a simple step by step process seemed to help him stop the whirling of information in his head. That and he also enjoyed the reactions he tended to get from those whose toasters he did pull apart; such as Sam and Hetty. Callen smiled as he realised just how long it had been since he'd felt that need to pull something apart to help him sleep.

"Except," he told her, "I seem to have something else these days that works even more effectively. I don't remember the last time my thoughts drove me out of bed when you were here with me."

Jessie grinned. "So I'm your toaster."

Callen chuckled. "Much better than a toaster. No need to dismantle to explore all your parts." With that he flipped her over and smiled down. His hand ran up her side, over her hip and the dip in the waist, higher still until her hand covered his.

"G," Jessie said quietly. "Explore later. Talk to me. What's on your mind?"

"You want me to stop?"

"No." Jessie lifted her hand to his face and cupped his cheek, which gave him the option to continue exploring if he wanted to. "But there's something going on. I'd like to know," she said.

Callen smiled at how perceptive and in tune she was with him. "Move in with me. Or I'll move in with you, or will find a different place together."

Jessie's eyes widened in surprise. "What?"

"I want us to move in together." Callen rarely took her by surprise like this and he savoured and committed to memory the look on her face.

"Is this what you have been thinking about?" Jessie asked him.

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Does it matter?" This wasn't quite the way the answer to the question was supposed to go. He'd kind of expected a straight yes or no. Actually he hadn't expected her to say no at all.

"Yes. Because if this is a reaction to what happened last night, then I want you to think more about it."

"Doc," Callen said, "it's because of last night, but not what you're thinking. My talk with Mrs Bradshaw. She made me realise something."

"What?"

"You and me." One of his hands rested on her hip and his thumb rubbed back and forth over the smooth skin. "Crazy hours. Two separate places. How much time are we losing by not being in the same place. All those little moments that we could have."

Keeping up aliases also cut into it though he tried to make sure that was done during times when she wasn't available. It helped that her hours at the hospital weren't the same every week. He suspected that had something to do with Hetty keeping things unpredictable to help keep Jessie safe.

"Little?" Jessie raised her eyebrows and shifted her hips against his obvious reaction to her. Seriously, the woman could get a rise out of him without doing anything and he still hadn't hit the point of having had enough of her, nowhere near close. And he was more than happy to stay that way for a very long time.

"I'm serious Jessie."

Jessie lifted her head and brushed her lips across his. "Yes," she whispered before she settled back onto the pillow.

Callen frowned, a tad distracted by the soft kiss along with the way the movement had shifted her body against his. "Yes?"

Jessie smiled. "Yes, I'd love to move in with you." There was answer he was hoping for.

"When?"

She laughed softly. "When we figure it out, Mr Impatient. However I have something else I want to do with you first."

"Really?" As if he couldn't guess. "What might that be?"

Jessie's legs shifted and wrapped around the backs of his thighs. It settled him more intimately against her.

"See if it's as good this morning as it was last night," she said.

Callen covered her mouth with his and poured everything he could into a quick, hard passionate kiss. "I think I can manage to make it even better," he murmured against her neck. He lifted his upper body off hers to allow his free hand to trail gently over the skin of her neck, shoulder and collarbone, then further down. He nipped at the pulse point on her neck with his teeth, not enough to leave a mark but enough to send the shiver of arousal through her and have her neck arch to give him even more access.

"Promises, promises," Jessie said breathlessly.

He opened his mouth over a part of her neck and sucked, this leaving a mark and drawing his name from her lips on a heated moan.

Callen grinned and lifted his head to look down into her eyes.

"Always a promise Doc."

And he kept it.


	99. Old Home. New Home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so this gets me my three chapters this week. Quite pleased with that schedule given everything that's going on.
> 
> Heat rating - first part, just a little. Second part, kicks up pretty hot. As normal for me though, the focus isn't on the actually physical, though it's obvious, but on the emotional impact.
> 
> Have a great weekend. I'll be back next week with some more chapters.
> 
> Enjoy and love to hear from you.

* * *

"G." Jessie pulled Callen to stop half way down the path from the last house they'd just finished inspecting. "Enough."

Callen turned around to face her. "What?"

"Every place we've looked at," Jessie said, "you've had a problem with. What are you looking for?"

"A place for us."

"All the places we've seen are suitable."

They were nice, they would do but they weren't suitable, not for what he wanted for them. Callen shook his head. "No they weren't."

"Why not? G what are you seeing that I'm not?"

Callen pulled her into his arms, the feel of her there, where she belonged, eased his mind. He wasn't quite sure why but he had a strong, almost desperate need to make this next step happen; to have her home with him before something got in the way. "I want somewhere for us that fits," he said.

"That's not it." Jessie's fingers grazed the back of his neck gently. "And don't even try and tell me that money is an issue. We could buy any one of the places we've seen easily."

He'd planned on selling his place but since that took time, Jessie had told him when they found right place, she'd cover it. He'd fought a little, strangely wanted to be the one to provide for her even though he was pretty sure she made more than him even ignoring the money of her father's - which was where the money would be coming from. But she'd been convincing that they were in this together and it didn't matter how it got done, it would be theirs, and she'd figured out a cash purchase would be less of a security risk than a mortgage backed purchased. He'd agreed on the condition that when he sold his place, he put half back in her account.

"Safe," Callen admitted finally. "I want you safe."

"Between you and Sam and Eric, you can make any of them safe."

"No." Callen rested his forehead against hers. "We can make them safer but there are things that don't work in them." His mind worked in the wrong way for this. All he kept seeing was the potential for someone to make it in and get to her. Sure, additional security and surveillance would help, but he needed to know he could cut down most, if not all, the risks before he'd be satisfied.

"What about my apartment?"

"Only one way out."

"Which means only one way in, though I'm sure there's a way to make one of my windows escape worthy."

"There is." He'd thought about moving in with her. It was the simplest solution and she'd been safe there already for so long. Hetty wouldn't have put her there if there were major concerns.

"Your place?" she asked.

"Potentially compromised. Had a few too many visitors. I've been thinking about moving for a while." Callen just hadn't thought about it too frequently because he'd ended up spending more nights at her apartment than his house.

"But you love it there," Jessie said. "You have so many good memories."

Callen lifted a hand to her cheek and pulled his head back from hers. "I won't lose the memories Doc. No matter where I am. But I wouldn't feel safe having you there without me and we know that's a possibility."

"Then move in with me," Jessie told her. "There's a spare room I don't use except for my computer and desk. We can use it to store your few things in and take our time. It's almost December and we're going away soon to …" She trailed off with a hopeful look on her face.

Callen chuckled. "Uh uh, Doc. Not falling for that one."

"Worth a shot." Jessie eased a little closer, her body brushed against his. "Do we really want to have to try and find the right place now?" She had a point. Their Christmas holiday was only a few weeks away.

"You'd let me make changes to your place?" Callen could up security. He knew the required escape routes for fire were there but getting out of her apartment if someone was at the door was the problem. It could be solved, but it still wasn't ideal.

Jessie smiled. "It's not technically mine since Hetty supplied it as part of my employment package. You'll have to ask her."

Callen raised an eyebrow. "I thought she'd just set you up an alias."

"No. Just an official address to use instead." Which meant he needed to look into that too. They needed to be able to disappear, together or separately. That was one conversation he really wasn't looking forward to having. Unfortunately it needed to be had and the sooner the better.

"That must've been odd."

"Not really." Jessie shrugged. "I already knew things were different, secretive, and security needed to be in place. It made some degree of sense then, but more now."

Callen slowly ran his hands up her back; the soft, silkiness of the shirt allowed his fingers to trace her spine easily. "I doubt Hetty will have any problems with making it safer."

"So?"

"I'd prefer a house with multiple exits." And somewhere to hide once outside.

"We'll find one eventually. This can just be temporary until the perfect place comes up." Jessie rose on her toes, her body now pressed firmly against his. "Do you really want," she whispered in his ear, "to spend more time this weekend traipsing around." Her lips brushed against his jaw and his fingers tightened unconsciously where they'd drifted down onto her hips. "Looking at more houses," the kisses trailed toward his chin. "Or," Jessie lifted her eyes to his and her mouth hovered a mere inch from his. "Do you want to go home and…" There was a smile on her lips, that Callen was sure even if he could only see it in her eyes, "and find out exactly what I'm wearing underneath?"

Callen chuckled. "You play dirty Doc." She was learning very well.

"Not playing." She winked. "Just making a suggestion." That innocent tone was anything but. "It's up to you. We could just keep looking."

Callen closed the distance and caught her lips with his, his tongue swept inside and within a moment he was caught up in the taste of her, the feel and the warmth of her mouth and her responses.

"Home," he growled. "There I get to look." There were definitely drawbacks to allowing her to get dressed alone. It gave her ammunition that meant she'd be able to get him to do what she wanted - mind you, he certainly didn't mind where she was leading them right now.

"More than look."

"Get in the car Doc."

Jessie grinned and stepped back from him. "Better be more than look Agent Callen."

* * *

"What do you think?" Callen asked Jessie when they got to the bottom of the stairs after he'd shown her the whole house.

"I thought we weren't looking anymore."

They hadn't been, but when he had gone to Hetty yesterday morning when he'd arrived in the office after their not so successful house hunting weekend, and told her that he was moving in with Jessie, she'd given him a set of keys and an address.

"We weren't. Hetty suggested this place. Thought we should check it out."

Jessie tilted her head. "It's bigger than we need."

It was three bedrooms, two bathrooms. The master bedroom was downstairs and the other two upstairs. That being said, it wasn't overly large; cozy was probably an accurate term.

"Not that big." It gave them room for company should they want anyone to stay over, like Kam.

"How did Hetty find this?" Jessie's fingers trailed over the gleaming wood of the banister.

"It's one of hers she's looking to dispose of." He had his suspicions when Hetty had handed him the keys but after she'd described the house and the extra features, he'd known and asked her outright.

"This doesn't feel like Hetty's."

Jessie had a point. She'd been in one of Hetty's homes. He'd been in more than one, though not all. They all had a distinctive feel to them, even when they looked different. This one was more modern, without any personal touches that revealed ownership. It made him wonder just when Hetty had purchased it.

"I'd guess it's a safe house, given that there's a panic room." A fairly new and up to date panic room. He'd actually come and checked it out on his own first because he hadn't wanted to drag Jessie around somewhere that he was just going to say no to again. She'd been working at the hospital yesterday and since it had been a quiet day Hetty had told him to take some time and look.

Jessie spun around, her eyes wide in surprise. "There's a what?"

Callen steered her to the side of the stairs and opened the door to a cupboard there. He switched on the light and shifted to reach the back of the cupboard. His fingers lifted a small flap and he pressed a button. The door opened inwards and soft lighting lit up.

"Want to see?" Callen turned his head and looked at Jessie. She shook her head and backed away. Callen followed, concern flooded through him. She rarely back away from him. "Jessie?"

"Do we really need a panic room?" Given the panic he could hear hinted at in her voice Callen suspected what was going through her head. He reached for her shoulders and stopped her from bumping into the wall.

"It just a precaution. Jessie you know the deal with this, with me. This life."

"I know," she whispered. "It's just … There's abstract and there's reality I guess."

Callen pulled her close. She came easily and he wrapped one arm around her waist and the other around her back. Her arms locked around him and her head rested against his shoulder, her breath drifted across his neck.

"I wish it wasn't like this," Callen said quietly against the top of her head. His heart thundered in his chest. She'd be better, safer, if they hadn't come this far.

"Don't," Jessie whispered. "Not an option G. We're here. Not going back. Not walking away from you or this."

Callen smiled in spite of the torment inside that he was making her live a life she didn't deserve. She knew him well.

Jessie lifted her head. "I just need time … and help to work through it."

"I'm here." Callen brushed the backs of his fingers over her cheek. "We all are." He knew this would be more challenging than for Deeks and Kensi or Sam and Michelle. They were agents. They knew exactly what the deal was and what the job entailed in personal way. Jessie wasn't, even though she knew what their jobs were like, it was from a different perspective. However Callen knew all of them would do whatever it took to help her adapt, understand and cope.

"I know," Jessie murmured. With a slight shift against him and a slow breath out Callen felt some of the tension ease out of her.

"This place is safe," Callen told Jessie. "It's a nice and quiet neighbourhood. We can add a few little things to make it safer." Though the more he thought of it the less he could list that needed to be done. Hetty had done a marvelous job making this a very safe, safe house.

"It is nice G, but how would we do this?" Jessie asked. "What would we tell the neighbours about who we are? Would we even be us?"

"We'll put together an alias for us." The look on her face spoke volumes.

"Jessie."

"I don't know if I can do that. I'd be lying. You know I'm not good at that."

Callen cupped her face and looked deep into her eyes. He hated where this needed to go. The flash of a thought, that he could retire and he could skip this conversation. Except he couldn't, because even with retirement there was a high likelihood that someone would be out there who might be looking for him and come after her. Back up plans were simply a part of life and would be until the end.

"You know it's a possibility it will happen." Callen kept his voice as calm and accepting as he could. "If someone comes and we need to run, you'll need to be someone else until it's safe."

Jessie stayed silent. Callen saw the throat muscles work hard and knew she was struggling. That the idea of what could happen because of her involvement with him was becoming clearer, even if she'd already known in some way. As she'd said, abstract versus reality and he was now shifting this firmly into reality.

"We'll put plans in place for what you can tell someone if they take you. We'll keep it as close to the truth as is safe." A tremor went through her. "But know this." Callen tilted her face up further, waited until she looked at him. Her eyes were shining with tears, why he wasn't quite sure but the colour confirmed what he already knew - that this was hard for her. They were a deep, dark and heavy, chocolate brown. "If it comes to your life or telling them what they want to know, you _will_ tell them," he said firmly.

Her reaction was instant. She shook her head, her eyes widened. "No. I'm not going to betray you. I won't."

"You will tell them." Because heaven help him Callen would rather face his worst enemy a hundred times over than have her die because of him.

"No."

"Yes. You promise me Doc," Callen said, the hint of desperation in his tone that was clear to his ears and no doubt hers, "you promise me here and now that you will tell them whatever they need to know, the truth, because I won't have you die to protect me."

"You're worth it."

"No. I'm not."

The brown deepened, heated and swirled with determination and conviction. She moved closer, reached her hands up to his head and held him still while she looked him deep in the eyes, right down to his broken soul. "You are G. And I would," she brushed her lips over his, "die for you and I'll live for you. But I won't betray you. Ever."

Callen took a shaky breath because her words, and the conviction behind them, had hit him deep; rocked his foundations of what he thought and believed about himself.

"That's the point Jessie," he said, "you won't be betraying me. Because this is what I want. What I _need_ from you. I need to know you will do everything to keep yourself alive. To give me time to find you."

_Give me time to get there and take down, permanently, anyone who dares to touch you or try and take you from me._

Those words he didn't say but Callen suspected that given how well she knew him, she knew anyway. Jessie's bottom lip trembled, a tear fell down her cheek and he kissed her, almost crushed his lips against hers. He tasted her with a desperation that he'd never felt before. Her mouth opened further and her head tilted of its own accord. He felt her hands on his shirt, felt the buttons come undone and her hands brushed over his bare shoulders. He missed the shirt actually disappearing so caught up in the storm and the heat that had suddenly exploded around them. He missed them moving into the master bedroom, wasn't sure if it was him or her who had guided them there, until the bed hit the back of her legs and she started to go down, pulling him with her.

He didn't miss peeling the rest of her clothes off, didn't miss the exposure of creamy skin that heated under his hands as he did. Nor did he miss the soft sounds of need that fell from her lips with almost every touch and stroke of his fingers, his mouth or his tongue over her.

Time stood still, had no meaning. All Callen wanted right here and now was to show her how much she meant to him, how important she was and somehow, because he wasn't sure he'd ever be able to say the words to her because to say them scared the hell out of him, show her that she was everything. Because without her he wasn't sure life would be worth living. Yet even more than that he wanted her promise, because only then could he know that she would do whatever it was she needed to do to come back to him, to stay safe for him - to live for him.

Jessie's legs were around his waist and he nudged just inside her. A shift of his hips all it would take to give them both what they had been desperately reaching for in this haze of passion and need, touches and kisses, but he held himself still, pushed up so he could look down at her and then he waited. Her eyes opened and she stared up at him.

"Promise me Jessie," he all but growled. "Promise you'll tell them what they want, promise you'll stay alive until I can make you safe. Not matter what."

Callen saw the tears in her eyes, the hint of pain at what he was asking of her and what it would mean. He saw the tremble in her lower lip that had tempted him to the kiss that had led them here. He wanted nothing more than to take away the pain by pushing into her and taking them over that edge together. Nothing more - except for this promise. Her safety meant more to him than anything else.

Jessie's hand reached up to his cheek, her fingers brushed over it and his eyes drifted closed at the tender touch.

"Doc please," he begged as her fingers traced his lips.

"Open your eyes," she whispered.

He did. There were tears not just swimming now but falling too.

"I promise G."

Relief slammed through him and he lowered his head, managed to temper the desperation and kept the kiss just this side of crushing. Her hips lifted and she took him deep inside just before she rolled over and straddled him, taking him even deeper still. He expected her to move, to take them over the edge but she stayed perfectly still. He stared up into her eyes, saw the struggle she was having to hold still and onto her control. He waited, didn't move, because something else was happening here.

Jessie took a deep breath in and let it out slowly before she spoke. "You are worth dying for G Callen." There was heat and passion in her tone but the serious and determined note was there too. "I wish I could prove to you just how much you are worth that, without it actually happening." A tear fell down her cheek and landed on his chest. "You are worth living for and that I _can and will_ do everything to prove it to you. I love you and I will spend the rest of my life, however long that is, proving you are worth everything."

Jessie's words hit him hard, as did the realisation of where they came from. Her mother and her father and the depth of the love they showed her and each other. She was showing him that now and he had no doubt that she would die for him and she wouldn't regret it for a moment. She'd regret leaving him but not the how or the why. And deep inside, that dark hole where he had always felt he wasn't good enough, in so many ways for so many things, he realised had started to fill and he knew with time, she'd fill it completely. And he suspected it wouldn't take her much longer.

Somehow Callen knew she was waiting for his response, waiting as he had for her promise. He lifted his hand, buried it in the hair at the back of her neck, pulled her down gently until her lips were only just not touching and whispered, "I believe you."

Then there was no more more space, no more words, just the intensity of the touches and the movements of their bodies, moving like one together, that sent them both to the stars.

* * *

Jessie had fallen asleep on top of him, the intense physical and emotional aspects of their joining had drained them both, though Callen hadn't been able to sleep. Not because he was thinking but because he wanted to savour and commit to memory the feel of her there with him, the promises they'd just made to each other. Her words and his were seared into his brain and his heart.

She started to stir and the words she said were a whisper over the skin of his neck. "Does the bed come with the house?"

Callen smiled. "Pretty sure I can convince Hetty to leave it." It was bigger than either of theirs and certainly felt comfortable. Jessie lifted her head and smiled down at him. The emotion was still in her eyes from earlier, though the smile said she was happy too.

"You really do play to win don't you?"

Callen twirled a strand of hair around his fingers. "I'll play hard, fast, dirty and in any way it takes to keep you safe."

"I know." Jessie kissed him slowly and then rose back up. "I promise G. Here and now, what you asked of me I'll do. I meant it. It wasn't just words in the heat of the moment to stop you holding back."

"I know you meant them." She didn't lie to him, well she'd only tried it once and they'd both known how lousy she'd been at it. He trusted her not to. Callen rolled her gently off him and came up on his elbow, his hand settled on her stomach. "I know you meant everything you said."

"I love you," Jessie said. "And I think this place will be perfect."

Callen brushed his lips across her bare shoulder. "You sure?"

"I'm sure."

"Won't take much to move in. We could be in a few days. Be settled before we go away."

Jessie smiled. "Let me guess, Hetty has trusted removalists on standby?"

"I suspect so, most likely a few people we work closely with." Jessie's eyes drifted closed as Callen ran the backs of his fingers down her arm. "I guess we should probably get going."

Jessie opened her eyes again and a let out a breath that sounded almost, to his ears anyway, like she was disappointed about it. "We do have a date tonight to get ready for," she reminded him.

"Feel like take out instead." Right now, after what they shared, he wasn't sure he wanted to share her with anyone. He was sure he could swing a suitable excuse, or even an unsuitable one.

A wicked twinkle rose in her eyes and smile. "Oh no. We're definitely going out. I have something special to wear for tonight."

She started to sit up but Callen pulled her back down. "Under or over?"

Jessie brushed a quick kiss on his cheek. "Both." She slipped out of his arms and scrambled off the bed. "And you'll need to be patient, through both dinner and the show." She started to pull on her clothes.

"You know patience isn't my strong suit when it comes to you and what you're wearing that I can't see."

Jessie looked over her shoulder at him. "But it pays off big time when you do and you know it."

He did. Plus, it was also fun to see if he could sneak a peek during the day at the office or when they were out.

"G." There was a warning tone in her voice like she knew just where his thoughts had gone. "We're going out with Hetty. You will behave."

Hetty had an old friend visiting and had asked them to join the two of them. It was an odd request. Callen had a feeling it was more about Hetty getting to see him and Jessie together outside of the office rather than her suggestion that it had been a long time since she'd seen her friend and wanted someone to help break the ice and ease the conversation. As if Hetty would need help with conversation with anyone.

Jessie backed out the door of what would soon be their bedroom as she buttoned up her shirt. He walked toward her once he'd pulled on his pants. His shirt was still outside the door near the stairs if his vague recollection of losing it was correct.

"Hetty won't mind." Jessie's eyes went wide at his words and Callen grinned. "You've heard some of her stories of her conquests. Trust me," he winked. "What I'll get up to tonight will be tame by comparison."

Jessie swallowed nervously. "I'd better hope you're wrong."

Callen wasn't quite sure how she meant that one to come across but he was quite happy to take it as a challenge to not be tame rather than that Hetty would mind. He caught her at the front door, turned her and pinned her there with his body. His fingers ran through her hair and eased out some of the knots that had formed.

"Challenge accepted Doc." He covered her mouth with his and gave her a preview of what was to come.

 

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading. Love to hear from you - and just before you ask, no I have no idea what happened with the double date with Hetty. I think the idea is too scary for the bunnies to contemplate. :-)


	100. Moving In

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So what was supposed to be a little light-hearted team fun and banter while Callen and Jessie moved in turned into something a little more. It's started tame and fun, teasing banter and team etc, but Callen and Jessie decided that they wanted to turn the heat up and took the chapter where they wanted it to go and dragged me along for the ride (in all honestly it wasn't that hard for them). So please, feel free to blame them for the heat that sizzles for most of the chapter before it flares closer to the end.

* * *

"That's it?" Deeks asked.

Callen glanced around the living room. A dozen boxes lined the wall, packed and ready to go. His possessions had grown a little but it was still a small amount of belongings. Aside from the boxes, there was his bedroom, living room and outside furniture. That was it.

He nodded. "All packed and ready to load." It was barely ten. Sam and Deeks had arrived an hour ago with the truck about ten minutes after he'd arrived. Eric was already waiting for him. He'd left Jessie's apartment once the girls and Hetty had arrived to help her.

Sam reached into the cooler and pulled at four sodas. He tossed one to each of them. Callen watched with a slight degree of amusement as Eric fumbled but managed to save his from hitting the floor. He had to give Eric some degree of credit though. Sam's warning had only come with the bottle already flying through the air. The three others settled on the couch and Callen sat in his chair for the last time here. He had good memories from the place, not just from when he'd lived here with Alina's family. There were plenty of memories with Jessie as well. But memories he could take anywhere with him, mostly anyway - as long as he could remember them.

"You really don't have a lot do you?" Eric said.

"Don't need much. Not here a lot." And most of the things had come after Jessie. Because he couldn't convince her stay for dinner without somewhere to sit - or plates to eat off.

"I'm surprised your things weren't already at Jessie's." Sam took a pull of his drink. "The amount of time you spend there I almost thought you'd ditched this place already."

Callen smiled. There weren't a lot of things he'd left over there. He usually kept a bag in his car for those nights he stayed, refreshed it when needed. But there were a few shirts that he hadn't been able to steal back. Probably because she looked a hell of a lot better in them than he did and he didn't think wearing them to work again would be a good idea since they provoked some exceptional memories that would be rather distracting.

"So," Deeks said with a grin. "Our boy is growing up and moving in with his girl." He glanced at Sam. "Any advice Sam?"

One side of Sam's mouth twitched. "Happy wife, happy life."

Callen raised an eyebrow at the phrasing. There was a flicker of hope in Sam's eyes, though Callen knew his partner wouldn't go so far as to push that side of things. None of the others would've recognised it. They didn't know Sam's looks that well.

Sam continued with barely a pause. "Just saying if the woman of the house is happy, you will be too."

Callen shook his head slightly. He knew there was a lot more to Sam and Michelle's marriage than just that.

"So he should follow her orders?" Deeks rolled his eyes. "Way to be the man of the house Sam."

Sam turned to Deeks. "Like you don't follow Kensi's."

Deeks swallowed his mouthful of drink before he replied. "Got nothing to do with a happy life."

"Yeah," Eric said. "Got everything to do with you wanting to say alive."

"You," Deeks pointed his bottle at Eric, "don't get to give advice Mr Tech Geek."

Eric frowned. "Why not?"

"When you grow up," Deeks replied, "and share your space with your girl then maybe."

Eric grinned. "Nell and I moved in together a couple of months ago."

Deeks coughed and almost choked on his mouthful. "What? Why didn't we know about that?"

Callen chuckled at the look on Deeks face and the satisfaction on Eric's. "Probably," Callen said, "because you were caught up with Jessie and some legal things that weekend." Callen and Sam had helped Eric move in with Nell. Hadn't taken much time then either but then most of Eric's possessions had related to computers and he wouldn't let anyone touch those except for him and Nell. That and the costumes which Callen had spotted briefly before turning away from the wardrobe and heading to the kitchen quickly. He'd narrowly avoided giving Eric the relevant warnings regarding hurting Nell. He'd figured though if Eric didn't know Callen would come after him if hurt Nell then he wasn't as smart as he thought.

"But why," Callen continued, "Kensi didn't tell you I don't know. Maybe," Callen grinned, "things aren't quite as happy in paradise as you thought Deeks."

Deeks' eyes narrowed at Callen. "Things are very happy in my paradise thank you very much. I know how to take care of my woman."

Callen mentally threw up a wall at where that conversation could go. "You know Kensi's not Jessie so I think I'll skip your advice," Callen told Deeks.

"It's not like you have to worry that she could kill you in your sleep," Deeks muttered.

"So you are whipped," Sam said smugly.

"Like you're not," Deeks retorted.

"My wife's essentially a trained assassin Deeks. You think you have issues with what Kensi could do to you but that's nothing compared to what Michelle could do to me."

Deeks shrugged and shot Sam a look. "Touche," the detective conceded.

Callen turned to Eric. "So Eric, what's your advice since I obviously have a much," Callen's lips twitched and he held back a smile, "Safer relationship than either of these two."

"Pretty much the same. Do what she tells you."

"Whipped," Deeks coughed out.

Eric lifted his drink in a mock toast. "And damned pleased with myself for it. She makes it worth my while. When -"

Callen cut Eric off. "Think you should stop talking Eric. Before you have to start thinking like these two."

Eric's eyes widened and his mouth closed abruptly. Nell might not be as dangerous as Kensi or Michelle but she was trained as a field agent and when you added her brilliant mind to the mix, anything was possible.

It was one of the reasons Callen had trusted Nell to be the one to lead Jessie through the creation process for her alias. Aside from the obvious skills, Callen had figured Nell's ability to see so much detail would be beneficial to help guide Jessie in choosing details to make it as easy as possible for her to become that other person. They were taking the process one step at a time, one after the other, so as not to overwhelm Jessie with all that was associated with creating an alias.

They'd already sorted the larger details and quite a few of the minor ones over the last couple of days so it was ready for today. So as of today, one Jessie O'Shea, ER Doctor, was moving into a nice house in the suburbs with Callen Green, a military consultant. Jessie had been adamant about the ER Doctor part. She'd put it to him simply that if something happened in their street, an accident or something else, how could she possibly stand back and not help. If she wasn't a doctor then she wouldn't be able to help without causing questions regarding who she was. Nell was working through a thorough backstopping for her which included growing up in Boston, education split between Boston and San Diego. It kept the background details simple as Jessie would know both places quite well. Nell would put together all the information Jessie would need to know once the full backstopping was in place and Callen would help her learn it. They were still working on the minor detail of her calling him G. Part of it would involve his surname, but they were still figuring out a suitable scenario on that. Hopefully given that most of team called him Callen, it would make it easier for her but he hadn't wanted her to have to change the personal interaction between the two of them too much in their own home. This alias was solely for this neighbourhood so in theory she wouldn't have to use it much since the hours of work they kept would limit the interaction with others.

So far Jessie seemed to be doing okay, but Callen was keeping a close eye on her. If he sensed her struggling, he knew he had plenty of help around to get her through it. All he had to do was direct her to the candidate that could help her the best. He accepted that that wouldn't always be him, unless it was distraction - then that was only his place to help her and one he was very good at it.

Callen rose. "Let's get moving. We should be done and all in before the girls even finish at Jessie's place." And he wanted to be there should any neighbours pop over to say welcome to the neighbourhood. He didn't want her to face that first moment of having to be someone else, no matter how close it was to the real her, without him. "Plus," he added with a grin, "it doesn't seem like I'm going to get any useful advice out of the three of you."

They all rose, almost as one, and Deeks muttered, "Just wait. You'll see. She'll have you doing her bidding with just the wiggle of a little fingers and the raise of an eyebrow in no time."

Callen turned his back on Deeks and smiled. He wasn't about to tell Deeks she already did and he didn't mind a bit.

* * *

The sound of laughter had reached Callen' ears before he'd fully opened the front door of his and Jessie's new home. The truck and cars outside had already given away that the girls were here. He came to an abrupt halt when he saw her furniture already in place in the lounge room. He'd figured they'd just arrived, not that they'd been here for a while and gotten so much done. He glanced as his watch. It had only just gone eleven. How had they gotten her place packed so quickly? He moved through to the kitchen, spied the snacks, drinks and fruit on her small dining table next to the bay windows that faced the backyard.

A quick glance around showed Kensi unpacking boxes at the island bench with Jessie and Nell putting things away. When Jessie reached up to put glasses in a high cabinet, the action lifted her shirt and a small expanse of pale skin caught Callen's attention and his fingers itched with need to stroke it. He pushed aside the need. There would be plenty of time later, just because they'd missed out this morning - Hetty and the girls had arrived a touch earlier than expected and interrupted a rather enjoyable wake up - didn't mean he couldn't handle temptation and keep control.

Jessie glanced over at him and smiled. "You're here."

"So are you. How? We had less than you to pack." Less of everything, stuff and furniture. To be honest, Callen had expected to drop his things here and then head to Jessie's with the rest of the team to help. Just because Hetty had told him she had things under control didn't mean that they wouldn't need help.

"That would be Mr Callen," speaking of Hetty, her voice was now right behind him, "Because we girls are rather efficient."

Callen narrowed his eyes at Hetty but before he could comment two tall, well muscled men walked in.

"All done Ms Lange," one said before Callen could move, his instincts were to put himself between the two men and Jessie. "Anything else you need us to help with?"

"Nothing else. Thank you Roger." Hetty glanced at Callen and he narrowed his gaze at her in question. Hetty smiled and turned back to Roger and his friend. "We appreciate the muscle. You can head off now."

"You know Hetty," Callen said when Roger and his associate had left the kitchen, "There's still the truck with my things that they could've helped with."

"Why," Hetty said innocently, "when you are obviously more than capable since you got them in there. Did you really expect us to move all of Jessie's furniture along with what was in here?"

To be honest he hadn't really thought about it. Hetty had assured him she had things under control and gave him a list of tasks to do. A part of him had just assumed that somewhere along the lines they'd be helping.

"Guess not but it would've been nice."

"Come on Callen," Nell said with a grin. "Do you really want those two showing off their muscles anymore? It is getting rather hot," Nell waved a hand in front of her face.

Callen raised an eyebrow at the action and the term hot. It might be California but it was still December. Hot wasn't quite the word to describe the day's weather. He was sure Eric just about choked on one of the biscuits he'd made his way to regarding the comment as well.

"Shirts might've," Nell continued, "had to be shed if they'd stayed any longer."

Callen's gaze landed on Jessie who looked like she was struggling not to laugh; at the look on his face or Eric's actions he wasn't sure. He started to move slowly toward her. He saw the flicker of wariness in her eyes that was quickly replaced with curiosity.

"I think we should go and … help with the truck," Callen heard Kensi say and the sound of feet moving followed quickly. He knew without looking around that they were alone.

"So," Callen said as he continued to advance on Jessie. "You enjoyed them showing off their muscles."

Jessie shook her head. "No. Not a bit."

"Are you lying to me Doc?" Callen put his hands on the bench behind her, one on either side and leaned in a little. "Because I got the impression that the rest of the girls seemed to like it." He made sure not to touch her, even though he wanted to.

"I promise G," Jessie said, "I didn't not admire anything other than their strength and ability to move my furniture quickly."

"Really?" Callen moved his head closer and whispered near her ear. "Not one rippling muscle got admired?"

"Not by me." She let out on a shaky breath.

"Why's that?" His lips brushed the shell of her ear and Callen slowly made his way down her neck dusting light kisses as he went.

"Why's what?" Jessie asked after he'd moistened the spot where her pulse was pounding hard enough he could see it.

Callen lifted his head and looked into her eyes. "Muscle admiring. You didn't. Why not?"

"Why would I when I've got you?"

Callen brushed the lightest kiss he could across her lips, not allowing her to increase the pressure when she shifted her head closer. "So what you're saying is you only want to admire my muscles?"

Jessie's head dropped back and a light laugh fell from her lips. She smiled. "It is apparently getting hot, so if you want to take your shirt off while you move things, I'd be more than happy to admire them. From a distance," her hands lifted to the bottom of his shirt and slipped under to brush his stomach. "Or up close."

Jessie's fingers drifted higher over the muscles of his stomach and to his chest. When her fingers dug in it in a way that resembled what she did to his back in the heat of passion, he all but plundered her mouth while her hands continued their sweet torment.

The sound of the clearing of a throat in the background barely registered until it happened a second time. Callen pulled his mouth from hers and glanced over his shoulder. The fact that he hadn't instantly reacted to protect Jessie spoke of how safe he felt with those here now.

"Truck's not going to unpack itself," Deeks said smugly and then left quickly. Callen held in the frustrated groan because he knew that without him they could still manage. Deeks had deliberately come in to see what they were up to and the smug look told Callen that Deeks figured he'd won given their conversation earlier in the day. He shook of those thoughts and turned back to Jessie.

Her hands had remained under his shirt, her eyes were dark and her mouth was still a little open, - pink, swollen, wet and too damn tempting for him to resist. He brushed his lips over hers before he settled again into the pleasure of exploring, tasting and teasing not just her mouth but her body too. She struggled to catch her breath when he finally brought the kiss to an end. He smiled.

"I'm so going to enjoy living with you Doc."

"Hmm," Jessie sighed. "Very much looking forward to all it has to offer too. Now can you go unpack the truck please. I have muscles to admire and I really would love to do the up close variety in private, and soon."

Callen gave the hard peak under his thumb, beneath the soft cotton of her shirt, one last flick, which pulled his name from her lips on a desire filled breath. His hands slid down over the dip of her waist and her hips before he stepped back. The look of disappointment and frustration was strong in her eyes, even though she'd been the one to suggest he back away.

"Pity you're wearing jeans. I could ease your frustrations very easily."

The heat soared in her eyes, eyes which dropped to the zip of his pants before they rose with plenty of satisfaction joining the heat. "Glad I'm not the only one frustrated," she murmured softly.

Callen brushed the backs of his fingers over her cheek, the most he was game to touch given what he really wanted to do right now, and probably would've already done if she had been wearing a dress. He wasn't quite sure how the flames had burned so hot and quickly between them just now but he didn't mind - except that they had guests.

"Just think what the anticipation will do," he told her before he stepped back out of reach and turned away.

"Oh I am." Jessie's murmur reached his ears just before he left the kitchen and made things that much harder.

* * *

The truck was unpacked quickly, much quicker than it had been packed thanks to the extra hands to help. The boxes were placed in one of the spare rooms upstairs, as were his bed and couch. His clothes were in the master bedroom ready to unpack and his chair was in the space Jessie had left for it in the lounge room. It hadn't been that long but Callen was itching to get rid of his guests and was about to do just that when Hetty walked through the front door with a pile of pizza boxes in her hands.

"To feed the troops for a job well done." Hetty handed him the boxes.

Callen swallowed the groan of frustration and resigned himself to not having Jessie alone for a while yet. He'd felt her eyes on him frequently when they'd been moving things off the truck, caught more than one heated look from her when their gazes had clashed. Then there had been the numerous times she'd brushed past him for some reason or another and some part of her body connected with his. Not to mention the other deliberate yet discrete times she'd touched him. Oh he'd done the same because apparently they were playing a game and he'd become a most willing participant. Callen had taken a few opportunities to pull her back against him under the guise of getting her out of the way of the others. Of course that meant putting his arms around her and his hands had found it easy to wander a little from where they needed to be to where they wanted to be. But only for a moment and he'd heard more than one growl from her when he'd released her with barely a brush against a sensitive area. He was pretty sure the winner was going to be the won who didn't give in first and back the other against the wall and kiss them senseless regardless of who was watching. He wasn't sure how much longer he could manage to hold out. She too was getting bolder with her touches and more heated with her looks.

Technically as a well trained and experienced agent he had a lot more control than Jessie. However, he found he enjoyed simply being a man around her. It was nice to have work life and home life where two sides didn't cross completely. Here and now though, he was around family and that meant he could be himself more and he was finding that a lot easier to do of late.

They all sat in the lounge room to eat the pizza. A shopping trip was in order in the near future to get a larger dining table since Jessie's would only fit four at a squeeze and Callen had no doubt this collection of bodies would get together enough to warrant one. He just didn't want it to be right now. Jessie sat next to him on the couch, Hetty having taken possession of his chair. Jessie's body was closer to him than really necessary, deliberate on her part he had no doubt. Callen let his arm fall to her shoulder off the back of the couch when he'd had his fill of pizza and settled back. He'd felt her jump a little. His fingers slowly traced circles near the top of her arm while he carried on a conversation with the rest of them. He subtly shifted the material of the shirt as he did, which meant with just a little bit of work he was tracing those circles on her skin instead. He felt the tension increase and the slight hitch to her breath which she managed to pull back under control but it wasn't long before Jessie almost jumped from the couch and headed to the kitchen with some of the empty pizza boxes.

Callen followed with the rest of the boxes and found her standing by the window, her hands gripped the bench hard enough that her knuckles were white. He moved in behind her, brushed up close to the back of her body.

"G," she breathed out shakily, "please stop."

Callen stopped the movements immediately though didn't step back. He kept the connection between them until he could work out what it was that was going on, because he could always read her more complicated emotions with some connection.

"You really want me to stop?" he asked.

"Just until they're gone." Her head dropped back briefly to his shoulder. "I can't think anymore."

Callen stepped back, put his hand on her shoulder and turned her around. He gently lifted her head with a hand under her chin. The heat in her eyes was scorching. And then hers dropped to his lips and her tongue flicked out and a hot shaft of need flashed through him from head to toe.

"Not at all or can't think about anything but this. " And because he was well and truly resigned to losing, his mouth took hers. But only her mouth - a small part of him held back so she could stop this if she didn't truly want it right now. However she responded the moment he touched his lips to hers and the kiss had gone deep and thorough a moment later and heated to boiling not long after because of the intensity and the anticipation that had been building since they started their little game; a very public yet very private seduction. A moan rumbled from deep in her throat and she moved to press her body against his. As invitations to continue went, Callen took it and his hands shifted from her hair, he wasn't entirely sure when they'd made it there to start with, to her shoulders and down her back. The muscles there were more delicate than his but strong as well, and they rippled under his hands with her movements. One hand went lower and cupped the back of her thigh, tightened and lifted so it was near his waist and he pressed more intimately against her. Her leg tightened at the back of his and he caught the moan from her in his mouth, as she caught his. Voices made their way into his head and he broke the kiss and stepped back quickly. Jessie grabbed the bench behind her, no doubt for support since he'd been sure he'd been holding her up with his body pressing her into the bench. She was breathing hard.

"Someone mentioned cake," Kensi said when she walked in. Callen turned around, very glad for the island bench in the middle of the kitchen that hid the obvious evidence of what they had been up to.

"On the bench," he heard Jessie say. She might have managed to control her breathing but the breathlessness to her voice was a dead giveaway. "Cream's in the fridge," she added with a touch more control.

Kensi raised an eyebrow just slightly and then glanced at Callen. She smiled knowingly but didn't say anything. She picked up the cake. "Deeks grab the plates. You two can bring the knife and cream."

Neither Callen and Jessie moved until they'd left the kitchen. Callen turned to Jessie. "You okay?" he asked quietly. Jessie started to nod but then she shook her head instead. Callen stepped closer.

Jessie shook her head again quickly. "Stop." He did. And then waited for her to explain. Jessie closed her eyes briefly before she lifted her gaze to him. "I'm not sure I won't come apart if you touch me again." Her words made him harder and closer to that same point, not that there was far to go. He was so very tempted to step closer anyway and see if she was right. But he didn't, not this time. This time things were way too close to the edge for any room to even nudge.

"Let's just get dessert done and get them out of here before-" Jessie stopped abruptly.

The was a heavy moment of silence between them then Callen asked, "Before what?" His voice was strained, the desire right there for her to hear and she did, if the look in her eyes was anything to go by. He'd asked the question even knowing instinctively that if she answered honestly he'd been pushed even closer. But something in him needed to know exactly where she was with what was going on between them right now.

"Before I don't give a damn that we've got visitors and drag you to the bedroom, or just into the hallway."

Callen moved in, his hands went beside her on the bench, the rest of him as close to her as he could get without touching her. "Or," he said quietly and what he had to say was important because he could see a flicker of doubt in her eyes about the intensity of what she was feeling compared to him and he needed her to understand he was right there with her. "I could just take us there right now. Kensi suspects and I'm sure she has every intention of making sure no one comes in here until we want them to."

Jessie closed her eyes and sucked in a deep breath, or two. She opened her eyes and let out the breath slowly, her gaze locked on his.

"What would you do if I said please?"

Callen groaned at her words, and the images that immediately rushed into his head. He pushed them aside with great difficulty at the same time he pushed himself away from her. There were two reasons he didn't take her up on what was implied. One, she hadn't specifically asked him to. If she had, he had no clue if reason two would've been enough to stop them. Reason two being that he knew how she felt about the physical side of their relationship, at least this part. Teasing and innuendo aside, this part was truly personal and only between them.

Callen grabbed the cutlery off the bench and ground out, "Get the cream Doctor Blake." He walked out of the kitchen to the sound of her soft laugh that had followed her own groan of frustration when he'd backed away.

* * *

Twenty three minutes later Callen watched Jessie close the door behind their guests. He watched the rise and fall of her shoulders that indicated the deep breathing she was doing, as he counted to twenty, just in case someone had forgotten something and came back. Then he moved closer. The hitch to her breath told him she was well away that he was coming to her.

He put one hand on her shoulder before he carefully urged her around with just a little pressure to the spot. She wasn't reluctant but there was definitely tension in her. They'd never pushed or tempted each other this hard or intense for this long. He wasn't quite sure where it was about to go but explosive would be an easy descriptor for how he felt it might be. The concern was that the heat that was between them would scare her was the only thing that stopped him from backing her against the door and taking her mouth as if his life depended on it.

"Doc," he said gently. Jessie looked up at him, her breathing already unsettled. He cupped her cheek and brushed his thumb over the soft skin there. A small whimper of need slipped from her lips and her body trembled, more than just where he was touching her.

"G please."

This time it wasn't a request to stop so he moved in but he kept control, as difficult as that was. He eased her into his arms, threaded his fingers into her hair and tilted her head back. Her mouth dropped open invitingly but he didn't take it. Not yet. Not until he was sure she was ready for this.

"Doc," he said softly, "This is gonna get hot." He hadn't felt anything like this with anyone before but he knew there was no way it wasn't. "Are you sure you don't want to step back and take some time."

If she was feeling anywhere near as desperate and burning as he was she may very well need some time. In all honesty, it could be beneficial for them both to come down a little before coming together but he didn't want to. He wanted to experience this with her, no matter how hot it go. The heat didn't scare him. The need? That was another story entirely because until Jessie, need for someone had been something he'd avoided. But need her he did. Now, always and in all ways. Right now he felt like if he didn't touch her, taste her, have her take him deep inside her body, essentially take him home, he'd cease to exist. But with her, he knew he was safe, not matter how intense the feelings were, everything that was between them, everything that could happen with them when they let the heat between them that was there right now explode, he was still safe with her.

Jessie eased back a little and lifted her hands to the top button of his shirt. He looked down and watched her trembling fingers attempt to undo the button. A growl of frustration emanated from her and he was about to take over for her but before he could, she'd gripped the two sides of his shirt and pulled hard.

The sound of material ripping and buttons flying seemed to echo around the room.

Jessie lifted her gaze to his; her look was heavy and passion filled but also obviously startled and surprised at what she'd just done.

Callen lifted one side of his mouth, the smile that affected her making an appearance without thought. "I've been waiting for that for a long time." She'd ripped his shirt a long time ago and he'd teased her about it, not thinking at the time that it was a possibility. At the time it had been a medical necessity. This time - pure need and passion.

"I'd return the favour," he murmured before his hands went to the top of her shirt, an old t-shirt that she'd chosen to move in so if it got wrecked it didn't matter. However, it was soft and thin and he loved the feel of her under it. "But I really like this shirt, especially when there's nothing underneath." Her eyes went wide and his hands roamed over her slowly. The image of tearing it two to get to what was underneath played in his mind for a few seconds, but instead his hands gripped the bottom and lifted it up over her head quickly, exposing creamy skin and simple white cotton bra. He traced the edge. It wasn't pretty as such, or sexy but seeing her like this, seeing the flush of her skin above the edge, the definition of hard nipples, made his body tighten to an almost painful state. He suspected if she touched him right now he'd be close to coming apart in her hands with just a light touch.

Callen cupped both her breasts, brushed his thumbs over the peaks and a male growl of appreciation rumbled in his throat at the moan that he pulled from her with the action. Her eyes were closed, her fists clenched tight, like she was holding onto control by the barest of threads, even as her body arched toward his touch. He stepped closer. One hand slid around her back and his fingers found the clasp at her back. He undid it swiftly and the bra dropped to the floor. Another small shift forward and his chest brushed against hers; a strong tremor ripped through her as his name fell once again from her lips. Callen lifted his hand and brushed his thumb over her bottom lip and her mouth opened on a sigh. Her eyes opened and her gaze locked on his.

"No holding back," he whispered before his mouth covered hers and the flames consumed them - multiple times.


	101. Old Friend. New Friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter is just a little bit of fun that came about because of a story (ies) that another fanfiction author zeilfanaat and I are working on together. It's startling what has come from an odd conversation regarding Hetty and multiplying plot bunnies but it is what it is.
> 
> Now that story isn't quite ready yet but if you think you might be interested in an NCIS LA/MacGyver (original)/ Stargate crossover, which includes Hetty and Ducky (NCIS) having a drink (because trust me and Hetty, tea doesn't quite cut it for what she's about to tell him) pop over to her profile. ( https://archiveofourown.org/users/zeilfanaat/pseuds/zeilfanaat) and subscribe as she will be the one posting it since she's doing the actually writing. I just get the fun of all the crazy plotting back and forth that we've been doing and then sit back and watch in amazement as she twists them altogether for an awesome tale. It's still work in progress and as we've talked many other background stories have come to light (because as we know bunnies love to multiple) and we're working through what's what thoroughly before posting anything. 
> 
> As for how it relates to this story - not too much though for those who may have noticed, a very subtle hint was dropped a few chapters back regarding a toaster and (inter) National security which is what the story above relates to. Somewhere along the lines though zeilfanaat and I got talking about things and worked out the history for we were creating for Callen for that story could easily be backstory for the Callen in this story - which lead to the trail of breadcrumbs that's been dotted through the story to bring us to this point in time. In case you weren't away, I so love foreshadowing and dropping little hints to something much bigger that aren't necessarily noticed until all is revealed!
> 
> So enjoy. Love to know what you think.

* * *

Callen pushed open the doors to the ice rink and held it while Jessie walked through before him.

"What are we doing here G?" she asked.

"Someone I want you to meet." Callen moved to the seats and sat down. He put the backpack that held his skates on the seat beside him and nudged off his shoes.

"Not just that obviously." Jessie gestured to his skates. "You're skating."

"I come here occasionally, play a game or two." When he had the time which admittedly hadn't been often of late. Saturday mornings tended to be spent otherwise occupied with a certain someone when neither of them had to work. He still made it often enough to not feel like he was letting anyone down.

"You play ice hockey?"

Callen grinned. "Guess you learned something new today about me." He tugged the laces tight on his first skate and knotted them.

Jessie smiled. "I learn a lot about you every day. In fact just this morning -"

Callen shot her a look of warning. This morning had been very interesting, but not something he wanted reminding of right now. Later, when they were alone would be just fine. It had only been a week since they'd moved in together but that first day had set something in motion he was still trying to figure out. The heat between them was rising. Work got in the way frequently, even in the short space of time since the change of circumstances, but when they could be together, the flames soared.

"But not always new," Callen said before she could find a way to continue in that direction and have him consider skipping the game to return home sooner. "You could join us if you want. The rental skates aren't great but they'll do."

Jessie shook her head. "I think I'll just watch from the sidelines. You never know, I might be needed for my other skills."

"It's just a kids game Jessie. We don't get that rough." Not that he hadn't taken a few knocks before. Ice was notoriously tricky in that you never really knew what was lurking to take you down. An opponent or simply a divet in the ice could have you crashing out unexpectedly, usually right after a moment where you felt like you were floating above and nothing could get in the way.

Second skate done, Callen stood up, tested the skates and then held out his hand to Jessie. "Come," he said. "I'll introduce you then you can watch. Or," Callen glanced at the small coffee shop to their left, "they do a really great hot chocolate here. Not as good as yours though."

"I'd hope not."

Callen tugged her into his arms. "You ever going to tell me how you make it?"

"No." Jessie smiled. "Then you'd have no reason to come to me for one."

"But I'd get to make it for you. And you don't need the hot chocolate to have me come to you. I always will." Callen brushed his lips over hers but couldn't resist settling into a deeper slower kiss. He had a new appreciation for days off because the slim chance of interruptions meant he could take his time exploring and enjoying these little moments with her. He pulled back when a particularly loud and familiar whistle sounded. Apparently now wasn't one of those times though.

"Hey," came the also familiar voice. "Keep it up you'll melt the ice."

Callen chuckled at both the comment and the flush on Jessie's cheeks. He leaned in and whispered in her ear, "With him, you're you. No alias required." Then he stepped back, kept hold of Jessie's hand and led her to the barrier.

"Callen." The grey haired, dark eyed man nodded. "Glad you popped by."

Callen didn't miss the quick assessing and curious eyes that ran over them and lingered on their still held hands.

"Mac."

"Who's you're lovely companion?" The man didn't waste any time and if Callen didn't know better would call him on the flirting.

"Jessie," Callen said, "Angus MacGyver."

MacGyver glared and Callen smirked back. MacGyver turned his attention to Jessie and held out his hand. Jessie took it easily.

"Mac or MacGyver is fine." He glanced back at Callen. "You know damn well I don't like Angus."

"Couldn't resist."

"Seems like issues with names isn't quite so uncommon after all," Jessie said. Callen heard the amusement in her voice.

Mac raised an eyebrow in question.

"Jessie or Jesinta. Never Jess," she added.

"Pleased to meet you Jessie. So," Mac tilted his head in Callen's direction, "why are you with this guy?"

"Couldn't resist."

Mac grinned at the answer. "I think Callen," he said, "you may have very well meet your match here."

It didn't surprise Callen the speed with which Mac had assessed Jessie. The man's instincts were strong and he knew how to listen to them. Callen was sure it wasn't just from those couple of exchanges with Jessie that had brought him to that conclusion. Mac had probably been watching them from the moment they'd entered the rink.

"Speaking of matches," Callen said, "I take it you don't mind if I join in for a while."

"You both can if you want."

"No thanks," Jessie said. "I'll just watch in case I need to patch him up."

At the curious expression on Mac's face Callen said, "She's a doctor. A very good one."

Mac's eyebrows raised. "You know that from experience?"

"Unfortunately," Jessie said.

The look she shot him had Callen raise his eyebrows given what happened last time she had to patch him up. He'd never imagined a splinter could be so … enjoyable. She read his look easily and the pink spread on her cheeks.

He turned back to Mac. "Plenty," Callen agreed. "She has a very gentle touch. I don't even mind the needles."

"You actually let her patch you up? Voluntarily and without protest?"

"Rather her than anyone else."

"Then she must be exceptional." Mac tilted his head toward the ice. "Come on then. Don't want to keep the rugrats waiting. They get twitchy and then you're in trouble."

Callen tugged Jessie close and kissed her, just lightly but lingered enough to have Mac roll his eyes when the kiss came to an end. Callen didn't miss the fleeting smile the older man tried to hide.

Callen stepped onto the ice and followed Mac to the other side where he was given a hockey stick; perfect size since Mac always kept one for him on hand in case.

"Remember," Mac said, "they're just little kids, you want to take someone on -"

"I know. Take you on," Callen said, "but don't take you down. It wouldn't make you look good in their eyes."

"You can try but you won't. You know how many hours I've got on you on blades?"

Callen knew Mac was here at least once a week with these kids, as well as some others. The grey hair didn't fool him either. The man had skills from a long time ago that he kept hidden unless needed. Callen knew that to try and take him down would more than likely end up with him on his arse instead.

"You done talking and ready to play?" Callen nodded at the kids. "I think they're getting twitchy."

Mac led the way to the centre of the ice, introduced him for the sake of the new kids and then got one of the kids to drop the puck between the two of them and it was on.

* * *

Callen worked the puck up the rink towards his team's goal as Mac skated backward in front of him.

"You've never brought me a girl to meet before."

"Guess it was about time I did." Callen caught the puck with his stick and spun around Mac but the old man was still too quick on his feet and was back in front of him in no time.

"Only if she's the right one," Mac commented.

Callen pushed the puck to one of his teammates and moved closer to the goal. "She is," he said. Both men watched the kids work the puck closer as they continued their conversation.

"Cabin kind of right?"

Callen glanced at Mac and smiled. "She's been there."

There was a strong look of surprise on Mac's face. "Oh."

Mac knew what the cabin meant to him. The security, the peace and the privacy it gave him, not to mention a place to hide if he needed it. Mac also knew how few people knew about it.

The puck came flying back toward Callen and he moved quick to gather it up and turned to face the goal.

"She knows you," Mac said, "she knows your cabin. You let her give you needles. Next you'll be telling me she doesn't complain when you take apart her toaster."

The old man was annoying determined to keep between Callen and the goal post but Callen had an ace up his sleeve, at least he hoped he did.

"Never taken apart her toaster."

It worked. Shocked once again Mac stopped moving and, even though it was just for a moment Callen was ready, took the shot and scored.

"Hey," Mac protested. "Not fair. You can't go dropping something like that on a guy and expect him to keep his mind on the game."

"You asked the question. I just gave an answer."

Mac gazed narrowed on him but neither of them moved. The kids continued to play around them. Mac finally said. "You seriously haven't pulled apart her toaster?"

"She asked me not to."

"So have I."

Callen shrugged.

"So you are serious then."

"Thought the cabin would've proven it, not to mention bringing her here." He hadn't even brought Sam here. Not because he didn't trust Sam but because this and Mac was one of Callen's safe houses, of sorts. Mac understood. Mac had connections and Mac knew, Callen was sure, a lot more about him than Callen had actually told him. Quite possibly because one of Mac's connections was Hetty.

Mac shrugged. "It was a strong indicator," he told Callen. "But the toaster. That's the definitive answer."

* * *

"How long have you been doing this?" Jessie asked Mac over hot chocolate once the kids had finished their game. Mac had left them to their own devices on the ice for the time being.

"Years," Mac said. "Gives 'em something to do other than terrorise the neighbourhood."

Callen saw Jessie's eyes narrow. "How much is it for them to play?" she asked.

"Nothing."

"And let me guess," Jessie said with a smile. "You supply the equipment too?"

"They need their own skates but aside from that," Mac shrugged as if it wasn't a big deal but Callen saw the curiosity in his eyes about her questions and perception. "It gives me something to do. Keeps me out of trouble."

"And trust me," Callen chuckled. "He needs to be kept out of trouble."

"Takes one to know one," Mac retaliated.

Jessie laughed. "How long have you two known each other?" She glanced between the two of them.

"Since I was a teenager," Callen admitted.

"I met you when you were a teenager but it wasn't until much later that we really connected." Mac shrugged. "He turned out better than I thought he would given what he was like back then."

"Mac's the reason I have the cabin," Callen told Jessie. It had been Mac who had sent him there to recover with an old trusted friend. Mac who had vouched for him when said friend wasn't sure he wanted to sell to some stranger who was essentially on the run and couldn't tell the truth about what had happened or even who he was.

Jessie raised her eyebrows and smiled before she turned to Mac. "Thank you very much for that," she said.

Mac's eyebrows raised. "Hmm, why do I suspect you're not thanking me for a hide out from the bad guys?"

"From annoying interruptions," Jessie said. "He promised me we'd have some time alone interruption free." She smiled again. "It was perfect."

Callen chuckled this time at the blush on Mac's cheeks and took great delight in making it increase by adding, "I wish I could tell you it's not what you're thinking but I can't."

"Moving on," Mac cleared his throat. "So Jessie, you're a doctor."

"ER Doctor and Psychiatrist."

Mac spat out the mouthful he'd just taken. "A shrink?" He glanced over at Callen at the same time he reached for the napkins. "You? The one who is more difficult to get to talk than a rock, is with a shrink." Mac's gaze flicked to Jessie. "Sorry psychiatrist." He turned back to Callen. "How did that happen?"

"She won me over."

"I can see that." Mac turned to Jessie. "Does he actually talk to you?"

"Yes."

"Care to teach me your tricks?"

"No tricks," Jessie said. "Patience and trust."

Mac snorted. "I know he trusts me. You wouldn't be here if he didn't. And I have the patience of a damn saint and he's still difficult."

Callen talked to Mac but only when he needed to or didn't have a choice. Though he knew Mac wanted more, Callen refused to pull the man into too many of his issues. Mac deserved a little peace in his retirement after the life he'd led.

"Must be her perfume then." Callen winked at Jessie before he turned to Mac. "You want me to get you a bottle to try?"

"G stop," Jessie reprimand. "It took months for him to even start to talk to me about himself and I was around almost every day."

"She's better looking too," Callen added.

Jessie glared at him but he could see she was struggling not to smile. "Especially underneath," Callen added and took a great deal of delight in the blush that rose quickly to her cheeks.

"Okay," Mac sat back in his chair and rubbed a hand over his face. "Not going there. I think you two need to go before I witness all that lovey dovey stuff that I'm sure is going to happen sooner rather than later with the way you two are looking at each other. And just in case you hadn't noticed, there are kids around who probably shouldn't be witnessing it."

"I can control myself," Callen said. "The same can't be said -"

The raised eyebrows from Jessie, the slight tilt of her head and the wicked look in her eyes told Callen if he kept going he'd be in trouble, but it didn't stop him completely because he loved being in that kind of trouble with her.

"Is that a challenge Doc?" Her eyes went wide. "Because you know me. I'm certainly up for it." The slight emphasis on the word up had the blush that was still there intensify. She stayed silent.

Callen turned to Mac, pulled an envelope out of his jacket pocket and handed it over. "That's for what we talked about." Callen rose and held his hand out to Jessie. She put her hand in his, the warmth and softness a familiar comfort that still continued to amaze him. "See you around Mac."

Mac rose too. "Nice to meet you Jessie."

"You too Mac."

"I'm sure I'll see the two of you around again."

"You will," Callen assured him. Mac was one of the ones who were his back up for Jessie. Neither of them knew it yet though. He wanted them to get to know each other a little first.

"You need anything Jessie, come find me," Mac added. "I'm here most Saturdays. He can tell you where I'll be other times."

Callen raised an eyebrow at the offer because he swore Mac couldn't read him that easily.

Mac shrugged. "You don't touch her toaster. That's big."

Callen chuckled as Mac walked away and returned to the ice.

"What about my toaster?" Jessie asked when they were out the door. His arm rested over the back of her shoulders as they walked to his car.

"Apparently, because I haven't dismantled your toaster, we're serious."

"You've pulled apart his haven't you?"

"Numerous times."

Jessie pulled him to a stop and his arms took advantage when she turned toward him and pulled her in close.

"You know it's our toaster now right," Jessie said.

Callen cupped her head with one hand and dropped his other arm to her waist and pulled her in tight against him.

"Your toaster or ours Doc," Callen told her quietly, "promise still stands. I won't touch it. Wouldn't dream of being done with you."

Jessie smiled and pressed her lips to his. "If it would help," she said, when she pulled her lips back just an inch from his, "I could get you your very own toaster for Christmas."

"I have my very own and I'm very, very happy with the way she heats things up."

"Good to know," Jessie replied softly.

"Speaking of heating things up." Callen's fingers danced up her back. "Let's go home Doc. We've got the rest of the day to ourselves."

"You have plans?" Her body softened against his.

"Only one."

Jessie raised an eyebrow and waited.

Callen smiled. "Exploring my toaster."

 

 


	102. Mistletoe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a little chapter that I threw together when I realised Christmas was almost here and I hadn't referenced Callen's Christmas present from last year! Oops. So enjoy this little Christmas treat. Next week when I start posting again we'll have the full Christmas adventure that Callen's been planning for a while. It's multi chapter and may take more than a week to get through. The bunnies like Christmas as much as I do apparently.
> 
> Have a great weekend. I look forward to hearing what you think of this little chapter.

* * *

"Thought you were supposed to decorate this year?" Callen leaned against the doorway of her office.

Jessie turned from the bookshelf. "What?"

"Christmas. I do believe I told you to decorate."

Jessie smiled. "Suggested." She started to move toward him and he pushed off. "You only suggested."

"I'd hoped you'd take me up on it." Callen slid an arm around her waist and pulled her into him. "Especially the placement of the mistletoe. I was seriously hoping to take advantage of that." He always felt like he was home when he held her close. The warmth and softness of her body seemed to blend with his and bring his focus from whatever was bothering him to her and them and this thing between them.

Jessie slid her arms around his neck. "Like you do with the mistletoe you hung over our bed?"

Callen chuckled. "Maybe not quite that much advantage here." His mouth hovered right near hers. "I think we might be pushing our luck if I did that." The warmth of her breath tempted him into the kiss. A slight pressure of his lips on hers, the softness and acceptance that he felt from them was perfect after the day he'd had chasing a witness around who didn't want to be found.

"You okay?" she asked when he pulled back.

"Why do you ask?"

"Why don't you answer?"

"Rough day out. Nice to be back here with you."

Her eyes narrowed and Jessie made a move to step back.

Callen knew that look and he held her tighter. "Not injured Doc. Just felt like Sam and I were on wild goose chase, treasure hunt kind of thing. Witness didn't want to be found."

"Scared?"

"No." Callen rested his forehead against hers. "A part of it I guess because he was trying to pull off only being a witness."

"That would explain it." Jessie's fingers gently ran up and down the back of his neck, her touch relaxing.

"We got him in the end."

"Of course you did."

Callen took a moment to breathe her in. The vanilla was still there from her favourite body wash (his too now), but there was something different; the hint of something else . He moved his head and brushed his nose against the skin of her neck. A deep breath gave him more of an idea.

"New perfume?" he asked.

"Hmm." Jessie tilted her neck slightly which opened it further to him and he couldn't resist brushing his lips over it. "Tried something different," she murmured. "Not sure I like it yet."

Callen closed his eyes and breathed in again, his focus solely on the scent. "Vanilla's there. Still you, but…" He lifted his head. "Christmas." Vanilla, cinnamon, orange and a hint of something he couldn't put a name too but definitely Christmas orientated.

Jessie smiled. "That's what it's supposed to be."

"It's nice … for change. I still prefer you."

"So I shouldn't buy some to take away with us?"

"You can buy some if you want, but you won't need it for the majority of the time." He intended to do everything in his power to ensure she didn't feel the need to get dressed up or put on perfume especially since he didn't want to be avoiding any part of her skin. Smell and taste were two entirely different things.

"Which is?"

Just a subtle dig this time but he wasn't falling for it. "All in good time Doc." Callen glanced around the room. "Now when were you planning on decorating? There's only a week to go."

Jessie shrugged. "Is there much point for a week?"

Callen shot her a disappointed look. "Next year I'll decorate, then I'll have plenty of time to make the most of it."

"You don't need mistletoe," Jessie said. "I'm yours any time."

"I know, but there's fun in trying to catch you under it."

Jessie laughed softly. "And where exactly would you put it? There's nowhere to hang it that I would be under easily. Unless you attached it to the roof." She glanced over his shoulder, "though if I hung it in the doorway, I'd catch you under it since that's still your preferred spot."

"Hang it from the ceiling over your chair."

"Ah, but then that's quite obvious for others to take advantage of."

"They wouldn't dare."

"Maybe we should take it home and find another place to hang it."

"Like?"

"Over the couch."

"Take advantage of you there already and it wouldn't be difficult to catch you under it. No challenge Doc."

"Same as the bed so what's the difference?"

"The difference Doc, is making sure I get reminded in the best place possible to make the most of it. Life gets busy. Don't want to forget." Sometimes when their minds were too busy running through the day they'd had a little subtle reminder can help them leave work behind and enjoy the moment.

Jessie smiled. "Where else do you have me frequently then?"

"Thankfully not the medical room lately."

"True," Jessie agreed. "You have been very well behaved. Why is that?"

Callen lifted a hand and tucked a stray hair behind her ear before his finger gently traced her bottom lip. "Maybe I'm finding home life particularly enjoyable and don't wish for anything to interfere with that."

"Ah, so it's not my bedside manner you're looking for anymore but my in bed one."

"Well there is definitely more options with the in bed one."

Jessie closed her eyes and sighed. "You should probably get back to work so we can go home soon."

"Actually came to tell you Hetty's letting us go now."

"Really?"

"Suspects are in custody. She wants them to stew a little more before we question them again and see if there is more to the story." They didn't doubt that they had the right bad guys but there was some lingering threads that didn't quite tie together. By the morning the suspects would be going a touch crazy having spent the night thinking over and over everything that was to come and might be a touch more willing to give something else up in return for some leniency.

Jessie frowned. "Does Hetty think there is?"

Callen shrugged. "Nothing particular but just that little niggle that won't let her say it's all done. We'll find out tomorrow. Now though," he tugged her toward her desk. "Grab your things and let's go. I have some mistletoe to get you under."

* * *

Jessie walked into her office two days later after a hospital shift that had ended an hour ago, and stopped. Her mouth dropped open and for a moment all she could do was stare. And then smile. She'd planned to kick off her shoes and aim for a few hours of sleep when she got in to the office but somehow what she saw made the tiredness of the long shift flee.

With only five days to go until they left she hadn't been able to see how he could possibly take advantage of the mistletoe ornament he'd given her last christmas. She should never have doubted him.

A soft laugh bubbled up and spilled from her lips. He had managed to hang the ornament over her chair from the ceiling after all. Not only that though. He'd also found more and strung small bunches from the ceiling over her couch, near the window and a line around the bookshelves. He'd covered all bases since she'd been in here last. She slowly spun around and then spotted one more in the doorway, right above where he usually stood.

Jessie closed her eyes and took a calming breath. The butterflies in her stomach had started fluttering when she'd noticed her ornament and had progressively gotten more active as she's spied the rest but there was something about that one in the doorway where he almost always stood. Perhaps because it came across as being an invitation to her to make the most of it whereas the others were more for him to take advantage of. There was a small sound and she opened her eyes to find the man in question staring right at her. The look in his eyes was mischief and heat, one of the many ones she loved.

"So Doc," Callen said casually. "Where should we start? You or me?"

Jessie tilted her head, confused by his words. He glanced up and she followed his gaze up.

Mistletoe. Right above her head.

She'd missed it before but she should've known. How many times had she leaned against her desk in this particular spot or he'd put his hands on his desk and leaned over slightly to look at her. She turned back Callen, her heart pounded and her breath was a little faster than before.

"Perhaps you'd better go first," she said.

Callen stepped into the room and closed the door. She heard the slight telltale snick of the lock and felt the heat spread over her skin in anticipation as he walked slowly toward her.

Christmases were getting better and better.


	103. Christmas: Destination Revealed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to Christmas! Hope you enjoy the chapters that are coming following their Christmas adventure.   
> And yeah, the heat is up in most of the Christmas Chapters, including this one.
> 
> Enjoy. Love to hear from you.

* * *

"Why won't you tell me what we're doing for Christmas?" Jessie asked from her position above Callen.

Her body brushed against his in multiple places, her warmth heated him in more ways than one. She had his hands pinned either side of his head and held her body just off his, her thighs trapping his hips.

They both knew he had the skills, and the strength, that technically she wasn't actually restraining him. He could flip her and bury deep inside her in a moment, had done it before, must to their mutual pleasure, but this wasn't about strength or skill. This was about trust, playfulness and her being in control of the physical side when she wanted to be.

Jessie had been trying to get it out of Callen for weeks but he'd been determined to keep it from her as long as possible. Partly because she made it so very interesting when she tried to get him to spill; such as now.

But they left tomorrow and now was the time.

"If you get off me I'll tell you." Callen lifted his head and caught her bottom lip gently with his teeth before he ran his tongue over it and dropped his head back on the pillow before she could react and take the kiss deeper.

"You want me off you?"

Callen's lips twitched at the distracted note in her voice. She could be in control all she wanted with how she held him down but he had very effective ways to distract her; which was all part of their game - who would lose control first. It had started that first day here and continued in one form or another since. They were about fifty fifty in that she was just as effective at striping him of his control as he was of her.

"No," Callen admitted. "Much rather you on but unless you're willing to wait." He lifted his hips closer to hers and saw the conflict flare in her eyes. The heat and need rose with how close he was to being inside her but curiosity battled with it. Curiosity that he'd been deliberately building with only tiny hints, nothing that would give it away and it was frustrating her.

"Promise I'll make the interruption up to you," Callen said.

"Up you say?"

Callen slipped his hand out of her grip which had eased with his distraction techniques, and slid his fingers through her hair that was loose. He loved it loose, the feel of it when it brushed across his body, the way it would fall beside their heads when she was above him, like now, and create this little barrier to everything outside so it was just them. Callen eased her head close enough so that when his spoke she felt his words on her lips as well as heard them.

"I'll take you up so high you won't be able to breathe without me."

Jessie's breath came out in a rush and she pulled in another one before she swallowed. "I hope that's a promise," she said.

"Always a promise Doc. Haven't made you one I haven't kept yet. Not gonna start now."

There was a moment of stillness and Callen witnessed the battle she had with her choice between the heat that was there now and the potential of his promise later. She finally shifted, though not without a brief lowering of her body so that when she did she brushed against him and drew out a groan from his throat. She laid to the side, her body pressed against his side and trailed her fingers over his chest.

"So," Jessie kissed his shoulder lightly, "where are we going?"

Callen caught her fingers and moved them back up when they headed down past his waist. "Behave, for now." He lifted them to his lips, kissed the back of them before he rolled over and pulled out the boarding passes he'd printed off earlier in the day when he'd checked them in online.

"That's where you hid them?" Jessie asked when he'd rolled back and sat up.

"You didn't check?"

The flash of guilt was quick and then she smiled. "I'd rather try getting it out of you than actually find them," she admitted. Not that he didn't already know that. "So much fun that way, even if I don't get the answer."

Callen held the passes in his hand and took a breath. There was a part of him that was unsure of what he'd done.

"First part." He held out the pass to her but couldn't seem to release it when she also took hold of it.

Jessie frowned. "You sound nervous."

"I am," Callen admitted. He let go of the ticket. Jessie looked down and he sensed the stillness that moved through her.

"Chicago," she whispered.

"Jessie."

She looked up and Callen held her gaze hoping it would help make this easier for her if she focused on him rather than what was in her hand.

"We fly in, get in the car and go visit your parent's graves. We get flowers if you want. Then we come back to the airport and leave. Max of four hours." There was only four hours between flights but Callen had it all planned, including the car and driver he'd booked to be waiting at the airport before the plane even landed. He wanted to walk her out straight into a car and not wait around.

Jessie's breathing was heavy and the hint of panic in her eyes was still there, though much less than he was expecting. Unfortunately it was more than he'd hoped for.

"I can cancel if you want." It was an out he was prepared for if she wanted to take it.

Jessie's gaze dropped to the boarding pass in her hand. He heard the deep breath she took. "No," she said softly. "You're right."

"About?" Callen wasn't quite sure what she was meaning but he'd let her explain rather than try and guess.

"Needing to do this." Jessie looked back up at him. Tears were there now in her eyes but the panic had eased. "I shouldn't have let them take that from me."

Callen reached out and touched her cheek. "You've taken back a lot already. Been through so much and come out the other side. I'm hoping this is going to be easier because of all that, and knowing that they're gone and you're safe."

Jessie nodded and her head shifted into his hand that was still near the cheek. "It'll be easier because you'll be there."

Callen nodded. "Always Doc, whenever you need me." He took the first pass from her hand and replaced it with the second one.

"London?" She tilted her head, curiosity in her eyes.

"Onto Romania. A couple of days to check out the markets in Bucharest and then," Callen took his own steadying breath, "I want to take you to where I last saw my mother."

"The beach where she died," Jessie whispered softly.

"Figure if you can face Chicago, I can face that beach again." He'd wanted to go back, wanted to see if maybe he could pull some more memories from the depths of his mind. Some that were happier than that particular day. He just hadn't been ready until now. Until her. With the Comescu's gone, he didn't need to worry about their safety, at least no more than he would in general.

"Together. Not alone," Jessie said.

"Together. Then," Callen smiled, "comes the best part." He didn't have the boarding passes for the next stage but he didn't need them. "Maldives. Ten days. You and me and a very private cabin by the beach."

Jessie's eyes widened. "You're taking me to the Maldives?"

"That is one dream I don't intend letting anyone else fulfill or you go alone on. Ten days Doc. Just you and me and definitely out of contact with the office."

"Expensive."

"Worth it."

"You haven't been yet."

Callen grinned. "Don't need to go to know that it'll be worth it."

Jessie grinned back. "Because you get to be the lucky guy?"

Callen plucked the pass out of her hand, tossed it to the side of the bed before he reached for her, rolled her onto her back and caught her hands above her head. He watched the colour of her eyes deepen as he raised above her. "The only lucky one. Now that you know where we're going, I have a promise to keep."

"Are you sure you're up for it?" There was a mischievous twinkle mixed with the heat in her eyes. "That was a pretty big promise you made."

Callen chuckled softly. He lowered his head at the same time he shifted his hips to brush against her.

"You think I can't do it," he said softly, his mouth was close enough to her ear that his breath whispered over it. His lips grazed the shell of her ear and a little way down her neck before he rose up and shifted her hands to hold onto the bars of the headboard on the bed while he watched her eyes. They darkened and flashed with fire that heated his own blood further.

The headboard on their newly acquired bed had given them an interesting option. While using physical restraints was a no go, always would be, restraining her with his hands had been accepted but there was only so much he could do while doing that. Now they had a deal. Placing the other ones hands on the bars was a request. A request to give up control to the other, with the security of knowing that if anything scared her all she had to do was let go. It gave her control to choose to give it up and him the freedom to make it worth her while. She could ask it of him too, and had. He'd enjoyed it very much.

Callen lowered his head to her neck, brushed his lips over the skin. "You doubt my abilities Doc. I'll have to prove you very wrong now." He flicked his tongue over her pulse point and she arched against him and opened her neck further. Oh he knew what she wanted but he wasn't going to give it to her just yet. And when he pulled away she groaned in frustration and looked at him.

"I'm sure you can do _it_ ," Jessie provoked. "It's the how high I'm doubting."

"Bet you I can." Callen moved along her jaw, mixing breath and feather light kisses.

"I don't bet with you." Her words were distracted. "But," she shivered when he started back down her neck; breath, kisses, the occasional flick of his tongue or slight nip of his teeth - but nothing hard enough to leave a mark because he knew that was what she wanted. He worked slowly toward her collar bone. "Out of curiosity," Jessie managed to continue, "what would the stakes be if I agreed?"

Callen smiled against her skin. He had her. She'd be making a bet with him before he was done. "If I can't," he traced her collarbone with his tongue. "I'll spend those ten days working on my …. technique."

"And if you can?"

Callen shifted lower, worked his way down the middle of her body keeping it just his breath heating her skin. He didn't veer off that narrow path, no matter how much she tried to move so he would.

"Then I'll spend them showing you it wasn't just luck."

Callen reached her stomach and brought back the feather light kisses to mix with the breath as he moved lower. His hands held her hips against the bed to stop her from reaching up to him.

"G," Jessie begged.

Callen could feel the desperation in her movements though he kept her pinned to the bed.

"Is it a bet?"

Jessie groaned and stopped moving. "How's a girl supposed to resist you at a moment like this?"

"Not looking for any girl," Callen said. "You and only you." His lips were barely an inch from her, his breath whispered across the most intimate part of her body. Her eyes locked onto his. He was damn tempted to flick his tongue out for just a small taste but if he did that, she'd win. He could see it in hers that she was trying to hold on; trying to make him give in first.

"Say it," Callen whispered directing his words to that sensitive spot even as he kept his gaze locked on her.

"How can I say no," she breathed. "Even if I lose I win. Deal."

Callen's response was simple. He gave her what she was begging for and then proceeded to take her breath away to the point he had to remind her to breathe.

Win. Win.


	104. Christmas: Chicago

* * *

 

Jessie tightened her grip on Callen's hand when the announcement came over the intercom that they were about to land. She breathed, slow and deep, and reminded herself that there was nothing to be worried about.

Sure it had been years, with the exception of that one brief moment earlier this year, since she'd been here but it was different now. All those things that had terrified her about returning to Chicago were gone.

She wouldn't run into family. There was none.

She wouldn't run into any cartel minions looking to find her. They too were gone.

Trevor's family, also gone. She'd checked.

There was no one that even needed to know she was here.

Except her parents.

Jessie closed her eyes and rested her head against the headrest of the seat. Her parents.

Part of her felt like she'd let them down because she'd never come back for them. It was like she'd run away and never looked back. Oh but she had looked back. Every Christmas, every birthday, hers and theirs, every achievement that she'd worked hard for and not been able to celebrate with them. Every damn one. And every time she'd felt the hole in her heart ache from not having them there, of not being brave enough to go to them and share it, even if it was just with where their bodies rested in the ground.

Her trips at Christmas had been the only way to not end up finding herself back here on Christmas Eve. Because while the pull to not disappoint them was strong, the deep terror of coming face to face with her nightmares, be those family, cartel related or the memories of that night, had been stronger. So she'd found her own way to run yet justify it as doing something her father would've wanted.

"Hey."

Callen's voice were soft, reassuring and oh so comforting near her ear. She opened her eyes and looked at him. The concern in his was strong.

"We're down," he said.

Jessie hadn't even felt the plane touchdown. She nodded, blinked back the tears that were threatening to push forward and, even though she didn't mean to, her grip on his hand tightened further. He lifted their joined hands to his lips, brushed her fingers and smiled.

"I've got you Doc. Always. You can do this. We can do this. But if you don't want to, say the word and we won't leave the airport."

Jessie loved him so much she wondered how her heart hadn't exploded with it. She couldn't believe that someone could give her the strength that he did. Strength that had helped her face things that had once been unfaceable. She'd accepted years ago that she would never come back. Understood that sometimes hurdles were too big to face and to move on you had to let them go, so she had. But now her world was different. The hurdles weren't quite as high and daunting or impossible anymore. Because of him.

"No. I need to do this." And because the familiar terror started to bubble, Jessie added. "Please don't let me back out."

The terror was leftover, not real. She knew that in her head but that didn't stop the deep ingrained reactions that had been with her forever at the thought of being in this city.

Callen squeezed her hand and nodded, his gaze locked with hers. "If that's what you want."

"I do."

The plane finally came to a halt at the gate and the seatbelt lights went out. But Callen didn't move. Neither did she. Those blue eyes she could lose herself in held onto her brown ones. The plane, the hustle of people standing and waiting to get off, the noise, it all faded and it was just them. The connection between them was so strong and comforting, and before she knew it, he smiled and stood up. The plane had emptied and they were the last ones to leave. She hadn't even realised they'd been waiting that long. Oh yes, she could definitely get lost in him. Callen lifted their carry on bags from the overhead locker and held out his hand to her.

"Let's do this Doc. Let's conquer the world."

Jessie smiled. "Not quite the world, but close enough." She put her hand in his and he helped her up, but didn't let her into the aisle until he'd kissed her; so softly, gently and tenderly that it almost brought her to tears.

Then he whispered in her ear, "Can't wait until I have to remind you to breathe." And with that reminder of the bet that was coming in a few days, her thoughts and the terror temporarily fled. She almost forgot to breathe.

* * *

Callen eased the flowers out of Jessie's hands before she crushed them as they stood at the gates of the cemetery.

"Ready?" he asked quietly. Jessie's gaze was locked on the open gates but she didn't move. He squeezed her hand and she finally looked at him.

"I don't know," she whispered.

Callen eased her around to face him, caught a strand of hair in his fingers and linked his other hand back with hers.

"What worries you Jessie? There's no one here, but it's like you're terrified of someone." It was the way she was drawing away from the gates, even as she stood still. It wasn't in her eyes, thankfully, though the emotions that swirled in them were intense.

"Not terrified. I've disappointed them," Jessie said. "Not coming back, not being stronger."

"Oh Jessie," Callen cupped her cheek with his hand, "you are one the strongest people I know. What you've come through, what you've made of yourself despite everything." His thumb rubbed gently over her cheek. "They'd be so proud of you."

"But I never came back for them."

Callen didn't quite know how to reassure her with that so he focused on the present. "You're here now." He tilted his head to the gate. "They're so close."

Jessie shifted and buried her head against his chest where she took a deep breath. His arms slipped around her, held her close and he waited, left the pace up to her. Eventually she lifted her head, turned toward the gate and after just a brief pause she moved forward. Callen stayed right by her side the whole way. She may not have been back but she knew exactly where her parents were buried. She stopped in front of a plain, simple gravestone with two names on it.

Michael James.

Catalina Rose.

A heart had been etched that surrounded the names and the date of their death. Simple but beautiful.

Callen heard the sob just before Jessie sank down on her knees in front of the grave. He crouched down beside her, just far enough back that he wouldn't distract her from where her focus was. He handed her the flowers and she laid them down carefully with shaking hands. There was a long moment before her head dropped and her shoulders shook. Needing the connection Callen put one knee down on the ground for stability and rested his hand on her lower back. Just gently, enough for her to know he was there, close, but hopefully not too much that he distracted her.

"Part of me used to hate coming here," Jessie whispered. "They'd bring me every now and then, remind me what happened when you didn't toe the line or didn't do what was expected. What could happen when you got in with the wrong crowd."

If Jessica Reed wasn't already dead Callen would have been seriously tempted to make it so. The pain in her voice, the thought of them doing that to her had the wolf in him howling to avenge his mate's treatment.

"They wouldn't bring me if I asked," she added.

Not liking that he couldn't see her face, Callen settled on the ground beside her, this time slightly in front, his jacket long enough to give him some protection from the cold ground. When Jessie looked at him the tears were falling silently down her cheeks. "Carly brought me when she could. Those times I loved to come."

Callen followed Jessie's gaze as she glanced over her shoulder to the bench seat below a nearby tree. "We'd sit over there and talk." Jessie looked back at him. "Sometimes it would be a therapy session, sometimes not, but they never knew we came. She only did it when she'd scheduled longer session or for me to have dinner with her." Jessie's eyes drifted back to the head stone.

"The first time I came on Christmas Eve I was twelve. They'd decided it was time for them to go away for Christmas - on their own. I went to stay with Trevor. As always, the nightmares came back. I tried to sleep, ignore them, fight them off but I couldn't. I woke Trevor up with the screaming even though I'd buried my head in the pillows. He crawled into bed with me and for the first time I told him what had happened, the whole horrible truth. Twelve years old and he was there for me, holding me and keeping me from drowning from the terror I felt - like no one else ever had. He wiped away the tears and promised we'd come and see them. I didn't know how he was going to do that. I didn't want his parents to know. I remember in the dim light the cheeky smile and him telling me not to worry. He'd find a way." Jessie rose and so did Callen She moved to the seat she'd indicated earlier and sat down. He sat beside her, his arm around her shoulder and she settled into him.

"We caught the bus. The first time either of us had been on one outside of a school excursion. I was terrified. But he'd studied it all and knew what he needed, knew how much it would cost and he got us here safely. He'd brought a backpack with him and pulled out a small blanket and two cupcakes. He shrugged and said it was all he could find in the kitchen, but I knew better. He has always held the belief that anything can be made that little bit better with some chocolate." Jessie lifted her head, a smile, albeit small, curled at the corners of her lips. "They were triple chocolate cupcakes. He wasn't taking any chances and made sure the odds were stacked in his favour."

Jessie linked her hand with his, even though they both wore gloves, the connection was there, comforting and familiar.

"But he'd also packed something else," Jessie continued. "Two white roses, one bigger than the other, that he'd picked from his mother's hot house rose garden and carefully packed so they were protected on the trip. He'd brought them so I could leave something on their grave." She took a shaky breath. "He found a way to bring me here every year on Christmas Eve while we were still here, always with those two white roses and two chocolate cupcakes."

Jessie shifted and rested her head on Callen's shoulder. "I'm sure I can find us cupcakes if you need them," he said.

Jessie lifted her head and smiled. Her hand lifted to his cheek and she leaned in to brush her lips across his. "No. As much as those cupcakes were always welcome, I have you and you are so much better."

"You could have both."

Jessie finally laughed, soft and sweet with just a tinge of sadness to it. "I won't say no to that."

Mentally Callen made a note to get the car to swing by a bakery he'd seen a few blocks away on the drive here.

Jessie settled back in against him. He stroked her head, his fingers bare now because he wanted to feel the strands of her hair and comfort her. Gloves wouldn't allow the deeper connection that he wanted.

"They'd be proud of you Doc. What you do to help others. How much you care. There's no way they could be anything but proud of you."

"I hope so," Jessie whispered. "If they really can see me, I hope so."

Callen cupped her chin and lifted her face to his. "I know so." Her eyes dropped to his lips and she moved closer, but movement out of the corner of her eye caught her attention before he could enjoy the kiss from her that he'd been sure was coming.

Callen turned and watched as an elderly woman with a basketful of flowers walked up to Jessie's parents grave and placed flowers on it. It took Jessie a moment to respond but then she was out of his arms and moving toward the woman. He followed.

"Excuse me," Jessie said.

The woman turned. "Yes?"

"Why are you leaving flowers here? On this grave?"

The woman looked at the flowers and then back to Jessie. "I always do. They're on my list."

"Your list?" Callen asked.

"I own a flower shop. I run a service to leave flowers on graves when family can't be there." She glanced at the grave. "This couple have been on the list since I started it twenty years ago. I'm going away this Christmas so I'm delivering early. Normally I do it on the day. I'm sorry. I have lot to get through." The woman stepped back.

"Wait. Who?" Jessie breathed. "Who ordered them?"

"I'm sorry, that's confidential." A look of concern came over the woman's face. "Are you alright dear?" the woman asked

"They're my parents." Callen could hear the tears in Jessie's voice. "Is it always … Is it always white roses or is it whatever you have?" Jessie's voice was barely more than a whisper.

The woman smiled. "Yes. Always white. And one bigger than the other."

"Thank you," Jessie murmured. The woman nodded and moved on.

Jessie picked up the roses, twined together by white ribbon with a small card attached. Callen slipped his arms around her waist and looked over her shoulder as she read it.

_With love always._

_J &T_

A sob rocked Jessie and Callen tightened his arms around her. "Trevor," he concluded.

Her head snuggled into his neck and he felt the tremors that continued to move through her. "I didn't know," she whispered

 


	105. Christmas: Romania

* * *

_Bucharest & Christmas Market_

Callen pulled Jessie off the crowded pathway and into his arms. He glanced up to the dark night sky. "It's snowing," he said.

Jessie's gaze followed his. The light flakes fell softly around them, the lights from the Christmas market stalls reflected in them; the different coloured lights hitting at different points making the flakes change colour as they fell.

"It's beautiful," she said softly.

"Yeah. Beautiful."

Jessie could feel Callen's gaze on her face now and she looked at him.

He smiled. "This seems familiar," he said.

"Very." Jessie slid her arms around his neck and nestled in closer. A slight shiver went through her but she ignored it. She wasn't that cold and being his arms was a sure fire way to warm up. "I wonder if it will end differently this time."

"How would you like it to end?"

Jessie let out a soft sigh. "Do you have any idea how much I wanted you to kiss me that night?"

"Some." Callen's gaze dropped to her lips. "Though probably not as much as I want to right now."

"Why didn't you?" Jessie tilted her head slightly. "In Vienna? Why didn't you?" She was so sure he was going to but the moment had seemed to go on forever to the point that she had started to get nervous that she'd read him wrong.

"I was going to." Callen lips brushed lightly over hers though the warmth from it lingered well after he was gone. "But you spotted a little girl and I lost my chance." He lifted his head and cocked an eyebrow. "No little girls in need of rescuing right now?"

Jessie laughed softly. "Not unless you count me needing rescuing from waiting."

Callen lowered his head once again and whispered just before his warm lips covered hers, "more than happy to rescue you anytime you want."

His mouth was soft and gentle, the kiss comforting. With every brush of lips and stroke of his tongue the heat built until even the chill of the freezing air around them didn't seem to touch her anywhere. Jessie's head dropped back when Callen finally lifted his head and brought the kiss to an end. His hand that cupped her head supported its weight and she relished the feel of being in his arms. She hated the many layers between them but she still loved the safety and comfort she felt here, right where she belonged.

"What next?" Callen asked. "We've got presents covered."

His backpack held a selection of gifts for those at home. They'd spent the last two days exploring the city and the markets and finally shopped tonight. There had been a brief foray onto the ice at the skating rink but with the popularity of it, there'd been barely any room and they'd quickly left. Being here at the markets with him, in this city, had been an amazing experience. One of her most memorable, and it was because of him. She hadn't had to struggle with the language. Callen had guided her, taught her necessary phrases on the plane and because of his company and skills, she'd visited places she wouldn't have seen on her own. Like small intimate places to eat with the most beautiful food and people that were tucked away in the back streets; places where she wouldn't have ventured to alone. They'd tested most of the foods at the market, a feat in itself, but the walking and the cold had left them with very healthy appetites and he'd seem to know just where to go. The historic places in the city had come alive with his words as he told her about the history, so much better than if she'd just read about it. He was a very good tour guide, though she had a feeling that his brand of guiding, rather contact orientated and flirty, wouldn't quite cut it in a job, but was perfect for her, for them. He'd done so much to make this trip wonderful and she didn't know how to thank him. Their time here was mostly over though for tomorrow they headed toward the coast to the beach.

Jessie shook off that thought, not wanting to go there yet even in her head. That part of their holiday was separate to this. There was still more to enjoy. "We could always try the Széchenyi Spa," she said. "Though it doesn't have the same kind of privacy but we could see where it would lead this time."

Callen chuckled, the soft rumble of it in his chest against her made her smile again. "You know exactly where that would lead Doc. You are too tempting for my own good."

"Yet it didn't last time." She raised an eyebrow. "Apparently I wasn't tempting enough."

Callen's hand tightened just a touch at the back of her head and he lifted it to bring it closer. He stared into her eyes. "You were more than tempting," he said in a low voice. "Multiple times I had to hold back from taking what I wanted. What I was almost sure you wanted."

The confidence and need in his words sent a thrill through her that even so long ago he had felt something. She hadn't been reading him wrong.

"Yet you didn't."

"No I didn't," he said. "Because it wasn't the right time."

Jessie sighed. "It took us so long. Sometimes I wonder what would've happened if …"

"If?"

"If I'd just been brave and pulled you down for a kiss when you were close in the spa that night." He'd been right there, leaning over her. The steam rising off his skin and his legs brushed against her. Her fingers had itched to reach up and touch him, personally rather than professionally, and to see if the kiss from the previous night had been as good as she thought it had been. The reactions he'd already set off inside her from the massage had already left her unsettled and wanting more. All she'd had to do was reach out and take. But before she'd gathered the courage he'd moved away.

A snowflake managed to settle on her nose and Callen kissed it off. His touch almost as like as that of the flake. For a man so strong he could be decidedly gentle.

"As much as I would've loved that," he said, "I suspect we took as long as we did for a reason."

"Trust," Jessie whispered. "You needed to trust me and know I wasn't going anywhere."

"You needed that too. We needed to be friends first."

"We already were." Jessie smiled. "I knew I was in trouble the moment I realised it was you in the seat next to me on the plane."

"Why?"

"Why? Because I had no idea what was between us. No idea if you felt anything more than friendship, if it was just a co-worker banter thing. I didn't know what you were hoping for and I certainly wasn't ready to even think too deeply about what I was hoping for. I don't even know why you were there."

"I wanted to spend time with you. I was still trying to figure you out."

"An expensive investigation."

"Worth it. I learned a lot about you over those few days."

A shiver ran through her and Jessie leaned her head against his shoulder and snuggled in deeper. His arms tightened. "I didn't know if you'd ever be ready for something like this. You scared me G. I could see myself falling for you but you didn't think you were a relationship kind of guy. I wanted to pull away but something about you wouldn't let me. Hope maybe."

"Maybe you already loved me."

She smiled. "I was falling that was for sure."

"When did you start falling?"

Jessie lifted her head, her hand slid down from around his neck to rest on his arm. "I knew I was in trouble when you got shot here." She squeezed his arm slightly. "Standing in your hospital room watching you sleep." She smiled. "It hurt like … like it shouldn't. You were a co-worker, a patient essentially and I was hurting too much. I tried to push it aside, ignore it, keep things normal between us but then I walked into the armoury and … you were there and I was telling you so much more than I'd told anyone else for so long." Jessie lifted her hand to his face. "You know you're kinda hard to resist."

"Yet you did for so long."

"Once I realised you had my heart I was terrified you'd run if I told you. I came to the conclusion that I would rather have you in my life than try for more and lose you completely. You as my friend, my good friend, was something I very much wanted to keep. I figured I could be patient and see if you would come around eventually. I thought it would be easy but it wasn't."

"When exactly did you realise I had your heart?"

"Superbowl," she said softly. She'd never forget coming home to him that night. That somehow he'd either known she needed him or that he simply wanted to be there for her after he knew what she'd had to face that night. "You were there after. You took care of me and let me fall apart. You didn't tell me to stop crying or that I was being silly feeling so much for people I didn't know, to suck it up and move on."

"Who did?"

Jessie smiled at the look in his eye. He was ready to defend her. "A previous boyfriend. I promise he didn't last beyond that revealing moment. You accepted me for who I was, tears and all. Were everything I could possibly need in that moment of hell and more. That was when I knew you had my heart and all I could hope was you wouldn't break it, though you didn't even know you had it at the time."

"That was pretty long time ago."

"It was. And I kept falling deeper and deeper with all the little things you did. The smiles, the flirting." There had been so many little moments where she'd been sure he was going to take a step, kiss her, ask her out. So many held breath moments that had just suddenly stopped or were interrupted. "The way you were always there for me. The way you helped me with my gun issue. The trust you placed in me with what you shared. Even the way you pushed me to let go and be a part of the team that night at Karaoke."

Callen chuckled. "That was definitely a night to remember. After that there was no turning back."

Jessie raised an eyebrow. "Turning back from what?"

"Realising just how attracted I was to you."

"Really?"

"Oh I knew from the moment you stepped out of the car that first day that you were certainly attractive but I'd managed to keep the thoughts, professional, mostly. That night," Callen shook his head. "There was nothing professional about my thoughts by the end of it. Especially after overhearing the conversation with you and Trevor."

Even with the freezing night air on her cheeks, Jessie still felt the heat flare.

"And then when you sang to me," he added.

"I didn't…" She sighed. "It wasn't my intention to but then you were there with that smug look of victory on your face. What's a girl to do?"

"You had your very own smug look toward the end when you came toward me."

She had. She'd missed the look in his eyes as he'd run his gaze over her when she danced. Or the shift in his seat, though she had managed to stop herself from looking for confirmation of the reason. In all honestly she hadn't been entirely sure their reactions weren't slightly to do with the alcohol from either side, releasing inhibitions, but she'd set aside her doubts, and concerns since they worked together, and allowed herself the freedom to enjoy and respond to the attraction between them before it needed to be shut off.

"You played with fire that night G."

"We both did, yet it didn't go anywhere."

"Not true. I think we were both a little hot and bothered by the end of it."

"A little?" Callen raised an eyebrow. One arm dropped to her hip and pulled her tighter against him. She couldn't mistake his reaction. "I wasn't game to stand up for a good few songs after your little number in case everyone in the room knew what I'd been thinking."

Jessie shifted and smiled at the groan the movement pulled out of him. "How about you take me back to the hotel," she whispered at his ear, "and show me just where you would've liked that night to end."

Callen's hand at the back of her head was unexpected. He held her head still and looked her in the eyes. "That night ended," he said seriously, "the way it needed to, but if you want to sing to me again and see what happens, I'll be happy to oblige and react appropriately for how we are now."

Jessie sucked in a breath and let it out slowly, the wisp of white reminded her how cold it was even though she was about ready to shed the thick jacket. She smiled. He was impossible to resist and she didn't have to anymore. "Aren't you lucky you have that song on your phone?"

With another groan Callen grabbed her hand and led her quickly through the crowds to the taxi rank before he bribed his way to the front of the queue. The look he shot her when she shifted closer to him in the back seat said it all. She wasn't going to need the song, at least not for a little while. When his mouth covered hers her last coherent thought was to make a slight alteration to her previous one - 'not for a long while. _'_

* * *

_Beach by the Black Sea_.

"We can stay in the car if you want," Callen said.

Jessie smiled. "You don't really want to sit in the car."

"It's freezing." Maybe this hadn't been the best idea to come here. Callen hadn't really thought about the weather. The waves were choppy, there was a breeze that made it even colder and he'd seen more than one icicle hanging from buildings as they'd driven through the streets to the beach.

"G, what do you want to do?"

Callen answered by actions, his throat had already started to tighten just being here. He pulled on his gloves and the woollen beanie. Jessie did the same with hers. It was a struggle to get into their jackets but they managed and only then did he turn the car, and therefore the heating, off. He met Jessie at the front of the car. It was almost midday but the temperature was only just above freezing.

"Maybe I should've saved this for a summer trip," Callen said when he saw the shiver run through Jessie.

"We can come back then if you want but we're here now."

Callen slipped his arm around her shoulders and tucked her into him. The beach was deserted, as would be expected on a day like this. They walked from the car, across the road and over the path to the steps to the beach. The sand was soft and giving under their feet and instinct pulled him toward the spot where his mother had died. He'd already glanced at the Comescu house, noted the changes there. It didn't seem such a fortress anymore. Some rich family had brought it. From what he'd found out, the inside had been gutted and redone, erasing all signs of the incident and those who had once lived, and died, there.

"G."

Callen looked down at Jessie, the flush of her cheeks and nose came from the weather not him. The was a question on her face and he realised he'd gotten a little lost in the memories of the last time he was here. Of what they'd had to do to save Hetty.

"All I remember," he said, "is we were here. It was summer, or at least warm. I don't remember Amy being here though I'm sure she must've been. Just my mother, her smile and laugh. And then someone gave me this toy. I heard a noise and turned and she was gone. A man standing over her with a gun. I don't know what came next. Why didn't they shoot me too?" Jessie tucked closer to him and he wrapped her arms completely around her. "I hoped that maybe coming back would jog some memories."

Something, anything. A brief glimpse of a happy family memory preferrable with all of them; he didn't have that yet. He tightened his hold on Jessie, closed his eyes and willed something to come back. He replayed the memory that he had, so short, the only one he had of his mother. He sucked in a breath when the memory extended just a touch. A scream, _Mama! Grisha!_

Amy. And people running.

"G?"

Callen blinked and looked down at her. Concern filled her eyes.

"Amy was there. At the beach that day," he told her. "She was by the water. She must've seen. She screamed and everyone went running. Maybe that's why we weren't hurt too."

"Maybe."

"Why can't I remember more? Why can't I remember the good times Jessie?"

"Pulling memories from childhood isn't easy," Jessie said, her tone gentle and calm. "Sometimes they are lost for a reason; lost because even the good ones could trigger bad ones that they need to not remember. To get them back triggers like this help, though the ones you are looking for probably wouldn't be brought back here. A smell, a song, food, those kind of things we tend to attach memories to. Here the beach, the sea, it's attached to that memory."

"So how do I remember the rest?" Because there had to be more, had to be happy ones. The video told him that much.

"I don't know." Jessie's breath brushed over the skin of his neck where the jacket wasn't fully done up. "There are things to try but there's no guarantees that what you remember will be the truth. Not without some way to confirm them."

"My father could."

"If he was there for them," she agreed.

If he ever come back to keep his promise of telling Callen everything.

"What kind of things?" Callen asked. He pulled his mind away from his father. He had no idea where the man had gone to. The place they'd met had been burned to the ground and he'd been unable to find anything to hint at where he'd gone. Only that there had been no bodies so he hadn't been inside when it burned.

"Hypnosis is one."

"Have you tried it?"

"No. I…" A shiver went through Jessie though with her next words Callen wasn't sure if it was the temperature or her thoughts. "I wasn't brave enough. I didn't want to remember anymore of that night than I already did and unfortunately there's not a lot of control on where the memories might go."

"Secrets could be revealed that you want kept hidden."

"They could. You'd need to trust the person who was helping you go under and know that whatever happened your secrets were safe."

"Someone like you." Was he really considering this? There were so many things he didn't want her to know about him. But she knew him, knew some of the things he'd done. What was a little more?

Jessie lifted her head and looked at him. "I don't know how to do it, but if you want, I can do the training and we can try."

"You haven't already done it?"

Jessie shook her head. "Didn't think it would very useful given my patients. Too many secrets."

She lifted her hand and her fingers, bare, touched his cheek and brushed a tear that he hadn't even realised had fallen. Her hand settled on his face and Callen brought his gloved one up to cover hers before it got too cold.

"I'll help," Jessie said. "However you want." It was a promise from her. He knew his secrets were safe with her. He just didn't know how much he was willing to risk her learning to be able to recall his childhood. Not that he thought she would run because of them, but because he wanted to protect her from the harsh horrid reality of the things he'd had to do.

Callen closed his eyes and savoured the feel of her skin against his. Why she'd taken the glove of he wasn't sure. Why he hadn't told her to put it back on straight away he also didn't know. But he did know that her touch was comforting and gave him something to focus on other than the only memories he had of this place and his mother - and there he had his answer. She knew what was going through his head. She knew the touch was needed. He shifted his head and kissed the palm of her hand.

"Let's go back," he said. "We can check out the markets one more time." Coming here was almost pointless, at least in terms of memories. Though now he knew Amy was there with them. He was glad he'd brought her. He could share this with her, even if it was just being in this place for a few moments. It was the only place he could remember being with his mother. The only thing of his parents he could share with her.

"It's twelve o'clock," Jessie said. "Let's find somewhere here to have lunch. Then we'll go." She smiled. "It's a long drive for a just a few minutes on the beach. A girl could do with some hot chocolate, or something to warm her up."

* * *

They found a small cafe and took a seat by the roaring fire. It wasn't crowded, the lunch rush hadn't started, so the service was quick and friendly.

"What are you thinking?" Jessie asked him over the steaming mug that was in her hands.

"That cold weather places aren't exactly the best place to take you."

"Why's that? Has my nose turned blue?"

"No. Just a rosy pink." Callen leaned forward and lowered his voice. "Too many clothes Doc." Her eyes widened and he grinned. "Lucky for me tomorrow sees us on our way to a place that won't require much."

Jessie smiled back. "Lucky for both of us."

"Thank you for coming here with me."

"Thank you for trusting me with it. I'm sorry it wasn't what you wanted."

Callen sat back as the waitress brought their soup and bread over.

"I wanted to come here with you," Callen said. "Wanted to share something with you about my parents, about my past. Anything else was going to be bonus." Yeah he'd hoped for memories but a part of him hadn't believed it would happen.

They'd almost finished their soup when soft music started to fill the room and they both glanced over to see the waitress step away from an old style jukebox. She smiled at them and glanced at their hands before she gave a little twirl and winked before she headed back to the counter where she then looked at them expectantly.

Callen turned back to Jessie and smiled. He lifted their hands. "Apparently she's a romantic. I think she wants us to dance."

"There's no room."

"I'll take that as a challenge." Callen stood and pulled her with him and into his arms. "See plenty of room."

"We're not dancing G. We're standing here."

"What is dancing Doc?" He spun them around on the spot and pulled her tighter against him. "Bodies moving to music, however that may be. In this case two bodies moving together."

Her arms slipped around his neck. "I remember the first time I danced with you."

"Ah yes. So do I. You doubted my abilities then too Doc and I had to prove you wrong." There was a flash of heat in her eyes that told him she remembered the last time she'd doubted him and he'd done exactly that. Which led to what was coming soon.

"I didn't doubt them. I knew from the look in your eyes that I was in trouble."

"And what exactly did you see in my eyes? Because I highly doubt it was what you think it was."

"That you had a habit of playing with fire and that one day I was going to get burned by it."

"I would never hurt you Jessie."

"I know." She smiled. "However you cannot deny the number of times we've burned."

"Like now." Callen tightened his hold on her and her hips brushed against his.

Heat flushed her cheeks. "That's going to make the trip back a little uncomfortable."

Callen leaned close and whispered. "You know there's a hotel right here." The cafe was on the ground floor. "I'm sure we can work something out if you want." Her head buried into his shoulder and she groaned.

* * *

Jessie's whole body trembled by the time they walked into their hotel room in Bucharest.

She pulled off her gloves and fumbled with the zip on her jacket.

Callen had an interesting conversation coming with the car rental company tomorrow after the heating in the car had died on their way back from the beach but his first priority was getting Jessie warm.

Callen dropped his thick jacket onto the floor and dragged her straight into the bathroom. He closed the door behind them, flicked up the heating and turned on the hot water for the bath. The steam rose quickly and he was more than grateful that he decided to go for a modern hotel rather than a quaint old one. He wasn't sure the older style ones would have quite the power to fill the bath as quickly as he wanted it right now.

"I cannot believe," she said shakily, "that just twenty minutes without the heating got us this cold." He saw her eyes flick over him. "Why are you not shivering?"

"Right now you should be glad about that." Callen took over, unzipped her jacket and eased it off. A strong shiver went through her. In one swift move he pulled both his shirt and jumper off before he did the same for her and then pulled her against him.

Jessie buried her nose into his chest and wrapped her arms around him. "Very glad," she murmured.

The room had already started to warm up and a glance at the bath told him it was deep enough for them to get in. He let her go and checked the temperature to make sure it wasn't too hot for how cold she was.

"I guess this is close to the spa night after all. I'm cold and need warming up." The rest of their clothes disappeared quickly. Callen helped her into the bath and settled her back against his chest as the warm water continued to rise up around them and more bubbles formed. Jessie sighed, a contented sound and turned her head into his neck. He scooped up water and ran it over her shoulder. Only slight shivers went through her now.

"Feeling better."

He felt the smile against his skin. "I'm in your arms. I always feel better here."

"Are you warm Doc?" he asked with just a touch of exasperation.

"Mostly."

"Maybe we should've stayed after all," he said.

The way Jessie had looked at him at the cafe door on their way out had him ready to detour via the reception and grab a room but the waitress had come over to them and asked where they were headed. When they'd told her back to Bucharest she'd advised them to leave quickly as there was a storm coming and snow expected with plunging temperatures within the next hour.

"No," she snuggled in a little more and he stifled a groan from the intimate contact. "If we'd stayed we might've got stuck there and not been able to get back in time" Jessie said. "No matter when we still would've been cold without the heating. Just lucky we got in before the sun disappeared."

"Yep, definitely a good thing we got back when we did." Especially since it had started to snow half an hour before the heating had spluttered and died.

Callen shifted a little and adjusted the temperature of the running water to be just a little warmer now their bodies had warmed somewhat. "Though maybe it wasn't the best idea to go there after all."

"I don't regret it G."

"Neither do I," he admitted. He at least had a little more knowledge but most importantly he'd shared something with her. "At least now that you're warm I don't."

Jessie moved suddenly, turned over and the water splashed up the sides of the deep bath around them. The move brought their bodies together in a different way. She looked him in the eye. "No regrets G." She shook her head. "I don't want you to regret anything with me. Even if I got cold. It was worth it. You are worth it."

"Not giving up on that are you?"

"I'll never stop making sure you know your worth G Callen. Never."

Callen slipped his hand behind her head and brought her up close so he could kiss her. It was a light teasing kiss. Her eyes told him she wanted more.

His lips twitched. "Just checking you are thoroughly warmed up."

Jessie laughed and the movement travelled through her entire body, the body that was now flush against his. The water around them meant her skin slid over his as she did.

"I like that idea," she whispered. Her hand reached out and flicked off the water. "Any more and we'll have too much."

"Too much for what?"

Jessie smiled, a wicked glint in her eye. "Why too much to be able to check out whether you're thoroughly warmed up or not." She shifted and her lips grazed his chin, his cheek and his ear, before heading down his neck.

"Jessie," He shifted her so he could study her face. "Just what are you up to?"

"That's how you checked if my lips had warmed up. I'm just following your lead. You have a problem with that?"

"Not a problem, just a suggestion."

"And what's that?"

"I go first."

There was a squeal as he lifted her high enough to get to her neck, a moan when he found that point just below the tattoo with his tongue that seemed extra sensitive and a gasp when his mouth opened over the spot and sucked. Her fingers dug into his shoulders and the whisper that fell from her lips fire his blood.

"More."

He gave her everything he had and welcomed everything she gave in return.

It was unfortunate, not, that the water got cold. Not that they noticed until after they were done, and then he got to warm her up all over again.


	106. Christmas: Maldives - Christmas Eve & Christmas Day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so most of the chapters relating to the Maldives have a high heat rating. I'm aiming to slide past the bedroom door only when it's necessary to bring something emotional to it, as in some growth in their relationship/connection or some revelation. Sometimes it might just be because the scene was begging to be written and I ended up happy with what I wrote and wanted to share, but mostly there'll be more. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy their Christmas and love to hear your thoughts.

* * *

_Christmas Eve._

Callen opened his eyes and blinked. He'd known before he did that Jessie wasn't beside him. A glance across the room was all it took to see her standing near the open window. The breeze off the water played with the light robe she wore. He rose from the bed and walked up behind her, his hands slid over her shoulders and down her silk covered arms. The material may have covered her but he could still feel the heat from her skin. She shifted just slightly to lean against him and her head fell back against his shoulder.

"Morning," Jessie said softly.

"Morning." Callen ran his fingers up her and over her shoulder, nudged aside the top of the robe and pressed his lips to her bare skin over one of the marks he'd left the night before. She sighed.

"I do recall telling you I wasn't going to let you out of bed today," Callen murmured against her ear. They'd arrived just after lunch yesterday and given what today was, he had plans to keep her well and truly distracted and occupied.

Jessie turned her head and with her soft lips so very close, Callen caught them with his and enjoy a very thorough good morning kiss. One of her hands lifted to behind his neck and kept him in place. His hand free, slid to the front of the robe and tugged on the tie. She brought the kiss to a halt and turned in his arms. The robe parted as she did and her soft warm skin pressed up against his.

Jessie smiled. "You can keep me in bed all day if you want. But not for any other reason than you want to." Her fingers trailed along his shoulder and down his neck. Her lips followed. "And I want you to," she murmured against his neck, where his pulse leapt under her touch. His hands slid to her shoulders and slowly eased the silk to the edge, not quite far enough for it to fall to the floor though.

Jessie lifted her gaze to his. "I don't need to be distracted G. I realised it this morning that I'm okay. I'm finally okay with this day." She smiled. "I know what it is but …" She shrugged and one side of the robe slipped down her arm to her elbow. "I can enjoy it for other reasons rather than wanting to hide from what it is. Because of what you've given me. So, we can walk on the beach, swim," she brushed her lips over his, "Or we can stay in bed and I'll have you at my mercy."

Callen chuckled. "Me at yours? What about you at mine?" He shifted his hand from her shoulder and the other side of the robe fell.

Jessie's hands dropped from him which allowed it to slide all the way to her feet. Her arms then went around his neck and her body pressed against his. Her lips brushed his ear.

"Haven't you worked it out yet G? I'm always at your mercy." Her lips trailed back over his neck and his hands ran up and down her spine. When her mouth opened over his pulse and she sucked on his skin, need and desire slammed through him and he scooped her up in his arms and swiftly moved her to the bed and came down over her.

Jessie grinned. "Wondering how long it would take me to find the right spot to show you exactly what that does to me when you do it." He had no doubt she'd left a mark.

"Oh Doc," Callen brushed his lips along her jaw to her ear, held his body weight off her though kept the connection between them, her softness against his hardness. "There's more than one spot. I just don't let you know." His words continued down her neck, across her collarbone. He sucked a spot along there. "I like you trying."

Callen lifted his head and moved up instead of down, caught her lips with his and delved into her warmth, tasted and explored and even though he knew every inch of her, marvelled at how he much he enjoyed exploring all over again. Callen lifted his head. Her eyes were closed, her lips pink, swollen and damp from their kiss, slightly open as her breath came out unevenly. Her eyelids lifted slowly and she looked up at him.

"Trying?" She seemed a little lost.

Callen smiled. "I like you trying different places."

The confusion cleared. "You know if you let me know, I could just head straight to the good places anytime."

Callen chuckled. "You only want me to go straight for the good places? Or do you want me to keep trying."

"Good point."

"And Doc." Callen shifted lower, traced a spot on the gentle swell of her breast with his tongue. "I intend to try many places before I let you out of this bed." His mouth closed over that spot he'd just wet and did exactly that.

* * *

Jessie closed her eyes and revelled in the feel of his mouth on her and the pull of it on her skin. His touch brought so many sensations and his kisses even more, but when he marked her, it pulled on something deep in her heart and soul to know she was his; to know he was happy to leave a trail. Most of the time they were small, little and usually not visible to anyone but the two of them. However she suspected that this trip, he wouldn't be caring where he left them. They were also frequent and she knew he took as much pleasure in giving them as she did in receiving them, both physically and emotionally. Because it meant a lot to him that she was willing to be marked as his.

His lips, his tongue, his teeth and his hands travelled over her, a constant source of heat and touch in multiple places that sent her emotions soaring along with her level of arousal. A distraction when they needed to be but today, today she didn't need it after all. Because he'd given her the strength to face her past, and deal with what she tried to hide from before. Now she simply got to enjoy him, the sensations he was creating over her skin, with her body and between them as well as the unspoken message that every touch told her about what he felt for her.

His hands traveled over her thighs and he lifted her leg, his mouth brushed over her skin. Jessie opened her eyes, unable to resist the thrill of watching him. His gaze caught hers and didn't let go as he nipped at the sensitive skin with his teeth, licked it with his tongue and settled his open mouth over it. His eyes were an intense deep blue, almost flame-like reflecting the heat that seemed to jump between them and burn in the best possible way. While one hand held her leg still for his mouth to do what it wanted, the other danced up her other leg with light touches and strokes. Her breath halted the closer it go to the top, her eyes wanted to close but she couldn't bring herself to break the connection between them, not even when his fingers brushed over her core, dipped inside. Then he sucked harder and she came apart quite unexpectedly. Before she came back down he was over her, his body joined with hers and his lips near her ear.

"Breathe Doc."

Jessie sucked in a breath and opened her eyes; when they'd closed she wasn't sure. The satisfied smirk on his face made her throw back her head, at least as much as having it on the pillow would allow and laugh softly.

"Told you it wasn't luck," Callen murmured in her ear before his mouth drifted over her cheek and he looked down into her eyes.

"Aren't I lucky," Jessie whispered when she'd finally settled her breathing enough to form words. That was one bet she would certainly be enjoy the fallout from.

The intensity in his eyes strengthened, a soft brush of lips over hers and pushed himself up on his hands which shifted their connection deeper and took her breath away just a little. "I'm the lucky one Doc." Then his mouth was on hers, his body moving within her and he took her to the stars again. This time he came with her.

* * *

_Christmas Day._

Callen shifted the soft cotton sheet off Jessie's shoulder and trailed his fingers over her skin. She rolled toward him with a soft smile and sleepy eyes.

"Merry Christmas," he said.

The smile got bigger. "It's a very Merry Christmas already." Her hand slid to the back of his neck and pulled him close enough to kiss.

"I have something for you," he said minutes, at least, later.

"Didn't think we were doing presents while we were away?"

"That's because I was packing and didn't want to give anything away."

Jessie rolled her eyes. "Probably lucky since you're incredibly difficult to buy for."

"Everything I need is right here beside me."

Jessie blinked and Callen's gaze narrowed. But she smiled and the shine in her eyes might've just been the morning sun coming through the window. Rather than delve into the possibilities, Callen let it go and reached behind him. He brought out the small wrapped present. Jessie sat up, pulled the sheet up with her. He raised his eyebrows and shot her a disappointed look.

Jessie grinned. "You want me to unwrap the present or not?"

"I do."

"Then I need to be wrapped or you'll get distracted which means so will I."

"So you wouldn't get distracted if I was unwrapped?" The sheet covered him from the waist down.

"We could always try and see."

Callen chuckled. "Unwrap the present Doc, then we can unwrap each other."

Jessie pulled the ribbon gently, then in contrast tore the paper and lifted the lid on the jewellery box. Her mouth dropped open slightly. "G it's beautiful." She lifted the watch out of the velvet lined box and smiled.

It was simple yet delicate. Made in plain silver, aside from the patterns etched around the face and the blue gems that were in place of the numbers. It was simple enough for her to wear at the hospital yet beautiful enough to wear when she got dressed up. There'd been incident at the hospital a few weeks earlier and her previous watch had been broken. She'd been wearing an old spare one since. Callen lifted it from her hands and turned it over.

"See these numbers?" Jessie looked closely and nodded. Callen caught her gaze with his. "You ever need to run on your own, this is where you go."

Her eyes widened.

"I know you don't really want to think about it Doc, but we know the reality is it's possible." Jessie nodded slowly and Callen continued. "This way you don't need to know. You wear the watch and if something happens, put these numbers in. They're GPS coordinates. Then go. If I can't come to you someone else will and you'll know if you can trust them because you'll know that _I_ trust them _with you_." Because she had to know that even if he trusted others, there were only going to be a select few he would trust implicitly with her safety.

Jessie brushed her fingers over the back of the watch where the numbers were etched to look like a serial number, her touch gentle and reverent. It wasn't exactly the happiest of Christmas presents but what it represented was the most important thing to him. Her safety.

"If you aren't sure," Callen said and Jessie lifted her gaze to his, "Under the rug at the front door is a door to the cellar. It's a panic room now. I'll show it to you next time we're there."

Jessie frowned. "Next time?" Her eyes dropped to the watch and then up to his. "The cabin?"

Callen nodded. He'd had the panic room fitted recently. He'd trusted Mac to do it, had passed on the money for it when they'd met at the rink earlier in the month. Mac had let him know it was all done a day before they'd left. The man was rather efficient.

Her eyes dropped to the watch again.

"Jessie?"

Callen wondered if he'd made a mistake. Maybe he should've waited until they were home. Her answer came in actions not words. She slipped the watch on, did up the catch and then tugged the sheet off them both. Her hands cupped his face and her lips brushed over his before they settled into a gentle kiss that quickly morphed into more when she pushed him back on the bed and straddled him. Jessie lifted her head and looked down at him.

"Thank you," she whispered. "It's perfect." Her fingers traced his lips slowly. She smiled. "Just like you." Her fingers pressed his closed and her smile grew because she knew him well and knew he was about to protest that he wasn't perfect. "You are perfect G. Perfect for me."

And then she gave him another chance to remind her to breathe, though she had the privilege to remind him first.


	107. Christmas: Maldives Surprise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another dose of Christmas coming up. I've given them a few days of privacy but the heat's a given as mentioned before but almost always with something behind it. Enjoy and love to hear from you when you're done.

* * *

 

_30 December_

"Doc." Callen brushed his fingers over her cheek. She sighed and moved her head slightly toward his touch.

"Jessie." He smiled at the sleepy state she was in. "Wake up." She blinked and then frowned.

"You're dressed," she complained.

"Yep and you need to be too."

"Why?" Jessie stretched and the sheet shifted. It was four in the afternoon and after their leisurely morning that had ended up at the beach and in the crystal clear blue water in front of their cabin, they'd found their way to each other and into bed just after lunch. Jessie had fallen asleep deeper than he had, but then she didn't know what the rest of the day had instore for them. However right now, Callen wished he had more time.

"Up. Trust me," he said. "I have a surprise and you will definitely enjoy it."

"Not as much as I'd enjoy you right now," Jessie murmured as she sat up. He pulled her up from the bed and into his arms, better that way than down and into them. That way led to lying down and then they'd be in trouble.

"I'll make it up to you later."

"You do have a pretty good track record of making it up to me." Jessie's arms slid around his neck. "What's up G?"

Callen raised an eyebrow and his hands that now rested on her hips tugged her a touch closer.

"Not what I was meaning," she said around a smile.

"Get dressed Doc. We don't have a lot of time. Clothes are on the chair."

Callen watched Jessie pull on the clothes he'd laid out; blue silk and lace trimmed underwear first, matching bra second - one of her favourites he knew since she said the blue matched his eyes - and then a soft cotton dress that almost matched them in colour. The straps left her shoulders mostly bare, the neckline high enough to be almost respectable yet low enough to tempt easily, possibly because of the line of small buttons that held it together above the waist. It fell softly to just above the knees.

"There," Jessie said. "I'm dressed. Now what's going on?"

Callen rose from where he'd sat on the bed. His fingers reached out and dusted over the half a dozen small love bites he could see. "I probably should be a little careful where I put these from now on, otherwise there'll be questions when we get home."

Jessie shrugged. "Let them ask."

Callen moved closer and shifted her hair off her shoulder, brushed a kiss over the two that were there. "And what will you tell them?"

Her head tilted and he found the small one just below her ear, pressed his lips to it and flicked his tongue over it. A shiver went through her.

"G," she breathed.

Callen pulled back. He cupped her face in his hands and kissed her gently. "Sorry Doc. Shouldn't have done that."

A knock sounded on the door and Jessie groaned in frustration.

"You might want to get that," Callen said and dropped his hands from her face. "That's for you."

Jessie frowned and walked slowly to the door. She glanced back at him. "You going to tell me?"

"No. It's speaks for itself. Trust me. You'll love it."

Jessie opened the door and Callen's smile spread when he heard her gasp. It grew bigger when she was being twirled around in the arms of a tall dark haired man. The laughter that fell from their lips as they spun made Callen's heart feel like it grew bigger in his chest. He loved to hear her laugh so freely. He walked toward them as the broad-shouldered blonde came through the door and headed toward him.

"Callen."

"Alex."

Trevor put Jessie down and pulled her into a proper hug.

"What are you doing here? You two were supposed to.." Jessie asked but trailed off and then glanced at Callen. "You. What have you got planned?"

"You always spend New Year with them. Didn't see why you should miss out this year."

Jessie's eyes flicked around the room. "Here?"

Callen smiled. "No way Doc. They've got their own place."

Trevor's arm slid around her shoulder. "It's well away from here," Trevor added with a grin. "Thankfully because I don't think the sound proofing is as good as at our apartment."

* * *

"So you two are good right?" Jessie asked Callen and Trevor who were in the middle of cooking dinner. Apparently they were cooking tonight and her and Alex tomorrow. Callen and Jessie left a couple of days later. Trevor and Alex were staying on for a little more alone time.

"Why Jessie," Trevor said dramatically, "Don't you trust us?"

"Not entirely." Well she did. She knew in some way the two of them would get up to mischief that had a high chance of having something to do with her. But she also knew that she was completely safe with whatever they came up with because neither of them would let anything happen to her. "I'm just checking before Alex and I leave you to your own devices."

"We're good Doc." Callen said. She smiled and put her glass down on the bench.

"We're just going for a walk. Ten minutes tops," Jessie told them. She glanced down at her watch to check the time. "Promise," she added.

"Take your time," Trevor said. Callen nodded in agreement.

Jessie was grateful for Callen's understanding. Something was up with Alex and she wanted to know what. There'd been an edge to him since just after they'd arrived an hour ago. She slipped her hand into Alex's and guided him out the door and down the steps past the small private pool to the beach in front of their small yet luxurious cabin.

She hadn't asked Callen how much it cost. She honestly didn't want to know though she knew he'd found it through a contact of Hetty's and that alone suggested that it probably wasn't as pricey as she'd expect. Especially since it was a new, very private, resort that was going to open soon. The current guests were there to test everything before the official opening. The cabins were few in number and secluded well away from each other. There was no public dining areas, though if you wanted to there were arrangements that could take you to other resorts restaurants, but that wasn't what the aim of this particular resort was about. Food was delivered either hot and ready to eat or in a package with all the supplies necessary ready for you to cook. Callen had chosen the cook it yourself menu which had suited her perfectly. They ate when they wanted, they could call in dinner if they changed their minds and for the ten days, they didn't have to see anyone beyond those who delivered the food, every three days, because the stretch of beach in front was purely theirs. Trees had been planted to jut out and create a natural barrier between them and the next cabin. It was not the typical Maldives experience but she was more than happy with his choice. No neighbours perched beside them over the water within hearing distance of normal conversation let alone anything else. Jessie felt the blush rise on her cheeks. Callen's intent on taking her breath away had extending to include releasing her inhibitions and make her, not so much scream, but certainly ensure that she didn't hold back vocally about her enjoyment and appreciation of his skills.

Jessie pushed those thoughts, and the heat that they created, aside and squeezed Alex's hand when they arrived at the water's edge. It wasn't sunset yet but the view in front of them was gorgeous. Clear blue water as far as they could see and the nearest island was far enough away that you couldn't make anything out.

The tension was still there in Alex. She could feel it in the way he held her hand, see it in the tightness of his shoulders. She allowed the water to lap at their feet for a minute before she spoke.

"What's wrong?" Jessie said softly. Alex had never been one to hold back with her. A simple question usually gave her the answer. It came from having a large caring, and perhaps nosy in the nicest possible way, family that wouldn't let something bother one of them.

Alex turned to her and brushed his fingers over her shoulder, up her neck and then touch a spot near the neckline of her dress. She knew what was wrong before he'd even voice his question.

"Please Jessie, tell me he's not hurting you."

Jessie shook her head. "No Alex, he's not. I swear." There was pain in his eyes even now years later. She reached up and cupped his face. "Love bites. That's all."

"So many."

Her thumb brushed over his cheek, caught the lone tear that escaped and she knew it would only be the one. He'd shed the rest so long ago.

"All very welcome. As are the ones I leave on him."

"She said..." It was a place he didn't want to go but the two words were all she needed. Because she knew. She'd been there when it had happened.

"I'm not Lydia. He's not David. I swear Alex, he's not hitting me. He's not hurting me."

Alex pulled her into his arms and she wrapped hers around him. The tears fell from her eyes instead of his because that was the way it was now. One from him, the rest from her. He'd moved on, but occasionally something would send him back briefly, only briefly though. But enough to make her heart hurt for him. The tremors went through him and she held tight. When he let go so did she. He cupped her face.

"If ever..."

"I promise," Jessie said quickly. "If he hurts me, in that way, I promise you'll know. I'll come to you."

" _Any_ way."

Jessie shook her head. "No. I can't promise that Alex. This life with him is bound to hurt along the way. If he gets hurt I'll hurt. But I won't let him do to me what David did to Lydia. That I can promise."

"The first time."

"I promise." Jessie knew it was one she could easily make and knew from the depths of her heart through to the very surface, that she would never have to follow through with it because she knew Callen would never hurt her like that. In the extremely unlikely event that she was wrong, she knew Alex would protect her. Knew she would have to hold Alex back from making a mistake that would cost him so much though she knew that Alex would gladly pay it if it meant she was safe.

The water lapped at their feet, the coolness a contrast to the warmth of the sun. Although the breeze took the sting out of the heat even now she knew that without sunscreen they should go inside or she'd burn. She slipped her hand back into his and stepped back out of his arms far enough to look up at his face.

"You okay now?" she asked.

Alex nodded and took a breath, the final tension slipped from his shoulders and then he smiled. The sparkle returned to the blue eyes and he squeezed her hand.

"Let's get back in before they ruin dinner."

Jessie laughed softly. "It's their turn tonight. No taking over. We can dazzle them tomorrow. You have plans right?"

"I have plans. All you to do is follow."

As they walked up the steps to the door Jessie heard laughter and whatever they were cooking, they wouldn't tell them, smelled wonderful. Alex pushed open the door, their hands slipped apart after one final squeeze from him.

* * *

Callen closed the door behind Trevor and Alex. He pulled Jessie closer to his side and walked toward the small back deck, passing by the table to collect their glasses that still held some wine. He pulled her back against him, one arm around her waist the other occupied with his glass. She leaned into him and let out a slow breath.

"Is Alex okay?"

Callen had sensed something; noticed the concerned looks Alex had fired at Jessie before they'd gone for their walk. He'd also sensed concern from Trevor but Trevor had been unwilling to talk about it when he'd subtly poked.

"He is. Now."

"Can you talk about it?"

"It's not a secret but it's not something he particularly enjoys talking about."

"You don't have to tell me."

"I know but I will. So you know."

Jessie took a sip of the wine and then reached down to put in on the small table. Callen did the same leaving both his arms free to settle around her waist. Her hands rested on his and slowly traced his fingers before they settled to cover them and she spoke.

"Alex was worried about the love bites. His sister Lydia was in an abusive relationship." Callen's arms tightened around her at the words and then he felt her fingers run gently up and down his forearm, almost like she was trying to calm him.

"She kept saying it wasn't bad, even claimed the bruises were love bites at one point."

"But they weren't."

"No. But until she was ready to admit it and leave, there was nothing he could do short of kidnapping her. Believe me he was tempted. So he did all he could. Made sure she knew he was there, would be any time. Even confronted David once but the man was a damn good liar and had Alex doubting himself briefly." Jessie sighed. "One day she finally was ready. She'd called Alex. He'd gone over to the apartment to get her, was downstairs waiting for her at the front door in his car. All she had to do was walk down two flights of stairs from the apartment to get in. He told her not to pack, just leave." Jessie's head nestled into his neck and she continued. "What neither of them knew was that David had arrived just before Alex and was on his way up the stairs. There was no elevator. So when she came down, he caught her. Alex was still on the phone with her, he was trying to keep her calm. He heard it all. He was out of the car through the doors and starting up the stairs when he heard a scream. By the time he got to the first landing moments later, she fell at his feet in a crumpled heap."

"Was she alright?" But Callen knew the answer before she spoke because a tear fell on to his forearm. He turned her around, his arms encompassed her safely. Jessie shook her head.

"She was dead before her body landed at his feet. That's what the coroner determined anyway." Callen brushed the tears off her cheeks.

"What happened to David?"

"Got away with it, at least for a few years before he tried something similar with another girl friend and was caught pushing her down the stairs. He ended up admitting to it on the stand. One of Alex's lawyer friends helped the DA. He was convicted for her murder along with attempted murder and assault and battery for both women."

"Good. How was Alex after that?"

"After the conviction much better. But right after Lydia, not good at all. He was still fighting then; had a fight two days after she died. Unfortunately he got the call from the police that they couldn't do anything a few hours before the fight. Since there was no evidence of what had happened David was free to go. Alex hadn't recorded the call. There were no witnesses and no CCTV cameras in the stairwell. Everyone questioned in the building refused to admit to seeing anything." Jessie's arms slid around his neck and she took a breath. "It was the shortest fight of his career. He went in mad. Trevor and I were there because we were worried. We didn't usually go to his fights but this one we couldn't stay away from. It was over in thirty seconds. It took two referees to hold Alex back until Trevor and I could get in there and calm him down. He almost killed his opponent. It was his last fight. He retired after that even though he continued to train and work with kids. He gave his winnings to his opponent, apologised to him. He shouldn't have been in the ring that night. All he'd been able to see what Lydia at his feet. All he'd been able to feel was the rage at David getting off and unfortunately that got directed at his opponent."

Callen lifted her chin. "Do you want me to stop?" He brushed his fingers over the shadow of the mark on her shoulder. Not all of them lasted for days. Some were gone in a matter of hours. It all depended on what was between them at the time, the level of heat, the look in her eyes as he did and whether or not that look had him moving on rather quickly or not. She was the only one he'd ever felt the need or desire to mark.

Jessie shook her head. "No." She smiled. "This, between you and me, is not the same. Alex knows it. He just … sometimes has trouble when he sees something that reminds him of that."

"Still, maybe when we know we're going to see them."

"No. He wouldn't want that. He wouldn't want us to change for him. But you should know that I promised him that if you were to hurt me like David to Lydia, I'll go to him."

"If I ever did I'd want you to."

"There'd be no second chances G. He wouldn't let it even if I would consider it."

The story of Lydia explained Trevor's comment a long time ago, about Alex getting to him before Trevor and there being nothing left for Trevor. That she had someone else who would protect and defend her to that degree gave Callen a degree of comfort knowing that Alex would be there for her too.

"I wouldn't want there to be. I never want to hurt you Jessie."

"I know. But it's not a blanket promise G. It just relating to abuse." She brushed her lips over his. "We'll hurt in other ways. The life we have, the things we do, it's a given, but not that way."

"Never."

Callen's hands slid up her arms over her shoulders and cupped her face. "I promise," he whispered before he settled his lips on hers and kissed away the pain she felt. His tongue swept inside, the taste of her mingled with the lingering taste of wine and dinner. He knew when the pain was gone because her responses intensified, the heat soared between them and her fingers made their way under his shirt and pushed it up. He broke the kiss and she pulled it off over his head. He reached for her hand to guide her inside but instead she caught his and lifted it to her lips before lowering it to the buttons on the dress.

"It's a beautiful night," she whispered and left his fingers on her buttons while hers went to his pants. "We don't need to be inside."

Callen pushed her dress off her shoulders and it slid the ground at her feet. Her standing there in her underwear, the moonlight making the colours seem to glow, was a beautiful sight to behold. He picked her up and stepped down into the small private pool. He turned them so she could see his face easily; held her body against his so there was no missing his reaction to her. He trailed light kisses from her ear to her shoulder, nudged the strap off and buried his head in her neck, breathed in deeply. He lifted his head and looked down into her eyes.

"I wish I could tell you when I fell in love you Doc. I really do." It was a defining moment he wished he knew but unfortunately didn't. "I just know that I am and I can't imagine not having you with me."

"I don't need to know when." She smiled. "I just need to know that you do."

"I do."

The clasp on the bra undid easily and the other strap was kissed off her shoulder. The rest disappeared quickly and he lifted her high enough that he could capture a hard peak in his mouth, tease and have her moaning within moments. Her back came against the wall of the pool and a shift had her sliding down his body to just the right place. He lifted his head and looked into her eyes as he eased inside, the warmth of her surrounding him contrasting to the cool of the water.

"I love you," Jessie whispered before her mouth covered his and more was said with the kiss and movement of their bodies that words could possibly cover.

 


	108. Christmas: Maldives: New Years Eve

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long one again this time. Definite fun heat but nothing graphic. Enjoy their New Year's Eve adventures.

* * *

 

_New Years Eve - Morning_

Jessie drifted awake. She stretched a little under the cool sheet and felt the pleasant ache in so many parts of her body. She blinked and caught sight of Callen watching her. There was a smug smile on his face that confused her for a moment until last night's memories began to clear. She felt the heat flood her cheeks and closed her eyes. Her breath left her lungs in slow whoosh.

The soft chuckle from Callen did nothing to ease that blush that felt like it was working its way over her entire body.

Last night had been … intense, more than anything she'd ever felt and she'd had some very intense, passionate moments with him already, including on this trip. But last night, last night left the others far behind including that of the first night in their new home.

The pool had been the start, almost like a quick easing of pressure. Then he'd lifted her out of the pool, laid her on a towel under the moonlight and worshipped every inch of her with all the talent he had at his disposal until she'd come apart and her cries of release had echoed around them. She'd been too caught up in the feelings that he'd created to care who might've heard. The way he'd carefully lifted her from the deck, held her close to his chest and taken her the bathroom had tears forming in her eyes, though they hadn't fallen. He'd settled them into the bath as it was running, reminiscent of Bucharest but without the shivering cold. She'd closed her eyes and leaned back, reveled in the safety and strength of having him behind her and taking care of her as she'd let the lingering effects of such an intense climax ease. That was until his hands had trailed up her arms and she'd noticed his breath on her neck. It hadn't been intentional on his part, she was sure of that, but that was all it had taken to make her burn for him again.

Yet that time hadn't been the end of it either. There'd been tension in her muscles and he'd eased it, or attempted to, with a gentle massage, oil and all. She'd laid on the bed while his hands had created a mix of heavenly bliss and scorching fire, pulling her in two different directions at once. By the time he'd gently rolled onto her back she was trembling and burning with need. There'd been a flash of surprise in his eyes which had morphed into a satisfied smugness, much like what she'd just seen on his face when she'd opened her eyes just now. He'd continued the massage, deliberately if the look in his eyes and the half smile on his face was anything to go by, leaving the parts of her body that were crying out begging for his touch alone. Only when he'd finally finished at her feet had he moved slowly up, his mouth and tongue creating havoc on those parts he'd been previously avoiding, however he didn't settle long enough to send her flying in satisfaction. Frustration had risen within her but suddenly he was above her and hope had flared the he'd take her to the stars again. Except he didn't.

Not in the way she expected anyway.

The fire in his eyes had heated her even more and before she knew what was happening he'd shifted them so she was above him. He'd looked up into her eyes, smiled and whispered, "At your mercy Doc. Whatever you want. I'm yours."

The invitation in his eyes, the way he had put his hands above his head and waited for her to do whatever she wanted had taken her breath away. He'd taken great pleasure in reminding her to breathe for who knew how many times that night before she'd been able to move and take advantage of his offer. The memories of what she'd done next continued to clear in her mind. Her breathing sped up and her face burned hotter. Eyes still closed, she turned her head away, but his hand was on her cheek quickly and guided her back to look at him. When her eyes had opened, the smugness was gone, leaving just gentleness, concern and a hell of a lot of love that he was getting so much better at showing.

"No Jessie," he said. "No you don't. Last night. Nothing to turn away from."

"I don't… I don't know what that was." She was a doctor for goodness sake. She knew the human body, inside and out, and what it was capable of. She knew the power of the mind as well; how much it could affect things but she'd never dreamed between the body and the mind something like this could happen.

"Very nice would be putting it extremely mildly," Callen said. She was sure he could've found plenty of other words to describe it but that he was holding back and trying to make this easier for her.

"Never felt anything like that," she murmured.

"Me neither."

"It was..."

How did she describe it? She couldn't find the words, just knew it had been one intense moment that lead to another and another and all the time she'd continued to burn for him and each one had taken her higher, to the point that when she came down from the later ones she was still higher than she'd been when she'd flown with the first. And in between? Just a simple touch rippled out across her skin, a hum of sorts that was just below the surface ready to become louder with the slightest touch.

"It was," Callen agreed even though Jessie hadn't actually said anything. "And I'm definitely interested in whether that was a one off or not."

Jessie sucked in a deep breath, the thought of a repeat with him starting the burn again. Her eyes widened, shocked that just the thought could make such a strong impact, especially after what they'd experienced.

"I can see weekends at the cabin," Callen continued, almost innocently, "becoming a frequent occurrence to limit interruptions while we experiment."

"Experiment?"

Was he really suggesting what she thought? Jessie wasn't sure if she'd survive him experimenting for a weekend, not if last night was what a couple of hours could do. At least she thought it was only a couple of hours. She could be very wrong.

Callen moved closer. She watched as he lowered his head, his gaze held hers, and brushed a kiss over her bare shoulder. She shivered at the touch.

"Trust me. I'll keep you safe," he said, promise clear in his tone and eyes.

"Safe isn't the issue," she said. "Alive could be difficult if you make it last any longer."

Callen lifted her hand to his mouth and kissed the palm of it. "Do you have any idea," he said, "how beautiful it was watching you come apart like that for me, over and over," he smiled and flicked his tongue over her palm, "and over so many times?"

Jessie shook her head, her entire focus on the feel of his mouth and tongue against her palm and the whisper of the words over her skin.

"It's something I definitely want to be apart of again," Callen said. "Promise you'll survive it, because once, even twice won't be enough for a lifetime." His lips brushed the palm of her hand softly yet again and he smiled. "But not today. I'm not sure either of us are ready for that yet. However," he flicked his tongue and her mouth dropped open as she let out her breath in a rush. With a quick movement, the sheet was gone and he was up on his hands over her. He leaned down and kissed her gently, slowly and tenderly. He didn't touch her anywhere else, just kept it to that until she was ready to scream in frustration because it wasn't enough. Instead of scream, she took over the kiss and let the heat soar. And suspected that was what he'd been waiting for given the appreciative sound that had been instant once she'd made her move.

* * *

_New Years Eve - Late afternoon_

Callen watched Jessie from the kitchen as she flopped down on the couch next to Trevor. "That was," she said with a huge smile. "Amazing. I can't begin to describe it."

"So," Callen handed her a cool glass of juice Alex had poured for them all, "are you glad you were brave Doc?"

Jessie smiled up at him. "Very glad."

They snorkelled earlier in the trip and she'd loved it. She'd done it before but had never taken the next step. With the help of Trevor and Alex, the three of them had convinced her to try scuba diving. With one of the best instructor's in the islands (because none of the men would settle for anything less), they started in a lagoon, got her used to breathing and the equipment. A small taste in the fully submerged underwater world was all it had taken for her to want more so after a break with lunch they'd taken the next step. Deep enough to see and experience more but not deep enough to get into too much trouble should things go wrong. She had the three of them plus the instructor keeping an eye on her for potential issues, so it was highly unlikely anything was going to happen.

"Next time," Jessie said, "Next time we go deeper."

"You've created a monster Callen," Trevor grinned. "You know when she says deeper, she means all the way."

Oh Callen knew that, though he didn't think that Trevor meant it in the way he was currently thinking. Because his thoughts had gone to exploring what had happened between them last night and seeing just how far they could take it. She hadn't been the only one surprised by the intensity or the way it had seemed to deepen their connection. And he certainly wasn't going to let it be the only time they connected like that.

"Yep," Alex agreed, his voice pulled Callen back from his thoughts. "You'll have to bring her back, many times."

Callen raised his eyebrows just a touch, saw the flush on Jessie's cheeks increase with his words. "I don't have a problem bringing her back here. None at all." If he had his way, he might even manage to do it at least once a year. Hetty would be most pleased with him for taking time to .. stop and smell the roses.

Trevor chuckled. "I'll bet and it has nothing to do with the wildlife, well not the sea kind anyway."

Jessie groaned and closed her eyes. The flush on her cheeks was nothing to do with having spent most of the day outside.

"Come on Jessie," Alex said. "If we don't get started soon, dinner won't be ready before Trevor decides to take matters into his own hands."

"Hey," Trevor protested. "I'm not that bad a cook. Did last night not prove that?"

Callen had been impressed with Trevor's commitment to the recipe steps. Everything had to be perfect.

Jessie kissed Trevor on the cheek. "Of course you're not. But you're more simple than complicated. You know I wouldn't have survived if you were bad, but honey," she said, "you know nothing beats Alex's lasagna and his special chocolate mousse."

Trevor eyed off Alex. "That's what you're cooking?"

"Of course. It's Jessie's favourite. What else would I be cooking her on my only chance this trip? You get your favourites later."

"I hope," Trevor said with more than a touch of mischief in his eyes as he told Alex, "that includes you because you are my most favourite of all."

Jessie blushed again, rose and stepped toward the kitchen but Callen pulled her into his arms before she could go. A quick kiss was all it was supposed to be before he let her go, but quick wasn't what happened.

Trevor cleared his throat. "You do know you have an audience right? Do we need ice?"

"Ice?" Callen tilted his head and gave her a lopsided smile. "Could be interesting." He chuckled when she blushed further.

* * *

"She's good right?" Trevor asked. "She's happy? Not worried about anything?" The two of them settled in the pool while Alex and Jessie worked in the kitchen. It was shaded and nice to simply relax.

"She's good," Callen assured him. "Chicago was hard but it was something she needed to do."

Trevor sighed. "She needed you to be there for her. It wasn't something I could do, even though I would do anything for her. I think I was too close to it all. You were, almost, neutral." There was a hint of regret mingled with acceptance in his tone and Callen knew that if he'd been able to do it he would've.

"She loved the roses."

Trevor raised an eyebrow. "She's knows about them?"

"Yeah. Service delivered them early this year. Happened to be while we were there. Why didn't you tell her about them?"

Callen watched as Trevor dropped his head back against the edge of the pool and closed his eyes. "She never wanted to talk about Chicago," Trevor said. "Not in specifics, and talking about her parents was always hard. I guess I took the easy road. I didn't want her to feel guilty because she hadn't done it herself. I knew she couldn't face that. But I knew she thought about them, missed them so much and I wanted to do something for her, even if she didn't know it. I was lucky that she let me in and didn't tend to hide the pain or her tears from me. Gave me a chance to be there for her. But she … I mean you know what happened. You can't blame her for wanting to leave that part of her life behind, to try and forget it ever happened. I did too, and what I went through was nothing compared to her." Trevor smiled. "She was the best thing to come out of that place for me."

"Have you been back?"

"No. Not sure whether it's in solidarity with her or purely for myself."

"At least it's over. She's faced it and came through the other side." Chicago was done. If she wanted to go back she was free to without anything to scare her, though Callen had suspicions that she'd never go back for anything other than to visit her parents grave.

There were a few moments before Trevor spoke again and moved the conversation in a slightly different direction. "You know you didn't exactly make things easy on her," Trevor said. "I came close to doing a touch more than tell you off for messing with her heart."

Callen looked over at Trevor. Last night while cooking dinner the conversation had been easy, too easy. Perhaps because Trevor was determined to cook something more than simple, as the conversation earlier had suggested.

"I had a long way to go before I was what she needed," Callen told him.

"You were always what she needed."

"Deserved then."

"She just needed you to love her Callen, that's all. Without reservation. Without holding back. Love her as she is."

Callen had known that for a very long time. He just hadn't been that guy yet. But with her, with what she brought out of him, he had become that guy. Or perhaps realised that he was already, that he just hadn't recognised that particular capability in himself.

"Wasn't easy."

Trevor glanced at him. "Why not?"

It was a serious question. Not prying but concerned and wanting to know more about the man who held his best friend's heart in his hand. So Callen answered, more openly than he would've been Jessie had come into his life.

"Not exactly experienced with love or have much luck with. Trust was also an issue."

"You trusting her or her trusting you?"

"More me trusting her. It's complicated." While Trevor and Alex knew he was a federal agent, they didn't know the details of his work.

"You make her happy," Trevor said. "I've never seen her so free as she is with you. That scores you a lot of brownie points with both Alex and I but if you hurt her..." Trevor trailed off. The threat was there and Callen knew it wasn't an idle one.

"I won't, not in the way Alex is worried about, but I can't guarantee life with me won't hurt her in some way. I wish I could." It was a subtle way to let Trevor and Alex know that Jessie had told him about Lydia.

"Is that another part of why you took so long?"

"This job's already hurt her." Callen tried to shove the memories of that day in the boatshed away but he wasn't quick enough. The fear in her eyes, the bruising on her neck and the sound of her trying to breathe came back almost full force before he managed to lock it away.

Trevor nodded. "She's been hurt because of her job even before working with you. That's different."

Trevor had wanted to come out after the incident. Jessie had convinced him not to. Callen wasn't entirely sure how she'd managed it, considering the similarities between it and the one she'd suffered at the FBI, albeit this one had been more serious. He knew that there had been daily check-in's between the two of them during her recovery, one of those being that time when they'd finally gotten together.

"Your job is dangerous," Trevor said.

"It is." It wasn't something he could deny, nor was it a secret since it wasn't hard to figure out any job relating to law enforcement would be.

"You have plans? To keep her safe?"

"Multiple." Between the plans he'd made with Hetty, the ones he'd made himself, and those with Mac that he'd yet to put into place, plus the cabin one with Jessie, Callen had covered at least a third of the alphabet.

"Include Alex in them."

Callen glanced at him and an eyebrow raised in curiosity.

"Include Alex." Trevor repeated. "He'll protect her. He has money. He can take her away if necessary. If you have a place for her to go that's safe he can be there. He hasn't let his skills drop. He might not be great at gun work, but you'd find it hard to get someone better skilled at hand to hand than him, unless you go full on military."

Callen wondered just what Trevor thought was going on with Jessie and her work. He seemed to understand the need for protection. However he shook his head. "I need someone who can drop everything in a heartbeat."

Trevor raised an eyebrow. "You think he wouldn't?"

The seriousness of the tone gave Callen pause. "Work?"

"He's a founding partner," Trevor replied. "He can do what he wants and he's damn good at his job that they aren't likely to say no anyway. They can't afford to lose him. He'd take more than half the business with him. Family comes first with Alex. With me too. And she's family."

Family she was to Trevor yet it was only Alex who he was offering up as protection, which meant he definitely had an idea of the potential danger. Callen didn't doubt Jessie. He knew she wouldn't have given out information that was confidential. Though come to think of it, Hetty may very well have given her a bit of leeway in regards to what to tell Trevor given their connection, at least after she'd had Trevor and Alex thoroughly investigated. After a moment Callen asked. "Would he be willing to train with a gun?"

"Probably, though I think he'd be reluctant to use one around her."

"She's worked through that pretty well and we're still working on it. She'll be fine if it needs to come out." Even though Jessie had gotten through and been able to fire a gun fairly well, Callen had refused to let that be the end of her training. They'd worked with a few other weapons so she understood different mechanisms. He now kept a regular date with her at the firing range every two weeks, baring work interfering, so that she'd have some practice and her skills wouldn't slide.

"Then yes. He would."

Callen nodded. "I'll add him." He could always use Alex for a low level issue. Send her there for a break and get Alex to take her somewhere. He might even be able to manage to do it without her knowing she was in danger if he could plan and phrase it right. Getting her to the other side of the country was a risk but it would get her well out of the line of fire if someone was purely coming after him and not those he cared about. Just as long as he could be sure whoever they were wouldn't be going after her to get to him. Otherwise he wouldn't want her too far from where he could get to her if needed.

"Thanks for inviting us to join you two here," Trevor said. "Weren't sure we were going to see her this year."

"Wouldn't let that happen. You mean too much to her. Thanks for going with the plan." It hadn't been easy seeing the disappointment on Jessie's face when Trevor had told her they had plans for new year but the promise of a week in LA after had brightened her considerably. That was still the plan, after Trevor and Alex finished their time here they were coming back via LA and would stay with them for a week.

"Lucky I lie better than she does," Trevor said.

Callen chuckled. "You gonna tell me how you knew when she's lying?"

"She had this guilty face when she tried to lie. And it was only ever try. She'd spill so easily after if she did manage to get it out. There's no missing it. I suggest you don't ever let her play poker as your partner if you want to walk away with any money. That being said, she learned how to tell the truth without telling everything. So she does have some skills at keeping secrets at least. I guess she needed to with her jobs because sometimes she doesn't necessarily want to say it all until she's sure of the facts."

"You never told her how?"

Trevor rolled his eyes. "Course not. I'm sure you've learned she's got a brilliant mind. You think if I told her she had a guilty face she wouldn't figure out pretty quickly how to hide it from me?"

"Don't think she wants to lie to you. The trust is too important."

"Just like it is with you."

Callen nodded. "Most important thing. Without it there's nothing."

"I trust her more than anything. I hope you do too."

"More than anyone." And it continued to grow by the day.

"I'm going for a shower. Enjoy the view. Sunset's beautiful."

Callen grinned. "You mean you've actually seen it?"

"Not exactly from here, but we've been to the Maldives before. Couldn't manage to convince Jessie to come with us though."

"Bet you didn't try that hard." If it was after their time in the Caribbean he suspected that it wouldn't have mattered how hard they tried.

Trevor snorted. "About as hard as you tried to convince us that we would be welcome for the whole time you two were here."

"Not very then."

Trevor patted Callen on the shoulder. "Not very at all," he said with a soft chuckle as he left the pool.

* * *

Jessie eased into the pool quietly and moved closer to Callen; his eyes were closed and his head back against the side. Obviously not quietly enough though since his arm snagged her around the waist and pulled her close the moment she was in reach. The kiss also took her by surprise but she sunk into it, relished the feel of him against her and under her fingers while his mouth moved over hers and took her breath away.

"Wow," she said when he released her and she could breathe again. "That was unexpected."

"Missed you."

"No." She shook her head. "There's more that kiss than just missing me. You've missed me before and not come up with that. What were you thinking about?"

Callen's hands slipped to the backs of her thighs and pulled them up around his waist.

"Not come _up_ huh?"

Jessie rested her forehead against his, tried not to move against him. The feel of his body against his, the knowledge of how much he wanted her was distracting. "We should really behave," she murmured.

"Really Doc?" There was a hint of amusement easily heard along with the need in his voice. "You think Trevor and Alex are behaving? We're out here, they're in there. Wouldn't you be taking advantage?"

"Alex went for a shower. I thought Trevor was still out here." She hadn't even seen him go inside, but then Alex had kept her busy with instructions. He was a slave driver in the kitchen, his perfectionist qualities shining through, but it always paid off.

"He went for a shower too," Callen informed her.

"Oh."

His hands slid up her hips and over the dip of her waist, her legs held her in place.

"Wanna misbehave too?" he whispered. He covered her mouth with his in a very slow seductive kiss while his hands created a different kind of havoc. He didn't let her answer with words, he kept her mouth occupied so all she could do was answer with her body. An answer she didn't exactly have much say in since he could play her like a master musician could his favourite instrument. How could she possibly resist the exquisite nature of his touch, especially when she'd been denied it for most of the day? Their mouths only separated long enough to grab another breath before coming back together. Their hands and the rest of their bodies took care of the rest, her answer to him shown in her acceptance and enthusiastic participation. Her cries as she came apart in his arms were caught in his mouth as were his in hers. And their shattered breathing was almost in synch when they were done.

"I…" Jessie started.

Callen cupped the back of her neck and lifted her head. "You what? Want more?"

Jessie laughed softly. "What is about you that has me like this? As satisfying and wonderful as that was, I can't wait to get you alone." She was reluctant to classify him as an addiction, given her line of work and what addiction usually meant, but he was. She needed him as much as the air around her. He bought out the best in her, made her stronger and gave her a place to be weak if she needed. And yes, made her forget everything but his touch with barely any effort, but none of it was bad.

Callen smiled, his lips kissed hers, just the corner, not enough to get distracted but enough to have her sigh with pleasure. "Whatever it is you do it to me too Doc. And we are alone."

"Not entirely. I hear movement." Jessie felt disappointment flicker through her with the slight sounds she registered from inside.

"Pity because," Callen ran his hands down her back and kissed her neck lightly, "I'm pretty sure I could take you there again in no time."

The sounds from inside were definitely louder and she saw the recognition of them in his eyes too. Jessie reluctantly pushed away even as she wanted to draw closer to him. They straightened their swimwear back to being presentable.

"I don't doubt that," Jessie said. Her body still hummed from his touch. She moved out of the pool and grabbed a towel from the pile.

"Is that a request Doc?"

She glanced over her shoulder at him. He was looking at her with a smile that said so much more than just that he was happy. "If it is?" The words slipped out before she could stop them.

Heat flashed in his eyes. "All you have to do is ask. Anytime."

Jessie bit her lip to stop the instinctive words from being spoken. Instead after a moment all she said was, "Noted."

Callen started up the steps toward her and she tossed him a towel before she fled inside to escape the pull to see just how quickly he was thinking.

* * *

Jessie's back was against the wall before the door had closed behind them. Callen's mouth hovered over hers a moment later. "Three minutes to midnight Doc. Want me to try?"

"Try?"

His body against hers was still but driving her crazy. Callen had been shooting her looks all night. In all honesty she'd been surprised he hadn't found a way to join her in the quick shower she'd had before dinner. If she was honest with herself, she was also a touch disappointed. But no, he'd control himself and waited until she was done before he had a quick one himself leaving her to think about what could've been if they'd been alone.

It certainly hadn't helped Jessie's frustration levels when Trevor had revealed he had a karaoke app on his phone which had led to a certain song being sung, among others. That Callen was the one who was next to her this time and moving with her as she'd sung made the whole thing a hell of a lot more … difficult than before. She'd only managed to make it out of Trevor and Alex's cabin before she'd dragged Callen close for a kiss not wanting to wait until they made it back to theirs. It hadn't taken much to have Trevor and Alex agree that the stroke of midnight should be a private affair. After all they had their own Karaoke song too.

Callen had proceeded to tease and tempt her the whole way back to their cabin with small touches, whispered words and kisses and he was still doing it.

"How quickly. I can make it a very happy new year if you just say the word."

Say the word? Hell she was lucky to be breathing right now. Every touch of his felt like it burned but in a good way. "Please?" It came out as a question which obviously wasn't what he was wanting.

"Just have to ask. Down to two minutes." Damn his mouth and tongue were on her neck and she couldn't think.

"Please," she begged. It was the only word she could manage to get out but it was obviously enough since he stopped teasing. His mouth was back above hers, hovered, just within reach except she couldn't move for the haze that he had her in, his hands, his body against hers creating a whirl of sensations that flooded her senses.

"As you wish," he murmured before his mouth came down hard on hers, hot and perfect and hers and she was completely lost in him and with him.

Her cries were easing along with the tremors of her body from an explosive orgasm when she heard the soft chime of the clock.

"Happy New Year Jessie," Callen murmured. She opened her eyes to see the smug satisfied expression in his eyes. But the heat hadn't diminished and it set hers off again.

"Happy New Year G," she managed to say before she smiled wickedly. "My turn."

 


	109. Christmas: Maldives - New Years Day & Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now the final installment of the Christmas Episodes. a nice way to finish off the week.
> 
> Yep, there's plenty of heat in this chapter. I was a little unsure how much of it I would include, initially let the writing take me where it did even if I wasn't planning on going with them as far as I did. But I ended up quite happy with where it went and that it wasn't just physical.
> 
> Have a great weekend. Hope you enjoy this chapter. Love to hear from you at the end.

* * *

 

The door to their cabin closed softly behind them. Callen eased his hands into her hair and tilted her head before his lips brushed against hers softly.

Jessie sighed. "I love Trevor and Alex dearly and normally don't mind spending the day with them." She brushed her lips over his, repeating the soft kiss he'd just given her. "But after lunch, I just wanted you alone."

Callen grinned. "So that's why you claimed a headache? You wanted to have your way with me."

Jessie let his hands take the weight of her head while her fingers brushed absently over his shirt near the buttons but she didn't undo them. Not yet. "The headache's there. Didn't lie." Her eyes drifted close and she groaned in appreciation when his fingers started to press against her scalp in a gentle yet firm massage that always seemed to ease the tension.

"What caused it?" His words were a whisper, loud enough to hear yet low enough not to cause her more pain if it was one of her rare bad headaches, which thankfully it wasn't. At least not yet.

"Probably being outside so much. Not sure if I drank enough." Lack of sleep may very well have played a minor part but she wasn't exactly going to complain about that. "It was fun with them," She smiled and opened her eyes. "Not the same as the fun with you though."

Callen's hands slid out of her hair and he steered her to the couch before he brought her a cool glass of water. It felt so very good going down.

They'd gone on one of the trails on the island that had led them through some beautiful areas and ended to the man-made waterfall and natural lagoon that was found at the centre of it. The resort only had fifteen cabins situated all around the outside with the centre being left as natural as possible with this exception. The waterfall and lagoon had been beautiful and peaceful; the running water creating a different feel to that of the gentle waves heard at the cabin. Even though the majority of the walk had been shaded, the lagoon itself was open to the sun and today had been hot. Lunch had been provided at the lagoon and a swim had cooled them down, in some ways at least. The non-cooling parts would be why she wanted him alone. All in all, they'd been gone more than a few hours, both couples having slept in after the late night dinner and seeing in New Year, separately, which had been on top of the huge day sightseeing.

Callen's fingers eased out the pony tail she'd pulled her hair back into that earlier in the day before he continued the massage that he'd started at the door.

"Hmm," Jessie sighed, closed her eyes and leaned into him. "Definitely talented hands."

There was a rumble in his chest against her back and she smiled at his words.

"You've known that for a long time Doc. Yet you don't take advantage of it that much."

"Yeah I do, just not in this way." She felt the whisper of his breath when he responded.

"Perhaps you should change that," he said. "Enjoy looking after you." It was tempting and she'd make sure to take advantage of the offer but at the moment she wanted something else

Jessie turned her head and his fingers slipped out of her hair. "Maybe I should," her eyes dropped to his lips. "But not right now." With just a little stretch of her neck, she was able to press her lips to his. The feel of his parting over hers sent a thrill of anticipation through her for the deepening of the kiss that was coming. A twist of her body and he was pulling her down on the couch on top of him. His hand slid back into her hair and he held her head still while he deepened the kiss and obliterated all other thoughts, headache and all, from her mind.

Jessie protested when he broke the kiss.

"Couch is a little small for what I have in mind," Callen told her. He ran his hands up her sides, the thumbs hinting at more to come but not going where she wanted him to.

Jessie rose but kept her eyes on his. "Six o'clock we have to meet them."

Tonight was a catered sunset dinner on the beach. A special something for their last night here as the four of them.

Callen stood and pulled her close. "Three hours." He smiled. "A lot can happen in that kind of time."

Jessie's breath came out in a rush with the flood of memories from the other night and that they had happened within a few hours. "I..."

Callen chuckled. "Hold that thought Doc. Not planning on experimenting with a scheduled interruption." Then his lips were just under her ear, his breath and tongue leaving her shivering with need. "But time is running out on this holiday."

There was only tomorrow, they left first thing the day after.

"So I'm going to see," Callen continued, "how many more times I need to remind you to breathe." He scooped her up his arms and was halfway to the bed when she remembered something.

"Stop."

He did. Instantly. "Jessie?" There was concern clear in his voice.

"No, I'm sorry." Jessie brushed an apologetic kiss over his lips. "I am very much looking forward to what we're about to do," she assured him, "but there's something I want to give you." Her feet gently touched the ground but he kept hold of her, turned her so her body was flush with his.

"Now?"

Jessie reached her hand up to his cheek. "Yeah, now." She smiled. "I need to." Callen nodded and he dropped his hands, freeing her to do what she needed to.

Jessie walked to the wardrobe and pulled off the tie from her blue robe. She took a deep breath. She knew she wanted to do this. She'd realised something, and epiphany actually, earlier today when they'd been swimming in the lagoon, about why the other night had happened and been so intense. She'd known exactly what she'd needed to do with that realisation. With the strip of silk in her hands she turned back to Callen.

* * *

Callen watched Jessie walk slowly toward him. He saw the nervousness in her movements. There was something else too though that he couldn't place. Courage came to mind but he wasn't sure why she needed to be brave with him.

Jessie stopped in front of him, took his hand and held it palm up. She lifted her hand above his and let the end a strip of blue silk settle on his palm. The rest started to lower slowly down so it curled around in a circle in his palm.

"I…"

She was definitely nervous. Callen waited, in tune enough with Jessie to know this was something she would need to do in her own time. She took a deep breath.

"I realised," Jessie started, "today why what happened the other night has only ever happened with you."

The silk continued to curl into his hand.

"It's because I trust you," Jessie told him. "With my heart, my soul." She smiled. "My body, my life, my future." Her fingers wrapped his around the pile of silk. "With me."

Jessie stepped just a little closer and both her hands wrapped around the one of his that held the silk.

"With everything I am," she concluded. "Because if I didn't, it wouldn't have happened. Without that trust I could never have let go like that. Couldn't have focused on you and your touches like that or been free to react as I did or do what I did."

The memory of that night surged through Callen, heated things further than the kiss on the couch had. Yes, things had been heated last night but it hadn't come close to the night before. He stayed still, stayed quiet and waited because while he wasn't sure where she was taking this, he knew she wasn't done.

Jessie taped his hand lightly. "I know we agreed no restraints."

That got his attention and an instant reaction. "Doc, no." Callen shook his head. He wasn't going there. He wasn't going to risk the possibility of her fearing him in anyway when it came to their physical relationship - any of their relationship for that matter though the physical was where she was taking this and that's where his mind focused the most.

"G, please," Jessie said with a squeeze of her hands around his. "Hear me out. I promise to explain."

Callen nodded, a touch reluctantly because he really didn't want to go there.

"I'm not asking you to change our agreement. At least not yet. What I am doing is giving you this promise. I trust you. What I realised is that if I trust you with everything that has to include this. I know you wouldn't hurt me. I know you don't want to scare me or have me have flashes of what my mother might have gone through and I love you so much for your understanding, how much you care and want to protect me. But," she smiled and reached one hand up to cup his cheek. "If I can't trust you with this then I can't say I trust you with everything. And that can't be the case, because then that night wouldn't have happened."

Jessie lifted the blue silk from his hand and meshed her fingers with his. She used her free hand to wrap the warm material around their linked hands.

"What I want from you, what I need from you," Jessie corrected, "is a promise that if I ask you for this, you will. Because I trust you to make sure I know I'm safe, to make sure I wouldn't be scared, and to make sure I enjoyed it." She lifted their bound hands. "I don't know how I'd react. I won't know unless I try but at least this is fine, so I know I can take a small step in that direction without issue."

"Jessie I won't risk it."

"G, _if_ I ask, and to be honest it's not something I think I will, at least not anytime soon. But if I do it's because I either want to experience it with _you_ , or because I want to fight another fear." Their joined hands dropped to their sides and Jessie stepped close enough for her body to brush against his.

"Fear is something you are exceptional in getting me through. And you are the only one I would trust with, or would want, getting me through this one."

Callen's free hand went to the back of her neck. He rested his forehead against hers. "You being scared of me," he said, "in a place where you shouldn't be. Doc, when I'm touching you in that way, I don't want to even see a flicker of fear in your eyes or feel it in your body." He knew he would. The connection between them was strong but was always stronger when they were touching, be it a simple hand on her back, holding hands or a much deeper touch, he could feel what she felt.

"I know," Jessie whispered, "but this gift isn't about the fear G. It's about trust. I want you to know how much I trust you and that if I ask, that you understand that I am willing to give myself to you like that. To trust you with everything, in every way."

He couldn't say no. No when she put it like that. He could only hope that she never asked it of him, but if she did ...

Callen let out a deep breath. "Okay," he agreed, "But there's one condition." He lifted his head and Jessie looked up at him.

"What?"

With his free hand he slowly unwrapped the tie around their hands. "That you let me know if you are considering it so I can try something else new first. That you give me time to figure something out. That we don't jump into this without taking our time."

Jessie raised an eyebrow. "More than one condition there. Why?"

"It's one. All together. And it's because this would stretch your … our comfort zone possibly too much."

The silk fell from their hands and they were no longer bound, not that way anyway.

"Let me stretch it a little at time," Callen asked of her, "in ways that don't have the potential to bring those thoughts to mind."

"But -"

Callen put a finger on her lips and smiled. "That's the condition Doc. Not because I want to refuse you but because I'm not sure I can do it if you ask me even knowing why you're asking. Consider it stepping stones if you need to, similar to when we worked through your gun issues. First step was the room, another step was a gun in the room with you. They were hard enough for you to do. What do you think would've happened if we'd jumped straight to you firing a gun?"

Callen saw the understanding come into her eyes.

"You have a point," Jessie conceded. "Agreed."

Callen felt the tension ease out of him. "Then it's a promise." He turned her slowly and lifted his hands to her hair. "Now," he whispered in her ear. "How about I give you a taste of something new." He lifted the silk strip to cover her eyes and wrapped it around her head a few times before tying it carefully at the side of her head making sure not to catch her hair.

"G?"

Callen heard the confusion and curiosity in her tone. He moved in front of her, ran his hands lightly down her bare arms. The shiver that went through her made him smiled. It was exactly the reaction he was hoping for.

"I'm sure you know that when you deprive someone of one sense, the others heighten?" Callen moved in close and dusted whisper light kisses along her neck. Her response was strong and he had to wonder why they hadn't tried this sooner. Quite possibly because he may have subconsciously tucked this away with restraints, even if it wasn't.

"I know," she said on a breath, "I'm just not sure of the connection."

How did he explain it without bringing up something that had the potential to scare her?

"Stretching your comfort zone." Because it wasn't stretching his. He'd just get to enjoy the experience of making sure she enjoyed the outcome. "I'm ensuring you have a very good memory to think about later if you need it." He kissed the straps of her dress off her shoulder, lowered it far enough to remove her bikini top before shifting the dress back into place. She growled at him and he chuckled.

"Trust me Jessie."

"I do," she whispered. "With everything."

It was a multiple heady rush that went through Callen with her words, even though she'd already made that perfectly clear. To have her say that now, when she was at his mercy in this way, did more than just heat and harden his body. His heart leapt and that dark place, deep inside, was now full to the point of overflowing.

"Then let the rest of your senses come into play." Callen lifted her dress slowly and eased the bikini bottoms off too. Her breath caught as he did but he didn't touch her in any other way. Not yet. Not until she was fully settled with her other senses. Then he'd see just how much of an impact lack of sight had on her.

With his hands on her shoulders Callen guided her outside onto the deck and into a shaded place. With her back against his chest and his head close enough that his breath went over her ear, his ran his hands lightly and slowly up her arms.

"Now breath. Smell. Feel," he told her.

Callen focused on her, felt the slow breaths she took and noted when the slight nervous tension eased from her body and it softened against him. His fingers continued the gentle light caresses on her arms, across her shoulders, over the skin of her back. He added the brush of his lips, the whisper of a breath on her skin; skin that was heating under his touch and his touch alone since no sun touched it. He loved that he could do that to her. The shiver of response over whispered heated words of what he wanted to do with her which he followed up with the barest of touch to her skin. Even though it was nothing like what he'd actually suggested, her response was as strong as if he'd done exactly what his words had said. He waited, patiently.

Callen's touches remained gentle, continued to tempt until the slightest brush of his finger over her skin sent a shiver through her or drew a moan from her lips before he gave her more. Before he traced the skin and curves at edge of the neckline of her dress with a finger, before he left a trail down the side of her neck with his tongue and then blew gently on it. Only when her body was trembling did he turn her around and kiss her, deep and hot. Because now she had focused her other senses so intently it was time to shift the play for light and teasing to deep and sensual. He stood a step back, deprived her briefly of any touch, for just long enough for the anticipation and wonder to build for where the next touch would happen. He spoke though, so she wouldn't feel he'd left her alone. The hard peaks that pushed against the dress tempted him. That's where he started, just one though. His mouth covered it, sucked and teased through the dress and Jessie's knees almost went out from underneath her. Her hands gripped his shoulders and his went to her hips, held her there, and continued his ministrations until she cried out with a need so strong it rocked him to the core, then he lifted his head and took a breath.

Though he knew instinctively what her answer would be, he asked anyway. "More?" She would always have control.

"Please," she begged.

Callen stepped back and waited again. This time his fingers eased the straps off her dress and let if fall on its own. The hard tips of her breasts kept it from falling further. He tugged and she whimpered as the material was pulled down over them. Her hands gripped the railing, her knuckles white as she no doubt held herself upright. He could see the slight shake to the skirt of her dress that suggested her legs were trembling. This time he made sure to hold her so she didn't fall before his mouth covered the other peak and he did the same again, just without the material between them. The cry came quicker and with more need. Her fingers left the railing and dug into his shoulders and the way her body shook beneath his hands told him just how close she was. His free hand cupped her other breast, the thumb toyed with the nipple and her fingers dug tighter. He had no doubt she'd leave marks there but still he didn't stop.

He let go of her waist, waited a moment to see if she had the strength to remain standing without his support. She did so he started to trace up her leg from the ankle, barely touching, to draw circles on the back of her knee. Then further up the inside of her thigh before he reached her centre. His finger dipped inside, so hot and wet, and then he slid back out and moved to play within the sensitive folds. He teased, he tempted, but didn't plan to give her enough to allow her to shatter. Except a desperate plea fell from her lips and pulled at his control and he couldn't do anything else except give her what she needed. With two fingers inside he played her until she shattered against his hand. Her cries of pleasure and release shoot straight through him so deeply and powerfully that his body throbbed hard in response and he almost joined her without even a touch. He was amazed that her responses to him had brought him that close.

Jessie's legs collapsed but Callen caught her with one arm and lowered them both to the ground, her onto his lap, though his fingers and thumb continued their play drawing the moment out for her for as long as he could. Only when her body finally went completely limp in his arms, yet still trembled, did he stop. Callen pulled her deeper into his embrace and her head rested on his shoulder, her breath heavy against his neck.

"G." His name came out on a breath.

"Yeah."

A breath or two intervened before she seemed to find her voice again. "Feel free to stretch my comfort zone anytime."

"You sure you want to make that offer? You know I'll take you up on it." God she was so damn beautiful it made his heart ache. Watching come apart like that so hard so fast in his arms because of him was intense and addictive. Her hand, slightly trembling, lifted to the tie around her eyes. Callen caught her hand mid-air and held it there. She stilled in his arms, a vibe of curiosity came from her.

"Not yet Doc. That was just the start," he told her. "Wasn't expecting you to react so strongly. So much more to … well not exactly show you but you know what I mean."

Her breath hitched and then started up quickly. "More?"

Callen let go of her hand, let her hand be free to pull off the blindfold or leave it there. "So much more if you want it."

Callen caught her mouth with his and kissed her. It was long and slow, deep and arousing. He may have been holding her safe in his arms, she may be almost naked in them, but it was still only a kiss that involved their mouths. His hands didn't move from where they held her safely. By the time Jessie pulled back her lips were swollen and her body trembling even more. He was tempted to rip off the blindfold so he could see the need in her eyes, the need for him, that he would see there. The love in her eyes. It was more than addictive, it was a requirement now, like the very air he needed to breathe, but he didn't. There would be plenty of time for that later. He had no doubts.

Jessie lifted her hand, found his face and her fingers brushed against the slightly rough whiskered cheek. Her thumb moved slowly over his own sensitive lips, like she was learning him in a different way.

"More please G." Her plea went straight to his heart and he couldn't deny her.

* * *

_Home_

They'd barely walked in the door and put their bags down when Callen's phone rang.

"Hetty," Callen answered, "did you upgrade surveillance while we were gone?"

"No Mr Callen. I simply had Eric track the GPS in your phone."

Callen covered the mouthpiece and told Jessie. "Remind me to take that other phone next time we go away." The one he had for the cabin had no GPS capabilities.

"I heard that Mr Callen," Hetty scolded. "Now, I understand that you have just arrived home but we have need of your assistance."

"Not sure I'm up for much," Callen yawned. Jessie shot him a look that had him becoming a little more awake and alert. He shot one back to tell her to behave. She pouted and he smiled when a yawn grabbed her. They were both in need of sleep, and not so much because of the flight but because of what they'd gotten up to before they'd left the Maldives. The days once Trevor and Alex had arrived were spent mostly with them, sightseeing among other things but the time after, had been all theirs and they'd been more than happy to forgo sleep.

"Mr Callen," Hetty's sharp voice pulled his attention from Jessie and what they'd been up to and could be about to get up to had Hetty not interrupted. Because after all, how much sleep did you really need?

"You need me to come in."

"Yes. You will not be needed in the field but we do need your mind."

"So you just want me for my brain," he teased.

"If you want to put it like that. I'll leave your body to Jessie. Now, both of you come in please."

"We'll see you soon Hetty." He hung up.

Jessie tilted her head. "Both of us?" She walked toward him.

"Both."

"Now?" Jessie's arms slipped around his neck, his hands settled on her hips.

"Yeah," Callen lowered his head and kissed her slowly. "Welcome home and … let's go to work."

Jessie's head dropped back and she sighed. "Not quite the words I was hoping you'd say but I guess duty calls."

"And thy name is Hetty."

"Let's go." Jessie stepped back. She reached for her handbag and then smiled, an unexpectedly wicked and heated one. "Maybe, just maybe I might have a headache that needs a little assistance when we get home."

Callen took a deep breath and pushed down on the flood of heat that slammed through him at the memory of her words when he'd finally removed the blindfold from her eyes. "Best headache cure ever. Must remember." Her words had been soft and sleepy, the passion still lingered and there'd been a smile on her face as her eyes had drifted closed and she'd slipped into sleep in his arms.

Jessie was already out the door before he'd pulled himself out of that memory. With a smile over her shoulder she winked and walked to his car.

"Hurry up G. Sooner we get there the sooner we might be home."

 


	110. Garrison Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all had a lovely weekend. Now let's head into a not so heated scenario! This thread of the story is based on the episode Glasnost. (S8 Ep9). I've only taken the parts revolving around Garrison being in LA for this story as in the ep Kensi is still in hospital after the crash and I didn't follow that route (though I did use it a long time ago I just didn't have her injured that much!) Yep, I'm completely messing with the canon time line, but then this isn't canon really.
> 
> Enjoy and love to hear what you think of this.

* * *

 

Callen noticed Jessie stood near the water just beyond the boat-shed when he and Sam were escorting Garrison from the car. With a quick look at Sam, who nodded his understanding, Callen headed to Jessie. Sam and Garrison went inside.

Jessie smiled but Callen saw the concern in her eyes.

"You okay?" he asked her when was standing next to her by the railing.

"My line this time G." Her eyes flicked toward the boat-shed. "That's your father?"

Callen nodded. Jessie stepped closer and her fingers linked with his on one hand. He tightened his grip on hers.

"Should you step back from this?" Jessie asked, her voice gentle yet concerned.

"I can do my job Jessie." He didn't take offense. If she hadn't asked she wouldn't be doing hers.

"Can you?"

Callen frowned. "You doubt me?"

Worry flicked over her features. "Do you doubt you?" Jessie asked him.

"You didn't answer my question."

"Neither did you," she said. She was right. Callen hadn't answered because he didn't want to think that he couldn't. He was professional and even when things got personal, particularly when it came to Jessie, he'd still been able to do his job. Now shouldn't be any different.

Jessie reached up and cupped his cheek with her other hand. She let out a soft sigh and the smile she tried to give him didn't last long. "I want it noted," she said, "that in my professional opinion a son shouldn't interrogate his father."

"Only noted?" Callen stepped a touch closer and his free hand settled on her hip.

"Only noted," Jessie repeated. "And that's the last I'm going to say as your team psychiatrist." She shifted even closer and he noticed the shiver that went through her when a cool gust of breeze came off the water. "I know you have questions G," Jessie continued. "Answers you want to get from him and it can't be easy separating that from the case."

"I'll be fine," he assured her. The case came first.

"It's okay if you're not."

Callen started to pull away. He didn't want to have this conversation, he didn't want his own doubts to start to surface. He'd worked had to keep them at bay the whole way from the hospital to the boat-shed.

"G," Jessie said softly as she tightened her grip on the hand that she held and stepped closer obviously refusing to let him put that space between them that he'd tried for. Her hand shifted from his face and settled at his waist. "I'm not telling you not to go in there. I just want you to understand that you will be torn between the case and the personal side."

"I won't," he denied.

"You will." She had so much confidence in her words. "I know I am every time with you to some degree. It's not always easy to put the personal aside, especially when the personal is big."

Callen stopped trying to pull away. Something in him shifted. It was almost like her admission was what he needed to hear. He felt some of the tension in him ease. He'd known there were times that it was hard for her and sometimes it took a little for her to shift into the professional with their sessions but she always got there.

"But you do." Callen almost asked how but he wasn't even sure she knew exactly how she did it and now wasn't the time. There was too much that needed to be done.

"Mostly. But not now. I can't this time," Jessie admitted. "Knowing you are facing him, knowing that you are so close to answers that you have been wanting most of your life and knowing that at the end of this you are either going to get them and your world will change or you won't and that will cause you pain. I can't be the psychiatrist this time G. I can only be me and be here for you as me."

Callen lifted his hands to cup her face. He saw the conflict, almost the touch of disappointment in herself at having to step back. "You've been both before. What if I need both?"

Jessie blinked rapidly and Callen realised she was close to tears. He regretted instantly asking the question.

"I'm here G. Answers forthcoming or not, I'm here. You can yell, you can scream, you can talk or you can simply be silent with me. I'll even hold a punching bag still for you if you want. But I won't pry. I'll be there for whatever you need, always, even if it means sitting beside you while you talk to Jacob. You'll have both. It's just won't be me for both."

"I know you will be," Callen assured her. "You always are."

Jessie's head leaned into his hands. "Always," she whispered.

"He's here Doc," Callen said after a quiet moment. "I don't know why. I don't know for how long or if he's even here for me. She meant something to him. I need to know why he's here."

"And if he's here for her and not you? G I don't want your heart breaking." Callen brushed her lips with his to still her words.

"You're the only one who can break my heart Jessie. Others might hurt it but only you can break it." He'd never wanted to put himself in such a vulnerable position, not until she came along and gave him no choice. He wouldn't have it any other way now.

"You've wanted to find your family for so long."

"I have a family. You, the team." Callen smiled. "Even Trevor and Alex, crazy as they are." The week they'd spent in LA had been interesting to say the least. Unsurprisingly Callen found himself getting on very well with both men. Their senses of humor, while slightly different, were still appreciated and enjoyed. They'd bonded and accepted each other easily to start with due to Jessie but had come to like each other for their own reasons. Alex's interest in obscure literature took Callen by surprise, but made for some interesting conversations, especially when their conversations took place in German, Alex being rather impressed with Callen's command of the language.

"It's different," Jessie said. "This is your father. That's a different kind of family."

Callen didn't quite know how to respond to that but because she was right in some ways. It was important for him to find out about his past and where he'd come from. Always had been but it had become less so since Jessie had come along and he'd opened himself up to a new kind of family.

"I'll be fine." Callen pulled her in close and her arms slid up around his neck.

Jessie pressed a soft lingering kiss to his lips.

"If you need me, come find me."

Callen frowned and his arms tightened unconsciously around her. "You're not staying?"

Jessie shook her head. "No. I suspect if I felt like it was too much for you I'd want to pull the plug to protect you. Like I said, I can't be both right now."

Jessie's arms dropped and she took his hand again. They walked together in silence to the boat-shed door. She kissed him on the cheek, smiled, though it didn't reach her eyes as much as he'd like, the concern there too strong. Callen watched her walk away. But she wasn't completely gone. He still felt the warmth of her embrace and the touch of her lips on his, even her hand in his. She would be with him, even if she wasn't there. Because she was always with him in his heart. He'd find her when he needed her. And he didn't doubt that he would. He'd never been this close to finding out about his past before and that would no doubt be big, whichever way the chips fell.

* * *

Callen slipped into their bedroom quietly. Pointless really because he knew Jessie was tuned into his arrival even when she was asleep. The quiet beeps of the alarm wouldn't normally disturb her, though his presence always did, just a little. This time though she was awake already sitting up on the bed, the light from lamp in the lounge room enough to let him see her shadowed shape.

"Are you okay?" she asked the moment he'd moved through the door. He flicked on the bedside table lamp so he could see her easily.

"I'm fine." It was late and she had an early shift at the hospital the next morning but by the time they'd wrapped everything up and made sure Alex and Jake were safely home after the debrief, he hadn't been able to get home any sooner. He'd yet to talk to Garrison about anything more than the mission. He also hadn't had a chance to speak to Jessie since earlier at the boat-shed. Callen stripped off and slid under the covers. Jessie shifted straight into his arms, like she always did, and snuggled in.

"Everyone's safe, at least the good ones," Callen assured her.

"I know."

"You were there? You watched."

"Not exactly. I came home but," Jessie sighed. "Not knowing. It's hard to not worry so I waited in my office. Just in case."

Callen smiled. "Let me guess, you were the one who patched up Garrison and looked over Alex and Jake to make sure they were okay."

"I was."

"Did it help, being in there?"

"No. Still worried about you."

Callen kissed the top of her head. "Course you did Doc. Are they okay? Is he going to be alright?"

"Alex was a little shaken, confused. Jake'll be fine. Deeks did a great job keeping him from being scared. I'm guessing you've talked to Alex."

"She's got a lot to take in. Her mother wasn't who she thought after all. That in itself can't be easy, let alone everything she went through today."

"Garrison will be fine too," Jessie told him. "He's tougher than he looks. There wasn't any major damage thankfully." She lifted her head. "How are you truly doing?"

"I'm here in your arms Doc. I'm good." Callen grinned at the look she shot him before he pulled her in for a kiss. "I'm okay," he added. "There's time. I'll talk to him later. You were right. It wasn't exactly easy but what you said helped me focus on the case." He'd found it simultaneously funny and frustrating with Sam and Hetty almost echoing Jessie's concerns not long after though it did, in a way, reinforce how well the three of them seemed to know him. "So thank you for that."

Jessie raised an eyebrow. "Thank you?"

"Yes thank you."

The slight tilt of her lips and the look in her eyes finally registered and Callen smiled. "Let's finish the conversation, because I know you have more to say, before we move to the kiss part of the thank you. Wouldn't want to be accused of distracting you."

"I'll hold you to that," Jessie said with a smile. Her head settled back on his shoulder and her fingers traced patterns on his chest. "Did you find out why he was here?"

"He came for her. Mary. Katerina. I… I don't know how I feel about that. He wasn't surprised when I walked into that hospital room so he knows I'm here, possibly even expected me to investigate but …" Callen ran his fingers up her back and linked his other hand with hers on his chest. "Why didn't he come for me? Why did he stay hidden? Why didn't he ask for my help? He was willing to die to save Alex and Mary. Why not me? Why not come back for me?" It was like the little abandoned child in him wanted answers because he wasn't sure an adult should be thinking like that.

"G," Jessie said softly, "Those are normal questions and I hope you get your answers but maybe something to think about is that he doesn't need to save you. At least not now. You are very capable of saving yourself and also have the best team around you willing to do what it takes to do that. Maybe he didn't feel he needed to save you because what you already have is so much more than he could be."

"He didn't come to me Doc. He promised me answers."

"I know."

"I don't even know what questions I want to ask, apart from why he didn't come back."

"It's a good place to start."

The emotions that had reared up when that he'd realised Garrison had returned for Mary and not him had been so strong it had taken all his skills to push them away and focus, but he'd done it.

"Maybe you should be there with me." She always seemed to calm him and he had a feeling things could easily get out of hand when he eventually sat down with Garrison … his father… and talked. Assuming the man didn't disappear again.

"If you want that I will be."

"As what?"

Jessie lifted her head. "As the woman who loves you with everything she is."

Callen slid his hand into her hair. The loose plait made it easy to thread his fingers through it and rest against her scalp.

"I love you Doc. What did I do to get so lucky with you?"

Jessie smiled. "I don't know. Maybe it was your talent flirting, or your blue eyes. Or maybe," her grin turned mischievous, "your body."

Callen flipped her. "You want me for my body?"

"No. Love you for your body," Jessie's hand went to the back of his neck, "Your mind, your smile, your eyes." Jessie's other hand went to his chest. "Your heart. Simply put - You."

"Like I said lucky." Callen lowered his head. "Now I believe I have a thank you kiss to catch up on."

"Or two."

 


	111. Garrison Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So after watching and studying the parts in Glasnost between Callen and Garrison there were some little things that didn't quite sit well with me. As much as Callen is desperate for his family, and had good reason to believe his father to be who he is, I don't see Callen being the kind to accept the news about Alex without proof, with I highly doubt Garrison had already done since I was left with the impression he'd barely known about Alex a week (ish). On that note, I'll leave the rest of my author's note for the end to explain a couple of things there rather than give away the surprises here.
> 
> At the beginning the bold, script like text is directly from the episode. My changes have been put into italics in there and the rest leads from that.
> 
> There is some Romanian in here, full translation in the authors notes at the bottom.
> 
> Hope you enjoy. Love to hear your thoughts on where this went.

* * *

 

**Garrison: It's beautiful here**

**Callen: It is.**

**Garrison: Grisha, I intend to keep my promise. You deserve to know the reasons why I wasn't a part of your life.**

**Callen: Or my sister's life. If you had been a part of our lives, of hers, she might still be here.**

**Garrison: I could not be there for you, not the way you needed me.**

**Callen: Did you even try?**

**Garrison: The work I did spared no one. Least of all those closest to me. Better for everyone for both of you if I sever all ties, disappear from the world. Grisha, I don't expect you to understand, or to forgive to me, but you had a better chance on your own.**

**Callen: No. You're right. I don't forgive you. And I don't know that I ever will. But I understand. I know the work you did with Arkady and the refugees, you saved a lot of people.**

**Garrison: Not enough. Not the people I loved. Like your mother or your sister … or Katerina.**

**Callen: Volkoff poisoned Katerina to lure you out and when that failed he knew to go after Alex ... How long have you known?**

**Garrison:** _**Suspect and** _ **not long. Before you fled Russia I asked Arkady to look in on Katerina.**

**Callen: You've been in contact with Arkady?**

**Garrison: It's how I learned about her poisoning and how I learned she had a daughter shortly after arriving in the US.** _**A daughter who could be mine** _ **.**

**Callen: Does she know?**

**Garrison:** _**No. I don't want to … cause her pain or make her think less of her mother.** _

**Callen:** _ **We can find out. And if she is**_ **... we're going to tell her. No more secrets**

**Garrison: Da. No more secrets.**

* * *

Callen stood in Jessie's office doorway and watched her while he thought. The revelations today, the possible implications, were huge. "She might be my sister," Callen said when Jessie finally looked up from the book she'd been reading. He still managed to be able to surprise her with his presence, though not as often these days. "My half sister I guess," he added.

Jessie's eyes went wide. "What?"

"Alex."

Jessie closed the book and rose from her desk. She walked toward him. "Is Alex Garrison's daughter?"

Callen shrugged. "He suspects that she might be." Jessie took his hand in hers and guided her to the couch. She sat close, her hand still held his, grounding him. The swirling of emotion inside him slowly easing just by being here with her.

"Is that why he came back?"

"He came back to protect her and her mother. He only found out about it after Katerina's poisoning when Arkady told him."

Jessie raised an eyebrow. "Arkady has been in touch with your father?"

"Yeah. That's gonna be an interesting conversation." Callen wasn't exactly looking forward to it though he could to some degree understand Arkady not mentioning it. Garrison made it clear why he'd stayed away, why he'd never returned for his son or daughter. However it didn't make it any easier to know that he'd returned for Alex on just the possibility that she was his when he knew Callen was for a fact.

Callen could understand being willing to walk out of someone's life to protect them. He'd done it before, even tried it with the team, though unsuccessfully because they were a stubborn bunch who wouldn't let him go. But then perhaps he hadn't exactly used all his skills to get away. He knew he'd contemplated it for Jessie, to walk away to keep her safe. Even now he knew that he may need to but he'd only stay away until he'd taken care of the threat. There was no way he couldn't walk away for good. That door had closed on that possibility a very long time ago.

But how much harder would it be to walk away from a child, from his own flesh and blood? Callen knew the Comescu's were bad, horrifyingly bad, and that was just one of the enemies that his father had made. But still, a child was defenseless. He had no clue how he'd made it from the beach in Romania to America. It was a miracle that he'd survived at the beach let alone the rest of what he'd been through. Amy hadn't survived and a part of him hated that he kept thinking if only their father had protected them then Amy might still be with them. His mother too. Not that he could guarantee it but the thought was there and it was rather hard to shake.

"Does Alex know?" Jessie asked him and brought him out of his wayward thoughts.

"Not yet. I'm going to ask Hetty to organise a DNA test. Subtly, so if she's not we don't have to put her through that. We'll only tell her if she is."

He'd also asked Hetty to confirm that Garrison was his father. Though his instincts said yes, he figured having confirmation, at least as much as he could get using just Garrison and himself, might help him find a connection with his father that he was struggling to see happening.

"She has been through a lot," Jessie said.

"I know." Callen settled back further into the couch. The tension in him so much less than when he'd first stood in the doorway. "My father and I agreed though no more secrets. There's been too many."

"G," Jessie said, more than a hint of concern in her voice. "Be careful with her. She's dealing with so much."

"Will you talk to her?" Callen asked. "Help her through this?"

"If she's your sister, and after you've told her, yes. But," Jessie shook her head. "I can't touch this beforehand."

Callen frowned. "Why not?" He straightened and studied her, watched intently to her reaction because that hadn't been the answer he'd expected. "You could help her be ready, handle the news as well what she's dealing with now."

"No." The word was strong and forceful. Jessie abruptly left the couch and went to the window. Callen saw the tension in her body and rose himself. He put his hands on her shoulders and eased her around to face him.

"Jessie what's wrong?"

"If I talk to her before you've told her, if I deal with her in a professional capacity _at all_ before then she becomes my patient. Which means I have to put her well being first."

Callen was still confused. "Wouldn't expect anything less?"

"What if I come to the conclusion that the news would be too much? That learning everything she has about her mother's past, the lies that have been there her whole life, her mother's death, and the danger that her and Jake were in, had put her close to the edge and that anything more would crush her? If I had to tell you 'No, don't tell her'?"

"It's good news Jessie. Why would it crush her?" She would have more family to get her through this.

"Because it's more changes. More secrets. More lies. Her mother knew who her father might be but never told her, or she lied. I don't know what Alex knows about her father. Alex might come to the conclusion that her father knew a long time ago but didn't want anything to do with her. On top of that she'll be surrounded by two men who are going to bring even more danger into her life, without giving her a choice if she wants it for her and her son. That is if you are going to let her into who you really are. And if you aren't, then you are just bringing more and more secrets and lies into her world, more danger she can't prepare for, but could ultimately affect her."

Callen hadn't thought about it that way. He'd been focused on his father being back, on the possibility of finding his family, and holding desperately onto that hope. But it didn't take much to understand. Jessie had accepted him and the danger being involved with him in her life, with this job, knowing what she was getting into, at least mostly, and he'd made sure she knew the dangers and how to ease them. But she had made the choice with her eyes open. Didn't Alex deserve the same choice?

"G," Jessie's gaze locked onto his, a shimmer of tears in her eyes. "I can't be the one to tell you that this family that you've waited for, searched for your entire life, who is right there ready for you to grab hold of, you can't have. I won't do that to you. I won't hurt you like that."

"So what do we do if she is? Do we tell her?"

"If she is, you and Garrison need to figure out what you are willing to tell her, what you want from her."

"And if she breaks? If you're right?" He hoped she wasn't, not that Jessie had said that was what she thought would happen, but it was certainly a possibility.

"You could get the therapist Hetty has already organised to assess whether she's ready for this or not."

"That would mean revealing things to him he's not cleared for."

"Jacob?"

"That could work." It wasn't what Jacob was contracted for but it didn't mean they couldn't do it.

" _After_ G, I'll help. I can then because she'll already know. I'll help her however she needs. I just can't be the one to tell you no. I'd be torn between what I want for you and what's the best for my patient and hate what I had to do no matter which way I went."

"I get it." Callen cupped her face. "I'm not mad."

"You're disappointed."

"Course I am." He smiled. "You're the best. Why would I want anyone else for her?"

Jessie finally smiled and he saw the tension drain from her and relief fill her eyes. "Flattery will, mostly likely, get you everywhere with me."

"Flattery will get me only where you want me." Callen pulled her in close and took a deep breath, her scent comforting. His world was about to change, one way or another and he was very glad she was by his side for it.

* * *

"She's not." Callen lifted his eyes from the sheet of paper in his hand and looked at Jessie first. "She's not my sister." He turned to Garrison. "I'm sorry. I know you wanted it to be so but she's not your daughter."

There was a sadness in the man's eyes and Callen did honestly feel for him. He'd witnessed the hope in Garrison's eyes die with his words. The man cared about Alex, partly Callen was sure because Garrison had cared about her mother. He knew that he'd been spending time with Alex, under the guise of having been a friend of her mother's. Callen wasn't sure what he felt about it himself yet. He still struggled with the fact that Garrison hadn't come back for him.

They were in the boat-shed. He'd called Garrison in when Hetty had given him the envelope with the results but only opened them once they were together. Actually Hetty had given him two, one for Alex's results and one for his own. He'd opened his with Jessie straight after. As far as the DNA testing was concerned, Garrison was his father.

"Are you okay?" Jessie asked him.

Him not his father. At least not yet. Callen gave a little nod but he saw in her eyes she wasn't accepting the answer but that she wouldn't push it until they were alone.

Jessie then turned to Garrison. "Are you okay?"

"I thought... Maybe I had a chance to." Garrison glanced at Callen. "Make a family."

There was a heavy silence in the room for a moment. Jessie looked at Callen before she spoke.

"You have a family Garrison," she said, her tone gentle but firm. A contradictory combination but one she did very well. "G. He's your son."

Garrison looked at Callen. "A son I failed. Who can't forgive. But then I can't forgive myself either. I did what I thought was right even when it felt so wrong. If I could." Garrison shook his head. "Even if I had time over I would do the same." Garrison rose and started to walk away, his shoulders slumped.

"Wait," Jessie said.

Callen watched Garrison stop and slowly turn to face Jessie.

Jessie rose and took a step toward the older man. "There's no reason," she said, "you can't start from here. Go forward. Together."

Garrison shook his head and smiled gently at Jessie. "You care about him. You are good for him. But I'm .. I am a tired old man who … who failed. But at least I leave with knowing he's in very good hands." He turned to face Callen. "I will answer any questions but I do not expect to be a part of your life beyond that. As much as I want to I do not deserve to be so." He headed once again toward the door.

"Wait." This time it was Callen who stopped him. He rose. "Maybe you don't feel like you deserve a family but what about me?" Jessie was beside him, her hand on his back. Her silent support steadying him, giving him strength to go with his heart. "I've no memory of my mother except the moments before and of her murder. You are the only one who can tell me about her, help me remember my time with her. I have no memory of you except for what I saw on a video tape. Two brief memories of Amy." A protective older sister taking care of him when he was hurt and her screams that still rang in his ears when he thought about it too deeply. He wanted more. He wanted the happy times, the loving times he knew were there. Deep down he knew they had to be there. "Is that all the family I deserve?"

"You deserve it all," Garrison said, tears shone in his eyes. "And I .. I took that away from you. If I'd just stopped, taken the three of you and run. Been nothing more than a normal family than maybe you would all still be -"

"Stop blaming yourself for what you had to do to survive," Callen's voice rose. "I've done things I wish I hadn't. Made choices I'm still not sure if they are the right ones or not but I can't go back and change them. All I can do is learn to live with them and make better ones. Learn to stay and fight." Callen's gaze was drawn to Jessie with those words. "Make the most of opportunities." A smile lifted at the corners of his mouth and his tone softened. "Learn to love, to let someone in where they haven't been before." Callen turned his attention back to his father. "Trust isn't easy, but someone once said it would be worth it no matter how long it took to earn." He heard Jessie's intake of breath at the reminder of a much earlier conversation between the two of them. "From what I can tell she hasn't regretted taking that time. Are you willing to put in the time to earn it? Fight for it? For me? ...Or you are you going to run away again?"

"You would trust me again?" There was disbelief in the old man's eyes and flicker of hope.

"Won't know unless we try."

Garrison glanced at Jessie. "She's the one isn't she. The reason you are willing to do this. To give me a chance." It wasn't a question.

Callen nodded. "She earned it. She fought for it, had patience beyond belief and she showed me she was willing to fight for me. Still does." She'd done it moments ago when she'd pulled Garrison up about family, when she stood beside him, giving him the strength to fight as well.

"Sunteți foarte norocos Grisha." Garrison smiled. "Pentru a-ți găsi sufletul pereche. Nu face aceeași greșeală cu mama ta și o las să plece."

"Nu o voi lăsa să plece," Callen said.

Garrison nodded. "Mă voi bate, dacă mă lași."

Callen nodded. "Da."

Garrison turned and walked away but not before Callen saw the tears escape his father's eyes.

"G?" Callen turned from the empty space his father had just left to her at the sound of her voice.

"Sorry," he said. "Didn't mean to shut you out." They'd slipped into Romanian and he'd been too caught in the exchange to even think about the fact that Jessie wouldn't know what was going on.

"What happened?" Jessie glanced at the door, and back to him, worry clear in her eyes.

"He'll fight." Callen smiled. "He says I'm very lucky to have found my soul mate. Told me not to let you go."

Jessie smiled. "He's staying?"

Callen nodded. Jessie threw her arms around him and hugged him tight. A sniff gave away the fact that she was close to tears. He pulled back and smiled. "You know if he's sticking around it could be worth it for you to learn some more Romanian, in case we slip into it."

Jessie brushed her lips over his. "I'd like that very much. Especially if you're my teacher."

Callen grinned. "I'm sure I can find suitable ways to reward your efforts."

Jessie laughed softly. "Why do I have a feeling that won't exactly help me learn very quickly, but would certainly make the lessons interesting enough to keep coming back for me."

"Oh I'll definitely have you coming for me," he said softly and lowered his mouth to hers, but before they connected, the sound of a throat being cleared interrupted. Callen turned his head toward the sound, unsurprised to see Hetty's face on the now operational monitor.

"Are you going to keep me in suspense Mr Callen or tell me what is going on?"

Callen grinned. "Suspense Hetty. I think I'll keep you in suspense." He turned his head back to Jessie and saw the surprised look in her eyes just before he kissed her rather than answer Hetty's question. The hmph from the direction of the monitor wasn't enough to deter him, though the tapping sound did the trick when neither he or Jessie could stop the laughter from starting and brought the kiss to a premature end.

Callen turned to the monitor and Hetty once again, though he kept Jessie firmly locked in his arms.

"No," he said. "She's not my sister. Yes, my father is staying around. We're working on things."

"Very good." Hetty shot them a cheeky look. "As you were," and the screen went blank.

Callen turned back to Jessie. "Orders are orders." He covered her mouth with his before she could make a peep.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N Take 2.
> 
> Okay firstly, yep, I veered well from canon with Alex not being his sister. Here's why.
> 
> Partly because I haven't really liked the way the writers went with Alex from what I've seen and heard. In some ways it feels like they are just trying to add more and more family issues to Callen and break his heart a little more. I'd rather not go there.
> 
> Mostly though because I feel like there was the strong possibility that Alex wasn't Garrison's but Volkoff's daughter. Katerina was Volkoff's mistress while she was a CIA spy. She had to still be with Volkoff because otherwise she wouldn't have been useful to them for information. I get a impression that she was pulled out and sent to America fairly quickly for her own safety, though the fact that she had Alex, apparently 'shortly after' arriving in the US suggests Garrison hadn't seen her for a while, though I guess that depends on your definition of shortly. And there is no family resemblance whatsoever (in my eyes anyway) between Callen and Alex. Which could just be a casting error but if you want to have a plausible sibling you at least find some one with some similiar characteristic, like they did with the Amy/Hannah character. The lighter hair and eyes at least gave the illusion that she might just be related.
> 
> So there's my reasons. Agree or not, I don't mind, however it is the way the story is going to continue.
> 
> Now, secondly the Romanian to English conversation between Garrison and Callen. (using Google translate because I figure I'm not going to be able to tell which is which from multiple choices so I could be wrong in some way no matter which one I choose)
> 
> ****  
> "Sunteți foarte norocos Grisha." (You are very lucky Grisha)  
> Garrison smiled. "Pentru a-ți găsi sufletul pereche. Nu face aceeași greșeală cu mama ta și o las să plece." (To have found your soul mate. Do not make the same mistake I did with your mother and let her go.)  
> "Nu o voi lăsa să plece," (I won't let her go,) Callen said.  
> Garrison nodded. "Mă voi bate, dacă mă lași." (I will fight, if you let me.)  
> Callen nodded. "Da." (Yes.)  
> ****
> 
> Thanks for reading, look forward to hearing from you.


	112. Undercover Blues Part 1- Girls night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Looks like you were happy with the veer from canon that I took with the last chapter and Alex & Garrison. No one jumped up and down which is nice.  
> Enjoy, love to know what you think when you're done.

* * *

 

 

An unexpected knock at the front door, along with the sound of the doorbell a moment later, had Jessie jump in her seat and her heart rate kick up. A glance at the video feed on the small screen on the wall beside the front door had her heart easing back to a more normal pace. Kensi and Nell were outside.

Jessie flicked the locks and opened the door. "What are you two doing here?" She unlocked the security screen and opened the final barrier. She stepped back and the two girls walked past her. Her stomach dropped when Kensi held up a bottle of tequila.

"Oh no." Jessie shook her head.

Kensi grinned. "Oh yes," and kept moving. Nell walked in behind her with two boxes of pizza and a backpack that looked full to bursting. Jessie quickly locked the door and followed them.

"No tequila Kensi."

"Come on Jessie. It's girl's night."

"Since when?"

Kensi and Nell exchanged a look before Nell spoke. "Since we got tired of watching you walk around with a perpetual dark cloud of worry over your head. We're giving you the night off."

"Tequila isn't going to stop me worrying."

Kensi grinned and wiggled her eyebrows. "It'll stop you worrying about Callen though."

"No." She doubted anything short of being dead would stop her worrying about Callen.

"Yep," Nell piped up. "Truth or dare. I believe you've played it before except this time the dare is a shot of tequila."

"Oh God," Jessie groaned. This was not happening. Though she had to give them credit, the thought of tequila induced confessions would certainly have her stop worrying about Callen, at least consciously. She started to shake her head. Kensi spoke before she could say anything more.

"Look Jessie. We know it's hard," Kensi said. "He's undercover and unlike the previous ones, this one is going a little longer than expected. We're just trying to help."

Jessie moved closer to the two woman. "I know and I appreciate that but I can't see how tequila's going to help." She glanced at the table which only moments ago had been empty. The pizza was there ready, three shot glasses surrounded the tequila bottle, a container of salt, another of lemon, pre-sliced, sat beside it. The box of cards Jessie spotted gave her a serious case of butterflies dipping and weaving in her stomach. There were also more than half a dozen DVD's that a quick scan covered the basics - comedy, romance, action and … Jessie felt her eyes widen … horror. She looked up at Kensi and Nell and wondered just who had picked that one.

"Since neither Nell or I," Kensi stepped closer to Jessie and looped her arm around Jessie's shoulder as she continued, "have your skills in getting someone to talk, at least in a nice way, tequila is a girls night best friend. It loosens the tongue and gets you talking about what's really bothering you."

Jessie closed her eyes. She shook her head. "No. Last time I had tequila -"

"You and Callen," Nell cut her off, "almost burned down the gym with the heat between the two of you. Damn Hetty for walking in because I gotta say I was kind of looking forward to seeing you two finally take a step."

"Nell!" Speaking of heat, her cheeks were on fire right now.

Kensi chuckled. "Sit Jessie. Have a piece of pizza, pick a movie, we're leaving the choice to you." Kensi lowered her voice and whispered in Jessie's ear, "Just do me a favour and don't pick the horror one. I tried to talk Nell out of it but she seemed determined."

"Hey," Nell protested because Kensi hadn't been truly trying to make sure Nell didn't hear, "we wanted to cover all bases."

With a little nudge from Kensi, Jessie sat down on the couch. Kensi sat next to her and Nell sat cross legged on the floor on the other side of the coffee table.

Kensi elbowed Jessie. "Eat," she ordered. "Or we'll go straight to the shots."

Jessie gulped and reached for a piece of pizza and hoped somehow for a reprieve. A call from the hospital would be welcome right now, though she knew it wouldn't happen. She'd already done two extra night shifts this week and Heidi had told her she was done for the week. Since the only way that would change would be for a huge disaster she couldn't wish for that.

Two slices of pizza was all the reprieve Nell gave her before she cracked open the bottle of tequila and poured three shots. She nudged two of them over toward Jessie and Kensi, then flicked open the salt and lemon containers.

"You know," Nell said. "I think we should do the first shot together. Get us all starting to relax."

Jessie shook her head but Kensi agreed and it was two to one. Nell and Kensi waited expectantly. Jessie reluctantly reached for her glass, certain memories flaring in her mind at what happened when she went beyond tipsy and she had a feeling these two had the potential to get her well past that. She grabbed a slice of lemon and followed the other two as they brushed the lemon over their hand near the base of the thumb and dipped it in the salt.

"On three," Kensi said. "One, two three."

All three downed the lip, sip & suck style shot together, Jessie with only a slight hesitation.

Nell poured the next round and Jessie reached for another slice of pizza. Kensi's hand on her shoulder held her back. "Uh uh. First question. Nell."

Nell reached for the cards and shuffled them. She rose up on her knees and held them out to Jessie.

"You can pick first Jessie." Jessie reached forward and selected a card. She groaned when she saw what was on it.

Kensi chuckled. "Can't be that bad."

Kensi snatched the card from Jessie and read it out loud as Jessie closed her eyes.

"Have you ever been naked in the workplace?"

"I so don't want you two to answer this," Jessie said.

Kensi laughed. "Jessie, think about it. How many times do we have a shower at work because we've been training? Or have to get changed into a complete set of stuff Hetty's lays out for a mission. For us, this card is innocent, though," Kensi's eyes narrowed at her, "apparently you've got a potentially dirty mind Doctor Blake."

Jessie slapped Kensi playfully. "Like you hadn't set the scene for my mind to go there."

"Yes's all around I'm guessing," Nell said. "Or should we follow Jessie's lead and -" Jessie snatched the card out of Kensi's hand and all but shouted 'Next'. No way was she going there because her thoughts hadn't centred on training or showers.

Nell raised an eyebrow. "I think she protests too much Kenz."

"Interesting," Kensi drawled out.

Nell held the cards out to Kensi who picked the next one.

"If someone offered you a million dollars to sleep with them, would you do it?"

Kensi looked at Nell. "Nope," Nell replied easily.

"No way," Jessie added.

Kensi shrugged. "Depends."

Jessie's eyes went wide."What? But…"

Kensi grinned. "Deeks has some pretty hot aliases. If he wants to do that."

Jessie groaned. "You are cruel."

"Of course I wouldn't sleep with anyone for money," Kensi told them.

"Okay these are too easy," Nell said. "We need something difficult that forces at least one of us to drink." Nell flicked through the cards.

"Have you ever had sex outside where anyone could walk by and see?"

Jessie reached for her drink and downed it before anyone stop her. "What? You wanted us to drink didn't you?"

Kensi picked up her drink, downed and it then added. "Yep - to the card question that is."

Jessie focused on Nell. She looked decidedly nervous and eyed off her drink.

"You know Nell," Kensi said, "If you take that much time deciding you've already told us the answer."

"Fine, yes. Once and that's all I'm telling you."

"All in good time Nell," Kensi said. "We'll have it out of you before the end of the night. You too Jessie. You downed that way too quickly."

* * *

Three questions in total, another slice of pizza and then they went again. And again.

"Have you ever kissed a co-worker you weren't dating?" Nell asked.

"Yes," came Kensi's answer easily and a flash of jealousy flared through Jessie. Just briefly. It shook her that it came so strong when she knew in her head there was nothing to be worried about.

Kensi didn't miss the look and sat up straight. "Okay Jessie. Now we're getting somewhere."

"What?"

"You're jealous," Kensi said bluntly. "That I've kissed Callen."

"No."

Kensi raised her eyebrows.

"Not exactly," Jessie said. "I," she closed her eyes. "I just, it was a flash that's all."

"I'd be worried if you didn't feel it a little," Kensi assured her. "Hell I still feel a flash, or more, of it when Deeks kisses someone else."

"So how do you deal with it?" The question was out before Jessie could stop it.

Kensi smiled gently. "It's a job Jessie. Hasn't Callen been through this with you?"

"Kind of. It hasn't exactly come up since we've been together."

"But?"

Jessie felt a flush cover over her cheek. "Tequila is banned from this house," she muttered.

"Look," Kensi said. "Here's the deal when you're undercover. Your mind's filled with so much information. Who's around, what are they thinking, what are the plans, what are the outs in case things go to hell. The kisses, the touches, however far it looks like it goes, it's not really going there." Kensi eased a little closer on the couch. "Jessie it's just the mechanics and figuring out what do we have to do to make it look real even though it's not. Seriously I've literally been thinking at times do I really have to squeeze his butt to make this look real or can I just rest my hand there? Sure Callen's got the mechanics down really well. It's not unpleasant kissing him." Kensi shrugged. "Deeks. I have trouble there sometimes. It's easy to get caught up in the kiss if we don't focus when it's a job. You can't get lost in a kiss when you are on the job."

"I guess not," Jessie said.

"Do you look at patient and see a hot body you can't wait to get your hands on or a patient who needs your medical skills?"

"Patient." Then she shrugged, "though if it's G, then I can't guarantee the hot body thought isn't there somewhere." Callen had gone in this direction, almost, when they'd discussed this so long ago. Kensi's description seemed a little more focused though. And at the time, Jessie had been trying to focus on Deeks and Kensi's potential issues rather than how she felt about Callen and Kensi.

Kensi grinned. "So you see where I'm coming from? You get it, it's just the same as you, just a little different."

"Yeah. I do. Thank you." It was one part of Callen's job that she hoped she wouldn't have to deal with, though she had a feeling that she wouldn't bet that lucky.

"Next question then," Kensi turned back to Nell.

"What happened on your first date with your current partner?" Nell said.

The butterflies in Jessie's stomach leapt. Surely a kiss goodnight signaled the end of the date right? What happened after doesn't count?

Nell downed her shot. Kensi raised her eyes.

"Trust me," Nell said. "It's not what you think but I'm not going to do that to Eric."

Kensi shrugged and then in a few concise sentences that, while not specific left no doubt to what had happened. Jessie seriously wondered if she had any wine in the cupboard because at least now she knew if she wanted to forget what was said tonight then it would be easy. Except a flash of insight told her that no matter how embarrassing the questions, and answers might be, tonight was important. It was girl talk and somehow she knew that whatever happened, she was safe with these two oddly different and crazy women.

Jessie smiled and both mentally and physically crossed her fingers they didn't ask for more. "Dinner movie, good night kiss at the door."

The look the two of them shot her told her they knew there was more.

"Spill," Kensi said. "Remember we know about the hickey's."

Jessie closed her eyes. She'd forgotten that part. But they didn't need…. She couldn't lie. She opened her eyes. "I asked him to stay. Left the choice up to him and walked in alone. He decided to and followed."

"Did he stay for the whole night?" Nell asked.

"No."

The look of disappointment flashed in Nell's eyes and Jessie added, "He was there the whole weekend right through until Monday morning."

Kensi's lips twitched. "Did you leave the bed?"

Jessie blushed harder. "Yes. Now next question."

"Me thinks there's an interesting story there but for now we'll leave it."

"Ever dated a celebrity?" was the next question.

Nell shook her head no, Kensi downed a shot which had both Jessie and Nell exchanging looks. Jessie admitted, "Tom McConnell."

"Tom from the Patriots?" Nell's eyes were wide.

"Yeah. Didn't Eric tell you?"

"No."

Jessie bit her lip. "Have I just gotten him in trouble?"

"Not at all. He did that himself."

"Nell," Jessie warned.

Nell rolled her eyes. "It's okay. He's not really in trouble but if he thinks he is I can get him to do -"

"Stop," Jessie said. "I don't want to know. I believe Hetty calls it plausible deniability and I have a feeling with the three of you, I'm going to need it tonight."

"Three?" Kensi said.

"You two and the tequila. Bad combination."

Kensi grinned. "Very bad, but so very good."

By the time the pizza was done, the tequila bottle was half empty. They must've found the largest bottle in the store. The DVD's lay forgotten and the questions kept going. The snacks Nell had in her backpack for the movie however were all out over the table.

"You know we're all going to be sick in the morning if we don't have something slightly healthy," Jessie said, the doctor in her rearing her head in concern. "And some water."

"Go get the water," Kensi said. "But forget the healthy snacks. This is girls night. No regrets, no calorie counting, just good indulgent food and fun company."

Jessie brought back a jug of water and some plastic cups. She wasn't entirely steady and wasn't about to risk a broken glass or injuries.

"So," Nell said and Jessie felt a tension shift through her she couldn't explain. "Next question. Have you ever had sex in the workplace?"

Jessie's hand went to the shot glass but Kensi's went over hers quickly. "Give you a little hint there Jessie," Kensi said. Jessie looked at the other woman. "Whenever you drink, we know the answer."

Jessie groaned. "I'm not very good at lying and there are some things a girl wants to keep to herself. Sure you might think you know but you don't _know_ know. I haven't actually told. Or maybe I just want to drink." She bit back a groan. Now if her protesting didn't answer in the affirmative she'd buy a lotto ticket tomorrow with the hope of continuing the miraculous streak.

Nell snorted. "Given how much time we spend in the office, do you really think any of us are going to answer no to that question?"

Both Kensi and Jessie stared at Nell.

"What? The late nights Beale and I have worked to upgrade or research things. You don't think we got up to a little hanky panky do you?"

Jessie didn't know whether to cover her eyes or her ears. The tequila had her trying to do both as she said, "Please no. Hanky panky and Eric in the same context."

"Way to go Nell," Kensi grinned.

"Okay, let's forget the cards," Nell said. She looked straight at Jessie. "Rate or describe your first kiss with Callen."

"What?"

"Seriously I'm not blind. The guy's attractive," Nell's eyes slid to Kensi and then back, "and apparently good at the technique. I'm not interested in him just curious. Or maybe the tequila is." Nell eyed of the bottle which was pretty close being empty now. Jessie wondered how the hell they'd managed to drink that much when she was sure more questions had been answered than not.

"The first kiss? Including any on the forehead or cheek." She could hope.

"Hell no," Nell said. "First real kiss that involved lips, hands …and tongue."

Jessie dropped back against the couch and closed her eyes. How did she describe it when all capable thought had fled almost at the first brush of his lips over hers. Her emotions had been haywire. She'd hoped for the kiss deep down when he'd pulled her to him that night, even though she'd been grieving yet again.

"I'm thinking a ten," Kensi's words made it through her mind and Jessie opened her eyes. "The look on your face is giving it all away."

"I…" Jessie resigned herself to giving them this. "He's the only one I've never been able to think with when he kisses me."

"He blows your mind."

"Very easily." Though in certain situations he didn't but when the man puts his mind to it and they were alone, she couldn't think of anything else but him and what they were doing.

"So your first time together," Nell said, "must've been really spectacular."

"Nell," Jessie warned. There were some things she just wasn't going to share.

"I mean," Nell grinned somehow innocently, "just if his kisses are that good."

"What about you and Eric?" Jessie shot back in an attempt to deflect.

"It took Eric and I little time," Nell's cheeks almost seemed to be redder than her hair. "My mouth kind of ran away with me."

Kensi snorted.

"Not like that. You know how I get when I'm nervous."

"Ah, too much talk," Kensi said.

"It's great now," Nell said. " I guess you you hear all these things about those who have a great first time and we kind of fumbled our way around a little."

"Eric does tend to get nervous in new situations too," Kensi agreed.

"What's important," Jessie jumped in, "is that you understand there are so many ways two people can come together, even the same two people. You and Eric are not G and I or anyone else. Please don't compare."

"I guess you are older and more experienced in the bedroom. Tell me, did you set the sheets on fire?"

Oh hell, Nell on tequila meant no filter.

"I'm not going there." How the hell did Jessie get control of this conversation. Kensi looked like she was trying not to laugh which meant it was up to her and her brain was more fuzzy than she'd like it to be for something like this.

"Look," Jessie said, "you were taking bets on G and I well before we got together so obviously you saw something."

"We all did," Kensi rolled her eyes. "The two of you took so damn long I was about to do something drastic."

"The heat was there Nell," Jessie said. "Too hot to not explode. You and Eric weren't that heated."

"More cute and geeky," Kensi said with a smile. Nell poked her tongue out before she turned back to Jessie.

"Was he gentle?" Nell asked. "Did he take care of you?"

From raunchy to sweet and innocent, the girl was a contradiction and Jessie felt a wave of protectiveness for Nell wash over her.

"Yes." Jessie smiled. "He took care of me. We both took care of each other."

Nell nodded. "And it keeps getting better right?"

Jessie blushed. "Yeah it does."

"How much better?" Kensi asked and Jessie's gaze flew to her.

"What?"

"Come on Jessie." Kensi rolled her eyes. "We can all see it. The heat hasn't diminished. It's gotten hotter."

"Not going there." Jessie glanced for another shot. It was preferable to where this was going. Couldn't they let a girl have some secrets?

"Rate him now compared to then," Kensi demanded. "Not asking for details, though if you want…" Kensi left the options there and grinned.

"Not rating him. No."

"Rating." Kensi repeated.

"Rating." Nell added and the chant started and got louder.

"Alright." Jessie knew them well enough that they wouldn't stop. "First time ten. But looking back compared to now. Five, maybe." Actually she could probably rate it down at one because the Maldives was off the charts hot between the two of them but she wasn't going to tell them that. There were some secrets a girl definitely needed to keep to herself.

"Can we watch a movie now?" Jessie said desperately.

"Nope," Kensi said. "I think we need to do a little online shopping."


	113. Undercover Blues Part 2 - Callen Returns

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Undercover Blues Part 2, here we are.
> 
> Hope you enjoy and would love to hear from you.

* * *

 

 

Jessie watched Kensi and Nell pack up their things. Her mind was still a blur from last night. The tequila, the questions, the bond between them that seemed stronger now. She’d known she could count on them for anything. She only had to ask but she hadn't. Yet they’d been there when she needed them. When her mind had been consumed with worry and even her favourite book or movie couldn’t keep her attention for long there they were at her door. 

Callen was only supposed to have been gone three days. Under deep, no contact with anyone aside from Sam who was in overwatch at Hetty’s firm insistence. It had been a week and a half already. 

Jessie pushed aside the thoughts and pulled back to the now. With them. She’d been woken at ten am to their squeals of excitement when the doorbell had rung. Goodness knows what time they’d finished last night. She had a vague recollection of the movie after the shopping. Oh yeah, shopping. Tequila was so banned. She blushed at the thought of the online shopping site Nell had brought up for them.

Kensi’s arm around her shoulders pulled Jessie’s thoughts from delving too far into what the other two women had ordered. 

“You good Jessie?” Kensi asked. “We can stay longer if you need us to.” 

Jessie shook her head. “I’ll be fine. Probably go back to sleep.” She was shattered, but at least no hangover beyond the tiredness.

Nell kissed her cheek. “Just call if you need us. Promise. We’ll skip the tequila if you really want.”

Jessie smiled and hugged the petite woman. “Just enjoy the rest of your weekend. 

Jessie walked them to the door and watched them head down the path to where Deeks waited in his truck to take them home.

She was alone again. She closed the door and took a breath before she headed back into the lounge room. Her eyes were immediately drawn to the emerald silk and lace that was over the back of the couch. Because yes, the girls had made sure she brought something too. 

Jessie remembered protesting with heated cheeks when they’d almost put a black and purple corset, though that description was very generous, in the cart for her. She’d had to make a choice and so she’d chosen this one. Not out there but definitely sexy. Her fingers trailed over the soft silk and lace that was softer than she’d felt before. It was something she would’ve brought at the shop should she have spotted it, except that her focus tended to be on her preferred indulgent lingerie of pretty bras. Her breath hitched and she turned went to the bedroom.

Jessie curled up on the bed, her head on Callen’s pillow and closed her eyes. She tried to breathe but there was this overwhelming sensation of fear that felt like a band around her chest. 

Was he coming back? 

Would he even see the green silk and lace? 

Her hands tightened and her nails dug into her palms. It was then that she realised must’ve grabbed the green lingerie and brought it with her because the fingers of one hand clung to it. Her eyes opened, a tear escaped from one of them as she gently stroked the material. She’d always had a love of soft material. Delicate and pretty bras had always been her one little treat every now and then when she’d finally managed to save a little over the extra she paid off her loans each month and normal expenses. But it had just been for her. Now, it was for both of them. 

The tears fell harder. She didn’t know what she would do if he didn’t come back. This mission was so damn clandestine that even though Sam was watching his back, the reports weren’t filtering down to them. Hetty was on edge which just made Jessie even more so. 

A sob pulled at her and Jessie fought it back. She was tired. She just needed to sleep. So she closed her eyes and tried. While the crying itself stayed away, the tears were determined to fall. She gave up trying to fight those as well. Everything would feel better when she’d had some sleep. It had to be. 

***

The gentle brush of something over her cheek, the slight shift of the bed and the soft murmur of her name pulled Jessie to the surface from the deep sleep she’d crashed into after Kensi and Nell had left. But she wasn’t scared. The touch, the voice, the sheer presence of him was familiar and oh so wanted. She blinked, took a moment to make sure it was real and not just a wish-filled dream.

“Hey Doc.” Callen smiled. “Miss me?”

Jessie shifted and threw herself at him, her arms wrapped around his neck and she buried her head in his neck. The force took him to his back. A deep breath and the reality of him truly being her in her arms slammed through her and the sobs she’d fought back before she’d gone to sleep finally found their way to the surface. 

Callen’s arms tightened around her and his voice was soft near her ear. The words blurred together but Jessie felt the reassurance, safety and love even if she didn’t know exactly what he was saying. The action of his fingers stroking her even as she was still wrapped in his arms, it was just his fingers that moved gently, added to the comfort his presence brought her. It wasn’t until she stopped crying that he rolled her onto her back and lifted his head.

“I’ll take that as a yes,” Callen said, the concern deep and clear in his eyes.

“I’m sorry.”

Callen shook his head. “No sorry’s Jessie. You don’t hide from me okay?”

Jessie nodded. 

“You were worried.” 

Jessie tried to glare at him but all she could do was drink in the sight of him. She noted the slight shadowed spot on his jaw and a healing cut over his eye and her hand reached up quickly. He caught it and kissed it.

“I’m fine Doc. Just surface bumps and bruises. Nothing that needs your attention. At least not medical wise.” Callen reached behind him and a flash of green caught her attention. “However, this has certainly caught my attention.” 

Jessie flushed. “I...” She didn’t exactly know what to say.

“Seems like you had an interesting night last night.”

Jessie closed her eyes. “Kensi, Nell and a bottle of Tequila. I should probably mention that I’m banning tequila from the house.”

“Not until I get that kiss I missed out on.” 

Jessie’s eyes flew open. 

“Pity that there’s none left,” Callen added. “We’ll need to get another bottle.” There was a mischievous look in his eyes, though the concern almost hid it, but the cheeky half smile and lift of his eyebrows made her smile.

“G.”

“I’m not going to ask what you talked about. I can probably guess given the packaging left outside.” Jessie groaned.  She’d forgotten to clear up.

“That was them.” 

Callen lifted the green silk, raised one eyebrow in question. 

“That was me,” Jessie admitted, “but only that one.”

Callen smiled. “I look forward to seeing it on you tonight. Maybe at dinner. You wearing this, lying on a nice soft rug in front of the fireplace.”

“We don’t have a fireplace.” They were going to put a gas one in but hadn’t gotten around to it yet. The look on Callen’s face said she should know what he was talking about. It hit her.

“The cabin.”

Callen nodded. “Just need to pack and we can go.” Jessie saw him glance at the silk still in his hands before he added. “Or we could just stick this in my pocket, forget the packing and go.”

Jessie sat up. “We can’t just go. You’ve just gotten back.” 

Callen slipped a hand behind her neck and pulled her close. He stopped just before his lips met hers and his scent surrounded her. “We can. All organised. Just need to swing by Hetty’s to pick up the food I had her take care of. We don’t need to be back until Tuesday.” 

Callen brushed his lips over hers finally though it wasn’t enough. She groaned softly in protest and tried to shift closer but he pulled back. 

“Unless you just want to stay home,” Callen said. “But,” his lips trailed over her cheek. “The cabin ensures no interruptions,” he whispered softly before he brought his mouth back to hers and finally kissed her. 

Hot, sweet, tender and deep. The warmth of his lips, the stroke of his tongue, the heat of his body as he settled back on the bed and pulled her on top of him. All these things Jessie took in; the sensory overload that she always felt with him. The comfort of the familiar yet the excitement of the touch such extremes but absolutely perfect. Those things she never missed even when everything else in her mind slipped beyond a veil. He pulled back and she sucked in a breath.

“Do we have to leave now?” she murmured.

“Anticipation makes things better Doc. Leave now and we have more uninterrupted time to experiment.” That word sent a fire through her blood reminding her of the time away which was no doubt his intention.

“Experiment?”

“You up for it? I did promise.”

“If you are.”

“Oh Doc I’m definitely up for it. Five minutes to pack or this is all we take.”

Jessie got off the bed and looked down at him.  “Let’s go.”

****

The woman was going to kill him and she’d barely touched him. The touches that had been between them, with the exception of the kiss, had been innocent.

“Jessie,” he warned.

Jessie smiled. “You gave me the choice.”

“And perhaps in summer I’ll take you up on it.” No perhaps about it. She’d surprised him with her agreement to go now. “At least pack something warm. There’s every chance there’s snow.” 

There was a slight drawback to the cabin in winter. But Callen had a truck from the motor pool that Hetty had gotten snow ready. He moved off the bed and went to the wardrobe, grabbed a backpack and threw a few things into it all the while trying not to think about Jessie, experimenting and green silk.

Callen knew something was up. Kensi had left him a note and given him a heads up that she’d struggled while he’d been gone. It had ripped at his heart to see her curled up on the bed with tears dried on her cheeks and the stain on his pillow. The cabin had been pre-planned but the need to get her there sooner rather than later hit him because he knew instinctively that once things started to heat between them there’d be no stopping it. 

Callen also wanted her at the cabin before he started talking things over with her, though he did hope that perhaps that might not happen at the cabin if he could distract her enough. And himself enough with her. The last week and a half hadn’t been easy on him and he could imagine what some of the thoughts that might have been going round in Jessie’s head as each extra day had gone by and he still hadn’t come home to her. Her, him, the privacy and seclusion of the cabin was what he needed right now. What they both needed.

Jessie’s arms slipped around him from behind. “I will have something warm,” she murmured against his shoulder. “You.” The feel of her arms around him was so good. So right.

“Jessie,” Callen groaned. “Just grab a few things and let’s go before we don’t get out of here at all.” Next time they went to the cabin he’d take clothes that they could leave there so that for future visits he’d be able to simply pick her up and go.

“Miss me did you?”

Callen turned pulled her tight against him and crushed her mouth beneath his. He took, he delved, he tasted and gave just as much as he took before he pulled back. “Every moment of every second,” he told her. 

And he had. He’d tried to push it down and lock it away but he’d realised that was going to be as difficult as stopping his heart from beating. So he had to adapt quickly and learn to live with that as well as play the role he’d needed to be. Lucky he was rather experienced at adapting on the fly.

Jessie looked up at him, stared for a moment before she smiled. “Then we better get packed. Though I should probably have a quick shower. I can smell tequila and lemon.” She gave him an apologetic smile. “I won’t be long.”

Yep, she was going to kill him. 

Callen watched Jessie head to the bathroom and his fingers gripped the bag in his hand tight enough to hurt. He let out a breath when she closed the door. It only took him a few minutes to finish packing for the two of them, green silk included. A quick tidy up of the lounge room and unpacking the dishwasher kept his body occupied enough not to join her in the shower which would certainly put a dent in his plans to get her to the cabin sooner rather than later - though it would be a thoroughly enjoyable dent.


	114. Undercover Blues Part 3 - Cabin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning it does get heated, but there is a massive emotional part to the heat so hopefully that will come across more than the physical.
> 
> Have a great weekend.
> 
> Hope you enjoy and love to hear your thoughts on the chapter.

* * *

 

 

There was snow, not a lot but enough to make the drive that bit longer and it was dark by the time they arrived at the cabin. Callen's immediate focus was on getting the cabin warm. A flick of the switch had the baseboard heating going but that had never been enough to do more than keep the chill off the room overnight once the fire had gone out. It was on his list to replace but had always been put it off because the cold hadn't really bothered him and he hadn't tended to come up too frequently during winter. Now, it was a much higher priority.

Next step had him sort out the fire while Jessie unpacked the food. Once the flames took a firm hold on the wood Callen tugged Jessie into his arms and over to the couch. He pulled the blanket off the back and covered the two of them. She curled into him and sighed softly.

"Talk to me Jessie," he said quietly and ran his fingers through her loose hair. "Why so worried?"

"You were gone too long."

Yep, way too long. "Always come back to you. Promise you that."

"That's not a promise you can keep G," Jessie said, sadness clear in her tone. "You can't control everything."

Callen tilted her chin up so he could see her face. "What I can promise is I will do everything in my power to come back to you."

"I know you will." Jessie's fingers stroked his chin and cheek, the whiskers just a little rough.

Callen had had a quick shower at the office after his chat with Hetty but he hadn't taken the time to shave. At first he'd expected the shower to take forever. A thorough scrub down to try and wash away the dirty feeling from who he had been but the need to be with Jessie had been much stronger and it had him in and out in less than three minutes.

"Three days," Jessie continued, "felt like forever with not knowing what was going on. Ten was … hell."

"It's not usually like this. You know that."

"I don't want to go through that again G. It's one thing knowing you're out there undercover, deep even. But not knowing anything." Jessie shook her head. "I …" She stopped and closed her eyes. Callen pulled her head down gently to his shoulder, his fingers settled back working against her scalp gently.

"I can't say it won't happen again," he said, "but I'll talk to Hetty. She might have some ideas that we can work on."

"Not likely," Jessie murmured. "Already tried."

"Getting you higher clearance an option you discussed?"

"Yeah, but she can't figure out a way to justify it because if I have higher clearance it would have to be for team orientated reason which would mean all of you having higher clearance too. Even getting clearance for a one off mission like this is difficult because of that. As the team psychiatrist I don't need clearance to know what's going on in missions like that. Just enough that you can talk when it's done, which I already have."

"Seems crazy, especially since there are some aspects I can't talk about." The debrief had been very specific about what details he wasn't to divulge to anyone, including Jessie and Hetty.

"I know." Her body softened further into his and the chill finally left the air.

"Doc."

"Yeah."

"Don't really want to talk about it here. Back at work, yeah, but not here. Want this to be us."

Callen wanted to forget the last ten days. Forget everything about it, even just for a few days. The debrief had been hard enough to relive the whole thing for a bunch of bureaucrats who wouldn't know the first thing about how hard it had been to do what he'd had to do. He'd seen the accusation in some of their eyes and almost lost it with them at more than one point. Particularly difficult was when he found out that the three days they'd initially told him was a lie. They'd suspect it would be more like two to three weeks but hadn't wanted the risk of being told no regarding him being on the team. How desperately he'd wanted Jessie there beside him, the calmness of her seeping into him and allowing him a little more control, though he wasn't entirely sure how she would've reacted to the news about the length of the mission. Thankfully by the end, somehow he managed to get through to them just how important what they'd done had been and that yes, everything they'd done had been necessary, though he wished it hadn't been. Talking to Jessie and dealing with the fallout was the last part he needed to tie it all up and move on. But not now.

"Okay."

Some tension eased from Callen knowing she'd accepted that. "Kensi and Nell," he said to change the topic of conversation. Her head buried further into his shoulder and she groaned. The corners of his mouth lifted in a smile. "Why were they there?"

Jessie lifted her head. "Because I needed them. I didn't even ask."

Callen felt more tension leave him. He'd hoped they'd learned enough about Jessie over the last couple of years to read her well enough to know she was struggling. Though he already knew she'd been struggling from Kensi's note, this confirmed it wasn't because Jessie had told them. They did know her well enough and not only did that mean a lot, it gave him comfort to know they had her back when he was away.

"I'll have to say thank you when I see them next."

"I'd rather you didn't say anything to them about it at all," Jessie said quietly.

"Worried I might find out what you all talked about?"

"No." Jessie let out a breath. "Possibly."

Callen chuckled. "Jessie, they're your friends. I hope good ones. Trusted ones. Who else are you going to talk to about ... Girl stuff. I don't know that Trevor would be as good as the girls."

"G," she groaned. "Please."

Something in her tone spoke volumes. "You mean you do talk to Trevor about girl stuff?"

"He's my best friend G and yes, I talk to him about whatever I need to." Jessie lifted her head. "And sometimes that's you and us."

"I don't mind," Callen assured her. "Glad you have someone, but it's nice you have options now, though I'd like to know why you didn't talk to them before they made you?" He raised an eyebrow and waited.

"They were busy. With you and Sam gone the few cases that came their way kept them on their toes. They pulled in other teams but it wasn't the same. There wasn't the connection with them that they have with you and Sam to just know what to do. Extra time spent micromanaging and … I didn't want to worry them."

Callen slid his hands to the bottom of her shirt and slipped them underneath. His fingers stroked her lower back. "They worried anyway," he told her.

"I know." Jessie settled against him further and he swore she almost purred at the touch of his fingers on her back. Eventually Callen pressed a kiss to the top of her head.

"It's warm enough now. Ready for dinner?"

Callen felt a stillness settled over her. Jessie head lifted and she looked at him.

"Dinner?"

His hand slid around from her back to her waist and traced the dip there. "It's late," he said. "I'm hungry. Seems like a good time to eat."

"Eat?"

Callen smiled. "Yeah Doc. Food. Unless…"

Jessie's breath came out in a rush. "Yes."

Callen raised an eyebrow. "Yes to the food or something else?" The time between his question and her answer was minimal but somehow it felt huge and he wasn't sure what answer he was hoping for.

"Both," she whispered. "Surely we can get started with both. It is what you suggested earlier."

Callen groaned as the memory of earlier heated his blood. He had said that. Now he had to follow through. "I'll get the food. You get…"

"Changed?"

"Ready."

Callen tugged her close. "I've missed everything about you Jessie."

She brushed her lips over his. "Same here about you."

* * *

Jessie stood in the bathroom. Her fingers shook a little, though not because of the chill that had caused goosebumps to rise on her skin, as she finished putting her hair up. It left her neck exposed, something both of them enjoyed, even if they did also enjoy her hair down. She took a deep breath and rested her hands on the vanity bench.

She hadn't been brave enough to get changed outside. Callen had glanced over at her when she'd gone to the bag with the clothes in it and even from across the room, his gaze had scorched her skin when he'd spotted the green silk in her hands.

Jessie stared at her reflection and took another breath. He'd talked experimenting but she wasn't sure what he had planned. She trusted him though, whatever that was, and knew she was safe along with the fact that she had no doubt that she, they would thoroughly enjoy it. But she knew to be able to do that she needed to let go of everything, including the worry that she'd had trouble shaking even with him home.

He was safe. He'd come back to her. That time was now over.

The green silk and lace fitted perfectly. The silk brushed the tops of her legs, her stomach and her back so lightly like a whisper of breath. The lace in the cups of the nightgown was barely a touch rougher than the silk but given the heat that Callen's hands over her back and waist had set off, noticeable by feel for her now and no doubt looks for him as soon as she walked out the door.

Another deep breath in and slowly out but instead of easing through the final worry she tensed further. She needed to get back to him. It was like she was afraid it was a dream and if she didn't get to him now it would all disappear in a puff of smoke.

Jessie pulled open the bathroom door and walked out into the main area of the cabin that was so much warmer than the bathroom. The change of temperature sent a shiver through her. She turned toward the kitchen and stopped when she saw him. Perhaps it wasn't the temperature change afterall.

Callen stood with two plates in his hand, halfway between the kitchen and the fireplace but she thought he looked like he was frozen to the spot. She moved slowly, watched him carefully as she walked toward him. He didn't move except for his gaze which travelled over every inch of her. Who needed a fire when he looked at her like that.

Jessie took the plates from his hand and walked backwards from him to the rug in front of the fire. She smiled.

"Doc," he let out on a breath, "you might want to wrap that blanket around you if you want to eat."

Jessie almost laughed at the desperate tone to his voice - one that was similar to hers earlier in the day when she'd protested leaving to come her before anything happened.

"But you seemed…" Jessie paused deliberately, "intent on anticipation making things so much better. We wouldn't want to ruin that now would we?" She put the plates down and turned back to him. "Won't you take a seat?" Looking back she'd realise the formality was what pushed him over the edge.

Callen closed the distance quickly. Without taking his eyes of her he grabbed a cushion from the couch and tossed it on the floor before he took her by the hand.

"Lie down."

Jessie raised an eyebrow. "That'll make it difficult to eat."

"Food can wait. Damn it Doc," he swore. "Lie down please. I want to look at you. See you lying there with the firelight flicking over you. Looking up at me like you're waiting for me."

"I am."

Callen groaned and Jessie decided not to make this any more difficult on him. She could see it in his eyes. So she moved carefully and laid down in front of the fire, her head on the pillow. She watched as he sat beside her and leaned down. He placed a surprisingly gentle kiss her on the lips before he let his gaze travel over her from head to toe. His fingers ran down her shoulder and her arm that was closest to him. The touch was glorious in its simplicity and the connection it made between them.

"You were what got me through," Callen told her. "Thinking of coming home to you. Holding you. Hearing your heartbeat." His fingers brushed lightly over the place above her heart before it traced the neck line of her gown. "Your smile, your laugh. The memory kept me going."

"G." She wasn't quite sure if she was protesting him talking when he'd already said he didn't want to do that here, or protesting his touches not being enough.

"Shh. Not done."

The tears were already pushing against the backs of her eyes with what he'd already said. She fought them back because she knew if he saw them whatever he wanted to say would just be harder for him.

"It was tough," Callen went on. "It was harder when it went longer and with the b-" He stopped abruptly. Understanding slammed through Jessie and she sat up too quick for him to say anything to stop her.

"Dammit G. Shirt off now."

* * *

The glint in Jessie's eyes was not one Callen could work around. He tried before but never succeeded.

"Now," Jessie said firmly when he obviously hadn't responded quick enough.

Callen reached for the bottom of his shirt and he lifted it slowly over his head. It only hurt a little, not enough even to cause a flicker of anything on his face. Unlike her welcome hug earlier, though even then he hadn't let anything slip. He'd been too concerned by her reaction.

"G." Jessie's voice caught. "Why didn't you tell me?" Her fingers hovered over one of bruises, tentative like she didn't want to hurt him. "It's not like it was going to stay a secret for much longer," she added.

"Didn't want you to worry. Just some bruising. No breaks, no fractures." Her hands felt like heaven as they finally, and gently, touched the bruising around his ribs and his stomach.

Jessie looked up at him and cupped his face in her hands. "I think this weekend will be a little tamer than you were thinking G."

Not a snowball's chance in hell was this weekend going to be anything less than he'd promised. He wasn't that hurt. Callen hauled her into his lap, her legs slipped to either side of him.

"I'll tell you if I hurt," he promised. "Too much," he clarified at her look, "and only then do we change the plans."

Jessie cupped his face in his hands brushed her lips over his before she settled into a soft giving kiss. Callen let her lead the way. She lifted her head, her words whispered across his lips. "You need to heal."

"I need you. I need you Jessie."

"G."

"Please."

She must've heard the pleading in his voice. Her thumb brushed over his bottom lip. "How hungry?" she whispered.

"Starving, but only for you."

Jessie shifted off his lap and Callen felt a moment of loss but then she laid back down on the floor and smiled up at him. "Then what are you waiting for?"

"Thought you wanted to eat first." Was he really delaying?

"You need something else more."

"And you?" Not delaying, just making sure this was what she wanted.

"The food's there if I want it G but I'm not eating. I repeat, what are you waiting for?"

He didn't wait any longer. Callen shifted, one hand on either side of her, his knees brushed the side of her hips and then he held himself over her so he could let his gaze wander and commit to memory the way she looked there, firelight over her skin, emerald green silk and lace, creamy skin with a hint of pink that wasn't entirely from heat of the fire. Callen trailed his hands over her silk covered stomach, further up and ran his fingers lightly over the lace, felt her reaction to his touch and watched her eyelids lower and her back arch for more. It opened up her neck, a temptation he could rarely resist but first he needed something else. Hands either side of her head he leaned over and he took her mouth with a desperation and a need to flood his mind with the beauty of her touch, her scent - of her.

Even as he kissed her Callen breathed in the scent of her skin; that familiar scent that was intensifying as her body heated from the kiss. The taste of her, her smell, the feel of her mouth under his giving just as much as he did wasn't enough though. He needed more. He eased the straps down, moved lower and took the nightgown with him.

"Gone already?" she whispered.

"You can wear it again tomorrow." His voice was raw with need. Callen needed to touch, to taste, to feel. Needed her to drive every bad thing out his head. With her stripped bare he let his eyes take his fill, while his teeth bit the inside of his lip to keep him in control while he shed his clothes too.

Then he started at her feet. The toes that curled when he stroked them, the soft skin on the top of her foot, ankle, calf and knee. The feel of her skin under his hands and fingers drove the memory of what he'd had to do with his own from his mind. The smell of her skin did the same to the scent that he hadn't been able to stop smelling even when he was nowhere near the source. The awful smell of -

Callen shook his head and focused back on her; planted his mouth over that sensitive spot on the inside of her knee and sucked hard. It left a mark that reminded him exactly where he was and who he was with and he smiled. The muscles in her thighs quivered under his lips as he continued the journey higher. He heard the soft sounds that fell from her lips; held onto those sounds to drive away the screams.

A small part of Callen knew he was using her to push the bad memories aside and he felt guilt start to rise but the larger part reminded him that this was Jessie. It wasn't just some warm willing body that would help him forget for the night that he would never see again. That part of his life was over. Jessie was here. Yes, she was driving the memories away, but he knew she wanted to. Just as he had wanted to do for her on more than one occasion. She was there for him however he needed and if filling his mind, his ears, his eyes with a beautiful and intoxicating memory of something good was what he needed he knew she'd do it, without question.

He left another mark reminding him where he was at the very top of the inside of her thigh. He breathed in deep and let the smell of her body fill his senses. She had so many different scents and he intended to experience them all tonight. As well as her every taste. He was drawn closer to that spot between her thighs, breathed again and then kissed her there. Teased, tasted and drew out more sounds of pleasure from her. Touch, taste, smell, sound, sight - right there in that one place he could have her in every way and get lost to the beauty of it all. He stayed there, tasting her, feasting on a sensory buffet, feeling her movements that told him she was desperate for more. He held her hips still with his hands and he stayed there until the desperate need he had to forget eased and he couldn't remember that horrid taste that had been in the back of his throat the whole time he'd been away. Until all he could taste was her, her need and desire for him. Until his focus on her had all but driven away the bad and only then did he move higher to her stomach and then further, driving her closer to the edge and taking everything she offered him. He settled his hips between her thighs, their bodies aligned ready to join but he held back. His mouth covered hers and his kissed her, added the taste of her mouth to the rest of her that he'd already experienced, caught her moans and sighs as he re-acquainted himself with her mouth, not that he'd ever forget.

Callen lifted his head and looked down into her eyes; held her gaze as he moved slowly to join their bodies. She took him deep, they fitted perfectly and his throat tightened at the feeling of being whole once again. He moved, a slow, steady and even rhythm meant to drive her higher. Her legs wrapped around his waist and she took him even deeper but she didn't move. He knew she'd recognise the rhythm, the one he set when he wanted or needed to focus on her pleasure first and only hers. Sometimes it was simply because he wanted to, others because he needed to, like now.

Jessie's neck arched back the closer she got but her gaze never left his. Slow, steady and deep he moved until she flew apart and her body tightened around his. The soft cries that fell from her lips almost took him with her but he wanted to see this too much. See her come apart beneath him, know that it was for him, because of him, so he keep the movement the same and carried her higher and longer. He committed the vision of her like this to his memory to erase what had been there before.

When her body relaxed and she started to come down he changed the rhythm. Only then did he let himself go and let himself reach that same high and loose himself in her. Only then did she move beneath him to play her part in taking him there too.

Callen collapsed against her, his head pressed against her neck as he struggled for breath. Her hand stroked his back and he heard her voice in his ear.

"I love you."

He wanted to say it back. Wanted to tell her but he still couldn't breathe well enough for that. He took a deep breath, desperate for enough control to find the words. Two more breaths later he rose up on his elbows and looked down, to find tears falling from her eyes.

Fear hit him for a moment that he'd somehow hurt her but it fled an instant later because he knew that look. There was no point brushing the tears from her eyes, he knew more would fall. Still he reached out and caught one with his finger, lifted it to his lips. Just another taste of her. He lowered his head and brushed a light kiss to her lips before he said the words back.

"I love you too."

Her hand rose to his cheek and it was only then that he realised he too had tears on his cheeks. He saw the question in her eyes, one she wouldn't voice because he'd already told her he wouldn't talk about it here. But he realised that here was where he needed to talk about some of it. Here he could talk to her, personal not professional. With a gentle shift, he rolled onto his back and brought her with him. Her head settled on his shoulder and his fingers started to trace her spine.

"It was bad," he said, his voice low. "The mission, everything. I hated who I had to be. I hope you never ever see him." Callen had some bad aliases in the past but this one he'd had to be, supposedly only for three days, was the worst of them all. By ten days he was more than desperate to be rid of the persona and the memories of what he'd had to do. "I had to do things Doc, things I never want to have to do again." Her hand settled on his shoulder, her finger stroked over the skin gently but she didn't say anything.

"I hit a child Jessie." His chest tightened at the admission, his stomach turned. "I smacked her across the face, yelled at her. I did it to save her life but god dammit she was so little. Starving and scared and I …" He took a deep steadying breath.

"It's okay," Jessie whispered. "Tell me why. Remind yourself why." He felt more tears fall from both of them, his down the side of his face, hers onto his shoulder.

"Because if I didn't they would've killed her. They didn't want problems and she was screaming and scared." Human trafficking was the one thing he hated having to be a part of more than anything. He'd only had to do it a few times in his career and he'd already asked Hetty to get rid of any aliases that could be called into it. If only he'd done that sooner he might not have had to go to this one. "I knew what they'd do to her. I knew what they were capable of and had done before. I had to stop them and it was all that I could come up with in that tiny moment I had to decide. I wish ..."

He wished there had been another way but there wasn't. He'd spent the following night going over everything and he knew the only other option, that of being gentle and trying to calm her down, tell her she would be safe, hadn't truly been an option. Because if he'd done that, they'd have all ended up dead because he would've blown his cover. His alias would never had done something like that. Callen hadn't had a choice because if she didn't stop there and then, they would've killed her and written it off as collateral damage with nothing more than a shrug and an order to some underling to dispose of the body. She was an innocent seven year old girl and would've been dead if he hadn't hit her and scared her into silence.

"I was so deep, almost lost." His fingers slid into her hair at the back of her neck and he focused on the feel of the strands through his fingers, focused on the warmth radiating from her body where hers touched his. He'd had to get that deep. There could be no hint whatsoever of him not being who he claimed to be. "Except you kept me grounded."

Jessie lifted her head at that admission.

"You Jessie," Callen repeated. "You kept me from losing it. Like an anchor locked into the shore. It didn't matter how far into the dark, foggy night with no stars or moon to light the way. It didn't matter how high the waves were or how close the sharks were circling, waiting and hungry. All I had to do was following the chain back to you." He brought the hand from her back to brush over her cheek. "Without you." He shuddered.

"No." Jessie shook her head. "You weren't lost G. You will always be you."

"You don't know what it was like." Even knowing Sam was in overwatch hadn't been enough. His communication with Sam was severely limited - one way only. He could get a message out to Sam but not from Sam.

"No I don't," Jessie agreed gently. "But I know you, deep down, and I know you can be anything you have to be and you won't ever lose who you truly are here." Her lips brushed over his heart.

"Doc."

"I have faith in you G. I know you. And I know this hurts and you think that you couldn't do it but you could, if you had to." Jessie smiled softly and his finger traced that smile and her lips with no real thought, just another way to flood his mind with her, chase away what he'd been. "But I'm glad I could help."

"More than help. If I am as strong as you think, then that's because of you." Callen cupped her head and brought her down for a kiss before he continued. "You are the reason I could come back from who I had to be. You. Your touch, your smell, your taste, your voice. All of it drove him the rest of the way out, drove away the memories and filled them with something so beautiful and good that the bad couldn't possibly co-exist and it had to flee. You, Jessie Valentina Blake, are my safe haven."

Jessie choked back a sob and then brushed her lips over his. "As you are mine."

Callen pulled her back down and held her tight; soaked in everything he could, from the warmth of her skin, the weight of her body on his, the smell of her hair and the feel of her breath against his neck, and let the rest of the tension ease from his body. There would more talk but that would be for the office. He'd said what he needed to here and now. From this point on, the rest of the time here was for them.

"Shower, food and sleep," Callen told her. Jessie lifted her head. "Tomorrow," he smiled, "we'll experiment."

"Tomorrow?"

"Yeah, tomorrow." This, what had happened here tonight he didn't want to cross over to that side of their weekend. "It's late. Let's get some sleep."

Callen rolled her gently off him and rose, held out his hand and when she was on her feet he scooped her up.

Jessie laughed softly. "I'm under the impression you truly don't trust me."

Callen turned his head, brushed a kiss over her cheek. "I trust you Doc, just don't want you out of reach yet."

"Do I take that as you'll be joining me in the shower?"

His answer was two fold, but verbal and action. He stepped into the shower and lowered her to her feet. "I'll be joining you everywhere I can this weekend. You have a problem with that?"

Jessie's arms slid around his neck. "No."

When Callen flicked the water on Jessie yelped and tried to move out of the way.

"It's cold," she protested with a shiver.

With one hand he lifted her chin and lowered his head, his lips just above hers. "Give me a second and you won't notice." He closed the distance and kissed her. This time it was solely because he wanted to.

And the next time she shivered?

It had nothing to do with the water even though it was still cold.

 


	115. Hallucinations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So we leave Callen and Jessie to their experimenting and move forward a little to another little work orientated situation.
> 
> Enjoy and, as always, love to hear your thoughts.

* * *

 

 

Jessie almost swore when she put together the puzzle of what Sam was saying. She only narrowly refrained because Hetty was there in Ops with them.

"Nell," Jessie said, "tell Sam I'm coming. I need to know where they are."

"What?" Nell spun in her chair and stared at Jessie as she backed away to the door. "Jessie what are you doing?"

"He's been drugged with a hallucinogenic drug. Tell Sam to keep everyone back but make sure he doesn't get out of that room. If anyone needs to be in there, it's only Sam. Tell him to try and talk G through it calmly. Keep him safe. I'll be there soon."

Jessie turned and walked out of ops quickly, her mind running over what she needed and how she could possibly do this to him.

"Are you sure this is wise Jessie?" Hetty's voice came from above her when she was halfway down the stairs. She stopped at the bottom, only briefly, to answer her.

"Hetty he has no idea where he truly is. He doesn't recognise Sam and if he leaves that room he's likely to do something that will get him hurt… or worse."

Jessie ran down the corridor to the medical room and grabbed the supplies she needed. She never thought she'd be the one to actually sedate Callen but she'd do it if it meant he didn't get hurt. She almost plowed into Hetty when she walked out the door into the corridor.

"Hetty, you can't-"

Hetty held up her hand and Jessie stopped abruptly.

"I'm driving," Hetty said.

* * *

"Jessie." Deeks had the car door open almost before it came to a complete stop. "Thank God."

Jessie glanced around quickly. "Is Sam in there?"

They walked quickly up the path as they talked.

"Yeah," Deeks said. "Kensi's out back in case he runs. It doesn't sound good. Are you sure you want to go…"

Jessie shook her head and Deeks stopped. "I'm going in Deeks. I'll need you and Sam to help though. Are you up for it?" She'd prefer just herself but she knew that she wouldn't have the strength or ability to defend herself or stop Callen physically without the two of them. Under normal circumstances Sam would be enough but with the drugs in his system, who knew how much strength Callen would find. She couldn't risk it.

"Sure," Deeks agreed without hesitation. "Whatever you need, whatever Callen needs."

At the door Jessie took a slow calming breath before she called out to Sam. The door opened barely a moment later.

"Jessie," Sam said, his voice low. "It's not good. I can't get him to recognise me."

She'd hoped the connection with Sam, the strongest he had with any of the team, would've been enough. "Where does he think he is?"

"Not sure but he thinks there's a lot of bad guys around him. Can't place it as a mission we've been on together."

"I need you and Deeks to help me. I'm going to sedate him."

"You can't," came Sam's immediate protest. "You know how he feels-"

"I know Sam," Jessie cut him off gently. "I know." She knew how much Callen hated it, hate the loss of control, awareness and ability to protect himself. But right now, sedation had to be the lesser of two evils. "But I have to," she continued. "Or he could be stuck like this for anywhere up to twelve hours or more depending on what they've given him. Trust me Sam," she pleaded. "I wouldn't be doing this if there was any other choice."

She heard the long breath Sam let out. "Alright. What do we do?"

Jessie forced her concentration back to what she needed from Sam and Deeks, not on Callen's voice. He'd been muttering or yelling occasionally while they'd been having this quiet conversation. It ripped at her heart the pain and fear she could hear in his voice but had also given her more resolve in her choice of action. It was the only way she could help him right now.

"I'm hoping I can reach him." Both mentally and physically. She knew Callen had a strong connection with Sam but she also knew the connection she had with Callen was different and maybe, if she was lucky, it would be enough to gain his attention and give her a chance to do what she had to do. "We move slowly. If he notices either of you, stop. Don't risk pushing closer if he's watching you. I don't want to hurt him but if he starts to run or get violent, we'll have to do it the hard way." She knew she didn't need to spell it out to either of the two men. They'd know what to do and she appreciated their talents and experience right now in a more personal way than she ever expected.

"You could get hurt," Sam warned.

"I know. But he's hurting Sam. What else can I do?"

"Let me do it," Sam said. "I can sedate him."

"No. It has to be me Sam," she said softly. "He trusts me. He trusts me with needles."

There was a moment of silence before Sam said. "Okay, but I don't like it."

"Neither do I."

Sam eased the door open slowly and Jessie moved inside. Her eyes went to Callen immediately. He'd backed himself into a corner of the room. His eyes were wide and fearful. He was talking but she couldn't make out the words. His movements looked like he was trying to hide from someone but in the empty room of the vacant house there was nowhere to hide. There was a bruise on his cheek and a trickle of dried blood near his lip. His voice rose, panic filled. Jessie's fingers closed around the needle, filled and ready in her pocket. It was reassuring to know this would end soon for him, one way or another, but her heart physically ached in her chest to see him like this.

"G," she said softly as she moved just one step closer. "It's Jessie."

Her name and voice didn't seem to register. Callen kept muttering, hiding and then dropped to the floor and covered his head.

"G," her voice louder this time. "Please look at me." Finally he did but there was no recognition in his eyes and her heart sank.

Callen scrambled to his feet and back toward the corner again. "Stay back. I'll shoot." He held his hands up as if he had a gun. "I don't care who you think you are you won't get away with this." His hands moved as if focusing randomly on multiple targets with the gun that he alone saw in his hands. "Or how many of you there are."

"G." Jessie swallowed past the lump in her throat and took two small steps closer as she spoke. "It's Jessie. It's just me, Sam and Deeks. No one else. We're here to help."

"You've tried that before," Callen yelled. "But I don't know you."

Jessie's heart ached for him. She'd hoped somewhere he'd grab onto it being her. Someone very close was usually the only way to get through to patients like this. Admittedly it was a slim chance when someone was a deep in the hallucination as Callen appeared to be. Out of her peripheral vision she saw Sam and Deeks move slowly away from her to the edges of the room, obviously looking to be on either side of Callen if necessary. She left them to it, trusted them to be careful and focused on Callen. She needed him to look at her if there was any hope to get through to him.

Jessie took a risk. She took two bigger steps toward him as she spoke. "G," she said loudly. "G please look at me." He looked but the risk didn't pay off and he suddenly lunged toward her, screaming.

Deeks and Sam moved quickly and managed to hold him but it wasn't easy. The drugs, as suspected, made Callen stronger and less controlled. She moved fast, needle out and ready before she had taken the four steps to needed to reach them. But she wasn't ready for, and neither were Sam or Deeks, the burst of strength that had Callen throw off both men. The back of his hand slammed into Jessie's cheek and sent her reeling. She stumbled, fell and the needle slipped from her grasp and slid along the wood floor out of her reach.

"Jessie." The word took the sting from her cheek and her gaze flew from the needle to Callen. Sam and Deeks stood motionless.

"G," she whispered.

The look in his eyes held recognition and horror. He stepped forward, his hand reached out toward her but then he backed away again.

"Jessie, I'm sorry." Callen slid to the floor once he was back in the corner and his head shook. "No. You can't be here. You can't. You have to be safe."

She understood. If she was here, she was in danger, at least in the world that he saw. She needed to reassure him somehow and quickly before he did something to protect her that got him hurt.

"I am," Jessie said loud enough to reach him clearly but not so loud that it would startle him. She needed to keep the connection, needed to make sure he continued to know she was there. "I am safe. Look at me. Please G, look at me."

Callen lifted his gaze and she held his, hoped it would be enough. She moved slowly closer, kept herself on the ground so she remained eye level with him.

"I'm here G, you're safe too." Eyes and voice. If she could keep him focused on her maybe this would work. She pointed to Deeks discreetly and behind her to where the needle was, hoped he'd get the message because she certainly couldn't say anything.

Callen's eyes started to lose their focus. "Stay with me G. Look at me," Jessie encouraged. His breathing was erratic, panic in his eyes but the focus came back and he kept his eyes on hers. "That's it." She continued to gently reassure him as she moved closer, but when she was only a few feet away the recognition dimmed again.

"No G," she said firmly. "Look at me. Say my name."

"Jessie run." His voice reflected the panic in his eyes but that he'd said her name meant he still knew she was there. "It's not safe, run."

"It is safe, and I'm not going anywhere, not without you." Jessie could reach out and touch him now, she was close enough but without the needle she couldn't risk that. She put her hand behind her at floor level and hoped with everything she had that Deeks was a good shot.

"Stay with me G. We'll get through this. I promise."

Callen's gaze left hers. "Get away from her," he screamed.

Jessie felt the needle hit her hand and she grabbed it. Relief eased some of the trembling in her. She moved closer and reached out to Callen's face, guided his gaze back to her. "You're safe G," she said softly.

"Safe?"

"I promise. You're safe. Trust me."

There was the barest of nods. Jessie took it as a good sign and moved closer. She was going to have to do this without telling him. He was too unsettled to try and reason with him given his normal issue with needles, even if he trusted her enough these days that he didn't protest. She moved closer, knelt next to him and cupped the back of his neck. "I'm here," she whispered. "I've got you."

Callen shuddered and leaned closer to her. Hating it had to be this way, she did it as quickly as she could. He jumped a little and stared at her, shock and disbelief mingled in his eyes.

"I'm sorry." Jessie dropped the needed and cupped his face with both her hands. "I'm sorry but you needed it." His gaze was ripped from hers by something only he could see.

"Gun! Get down!" Callen yelled and then she was pushed back to the floor and he was over her, covering her and trembling. Jessie wrapped her arms around him.

"There's no gun G. They're not here. I've got you," she whispered. "You're safe. I'm safe." She repeated those four words constantly until she felt him go lax against her when the sedative finally took hold. Only then did she let the tears fall.

"Jessie?" It was Sam's voice, far enough away that he knew he wasn't quite sure where things sat and wasn't going to risk coming closer."

"It's okay Sam. It worked."

A moment later Sam was next to her. "Let me help get him off you."

"No," she protested quickly. "No. Get the gurney. We need to get him to the hospital. Hetty's organising a private room. The sedative wasn't a lot. I didn't want him under too long. I'll give him more if I have to but I think I can see him through his as long as I can keep him focused on me."

While not completely confident, being in the hospital would give her the backup of a stronger sedative if she couldn't. That she'd managed to reach him at this point in time when the effects were bound to be at their strongest, gave her hope that she could potentially be enough. But Jessie wasn't about to let him go until it was necessary and even then it would only be long enough to get him on the gurney before she'd find a way to connect with him. She had him. She'd promised she had him and she wasn't going to break it.

* * *

Sam sat and watched his partner. He'd been watching for the last eight hours since they'd arrived at the hospital. He'd refused to leave Callen and Jessie, just in case things went bad and Callen didn't know where he was or who was with him. Jessie wasn't strong enough if Callen started to fight. The power Callen had unleashed on him and Deeks earlier had been scary.

So Sam continued to watch Callen sleep, and Jessie drift beside him. Because she hadn't left his side. When they'd first arrived, Jessie had slipped onto the bed beside Callen and shot daggers at the doctor who had suggested restraints. It surprised the heck out of Sam that their gentle Jessie could pull of such a look that he'd almost smiled. Only almost because he was scared for his partner.

Jessie had only sedated Callen once more which had happened when the initial dose had worn off. After that though, her words of reassurance and her touch seemed to be all that Callen had needed to fight off the hallucinations and resettle into an exhausted sleep. Whether Callen was dreaming the hallucinations or not Sam wasn't sure but he did know that as time went on, things were getting easier and his partner, his brother, his best friend, was getting calmer and sleeping easier.

It was admittedly odd to witness Callen sleep so much when it wasn't medically induced but it told Sam a lot. His partner felt safe and wasn't fighting his body's desire to sleep like he usually did. Sam had no doubt that Jessie had a lot to do with that.

Sam's gaze slid to Jessie. She was sleeping too, as if she finally felt safe to do so. Her head was on Callen's shoulder, her hand rested over his heart and her leg was tucked over one of his. It was like she was trying to surround Callen, to give him the sense of being protected. There were shadows under her eyes, the exhaustion showing there since she'd just come off a hospital shift and arrived at the office, her plan of sleeping on the couch going a touch haywire when she'd found out Callen had been caught by the bad guys. Thankfully they'd been tracking Callen closely but they hadn't been quick enough to get there and whatever drugs they'd pumped into Callen had made the rescue that much more difficult. Callen had a bruise on his cheek, along with a split lip, most likely bruised ribs but it was the drugs that worried Sam the most. Whatever memories or visions they'd brought to Callen's mind had been terrifying. He'd never seen his partner that scared before. He could only hope they were simply bad visions, and not something Callen had actually lived through.

The bruise on Jessie's cheek had come out, not that she'd let them do anything about it even when Sam had offered to hold the ice in place for her so she could stay where she was. She'd said she'd be fine. A bruise would go away on it's own and it didn't hurt that much. Sam didn't know how Callen would react when he realised it had been him who had put it there. He was grateful though it had only been the back of Callen's hand, not a closed fist, and that it hadn't actually been aimed at Jessie. It had just been the tail end of the movement that had thrown himself and Deeks off.

Sam had known for a long time that Callen was in safe hands with Jessie. He knew what his partner would do for her, had seen it first hand, not just with the Santiago debacle but with everything Callen had helped her get through. He knew Jessie had fought for Callen in other ways, he just hadn't expected it to come out this way with her putting herself in harm's way to help him. Sam had been reluctant to let her be the one to get close to Callen. Seeing the bruise on her cheek made him feel a touch guilty but he'd witnessed the way Callen had reacted to Jessie when he'd finally realised she was there. The connection the two of them had was deep and strong. In the midst of Callen's fight with the drug, she'd made it through; even if it had taken Callen hurting her to break through the haze and have him realise. It reinforced to Sam just how much Callen loved her and wanted to protect her. That even with his struggles he'd realised he'd hurt her and that had pulled him out of the haze enough to let Jessie in and stay in.

"Sam."

The voice was calmer and much more familiar than the way the voice had been back in the house.

Sam's gaze shifted back to his partner. "G. Good to have you back."

"What happened?"

"They drugged you." Sam shifted closer. "You don't remember?"

"Not really. Head hurts." Callen's gaze shifted to Jessie then back. He raised an eyebrow. "How am I getting away with this? Not that I'm complaining but thought it was against the rules."

"Trust me," Sam smiled at both the sign Callen was more himself and at the memory of Jessie's look. It was really a smile this time. "They're not going to try and move her." They also weren't about to evict Sam either until Hetty okayed it. Hetty had played the agent in danger card to keep Sam in here.

Callen gave him a look that requested more of an explanation than that.

"You've a pretty protect wolf there G," Sam told him. "She hasn't left your side." Sam saw Callen reach up to touch Jessie's face. "Wouldn't do that," Sam warned him.

Callen frowned and shifted a little. That caused Jessie to wake up and lift her head. She smiled at Callen.

"G, you're awake."

Callen ignored Jessie's question. He indicated her cheek. "What happened?"

Jessie looked to Sam, a plea for help in her eyes.

"G," Sam said. Callen turned to him. "You didn't know it was her."

Callen looked back to Jessie. "I did this?"

"You were lost G," Jessie said. "Somewhere else. You were fighting enemies we couldn't see."

"I hurt you."

Sam heard the pain in his partner's voice.

"Yes," Jessie admitted to Sam's surprise though he appreciated her honesty because there was no other way to describe it. "You didn't mean to," Jessie continued. "You saw me as the enemy."

"I'm sorry." Callen's gaze was still focused on Jessie's cheek.

"I'm not," Jessie told Callen softly. "I'm glad I was there."

Callen pulled her in tight and looked at Sam. "Did I hurt anyone else?"

"No," Sam assured him. Neither he or Deeks had been hurt when Callen had thrown them off.

Callen frowned. "What did they do to me?"

"Major dose of LSD combined with another hallucinogenic drug," Jessie answered. "You were somewhere else."

Callen's frown deepened along with the concern in his eyes. "But I recognised you," he said to Jessie. "I remember something."

Jessie nodded. "You did, eventually."

"Not soon enough though."

Sam watched as Callen's fingers gently brushed Jessie cheek. She didn't flinch.

"Can I get you that ice yet?" Sam asked, knowing full well that because Callen was now awake and knew about it she couldn't get away with saying no.

Jessie shot him a glare but Sam just grinned at having finally won.

"I had more important things to do," Jessie said, "as Sam well knows."

"Get the ice Sam," Callen said firmly, "while I have a little chat to my doctor."

Sam knew when to follow an instruction and when not to. He left.

* * *

"Doc."

Jessie sat up in the bed and looked down at him. Callen wasn't particularly fussed with the position of power she was now in.

"You needed me. I didn't need the ice."

"Have you looked in a mirror? That needed, needs ice." Okay so maybe it wasn't as bad as it could be but there was a definite bruise over her cheek up to her cheek bone. She was lucky he hadn't gotten her eye.

Jessie shrugged. "G, you needed me. I hated having to sedate you. I tried not to."

He remembered that now, the shock and surprise of the needle in his arm, the sadness in her eyes when she'd apologised.

"Thank you," he said. "I know you wouldn't have done it if there'd been any other way. But still," he brushed his fingers over the cheek, just away from the bruise to be sure not to hurt her. "You should've taken care of yourself."

Jessie shook her head. "We'll agree to disagree. How are you feeling?"

"Heads a little fuzzy on the details, but I'm only seeing you." He brushed his thumb over her jaw line. "I'm gonna have to tell Alex about this."

"Why?"

"I hit you Jessie. I need to tell him. If he finds out any other way-" Jessie put her fingers on his lips and he stopped.

"G this has nothing to do with that. It's not the same, nowhere near it."

Callen knew that but there was no way he wasn't going to let Alex know what had happened. "I know, but I'm still gonna tell him. I never wanted to hurt you again."

"I know, but in this case it was a good thing."

"How can you even-" Her fingers were there again.

"I can because it was what seemed to get through to you. You realised who I was straight after. You were able to keep hold of me, mostly, after that."

Callen ran a hand over his face and winced at the pain in his own cheek. "I guess we match. Let me guess, I got ice."

Jessie bit her lip and then nodded. "In the ambulance. It didn't seem too bad when we got here."

"I don't know how I ended up like that. I don't remember them giving me anything."

"I don't know yet either. We'll figure it out. If they injected you there'll be signs we can look for when I check you over."

"Still trying to get your hands on my body huh?"

Jessie chuckled softly and settle back into his arms. "Not trying. I am."

"I'm sorry." Callen kissed the top of her head and felt the strong pull of sleep. He struggled to keep his eyes open but knew he wouldn't win. "Doc." His voice sounded sleepy.

"Yeah." So did her's.

"When Sam gets back, use the ice."

Somehow he knew she was smiling. "And if I don't?"

Now he was. "You'll be in trouble."

"Are you forgetting I like the trouble I have with you?"

"Serious trouble Doc. I want the bruise gone soon. Don't want to be reminded I hurt you."

Callen's eyes were closed, he felt her shift and then the brush of her lips over his cheek before she settled back in his arms. He heard her whisper, "I love you," before he was pulled under. He wasn't sure if his words in response made it out of his head or not. He hoped so.


	116. Alex

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was a last minute addition that's only been written and edited in the last couple of days after a prompt from a reviewer on FF got me thinking.  
> Love to know what you think.

* * *

 

"No," Jessie said. "I'll call him." She tried to snatch the phone out of Callen's fingers but he moved it out of her reach easily.

Callen had been discharged earlier that day after both the hospital doctor and Jessie were confident that he'd worked through most of the drugs side effects. Jessie was still checking him over to monitor some things but the worst was over.

"I'm calling him Jessie," Callen told her firmly.

"You'll put the wrong spin on it."

"Spin?" Callen smiled. "Me? I don't think so. That would be you. I'll tell him what happened and face the music."

"But that's the thing," Jessie complained. "There's no music to face but when you tell him you …" Jessie trailed off.

"When I tell him I hit you?" Oh yeah, she'd put a very different spin on it, even if she wouldn't lie to Alex. She could barely even say what had happened to him right now.

"You didn't," Jessie said. "I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time."

Not quite the same spin she'd been plying him with since he found out.

"No Doc." Callen shook his head. "You were in the right place at the right time. At least that's what you've been telling me isn't it? That if it hadn't happened you might not have gotten through to me?"

"Yes," Jessie admitted reluctantly.

"Can't have it both ways," he told her, keeping the hint of triumph low in his tone. Even if both ways were technically true. "Let me call Alex, Jessie. Let me tell him what happened. Let him question me if he wants until he's satisfied this isn't more than it is. I can take it." Yes he was asking her to let him, but Callen knew it would be much easier if she agreed rather than have him steamroll over her wishes; something he wasn't particularly inclined to do with anything. He understood why she wanted to do it. She didn't want Alex to think badly of him and she felt like she could soften the blow, so to speak.

"He's a lawyer G. One who is very good at asking questions."

"Good."

Callen pulled Jessie in close, her body molded into his almost instantly. He lifted a hand, his phone now safely in the back pocket of his jeans, to gently touch the bruise on her face. "I hurt you, not deliberately, but still I hurt you. He needs to know he can trust me with you Doc. He needs to know when something like this happens so he doesn't worry about what we're not telling him."

"Okay," she agreed, "but I want to hear the conversation."

"As long as you don't try and take it over you can stay."

Jessie lips twitched and a hint of guilt flashed over her face.

Callen raised an eyebrow. "Promise?" he added.

Jessie's eyes narrowed. "Fine," she almost huffed. "I promise. But I still think -"

Callen put his finger over her lips. "I'll be fine," he told her. He waited until she nodded before he removed his finger and pulled out his phone. Alex answered within a few rings.

"Callen, what can I do for you?" The voice was friendly yet professional. A quick mental calculation told him timezone wise it was possible Alex was still at work.

"Did I catch you at work?"

"I'm still at work but I can talk."

"It's about Jessie."

Jessie rolled her eyes.

"She okay?" Alex asked.

"Yes and no. There was an incident at work. I … hit her." There was regret in his voice but Callen wasn't sure if it would make it through to Alex.

Jessie glared at him.

"You what?" Alex's voice was protective with a distinct hint of anger.

"I'll explain if you give me a chance."

"You should've let me do it," Jessie muttered under her breath.

"You have one minute," Alex told him in a tone the said if one minute wasn't enough he'd be on the next plane out and then there would be serious trouble. Maybe Jessie had been right but Callen was here now and he wasn't about to back down.

"It was work." Callen kept it to the specifics without any flourish. "I ended up dosed with two different hallucinogenic drugs. Seeing things that weren't there. Jessie came to help but ended up in the firing line. I didn't know it was her."

"What drugs?" Alex demanded.

"LSD and…" Callen looked to Jessie for confirmation of the second one.

"LSD and PCP," Jessie confirmed loud enough for Alex to hear.

The call immediately disconnected only to have a video call come through a moment later from Alex. Callen answered it promptly.

"Put her on," Alex said before Callen could speak. Alex's voice was still protective though not as harsh, though the look on his face wasn't particularly friendly.

Callen handed the phone to Jessie.

"Hey," she said gently with a smile. "I'm fine."

"Show me," Alex said, the tone much different though the protectiveness and concern still came through clearly.

Jessie shifted the phone to give Alex a decent view of her injured cheek.

"I've had worse and you know it," Jessie said. "From both my jobs."

Although Callen knew this he hated hearing it.

"This is different."

"No it's not. It's work. It happens. It has happened since that first time in the ER when I was still doing my residency."

"Callen," Alex said.

Callen held his hand out to Jessie and waited for her to pass him the phone. She did so reluctantly and Callen suspected she wasn't happy about Alex cutting their conversation short. He turned the phone to face himself. He expected questions but instead Alex seemed almost calm. Callen wasn't quite sure how to take the change and decided to wait Alex out and see what the man had to say.

"Are you okay?" Alex asked surprising Callen again.

"Through the worst of it."

"The bad guys?"

"All caught." There wasn't much else Callen could say. While his own team had stayed with him, another NCIS team who had joined his at the house had tracked down the couple of men who had slipped away from the group who had taken him. Hetty had assured him it was over.

"Good to hear. And just so you know," Alex said, his voice almost normal, though the concern was still there, "I know the difference between a fist, a slap and a backhand. I can see how you hit her and if you were on those drugs and did that to her, she's lucky it's not worse."

Jessie slid in beside Callen. "He wasn't trying to hit me Alex. He was scared and it was just the end of the movement of something else," Jessie explained.

"Why were you there?" Alex asked Jessie.

"Why do you think? He needed me."

"You put yourself in danger needlessly," Alex said with a shake of his head. "I'm sure someone else could've done it instead."

Callen did his best to keep a straight face because while Alex might've been saying the words, he could see the resignation in Alex's expression that it was a fight he knew he couldn't win.

"I wasn't alone. And really?" Jessie said gently. "Like someone other than Trevor or I could've been there for you that night?"

Callen watched the expression change on Alex's face and remembered Jessie telling him it had been her and Trevor who had been the ones to calm Alex down that night long ago after Lydia.

There was silence form Alex's side for a few moments. "You don't forget anything do you?"

"Not when it's important and especially not when it's about those I love," Jessie replied.

"You've made your point." Alex smiled. "Your boy is safe ... this time."

Even though Callen knew that the circumstances surrounding this incident had nothing to do with what Alex had been through with his sister, he felt a huge amount of relief at the comment.

"There was no reason for him not to be," Jessie reminded Alex gently.

Alex nodded. "That's true." Alex shifted his focus from Jessie to Callen. "You're a brave man Callen. I appreciate the honesty. Take care of her."

"Always," Callen replied.

The call was disconnected and Jessie let out a sigh of relief.

"That wasn't so bad now was it?" Callen asked. It could've been worse.

Jessie shook her head slightly. "You weren't exactly tactful with the way you told him."

He probably could've done it a touch better. "I was honest. That's what I was aiming for." Callen knew enough about both Alex and Trevor that if he lied about Jessie, especially about something like this, it would be bad.

"There's honest and there's -"

Callen kissed her. It only took a moment before he felt Jessie shift into the kiss and her body soften. After a few moments Callen slowly eased off.

"I did what needed to be done Doc," he said softly.

Jessie closed her eyes and rested her forehead against his. "He took it well considering," she murmured.

"He did."

"I think we should celebrate."

"Celebrate? What? Not having Alex want to rip me to shreds?"

"No." Jessie lifted her head. "Us." She smiled. "I wasn't sure I'd even be able to get through to you."

"But you did." Even if it had taken the physical blow for him to realise that she was there. Though Callen did have to question whether it was the blow or the actual touch between the two of them that was the catalyst.

"I was scared," Jessie admitted.

"You and me both."

"So," Jessie tilted her head slightly. "Celebrate?"

Callen smiled and started to walk her backwards to their bedroom. "I think I can manage that," he said.

"Uh, uh, uh. I've got something else in mind." Jessie stepped backward out of his arms and smiled. "Meet me in the car. I'll tell you where we're going."

"I like my idea better." Callen reached for her but she jumped out of his reached and laughed lightly. A very nice sound to hear, especially after everything that had happened.

"Trust me," Jessie said. "I'll include it but first mine."

Callen headed to the front door and called out, "Don't take took long Doc, or I'll come back and we'll go straight to my idea." Part of him hoped she would but he was also curious what she had in mind.

* * *

Callen helped Jessie spread out the blanket on the sand before she sat down on one side and put a small, yet familiar, cooler in the middle. He settled on the blanket, on his side, and looked at her.

"This seems familiar."

"Does it?" There was innocence to Jessie's tone, but not to the sparkle in her eyes.

"Mmm hmm. Especially if there's ice cream in there.

"Why don't you open it and find out?"

Close to what had happened last time. He unzipped the cooler and pulled out the container inside. "Strawberry and Coconut. Two spoons. Definitely familiar." And it had been to celebrate last time too that she had set this up, though it felt like such a long time ago.

"We had yours last time, figured it was my turn."

Callen handed her a spoon and lifted the lid off the container. "We've come a long way," he said, "since the first time we shared ice cream on this beach."

"We have," Jessie agreed softly. "A very long way."

Callen smiled. "Still feel I'm worth it?"

Jessie paused in the middle of bringing a spoonful of ice cream to her mouth. "I know you're worth it. I hope you do too."

Callen frowned. "You got hurt Jessie. Not sure that's worth it."

"You're worth a lot more than a bruised cheek G," Jessie told him. "I'll fight for you anyway I can, just like I know you'll do the same for me."

Callen couldn't deny that. He'd take a lot more than a bruised cheek for her. "Always."

* * *

The ice cream was half empty when Callen put the lid back on and returned it to the bag.

"Hey!" Jessie protested. "There's more."

Callen took the spoon from her hand, added to the bag along with his and zipped it up. "I know," he said. "But there's something I wanted to do that first time."

"What?" There was a curious expression on Jessie's face as she watched him.

Callen shifted the bag out of the way and moved closer. He caught Jessie's mouth easily with his and eased her back on the blanket without breaking the connection. It was a just a kiss. His hands behaved even if his mouth didn't have to, at least as long as he kept it on hers. Which he did because he wasn't about to risk getting side tracked and forget where they were. Which he had to admit was a possibility with Jessie. There were times when he would get absorbed in her and lose track of where they were. Usually it was only briefly before he'd come back to the reality that they weren't at home; the agent in him never really obliterated completely. Though at home and the cabin he was definitely freer to let go of that side of him.

Callen lifted his head and looked down into her eyes; ones that were a much deeper brown than before he'd kissed her.

"You wanted to do that back then?" she asked.

"Oh yeah." Maybe not quite like that. "Close anyway. We were almost done and you had this little spot of ice cream beside your lip." His finger touched the spot that was between the dimple that showed when she smiled in her left cheek and the corner of her mouth. "Here. I was so very tempted to kiss it off."

"Why didn't you?"

"Wasn't who you needed then. Plus it probably would've scared you off."

"Me or you?"

"Both?"

Jessie smiled. "Perhaps you'd better go for another one to make up for it. Can't have you missing out on something you want."

Callen chuckled. "That's a very dangerous comment Doc."

Jessie shrugged. "Not in any danger with you."

If only. Instead of dwelling on that thought though, Callen took her up on the offer of the kiss, starting where the ice cream had been that day before settling in for a more thorough and deeper kiss.

Jessie was the one to bring the kiss to an end this time. She rolled him over to his back and brushed a light kiss over her lips before she pushed herself to her feet.

"First one to the car," she said with a wicked look in her eyes, "gets first choice of the bowl for the ice cream when we get home."

She was gone before Callen could clear the instant heated thoughts from his mind that her suggestion had conjured. Her laugh as she ran up the beach brought a smile to his face. Rather than rush, he took his time folding the blanket before he walked to the car.

"You know Doc," he said when he arrived, "just because you get first choice, doesn't mean you get last."

The heat rose in her eyes, to match the heat he felt in his body. Callen put the bag and the blanket down before he caught her between his body and the car.

Jessie looked up at him. "You have somewhere in mind for when I'm done?" she asked oh so innocently.

Callen leaned close to her ear. "I have many places in mind," he softly. Jessie's neck arched and he had a lovely view of the that little tattoo along with the neck that he was very interested in tasting along with the ice cream. "Luckily," Callen continued and brushed his lips over her neck lightly every few words, "I know there's more ice cream at home because I don't intend to stop until I've done them all.

Her breathing was shallow and rapid, her eyes were closed and her lips slightly parted, almost like she was waiting for his kiss. He pushed away from her and watched as her eyes opened in surprise, and with a hint of disappointment.

"Get in the car Doc," he ordered, "before the ice cream melts and I have to get more creative." He didn't say 'before I try some now' though the way the heat jumped in her eyes he suspected she could see it in his. Thankfully she followed the instruction.

 


	117. First chat with Garrison

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So a little heads up. The coming chapters (after this one) are a part of an arc and I need to make sure that nothing from further along affects the chapters before I start uploading. Am hoping to start the arc either tomorrow or the day after with the hope that I don't leave you with any cliffhangers for too long.
> 
> In the meantime, enjoy this one and love to hear from you when you're done.

* * *

 

Callen stood at their lounge room window and stared out at the grass, trees and flowers in the front yard but didn't really see them.

Jessie's arms slipped around him and he felt her press a kiss to the back of his shoulder before she leaned her head against him. He took a deep breath and let it out, let the comfort of touch seep in deep down.

"You okay?" she asked.

"Don't know Doc," he answered honestly. "Part of me keeps thinking this is the wrong way to go."

Jessie's hands moved to his shoulders and the slight pressure encouraged him to turn toward her. When he did his hands fell automatically to her waist and she moved in closer, her body brushed lightly against his. Her hands settled on his chest, one over his heart.

"Which part?"

"Here," Callen admitted. "Bringing him here."

"I get that," Jessie said. "You remember why we decided here?"

Callen liked that she didn't just tell him. Liked that she wanted to really know what he was thinking. Odd considering how he used to be.

"Remind me," he said. "Think I need it." Hearing it from her might help rather than letting his mind go where it wanted.

Jessie nodded and smiled. "Boat-shed was out. Now isn't the time for you to be an agent. A public place doesn't give either of you the chance to talk without being overheard."

"This is our home Jessie. What if someone follows?" That seemed to be his biggest problem, at least that he could name.

"That would be why Sam is bring him. You know Sam won't let anyone follow."

Callen nodded. He trusted Sam. "We could've used one of Hetty's homes. She offered."

"G this is a meeting between father and son," Jessie said gently. "You both want to fight for this relationship, for your family. Having him come here was a way to show that from you. He's got a lot to bring in answers. This is what you bring to the table at this point. Trust in having him here."

They had talked about it, made the decision together. Callen knew all of this but just needed to be reminded of it because the urge to protect and shield Jessie, and himself from more pain from his past, was strong. He had to bring a degree of trust to this otherwise it was pointless.

"It puts you," Jessie slid her arms around his neck, rose up and brushed her lips lightly over his, "in a safe place. You won't constantly be looking over your shoulder to see if someone's listening that shouldn't be. You get to be yourself more here than anywhere else that you could meet him."

She was right. How was he to get to know his father, as a son, if he was in full agent mode somewhere else.

Callen wrapped his arms around her waist. "You'll be here right?"

Jessie smiled. "Right beside you all the way unless you ask me to go."

"I won't."

"Just remember," Jessie said, "You're building trust right now."

Trust. Something he didn't exactly have with Garrison yet.

"It'll take time G. You know that. This is just the first step."

"I don't know if what he tells me will be the truth."

"You have wonderful instincts G." Her left hand slid down to cover his heart. "You'll know here and if you aren't sure, ask for more detail. It's a half hour at the most. We can call it off anytime. Sam will be out the back ready to take Garrison home whenever you need him to."

Jessie and Sam. The two people he trusted more than anyone else in the world. They were both going to be here and he took strength from that.

Callen nodded. There was a sound outside, a familiar one. "They're here," he told Jessie, without even looking out the window for confirmation.

Jessie pressed a soft kiss to his lips and stepped back. She took his hand in hers. "I've got you G."

Callen squeezed her hand. "Seems you're getting to say that a little more frequently of late."

Jessie smiled. "You've said it to me plenty of times. Kind of nice to have a turn for one that doesn't involve injuries."

* * *

"Thank you." Garrison sat on the edge of the chair. To Callen the old man looked nervous. "I know you have questions," Garrison said. "Ask me anything."

"Not today," Jessie said. Her fingers were linked with Callen's and rested on his leg. He appreciated the connection.

Garrison frowned. "But -"

"The trust between the two of you," Jessie said gently, "It needs some time to build before you get to the difficult things." She glanced at Callen and the slight nod passed control of the conversation to him.

"Jessie think we should stay off topics that might .. Cause problems for the moment. I agree."

If they went to the hard things it had the potential to cause a rift. If Callen couldn't understand, trust or handle being around Garrison after that, answers to other more simple things would never been gotten. So instead of jumping to the top of the ladder, so to speak, they were going to start at the bottom.

"What do we talk about?"

"Tell me something about my mother. About things that happened with me with her."

There was a look of understanding in Garrison's eyes. "Memories."

Callen nodded.

"You were so young. So long ago. Do you think -"

"I know it was long ago," Callen said, "and I may not remember it myself but I need something. Something good." Because he didn't want the only thoughts of his mother and him to be that of when she died. Jessie understood that, from her own experiences. It was why she'd suggested they start with his mother. To give him something to hold onto.

"I understand." A soft smile graced Garrison's lips and a far away look came into his eyes. "She was beautiful and smart. A hard to resist combination as I'm sure you can understand." Garrison's gaze slid to Jessie, to their hands and then back to Callen. He shifted to sit further back in his chair before he continued.

"Over time we fell in love. I fell before your mother. She was stubborn too, a trait you share, and fought it. I knew who she was and was trying to convert her to the cause but she converted me to hers instead. When she fell pregnant with Amy, she confided in me about the Comescu's and the feud. We hid our relationship to keep her safe. At home we were just a family. At work, I was a soldier with none. It wasn't easy but it kept her safe."

Callen understood the need to keep those he loved safe.

"Sorry," Garrison said. "You want memories of you, not our life. She would read to you every night. In Russian, Romanian and English. She wanted you to know all the languages of your heritage." Garrison appeared to blink back tears. "You have her eyes. Not the colour but the shape. Hers were brown as were mine." Garrison rose and walked to the window. Callen let the man be as he'd seen the emotion in Garrison's eyes before he'd moved. If it made it easier for him to talk by not looking at Callen, he'd take it, because he desperately wanted to know more.

"Amy couldn't sit still for stories. She was an active child. You, you would curl up in her lap and listen. I remember watching you struggle to stay awake for all of the stories. You waited until she whispered, _A dormi puțin. Te-am prins_."

"Sleep little one. I've got you," Callen translated for Jessie.

"It was always after the story in English, so you knew story time was over. More often than not, you fell asleep within moments in her lap and she would enjoy simply holding you there."

Callen saw the rapid rise and fall of Garrison's shoulders. He didn't quite know what to say.

"I loved her Grisha," Garrison said. "Please do not doubt that I loved her and you and Amy so very much. If I leave here today having given you nothing but that I will leave happy."

"Tell me more," Callen said. "Please."

* * *

The half hour was up sooner than expected and Jessie called a halt to things.

"I think that's enough," she said.

"But -" Callen started to protest. Jessie shook her head.

"G please. It's a lot to process. Give yourself some time. Maybe things will come back to you on their own as well."

Callen rose, a touch reluctantly but he understood. Jessie had already been through it with him. That what he learned from Garrison would be harder in some ways to process than simple learning. She didn't want him to push it so much that he couldn't emotionally handle it because that would make the next time much harder. He caught movement out of the corner of his eye and turned to see Sam standing at the entrance to the room. Knowing Sam he'd been checking his watch every five minutes.

"Thank you Grisha," Garrison stood in front of Callen, an uncertain look in his eye. "For giving me a chance."

"Thank you for telling me about my mom."

Garrison nodded and stepped away toward Sam. There was a small part of Callen that wanted to hug his father, perhaps jog some more memories, but he knew they weren't there yet.

Jessie slipped her hand into his and they followed Garrison and Sam to the door.

"We'll do this again?" Garrison asked.

"Yes," Callen agreed. He didn't miss the relief that shifted over Garrison's face or the tension that seem to leave the man's body with his answer.

"Good."

Callen watched them walk away. It wasn't until Sam's car had driven off that Jessie pulled his attention back to her.

"You okay?" she asked, repeating her question from earlier in the day.

"Yeah. The memories fit. I don't remember them but something about them seems familiar and makes me want to believe them." They felt like they were him, not just words.

Jessie smiled. "I'm glad. Maybe they'll prompt your memories at some point."

Callen hoped so, because he really wanted to remember those times that Garrison had talked about. He closed the door and led Jessie to the couch. She settled against his side, her head on his shoulder.

"G." Her voice was quiet, almost tentative.

"Yeah?"

"What do you want me to call you? G or Grisha? I mean you've known your name for a while but now your father's here I guess I wondered if you'd prefer your name instead."

Callen shifted her so her legs either side of his and she straddled his lap. One hand found its way under the back of her shirt to stroke her warm skin. "I don't know," he admitted. "At the moment the name doesn't fit, even from him."

"Maybe that's because he's the only one to call you that," Jessie said gently.

"Maybe." Callen lifted his other hand to her cheek and ran the backs of his fingers over the now clear skin. The bruise had take a few days to fade, but he could still see it in his mind. "But I don't think I want you to."

"Reason?" She pressed her cheek into his touch.

"With you," Callen said, "G feels like my name. It's never felt like just a letter with you."

"It's never felt like just a letter to me either," she said softly. Jessie pressed her lips to his cheek while the fingers of her hand stroked his other cheek. "But if you want me to I'll change. Just let me know."

Callen slid his hand into her hair, eased his other one up to the middle of her back and pulled her in for a kiss. A kiss that he didn't start slow. He went straight for hot because he had something in mind to try. Except that when she responded with just as much heat he forgot what that was. Their mouths and tongues teased and tasted, dipped and stoked the flames between them higher and higher with every touch until they broke apart and drew in a deep breath each. Callen didn't think, he just knew he didn't want the contact broken. Instinct drove him and his lips found her neck where he played just as he had with her mouth. He felt the rumble of the moan, the uneven breathing and the pounding of her pulse where his tongue briefly ran over the skin before he opened his mouth over that sensitive spot and sucked. His name fell from her lips as her fingers tightened on his neck and held him there like she never wanted him to stop.

But he did.

Callen lifted his head, looked into her eyes and grinned. Because now he remembered what he wanted to try.

"We'll stick with G," he said. His voice was heavy with the need she'd created in him. His fingers went to the buttons on her shirt as she blinked, confusion mixed with a need in her eyes that reflected his own.

"I like hearing it fall from your lips like that," Callen told her. "That's who I am with you. Nothing changes."

Jessie took a deep breath and nodded. Her forehead rested against his while she continued to calm her breathing. And he continued to ease the buttons undone and nudge the shirt of her shoulders.

"Oh Doc, what were you thinking?" Callen said when he saw the sheer red material of her bra. It hid nothing. His hand slid slowly up her stomach, inch by inch and her breathing ceased to be smooth. He cupped her breasts and rubbed his thumbs over the peaks. The material wasn't soft like silk. Although it was soft, it had a slight roughness to the mesh and he couldn't help but wonder how it would feel beneath his tongue.

"I … remembered you thought red was hot. Figured," Jessie shivered when he rubbed the peaks again. "That it's a win-win. Things go bad I could distract you. Things go well, Ah."

Her words disappeared into a gasp and morphed into a desire laced moan when Callen lifted her and caught the peak in his mouth. He stroked his tongue over the roughness and loved that it hardened further under his touch. He let go and blew on it which pulled another moan from deep in her throat.

"That we could celebrate," Callen finished for her as he lowered her back down onto his lap and teased her mouth with light kisses. "I like your way of thinking Doc." Her reactions to his touch through the bra had him wondering just how sensitive she was and how high he could take her before he took it off.

"Then how about," Jessie said, her voice shaky with desire, "you take me to bed and see how many more times you can get me saying your name just the way you like it."

Callen chuckled. "Are you asking or is it just a suggestion?" There was a spark of laughter in her eyes at the reference to their teasing about her wanting to get her hands on him.

Jessie brushed her lips over his. "G," she said softly "take me to bed. Love me."

Callen shifted her off the couch, rose and lifted her into his arms. "Always," he promised before he caught her mouth in a kiss and gave her exactly what she asked for.

 


	118. Queen Discovered

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this begins a multi-chapter arc for the story. I have all but one potential scene of the arc done, with just minor tweaking/editing depending on reviews to do so there shouldn't be too much of a delay between chapters, though that will depend on time as school holidays have just started. Kids have a way of interrupting. I'm hoping for a post at least every second day (pref every day) until we get through it. Cross your fingers.
> 
> Onward we go. I hope you enjoy and, as always, would love to hear your thoughts when you're done.

* * *

"Plans for the weekend?" Sam asked.

Callen grinned. "None you want me telling you about." The oncoming traffic lights lit up the interior of the vehicle on and off, but enough for Callen to see Sam's look.

His partner chuckled. "It's only been five days G," Sam said. "You've been gone longer than that before."

Callen couldn't help but remember the weekend at the cabin after the last time he'd been undercover. A very bad undercover op. This one hadn't been anything like the previous one and he had no doubt his plans this time for their trip to the cabin wouldn't involve the kind of talking they'd done that first night. It wasn't needed. It would simply be time together, alone and uninterrupted.

"And you really don't want to know," Callen told his partner, "what we got up to after those times either. Just like I don't want to know about you and Michelle."

It was late, almost ten pm. Not exactly when Callen had hoped to be home but their plane had been delayed and they had some things to drop off at the office. Hetty was on her way to meet them there and once that was done they were free for the weekend, including a couple of extra days Hetty had given them off. He was looking forward to a long weekend with Jessie at the cabin. Added bonus was that it covered Valentine's day. Not that he particularly brought into the whole chocolate, flowers and hearts commercial thing but it made a good excuse to whisk her away and buy her something pretty that they would both enjoy.

Callen's phone vibrated in his pocket, he hadn't taken it off silent. He smiled as he pulled it out. He had a very good idea who it was going to be. He glanced at the phone, his thumb almost hit answer automatically. His smile dropped at the unknown number that was coming through as a video call. He answered but only allowed the incoming video to connect.

"Agent Callen."

It was a voice Callen didn't recognise but the image was very familiar.

"I have a message for you," the voice continued.

"Who is this?" They'd stopped at a red light and Callen shifted the phone so Sam could see. His partner promptly checked the traffic, ignored the still red light and floored the accelerator.

"I don't matter. The message from your old friend does."

Callen's whole body filled with tension and he had a very bad feeling in the pit of his stomach. "What old friend?"

"Janvier," the name alone was enough to send a wave of coldness through Callen, "sends his regards and wants me to remind you you aren't as untouchable as you thought. Oh and Check."

At that moment Sam's phone rang. "Eric," Sam answered while driving fast enough to ensure a large speeding ticket if he was caught.

"Sam where are you?" Eric asked.

"On our way to the office," Sam answered. "Can you trace the video call on Callen's phone? It seems like someone's in -"

"The office," Eric finished. "I know. Facial recognition picked up an unknown person and automatic lockdown was initiated. They can't get out."

That was something at least. Callen's tension eased a smidgen with that news, though watching whoever this was walk around the deserted office wasn't particularly pleasant.

"Call in whatever teams you need," Sam said. "Is the feed really from the office?"

"Yeah," Eric confirmed. "Cell phone location matches."

"Damm," Sam swore. "That means this is connected to Janvier."

"What?" Eric squeaked.

"Whoever it is had a message for Callen from him."

Callen didn't know how the intruder had gotten his number, though that was the least of their problems if the office location had been compromised. All the while Sam was having the conversation Callen continued to watch the video feed as the intruder silently walked around the upper floor near Ops, that he couldn't get into, and then proceeded down the stairs, around Hetty's desk and finally into the bullpen.

"So this is where you work," the voice said and Callen's name plate was lifted to the camera. It looked like the video feed was coming from neck height rather than a hand held camera. The video showed the rest of the bullpen before it pointed in the direction of the dark corridor on the other side of the entry hall. The occasional door to a store room or empty office was opened and closed, the same with the medical room before Jessie's office door came into view.

Callen froze when he saw the small light filtering through around the edge of it. Jessie never left the light on.

The door opened and the footage became clear with the light that filled the room.

"Sam." Callen heard the fear in his own voice. "Jessie."

His partner didn't say anything but Callen felt the instant response when he was pushed back into his seat a touch more as the Challenger picked up speed.

"Well, well, well," the voice said quietly. "What do we have here?"

Callen's voice felt like it was trapped in his throat as the video feed moved closer to the couch and Jessie came into view. His heart pounded, his hands clenched. He should've known there'd be every chance she was waiting for them to return. She usually did unless she was working, though since they'd moved in together, she tended to wait at home when they were due in late. Except when she was sure that he'd come by the office first, like this time. She claimed she didn't want to wait any longer to see him than she had to. Callen knew better. She was also anxious to check them over for injuries, probably because they had a habit of talking them down so as not to worry her when she couldn't do anything about it.

"Don't touch her," Callen warned in a low dangerous growl that had had more than one enemy step back. Not this time though.

"Eric," Sam said quietly. "Get the damn lockdown off. Jessie's inside." It was only then that Callen realised Sam had never hung up on Eric. A brief flash of appreciation flared but the fear for Jessie quickly erased it.

The intruder's hand reached out toward Jessie's face and Callen felt the fury rise.

"Janvier says thank you for your queen," the voice said menacingly before the hand touched Jessie's cheek.

Callen's stomach clenched and the band around his chest tightened as he watched the scene in front of him helplessly. At the same time a part of his brain processed the comment and knew that Janvier had to be watching as well. Jessie jerked awake at the touch and Callen watched fear flood her features. Even with the low quality video he could see it. She jumped away. Blood pounded in Callen's ears and he couldn't hear what was going on, only watch as she ran. But whoever this intruder was he was quick and reached her just after Jessie had made it out the door into the corridor. The dim lighting made it harder for him to see but he was able to make out the arm that reached out for her. He well and truly heard Jessie's scream and the thud as she was slammed into the wall, her white shirt picking up enough light for him to tell that much, along with the way her body crumpled to the floor. But then she was up and running again and Callen let out a breath he didn't know he was holding.

Sam skidded the car to a stop in the area just outside the door and both men were out the moment it did, guns drawn.

"Eric!" They both yelled, though Callen's eyes were still focused on the video feed. She was almost at the end of the corridor. More light filtered through and he saw her arm grabbed again. She was spun around and pulled back toward the camera. The camera shook and Jessie came back into view.

"BITCH!" came the voice. "My nose."

"ERIC!" Callen almost screamed. "Get us in." Those doors were heavy, the locks strong. There was no way they could shoot their way in. All the external doors were as strong even if they didn't look it.

"I'm trying." Callen could hear the panic in Eric's voice. "It's new. Upgraded yesterday. Haven't had a chance to hack it before."

The intruder caught up with Jessie and threw her across the room. She slid over and off Hetty's desk, slammed into the wall behind before she crumpled below where Callen couldn't see.

"Dammit Eric." Callen knew it wasn't Eric's fault but every moment it took him to get this done was a moment he came closer to losing Jessie for good. He had no doubts that Janvier was watching. No doubts what the intruder's orders would be now Janvier knew about Jessie. He scanned the upper levels for a way in but if lockdown was on, that would include the barriers to the windows. He eyed off the roof.

"Move G," Sam's demanding voice pulled Callen's attention from the long shot that was the roof to see his partner slide behind the driver's seat of the Challenger. Callen moved out of the way quickly.

"What are you doing?" Eric asked.

"Getting us in there," Sam answered, though Callen heard Eric clearly through the phone he held. Eric had patched him in at some point though it hadn't registered with Callen until now. He remembered vaguely that Eric had become clearer when they were still in the car.

The engine turned over and roared.

"How?"

"Car."

"Wait," Eric said. "Just give me a few seconds."

Jessie came back into view though she looked small so he had to be a reasonable distance away, at least at the moment. Even with the low quality, Callen could easily tell that mark on the side of her face was blood. Fury ripped through him.

"We don't have seconds Eric," Callen told him harshly as the intruder and camera got closer to Jessie. Sam revved the engine high, the wheels spun. There wasn't much room to build up speed, but Callen knew that Sam knew his car well and how to get the power out of it fast.

"Stop," Eric screamed. "You're in."

Callen ran. He heard Sam's familiar footsteps behind him and then they were both slamming through the door. Callen dropped the phone. His heart pounded harder, thoughts swirled of losing her but he fought them back. He had to get to her. Right before the intruder came into Callen's view a shot was fired, almost at the same time as another one. Time felt like it slowed as the man stumbled backwards. The next shots came from his and Sam's weapons and the intruder hit the floor hard.

Deeks, Kensi and Hetty weren't far behind him. Callen wasn't sure when they had arrived but, even though he didn't see them, he felt their presence, knew their footsteps. Sam was moving toward the intruder. Callen headed straight to where Jessie was.

"Mr Callen," Hetty said quietly from beside him, "Perhaps you should let Kensi or I-" Callen shoved his gun at Hetty and ignored her comment. No one was going to her except for him. He moved around Hetty's desk and saw Jessie lying there, on the floor, eyes wide. Her skin was pale and there was a small gun in her hand pointed in his direction. Callen stopped not quite sure where to go next.

"Oh," he heard Hetty say behind him.

Jessie's eyes finally found his and he saw the recognition flare. The gun fell from her fingers and her body started to shake. Callen heard her whisper his name and that was all he needed to know it was safe to go to her. A moment later he was by her side, his gaze had already taken her all in to check for major injuries. There was no obvious bleeding from a bullet but it didn't mean there wasn't one somewhere. Two shots had been fired before he and Sam had fired any. The blood on her face was the most obvious but there were no limbs at awkward angles. Callen pulled her gently into his arms and she threw hers around his neck. Her shaking grew worse as tears and cries became harder.

"I've got you," he whispered. He held her, enjoyed a brief moment as relief flooded him. Reluctantly he pulled back just enough to look down at her. "Jessie are you -" The word stuck in his throat, he couldn't say it but she knew.

Jessie shook her head, winced but added, "Not shot," in a shaky whisper. Callen lifted her in his arms and kept her from being able to see the body on the floor. She buried her head in his shoulder and he headed to the medical room. Callen felt the tension in her ramp up when he entered the corridor. He whispered assurances to her that she was safe, where he was taking her and why.

Callen settled her on the bed and went to step back but Jessie wouldn't release him. So instead Callen tightened his hold on her, as much as he dared given the injuries he suspected she had, and simply stood there and held her. He kept chanting over in his mind that she was fine, she was safe, but he knew there was going to be major fallout from this.

"Callen." It was Kensi's quiet, concerned voice that came from the door. "What I can I do?"

Callen focused on the cut on Jessie's head. "Is there anyone else here," he asked, "that shouldn't be here?"

"Sam, Deeks and Hetty are sweeping inside. Another two teams are outside securing it. Nell's gone to ops to check the security footage. Eric's on his way in."

"Switch with Sam," he told Kensi. "Jessie needs his skills."

She'd need stitches, Callen was almost positive, and as much as he was willing to do it if he had to, he'd rather hold her.

"On it," came Kensi's answer followed by her rapid footsteps.

Callen reached for the blanket he knew Jessie kept on the shelf below the bed and wrapped it around her. Her body still shook and her breathing was heavy and ragged.

"G," her voice was so soft he barely heard it.

"I'm sorry," he told her. His past was coming back to bite. He should've shot Janvier when he had the chance all those months ago. He was sure Hetty could've pulled a few strings to keep him out of too much trouble. Except if he'd done that he'd be no better than Janvier and wouldn't be the man Jessie thought he was. But it was tempting to rectify it now to keep her safe.

"Who … Who was he?" Jessie asked, her eyes locked on his.

"Don't know but… Janvier sent him."

Jessie's eyes widened and the fear heightened in them. "How?"

That was the million dollar question that was no doubt on all their minds. Janvier was supposed to be locked up and not able to hurt them anymore. The security around him was incredibly tight yet somehow he'd managed to get to them, to her, and now he knew about Jessie and there would be hell to pay.

"We'll find out." And so help him, whoever was helping Janvier would face his wrath, unless Hetty got there first. Callen pulled his mind from revenge and focused back on Jessie. She needed him right now.

"Where do you hurt?" he asked her gently.

She blinked slowly. "Hurt?"

Callen reached up and brushed the tears from her cheeks gently. The backs of his fingers then grazed the bruise that was had already started to form there with the lightest touch. "Aside from here." Callen moved his hand to just above the cut on her forehead. "And here." He settled his hand gently against her neck, giving him a connection that meant he could feel her pulse still pounding there.

"Left side," she murmured.

Same side as her head. It made sense. It had been the same side both times she'd been thrown to the wall and the ground. He started to shift back from her but her grip tightened.

"No."

"Jessie." Callen cupped her face gently in his hands. "I need to clean you up. Not gonna leave you."

"No." Jessie shook her head. "Please."

Fear and panic flared in her eyes and there was nothing else Callen could but what she asked. He shifted back close, wrapped an arm around her waist and she settled her head on his shoulder. Tremors continued to run through her body.

"G," Sam's voice came from the doorway. Callen looked toward his partner. "Kensi said you needed me."

Callen nodded and Jessie lifted her head from his shoulder. The look in Sam's eyes told Callen he'd seen the blood on her head. Sam nodded and slipped into the room, going straight to the supply cupboard.

Callen focused back on Jessie. "We'll need some ice packs too Sam."

Jessie's grip on him eased a little and Callen carefully studied her eyes. The panic had gone, but the fear was still there, along with a whole lot of pain.

"It's over," Callen whispered. "You're safe." For now anyway and he'd walk through hell to make sure she stayed that way.

"I shot him," Jessie murmured. A frown briefly creased her forehead but the movement shifted it quickly to a wince. A fresh tear ran down her cheek.

"You kept yourself safe," Callen corrected.

She shook her head just a little. "No. I panicked. I didn't think."

Which was exactly why he'd trained her like he had. She needed to know what to do without having to think.

"Jessie," Callen cupped her cheek, just the one this time that wasn't injured. His gaze held hers. "You did what you had to do." He didn't know where she found the gun, though he had his suspicions and he recognised it as one of Hetty's.

Sam stood next to them and added his reassurance. "Jessie, it wasn't your shot that killed him," Sam told her. "That was G and I. Yours gave us the time to get to you. You did good."

Callen shifted to her uninjured side while he kept a strong connection to her to give Sam a chance to attend her injuries. He watched his partner's eagle-eyed gaze run over Jessie, searching for signs of other injuries. When the concern in Sam's eyes jumped, it created the same response in Callen. Sam reached for Jessie's right arm. Callen had to move slightly as Sam eased the arm out to inspect it.

Sam's frown deepened. "You're bleeding."

The band around Callen's chest tightened sharply at Sam's words.

"Not mine." Jessie's whispered words were unexpected, and most welcome. Callen saw Sam's raised eyebrow and the smile that started to lift the edges of Sam's mouth.

"That's my girl," Sam said.

Callen frowned. That was his line and he couldn't quite work out why Sam was using it. Sam's smile became a full on grin.

"His nose G. His blood not hers. She remembered what I taught her."

Callen turned his focus back to Jessie. There was a brief smile on her lips which gave him hope she would get through this, though he knew it wasn't going to be easy. Any step forward was a good one and he'd take it. He smiled. "That's our girl," he murmured and pressed a gentle kiss to the side of her head.

Sam cleaned the cut in silence, then placed two careful stitches to close it. Callen had witnessed the soft and gentle side of his partner, though usually only when it came to Kamran. It was the first time he'd seen it this strong at work. While Sam cleaned up from that part Callen helped Jessie ease her shirt off the side that was injured. Thankfully she was wearing a button up one. The bruising was already coming out. Sam checked her over and brought a couple of ice packs to her. It wasn't easy for Callen to keep as close a contact as he wanted when she laid down, but he compensated by being the one to hold the ice packs in place and Jessie's hands rested over the top of his. Sam covered her with a blanket.

"You're gonna need to keep up the ice for a few hours," Sam said, "but it's gonna hurt Jessie. You know what to do about the pain. I don't think anything is broken, but if things get worse, go see your doctor. A check up in a couple of days either way would probably be a good idea. And I'm sure G will take you to the hospital if he thinks you need it."

Jessie's lips twitched. "Payback?"

Callen leaned in close and brushed his lips over hers. "No. Just taking care of you. Like you do me." Tears slipped from her eyes. Unfortunately his hands were occupied and he couldn't brush them away. Her eyes closed and her hands squeezed his.

"Thanks Sam," Callen said.

"Make sure she stays put for at least five minutes before you take her home G. We've got this covered."

Callen nodded, he wasn't about to argue with that, and turned his attention back to Jessie while Sam tidied up. Hurried footsteps caught the attention of all three of them just moments before Eric came sliding around the door.

"Jessie." The tech was out of breath. "You okay?"

Callen saw Eric's eyes go wide at the cut and bruise on Jessie's head.

"Of course you're not." The words tumbled from Eric's mouth. "I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry."

"Eric," Jessie said quietly. "I'm fine."

Callen wasn't sure Eric believed her entirely, he knew he didn't, however Eric did seem to relax a touch. Perhaps because Jessie had actually spoken and that meant things weren't as bad as Eric had probably been imagining.

"I couldn't hack in," Eric frowned. "If I had maybe you-" He stopped talking but his gaze hadn't left Jessie's head.

Something didn't make sense here. "Eric," Callen said. "You got us in."

"Not quick enough. She's hurt."

"Hold on," Sam said. "If you didn't hack in and turn off the lockdown, how did you get us in?"

Eric's gaze finally left Jessie's head and went to Sam. "I, um, fried a computer," the tech admitted.

"You what?" Callen stared at Eric. All of them did. Jessie pulled his attention back to her and started to sit up. Callen helped her with her shirt while he listened to Eric's explanation.

"I remembered in the event of smoke being detected it automatically releases the lockdown so people aren't trapped. I…" Eric shrugged. "I didn't know what else to do when I couldn't hack into the main system so I hacked one of the new computers I've been setting up and created an overload of the power supply. I didn't stop trying to hack in too but the smoke came first."

Jessie shifted off the table to her feet but kept a strong grip on Callen. "You fried a computer for me?" She wasn't the only one struggling to believe what Eric had just said.

Eric's feet shuffled underneath him and a blush to rival one of Jessie's spread across his cheeks. "I … um … yeah."

As Jessie moved closer to Eric, Callen followed. Not that he wanted a choice but even if he did, her grip wasn't letting him go. She brushed a kiss on Eric's cheek. "Thank you," Jessie whispered.

There was no way to stop the smile on either Callen or Sam's face at Eric's reaction. Or the hint of amazement Callen felt at Jessie taking the time to reassure Eric and thank him. But then it was really who she was, caring for others more than she tended to care for herself.

"You know," Callen added with just a hint of cheek to his words, "Sam was going to crash the Challenger through the front doors."

Jessie turned to face Sam and Callen got to see the look on her face from the side.

"Really?" Jessie said.

Sam shrugged and then nodded. Jessie did the same, a soft kiss on the cheek, but Sam's reaction was a little different to Eric's flustered one. The big guy pulled her in for a gentle hug.

"Would've done it if Eric hadn't fried the computer first," Sam told her.

"I know."

Her whisper was quiet and tear filled, full of emotion, both good and bad.

Sam stepped back and Jessie shifted closer to Callen the moment he did.

"Take her home G. I'll check on you two later."


	119. His Shattered Queen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part two of the arc. Love to hear from you.

* * *

Callen didn't sleep. He watched Jessie all night. Stroked her cheek when she seemed scared or agitated and was relieved that it seemed to calm her. He pushed thoughts of how things had happened out of his mind because every time he started down that path, he'd tense and Jessie seemed to sense it. The calmer he was, the easier her breathing seemed to be.

The one time his eyes had drifted closed, even though he didn't completely fall asleep, Jessie woke up screaming. Callen made sure not to let it happen again. He remembered what she'd told him about her father watching her sleep and how it made her feel safe. Perhaps the same applied now with him.

Callen hated seeing the bruise on her head, hated the stitches Sam needed to place and the flinching when, in her sleep, she rolled onto the side of her body that was bruised. He tried to make sure she didn't, moved in close so she was against him but he couldn't quite figure out how to hold her without hurting her. Thankfully she didn't roll away too often.

It was barely after dawn when Callen heard a familiar sound outside. He reached for his phone, careful not to disturb Jessie and sent Sam a text to come on in. The sound of the door though was all it took to wake Jessie with a start.

"Shh." Callen took in the wide eyes and the heavy breathing. "I'm here and it's only Sam at the door." He stroked her cheek and until she settled.

"I'm going to have a shower," Jessie said and moved off the bed carefully. Callen was tempted to go with her but he sensed she wanted to do it herself.

"Leave the door open so I can hear if you need me."

"I will," she murmured.

Grateful for the small acknowledgement that Jessie was aware that she may need help, Callen headed out to Sam to find a selection of croissants, donuts and fruit and smoothies on the coffee table.

"Didn't know what she'd want to eat." Sam may have been directing his words to Callen but his eyes were searching behind Callen, no doubt for Jessie.

"She's having a shower," Callen told Sam and his partner's gaze came back to him.

"You look like hell," Sam said.

Callen didn't take offense. "Didn't sleep." Add in last night to the lack of sleep with the op he and Sam had been on it didn't surprise him that he looked so bad.

"Did she?"

Callen shrugged. "Some. Plenty of bad moments though." He sighed. "What do I do Sam?"

"Exactly what she does for us. Just be there."

"I'll have to call Jacob … And Trevor." Hell, he wasn't looking forward to that conversation but Callen knew it had to be done. Honesty with Trevor and Alex about anything related to Jessie was the only way it could be.

"Good idea." Sam nodded. "She'll need those she can trust around her at the moment. And you can't be there all the time."

The tension increased in Callen. "I'll be there as long as she needs me," he said firmly. He wasn't going anywhere.

"Right," Sam drawled, "until you drop with exhaustion and there's no one around to pick up the slack. Once she's out of the shower, I'll sit with her and have some breakfast. You make the calls and then grab some sleep G. Nowhere else I need to be this morning."

Callen could see Sam's point, even if he didn't like the idea of someone else being there for her. And sleep sounded so good right now. For a guy who didn't rate sleep highly that spoke of just how exhausted he was. Being in tune with her every movement, every sound, last night had been draining but he wouldn't have had it any other way.

"As long as she's okay with that," Callen agreed.

"We'll check. Now eat."

Callen glanced over the selection again and managed a slight grin at his partner. "Are you going to complain if I go for the donut?"

"Not today G. Though you could have a smoothie to make it a little easier on me." Sam nudged one over to him.

"Thanks Sam. For being here."

"Anytime G. Anytime."

Callen listened carefully as he bit into the donut. The shower was still going so he asked, "What do we know Sam? How did it happen?"

"Eric and Nell are working on it. What they have been able to establish is that you weren't the only one connected to the call from his phone last night."

"Janvier."

"Suspected yes, but they can't confirm anything more yet except that the phone's location was in the vicinity of the jail he's in. But given everything that happened, I'd say you're right."

"I know I'm right Sam. And now he knows about her and what she means to me." Callen shook his head. "She's not safe. She won't be safe until he's gone. None of us will be."

"If we can nail him for this maybe.."

"He's got three life sentences Sam. If that doesn't get him the death penalty adding this to it won't. What about surveillance of his cell in prison? He's under constant watch. Surely that has to give us something."

Sam shook his head. "According to that he was asleep and a thorough search of his cell didn't come up with a phone."

Callen felt fury swell inside. "He wasn't. He couldn't have been." Because Callen knew in his gut, a place he trusted, that Janvier had indeed been watching last night.

"Eric and Nell are analysing the footage. They think the same thing. He was too still, so they are suspicious of it and trying to find proof it's been doctored."

"If it has?"

"Someone in the prison is working with Janvier."

"Have they ID'd the body?"

"Nothing yet."

Callen sighed.

"I'm sorry G. Sorry we don't have answers yet. It's not easy. The team moved to the back up site. Hetty's put everyone else on leave until we can make sure that we haven't been compromised further."

It was protocol. Callen expected nothing less but it was frustrating because he understood the limitations the back up site had compared to a fully operational Ops centre. He knew they'd all be doing the best they could under the circumstances.

"How did he get in?"

A shadow passed over Sam's face at the question. "He used an NCIS keycard to enter. It was one of the couriers who bring us things from the main office."

Callen knew there were specially selected agents who knew the location of OSP but didn't actually work there. It was easier to move things between offices that way rather than send it via actual courier - because OSP didn't exactly exist.

"G," Sam's voice pulled him back from his thoughts. "G, a team went to her apartment. She's dead. Eric and Nell found video footage that the intruder was there earlier in the evening. Time of death fits. They're still trying to figure out how he knew who she was."

Callen put down the smoothie, his stomach unsettled after that news. "How Sam? How the hell is he almost always one step ahead of us? How do we protect ourselves, others, from him?"

"I don't know G." Sam glanced toward the bedroom. "But I think we'd better end this conversation now. Shower's off."

* * *

Once Jessie was settled with Sam, Callen slipped upstairs to make the phone calls. He hoped the distance meant Jessie wouldn't overhear. As it turned out Hetty had beaten him to it with Jacob, who was ready any time. Trevor, on the other hand, was a different story.

"Callen," Trevor's voice was cheery. "Morning."

How did he do this? How did he tell her best friend that she'd almost died because someone was determined to destroy everything he loved.

"Callen?" The cheeriness was gone. "Is Jessie okay?"

"No. There was … Something happened. She got hurt last night. She's gonna be fine, physically. But…" Callen just couldn't find the words.

"What?"

"She shot someone."

Trevor swore. "I have a lunch time show. I doubt I'll be able to get out of it but I should be able to clear the rest. I'll be there as soon as I can."

"Trevor," Callen said. "I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"It's because of me she's hurt. Again." Last time Callen had to call them, not that long ago, was because he'd hit her. Not deliberately but still it wasn't something he was going to hide. He hated that he had to call them within such a short period of time and give them this news.

"Callen," there was a no-nonsense tone to Trevor's voice, "take care of her. I'll let you know when I'll be there."

The call disconnected and left Callen a touch confused. It had gone well, but he'd been surprised Trevor hadn't lashed out at him. After all it was because of him Jessie was hurt. Maybe -

_Not an option G_. Callen heard her words in his head cut him off.

Jessie knew what this life was about. She'd accepted it but Callen guessed she probably hadn't thought too much about this side of it. Oh she knew it was a possibility that she would be a target. But as she'd told him before there was abstract and reality. And the reality was only going to get harsher when he told her that Janvier now knew about her and what she meant to Callen. He didn't have a choice. That conversation was also going to have to take place. She was in more danger now than before. He just didn't know how or when.

Callen made his way silently down the stairs and to their bedroom. He heard the murmur of Sam's voice and Jessie's soft response but he didn't hear any panic in her voice. When Sam had first suggested Callen get some sleep and he'd stay with her, there'd been a flicker of panic in her eyes but then Jessie had taken a deep breath and nodded. Callen wasn't sure what Sam was talking to her about but he wasn't about to disturb them. He needed to sleep if he was going to help her through this.

* * *

It wasn't just Trevor who showed up late that afternoon but Alex as well. For the next four days between the three men, Jessie wasn't left alone. And even though Callen knew she trusted all three of them, it was only Callen she could fall asleep with. Jacob came by briefly in person each day to touch base but there wasn't a lot of progress during that time. Jacob had assured Callen it was normal; that Jessie needed a little time to be in a place that she could get her thoughts straight in her own head before she'd be able to get them out to someone else. By coming by daily Jacob made sure she knew he would be here when she was ready.

Trevor had to leave after those four days. Jessie had sent Alex home too ignoring Alex's protests. After that the team tagged with Callen as much as they could around working on the intruder situation and his connection with Janvier.

The good news was Jessie had started to talk to Jacob.

The bad news was that Jessie seemed to struggle more after the sessions with Jacob, like it brought it all back fresh, and that truly frightened Callen that she was spiraling down and away from him.

Except that it was still him Jessie turned to to help her sleep. It was him that she clung to when nightmares or flashbacks happened. And it was him that brought light, however briefly, to her eyes when she first saw him; be that in the morning when she woke up, when he entered the room she was in or when he came home from the odd times he'd been called into the office to check over some things that had been found because they were stumped. It had taken them five days to thoroughly confirm that the office hadn't been compromised. Only then had Hetty allowed the rest of the staff back into the office.

A few days later Callen took Jessie to the office, at her request. Jacob questioned her choice but she said it was something she needed to do. She couldn't keep putting it off. It was hard enough and she wanted to get better. So Callen had taken her, reluctantly. He'd held her hand all the way. The tension in her was high when they'd walked down the entry corridor but when she'd spotted Hetty's desk her grip had tightened, a muffled cry had fallen from her lips and she'd turned to flee. Except Callen was in the way, having already sensed her fear. He scooped her into his arms, held her close, as he'd walked her straight back out and to his car. He'd felt the pounding of her heart and saw, and felt, the tears that streamed down her face. He'd pushed aside his instincts that it had been a mistake to bring her just yet. He wouldn't fail her again. She'd become even more withdrawn after that and Callen was at a loss as to what to do to reach her. The thought that he was losing her tore his heart to shreds.

* * *

Two days later when Callen returned home he found Hetty's car parked outside rather than Kensi's. He hurried inside, every muscle tense because this wasn't the plan. He'd only been gone an hour. He saw Hetty rise from the couch when he walked into the lounge room out of the corner of his eye but his focus was on Jessie.

"I'll be outside," Hetty said quietly.

"Jessie?"

Jessie rose and turned toward him. Her eyes were red and her arms wrapped tightly at her waist. "I'm sorry," she whispered.

Callen took a step closer. "For what?"

"For going away."

Callen felt like he'd been punched in the stomach and instinctively took a step back. "Where are you going?" Was that really his voice? How exactly he managed to say anything he wasn't sure.

"There's a place where I can get help."

Callen remained silent. The pressure in his chest was overwhelming and the thought that repeated itself over and over in his head was that she was going away. He wasn't enough.

"G," Jessie stepped forward but Callen stepped back. Despair swept over her face but he didn't go to her. His walls were up and he fought to not fall apart. She was leaving.

"I can't sleep," Jessie said, the despair clear there as well, "without you watching me. I can't handle being alone. Hetty's desk was an instant flashback." Jessie shook her head and tears filled her eyes to overflowing, breaking his heart even more. "I'm no good to any of you like this. Especially us. My heart pounds and I can barely breathe at the thought of going back to the office. This isn't the way I want to live."

"Where are you going?" His tone was neutral. Again, how the hell he managed that he wasn't sure. Pain flashed across her face but Callen didn't, couldn't, do anything. It was all he could do to hold himself together.

"Toronto," she said. "There's a place there that specialises in things like this. Jacob called in some favors and got me in."

"For how long?"

Callen's gaze tracked the tears that continued to fall down her cheeks. He couldn't bear to look in her eyes and risk not seeing what he was always saw when he looked in them. If this was what she wanted, if she wanted to leave him, he wasn't going to stop her.

"As long as it takes," Jessie said in a shaky voice. She took a step toward him, again he stepped back. "I'm sorry," she whispered. "I don't want to hurt you."

Even though it was an admission that he was hurting, something he didn't want to do, the words were out before he could stop them. "Then why are you going?"

"Because," her voice seemed stronger and she stood a little straighter as she spoke, "I'll be damned if I'm going to let him win. He wants you to lose everything and I will do anything to stop that happening."

"Yet you're leaving." So Janvier would get his wish and take her from him after all, and not have to lift another finger to do it.

"I'll be back."

Callen heard the promise in Jessie's voice. So familiar. How many times had she promised him things and always come through? Yet this time? This time he wasn't sure he could believe it. Because after all, was he really good enough to stick around for now the going was tougher?

Jessie stepped closer and this time Callen didn't step back this time but every muscle in his body was taunt, ready for something. Or perhaps just keeping him from moving and doing something drastic to keep her with him.

"I promise," Jessie said.

Callen heard the deep, yet shaky breath Jessie took. He wanted to pull her into his arms, tell her, beg her not to go, but she wanted this. She wanted to leave him.

"I'm sorry," Jessie repeated and Callen watched her walk away. She turned the edge of the room. "I love you G," she whispered and then she was gone.

Callen felt the tears slide down his cheeks. He felt like his heart was shattering into a million pieces. But her last words lingered in his mind and worked their way to his heart and somehow pull those pieces back together, even though it still hurt like nothing ever had before. The sound of the front door closing was the catalyst that had his feet started to move even before his mind had consciously decided that he couldn't let her leave like this.

This wasn't her fault.

Callen might be letting her go to do this but he wasn't letting her go. He'd fight. He just had to figure out how. Instinct took over. He was out the door and had caught up with her before she reached the sidewalk. He slipped past her and turned to block her way. He hadn't tried to reach out and touch her to stop her progress. That would no doubt scare her and bring back other memories of that night. He wouldn't risk it no matter how desperate he was.

"Jessie."

She stopped and Callen could see how hard she was trying to hold herself together. The tension in every muscle of her body, the way she looked at the ground, not him, and the arms she held tightly across her chest. The shallow breathing and the lip that was caught between her teeth.

Callen reached out slowly, cupped her chin and lifted her face up so he could see hers even if she still wouldn't look at him. "I'll be here," he said. "I love you."

And then Jessie was in his arms, her actions not his. Her arms were around his neck and she held on as if her life depended on it. Callen held her in much the same way and didn't loosen his hold until the shudders that were going through her eased. She pulled back a little but stayed in his arms. Callen brushed the tears from her cheeks and kissed her; a simple lingering press of his lips to hers but even with the simplicity he tried to make it tell her how much he cared, how much he loved her and that he was hers.

"I'll be here," he repeated. "Always."

Callen didn't expect Jessie to say anything. He knew it had to have been incredibly hard for her to say what she had said inside. He'd seen it in her eyes even though it hadn't registered until he got past the pain of her leaving and could see what had really happened. She wasn't leaving him. She was fighting in the only way she knew how. She was going where she needed for help. It wasn't about him not being good enough. Because he was. He had to be. Because if he wasn't she wouldn't be fighting for him, for them.

Jessie pressed her lips against his in return. "Always," she whispered back.

Callen kept his arm around her shoulder as he walked with her the rest of the way to Hetty's car. He helped her into the front seat and made sure her seat belt was done up before he closed the door. He leaned down and looked in through the open window.

"I will be with her all there way there Mr Callen," Hetty told him. It said a lot that he could hear the emotion in Hetty's voice too as well as see it in the expression on her face.

Callen nodded but didn't say anything. His throat was too tight to even try. He turned his attention to Jessie, did his best to leave her with a smile. He tucked an almost non-existent strand of hair behind her ear. It gave him a chance to savour the feel of the softness, not knowing when he'd get to touch it, or her, again. Then he stepped back and watched Hetty drive away with her before he went inside. But all he could see was her and their home together, their life together. And right now, that hurt too much so he packed a bag and headed to Sam's.


	120. Check Mate

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part 3 now ready. Further note at the bottom.
> 
> Enjoy.

* * *

 

Two exceptionally long days after Hetty had driven away with Jessie, Callen found himself walking next to his boss into the maximum security prison facility that held Marcel Janvier.

"Now Mr Callen," Hetty looked up at him over the rim of her glasses, "I expect you to behave."

"Then you shouldn't have brought me," Callen told her. He wasn't entirely joking. When she had told him that morning where they were headed to at first he hadn't believed her. But then the depth of seriousness in her eyes changed that. Hetty was on a mission, one that Callen was sure he didn't have the full details of.

"We are here to find out how he achieved what he did," Hetty reminded him.

Eric and Nell had tracked the intruder back four weeks before he'd made the slightest connection with the NCIS agent who's ID, and ultimately life, he'd stolen. She was well trained and had done her job, kept routes constantly changing and followed protocols to ensure she wasn't followed. What she hadn't known was that the intruder had slipped a tracking device into her hand bag a week before her death. Since she hadn't actually come to OSP in that week, the assumption, backed up with forensic reports, was that he had tortured her to get the information required before killing her. They were still at a loss as to who he was though. Nothing had comeback from their searches.

They had then backtracked his movements to see who else he'd been in contact with, when he'd arrived in LA and were trying and figure out how Janvier had contacted him. All in all the process was intensive and they were good at their jobs but there was still some lingering doubt as to how Janvier had contacted the intruder in the first place. Prison surveillance records hadn't gone back far enough to give them those details, or they'd missed something.

Callen knew Hetty had started looking into an alternative site from the next morning but her preference was not to move unless the facility was no longer secure. It was a mammoth task to do so because they needed to do it discreetly. He liked their current office, but in all honesty Callen wouldn't actually mind a new place because he was still seeing flashes of that night with Jessie, though they weren't debilitating, just bad memories. He could only imagine how hard it was going to be for Jessie when she came back. He wasn't sure if it was a good thing or a bad thing that they hadn't been compromised further.

Callen and Hetty went through security, removed all things that could be considered sharp or dangerous, before being led to a special area where they would have their chat. It was one big room, no windows, and it had a row of bars down the middle; essentially two cells. Janvier would come in from the other side, though there was a door in the bars should they need to get to him. Probably a good thing it was locked. Callen had checked. What he wouldn't give to have just a few minutes alone in the same room with his nemesis. It was all he'd need. Hetty probably understood that which is why she was here with him.

"If I have to Mr Callen, I will send you out."

"No you won't." She could try but Callen wouldn't go. Not only because he wanted to hear the answers too but because there was no way he'd leave Hetty alone with ... him. That wasn't a risk Callen was willing to take, no matter how much he loathed breathing the same air as Janvier.

Hetty let out a sigh. "Unfortunately you are correct. Though I fear for what you might do, I do believe you should be here for this."

"I won't kill him Hetty. At least not as long as he's on that side of the bars." And doesn't pose a threat to you, he added silently.

"That would be why we are on this side."

At the sound of an alarm the door into the other side of the room clicked and opened. Callen forcibly relaxed his hands, not wanting to give anything away but the moment Janvier looked at him with that smug, knowing grin, Callen's hands tightened once again. He pushed aside the image of pulling the bars apart with his bare hands and ripping Janvier limb from limb. As gruesome, and unlikely, a picture as it was, it was satisfying in some ways to imagine.

"Agent G Callen," Janvier drawled in that heavy accent of his. "How nice of you to drop by. Hetty." Janvier's eyes didn't leave Callen's. "How is your precious Queen?"

Callen bit down hard on his lip to control his anger, hard enough that he drew blood.

"We are not here," Hetty said firmly and calmly, "to talk about that. We are here to discuss how you managed to get someone into a secure and secret facility."

Janvier glanced at Hetty and Callen took a moment to breathe and focus.

"You think I will tell you?"

Hetty stepped slightly forward. "You will. One way or another." There was an unusually high level of confidence in Hetty's voice that pulled a slight frown from Callen.

Janvier laughed. "Why would I do that? If you know, you will shut down my sources and delay the," he glanced at Callen, "Count's revenge."

At the not so subtle reminder of their last conversation Callen's fists tightened even further and his nails dug into this palms. "You're not getting out of here. Ever," Callen growled.

Janvier stepped closer to Callen. "I will. The game is not over. Before it is everyone you hold dear will be gone. And only then, only then will I take you." Janvier smirked. "I think I'll start with your queen."

It took everything in Callen not to react. That, and a glance at Hetty who shot him a 'Stand Down' look he'd always found hard to ignore.

"Ah," Janvier nodded and a satisfied look spread across his face. "You are trying so hard but I know you. Can you imagine my surprise when my … servant found her? Your reaction to just the possible threat was enough to tell me everything about who she was to you."

That confirmed Janvier had indeed been watching. Though Nell and Eric still hadn't managed to get the true footage they had been able to prove what had been sent to them was fake.

"She will be your downfall," Janvier continued. "The rest of them, just a bonus, salt in the wound so to speak, keeping it painful for a very long time."

Callen's gaze locked on Janvier and Hetty disappeared from his mind. It was just the two of them.

"I think though," Janvier drawled, "a slow death would be more fitting for someone so important to you. Not quick yet by," Janvier lifted up his remaining hand. "My own hand. To watch her eyes and see the hope disappear that you won't be there to save her, and then the life leave them. To have her realise this face will be the last one she sees. What I do to her before that," Janvier shrugged. "Who knows. A man locked in prison for so long misses … companionship, a warm comforting bod-" Janvier's words were choked off when Callen locked his hand around his throat; Janvier had drifted close enough with the tormenting words. Callen slammed Janvier hard into the bars so that his face squashed and distorted.

"You won't touch her," Callen snarled. "I'll kill you first." Callen took great delight seeing the man's eyes bulge and face go red. He took even more in the slight flicker of fear he saw in them too along with how difficult it was for the man to draw breath. All he needed to do was squeeze just that little big harder.

"Mr Callen." Hetty voice drifted into Callen's consciousness but he wouldn't let go. It wouldn't take much more and they would be rid of him for good. Jessie would be safe. The team would be safe.

"Mr Callen!" Hetty's words were sharp and close and then his fingers were wrenched from around Janvier's neck by Hetty's own. Janvier jumped back his only hand hovered protectively around his neck as he sucked in breath after breath. There was a small line of blood trickling down the hand.

Callen glared at Hetty who held his gaze. "That was _not_ behaving," Hetty told him firmly.

She turned to Janvier and apologised, which blew Callen's mind and almost had him throw a punch at the wall in frustration.

"My apologies," Hetty said. "That was not in the plan."

Janvier's breathing was still harsh and Callen's blood pounded in his ears in frustration.

"I also apologise," Hetty added, "for scratching you. Broken nail but as we were not allowed anything remotely … weapon-like I was not able to take care of it." Hetty took a step closer to the bars. "Now," she continued, "if you will not willingly give us the information we require..."

Hetty waited for an answer but all that was forthcoming was a grunt.

"Very well. We will do this a different way."

Callen saw Hetty look up above the door and that was when he noticed the small camera. A camera that had most likely witnessed his loss of control, not that it had made a difference. After all, he had known, at the very least subconsciously, that there would be cameras watching. Part of him was relieved Hetty had stopped him, but if he was completely honest with himself, there was another part of him that would gladly pay the price for killing Janvier if it meant Jessie and his family, of all varieties, were finally safe from him. He pushed aside the ache in his heart at the thought of Jessie and not being with her. Now wasn't the time.

The door on his and Hetty's side opened and three men in suits walked in, one carrying a basic chair. They were followed by one of the prison wardens.

Callen stepped back against the wall when the warden went to the door in the bars and unlocked it. He wished for something to hold onto because he wasn't sure he had enough control yet not to go after him.

"What's this?" Janvier asked. There was more than a hint of nervousness to Callen's usually calm nemesis.

"Some friends from the CIA," Hetty informed them both because this too was an unexpected development as far as Callen was concerned. "They need a test subject for a new truth serum. I volunteered your services."

"You can't do this," Janvier protested.

Hetty looked around slowly before she turned back to Janvier and said, "No one appears to be stopping me." The warden had left after he'd unlocked the door.

Callen stayed back and watched because he had no idea what Hetty had planned. The three had men entered the cell. Two held Janvier while the other set the chair in the centre of the cell. Janvier was strapped to it in no time.

"Truth serum isn't effective," Janvier said. "A plot device for movies. You're wasting your time."

"We will see," Hetty replied calmly. "They have had some … developments recently that we hope will make it more effective; give us a quick response."

Janvier struggled against his bindings when one of the men came up to him with a needle but it was pointless. Callen glanced away briefly. Sure he was better these days with needles, thanks to Jessie, but he didn't have to watch.

Hetty stepped into the cell once the drug appeared to have taken affect. Callen stayed where he was, not entirely trusting that he wouldn't take advantage of the fact Janvier was defenseless. Except of course for three CIA agents and Hetty. Unless all four of them turned a blind eye to him, Callen wouldn't stand a chance. So he avoided temptation, stood with his back against the wall, palms flat to the cool surface, to help ground him, as he watched and waited. Hetty worked through questions, repeating some to confirm answers and eventually she started on the ones they wanted to know. She got a name for a prison contact and half a name for an external one before Janvier started to convulse in the chair. Hetty stepped back and the door opened.

A doctor hurried through to attend but eventually stood up and looked at Hetty. He shook his head. "I'm sorry. He's gone."

That was when Callen finally moved. He went to Janvier, pressed his fingers to the neck to try and find a pulse. There wasn't one, but something about this felt wrong. He moved his hand to hover under Janvier's nose but couldn't detect the slightest sign of breath.

Callen turned to the doctor. "Are we sure?" The doctor nodded his confirmation and then left. Callen's attention went to Hetty. "Are we sure Hetty?"

"You heard the doctor," she said.

"These guys," he tilted his head toward the CIA agents. "Can you trust them?" Callen had issues with the CIA from previous assignments.

"I hand picked them Mr Callen. What else can we do to prove to you Janvier is dead?"

Callen didn't know except that he wanted to be 100% positive that this wasn't a trick. That the CIA weren't looking to get hold of Janvier for their own reasons.

"I'm not leaving the body until it's had an autopsy," Callen told Hetty because surely witnessing an autopsy or at least the start of one had to be enough to prove that he was truly dead.

"There is no reason for an autopsy," Hetty said calmly, too calmly Callen noted. "It's obvious he had a reaction to something in the serum." She turned to the three men. "You may need to rework the formula."

"Hetty," Callen said harshly. "Surely an autopsy would tell you what went wrong."

"He is dead Mr Callen. It is over. What else do you need?"

Callen stepped closer and lowered his voice. "I need to know he's not just sleeping. He's slipped away so many times and if the CIA want him."

Hetty shook her head. "I assure you they do not. However, I am sure I can arrange a way to convince you he is gone, if this," she waved her hand in the direction of Janvier, "is not enough. I take it you would prefer to stay with the body while I do that?"

Callen nodded and Hetty, along with the three CIA men left the room.

He wanted to cheer. To celebrate. If Janvier really was dead then they were all safe, at least from one of his enemies. Callen slid down the wall and waited. His eyes never left the body.

* * *

Janvier's body was cremated, no autopsy, but Callen hadn't let the body out of his sight, not even as the flames took it. As awful as that sounded he wasn't going to leave any doubt in his mind that Janvier was gone for good.

The flight back to Los Angeles was silent, as was the car trip from the airport. But once in the office the need for answers to the questions that had been building bubbled up in him. Callen followed Hetty to her desk. She slipped into her seat and looked over her glasses at him, a question in her eyes.

"Yes Mr Callen?"

Callen reached out across the desk and grabbed her hand.

"You hate false nails. In fact you despise them." Yet here she was with a full set on this hand, except for the one that was broken. He had no doubt she had a full set on the other hand. It had been years ago that she'd told him that and he'd never once seen her wear them. She barely even had polish on her nails unless it had been for an assignment or a very special occasion. Right now there was a dark shade of pink covering them.

"A woman's prerogative -"

"Don't Hetty," Callen interrupted firmly. "Just don't. I know you. What did you do?"

"What did I do? Nothing," Hetty denied. "Like I said, he obviously reacted to the serum."

"I call bullshit. If," Callen emphasised the word strongly, "that was the case, like I said, they would've done an autopsy to find out what so they could fix it. I ask again. What did you do?" He had his suspicions, he just wanted her to admit it.

Hetty's look turned somewhat hostile which was telling in itself. "You do not want to continue pushing me on this."

"Yet I am." Callen put his hands on her desk and leaned closer and used a menacing tone he'd never used on her before. "Were they even CIA?" When Hetty didn't answer that question he pushed again. "We weren't there to get answers were we?"

He left the implication hanging. While Callen didn't know everything Hetty had done in the past, she was still old school spy material. Things she'd learnt in her time were very different to the way things worked now. A poisoned nail wouldn't be beyond her knowledge or abilities.

"What did you do?" Callen demanded even though he knew Hetty didn't take to demands well.

They stared at each other, neither wanting to break the look but in the end, for once, Callen won.

"I did what needed to be done," Hetty hissed. "I did what the bureaucratic idiots couldn't do. Multiple life sentences, isolation, no chance of parole yet still he got to you, to us. Am I supposed to just sit back and let him take more of my team? How many more agents, family, am I supposed to lose to that … răufăcătorul psihopat rău?"

_Evil psychopathic bastard._

Callen raised an eyebrow. Hetty only usually swore in another language when she was trying not to be understood or when emotions were getting the better of her. She once told him that sometimes other languages allowed her to put more expression into the words then English did. That she'd chosen Romanian rather than one of the other languages that she knew that he didn't told him she wanted him to know exactly what she'd said.

"He almost took Jessie from you," Hetty said. "She went to the top of his list the moment he knew what she meant to you. You heard it directly from him. If you had lost her we would have lost you one way or another. And you know damn well he would not stop at her either."

She was right. If Janvier had killed Jessie, Callen wouldn't have stopped until he'd taken him down, even if it meant going down himself. And yes, Janvier wouldn't have stopped at Jessie. He wouldn't have stopped until he had taken everyone and then Callen to finally end it. Hetty had known that and taken it upon herself to save Callen from himself, putting herself at risk in the process.

Callen studied Hetty for a few moments before he said, "Will it backfire Hetty? Will I lose you?"

Hetty smiled. "You can afford to lose me now that you have Jessie."

He understood what Hetty was saying but as much as Jessie was the most important person in his life and losing her would be different to losing another, it didn't mean he could afford to lose, as Hetty put it, anyone else important to him. Callen shook his head in denial. "No. I don't want to lose you Hetty."

"I know. And that will not happen, at least not because of this but one day. I am getting old..er, Mr Callen. It will happen, however." Hetty smiled, one Callen knew meant trouble. "You will not lose me even then. I intend to come back, watch over you and kick you in the arse when you are being an idiot. I would hope that would not be too frequently though one cannot be entirely sure of anything with you."

Callen couldn't help but smile, the first one in a while. "I guess I'd better hope you don't die in six inch heels." He couldn't imagine his life without Hetty. Somehow he just figured he'd go first, but that was before he had a reason to stay.

"Pfft," Hetty said, "It is not the six inch heels you need to worry about but the steel capped boots."

There was a moment between them, silent communication and assurances, that they would always be there for one another, in some way.

"Thank you," Callen eventually said. It was the least he could do considering what she had risked for him.

Hetty nodded. "She'll come home Mr Callen," she said gently. "I know she will."

Callen's smile slipped away. "I hope so Hetty." Otherwise Janvier would win from beyond the grave.

"She loves you," Hetty reminded him.

"Will that be enough?" It was a question he wasn't expecting an answer to so Callen turned and walked away. But Hetty's answer still reached his ears.

"Of course it is. Trust her."

 

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I am in no way condoning Hetty's actions, but without Janvier gone, they were never safe. It had to happen, as I hope it does in the show, that there was one final confrontation and the good guys take him down - not necessarily this way but permanently. If Callen had been the one to do it here, it would've eaten at him because of who he is and the man he wants to be for Jessie. He's already had that opportunity once before and knows that he can't do it like that. In a fight yes, but without that prompt it would be purely revenge, which I have no doubt had Janvier killed Jessie Callen wouldn't hesitate, revenge or not to take him out permanently, no matter what the consequences to himself. In this case though Hetty had to be the one. She has so many secrets and this I highly doubt was the first time, though it is likely to be the last. She did this to save her boy and his love, and the family that she has come to know because just as the team is Callen's family, so they are Hetty's too and there is nothing she wouldn't do for them. Agree or not that's up to you but he's gone. Now we just need Callen's queen to come home.
> 
> Love to hear your thoughts.


	121. Toaster Needed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy the next installment of the arc with an old friend.   
> Love to hear from you.

* * *

 

Callen slammed the doors, one by one, as he went through the small kitchen's cupboards, and tried to find the elusive object he was looking for.

"Where the hell has he put it?" he muttered to himself.

He was over halfway through the cupboards when the lights flared and the gruff voice sounded behind him. Callen glanced over his shoulder briefly before he turned his attention back to his mission.

"What the hell, Callen?" MacGyver said. "It's two thirty in the morning. Why the racket?"

"Where's the damn toaster Mac?" Callen opened another door and slammed it closed in frustration when he didn't find what he was looking for.

"On the bench."

"Not that one. The contraption you call a toaster."

Callen had contemplated the toaster on the bench for all of ten seconds. He needed a challenge, not something simple. And that toaster looked like it was fairly new.

Mac walked into the galley kitchen, squeezed around Callen and went to one of the first cupboards he'd tried. Callen watched him shift a couple of things in front and pull out the toaster, for lack of a better name. Sure it toasted the bread, mostly evenly, but its look was somewhat ... not comforting.

"You mean this one?" Mac tilted his head to the side and waited.

"Yeah." Callen reached out and grabbed for it. Mac side-stepped him. "Mac," Callen growled.

"What's up Callen? This isn't like you. It's been forever since you came after my toaster. Years since I've been woken up by you and never like this."

Callen snatched the toaster out of Mac's hands. He was desperate to push his current thoughts out of his head. He moved to the couch, put the toaster on the coffee table and looked at Mac. "Screwdriver? he asked, not answering the earlier question.

Callen didn't want to think, that's why he was here. He sure as hell didn't want to talk, not even to Sam. Sam had wanted him to. Every day in fact they had a silent conversation. His partner would throw him a look that asked, _Are you okay?_ Knowing exactly what, or in particular about who, Sam was asking Callen's answer was always the same. _No._ Sam's comeback? _Do you want to talk about it?_ Which of course had the same answer. _No._ Then came the slightly hopeful look. _If you want to._ The only response to that was a look that told Sam, _I know. Thanks._

Because he did know he could talk to Sam. But right now Sam was the only thing keeping Callen on the right side of sane. At work with Sam he got to be Special Agent G Callen. He could throw himself into work, the banter that was a part of who they were as partners and bury anything Jessie related. At least he could try. It wasn't easy considering how much she'd become a part of his work life. But with Sam and work the pain eased to bearable.

Sam's couch, the office couch and the various aliases he still had to keep up appearances, got him through most of the rest of the time. Spending time with Kam helped too because he didn't want her to worry about Jessie, or himself, so he'd throw himself into whatever games, books or movies she wanted to do with him. He had a feeling she suspected something was going on, possibly because the first time she'd asked about Jessie Callen had frozen. Sam had had to cut in and ease the conversation to something else. She hadn't mentioned Jessie again though Callen caught the question in her eyes more than once.

The times at home, because Callen made sure he went back, even on the nights he didn't stay in the house, to leave Jessie a note on how to contact him if she happened to come home and he wasn't there. He didn't want her to think he was gone. Though that got harder each time which is why he was here. He couldn't stay at home, not tonight.

Mac sighed but was back with a container of screwdrivers from the kitchen within moments. Callen dumped them on the table and found the one he was looking for.

"Callen come on."

"She's gone." Two words, so simple but they ripped at his heart to say them.

"Who?"

Callen swallowed. "Jessie." He hadn't said her name out loud in so long. Not even to Sam.

"What?" There was surprise and disbelief in Mac's voice. "No way. What happened?"

Mac's question pulled Callen's thoughts back to the present. To the screwdriver in his hand. But Callen couldn't make his brain work to start the process of dismantling it. She crowded his mind. If he closed his eyes he knew he'd smell her vanilla scent as if she was sitting next to him, hear her voice as if she'd whispered in his ear. He didn't close his eyes. He focused on the toaster more intensely.

"Enemy got her," Callen told Mac. "She got hurt. Brought back too many bad memories." Because Jessie hadn't just had nightmares and flashbacks of what had happened in the office. He'd heard her screams for her parents almost as much as for him. "She left."

"Left as in you two broke up or…"

Callen's shoulders dropped. "Toronto. To get help."

"So you're still together?"

Callen's throat was tight. "It's been two weeks Mac. I haven't spoken to her in two weeks." He'd tried to keep his mind off things. Even tried to keep things moving with his father but with Jessie not sitting beside him, he'd not been able to focus on what he'd wanted to know. All he'd been able to think about was that she wasn't there too. Garrison had seen it clearly enough that he'd been the one to call the meeting off.

"So go to her," Mac said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"I can't." Not that Callen hadn't thought of it but if he was to go to her it would only be as a last resort, or when she invited him. Somehow he didn't think two weeks should warrant a last resort decision.

"Why not?" Mac asked.

Callen put down the screwdriver and dropped his head into his hands. He took a deep breath. "She left. She didn't ask me to take her. She walked away." And even when he'd tried to call her cell, it had gone straight to voicemail.

"She'll be back. She loves you. A blind man could tell that."

"Will she?" Callen lifted his gaze to Mac's. He knew what the older man would see. The startled look in Mac's eyes told him he was right. "I feel like I've lost her Mac." It was the first time he'd admitted that out loud. "I couldn't protect her."

"Tell me what happened." Mac didn't go for a gentle tone. This wasn't a request. It was a demand.

Callen laughed, though it lacked any humour. "She's the one I need to talk to. The one I always talk to and now when I need to, she's not here." It was selfish and whiny and he'd kick himself if he could. Jessie was getting help, she was doing what she needed to do for her. Something he'd known she wasn't good at. How many times had he thought about how she continued to put others first before her own wellbeing? Tried to make sure she took care of what was important for her, and yet here he was complaining that she wasn't around when he needed to talk. Oh he could talk to Jacob anytime. But he hadn't. Because Jacob wasn't Jesse and this felt personal more than anything else. Where was Hetty and those steel capped boots when he needed them?

"Callen," Mac said. "You can talk to me. You know that."

"I love her Mac. But this life with me? She deserves better."

"You love her?" Mac didn't sound skeptical, more requesting confirmation of three words he'd never said to Mac about anyone.

"Yes."

"I'd say she can't get any better than you. Isn't that what we all deserve? Someone who loves us with everything they have? And I know you'll do whatever it takes to protect her. I mean how many plans do you have for that? I know you have some with me. I have no doubt you have more than that."

"Not enough apparently. She almost died Mac. And I didn't see it coming." Yes Janvier was there in the back of his mind, but perhaps he'd gotten a little complacent and let himself feel that the cell Janvier was in was secure. It should've been the case that he couldn't get to them at all. But they'd been wrong and it had almost cost him everything. Maybe it had. He wasn't sure yet.

"You can't see or predict everything Callen."

"If I can't protect her -"

"Callen!" Mac's words were sharp and pulled Callen up instantly. The old man rarely used that tone. Hadn't for years, not since the time he'd been shot and he'd made his way here seeking safety.

"You love her. So fight for her," Mac said. "Either go to her or wait for her but don't give up on her." There was a slight pause before Mac asked, with a reluctant tone. "She hasn't told you she's not coming back has she?"

Callen shook his head.

"What did she say?"

Callen took a breath, his throat tight again.

"Really? Don't be a rock on me now." Mac's tone held clear exasperation.

"She said she'd be back. She promised."

"Has she ever broken a promise to you before?"

"No."

"What makes you think she's going to start now?"

"You don't get it Mac." Callen rose to his feet. "The memories she's fought so hard to get past, this brought them back again." And added more to the horrors she'd faced in her life.

"She got past them once," Mac said. "She can do it again." His eyes narrowed at Callen. "Did you help last time?"

"Yes," Callen admitted. "Somewhat."

"I know you Callen. There are many words to describe you but stupid isn't one of them. At least not yet. Don't let her go."

Mac picked up the screwdriver from the table and handed it back to him. "I want it back in one piece by morning," Mac told him firmly. "Oh and there's a new cafe at the top of the docks. They do a mean organic bacon and egg croissant. If you're up before me, grab us a couple each. Trust me. One won't be enough."

With that his old friend walked away and left Callen to contemplate the contraption in front of him. He rubbed his face and only then noticed the tears. No doubt Mac had too. Callen took a breath, put the screwdriver in place. He hoped it worked like last time.

* * *

Mac put his phone to his ear and waited. Although he was generally known as a patient man, the moment it was answered he spoke.

"Hetty."

"Mr MacGyver. This is a pleasant surprise."

"Not so pleasant actually." Callen was asleep on his couch, the toaster reassembled on his coffee table but Mac hadn't slept a wink. He'd waited until it was a decent hour to call Hetty to get some things clarified. "What's the deal with Jessie and Callen?"

"Ah," Hetty said, a knowing tone to her words. "I take it you have a visitor."

"Yeah. He arrived early this morning." Mac swallowed. He didn't like telling on his friend but he needed to know because Mac was in unknown territory right now with Callen. "He was crying Hetty. You know Callen. I don't remember him ever crying around me." Okay so they'd simply been tears falling down Callen's cheeks but still.

"Oh."

"Hetty come on." Mac wasn't going to take that as his answer. He needed more to be able to help his friend. "I can't help him if I don't know what's going on. He said something about an enemy getting her."

"Correct." If Mac hadn't first meet Callen before Hetty had, he'd have thought the boy had gotten his skills at not answering from her.

"Is she okay?" Mac asked.

"Physically she is fine now. Emotionally, that is a work in progress. There are benefits to her profession in that she is receiving the finest of care very quickly. However I am afraid to say it is a rather big battle for her to fight."

Mac heard the concern in Hetty's voice. While he knew Hetty, he didn't know her that well but from their few encounters and what he knew of her from Callen, he knew that she did care for her team very much, even if she kept it behind a wall.

"The enemy? Do I need to be watching out for one?"

"No," Hetty said. "He is … no longer an issue."

The pause was enough to make Mac suspicious. "At all?"

"Ever again."

Mac didn't want to delve into that one further. He had a feeling there was a story but he also had that gut feeling he didn't want, or need, to know. He shifted the topic back to Jessie. "Why isn't she letting him help?"

"What she is doing is getting some intense professional help to recover. That is not something Mr Callen can give her."

"Hetty stop talking in riddles. What am I trying to help him with?"

Hetty sighed. "I am not sure it is my place to tell her story."

"Give me the cliff notes. Or I'll have to go after Callen for them."

"Very well." Mac noted the reluctance in Hetty's tone but he wasn't so good a guy that he wouldn't play to her weaknesses and he knew Callen was one of those. It had been obvious fairly quickly upon their first meeting.

"Jessie's parents were murdered in front of her. Mr Callen has spent a lot of time helping her through the last of her issues with that. During that time, the trust involved created a very strong connection between the two. Stronger than I have ever witnessed Mr Callen having with anyone else. Unfortunately the worst of the worst, when it comes to Mr Callen's enemies, found a way in, got close to Jessie and hurt her."

"He said she almost died."

"That is correct."

"He blames himself." It wasn't a question.

"Of course he does."

"Is she coming back?" Mac asked, unsure he wanted to know the answer.

"She'll be back," Hetty said with a great deal of confidence. Mac didn't think it was false. "It is just a matter of time," Hetty continued. "She loves him Mr MacGyver. And he loves her. Do not doubt that in the slightest."

"Is that a good thing or a bad thing Hetty?" Mac couldn't help but remember the despair and pain he'd seen in Callen's eyes when he'd been on the couch and finally looked at him.

"Sometimes," Hetty's voice was low and concerned, "I will admit I am not sure. It is a bad thing that she leaves him this vulnerable. Should an enemy take her out of his life permanently it will be very bad. I doubt he'd survive it."

Mac could understand that though he was sure that the enemy who took her out wouldn't survive it either.

"However," Hetty continued. "He has opened up and not just with her. He is happy and he is living."

To others that might sound strange, but to Mac, and Hetty, it made perfect sense.

"And for that, she is a very, very good thing. If he can just hold on, they will get through this," Hetty finished.

"For how long?" Mac asked. "Maybe she could talk to him, just a quick chat. He said she hasn't spoken to him in two weeks."

"Not spoken, no. But I believe there has been communication between the two of them. She has her reasons that she will tell him later, _when_ ," there was emphasis on that word, "she returns. For now she is doing what she has to do to get better."

"Why can't she do it with him?"

"Of that I am not sure. I suspect a combination of things. She can't be what she has been for him the way she is. She is not strong."

"Let him be strong for her. Isn't that what love is about?"

"It is not that simple."

"It should be," Mac muttered. Love accepted you, no matter what. Good and bad.

"Their relationship is complex. Trust, strength, love, give and take. Risk and danger. If she doesn't feel she can give him what he needs, if she feels that she's a burden because of it, then she may feel she needs to fix that herself."

Okay, he could understand that. He wasn't particularly fond of being a burden on those he cared about.

"I guess letting her know that he's not doing okay wouldn't help would it?" Mac said, resigned and positive he knew what the answer would be.

"Indeed it would not. It would just worry her more. She left him in our hands to look after. She is trusting us to support him until she is strong enough."

Mac had the distinct feeling that Hetty wasn't just giving her opinion but that she knew this.

"I'll do what I can." What that might be Mac wasn't sure but he'd figure it out. He was good at keeping things together and improvising.

"Of course you will. Let me know if he becomes a problem."

Mac almost chuckled at that since the frequency of Callen coming to him when there was a problem was high. It was unfortunate that Mac felt less capable of handling Callen with a broken heart than he did with a gunshot wound. Right now he'd prefer the latter, even with his issue with guns.

"I will," Mac assured Hetty and hung up. He walked back into the lounge room and froze. Callen was gone. He hurried toward the door that went up to the deck of his boat and stopped at the sight of a note on the back of it.

_Breakfast is on its way._

Mac breathed a sigh of relief. That had to be a good sign.

 


	122. Intervention

* * *

When Callen knocked on Kensi and Deeks' door, Kensi had it open before his hand had fallen to his side.

"Good." She reached out, grabbed his arm and dragged him inside. "You're here."

Callen heard the distinctive click of the door locking, not just closing, behind him and then Kensi's hands were on his shoulders. She steered him to the living area and pushed him down on the single chair.

"Kenz, what's going on?" Callen asked. "Your text made it sound like something was wrong."

"Something is wrong," Deeks said as he walked through from the kitchen with a bottle of soda and glasses. "You."

It was only when Deeks sat next Kensi on the couch that Callen noticed the pizza boxes.

"What _exactly_ is going on?" Callen eyed both Kensi and Deeks warily.

"An intervention," Kensi said brightly and poured him a drink. "I've had a little practice lately with reluctant talkers."

Callen's eyes narrowed and a memory stirred. "Talk was what you did with ... Jessie?" There was the barest of pauses before he said her name. It didn't go unnoticed. "No tequila?" he added quickly to move on from that.

"It's in the cupboard if we need it." Kensi passed him a plate and flipped the lid on a pizza box. "You can talk to us Callen. We know it's got to be tough for you with Jessie gone."

Callen reached for a slice of pizza. He'd talked with Mac two nights ago. That short conversation had been hard enough. He wasn't ready to go there again.

"Callen," Deeks said, "Come on. Talk to us. Let us help you."

"You know what, don't," Kensi said when Callen took a bite of his pizza slice instead. "You eat, we'll talk," she said.

Callen caught the glance between the two of them and wondered which one was going to start. He had no idea where they were going to go with this.

"What's Jessie's doing," Deeks said. "It isn't easy."

"I know," Callen agreed quickly not wanting either of them to think that he thought otherwise. "I know it's not." He could still recall the pain and despair in her eyes from that night. He knew it had been incredibly hard for her and he regretted deeply that his reactions had been partly to blame.

"Good," Deeks sounded relieved. "And you understand she needed to do what she did?"

That was the hard part. Callen knew she needed help and he was glad she was getting it. At least he assumed she was getting it since he didn't actually know. It was the walking away, not wanting him with her, that was hard to swallow.

"It's not easy to admit you need help Callen," Deeks said. "Let alone seek it out. We work in a tough job where weakness is potentially fatal. Asking for help is damn hard. Jessie's not us though and even though she's strong, hell she's been strong for all of us on more than one occasion, this was different and not something she's trained to deal with."

"I know that Deeks," Callen put his plate down on the table. "I know she's not an agent. Wouldn't want her to be. I just want -" He stopped. This shouldn't be about what he wanted. What Jessie needed was more important.

"You want to be there for her," Kensi said softly.

"Yeah. I just don't seem to be what she needs right now." Callen hated that he wasn't enough but in the logical part of his brain he knew that, just as she wasn't trained to be an agent and deal with things like what had happened, he wasn't trained to deal with helping her get through this. Sure he'd helped her with her fears before but this was very different to that.

"I don't know what Jessie's going through exactly," Deeks said, "But I've been there in terms of pushing away those who care about me, trying to do it on my own."

"She not doing -"

"I know she's not doing it on her own, or pushing you away," Deeks interrupted. "I saw her. She depended on you and you were there for her, just like she needed you to be. I know what it's like to want those you care about around you but not have them for some reason. In my case I was hiding from everyone after Sidorov. In Jessie's case, she needed help that you, that none of us, could give her. Do you know what the most important thing was though that got me through when I was hiding?"

"What?" Callen asked.

"That I knew Kenz was there for me, that you all were. I got the texts, even if I ignored them, the food packages. I got the message to eat or else." Deeks' eyebrow lifted and there was a slight tilt and nod of his head that Callen took as a thank you for the part he'd played in that.

"I might've been staying away from everyone," Deeks continued, "but knowing you were all there for me for when I was ready meant a great deal. It's what got me through each day until I was ready."

Deeks picked up a slice of pizza and Kensi took over.

"Watching someone you care about," Kensi said, "go through something so bad like that is heartbreaking. Your heart breaks for what they are going through, for the fact that they are hurting, be it physical or emotional. It breaks for feeling like you are not able to be what they need, for not being there with them, helping them every step of the way."

"Give her time Callen," Deeks said. "She'll be back. She loves you. Just make sure she knows you're still here, ready when she is."

"I'm trying," Callen admitted. "But damn it's hard." He rose and started to pace. "Do you have any idea how many times I've wanted to get on a plane and go to her in the last two and half weeks?" But he hadn't because he was trying desperately to give her the space and time she needed. "Not to go and see her," he said, though that desire and need was there as well, "but to just be able to sit in the car or a cafe near where she is so that if she calls and needs or wants me I'm minutes, not hours, away?"

He had a bag packed and in his car ready in case she called so all he had to do was go and get on a plane. He knew multiple combinations of the regular scheduled flights that would get him to Toronto depending on what time of day she might call. Direct, connecting, even down to knowing a couple of routes from different airports that would get him there quicker even with the drive, than waiting for the right flight.

"I know," Kensi said gently. "I felt the same with Deeks. I spent so many nights in my car outside his apartment even when I knew he wouldn't let me in."

"And Callen," Deeks said. "You know her. You know it's got to be breaking her heart not to be with you right now too even though she needs to be where she is. It's not easy letting someone you love see you like that. And knowing she's hurt you by walking away?" Deeks let out a breath that was almost like a sigh. "I'd say that's gonna be hurting her more than almost anything else."

Callen saw Kensi reach for Deeks' hand and the sadness in her eyes. "It hurts like hell," Kensi said, "to walk away when you know it's going to hurt the one you love. Even if it needs to be done."

It slammed into Callen hard just what Kensi was talking about. She'd had to walk away from Deeks and leave him to Sidorov. It wasn't the same kind of situation as how Jessie had left him but it was the same basic principle. Kensi could understand both his and Jessie's position in this situation while Deeks could understand Jessie's. Maybe that's what he needed right now. Something that he could look at from the outside and see what was happening for him on the inside.

Callen focused back on Deeks. "I want her home," he said, "But I want her better. I don't know what to do. I don't care that she's not strong, I can be strong for her if she'll let me. And yes I know how selfish that sounds and I wish I didn't feel that way, but there you have it." He used every trick he had to keep the tears at bay even as he admitted that to them; the team leader in him fighting to stay strong even as the man in him fought for honesty with his friends.

"There's nothing wrong with how you feel Callen," Kensi told him. "Of course you want to help her and be strong for her. That's what love's about. Being there and protecting, helping through good and bad times."

"She'll need you when she comes back," Deeks said. "She won't come back completely better Callen. There'll be plenty for you to do to help here then but until she's at that point you need to be patient and hold on."

Patient? That was Jessie's strength, her abilities were well above his, but surely he could find a bit more? Surely he could find a way to wait just a little longer before he went all caveman and brought her back to his cave to protect. He'd gladly walk through hell for, or with, her if he needed to. Compared to that, what was a little more patience?

"She will be back." Deeks assured him with plenty of confidence in his tone. "She'll find her way home when it's time, when she's ready. I came back to Kenz and what we had at the time was nowhere near what you and Jessie have now. She'll be fighting with everything she has to come back to you."

"And if that's not enough?" Callen asked as he sat back down on the couch. He hoped with everything he had that it was.

"No." Kensi said firmly. "You don't think that way. We've all seen clearly how much she loves you. How she's fought for you in so many ways. How the two of you fit together like one. Hold onto that Callen. You've changed since she came into your life. For the better. She's good for you."

"I know she is. Am I go-"

Kensi glared and shook her head sharply. "You _are_ good for her." Kensi's gaze locked with his, like she was trying to force her words deep down inside him to make sure he didn't forget. "You've given her so much too," she continued. "This is a hurdle, that's all. A big one but you'll get through it together. I know you will."

"Okay," Deeks rose and clapped his hands which broke the look. "I think we've made our point Kenz, let's not push it. Now, for tonight's viewing pleasure we have America's Top Model or The Fast and The Furious - the one where it all starts." Deeks grinned at Kensi. "I think I might be getting lucky tonight."

Callen almost choked on the mouthful of pizza he'd made the mistake of going back to a little quickly. Kensi handed him a drink.

"I didn't mean it like-" Deeks blew out a breath and tried again. "I was meaning with another man in the house I might not have to put up with Models."

Callen glanced at Kensi. "Were those your choices for Jessie that night?"

Kensi grinned. "Oh no, we were very prepared. But please," she begged, her hands held together in a pleading gesture, "choose the models. Deeks knows every line and he talks along with them the whole way through. It _kills_ a brilliant movie."

"Well in that case," Callen started.

"Wait," Deeks jumped in. "I'll stay quiet." Deeks also shot Callen a pleading look. "I promise."

"You stay quiet?" Callen raised an eyebrow. "Now that I have to see." The night had gotten just a touch easier after all.


	123. His Queen Returns

* * *

Callen stared at the bottle of beer in his hand. He wasn't sure he wanted to open it even though his day had been lousy. Hetty had sent him home after he'd snapped at Eric for something Callen couldn't even remember. Actually he could. He just didn't want to. Eric had mentioned Jessie's name in Ops and Callen had reacted badly. Hetty's words had been ' _Go home Mr Callen. Take a break for the rest of the day'_. But the look said more. It said ' _Go home for the day and when you came back you'd better have a more appropriate attitude or else_ '. It had been easy to see she wasn't going to take no for an answer so he'd walked out of ops, after shooting Eric a look of apology.

It wasn't that Eric had done anything wrong. It was that Jessie hadn't texted him this morning and he was on edge.

The bottle was still cold in his hand, a small amount condensation had already formed on the outside. No he wasn't tempted to open it right now. He was more tempted to throw it at the wall.

She'd been gone three and a half weeks.

Since she'd arrived in Toronto she'd texted him morning and night. The first few times when he'd tried to call her back straight after receiving one it had gone directly to voicemail. He'd come to the conclusion fairly quickly that she didn't want to talk to him. Perhaps she didn't actually want to talk to anyone since his texts that followed the attempted calls received quick replies. His text responses followed her lead with the type of message and he learned the short conversation was over when she sent back just a heart. There was the simple yet sweet good morning message from her which tended to arrive between eight and nine in the morning. The evening one, which usually told him something she's seen or heard that day, would come almost twelve hours later; a pretty flower, the sunset, a song, something neutral. It was never about how she was doing.

But to both she always added _I love you_.

Without fail.

Until this morning when there was nothing.

Callen's talk with Mac had helped, as had his 'intervention' from Kensi and Deeks but as the week went further along, it got harder again. Add to that he was now worried. He put down the beer, unopened. The least he could do was wait to drown his sorrows until she didn't text tonight, even if that was almost six hours away. He rose and started to walk to the backyard, surely something in the garden needed to be done. He'd considered heading to Sam's for distraction or work on an alias but he wasn't in the right frame of mind to be around anyone, not if his reaction to someone merely saying her name was to go by. Right now all he wanted to do was find anything to keep his mind occupied for the time being, to stop his thoughts spiraling into darkness.

A knock at the front door brought him to a standstill. He contemplated ignoring it but knew if it was one of the team they wouldn't give up. Callen pulled himself together, went and opened it. He hadn't even thought to look at the video feed beside the door. That had been installed mainly for Jessie.

He blinked in disbelief.

Jessie.

She stood right in front of him. Only the security door was between them. Callen couldn't help but wonder if he'd fallen asleep.

"Can I come in?" Jessie's voice was tentative, almost scared. Like she thought he might say no.

Callen's first truly coherent thought was why hadn't she used her key. It was their home after all. She had as much right to be here as he did. He flicked the lock on the screen and pushed it open. His hands tightened into fists when the massive urge to pull her into his arms hit him. He held back only because he was also terrified that his worst nightmare was about to happen; that she was coming back only to leave him again, for good.

Callen followed her but stopped just a step inside the lounge room. Jessie turned to face him and he took a moment to study her. If he was being honest, she didn't look that much more together than when she left. Her eyes not being red seemed about the only improvement. She still looked exhausted. He had no idea what to say so he waited for her to lead.

"I've spent the last twenty five days," Jessie finally said, "in some form of therapy, six hours a day, all but one day of the week. Working on everything that came back about my parents, Santiago and then …" Her bottom lip trembled and she took a deep breath. "What happened at the office. That I shot someone. Dealing with flashbacks and nightmares." Her breathing was shallow, her eyes shined but she stood there, rigid and with her arms across her chest.

"And after getting some degree of grip on all of that I've spent the last two days trying to figure out how to live this life that I have. With everything that comes with it."

A tear fell down her cheek and Callen braced himself for what was coming. What always came, eventually, with someone he cared about.

"I realised," Jessie continued, "at two o'clock this morning that I can't-"

A sob stole her words and breath briefly. Long enough though for Callen to feel like a knife was piercing his chest with where his thoughts immediately went to.

"I can't do this without you," Jessie said.

Not what he was expecting.

"I can't figure out," Jessie's words rushed out, "how to live this life on my own because I won't be doing it on my own. So I packed and got the first plane home this morning. I need you," her voice broke on those words but with the next ones it gathered strength, "I want a life with you, with everything that comes with it, even if it scares the hell out of me."

Callen's heart pounded as her words sunk in and the knife disappeared.

"That is," Jessie's words now tentative, cautious. Afraid. "That is if I haven't lost you already."

Callen shook his head. "You haven't… I thought I'd lost you."

Jessie moved toward him, and he toward her. "Never," she said forcefully as they met in the middle. Her arms went around his neck, one of his around her waist. She held on tight, he cupped her cheek with the other hand and brushed a tender kiss over her lips. Callen wiped the tears from her cheek with his thumb as he breathed in deep, the comforting scent of her reinforcing that she was indeed home … and his.

"I love you," Jessie whispered.

"Love you too."

Callen felt her body shift against his when she took a slow deep breath and then let it out. "I missed you so much," Jessie said. She didn't give him a chance to reply before she added. "I wanted to call."

"Why didn't you?"

"Because," she said, "I knew if I heard your voice I'd either be on the next plane home or I'd be begging you to come and get me."

"I'd have taken you there." He'd had stayed in Toronto just to be close in case she needed him. She'd only had to ask.

"And I wouldn't have been able to let you go."

Jessie fought back the tears and Callen rested his forehead against hers, and settled both arms around her waist.

"I needed to be the one to go," Jessie explained. "I wasn't anywhere near strong enough to watch you leave. I am so sorry. I never wanted to hurt you."

"Shh." Callen pressed a kiss to her forehead, not wanting her to hurt anymore over doing what she had to do. "You're home," he said. "That's all that matters right now."

"Home with -" A rather large yawn took over. "You," she finished.

Callen lifted his head back and studied her face. The difference from when he'd opened the door was noticeable. The fear, the uncertainty, the caution was all gone. It was replaced with relief but exhaustion was the greatest.

"When did you last sleep?" Callen asked her.

"Couldn't sleep last night," Jessie admitted. "Too much to figure out. Before that," she shrugged, "some nights were okay, most weren't. I avoided the sleeping pills though they were there if wanted them."

"Why didn't you take them?"

"Nightmares are hard to wake up from when I do," she said softly.

Callen lifted her into his arms and carried her to their bedroom. He lowered her feet to the ground.

"G, it's three in the afternoon," Jessie protested only to have it followed by a yawn.

"So?"

Callen reached for the t-shirt of his that was under her pillow. The one she'd stolen from his place so long ago. He knew she loved to sleep in it when he wasn't able to be home at night; when things like undercover ops, stakeouts or keeping up aliases kept him away from her. It had surprised him that she didn't take it with her but now that decision made more sense. Because if she had it would've been a constant source of him that may have made it harder to stay where she was so she could get the help she needed.

Jessie raised an eyebrow. "You going somewhere?"

"No." Callen smiled. It felt so good to smile at her again, so good to have her in his arms and to see the love in her eyes, because yes, that was still there too. He'd already checked. "But you need some sleep." As much as he would be more than willing to fall into bed naked with her and show her just how much he loved her, needed her and was glad she was home, she needed sleep more - for now.

Callen unbuttoned the shirt she wore, slipped it from her shoulders. His fingers savoured the warmth and softness of her skin as he removed her skirt and bra. Then he slipped the soft worn t-shirt over her head. He brushed a kiss across her lips and led her the remaining distance to the bed. He slid off her shoes before she eased under the covers and he ditched his clothes, except the underwear, and joined her in record time. Jessie moved close, put her head on his shoulder, her hand on his chest and tangled her legs with his. Her body molded into his side. Callen's arms went around her and he held her right there, safe, home and his. He kissed the top of her head.

"Sleep Jessie," he told her softly. "I've got you."

It didn't take more than a couple of minutes before Callen felt Jessie's head grow heavy on his shoulder and her body soften further into his. Her breathing settled, smooth and rhythmic, and he knew sleep had claimed her completely. Carefully Callen reached for his phone that he'd put beside the bed, sent two words to Sam, knowing his partner would understand and take care of things.

_She's home._

* * *

Jessie slept for almost fifteen hours, only waking once for the bathroom then crashing back to sleep in his arms almost before her head had returned to the pillow. Callen stayed right by her side. There were no bad dreams to ease her from this time, just the sleep of someone completely exhausted … and safe.

Sometimes Callen watched, sometimes he slept. Side by side, hands linked or her in his arms. She was home and she was his. She'd always be his. These last three weeks without her here had been so wrong. The house stopped feeling like home. It was just a building but now she was back? It was home once more. He'd tried to sleep in the bed once, but without her, it was cold … wrong. He'd come to realise without her by his side, without knowing for sure she was still his, he wasn't home or whole, no matter where he went.

At some point in the early hours, when the sun had started to light the room through the curtains, Callen eased his fingers to link with Jessie's. Her hand had been resting on her pillow next to her head as she lay on her side, facing him. The light had given him the opportunity to witness the lift of her lips into a smile as she continued to sleep deeply next to him. He also heard a soft, contented sigh slip from her at the same time. Though still she didn't wake.

In the end Jessie was the one who woke him. Callen came awake to the feel of her lips on his skin as she dusted gentle kisses over his shoulder.

"Good morning," Jessie whispered when his eyes opened and he looked at her. An easy smile came to his lips.

"Best one I've had in a while," Callen told her.

"Me too," Jessie agreed. She shifted and pressed her lips to his before she raised her head. "Thank you."

"For?"

"Being here for me," Jessie said, a hint of sadness in her eyes.

"When you woke up?"

Jessie nodded. "And when I came home. And while I was away."

Callen slipped his hand into her hair and pulled her head closer. He brushed his lips over hers, savouring the simple feel of hers against his.

"I promised you I would be," he said. There was a silver lining to him snapping at Eric after all. Unless Hetty knew? No. Callen pushed that thought aside. He knew Jessie well enough. This was about the two of them and she wouldn't have involved Hetty. He would be the one that she came to with this first.

"And I promised you I'd come back, that we'd win," Jessie said quietly.

Callen's fingers played her hair and he enjoyed once again the feel of the silky strands between his fingers. "He's gone. For good. Just so you know."

"How?"

"Trust me, details aren't important." Jessie raised an eyebrow at that. "What's important," Callen continued, "Is that he's no longer a danger to you, to any of us." Her hair was wrapped loosely all the way around his finger. He let it fall out, the curl staying mostly in. "Where do we go from here?"

"I don't know yet," Jessie admitted, "I just know wherever that is, it's with you."

Callen shifted them so Jessie was lying on her back and he was up on his elbow. It gave him the chance to enjoy looking at her.

"I'm sorry I missed your birthday," Jessie said. "I wish I'd figured this out a little sooner."

Callen shook his head. "Trust me, having you back is the best birthday present ever. Even if it's a little late. Not gonna be able to top it."

Jessie smiled. "It's not the same though."

"There's always next year." Callen ran his fingers over her cheek. "We've missed you at work."

"Nice to know. I want to come back. I just … need to be brave and take my time this time round. Hopefully soon."

Her response gave Callen hope and something to work with. He could easily understand that after her reaction to the office the last time they were there. He'd do everything he could to help her through the last of the fear of returning there. At least he had confidence that he was good at that for her. Callen slid his fingers under the edge of the bottom of her shirt and trailed over the warm soft skin there. He lifted one corner of his mouth in a half smile and saw the flash in her eyes. His smile grew a little more. "Missed you at home too. Not the same without you." His fingers slid over her stomach and slowly higher. He waited for her reaction.

"G," she murmured, the heat in her eyes heightening.

"Yeah?"

"I've missed you."

"Nice to know."

Jessie smiled at the obvious repeating of her earlier answer. "And," she added, "You should know that if you don't stop what you are doing we aren't going to be talking for a very long time."

It was all the confirmation he needed to know she wanted him to continue. "Doc," Callen said softly, now with a full smile, "You and I talk so well with more than just words." His hand cupped her breast and her body arched into his touch. She lifted her hand to his face, brushed it over his cheek before moving it to the back of his neck.

"Then let's talk." Jessie pulled his head closer, nipped at his bottom lip before she flipped and straddled him. She pulled the shirt off over her head in one smooth motion, leaned over him and locked her gaze on his. She smiled. "Have a lot of time to make up for."

Callen caught her head in both hands, threaded his fingers back through her hair and eased it loose so it fell down in waves and created a world for just them. He pulled her closer. He held her head a small distance away and looked deeply into her eyes. The love was shining brightly in hers and he hoped it was just as bright in his.

"Nothing to make up for Doc," he said quietly. "Let's just enjoy each moment from here on for what it is."

"And what is it?" she asked softly.

"A gift. Love. Us. Any of the above will do."

Jessie smiled. "Love. I like that one the best. I love you," she whispered just before her lips covered his and the talk ceased. At least the verbal kind.


	124. Welcome Home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Took a little time to get caught up as I'd pored a lot into the last 6 chapters (and 6 days in a row posting large chapters) in the arc and I wasn't as ahead as I like to be. I also discovered extra bits that needed to be included in the arc and that is what the next two chapters encompass. Busy family filled weekend as well. Hope you all enjoyed yours too.
> 
> Not as far ahead as I would like still, given the above, but I'm aiming for 3-4 chapters this week as I work on the next couple of major arcs in this story.  
> Now, enjoy Jessie's welcome home with the team. Would love to hear your thoughts.

* * *

 

Callen ran his fingers lightly up and down the soft skin of Jessie's arm. She was tucked into him, her head rested on his chest. The whisper of her breath as it brushed across his skin was a subtle reminder to him that she was home, as was the welcoming weight of her body on his. There were moments that he felt like he needed to pinch himself to remind him she was actually there. The movie played on the TV but Callen had turned the volume down and wasn't really watching it anymore. Jessie had fallen asleep about halfway through and he found it more enjoyable to focus on her being in his arms than anything else. He didn't want to disturb her but the text he'd just received didn't leave him much choice.

"Doc," he said softly, careful not to startle her. Jessie shifted and buried deeper into his arms. He chuckled softly. "Jessie," he said, a bit louder. "We're about to have visitors."

Jessie took a deep breath and lifted her head. She blinked and yawned. "Visitors?"

Callen held up his phone and let her read the text Sam had just sent.

_Times up G. You've had her to yourself for two days. We'll be there in five._

Jessie's mouth lifted on one side in a lopsided smile, the dimple there coming out and tempting him to kiss it but he didn't.

"Oh," she said softly.

Callen reached out and tucked her hair behind her ear. He let his fingers dust over her cheek. Her eyes started to drift closed at his touch and she leaned into his hand. "They want to see for themselves that you're okay," he told her. "I am expecting more than just Sam."

Jessie sat up and ran her fingers through her hair. "I guess we should've done this sooner. Seen them, that is," she said.

Callen flicked the TV off and shook his head. He reached for his shirt that was on the floor beside the couch and pulled it on. "You weren't up to it."

Jessie had slept more than she'd been awake since she'd come home. That first night of fifteen hours was followed by another one the same and then twelve hours last night. There's also been a two to three hour nap on both days. He'd let Sam know just how tired she was and Sam had agreed to keep the hoards, so to speak, at bay for just a little while. He was honestly surprised that they'd waited until this afternoon to descend.

"Do we have enough food? Should we order something?" A slight frown marred Jessie's forehead.

"They're not coming for the food." Callen rose and held out his hand to her. He pulled her into his arms. "They're coming for you."

"I've missed them."

"I know. They've missed you."

The doorbell rang at that moment and Jessie raised an eyebrow. "I think Sam's a little off in his five minute prediction."

Callen shrugged. "He didn't exactly say five minutes, plus he always tends to be on the early side." And then there was the slight procrastination before Callen had actually started to wake her up.

Jessie grinned. "Which you love to play with because it bugs him."

"What can I say," Callen smiled. "It's a gift and he should know me by now."

"He _does_ know you," Jessie said. "He knows exactly what you are doing."

The doorbell rang again, somehow with an impatient tone to it. "Which is exactly what is happening now. He'll knock down the door if one of us doesn't answer it soon." Callen tilted his head. "You want to do the honors Doc?"

* * *

They'd arrived with breath-stealing hugs and enough food to feed an army. They being the entire team, Hetty as well. In the midst of all the craziness Jessie ended up on the couch with Nell on one side and Kensi on the other. The two women didn't look like they were planning on letting her get away from them anytime soon. Plates were filled and brought to the lounge room before the food was demolished as if they were indeed an army who had been starved for weeks. Conversation flowed easily, nothing serious, and Callen appreciated that it didn't touch on Jessie being away. Mostly it was just fun little moments that they'd had over the last four weeks that made Jessie, and everyone else, smile or laugh. Callen leaned against the doorway and smiled. Sam sidled up beside him.

"You look good G."

"She's back."

"You've slept."

"Always sleep well when she's with me."

They both watched Jessie and the rest of the team for a moment. Jessie glanced over at Callen and smiled before she was pulled back into the conversation.

"She's looking good too," Sam noted.

Jessie was. The sparkle was back in her eyes. The haunting worry and touch of fear had receded as had some of the exhaustion, though they were still there in the background if you knew to look. With time Callen hoped they would go away completely though he wasn't holding out a whole lot of hope for that given the kind of life that she had with him - the dangers were all very real now.

"She's doing better," Callen told Sam. "She wants to come back to work." He heard a small sound from Sam that he took to mean that Sam was happy to hear that. "She starts back with Jacob day after tomorrow," Callen continued, "and we'll take it from there."

She'd needed time to rest and sleep before heading back to therapy. Jacob would have the final say on when Jessie could return to work but it was just a matter of time. Callen knew her well. She was coming back. Nothing would stop her doing the job she loved.

"You know Sam," Callen kept his eyes on Jessie while he spoke but he hadn't missed the slight vibe of disappointment coming off Sam at the mention of Jacob. He had a feeling he knew why. "I know I didn't talk to you and I know you know I talked to Kensi and Deeks." Sam didn't know about Mac which at this point was probably a good thing. "But I had my reasons."

"It's okay G." Sam shrugged. "It's not like you've ever really talked much about your relationships."

"Never really had one to talk about but it wasn't that." Callen pulled his eyes from Jessie and looked at his partner. "I needed _not_ to talk to you."

Sam glanced at him, an eyebrow raised in question. " _Not_ talk to me?"

"You kept me sane Sam," Callen told him. "You stopped me drowning in the fear and worry that she was gone and wouldn't come back." He'd never been in a relationship like this before. Never felt that he was a part of something bigger, like he was with Jessie. The brief relationships in the past were always _her_ and _him_ but never _us_. It was new, and scary, territory. "You gave me a place to focus on being me the agent, your partner, and work so that I had something else to think about. You stopped me going crazy with missing her. Gave me a reprieve and a way to stop those thoughts for a while each day. You got me through. I don't think I can ever repay you for that."

Sam shook his head. "Nothing to repay G," He put his hand on Callen's shoulder and squeezed. "Glad I could help."

* * *

When Callen walked into the kitchen a little while later he found Jessie standing at the window. She was so focused on something outside that when he moved behind her and put his hands on her shoulders she jumped

"Doc?" Callen turned her around and grabbed her hands before she could swipe the tears from her cheeks. "Hey," he said gently, even as he heart kicked up a notch with worry. "What's going on?"

"I'm sorry." Jessie turned her head away but Callen cupped her chin and turned her back to face him.

"What's wrong Jessie?"

"Nothing's wrong exactly. I just -" She sniffed and briefly closed her eyes. "I left them too. You and them and … Why did I do that? I mean you're all here for me and I ran from that support."

Callen shifted his hands and cupped her face gently. "You didn't run Jessie. You did what you had to do to get help, to get better. They get that." He brushed the tears away with his thumbs. "Believe me, they do. Especially Kensi and Deeks. None of us could give you what you needed at that time."

"But did I really need to go so -"

Callen kissed her, just enough to stop the words. "You wouldn't have gone there in the first place," he told her, "if you didn't need to. You knew what you needed and I am very, very glad you were brave enough to do it. If you hadn't been…" Callen fought down the panic at the thought of losing her because of what Janvier had done. "If you hadn't, you might not be here with us now."

Jessie took a deep breath. "I know. I … I wasn't in a good place."

"No you weren't," Callen agreed and slid his hands from her face down to her shoulders. "For a very good reason, but you knew what you needed to do to get this point, to the point where we _can_ help you."

Jessie moved in closer. "And then I came home," she slipped her arms around his waist. "To you … and to them."

Callen's arms tightened around her and he held her close. After all her time away he didn't think he'd never take for granted how perfectly right she felt in his arms again.

"To your family," Callen clarified. At least most of them. Trevor and Alex weren't here but he knew they were available if Jessie needed either of them. Knew they would be here, all she had to do was ask. She'd spent some time on the phone with them yesterday to let them know how she was doing.

"Yeah." Jessie closed her eyes and rested her head on his shoulder.

"You're tired." Callen ran one hand over her back to her neck and rubbed gently. He tightened his hold on her with the other arm a fraction.

"A bit," she admitted.

"Want me to send them home? They'll understand." As much as Callen would love to take charge and send everyone home, to have her to himself again, he was going to let her make this decision herself.

"Not yet, but soon." Jessie lifted her head. "There's cake first."

"Cake?" Callen was reminded of their very first night here. "Should I lock the door? Make sure no one disturbs us this time?" Not that the latch on the kitchen door would truly hold anyone but it would make someone think twice before coming in.

Jessie shook her head but a smile lifted at the corners of her mouth. "No. But make sure there's at least one piece left for later." She winked at him and took a step back. "It is chocolate after all."

Callen pulled her back into his arms. "Are you sure you don't want me to kick them out?" He hadn't missed the flare of heat in her eyes as she'd winked at him. Or the one when his hands had settled at her hips and pulled her into him so she could feel his growing reaction to the thoughts that were now in his head. "I'm sure I can find uses for more than one piece."

Jessie pressed a brief kiss to his lips. "That would be a little too obvious don't you think?"

Callen couldn't resist. The girls had monopolised Jessie almost since they'd arrived. She was so close and that little kiss she'd given him was nowhere near satisfying enough especially with the look in her eyes. So he lifted one hand off her hip and cupped the back of her head. There was a brief moment where he enjoyed the look in her eyes as he inched closer and the heat jumped. He let himself forget about the guests or why they were here or even the possibility that they might walk in. He really didn't care if they did since he wasn't actually intending to take it further than a kiss until they were gone. Her body softened, molded and pressed in to his and Jessie kissed him back. Her breath mingled with his, her lips warm, soft, open and giving under his. They tasted, teased, stroked and the heat built higher. His hand tightened on her hip. He pulled back to allow them both to draw breath but he wasn't done. Callen tilted her head enough to open up her neck and trailed soft kisses and soft bites along its length before he was pulled back to her mouth and deepened the kiss once again, his hand shifting from her hips to slide underneath her shirt to the soft warm skin of her back.

Until they were interrupted by a loud voice.

"Yep, they're at it again."

Jessie jumped backwards almost out of his arms but Callen didn't let her get that far away. They both turned to see Deeks in the doorway with a grin on his face.

"You two just can't keep your hands off each other can you?" Deeks said.

Callen could still feel the warmth of the skin on Jessie's back on the tips of his fingers. "Nope, no reason to." Callen tugged Jessie back into his arms, her back to his front, one hand slipped under her shirt to caress her stomach. He lowered his voice and whispered in her ear. "See, should've locked the door." He didn't say it quite soft enough and Deeks heard. Callen had no doubt there was blush on Jessie's cheeks at the quiet laugh from Deeks.

Deeks picked up the cake and at the door he turned his head back, grinned at them and said, "Carry on. Don't let me stop you," and then walked away.

Jessie groaned and dropped her head back on Callen's shoulder. "Are we always going to be interrupted when there's cake involved?"

"Only if we have company." Callen let her go and picked up the plates. He handed her the knife. "If we don't go now we won't be able to save that slice." He winked at her and lifted one corner of his mouth in a half smile. The other half joined a moment later when he saw a familiar flash in her eyes that smile always got. "I for one would like it to be a large slice."

Jessie's blush heightened but so did the hint of mischief in her eyes. "That's so sweet G, that you are willing to share."

Careful of the knife she held, Callen stepped close enough that he could feel the heat from her body but not close enough to touch. "Oh Doc," he said softly, "I'm not sharing. I have plans for every single crumb."

Jessie's breath hitched. "You know," she lifted her gaze to his. "I think I should take you up on that offer after all. I am … Bed is probably where I should be right now."

The heat between them increased yet again and Callen was so very close to kicking everyone out right there and then. He could see her beating pulse in her neck and the rise and fall of her uneven breathing. "Too late," he said slightly reluctantly. "They already have the cake." He saw the flash of disappointment in her eyes and added, "But the sooner they eat, the sooner they go. Move it Doctor Blake." He nudged her gently.

"Whatever you want Agent Callen," Jessie threw over her shoulder as she started to walk away but he stayed close enough behind to ensure she heard his next words.

"Just you Doc. Always you."

 


	125. Facing Fears

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second last chapter of this little arc. Hope you enjoy. Love to hear from you.

* * *

 

It took a week and a half before Jessie felt ready to face the office; at least the inside. Callen had taken her there a few times but all they had done was sit outside, sipped coffee and talked. She knew Callen was concerned that she was rushing things but she wasn't. After last time there was no way she would push herself like that because she wasn't willing to risk taking a step, or more, back in her recovery. Because this was where she was meant to be, the job that fulfilled her more than anything else, even above the chaos of the Emergency Room. She loved that too, but if she had to make a choice she knew which would come out on top.

She was still catching up on sleep but at least now when Jessie studied her reflection in the mirror the look of exhaustion was gone from her eyes. She was still sleeping at least twelve hours at night. Not surprising considering how little sleep she'd had in the last month. Naps were rare, at least regarding the need to catch up on sleep. The reason for them tended to be entirely pleasurable and she had no objections to the cause.

A soft smile lifted the corners of Jessie's mouth as she glanced across at the man beside, his capable hands on the wheel as he navigated to the office. She had missed Callen so much when she'd been away. Her heart had ached every time she'd thought of him, which had been often. She'd been tempted to come home many times, once she'd even started to pack, but then she'd remember why she was where she was and the reason, the who, for it. The memory of the fear she'd witnessed in Callen's eyes for what that man was determined to take from him had strengthened her and given her the courage to stay and fight. She didn't want Callen to suffer any further loss because of Janvier; not if she had any say in the matter at least. She'd never been more relieved to hear the news that he was gone, that Callen wouldn't lose anyone else because of him.

Jessie would be eternally grateful to Hetty for giving Callen time off to be with her now she was home. Technically he was working - his current 'assignment' was to give her the support she needed to be able to return to work, to feel safe, while she adjusted to being back. He'd come to some of her sessions with Jacob and talked through things with her from his point of view which had given her a different perspective to consider.

She would start back at the hospital next week, just two half shifts a week, during the day, until she was more settled with sleep. She needed to get back to normal and working at the hospital was an easy step toward that. Jacob had confirmed that he was ready to clear her to return to work with the team once she was able to deal with being in the building reasonable comfortably. And she had to prove that by having Jacob bring her to the office to watch her reactions. He wasn't going to let Jessie get away with someone, even Hetty, telling him that she was fine in the building.

After that she would start working the other three days of the week with the team. Jacob's recommendation was that Jessie start with just Callen's team to reduce the chance of her being overwhelmed and she was okay with that. She was looking forward to things getting back to normal and was hoping that would be by the end of next week or the week after at the latest.

Callen pulled the car to a stop at their destination. Jessie got out and her gaze was drawn to the front door; the one that was her first hurdle to get through today. The weight of Callen's arm as it settled across her shoulders was comforting and grounding. He pulled her closer into his side.

"You sure you're ready for this Doc?" Callen asked. "Don't have to rush."

"I'm sure." Jessie took a slow deep breath, his scent was reassuring and calming. "Before was too soon. I pushed too hard. This time," she glanced at him and smiled. "I promise G. I'm not rushing this."

Jessie waited for him to decide. She knew if he wasn't sure - if he had serious doubts - he'd pull the plug. And Jessie knew if Callen did so she'd accept it because he needed to know that he was free to protect her and trust his instincts with this. Just as she didn't want to push herself too hard, she wouldn't push him to go against what he felt was best.

Callen eventually nodded. "Max of ten minutes. You get to look around then we go home. We'll do more tomorrow." That was the basic plan. A little bit at a time.

"Let's just see how I go. Play it by ear. I trust you to see if I need to leave. If I'm okay though, I'd rather keep going." Jessie hoped it would be easier than she thought. Going back to where it all happened was an important part of her recovery plan. She was a lot stronger than she'd been last time.

"I'll make the call. You'll follow," Callen told her, part demand, part request.

"Agreed," Jessie told him. Not like she could stop him if he decided to physically haul her out of there if he felt she wasn't coping. And she had no doubt he'd do it too. It was one of the reasons why she trusted him to be right by her side to do this, in case she couldn't see clearly she knew he would.

Callen turned her to face him and slid his hands into her hair. He tilted her head back and smiled, a cheeky one she loved. "Kiss for good luck?"

"I'll take kisses from you anytime," she said softly. Oh how she had missed him and his touch all those weeks. And not just in this way but the simple things. A shoulder next to hers, the press of him into her back or the whisper of his breath on her shoulder as they slept. His hand in hers as they walked somewhere together and those little touches when he'd brush past her on his way somewhere. So very innocent yet so powerful.

"One day Doc," Callen murmured, his lips so close to hers, "I'll have to test out if you really mean that." Then he kissed her. It was slow, it was tender and just a little heated. And it only lasted until her body melted into his.

When he pulled back Jessie grumbled. "That's it?"

Callen chuckled. "You can have the rest when we come back out."

Jessie straightened and stepped back from him. Her eyes narrowed. "Blackmail? That's low."

"Not blackmail. Just something to look forward to."

"Blackmail," Jessie repeated. "Because now all you have to do is shoot me a look and you know I'll agree to leave." Because as much he'd kept the kiss gentle, he'd let the heat build enough to leave her definitely wanting more. Though admittedly that didn't tend to take much, never had between the two of them.

"Not blackmail," Callen denied with a shake of his head. "Consider it," he smiled. "Positive reinforcement."

Jessie slipped her hand into this as they started to walk toward the door. "I might just have to try that."

"Oh Doc," he said, "you've already got that down, though do feel free to practice. I'm more than happy for you to use me to improve your technique."

Oh there was something else she'd missed. The flirting, the banter, the innuendo that he could do so innocently and would bring a smile to her face so many times a day.

Jessie took a deep calming breath before she put her hand on the door and pushed. Callen squeezed her other hand in reassurance as they walked through together.

This was the deal. She was in control. She would open the door, would lead them, and only if he felt she wasn't coping would he take over. Jessie's heart rate kicked up a notch as they walked down the corridor and she concentrated on her breathing to keep control. There was something different though, something she couldn't place.

Callen eased a little closer and his arm brushed against hers as they moved. She took comfort from that extra touch. Her steps stopped abruptly when Hetty's desk came into view. Callen dropped her hand and eased in behind her, his chest to her back, his hands on her hips. But instead of panic, or a flashback, her reaction was more stunned and surprised.

"What has Hetty done?" she asked on a breath.

"Maybe you should ask her yourself." Callen gave her a gentle nudge forward and her feet started to move. He kept their connection with his hand on her lower back.

A little closer to the desk, Hetty stepped into view. "Welcome back Doctor Blake."

Jessie raised an eyebrow. "Doctor Blake?" She thought they'd gone beyond that a long time ago.

Hetty's lips twitched. "Welcome back Jessie," she rephrased.

"What did you do Hetty?" Jessie's gaze shifted from the woman. "Your office."

"It was time for a change," Hetty said. "Though the desk is the same. I suspected that part at least would not be a problem considering."

Jessie almost smiled except the reminder that she had shot someone still had the ability to temporarily knock her sideways. "I think," Jessie finally said, "I can find a fond memory of your desk."

That night Jessie had been on the floor, dazed, hurting and scared when something under Hetty's desk had caught the attention of some part of her brain. Without consciously thinking, she'd grabbed the small gun that Hetty had strapped under her desk. Why Hetty had it there Jessie wasn't sure, and probably never would be game to ask, but at the time it had been a lifesaver and some part of her must've instinctively reacted and taken the gift that it was. So yes, she could now look at Hetty's desk and see part of the reason she wasn't dead.

"But the rest Hetty, you didn't have to." While still very Hetty, the furniture was different as was the layout. A cabinet now covered the part of the wall that she had crashed into and the carpet was brighter. She pulled her thoughts from the carpet and the possibility of why it had to be changed. Although it was still the place where it happened it had a different feel to it and the pull of the memories, while there, weren't strong enough to cause a major problem.

"It was worth it," Hetty said. "I discovered some lovely pieces in storage that were perfect for my needs and now I get to enjoy them rather than have them sit and gather dust."

Except now her other lovely pieces would no doubt be gathering dust. Jessie didn't quite know how to express her appreciation though she was sure Hetty would know. She took a moment to savour the relatively calm feeling of looking at Hetty's new office before she turned to Callen and smiled. "One down."

Jessie slipped her hand back into Callen's. She glanced at the bullpen just before they turned to head down the corridor to her office and narrowly avoided laughing at the sight. The team were all there, bar Callen obviously, with their heads down looking rather studious. She knew in a moment exactly what was happening. They were trying to look busy and not distract her. But she knew them well.

Jessie knew Deeks was watching her through the hair that fell down one side of his face. She knew that Sam was likely to be watching through the camera on his laptop since it was turned at a rather odd angle to be able to type on. As for Kensi, Jessie had never seen Kensi with her head down like that working on paperwork. While she couldn't figure out how, she knew Kensi was watching her too. Add in that they were completely silent; which was absolutely not them at all!

However Jessie didn't say anything. They were her reward, at least one of her rewards, for getting through this next part. The first few steps down the corridor were the hardest but then she settled into a rhythm and things got easier. Not easy, just easier.

Callen shifted and took her hand with his other one, threaded his fingers with hers and moved closer. His free hand settled on her lower back. Jessie appreciated the strength having him by her side gave her. Who better to get her through this than the one who had gotten her though so much fear already. She was halfway down the corridor when that feeling that something was different hit her again and she stopped.

"Jessie?"

"I'm okay," she assured Callen. "It just that something's different and I can't work it out. I felt it when we first came in too."

"That would be the lighting." It was Hetty who responded not Callen. Jessie turned to face her.

"What do you mean?" Jessie asked.

"It is stronger to make it less … dark."

It had been dark when Jessie had run through here that night.

"After hours," Hetty continued, "motion sensors detect movement and will light up the entire length in a moment."

Jessie's heart pounded in her chest, but not in fear. Hetty had done this for her. So she wouldn't have to face a dark corridor, not unless she wanted to.

"Shall we continue?" Hetty prompted.

Callen squeezed her hand. "Doc? You ready?"

Jessie nodded. She turned and started to walk again, her steps even until she was half a dozen steps from her office door. Then they slowed until she stopped outside it. It had been over six weeks since she'd fled this room. Could she really do this? Was she ready? She felt Callen move in behind her, the heat of his body against her back comforting and protective. She leaned back into him a touch.

"Can do this tomorrow Jessie," he said quietly. "Don't have to do it all in one hit. You've done great."

Maybe he was right.

"If I may say something," Hetty's voice startled Jessie. She'd forgotten she was there.

"Go ahead," Jessie said.

"I have taken the liberty to make a few changes in your office space as well. Not a lot but-" Hetty shrugged and smiled. "I thought perhaps a few little differences might make it easier."

"Like you did with your office," Jessie said.

Hetty nodded. "Nothing permanent. It can be returned to its previous state if you wish." She stepped back. "I will leave you in Mr Callen's capable hands to decide what you would like to do."

Jessie watched Hetty walk away before she turned in Callen's arms. "Why?" she asked him. "Why did she do this?"

Callen cupped her cheek in his hand. "Because she wants you back and it's her way to try and help. We all want you back Doc. We'll do what it takes to help get you there."

Jessie felt the tears push at the backs of her eyes. "I thought I'd have to work through seeing everything the same."

"You don't. And I know for a fact Hetty ran all this past Jacob before she did anything. She didn't want it to be detrimental to your recovery."

"I'm still facing the same location. A little difference in layout, in theory, would make it easier but not be enough to make it like it never happened."

"Hetty's desk seemed easier for you."

Jessie nodded. "Much.

"Maybe you're further ahead in your recovery than you thought."

Jessie smiled. "Maybe it's the effective help I'm getting."

Callen shook his head. "Haven't -"

"Don't. You. Dare. Say. That," Jessie told him slowly and firmly.

Callen's mouth lifted on one side. "You don't know what I was going to say."

"Yes I do. You were going to say you haven't been much help. On the contrary, you've been a lot of help."

"You needed someone else to help you."

Jessie lifted her hands and cupped his face. She stared into his eyes. "G, I needed you. Needed to know you were there, always, even when you weren't with me. I needed you to let me go to those who could help me understand and work through it. I needed you to be there when I came back and to help me through these last parts because without you I couldn't do any of this." Did he understand just how much strength his love and support gave her? How could she explain that to him when she wasn't entirely sure she knew how it worked. She just knew it was so.

"You are stronger than you think, Doc."

Jessie dropped her hands to his shoulders. "I'm stronger with you," she told him, "even when I'm somewhere else."

Callen lowered his head and brushed his lips over hers, softly at first. She felt the warmth of his breath, the touch of lip to lip as his moved over hers and the lingering kiss on the corner of her mouth before his settled back and and the kiss became more than a brief touch. Her lips parted under his and she welcomed the deepening of the kiss. Yet again he pulled back before she was ready.

"Now Doc," Callen scowled, though there was a twinkle in his eyes, "that was supposed to be for later."

Jessie grinned. "Who said it was part of the same kiss?"

Callen's lips twitched as he tried not to smile. "We doing this or not?"

She knew what he was referring to, but she couldn't resist referring to something else. "I'm happy to continue." Jessie pressed a little closer but he dropped his arms and stepped back, though his hand slipped into hers as he did so the connection wasn't broken.

"One more to go," he said. "If you're ready."

Jessie nodded, took a breath and turned. She noted before she opened the door that the handle was different. Callen stayed close as she walked through but kept behind her so he wasn't a distraction. Four steps inside she stopped and looked around. The door clicked closed softly behind them.

"Oh my."

Hetty had outdone herself. Instead of being white based with coloured highlights, the decor had been flipped. The walls and the main white furniture were now a calming pale blue. Jessie suspected paint rather than new because the furniture was all still very familiar. The highlights were now white and various shades of purple. A colorful mix of fresh flowers were on her desk. She started there. As she moved closer Callen's hand slipped from hers, but she still had the comfort of him being there. She leaned down and breathed in. The combination of scents was heavenly. She didn't usually have flowers in here. Perhaps that should change.

"I'm pretty sure," Callen said from where he stood near the door, "that they are from Hetty's garden, one of them anyway, and that she picked them herself."

Jessie turned to face him. "She has a green thumb?"

Callen shook his head and smiled. "No. But she does have a gardener who doesn't mind her dabbling should she feel the urge or picking flowers just as long as she cuts them correctly and doesn't actually try and plant anything new."

Jessie smiled. No doubt like her chef, Hetty's gardener would be exceptionally talented. She looked around the room again. The layout wasn't that different, though the couch was now further back. With the placement of a couple of new comfortable looking chairs opposite it with a coffee table in between, Hetty had managed to divide her office into two parts. A place for talking and a place for working, so to speak. Her couch was still her couch but had been recovered in soft violet rather than the cream it had been before. Neatly folded over the back of the couch and the two chairs were soft white blankets.

It was still her office, still the same but different. Yet just as much hers as the previous one had been.

"You like it?" Callen asked. He moved closer to her.

"It's beautiful."

"Want it changed back?"

Jessie shook her head. "No. Hetty did a wonderful job. This will definitely help ease me back into work." She turned and he stood right behind her. "But," Jessie slid her arms around Callen's neck and moved into him, her body brushed against his. "There is no way this came out of OSP's budget. Did you have anything to do with it ?" Hetty struggled as it was to justify all the necessary expenses of OSP. Redecorating wouldn't be something she'd be able to swing.

Callen smiled and she felt him tug her closer. "Can't get anything past you can we?"

"No. So?" She waited patiently.

"We all helped. Hetty oversaw the details. Sam took on the painting with Deeks and I. Kensi and Nell, under Hetty's instruction did the little things and Eric and Nell worked on the extra security."

Jessie frowned. "Security?"

"The door has palm print recognition, though that Hetty did swing through the budget, given the security breach all locks and external security have been upgraded."

"Palm print?"

Callen nodded. "Nine to five, Monday to Friday, this is unlocked," he pointed to her door, " and anyone can come in unless you lock it from inside. Outside of those hours you, Hetty or I are the only ones who can walk through the door. Anyone else has to be let in from this side."

Jessie stared at him. "Why?"

Callen tucked some hair behind her ear and his fingers trailed softly down her neck. "Doc, it was that or ban you from being here when I'm not here. Figured this was the better of the two options."

"But -"

Callen pressed a finger against her lips and stopped her words. "Jessie, you were here alone late and you were asleep. This way if it happens again, you're safe in here." He stepped back and led her to her desk. "This bit though," he pointed to a small screen beside her computer monitor, "is from me, with a little installation help from Nell and Eric. Turn it on," he instructed her.

Jessie reached forward and pressed the button on the small device. "That's outside my door." She turned. "G this is -"

"What it takes to keep you safe and me sane if you are here on your own. If you have any doubts on who is outside your door you can check."

Just like he had done for her at home.

"If," Callen continued, "you want more people to have access to the room after hours just let Eric know and he'll program them in. He can also hack in if there's an emergency."

"How would he know if there's an emergency?" Jessie's gazes flicked quickly around the room, searching.

Callen chuckled. "No cameras in here. I promise. It's just if you're in here alone and not answering and Hetty and I aren't around to open the door. You okay with that?"

Jessie nodded. "G I … I don't know what to say. This is …"

"Thank you?"

A laugh bubbled up from inside at the reminder but she bit her lip briefly to stop it before she said primly. "Thank you."

Callen tugged her into his arms. "I hope Doc," he murmured, his lips not that far from her own, "that I can claim the same deal as you with Thank You's."

Jessie's hands rested on his chest and she let her body sink into his. "Of course." She shifted just slightly and closed the small distance between their mouths and sighed happily at the touch and connection it brought. Before she could deepen the kiss though Callen pulled back slightly.

"Let me make sure I've got this right first," There was a cheeky tone in his voice. "This is a thank you kiss right."

"Not my reward. I promise."

"Good."

Jessie waited but he didn't come back. She an eyebrow in question.

"This is you saying thank you Doc not-" She didn't him finish. She pressed her lips to his, deepened the kiss a moment later. She wasn't going to waste any more time.

* * *

By the time Callen and Jessie got back to the bullpen the pretense of working was completely gone from the team. They all stood watching for them. Eric and Nell were there now as well. Callen had his arm around Jessie's shoulder and walked beside her because there was no doubt as to where they were headed.

"She's back," Deeks said with a smile. "Right?"

"First visit done," Jessie agreed. "One step at a time but I'm on track."

Kensi smiled. "We've missed you around here. Who'd have thought that we," she indicated all of the team, "would miss someone whose job it is to get us to talk."

There was a chuckle from all around.

"Perhaps," Hetty said from behind and they all turned to look at their small boss who held a tray of drinks in her hand, "it is the calming influence that has been missed more so than the talking. Or maybe the gentle touch in the medical room. Welcome back Jessie." Hetty handed around the drinks as she spoke. "A celebratory drink now the team is fully back together."

"Hetty," Deeks said, "letting us drink on the job. Is that allowed?"

Hetty looked at Deeks. "The glasses may be fancy however I assure you the drink is appropriate considering it is barely ten am."

"Welcome back Jessie," Sam raised his glass. "You've been missed, especially by my partner."

"Here, here," echoed from the group.

Callen's arm around Jessie's shoulders tightened a touch when she lifted a hand to brush away the tears.

"This is not fair." She glared slightly at Callen. "You should've warned me."

Why was it that this moment with the team had created more emotion than anything else she'd faced since walking through those doors, as long as you didn't count the very personal ones from Callen.

"We don't fight fair when it comes to those we care about." Callen pressed a kiss to the side of her head.

"Damn straight," Deeks agreed. "We'll fight downright dirty and street style if we have to, to make sure you know where you belong."

"Mr Deeks!" Hetty exclaimed.

"Oops," Deeks' looked contrite "Sorry Hetty."

"I will let it go this time," Hetty told him, "but only because I could not have put it better myself."

There was a sigh of relief from Deeks and Jessie smiled. It was so good to be back here. While she had been sure she was ready to take this step, it hadn't stopped the small amount of trepidation but with Callen by her side, and knowing who was here waiting for her, they'd made it easier. This hurdle was done and she knew there would be more, but she also knew she'd make it. Because with this group there to support her, how could she not. She would be back where she belonged with them in no time. She could feel it in her heart.

"Okay," Callen said, "Time to go."

Jessie turned to him. "Why don't you stay for a bit?"

Callen narrowed his eyes at her. "What's up?"

Of course he'd ask since she was attempting to alter the plan. "There's something I need to do, and after this success, I feel like I'm up for it. Just need an hour. I'll come back and get you when I'm done."

"Jessie."

"I promise," she tried to reassure him. "It's good."

Jessie said goodbye to the team and Callen walked her out to the car. "You just want to drive my car don't you," he said.

Jessie shrugged and grinned. "It is a very nice car."

"Lucky it's mine now and not one of Hetty's."

Jessie held out her hand for the keys to the silver Aston Martin he'd brought from Hetty just after they'd moved into their home. He claimed it was a great car to drive and it was about time he had one of his own, however Jessie knew that he'd wanted it because of the connection for the two of them. It had been the car he'd taken her to dinner in on that very first Gotcha day, as well as for her birthday last year. Though she hadn't noticed it at the time it had also been the car he'd had when he'd taken her for pizza after that first time at the firing range.

Callen reached into his pocket to retrieve they keys before he placed them in her hand. Before she could pull away, he caught her hand in his. "You sure?"

Jessie smiled. "I'm sure."

"Not going to tell me?"

Jessie could see the hint of worry in his eyes. "I'm going to see Mac." He'd been there for Callen too and was the last on her list to thank for that. She'd personally taken care of the rest of the team over the last week. She squeezed his hand and stepped backwards. "Thank you for the keys."

"Oh no you don't," Callen stepped forward and trapped her between his body and the car door. "You don't really think I'm going to let you slip away after that do you Doc?" His lips brushed her ear, then her cheek, on the way to her mouth no doubt.

"I was more thinking save that part of later," she murmured. His lips once again hovered just above hers, his breath warm as it drifted over her skin.

"Later huh?"

"Yeah."

"Sounds good." Callen closed the distance and Jessie let herself get lost in the kiss and the feel of his body against hers. By the time he pulled back she wasn't entirely sure she could remember where she was, though she clearly knew who she was with.

"That was what?" she asked.

"The rest of your reward."

And then he was gone and back through the doors before Jessie managed to gather her wits about her and move.

 


	126. Thank you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> final official installment of this arc. Just a little chapter this time to finish things up. This two scenes didn't exactly fit with the last chapter's theme.
> 
> Love to hear from you when you reach the bottom.

* * *

 

Jessie stood on the dock and looked at the boat anchored to it. She'd been here a couple of times before with Callen. He'd wanted to make sure she knew where to go if she needed to.

Today she needed to.

One of the hardest parts of going away, though she knew she had to do it, had been walking away from Callen knowing it was going to hurt him. If she'd thought that staying or having him go with her would've helped at all she would've done it. But she needed help, help that had to come from professional sources, not personal. Since she'd been back she'd talked with Callen about what he'd been through during that time. He'd been reluctant at first but eventually he'd told her. As painful as it had been to hear, it had been wonderful to know that he had reached out, even if it wasn't as much as she would've liked.

"You coming aboard or just trying to peek in the windows?"

The voice brought Jessie out of her thoughts. "Didn't want to come aboard without permission."

"On you come then," Mac told her with a wave. "And you're welcome anytime."

Jessie stepped onto the boat and followed Mac below.

"Coffee or tea?" Mac called from the kitchen.

"No thanks. I'm not -" She stopped abruptly at the look on Mac's face when he poked his head out of the kitchen.

"Was a choice. Not a yes no question. Coffee or tea?"

"Coffee please. White with half."

"Just a touch of sweet huh?"

"Just a little to help before the caffeine kicks in."

Jessie looked around the small living area on the boat Mac called home. Even though she'd been here before it still amazed her the way he'd set it up. There were so many little spots to store things but you wouldn't know it.

"Sit," Mac said when he brought the two steaming mugs. Jessie moved to the couch, sat down and sipped her coffee.

"What?" she asked Mac when he looked at her strangely from the chair across the other side of the table.

"Not too strong?"

"No. Strong is good."

"Usually too strong for most."

Jessie smiled. "I'm an ER doctor Mac. Strong is vital."

Mac took a sip of his and Jessie put hers on the table in front, a sudden case of nerves making her hands shake.

"I wanted to say thank you," Jessie finally said, "for being there for G when I wasn't."

"Didn't do much."

She almost laughed at the similarities between Mac and Callen.

"You did," Jessie assured him. "Being there for him was big. He needed it." She took a slow breath. "I hurt him leaving the way I did." She forced back the guilt the thought always brought forward.

Mac put down his mug as well. "Manners would have me say you did what you had to do but I can't help but wonder why you did it."

Jessie refused to look away as Mac's gaze bored into her. She saw the concern for his friend and the confusion. "I'd love to be able to say," she said, "that if I had the chance to do it over again I wouldn't do the same thing but I would. And I hate knowing that." She truly hated that to get better had meant hurting him.

"Why Jessie?" The tone was gentle, not forceful and it made the answer that much easier to say.

"Because I had to," Jessie said. "I was drowning Mac. I needed him too much to just keep me my head above water. It wasn't any way for either of us to live. Knowing what I do, I knew I needed professional help. I needed to tread water on my own and find my way to shore. Only then could he help me the rest of the way."

"Nice water analogy."

"So much came back and it was tearing me apart. And I …" Jessie wasn't sure how much she could say given Mac wasn't cleared, though she knew he could be trusted to keep secrets.

"Callen told me about the enemy, not by name but enough."

"I couldn't let him win." Even Jessie could her the desperate tone in her own voice as she spoke. She leaned forward slightly, her forearms rested on her knees. "He wanted to take everything from G and if I didn't go and get the help I needed I felt like I would be giving him what he wanted. I had to fight, in my way, and find my way back to G."

"You two are okay now though right?"

Jessie nodded. "We're good and he's helping me with the rest. Bit of a set back with my gun issues but," she shrugged. "We'll get there." Callen had gently teased her that he would have a few different ways to help her get back to where she'd been since he didn't have to keep his hands to himself anymore. It had given her a reason to look forward to those sessions, though they hadn't started yet.

"Gun issues?" Mac had an odd look on his face.

"He didn't tell you?"

"Nope."

Maybe if Mac knew, he wouldn't think so badly of her. Well, he didn't seem to but if she was going to be potentially depending on Mac to protect her if necessary it would probably be good for him to know.

"My …" Jessie took a breath. "My parents were shot and killed."

A look of understanding spread on Mac's face and he nodded. "In front of you. Makes sense."

Jessie frowned. "I thought G hadn't told you."

"Hetty," Mac admitted. "She told me a little so I could understand Callen better. She didn't say shot though." He raised his mug. "Welcome to the club."

"Club?"

"You're not the only one with gun issues."

"Oh." Jessie smiled. "Guess we have a little bit more in common than we thought." She was curious but she sure wasn't about to pry.

"I'm glad you're back Jessie."

"So am I."

"What's the chance you two are free Saturday to come to a game?"

"Just tell me the time. I'll make sure we're there."

* * *

"How'd it go?" Callen asked when he walked up to Jessie. She leaned against the car and the keys dangled in her fingers. She'd sent him a text when she'd arrived back at in the office but hadn't come in to get him. That was a couple of visits off in their plan, coming in alone.

"Good." Jessie smiled. "He's very understanding. We apparently have more in common than knowing you and an aversion to certain names. We're joining him for a game this Saturday."

Callen studied her as he moved closer. She looked happy which helped relieve the tension and worry he'd felt knowing she'd gone alone. Not that he didn't trust Mac with her it was just he wasn't sure how she would go taking that step alone. He put a hand either side of her head and leaned in.

"So," he smiled, "I do believe you owe me a thank you kiss."

Jessie caught her bottom lip with her teeth. "I was planning on giving that to you at home."

Callen leaned a little closer, his mouth hovered just near her ear and he lowered his voice. "Just what kind of kiss are you planning?" He didn't miss the slight shiver that went through her, or the slightly stronger one when his lips brushed over the small tattoo.

Jessie laughed softly and ducked under his arm. He turned and she held out the keys. "Take us home and find out," she said.

Callen reached for the keys with one hand and her with the other. She wasn't quick enough to get away this time.

"Hint?"

Jessie's arms slid around his neck and she brushed her lips over his cheek. "Stop by our Italian place. Lunch order should be ready to pick up by the time we get there."

"Italian?" Callen studied her for a moment. "We could eat there if you want. It'll be quiet and they have a dance floor. Been a while since I took you out dancing." He really should spoil her a little more. It was just that he preferred to have her to himself. Then he didn't have to think too much when the inevitable heat distracted them.

"We can dance at home if you want." There was a spark of mischief in her eyes, along with the heat.

Callen pulled her tighter against him with one arm, pocketed the keys and lifted his hand to her cheek. "It's good to see you happy Doc." His hand slid into her hair and he tilted her head back slightly.

"Feels good too," she replied.

Callen brushed his lips over hers.

"G, take me home please," she whispered. "I have a thank you I really want to give. And a valentine's present you never got to … see."

Callen stilled. "See?"

The dimples went deeper and he couldn't resist pressing a kiss to each of them even as his thoughts went to the possibilities that her words suggested.

"See, unwrap … Either would work." Jessie's breath hitched when he shifted his hand from her back to trail lightly over her hip and then higher up.

"Gonna give me a hint." Callen moved so he had her pinned against the car, hip to hip, and his other hand dropped from her hair to follow the same path but on her other side.

"I.." Her head dropped back against the car when his lips moved gently over her neck. He could feel her pulse hammering and flicked his tongue over it.

"G," his name fell from her lips, either desperate or in reprimand.

Callen lifted his head. "Yes?" he asked innocently.

"How am I supposed to think when you do that, let alone speak?"

"You're speaking well now."

"Because you stopped."

"Let me rectify that." Callen started to move his head back.

"Red."

The word come out in a rush and he stopped and looked back at Jessie's face. "Red?" Callen repeated slowly.

Jessie nodded. "I particularly like your reaction to that colour."

Callen reached around without another word and opened the passenger side door.


	127. Another Chat with Garrison

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so the more I delve into my version of Callen's past the more I can't see something that's canon working - actually the more I think about it the less sense it makes in canon as well. Hetty was the one to move Callen around in foster care, trying to find him that home he deserved. But she took him from the Rostoff's where he was happy and there's been no explanation about that either. So I'm going to ignore that little bit because if Hetty was the one responsible for moving him around in this, there were a few places that he actually liked being in and that I've already hinted at were unhappy that he'd left, where she could've left him. Not sure if I'll be able to answer the question as to why he moved so often - aside from the times he deliberately wanted to because it was bad that is - but I'll leave it in the bunnies hands and see if they come up with anything.
> 
> So looks like I managed four chapters this week after all. *little pat on the back for myself since I wasn't sure I'd get there* This one took a little longer to polish than I thought but I finally feel happy enough with it to post. It's one of those where I'm sure there's more tweaking to do but where I'm not sure that would end anytime soon!
> 
> Love to hear from you.
> 
> Have a great weekend.

* * *

 

The sound of Callen's raised voice reached Jessie through the bathroom door.

"You left us there! Me there. If you'd come back -"

"If I'd come back," Garrison said, his voice lower but just as desperate, "I could've brought them right to you."

Jessie hurried back into the lounge room, concern and worry mixed with an ache in her chest at the pain she heard in Callen's voice.

"Instead you left me there." Callen stood next to the couch, his father still sat on the chair. "Do you have any idea what I went through in those years?"

Garrison's head dropped. "Yes."

Jessie saw the tightness increase in Callen's shoulders at the admission. "Get -"

"Stop!" Jessie shouted. Garrison looked up and Callen turned his back to Garrison and faced her. "I'm gone for a minute and come back to this." This wasn't good. This wasn't what was supposed to be happening.

"He needs to go," Callen told her, pain clear in his words and in his eyes.

"Not until I know what happened," Jessie said. If they left it like this there would be no going back. It would be over. Her gaze locked with Callen's and she begged him with a look to trust her with this. The muscles in his jaw and cheek shifted, tense, and she waited. He didn't say no but he didn't say yes either.

Jessie risked a glance at Garrison who now stood. "Sit," she told him and then turned her full attention back to Callen. She took Callen's hand in hers then drew him to their bedroom and closed the door.

"I'm done Jessie," he said.

Jessie's heart shattered for him. The pain in his voice so much more than it was just moments ago. She guided Callen to the bed and he sat down without much encouragement. Jessie stood between his legs, cupped his face in her hands and tilted it up. She gently brushed the lone tear off his cheek.

"What happened?" she asked. "When I left you were talking about Amy. You were … happy. If I had any idea it would blow up like that I would've put you in different rooms until I got back."

It had been going so well. They'd had lunch with Garrison a couple of times over the last week. To help keep the topics light they'd included Sam. Garrison and Callen had learned a little more about each other, though memories weren't discussed during those times.

"He knew," Callen told her.

Jessie frowned. "Knew what?"

Callen closed his eyes and Jessie waited, watched him struggle with control. There's wasn't anything more she could do to help than just simply be here for him.

"That Amy died," he finally said. "Reinhardt got a message to him about her. He knew and he didn't come."

"Why not?"

"Excuse of enemies following. I don't care anymore Doc. He didn't come. He could've stopped-"

The abrupt stop and the tension that ramped up in Callen's body told Jessie all she needed to know. That whatever he was about to say was bad and hard. But she knew in her heart he needed to get it out.

"Stopped what?" Jessie asked him. "G?" She brushed her fingers over his cheek. "Please talk to me. Let me help."

Callen finally opened his eyes and his gaze locked with hers. "Baseball bat." Her heart stuttered and a shiver went through her. "If he'd come, it wouldn't have happened."

Tears fell down her cheeks. She couldn't stop them and she did try because she wanted to be strong for him. Jessie pulled Callen close and wrapped her arms around him. She rested her head on the top of his, at a loss for words. What could she say to that? Part of her, the professional part, wanted to try and help him understand, possibly see his father's side of the story, but a larger part wanted to tear strips off Garrison, yell and scream at him for leaving his son to the hell he'd had to face, and face alone.

"If he'd come earlier," Callen murmured, "he knew where we were. Maybe Amy would still be alive."

"Earlier?" Clearly Jessie had missed plenty in her brief time away.

Callen lifted his head. "He was in touch with Reinhardt from just over a year after we got here. Reinhardt had been watching us from the beginning."

Jessie tried not to let him see the pain she felt for him as her heart broke for two children left alone to fend for themselves, but she didn't have any more luck than she had keeping the tears at bay. He knew her too well.

"Doc," Callen eased her onto the bed to lay on her side next to him. He caught one of the tears that escaped on his finger. "I don't know that I can do this anymore and I don't want you hurting. You've been through too much lately."

Jessie shook her head. "This has nothing to do with what I've been through. This is about _you_." She sighed. "This part of the discussion wasn't supposed to happen yet. Memories. That's where we were at." The best laid plans. She had hoped he'd gather plenty of memories, build a solid foundation with Garrison before they had to deal with this painful part of Callen's past.

"I have some from him." The backs of Callen's fingers brushed over her cheek as he continued, "and a few of my own. It's enough."

Jessie knew he'd remembered some things on his own, knew he cherished those memories but he was wrong. "It's not enough G," she said. "You need answers." He'd been searching for them for so long. "You can't keep going on without them. Not now they are so close." She leaned closer and pressed a tender kiss to his forehead.

"I don't know Doc. I'm not sure I can face him now I know."

"I know it's hard. But G, the box is open. This needs to play out or you'll wonder forever what was in it." Jessie laced her fingers with his. "Today is apparently the day. You can do this." She moved closer, his arms slipped around her, her head rested on his chest. "I'll be right there beside you." His arms tightened around her. "It's your choice though, only yours." There was no way she'd push him to do this. Encourage yes, support yes. Push? Never. Just like he'd done for her with so many things.

"Are you sure you want to do this Jessie? You go back to work tomorrow. That's a big step."

Jessie sat up and shook her head. She understood his concern in that this was going to be hard and emotional for him, and therefore her, and he didn't want it to affect what she needed to do tomorrow. "This isn't about work. This is about you." Callen shifted to sit as well. "You need answers," Jessie said, "and you need them now. Maybe not all of them but enough to either be okay going forward with him or okay to put a stop to it completely." Jessie stood up and held out her hand to him. "I'm here G. For you, however you need." He took her hand. She pulled him up and close to her. "Right by your side. I promise I won't leave you alone with him." There was the saying, hindsight is twenty twenty. She deeply regretted leaving them alone.

Callen cupped her face and rested his forehead against her. "Not sure I can forgive him Doc."

"There is no right or wrong with that G." She certainly wasn't the one to tell him he should forgive given her own situation with particular family members. "You are the only one who can decide if you can. Maybe answers will help."

Callen took a breath and dropped his hands. He slipped one back into hers and squeezed. "Don't let go."

"I won't," Jessie assured him. She pressed a gentle, lingering kiss to his cheek and stepped back. "Shall we?"

* * *

Callen followed Jessie out of the bedroom. Garrison rose when they walked in and his grip tightened on Jessie's hand. His emotions were hard to get control of. He didn't know if he could do this after learning just how much his father had known.

"We have a problem," Jessie said once they were seated on the couch. Callen would've rather stood, if truth be known, or pace but that would make it difficult for the thing he wanted more, a physical connection with Jessie.

"I'm sorry. I should go." Garrison started to rise.

"No," Jessie said firmly. "G needs answers. And it needs to be now."

"Anything," Garrison said.

Jessie turned to Callen and gave him a reassuring smile. "Ask G. Only you can ask what you need to know."

Callen took a moment to try and figure out what to ask, but all that kept running through his mind was that his father had known where they were, what was happening but refused to come and save him. What had stopped him?

"Who was so bad back then that you couldn't come for us?" Callen asked, though he didn't look at Garrison, just a spot over his shoulder. "Who was it that meant you let your daughter die and me.." He wasn't ready to say the words. "Who?"

"The Comescu's. You know what they have done and what they would do. You were only children and I promised your mother to keep you safe from them."

"No." Callen shook his head. "We had the Callen name. How did you think that was keeping us safe?"

"I wouldn't have given you that name. By the time I found out it was too late."

Callen had so many unanswered questions. They were now clamoring in his head, each trying to reach the front of the line.

"How did we get it?" he asked. "How did we get off the beach that day? How did -" Jessie squeezed his hand and Callen stopped. If he wanted answers he needed to give Garrison a chance to speak. "Why didn't you come?" That was still the most important question he had.

"It wasn't just the Comescu's. I had my own enemies. There was I reason I stopped being Nikita Reznikov. A reason I was arrested. He was hunted by the kind that wouldn't care a bit to use a child to get what or who they wanted. I was trying to protect you."

Callen fought through the swirling emotions. There was a part of him that didn't want to understand, that wanted to feel like what he went through could've been avoided, have someone tangible to blame for his hellish childhood. But then the protective part of him, the part that would leave his family and do the same thing, at least stay away until he'd taken care of the threat and it was safe again, that understood. To a degree. But his family were adults, they would protect each other, could protect each other. He and Amy had just been children, separate and alone, with no one to protect them.

"You had contacts," Callen said. "You could've come, taken us and hidden. Given us a family, _our_ family back. How many people did you help do exactly that?"

"It was better," Garrison told him, "safer for you. I didn't know if I could protect you if I was with you."

"You didn't try." And Callen had to admit that was possibly what hurt the most. He hadn't been worth trying for.

"No I didn't." There was sadness in Garrison's admission, regret even, and it pushed Callen's emotions closer to the edge.

"Did you know I spent three weeks in hospital after a foster father took a baseball bat to my legs and back?" Even now he could remember clearly the sudden loss of support as his legs crumpled under him, the pain as the bat slammed into his back over and over again. And the heavenly darkness that eventually took the pain away even though he was sure the beating had continued after.

"Yes." The word was barely audible.

"Do you have any idea how terrified I was after that? The nightmares and fear that I had to fight alone." Not to mention the pain during recovery. How he hadn't ended up with a broken back no one could tell him, though he'd been in essentially a corset for a week until the swelling went down enough and they were confident there weren't any slight fractures in his spine that had taken time to show up on the x-rays. Being confined and unable to move like that had been the start of his issues with hospitals and being under sedation. No one would tell him what had happened to his foster father at that point. All they'd told him was that he was safe and no one was going to hurt him. Even at that age though, he hadn't believed them and every time the hospital room door had opened fear had flooded through his small trapped aching body.

Callen felt Jessie's arm brush against his, she'd moved closer, added another connection to him other than their hands and he was grateful. It calmed his screaming emotions, comforted him and pushed away the worst of the memories.

"No."

"I was ten. It was two years after Amy died." Callen waited to see if Garrison would make the connection. He did.

"If I'd come back you wouldn't have gone through that."

"It took months for me to be able to head into a new home without the fear almost consuming me and feeling like I was going to throw up on the way." He had more than once. "Months where I continued to be shuffled around foster home after foster home, never finding a place that wanted me, a family. Turns out I had one, one that didn't want me either."

There was silence and Callen wasn't entirely sure how to take it. Instead of dwelling on it, because if he did he hadn't no doubt his thoughts would continue to spiral into darkness, he asked another question.

"How did we get here, from Romania?"

"There was a man," Garrison said. "He was a contact I had given your mother for emergencies. I think she contacted him for help when I was arrested. He may have been the one to keep you all safe until she was able to reach Hetty."

"May?"

Garrison shrugged. "He died six months after Clara. Murdered. I think he may have gotten you out of the country to here. He knew about Reinhardt, knew he felt that he owed me and had the ability to contact him. I think he had you delivered to him here and he put you both in foster care and then kept an eye on you. I don't know why you were split up. Neither would've known about the danger of the name Callen being connected with the Comescu's and, while your mother wanted you to have the name, it was never on any official paperwork. Perhaps it was your mother's idea to use it to give me an easier way to find you all when I was able to join you."

Callen finally looked his father in the eye. "So you planned to look for us? Come to us when you got out."

"Yes."

Callen's heart pounded in his chest. "Why didn't you?"

"When I got away and found out your mother was dead, that you and Amy were missing I was shattered. Grieving for her and desperate to find out what had happened to her. Hoped that it would lead me to you but it didn't. I spent months rebuilding my contacts and reaching out but by the time I found this contact he had been murdered. Just a couple of weeks before I'd found him. I wondered if it was because he had hidden you and then himself. When I exhausted all other resources I decided to get in touch with Reinhardt on the off chance that he knew anything."

"And he did. Why didn't you come then? Why didn't he just keep us?"

"It would've brought too much notice to him. He had his own set of enemies." Garrison rose. "I did what I felt was best, to keep that promise to your mother. You were away from the Comescu's, away from my own enemies, and you were being watched by someone I trusted so I stayed away to keep you safe."

"Did you ever think that maybe someone had made a mistake? That giving us the name Callen was like a red flag if they bothered to look? That maybe coming to get us, taking that name away, would be best?"

"Yes."

"But you didn't. You had the contacts, you could've gotten Amy and I back together." His throat tightened, his heart ached for what could never be. He'd never have his sister back in his life again.

"And I could've brought my enemies to your doorstep. You were safe from them, safe from the Comescu's."

"Where we? What if Amy was targeted by them? She could swim, yet she drowned." Callen hadn't thought about that possibility before because he hadn't known Amy could swim so well. However one of his memories was watching her playing in the water, diving under and laughing, smiling and swimming like a fish. It was like she was born for the water. "Did that possibility cross your mind?"

"No."

"Why just G?"

"I don't know why you didn't have a name on your records. I don't know what your mother told him after my arrest. I wish I had more answers for you."

"When she died," Callen said, "what happened to her?" The closure for Jessie when he'd taken her to the grave of her parents had been huge. Maybe if he could go to his mother's grave it would help ease this awful ache in his heart.

"She was buried under your equivalent of a Jane Doe in what was essentially a small pauper's cemetery. When I finally found where she was I paid them to make sure she wasn't disturbed when it became full."

"Where?"

"She's not there anymore. It took me years but I had her remains moved to a proper place."

"Where?" Callen demanded after the evasive answer.

"Konstantin Chernoff died for a reason." It took only a moment for Callen to make the connection.

"Ruza? She's there?"

Garrison nodded.

Callen's throat tightened further. He'd been to his mother's grave, thinking it was his father's. The band around his chest tightened. It was all too much right now. He couldn't speak, could barely breathe let alone think of anything else to ask. He rose, walked to the window and rubbed a hand over his face as he stared out at nothing. He wished Jessie had come with him but he was the one who had slipped his hand from hers, needing to move.

"I think we're done for now." Jessie's words were soft but he heard them. Callen wasn't entirely sure if they were meant for him or Garrison but it didn't matter. He felt lost, hurt and wasn't sure where to go from here. He had answers, answers a part of him regretted having because now the hope was gone for an answer he didn't even know he wanted but hadn't gotten.

"G." Jessie's hand was soft on his arm. He shifted his focus from outside to her. "Garrison needs to go home. Will you be alright if I take him?" Callen saw the concern in her eyes, clearly saw in her expression that she was torn between getting Garrison away from him as he needed and not wanting to leave his side to do it.

"Jessie I can find my own way," Garrison said before Callen could answer her. He was supposed to be the one to take Garrison home after. It was meant to be another step in the relationship but there was no way he could do that today, if at all. He needed time to process everything he'd learned, time to decide if there was a future with his father or not.

"My son needs you. He… he needs you. I'll walk for a bit then call a taxi."

Callen pulled his gaze from Jessie and focused on his father. He saw pain and regret in the man's eyes but couldn't bring himself to say anything. Garrison turned and walked away. The sound of the front door closing softly eased some of the tension in Callen's body.

"I'm sorry," Jessie said softly.

"I don't know if I can forgive him. He left us there, stayed away even knowing what was going on."

Jessie lifted her hand to his cheek. Her touch was gentle, warm, comforting and he didn't feel quite so lost with it.

"He thought he was doing what was best," she said, "to keep you safe."

"I get that. I do," Callen assured her and he did. But that was the only part, the rest was incredibly difficult. "I've done it myself. But Amy and I, we were just children Jessie. We had no one. How much worse could it have been if he'd come back and we'd run, had to hide?" There had been times when he'd wished he was dead, only to have the hell continue. "Who leaves children defenseless?" It was hard enough for him the times he'd walked away from his team or co-workers, but to leave his own child? Or any child for that matter? And to stay away when you knew they were suffering? No he wasn't sure he'd be able to forgive that.

"He should've come back," Jessie said fiercely. "No child deserves to be left alone."

Callen cupped her cheeks, brushed aside the tears that were on them. He wasn't entirely sure when they'd started to fall. "You were." The family that she'd been left with had been no family at all.

"But," Jessie closed her eyes and leaned into his touch. She took a breath. "That was because they gave up their lives for me, not because they left me. He .."

Callen brushed a thumb over her bottom lip and stopped her words. "Some would say he gave up his life to keep us safe."

"You weren't safe. You needed him."

Callen knew this was Jessie the woman and her heart was breaking. This wasn't the therapist trying to see both sides. She was hurting for him, for the child he'd been and the man he was now, and he was torn. Torn between hating that she was hurting and loving it. Because it was who she was, someone who cared deeply and that was one of the things about her that he loved. But because she loved him meant that she hurt for him.

Callen leaned close, brushed his lips over hers lightly before he pulled back. He stared into the depths of her brown eyes, the emotions swirling in them. Unexpectedly dread gripped him and he needed her to know he would never do that to her. He needed to be sure she would never doubt it. Because he wasn't his father. There may be similarities, ones she was sure to see, but he wasn't like his father in that.

"If I ever have to leave to keep you safe," Callen's voice was low and raw with emotion, "know this Doc. I will always come for you. No matter what anyone says or tells you, no matter what is going on, while there is breath in my body and my heart beats I will come back for you. Believe that."

Callen kissed her with desperation and a need to burn that message right into the depths of her soul so she would never forget. He only stopped when the need for air was too hard to ignore. They were both breathing heavily. He rested his forehead against hers. "Always."

Jessie's hands tightened on his shoulders. "I know," she whispered.

Callen heard the truth in the emotion that was in those two small words. She would never doubt. And he would never let her down and not come for her.

They'd have to kill him to stop him.

 


	128. A Gentle Touch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As a heads up, I have no idea how this week is going to go. The last chapter honestly took me by surprise and took over my brain. I'm going to set the bar low this week and aim for 2-3 chapters just to be on the safe side.
> 
> So this is just a little light'ish one with a touch of heat. Needed it after the last chapter. ;-) Enjoy and would love to hear from you.

* * *

 

Callen glanced at Sam before he pushed open the medical room door. The look on Sam's face said it all. Jessie wasn't going to be happy. They walked through the door and saw her gathering supplies and putting them on the small trolley.

"Whichever is worst," Jessie said, her back to them, "on the bed. The other on the chair." She looked over her shoulder and her gaze settled rather quickly on Callen. He noted the slight smile on her face just before she added, "unless of course someone managed to get another splinter in a delicate part of his anatomy."

"No splinters," Callen assured her, pleased at least that she hadn't jumped straight to telling them off for being reckless. "Sam's worse than me."

Jessie moved to Sam who already sat obediently on the exam table.

"What did you two do this time?" she asked as she reached for the edge of the patch on Sam's arm.

"You haven't been told?" Callen studied her. Maybe that's why she wasn't upset… yet.

"Hetty told me you need a little patching up but refused to tell me anything more than it wasn't bad. I'm guessing she didn't want me to worry too much, considering it's my first day back."

"Did you?" Callen asked.

"What do you think G?" she murmured, her focus on the wound on Sam's arm. She shook her head. "Really Sam? A bullet?

"Not a bullet," Sam denied. "Just a graze."

"And who put the patch on it?"

"I did," Sam admitted. "We had to catch the bad guys first."

Jessie sighed. "And you didn't think to let the paramedics take a look at this?"

"We prefer your gentle touch," Callen told her. "It's not that bad. He's had worse."

Jessie turned her head and raised an eyebrow. "I do hope you don't use that criteria to decide if you need medical attention or not."

Sam chuckled. "She's got you there G."

Jessie turned back to Sam's arm. "Not deep enough for stitches but it's going to hurt to clean it up."

"I can take it," Sam told her. He hissed when she first started but after the look Jessie shot him, not another peep came out of Callen's partner's mouth.

"You couldn't have given me a day to get settled in could you?"

Callen heard the touch of amusement hidden behind the concern in her tone.

"Have you been saving up for this day?" she asked.

"No point getting injured," Callen said "if you were here to take care of us with your lovely bedside manner."

Jessie snorted. "Right. Like Sam just put himself in the way of a bullet so I could patch him up." She looked at Callen. "And you? What do I have to look forward to with you?"

"Why Doc," Callen grinned, "You get to put your hands on my body. What else do you need to know?"

Sam fought back a chuckle and Callen noticed the great difficulty Jessie appeared to have keeping the smile off her face. Okay so this was going better than he expected.

"G." There was a touch of seriousness to her tone.

"Just some scratches from where I was shoved to the ground."

"By who?" Jessie asked as she peeled the backing off a patch and started to apply it to Sam's arm.

"Sam."

Jessie's hands paused in their work and she glanced at him, then Sam and then back to Callen. Her eyes narrowed. "And why was Sam pushing you to the ground?"

That was a question Callen would rather not answer and if he'd been thinking less about getting the worry out of her eyes and the flirting banter, he'd have probably found a way to avoid that, for a little while anyway.

"Well?" Jessie prompted as she went back to finish the patch on Sam's arm. "Not like I'm not going to hear about it eventually."

"He pushed me out of the way."

Jessie looked back at him. "Of?"

Callen took a slow, quiet breath. "The bullet," he admitted.

Jessie's eyes flew from Callen to Sam who gave a quick nod of confirmation.

"Well," Jessie said, "it seems like I owe Sam a thank you." She gave the patch a final press and turned back to Callen. He raised an eyebrow and she fired back a look that had him keeping his mouth shut regarding thank you's.

"You're good to go Sam. Dressing should be changed tomorrow but you know where everything is." There was a very strong hint of dismissal in Jessie's tone.

Sam glanced at Callen, the question clear in his eyes. _Want me to stay?_ Callen gave a very slight shake of his head. No he didn't want Sam to stay. What was coming next would just be between him and Jessie.

"Thanks Jessie." Sam closed the door quietly behind him.

Callen shifted his focus slowly from the closed door to Jessie. She stood with her head at a slight tilt as she stared at him. Callen didn't move.

"Afraid G?"

Callen shook his head. "Not afraid. Just waiting to see what you are going to say."

Jessie rolled her eyes. "Get on the table. I can't fix you over there."

Callen slid onto the table, sat with his legs deliberately apart so she'd have to move between them. Her fingers were gentle as she cleaned the scrap on the side of his head in silence. He didn't flinch at all, though it took a bit more control than he would've liked to hold it back. The back of his hand was much easier. There were no words as she worked but when she eased off the gloves and dropped them on the trolley, Callen took advantage and pulled her close with his good hand at her waist.

"I'm fine Doc," he said gently.

Jessie took a deep breath in and let it out slowly. "You couldn't have put this off until later in the week? You know, ease me back into things."

"Didn't mean to. He came out of nowhere." Callen's fingers tugged on the back of her shirt and made a small enough gap for one of his fingers to slide under and touch her skin. "Even Eric and Nell didn't spot him from the camera's and they were looking."

"Glad Sam was there."

"So am I." He tugged just a little more on her shirt so he could get his hand completely under. There was a flicker of amusement in her eyes.

Jessie's hands rested on Callen's chest. "You're not wasting any time are you?" she murmured when he stroked the lower part of her spine.

Callen smiled. "I'm very glad to have you back. This so much better than anyone else." His finger trailed over her jaw, down her neck and then followed the neck line of her shirt to the dip in the middle. Her breathing shifted into uneven territory.

"Better not be like this with someone else," she said as her eyes drifted closed.

"Only with you Doc." Callen pulled her just a little closer, brushed his lips over her ear and added. "Only ever with you." A shiver went through her and her breath caught for a moment.

"G," she whispered. Callen pressed light kisses down her neck and in toward her mouth. "We can't."

Callen pulled back and cupped her chin. He tilted her head just enough so it was easy to press a kiss to where one of her dimples would be if she smiled and then nipped gently at her bottom lip. "Whatever are you thinking Doctor Blake?" he teased.

Jessie groaned and pulled back from his kiss before he could deepen it. "What I'm thinking," she said, "is that I have no clue how come things between us are this hot."

That wasn't quite what he was expecting her to say. He studied her expression, could see the confusion but could also see the heat in her eyes, that was perhaps a little stronger than what he'd been doing should warrant.

"What is it about you that has me reacting like this?" Jessie asked him. Her fingers brushed over his rough cheek to trace his bottom lip.

"You don't like it?"

"You know it's not that." She pressed a kiss to where her fingers had just been on his lip. "I just don't understand how-" Jessie sighed. "I don't understand how it can continue to heat up like it is. Dammit G, I'm about ready to lock the door and have my way with you here and now and you've barely touched me."

"I have no problem with that," Callen tugged her closer and Jessie rolled her eyes. "Maybe," he turned a little more serious and threaded his fingers into her hair which up loosely and allowed him do so without making a mess of it. "Maybe we're smart and we're simply intent on making the most of our time. Not exactly a safe, old and grey kind of life we have." He didn't particularly want to bring it up but figured if he tried to dance around it it would just be more obvious.

"Maybe," Jessie agreed. Her eyes were halfway closed and her head shifted into his hand. "That would make sense to grab hold of with both hands." Callen lifted his other hand to her head and she laughed softly at the action.

"You did say both hands," he murmured and brushed his lips over hers, though he didn't deepen it because he had a feeling they weren't quite done with the conversation yet.

Jessie opened her eyes. "It doesn't explain why it's getting hotter though."

She was right. It was getting hotter between them, responses heightened and it didn't take much to spark to flames. It had changed when she'd come back from Toronto but he'd initially just put it down to how long it had been but it wasn't. He knew that now and hadn't really questioned it, just enjoyed it. As they both had.

"Do we need to know?" Callen moved his fingers against her scalp firmly in the way he knew she loved. Her head dropped back into his hands which just happened to open up her neck, something he had in no way planned. However he wasn't so good that he didn't take advantage of the fact. Except that her breath hitched before his lips touched her throat and he knew it had nothing to do with his touch. He pulled back and lifted her head. "Jessie?"

"Sorry." She averted her head and blinked rapidly.

"Uh, uh. Talk to me." Callen turned her head back to him and saw the shine in her eyes. "We knew there'd be hiccups with you coming back. We know that they won't necessarily be connected with what happened."

Jacob had warned them about this, that her emotions could be set off unexpectedly and that it would be better if she could work through them as they happened rather that leaving it to the end of the day and go through them at once. The build up of one on top of the other could magnify the emotions of the subsequent ones.

Jessie stared at Callen for a moment, he waited patiently while she found the words. "Sometimes," she said softly, "sometimes I think if someone gave me the chance I'd be willing to trade some of this heat if it would guarantee a higher chance of you coming home safe."

Callen took her hand and lifted it in front of his lips. "You'd give this up." He brushed his lips over the inside of her wrist, saw the heat build in her eyes and the worry become a little less. He wasn't trying to distract her, as such. He was trying to make it easier for her to talk if she wanted.

"If it guaranteed you'd come home to me yes. And I did only say some." Jessie smiled. "After all half the temperature of a volcano is still incredibly hot."

"Always come home to you Doc. You know that. It'll take a lot to stop me," Callen assured her seriously before shifting back to some light teasing after he noted the further shift of worry out of her eyes. "You're comparing us to a volcano?"

"Just the temperature," she said. "We're not that dangerous - well at least I'm not."

"Don't bet on is Doc." He still had her wrist close enough and flicked his tongue over the sensitive flesh. "You are very dangerous."

Jessie shifted even closer and her arms slid around his neck. His hands fell to her hips. "How dangerous?" she asked softly.

Where did he start? Before he could figure that out Callen's phone rang. The ringtone told them both it was Hetty. Callen smiled. "Dangerous enough that I'm tempted to ignore that, lock the door and find out just how hot things can get." Because right now he really wanted to finish wiping the worry completely from her eyes. Though that was only part of it because there was also the heat that had been generated with the rather interesting conversation and surprisingly light touches. Perhaps he should let her know he was feeling the same way as she was early, after all, she'd barely touched him either. He didn't count the patch up touches.

"Only tempted?" Jessie took two steps back out of his reach. "Guess I'm not really that dangerous."

Callen kept his gaze locked with hers and pulled out his phone. He answered, said "Give me a minute," and hung up.

Jessie's eyes went wide. Callen walked toward her and she backed away until she had her back against the wall. It was only three steps but he was there right after she was. He put his hands on either side of her head and shifted so his mouth was barely an inch from hers. "You are," he said softly, "the only one who can destroy me Doc. With you, life is perfect, without - hell. There's nothing more dangerous than someone who holds your life in their hands."

"I would never destroy you," Jessie whispered.

Callen smiled. "I know. Doesn't make it any less true." He closed the distance and in contrast to the heat swirling around them, the kiss was gentle, tender and much briefer than either of them wanted but now wasn't the time. He lifted his head and pushed back from the wall. Though Jessie stayed put, her gaze didn't leave him.

"I think," Callen said, "you've done a very good job on your first day back Doctor Blake. A celebration tonight is in order."

"What kind of celebration do you have in mind Agent Callen?"

The silent message between the two of them was very clear. Frustration, need and desire was high.

"The very heated kind. It may or may not include a shot of tequila and an owed kiss."

Jessie's mouth dropped open just a touch, tempting him to return and pick things up from where they'd just left off. But he didn't. Instead he took another step back to help him focus, pulled out his phone and called Hetty back.

_"A minute exactly Mr Callen. I am impressed."_

So was he. Callen saw Jessie lift her fingers to her lips and smiled. He took one step closer and her eyes widened. "Very hot," he mouthed. "We'll need ice."

Then before he truly did forget about everything else, he moved out the door quickly. "Sorry Hetty," he said. "Can you repeat that. I didn't hear you."

 


	129. A trip down memory lane - Part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter and the next are a little different to normal. There's some deep stuff coming up and this week I've found myself in the wrong headspace to write/edit it.
> 
> I had an idea I had regarding Jessie dealing with her gun issues all over again and have had some fun keeping myself writing with it, rather than let myself get in a funk because I couldn't write what I wanted to (those are not a good place for a writer to be!). Mostly this is the fluff, fun and heat of that, where Callen takes them back over the steps (most of anyway) that we saw her go through earlier in the story. After all, why mess with a plan when you know it works? Only this time, they're together, which means those almost moments have a whole lot more potential! So yes, the plan does get a few minor shake ups but all in the name of ... heat and fun.
> 
> The numbering is just to help keep track of the scene change, though they are in chronological order. However the timeframe that these take place over is around 3-6 weeks in the story. Instead of trying to find the right place to slot them in around everything that is about to happen, I decided to just put them together like this. Some of them are little and certainly wouldn't be enough in a chapter on their own if I scattered them into their right place in the story.
> 
> So this and the next chapter will give me may aims for this week of three chapters, which makes we want to do a little happy dance for being able to hit that target in a week built with many different things happening and where I couldn't write what I wanted to write. Never fear, I'm not up for dancing yet, though am now back driving! Yippee for a touch of freedom.
> 
> Therefore, have fun, enjoy. The heat is there but we're only present for the build-up. We'll leave them alone for the rest so not need to skim or shield your eyes. ;-)
> 
> Love to hear your thoughts.

* * *

 

 

_ **Number 1:** _

"G, why are we here?" Jessie asked Callen when they came to a stop outside the firing range.

"Back to the beginning."

Jessie wasn't sure she trusted that look. Oh she trusted him, but the innocent look was the one he had when he was up to something. "The beginning? What beginning? I seem to recall ours was a little wetter than this." Okay so he had been the one who was wet and she'd enjoyed the moment for more than just the fun of it. Callen with a shirt plastered to his body was certainly an enjoyable sight.

Callen smiled. "I recall it well, but this is about you and guns."

Jessie frowned. "I don't.. Oh."

"A good place for the first step wouldn't you say?"

"I believe I did," she murmured. Jessie was still a little unsure what he was planning.

"And of course," Callen said, a glint of mischief in his eye, "as a psychiatrist, you certainly wouldn't recommend a patient face a fear on their own would you?"

That glint became a twinkle and was too much. Jessie stepped closer and slid her arms up around his neck, deliberately taking her time with the action, and brought her body up against his. Only just to the point of touching. She saw the flicker of heat in his eyes and fought back a smile. Yep, she could play almost as well as he could.

"No." Jessie shook her head and put on a very serious expression. "I wouldn't. I would definitely recommend that the patient has someone they can trust completely by their side. Someone who can lend them their strength and help them."

"You're stronger than you think Jessie." Callen brushed the backs of his fingers lightly over her cheek. "But I'm very willing to be here for you." His touch continued down her neck, across her shoulder and further down until he took one of her hands in his. "Come on," he said and turned her to face the door. His other hand settled between her shoulder blades.

Jessie felt the memories rush back from that night so long ago. So much had changed since then and yet, here he was, taking her back to the beginning. "Open the door Doc. I'm here."

"I know." Jessie turned her head. He was so close, her gaze dipped to his lips and she felt a very strong urge to take advantage of that fact that this time, all she had to do was lean a little closer and kiss him and it would be very welcome on both sides.

"Doc."

There was a warning in the tone and she turned back to the door. A small smile danced on her lips. She'd play along, though she had not doubts that things would be different in some ways, and let him help her as he had done once before.

Jessie pushed the door open and stepped inside. Callen stayed close, kept the connection with her back and hand. There was a soft click behind them as the door closed. Callen moved in beside her.

"Breathe Jessie," he said softly near her ear. This time it was very different to last time. Last she'd been terrified. This time, well this time she certainly wasn't thinking about guns or panicking when he said those words. But then he always did like the distraction technique.

Jessie lifted their hands and looked at the fingers that were entwined so comfortably. She brought them to her lips and brushed hers over his fingers. His thumb moved back and forth on her shoulder, creating a soft hum and a rising heat that would no doubt spread through her in less time than seemed possible.

"Are you even looking around the room?" Callen asked, amusement coloured his tone. Jessie opened her eyes, she wasn't entirely sure when they'd closed, and looked into his. Those beautiful blue ones she was happy to get lost in that now were brightened with amusement, though the hint of concern was there in their depths.

"Apparently this step is a success," she said. "I'm not having any issues in this room at all. You are very good."

Callen chuckled. "I try. Are you hungry? I know a great pizza place."

Jessie laughed. "I'd love too." She turned, slipped her arm around his waist and walked out the door. "Especially," she added with a sideways glance at him, "if they do takeaway."

"Not in the mood to eat out?"

She couldn't resist. "I'm itching to get out of these clothes. Been in them all day." Callen's fingers tightened at her waist.

"I'd be delighted to help."

"Very pleased to hear that."

* * *

_**Number 2:** _

Callen leaned against the door frame and waited. He saw the twitch of the muscles in Jessie cheek. She knew he was there. After a minute she lifted her gaze to his and held back her smile.

"What's up Doc?" he asked.

"Not much. You?"

Considering it was barely an hour into the work day it wasn't like they hadn't seen each other recently. But Hetty had told the team that they were grounded until their paperwork was up to date. Since his was, it was definitely better to be up to date so he was free to go home early, he'd wandered down to see her. He had plans, he just wasn't sure if she was ready for them, or him. He knew she had several psych evaluations to do over the next few weeks.

"Disappointed." Callen wondered how long it would take for her to catch on. He'd enjoyed replaying some of their moments from long ago when he'd initially helped her through her fear of guns. He figured he'd succeeded back then and he really shouldn't mess with a successful strategy. Though he had adapted it a little.

Jessie frowned, confusion clear in her expression. "About what?" She put down her pen, turned in her chair and rose. Her gaze didn't leave his and he saw concern in her eyes as well.

Callen smiled. "You."

"I'm sorry?"

"Next stop Doc. Haven't taken it yet."

And there it was, the change from concern and confusion to surprise and amusement.

"Perhaps I'm simply enjoying the success of the last time."

"You wouldn't want to leave it too long and miss out on continuing the ride?"

"Ride? What exactly am I ...riding?"

Oh hell, now he thoughts that had nothing to do with what he'd come here for. She was wicked. The slight pause, the faint lift at the corners of her mouth and the mischief in her eyes. She knew exactly where his mind would go with those words; straight back to this morning in bed. Callen shifted from the doorway, stepped inside and flicked the door closed behind him. The very definite click of the lock had her eyebrows raise.

"Sit." Callen pointed to the couch and waited until she had done so. He wasn't about to let her derail his plans, at least not yet. After he was done she could take them wherever she wanted to go.

When he sat next to Jessie Callen discreetly slipped his gun onto the couch beside him as he'd done before. This time though he made sure that his body brushed hers as he twisted slightly sideways. He settled his arm behind her, his fingers near her shoulder but not touching. If either of them moved in the right way that would change.

"Favourite book?" He started with the same question as last time.

Jessie smiled. "Pride and Prejudice."

"Why?" Callen was curious if she would change her answer, though he suspected not.

"Love wins. No matter what."

"She's a romantic."

Jessie laughed softly. That laugh still did things to him and his smile happened without thought.

"Someone loving you and being willing to fight for you is pretty romantic, wouldn't you say?"

Callen's fingers shifted enough to stroke her shoulder. "If I agree with you then does that make me a romantic?"

"Would it be so bad if it did?"

"I guess it depends."

"On what?"

"On whether you would think it manly or not."

Jessie's head dropped back against the couch, her eyes still locked with his. His fingers brushed against the skin of her neck. "At the very least it would be adorable."

Callen shifted so he could speak right near her ear. His breath drifted over the other side of her neck as his fingers continued to play on the other side. "How about if I said I find it a turn on?"

"Which part?" Jessie asked softly. Her eyes were closed and her head was tilted at an angle that opened her neck to him up even more. "Someone loving you or being willing to fight for you?"

"You loving me and being willing to fight for me."

Jessie opened her eyes. "Lucky me."

"Me too. But you still haven't answered me. Manly or not?"

"Very." Her eyes dropped to his lips. Callen shifted back before they got distracted. He'd have to keep his wits about him if she was managing to distract him like this only one question in.

"Favourite colour?"

"Blue." Colour hadn't changed but what about the reason.

"Why?"

"Because it holds so much promise."

"What kind of promise?"

"That would be telling."

"Not because of my eyes then?"

Jessie was quiet for a moment. "Partly. Though," the seriousness slipped away and the twinkle came back. "Mostly your eyes create totally different thoughts."

"What kind of thoughts?"

"A girl has to have some secrets, and I'm sure that you'd much rather I showed than told."

"Anytime you want Doc." Their eyes locked and the heat bouncing between them increased.

"What would you do if I took you up on that now?" she asked.

"Thoroughly enjoy myself."

"Hmm. Perhaps not here after all. Next question."

Oh he was most definitely going to find out what she was thinking when he took her home tonight. Callen knew her well and they weren't just random thoughts or ideas going through her head at that point. She had been thinking about something specific. The blush confirmed it.

"Place you'd like to visit but haven't yet?" This time he knew her answer would change and he was very curious to see what it would be.

"Now that's a tricky one."

"Why?"

"I had an exceptional time when I finally went to the last answer and need to make sure this next one," she smiled, "is going to at least live up to that experience, if not surpass it."

"And what kind of things would you need to make that happen?"

Jessie lifted her hand to his cheek. The motion turned her body toward his and brought her closer. "In all honesty," she said softly. "All it will take is you being by my side."

"So I get to be the lucky guy?" Callen turned his head and kissed her palm.

"Always and only you. However," Jessie added, "If I have to choose a place now I'll go with Iceland."

"Why?" That had been his answer the last time.

"Because then I get the chance to be the lucky girl."

"You mean you aren't already?"

"You have a point, so we'll go with I get to return the favour."

Callen raised an eyebrow. "Hmm, which favour?" The heat flared hot in her eyes and he didn't need to wonder what she was thinking about. He knew because he was thinking very similar thoughts about what had happened at Christmas.

"If you're lucky," she said, "it might be all of them."

"Lucky I am." He meant that in more ways than one.

There was a moment, gazes lock and her hand still held in his against his cheek, his fingers at her neck where they flattened and the slightest pressure started to ease her closer. A moment when the world almost slipped away to allow them to get lost in each other. Almost. Callen pulled back. She making this incredibly difficult for him to stick to his plan. She wasn't the only one disappointed but she was the only one who grumbled about it.

"Favourite Ice cream?"

"Hmm, still Strawberry and Coconut but I am growing rather fond of a couple of other flavours."

"Which would be?"

"Chocolate and Vanilla. It mainly depends on how it's served."

If he didn't call this conversation to a halt soon, there'd be no turning back. While Callen had expecting more flirting with this conversation than the last, he hadn't been expecting her to play along quite so heatedly.

Perhaps he should've known better.

Perhaps he did and was hoping.

"Final question," Callen smiled. "And the future of our relationship hangs in the balance on it." Surely this question couldn't get heated, especially if she played along as it had happened.

"Oh dear." Jessie's eyes widened and she put on a fake worried look. "Don't keep me in suspense."

"Bacon - yes or no?"

"Yes."

"My kinda girl."

Jessie smiled. "Helps that I know what I want."

"And what is it you want?"

Jessie started to laugh. "Oh G, really? You opened the door on that one."

"Since it's open..." Callen trailed off and left it in her hands what would happen next. After all, he was done with his questions.

Jessie shifted, straddled his lap and cupped his head in her hands. "You. Want. Need. Desire. Love. Only you." Then she lowered her head and kissed him, a light brush that didn't stay light for long. Just enough though to pull a growl of frustration from Callen before he felt her smile against his lips and she deepened the kiss.

Callen only just managed to catch Jessie before she tumbled off his lap when his phone unexpectedly rang and she jumped back suddenly. His phone continued to make a rather loud noise and vibrate on the table. He held her tight and reached behind her to grab it.

"What's up Sam?"

While he listened to Sam's request Jessie rested her forehead against his and took a quiet breath.

"On my way," Callen added and hung up. "Duty calls."

"By the name of Sam this time."

"Yeah, he's struggling with his reports. Needs some help with one of the cases from last week."

Jessie lifted her head and leaned back slightly. She looked at him oddly. "Sam needs help with reports?"

"You don't believe him?"

"Sam of the multi coloured tabs who is never late with any report except expenses? Do you believe him?"

Callen ran his hands up her back to her shoulders and down again.

"Are you saying you think he deliberately interrupted us?" She arched her back at his touch which almost pulled a groan from him when it caused them to be more intimately pressed together.

"I'm saying," she said, a touch breathlessly he was pleased to note, "I'll be surprised if Sam needs help."

"Care to bet on that?"

Jessie shook her head. "Oh no. You know I don't bet with you."

"But if you're so sure."

"You play dirty G. It wouldn't matter which side I chose, you'd find a way to win."

"I have you. Already won."

Jessie brushed a kiss over his lips. "Then go make sure those reports are done so we can get out of here on time tonight."

"You have plans?"

Jessie shifted off his lap and walked toward her desk. She looked over her shoulder at him. "If you're lucky I might reveal a secret or two."

* * *

_**Number 3:** _

Callen had barely leaned against the door frame when Jessie spoke.

"Please tell me there's a shirt somewhere with paint from where you leaned against that spot when the painting was done?"

"Didn't paint this part."

Jessie narrowed her eyes at him. "Is there a shirt somewhere with blue paint on it in an unexpected location?"

Callen pushed himself off the door frame. "Doc, I'm more observant than you seem to be giving me credit for." He shrugged. "Plus you weren't here so it was pointless to stand in the doorway. The view from here is terrible when it's not you."

Jessie smiled at that. "And here I was thinking standing in my doorway was a habit you couldn't break."

"Only if you're here."

"So you admit to it being a habit." Jessie grinned. "I knew it."

"The only habit I intend of having," Callen put his hands on her desk, leaned over it a little and looked her in the eyes, "Is stealing a kiss from you anytime I have a chance."

She leaned forward, almost close enough. "Does it count as stealing if it never would've been kept from you in the first place?"

"Sneak then."

"Fair enough. I can deal with that."

Callen straightened. "Time for the next step."

"But -"

He looked at her and waited.

"Fine. I'm guessing you've already checked my diary and know that I don't have any appointments."

"I've also arranged for no one to come into the armoury while we are there."

"Oh."

"Come on Doc." He held out his hand. "I've got you."

* * *

Callen started with the knife cupboard and it drew a smile from her.

"Really? Again? Because you do know that it's pretty pointless showing me that one since I do tend to have some skills with sharp objects and that if I had a problem with knives that would probably mean my career as an ER doctor is over."

"Just making sure."

Jessie raised her eyebrows and tilted her head in the direction of the next cupboard. Callen watched her carefully when he flicked the light on. Her breath caught briefly and he registered the slight movement to her body but she didn't step back. She stayed where she was, strong and brave. His brave Jessie. It took her a couple of slow deep breaths before she lifted her gaze from the cupboard to him and smiled. "Not so bad," she said.

"Close your eyes." Callen moved to the next cupboard, the one that was the biggest issue last time and would likely be the same this time. He waited until she did before he flicked the light on and moved in behind her. He wrapped his arms around Jessie at chest height this time and her hands came up to hold onto his forearms. Callen felt the deep breath she took.

"I'm right here," he assured her. "Open when you're ready."

"What if I'm not?"

"Then we leave and try again another time. No pressure Doc."

Jessie dropped her head back against his shoulder. "I don't want to go back G. I want to keep getting better."

"You're strong Jessie. I know you can do this."

Jessie turned her head into his neck and Callen felt her breath on his skin.

"Your choice," he added and pressed a kiss against her hair. As tempting as it was to distract her, this moment felt all too serious for turning up the heat. The thought disappointed him a little because he had many different ways that had already flashed through his mind on how to do so. But she needed to do this step, needed him to help and that was what was most important.

He felt her take another deep breath and her hands tightened on his arm.

"G," she said softly.

"Yeah?"

"Thank you."

"Any time Jessie." He wouldn't take advantage of that opening either.

Another breath and then Callen knew she'd opened her eyes. It wasn't as bad as the first time but there was a definite stiffening to her body against his. He rubbed his thumbs over her upper arms, pressed his lips to her head and murmured quiet reassuring words. It was one thing for her to deal with one gun at a time, another to see a cupboard full of them. Only when she relaxed back into him did Callen ask almost the same question as last time.

"Why here Jessie? Why us?"

Callen knew she'd understand that he wasn't referring to the two of them but the team, this job. It wasn't easy. It was very different to where she'd been before as a psychiatrist. He knew that.

"Because for the first time it felt right from the beginning. When I first heard about the job, the first time I spoke with Hetty and," she paused briefly, "from the moment I arrived here that first day. It was different. It wasn't a let's see how it goes and hope feeling. It was almost like being home, being where I belonged finally."

"You do belong here."

Jessie turned in his arms wrapped hers around his waist and smiled. "Here. And to you."


	130. A Trip down memory lane Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Final couple of scenes to wrap up the gun issue.
> 
> You'll be pleased to know the bunnies are happy now for me to work on those deeper chapters. Apparently they were going for some balance and felt like the fun times needed a little bit more focus. Therefore I'll see you all back here on Monday with another chapter - have a seriously busy weekend so not even going to try to aim for a weekend update.
> 
> Enjoy your weekend.
> 
> Love to hear your thoughts.

* * *

 

_**Number 4:** _

"Are you ever going to tell me what you told Mrs Bradshaw that night?"

At his question, Jessie finally looked up from her computer, a flicker of surprise at either the question or the fact that he was there. She smiled. "Why would I do that?"

"To satisfy my curiosity." Callen stepped into the room and headed toward her desk. Her side of it to be precise.

"Again, why would I do that?"

He put his hands on the arms of her chair, effectively trapping her, and leaned down. "You don't want me to be ... satisfied?"

"Oh I'll make sure you're satisfied. I'm just not going to tell you what I said."

Callen chuckled. "I look forward to it. Now, why won't you tell me?" he asked. "We're together so surely it's not a secret anymore."

"You assume it was something about the way I felt about you."

"A guy can hope."

Jessie smiled. "Nope. Not gonna happen."

Callen leaned forward, close enough that he could easily see the freckles on her nose. "I have ways to make you talk."He dropped his gaze to her lips briefly before looking back into her eyes.

"And I believe," Jessie murmured, "I have ways to stop you thinking." She reached out and fiddled with the buttons at the bottom of his shirt. "Which do you think is going to be more effective?"

One button slid out of it's hole and Callen watched her fingers move to the next one.

"Just as I thought," Jessie said when the second one came undone and he still hadn't said a word.

Callen pulled his gaze from her fingers to her eyes. Their gazes locked. "Just letting you think you're winning Doc before I take you ..." the pause hinted at something else and he saw it in her eyes that she understood. Then he added, "by surprise." He felt rather than saw the third button loosen.

"Speaking of surprises," Jessie stretched up and kissed him quickly. "Why are you here?"

"Time to get you back to the firing range."

Jessie stilled and then sunk back into her chair, the fourth button obviously forgotten.

"Oh."

"Just picking up the gun today Jessie. One step at a time."

She gave a short nod but it wasn't very enthusiastic. Callen reached out and lifted her chin slightly so she looked back at him. "Maybe after that you can show me how things are going with Sam these days?"

"You want me to take you down?"

"Been a while since you tried."

"Well at least since I did in the gym."

"Doc," one corner of his mouth lifted in a half smile. "You should know by now that when you take me down it's because I want you to."

"I know."

"Let's go. It's time."

Jessie took a deep breath and Callen eased back away from her. He held out his hand and she took it. He pulled her into his arms. "Trust me. One more time?"

"Always."

"You can do this… again."

"I guess we're about to find it."

"I won't let you fail."

"Back up plans?"

"Not letting you go was a good one last time. You didn't run."

Jessie smiled. "I do like that plan."

* * *

It wasn't so bad seeing the gun in front of her. It was a whole lot better feeling the heat of Callen beside, and around her. Again he was playing this the same way he had before. And Jessie appreciated it. She was sure it was making things easier. She had her own role to play but there also the fun and anticipation to see just where they ended up, given that there wasn't any need to hold back or hide these days. Seeing the gun hadn't been anywhere near as difficult as it had been the first time round.

With her hand settled palm up in his, he placed the gun in hers. She instantly jerked her hand away. Callen murmured reassurances beside her but when it happened the second time as well it was obvious something had to change. He moved behind her, an arm on either side so she was almost wrapped in his arms then he took her hand placed it on the gun that was now in his other hand, rather than the gun being placed into her hand. The warmth and strength of his hand covering hers and the whispers in her ear had eased her through it and she hadn't flinched again. It had admittedly taken some strength to force back the memory of actually firing it at someone.

Jessie turned her head to look at Callen, a slight hum of satisfaction running through her that she'd managed this part, even if it was less than before. He smiled and shifted around so he was against her side instead of her back. She could feel the heat of his body against her as well as from his arm that was now across the middle of her back, a barrier to her running.

"Close your eyes," he said right near her ear. He knew exactly what he was doing since he was well aware of her reaction to the whisper of his breath or words across her skin.

Jessie closed them and breathed in slow and deep, not so much for the calming effect but to breathe him in.

"What are you doing for Christmas this year?" Callen asked.

Jessie smiled. "Alex's family Christmas." He knew that but she was happy to play along.

"Where's that?"

"Austria. The whole extended family. Somewhere between fifty and a hundred family members over the course of three days. It's madness."

"You love it?"

"I do." She laughed softly. So very much. It was the kind of family Christmas she'd always dreamed of having when she was a kid. Lots of people who cared about you surrounding you and having fun. Knowing you were a part of something bigger, something special and most importantly, loved. "This year I'll love it even more."

"Why's that?"

"Because Alex's grandmother, the sweetest and most bossiest woman I've ever met, and she can manage to do both at once which still to this day astounds me, won't be trying to find a single grandson, nephew or some other distant relation for me."

"She usually plays matchmaker?"

"Tries, yes."

"What's different this year? Are you going with someone?"

Jessie turned her head toward his voice and opened her eyes. "Are you asking about my love life Agent Callen?"

His eyes twinkled. "No. I'm asking about your Christmas. So … what is your tactic for keeping the hordes away?"

"Excuse me! I did not say hordes."

"Idiots then if they didn't take advantage of an introduction."

"G." She raised her eyebrows. "I swear if you call them -"

He kissed her, hard and brief, and when he pulled back all she could do was blink and try and gather back her train of thought.

"You were saying?"

"Not fair."

Callen had a rather satisfied smirk on his face. "Look down."

She did. Somewhere along the line he'd been sneaky yet again and she was left holding the gun on her own. When her second hand had been placed on the gun she had no idea.

"Idiots Jessie," Callen murmured. "But I can't complain. If they'd been any smarter I wouldn't be here with you." His arms wrapped around her and fell silent, his head touched hers lightly on the side. The warmth seeping into her back, the way he fitted perfectly against her. It was like she was made to be here in his arms. Sure it was cliche, but she felt like she was home.

"And still he makes the distraction technique work."

"And still she falls for it."

Jessie put the gun down. She didn't drop it, it was a very deliberate move. She'd done it better this time. "You are very talented."

"You haven't seen me at my best yet."

Jessie turned in his arms, looped hers around his neck and smiled. "Will I survive your best distraction skills?"

Callen pressed her back against the bench, legs and hips aligned. He trailed his fingers up her spine and into her hair.

"I'll make sure of it."

"Threat or a promise?"

"Always a promise Doc."

* * *

_**Number 5:** _

"Come on Doc," Callen said. Jessie jumped in her seat and looked up at him. "How long are you going to make me wait?" She wasn't usually this oblivious to him standing in her doorway.

"Sorry," she said. "I … was in a completely different world."

Callen moved closer. "Something wrong?"

"Complicated," she admitted.

"Want to talk about it?"

Jessie shook her head. "What are you - Oh." She sat back in her chair and let out a breath. "There's the look."

"Look?"

"Don't play innocent G. You know exactly what look. The _next step_ look."

"Is it a bad time?"

Jessie glanced at her computer, flicked it off and looked at him. "Nope. Probably a good time actually."

Callen waited where he was until she reached him before he pulled her into his arms for a quick kiss. There was tension around her eyes. Something was definitely bothering her. He wouldn't be surprised is she ended up with a headache tonight. Unless he could distract her from whatever it was.

"Sure you don't want to talk?"

"I'm sure. I'll figure it out later." Jessie kissed him lightly and then stepped back. "Where to?"

"Firing range. It's time. Let's see if you're back to where you were before."

"You do know tests are not my favourite thing right?"

"Yet you put us through them all the time."

"Putting you through them, or patients through them, is one thing. Doing them myself? Not so fussed."

"Trust me, the rewards will be worth it."

"Rewards?" She tilted her head slightly. "What kind of rewards?"

"Come with me and I'll tell you."

Jessie slipped her hand into his. "Lead on."

* * *

Jessie raised an eyebrow when Callen's fingers went to the undone buttons on her shirt. "Yet again he takes advantage. The question is which way."

Callen paused just before he slipped a button through a hole. "Look at me like that Doc, we'll be in trouble."

"Like what?"

There was a challenge if ever her heard one. His fingers dropped the button before he'd finished doing it up and moved to the one below. It slipped easily from its anchor under his expert fingers, after all he had plenty of experience with her shirt buttons.

"Do I take it this time I won't have an audience?" she asked.

"Just me." Another button slipped undone.

"And how exactly is this supposed to protect me from burning metal?"

"Trust me," one button to go, "you'll be safe."

When the final button was undone Callen shrugged out of his jacket.

Jessie smiled. "Should've guessed. I guess you did distract me after all." She moved to slide her arms into his jacket which shifted the shirt, not quite enough to reveal everything, though he did get a glimpse of deep purple lace. He'd explore that later.

Callen's fingers went to the bottom of the jacket, hooked the zip together and slid it all the way up, making sure that the backs of his fingers brushed against her skin. After all, he was only human and she was his and it was exceptionally hard to completely resist all that soft skin. Especially when the first brush of his fingers had her holding her breath. "You look really good in my jacket Doc. One day," he ran his finger down the line of the zip. Followed it with his eyes and saw the rapid rise and fall of her chest with her breaths, "One day I'll get you in it with nothing underneath." Callen stepped back and cleared his throat. He hadn't meant to go there. He pulled his focus back to the task at hand and pointed to the gun on the bench. "Six shots. All need to make it on the target to pass."

"What's the target?"

Callen reached up and unhooked the plain sheet of paper he'd already hung over the target.

Jessie chuckled. "I wondered if Bugs would be back."

"One target. One rock." Callen flicked the switch to send it to the back of the range. "Six shots. "

"Four rabbits."

"Don't hit the rabbits. Just the rock."

"You mentioned a reward?"

Callen lifted one side of his mouth. "I did."

Jessie raised an eyebrow. "You do know that if you tell me it might make me try harder."

"I know it will." Callen put his hands on either side of her head, low enough so she could turn her head and see the target, then leaned close. "Left to right. Rabbit number one, blindfold. Rabbit number two, in front of the fire."

"Are we talking cabin or anytime?"

"Cabin and," he smiled, "in the one trip."

Jessie took a deep breath. "Number three would be?"

"Dock, under the stars." Her breath caught.

"Because?" she asked softly.

"All the better to hear those beautiful noises you make when you come apart under my hand or my mo-"

Jessie covered his mouth before he could finish and let out a heavy breath. "I get the picture. Believe me I can see it clearly. If you keep spelling it out we won't make it to the cabin before I take you home."

"But the rewards only happen at the cabin. You can't claim them anywhere else."

"I'm not sure whether I should be afraid of rabbit number four or not."

Callen leaned in so the next one was spoken right next to her ear. "Number four is my favourite. Your choice, anything you want." Her breath hitched and he couldn't resist a quick drop down to press a kiss against the fluttering pulse in her neck.

"G, you're not playing fair."

He pulled back and grinned. "Doc the rewards aren't going to be enjoyed by just you. If I didn't think you'd pass I wouldn't be putting them out there."

"So you want me to shoot the rabbits?"

"No. Shoot the rabbit and you don't get that reward."

"And if I shoot the rock?"

"In the rock is the power of the rewards. However many times you do, is how many times I'll be reminding you to breathe," He deliberately paused before he added, "for each reward."

Her head dropped back against the partition and she closed her eyes. Her breath was rapid. "Seriously," she murmured, "after telling me that how on earth do you expect me to hold the gun steady let alone hit a target." She opened her eyes. "Not sounding like you want me to pass."

"I believe in you Doc. You can do this."

Jessie huffed. "Lucky you."

"Oh intend to be very lucky next time we're up at the cabin."

"Apparently so. I'm quite capable of doing the math." So was he.

Callen chuckled. "I was tempted to give you more bullets for more of a chance but decided against it."

"How long at the cabin? Weekend or a week?"

"Weekend."

"Twenty four," she breathed.

"Only if you get all six in the rock. Are you up for it?"

"Are you?"

Callen brushed his fingers over her neck. "Very much." Which she'd know if she looked down or pressed her body against his. He was lucky she didn't because that probably would result in him taking her home instead. Though admittedly either way he was lucky so he wouldn't really going to lose.

"This weekend."

That took him by surprise. "This weekend?"

"It's Friday. It's three o'clock now. We can be there before it's dark if we leave soon. I don't have a hospital shift this weekend. As long as you can get Hetty to agree to an uninterrupted weekend, we're only hours away from starting."

"That is if you pass."

"Oh you were right." Jessie smiled, a wicked glint in her eyes. "Knowing the rewards is going to help a lot. I'm not known to fail when I put my mind toward succeeding."

Then she surprised him again and stepped forward so he was now leaning back against the partition.

"You convince Hetty to let us go within the next half hour," She paused and smiled, a smile that was well beyond her usual wickedness. "And I promise you'll get your wish for the jacket."

"Jacket?"

"You know, wanting to see me wearing it without anything underneath."

Oh she was learning. The tables had been turned so swiftly he hadn't even seen it coming.

"And if I can't?"

"Then I guess you'll have to find some other way to work for it."

"When?" Callen slipped his hand to her lower back and tugged her closer.

"This weekend."

"Deal."

Jessie's eyes widened. "That wasn't a bet."

"Challenge, bet, dare," Callen said. "Whatever you want to call it Doc. Six shots in the rock and I'll go see Hetty, no matter how," he shifted his hips just enough against her, "uncomfortable that conversation might be and we'll be gone less than half an hour."

"Promise. I'll take it as a promise."

"Then take your shots Doctor Blake."

* * *

Callen walked to the car fifteen minutes later. Jessie was already waiting for him.

"I'm impressed," she said. "I wasn't sure you could pull it off."

He pressed the button to unlock the car. "Get in Jessie," he said.

Jessie smiled but didn't move. "Perhaps we should go home and pick up some food."

"We'll get it on the way." The sooner he had her at the cabin the better, and more comfortable, he'd be. They had a four hour drive ahead of him.

"Really?" Jessie pointed at the jacket. "You are going to let me out of the car in this."

Callen's eyes narrowed. She wouldn't. Would she? She had promised and she had never not kept one before but he hadn't thought she meant now. He moved close and lifted his hand. He took the tab of the zip between two fingers and lowered it, slowly until he got to a point where it was completely confirmed that yes indeed she had kept her promise and was doing so now. To keep his sanity he tugged the zip back up all the way to the top.

"If I take you home first Doc, we won't get to the cabin."

"Well that won't do will it? After all I did pass my test."

"Perfectly."

Jessie slid her arms around his neck and leaned her body into his. "Take us home. You put the portable fridge in the car and I'll pack some food. You won't even need to come inside from the garage."

"Need maybe not. Want? That's a different story."

"I could always go change so as not to tempt you."

Callen chuckled. "You're breathing Doc. That's all you need to do."

"Trust me," she whispered. "I won't jeopardise my … our rewards. I worked hard to get them." She brushed her lips over his. His hands tightened at her hips. "Please G."

Callen let out a breath and stepped back. "No more than five minutes. I can't guarantee any longer than that. You're far too tempting for my own good."

 


	131. Jealous

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back. Hope you all had a lovely weekend. Mine unfortunately was a bit of a write off in terms of how much writing I managed to do, but I can't really complain, it's the most active I've been since I broke my foot. It was unfortunately exhausting.
> 
> However, I'm going to aim for three chapters this week and cross my fingers that the week isn't unexpectedly busy.
> 
> Enjoy and, as always, love to hear from you when you reach the bottom.

* * *

Never had Jessie regretted catching an earlier flight than she did at that moment. Her meeting with Director Vance, the one he'd dropped on her suddenly the day before that required a last minute flight to Washington, had finished early. Apparently seeing her in person had reassured him she was well on her way to recovering after her ordeal. He was confident she was able to handle her job and he'd felt no need to continue questioning her. She had to wonder if it had to do with her being in a relationship with Callen that he'd wanted to see her in person, because it was an odd request especially with the technology available these days.

When Jessie had realised she had just enough time to get to the airport and make the earlier flight home she took it. Gibbs had been kind enough to drive her to the airport, even though she'd turned down having lunch with him to do so. Admittedly he'd attempted to grill her about Callen on the way, checking to make sure he was behaving himself. She hoped she'd reassured the older man in some way. However a small change in plans could have big consequences. And those consequences, even if you thought they were good, weren't always; as Jessie was finding out right now.

Jessie's stomach churned as she watched the surveillance footage on the screen. She had walked into Ops a couple of minutes ago. Eric and Nell had been too caught up in what was happening to hear her and she'd stayed at the back of the room to avoid distracting them.

She should've left.

She should've had lunch with Gibbs.

She should be on a plane now, rather than here in Ops watching Callen seduce a stranger. A very pretty one. Jessie heard his words, heard the woman's response. Oh he was good. Very good. She knew that. He may try and say he wasn't good with words but the man could have her almost coming apart with the right words against her skin. He could have her heart melting and her falling in love with him all over again wit the look in his eyes and the tender words that fell from his lips.

She should've gone home instead of straight to the office.

Except she'd missed him.

Jessie's stomach rolled hard and her hand lifted to her mouth, as if it could hold back what her stomach seemed to want to do.

No. It was just a job. It didn't mean anything.

Jessie tried to focus on what Kensi had told her. Mechanics. Not really happening. Just going through the motions. But she couldn't. All she could see was Callen with someone else.

Callen leaning closer.

The woman's hands on his chest and her staring up into his face.

She should leave. If only her feet would move. If only Kensi was here. She'd know. She'd pull her out of this frozen state.

Jessie watched as Callen's hand slipped into the woman's hair and he moved closer. Jessie's heart pounded, there was a roar in her ears and her stomach lurched so violently that she almost choked. Finally her feet moved and she fled to the upstairs bathroom. She only just managed to make it in time before she lost the lunch that she'd eaten on the plane. Eyes closed, she sat with her head against the cool tiles and let the tears fall.

Stupid. Stupid. This was stupid. She was being stupid.

This was his job. He'd done it before and it had meant nothing. Jessie pushed Tracey out of her mind. They had already talked about that and, at the very least, she wouldn't let that come back to bite. She had enough to deal with at this point in time.

In all her life she'd never felt anything like the jealousy and pain that had come from watching him just now. In her head she knew, in her heart she knew, he loved her. He would never cheat on her, physically or emotionally. He wasn't the kind of man who would do either. Trust was too important to him and those actions would affect trust big time. Callen had made his feelings for her abundantly clear, over and over again. There was no doubt and she had nothing to be jealous of.

So why did she feel this way? Why did the image of him with 'her' keep playing over and over in her mind, and have extended to the kiss she hadn't even seen?

Jessie forced herself to take several slow deep breaths, which eventually eased the nausea that still rolled at intermittent intervals in her stomach, even though there was nothing left to get rid of. Eventually she rose and splashed cold water on her face before she stared at her reflection.

"Nothing. It's nothing. Just a job," she told herself but she still couldn't chase the images away.

Run. Swim. One of those. That's what she needed. To push herself and focus on something to get her away from her own thoughts. That's what she did when she couldn't stop thinking about something. The sound of her feet on the ground, the consistent rhythm as she counted each and every step so there wasn't room in her head for anything else. She hoped it would work this time. She had a change of clothes in her office and the beach wasn't that far. It wouldn't be too crowded yet since it was before most people stopped work for the day.

Jessie took one last look in the mirror and hated what she saw. Pain, doubt and jealousy. And there was no reason for any of it. Feeling this way when she knew better deeply unsettled her.

She tried to hold onto the fact that Kensi still felt something when Deeks was in this situation. She tried to hold onto the idea that it was normal to feel something, especially since this was the first time since they'd been together. It was normal. Now she just had to find a way to stop the madness, let it go and move on. She knew this all in her head but it was so damn hard to stop the images playing and her heart, even though it knew better, reacting.

Jessie took a deep breath in, until she felt like she was about to explode and then blew it out hard. This had to stop. She needed to stop thinking for a while. She needed to get away, blow the thoughts out of her mind and then she'd be able to face it and think clearly. Then it would be better. She needed to run. And run hard.

* * *

Callen watched Jessie from the steps at the edge of the beach. Thanks to Eric he'd known exactly where to go. He'd counted four times that Jessie had run past him. Admittedly she was much closer to the water's edge and he wasn't in her field of vision so she had no reason to stop. Even from this distance though, Callen could see her sweat soaked shirt and hair. It had been that way when he'd arrived so he knew she'd been running hard for a while. He also knew he couldn't let it continue so he stepped down onto the soft sand and made his way to intercept her.

Callen knew Jessie had left Ops in a rush before leaving the building without speaking to anyone. Nell had informed Hetty that Jessie had been in Ops though Hetty had already witnessed Jessie's exit. After a quick discussion Callen had worked out what Jessie had likely seen before she'd left, even though Eric and Nell hadn't realised she was there until the moment she'd left. Hetty had told him to go find and take care of Jessie and that she'd see them in the morning. It was close to her giving him the afternoon off but Callen knew that Hetty wouldn't call this purely personal even if it was about what he suspected.

They hadn't been in this kind of situation before, the kind that involved another woman. Not since they'd been together anyway. Apart from that discussion about Kensi and Deeks they hadn't talked about it. Remiss of him except that the situation didn't arise that frequently with his job these days, outside of with another agent and then not frequently there either. He could count on the fingers of one hand the number of times it had happened in the last couple of years, and most of those had been with Kensi. Usually there was planning which would've given him time to go through things with Jessie. It was unfortunate she'd witnessed what she did without any preparation.

Callen's gaze narrowed when Jessie slowed. It was different to what she did when she turned around and ran back the way she came. This time as she slowed she seemed unsteady. His pace picked up when Jessie fell down into the sand on her knees. The closer he got the easier he could hear the harshness of her breathing and see the unsteady rise and fall of her shoulders. He stopped between the sun and Jessie, creating a shadow over her. She looked up. Her cheeks were flushed, her eyes shone, she'd forgotten to put on sunglasses this time, and if he wasn't mistaken there were dried tear tracks on her cheeks.

Callen held out his hand, grateful that she accepted it without hesitation. He pulled her to her feet and into his arms, not caring that she was sweaty and sandy.

"What are you doing Doc?" He eased a tendril of hair off her face that had stuck to her cheek and tucked it behind her ear. She glanced away and didn't answer.

"Doc?"

"I .." Jessie sighed but kept her gaze averted. "I needed to stop thinking."

"There's stopping thinking and then there's punishing yourself. I'm not sure you know where the line is."

Jessie finally looked at him. Her gaze dropped to his lips and then back to his eyes. Callen lifted one hand and trailed a finger across her cheek, along her jaw and over her lips. He felt the rush of her breath over his fingers before he moved his hand to cup the back of her head. He went to brush his lips over hers but she pulled back slightly, her eyes downcast. He stopped and waited but when she didn't say anything Callen put two fingers under her chin and gently guided her head up so she was looking at him.

The shine in her eyes was more than just a shine. Tears pooled in them now. "I'm sorry," Jessie whispered.

"For what?" He had his suspicions but Callen waited for her to answer rather than ask her directly. When she wasn't forthcoming he prodded gently. "Tell me what's wrong, please."

"You kissed her. I can't… I need…" The words tumbled and stuttered out but they confirmed his suspicions.

"Jessie." Callen cupped her check and brought her gaze back to his. Or at least if her eyes were open it would be. Her bottom lip was caught between her teeth, to stop the words or tears he wasn't sure. He pulled her closer and moved so his words were spoken quietly right next to her ear. She couldn't miss it. "I didn't," he said softly.

Callen felt her stiffen and she pulled back. Her eyes were open and wide in shock.

"But… You were… She was right there .. It was… I mean you were supposed to -"

Callen put a finger to her lips to stop her. It had been a long time since Jessie had had that much difficulty getting words out with him. In fact this was probably the most difficulty she'd ever had. Her words often tumbled out quickly but he was used to it and was rather good at hearing the true message tucked into the words. However, he still understood her message.

"Not supposed to," Callen corrected, "But yes. I was going to. It's just a job but when she looked up at me and the look she had in her eyes." He shook his head. "Couldn't do it." He'd never had a problem before. It was a means to an end. Seduce a woman, get close enough to get the information and get out. Callen wasn't about to deny that he'd crossed some lines in the past, but that had been a long time ago and he certainly wasn't going to again. Especially not with Jessie in his life. It was a different ball game now.

"But." Jessie frowned. "You shouldn't have stopped for me. I shouldn't have even been there."

"Not for you," Callen said. "Because of you, because of us, yes. But not for you or because you were watching. I didn't even know you were there."

"I shouldn't have been there." Jessie sighed.

"Wouldn't have made a difference to the outcome."

"Why did you stop?"

"Because she wasn't you," Callen admitted. "Maybe if she hadn't had brown eyes I might've gone through with it." He shrugged. "Or maybe it wouldn't have mattered because there's only one woman I want looking at me like she wants me to kiss her and she's in my arms right now."

"I … I don't understand G. This is your job. I get that here." Jessie pointed to her head. "Just harder to take here." Her hand settled over her heart. "I'm sorry. I trust you. I know that you wouldn't…" Jessie's head dropped. "I'm sorry."

Callen lifted her head again. "Doc I've been doing this job for a long time. I've done things that needed to be done and rarely questioned it. I was free, wasn't attached to anyone so it didn't matter. I had no one it would affect other than me and the mission. Now things are different."

"But the case. I shouldn't be the reason you can't do your job."

"It's all good. This wasn't a case, just an opportunity that we went for." Callen and Sam had been out working on a couple of new aliases when Nell and Eric had spotted someone whose movements they'd been tracking with the purpose of finding a way in with her. Callen's new alias, being a close enough match to the kind of man they thought she'd go for, meant they took the opportunity when it was presented. He'd been flying by the seat of his pants and things had progressed a hell of a lot quicker with the woman than he'd expected. It hadn't been until he'd looked down into her eyes, brown ones that weren't the ones he was so very familiar with, that he'd faltered. "We know now," he continued, "that she frequents that location regularly. Nell and Eric are backstopping Taylor with an alias that will fit even better than mine did. He'll go in a couple of days. Plus he's younger and he'll more than likely attract her attention even easier than I did."

Jessie smiled, it was a little one but it was still a smile. "I don't know about that. Doesn't attract mine."

Callen smiled back. "I hope not." He tightened his arms around her waist and pulled her a little closer. "I didn't kiss her Jessie. I couldn't. I faked a phone call and pulled the plug."

"What did Hetty have to say?"

"She didn't have a chance to voice her opinion. I also told her that I wouldn't be doing that again, not like that anyway. Not with someone who thinks it's real. It's one thing to go under with Kensi or another agent when we both know exactly what's going on, when it's a job from both sides." Callen lifted a hand and brushed the sand off her cheek. "We'll work on getting you settled with that before then, whenever that ends up being. And I'm sorry. We should've worked on this before with you. It just hasn't come up very often in the past and there's been so much going on lately. Still, not a good excuse and I'm sorry."

"I'm sure with time I'll be fine. Kensi and Deeks are. It just threw me a little this first time."

Callen shook his head. "One, Kensi and Deeks are both agents. The chance of the shoe being on the other foot is high. You and I. It's all me and I'm not doing that to you." He grinned and in an effort to make her smile again he added. "And don't even think about trying to level the playing field because I have a feeling that if you kissed someone else I'd have to tear him limb from limb."

"You'll never find out," Jessie said, her voice soft and sincere. "There's no one else for me."

That comment settled right into his soul and warmed him right through. He was a very lucky man.

"I think after all these years," Callen told her, "I've earned the right to cross a few things off my list of what I'm willing to do." The last thing he wanted to do was end up with someone who got pissed off when she realised it wasn't real and came after him, or Jessie, because of it. He'd seen other agents get tangled in a mess like that before and ended up with their significant other hurt, or worse. It was one of the reasons it was usually him in the past, because he didn't have anyone. He wasn't willing to take the risk now though.

"But -"

Callen pressed his lips to Jessie's briefly to stop her words.

"You once told me," he said, "that you were who you were and whoever he was would have to accept you as you were. That if you changed it was because you wanted to, not because you were forced to because someone wanted you to change. I made this change because I wanted to."

"You also said change wasn't easy."

Callen smiled. "And I said that it would probably take a woman with a lot of patience for me to get there." He raised an eyebrow and waited for his message to sink in. Her lips started to turn up at the corners and understanding flared in her eyes but before she could say anything she swayed in his arms. And not in a good way.

Callen's hold tightened instantly and he frowned. "Doc?"

"I." Jessie closed her eyes and leaned into him. "I think I might've pushed a little hard." Her head dropped to his shoulder.

"No kidding. Let's get you home."

"My car," she protested though rather weakly. "It's here."

"Snowball in hell Jessie that you are driving anywhere like this." Callen could feel her heart pounding against him and her body was hot where they touched. Not to mention her breathing was a little uneven and her words not very strong.

"Wasn't meaning that," she murmured.

Callen picked her up in his arms. "I'll get one of the team to come pick it up." He walked carefully up the beach.

"G," she said softly. "It's not that I don't trust you."

"I know."

"It's just the idea of you with someone else hurt."

Callen pressed a kiss to her head. "Same here Doc. Not sure how I'd behave if I came face to face with your exes." He heard her laugh, just a little.

"What I felt for them can't compare to what I feel for you. Worlds apart."

"Nice to hear." They were at the car now but even though he'd lowered her to her feet, Callen didn't let her go until she was safely settled in the seat of his car. He leaned in and clipped up her belt but before he backed off he kissed her lightly. "Thank you," he said.

The confused, slightly lost look on her face was kind of adorable. "For what?" she asked.

"Caring enough to hurt." He placed a kiss on her forehead. "Even though I hate that you do. Hurt that is."

Jessie lifted her hand to his face. "I love you."

"I love you too Doc. Now, let me take care of you."

* * *

Jessie hadn't protested him carrying her off the beach to the car but when they arrived home she was out of the car before he could pick up, literally, where he'd left off. She walked slowly, obviously exhausted, however when he opened the door she took off and all but flew to the bathroom. Worry flooded through Callen and he followed quickly. He didn't wait outside this time. He grabbed a washcloth and wet it with cool water. He sat beside her and waited for things to settle while her stomach heaved but nothing happened. Her cheeks might've been pink but the rest of her face was pale. He handed her the washcloth and Jessie held it over her face.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't run like that again," Callen said firmly. "That's an order."

Jessie rested her head back against the wall. "Should stick with swimming." She took a breath and closed her eyes.

"Should I try and get Hetty to install a workout pool at Ops? One with those swim jets so it doesn't need to be too big. It could double as a rehab pool." And it would be easy to keep track of her and ensure she didn't push too hard.

Jessie managed a small smile and there was a slight twinkle in her eyes that she'd opened again. "Not sure Hetty could swing it in the budget, though it is an idea worth looking into. Maybe we should just put one in here."

"If it stops you running until you drop, I'm all for it."

"I didn't want to think. I wanted it to all stop, just for a little while and then come back with a clearer head."

"Promise me you won't run like that again." Callen rose and helped Jessie to her feet. He wrapped her safely in his arms. She swayed a little but there was no way he was going to let her fall. Her head dropped onto his shoulder and even through his shirt he could feel the heat radiating from her, not just from her head but the rest of her body too. He moved them toward the shower and reached into turn it on so it could warm up a little. He wasn't about to put her under a cold shower straight up. He'd ease down the temperature bit by bit. It wasn't exactly the easiest, or quickest, time he'd had of getting them both out of their clothes but he managed. He eased her under the water.

"G, you don't have to."

Yeah he did. One she was too hot and two she still had sand covering part of her legs. And three? "I'm sure you mentioned something about taking advantage of me enjoying looking after you."

"I did. At Christmas."

"Then let me." Callen kept a close eye on her, ready to grab her at any moment should she wobble, while he washed her hair and body and then slowly turned the temperature down until the heat coming off her had eased.

Then he dried them both and sat her on the edge of the bed while he combed out the knots in her hair and she sipped on a bottle of water. It wasn't exactly the way things usually went when they showered together, but he had enjoyed it. Just as much even, though in a different way. When her hair was mostly dry, he plaited it and laid back down on the bed. Jessie moved into his arms and yawned once more. He hadn't missed the numerous ones while he'd been working on her hair.

"Sleep Jessie."

She snuggled deeper and yawned again. "Promise. Love you," she whispered.

It took Callen a few moments to remember what she was promising. By then her body had gotten heavy against his and her breathing had evened out. She was already asleep.

"Love you too," Callen replied quietly, even if she wouldn't hear him.


	132. Plus one

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter two for the week done, only one left for my goals for this week.
> 
> Enjoy and love to hear from you.

* * *

 

When Callen arrived home he was surprised to see Jessie's scarf on the hook in the garage. It was a little sign to let him know she was home so he didn't come in guns blazing and worried because he heard noises when there should be none. They'd instigated it a few months ago when she'd been sent home from her shift at the hospital with a cold and he'd done exactly that.

But she wasn't sick this time because if she was he'd already know since he was due to pick her up after her shift in a couple of hours. She'd moved back to two normal length shifts a week now.

"Jessie," he called out when he walked in through the garage door into the hallway.

"In here."

Callen frowned. He picked up the direction of her voice easily, she was in the lounge room, but there was something odd in her tone. She was lying down on the couch when he walked in and sat up. She smiled, though it was tight and brief, not free and relaxed like normal. "What's wrong?" he asked.

"I…" Jessie shook her head. "Nothing. Maybe. I'm not sure."

"Doc you're scaring me a little here." Callen went to sit next to her but she held her hand out to him before he could. He automatically took what was in it and then looked down. His heart stuttered and his breath halted briefly in his chest before both kicked back in a touch faster than before. He shifted his gaze back to her.

"I'm pregnant," she said softly.

"Kinda gathered that." He lifted the pregnancy test he held in his hand that she'd given him.

"Wasn't planned." There was concern in her eyes.

"I know." Callen sat down and pulled her into his arms. His heart pounded and his mind swirled with questions, but none of them had anything to do with thinking she'd tried to do this behind her back.

Jessie's head settled on his shoulder and the fingers of one hand curled into his shirt. "I don't know what to think," she told him.

"Do you want to be?" The question seemed to hang in the air and for a moment Callen wasn't sure what he wanted the answer to be.

"I don't know," Jessie whispered.

And that was when he knew. A part of him, hidden so deep that until that moment he didn't even know, that part of him had wanted her to say yes. It floored him to discover that he was truly interested in becoming a father, especially considering the way the relationship with his own was currently going. Him a father? Not something he'd ever seriously considered before, or even thought his future held. But then he hadn't been in a relationship with someone where it was a possibility - until now. Until Jessie.

"We never talked about kids," Callen said. "Why not?"

Jessie shifted her head back a little so she was looking at his face while remaining in his arms. "I thought about it," she admitted and then sighed. "Life was complicated, your job dangerous and I guess I was a touch selfish. I wanted time with you. I didn't know how long we'd have and part of me didn't want to share. Then things kept happening. We'd just get through something and another thing would happen and the thought would get buried."

Callen could understand that. Things had been pretty full on since the Nate incident as he'd taken to referencing it in his thoughts. She'd been in hospital with a crushed throat, then he'd been under before they'd finally gotten together. Then came Santiago, his injury and all things Jessica Reed. Mrs Bradshaw, them finding and moving into a new home just before they'd gone away at Christmas, a trip which had covered a multitude of emotions. Then Callen's father had returned, the hellish undercover op and Janvier's attack. It was without a doubt, an extremely full nine months since they'd gotten together. Actually if you took into account Chicago, her time on the Mercy and right back to her birthday it was almost a year of complications.

"Are you completely opposed to the idea?" Callen tried to keep his tone casual but the look in her eyes when they widened in surprise seemed to suggest he hadn't been that successful. "I mean," he continued, "it could be cute having a little you running around." He tried not to picture it too clearly. He wasn't sure if this was one of those moments where he was fortunate to have a fairly easy to activate imagination or not.

"G please. Be serious."

He tightened his hold on her. "Jessie I am," he said seriously. "We might not have thought too much about it but-"

"Wait," she interrupted. "You mean you did?"

"Occasionally," Callen admitted. "But I usually figured with my history I wasn't a good candidate." But with her by his side, maybe he'd have a chance at it. After all she did bring out the best in him and had taught him that he could do this relationship thing and love deeper than he believed he was capable of.

Jessie shifted so she sat astride his legs and cupped the back of his neck. He tilted his head back to look at her face. "And would you still think," she said quietly, "it's cute if it was a little you running around?"

Callen's hands went to her hips, his thumbs stroked up under her shirt which was no longer tucked in. He smiled and shook his head. "Oh no. Definitely cuter as you."

Jessie rested her forehead against his and took a breath.

"How did you find out?" Callen traced her spine up and down with one hand in what was usually a soothing action but he still felt the tension in her. His other hand stayed on her hip.

"I almost fainted at work."

Callen frowned. "You okay?"

"Yeah. Only almost. Didn't get hurt but Heidi put me through a thorough check up. Apparently she's been a little concerned about me for a week or so."

"She figured it out?"

"She had her suspicions but given I had the implant it wasn't something I even thought about. Just figured it was because I didn't get to lunch today."

"You really should stop skipping meals Doc."

Jessie lifted her head and raised an eyebrow. "I seem to recall you not minding so much when we forgot breakfast on the weekend."

"But," Callen grinned, "I did make sure you ate before you got up." And thoroughly enjoyed every moment of the slightly messy breakfast and the clean up that followed.

"So let me get this straight, as long as I'm in bed you don't mind me skipping breakfast?"

"As long as I'm around to make sure you eat in bed eventually I don't mind."

"G, I think we got a little side tracked."

Yep, so had his hands that were now both on her back under her shirt. He stopped the movements but left them underneath to enjoy the simple pleasure of the feel of her warm soft skin under his hands.

"Sorry." He wasn't, not fully anyway. "You do need to make sure you eat." It was a flaw he'd loved corrected but it was a part of who she was that she didn't think about it if she was in the middle of taking care of someone so he couldn't complain too much. Except now maybe he had a very good reason to help her behave.

"I know. I will. It's possible," Jessie look turned serious, "that the run on the beach the other day wasn't what caused the nausea and dizziness."

"You are definitely banned from running."

Jessie laughed softly. "Are you going to ban me from doing anything that has the potential for me to overexert myself?"

"No. Just things that I _know_ you overdo."

"Wouldn't that include you?"

"We don't overdo Doc." Callen slid one hand out from under Jessie's shirt and cupped her cheek. "We just make the most of our moments together." His hand slid to the back of her neck and pulled her close enough to brush his lips over hers gently. "Are you feeling okay now?" he asked.

"I'm tired but okay. I ate before I was allowed to leave the hospital. Just a little scared and uncertain." Callen's hands slid down her arm and he paused when he felt a bandage under her shirt.

"The implant." Jessie said. "Heidi removed it today once we got the blood test results back."

"So why did you need that?" Callen tilted his head to the pregnancy test he'd put on the table.

"Didn't feel real so I did another one when I got home."

"A second opinion?"

"Fourth actually," Jessie admitted with a slightly lopsided smile. "I did one at the hospital first. Then Heidi did the blood test and a physical exam."

"Is everything okay with the…." Callen trailed off. The words baby were on the tip of his tongue but somehow it didn't seem real to him either. He couldn't blame her for wanting more confirmation. Even though he didn't finish Jessie knew.

"We'll find out tomorrow. Ultrasound is booked for first thing to confirm and find out how far along. Appointment with the Obstetrician is early next week. Couldn't get that one any earlier."

"Didn't want to do the ultrasound today?"

"Wanted you with me," Jessie answered, almost too quietly and she wasn't looking at him. Like she had doubts.

His fingers below her chin, he lifted her gaze back to his. "I'm glad." He took a breath and asked a very difficult question. "Do you want this?" It wasn't quite the same phrasing as his earlier question but it was one he was desperate to know the answer to. And maybe now they'd talked she might have a clearer idea of her answer.

Jessie shook her head and his heart stopped briefly. "That's not the right question G. Do we want this?"

Callen wasn't going to force her to do this, no matter how much he wanted this. There were risks he was sure she was aware of given her age. "Your body," he said. "Your choice."

She countered in a way he couldn't argue with. "Our baby. Our choice."

Callen couldn't help the smile that formed. The idea continued to grow on him by the minute. "Our baby huh?"

She smiled too and tears filled her eyes. "Yeah. Ours."

"You know we're always stronger when we do things together."

Jessie nodded, her bottom lip caught between her teeth. He lifted his hand and with his thumb rubbed the lip free. "We can do anything Doc. Anything we want."

"I know," she whispered.

Callen could almost see the wheels turning full speed in her head. "How about we sleep on it tonight and see what happens tomorrow." He could see in her eyes the mix of excitement and worry. He knew her well enough that if she got attached to the idea now and the news was bad tomorrow it would hurt her a lot more. She was partly in self protection mode right now and trying to fight back the hope. "Let's get all the information and go from there." The depth of worry eased a little with his suggestion and Jessie shifted off his lap and settled back in his arms, her head on his shoulder. "Sounds like a plan," she murmured.

Callen stroked her back, pressed a kiss to her head and enjoyed holding her safe. He was going to have a family of his own, a family with this smart, beautiful and brave woman that he couldn't imagine not having in his life. He'd thought he was fine with the way things were when it was just him. Until that was he'd be brave enough to fight for her. He didn't regret it at all. Yeah, so much for locking down the hope and waiting for tomorrow. Jessie's breathing settled into that familiar slow and even rhythm. She'd fallen asleep once more in his arms. He had always taken great satisfaction in how much she trusted him to do that as often as she did.

Callen let ten minutes go by before he shifted them so they were lying on the couch, the weight of her on top of him comforting; a very definite reminder that she was his.

Tomorrow they would know more and they could decide how to make this happen.

Together.

Always together.

* * *

Callen slipped his arms around Jessie's shoulders. She stood staring out the window. She'd been too nervous to sit still in the waiting room. She leaned back into him

"I'm scared G," she kept her voice low.

"Why?"

"I have no idea how far along and with everything that's happened lately." She let out a slow breath.

"It's okay. Let's just find out and then we'll deal whatever happens."

She turned in his arms and her hands rested on his chest. "I know we said we'd wait until we found out but..."

"You want this."

"Logically it makes sense to wait and decide. Who knows what could be going on. Emotionally, this is a part of you and I -"

Callen silenced her with a kiss. "So do I," he said. "We'll deal with whatever is happening together, all three of us."

"I-"

"Jesinta Blake."

They both turned around at the nurse calling Jessie's name.

"Looks like we're about to find out."

* * *

Callen sat on the bed, just behind Jessie. She stared at the printed picture in her hands. He rested his chin lightly on her shoulder, his gaze also drawn to it. Neither of them reacted to the click of the door when it closed behind the sonographer leaving the two of them alone.

"Jessie."

She took a deep breath. "Thirteen weeks," she whispered. Callen wrapped his arms around her. "How did I not know?" she asked, though he was pretty sure it was rhetorical.

Callen lifted his head off her shoulder and she turned her head to look at him. Her eyes were wide and filled with concern.

"Everything that's happened," she said. "What if we'd… what if some thing's wrong because of what happened?" There were tears in her eyes. "We could've lost-" Jessie's eyes closed and he felt her shudder in his arms.

"It's okay Doc. We didn't." He knew where she was going. The attack in the office, her subsequent injuries and everything she went through after that. Callen shifted off the bed and turned her so she faced him. He slid his fingers into her hair, pressed a soft kiss to her forehead before he tilted her head up to him. "Maybe you were protecting more than just yourself that night."

Jessie frowned and shook her head. "I didn't know."

"Your body was already changing. Part of you would've." The instinctive part, that wouldn't think things through but would do whatever it took to protect.

"Maybe," she whispered. Her hand came to cover his on her cheek. "We're having a baby."

"We are." Callen had felt relief in the waiting room when Jessie had admitted she wanted this, but not as much as right now when the words were very clear and there was no doubt. They were having a baby.

"So much is going to change," she said.

"I'm not scared." Not exactly anyway. "Last time someone new popped into my life it turned out pretty great."

Jessie smiled. "Mine too."

Callen stepped back and held out his hand to help her off the bed. "Boy or girl?"

Jessie laughed and shook her head. "I am not betting with you G."

"Not like I can play dirty to make sure I win. It's already been decided. " Callen glanced down at her stomach tempted to put his hand there and see if he could feel something. It was too early but still, knowing his child, their child, rested safely there, he wanted to be close.

"That is true," Jessie agreed. She slipped on her shoes and looked back to him. "However I'm still not betting with you. That would set a precedence I'm not willing to do because _that_ you most definitely will take advantage of."

Unable to resist any longer Callen wrapped his arms around her from behind and slid his hands under her shirt to rest low on her stomach. She rested back against him and sighed softly. "Everything looked good Doc. That's what she said." she might not be showing but he knew her body well enough and now that he knew what to look for he could feel it, the slight roundness to her lower abdomen that wasn't normally there. He brushed his thumbs over the skin and felt a slight tremble got through her.

Jessie's hands covered his, but she didn't try and stop his touches. It was like she was just wanting to join him. "I know it's just," she started. "I can't help but worry. So much has happened since the cabin."

"Cabin?"

Jessie turned her head and smiled at him. "Dates fit for that time when you came back from that awful undercover op."

Callen grinned. "Then let's hope he or she doesn't ask when it happened. I really don't want to have to say that it happened when I kept you naked for four days except for a scrap or green lace and silk that barely stayed on for more than a minute each time you put it on."

Jessie turned in his arms and slid hers around his neck. "We could always say I kept you naked for four days instead."

Callen chuckled. "Lucky it wasn't winter."

"Speaking of green silk and lace." Jessie raised an eyebrow, a slightly wicked twinkle in her eyes. "You do know you've yet to replace it after you ripped it off."

"You shouldn't have put it back on." He fought to shake of the thoughts from that incredibly heated weekend before things got uncomfortable.

"But it was so much … fun tempting you to take it off again." She wasn't helping and he knew she knew it.

"Well it's at least good to know that it happened," Callen gave up and pulled her tighter against him so she couldn't miss exactly how the conversation was affecting him, "at a time when I gave it my all and not when I wasn't very into it."

Jessie laughed and coughed at the same time. "You were certainly into something. And," she smiled, "you always give it your all. I've very lu-"

They both turned at the knock on the door, their arms slipping from the other but they maintained the connection with a hand that found the others without thought. The sonographer walked back in and handed them a small USB stick and card.

"A real printout and a copy of all the rest plus the video." She smiled. "Congratulations and I promise, from everything I saw, there's nothing to worry about. It all looks perfect."

It hadn't taken the woman long to pick up on the worry that had been radiating from Jessie at the beginning of the scan. She'd done her best to reassure Jessie quickly that things looked good. Callen had appreciated her efforts, as he was sure Jessie had, which had allowed them both to chance to relax and enjoy seeing their child for the first time. Especially the moment when they'd heard his or her heart beating so fast and strong. Jessie had squeezed his hand so hard at that moment and there had been tears in her eyes when she looked at him.

"Thank you," Jessie said. The woman smiled once more and backed out of the room.

Jessie turned to Callen.

"You were saying?" he asked.

Jessie stepped forward, a soft smile on her face. "I'm a very lucky girl."

Callen cupped her head in his hands and lowered his mouth to hers. The kiss that came was gentle and tender but full of love. "We both are. Let's go home. I think we've got something to celebrate."

Jessie gasped. "Gotcha Day. This weekend."

"I think," Callen said, "You might need to change your plans with Trevor. Sorry Doc, but there's no way I'm letting you go to Disneyland and hit every single ride like you planned." He knew she'd be disappointed, in one way anyway. Jessie and Trevor had planned to do this a few times in the past when she'd lived in San Diego but something had always gotten in the way. Now that she was back on this side of the country they'd decided to try again and until now things had looked promising.

"You're right," Jessie smiled. "The plans will need to change."

Trevor was due to arrive on Thursday, with the two of them heading down that night so that they had all of Friday in the park. They'd planned on coming back Saturday morning.

"He won't mind," Callen said. "It's not a bad thing."

"I know he won't. He's going to be excited. He always is."

"Always?"

"Alex has two other sisters and three brothers. He's one of seven. They are all married and have at least two kids each. I think if I remember correctly it's up to fourteen nieces and nephews."

"Team's going to be exited too."

Jessie frowned. "Should we wait? Until we've seen the doctor, in case…"

"Good news or bad," Callen told her, "they're gonna want to be there for us. We don't have to wait, unless you want to."

"I… part of me wants to. To keep it to just our little secret for a bit but... I think it will seem more real if we share it and," She rolled her eyes. "Trevor will figure something's up anyway and until we tell him he won't leave it alone."

"Your choice Doc. I'm good either way," Callen tugged her close, "as long as I get to celebrate with you alone at some point." Because discussing that weekend had put some thoughts into his head that he wouldn't mind exploring with her as part of it.

Jessie smiled. "Take me home. It's still early. Plenty of time."

"To celebrate or tell them?"

"Both." Jessie rose up quickly and kissed him hard on the lips, then turned and opened the door. She glanced back at him, shot him a smile full of wickedness and dimples, then said, "but I hope the first one gets plenty more time spent on it."

 


	133. Revealed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this one turned out a whole lot longer than I expected. Which is why it's a little late, though still within the week to make my aims. It is rather long but hopefully worth the wait.
> 
> Enjoy and love to hear your thoughts at the end.

* * *

 

Callen pulled up outside Ops and turned to Jessie. "You sure you don't want to go home first and do this later?"

She'd changed her mind about halfway home and asked him to bring them to work first, much to his discomfort, which he'd called her on. She'd thrown the line back at him about anticipation and he struggled to find a comeback since they both knew for a fact that it did make a difference. Not that it wasn't good without it, but there were definitely benefits.

"I'm sure." Jessie smiled. "I promise I'll make it up to you and you know that if we want to actually surprise Hetty now is the only chance because there's a high likelihood she'll have some kind of monitoring program in place keeping an eye on things like hospitals and insurance usage. She'll know before the end of the day."

Callen tilted his head in acknowledgment. In the past Hetty had called him barely half an hour after a one off doctor's appointment for a head cold that had given him so much pain in the sinuses that he'd given in instead of suffering through on his own. He hadn't even been due in at work that day so she'd had no reason to be checking up on him. "That's entirely possible. Why Doc," he smiled. "I do believe you are starting to think like an agent."

"No." Jessie shook her head. "Psychiatrist. It is my job you know to get into the heads of my patients."

Callen chuckled. "I'm not sure getting into Hetty's head is safe."

Jessie nodded. "True, however it is necessary but I tend to only lurk around the edges unless there's a wide open and well lit path to a particular spot."

Callen turned off the engine and lifted Jessie's hand to his mouth. "You really want to do this now don't you?" He was tempted to try and convince her to go home first. His body was still protesting against the delay.

"Yes."

"Can't change your mind?"

Jessie's breath caught when Callen flicked his tongue against the palm of her hand. Her eyes darkened and her tongue darted out to run over his lips. She let out a slow breath and leaned a little closer. "You probably could and it wouldn't take much more than what you are doing right now," she told him softly, "however think of it this way. We do this now and the rest of the day …. And night," she smiled wickedly, "is ours without interruption."

"With our track record that's not guaranteed." They had been interrupted at some very interesting times in the past.

"But if we go home now, it's guaranteed because we'll have to come back."

Callen pressed a kiss to the back of her hand. "I'll give you that point. But let's make this quick, before I find a dark private corner and have my way with you."

"Wouldn't you prefer to be able to see?"

"Doc," he growled. "Things are ... hard enough. Do you have a plan?"

"Plan?"

Callen chuckled. He obviously wasn't the only one distracted now. "Yes Doc. Plan for telling."

Jessie pulled back and gave her head a little shake, like she was pulling herself back from an interesting, but inappropriate thought. He'd have to get it out of her later.

"I do, it involves Eric and Nell and this." She held up the USB stick.

"As long as you've got a plan."

"You're trusting me? Don't you want to know what it is?"

"Nope." Callen winked. "I'm pretty good at playing along." He leaned over and pressed a soft kiss to her lips. "Just don't take too long. I have plans of my own." His lips brushed against hers again and she leaned in and kissed him back. They both got side tracked for a few more moments before Callen dragged himself away and shifted back in his seat, putting a small amount of distance between them.

"I'd ask what they are," Jessie said, "but I have a feeling it's best if I wait until we've finished to do that."

"Worried I might tempt you?"

"I know you will. Let's go."

Callen took her hand when she joined him on his side of the car. "I take it you want me to get the team up to Ops?"

"I figure Eric's got you all well trained with a whistle. It'll be Hetty that might be difficult."

"Not really. If the team is summoned and she doesn't know what case it's for she'll follow as long as there's nothing too important on her desk." Curiosity was one of Hetty's weaknesses, or at least as close to one as Callen had been able to discover over the years. He pushed open the door and pulled Jessie close to the wall once they were in. "You slip around and go up the back stairs. I'll distract the team."

"You won't have long before they're curious about why you took the day off and turn up anyway."

"I'll tell them that you left something in your office that you urgently need."

"Which will explain being here but what about you taking the day off?"

Callen shrugged. "I'll think of something."

"You might have to think quick especially if they know we were sitting in the car outside for so long." She smiled, an attempt at an innocent one that he saw straight through. "I guess you could tell them you couldn't keep your hands off me." She squeezed his hand. "Technically it's not a lie. You are touching me."

Callen tugged her closer. "Give me a minute and you'll be blushing when you tell them that."

"I'm not the one who's telling them." Her hand slid down to the front of his jeans. "Plus you might not need to tell them anything."

Callen caught her hand though he didn't move it away. The truth was there wasn't much point in that things were already uncomfortably tight and at least this way he did get to enjoy something. "You're not helping."

Jessie grinned. "Yes I am. I'm helping with your cover on the fact that you took the day off because, well… let's see. I've recently got back from a sudden trip away and we needed some time to ourselves?"

Callen kissed her hard, hot and quick. "Go. Don't take too long or I might forget some of my plans."

"That would never happen." Jessie winked at him. "Lucky for me," she said before she slipped quietly down the hall, cutting the corner close and disappearing hopefully before anyone in the bullpen noticed.

Callen waited as long as he could in the corridor to give her time, and himself, which would lessen the amount of questions that could be asked. As luck would have it, by the time he'd had to move once he'd been spotted, he'd barely made it to the bullpen before Eric's whistle sounded.

Callen followed the team up the stairs much to Sam's confusion if the look on his partners face was anything to go by. Out of the corner of his eye he noted Hetty was watching them.

"What?" Callen said.

"You took the day off. Why are you here?"

Callen glanced sideways just enough when they reached the top of the stairs to notice Hetty had risen from his seat. Looks like curiosity was going to win after all. "Jessie forgot something."

"You're heading to Ops G."

"Perhaps I'm just too well trained." They walked through the doors with a swish. A quick yet subtle look around showed no sign of Jessie. "Or curious," he added.

"Curious my …" Sam stopped and glanced around. Callen knew he was looking for Hetty. "Something's up with you G. You don't take days off like this and when you do, you never come in." Hetty walked through the door at that point and Sam shot him a 'I'll get to the bottom of this' look. Callen managed not to shoot his partner a particular smirk that he knew would drive Sam even crazier.

"Mr Beale," Hetty said. "As far as I am aware there are no new cases. Would you care to share why we have been summoned like Pavlov's dog?"

"Wait." Deeks said. "Can anyone else hear that?"

"Hear what?" Kensi asked.

"There's a thumping. A whooshy sound."

Kensi coughed, but Callen could see in her eyes that it was to cover a laugh at Deeks description. At that point the sound, familiar already to Callen and likely never to be forgotten, got a little louder.

"I hear it too," Sam frowned.

Jessie slipped into the room though Sam seemed to be the only one who noticed. Callen's partner's eyes narrowed and his head tilted in concentration.

"No," Sam said quietly. "You're better not be kidding." Callen knew at that moment Sam had recognised the sound. He watched Sam move to the bit screen and flick away the files that were there until he uncovered the source of the noise - the video from the ultrasound. Sam turned and grinned. "I think G and Jessie have something to tell us."

Actually telling wasn't necessary. The squeals from Kensi and Nell were almost ear splitting and then they had surrounded Jessie and Callen for hugs before they could make any attempt to move. Sam had waited until the exuberant congratulations were done before he moved to Callen's side. Callen didn't miss the smug smile on Sam's face.

"Not sure if that's a congratulatory look or not," Callen said.

"Oh how the mighty have fallen," Sam's tone had that same hint of smugness but mostly it was happy. "Not just for a good girl but now a little tyke about to run rings around you."

"I don't think they'll be running rings around just yet."

Sam clapped Callen on his back and pulled him into a hug. "Man you are in for the best ride of your life."

"Thanks Sam." He was sure he would be depending on Sam to get through what was coming. "Maybe you can lend me some of those books to read."

Sam shook his head. "There's only one thing you truly need for parenting. Instincts. You've got them and you trust them. You'll be fine. That and some practice. You can have Kam for the weekend."

"I'll take all the help I can get Sam. Not like I have much to go on." There were things he could easily learn, the physical aspects of taking care of a child were not that different to taking care of another person. It was the emotional side of parenting that he knew he'd struggle with.

"Mr Hanna is correct," Hetty said from next to them. "You'll do fine."

"I'm trusting you too Hetty to help." Callen turned to his boss. Except the woman was more than just his boss. She'd filled so many roles in his life and he didn't know what he'd do without her wisdom, advice and the occasional kick in the pants when he needed it. "You know Hetty," he said. "You're the closest this kid will have to a grandmother." He hoped she'd get the rest of the message. She was the closest thing he'd had to a mother for most of his life. He had memories of his own mother now but in terms of years, and how influential she'd been on him, Hetty was a much bigger stakeholder in his life.

Hetty smiled and if Callen wasn't mistaken there was a hint of a shine in her eyes. She'd probably claim allergies if he brought it up, even though they both knew feathers were the only allergy she had and there were none around.

"It's is a role," Hetty said, "I will cherish and be delighted to fill."

"I'm glad to hear that Hetty," Jessie said softly as she slipped in beside Callen. "I can't think of anyone I'd rather have in that role. This will be one very lucky child."

"And loved." Callen slipped his arm around Jessie's waist.

"And well protected," Sam added.

Jessie smiled as the rest of the team, bar Deeks moved in closer. "For a child of two essentially only children," she said, "he or she is going to have a very large circle of aunts and uncles."

"Hey Deeks," Kensi called out. "You're missing all the fun."

"Huh?" Deeks turned. "Have you seen this Kenz?" He pointed to the screen and turned back. "Wow. You can see the little heart beating." They all moved closer. "It's …" Deeks continued. "It's just wow."

"That's all you can say Deeks?" Sam teased. "I thought you'd have more words in your vocabulary with your lawyering skills."

Deeks shrugged. "Wow covers it. Why use anything else?" He turned to Callen and Jessie and smiled. "However, as amazing as seeing that little heart go crazy, boy or a girl? Do I get to teach her how to beat up the boys who try and steal a kiss or help him pick up chicks?"

Kensi groaned. "I so don't know him."

"Depends," Jessie said a hint of mischief in her tone that Callen knew only too well.

"On?"

He could've told Deeks not to ask that question.

"On how many diapers you're willing to change."

Deeks' eyes went a little wide but he shot Kensi a withering look when she snorted. "I'll have you know that I'm an excellent diaper changer."

"You are?" Sam looked skeptical. He wasn't the only one. The comment had Callen curious about where and why.

"I am. So," Deeks turned back to Jessie. "Anytime my lady you need a knight to rescue you, just call."

"You're going to regret that Deeks," Callen said already figuring out ways to make the most of that opportunity, even though Jessie didn't need Deeks to rescue her since he would be there.

"Never. That's what family is for right?" Deeks said seriously. There wasn't much to say to that that wasn't covered with the murmur of agreement all around.

Family.

He'd been searching for his own for so long. Thankfully Callen hadn't missed seeing what was right in front of him before it was too late. He had a family. It was growing and it was safe. Here, in this mismatched bunch was everything he'd ever hoped for in a family. Love, protection, fun and acceptance.

And here was where his and Jessie's child would find the same thing, in spades. He or she would never doubt their place or the love that surrounded them and if anyone tried to hurt them, there'd be hell to pay several times over.

Callen noticed Hetty slip out the door and, after a quick whisper in Jessie's ear to let her know what he was doing, he followed Hetty. It was good timing since the others had just been distracted with the rest of the photos that Nell had brought up on the screen.

"Hetty," he called out before she could head down the stairs. She waited and he caught up with her. "Are you okay with this?"

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"This is kind of a shock and probably something you never expected."

"True." Hetty glanced up at him over her glasses. "Only in my wildest, and most hopeful, dreams did I think about you going down the road to fatherhood. It is a delightful shock and one that pleases me very much to see that you are truly not following in my footsteps any longer."

"There not that bad to have been following. A touch small though," he grinned.

"But lonely. And that Mr Callen, is something you are definitely no longer."

No, he certainly wasn't, not in the way that he felt Hetty was meaning, after all he hadn't truly been alone since that day she'd turned up in his life and rescued him.

"You know Hetty," Callen said. "We're going to have to move past the Mr Callen thing. Can't have you calling me that in front of …" He stalled, still not quite used to the idea, even though he loved it.

"In front of your child," Hetty filled in for him.

"Yeah." He couldn't stop the smile and Hetty gave him one in return.

"What would you like me to call you?" she asked.

"G, or Grisha." Callen shrugged. "I guess though that's still not quite real either. Callen could work."

"A compromise is in order I think," Hetty nodded. "At work it will remain Mr Callen, but I could work on dropping the mister outside."

"Sounds like a plan."

"You have a lot to offer your child. And Jessie. Know that and trust yourself."

"Never saw myself as a family man," Callen said. "But I guess things change."

Hetty nodded in agreement. "A lot has changed since Jessie came into your life."

"For the better, for all of us." He'd seen the effect she'd had on them all. Having someone they could trust like they did with Jessie had given the team an outlet and guidance in the crazy world they lived it. He saw the difference easily, especially in how quickly they bounced back from bad moments. But he also saw the bond that had been created between them strengthen and form more of a family. Though he knew that wasn't all down to Jessie's position on the team, it had been happening anyway, but with her help, they'd all opened up to each other quicker than they'd been doing on their own.

"Indeed. Now," Hetty smiled. "Go and get your girl. You may have the day off but the rest of us do still have work to do."

Callen grinned. "Now that is most definitely a very good plan. I'll see you tomorrow Hetty."

* * *

It didn't take Callen long to extract Jessie once he returned to Ops and have them on their way home. He'd whispered in her ear hints of what was to come and that was all that had been needed to have her make excuses, say goodbye and hurry to the car. The trip home was silent, anticipation hung in the air between them, sparks and heat increasing even though his hand had rested on her thigh innocently with her hand covering his.

Once home though, Callen barely gave her a moment to take a breath after the front door closed behind them. He turned her to face him and his hands went to the band and clips in her hair that had held it up out of the way all morning. It tumbled down her back and Jessie sighed in pleasure when he threaded his fingers through it and eased out the odd knot that had formed. Her eyes closed and she savoured the feel of his fingers against her scalp, the soft tug of hair that encouraged her head to drop back into his hand. She moaned at the touch and the rush of heat when his lips trailed over her neck. She was so caught up in the feel of his touch on her skin that she didn't realise he'd undone the zip on her skirt until the material pooled at her feet.

Jessie opened her eyes and Callen smiled as he made just as short work with her shirt, the buttons undone one handed while the other still held her head back a touch and her neck open for the kiss he placed after each button. The shirt fell off her shoulders to the floor.

"It appears," Callen murmured next to her ear when he pulled her closer, "I've been a touch unobservant."

"About?" Her breath kicked up a notch when his fingers found the fastening of her bra at the back and the unmistakable feel of it coming loose.

"You." Callen stepped away from her and the bra fell to the floor on top of the skirt.

Jessie watched as his eyes dropped to her stomach and her breath caught when Callen went down onto his knees in front of her. His hand brushed lightly over the skin there before it settled low, the other one rested at the curve of her waist. Callen lifted his gaze and caught hers. She couldn't look away from the depth of emotion she saw in the brilliant blue of his eyes.

"Can feel here," he smiled, "just a small bump but apparently I missed it."

He pressed a lingering kiss to her skin, though he still held her gaze and her throat tightened with emotion of her own. Their baby was there, growing right under his touch. A beautiful unique combination of the two of them that they had made. Jessie bit her lip to stop it trembling but she could do nothing about the tears, happy ones for a change. Callen rose to his feet and ran his thumb over her lip and released it, then he kissed the few tears that had fallen from her cheeks.

"Can't help but wonder," he continued, "what other changes I've missed noticing." He ran his hands across her shoulders, down her arms to settle over her hips. "Like here." His hands went higher, his touch only just there and her knees went weak when his hands cupped her breasts ever so gently. Even though desire and heat flooded through her at his touch, the intent behind his touch this time was innocent; it was tender, reverent and loving.

"You've changed here too," he said.

"G." His name slipped from her lips when he brushed his thumbs over the hard tips, the intent not longer innocent.

"Oh Doc, you have no idea how much I'm going to enjoy what's coming." Callen leaned in close, his words a caress against the skin of her neck. "I'm going to explore every inch of you and find out what's changed." He pulled back and caught her gaze once again, "and then I'm going to do it all over again as frequently as I can so I don't miss anything."

"Frequently?" she breathed.

"Frequently. Daily if I can manage." Callen moved her arms around his neck, pulled her close and then with strong hands, lifted her against him. Her legs wrapped around instinctively and he carried her to their bedroom.

"And I'm going to start right now." Callen eased her carefully onto the bed and he came down above her. She lost track of all thoughts other than what his fingers, mouth and tongue were doing to her body. He did indeed look, touch and taste every part of her. He left her burning with need for him until he'd been everywhere and only then did he finally give her a degree of satisfaction with a breathtaking climax that he drew out with his skillful touch until she was a figurative puddle.

"You know." She drew in a deep much needed breath, "that was rather unfair of you."

Callen nuzzled her neck and sucked at the point where her shoulder meet her neck and she felt it right through to her core. The sparks brightened into small flames.

"Me? Unfair?" His breath drifted over the wet patch and once again she struggled to keep her breath even.

"Yeah." Jessie's eyes closed and she let herself sink back into the heat he was creating in her yet again, those small flames no longer small. "You're still dressed and I'm …," he knew her body too well and she fought to finish the sentence when his fingers traced her collar bone and his lips followed, "not sure I have the ability to move to get rid of them."

Callen lifted his head. "You could always ask." His mouth was suddenly so close to hers and she knew exactly what a kiss would do right now. It would distract them and then it would be a while before she could speak and … which was exactly what she wanted so why she fighting it? Ah yes, because he was still dressed.

Jessie lifted her head just enough to have her lips brush against his when she whispered. "Tell me you don't like this shirt."

"Thought you didn't have any strength left."

She heard the amusement in his tone. The man was enjoying his effect on her way too much for her sanity, though she certainly wasn't planning on complaining about it, especially not when her body was already craving him again.

"Speak now G." He didn't speak, just waited. "So be it." And yes she did find the strength and his shirt was finally open. Who knew where the buttons had ended up. She truly didn't care since now her hands were free to run over his chest and create some havoc of her own. "Now, the jeans …" she smiled. "Please," she infused her tone with a sweetness that was the complete opposite to what her hands were doing.

Jessie watched him move off the bed, a hint of disappointment running through her that he was out of reach but she knew he'd be back.

"As you wish," he said.

Jessie's breath caught again and it had nothing to do with the fact that he was finally naked. Well, not much anyway. No she'd just tumbled deeper in love with him with the words and the look in his eyes when he spoke. He must have realised because in a moment he was back on the bed beside her. He brushed the tears off her face and pulled her over so she was on top of him. He slid his hands into her hair, moved it so it fell in waves on either side of them, creating a little world of us the two of them.

"Love you too Doc," he told her even though she hadn't said a word. He pulled her down and kissed her with the same intensity she'd just witnessed moments ago in his eyes and voice. There was nothing else to be done - except respond in kind, in every way.

* * *

"Jessie stop." Callen caught her gently around the waist and pulled her into him. "You'll wear a hole in the carpet. He'll be here soon enough." He wasn't sure he'd ever seen her this distracted by something other than him, and she didn't usually pace when he distracted her.

"I don't know what to say to him," she said. "Everything I try in my head doesn't seem right."

Callen eased her chin up gently with a finger, brushed his lips over hers and smiled. "I don't think Trevor's going to care about the words, just the message." Trevor was on the way from the airport. Afternoon peak hour traffic being horrendous, he'd told them not to meet him, he'd just catch a cab. He was due at any moment and Jessie was nervous.

"I know it's just ... I want this to be perfect."

"Doc it will be. Not matter what." Jessie sighed and Callen pulled her closer. "Trevor knows you Jessie. You'll find the words, the right way to tell him and it will be perfect." He knew her, knew why this was so important. There had been too many bad news moments for Trevor about Jessie lately. She wanted to make that up to him.

"I hope so," she murmured and settled her head on his shoulder and her arms around his waist.

"I promise Doc," he told her. "It will be."

The doorbell rang before she could reply. Jessie lifted her head off his shoulder and stared at him, nervousness and excitement in her eyes.

"Want me to answer that?" he asked.

"Please."

* * *

Jessie watched Callen disappear toward the door and started pacing again. Why couldn't she find the words? Trevor was her best friend. He'd known her longer than anybody else. She'd never had a problem talking to him before, about everything. But nothing seemed right for this moment. Her life was about to change in an amazing way and she didn't know how to tell him. Fireworks seemed over the top, not to mention undoable. _I'm having a baby_ too simple and yet there was nothing in between felt right either. There had been so many important moments in their lives together. So many times everything had shattered around them with just a few words and they'd survived it only because they'd been there for each other. Times they'd seen each other cry when a love had been lost, or something they'd been aiming for and dreaming for swept away and beyond their reach. There had been plenty of moments of joy too when achievements were hit, doors opened and lives changed for the better. When love, the romantic kind, had truly found both of them. And now here was another moment when everything would change in an instant when he knew. It was a wonderful thing, a big thing, and yes a scary thing but -

"Jessie."

She spun around and there he was. Dark hair, green eyes and that cheeky grin that she'd seen that first day, thirty two years ago, when she'd meet him and they were still tangled on the ground after they had crashed into one another. Time slowed down and that grin dropped to be replaced by concern because of course he'd figure out something was up with just a look. Then Trevor was standing right in front of her and the moment had arrived. Yet still the words wouldn't form. Instinctively she took his hand and placed it on her stomach, covered it with her own hands and looked up into those green eyes and waited. Concern shifted to surprise, then to stunned. Excitement mingled with doubt as the look changed to a question. _Really_? Jessie nodded and the doubt fled from the green leaving only excitement and joy. The message had been received loud and clear.

Trevor picked her up and spun around. "You're pregnant."

Callen had been right. It was perfect. Even if she hadn't said a word.

Trevor put her down and cupped her face. The intensity of his gaze and he studied her was strong. "Is everything okay?" he asked.

"Yes." They'd been able to move the obstetrician appointment to today and had received the results of the more detailed blood test an hour ago which had confirmed the doctor's opinion. Everything was perfectly normal.

Trevor tugged Callen in to join the hug. "I'm taking a wild guess that you are good with this," Trevor said to him.

Callen smiled. "More than good, though," he added. "It does mean tomorrow's plans have to change."

Trevor grinned. "I know exactly what we're going to do."

"You do?" Jessie stepped back and went to sit on the couch. Trevor sat on one side or her and Callen the other. "Why do I feel like I should be terrified?"

Trevor's grin got bigger. "Shopping."

Jessie groaned. "No." Trevor loved to shop, window shopping or actual shopping. When she needed something he was the perfect partner to take. He knew the best places, especially in New York, but he also a nose for finding the right place wherever they happened to be. But you had to be in the right mood for shopping with him or else you got lost, even when he took you by the hand and dragged you into the next shop.

"I promise," Trevor said. "A little bit of shopping then I'll pamper you."

Jessie pretended to think it over even though she knew what her answer would be. As did Trevor. A little shopping she could handle especially if pampering came after. He had a pretty good track record of knowing just how to pamper a girl, probably because he was a fan of it too. Though he could go overboard. "Just as long as it's not like the night before your wedding." She leaned into Callen, the warmth of his body against her side comforting, not that she needed it but she still enjoyed the comfort any way.

"Do I want to know?" Callen asked clearly amused by the direction the conversation was going, even if not a lot had been said yet.

Trevor brushed off the question with a wave of his hand. "Wasn't my fault the massage company got it wrong."

"Now I do need to know."

Jessie could tell where Callen's mind had potentially gone. It was unfortunate it was in the right direction. She just wasn't sure how to divert him from that question.

"I'll tell you what," Trevor said, "instead of tell, I'll book the two of you in for one."

Jessie sat up quickly. "No you won't," she said firmly. Hell no, there was no way she was letting him do that.

"Why not?" There was a wicked look in Trevor's eye. "Are you telling me you don't need any assi-" Jessie did the only thing she knew that would stop the words that would finish a question Callen would no doubt run with. She covered his mouth with her hand and tried to look furious.

Trevor laughed. Which at least had the desired effect of stopping the words.

"Oh trust me Trevor," Callen said and Jessie groaned. She couldn't stop them both at the same time. "We don't assistance there. I'm more than capable of turning her on."

Jessie slummed back in the chair. She really shouldn't have bothered. "You know I knew it was a bad idea to have you two in the same place."

Suddenly there was a set of lips on each cheek and both men grinned at her. "You know you love us," Trevor said. Callen miraculously remained quiet though there was definitely some mischief lurking in his eyes that she would no doubt find out what later.

"I do," she sighed. "Sometimes I wonder why," she added cheekily and she knew neither of the men would take it seriously.

"I'll show you later," Callen murmured in her ear though not quietly enough.

Trevor chuckled. "I'll wear ear plugs. My room's upstairs right?"

"Yep, same one as last time. Now," Jessie said brightly, "we should call Alex."

"Oh no," Trevor said. "Not yet. I have a plan."

She knew that tone. "Plan?" Jessie asked a touch reluctantly. When Trevor had a plan that involved Alex, there was always the possibility that she didn't want to know.

"Tomorrow. We need to shop first."

* * *

Callen walked into the kitchen the next night when he got home from work, expecting to find Jessie but it was Trevor who was cooking and no Jessie in sight.

Trevor turned. "She's sleeping. She's fine."

"You didn't wear her out did you?" He walked over the check what was on the stove.

"Spaghetti and salad," Trevor informed him. "Something I can do and well, even if Alex can do it better."

"Smells great. So what did you do to her?" Callen wasn't overly concerned. He knew Jessie was safe with Trevor and she had still be sleeping more than before, though now that he thought a bit more about it, perhaps all her sleep wasn't entirely due to the lack of it after the intrusion at the office.

"Went shopping, had lunch and then I took her to a spa and we both got pampered; massage, facial and nails. And don't worry," Trevor grinned. "I made sure it was safe for pregnancy."

"Wasn't worried."

Trevor snorted. "You cannot tell me the thought didn't cross your mind."

Callen wasn't sure if he should be worried that Trevor seemed to know him well. "I can't but I know you wouldn't do anything to hurt her."

"Hey, you're home."

Callen turned to see Jessie standing in the doorway with rumpled clothes, messed up hair and a still sleepy look in her eyes. He moved close and pulled her into this arms. "I hear you had a good day."

"We did."

"Did you tell Alex?"

Jessie looked up at him and the smile on her face grew as did the sparkle in her eyes. "Oh we did. And as plans go, it wasn't as bad as I expected." Jessie yawned and leaned into him.

"What did you do?"

Trevor joined them and held out his phone to Callen. There was a picture on it of Jessie with soft toy otter. "Sent him that," Trevor said, "and then waited for his response."

Callen looked between the two of them. There was a story here and he wasn't quite sure which one was going to tell him.

Jessie smiled. "It's a tradition."

"Alex started it," Trevor began, "before I came along. You know he's from a big family and three of his siblings were due to have a child within about six weeks of each other."

"So Alex," Jessie took over, "wanted to get something for them but didn't want it to be the same or anything that was likely to be given by someone else."'

"He decided," the tag team story continued and bounced back to Trevor. "That he would buy them a soft toy and since he's from a notoriously large family, figured that he'd end up doing it more often. So since he didn't want to repeat himself he decided to start at A and brought an alpaca. B was a badger and C was a cheetah and so on as the family expanded further."

"So," Callen said, "O would mean the fifteenth niece or nephew." Hence the otter.

"Yep," Trevor said. "Usually we buy them together but this time I get to do one myself." He winked. "Maybe I'll get lucky and get to catch up on two more ."

Jessie coughed. "Can you let us get through this one first?"

Trevor shrugged. "Anyway, within a minute, Alex was on the phone full of questions." He grinned, "Pretty impressive response time since he was in a meeting."

"You know that I wanted to wait until he was done," Jessie said. "You can take all the trouble for interrupting him."

"Jessie darling, you know I don't mind that anymore than you mind being in trouble with your man."

Jessie groaned and buried her head in Callen's neck.

"I take it he was happy."

"Over the moon, as always." Trevor walked back to the stove and left the two of them alone. Callen led Jessie to the lounge room and pulled her down onto his lap on the couch.

"Have fun?" he asked.

"Yeah." She settled her head on his shoulder. He wrapped an arm around her waist and let his other hand run gently up and down her leg. She pressed her lips to his neck and her fingers found their way through the buttons on his shirt to brush against his skin.

"Planning on some more huh?"

"Missed you," she said softly.

"This day is yours and his." Her lips brushed against his jaw.

"But he can't help me with this."

Callen lifted his hand and ran the backs of his fingers over her cheek. "Patience Doc," he said gently. "I'll take care of you later."

But her lips caught his and the kiss was way more intense than he'd expected even though he knew what she wanted. Her touch, tone of her voice and the way she moved against him had made that clear. Even if his mind hadn't caught on his body's response would've told him.

"Doc." He shifted her back a little from him, damn tempted to keep going when she pouted with lips swollen from the kiss and eyes a very deep desire filled brown.

"You're a brave man Callen," Trevor said from the doorway, "to stand between a pregnant woman and her cravings."

Jessie lifted her head and huffed. "You could go for a walk you know. It's a lovely summer night."

"I could," Trevor agreed, "but where would the fun be in that?"

"Now who's being brave," Jessie muttered.

"Plus," Trevor added. "Dinner's ready." He yawned, a fake one Callen was sure. "I'm thinking though I might have an early night after all." He winked at Callen. "You'll have to entertain her instead."

 


	134. Workout

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all had a lovely weekend.
> 
> This chapter came from another interesting chat with a reviewer on FF regarding Callen and Deeks and Callen's issues with Garrison. I have taken some liberty with Callen's childhood over the course of this story and tried to keep any references to it as accurately to this AU world and what he has revealed to Jessie over time.
> 
> Not sure how deep I'll end up going with details of this arc (which will be scattered around through the story) but there is definitely going to be more to it. It all depends on whether the bunnies want to give Callen his answers privately or through us!
> 
> Hope you enjoy and love to hear your thoughts.

* * *

Callen's arms hurt, so did his shoulders but he kept punching the bag in front of him. Sweat dripped off his face and he knew his shirt was stuck to his back. His breathing was laboured, to be expected though considering how much effort he'd been throwing into his workout. With each punch he threw he tried to let go of the pain and the disappointment that had been haunting him since his last conversation with Garrison had revealed his father's involvement, or lack of actually, in his childhood. He didn't miss the irony that he was pushing himself hard over something that was bothering him when barely a week ago he'd pulled Jessie up on the same thing. Except at least he was doing this with supervision, of sorts, and a time limit. He was in the gym, it was the middle of a work day and, aside from there being a strong possibility he'd be interrupted relating to a new or existing case, he'd set an alarm for half an hour. By his mental calculation he was only halfway through it.

"Whoa."

Callen didn't bother to glance in the direction of the voice, Deeks', coming from the door. He just kept punching.

"What'd the bag do to you?" Deeks asked.

Callen caught the bag just before it knocked him on the arse, it was a possibility that had almost happened a few times already this session after he'd thrown a particularly heavy and frustrated punch.

"Just working out," he told Deeks. He let go now the bag was steady and glanced at Deeks who walked toward him, a shake of his head having the shaggy hair fall into his eyes.

"Highly doubt that," Deeks said. "Seen you work out. That's not working out. That's trouble."

Callen shook his head. "Not in the mood Deeks." The response was essentially an admission and the glimmer in Deeks' eyes said it hadn't been missed.

"Now trouble that requires that kind of working out-"

"Thought you said I wasn't working out?" Callen cut in.

Deeks shot him a look and continued as if Callen hadn't spoken. "Usually involves a woman, a failed case, an enemy or family."

"You know that covers just about everything right?"

Deeks grinned. "However," he continued, "I know we don't have a failed case, at least not recently. Your most notorious enemy is, well not exactly six feet under but close enough and with the same effect. And since I've seen you with Jessie this morning I know there's nothing wrong there… unless you're umm, frustrated."

Callen couldn't help but grin at the hint of a blush rising on Deeks' face. "Not frustrated yet Deeks. With those pregnancy hormones, not enough time." To be honest he wasn't entirely sure how much those hormones had to do with the heat between the two of them. It wasn't like they could pinpoint the cabin as when things started to ramp up since it had always seemed to be going in the higher direction from the start, but Deeks didn't need to know that.

Deeks cheeks went a shade redder. Callen honestly hadn't worked out why Deeks tended to blush even though he was the one who tended to instigate these kind of conversations. Perhaps it had something to do with the pale skin of his supposed Norwegian ancestors.

"Moving on," Deeks said with a little clear of his throat, "That leaves family." Deeks moved in behind the bag and held it still. "Keep punching. I'll stop it attacking you and you can tell Marty all about it."

"Deeks," Callen warned.

"Punch." It was an unexpected order, the tone in Deeks' voice clear and firm. Unusual. So Callen did. Surprisingly the bag being held still made a big difference to how much tension and emotion Callen could push out of himself into the bag.

"Your dad?" Deeks said in a conversational tone. There was no expectation for an answer in it, just an opening if he wanted it. Surprisingly Callen was tempted.

Callen took a deep breath and threw another punch. "Not hard to guess," he said.

"True," Deeks replied. "But only if I stick with blood relatives." It was a subtle reminder that Callen wasn't really alone and did have a family. Callen kept punching and tried to figure out just what he was willing to say to Deeks. After a minute of silence though Deeks pushed on.

"Can't be easy considering your history with him."

Callen slammed another punch into the bag which caused Deeks to stumble back and let go. "Sorry," Callen said and caught the bag as it came back at him.

"No worries." Deeks moved back in, held the bag and his tongue.

Half a dozen punches later Callen finally spoke. "It's just -" Punch. "He knew. He knew Amy died -" Punch. "He knew I ended up in hospital."

"Wait what?" Deeks poked his head around the bag. "You were in hospital?"

Callen saw the concern in Deeks' look. "I was ten," Callen said. "Baseball bat. Legs and back. Hospital for three weeks."

"Geez. I'm sorry."

Callen nodded briefly. "If he'd come sooner -" Punch. "For us, she wouldn't be dead." Punch. "I wouldn't have -" Double punch. "Been there that day for him to do that."

"You blame him," Deeks surmised fairly accurately.

Callen stepped back from the bag and let out a long breath. "I … He knew and I'm not sure I can forgive him for not saving us … me. Not sure I want to see him again."

"Even if he has more answers?"

That was the hard part. There were answers to be gotten, but this betrayal felt so raw that at this point Callen was willing to forgo more answers. "Even then." Though that might change with time if he could move past the hurt and betrayal.

"You might want to keep punching," Deeks said from where he still was behind the bag.

Callen frowned. "Why?"

"Trust me. Go."

Callen did but his focus was no longer fully on punching. It was on Deeks and the question as to why he wanted him to keep going.

"Suck it up."

Callen stopped and stared, shocked at the harshness of the comment from Deeks. "What?"

"If you want answers or if you want to live free of this eating you up, suck it up and let it go. Your father wasn't there, for whatever reason, and you got hurt. It sucks but at least he wasn't the one who did the hurting."

Callen swore. The message hit loud and clear. "Deeks I'm sorry."

"Keep punching."

"Why?" Callen asked again.

"Gives me something to do and if anyone walks in then we can claim to be training and not having some D&M about our hellish childhoods."

Callen started punching, part of him wondering if this conversation was just for him or if it might do Deeks some good too. There'd been multiple times when his talks with Jessie had led to her working something out as well.

"First time you were hit?" Deeks asked.

"Seven. You?" Callen didn't know a lot about Deeks issues with his father. The cop had been pretty closed mouthed about it aside from the basics.

"Four."

"Last time?" Callen asked.

"Eleven. When I shot him. You?"

"Fifteen. Cops and in juvi. It's why I broke out."

Deeks raised an eyebrow. A silent question for more but with no pressure in the look.

"I pissed them off," Callen said, "Pretty badly and then mouthed off as well. Not saying I deserved it but I certainly didn't go out of my way to avoid it." All he'd had to do was not say a thing and he'd have avoided both the beatings but he'd been in a hell of a rebellious mood at that time.

"No kid deserves to be," Deeks said. "No matter what they've done."

There was at least a full minute of silence between the two men while Callen continued to punch. Not uncomfortable, more contemplative as if the two of them where trying to decide just where this conversation would go to from here.

"Worst time?" Deeks asked, a hint of hesitation in his question.

"Physically, the baseball bat but overall when my foster brother got beaten to death in front of me would have to take that title." Callen wasn't sure he wanted to ask but he followed the line of the previous questions. Deeks didn't have to answer. "You?"

"Seeing my mom unconscious, wondering if she was dead and whether or not I would be joining her shortly."

"Was that when you shot him?"

"The final time at least, but it happened more than once."

"I'm gonna be a dad Deeks." The idea still spun him out but in a good way, mostly anyway. "I can't help but wonder how much like him I am." Callen had unknowingly followed in both his mother and father's footsteps. It stood to reason that he was probably like them in other ways.

"You and me both."

Callen stopped punching and focused on Deeks. "Something you and Kenz aren't telling us?"

Deeks shook his head. "Nope. Not there, not ready but it doesn't mean I don't think about him and wonder how much of him is running through my veins. I want kids with Kenz when the time is right, but it scares me that I might be like him."

"Deeks you'd never hit your kid. You're not him." Callen might not know Deeks that well, but he knew enough. Deeks was a protective through to his core.

"I know," Deeks nodded and Callen was pleased to see that there was a reasonable amount of belief in that nod. "But sometimes," Deeks continued. "I mean sometimes our aliases are hard to shake right?"

"Yeah," Callen agreed. "Sometimes." Especially when you had to pull out the deep dark ones.

Deeks moved around the bag, punching temporarily forgotten by both of them. "Callen I've seen you with Jessie. You've got that protective thing going really well. You know that a parent is supposed to be there, protect their kid with everything, even their own lives - Like Jessie's mom and dad did. I know what you've done to protect those you care about. Even if you disappeared to protect them, you'd be watching. Look at what you did with Hetty and the Comescu's? Jessie and Santiago. Trust me," Deeks implored, "you'll protect them with everything and if someone dares come after them, it'll be the last thing they ever do. And you know that we'll be right there beside you fighting for it too right? Just like you'd be there for us."

"I know." What else could he say to that?

"Good," Deeks nodded. "You might be like your parents in regard to what you do but who you are is because of who you've been and what you've survived through, not who your parents are."

Callen sighed. "Still don't know what I'm doing with this whole dad thing." The part that scared him the most was that this little person was going to be depending on him. What he screwed up? What if he screwed that innocent little one up?

"You know what not to do." Deeks said. "You've got Sam and I daresay he'll be more than willing to pass on some words of wisdom."

Between Sam, Gibbs and Mac, Callen wasn't without places to go for advice.

"And," Deeks added, "You still have a chance with your dad."

Now they had come full circle back to the beginning of their conversation. "I don't know Deeks. I don't know if I can forgive him. It hurts." It was hard to admit but Callen had a feeling that Deeks could understand. However there was a little niggle of doubt and a hint of hope. Could he, somehow, still find a way to have something with his father?

"It does," Deeks agreed. "Probably always will but if you're going to have a relationship with him you're going to have to figure out how to get over that."

"Why does that sound like it comes from experience?"

"Cause it does. With my mom."

"Your mom?"

Deeks nodded. "Took me years to forgive her for not protecting me, for being weak, not getting us away from him."

Having seen many things in his career where people felt trapped and unable to get out of horrible situations Callen felt for Deeks' mom. "She was in a tough position."

"I know. If I'm honest," Deeks said, "It took me until I was a cop before I fully did. Until the first time I interviewed a woman who had been beaten by her husband."

Callen could see Deeks was getting a little fidgety. The expression on his face showed a touch of guilt but also the difficulty that talking about this was creating. Callen shifted to hold the bag, a silent invitation to punch if he wanted. "What happened?" he asked Deeks.

Deeks stared at the bag for a few moments before he started rolling his shoulders and arms to warm up. "She killed him," Deeks told him. "After five years of hell she took the kitchen knife and repeatedly stabbed him. I asked what changed, why hadn't she left him before it got to that point. You know what she said?" Deeks threw his first punch then.

"It's hard to leave when you feel like there's no one you can turn to."

"She asked him if they could have a baby." The next punch was more forceful. "She'd seen him with his nephew. He was loving and what she thought was perfect father material when he was playing with him. So different to when they were alone. She thought it was what he wanted."

"It wasn't," Callen concluded fairly easily given the punches were now even harder.

"Nope. He didn't and so he beat her, told her if she got pregnant it wouldn't be his and that he'd kill her before he'd put up with someone else's kid in his house. That was when she realised no matter what she did, nothing would change. He kept beating her and at some point she finally found the strength to fight back. She didn't remember doing it though, just watching like an out of body experience that she had no control over."

There was some more silence while Deeks continued to pound at the bag with his fists. When the power behind the punches eased Deeks spoke again.

"It was then that I realised why my mom didn't leave. She had no one and nowhere to go. She was so broken that all the fight was gone. I went to her, asked her about it. She finally talked to me. She'd hoped that by taking the beatings he'd leave me alone. She didn't know until I was seven that he'd started in on me because he only did it when she was unconscious or asleep. She still doesn't know exactly how many times he did it." Deeks stepped back from the bag and wiped the sweat from his head with his arm. "I learned to stay with friends."

"Ray."

Deeks nodded. "Learned the signs but eventually it didn't matter. When I came home he'd be waiting. Until I shot him." Deeks went back to punching. "After that things go better but I still couldn't forgive her, even when I saw how hard she was working to get better. She got stronger, she found a job and smiled again." Deeks smiled at that. "God I still remember the first time she smiled, really smiled. I came home from school one day, six months after he was gone. It took her that long. I knew then I had to find a way to forgive her or I'd lose her."

"What did you do?"

"Eventually figured out I could separate her from the action. I couldn't forgive what she'd done at the time, but I focused on the action instead of her. She was my mom and I loved her. Action was separate. Things got better and eventually I let it go and forgave the action too. Funny thing is, it's exactly what we do here. We separate ourselves from the alias and what we have to do to get the job done and save the world."

"You think I should do that with Garrison?"

"Up to you. I know if I hadn't I would've missed out on a hell of a relationship with my mom. I mean don't get me wrong, Momma Deeks can drive me crazy, does more times than she doesn't, but there isn't a person out there who will fight harder for me than she does."

"Not even Kensi?'

"Not even Kenz. Though she's more effective. But my mom, she's got that whole protecting her cub thing going now, almost like she's trying to make up for those years and that puts her just a little ahead of Kenz." Deeks stepped up to the bag and took hold of it. "Your turn."

Callen went back to punching but the force and emotional tension wasn't there anymore. "My childhood was hell," he said, "though obviously compared to yours not so much."

Deeks shrugged, not an easy thing to do while holding onto a punching bag. "I had my mom and I knew even with everything that she loved me."

"Stop doing that Deeks," Callen moved around the bag to look at Deeks. "Just stop."

There was a flicker of confusion on Deeks' face. "Stop what?"

"Playing down the bad things in your life. You do it often, talk up the good, play down the bad."

"Better that way," Deeks said casually.

"Not it's not." Callen shook his head. "You play down the bad and it diminishes how far you've come. And Deeks, you've come a hell of a long way from that little boy who was beaten. I know what it's like to be beaten, to live in fear of the next time but you had to live with it every day, no reprieve. At least I had the occasional good home, or at least non violent one. You didn't have any escape, not until you were strong enough to make one, at an age where you shouldn't have had to be that strong. That's nothing to be ashamed of."

"Not ashamed," Deeks said, though Callen sensed the slightest doubt in his denial.

"Really? Then prove it. Stop making it seem less bad than it was. We both went through hell in our childhoods. But on a scale of one to ten yours is sitting up there on the ten and I might make it to the three at a push." Eight had been good, eighteen okay, but the remaining eleven, well they had put things firmly into hell on earth but it was nothing like what Deeks had had to live through everyday for years with no end in sight.

"What's going on in here?" Kensi's voice startled the two of them and they both turned to her together.

"Just training," they answered simultaneously, which was enough to create a skeptical look on Kensi's face.

"We've got a case," she told them. "You two might want to hit the showers, especially you Deeks. You are not getting in my car that sweaty."

"But Kensalina, I've been in your car this sweaty before. In fact it was because of you that-"

Callen was tempted to take a step back at the look she shot Deeks that had his mouth close abruptly.

"Never mind," Deeks said. "I'll shower."

Callen watched Kensi shoot them both a suspicious look before she left.

Deeks turned to Kensi. "Speaking of Kensi," he said. "She might be a good one to talk to about how to move forward with Garrison. If you go there that is. She's still working her way through the hiccups of a family reunion with her mom. She might have some tips."

Callen nodded. "I'll keep that in mind."

With a nod of his own, Deeks headed toward the exit.

"Deeks," Callen called out. Deeks turned. "Thanks for the … workout." Callen added.

Deeks grinned. "You're not so bad a workout partner yourself."

They both knew the thanks had nothing to do with the workout.


	135. Cards on the table

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay. Had hoped to get this one out last night but a unexpected outing to watch a school musical came up and stole my writing time away from me. That being said, it was a quite a fun night so I can't truly complain.  
> Enjoy and love to hear from you.

* * *

 

Jessie sat down in the chair across from Hetty. This was the first time in a long time that she was situated across from Hetty at Hetty's desk. Usually their chats happened in the privacy of her own office, but this time it wasn't Hetty coming to talk to her. It was her wanting to talk to Hetty. Jessie waited patiently for Hetty to finish reading the file in front of her. The doctor patient relationship was a tricky one to balance when it progressed to friendship as hers had with the team and Hetty but it was one she cherished. It gave a different insight into each of them, a different level of trust when compared to a straight doctor/patient one or even just a friend one. They needed to be able to trust her to keep their secrets, even from one another if necessary. It wasn't just Callen whose secrets she kept. Though Jessie knew that there were plenty more secrets that she hadn't been let in on, she trusted them all to trust her with what was needed to allow her to help them.

Hetty's voice pulled her from her thoughts.

"It has been a long time since I felt like I was in the principal's office waiting for a punishment."

Jessie's lips twitched and she allowed herself a small smile at Hetty's words and the image they provoked. "Have you done something to be punished for?" she asked Hetty, a touch of innocence in her tone.

Hetty looked at her over her glasses. "Oh many things dear Doctor. Many, many things."

Jessie couldn't help the light, small laugh that escaped. "Perhaps I should rephrase. Have you done anything that _I_ would need to punish you for?"

"That is a question nobody would answer if they were in their right minds." Hetty smiled. "To what do I owe the pleasure of your company at my desk?"

"G."

"Ah."

"Hetty he needs answers about his past. I can't help him with that but I believe you can."

"There is plenty I do not know."

"There is plenty," Jessie countered, "that you do know that you haven't told him."

There was a hint of surprise in Hetty's eyes that was quickly gone. "And you know this how?"

Oh she was wise to that tactic. Even if she hadn't been able to detect diversions before she'd arrived here she would've learned quickly. The team had been exceptionally good at it in the early days, still were but now they didn't use it very often with her.

Jessie leaned forward slightly in her chair and focused on Hetty. "Hetty, I've been here just over two and a half years and believe me it didn't take me long at all to figure you out."

"How so?"

"You hold your cards very close to your chest. You reveal them only when you absolutely have to and only what you feel is necessary at that particular point. For instance I know that you saw… her in the hospital." Jessie had no intention of letting Jessica Reed be connected to her by calling her her grandmother ever again.

Hetty's eyebrows raised in surprise.

"And I know that you had no intention of telling me about it unless you felt the need to, which is why I haven't asked about it because I truly don't feel I need to know."

"I was protecting you."

"And I appreciate that, more than I think you could possibly understand."

"May I ask how you know? You were with Callen when I spoke to her."

Jessie smiled. "My hospital, my turf."

She wasn't the boss of either the hospital or even the ED, never wanted to be as she loved her job as it was. However she was well known among the staff due to the length of time she'd been there, ER doctors tended to get headhunted more than most due to a lack of them, and because of issue with Johnson. The fact that he'd been reassigned to a different hospital, mostly thanks to the incident with Callen last year where Johnson had, thankfully, screwed up in front of witnesses, there were quite a few staff who had been very appreciative of her part in having him gone and so things relating to her or anyone she knew tended to get back to her quickly.

"You know more about G's past," Jessie continued, "than you've told him and the time has come to lay all the cards on the table. No more secrets."

"There are things about Mr Callen that you would not want to know."

Still diverting but Jessie would play along for now. "There are things about G that I accept I may never know but there is nothing that he can't tell me if he wishes to."

"Some of those things may change how you feel about him."

"That is true." Jessie couldn't deny that as a basic fact because the more she'd learned about Callen, the kind of man he was, what he'd been through not just as a child but as a man and the things he'd confided to her about his work, the more her feelings changed - at least in how deeply she'd felt for him that was. "However," Jessie continued firmly, "nothing will change the simple facts that I know him, I love him and, above everything and with everything, I trust him. If you want to test me Hetty," Jessie paused until she was sure Hetty was truly focused on what she had to say next. "I assure you I will pass, no matter what horrors you want to try and dish out about what he has done or faced." She sat back in her chair and smiled. "I may very well know them anyway but go ahead."

"I would not dream of testing you," Hetty told her.

"Then know that nothing about G or his life, what he has done or been through, will have me walking out the door and leaving him."

"I…" Hetty nodded. "I apologise. I guess I was testing you after all. A lot has happened recently and sometimes that makes people rethink … things."

"I know it does," Jessie agreed. "Rethinking doesn't mean changing your mind though. I rethought many times when I was away. Looked at my relationship with him and where it could go and the possibilities of what might happen from many, many different directions. If I hadn't been willing to fight with everything I am for it and him I would not have continued it." Because she knew that she couldn't hold back and if she wanted Callen in her life, in the way they had been going, she had to be sure she could still give him and it everything. It wasn't a standard relationship regarding the potential things they'd have to face together. Not just the day to day of the job itself but everything that came with the kind of work he'd done over the years and enemies that it created. It wouldn't have been fair to either of them if she'd held anything back.

"It's not an easy life you've chosen to pursue with him."

"Didn't choose Hetty. I'm just following my heart." Yes she had a choice to back away but not without breaking herself apart and leaving some with him, so in that respect she knew it wasn't a choice. Love was about being there, through good, bad and otherwise times. Her father had shown her that with his dedication to her mother and herself. He'd shown her the purest form of love. Nothing had ever changed the fact that he loved his Catalina Rose with everything he had, and always would.

"Which I am very pleased to hear," Hetty said.

"Don't think you can distract me Hetty." Jessie smiled at the hint of innocence on Hetty's face. Remarkably like the one she'd tended to witness on Callen's when he thought he could distract her from things. "G needs answers now more than ever." She'd caught him more than once recently lost in thought and while she hadn't pushed to have him talk about what was bothering him, she suspected it had to do with Garrison, their last conversation and the unknowns from his childhood. So many unanswered questions. She knew Callen had to come to the decision to take the next step with Garrison himself. Thankfully she knew that they were in a place that he would talk to her when he was ready. She couldn't force it or push. The wounds were too raw from the recent discoveries. What she could do though was find those who could help and make sure they were willing and ready for when he was. She hoped that wasn't too far away.

"He is about to become a father," Hetty said. "It is understandable that one would look over their past and try to solve any leftover mysteries when faced with a change like that."

Jessie nodded. "That's part of it." Not all. Afterall a lifetime of wanting answers and to have them right within reach had to be tempting. "Even if he doesn't get those answers though, it's not going to change the man he is or the wonderful father I know he will be." One hand settled over her stomach. There were times when she still struggled to believe what was happening within her but she never doubted him. She knew he would be amazing. The way he was and had been with her and all the things he'd helped her with, the caring and protective nature he had, all added up to be a perfect foundation for a father - so very like her own. Jessie shifted forward in her seat. "He needs you Hetty. I can't give him answers. I can only be there for him to help him through whatever he learns. You have answers. Garrison has answers and I suspect Arkady knows something too though why I'm not sure. Just a feeling."

"Arkady?" Hetty looked at Jessie over the top of her glasses once more. "How many times have you meet the man?"

"Only twice," Jessie said. The first time at Callen's house just over a year ago and one other time since, though only in passing. She'd been at dinner with Callen at a quiet Romanian restaurant that Arkady happened to be at too. There had been something in the man's eyes when he'd looked at Callen, a hint of regret or concern that shimmered slightly in the depths. Not strong or obvious but there once you saw past the cheeky, suspicious and selfish bluster that was Arkady's mask. The man cared deeply for Callen. That hadn't been hard to decipher at their first meeting. Adding what she suspected to everything Callen had told her about Arkady had told her that there was something more to it than just previous co-workers.

"And yet you suspect?"

"I do. Hetty please help him to get his answers. Between the three of you there are answers to be had and maybe that will lead to something more. He deserves to know the truth and not be kept in the dark anymore."

"And how exactly do you expect me to help, if indeed I do have anything in the way of answers?"

Cards well and truly close to the chest. Jessie could only hope that somehow she could convince Hetty to show them to Callen. "I need you and Arkady ready to talk to G when he's ready for answers."

"Garrison?"

"Garrison won't be a problem. He's willing to answer anything G asks of him." Though Callen hadn't spoken to Garrison since that day Garrison had passed on a message that should Callen wish to talk again he was still willing.

"He's not ready yet though is he?"

"No." At least not that Callen had told her.

"Do you think he will be?"

That was the million dollar question. "I hope he will otherwise it will keep eating at him." And Jessie couldn't bear that. She had to do something and this was the only thing she felt she could do. "Please Hetty." Jessie rose from the chair. It was time to back off and leave Hetty to make her decision. "He deserves the truth. All of it."

* * *

Callen watched Jessie leave Hetty's office and followed discreetly. A glance at Hetty before he headed down the corridor told him that Hetty was deep in thought. He didn't wait in the doorway until Jessie noticed him as he usually did. No, this time he was on a mission. He walked straight up to her, not bothering to keep his steps quiet. She heard and started to turn but he was already there, a gentle hand on her shoulder easing her around to face him. He saw the smile of welcome just before he caught that mouth of hers that was incredibly distracting in so many ways with his own. Her response was instant, her body softened into her, her lips parted in an invitation he had no hesitation in accepting. Callen's hands slipped into her hair and held her still while he savoured the taste, warmth and feel of the kiss. Even after all this time, and all the kisses they'd shared, he was nowhere near having had enough of her.

"Wow," Jessie murmured when he finally eased back and released her from the kiss. "That's some hello."

"Not a hello Doc." Callen gently pulled his fingers from her hair and brushed a thumb over her slightly swollen and wet bottom lip.

"What was it then?"

"Thank you."

Jessie's lips twitched with a withheld smile. "You're getting rather good at those."

"You're giving me some excellent opportunities to practice."

"I should give you more." Jessie smiled, moved her head in closer and brushed her lips over his. "Much more."

Callen chuckled. "You haven't asked what I'm thanking you for."

Jessie shrugged. "I don't mind. However you are very welcome for whatever it was."

Callen turned them around and leaned back against Jessie's desk. He pulled her in close between his legs, his hands settled on her hips, hers on his chest.

"Watching you go toe to toe with Hetty was interesting to say the least."

Jessie frowned. "Toe to toe? What you mean just before." She shook her head. "We were just talking."

"No Doc. That wasn't just talking. That was you fighting with Hetty for me." No voices had been raised, no threats made but it hadn't just been talking. And Callen had heard almost all of the conversation from his spot just off to the side behind the pillar at the back of Hetty's office area. He hadn't meant to listen but had been intrigued when he'd heard Jessie's voice and that they were talking about him. Plus he'd figured if they hadn't wanted anyone to overhear, they should've taken it somewhere private. After all they were in an office filled with special agents whose skills including finding out information in many different ways, including by stealth.

Jessie shook her head again. "I didn't fight with Hetty."

"I'll rephrase. It was you fighting for me." Callen put a finger on her lips to stop her protest. "I know what I heard Doc. You didn't back down. You fought for what you wanted and if I'm not mistaken, I'm pretty sure you've won. Or at least made Hetty seriously reconsider things with the possibility that you may yet win." It wasn't as if he hadn't suspected Hetty had more information about his past in her possession. After all she still had that file that she'd once handed to him but he'd given back. As tempted as he'd been to take it and look, the trust between him and Hetty had been something he hadn't been willing to risk at that point by taking it. Hetty tended to always have a reason for keeping those cards close to her chest. So it wasn't news to him but to witness, at least vocally, the conversation between the two women had been enlightening in more ways than one. Sure he'd seen Jessie stand up for him to Granger a long time ago, and he'd witnessed her strength and determination in many other settings, but going up against Hetty was very different to going up against Granger.

"G," Jessie pressed a small kiss to his finger that was still against her lips before she pulled her head back slightly and continued. "I was just asking her to help you find out what you need to know for when you're ready."

"Then remind me," Callen said, "to always say yes since we'll end up there anyway."

A twinkle jumped into Jessie's eyes and he knew he was in trouble. Maybe not now, but certainly later. He couldn't wait.

One of Jessie's fingers slid between the buttons of his shirt and brushed against his skin. "I will definitely remember that."

"I'm sure you will," Callen replied. "And I'm sure I'll enjoy it every time."

Jessie smiled and another finger slipped through the hole that was now bigger since she'd managed to undo the button as well. "I'll make sure of it," she said softly.

"Anyway," Callen cleared his throat and dropped his hand over hers to keep her from going any further. Pity he hadn't closed the door when he'd come in. "I wanted to say thank you. Was a very brave thing you did taking her on. Not too many people do."

"Which probably means," Jessie said, "That she'll listen more when they do since it must be important for them to take that step."

Callen wasn't sure if he wanted to call her on the fact that technically she'd just agreed that she'd taken Hetty on. He decided to let it go when her stomach rumbled. He raised an eyebrow in question. "Hungry? Already?" It was only just after ten am.

Jessie groaned softly. "Starving actually."

"Well you are eating for two."

Jessie glared at him though her lips twitched with a hint of amusement. "No I am not. You know I don't need that much extra."

Callen had used that excuse, and she hadn't argued about it then, to tempt her with ice cream last night, not that she'd ended up eating much. Neither of them had. They'd gotten distracted rather quickly and ended up with a tub of melted ice cream by the time they'd returned to it.

"So why are you hungry?" Callen frowned. "Did you eat breakfast?" He had to come into work early and she'd still be asleep when he'd left.

"I did," she nodded and then shrugged. "I was running late so it was rather quick."

Callen lifted her chin and brought her gaze back to his. "Doc you need to take better care of yourself." Skipping meals was something she'd promised she wouldn't do to keep the risk of any more fainting spells down. So far she hadn't had another one.

"I ate G," she assured him. "And it was healthy, just not enough I guess for this morning."

"Then eat something now."

"I have a snacks in the drawer. I promise I'll have some." Jessie's arm that wasn't attached to the hand that Callen still held against his chest slipped around his neck and she shifted slightly against him. "Though there is something in particular that I am craving right now," she said softly.

Callen recognised the look in her eyes easily, along with the tone of her voice. He couldn't resist seeing just how far she would take it considering the door was open.

"Really?" He tugged her a little more firmly into his body. "Whatever could that be?" Not that he needed to ask. Her lips were just about to brush against his when there was a cough from the direction of the door.

"Am I interrupting?" Sam asked.

"Yes." Callen and Jessie said at the same time.

"Sorry to break up the … party."

They both turned their heads and looked at Sam who didn't look a bit sorry at all.

"Eric and Nell have found something," Sam continued. "Meet you in Ops?"

Callen nodded and Sam slipped away quickly leaving them alone once again. Jessie dropped her head onto Callen's shoulder and he heard the heavy sigh she let out.

"I promise Doc," he pressed a kiss to the side of her head. "Later I'll take care of that craving."

Jessie stepped back from him. "Guess you'd better hope I still have it by then."

Callen grinned. "If you don't I'm sure I can find a way to bring it back."

"I'm sure you can." Jessie tilted her head toward the door. "Go, before I change my mind and keep you here to fulfill it anyway."

Callen headed to the door but turned back before he stepped over the threshold into the corridor. "Eat," he ordered her.

Jessie rolled her eyes at the same time her stomach rumbled rather loudly. "I promise."


	136. Tony (Blame it on Rio)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now for a bit of a wow moment. It's been eight months since the first chapter of this story was posted! Wow what a ride. Thank you to everyone who has stuck with this story that now has more than twice the number of chapters I had drafted when I started! I appreciate the support and encouragement.
> 
> Right so, this chapter is inspired by the episode Blame it on Rio, S7 Ep 5, and a guest review from FF a while back who asked if I could do something with that episode. I must point out, I haven't seen the later seasons of NCIS yet so I may, likely to, have portrayed Tony as more of the early season Tony.
> 
> Hope you enjoy. Love to hear from you.

* * *

Jessie stepped out of Callen's arms just as Tony walked through the doors to join them at the car. The man looked a little unsettled but that was to be expected after a chat with Hetty and the _advice_ Callen had given him certainly wouldn't have helped.

"Well," Tony smiled. "Look who's here. The lovely Doctor Jessie." There was no missing the appreciative male eye that roved over her but Jessie shot Callen a look that had him hold his tongue and choke back his comment.

"Hi Tony," Jessie said. "Good to see you again." She turned back to Callen and Sam. "Be good. I'd rather not have to patch any of you up today. I'm busy enough as it is." Callen knew Vance had hit her with some random evaluations that she had to do today. It wasn't public knowledge because no one wanted anyone aware so they could start to prepare for them. Callen only knew that because Hetty had informed him confidentially since it would mean Jessie wouldn't be available for consulting on cases today.

"Too busy for us?" Callen teased her. "Now Doc," he put his hand over his heart, "how very disappointing."

Jessie rolled her eyes at him and Sam chuckled. "Never too busy," she said. "Just prefer you don't get hurt."

"But if that was the case," Callen dropped his arm casually around her shoulders, "I'd never get to experience your beautiful bedside manner."

Sam choked back a laugh, Jessie groaned and Callen saw the confused look on Tony's face as he glanced between the two of them.

"Good luck Tony," Jessie slipped out from under Callen's arm. "Be good," she fired back over her shoulder as she walked away.

Callen watched Tony's gaze follow her. He saw it drop to the curve of her hips and linger briefly in the vicinity. Not that Callen could blame him. Jessie was in jeans that certainly showed off her legs and curves very nicely, along with a long flowery top that ended just below the start of her hips. He knew it was silky and loose, all the better for his hands to get under. Not that there would be time for that today, though this morning before work had been a different story. She looked particularly attractive and feminine today, not exactly her usual casual yet professional attire. There was a valid reason for that. Her clothes had gotten tighter around the waist and there were few things that still fitted her comfortably; which was why this weekend they were going shopping. Given Callen wasn't usually one to enjoy that particular activity, he had plans to ensure that he did. Not only was he going to make sure Jessie brought what she needed, plus a few things she didn't but would like, but also a few things that he would thoroughly enjoy too. Especially when she modeled them for him when they made it home.

Callen slapped Tony on the back which pulled his attention, well really both of their attentions, from Jessie and back to the case at hand. "In you get," Callen pointed to the door Sam now held open.

As Sam pulled out onto the street Tony spoke. "Any tips?"

Callen glanced into the back seat. "Tips on what?"

"Getting the serious Doctor Blake to have dinner with me," Tony said. "Every time she's in Washington she turns me down."

Sam shot Callen a glance that was clearly readable. _Tell_ _him_. What Sam said out loud to Tony was different though. "You ask her that often?"

"Wouldn't you? I mean that is if she didn't work with you. Not only is she beautiful, she's smart too." Seemed like Gibbs hadn't had the same chat with Tony that he'd had with Callen.

"Too smart for you," Sam murmured. Callen had the slightest suspicion that Sam wasn't talking to Tony with that comment.

"What does she like?"

"Why are you interested?" Callen asked. "You don't live here. Doesn't seem much point?"

Tony grinned. "Maybe I'm up for a change of scenery. Los Angeles certainly seems to have some perks that Washington doesn't."

"G."

Callen heard the warning in Sam's tone but he decided messing with Tony's head was kind of fun, and an interesting change from his usual suspects.

"I really don't think you have a shot," Callen told Tony. _None at all actually_ though he didn't say that. "She does like walks on the beach, a good movie and… Italian food." Actually all sorts of food but Callen figured it would play into Tony's hands if he used that one.

"Italian?" Callen heard the brightness in Tony's voice. "I can do that."

"She'll also see through you in a moment." The look Sam shot at Callen reinforced the fact that the next words were directed squarely at Callen even if they were spoken to someone else. "And she doesn't like it when you aren't real or true."

"What you see is what you get," Tony said smugly. "With a woman I'm always the real deal."

"Always?" Callen glanced back. "You? I highly doubt it." Callen had heard plenty from Gibbs regarding Tony's reputation with women.

"The women love me," Tony hit back.

"Not Jessie," Sam said before Callen could go another round with Tony. "She has… different taste in men. Sometimes it's debatable if it's good." Oh yes, Sam was definitely having two different conversations at once.

"Is she seeing someone?" Tony asked. "She's never mentioned it."

Now that little piece of information had Callen curious. Though considering most of her trips were fairly quick when it came to going to Washington these days, he could probably safely assume that she'd kept quiet about them simply because the topic didn't come up.

"Yet she's turned you down more times than you can count," Callen mused. "Hmm, perhaps it has nothing to do with her being with someone else." Technically it wasn't a lie since he hadn't actually answered Tony's question.

Tony looked thoughtful. "Maybe it's my timing. I probably shouldn't try while I'm here since I don't have the time to impress her."

Callen snorted, this time unable to hold back the sound.

"Maybe I should come back for a holiday. I might have a chance then."

"You know what Tony," Sam said. "Maybe you should ask her anyway while you're here. You might get lucky and catch her in just the right mood to say yes. Like when _someone_ _else_ is in trouble." That last line was so aimed at Callen.

"Sam." This time it was Callen who fired the warning. It was one thing for him to mess with Tony's head. It was another for Sam to outright encourage the man to make a move on Jessie.

"You started it G." Sam pulled the car to a stop.

"We're here," Callen said which brought the conversation to a halt and put the case firmly back in front of them.

* * *

When they arrived back at the office at the end of the day Callen spotted Jessie where she stood outside the entry beside her car. It had been a long day that thankfully was over. They just needed to finalise a few things before they sent Tony and Rio back on the plane. Callen wasn't overly fussed with Jessie being out there in the dark alone but after the intrusion Hetty had also upgraded the security and surveillance outside too. He knew she was safe, even if he didn't like it. Callen was out of the car first, Sam and Tony followed. Kensi and Deeks weren't too far behind; they'd been caught with a red light a couple of turns back.

"Are you okay?" Jessie asked. That quick assessing look of hers ran over Callen first then Sam and Tony before it settled back on Callen.

"We're fine Doc," Callen assured her.

"Not a scratch or a graze," Tony added. "And considering the number of bullets flying that's a miracle."

Callen saw Jessie's eyes widen and little and then narrow on him as if she was giving him a more thorough going over. She wouldn't have known what had happened since she'd been locked in her office all day with meetings. He gave a little nod to reassure her and saw her relax again.

"However," Tony continued, "I must admit to being a tad disappointed at not being able to check out your bedside manner. They tell me you're very good."

"Excuse me?" Jessie's eyes widened again and she focused her gaze on Callen.

"Now would be a good time," Sam muttered under his breath to Tony, though Callen heard it and no doubt Jessie would too. Callen was counting himself lucky that she wouldn't understand because from the look in her eyes he was sure if he didn't smooth things over soon, he'd be in big trouble.

Callen stepped toward Jessie. "We've been letting Tony know he'd be in safe hands if he got injured. You're the best Doc. We like to rub it in when we have a chance."

"Definitely a step up from us," Tony said. "I've never been quite sure about having a doctor of the dead treat the living."

"Ducky is lovely," Jessie said. "And a very good doctor. You're lucky he's there if you need him."

"We'll stick with you Jessie thanks," Sam said.

"So Jessie," Tony took a step closer to her and smiled. "What do you say to having lunch or dinner with me next time you're in Washington? I know this great Italian place ... or we could go for something else if you'd rather."

The last part was said nervously like Tony already a feeling that this wasn't going the way he'd thought it was. That might've had something to do with the look Jessie shot at Callen. She was suspicious and it wouldn't be long before she knew for sure what had gone down today. He was definitely in trouble.

"Really?" Jessie said to Callen before she turned to face Sam. "He didn't say anything?"

"Nope."

Callen scowled at his partner for turning on him. Sam shot him a look that clearly said _You're on your own partner._ Probably served himself right since more than once Callen had left Sam to Michelle's wrath.

"Say what?" Tony asked.

Jessie shook her head and looked at Callen. "I can't believe you. That's…" She smiled one of those ones that had Callen mentally going _Uh_ _oh_. "You know what," Jessie said and turned to Tony. "Next time you're in town I know this," she shot Callen another glare, "nice little Italian place. Dance floor and all. We could-"

Callen pulled her into his arms quickly. "Oh no you don't Doc." His mouth covered hers before she could protest and he kissed her, in full view of Tony. Surprisingly she kissed him back. Callen lost track of what he'd been trying to do and simply enjoyed, and returned, the intensity of her kiss. It was only when Jessie stopped after a loud throat clearing sound, Callen was sure had been from Tony, that he noted the look in her eyes and realised that the kiss was only part of the punishment. The other part being that he wasn't able to take her home right now and solve a rather uncomfortable situation in a most pleasurable way.

"Oh." Tony took a step back. "I didn't realise."

"It would serve you right," Jessie murmured to Callen, "if I did."

"You wouldn't." That little place was theirs; somewhere special, small and private. One day they might share it with those close to them but not with Tony and not without each other.

"Of course not," Jessie assured him that they were of the same opinion. "But you shouldn't have encouraged him." She turned her head though stayed in his arms. "I'm sorry Tony. I guess I should've said something but it's been a while since I've seen you more than passing in the corridor in the office."

"How long?" Tony indicated between the two of them.

"Almost a year," Sam answered, "officially anyway."

"Unofficially?"

Callen grinned. "Since the first day I meet her. Couldn't resist." As long as it had taken them to get together Callen knew now it had been coming from that moment.

Tony raised an eyebrow and glanced at Jessie obviously looking for confirmation. She shrugged. "It was a very interesting and memorable first meeting. I guess you could say it set the wheels in motion and they haven't stopped."

"And the flame burning," Callen murmured quietly for her ears only. He caught the hint of pink that washed over her cheeks.

"That would explain why you've always said no." Tony grinned. "It wasn't me after all."

Jessie stepped back out of Callen's arms and looked at Sam. "You are in trouble too," she said. "You let him go on didn't you."

"I did try and warn him," Sam protested.

Jessie shook her head. "You know him better than that. Try isn't enough and if you were subtle about it, even worse." She glanced between the two of them. "Is there ever going to be a time where I can trust you two not to get into trouble of some kind."

Callen gave her a lopsided smile, a cheeky almost innocent one. "You know me Doc. You, me and trouble go so well together."

"Shouldn't we be heading in," Kensi said her and Deeks having now joined them though Callen suspected they'd been listening in for a bit. "Tony does have a plane to catch before Gibbs decides to reassign him here after all."

"Let's go," Sam said a hint of eagerness in his tone. "Can't have that now can we."

"I've got to go to the hospital for a couple of hours," Jessie told Callen. "Just need to cover for someone for a bit. I'll get a cab home. Shouldn't be too late."

"Call me if you want a pick up." Callen tugged her back into him and dropped a brief, light kiss on her lips.

"I will."

"You know Callen," Tony said as Callen watched Jessie walk away and get in her car. "You took a risk telling me the things she likes."

They all started to head to the entry door.

"No I didn't," Callen said. "You wouldn't have stood a chance even if you knew everything about her."

"Confident aren't you," Tony said. "Why's that?"

Kensi turned around in front of them and walked backwards through the door Deeks held open and answered instead. "Cause Tony, she's only got eyes for Callen. And," she smiled wickedly, "if it looked like you were seriously pursuing her, he'd," she glanced at Callen, "more than likely hide your body somewhere it would never be found."

"Now Kenz," Callen said. "Don't scare the poor man. I wouldn't do that… I don't think anyway."

"He'd have to take me down first," Tony gave Callen a sideways glance. "Pretty sure I could hold my own at least."

"He'd have help," Sam said.

Tony studied the team as they continued to walk down the tunnel. "All of you?"

Kensi nodded and Deeks said, "Yep. Those two were meant to be and I for one am all in favour of true love winning."

"Is there something in the water here?" Tony asked. He looked across at Callen. "You and Jessie. Kensi and Deeks, and those two upstairs? Please tell me there's not something with Granger and Hetty as well."

"Hell no," Deeks responded quickly which reflected all their thoughts.

"Nothing in the water," Callen assured Tony as he tried to keep the image Tony's words could potentially form out of his head. He wasn't going there with Hetty. Oh no, he'd spent most of his life keeping the idea of Hetty and a personal life out of his head, albeit not entirely successfully. "Just a bunch of smart guys who know a good thing when they see it."

"Great thing," Deeks corrected.

"Awesome thing," Kensi added with a grin.

Callen opened his mouth to continue but Sam stopped him. "Just let Deeks win," Sam said. "Jessie's not here for you to earn points with."

"I was just going to agree," Callen said innocently.

"Sure you were G," Sam rolled his eyes. "Sure you were."

Okay so he wasn't and it was probably a good thing Sam had stopped him before things got out of hand, which Callen had no doubt they would with Deeks involved, and he ended up in more trouble with a particular someone.

"Any other good, great, awesome women around that are single?" Tony asked. "Maybe I could get posted out here after all."

"Nope." They all agreed, perhaps a little too quickly given the frown that creased Tony's forehead.

"And here I was," Tony said, "thinking we were getting on so well."


	137. Johnson Returns

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this follows on from the last chapter fairly closely, which should be obvious. If things go according to plan I maybe able to get another two chapters done this week. Cross your fingers because the next chapter is the start of another mini arc of the story so it's a fair amount of work but I think I've got a handle on it.
> 
> Hope you enjoy this one and would love to hear your thoughts.

* * *

 

 

At the familiar, yet unexpected, ringtone Callen put down his book and answered the call. "Hey Doc," he said. "You okay?" Jessie rarely called for a pick up unless it had been a particularly exhausting shift. This time though it had only been a few hours since she'd left him at the office with Tony and the team.

"Can you come get me please?"

Callen was out of his seat before she'd finished her request. He grabbed his wallet and keys off the side table. "On my way. Tell me why Jessie." There was something going on, something in her voice that said this wasn't a normal pick up request call.

"Johnson's back," she said.

Callen slid into the seat of his car, popped the phone on speaker and docked it. The car purred to life with a twist of the key and he was on his way.

"He's there? Is working with you again?"

"No. He's just outside," Jessie said. "I saw him at the cab rank and came straight back in."

"Did he see you?" Callen pulled up the details for the hospital on the GPS. Not that he needed directions but an ETA was something that would be nice to know; for both of them.

"I don't think so," Jessie told him. "He certainly didn't follow me. Security's keeping an eye on him but because he's outside and hasn't done anything yet, there's nothing they can do. It's been just over nine months he's been gone G. Why's he back? We've heard nothing from him until now."

Callen glanced at the GPS. "I'll be there in less than fifteen. Stay inside. I've got this Jessie. Stay safe." He hadn't been then when she'd faced Johnson at his hearing but Deeks had. And given what Deeks had told him later, Callen was sure this development couldn't be a good thing. Johnson had been hostile and confrontational during the hearing, particularly with Jessie.

"Thank you."

"Anytime Doc. Anytime." Callen hung up and after only a brief moment of consideration called in reinforcements. Not so much to keep Johnson safe from Callen but to keep him from doing something he shouldn't when he found him. He'd heard the hint of fear in Jessie's voice when she'd said the man's name. Whatever Johnson was up to, it ended tonight.

* * *

Callen slipped onto the bench seat beside Johnson. The side of his arm came in contact with the man just as Deeks sat on his other side.

Johnson glanced from one to the other and his eyes widened in surprise. "You," he said to Deeks.

Sam stood in front of them so Johnson had nowhere to go.

"Why are you here?" Callen asked. He didn't bother to introduce himself. He figured since Johnson had recognised Deeks he was sure that the man was smart enough to put two and two together and realise they were here for Jessie.

Johnson turned to Callen and narrowed his eyes. "Who are you?"

"Why are you here?" Callen repeated. "She doesn't want to see you. I'm sure that was made clear. None of them want anything to do with you."

A quick glance was all it took for Callen to note that Johnson wasn't as well put together as he had been that day. The hair, whiskers, the look in his eye and the casual clothing suggested he didn't seem to care as much about his appearance as he had back then.

"Just want to talk. There's nothing wrong with that," Johnson protested.

"Why?" Callen repeated

Johnson attempted to get to his feet but both Callen and Deeks put a hand on his shoulder and pulled him back down hard onto the seat. Hard enough to shake keys loose from his pocket if the clatter on the ground was anything to go by.

"She ruined everything. She ruined my life," Johnson said with a hint of anger starting to come into his tone. Sam crouched down in front of them and reached under the seat.

"You ruined your life," Deeks corrected. "You and only you are responsible for what you did."

"She was playing hard to get. I know women."

"Apparently not," Callen said, frustration and anger rose. "She wasn't interested. She made that perfectly clear."

"But -"

"G." Sam's firm tone was enough to cut Johnson off. Callen glanced at his partner and froze. Sam held a small but sharp looking knife in his hand.

"Just want to talk?" Callen's jaw was tight and his fists were tempted to follow. "That's not for talking." Scenarios already ran through his mind on what might've happened if Jessie had come out here and been caught.

"It's not a safe area," Johnson said quickly. "Needed to protect myself."

Deeks snorted. "Like you are now."

Callen knew Johnson was lying. He knew because after he'd found out Jessie caught a cab to and from work, Callen had checked out the location to make sure it was safe. He knew the camera locations and the fact that there were only two small blind spots. He knew the lighting was strong and that there was a small green signal light the security guards inside the hospital could turn on to summon a cab should any passenger not want to wait outside alone. He knew Jessie was safe here, at least she had been. He wasn't looking forward to telling her about this turn of events.

"She made it clear she wasn't interested," Callen ground out. "That's where it should've ended."

"Like you wouldn't keep asking if she told you no." Johnson's eyes narrowed. "You're the patient from that night. I was right." There was a smugness in Johnson's tone that rubbed Callen the wrong way, badly. "She had a thing with her patient. I knew it. Bet she was fu-" Deeks hand came into contact with Johnson's back, hard, and the crude comment they were all sure he was about to say was cut off.

"That's worse than what I did," Johnson choked out.

"She didn't do anything wrong. We weren't together ... Then." There was a wealth of warning in that one word, yet at the same time Callen kept his tone calm, though it took a lot of effort. "You leave her alone, and everyone else who reported you. You go and don't come back … ever."

"Who's going to stop me?" Johnson snapped. "She ruined my life. They all did. I was on track to head up this place. Now I can't even get a job to get me out of the hellhole place they transferred me to."

Callen knew it couldn't be that bad since there had been strict criteria on the offers Heidi could force him to accept. "I highly doubt," Callen said, "that you were ever in the running. Why would they want you when they have Heidi?" He had experience with Heidi, not just when Jessie had been here after that time in the boat shed, but with other things as well. He'd witnessed the support the woman gave her staff and knew that, while she ran a tight ship and didn't put up with any nonsense, she did care strongly about the welfare of those under her leadership. She had the right personality for the job.

The fury in Johnson's eyes jumped. The man was dangerous, a loose cannon ready to go off. It was easy to see. Callen leaned closer and pitched his voice to a dangerous low. "Stay away or you'll regret it."

"You don't scare me." A lie if the look in the man's eyes was anything to go by. Johnson looked around at the three of them. "What could you do?"

Sam had been keeping his expression neutral but not for much longer. Callen raised an eyebrow at his partner, tilted his head toward Johnson. He saw the twitch of Sam's lips and the slight nod of recognition for Callen's silent request. Sam leaned down to eye level with Johnson who's eyes widened at the change in Sam. "You really didn't want to ask that," Sam told him.

Callen put his hand back on Johnson's shoulder. He only just refrained from squeezing until it hurt. When Johnson turned to him Callen spoke, still in that low tone.

"Do you want to know what happened to the last person who came after her?" Callen smiled, not one to make anyone feel good but one to start the fear bubbling inside. "I put a bullet in his head. And the one who sent him?" He called on the rage he'd felt, and still remembered clearly, for Janvier and let it show in his expression. Callen felt Johnson shift away, or try to. "He's six feet under as well. So unless you want to join them. Stay. The hell. Away."

"You wouldn't."

Callen wasn't sure if Johnson was trying to be brave or just stupid. There was more than a trace of fear to be heard in the words but the bravado was there - just.

"There's a short list," Callen said, "of people I'm willing to kill for, outside my job that its." The fear jumped higher. Callen wasn't inclined to correct the assumption he was sure Johnson had made from his words. "She's top of that list," he finished.

Let him think that he was one of the bad guys. It would work to Callen's advantage.

"Now," Callen sat back and continued in a much calmer voice, which seemed to rattle Johnson more perhaps because of the abrupt change. "You are going to go with these two … gentleman." Deeks raised an eyebrow at the description and Callen couldn't help the slight grin that spread across his face. "Who are only marginally less inclined to kill you than I am. They are going to escort you away from here to whatever hole you came from. If I hear from anyone here that you've come back or gone to see them, I'll find you." He left the threat hanging and rose. Callen trusted Deeks and Sam to follow through with the hasty plan they'd made during the short drive here. He'd dealt with Johnson as much as he could. His priority now changed to finding Jessie and taking her home.

* * *

"Come on then." Deeks clapped Johnson on the back, almost hard enough to tumble him off the seat and then shoved him to his feet. "Time to skedaddle."

Sam reached out to make sure Johnson was stable before he slung a heavy arm across his shoulders. "You drive Johnson?" Sam wasn't sure if he wanted the answer to be yes or no. No meant they could keep a closer eye on him and he'd have no chance to slip away but yes meant they would have to be in his company for much longer; Sam wasn't looking forward to that. Though he was pretty sure Callen had put the fear of … something into Johnson and it was only a slim chance there would be any problems.

"No," Johnson replied in a pitifully small voice. Oh yeah, Callen had certainly done a number on him. "Did he really mean…" Johnson swallowed but didn't finish his sentence. Not that he needed to.

"Oh yeah," Deeks said.

"But you're a cop," Johnson said. "He threatened me."

"I didn't hear any threats," Deeks said innocently. Sam narrowly held back a snort of laughter. Deeks glanced across Johnson. "Did you Sam?" he asked.

"Nope." Sam shook his head. "No threats at all." Sam steered Johnson to Deeks' car. There was no way Sam was letting Deeks drive the Challenger and since Sam had the more intimidating presence he had been put in the position of supervising Johnson on the trip. The one thing Sam was looking forward to though regarding this unpleasant scenario was seeing just how much he could make Johnson squirm under the constant evil eye he intended to watch him with.

"But … But you're a cop… You're supposed to be one of the good guys."

"Here's the thing buddy," Deeks said. "You're not one of the good guys and sometimes ... sometimes you just have to play bad cop with the bad guys. Though if you think this is bad you are seriously lacking in imagination. Plus," Deeks stepped away and spun around. "You see a badge? I don't see a badge. I do have a gun though. You want to see it?"

Johnson shook his head quickly and Sam felt the man's whole body shake under his arm. The rest of the short walk to the car was made in silence. The only words that passed anyone's lips on the drive was when Johnson gave them the address of where they needed to go; a hotel ten minutes away. When Deeks pulled up in the carpark, Sam put a heavy hand on Johnson's shoulder. The man turned to face him, somewhat reluctantly.

"You live here?" Sam asked.

Johnson shook his head. "No. A couple of hours away."

Which meant he'd come here deliberately for Jessie, he hadn't just been passing.

"Don't go out again tonight. Be gone by eight in the morning," Sam said. "Home by lunch time. We'll be checking."

Johnson gave a jerky nod.

"And don't come back," Deeks added from the front seat. "You may have heard a threat but we heard, and know, it's a promise." Deeks glanced at Sam. "You should probably walk him to the door. Be all…." He grinned. "Gentlemanly."

Sam rolled his eyes and reached for the door handle but before he could open his door the other door on Johnson's side opened.

"Good evening," there was the slightest pause, "Gentleman. And other."

Sam's mouth dropped open. What the hell was Hetty doing here?

"I will see… Mr Johnson to his room."

Sam tried not to laugh at the look on Johnson's face at the very distinct use by Hetty of Mister rather than Doctor.

"You two can head home," Hetty continued, "and enjoy the rest of the evening. Good night."

Sam and Deeks watched Johnson scramble out of the car quickly. There was no mistaking the air of relief around the man. He thought he was escaping. Sam slipped out of the back and into the passenger's side front seat. Deeks watched Hetty and Johnson walk away.

"Do you think he realises that he's just gone from the frying pan into the fire?" Deeks asked.

"Nope." Sam shook his head. "He's got no idea."

Deeks turned to Sam and frowned. "How did she know? I didn't call her. Did you or Callen?"

"No me. Doubt G would've either." Callen had spent most of the drive to the hospital on the phone with Sam and Deeks figuring out tactics. Sam doubted Callen had had time to make another phone call to Hetty.

"You don't suppose," Deeks glanced at the two bodies that were now mere shadows on the stairs, "that it's possible she's had him under surveillance do you?"

"Wouldn't put it past the little ninja," Sam said. "You know what's she likes keeping watch over those under her wing. Especially G. And Jessie's not only herself but an extension of him too."

"True." Deeks put the car into gear and pulled out of the car park. "I so wouldn't want to be in his shoes right now."

"Me either." Sam grinned. "But a fly on the wall. That I'd love to be."

"Oh yeah," Deeks agreed.

* * *

When they were finally home and inside, Callen pulled Jessie into his arms. His mouth covered hers and he kissed her, almost as if his life depended on it. That wasn't the case but he felt this intense need to reassure himself that she was okay. He hadn't told her the full extent of the run in with Johnson yet. He knew he had to, he just didn't want to. There was something in the way she participated in the kiss that hinted at relief and a similar need for connection. The trip home had been quiet, her hand on his thigh, his fingers twined with hers but it hadn't been enough even though it was all they could do.

Callen had felt an almost desperate need to reach out, wrap her in his arms and protect her; know that she was safe and finally he could do it. Jessie pulled back abruptly and gasped for breath. Callen cupped her head in both hands, rested his forehead against hers and pulled in just as ragged breath as she did. Slowly and together their breathing settled into synch, even with the heaviness.

"G?"

Of course she'd pick up something from this, just as he'd done the same for what she was feeling. "Tomorrow." Callen took a breath. "You, me and Kensi in the gym." Kensi had intense skills with a knife and the added bonus of being a female. She'd know how to fine tune the skills Jessie already had from her basic training with Sam into something more.

"Why?"

"He had a knife Doc."

Callen kept his voice gentle to ease the news but it didn't really help. Jessie sucked in a breath that had nothing to do with the intensity of the kiss and her hold on him tightened, just a touch, but he felt it. Callen pressed his lips to her forehead, moved down her cheek and kissed the corner of her mouth right over the dimple he loved to tease. One hand slid down her arm and settled at her waist while the other's fingers pressed small circles against her scalp.

"We need to make sure you know what to do to keep you and this little one," Callen's thumb brushed over the slight roundness of her stomach, "safer." Safer in a way that didn't include him being her twenty four hour bodyguard and keeping her under lock and key here safe and sound at home. No matter how tempting the idea was.

"Will he be back?" she asked quietly.

"I'd love to tell you no but I can't guarantee it. He knows if he does he's risking life and limb."

"No G." Jessie shook her head. "I don't want you in trouble."

"I won't be." No doubt if Johnson came back he'd do something stupid that gave Callen the opening to end it. "Though I'd rather be than risk him hurting you, either of you." Callen brushed his lips over hers lightly before he nipped at the bottom one. "Doc," he murmured, "what's the chance I'm forgiven for today and Tony?" His hands slid under her shirt and moved over the smooth skin of her lower back. He needed the distraction because from the moment he'd seen the knife in Sam's hand multiple scenarios of what might've happened had been trying to take root in his mind. Not even seeing her safe and sound in Heidi's office had helped brush them aside effectively.

"Forgiven but not punished yet," Jessie murmured. Her head dropped back when Callen's lips shifted to the tempting column of her throat and the sensitive skin there.

"Still planning on punishing me?" Callen eased back just enough to allow his hands to slide up over her sides, arms and head taking her shirt with them.

"Definitely," she whispered.

There was a small smile on her lips and a twinkle in her eye that had Callen smiling too. He moved her backwards a couple of steps until her body came in contact with the wall. He caught her wrists, lifted them up and pinned them gently over her head with one of his hands. "How exactly do you plan on doing that?" he asked. "You don't seem to be in quite the right position at the moment." His fingertips trailed down her arm, across her shoulder and further down the centre of her body to the clasp at the front of her bra where he stopped. He had to admit he really did love front fastening ones.

And his distraction technique was definitely working, for both of them. Right now the only scenarios in his head were what he could do now. He could see in her eyes the lack of fear. They were a deep brown and swirled with heat and need. Her pulse and breathing had increased too.

Jessie smiled. "Why would I want to stop you right now? That would be punishing myself. Plenty of time later for you."

Callen flicked the clasp undone and closed the distance between their mouths to barely an inch. He let the hand above her head go and his fingers grazed the skin of her arm down to her shoulder. With a flick of his fingers on both sides the straps fell off. One hand slid to her lower back and he pulled her away from the wall into his body. The bra hit the floor.

"Aren't I lucky," Callen said before he closed the final distance between their lips. All thoughts of punishment were temporarily replaced with passion and heat, though the difference between the two was barely noticeable when later came.


	138. Knife Work

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, the bunnies went a little wonky, in part due to some review responses to the last chapter but also because they hit a little bit of a hurdle with the upcoming arc. This one's a little short but follows on and gives us a glimpse at some moments hinted at.
> 
> Hope you enjoy. Love to hear your thoughts.

* * *

Kensi turned to the boys. "Deeks. Callen. Out. Go."

"What?" Deeks squeaked. Callen just watched her and waited.

"I need some time alone with Jessie," Kensi told them. They'd been in the gym for half an hour already going over things. Kensi had used Deeks for the demonstrations and Callen had worked with Jessie but it wasn't working quite the way Kensi wanted it to.

"Why?" Callen asked.

"Girl talk." It was the one thing almost certain to guarantee a guy left the room, and fast. Deeks started to back off before she'd even finished the second word. He was halfway to the door.

"I'm gone." Deeks turned and went the rest of the way to and through the door almost at a run.

Kensi turned her attention to Callen who was once again watching and waiting.

"Callen?"

"You know the last time you did girl talk with Jessie…" Callen trailed off and Kensi grinned. She could see exactly where his mind had gone and a quick glance at Jessie show a hint of a blush that had nothing to do with the training they'd just been doing - because really the training hadn't yet worked up a sweat on any of them. They'd been focused on holds, how to get out of them and how to disarm an opponent.

"G," Jessie said. "Go. I'll be fine."

"I just need five minutes," Kensi told him. "Go talk to Hetty, grab a coffee or something."

She'd prefer more than five minutes but getting Callen out of the room was the most important thing. Callen looked between the two of them before he finally turned and left the gym.

"Right." Kensi focused back on Jessie. "Now it's time to get blunt."

Jessie's gaze slipped to the practice knife Kensi held in her hands. There was a twitch of a smile. "Really? Blunt?"

"Okay perhaps," Kensi grinned, "that was the wrong choice of word but here's the thing." She stepped closer. "If someone comes at you with a knife you have to act. You have a little one to protect now."

"I know." Jessie's hand moved to her stomach, an instinctive protective move that pleased Kensi.

It was still hard to believe, but they'd only had two weeks to get used to the idea. She couldn't yet imagine Callen with a baby but given the protectiveness she witnessed when he was around Jessie, which was very notable today, it was getting a little easier. Kensi suspected the poor kid, particularly if it was a girl, was going to have a seriously hard time when it came to dating. Especially since Callen would no doubt take advantage of being able to fine tune his skills on Kamran in the not to distant future.

"Getting the knife away," Kensi said, "is just the start. What you do after that is, in some ways, more important. You're going to need to get down and dirty and do whatever it takes to get the two of you safely away." Jessie swallowed and Kensi saw the hint of fear in her eyes. It was needed to remind her just what was at stake. "They aren't going to care about the baby. They may not even know but you do and we are going to make sure you use that knowledge to your advantage."

"How?"

"Jessie," Kensi paused and thought about how to explain this the easiest for her. "Mom has to trump Doctor. Do you understand?"

Jessie nodded. The look in her eyes was understandable. They needed to train her for a 'kill or be killed' scenario which would go against the very essence of what Jessie stood for as a doctor.

"But," Kensi added, "your knowledge as a doctor will come in handy."

"Meaning?"

"Meaning you know where to cut to incapacitate." A slice in the right place to sever muscles would take someone down and make it near impossible for them to follow. Understanding flared again in Jessie's eyes.

"And," Jessie said quietly, resignation and reluctant acceptance clear in the tone, "I know where to cut to … kill quickly."

"Yeah."

"Why did you kick G out?" Jessie asked. "This is nothing he hasn't had to go through with me before with the gun."

"I didn't kick him out for this. I kicked him out because I need to make sure you can disarm someone without Callen helping."

Jessie frowned. "He wasn't."

"Yeah he was."

As much as Callen had been perfectly capable of doing the holds with her and making sure the technique was right, when it came down to making it difficult for Jessie and having her work hard to achieve it, Callen wasn't helpful. Kensi figured Callen didn't even realise he was being overly protective of Jessie, it was just his natural state when she was around. Adding Baby G into the mix, Sam had coined that expression by the end of the day they'd all found out, meant it kicked into an even higher gear.

"He was holding back."

"Oh."

"So," Kensi said. "Are you ready to try this for real?" Jessie raised an eyebrow and Kensi grinned. "Okay so for real as in real training. I promise I won't hurt you or Baby G. But I will do everything I can to make it hard for you, within reason."

Jessie took a deep breath. "We're going to be doing this frequently aren't we?"

"Yep. As you change, so will what you can do. Honey, this is gonna be at least a weekly thing for you and me."

Jessie nodded. "Guess that makes sense." The mood was a little too serious. As much as what they were doing was, it would help if Jessie could relax a little.

"Don't worry if you hurt me," Kensi grinned. "I have this great doctor who's very good at patching me up."

Jessie laughed softly. "I doubt I'll hurt you."

"Jessie I want you to hurt me, just not too much." Because if Jessie was able to do what she needed, and hurt to do it, with her, then a bad guy would so much easier for her to wrap her head around hurting.

"Mom not doctor huh?"

"You got it," Kensi assured her. Sam had taught her the basics well. Now they just needed to give her an arsenal of skills that would keep her even safer.

"Let's do this."

* * *

"Mr Callen," Hetty called out from her desk. "How goes the training?"

Callen detoured from his bullpen destination to her. "I got kicked out." He sat across from Hetty.

"Did you do something wrong?"

"Not sure. Probably. I don't buy Kensi's girl talk excuse."

"Sometimes we can be too close to a situation to see what is really going on. I am sure Miss Blye has her reasons."

Callen was sure too, he just wasn't sure about not being there while Jessie was learning these new skills. He'd been happy to leave her in Sam's capable hands but that was before… The proverbial lightbulb went on in his brain. That could explain why Kensi had kicked him out if he was letting his protectiveness interfere. He didn't think he had but then as Hetty said, maybe he hadn't been able to see that.

Callen studied Hetty for a moment. She seemed to be in a relaxed mood which boded well for where he wanted to take this conversation. "Sam tells me you saw Johnson last night."

"I did."

"Are you going to tell me what you did to him or is this one of those cards close to your chest moments?"

Hetty's lips twitched. "In all honesty I did not need to say much. Apparently someone else had put the fear of God, or the devil, into the man and he was desperate to run home with his tail between his legs."

"Just as long as he doesn't come back."

"I highly doubt he is that brave a man."

Perhaps not anymore but he'd certainly been stupid to return as he had. Callen sat forward and caught Hetty's gaze. "Come one Hetty. Tell me what you did to him. And," he smiled, "whether I'm the devil or you are."

Hetty smiled, that one that showed she liked what he'd suggested, and perhaps even agreed though she probably wouldn't confirm it. "I merely pointed out," she said, "that I have known you for a very long time and whatever you said to him he could count on it being … much worse than you had implied."

Callen chuckled. Given how clear he'd made it to Johnson last night that would've certainly scared the man even more, especially since he was sure Hetty's tone would've conveyed the truth of her words. "And?" Because he was sure there was more.

"I may have implied that in order to protect you from doing something that would be detrimental to your current happiness I would step in and send him far, far away."

"You're protecting me? Here I was thinking we were protecting Jessie."

"One and the same Mr Callen. I am sure you are not underestimating my abilities and thinking that I cannot do both ... are you?"

"Would never dream of underestimating you Hetty." That would just be asking for trouble.

"I hope not. Needless to say he was not particularly receptive to the idea of being the only doctor in a men's prison in Siberia."

Callen almost choked on the idea. "I'm guessing you made it clear as well that you had the ability to make that happen."

A sly smile spread across Hetty's face. "I may have had a little assistance in the form of a conversation on the phone, in Russian, in front of him. Arkady does come in handy occasionally."

Callen blinked, he was sure slowly, in disbelief. "You called Arkady?" Hetty couldn't exactly stand the man though she did understand he could be useful in certain circumstances.

"I did," she confirmed.

"What exactly did you talk about?"

"Which horse he was going to bet on in a particular race this weekend. Mr Johnson was none the wiser since he does not understand Russian."

"Which you know." Hetty probably had a nice thick file on Johnson that most likely went back to his birth, or maybe even a few generations further.

"Which I know. He is home now and I suspect more than a touch paranoid on how you intend on checking up on him."

"I was thinking a couple of day trips here and there, just to make my presence felt a little more keenly." If it meant keeping Jessie safe then it would be well worth the investment of time.

"That will not be necessary. Your presence and skills are needed here, with your team and your family." One and the same now as far as Callen was concerned, though it had been the case long before he'd consciously accepted it. "I have contacts," Hetty continued, "who will keep an eye on him."

Callen narrowed his gaze at Hetty. "Were they keeping an eye on him before?"

"How do you think I knew where he was since you did not see fit to tell me of this development?"

"I …" No he didn't need to apologise, just explain. "I didn't really have time once Jessie called me."

"Well it is nice to see that you are not dealing with things on your own these days. That you are willing to use the resources at your disposal, even if not all of them."

"I did what was best for Jessie."

Hetty nodded. "By doing so you also did what was best for you, even if your first thoughts were for her. No longer the lone wolf."

"No. Not anymore."

A whistle interrupted before Hetty could comment further. "We've got a lead," Eric called from above. "Call in the troops."

"Duty calls," Hetty said. "Go on up. I will relieve Kensi and teach Jessie a few tricks of my own."

Callen raised an eyebrow. "Should I be worried?"

"Of course not." Hetty smiled, one he was familiar with from his late teens. The one that said she knew the answer to the question she was about to ask. "You behave so why should she need to use them on you. You do behave right?"

Callen rose and walked away without answering. He heard Hetty's soft snicker behind him but didn't turn around. After all, depending on the situation, his answer could be either a yes or a no but he wasn't about to tell Hetty that. Some things were best left with the hope, or illusion, that Hetty didn't know everything about his life.


	139. Uncaged

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this arc I went back and forth over on how to do it, knowing particular things I wanted to happen and then trying to figure out how to make it happen. As much as I wasn't sure, the bunnies had other ideas and wanted to use these episodes as inspiration. Season 8 ep 23 and 24 is what this and the next chapter are inspired by. It will include additional scenes to the episodes or adapted scenes. Italics (aside from here) will be direct from the episode and the rest you can blame on the bunnies - or perhaps me since I haven't exactly got my bunny keepers license and they tend to do what they want - I'm just usually along for the ride.
> 
> Hope you all had a lovely weekend.
> 
> The arc will probably be three chapters, at least that's where the drafts stand and hopefully the world cooperates and there won't be more than a day between chapters during the arc.
> 
> Enjoy, and let me know what you think at the end.

* * *

 

_"Get LAPD to my house right now. Somebody's inside." Sam told Callen. "Michelle …. Michelle!"_

_Callen ran to the nearest cop and waited while they called it in. He wasn't happy with the ETA given but it was the best they could do. He ran back to Sam. "LAPD's gonna be three minutes out."_

_Callen looked at Sam's phone and watched, frozen in horror, as Michelle was knocked out by a blow to the head from one of the three men with her. When Sam took off at a run, it broke the haze Callen had been trapped in and both men fled to Callen's car._

Sam's door had barely closed when Callen fired up the engine and took off, leaving a trail of dust behind him. He docked his phone and then fastened his seat belt.

"Any ideas who did this?" Callen asked Sam.

"No." Sam had his phone in his head. "Need to call Aiden's school."

Plans had been in place for something like this, with the hope that they'd never be used. But someone, somehow had figured out where Sam and Michelle lived and the thought caused more than a little bit of fear to settle in Callen's mind.

"Do you trust me?" Callen asked Sam.

Sam glanced across at Callen. "What do you mean?"

"They've come after Michelle, probably to get to you. But is it just you? Or is it you and I, or the team as a whole? How did they know where you lived?" It was a targeted attack. Neither of them doubted it.

"You're putting Jessie in lockdown aren't you?"

Callen nodded. "I'll be sending her somewhere safe with someone who can protect her. I can send Kam with her if you want. I promise she'll be safe." The safest place he knew with someone who was more than capable of dealing with anything that got through their way.

"You're trusting someone else with Jessie?"

"Yeah." Callen honked the horn to get the cars ahead moving out of the way and weaved through the spaces they left. Oh how he would love to have a siren right now.

"Do it," Sam said. "If we've been compromised so might some of our plans."

Callen nodded, more relieved than he thought he'd be at Sam's answer. Having Kam go with Jessie would hopefully help both of the girls get through this. "I'll call Hetty and put the plan in motion. Let her school know Hetty will be picking her up."

Callen dialed Hetty while Sam placed his calls.

"What do you need?" Hetty answered without bothering with pleasantries. He didn't bother either.

"Need to you to get a car that will cope easily with a five to six hour drive. No stops. Then I need you to pick up Kam from school and take her and the car to Jessie at the hospital. Disable the vehicle tracking. I don't want anyone else tracking them."

"Understood," Hetty said. "Anything else?"

"Yeah. In the armoury, under your secret drawer is mine." Callen could almost see Hetty's eyebrows shot up at that revelation. "Code is 054883. In it you'll find a gun and license for an alias for Jessie. There'll be matching ID, cash and a phone with a spare battery and charging cable. Charge the phone on your way, though it should be mostly full." Just like his other phones he made sure they were all charged every week at least and took the batteries out when they weren't being used. "Let me know when you've got Kam and I'll call Jessie." He didn't want to give her too much time to think before she had to act. Having Kam would give her something to focus on that should keep her head clearer than if she was on her own. It was a win-win as far as he was concerned. He knew Kam would be in safe hands in more ways than one.

"You have a plan I take it."

"I do. Get Kensi's and Deeks' plans for their mom's up and running too. We have no idea how they found out where Sam and Michelle were. Better to prepare for the worst."

"Very well."

"Thanks Hetty."

Callen hung up and took a breath as he continued to speed through the streets to Sam's house. As fast as he was going it still wasn't fast enough but he wasn't going to risk them not getting there in one piece.

Sam sighed, a relieved one if Callen wasn't mistaken. "Aiden's taken care of and I've spoken with Kam's school. She's in the principal's office until Hetty gets there. Only Hetty, you and I are authorised to pick her up. I've taken Michelle and everyone else of the list for now."

Callen nodded and then dialed Mac's number.

"Callen. Nice to -"

"Not now." Callen cut Mac off abruptly but knew his friend would understand. "That plan we talked about?"

"Which one?" He heard the concern and the professionalism in Mac's tone. The solider was back.

"Cabin. Plan B." They a few for the cabin.

"Now?"

"Now," Callen confirmed. "Jessie will be leaving the hospital as soon as Hetty has the car there for her. One minor change to the plan though. It's not just Jessie. My partner's daughter Kamran will be with her. I need you to take care of her too."

"Will do." There was no hesitation from Mac, just complete acceptance. That was one of the things Callen could always count on with Mac. Mac would do what needed to be done, no questions, and if things went wonky? Well he was very good at winging it and improvising.

"I'll be at the agreed location ASAP"

"Grab whatever food you've got. I don't want anyone stopping until you're there." There was food at the cabin that would do for at least a week in the emergency supplies that he'd set up. It might not be the greatest but they wouldn't starve.

"On it," Mac confirmed. Callen could hear movement, cupboard doors being banged closed. "I'll text you when I'm there.

"Thanks. I'll get Jessie to call you when she's on the move and you can go over the plan with her." They'd decided it would be easier for Jessie this way. She didn't have to remember more than was necessary to get her to the point of contact with Mac. Then he'd walk her through the rest.

"Callen how bad are we talking?"

"Could be nothing for Jessie or it could be bad. Very bad. Still trying to figure that out."

"I work with very bad then until I hear otherwise. I'll take care of them Callen. Promise.

"Thanks."

Callen hung up and glanced across at Sam. The worry was clear, the frustration too for not being close enough to help Michelle. It was radiating off him. "That's them safe Sam. I trust him."

"Trust how?" Sam asked. "Arkady kinda trust?"

Callen shook his head. "No. You kinda trust."

Sam nodded. "You're trusting him with more than just Jessie.

Yeah. Callen was trusting Mac with his future, his life, his love and his child.

"You sure this cabin's safe?" Sam asked just as they took the last corner and flew down Sam's street.

"Only three people know about it. Jessie and I are two. He's the other one."

The conversation came to a complete stop, just as rapidly as the car did. It was time to find out what the hell had happened here.

* * *

Hetty's text arrived when they were on their way to talk to Sharov again. Sam was driving since Callen knew it was highly likely that he'd need to talk to Jessie during the trip. This was one call he didn't want to be multi-tasking on.

"Hetty has Kam. They're on their way to the hospital," Callen told Sam before he dialled Jessie's number. He'd hoped never to have this conversation with her, even if that hope held a slim to none chance considering the life they lived. He had to redial twice before she was able to answer. It didn't worry him, though it was a little frustrating in this circumstance, but it wasn't like she could just stop what she was doing in the middle of working on a patient to take a call.

"G what's wrong?" Jessie asked as soon as she answered. Callen knew she'd know something was up simply because his call came through. The deal with the hospital that they had negotiated once they'd become involved meant that she kept her phone with her at all times, but it was set up so that only his and a specific number that Ops could call her through in an emergency would come through. The rest diverted directly to voicemail.

"It's time to use the watch."

He heard her breath catch over the phone and then come out in a rush.

"Okay."

"Go to security now. Leave Heidi the agreed message and your things behind." They'd be safe in her locker and there wasn't really time for her to get them. The sooner she was on the move the safer she would be. "Hetty will be there with a car for you soon. She's also bringing Kam and some supplies."

"Kam? What's happened?"

Callen took a breath. This was when it was about to get very real for Jessie. "Michelle's been taken." Silence, aside from the shallow breathing he could hear, greeted that statement. "Use the watch Doc. Plan B. The phone has GPS, use that not the car one. Hetty's disabled the tracking. Mac's already in place and waiting to follow you. He'll protect you and Kam." That was the plan. Get Jessie on the move and make sure she wasn't followed. Mac being in his own vehicle meant he could keep an eye on things from behind and with his skills would spot any tails. Then he could make sure that he intercepted to give Jessie the chance to get away. Mac was already waiting, he'd moved faster than Callen had expected. When Jessie passed the prearranged location, Mac would slip into the traffic behind her. She'd be on her own for less than five minutes and the route she'd take was covered by cameras. He'd get Nell or Eric to check that everything went smoothly when they had a chance.

"I'm at security now," Jessie told him quietly.

"Hetty's got your gun and the alias ID. I know you don't want to think about it but use it if you have to. The car should get to the cabin without needing a fuel stop. Keep moving Doc and if anything bothers you, call Mac. There are three numbers in the phone. Mine, his and one for ops. You only answer if it's from one of those. I call when there's news." Hopefully it would be soon and good.

"G."

Callen could hear the fear in her voice and he hated it, but he knew this was for the best. Better for her to be safe and protected somewhere else, for her to be wary and on alert for what might happen, than not.

"Yeah?"

"How will I know that they aren't forcing you to call? To get me to come back?"

And he hated that she was thinking that way but pleased that she was looking at ways to keep herself safe too.

"Jess," he said simply. Because he'd never called her Jess, never would, but if someone got him they wouldn't know that and it wouldn't give anything away to them. But she would know. And then would come another plan they'd discussed. Hopefully not today.

"Hetty's here," Jessie said. "Is Sam with you?"

"Yes." He heard the increase in sounds as she went from the quiet foyer to outside.

"Does he want to talk to Kam before we go?"

"Sam," he glanced at his partner. "You want to talk to Kam?"

"No. She does know about Michelle and to trust Jessie."

"You hear that?"

"I did," Jessie confirmed. "Please tell Sam I'll take care of her. I love you."

"Love you too."

Callen disconnected the call and took a moment to push the worry about Jessie, the baby and Kam out of his head. Mac would take care of them. Right now he had to focus. They had to find Michelle and whoever was behind this and stop them. Before anyone else was hurt … or worse.

* * *

Jessie walked up to Hetty where the small woman stood next to the door of the car. "Hetty." She tried to smile but it was pointless. There was too much worry and unknowns right now.

"Jessie, your chariot and passenger await."

Kam. How was she going to do this with Kam? The poor thing would be worried crazy and… No she could do this. It was just like work. Project a calm and professional facade even if you were screaming inside because of any number of things. It made the patient feel better. Except Kam wasn't a patient. She was young girl whose mother was missing and she was being tucked away somewhere to keep her safe. At least Jessie could feel for her in many ways right now.

"Everything you'll need for the trip is in the car," Hetty said. Jessie pulled herself from her thoughts. "Your weapon," Hetty added, "is in the holder on your door. License to carry, vehicle registration and insurance details under your alias in the glove compartment. Your new phone is charging and bluetooth connected to the car system for you." Hetty handed her a small black backpack. "ID, wallet, money and some personal items in here. Your phone please."

Jessie took the bag and handed over her phone. "Thank you Hetty." She had no idea what else to say. She glanced through the window and saw Kam sitting in the passengers seat and her heart broke for what she was going through.

Hetty took her hand. "You can do this Jessie," she assured her.

The pat was a comforting gesture that Jessie appreciated, even if it didn't help the unsettled feeling in her stomach. One that this time had nothing to do with being pregnant.

"I took the liberty of acquiring some snacks for you while the vehicle was being readied. There is a bag that Kamran can reach should you need some sustenance. I believe you have a long way to go."

"We do." Jessie glanced at her watch. She had so hoped never to have to use the numbers on the back. "Hetty…"

Hetty smiled. "I will my dear. Don't you worry about that. I will be keeping watch over them all closely. Now you know what to do?"

"Get in, go and don't stop until we get there."

"Good. Now, off you go."

"What about you Hetty? How are you-"

"Go," Hetty cut her off. "I will be fine."

Jessie opened the door and slipped into the drivers seat. Hetty was gone when she looked back out the window so she turned her attention to Kam and smiled, hopefully a reassuring one, as she clipped up. "Hey Kam." She took the girl's hand in hers. "I've got you. Trust me?" Kam nodded. "Good."

Jessie took off the watch, flipped it, entered the co-ordinates and put the watch back on. She knew the first part of the journey off by heart.

"So," Jessie said as she pulled out of the hospital premises and onto the road. "We've got a bit of a drive. What are we going to do to pass the time?" She'd never been on a long wrong trip with a child.

"Is my mom going to be okay?" Kam asked, her voice tentative as if she wasn't sure she should ask, or that she didn't think she'd like the answer that may come. A flash a deja vu hit Jessie having asked her father that many times when her mom had been missing and even later when she was home.

"I don't know Kam," Jessie answered honestly. "I wish I could say yes but I don't know. What I do know though is that your dad, G and team will be doing absolutely everything they can think of to find her. I need to make a call. Why don't you think up something to keep us busy while we're on the road."

Jessie pulled up Mac's number on the phone, pushing aside the temptation to call Callen. He had more important things to do than reassure her right now. Time to be brave and strong. Kam needed her.

"Jessie, you doing okay?" Mac's voice was reassuring. She wasn't alone in this. She knew she could count on him and that he had the skills needed. They'd gone through this before when they were setting up the plans. Mac's history and skills, what he'd been able to tell her anyway, had eased her mind.

"We're on the way, should be passing you in a couple of minutes or less. Blue Honda sedan. And you're on speaker." Jessie assumed Mac would know about Kam but she still didn't want to risk the man saying something to worry Kam further.

"I'm ready," Mac said. "Got you on the tracker app Callen put on your phone for me. I'll slip in behind after you pass, flash my lights and then back off. I'll only be a max of one minute behind you all the way. You feel you're being followed, call me back and I'll make sure it's nothing more than me that you're noticing."

"I will."

"Now," Mac's voice brightened, "I understand I have another special someone to take care of. Kamran right?"

"Kam's fine."

Mac chuckled and the low relaxed rumble settled some of the nerves Jessie felt and she smiled.

"You have a problem with Kamran," Mac asked, "or just like Kam better?"

Jessie glanced across and saw the twitch of a smile on the young girl's face. "I'm usually in trouble when I get my full name."

"Ah," Mac sounded like he understood that well. "Can't have that then can we. Kam it is. Now I know you don't know me but Callen and your dad are trusting me with you. You okay with that?"

"Yeah." Kam's tone was sad and worried, but Jessie also heard acceptance in it.

"Good. If Jessie or I tell you to do something you do it no questions. Agreed."

"Agreed," Kam said with a little more heart to her voice.

"And if something's worrying you," Jessie said, "talk to me please Kam."

Kam nodded.

"Right now that the business end of things is all cleared up," Mac said cheerfully. "Kam, you know any good card games?"

"A few."

"When we get to the cabin I'll looking forward to you teaching me one."

"Sure." Kam seemed to perk up a little at the idea and Jessie was very grateful for the way Mac was putting Kam at ease even over the phone.

"Okay Jessie time to relax. I'm right here." Jessie saw the brown pick up slip in behind her and then the lights flashed. She let out a breath and felt more of the tension slip away.

"I know it's a long trip," Mac added, "but it'll be over before you know."

"Thanks Mac."

"No worries. See you both on the other side."

The call disconnected and Mac maneuvered back behind a couple of vehicles. She could see him, the cars in between were much lower in height. Right now, even with the easing of tension knowing Mac had them in his sights, Jessie felt trapped. LA traffic was bad anytime of day but the freeway wasn't far and the traffic would thin out fairly quickly after that. It would be better then. She took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

"Where are your parents Jessie?" Kam asked from beside her.

Oh that had to be the worst possible question that Kam could ask right now, especially if Jessie was to answer it completely honestly. Which she wasn't going to do.

"They died a long time ago," she said and mentally crossed her fingers that the follow up question of how wasn't asked.

"Oh, I'm sorry. Was your dad nice?"

Jessie smiled. "No offence to your dad but my dad was the best."

A quick glance across at her young companion showed the smile that the comment brought. "Not possible," Kam said. "My dad is."

"Now that," Jessie said, "sounds like a challenge." And a very good way to keep the conversation light and off the topic of what was happening. A least Jessie hoped she could do so. "When I was five," she started.

And that was the way the conversation continued for a fair chunk of the trip. They exchanged fun stories about their dad's, each time trying to come up with something that would top the previous one. Eventually the stories shifted from examples of them being the best to crazy things their dad's had done. Then it moved on to their mom's, which thankfully, and oddly, turned out to be a good thing for Kam. Since it was keeping Kam happy, distracted and calm, Jessie sucked up the pain some of the memories that came to mind brought and focused on finding all the good ones she could. In some ways it was kind of therapeutic, especially since she actually remembered some good moments that she hadn't thought about in a long time. By the time they were almost at the cabin, Kam had drifted off to sleep, the long trip, conversation and no doubt the worry they'd both been trying to hide, having worn them both out. Jessie wouldn't mind a nap when they got to the cabin though she suspected she'd have a hard time shutting her mind down enough to be able to sleep.

Following Mac's instructions, Jessie parked the car facing the lane that would take them back to the road and woke Kam. Once inside, they locked the doors and Jessie took a deep breath. They'd made it, event free. Mac was setting up sensors along the lane and would be in with them soon. They were safe. She'd always felt safe from the first time Callen had brought her here. It was odd being here without him but at the same time it was comforting being in a place that she knew he felt was the safest place for her to be. One more breath and she relaxed a little more.

Now all they had to do was wait.

And hope.

* * *

_"What?" Deeks dropped further to the floor and saw the glow of a light from under shelf. "Kenz!"_

_He pulled the shelving away and with Kensi they broke through the wall. The large box in the middle of the empty warehouse grabbed their attention and they ran. Deeks was faster and opened the door, dread heavy in his heart._

He froze. "What the hell?" Deeks turned to Kensi. ""Where is she?"


	140. Unleashed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So as you may have guessed things have gone a little differently from the actual show, though I (or more precisely the bunnies) have twisted this chapter to still fit mostly with the follow up episode, Unleashed, even with the changes. What we have here is once again some additional scenes, plus a few that were altered to fit with the bunnies desires. Anything in Italics is directly from the episode. Bracketed and underlined is just a brief note so you know where it fits within the episode.
> 
> Hope you enjoy the next part of the arc. Looking forward to hearing your thoughts.

* * *

 

(From near the end of Uncaged to the beginning of Unleashed - though not as much time passes in this as it did in the show)

" _Callen," Eric said over the comms. "Kensi and Deeks think they've found Michelle. Address is on your phone."_

_Callen turned to his partner. "Sam. They may have found her."_

He'd never left the armoury that quickly before.

The drive was silent. Callen didn't know what to say to his friend and partner. They didn't know how long it had been since Michelle had gone to sleep, at least he hoped it was sleep but he knew that Sam had barely taken his eyes off the screen or his very still wife since he'd joined him there. A glance at Sam's face with the light from the street lamps showed Callen what he didn't want to see. A resigned, and pain filled, Sam.

His partner had lost hope, or at least most of it. Callen didn't know what to hope for. Even if Michelle was still alive, she'd been locked away for so long, lack of oxygen and the effects could be very bad. But he didn't know how his friend would survive if she died. He had Kam and Aiden but this thing with Tahir was not going to end well, however it ended. The feeling that Sam had lost hope intensified with the slow exit from the car and the lack of urgency to Sam's pace.

Until Deeks came running out the door. "Sam," Deeks all but yelled, "She's not here. But she was. You need to see inside."

Sam's pace picked up, as did Callen's.

"What did you find Deeks?" Callen asked.

"We found the container but she wasn't in it. The computer though was still there and running." Callen watched from behind as Sam ran to Kensi. "When we tried to look at it a video played."

By now Callen and Deeks had caught up with Sam and joined Kensi.

"See for yourself," Deeks added.

Callen's stomach was in knots and his jaw ached from the tension and unknowns. It got tighter as he watched the video play. A video of Michelle being pulled off the chair and placed in a body bag. And then Tahir standing over her with a sickening smile. "Your wife Sam Hanna," his voice said with that irritating way he said Sam's name. "Now you get to find out what it's like to not know where your loved one has ended up." That was where the recording ended though it started to play again.

Callen stepped closer to Sam and put his hand on his partner's shoulder. He could feel the tension radiating off Sam.

"Sam," Deeks said, "Nell's already working through surveillance footage for outside the area. Eric's also found out the the feed that was played to Ops, started being a looped feed almost half an hour ago."

Callen frowned. "You mean we weren't actually watching her?"

"No," Deeks confirmed, "at least not from a few minutes after she appeared to fall asleep."

"She'd dead Deeks. That's what happens when you can't breathe."

"Sam," Callen said. "We don't know that."

"She was in a damn body bag."

"But -"

"No." Sam turned his back on them and walked into the box Michelle had been kept in. Callen watched him closely.

"LAPD are on board," Deeks said. "They've given us as many units as they can spare and everyone we can think of is on the lookout for the van. Eric's tracking every vehicle he can that's left the vicinity since the loop started in case they used a different vehicle."

"That's good." Callen flinched when Sam slammed his fist into the wall and kicked the chair. Then he stormed out past the three of them. Callen followed him outside.

"Sam."

Sam spun around. "He's tormenting me G. He'll do it forever if he can. He's got her body."

"She could still be alive."

Callen felt Deeks and Kensi slip in beside him. The look of devastation on Sam's face told Callen he believed otherwise. "Tahir won't let me have her back. He'll just keep tormenting me, keeping her body from me, prolonging the agony and messing with my head."

"Sam," Kensi said, "Can't we hope, just for a bit longer that she's still alive? Until we have proof."

"You can if you want."

"Sam," Callen pleaded. His partner was usually the glass is half full one of the pair of them.

"Tahir needs to pay."

"What about Kam and Aiden? They need you, especially if…" Callen couldn't say it because right now, he was the glass is half full. They had no body and until they did, she was still alive, or at least could be. Sam might've given up hope, or perhaps he was just trying to accept what he felt was inevitable, but Callen couldn't. Sam without Michelle wasn't something he wanted to contemplate. They were two halves of a whole, they balanced each other where they were different. Strengthened each other where they were the same and kept each other sane in the crazy world they lived.

"She's dead?" Sam however seemed to have no problem saying it.

"Do you truly believe that Sam?" Callen asked him. "Deep down?"

"I don't want to but it is what it is. Tahir, even if by some miracle she's still alive, won't give her back that way."

Callen didn't like the look he saw in his partner's eyes. Sam's family was the most important thing to him and when you messed with his family you took your life into your hands. Callen wasn't sure if Sam would be able to see clearly to deal with this without taking risks. "Your kids need you Sam." Maybe if he could get Sam to focus on Aiden and Kam it might give him something to hold onto. "Go to them. They'll be scared and worried. Let us take care of this, you take care of them."

Sam shook his head. "What they needed was me to tell them their mother is alive. What they need now is to be safe and as long as he's out there they won't be. Until I can look them in the eye and say that they are safe from their mother's murderer, they're better off where they are. You told me Kam was safe right?"

Callen nodded. "She is."

"Good. Then I'm going to do the only thing left that I can for them. I'm gonna get the bastard and make sure he can't hurt anyone else I care about."

"Sam."

"No G. I'm doing this. I'm doing this for them, for Michelle and for me."

"We'll find him, it doesn't have to be you. We just need time."

Sam shook his head. "Time is what took Michelle from us. Until he's gone the rest of my family is never gonna be safe." Sam turned away and headed to his car. Callen quickly followed and slipped into the passenger's seat.

"You know you really shouldn't be working on this case in an official capacity." It wouldn't mean Sam wouldn't, just that by all rights Hetty should've pulled him off the case much sooner than this. But then Hetty knew Sam and the team and knew even is she had he'd still have worked it. At least this way she ensured he had back up, even if he'd gone lone wolf on them they were still there for him. They'd follow every lead Eric could find, slim or otherwise until this was done.

" _Who's gonna stop me?" Sam snapped._

" _Go to your kids Sam," Callen tried once more._

Aiden might be old enough to handle the uncertainty but Kam was another matter. She needed her family. Needed her dad, needed to feel safe with him being there for her. Sure she was safe physically with Mac. Emotionally Jessie could help her but Sam was what she needed. He could tell her Uncle Callen was taking care of things and would find the bad guys.

" _We've got this. I'll call you the minute we have a lead."_

" _You should get out."_

" _I don't think so."_

" _You don't want to be a part of this."_

" _We are partners through good and bad."_

" _I'm gonna hurt people G."_

Yes he was because Callen could clearly see there wasn't any hope left in Sam that Michelle might be alive, or at least come back to him that way.

" _Yeah." Callen said. "I guess it's time for a career change for both of us."_ Retirement, at least from this dangerous life was starting to be more and more appealing. Especially after this and everything that was coming with Jessie and his family _._

" _Last chance." Sam warned. In response Callen clipped up his seat belt. "No turning back once we're in this," Sam added._

" _We're already in this."_

And Callen would be beside his partner until the end, wherever that ended up being.

* * *

(follows where Callen joins Kensi and Deeks with the pictures of Michelle on the wall.)

" _Get down!" Callen yelled and as he moved to do so pain slammed into this back. "Argh."_

_He hit the ground hard ._

" _Callen." Deeks yelled. "Snipers." Then Callen felt his body being yanked backward and screamed again._

" _You're okay, "Deeks said. "Slug got the vest._

" _Doesn't feel like it," Callen managed to get out around the excruciating pain radiating through his back every time he drew in a breath._

_Two more shots crashed through the window and echoed through the room._

" _Son of a bitch," Deeks exclaimed as Callen tried hard not to breathe too deeply and yet be ready for anything._

" _Definitely still there," Kensi said._

"Why the hell did they wait until now?" Deeks asked. "Kensi and I have been here for a while."

"Me," Callen swore. "Tahir knows me. He'll know Sam and I are close and, after taking Michelle, I'm the next target especially since he won't be able to get to the kids. Just another way to destroy him." Callen was more and more grateful that he'd sent Jessie away in the beginning rather than needing to get her to run now. This was shades of Janvier all over again, except with Sam being the target.

"Are you sure his kids are safe?" Deeks asked.

Callen nodded and had to stifle a groan when the movement hurt his back. "They are," he confirmed.

"Jessie?" Kensi asked.

Callen sat up carefully, making sure he didn't slide into view of the window. He loosened the vest but didn't removed it and took a much easier breath. "Yep. Let's see if we can get out of here without getting killed. We don't have time to sit around chatting," he said sarcastically. "We need to find Tahir or Sam before they find each other."

* * *

_( a tiny little edit to this scene) _

_Eric to Hetty. "Got a hit on the_ van _that kidnapped Michelle. It's in a lot of Centinela."_

" _Good News," Hetty smiled briefly. "Send Kensi and Deeks Mr Beale."_

* * *

(follows Tahir's call where Nell has to make it seem like Sam was on the phone)

"What the hell do we do now?" Eric asked.

"We find Sam," Callen said. They had to. They couldn't risk it, not if there was any chance that Michelle was still alive. "Eric, see if you can piece together a location or vicinity from the tracking on the two calls. Scrub through the recording of them as well. There might be something in the background that we can use to narrow it further." Eric nodded and started typing.

"I'll start running facial recognition," Nell said, "on the pick up location and on an area thirty minutes out from there. Maybe we'll get lucky and find Tahir first when he's on his way."

"And Sam?"

Nell sighed. "I don't know. Maybe finding Tahir is the best way to find Sam. He is looking for him."

* * *

_(Additional Scene in ops)_

Eric replayed the sound recording, rewound and played again. "Nell," he said. "Do you hear that?"

"Hear what?"

"Come here and listen."

Nell slid her chair over and Eric played it again. His finger followed the line until the tiny jump happened. "And …. Here." The sound that matched the jump came again. It sounded muffled and was quiet but it wasn't from Tahir. It was from someone else in the room. "And once more here." The sound this time was followed by a thump. "Do you think…" Eric trailed off and looked at Nell.

"Think what?" Callen walked back into Ops.

Eric replayed it for him and then swivelled on his seat. "Could that be someone else? Someone tied up or gagged and then knocked out?" After the thump there were no more sounds.

"You're thinking Michelle," Callen said.

"Am I grasping at straws?" Eric asked. "I probably am but… is it wrong to hope?"

"No Eric," Callen said. "Not wrong to hope. Keep tracking. Nell with me. I need a partner out there. I can't stay in here. I'm going to try Sam's usual haunts, see if he's stopped by some of his contacts."

Nell nodded and rose.

"I'll let you know if I get anything," Eric said. "Stay safe."

* * *

(After Callen gets the call from Sabatino and they know where Sam is)

" _Get out of my way." Sam stalked toward Callen._

" _Tahir contacted us," Callen said in as calm a voice as he could manage._

" _Don't play me G."_

" _I'm not playing you but we have to hurry."_

" _Tell me where he is," Sam repeated._

" _Not unless you promise to do this with me."_

" _It's not about you."_

" _If it's about you it's about me and everyone else in this team."_

_Sam grabbed Callen by the shirt and shook him. The anger was radiating off his partner but Callen knew Sam wouldn't hurt him, no matter how much he wanted to hurt someone. "Tell me where he is," Sam demanded._

" _Sam!" Nell walked toward them quickly and Sam looked at her._

" _You gonna shoot me now?"_

" _Please," Nell pleaded. "Just let us help you."_

" _Sam please," Kensi added. "Please."_

" _Tahir has Michelle. He's going to meet you at the corner of Hollywood and Hyndland in ten minutes._ If you're not there, he's threatened to send her back to you piece by piece. But Sam, there's a chance she's still alive. Eric and Nell picked up sounds on the call. I can't guarantee it, but there's hope."

_Sam stepped back from him and then turned toward his car. When he opened the car door he glanced back at them all. "You coming or not?"_

* * *

_(additional scene in Ops once Eric realises Tahir is on the bus with Sam)_

"He's on the bus," Eric murmured to himself. That meant something. It had to. Think. Think dammit. "He's on the bus! Yes!" Eric's fingers flew over the keys as he adapted the searches they'd been running and tracked the bus backwards. Maybe he could find where Tahir got on which might get them closer to where the phone calls were made from and maybe, if miracles truly did happen, they'd find Michelle before it was too late.

"Please," Eric whispered, "whatever gods or all powerful beings are out there, let me find her."

* * *

(After the bus blows up)

Callen pulled himself to his knees. Hell, he was going to be paying for this in the morning, and probably for another week. At least he was alive. So was Sam and Tahir was gone. He could hear Kensi's voice through the ringing in his ears as he stumbled to his feet.

"Sam?"

"Here."

Callen glanced at his partner who was unraveling the wires from a gold band. Michelle's ring.

"Guys," Callen heard Eric say through the earwig but there was still the ringing affecting him. He shook his head. "GUYS!" This time Callen heard loud and clear and not because the ringing had stopped. But because he was pretty sure Eric had just yelled at them loud enough to rattle the desks in Ops.

"What Eric?" he said and took another deep breath.

"I think I've found where Michelle is," Eric said. "Well at least I've found where Tahir was when he called."

Callen and Sam's eyes locked. "Where Eric?" they demanded together.

Sam quickly pocketed Michelle's ring.

"I've sent it to your phones. I've got the area you're in now covered with cameras and an LAPD team plus another NCIS team is on their way. Go. I'll keep an eye on things there."

"Nell," Callen glanced at the young analyst. "You drive." She was the one who seemed least dazed after the explosion. The five of them piled into the SUV. Kensi and Deeks' vehicle was a touch too close to the bus and had sustained some damage.

Callen glanced at his partner who was seated on the other side of Kensi; Deeks having taken the front. "Sam are you okay?"

"Yeah."

"He's gone," Callen said. "They're safe," he assured his partner as Nell sped through the streets following the GPS directions that Deeks had plugged into the navigation system.

"Is she …" Sam finally looked at him. "Do you really think she might be alive?" Sam asked. Callen could finally see a glimmer of hope in his partner.

"There were sounds," Callen told him. "It was hard for Eric to pick them up but it might've been someone who was gagged. They stopped after a thump. He thinks, hopes, that it was someone who was knocked out to stop them making noises they didn't want heard." The hope rose a little higher in Sam's eyes.

"How long till we're there?" Sam asked.

"Two minutes," Deeks answered. It was less by the time Nell screeched to a stop and they all filed out, guns drawn and headed up the path to the small apartment building.

"Eric," Callen said when they stopped at the front entrance door. "Any idea which one?"

"There's only two," Eric answered, "that aren't currently rented out. The rest have been tenanted for the last year at least. I figure we have a better chance with those two first. First floor apartment D. Third floor B."

Callen glanced at Sam. "Your call partner. One at a time or split?"

"Split. Breach at the same time," Sam said. "Kensi. Deeks. You go to the third floor. Nell you're with G and I." It was a relief to see the hope and the SEAL in Sam coming back to the fore. The madness for revenge seemed to have burned itself out along with the bus and Tahir's demise. Kensi and Deeks nodded and slipped quietly through the front door. They disappeared quickly up the stairs. Callen followed with Sam and Nell behind him up to the first floor.

"Nell," Callen said quietly, "Sam and I will go in. You stay at the door and provide back up." It wasn't that he didn't think Nell capable. She was. But this was Sam's play and Callen was backing him up. As his partner Callen knew Sam better and had more experience adapting to whatever Sam might do. She'd be backing them both up. Nell nodded her agreement.

They'd barely settled into position outside their assigned door when gunfire rang out from upstairs, amplified through their comms.

"Kensi! Deeks!" Callen called out as the three of them backtracked and took the stairs two at a time.

"All good," came Deeks' voice over. "We've got Michelle, she's breathing. Eric where's that ambulance?"

 


	141. Unknown

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Right so last week went wonky, busy with other creative pursuits (deadline orientated). This week is going to be busy too unfortunately so I'm not promising a certain number of chapters just know that when I can I will be working on them and I'll try not to leave any major cliffhangers again, though I do realise I did, but at least we know Michelle's alive and I didn't just stop it when the shots were fired - that would've been way too cruel. :-)
> 
> Just a little one to let us know what's going on with Jessie, Kamran and Mac this time.
> 
> Hope you are all had a lovely weekend.
> 
> Look forward to hearing what you think.

* * *

Making the hot chocolate was therapeutic. The rhythm, the smell, the warmth. It all added up to a brief moment of calm. Jessie handed Mac one of the mugs and then sank down on the couch.

"Thanks," Mac said. "You know you really should get some sleep Jessie."

Jessie glanced at the clock. It was almost midnight and they still hadn't heard anything from Callen or the team. She took a sip and sighed. "I know, but I can't." She glanced over at the bed where Kam now lay, comfortable and warm under the covers. It had been a long day with some ups, though a lot of downs emotionally for the poor little girl but they'd gotten through okay and she was finally sleeping.

"Can't or won't?"

Jessie turned back to Mac and smiled a little. "Bit of both if I'm perfectly honest."

"Can't because you're worried," Mac said. "Won't because?"

Jessie looked at Kam again. "She might need me. Waking up in a strange place after a nightmare would be even more frightening."

"You'd be right there beside her if you went to bed," Mac reminded her.

"Beside her yes. Awake enough to help? Not so sure about that."

They both took a sip of their drinks. "Does she usually have nightmares?" Mac asked.

"Not that I know of." Jessie sighed again and lowered her voice, just in case Kam wasn't actually asleep. "I hate that I feel like I can't tell her I understand. That I know what she's going through."

Mac frowned. "You do?

Apparently Callen hadn't told Mac the finer details of her childhood. "I do," Jessie confirmed. "Unfortunately. And my story doesn't have the results I want her to think about. But I do know and I want to help her."

"Distraction worked earlier." Mac's tone was a touch wry and Jessie laughed softly at the memory.

"Well," she said, "you probably should've guessed when she said she wanted to teach you poker that you were in trouble." Jessie had seen the dubious expression on Mac's face when Kam had said that. He'd glanced at her for approval to continue and she'd given it. Kam had assured them that she was allowed to and given the excitement on the girl's face Jessie had figured that it would be worth being in a little trouble with Sam if that wasn't quite the truth.

Mac grinned. "It was worth every cent of the fifty to see her smile and laugh on a day like today. Maybe tomorrow I'll win it back."

"I can't guarantee you won't lose more." Especially since she was sure in some instances Mac lost on purpose for that exact reason he said it was worth it. Jessie had enjoyed seeing Kam laugh and smile too.

"Maybe you should join us. I might stand more of a chance."

Jessie shook her head. "Nope. You're on your own." She took another sip then returned to the more serious note of the previous conversation. "If she has a nightmare I need to be alert enough to help her Mac. They terrified me when I had them and I had my dad." At least when mother was missing and before they both died. After was much different except for those odd nights at Trevor's. "She's only got me. No offense," Jessie added. Kam might be getting on well with Mac but it didn't mean she was ready to depend on him for something deep and emotional. Distraction absolutely. He did that so well.

"None taken and no only's about it. I've seen the way you are with her and she is with you. She trusts you. That's big, especially in moments like this."

"I can only hope it's enough."

Mac's attention flicked from Jessie to the bed and he frowned. His voice was low and concerned when he spoke. "Jessie I think you're about to find out." He took the mug out of her hand just as Jessie heard a distressed cry come from the bed. Her head flew around and she rose at the same time, her focus wholly on the girl on the bed who was thrashing about as she cried out in fear. Jessie put her hand on Kam's arm, making sure to keep her body out of the way in case Kam reacted to the touch badly. Kam jumped awake at the touch. There were tears already on her cheeks.

"Kam," Jessie said gently and moved onto the bed. "I'm here."

Kam threw her arms around Jessie and sobbed. "I want my mom back."

"I know sweetie." Jessie eased them back on the bed and kept her arms wrapped around Kam. "I know." Her heart broke and tears fell freely down her own cheeks, the memories and emotions of her own past pulled into the present. She let Kam cry until she was done, knowing that sometimes you just had to keep going until the tears were completely exhausted.

"Why haven't they called?" Kam asked once the tears had slowed.

Jessie stroked Kam's hair gently. "Because there's nothing they can tell us and in this case, it's more important that they focus on finding her."

Kam lifted her head. "Can you rub my back instead? It's what my dad does…" Jessie made the requested change and Kam settled back into her arms. "Why do people do things like this?"

"There are bad people in the world. Why is not easy to understand."

"And my dad and Uncle Callen usually take them down."

"And they will again. They just need to find them first." Jessie had no doubt whoever was behind this would get taken down. Sam wouldn't stand for anything less, even if it took them a long time to do it. He would never give up. Neither would Callen or any of the rest of the team.

"What if she…"

Jessie braced herself for the question. She didn't stop Kam from asking it even though she could've.

There was a long pause before Kam finally said, "dies?"

Jessie took a deep breath before she answered it. "Then you will figure it out. You and your dad and Aiden will learn to live without her." God knows it was the most difficult thing she'd ever had to do, learn to live without her parents, even above dealing with her gun issues, but she'd done it. "It will be difficult but not impossible. And you'll have all of us to help. But let's not go there Kam. Let's keep hoping that the good guys win once again." Before someone is taken from us permanently Jessie added silently.

"They have a pretty good track record of winning don't they?"

"That they do," Jessie said with a smile. "And they don't give up. They are doing everything they can and to call us and tell us they are still working on it isn't necessary right? Because we know they are."

"Yeah," Kam agreed and snuggled a little deeper into Jessie's arms.

"And they know we are safe here with Mac," Jessie reminded her, "so they don't have to worry about us."

"I worry about Daddy too," Kam admitted. The choice of word gave away just how worried Kam was.

"I know," Jessie said softly.

Kam took a deep, though still unsteady, breath and lifted her head. "I'm glad you're here Jessie."

"I'm glad too."

"Will you stay with me?" Kam asked tentatively, "while I sleep?"

"Of course," Jessie told her. "I probably should get some too."

Jessie shifted away for a moment to allow her to slip under the covers and Kam settled back into her arms. It didn't take long for Kam to fall asleep after that. The crying had exhausted her all over again. Jessie noted the light in the cabin dimmed and heard Mac checking the windows and doors before he settled on the couch. Jessie closed her eyes and hoped for some sleep after all. She doubted Mac would though.

Tomorrow hopefully would bring good news and a family back together.

* * *

It wasn't until almost lunchtime the next day that the call finally came. The combination of surprise and fear meant that Jessie stared at the silent vibrating phone in her hand for at least three rings before she rose and moved as far from the couch where Mac and Kam were.

"G," her voice low and soft, her eyes on Kam hoping she'd stay distracted with the book they were reading. Mac's gaze flicked briefly to hers so she knew he was aware of what was going on.

"Jessie." That one world almost took her knees out from under her in relief. "You okay?" Callen asked.

She let out a breath. "Yeah. We're okay. You?"

"All still in one piece," he said though she knew that didn't necessarily mean they weren't hurt. "How's Kam?" Callen asked.

Jessie glanced over at her. She was still totally absorbed with Mac's story telling abilities which he'd sworn the two of them to secrecy over.

"She's distracted which," Jessie turned away from the pair and lowered her voice, "trust me is a good thing right now, and for the love of all things will you please -"

"We found her," Callen cut in and Jessie was sure she heard the slightest hint of amusement at her comment. Her lips lifted in a small smile at that sound. "She's alive," he continued, "but it's not good."

Jessie's stomach dropped and her chest felt like it was gripped in a vice. "What do you know?" she asked him.

"She's in very good hands at your hospital. This time it was the closest. I'm coming to get you and Kam."

"We could come to you. It'd be quicker."

"No," Callen said. "Sam's asked me to bring Kam myself. He's still a little on edge and doesn't quite believe it's over and we're all safe, at least from this enemy." She wanted to ask who but she knew there would be plenty of time for that later. "Hetty's organised a helicopter," Callen continued, "to get me close quicker. I'll rent a car and drive from there."

"Why don't you let Mac meet you," Jessie suggested. "That way we won't have to return the car." And that way he wouldn't have to leave Kam until she was with Sam. Or her, but Kam was the most important factor right now.

"Miss me huh?"

Jessie smiled. "Of course."

"Okay," Callen agreed. "I'll let him know when and where once I'm in the air."

"G, are you all okay? Really okay?"

"Some bumps and bruises but nothing that won't heal."

Jessie wanted to ask about Michelle but she didn't want to draw Kam's attention. She was having so much fun. As if to prove her thoughts Kam burst out laughing once again.

"Doc," Callen's voice pulled her attention from the pair that were now both giggling, though she doubted Mac would appreciate being told he giggled. "Sam's gonna need you to help him through this minefield of medical things with Michelle. She was locked in an airtight box for a long time. Almost too long."

"Oh no," she murmured. There were so many complications that could happen. It would be a miracle if she came out with no lasting issues.

"The good thing is," Callen said, "she's alive, but she hasn't woken up yet. She has taken a couple of blows to the head over the last two days as well."

"Sam?"

"He's with her now. He wants us to bring Kam straight here. Aiden's on his way already. Sam'll explain it all to them, probably with your help."

"Of course, but I doubt she'll want to wait until then. What do I tell her?" Jessie could probably get away with not saying anything until Kam asked if there was news. The story could go on for a while yet.

"The truth but not the details," Callen said. "What you think she can handle without Sam's support." At that moment Kam squealed and giggled. "She certainly sounds … distracted. What are they up to?"

"Mac's been distracting her with books and games. Sam knows she knows how to play poker right?" Jessie thought she'd better check, just in case Kam had been stretching the truth yesterday.

"Who do you think taught her and who do you think has been the guinea pig more than once?"

Jessie laughed softly. "How much have you lost to her?"

"Not a lot since she decided money was better than hugs as currency."

"You don't play her or you don't let her win anymore?"

"Bit of both," Callen admitted. She could tell he was smiling. "How much has Mac lost?"

"He stopped at a hundred. Fifty yesterday and another fifty this morning. I think he's decided reading is better value for money." Buying the book online had been a whole lot cheaper than one round of poker losses.

"Doc my rides here. I'll call back soon with the details when I know them."

"Okay."

"Jessie."

"Yeah?"

"Love you."

"Love you too."

"Don't ever forget it Doc. No matter what."

"I won't," Jessie replied softly before the call was disconnected.

She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. Mac was still keeping Kam's attention with The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy. She was pretty sure they weren't as far into it as the time they'd been reading would warrant. Too much laughter and not enough reading. She'd heard them backtrack more than once before Callen's call. Not wanting to disturb them to pass on news that would take away from the fun Kam was having, even if there were good parts to it, Jessie moved over to the bed and laid down. She'd hadn't slept a lot last night, drifted more than anything, with the worries that wouldn't stop and being tuned in to Kam in case she had anymore nightmares. A nap now would be a good idea, especially considering what was to come.


	142. Unbound

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Crazy week but found a little time today to write this one. May not be as polished as usual but I'm pretty happy with what's come and decided instead of dwelling I'd post now.
> 
> Back to the team this time. Hope you enjoy this, love to hear from you.

* * *

_They'd barely settled into position outside their assigned door when gunfire rang out from upstairs, amplified through their comms._

_"Kensi! Deeks!" Callen called out as the three of them backtracked and took the stairs two at a time._

_"All good," came Deeks' voice over. "We've got Michelle, she's breathing. Eric where's that ambulance?"_

Sam was the first through the apartment door. Callen came to a stop just inside, wary of what they might find. Nell stopped beside him.

"Michelle, baby." Sam knelt beside his wife who was lying on the couch. Deeks worked on the ropes that bound her feet.

"Michelle." Sam pressed a kiss to her forehead. "Come on," he implored. "Wake up."

Callen heard the sound of distress from Nell and slipped his arm around her shoulder. Deeks and Kensi were there for Sam right now, there was nothing he could do but he could help Nell. He steered them back out of the apartment.

"Nell." She looked at him.

"Is she.. Will she. .. Oh God." Nell sighed and brought a hand to her mouth. In any other situation it would've been amusing to see Nell stuck for words.

"She's alive, which is good. You know she's a fighter," he said. Nell nodded. "So we've got her, she's safe." Callen turned at the sound of footsteps on the stairs. Both he and Nell pulled their guns but lowered them quickly when they saw it was the paramedics.

"In here," Callen said and pointed to the door and they rushed through.

"She's got to be okay," Nell whispered. "We have to have found her in time."

"Nell," Callen put his hands on her shoulders. "We did everything we could okay?" Some of it not necessarily quite completely legal. "What happens now is up to her. We need to be there for Sam and the kids." And he'd make sure Nell had a session with Jessie as soon as he could. The young analyst looked more than a little shaken from this too close to home situation.

Kensi stepped out of the apartment door and slipped her arm around Nell. She looked at Callen. "Sam needs you Callen. He's not too fussed on stepping away from Michelle though he has. I've got Nell."

Callen nodded and stepped away after a quick squeeze to Nell's shoulder. He slipped quietly into the room and made his way around to Sam. The paramedics were lifting Michelle onto the gurney already, an oxygen mask strapped to her face. Sam's eyes were locked on his wife.

"Want me to come to the hospital with you?" Callen asked Sam.

Sam's eyes stayed focused but he shook his head. "Make sure everything here is secured. There's got to be more answers to who and how."

"We'll secure it then I'll get Nell to drop me over to check on you." Callen turned to the paramedics. "Which hospital?" he asked.

The answer brought relief to both Sam and Callen. It was Jessie's hospital. That should make things easier.

"I'll see you soon Sam." Sam nodded and followed the paramedics. Callen let out a breath. The thought crossed his mind to call Jessie but he didn't have much in the way of answers. He'd wait until he got to the hospital and had some sort of report on Michelle and a plan for what was to happen next.

* * *

_The phone call with Jessie:_

"G."

Her voice was soothing despite the fear. It felt like so long since he'd spoken to her. Callen couldn't quite believe it was barely more than a day. So much had happened.

"Jessie." It was the simplest and quickest way to ease her mind at least for one thing. "You okay?"

"Yeah. We're okay. You?"

"All still in one piece." His ribs still hurt like hell when he breathed too deeply but considering the alternative he was good. There were scrapes in various places from when he'd hit the ground with the force of the blast but nothing bad. "How's Kam?"

"She's distracted," Jessie said, "which trust me is a good thing right now, and for the love of all things will you please -"

"We found her," Callen cut in. It was odd but her words and the tone behind it was … to borrow her phrasing relating to him … adorable. After the hell they'd been through finding something so simple and amusing was a relief. He'd almost started to feel like the good of life had been ripped away from them with almost losing Michelle, and themselves a few times. "She's alive," he continued, "but it's not good."

Michelle was in the hospital and out of Tahir's hands but the fight wasn't anywhere near over.

"What do you know?" Jessie asked.

"She's in very good hands at your hospital." When Sam had asked the paramedics what hospital they'd been heading to Callen had seen relief in his partner's eyes at their answer. It seemed that Sam's trust in Jessie had spread to her colleagues, at least to a degree. "This time it was the closest. I'm coming to get you and Kam."

"We could come to you. It'd be quicker."

"No," Callen said. "Sam's asked me to bring Kam myself. He's still a little on edge and doesn't quite believe it's over and we're all safe, at least from this enemy. Hetty's organised a helicopter," he told her, "to get me to you quicker. I'll organise a car and drive from there." He hadn't even had to ask. He called to ask Hetty to bring him a car from the motorpool so he could leave directly from the hospital to go and get them and she simply told him she had one on standby. Callen was sure it wasn't so much for him to get to Jessie quicker, though it was a bonus. She'd done it for Sam to help him get his family back together. Aiden's school had been contacted and plans set in place to get him to the hospital safely.

"Why don't you let Mac meet you," Jessie suggested. "That way we won't have to return the car."

Callen smiled. It was a good suggestion and she was right in that it would make the trip back quicker. "Miss me huh?" he teased.

"Of course."

She wasn't the only one. When she wasn't with him he felt her absence. Not enough to distract him from working but when he thought about her or needed her, it was there.

"Okay," Callen agreed. "I'll let him know when and where once I'm in the air."

"G, are you all okay? Really okay?"

Oh she wasn't going to be happy when she saw the bruise on his back but Callen was sure he could distract her, though he'd have to be careful otherwise she'd truly be unhappy if he revealed just how much it hurt. "Some bumps and bruises," he admitted truthfully though without specifics. "But nothing that won't heal." They'd gotten out of the whole debacle with a lot less injuries than he'd expected, especially after the bomb blast that ripped through the bus. He'd probably need to get her to check his ears since there was still a slight ringing in them but no pain thankfully.

"Doc," Callen's tone hinted at the seriousness of what he was about to say. "Sam's gonna need you to help him through this minefield of medical things with Michelle. She was locked in an airtight box for a long time. Almost too long."

"Oh no," Jessie's voice was soft and concerned. No doubt the doctor in her was already running through the possibilities.

They'd yet to sit down and talk through Michelle's situation in detail with the doctors at the hospital but they'd been briefed on some of it. There was a heaviness in Callen's heart that Sam's world was going to be turned upside down no matter which way this went. "The good thing is," he said, "she's alive, but she hasn't woken up yet. She has taken a couple of blows to the head over the last two days as well." There had been responses which were promising but until she actually woke up they couldn't really assess the damage to her brain from the lack of oxygen. The doctors were working hard first to get Michelle's blood oxygen levels back to normal and remove the carbon dioxide from it. The sooner they got that sorted the higher her chance of recovery would be. Tests were being run around that to pinpoint what they could now.

"Sam?" Jessie asked.

"He's with her now. He wants us to bring Kam straight here. Aiden's on his way already. Sam'll explain it all to them, probably with your help." Callen might not know a lot about what Michelle was facing in this fight but he knew it was going to get complicated. Having Jessie's help understanding it all would be very beneficial, especially for the kids.

"Of course," she said. "but I doubt she'll want to wait until then. What do I tell her?"

"The truth but not the details," Callen decided. "What you think she can handle without Sam's support." He trusted Jessie to understand what a child would need considering what Kam was going through. After all, she'd been through something similar herself. Kam's squeal and giggle reached his ears through the phone. "She certainly sounds … distracted. What are they up to?"

"Mac's been distracting her with books and games," Jessie told him. "Sam knows she knows how to play poker right?"

"Who do you think taught her and who do you think has been the guinea pig more than once?" Sam had used it as a way to teach her numbers and patterns and how to think quickly. It had been an interesting experience being a part of the process where Kam sat on Sam's lap at the table and they talked through it all. It hadn't taken her long to get the hang of it.

Jessie laughed softly. "How much have you lost to her?"

"Not a lot since she decided money was better than hugs as currency." He missed those days of the little arms around his neck when he'd lost - that was the thing about hugs, generally they got returned the moment you gave one out. And while he wasn't necessarily physically demonstrative with others in his life, bar Jessie now, he could easily get away with it with Kam and not have his reputation tarnished - much. Callen smiled. Little arms were in his future though. And payback could be sweet with Sam having to be the guinea pig.

"You don't play her or you don't let her win anymore?"

"Bit of both," Callen admitted. "How much has Mac lost?"

"He stopped at a hundred. Fifty yesterday and another fifty this morning. I think he's decided reading is better value for money."

"Doc my rides here." Hetty had just pulled up outside, her current Jag easily recognisable. She'd come to take him to catch the helicopter since Nell had dropped him off at the hospital before going back for Kensi and Deeks who were keeping the crime scene safe. "I'll call back soon with the details when I know them."

"Okay."

"Jessie."

"Yeah?"

"Love you." He didn't say it enough, at least right now it felt like he didn't. It had been so clear today that tomorrow wasn't guaranteed.

"Love you too."

"Don't ever forget it Doc," he reminded her. "No matter what." Because their life wasn't simple or easy and it had so much potential for things to go wrong, especially for him to not make it home one day. Today could've easily been that day.

"I won't," Jessie replied softly before he disconnected the call and pocketed his phone. Callen walked out the door of the hospital to Hetty's car and slipped into the passenger's seat.

"Are you ready to go Mr Callen?"

"I am. You'll be coming straight back and staying with Sam right?"

"I will," Hetty confirmed and pulled out into the traffic. "Mr Deeks and Ms Blye will be here too once the crime scene is done. Ms Jones, I suspect, will be heading back to Ops briefly at least, though will more than likely find her way here as well to support Mr Hanna."

"Good. He's going to need it." His partner had been so close to losing Michelle, still could. He'd need others to be there for him. Callen yawned.

"Perhaps you should stay the night before returning with Jessie and Kamran. Get some sleep."

"We'll see," Callen said. "Want to get Kam back to Sam as soon as I can."

"Getting her back in one piece is more important."

"Jessie can drive if I can't. Depends what time we get there. If I can have her back before dark, we'll come back tonight otherwise we'll be up and on the road first thing in the morning." He wasn't going to make Jessie drive through the night, she was usually in bed and asleep before ten these days. Her shifts at the hospital had been adapted to ensure she finished her scheduled shifts no later than nine pm.

"Very well. I promise I will ensure Mr Hanna is well supported until you return."

"Thanks Hetty." As much as he didn't want to leave Sam right now Callen knew that by going to get Kam and bringing her back to her family was what Sam needed from him more than anything else.

"Let me know when to expect you," Hetty said as she pulled the car to a stop at the small airfield. She pointed at a blue helicopter. "You can trust the pilot. I have known him for years."

"Of course you have." Given everything that happened right now, Hetty wouldn't be trusting just anyone with the team.

"Just tell him where you want to go and he'll take care of the rest."

Callen nodded and slipped out of the car. Not long and he'd be with Jessie, back at his safe place, in more ways than one. After the hellish nightmare of the last two days, he needed that more than he cared to admit.


	143. Up's and Down's

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Crazy week finished, hoping this week settles though have a bit of catch up of other things but I'm in definite need of making time to write after the lack of it last week! Hope you all had a lovely weekend.
> 
> Hope you enjoy this little chapter. Will be back to Callen and Jessie next one. Struggled with the chapter title but considering it's the first one I've had any real trouble with I think I'm doing pretty good.
> 
> Love to hear from you.

* * *

The beep of the machines was rhythmic. Sam's breathing settled to match the machines helping Michelle to breathe in the oxygen to restore her levels. He held her hand, his thumb stroked across the back of her fingers, away from the IV in the back of her hand that fed nutrient rich fluid into her. She still hadn't woken up but the doctors were hopeful that as oxygen levels in her blood increased she would become more alert. They weren't quite ready to define her as being in a coma yet. An MRI was scheduled for the morning if she remained stable and the doctors were happy with her improvement. If she woke up before that the plan might change.

Sam heard the door to the hospital room open and pulled his gaze briefly from the bed. Kensi, Deeks and Nell walked through.

"Hey," Kensi said softly. "You okay?"

Sam nodded and looked back to Michelle. "She's resting." It was close to the truth and sometimes Sam just needed a reprieve from the heavier thoughts. Resting had a positive feel to it, like an end was in sight and not too far away.

Kensi's hand came to rest on Sam's shoulder. "Was asking about you," she said, "not Michelle this time."

Sam shrugged. This all felt like a horrible dream that he couldn't wake up from no matter what or how hard he tried. "Don't know," he admitted. "She's alive," which was so much better than the alternative, "but what's to come…" he trailed off. The doctors had been reluctant to give him a likely scenario but he had enough to know it could be very bad.

"You're scared," Deeks said. "And you have every right to be. You don't have to be tough Sam."

"Need to be strong," Sam told them, "for her, for the kids." Aiden might be older than Kam but they both still needed him to be their rock for them in this moment.

"You're not in this alone," Nell's voice came from where she still hovered near the door. Sam turned to look at her. "We're here for you Sam," Nell added.

"I know."

"It's not going to be easy," Deeks said. "Recovery's gonna be a bitch."

Sam appreciated the positive note to Deeks' comment - that there was going to be a recovery to be a bitch. He needed that right now since he was struggling with pulling his thoughts out of the dark place they'd sunk to when he didn't believe that Tahir would let Michelle come back to him alive, or that he'd already killed her.

"Don't try and do it alone Sam," Kensi told him. "We know it's hard and we want to help. You were there for me, for us, after the crash. Let's us help." Kensi had fought hard to get better after the crash. Thankfully it hadn't been as bad as they'd first thought but her recovery had made for a challenging number of weeks for her getting her mobility and strength back.

Sam reached up and covered Kensi's hand with his own. He held onto the fact that Kensi had been there, done this and made it through. "I will," he said. "Right now though," Sam's gaze slid to Deeks, "I want to know that everyone involved in this is taken down. Make sure there's no one left to come back."

Tahir was gone and the likelihood of anyone else coming after them was slim since this had been Tahir's vendetta against him rather than anyone else's. But that small niggly doubt was the reason he'd wanted Callen to personally get Kam, just in case. He knew she'd be well protected in Callen's hands.

"I won't leave Michelle," Sam continued. "It'll be up to you." She was alive when he had thought she was gone from his life forever. Until she woke up, until he could tell her she was safe and he loved her, he wasn't leaving her.

"We're on it," Deeks said with a nod. "We'll let you know when it's done." He moved toward the door.

"Thanks." Sam looked at Nell. "Nell, stay a minute?"

Nell nodded and shifted away from the door. Kensi squeezed Sam's shoulder before she followed Deeks out and the door closed quietly behind them.

"Sam?"

Sam reluctantly let go of Michelle's hand. He wasn't leaving but he felt he needed to focus on Nell for a moment. He rose from the chair and stepped toward the young agent.

"Thank you," he said. "You fought for me, stood up to me."

"I wasn't going to shoot you," she reminded him.

"I know," Sam smiled briefly. "It was hard. I didn't…" He didn't know what to say. He'd felt that it was his job to take Tahir down, his and his alone. Screwy considering he tended to pull Callen up on that one frequently, though not so much of late now Jessie was around.

"I can't even imagine what you were going through," Nell said.

Sam saw the tears shine in Nell's eyes and pulled her into a hug. "You have no idea," he said, "what it meant to have you fighting for her too."

"What else was I going to do?" Nell said, her voice slightly muffled and teary. "You're family."

"Yeah." Sam blinked back his own tears. "You know we'd do it for you too right?" They'd fought together for Deeks with IA, Kensi after her accident, Jessie with her gun and past issues that had come back to haunt her in the form of Santiago, as well as numerous other times for all of them. Nell and Eric were pretty enemy free but it didn't mean that the team wouldn't do everything for them for whatever they needed, work or otherwise. And Nell needed to know that completely, especially since she was out in the field more these days.

"I know." Her arms tightened around him.

"Thank you, from all of us," Sam added.

Nell stepped back and sniffed. She swiped at the tears that were on her cheeks and smiled brightly, though it was a touch forced. "I've got the keys." She held up the car keys. "I'd better go get us back to the office and take care of things for you. I'll be back later," she said. "But call if you need anything or if you have any news."

Sam nodded and watched Nell leave. He took a breath, turned and headed back to Michelle's side and the chair he hoped he wouldn't have to sit in for too much longer before she woke up. He slipped his hand back into Michelle's, the bandage around her wrist rough against his fingers when they brushed over it.

"C'mon Michelle baby. Wake up. Tell me you love me. Let me hear your voice so I know you are going to be okay. Let me tell you the same."

The steady beeps of the machine were the only sounds.

* * *

Nell slipped out the door and followed Kensi and Deeks down the corridor towards the elevators. The mood was somber and quiet, yet there was a huge amount of relief in the air too. Michelle was back with them, safe from Tahir, as was Sam but there was still so much they didn't know about her condition.

Kensi and Deeks stopped suddenly in front of her and it was all Nell could do to stop from running into them. Before she could say anything they turned to each other and spoke at the same time.

"Marry me."

"What?" Deeks shook his head. "Wait. What did you say?"

"Marry me," Kensi repeated and reached out to take his hand. "Marry me Deeks."

"Why?"

Nell stood there, her mouth open. Her eyes jumped back and forth between the two of them like she was watching a tennis match. Kensi raised an eyebrow and a smile lifted the corners of her mouth at Deeks' last question.

"Because I love you," Kensi said. "Because," the smile dropped a little, "what we saw there, Sam and Michelle. That's us. That was you by my side back then and you stayed, no matter what I did you didn't let go. I shouldn't have been so stubborn. Life is so damn short and you are mine and I am yours. And as depressing as the thought is, if something happened to me and I didn't make it, I want my grave to read Wife of Marty Deeks."

"You do know," Deeks said and Nell was sure there was a hint of tears in his blue eyes, "that I've now asked you three times?"

"Third times the charm," Kensi replied and the lump in Nell's throat got even bigger at the smile that grew on both their faces.

Deeks' eyes lit up. "You're saying yes?"

"Yes," Kensi nodded. "Now am I going to get lucky first time round?"

Deeks pulled Kensi into his arms and threaded his fingers into her hair. "Yes," he said seriously then grinned. "And you should know you can get lucky anytime you want." Deeks' lips brushed Kensi's. "Yes," he repeated.

Nell's hand went to her mouth and she only just managed to stifle a sob. It was all too much - the relief, the sadness, the unknown and now this. This day had been such a roller coaster of emotions and she truly didn't know if she could take anymore, even something else as wonderful as what she had just witnessed.

"When?" Deeks asked.

"As soon as we can."

"How soon? Today?"

"You want to get married today?

"Nell," Deeks turned and looked at her. "Is that doable?" he asked.

"I.." Nell burst in to tears. She had no strength left in her to stop the rush of emotion.

"Ah Nell," Deeks said gently. Nell felt Deeks' and Kensi's arms around her and she was enveloped in a warm and safe spot which did little to stem the tears but did make her feel loved and protected.

"I'm sorry," Nell murmured. "I'm happy for you both, very happy, but it's just…" How did she explained it?

"It's been a big day," Kensi said softly.

Big day was an understatement. Nell wasn't even sure when she'd slept last. Yesterday had started off normally but their world had been thrown into chaos with a phone call.

"Yeah," Nell agreed. "Big day. And no," she added. "It's a little late for today, but tomorrow's doable." She'd be sure to make it happen if it was what they wanted. To be able to do something good, fun and happy would be so nice.

"What do you say Kensi? Tomorrow?"

Nell felt the breath from Deeks' words over the top of her hair as he spoke to Kensi.

"I say maybe not tomorrow. Let's see what's happening with Michelle. I think after all of this I'd really like to have the whole family there."

"Just as long as we don't take too long," Deeks said

Nell glanced up and saw Kensi grin as she spoke. "Don't worry. I won't make you wait a couple of years."

"All right then," Deeks said. He squeezed Nell a little tighter. "I think this little meerkat could probably do with getting back to her lookout and partner for a little reassurance. She's been without him too long."

"I agree," Kensi said.

Nell couldn't think of anything she'd like more at that moment than being back in Ops with Eric. The danger of the world they lived and worked in was a little too realistic and close to home at the moment. Kensi and Deeks kept their arms around her as they walked out of the hospital. It made her feel safe there, between the two of them, in a world that seemed to have gone mad.


	144. United

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I'm still flying by the seat of my pants with this arc but managed to pull this one together - got to say I'm kind of impressed that so far I've managed to keep the chapter titles for this arc following what was on the series. Last chapter title was a little wonky unless you count that it at least started with the same letter. All the rest have started with Un. I wonder if I can keep it going for at least one more.
> 
> Enjoy and love to hear from you when you're done.

* * *

 

The sound of Mac's voice, even as quiet as it was, reached Callen and pulled him out of the sleep he'd fallen in.

"Just us Jessie," Mac said. "We'll be with you in a minute."

Callen blinked and opened his eyes just as Mac disconnected the call. The familiar trees of the small lane to the cabin were on either side of the vehicle. Callen had fallen asleep about ten minutes after they'd left the airfield the helicopter had delivered him to. Just a forty five minute drive from there to here. That combined with just under an hour in the helicopter made for a much quicker trip than the four plus hours in the car.

Mac glanced across at him. "Nice nap?"

"Not bad," Callen replied. He knew he wouldn't have fallen asleep so easily if he hadn't felt safe and he was grateful to still feel that security with Mac after everything that had happened. "Thanks Mac," Callen said. "For taking care of them." He knew it was more than they'd planned on when he added Kam into the equation.

"Anytime." Mac eased the pickup past the last of the trees and into the space in front of the cabin. They'd barely come to a stop when the cabin door opened and Kam ran out. Jessie followed but at a slower pace and stopped at the top of the steps. Kam was in Callen's arms almost before he'd made it out the vehicle's door.

"Hey Kam."

"Uncle Callen." Her head was just below his shoulder and Callen couldn't help but regret how quickly the years had passed by since she was just a little baby whose back he could almost completely cover with his hand. "Is Mom okay?"

"She's in the hospital. She's safe." He couldn't really give her much else.

Kam lifted her head and looked up at him. "Jessie said she'd been hurt."

"Yeah, but you know your mom. She's a fighter."

She dropped her head and let out a breath. "I know but…"

"Kam," Callen lifted her head up with a gentle hand under her chin. "It's not good but she's in the best place."

"When are we going back?"

"Just as soon as we're ready."

"Kam." Both Callen and Kam looked over at Mac. "What do you say we try and finish that chapter before you head off?" Kam started to protest. Mac glanced between Jessie and Callen before he focused back on Kam. "Let's give them some time to say hi."

"Oh." Kam smiled and squeezed Callen once more. "I'm glad you're okay Uncle Callen."

"Me too Kam." Though that squeeze had taken a lot of effort to get through so as not to let Kam know he was hurt right where her arms were wrapped around him. Kam followed Mac through the cabin door and it closed quietly, leaving him and Jessie alone. He walked toward her, noted the assessing look and the concern that heightened when her gaze landed on the graze on his cheek from where he'd hit the road after the explosion. There were more on his arms but thankfully only light ones and nothing that required more than a clean. The ringing had finally stopped in his eyes at some point during the journey.

"I'm fine Doc," he said as he got closer. Fine was relative to be honest and though Callen knew he'd eventually have to tell her about the bullet, bruise and the why of it, it could wait. What couldn't wait was holding her again and reassuring himself that she was safe and sound. Callen moved up the steps and when he was on the one below and in front of her, he reached out to tuck a loose strand of hair behind her ear. Her bottom lip trembled.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Jessie asked.

"I'm sure," Callen said. He slipped an arm around her waist and moved in close. She was taller this way, not by much since it was just a small step but enough that her arms settled over his shoulders rather than around his waist. Which was a bonus considering what he was attempting to avoid telling her for a little while longer. "I'm with you," he said. "Course I'm okay. More than okay now." Callen shifted up so he was level with her, slid his free hand into her hair and brushed his lips over hers. He rested his forehead against hers and took a deep breath before he whispered, "Love you," then covered her mouth with his before she could reply.

It felt like coming home - her arms around him, her body against his. Her taste, her warmth, her scent. Home and perfect.

Jessie pulled back first and took a breath. "What happened?" she asked.

Callen ran his hand up her back, her body softened even further into his and he felt every welcoming curve of her, along with the small bump of their child, against his body. He could've lost all of this so easily if Tahir had…. No. Callen shook off the thought. Tahir hadn't found her. He'd found Michelle but by some miracle he hadn't delved deeper into Callen beyond knowing that Sam cared for him too. Kensi and Deeks had thoroughly searched the apartment where Michelle had been found and there had been no sign of anything more than Sam's family and Callen in the information. Even then the information on Callen had been sketchy and the photos ones from when he'd been with Sam. The fact that he hadn't realised photos were being taken at those times bothered Callen. However Eric had been able to confirm enough details from the same photos found on a computer that they'd been taken with a long range lens which meant it wasn't quite as bad as it could've been. Still, he intended to be even more careful and alert after that.

"Tahir," Callen said as an answer to her question. She'd know enough from that name given what had already happened between him and Sam in the past.

"Oh no," Jessie murmured. "Sam? Is he…"

"He's not hurt, much anyway," Callen assured her. "A few bumps and scratches from when the bus blew up."

Jessie lifted her head from where it had settled on his shoulder. "Bus blew up?" she repeated slowly.

"Yeah. Sam and I got off in time. Tahir didn't." Jessie's hand lifted to his face and touched near the graze.

"This?"

Callen nodded.

"Where are you hurt?" Jessie asked.

"Doc I'm …" He stopped when Jessie shook her head firmly at him.

"I know you're hurt G. I could tell by the way you moved out of the car and the way you braced yourself with Kam. What happened?"

Now was the time after all. "Aside from the bus, was targeted by a sniper. Shot in the back but it got the vest."

Jessie frowned. "You were or Sam was and you got in the way?" It wouldn't be the first time one of them had pushed the other out of the way of a bullet.

"Me," Callen admitted and Jessie sucked in a sharp breath. "I was next on the list after Tahir got Michelle," he added.

"It's over right?"

"It's over." Callen tightened his arm around her just a touch more. "Mop up left to go but I wouldn't be here if it wasn't safe." Hetty had taken a convoluted though quick way to deliver him to the helicopter and it wasn't like following him on that next leg was going to be easy. He knew it was safe, even if there was a little tidying up to do. The precautions had been merely natural instinct when one had been under attack. It would probably take more than a few days for the extra looking over their shoulders to settle.

Jessie gently stroked under one of his eyes with her finger. "When did you sleep?"

"Last time I was with you."

"You need some." She dropped her hand to his, the softness of her fingers a contrast to the roughness of his but the touch ever so welcome. "Lucky there's a comfortable bed inside."

"Jessie," Callen tugged her to a stop. "We need to get Kam back to Sam. If we leave now we'll be back before dark."

"G, I get that." She stepped closer. "But you're exhausted. I'm surprised you're still standing."

Callen pulled her back into this arms. "And I will sleep when we get home tonight," he assured her. "After they're back together and once Sam knows his family is safe by his side." He smiled. "I've got you by my side now and I know Sam needs to feel something similar with Kam."

Jessie sighed. "On one condition. I drive and you sleep."

"As long as Mac can follow us home to keep an eye on things while I do," Callen agreed, "and that _you_ ," he stressed the word because he knew she was stubborn when it came to looking after those she cared about, sometimes to the point of not looking out for herself, "promise to wake me when you start to feel tired at all, or halfway home whichever comes first."

Jessie smiled and pressed her lips to his, a promise in both touch and words. "I promise."

* * *

Callen watched the interaction between Mac and Kam with a touch of amusement. He was used to seeing Mac with a bunch of young pre or early teen boys more than girls.

"It was lovely meeting you Kam." Mac held out his hand solemnly for her to shake. Kam took it just as seriously though her words betrayed the action.

"Even if I won at poker?"

The look on Mac's face at that comment brought a much needed chuckle out of Callen.

"Even then," Mac agreed with a nod. "Make sure your dad lets you spend that money on something fun and tell him that I took even better care of you than I did of him."

Kam's head tilted to the side and the curious expression was clear on her face. "You know my dad?"

Mac's gaze flicked to Callen briefly before he answered. "Wouldn't say know him exactly, more of him. But yeah, we've met."

"Kam," Jessie stepped closer. "We need to be going."

"Okay," Kam nodded. "Thanks Mac," she slipped in and gave the older man a hug. "For keeping us safe."

"My pleasure," Mac replied.

Callen watched Kam walk to the car and settle in the back seat before he turned back to Mac.

"I'm good to follow," Mac assured them. "I'll watch over you until the hospital." It was a great relief to Callen to know that. It was the only way he'd be able to sleep while Jessie drove. Callen knew he needed it, he could feel the exhaustion tugging at him. A couple of hours sleep would do wonders and make it safe for him to take over. Right now he'd probably be a liability behind the wheel.

"Thanks Mac," Jessie hugged him. "I'm glad you were here."

"You know where to find me if you need me again."

Jessie smiled at Callen and left the two men alone as she joined Kam in the car.

"Don't know what I would've done without you Mac." There were few people Callen would trust with Jessie in a situation like this. With the others that were close enough being out of the running that had only left Mac to rely on.

"Hopefully," Mac said, "you won't need to find out for a long time to come."

"I owe-"

Mac cut him off. "No you don't." He shook his head. "This is what friends are for, no matter how many times you need them. We only keep score in a hockey match."

Callen nodded, grateful for Mac's friendship. Mac had been there for him for a long time. Sometimes just the knowledge that he was around if Callen needed him was enough to get Callen through something - the kind of friend that would be there to catch you if you fell. This relationship was different to the one with Sam. Sam was more everyday, all conditions type partner, friend and brother. Callen knew Sam would be there for him for the big and the small things. Mac, on the other hand, was more the back up, the safety net, for big things when you needed him but not an overly active participant in his life, with the exception of those Saturday morning hockey matches when Callen could make them. That's the way it had always been. As Callen could depend on Mac so Mac could depend on Callen. It just happened to be that Callen tended to need that safety net more often than Mac did.

Callen slipped into the car beside Jessie. A quick glance into the back seat showed Kam all settled and clipped up. He smiled. "Ready to go?"

Kam nodded. There was worry in her eyes but Callen didn't think he could do anything about it aside from getting her to Sam and Aiden. Hopefully by the time they arrived there would be some good news on Michelle's condition. The update from Sam when he'd spoken to him on the drive to the cabin had been positive, even if Michelle had yet to wake up. She was responding well to the oxygen treatment.

Callen turned back to Jessie. "Remember your promise Doc."

"You sleep. I drive."

Callen raised an eyebrow. Jessie rolled her eyes at him. "I will," she said. "But if you don't trust me, set an alarm."

"I trust you." Callen settled back into the comfortable seat and clipped up his seat belt. He lowered the back of it enough to make sleep easier. "I also know that you'll be tempted to let me sleep."

"And if I do?"

Callen shook his head. He could hear already the temptation there in her voice and to be honest, he couldn't blame her for the concern. Looking in the mirror in the bathroom he had been able to see for himself just how bad he looked.

"Serious consequences," he told her, "and not the fun kind." She'd been through enough and he could tell she hadn't slept well either though she didn't look as exhausted as she had in the past.

"I promise I'll wake you G," Jessie assured him softly. "Now sleep." The promise was not only in her words, but her tone and her look and he knew today wouldn't be the day she'd choose to break her first one, no matter how tempted she might be.

The gentle vibration of the car once it hit the highway and the knowledge that she was beside him, safe, combined with Mac watching over them and the sheer exhaustion he felt, meant sleep pulled him in quickly.

She kept her promise. Two hours later he took over, much refreshed, though more sleep would be very welcome later, in their own bed, with Jessie in his arms, right where she belonged.

* * *

Callen saw Sam well before they reached Michelle's room. Having texted his partner that they had arrived it didn't surprise him that Sam was waiting outside the room. When Kam saw her father she ran the rest of the way and threw herself into his arms. Sam glanced at Callen and Jessie over the top of Kam's head. The shine of tears in his partner's eyes cut deep into Callen. These last two days had been an emotional rollercoaster for all of them, his partner more than anyone else.

"Thank you," Sam said.

Callen nodded and slipped his arm around Jessie's waist. He needed the contact and her calming influence. He wanted to ask how Michelle was but with Kam there Callen held back the question. Instead he asked, "What do you want us to do Sam? Want us to wait and take Kam home with us?"

Kam lifted her head of Sam's chest and shook it. "I want to stay."

"Kam," Sam looked down at his daughter. "There's not much you can do."

"I can be here with you and Aiden. He's here too right?"

Sam nodded. "He's in with your mom right now while I came out for you."

"Is she…" The hesitation from Kam was obvious Sam cupped her face and smiled.

"She's alive," Sam said. "The doctors are happy with her progress. But really Kam you can come back tomorrow."

"No," Kam said firmly and Callen narrowly resisted the urge to laugh. Oh he knew exactly where that determination and firmness came from. Sam didn't stand a chance.

"Okay," Sam agreed. "But I want G and Jessie to take you and Aiden for something to eat before they go home."

Kam nodded. "Can I go in and see her?"

"She's…" Sam glanced at Jessie and neither Callen or Jessie missed the pleading expression. Nor could they miss that Sam was struggling, emotions were clear for them to read in his eyes.

Jessie stepped forward. "Kam," she said gently. Kam turned but stayed within the circle of Sam's arms. "Your mom is hurt and her body is trying to get better," Jessie explained. "That means she's likely to sleep for a while longer and she's sleeping deeply so she'll probably not respond to you yet."

"Will she know I'm there?" Kam asked.

Jessie smiled. "I have no doubt that a part of her will most definitely know her baby girl is there, even if she doesn't show it."

"Will she wake up?"

The question ripped through Callen like a knife. He couldn't imagine how difficult it was for Sam to hear his daughter ask that question about her mother.

"I can't answer that Kam," Jessie said, the honest answer was no doubt a hard one for Jessie to give, knowing it would do nothing to reassure the young girl. "I'm sorry. I'm not her doctor. I don't know any details yet."

"Can you be?" Kam asked Jessie.

Jessie shook her head. "No. She's got the best doctors here who know what they are doing with her kind of hurt. That's not what I do. I'll do my best to understand what's going on so I can help you, Aiden and your dad understand too. I'll leave her care in the hands of the experts but I will always help any of you in anyway I can, doctor or otherwise."

Kam nodded and looked up at Sam. "Jessie took really good care of me Daddy. So did Mac. He said to tell you he looked after me even better than he looked after you."

Sam frowned and Callen noted the confusion in his expression. Sam looked from Kam to Callen. "Mac?"

"Remember there was a time you got bitten?"

"Which time?"

"Twig and shoelace." That should be enough for him to remember the odd incident, even given his condition at the time. Sam grunted in a way that spoke volumes. He did remember. "That was Mac," Callen confirmed.

"Really?" Sam's frown deepened. "Could've sworn that was someone else."

"Yeah well," Callen smirked at the memory. "You were a little out of it." There were plenty of interesting moments that Callen remembered that Sam probably didn't or at least not clearly. One day they'd talk about it but given the classified nature of everything that had happened that Sam didn't remember, it wasn't likely to be soon.

"Apparently a lot," Sam muttered. "You good to go in without me Kam? Aiden'll take care of you." Kam nodded and stepped back from her dad. "I'll be in soon," Sam told her. "Just want to talk to G and Jessie first." The three of them watched Kam walk through the door with a small hesitation when she opened it. Aiden's voice from inside had her moving again.

"Am I doing the right thing Jessie?" Sam asked, though his gaze was still locked on the door Kam had just disappeared through. "Letting her in there, seeing Michelle like that?"

Jessie moved closer to Sam and put her hand on his arm. "Yes," she said. "Michelle needs to know that her family, all of them, is there for her. And Kam needs to see her mother, even as she is otherwise her mind will just fill in the blanks and that could end up being something worse."

Sam turned from the door and faced them. "Will she know? Will she come back to us?"

"I don't know Sam but I have heard of plenty of miracles, times when children were brought to their mothers to say goodbye only to have the visit prompt the mother's recovery. Like it was a reminder of what she was fighting for. Until there is no chance, don't give up."

"I won't."

"Tell me how she is," Jessie asked. Callen stepped closer to Sam to offer his support.

"She's breathing on her own."

"That's really good Sam." Jessie smiled. "If she doesn't need assistance breathing then that indicates the part of her brain which controls those unconscious system of the body hasn't been too badly damaged."

Sam nodded. "When she wakes, if she wakes up -"

"When," Callen interrupted. "When Sam, not if." He'd known Michelle for a long time. There was no way the woman he knew and worked with was going to give up the most important fight of her life. She loved her family more than anything.

"When," Sam said, "What's she going to be like Jessie? What are we looking at?"

"The brain is, in some ways, unpredictable," Jessie told them. "But the good thing is, it has an immense ability to learn again as long as the damage isn't too great. It can learn new pathways to do things when the old ones have been destroyed. But there are so many variables that it's pointless going through all the possibilities before we know more. G said they'd scheduled some test for tomorrow."

Sam confirmed it with a nod. "A MRI if they're happy with her progress."

"Okay." Jessie smiled. "Then tomorrow I'll sit down with you and the doctors, if you want, and we'll hear what they have to say. Then we'll work out a plan. We're here for you Sam. All of you."

Sam pulled Jessie into a hug. "I'd really like you there. And thank you for taking care of Kam."

"Thank you for trusting me with her." Jessie yawned.

"Right," Callen said. He needed to get Jessie home and to bed soon but first, "How about you send Aiden and Kam out. We'll get them dinner and bring something back for you to eat here when we come back."

"I'm not-"

"Yeah I know," Callen said in response to Sam's predictable protest. "But we'll bring you something anyway."

 


	145. Unconditionally Part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I first drafted this chapter it was a part of a much larger one that would wrap up this arc, or at least this focused part of it nicely. But after rewriting to get deeper I realised that this needed to be on it's own. While it does still fit in with the concept of the chapters, it's very much Callen and Jessie time where as the rest is more orientated around the team and Michelle.
> 
> So enjoy this little chapter. It's out a whole lot earlier than it would be if I'd left is as part of the next one. Love to hear what you think.

* * *

 

Callen woke with a start. It wasn't Jessie moving suddenly that brought him awake. Nor was it her laboured and harsh breathing. It was her scream that had pulled him from the exhausted sleep he'd sunk into once they'd finally returned home last night.

"Jessie." He moved close. She didn't answer, just sucked in deep breath after deep breath. "Doc," he said, "talk to me."

"Bad dream." Her voice was shaky, but it was the heartbreak he heard in it that worried him the most.

Callen leaned closer, his arm brushed against her back, and he pressed a kiss to her bare shoulder. "Just a dream," he said. She barely managed to stifle the sob that shook her body. "Tell me." His words were soft but it wasn't a question. It was a gentle order, that leaned more toward encouragement than demand.

Jessie took another deep breath before she answered. "None of you made it." She ran her fingers through her hair. "He took you all."

Before Callen could respond, either verbally or by pulling her into his arms and reassuring her that it was indeed just a dream, no matter how bad, Jessie slipped from under the covers and left the bed.

"Not likely to sleep after that," she said. "Going for a shower."

Callen let her go without protest, though he wouldn't be leaving her alone for long. A glance at the clock beside the bed showed it was almost four am. Way too early for her to be up, let alone awake after everything they'd been through. But Callen understood. Sometimes dreams could be so real it was difficult to put them out of your mind. Jessie usually turned to him to get through them except this time she was running from something, or there was more to the dream than she wanted to tell him. Her answer had been vague even though it told him the essence of the dream. The shower started and Callen waited a full two minutes before he rose, slipped into the bathroom quietly and joined her. His hand on her shoulder didn't startle her. Her awareness of his presence was getting better, or she'd been waiting and listening for him to come to her.

"Doc." Callen eased her around, lifted her chin and waited for her to open her eyes. The water from the shower hid any evidence of tears on her cheeks but when she finally opened them, the redness there told him otherwise. He'd already suspected though that she'd come in here with some hope of hiding the tears.

"When is it going to stop?" Jessie cried. "It feels like we're always fighting something or someone. I just -" A shudder rippled through her and Callen pulled her into his arms. "I … I just want a break G. Some peace." Her head dropped onto his shoulder and her body shook with the force of the sobs.

Callen waited for them to settle before he said, "Tell me about the dream Jessie." Because he suspected that was where the pain in her words and eyes was coming from. Not so much what had happened since they were all safe, even if Michelle was hurt.

"You didn't come back. None of you did," she murmured against the skin of his shoulder. He could feel her tears, they felt different to the water.

"None?"

"Everyone was gone."

"Trevor and Alex?" Jessie nodded. He'd been right, it was more the dream. Though the dream had been worse than he suspected. Jessie's greatest fear wasn't guns. It was a fear that he couldn't help her fight. The fear of being left alone, of losing everyone she loved. She'd been there briefly as a young child until Trevor had arrived and given her one person to depend on. She had more in that small circle now but the fear was still there, perhaps had even grown with the fact that she did have more to lose these days. This life certainly didn't give her a reason to let it go.

"Just a dream. We're here. Doc, you're not alone."

"I don't want to do this alone G. It terrifies me right now that I might have to. That I was so close to having to. Michelle could've … Sam, the others … you. All so damn close to being gone."

The water was warm and continued to fall over them, mingled and chased away her tears, though more fell to replace them. Callen held her close. There was nothing he could say to reassure her that her fear wouldn't happen. She knew the risks. She knew what life with him was about and he knew that she was willing to be here with him, even with all of that. He might not want her to live such an unpredictable and dangerous life but he wasn't so stupid, at least not anymore, that he wanted to walk away to keep her safe and save her from the potential pain and fear. He'd learned there was no point in thinking that. Without her … He didn't want to contemplate life without her. He'd been fighting for two days to keep those kind of thoughts out of his head as Sam had faced that potential.

What Callen truly wished he could do was to tell her she wouldn't be doing this alone. That he'd always be with her, that he'd never leave. Unfortunately it wasn't a promise he could make. The only one he could make was that he would love her, fight for her and stay with her until his heart no longer beat and there was no breath left in his body. But she already knew that and saying the words wouldn't help her right now. He had to bypass her mind that was swirling with too much emotion and head straight to her heart and deep into her soul. He needed to remind her, remind them both, by showing not telling. Lucky showing was his specialty.

With a light touch under her chin Callen raised Jessie's head, looked into her eyes and hoped she could see through the tears the only promise he could give her.

He was hers, forever, however long his forever ended up being.

It started with a kiss, a soft brush of his lips over hers, followed by the gentle touch of his fingertips over her cheek, down the side of her neck to the back of her head where his fingers buried deep in her now wet hair. He held her head still for the next kiss, a touch firmer and longer, but not deeper. Not yet. His lips then trailed over to her ear. He made sure they didn't leave her skin, keeping that connection between them. Then he whispered the words he'd never thought he would enjoy saying as much as he did; words he didn't think he would ever get tired of saying to her.

"I love you."

The hand that wasn't tangled in her hair moved to the dip of her waist and pulled her closer. Then his mouth covered hers and he gave up all pretense of slow and controlled. This kiss was deep, hot and long. Full of every ounce of promise and love he could pour into it. He wanted it etched deep in her soul and burned in her heart so strong that it could never be erased, so that she would never forget or doubt how much she meant to him. He wanted it deeper than it already was. Their world was crazy. So much happening, so many changes, but this love he felt for her, something he'd never expected to feel in his life, was too deep, too strong and too much a part of who he was now to be any part of that changing landscape. It was the one thing that would never change, that the enemy couldn't take from them, even if they took him physically from her. The only thing it could do was get deeper and stronger.

* * *

It wasn't until much later that any more words were exchanged between the two of them, though much had been said without words during that time. By then they were in bed, bodies still joined and her breathing was unsettled for a very different reason.

"You know," Jessie murmured, "you are really exceptional at distraction."

Callen smiled. He trailed his fingers up and down her spine, the lightest touch but it still created a reaction in her. "I get to practice a little."

Jessie's body shook lightly against his, this time though it was because she was laughing.

"Lately, you've been practicing a lot." She lifted her head and smiled down at him. Some of her hair fell over her shoulder and brushed against his. "If I was smart," she said, "I wouldn't give you anymore opportunities."

"But you are smart." Callen caught a strand of her hair and wrapped it around his finger. He loved the softness and feel of it between his fingers. "Which is why you will. Plus," he smiled. "I thought you truly enjoyed the distraction technique."

"Oh I do." Jessie closed her eyes when his fingers brushed over her cheek as he unravelled the strand from his finger. "But one day," her eyes opened again, "you are going to use it to your advantage and I'm going to be in so much trouble."

Callen shifted her up his body and brought her mouth to his for a kiss. "Already do Doc. There are times when it is to my advantage to keep you distracted and your amazingly complicated mind from thinking too much. Pretty sure I get more out of the distraction than you do."

"Wouldn't be so sure of that." Jessie lowered her head to his shoulder and he felt her lips brush against his neck just before the fleeting touch of her tongue on his skin sent another wave of desire through him and his body hardened in response.

"Care to bet on that?"

"No." Jessie smiled - he felt it.

"One day Doc."

"Miracles do happen," Jessie told him, "but I wouldn't hold your breath for that one."

With expert skill Callen flipped her over and had her hands pinned above her head with one hand a moment later. He kept his weight off her, held his body just so that it brushed against hers and let her know exactly what he was feeling. "I did once and you have to agree." He let his free hand move slowly over her soft curves, lingering in places he knew would send the heat soaring in her too. "It was worth it." The bet he'd managed to get her to agree to before their trip at Christmas had been one of the best he'd ever made, certainly the most enjoyable.

Jessie's breath came out in a rush. "True."

"So," Callen flicked his tongue over the fast beating pulse in her neck. "I'm sure I can come up with something to make it worth your while again." He covered that same spot with his open mouth and sucked gently. Her neck arched back and soft moan drifted past her lips.

"G," she breathed.

Callen would never get tired of hearing her say his name like that. The need, the want and the desire in it; all for him and the heat that was erupting so predictably and easily between them once again.

"Jessie."

"Don't stop," she begged. There were so many ways he could take that request. All of them just as important as the other in different ways.

He focused, for now, on the physical one and didn't stop. He managed to exhaust her in the best possible way and wipe all thoughts of the bad dream from her head so that she slept for another three hours without being disturbed by another one.

Callen knew this because he didn't sleep.

He watched, he listened and he held her.

Safe, alive and in his arms, close to his heart.

Right where he always wanted her to be.


	146. Unconditionally Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all had a lovely weekend. This chapter wraps up this arc, hopefully nicely, though there will still be the mention of it and its fallout in future chapters as things continue in the background but the focus will now leave here.
> 
> It's a little longer than the last few have been and I hope you enjoy. Look forward to hearing from you.

* * *

Callen and Jessie slipped into Michelle's hospital room not long after visiting hours started later that morning. Kam sat on Sam's knee, her head on his shoulder; a sure sign she was in need of comfort since Callen remembered Sam's disappointment not that long ago when she declared that she was too old to be sitting on his knee. Aiden stood staring out the window.

"Hey," Jessie said quietly. Sam glanced up and watched her move to the end of the bed and pick up Michelle's chart.

"She hasn't woken yet," Sam said.

Callen could hear the disappointment in his partner's voice. It was accompanied by a touch of fear that Callen knew Sam was trying to hide, and probably was at least from his kids. Sam wouldn't want either of them to know he was afraid.

"Her oxygen levels look great Sam," Jessie said. "They've been stable for the last two hours without supplemental oxygen. That's really good."

"They said they'd be taking her for an MRI sometime this morning."

Jessie nodded and put the chart down.

Callen had been watching all three members of the Hanna family closely during this exchange. Sam was tired, Aiden tense and Kam reminded him more of when she'd been younger and would seek Sam's comfort when anything bothered her. She'd seemed so grown up lately that he'd almost forgotten she was still a little girl even if teenage-hood wasn't far off.

"Good," Jessie said. "That means we'll have some answers and direction soon. Have you had any breakfast?"

Sam nodded. "The nurses brought us all something earlier."

"Sam," Callen pulled Sam's attention from Michelle. The emotional strain was clear in the tightness of his face and the dullness of his eyes. "Did you sleep?"

"She's sleeping enough for both of us," was Sam's response.

Callen knew not to bother suggesting Sam take a break. It was in his tone and plus, it's not like Callen would want to if it was Jessie lying there.

"Kam," Jessie reached out and touch the girl on the shoulder. She crouched down a little. "Why don't you come with me and let's get some flowers for your mom."

If Michelle had been in ICU that wouldn't have been possible but she wasn't. She was in a private room in a highly monitored ward - something in between ICU and a standard ward.

"I'll come too."

Aiden turned from the window for the first time since they'd walked into the room. Aiden was only fractionally shorter than his father but Callen could see the boy still within. His time at Keating might have turned him into a military man but there was still a boy inside who loved his mother and was scared. Kam and Aiden slipped out the door with Jessie. Callen wondered if Jessie had more planned for those two than just flower shopping. Jessie would understand what they were going through more than anyone else on the team and he hoped she'd been able to help without it hurting her too much with the memories it would no doubt bring back. He turned back to Sam.

"How are you really doing?" Callen asked now they were alone.

Sam's shoulders dropped as did his head. "I don't know G." He rubbed his face. "Being strong for the kids it's… harder than I thought. If she'd just wake up. Dammit G," Sam growled. "Is he going to win from beyond the grave."

Callen put his hand on Sam's shoulders. "She's a fighter Sam," he said. "You know that if there's any way for her to beat this she will."

"Starting to understand a bit more how you felt when Jessie was gone." Sam looked up at him. "Not quite the same but still. Is she coming back to me or I have I lost her forever."

Callen couldn't tell Sam Michelle would be fine. He didn't know. Just like he hadn't been able to reassure Jessie earlier that day that he wouldn't leave her alone. "I'm here Sam. Whatever you need." That he could do.

"Don't let me stop hoping G." Sam turned back to Michelle. "Don't let me stop."

The struggle was clear in Sam's tone and Callen was sure if Sam had still be facing him, he would've been able to see tears in his partner's eyes. Seeing Michelle lying on the bed so still and not knowing what was going to come next was hard enough for him. Michelle was more than just his partner's wife. She was Callen's friend too in her own right. While Hetty had given him an anchor, a place to return to if he needed it, from his late teens, Michelle had been the one to give him the stability of a family over the years since he'd met her. She'd pulled him in when he and Sam had been assigned as partners and hadn't let him go, even when he'd tried. She may have loosened her hold and give him some freedom but she'd never let him slip away.

"I won't." Callen squeezed Sam's shoulder and hoped somehow through that it would remind Sam that he had his back. Always would.

"I don't know what to do G. Sitting here waiting, it's driving me crazy … What do I do? Part of me wants to stay. Part of me wants to make sure it's over, that there's no one else out there. The kids?" Sam sighed.

"One day a time. One moment at a time," Callen told him. "Just decide what's best for that moment. The team's taken care of everything. There's no one else out there coming for you from this. The kids can catch up on school later. Right now you need to be with your family."

"Not sure Aiden wants to stay."

"He scared. He's never seen his mother as anything other than strong. Not easy on any of you."

Sam lifted Michelle's hand to his lips. "Come on baby," he whispered. "Wake up. Need you."

The pain in Sam's voice was so strong and Callen knew it was only because Aiden and Kam weren't here that he let it show. Sam suddenly straightened and stared at Michelle's hand that was still in his.

"She squeezed it G. Just a little." Sam leaned closer to Michelle. "Michelle, baby. Do it again."

Callen was skeptical and wondered if Sam perhaps had wished it more than it really happened, but he still held his breath and waited. And hoped.

"Get the doctor G." Sam turned his had to Callen. "She did it. She's coming back."

* * *

"Callen."

He turned at his name and saw Kensi and Deeks almost running down the corridor.

"What's happening?" Kensi asked.

"She's awake," Callen said. He still couldn't believe it. He'd been reassuring Sam he'd be there for him and then suddenly the whole feel of the room and the day changed. First there was the light squeeze, the one Callen had doubted. Then another and somehow, even though he hadn't felt the squeeze himself, he knew it was real. By the time Callen had gotten back with the doctor Michelle's eyes were open and she'd managed to say both his and Sam's name when she'd been asked if she knew who they were. The relief that he'd felt was like a mountain shifting off his shoulders. He could only imagine how much greater it had been for Sam.

"She's at the MRI now," he added.

"Is she… Is she going to be okay?" Deeks asked.

"We'll know more once they're finished the test." But she would be. There'd been too much bad of late, they were due something good, a reprieve, or as Jessie had put it this morning, some peace.

"Where's Jessie and the kids?" Kensi asked.

"She's taken them shopping." Michelle was about to leave the room for the test when Jessie had arrived back with the kids and the flowers. The smile on Kam's face and the relief in Aiden's eyes had been clear when they'd seen their mother awake. "She thought Michelle might like something other than a hospital gown to wear so she took them to choose. Gave them something to do instead of sit here and wait." Sam had gone with Michelle, still refusing to leave her side and the doctors had been perceptive enough to know not to try, so he'd followed them to the test, with strict orders that he had to follow their instructions or they'd send him back here to wait. The military man in Sam didn't have a problem with that. Nor did the husband. It was a small price to pay to stay with her. The distraction of doing something for their mother would also be good for Kam and Aiden, and would likely give Jessie a little more time to check in with how they were coping with this latest development.

"What are you going to do?" Deeks asked.

"Wait." Callen didn't want to leave Sam alone, even if he wasn't technically with his partner. He was here, close, in case he needed him. He shifted his attention from Sam. "How's everyone? Nell doing okay?" He was worried about Nell. This had been an incredibly emotional case and that wasn't something she would be used to. She was more facts, statistics, research. Tangible things she could fix, research and know about. This certainly wasn't that.

"She's okay," Kensi said. "Hetty took her and Eric home with her last night. I think some whiskey may have been involved if Eric's groan when spinning in the chair in ops earlier was anything to go by. Last I heard though Hetty was ordering Eric to go home and sleep it off."

"The case? Is everything sorted? Any loose ends?"

"Wrapped it all up this morning. Eric and Nell worked hard yesterday to get us all the information and with a couple of other NCIS teams we took care of it."

"Good. And you two? You both okay."

Deeks grinned. "Exceptional."

Callen raised an eyebrow. It wasn't the answer he was expecting considering the way the last few days had gone.

"Have to find the good in all situations." Deeks lifted Kensi's left hand up and Callen noticed the ring before Deeks added, "It's finally found its way home."

"You proposed again?"

"We both did," Kensi told him.

"And she finally said yes." Deeks tugged Kensi close and gave her a quick kiss.

"About time," Callen smiled. "Congratulations." Something good had come out of all this after all. He'd been wondering how long it would take Kensi to stop holding back from this step.

"What do we do now?" Kensi asked, the happiness in her eyes dimmed a fraction and the concern heightened.

"Wait," Callen said. Because he wasn't going to send them anywhere. Neither him or Sam had asked them to come. The news about Michelle waking up was all it had taken to have them come running. Instincts were something Callen trusted and theirs had told them this was where they needed to be. Plus, it was nice not to have to wait alone. "Not much more we can do until we have some answers."

"She'll get through this," Kensi said, a fierce note clear in her voice. "I know she can."

* * *

The hospital cafeteria was quiet, that lull just before lunch. Hetty had stayed with Aiden and Kam in Michelle's room, though Michelle was sleeping again. Callen and the rest of the team had headed here to wait for Sam and Jessie to finish with the doctors. Eric sat quietly, his head in his hands. Apparently Hetty's order of going home to sleep it off hadn't been followed.

Callen's head turned of its own accord and his gaze fell on Jessie, drawn toward her instinctively. Sam was beside her and they slipped into the seats left vacant at the table for them; Jessie beside him and Sam opposite next to Nell.

"My head's spinning Jessie," Sam said. "What does it all mean?"

Callen nudged a smoothie across to Sam and some juice to Jessie. There was a plate of muffins in the centre of the table. He hoped Sam would simply drink without thinking because Callen wasn't entirely sure that Sam had eaten much lately. The nurse had suggested as much earlier regarding them not eating a lot of the breakfast that had been brought for them.

"The simplest way I can explain it," Jessie started, "is that there is some damage that will affect her but not as much as we thought there would be given what she'd been through. It's like the brain is firing the message but they aren't sticking. A bit like what happens when you hit the light switch to turn on the light but you don't hit it hard enough for the switch to actually catch and the light just flicks on briefly then off."

"Will it get better?" Sam asked.

"With time," Jessie nodded. "It should. One way or another. The tiredness, let's call it, might ease and then the light might get turned on properly after that. If not then there are options. There are ways to retrain the brain to send messages via different paths through the undamaged parts. That will take time and work to do. The physiotherapy exercises they give her to do will be very important. Even if she can't send the messages to the muscles to do it, they will help keep the strength up in the muscles until she can. That way she'll still be strong when the brain is working properly again."

Sam nodded. "She remembered us."

Jessie smiled. "That's a very good thing. Her memories don't seem to be affected beyond the incident but you do need to understand that she may have lost some of them. You just won't know until she looks for them. But the fact she remembers us, and especially you and the kids is great."

Michelle didn't remember anything beyond being kidnapped. The time locked in the box, the talks with them while she was. Those memories appeared to be gone, though they may come back later. Callen settled back in his seat and put his arm across the back of Jessie's chair. He turned his body toward her but kept his focus on Sam and his reactions.

"They said she could probably come home at the end of the week. Is that too soon?" Sam asked.

"Not necessarily," Jessie said. "Home with loved ones is usually the best place for a patient to recover if they don't need consistent medical intervention or supervision. Her oxygen levels are back to normal but she will need help with everything Sam. It's going to be a big job to care for her in the beginning until she's able to move on her own. There are some exceptional rehab facilities that she could go in for a little while first if you'd prefer."

Sam shook his head. "I want her home. I can take care of her."

It was unspoken but they all knew that Sam wanted Michelle where he could protect her and ensure her safety. As much as the threat was now gone, the fear and memory of how close he'd been to losing his wife would affect his responses for the foreseeable future - at least until Michelle could convince him to back off.

Jessie reached out and took Sam's hand. "I want you to think carefully about getting help in with this Sam," she said. "Michelle's going to be frustrated with her inability to do things. She'll struggle until her brain and body are working properly again. We tend to take things out on those closest to us when we feel that way and Michelle has always been such a strong woman. I would guess that it's going to be harder for her than most."

"I can do this," Sam said.

"I know," Jesse told him gently. "But I wouldn't recommend taking it all on yourself."

"Neither would I," said Kensi. She was on the other side of Nell and glanced around the younger agent to catch Sam's gaze. "I blew up at Deeks more than once Sam. I blew up at the mom's too. But because it wasn't only one of them, the break was beneficial for all of us. I hated it so much when I couldn't do something simple and they were watching."

"And believe me," Deeks reached out and took Kensi's hand. "It was needed. Watching her struggle and having to fight my instincts to help her wasn't easy. Sure I felt guilty being away from her but it made the time together better. We were both that bit calmer with each other."

"Who would I get?" Sam asked.

"We'll all help," Nell said. The murmur around the table said she wasn't the only one willing to do so.

"Aside from all of us," Jessie said, "what about Michelle's mom? Do they get on well?"

Sam nodded. "Yeah, partly because they live so far away." The grin was brief but it was a sign of hope and Callen held onto it tight. His friend was starting to see the light again. "But," Sam added, "they're always there when they other needs them."

"She would be a good choice." Callen felt a ripple of tension run through Jessie where his arm rested against her back. "But you need to make sure you figure out with whoever is there how you are going to do things when you are needed by more than one. Because," she said, "you really need to remember that Aiden and Kam are going to need you too. Especially Kam."

"Kam loves her grandmother. They'll be fine," Sam said.

"No," Jessie said firmly. "Kam _will_ need _you_. There will be times when you are the only one who will do. Especially if the nightmares happen again." Jessie had already told them about Kam's nightmare at the cabin. "She will need her father. She'll need to feel safe and protected and _you_ are going to be the one she'll reach for for that. That's why it's so important for you to have someone else there too otherwise you are going to have to choose one or the other when they both need something."

Callen saw the look of understanding dawn on Sam's face. The earnestness, and hint of pain, in Jessie's voice had gotten the message across loud and clear. She wasn't speaking as a psychiatrist. She was speaking as the daughter, and one who had suffered through her father not always being there for her when she needed him, when he was torn between the two of them.

Sam nodded. "I understand."

"Where will you stay?" Nell asked.

"Hetty's offered us her beach house," Sam told them. "Security's state of the art so it will be safe and there's a downstairs room that can be set up for Michelle. We just need our personal things from the other house."

"We can take care of that," Kensi offered.

Callen knew house hunting was in Sam's future. There was no way he'd be taking his family back to the house where Michelle was taken, no matter how much they loved it. It was too much of a risk. But that wouldn't happen until Michelle was better. Having Hetty's place would be a huge relief for Sam.

"Thanks." Sam's voice was thick with emotion. "I…."

"It's good Sam," Callen filled in when his partner struggled to find words. "We're here. Anything you need. No matter how small. Just ask."

"Speaking of asking." Deeks grinned.

* * *

"Dearly beloved." The voice was low, solemn and so out of place coming from Eric.

"Oh God no," Nell groaned. "He's going all traditional."

Eric grinned. "Would you prefer a surfer twang?" The last two words were said with exactly that.

"Just get on with it Beale," Deeks said.

Callen noted Kensi was trying not to laugh and Jessie was in fact doing so where she stood in his arms. His hand rested gently over her stomach and their child beneath. Her body had softened into his and it felt they were more one than two.

"Stop interrupting," Eric said, "and I will."

"Who gave him a celebrant's license?"

Callen heard Michelle's words that were murmured quietly to Sam who was sitting on the bed next to his wife. To see Michelle awake and interacting with them was the best news of the day. She might be limited in what she could do but she was awake, she was back with them and the road ahead, as slow as it might be, was much brighter than just a few hours ago.

Kensi and Deeks stood at the foot of the bed with Eric. The rest of them had found places around the room. It hadn't taken long to bring the mom's to join them at the hospital for the ceremony. Kensi and Deeks had asked Michelle and Sam if they'd mind them getting married here and now, so that everyone could be there. Michelle was thrilled with the idea. Callen suspected she was desperate for something good to remember and celebrate, even though there was plenty to celebrate with her waking up. There was a deal in place though. When Michelle was back on her feet she intended to throw the happy couple a special dinner and they weren't allowed to argue. They'd agreed and now Eric, of all people, was about to marry them right here in the hospital room. Callen was sure it wasn't the wedding Kensi had probably dreamed of but you couldn't tell by the smile on her face. She was getting exactly what she wanted and that was all that counted after the days they'd had.

"Dearly beloved," Eric started once again.

Jessie's head settled on Callen's shoulder and he felt her sigh softly; a happy though slightly tired one.

"We are gathered here today to witness," Eric's lips twitched, "the miracle of Kensi and Deeks getting married."

"Hey!" Deeks protested.

"Well," Sam grinned. "It is a miracle considering the way you two got here."

"Oh come on," Eric complained, "Not again."

"Continue Eric," Michelle said slowly, the words still a struggle but she was already clearer than she had been earlier. "I'll keep him quiet."

"Can you keep the rest of them quiet too?" Eric asked.

Callen held back a grin as Michelle's look travelled around the room. She might not be able to move properly but her voice worked, as did the trademark look that she'd had years to perfect on Aiden and Kam …. And Sam.

"Go on Eric," Callen said. "We'll be good."

"Marriage is a commitment," Eric said. "A shout out to everyone who knows you that you are in this for good, for the long haul. That you are committed to riding out the high and low waves, the lulls and the storms, side by side, stronger together."

Jessie sniffed in his arms and he glanced at her face and caught sight of the tear that slid down her cheek. He shifted his head closer to hers and whispered in her ear. "Romantic." He kept it quiet enough that Michelle didn't hear. Jessie turned her head and smiled at him.

"Never denied that," she whispered back. Callen took the opportunity and pressed a quick kiss to her lips. The smile increased, so did the happiness in her eyes. They turned back to the happy couple and Callen saw Michelle's narrowed eyes at them. He shrugged and fired her a look that said, "What was I supposed to do? The kiss was right there for the taking." Michelle shook her head slightly and smiled. Sam hadn't been the only one after him to find a nice girl. Michelle had just been more subtle about it so he figured he had a few moments up his sleeve that he could get away with things relating to Jessie … at least for a bit longer.

"Do you have anything you want to say to each other before the vows?" Eric asked Kensi and Deeks.

"Yeah," Deeks said. "Just a little something." He cleared his throat and lifted Kensi's hands to his lips, pressed a kiss to them before he spoke. "Kensi, you are my reason to hope, my reason to be a better man. You are the sunshine that brightens every day no matter how dark and thick the clouds are. You are the gunpowder that keeps me on my toes, surprises me and," Deeks smiled. "Protects me. There's no one I'd prefer more than you to watch my back. I love you. And no matter what, whether the world is smiling on us or it's going to hell in a handbasket, I will always love you and be here for you."

A tear slid down Kensi's cheek and Callen felt Jessie's drop onto his arms. Who knew Deeks had such a way with words.

Eric cleared his throat. "Kensi?" The tech's voice was filled with emotion too.

"Marty," Kensi said. "You are my happy ending … and this is just the beginning of it. You are my best friend. You have been by my side through so much and your commitment has never wavered. Knowing you are there for me, fighting for us, gives me a reason to keep going, a reason to push and make it through the hard times. You have my heart. Always will. I love you too."

"Repeat after me if you will," Eric said. "I Martin Deeks."

"You know Eric," Deeks said. "I think I've go this." He pulled Kensi in closer and smiled. "I Martin Deeks, take you Kensi Blye, to be my wife." As close as they were Deeks still managed to slide the slim gold band onto Kensi's finger as she spoke. "To have, to hold, through sickness, health, highs and lows, richer and poorer and everything in between from now right through until the end of time."

"I've got this too Eric."

Callen bit down on a laugh at the look on Eric's face at being denied his role.

Kensi lifted Deeks' hand to her cheek. "I Kensi Blye, take you Martin Deeks, to be my husband." The ring didn't slide quite as easily onto Deeks' finger but it got where it needed to be. "To have," Kensi continued, "to hold, through sickness, health, highs and lows, richer and poorer and everything in between until the end of time."

"By the power vested in me," Eric said solemnly, "by the state of California … and Hetty, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may -"

But Deeks was already kissing Kensi.

"Really?" Eric huffed. "You couldn't have waited just a few seconds longer for me to actually do one line properly?"

"Sorry Eric," Kensi said, though the smile on her face said exactly the opposite. "Go ahead."

"You may…." Kensi and Deeks turned to Eric when he paused. Eric grinned. "Kiss the groom."

"I like it," Kensi murmured before doing just that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed and didn't mind the alternative ceremony. I did peek at a youtube video of Kensi and Deeks wedding to get some ideas with the initial thought of trying to mirror it but decided against that and went this way, obviously inspired by it in some degree. I absolutely love the thought of Eric being in such solemn position that I couldn't resist. Have a great day.


	147. Revelations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Firstly my apologies for the long delay, the first of it's kind for this story. During the last two weeks I've been trying to wrap my head around a role I've found myself in that I am woefully unqualified for - such is volunteer work! I'm much more a fiction reader and writer, always have been, than non-fiction I'm afraid to say so it hasn't been the easiest of weeks. However I think I've now got a handle on things and hopefully my head will now be able to pop back and forth between this and that unlike lately.  
> So without further ado, I hope you enjoy this chapter. I do hope I've managed to find my way back to writing a certain guest star's voice in this chapter. Love to hear your thoughts.

* * *

 

Callen stood in the doorway of their bedroom and watched Jessie sleep. He'd been with Hetty, Garrison and Arkady for the last few hours and his head was spinning. He took a few moments to enjoy the sight of Jessie sleeping peacefully. This last week had been rather full on for her. She'd been at the hospital with Sam and Michelle for every major doctors appointment and test to help them understand what was going on and to plan for Michelle's homecoming. It hadn't been an easy week, emotionally or physically for her, but he was grateful for her being there for Sam's family and that she'd made the decision, without Callen's input, to actually take the week off both her jobs to do it. Not that Hetty had taken any leave off Jessie's record because as far as Hetty was concerned this was just as important to the mental health of the team as anything.

Callen moved into the bedroom, slipped his shoes off and eased onto the bed beside her.

Jessie stirred and blinked. "Hey." She smiled. "How'd it go?"

"Good." Callen pulled her into his arms and pressed a kiss to the top of her head as she settled against him. "Go back to sleep Doc. We'll talk later."

"But-"

"Shh. Didn't mean to wake you. Let me enjoy you sleeping in my arms again."

Jessie sighed and sunk deeper into his arms. "I don't mind you waking me."

"Sleep," he ordered gently.

"Love you," she murmured. Her fingers linked with his where he held her hand on his chest. Her breathing settled within moments; a combination of exhaustion, pregnancy tiredness and her innate ability to fall asleep easily working together for that result.

Callen let himself think back over the multiple conversations he'd had today. Garrison had been a mix of difficult and easy. He hadn't seen his father since he'd learned that Garrison knew what he'd been through as a child. Too much had happened even if he'd wanted to. It still hurt. He'd admitted that to himself when he'd been preparing to see him earlier. But there were more answers he needed and after everything that had happened with Sam and Michelle, Callen was leaning toward trying with his father. He just had to figure out how to let things go and deal with it like Deeks had suggested. Get to know his father, try and forget the actions. For today though he'd focused on answers and not letting things get out of hand. If Callen was right, Garrison had been dealing with the situation in much the same way. Both of them seemed to have built some walls up to protect themselves. In time, maybe those walls would disappear but at least answers had been gained, not ones that would lead to any great revelations or many more questions. More like filling in the gaps of information.

There was a lot of questions about Callen's early life that Garrison couldn't answer, like how they had gotten out of Romania. There was the person Garrison suspected Callen's mother had gone to but given he was dead, it had seemed like the answers to that were up to Callen remembering himself. At least that was the conclusion Callen had come to until he'd looked at Arkady who had promptly left the table to stand by the window. Callen let himself remember that conversation as he held Jessie while she slept.

* * *

"Arkady?" Callen watched the older man walk toward the window. A quick glance at Hetty showed she was confused as well by Arkady's abrupt departure from the table. Callen rose and followed. "What is it?" he asked when he stood next to him.

Arkady turned his head and Callen was surprised to see a flash distress travel across Arkady's face, one that wasn't quickly schooled into a neutral expression.

"You know something," Callen said.

Arkady nodded. "I know who brought you here."

That wasn't what Callen was expecting to hear. "Why did you tell me?" How long had Arkady known this?

"I felt," Arkady sighed, "there was no point. She's… she may as well be dead for all the help she will be to you."

"She? Why?"

"She suffers Alzheimer's. Does not even remember own name most days."

"You know where she is? Now?"

Arkady nodded.

"Who is she?"

That flash of distress came again though this time was hidden quickly, not behind a neutral expression but behind pain. The pause seemed to go on forever. "My Katerina's sister."

Callen stared at Arkady while the implications of all of this scrambled for attention in his mind. Arkady had mentioned Katerina to Callen just that once when he'd come to his old house and Jessie had been there. Callen hadn't missed the emotion in the man that day, nor did he miss it right now. As long ago as it had been the memory of Katerina still hurt Arkady and showed just how much she had meant to him. Callen would be willing to bet that she meant more to him than all of his ex-wives combined at the best moment of each relationship. But if it was Katerina's sister who brought him and Amy here, that meant Arkady knew for a long time. The question wouldn't form in Callen's mind without the hint of attack to it and something in Callen told him not to go after Arkady now. To just wait. So he did. He watched Arkady fiddle with his watch - telling in itself because Arkady wasn't generally a fiddler. It was an old style watch, not flashy like the man's usual expensive accessories.

"She gave this to me," Arkady told him. "Katerina. My birthday. Few months before she died. Her sister was there that day with husband. Hated him. He was … abusive to Tatyana but she loved him, was blind to what he really was." The pain increased in Arkady's eyes briefly. "Until later." Arkady turned away and stared out the window. He continued a few moments later. "My Katerina, she loved horses. Loved to ride." A smile lifted at the corner of Arkady's mouth. "She was so beautiful. Can still see her smiling and her hair flying back behind her when we rode fast. She looked so free and happy. Wanted to give her that forever."

"Wait," Callen frowned. "You rode horses? But you complained about being on one when we rescued you in Russia."

"She died when her horse threw her." That was as much of an explanation as Callen needed. Memories of bad things were difficult to disconnect from certain actions. He knew that personally.

Arkady looked at him again. "Her horse," he said, "was gentlest creature I ever met. Fast, strong and just as beautiful as her owner. She'd never thrown a rider before. Katerina trusted her with little children, the only horse in the stable she would."

"What happened?" Callen asked though he wasn't sure he wanted to know or to push Arkady to talk about it.

"Have suspicion but never able to prove. Ivan, he did not like that Katerina and I wanted Tatyana to leave him." Arkady's thumb continued to rub over the face of the watch as he spoke. "One day Katerina did not return from ride. She rode often on her own when I could not join her. Not unusual. We searched, found her dead on the ground, her horse beside her with broken leg. Report said neck broke in a fall."

"You don't think that's what happened do you?"

Arkady shook his head. "I do think she fell and it fit that she was thrown but why she was thrown? That I suspicious of. Somehow he caused it. I _know_. Deep down I _know_. The way he responded to her death was wrong." Arkady took a deep breath. "Anyway one day, few months later, knock on my door. Was Tatyana. Broken arm, bruised face, eye so swollen she could not see out of it. She finally left him, wanted a new life, to hide. Never wanted to see him again. So I put her on boat to America with what money I could gather in short time we had. Used my contacts to get her here and new identity."

"How does this connect with me?"

"At the boat, she was scared. Did not want to go alone but I could not go with her. There was a man with two young children. Thought perhaps she could travel with them."

"You didn't know him?"

"If he was on boat he was as desperate as she. Except he not travelling, only the children. There was terror in his eyes though. Tatyana loved children but _he_ ," Arkady almost spat out the word, "did not want them. She took to these two straight away. The pain in their eyes, it was like it called to her and even in her injured state she comforted them. No exchange of names but the man told her to take them to Los Angeles. Gave her letter told her not to open until she arrived. Gave money too."

"You think that was Amy and I?" Callen tried to search his memories for something like this but nothing came to him.

"I know," Arkady nodded. "Now. I did not make connection until you came to me about Michael Reinhardt. Tatyana rarely talks about her past, but in one of those moments when she did, she told me what she had done. That she had found man called Michael Reinhart and taken children to him. They delivered them to orphanages and then he helped her hide. Told her he was returning favor. That someone gave him opportunity to start fresh and safe before. She did not want to leave the children. It hurt so much to do so but she was still in terror that Ivan would find her. She wanted them to be safe."

"How did you find her?"

"She wrote me once. In code. Code Katerina and I created. I did not know Katerina had taught her but makes sense. Gave Tatyana way to ask for help that Ivan would not know. When I came out here for business I would see her, make sure she was okay. When I moved here and realised she was sick." Arkady shrugged. "Set up alias to be brother. Made sure she got help and when things got too much found best place for her. Least I could do for sister Katerina adored."

"She's still alive?"

"Yes."

"Where?"

"You want to see her?"

"Maybe." The idea of filling in the blanks of that time was appealing. A new door to his past had finally opened. Could he actually learn what had happened during that time?

"She does not remember. Not even me. I still go see her but… tis hard."

"Mr Callen," Hetty's voice came from behind Callen. Both men turned toward her. "Perhaps," Hetty said gently, "this might be one lead you may wish to let go. People with Alzheimer's are difficult and unpredictable. It can be very difficult and draining to get answers."

Callen knew Hetty understood the situation. The experience with Branston Cole gave her an insight into it. Callen tried to hold back the disappointment at being given a light to his past only to have it start to dim so quickly. "I'll keep that in mind Hetty." He turned back to Arkady. "If I wanted to see her?"

"I would take you."

* * *

It was a decision Callen had decided to take his time making. He'd talk to Jessie and see what her opinion was. Jessie shifted in his arms, pulling his attention from his thoughts. She rolled onto her back. He shifted to match so she was still against him. He lifted his hand and with careful fingers eased the hair off her face, her lips lifted in a smile, and a soft sigh escaped but she slept on. He let his hand rest back on the gentle roundness of her stomach and his thoughts drifted back to earlier.

Hetty's input into a particular point in his past had been enlightening. Unfortunately not in an enjoyable way.

* * *

Callen waited at the table for Hetty to return from escorting Arkady and Garrison out of the small house she'd rented for this meeting. She'd wanted somewhere neutral and safe, but hadn't been willing to let Arkady know any of her properties even though they would've been safer. Callen knew there was a part of Hetty that did not trust the man. She sat down across from him and the two locked stares for a long moment. Hetty spoke first.

"You are waiting for me to speak?"

"I'm waiting for you to tell me what you know." Because he knew Hetty well enough to know for sure that she did indeed know more than she'd told him. Whether she would tell him everything today or not he wasn't sure. But he'd take what he could get and press for more later.

Hetty pursed her lips. "That would be the problem. I do not _know_ anything. I _suspect_ but do not know. And nothing can be done with these suspicions."

"Tell me anyway." Callen sat back in the chair and waited.

"Very well. My suspicions started after your mother was killed and I was moved, rather expediently, to a different department and then six months later to an office in a different country."

"Why?"

"Because I was asking too many questions. Though my move was one that in those times women were not usually considered for. My thoughts were someone was trying to give me a reason to keep my questions to myself because I was 'opening doors' for other woman agents and questions could shut them."

"Did it stop you?"

"I am disappointed to admit that yes I did, for a time."

"What do you think happened?"

"There was an agent who trained with Clara when she first joined the company. It is my belief that he was in love with her, however she did not return his affections. Her focus had always been to return to Romania. Why I am not entirely sure, perhaps a familial connection was drawing her back. When Clara contacted me through the prearranged channels he ended up on the team organising your extraction. By then he was in a high enough position that there was no reason to question his involvement."

"But you did."

"Yes, but only seriously after the fact. It was his advice to have the meeting in that place. Public, open and easy to keep watch. Close to where she was hiding. Technically it made sense and there was nothing to suggest it would be an issue."

"Did you know about the Comescu's feud with her?"

"No. Unfortunately she hadn't chosen to share that information with me prior to her disappearance. If I had, we most certainly would not have met there."

"Him?"

"He died, eighteen months later. A shoot out in Spain. No great loss if the reports from his coworkers were correct."

"Did you look into him after that?"

"As much as I dared at the time and more later. I did eventually come across a slim connection between him and the Comescu's relating to the Spanish incident but that could be brushed off as circumstantial given how small it was."

"So she was set up by the CIA to die," Callen concluded. He trusted Hetty's instincts and if she felt this agent was involved then Callen believed it.

" _Someone_ ," Hetty stressed, "in the CIA, yes, but not the company itself."

"Who did the order come from for you to pull out?"

"He was the one who gave it to me on the authority of the higher ups. All I have been able to tell was that there was intelligence that suggested the meeting was set up. The CIA did not want to take the risk of exposing their agents to recoup an asset who had walked away from them for six years with no contact when there was a possibility she had been turned."

"Did you agree?"

"No. I knew it a real request for help, but I could not meet her and believe me I tried."

"What happened?"

"Too many to get through. My hands were, in this case, literally tied, after I managed to break free of the lockdown."

"Why didn't you tell me this before?" Callen asked her.

"Like Arkady, there was nothing to come from it."

"The truth Hetty, that's what would come from it." He saw the acknowledgement in her eyes and a slight nod that accompanied the look of apology for not telling him sooner.

"Speaking of truth," Hetty said, "perhaps it is time for you to return home to Jessie."

Callen raised an eyebrow. That was an odd leap even for Hetty.

Hetty smiled. "She is your truth, the place where no lies cloud the sky. Is she not?"

"She is." That was an interesting and rather accurate description of his relationship with Jessie.

"Then go home Mr Callen. Enjoy the rest of the day with her." Hetty rose from the chair and picked up an envelope. "At your leisure you may want to read this with her. It contains everything I can think of relating to your childhood and my involvement. Too much to talk of in one day. If you have any questions you only need to ask. I promise I will answer."

Callen took the envelope and held it in his hands. He stared at it. So much information today and now he held even more.

"Not now." Hetty put her hands over his. "Go home. I am sure she will want to know how today went."

"She wanted to be here but she also wanted to be there for Michelle going home."

"A difficult choice for her."

"I told her to go with Michelle. She needed her more."

As much as Callen had wanted her here too, he knew this was a huge moment for Sam's family. Michelle's recovery was coming along nicely although somewhat slow. She had more control of her major muscles but the messages still weren't holding enough for them to allow her to stand or move on her own. Fine motor control was still a problem and they had been warned those movements could take a while to return. Her voice though had mostly recovered so that now you could barely notice any pause except when it came to complicated words.

"Very generous of her. Now, are you stalling Mr Callen?"

Callen smiled. "No Hetty. I'm going. Thank you."

* * *

When Callen came out of his thoughts Jessie was watching him. She smiled. "I think you're thinking too much," she said.

"Lots to think about," Callen said. Jessie rose up on her elbow and leaned over him.

"Stop for a bit," she whispered before her lips covered his and she kissed him, slow and gentle at first but then started to hint at thought-stopping intensity.

Callen pulled back and looked at her. "Thought you wanted to know how things went." Her fingers went to the buttons of his shirt.

"I do. They went well because if they didn't we would've talked earlier no matter how sleepy I was."

"Don't you want to know specifics?"

His shirt was fully undone and Jessie pushed it apart. "Later," she whispered. "I was dreaming and I'd like to continue."

Callen rolled her over onto her back. "Dreaming huh?"

"Yeah." She smiled up at him.

"About what?" he asked, not that he needed to. He could see it in her eyes and her reactions.

"You. Me." Her smiled turned wicked. "And a hell of a lot less clothes."

"Sounds like a nice dream."

"Oh no. Not nice. Naughty."

 


End file.
